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1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,716
Eddie: After Pops banned Ma
from working at the restaurant
2
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:03,917
because she drove everyone nuts,
3
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,171
she was really determined to find a job.
4
00:00:06,191 --> 00:00:08,019
Overqualified.
5
00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:09,806
Not enough pay.
6
00:00:09,874 --> 00:00:11,608
"Must be a team player"?
7
00:00:11,676 --> 00:00:13,310
[Laughs]
8
00:00:13,378 --> 00:00:14,778
- No.
- Evan: Mom!
9
00:00:14,846 --> 00:00:16,446
Eddie's flicking my ear.
10
00:00:16,514 --> 00:00:19,483
I'm just holding my hand here.
I'm not even touching him.
11
00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:21,151
I feel phantom flicks.
12
00:00:21,219 --> 00:00:23,920
Eddie, I could get by
with only two sons.
13
00:00:23,988 --> 00:00:25,322
Think about that.
14
00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:28,358
That woman was tough.
She could handle anything.
15
00:00:28,426 --> 00:00:29,693
Man: [Sighs] Excuse me, ma'am?
16
00:00:29,761 --> 00:00:31,762
Anything
but an Orlando heat wave.
17
00:00:31,829 --> 00:00:34,297
You really can't loiter
in the frozen food aisle.
18
00:00:34,365 --> 00:00:36,133
I am not loitering.
19
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,235
I am shopping.
20
00:00:39,669 --> 00:00:41,234
$4.99?
21
00:00:41,254 --> 00:00:42,005
I'll give you $2.
22
00:00:42,073 --> 00:00:44,855
The popsicles are a set price.
They're not negotiable.
23
00:00:44,875 --> 00:00:46,476
You're good. $2.50.
24
00:00:46,543 --> 00:00:48,211
Ma'am, if you wanna
beat the heat,
25
00:00:48,278 --> 00:00:50,580
- they sell air conditioners at Sears.
- Oh, we have an air conditioner.
26
00:00:50,647 --> 00:00:52,582
Moms just won't let us
turn it on.
27
00:00:52,649 --> 00:00:54,517
Air conditioning is expensive.
28
00:00:54,585 --> 00:00:56,986
Who do you think we are,
the Chiangs?
29
00:00:57,054 --> 00:00:59,055
Very prominent family in D.C.
30
00:00:59,123 --> 00:01:02,473
They're sort of the Liaos
of the upholstery world.
31
00:01:02,493 --> 00:01:04,093
Very prominent family in Taiwan.
32
00:01:04,161 --> 00:01:06,395
They made their fortune
in textiles...
33
00:01:06,463 --> 00:01:07,597
Ma'am, not today.
34
00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:09,632
There's a dog loose
in the produce section.
35
00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,400
A dog?!
36
00:01:12,769 --> 00:01:13,870
[Thud]
37
00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:20,743
I'll give you a dollar
for all of this.
38
00:01:21,416 --> 00:01:23,308
S01E06
Shaq Fu
39
00:01:23,328 --> 00:01:24,527
fresh off the boat
40
00:01:24,547 --> 00:01:26,348
I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go
41
00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:28,484
If you don't know, homey,
now you know
42
00:01:28,551 --> 00:01:29,751
Fresh off the boat
43
00:01:29,819 --> 00:01:32,421
Homey don't know
where I come from
44
00:01:32,489 --> 00:01:33,622
But I know where I'm goin'
45
00:01:33,690 --> 00:01:34,952
I'm fresh off the boat
46
00:01:35,114 --> 00:01:37,464
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
47
00:01:41,097 --> 00:01:42,531
[Indistinct conversations]
48
00:01:42,599 --> 00:01:44,433
Me and the kids at school
didn't always get along,
49
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,267
but the things we could agree on
50
00:01:46,335 --> 00:01:48,937
were hoops, hip-hop,
and Nintendo.
51
00:01:49,005 --> 00:01:52,574
So when we heard Shaq combined
all three in a video game,
52
00:01:52,641 --> 00:01:54,442
we lost our damn minds.
53
00:01:54,510 --> 00:01:55,777
It's called "Shaq Fu."
54
00:01:55,845 --> 00:01:57,979
It's like "Mortal Kombat,"
but with Shaq.
55
00:01:58,047 --> 00:01:59,481
[Cap pops]
Goes on sale next week.
56
00:01:59,548 --> 00:02:01,449
$50.
57
00:02:01,517 --> 00:02:03,017
I don't have
that kind of scrill!
58
00:02:03,085 --> 00:02:05,620
I mean, Shaq's gotta make
his money. I respect that.
59
00:02:05,688 --> 00:02:07,222
But what about
these japanese guys?
60
00:02:07,289 --> 00:02:08,823
What do they need it for?
61
00:02:08,891 --> 00:02:10,024
Aren't you japanese?
62
00:02:10,092 --> 00:02:11,659
You shut your damn mouth.
63
00:02:11,727 --> 00:02:15,063
I'm gonna pay for it by taking
my sister's tooth fairy money.
64
00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:17,031
I've been double mowing
the Millers' lawn.
