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( upbeat theme playing )
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00:00:03,035 --> 00:00:05,067
CHRIS:
Going to high school is full of pressure
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00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:07,021
because you barely spend
any time there
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00:00:07,013 --> 00:00:10,079
before they start trying
to prepare you for college.
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00:00:10,067 --> 00:00:12,865
These are guidebooks
for the PSATs.
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00:00:12,854 --> 00:00:14,853
What's that?
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00:00:14,845 --> 00:00:16,878
It's a preliminary
college exam.
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00:00:16,870 --> 00:00:19,102
Do well on this, chances are
you'll get into a good college,
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00:00:19,094 --> 00:00:22,394
get a good job,
and have a good life.
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00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:24,045
What if you don't do good?
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00:00:24,039 --> 00:00:25,205
If you don't do well...
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00:00:25,201 --> 00:00:26,200
Then you get something
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00:00:26,197 --> 00:00:28,196
from my box of paper hats.
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00:00:28,188 --> 00:00:29,753
Let's see...
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00:00:29,747 --> 00:00:32,081
which one of these will
look good on your head?
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00:00:34,791 --> 00:00:38,823
Try that.
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00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,239
See if you can
read that.
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00:00:40,234 --> 00:00:42,133
"May I take your
order, please?"
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00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,125
Perfect.
20
00:00:43,121 --> 00:00:44,354
If you suck
on the PSAT,
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00:00:44,350 --> 00:00:45,616
you got nothing
to worry about.
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00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:47,176
You got a future
ahead of you.
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A super-sized future.
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00:00:49,129 --> 00:00:51,062
( funky hip-hop theme playing )
25
00:01:01,143 --> 00:01:03,843
* Oh, make it funky now *
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00:01:20,489 --> 00:01:23,455
I wanted to do well
on the PSAT,
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00:01:23,443 --> 00:01:25,642
but my mother wanted me
to do better...
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00:01:25,634 --> 00:01:27,034
Look at this, Chris.
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00:01:27,029 --> 00:01:28,961
You could get a
National Merit Scholarship.
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00:01:28,953 --> 00:01:32,186
If you get enough answers right,
you get money, like on Jeopardy.
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DREW:
Actually, on Jeopardy,
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you have to get
the questions right.
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Actually, nobody asked you.
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JULIUS:
They give scholarships for being smart?
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00:01:38,843 --> 00:01:41,675
I thought they only gave
scholarships for playing sports.
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00:01:41,664 --> 00:01:43,463
Do they give scholarships
for being an idiot?
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00:01:43,456 --> 00:01:44,655
Chris can get that.
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ROCHELLE:
Hush, Tonya.
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Chris, if you do
well on this,
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this would really mean a lot.
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00:01:49,629 --> 00:01:51,029
You know what,
I'm thinking about
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00:01:51,024 --> 00:01:54,056
enrolling you, Drew, and Tonya
into Hansel and Gretel.
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00:01:54,044 --> 00:01:55,609
What's Hansel and Gretel?
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00:01:55,603 --> 00:01:57,636
Hansel and Gretel is
a social organization
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made up of successful
black families.
46
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:01,918
You know, the upper crust
of the black community.
47
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:02,976
We were just the crust.
48
00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:04,170
How are we supposed to get in?
49
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,666
Well, we're successful
in our own way.
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00:02:05,661 --> 00:02:06,860
I mean each of us
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00:02:06,856 --> 00:02:08,888
has something
that we can be proud of.
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00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,779
I'm not pregnant.
53
00:02:10,772 --> 00:02:12,304
I'm not on drugs.
54
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,364
I'm not in a gang.
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00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:14,826
I actually know
where all my kids are.
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00:02:14,821 --> 00:02:16,920
See, baby, we're
almost perfect.
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00:02:16,912 --> 00:02:18,510
We're damn near white.
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00:02:18,504 --> 00:02:21,337
You know what, we're going to go
to a meet-and-greet on Sunday.
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00:02:21,326 --> 00:02:22,625
If they like us, we're in.
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00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,619
While my mother was happy,
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00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:27,343
the big test was
making Greg testy.
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00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:28,532
This test is a monster.
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00:02:28,527 --> 00:02:29,893
Have you looked
at this thing?
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00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:30,887
It covers everything
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00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,550
from analogies and
reading comprehension
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00:02:32,544 --> 00:02:34,709
to algebra, geometry,
statistics and probability.
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00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:35,800
Anybody got a dictionary?
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00:02:35,796 --> 00:02:37,262
I don't have enough time
to do the work
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00:02:37,256 --> 00:02:38,588
I need to do to stay
in this school.
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00:02:38,584 --> 00:02:40,116
When am I going to find time
to do the work
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00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:42,042
I need to do to get
into another school?
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00:02:42,035 --> 00:02:44,301
Well, make time. You have to
prepare for this kind of exam.
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00:02:44,292 --> 00:02:45,692
Study a few hours every night
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00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,953
and then get eight hours of
sleep the night before the test.
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00:02:47,944 --> 00:02:49,742
I haven't slept eight
hours since I was born.
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00:02:49,735 --> 00:02:51,534
We were so broke,
we had to share our sleep.
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00:02:51,527 --> 00:02:52,760
I don't know about you.
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00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,488
I'm just going to cram
it in the night before.
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00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:56,481
It'll be easier to remember
if I just read it.
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00:02:56,473 --> 00:02:59,005
Historically, white people
prepare in advance,
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00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:01,861
while black people deal
with things at the last minute.
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00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:03,582
From going to the movies...
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00:03:03,575 --> 00:03:06,342
So what's playing?
Anything good?
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00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,486
Let me see...
85
00:03:10,479 --> 00:03:12,077
Spaceballs?
86
00:03:12,071 --> 00:03:14,137
What's that about?
87
00:03:14,129 --> 00:03:15,595
...to natural disasters.
88
00:03:15,590 --> 00:03:19,323
Yeah, girl. You know
anybody with a boat?
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00:03:29,696 --> 00:03:31,195
Hey, little dude,
let me hold a dollar.
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00:03:35,205 --> 00:03:36,204
That'll be a dollar.
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00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,633
Here you go.
92
00:03:37,628 --> 00:03:39,526
PSATs, huh?
93
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,552
You know, my uncle works at the
place that makes the test books.
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00:03:42,540 --> 00:03:44,838
And I'm selling answer
keys if you need one.
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00:03:44,829 --> 00:03:46,462
20 bucks.
No, I'm good.
96
00:03:46,456 --> 00:03:49,055
Well, you'll be better if you
have the answers to that test.
97
00:03:49,044 --> 00:03:52,211
I'd be better if you'd stop
robbing me every single day.
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00:03:54,122 --> 00:03:55,421
Did you see this?
99
00:03:55,417 --> 00:03:56,949
"Congratulations.
100
00:03:56,943 --> 00:03:59,643
You have won a
free 27-inch color TV."
101
00:03:59,632 --> 00:04:01,130
What is this, a scam?
102
00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:02,458
No, it's legit. I called.
103
00:04:02,453 --> 00:04:04,818
They said I just have
to come down and pick it up.
104
00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:06,575
What, did you buy a
raffle ticket or something?
105
00:04:06,568 --> 00:04:08,334
Not that I can remember.
106
00:04:08,328 --> 00:04:10,060
But I enter
every contest I see.
107
00:04:10,053 --> 00:04:12,919
He once entered a contest
to win a free contest.
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00:04:14,865 --> 00:04:17,298
At Hansel and Gretel
my mother laid down the law
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00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:19,188
like the big bad wolf.
110
00:04:19,181 --> 00:04:22,346
I need you guys to be
on your best behavior.
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00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:26,266
So please, be sure to say
"please" and "thank you."
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00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,748
And for God's sake,
use your right fork.
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00:04:28,738 --> 00:04:31,405
Now if you don't know what
somebody is talking about,
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00:04:31,394 --> 00:04:35,925
just look at them, nod,
and say, "Oh, really?"
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00:04:35,907 --> 00:04:37,906
And agree, okay?
116
00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:39,164
Okay.
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00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,259
Now go mingle.
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00:04:40,255 --> 00:04:42,188
That's white-speak for talking.
119
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:45,313
I just started
taking violin lessons.
120
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:46,899
My parents took me
to Lincoln Center
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00:04:46,893 --> 00:04:49,292
to see Itzhak Perlman.
He's a genius.
122
00:04:49,283 --> 00:04:50,915
My family could nod
and say, "Oh, really?"
123
00:04:50,909 --> 00:04:52,574
Oh, really?
124
00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:54,367
But good luck
getting them to agree.
125
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,993
The violin's okay.
I like the bass.
126
00:04:56,982 --> 00:04:58,382
Have you ever heard
the bass line
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00:04:58,377 --> 00:04:59,775
to "Get the Funk
Out of My Face"?
128
00:04:59,770 --> 00:05:01,003
Louis Thunder-Thumbs Johnson?
129
00:05:00,999 --> 00:05:02,931
Now that's
a genius.
130
00:05:02,923 --> 00:05:06,356
When Americans talk about dance,
it's always Michael Jackson,
131
00:05:06,343 --> 00:05:09,774
but I think that if more people
were to see Baryshnikov,
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00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,193
they would
feel differently.
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00:05:11,188 --> 00:05:12,887
Oh, really?
134
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,478
Well, a lot of people saw
him dance in White Nights
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00:05:15,468 --> 00:05:17,434
and they're still talking
about Michael Jackson.
136
00:05:17,426 --> 00:05:19,826
I'm more of a
Boogaloo Shrimp fan myself.
137
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:21,882
So we all bought houses
on the Vineyard.
138
00:05:21,874 --> 00:05:23,207
Aw, let me tell you,
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00:05:23,202 --> 00:05:26,400
weekends at the Inkwell
in the summer are amazing.