65
00:02:17,099 --> 00:02:18,199
They haven't noticed.
66
00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:19,901
I think they're
going through some stuff.
67
00:02:19,969 --> 00:02:21,569
I've been pocketing
my lunch money.
68
00:02:21,637 --> 00:02:22,804
Eddie: You're not gonna eat?
69
00:02:22,871 --> 00:02:24,706
Just gotta get past Wednesday...
70
00:02:24,773 --> 00:02:27,918
dinosaur nuggets, pudding cup.
71
00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:30,144
My mom's driving to Miami
to get the game for me.
72
00:02:30,212 --> 00:02:31,846
They get it two days earlier
down there.
73
00:02:31,914 --> 00:02:35,249
Yeah, she's making up for my dad
forgetting me at a Walmart.
74
00:02:35,317 --> 00:02:36,651
- No fair!
- Lucky!
75
00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:38,786
You gonna finish your sandwich?
76
00:02:40,289 --> 00:02:41,889
I'm gonna ask my mom
for the money.
77
00:02:41,957 --> 00:02:43,724
She's usually cheap as hell,
78
00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:45,993
but she'll get
this is an emergency.
79
00:02:46,061 --> 00:02:48,429
So a basketball man
made a video game
80
00:02:48,497 --> 00:02:51,165
about karate'ing people?
81
00:02:51,233 --> 00:02:54,101
Thank God. Thank God.
I knew you'd get it.
82
00:02:56,972 --> 00:02:59,740
[Coins rattle]
83
00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:01,976
There we go.
84
00:03:02,044 --> 00:03:03,444
Little zip zip.
85
00:03:03,512 --> 00:03:07,130
She probably has no energy
because it's so hot in here.
86
00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:09,854
Can we turn on the a/c
just for a second?
87
00:03:09,874 --> 00:03:13,925
_
88
00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:16,967
_
89
00:03:17,253 --> 00:03:19,777
Grandma, please.
I have a headache.
90
00:03:19,797 --> 00:03:23,397
When mommy finds a job,
then we can turn on the a/c.
91
00:03:23,465 --> 00:03:25,766
For now, it's just
too expensive.
92
00:03:25,834 --> 00:03:27,101
Do you know what's free?
93
00:03:27,169 --> 00:03:29,100
Parking at the mall
where they sell video games.
94
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:29,995
No, it's not.
95
00:03:30,015 --> 00:03:33,240
So we walk through Brookstone
and get a stamp! God!
96
00:03:33,308 --> 00:03:35,576
Hey, everyone! Hi.
97
00:03:35,644 --> 00:03:38,306
How was your day?
Boys, how was school?
98
00:03:38,326 --> 00:03:40,981
Great! I got elected...
terrific! My turn!
99
00:03:41,049 --> 00:03:42,483
I have exciting news.
100
00:03:42,551 --> 00:03:46,020
I finally hit on a winning
promotion at the restaurant!
101
00:03:46,087 --> 00:03:47,488
[All sigh]
102
00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:49,523
This wasn't the first time
pops had come home excited
103
00:03:49,591 --> 00:03:51,845
about
a "winning" publicity stunt.
104
00:03:53,449 --> 00:03:54,995
Ahoy, me hearties!
105
00:03:55,063 --> 00:03:56,897
I be Captain Book!
106
00:03:56,965 --> 00:03:59,066
Lest there be claims
of copyright plunder,
107
00:03:59,134 --> 00:04:02,102
that's b-o-o-k.
108
00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:04,838
Now what would ye like to order?
109
00:04:04,906 --> 00:04:07,074
Luckily, my dad was about
to stumble into
110
00:04:07,142 --> 00:04:09,543
the biggest restaurant craze
of the mid '90s.
111
00:04:09,611 --> 00:04:11,211
Fajitas!
112
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,680
[Laughs]
Orlando can't get enough
113
00:04:13,748 --> 00:04:17,017
utility-grade skirt steak
delivered in a sizzling skillet.
114
00:04:17,085 --> 00:04:20,754
No way. No way white people
will eat meat out of a pan.
115
00:04:20,822 --> 00:04:22,790
Yes way. Yes way all day.
116
00:04:22,857 --> 00:04:24,825
You bring them tortillas,
veggies, and steak,
117
00:04:24,893 --> 00:04:26,059
and they assemble it themselves.
118
00:04:26,127 --> 00:04:27,895
It's like an edible Ikea chair.
119
00:04:27,962 --> 00:04:29,530
Or a legos you can eat!
120
00:04:29,597 --> 00:04:32,232
Oh. He improved on it.
He just made it better.
121
00:04:32,999 --> 00:04:35,093
So we're about to
come into some money, huh?
122
00:04:35,113 --> 00:04:37,543
Hey, papa, you been working out?
123
00:04:37,563 --> 00:04:39,428
'Cause you're looking swole.
124
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,008
What?
125
00:04:41,075 --> 00:04:43,110
Since things are looking so good
at the restaurant,
126
00:04:43,177 --> 00:04:46,270
maybe you can spot me some bread
for a video game?
127
00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:47,882
50 small?
128
00:04:49,101 --> 00:04:51,149
I knew this would happen.
[Scoffs]
129
00:04:51,169 --> 00:04:54,059
The downside of the greatest
country in the world.
130
00:04:54,079 --> 00:04:56,390
Entitled children feeling like
they don't have to work
131
00:04:56,457 --> 00:04:58,125
to get what they want.
132
00:04:58,829 --> 00:05:01,110
My father, your yaya,
133
00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:03,877
made me work hard
for every penny,
134
00:05:03,897 --> 00:05:06,899
and that work ethic is how
I'm able to keep the lights on.
135
00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:08,100
But not the a/c.
136
00:05:08,168 --> 00:05:09,935
That's your mother's thing.
She runs the house.
137
00:05:10,003 --> 00:05:11,103
Don't pull me into that.
138
00:05:11,171 --> 00:05:13,739
If you want money,
you need to work for it.
139
00:05:13,807 --> 00:05:16,118
But I can't work. I'm only 11.
140
00:05:16,138 --> 00:05:17,610
Well, when your grandfather
was 11,
141
00:05:17,677 --> 00:05:19,145
he had three kids.
142
00:05:19,212 --> 00:05:21,380
As I say that, I realize
I'm exaggerating,
143
00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,816
but he definitely was working
at your age.
144
00:05:23,884 --> 00:05:24,806
Right, ma?
145
00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:27,417
_
146
00:05:27,567 --> 00:05:30,456
Mm-hmm. I always respected him
for that.
147
00:05:30,523 --> 00:05:32,424
Made me the man I am today.
148
00:05:32,492 --> 00:05:34,193
So it's settled.
149
00:05:34,261 --> 00:05:37,663
[Grunts] Eddie will come work with
me at Cattleman's after school.
150
00:05:37,731 --> 00:05:40,165
Great, because I have
a job interview.
151
00:05:40,233 --> 00:05:42,835
A furniture store needs
management help.
152
00:05:42,902 --> 00:05:44,169
That's my specialty.
153
00:05:44,237 --> 00:05:46,071
What's your specialty, Emery?
154
00:05:46,139 --> 00:05:48,307
I know you want me to say
"the ladies,"
155
00:05:48,375 --> 00:05:50,009
but I'm classier than that.
156
00:05:50,076 --> 00:05:51,276
When I grow up,
157
00:05:51,344 --> 00:05:53,212
I want my specialty to be
homemade pickles.
158
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:54,847
That's a new interest for you.
159
00:05:54,914 --> 00:05:57,016
- I was gonna tell you earlier...
- No, it's fine.
160
00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:58,584
I guess I just have to
share a bunk bed
161
00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:00,958
with a total stranger.
162
00:06:04,191 --> 00:06:06,205
I'm sorry. It's the heat.
163
00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:09,754
Hey!
164
00:06:09,774 --> 00:06:11,864
- Ready for your first day?
- Look, Dad,
165
00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:14,299
I don't wanna be here,
and you don't want me here.
166
00:06:14,367 --> 00:06:15,834
Uh, I do want you here.
167
00:06:15,902 --> 00:06:18,904
Remember my incredibly moving
speech about your grandfather?
168
00:06:18,972 --> 00:06:22,508
But as long as I'm here,
I'm gonna make the best of it.
169
00:06:22,575 --> 00:06:24,243
Tips for "Shaq Fu."
170
00:06:26,913 --> 00:06:27,946
Life, huh?
171
00:06:28,014 --> 00:06:30,515
[Scoffs]
You give a company 22 years,
172
00:06:30,583 --> 00:06:32,517
- you think...
- Ahem!
173
00:06:32,585 --> 00:06:34,720
My ears don't come free.
174
00:06:35,755 --> 00:06:37,389
Uh... [chuckles nervously]
You know,
175
00:06:37,457 --> 00:06:40,425
rather than have
my 11-year-old tend bar,
176
00:06:40,493 --> 00:06:42,127
I thought you could
work the floor.
177
00:06:42,195 --> 00:06:44,396
Aw, dope!
Like manage the servers?
178
00:06:44,464 --> 00:06:46,485
Or handle security?
179
00:06:46,709 --> 00:06:48,634
I'm watching you, son.
180
00:06:48,701 --> 00:06:50,202
Uh, no.
181
00:06:50,269 --> 00:06:52,337
I got something else
in mind for you.
182
00:06:52,405 --> 00:06:54,973
[Skillets sizzling]
183
00:06:55,886 --> 00:06:58,143
Ooh! I'd like some fajitas.
184
00:06:58,211 --> 00:07:00,112
Those look delicious!
185
00:07:00,179 --> 00:07:02,396
You heard 'em, fajita boy.
[Chuckles]
186
00:07:03,816 --> 00:07:05,050
Whoops.
187
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:08,083
The heat
melted my mustache glue.
188
00:07:08,103 --> 00:07:11,291
You know, your grandfather's ear
fell off on his first job.
189
00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:14,400
As I say that, I realize I'm
exaggerating, but it could have.