140
00:05:26,387 --> 00:05:28,053
Oh, really?
141
00:05:28,047 --> 00:05:31,147
So you bought another
house, in another state,
142
00:05:31,135 --> 00:05:33,800
so you can get in the car
with your wife and kids
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00:05:33,789 --> 00:05:34,921
and drive
eight hours
144
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,083
so you can hang out
with the same people
145
00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:39,108
you hang out with
during the week?
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00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,798
That is amazing.
147
00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:42,524
While my family
was putting people off,
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00:05:42,517 --> 00:05:43,783
my mother was turning it on.
149
00:05:43,779 --> 00:05:45,045
Hello, everyone.
150
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,972
This is my son Chris.
151
00:05:46,965 --> 00:05:48,931
He's taking his
PSAT on Monday.
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00:05:48,924 --> 00:05:50,589
Well done.
153
00:05:50,582 --> 00:05:52,882
George Watkins.
154
00:05:52,873 --> 00:05:55,571
Very impressive, Chris.
155
00:05:55,561 --> 00:05:57,327
You're taking the first
step towards college
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00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:58,686
and a very bright future.
157
00:05:58,681 --> 00:05:59,680
And this is...?
158
00:05:59,677 --> 00:06:00,976
God, not you.
159
00:06:00,971 --> 00:06:02,470
You two know each other?
160
00:06:02,465 --> 00:06:03,864
( sighs )
Yes.
161
00:06:03,859 --> 00:06:05,725
He's the so-called judge
162
00:06:05,718 --> 00:06:07,416
that threw me in jail
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00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,408
after I beat
that speeding ticket.
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00:06:09,401 --> 00:06:11,901
You were in contempt.
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00:06:11,891 --> 00:06:13,189
She still is.
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00:06:13,184 --> 00:06:15,817
Look, okay, that is
ancient history, all right?
167
00:06:15,807 --> 00:06:16,806
I'm past that.
168
00:06:16,802 --> 00:06:19,968
I'm here today
for my children.
169
00:06:19,956 --> 00:06:22,254
Well, if you son is
doing well in school,
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00:06:22,245 --> 00:06:24,444
this is an opportunity for him
to meet the right people.
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00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:25,801
He's doing very well, thank you.
172
00:06:25,796 --> 00:06:26,896
He's working on
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00:06:26,893 --> 00:06:28,024
a Merit Scholarship.
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00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,586
She might as well have said
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00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:31,446
I was working
on a cure for cancer.
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00:06:31,439 --> 00:06:35,304
Really? A
Merit Scholar, huh?
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00:06:35,288 --> 00:06:36,821
That's right.
178
00:06:36,815 --> 00:06:39,514
Well, you're obviously trying
to better yourself.
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00:06:39,504 --> 00:06:40,803
How about we let
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00:06:40,798 --> 00:06:42,230
bygones be bygones?
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00:06:42,225 --> 00:06:44,224
Bye... Gone.
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00:06:44,216 --> 00:06:47,849
That's how proper black people
say, "Let's squash this."
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00:06:47,835 --> 00:06:49,901
Chris, just make sure you study
a little every night
184
00:06:49,893 --> 00:06:51,725
and get eight hours of
sleep before your test.
185
00:06:51,718 --> 00:06:53,450
Don't cram.
186
00:06:53,443 --> 00:06:54,742
That's a surefire way to fail.
187
00:06:54,738 --> 00:06:56,370
Okay, great. Good to see you.
188
00:06:56,363 --> 00:06:57,796
( mocking ):
Good to see you, too.
189
00:06:57,791 --> 00:07:00,556
I don't think he means it.
190
00:07:01,828 --> 00:07:04,360
Back at home, if the
judge had been around
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00:07:04,350 --> 00:07:05,916
he'd be holding me in contempt.
192
00:07:05,911 --> 00:07:07,310
Boy, what are you doing?
193
00:07:07,305 --> 00:07:08,738
Didn't you hear
what the judge said?
194
00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:09,998
You need to go to bed.
195
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:11,592
But...
But nothing!
196
00:07:11,586 --> 00:07:14,452
Stop studying so you can
do well on that test!
197
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,306
First time I ever heard that.
198
00:07:19,727 --> 00:07:21,726
Since I didn't get
to cram on my test,
199
00:07:21,718 --> 00:07:25,116
there was only
one thing left to do.
200
00:07:25,102 --> 00:07:26,468
Hey, Jerome...
201
00:07:26,463 --> 00:07:28,596
Little dude from across the
street. Let me hold a dollar.
202
00:07:28,588 --> 00:07:31,553
I'll let you hold $20. I need
the answer key to the PSAT test.
203
00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:32,974
Now you're thinking.
204
00:07:36,321 --> 00:07:37,587
All right, everyone, listen up.
205
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,615
The test is about to commence.
206
00:07:39,607 --> 00:07:43,405
No pressure. It's-- just
the rest of your lives at stake.
207
00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:45,390
Begin.