190
00:07:14,420 --> 00:07:15,912
[Sighs deeply]
191
00:07:19,725 --> 00:07:22,494
[Groans]
192
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:27,036
[Groans loudly]
193
00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:29,801
Why are you making that noise?
194
00:07:29,869 --> 00:07:31,303
I dropped four skillets,
195
00:07:31,370 --> 00:07:33,905
caught a flaming green pepper
in the face.
196
00:07:33,973 --> 00:07:35,407
Delivering fajitas sucks.
197
00:07:35,474 --> 00:07:37,709
You know what your grandfather's
first job was?
198
00:07:37,777 --> 00:07:41,980
Selling bread that was so hot,
he lost all his fingerprints.
199
00:07:43,899 --> 00:07:46,584
Why do I get the worst job
in the whole restaurant?
200
00:07:46,652 --> 00:07:48,053
I'm your son.
201
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,688
It's because you're my son.
202
00:07:49,755 --> 00:07:52,324
It's my job as your father
to make sure my boys understand
203
00:07:52,391 --> 00:07:53,825
the meaning of hard work,
204
00:07:53,893 --> 00:07:55,593
like your grandfather did
with me.
205
00:07:55,661 --> 00:07:58,225
Can't you just front me
the money?
206
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,732
Eddie, there are no handouts
in the Huang family.
207
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,634
The only time your grandfather
208
00:08:02,702 --> 00:08:05,737
got anything without working
for it was on his birthday.
209
00:08:05,805 --> 00:08:07,906
And you know what he got?
An egg.
210
00:08:07,973 --> 00:08:09,240
One egg.
211
00:08:09,308 --> 00:08:11,309
To eat or to play with?
212
00:08:11,377 --> 00:08:13,957
Now you see his dilemma.
213
00:08:20,051 --> 00:08:21,986
Evan and Emery: A/c.
214
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:25,356
[All sigh contentedly]
215
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:28,679
Good afternoon.
216
00:08:28,699 --> 00:08:30,000
Can I help you find
anything today...
217
00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,768
Jessica Huang.
218
00:08:31,836 --> 00:08:33,136
Seven years managing
219
00:08:33,204 --> 00:08:35,271
number one furniture unlimited
in Washington, D.C.
220
00:08:35,339 --> 00:08:37,507
Oh. Okay.
221
00:08:37,575 --> 00:08:39,376
Are you looking for anything
in particular?
222
00:08:39,443 --> 00:08:41,344
Yes. $18.50 an hour,
and I need afternoons off
223
00:08:41,412 --> 00:08:42,912
to help my boys
with their schoolwork.
224
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,315
Oh, and on Thursdays, I do
my mother-in-law's nails.
225
00:08:45,383 --> 00:08:48,652
We both hate it, but it's
too late to say anything now.
226
00:08:50,915 --> 00:08:52,059
Pretty color.
227
00:08:52,079 --> 00:08:53,276
_
228
00:08:53,424 --> 00:08:56,626
Uh... I think there's been
some sort of mix up.
229
00:08:56,694 --> 00:08:57,794
We're not hiring.
230
00:08:57,862 --> 00:08:59,896
But you put this in the paper.
231
00:08:59,964 --> 00:09:01,631
It's an ad
for 25% off mattresses.
232
00:09:01,699 --> 00:09:03,032
Exactly.
233
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,902
25% off on the highest margin
item in the store.
234
00:09:05,970 --> 00:09:08,549
You obviously need my help.
235
00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:11,941
It's okay. You found me.
Jessica is here.
236
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,509
[Air conditioner whirring]
237
00:09:13,577 --> 00:09:16,679
It's like being kissed
by a snowman.
238
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,383
Guys, I got the money.
239
00:09:20,451 --> 00:09:22,941
Did a third hedge trimming
at the Millers.
240
00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:25,688
They're selling their house. I think
things must be getting bad.
241
00:09:25,756 --> 00:09:28,157
Me? I'm hustlin' for that money.
242
00:09:28,225 --> 00:09:29,425
'Cause like my dad says,
243
00:09:29,493 --> 00:09:31,327
there's no free handouts
in Huang family.
244
00:09:31,395 --> 00:09:32,862
- I mean...
- Who cares?
245
00:09:32,930 --> 00:09:37,055
I gave my sister a candy apple,
and her last molar came out.
246
00:09:37,075 --> 00:09:39,393
Tooth fairy.
Dolla dolla bill, y'all.
247
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,551
[Weakly] Who has
a candy apple?
248
00:09:41,571 --> 00:09:43,472
So did your mom drive to Miami?
Did she get it?
249
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:44,940
Yes and no.
250
00:09:45,008 --> 00:09:46,642
She drove to Miami,
but the guy said
251
00:09:46,710 --> 00:09:49,542
that the hot new game
was "9 to 5."
252
00:09:50,873 --> 00:09:51,747
You know, based on
253
00:09:51,815 --> 00:09:54,149
the Dolly Parton/Jane Fonda
office comedy?
254
00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:57,086
The one that came out in 1980,
15 years ago?
255
00:09:57,153 --> 00:09:59,069
That's the game she bought me.
256
00:09:59,089 --> 00:10:01,165
That's the game
I have in my house.
257
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:11,618
[Water trickling] Why do they put the
classifieds so close to the comics?
258
00:10:11,638 --> 00:10:15,017
I keep getting distracted
by the misfortunes of Cathy.
259
00:10:15,037 --> 00:10:17,105
None of those swimsuits
are right, Cathy.
260
00:10:17,173 --> 00:10:19,441
[Laughs] None of them.
261
00:10:19,508 --> 00:10:21,409
Mom, hold it up.
262
00:10:21,477 --> 00:10:23,144
We can't run through it.
263
00:10:24,159 --> 00:10:26,047
[Gasps] And the water's
really hot!
264
00:10:26,115 --> 00:10:28,316
It's hot at raging waters, too.
265
00:10:28,384 --> 00:10:31,086
Except this is $30 cheaper
and you won't get
266
00:10:31,153 --> 00:10:34,288
some stranger's band-aid
in your mouth.
267
00:10:36,278 --> 00:10:37,759
She's cleansing them
of the evil spirits
268
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:40,395
cast by dishonored ancestors.
[Sighs]
269
00:10:40,463 --> 00:10:41,863
Right, Jessica?
270
00:10:41,931 --> 00:10:45,410
I'm just trying to cool down
my kids and find a job,
271
00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:48,937
but no one seems to appreciate
how I'm good at everything I do.
272
00:10:50,059 --> 00:10:52,407
Anyway, guess where
we just came from. [Giggles]
273
00:10:52,475 --> 00:10:54,042
Remember our friend Samantha?
274
00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:55,677
Real great smile.
275
00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:58,092
Her mother took her own life.
276
00:10:58,763 --> 00:11:01,115
Well, she is moving.
277
00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:02,917
Carol-Joan: We just came
from her open house.
278
00:11:02,985 --> 00:11:04,152
We did a little digging,
279
00:11:04,219 --> 00:11:07,234
and she and Andrew are
getting a divorce.
280
00:11:07,254 --> 00:11:09,524
I think Andrew left her
because she blimped out.
281
00:11:09,591 --> 00:11:11,960
[Mouths word] I found five tubs
of ice cream in the freezer.
282
00:11:12,027 --> 00:11:14,772
Ironically, Rocky Road.
283
00:11:14,792 --> 00:11:17,006
- No self-control.
- None.
284
00:11:20,276 --> 00:11:21,751
[All sigh]
285
00:11:21,937 --> 00:11:24,554
Boys, here's your a/c.
286
00:11:24,574 --> 00:11:27,683
Now mommy can keep looking
for jobs in peace.
287
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,205
[Singsongy] Hello!
288
00:11:30,225 --> 00:11:33,928
I'm Ashley Alexander
of Ashley Alexander Realty.
289
00:11:33,996 --> 00:11:35,863
I don't like that name.
290
00:11:36,438 --> 00:11:39,261
I would call it Red Door Realty.
291
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:40,935
Okay. Great.
292
00:11:41,002 --> 00:11:44,505
Can I show you around
this lovely home?
293
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:45,739
[Purse thuds]
294
00:11:45,807 --> 00:11:48,662
Yes, please, in just one minute.
295
00:11:52,314 --> 00:11:54,874
One minute, please. Thank you.
[Clicks pen]
296
00:11:59,811 --> 00:12:01,422
My old man thought
I couldn't work hard,
297
00:12:01,489 --> 00:12:02,856
but he was wrong.
298
00:12:02,924 --> 00:12:04,925
And much like Shaq,
who busted his ass to get
299
00:12:04,993 --> 00:12:07,228
his free throw percentage
up to a strong 52%,
300
00:12:07,295 --> 00:12:08,495
by the end of the week,
301
00:12:08,563 --> 00:12:09,897
my fajita game was
straight-up nasty.
302
00:12:09,965 --> 00:12:12,733
Kool moe Dee:
I go to work
like a doctor
303
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,969
When I rock the mic, you got
to like the way I operate
304
00:12:15,036 --> 00:12:17,237
I make miracles happen
just from rappin'
305
00:12:17,305 --> 00:12:18,505
Ooh!
306
00:12:18,573 --> 00:12:19,840
Oh, could I get...
mas tortillas?
307
00:12:19,908 --> 00:12:21,709
On the scene mean,
I got the potential
308
00:12:21,776 --> 00:12:23,610
To make you go then chill,
I got the credentials
309
00:12:23,678 --> 00:12:25,412
That is of which I chose to make
a rhyme and chill
[Sizzling]
310
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,748
Then you know I will fulfill,
make a come of mill
311
00:12:27,816 --> 00:12:29,483
As I build a guild
for all the rappers
312
00:12:29,551 --> 00:12:30,818
More sizzle!
313
00:12:30,885 --> 00:12:31,952
And no thrills
314
00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:33,887
[Sizzles] [Laughs]
315
00:12:33,955 --> 00:12:36,123
Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!
316
00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:37,825
[Laughs] [Blows air]
317
00:12:37,892 --> 00:12:39,126
Nice!
318
00:12:39,194 --> 00:12:41,058
I go to work
319
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:44,427
You've done a real nice job
this week, Eddie.