208
00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:49,407
While everyone else
took the test,
209
00:07:49,398 --> 00:07:51,031
I took out the answers.
210
00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:02,157
And after the test results
were in, I got called out.
211
00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:05,307
Chris, I just never would have
expected this out of you.
212
00:08:05,295 --> 00:08:07,595
I just don't see
how you could do this.
213
00:08:07,586 --> 00:08:09,750
When you're about
to go down for a crime,
214
00:08:09,741 --> 00:08:11,241
everybody knows it's best
215
00:08:11,236 --> 00:08:13,202
to throw yourself
on the mercy of the court.
216
00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:15,126
Ms. Morello, I can explain.
217
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:17,018
This test meant
a lot to my mother.
218
00:08:17,011 --> 00:08:18,277
I bet it did.
219
00:08:18,272 --> 00:08:20,304
And she must be proud of you.
220
00:08:20,297 --> 00:08:23,662
A perfect score
on the PSAT test?
221
00:08:23,648 --> 00:08:26,547
That's unheard of in
the history of this school.
222
00:08:26,535 --> 00:08:28,335
You're like a little
chocolate Einstein.
223
00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:29,961
More like chocolate Pinocchio.
224
00:08:29,955 --> 00:08:31,321
Thanks.
225
00:08:31,316 --> 00:08:33,382
Anyway, we're taking you out
of your regular classes
226
00:08:33,374 --> 00:08:36,572
and putting you in the
Advanced Placement program.
227
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,058
Advanced Placement?
228
00:08:38,052 --> 00:08:39,884
Yes. If you think
white people are smart,
229
00:08:39,877 --> 00:08:41,744
wait until you to go class
with the Asians.
230
00:08:43,728 --> 00:08:47,027
Back home, I decided to keep
my high score on the down low.
231
00:08:47,013 --> 00:08:49,413
Chris, how did you do
on the PSAT?
232
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:52,136
Oh, I think I did fine.
233
00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,657
Halle Berry fine.
234
00:08:53,652 --> 00:08:55,550
They should be sending
the scores soon.
235
00:08:55,542 --> 00:08:58,309
Good. 'Cause I want to impress
those Hansel and Gretel people.
236
00:08:58,298 --> 00:09:01,230
And I want to brag about your
score to that Judge Watkins.
237
00:09:01,219 --> 00:09:04,584
Nothing like using your kids
to fight your battles for you.
238
00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:07,536
I stood out in AP class
because unlike everyone else,
239
00:09:07,524 --> 00:09:09,023
I was dumb.
240
00:09:09,018 --> 00:09:11,717
I need you to read
The Theory of Atomic Physics,
241
00:09:11,706 --> 00:09:15,206
Quantum Dynamics
and Worm Holes,
242
00:09:15,192 --> 00:09:17,957
and Richard Feynman's
Quantum Electrodynamics:
243
00:09:17,946 --> 00:09:21,012
The Strange Theory
of Light and Matter.
244
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,365
Which were all made
into Wayans Brother movies.
245
00:09:23,356 --> 00:09:25,455
Then write a report
on each of them
246
00:09:25,446 --> 00:09:27,779
presenting an alternate theory
to each central thesis.
247
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:29,202
This is a tough assignment
248
00:09:29,197 --> 00:09:30,996
so I'll give you plenty of time.
249
00:09:30,989 --> 00:09:32,188
You have until tomorrow.
250
00:09:32,184 --> 00:09:34,183
While I dealt with my success,
251
00:09:34,176 --> 00:09:35,908
Greg dealt with his failure.
252
00:09:35,901 --> 00:09:37,500
Advanced Placement classes.
253
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,760
I can't understand how you
did so well on the test.
254
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:41,583
I studied for days
and still did horribly.
255
00:09:41,576 --> 00:09:44,109
Greg, I cheated.
256
00:09:44,099 --> 00:09:45,731
I had the answers.
257
00:09:45,725 --> 00:09:47,891
Dude, why didn't you tell me?
I could have used them, too.
258
00:09:47,883 --> 00:09:49,348
Don't you think
it'd look suspicious
259
00:09:49,343 --> 00:09:51,143
if you and I ended up
with identical scores?
260
00:09:51,136 --> 00:09:52,968
Plus, he would have panicked
and ratted me out.
261
00:09:52,961 --> 00:09:56,060
Yeah, plus, I would have
panicked and ratted you out.
262
00:09:56,047 --> 00:09:58,013
At least now I have a year
to study for the real SATs,
263
00:09:58,006 --> 00:09:59,404
which I'm gonna
take legitimately.
264
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,898
So technically, this
really wasn't cheating.
265
00:10:01,888 --> 00:10:03,054
With that kind of thinking,
266
00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,716
I should have gone
into politics.
267
00:10:04,710 --> 00:10:07,475
Dude, you're in the
AP class. What about that?
268
00:10:07,464 --> 00:10:09,363
No problem. I won't
last in there a week.
269
00:10:09,356 --> 00:10:10,355
How do you know?
270
00:10:10,351 --> 00:10:11,750
Oh, I know.
271
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,311
While I wanted to be free
272
00:10:13,305 --> 00:10:16,604
from AP class,
my father wanted a free TV.
273
00:10:16,591 --> 00:10:17,957
Hi. How you doing?
Hey.
274
00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:20,317
I'm here to pick up
a TV set I won.
275
00:10:20,308 --> 00:10:21,641
Oh, okay, I just need
to see some ID
276
00:10:21,636 --> 00:10:23,034
to make sure your
name's on the list.
277
00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:24,996
Okay.
278
00:10:24,989 --> 00:10:26,454
Those TVs are nice.
279
00:10:26,448 --> 00:10:28,146
Yeah.
280
00:10:28,140 --> 00:10:29,840
Oh, we got you.
281
00:10:29,834 --> 00:10:31,868
Okay, Julius, just
sign right here.
282
00:10:34,014 --> 00:10:35,980
Okay, great,
that's everything. All right.
283
00:10:35,973 --> 00:10:37,106
You're under arrest!
284
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,992
What? What am I
under arrest for?
285
00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:43,717
30 unpaid parking
tickets from 1982!
286
00:10:43,706 --> 00:10:45,138
Parking tickets?!
287
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:46,733
Yeah, maybe next time
you'll think twice
288
00:10:46,727 --> 00:10:49,292
before you try and cheat New
York City out of a quarter!
289
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,815
Does this mean I don't
get the free TV?
290
00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:52,074
Get him the hell
out of here!
291
00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:53,870
Ow! Ow!
292
00:10:53,863 --> 00:10:55,294
While my father
was thrown in jail,
293
00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:57,689
I tried to get
thrown out of class.
294
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:03,245
Does anyone
have the answer?
295
00:11:03,222 --> 00:11:05,088
Does your mama
have the answer?
296
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,779
Excuse me?
297
00:11:06,773 --> 00:11:09,138
Don't excuse me.
Excuse your mama.
298
00:11:09,129 --> 00:11:11,062
( laughing )
299
00:11:11,055 --> 00:11:13,087
"Excuse your mama?"
300
00:11:13,079 --> 00:11:14,612
Chris, what were
you thinking?
301
00:11:14,606 --> 00:11:15,904
I don't know.
302
00:11:15,899 --> 00:11:17,732
I guess I have to go back
to Thurman's class now.
303
00:11:17,726 --> 00:11:19,891
No, I can get you
back into AP class,
304
00:11:19,882 --> 00:11:21,881
but no more "your mama" jokes.
305
00:11:21,874 --> 00:11:24,107
Obviously, you need a challenge.
306
00:11:24,098 --> 00:11:27,364
So, I'm putting you on the
Academic Scholastathon Team.
307
00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:29,049
Academic Scholasta-what?
308
00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:30,609
Scholastathon!
309
00:11:30,604 --> 00:11:33,569
It's a team competition where
students match their intellects
310
00:11:33,557 --> 00:11:35,056
against students
from other schools.
311
00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:37,282
I'm not sure
I'm right for this.
312
00:11:37,274 --> 00:11:38,674
Are you kidding?
313
00:11:38,669 --> 00:11:40,634
This will be like
intellectual basketball.
314
00:11:40,626 --> 00:11:42,192
And you're our Dr. J!
315
00:11:42,186 --> 00:11:45,119
I just hope I don't get hung
from the intellectual rim.
316
00:11:49,455 --> 00:11:51,020
While I faced humiliation
317
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,880
with the Academic
Scholastathon Team,
318
00:11:52,873 --> 00:11:54,205
my father faced
something worse:
319
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,199
my mother.
320
00:11:55,196 --> 00:11:57,529
Parking tickets, Julius?
321
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,552
I'm trying to get us
into Hansel and Gretel
322
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,176
and now I got to
get you out of jail?
323
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:03,503
I paid those tickets
with one money order.
324
00:12:03,494 --> 00:12:05,560
Look, I even have
the receipt right here.
325
00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:07,384
We can straighten this out
when we get to court.
326
00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:11,276
I don't understand why they
didn't get my money order.
327
00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:14,492
( scoffs )
I'm damned if I ain't getting time off for my wedding!
328
00:12:14,479 --> 00:12:16,478
You want me to file
the money orders?!
329
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:19,037
I'll file the money
orders, Julius!
330
00:12:23,308 --> 00:12:25,873
( explosion )
331
00:12:25,862 --> 00:12:28,928
Back at school, even though I
seemed to keep failing upwards,
332
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,548
I was about to take
my whole team down.
333
00:12:31,538 --> 00:12:35,304
Welcome to today's
Academic Scholastathon match
334
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:40,720
between Tattaglia High
and John Saxon High.
335
00:12:40,698 --> 00:12:41,830
Today's questions will focus
336
00:12:41,826 --> 00:12:46,592
on the subject
of Afro-American icons.