320
00:12:46,157 --> 00:12:47,343
You earned it.
321
00:12:47,363 --> 00:12:48,749
Thanks, pops. [Chuckles]
322
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,003
- It was hard...
- Mm.
323
00:12:50,071 --> 00:12:51,504
But in the end,
I kept my head down,
324
00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:53,339
and you know how things...
325
00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:54,541
18 bucks?!
326
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,042
That's way short!
327
00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:57,410
I need $50 for "Shaq Fu"!
328
00:12:57,478 --> 00:12:59,179
Oh, I'm sorry, Eddie,
but I had to dock your pay
329
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:02,182
for all the food you dropped,
the plates you broke.
330
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,750
Hard work isn't just about
showing up.
331
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,119
It's also about
doing a good job.
332
00:13:06,187 --> 00:13:07,487
But hey, in a few weeks,
333
00:13:07,555 --> 00:13:09,055
you'll have enough money
to buy your game.
334
00:13:09,123 --> 00:13:10,390
And, uh, maybe some leftover
335
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,992
to buy a funny mouse pad
or something.
336
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,962
You know? Like... like a dog
doing something funny or...
337
00:13:16,030 --> 00:13:17,430
[Chuckles] I don't know.
338
00:13:22,913 --> 00:13:24,213
Okay, so right when
the bell rings,
339
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:26,516
we get on our bikes, go to
the mall, and buy "Shaq Fu."
340
00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:27,650
Any questions?
341
00:13:27,718 --> 00:13:29,419
I'm too weak to cycle.
342
00:13:29,486 --> 00:13:31,616
Then we leave you, Brian!
343
00:13:32,523 --> 00:13:34,924
I can't go. I don't have enough
money to buy the game yet,
344
00:13:34,992 --> 00:13:36,926
and I still need to go work
at my dad's stupid restaurant
345
00:13:36,994 --> 00:13:38,094
after school.
346
00:13:38,162 --> 00:13:39,662
Dude, that sucks.
347
00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:42,165
You can borrow my game
after I beat it.
348
00:13:42,232 --> 00:13:44,181
That could take years!
349
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:48,404
Guys, I was up all night.
350
00:13:48,472 --> 00:13:51,074
"9 to 5" is genius.
351
00:13:51,141 --> 00:13:54,010
You can play it as any
character, but I prefer Doralee
352
00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:56,212
because if you forge
Franklin Hart's signature,
353
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,515
you get to open up a daycare
at consolidated.
354
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,995
Come on, let's go point
our bikes in the direction of the mall.
355
00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:07,055
Have fun at work, Eddie.
356
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:11,783
They were all going to the mall,
and I had to go to work,
357
00:14:11,803 --> 00:14:14,170
and it still wasn't gonna
get me that game.
358
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:16,068
So I made a decision...
359
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,711
[Sighs] I don't think Eddie's
gonna show up for his shift.
360
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,106
[Sighs] I guess not.
361
00:14:27,243 --> 00:14:29,792
All right, Mitch, you're gonna
have to be on fajita duty.
362
00:14:29,812 --> 00:14:31,780
Yes! [Laughs] Showtime!
363
00:14:31,847 --> 00:14:33,648
[Limes squirt] Oh! Oh, God.
364
00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:35,850
The limes,
they turned on the handler.
365
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,887
I can't see. Louis? Louis!
366
00:14:42,558 --> 00:14:44,259
Oh, the position
has been filled?
367
00:14:44,327 --> 00:14:45,794
Well, do you have any other jobs
available?
368
00:14:45,861 --> 00:14:47,262
I'm a very fast learner.
369
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:48,430
Excuse me.
370
00:14:48,497 --> 00:14:49,864
Are you interested
in this house? Because...
371
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:52,100
Yes, very.
Definitely a contender.
372
00:14:52,168 --> 00:14:54,965
I'm very detail-oriented. I...
[Line disconnects]
373
00:14:54,985 --> 00:14:56,585
Hello?
374
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,139
Hello?
375
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,985
[Clicks tongue]
376
00:15:01,222 --> 00:15:02,433
[Sighs deeply]
377
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:04,512
Oh, someone named Jeremy called,
by the way.
378
00:15:04,580 --> 00:15:07,755
He wants me to tell you to
let the cat out of the bedroom
379
00:15:07,775 --> 00:15:09,504
when you're done.
380
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,627
We can always change the paint.
381
00:15:11,647 --> 00:15:14,322
But not
the lousy school district.
382
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:15,857
The skylights should help
the resale.
383
00:15:15,925 --> 00:15:18,524
But the cemetery down the street
won't.
384
00:15:19,755 --> 00:15:21,560
It's got great bones
but no open floor plan.
385
00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:23,438
- And you know I need a double oven.
- Mm-hmm.
386
00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:25,863
You should look at
the Miller house on orange.
387
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,014
Sounds perfect for you.
388
00:15:28,034 --> 00:15:30,215
You're just here
for the free a/c.
389
00:15:30,235 --> 00:15:33,306
You're the lady Ashley Alexander
warned me about.