337
00:12:46,572 --> 00:12:48,638
Our first question goes
338
00:12:48,631 --> 00:12:50,863
to last week's champion.
339
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:55,820
"What famous Afro-American
basketball player
340
00:12:55,799 --> 00:13:00,898
claims to have slept
with over 20,000 women?"
341
00:13:00,877 --> 00:13:03,143
Sheryl Swoops?
342
00:13:03,134 --> 00:13:06,899
We don't know.
( buzzer )
343
00:13:06,884 --> 00:13:08,850
Tattaglia?
344
00:13:08,843 --> 00:13:09,842
Wilt Chamberlain.
345
00:13:09,838 --> 00:13:11,470
( bell dings )
Correct!
346
00:13:11,464 --> 00:13:13,063
The teams were all white,
347
00:13:13,057 --> 00:13:16,090
but unfortunately for them,
the questions were all black.
348
00:13:16,078 --> 00:13:17,343
Shirley Chisholm.
349
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,172
( bell dings )
Correct!
350
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:20,363
Earl the Pearl Monroe.
351
00:13:20,359 --> 00:13:21,358
( bell dings )
Correct.
352
00:13:21,354 --> 00:13:22,353
Jimi Hendrix.
353
00:13:22,350 --> 00:13:23,483
Correct!
354
00:13:23,479 --> 00:13:24,811
Peaches and Herbs.
Huggy Bear.
355
00:13:24,806 --> 00:13:26,039
Bugaloo Shrimp!
356
00:13:26,035 --> 00:13:28,301
( cheering ):
Correct! ( bell dings )
357
00:13:29,785 --> 00:13:33,018
With a perfect score
of 34 to nothing,
358
00:13:33,005 --> 00:13:36,570
the match goes
to Tattaglia High!
359
00:13:36,555 --> 00:13:38,021
( audience clapping )
360
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:41,015
My Academic Scholastathon
performance was pure luck.
361
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:44,268
Unfortunately, my mother
thought it was pure genius.
362
00:13:44,255 --> 00:13:45,588
Chris, how come you
didn't tell me
363
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:48,049
your were on the Athletic
Scholastathon Team?
364
00:13:48,039 --> 00:13:49,738
'Cause I didn't want
to jinx my match.
365
00:13:49,732 --> 00:13:52,098
Well, you may not want
to brag, but I do.
366
00:13:52,089 --> 00:13:54,855
Now, I got to tell everybody
to come to your next match.
367
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,635
She told my family,
our friends, our neighbors,
368
00:13:58,626 --> 00:14:00,059
Kill Moves?!
Judge Watkins!
369
00:14:00,054 --> 00:14:03,152
Yes, Judge Watkins,
you have to come see him...
370
00:14:03,140 --> 00:14:04,472
Pretty much
everybody on Earth.
371
00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:06,767
and even a few people
not on Earth.
372
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:09,256
MAN ( over headphones ):
Mission control, there is a black woman
373
00:14:09,246 --> 00:14:10,546
outside of the Space Station.
374
00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:15,274
Hey! Come see my son
in the Academic Scholastathon!
375
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,820
He's really smart.
376
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,646
He gets it from me!
377
00:14:18,639 --> 00:14:20,771
Everybody there
wanted to see me
378
00:14:20,763 --> 00:14:24,095
in the Academic
Scholastathon except me.
379
00:14:24,082 --> 00:14:26,014
WOMAN:
The questions today will be
380
00:14:26,006 --> 00:14:29,539
on the conjugation
of Lithuanian verbs.
381
00:14:29,525 --> 00:14:30,990
Oh, yes!
382
00:14:30,985 --> 00:14:36,285
First question to the champions
of last week, Tattaglia.
383
00:14:36,263 --> 00:14:42,095
What is the pluperfect
of the verb dirbit?
384
00:14:42,071 --> 00:14:43,070
I don't know.
( buzzer )
385
00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:45,098
Who doesn't know dirba?
386
00:14:45,090 --> 00:14:46,089
Hiroshima High?
387
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,119
Dirba.
388
00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:49,148
( bell dings )
Correct.
389
00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:51,606
Let's try
another question.
390
00:14:51,596 --> 00:14:53,961
After that, I came down
quicker than Milli Vanilli
391
00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:55,385
after the lip sync scandal.
392
00:14:55,380 --> 00:14:56,379
MODERATOR:
Tattaglia?
393
00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:57,374
I don't know.
394
00:14:57,371 --> 00:14:58,537
( buzzer blares )
Hiroshima?
395
00:14:58,533 --> 00:14:59,598
Matea.
396
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:00,593
Tattaglia?
397
00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:01,889
I don't know.
( buzzer )
398
00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:02,883
Suprasti.
( bell dings )
399
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,112
I got nothing.
400
00:15:04,108 --> 00:15:05,107
Pirkti.
401
00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:06,835
CHRIS:
I don't know.
402
00:15:06,829 --> 00:15:08,262
HIROSHIMA GIRL:
Atsibosti.
403
00:15:08,257 --> 00:15:09,456
Wilt Chamberlain?
404
00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:10,485
Zvimbti.
405
00:15:10,481 --> 00:15:12,013
WOMAN:
Correct!
406
00:15:12,007 --> 00:15:14,872
And that is the final question.
407
00:15:14,861 --> 00:15:19,394
And the winner with a perfect
score of 34 to nothing:
408
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:22,075
Hiroshima High!
409
00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:31,365
I hope this doesn't
hurt our chances
410
00:15:31,356 --> 00:15:33,122
for getting into
Hansel and Gretel.
411
00:15:33,116 --> 00:15:35,148
Oh, your chances aren't hurt.
412
00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:36,473
Oh, thank God.
413
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:37,900
They're destroyed.
414
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:41,227
Decimated, obliterated,
annihilated.
415
00:15:41,214 --> 00:15:44,147
Okay, okay! I get it.
416
00:15:44,135 --> 00:15:46,068
Rochelle, your kid's an idiot.
417
00:15:48,017 --> 00:15:50,450
You nearly had
me at the mixer.
418
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,005
I knew Chris was an idiot.
419
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:56,028
After decapitating
the Academic Scholastathon,
420
00:15:56,016 --> 00:15:58,949
I was never
so happy to be sad.
421
00:16:00,729 --> 00:16:03,661
You okay, baby?
422
00:16:03,649 --> 00:16:06,315
Mom, I know how much you wanted
us to be in Hansel and Gretel.
423
00:16:06,305 --> 00:16:07,537
So, I'm sorry I messed up.
424
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:10,531
Baby, if they think this
family's not good enough
425
00:16:10,519 --> 00:16:13,518
to join their stupid club,
then forget them.
426
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,505
Bet they'd beg me to join now!
427
00:16:15,498 --> 00:16:17,231
I'm proud of you.
428
00:16:17,224 --> 00:16:18,390
Even though I lied and cheated?
429
00:16:18,386 --> 00:16:19,684
Thanks, Mom.
430
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,945
Having my mother believe
in me when I was wrong
431
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:24,869
was one of the reasons that
I always wanted to do right.
432
00:16:24,857 --> 00:16:27,656
Hey, did you ever get
those PSAT scores back?
433
00:16:27,645 --> 00:16:30,046
Oh, um, I'll get them
to you tomorrow.
434
00:16:32,757 --> 00:16:34,656
While I was planning
to settle my score,
435
00:16:34,648 --> 00:16:37,114
my mother and father
had to settle a case.
436
00:16:37,105 --> 00:16:41,104
Case 765443.
437
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,619
That's me.
438
00:16:42,614 --> 00:16:44,379
All right, I see
you have a complaint
439
00:16:44,372 --> 00:16:47,105
regarding a series
of unpaid parking tickets.
440
00:16:47,094 --> 00:16:49,426
Oh, no, not you.
441
00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:51,016
What-What are you,
following me around?
442
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,876
You think I
want to be here?
443
00:16:52,869 --> 00:16:54,968
Say the wrong thing
and you'll get locked up
444
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,992
faster than a door with
Jehovah's Witnesses coming.
445
00:16:56,984 --> 00:17:01,383
Just joking, witnesses.
We love you guys!
446
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:03,297
Uh, Your Honor, I have
a receipt that shows
447
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,289
I paid all the
tickets in question.
448
00:17:05,281 --> 00:17:06,380
You may approach the bench.
449
00:17:06,376 --> 00:17:07,575
Objection!
Rochelle!
450
00:17:07,571 --> 00:17:09,771
What are you objecting to?
451
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:12,028
The way you
treated my family.
452
00:17:12,019 --> 00:17:13,585
Listen, I am trying
to give you a break.
453
00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:15,244
I suggest you
fix your attitude.
454
00:17:15,238 --> 00:17:16,571
You're the one
with the attitude.
455
00:17:16,566 --> 00:17:18,765
Let me tell you
something.
456
00:17:18,757 --> 00:17:20,456
Just because you do
summer in the Vineyard,
457
00:17:20,449 --> 00:17:22,414
and you go swimming
in the Inkpen,
458
00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:25,506
and you play the violin
instead of the funky bass,
459
00:17:25,493 --> 00:17:27,993
and you eat those, all those
stupid little finger foods,
460
00:17:27,984 --> 00:17:30,949
does not make you better
than somebody. Okay?
461
00:17:30,937 --> 00:17:32,970
My son is a good kid!
462
00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:34,727
And my husband
463
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,786
is innocent!
464
00:17:35,783 --> 00:17:37,315
So, you know what?
465
00:17:37,309 --> 00:17:39,141
You can take your little
Hansel and Gretel
466
00:17:39,134 --> 00:17:41,567
and you can
shove it up your...
467
00:17:41,558 --> 00:17:43,123
Lady, you are out of order!
468
00:17:43,117 --> 00:17:44,183
No! You're out of order!