390
00:15:33,441 --> 00:15:35,442
[Sighs deeply]
From Red Door Realty?
391
00:15:35,509 --> 00:15:36,564
What? No.
392
00:15:36,584 --> 00:15:39,512
Sorry. I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
393
00:15:39,580 --> 00:15:40,747
Fine.
394
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:41,981
[Speaks indistinctly]
395
00:15:42,049 --> 00:15:44,818
Hey, come on.
I'll show you the Miller house.
396
00:15:44,885 --> 00:15:46,719
Let me just get my kids
out of the pool, and we'll go.
397
00:15:46,787 --> 00:15:48,721
- Marco!
- Evan and Emery: Polo!
398
00:15:48,789 --> 00:15:50,680
Come on. [Water splashes]
399
00:15:52,393 --> 00:15:53,994
[Door closes] Where's Eddie?
400
00:15:54,014 --> 00:15:55,728
He didn't show up
for work today.
401
00:15:55,796 --> 00:15:57,030
Nancy had to cover for him,
402
00:15:57,097 --> 00:15:59,766
and she spilled salsa
all over Regina Snipes!
403
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,402
That's Wesley Snipes' aunt.
404
00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:05,004
Took two banana cream pies
just to calm her down.
405
00:16:05,072 --> 00:16:06,606
[Sighs] This is unacceptable.
406
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,375
I'm gonna make him come in
before and after school
407
00:16:09,443 --> 00:16:10,510
and on weekends.
408
00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:11,911
Push him hard
until he understands
409
00:16:11,979 --> 00:16:14,080
how to be a hard worker.
410
00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:15,648
That's what Dad would've done
with me.
411
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:19,779
_
412
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:25,907
_
413
00:16:28,257 --> 00:16:30,583
_
414
00:16:30,707 --> 00:16:33,555
_
415
00:16:38,107 --> 00:16:39,405
Eddie.
416
00:16:40,060 --> 00:16:41,806
[Sighs] Go ahead
and ground me.
417
00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,609
Al my friends are gonna
be playing "Shaq Fu"
418
00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:47,033
for the next forever anyway,
so it doesn't even matter.
419
00:16:53,363 --> 00:16:54,847
What's this?
420
00:16:54,867 --> 00:16:56,289
50 small.
421
00:16:56,356 --> 00:16:58,375
To buy your video game.
422
00:16:59,025 --> 00:17:00,290
Why?
423
00:17:01,397 --> 00:17:05,364
Because you don't have to be
a hard man to be a hard worker.
424
00:17:09,414 --> 00:17:12,299
Think of it as
an early egg day present.
425
00:17:14,251 --> 00:17:16,041
Oh, my God.
This place is perfect.
426
00:17:16,109 --> 00:17:17,342
I think it's so nice
427
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:19,244
that you two are looking for
a place together.
428
00:17:19,312 --> 00:17:20,679
I know. It's kind of a big step.
429
00:17:20,747 --> 00:17:23,582
Yeah, it's great you go to
open houses without your wives.
430
00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:25,851
I would have to drag Louis
to one of these.
431
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:27,219
No, we're a couple.
432
00:17:27,287 --> 00:17:28,720
A couple of catches!
433
00:17:28,788 --> 00:17:30,155
No, we're in love.
434
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:33,258
With this countertops?
How could you not be?
435
00:17:33,326 --> 00:17:34,560
Granite throughout.
436
00:17:34,627 --> 00:17:36,094
Lady, I don't think you...
[Door opens]
437
00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:37,596
Really? Granite? [Door closes]
438
00:17:37,664 --> 00:17:39,031
You again?!
439
00:17:39,098 --> 00:17:40,199
Look, I told you
440
00:17:40,266 --> 00:17:42,701
the a/c is only for
potential buyers!
441
00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:47,105
Actually, I am showing the house
to these two best friends.
442
00:17:47,304 --> 00:17:49,341
Lovers, and we love it.
We'd like to make an offer.
443
00:17:49,409 --> 00:17:51,524
Oh! [Laughs] Really?
444
00:17:51,544 --> 00:17:52,644
[Squeals] That's fantastic!
445
00:17:52,711 --> 00:17:53,878
[Laughs] [Laughs]
446
00:17:53,946 --> 00:17:56,481
Oh, well we're listed
at $229,000.
447
00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:57,649
$229,000? Okay.
448
00:17:57,716 --> 00:17:59,517
Andy, Randy, let's go.
449
00:17:59,585 --> 00:18:00,985
Where are we going?
450
00:18:01,053 --> 00:18:03,354
We're going downtown to pick up
a prostitute
451
00:18:03,422 --> 00:18:05,857
so Ashley Alexander can
bend her over and...
452
00:18:05,925 --> 00:18:07,358
[Doorbell rings] Her, too.
453
00:18:07,426 --> 00:18:09,186
[Gasps]
454
00:18:10,829 --> 00:18:11,930
[Pen scratches]
455
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:13,765
Doorbells work.
456
00:18:16,313 --> 00:18:17,549
[Sizzles] Mitch: Ohh!