469
00:17:44,179 --> 00:17:46,478
You're out of order!
470
00:17:46,469 --> 00:17:48,501
This whole trial
is out of order!
471
00:17:48,493 --> 00:17:49,893
Get her out of here.
472
00:17:49,888 --> 00:17:52,321
Get her out of here!
473
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:55,238
Attica!
474
00:17:55,231 --> 00:17:56,498
I have the receipts.
Attica!
475
00:17:58,052 --> 00:17:59,885
Get him, Julius!
476
00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:02,043
Back home it appeared
that both jail
477
00:18:02,035 --> 00:18:04,067
and the PSATs
were behind us.
478
00:18:04,059 --> 00:18:06,392
She screamed at
the judge? Cool!
479
00:18:06,383 --> 00:18:07,516
What happened after that?
480
00:18:07,512 --> 00:18:09,344
The money I was going to
save by winning the case
481
00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:11,003
I had to spend to bail
your mother out of jail.
482
00:18:12,822 --> 00:18:13,987
Judge Watkins?
483
00:18:13,983 --> 00:18:15,583
Oh, look what
we have here.
484
00:18:15,577 --> 00:18:18,042
I cannot believe you even
showed your face here.
485
00:18:18,032 --> 00:18:19,231
We ain't in court now.
486
00:18:19,227 --> 00:18:20,992
And we don't
want to go back.
487
00:18:20,985 --> 00:18:23,585
I just came to say I'm sorry.
488
00:18:23,575 --> 00:18:25,007
What?
489
00:18:25,002 --> 00:18:26,435
The goal at Hansel and Gretel
490
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:28,529
is to create a better life
for our children.
491
00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:30,219
You and your husband
492
00:18:30,212 --> 00:18:32,044
obviously care
about your kids.
493
00:18:32,037 --> 00:18:33,404
And if you're interested,
494
00:18:33,399 --> 00:18:36,197
I'd like to officially
invite you to join.
495
00:18:36,186 --> 00:18:37,586
Chris?
Ms. Morello?
496
00:18:37,581 --> 00:18:40,879
So, what, are you trying to skip
town before the heat comes down?
497
00:18:40,866 --> 00:18:42,332
What are you talking about?
498
00:18:42,327 --> 00:18:47,660
Let's just say this young man is
cracked, busted, and found out.
499
00:18:47,637 --> 00:18:49,035
WATKINS:
Found out about what?
500
00:18:49,030 --> 00:18:50,962
There was a citywide
security breach.
501
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:53,221
Chris was one
of 1,400 students
502
00:18:53,212 --> 00:18:55,412
to get a perfect
score on his PSATs.
503
00:18:55,404 --> 00:18:58,102
Hold up, are you trying
to say that my son cheated?
504
00:18:58,091 --> 00:18:59,624
I didn't say that.
505
00:18:59,618 --> 00:19:00,684
But you were thinking it.
506
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,647
You know,
it's really not polite
507
00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:05,671
to use your voodoo mind
tricks on white people.
508
00:19:05,659 --> 00:19:08,458
So, your son
cheated on his test?
509
00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:10,112
And the only reason
he got a perfect score
510
00:19:10,106 --> 00:19:12,239
in the Academic
Scholastathon
511
00:19:12,231 --> 00:19:14,762
is because the questions
were all about black people.
512
00:19:14,752 --> 00:19:17,018
There's a competition with
questions about black people?
513
00:19:17,009 --> 00:19:19,642
I'm sorry, but Chris,
514
00:19:19,631 --> 00:19:23,130
you're back in your regular
classes as of next week, and...
515
00:19:23,116 --> 00:19:25,615
Yeah, I know. Detention.
516
00:19:25,605 --> 00:19:27,137
No, that would be too easy.
517
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:30,398
I'm making you stay on the
Academic Scholastathon Team.
518
00:19:30,385 --> 00:19:32,017
As your punishment,
519
00:19:32,011 --> 00:19:33,345
you can go on losing
along with them.
520
00:19:35,396 --> 00:19:37,429
Well, I have to go
while I still have some hubcaps.
521
00:19:37,421 --> 00:19:38,420
Too late!
522
00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:40,849
And I don't know
who you are,
523
00:19:40,839 --> 00:19:43,238
but I love a
black man in a suit.
524
00:19:43,229 --> 00:19:46,962
Call me.
525
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:52,070
I know, obliterated,
decapitated, incarcerated.
526
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,323
Bye!
527
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,252
He's going to go
get adulterated!
528
00:20:02,047 --> 00:20:04,380
Boy, I ought to
knock you into subspace.
529
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,535
Isn't that
kind of ridiculous?
530
00:20:11,770 --> 00:20:13,503
MAN ( over headphones ):
Mission Control,
531
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,637
that stupid black kid is
outside of the Space Station.
532
00:20:15,638 --> 00:20:17,671
Help me!
533
00:20:19,536 --> 00:20:21,471
( upbeat theme playing )
534
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:26,071
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