457
00:18:17,569 --> 00:18:18,902
Oh. Damn it, Nancy!
458
00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:20,704
[Sizzles] Aah!
459
00:18:20,772 --> 00:18:22,106
[Sizzles] [Panting] Aah!
460
00:18:22,173 --> 00:18:23,730
Hey, Dad.
461
00:18:24,776 --> 00:18:26,844
Eddie. What are you doing here?
462
00:18:26,911 --> 00:18:28,278
I went to the mall
to buy "Shaq Fu,"
463
00:18:28,346 --> 00:18:30,447
but something didn't feel right.
464
00:18:30,515 --> 00:18:33,550
I don't want a handout.
I wanna earn it myself.
465
00:18:36,161 --> 00:18:39,823
I didn't have my realization
until after I bought the game.
466
00:18:40,650 --> 00:18:41,858
Keep it safe for me.
467
00:18:41,926 --> 00:18:45,017
Well, you are 40 minutes late.
468
00:18:45,663 --> 00:18:47,164
Dock me.
469
00:18:51,903 --> 00:18:54,104
Happy to see your fajita boy?
470
00:18:54,172 --> 00:18:56,106
That's no fajita boy.
471
00:18:56,174 --> 00:18:59,176
That's a fajita man.
472
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,311
Emery: So hot.
473
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:03,246
Just so hot. [Door closes]
474
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,527
What are you doing?
475
00:19:17,595 --> 00:19:19,329
Eddie's pimp walk.
476
00:19:19,397 --> 00:19:20,497
What's a pimp?
477
00:19:20,565 --> 00:19:22,132
Your mommy, that's who.
478
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,433
Boom!
479
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:26,536
I just sold a house!
I am a realtor now!
480
00:19:26,604 --> 00:19:29,005
Ashley Alexander
from Red Door Realty
481
00:19:29,073 --> 00:19:30,640
says that
I'm a tough negotiator.
482
00:19:30,708 --> 00:19:32,042
[Chuckles] Also, I found out
483
00:19:32,109 --> 00:19:33,343
what ruined
the Millers' marriage.
484
00:19:33,411 --> 00:19:34,744
Male infertility.
485
00:19:34,812 --> 00:19:37,368
No motorcycles for you three!
486
00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:39,349
Jessica, you can't just say
you're a realtor.
487
00:19:39,417 --> 00:19:42,608
You gotta take an exam,
get a license.
488
00:19:42,628 --> 00:19:44,186
Yes, yes, yes.
489
00:19:44,254 --> 00:19:47,289
Also, you can learn
how to sell a house...
490
00:19:47,357 --> 00:19:48,791
Which I already did!
491
00:19:48,859 --> 00:19:49,801
[Laughs]
492
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:52,862
I was born to do this!
Come on, let's celebrate!
493
00:19:52,929 --> 00:19:54,630
Hey, boys, go ahead.
494
00:19:54,698 --> 00:19:57,160
Crank up the a/c to "low."
495
00:19:57,180 --> 00:20:00,035
- Louis: Uh-oh!
- [Laughs] A/c!
496
00:20:00,103 --> 00:20:02,137
- A/c!
- Evan: Run!
497
00:20:02,205 --> 00:20:04,006
Oh, ho ho! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
498
00:20:04,074 --> 00:20:05,874
[Cheering]
499
00:20:05,942 --> 00:20:08,310
Hey, let's do your pimp walk!
Mommy's...
500
00:20:08,378 --> 00:20:10,112
All: A real estate pimp!
501
00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:13,082
Louis: Uh-oh!
A real estate pimp!
502
00:20:13,149 --> 00:20:15,584
A real estate pimp!
503
00:20:15,652 --> 00:20:18,087
A real estate pimp!
504
00:20:18,154 --> 00:20:22,524
Go, Mom! Go, Mom!
Go, Mom! Go, Mom!
505
00:20:25,705 --> 00:20:28,604
So how was it?
How was "Shaq Fu"?
506
00:20:28,952 --> 00:20:31,862
Very thorough
instruction manual.
507
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:34,063
Yeah. Yeah.
508
00:20:34,623 --> 00:20:38,174
The game just boots right up,
too. No delays.
509
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:41,357
Yeah, quick boot. Quick boot.
510
00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:44,106
Shaq can throw wind at people.
511
00:20:44,126 --> 00:20:45,660
That was pretty cool.
512
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,380
Yeah. He weaponized the wind.
513
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,802
- It sucks, doesn't it?
- So hard. I hate it.
514
00:20:50,822 --> 00:20:52,393
I can't even eat.
515
00:20:52,717 --> 00:20:56,268
Wow. Who would've thought
Dave got the best game?
516
00:20:56,336 --> 00:20:57,603
[Fanfare plays]
517
00:20:57,670 --> 00:20:59,738
[Fireworks exploding,
people cheering]
518
00:20:59,806 --> 00:21:03,141
[Midi instrumental
of "9 to 5" playing]
519
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,589
Equal pay for equal work!
520
00:21:10,609 --> 00:21:13,611
You can have it all, ladies!
521
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,658
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
522
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:21,258
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37428
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