Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,379 --> 00:00:03,079
2
00:00:05,249 --> 00:00:07,250
(horn honking in distance)
3
00:00:08,786 --> 00:00:12,221
(honking persists)
4
00:00:15,125 --> 00:00:16,592
Look...
5
00:00:16,626 --> 00:00:18,694
it's my favorite long-term houseguest.
6
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:19,928
Meredith, join us.
7
00:00:19,962 --> 00:00:21,764
Can't. Late for work.
8
00:00:21,798 --> 00:00:24,099
- (horn honking in distance)
- Meredith teaches at Lily's school.
9
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:26,368
(whispering): Her husband
left her with nothing.
10
00:00:26,403 --> 00:00:28,870
- Well, it isn't public school, is it?
- It is.
11
00:00:28,905 --> 00:00:31,540
When I have real kids, they won't go there.
12
00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:32,941
Lily's just my stepdaughter,
13
00:00:32,975 --> 00:00:34,410
even though she lives with us full-time.
14
00:00:34,444 --> 00:00:36,077
And who are you?
15
00:00:36,112 --> 00:00:38,213
Poppy took your spot in our doubles game.
16
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,215
She has an amazing backhand.
17
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:41,582
Oh. That's how you get forearms like that.
18
00:00:41,617 --> 00:00:42,617
On second thought, those kids
19
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,585
can learn around my schedule.
20
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,321
- (horn continues honking)
- I am the boss.
21
00:00:46,355 --> 00:00:48,556
- The boss.
- To being the boss.
22
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,557
To being the boss.
23
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,226
You have to get on the bus now,
24
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,727
or the driver says
she's gonna write you up.
25
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,228
Ha, ha, ha.
26
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:56,964
Very funny joke, Lily.
27
00:00:56,998 --> 00:00:57,932
She said they'll dock your paycheck.
28
00:00:57,966 --> 00:00:59,434
You know what?
29
00:00:59,468 --> 00:01:00,868
Those kids need me.
30
00:01:03,038 --> 00:01:04,472
I don't need a bus chaperone,
31
00:01:04,506 --> 00:01:05,940
and I've told everyone who will listen.
32
00:01:05,974 --> 00:01:08,342
- So, your mom and your two cats?
- Wrong.
33
00:01:08,376 --> 00:01:10,444
I only have one cat and two moms.
34
00:01:10,478 --> 00:01:12,880
Morning, Safety Patrol!
35
00:01:16,184 --> 00:01:17,952
Go easy on the blush, okay?
36
00:01:17,986 --> 00:01:19,753
I looked like a transvestite on Friday.
37
00:01:19,787 --> 00:01:21,588
There's nothing wrong with
looking like a transvestite.
38
00:01:21,622 --> 00:01:22,990
They're just like you and me.
39
00:01:23,024 --> 00:01:24,325
(scoffs)
40
00:01:24,359 --> 00:01:26,426
This is why you don't have a boyfriend.
41
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,094
I don't have a boyfriend because I'm 12.
42
00:01:28,128 --> 00:01:29,329
What's your excuse?
43
00:01:29,364 --> 00:01:31,030
(laughs)
44
00:01:31,065 --> 00:01:33,633
Nice one, Bronwen!
45
00:01:33,668 --> 00:01:35,134
- Yeah!
- (Car horn honking)
46
00:01:35,169 --> 00:01:37,504
Hey, is that... my convertible?
47
00:01:39,707 --> 00:01:41,107
(horn blaring)
48
00:01:41,141 --> 00:01:42,876
Stop the bus.
49
00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:44,077
(tires screech, brakes hiss)
50
00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:50,516
Mitzi...
51
00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:51,885
Hey.
52
00:01:51,919 --> 00:01:53,987
Remember me? You took my car,
53
00:01:54,021 --> 00:01:55,388
my husband, and my house?
54
00:01:55,422 --> 00:01:56,655
Along with all the art
55
00:01:56,690 --> 00:01:57,890
I pretended to understand?
56
00:01:57,924 --> 00:01:59,191
Hope you're happy.
57
00:01:59,225 --> 00:02:00,459
I really am.
58
00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:01,694
Thanks for asking.
59
00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:04,797
Hey, divorc?e! Back on the bus!
60
00:02:04,831 --> 00:02:06,799
I see things are going well for you.
61
00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:08,367
They are. I've moved on.
62
00:02:08,402 --> 00:02:09,835
And by the way, don't look for me
63
00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:11,904
at the country club,
because my next husband...
64
00:02:11,938 --> 00:02:14,572
- (bus engine revs)
- ... won't be a member of the country club,
65
00:02:14,607 --> 00:02:16,508
- he'll own one.
- Work in one.
66
00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:17,876
Oh!
67
00:02:17,911 --> 00:02:19,244
I'd give you a ride,
68
00:02:19,279 --> 00:02:21,479
but with my Birkin, there's no room.
69
00:02:21,514 --> 00:02:23,382
Sad face.
70
00:02:31,457 --> 00:02:33,758
Nah, nah-nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
71
00:02:33,793 --> 00:02:35,092
Nah-nah, nah-nah
72
00:02:35,127 --> 00:02:38,262
I am a fascination
73
00:02:38,297 --> 00:02:39,997
I'm here to blow your mind
74
00:02:40,032 --> 00:02:41,733
I'll give 'em education
75
00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:43,668
Give me the wine and dine
76
00:02:43,702 --> 00:02:45,503
Hey!
77
00:02:45,538 --> 00:02:46,905
Nah, nah, nah, nah-nah
78
00:02:46,939 --> 00:02:49,640
Nah-nah, nah, nah-nah!
79
00:02:49,641 --> 00:02:50,980
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
80
00:02:51,293 --> 00:02:53,694
(students talking indistinctly)
81
00:03:00,802 --> 00:03:02,970
(clears throat) You're late.
82
00:03:03,005 --> 00:03:04,437
And you wear pants with
an elastic waistband.
83
00:03:04,472 --> 00:03:05,672
Now what?
84
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,140
Okay, kids.
85
00:03:07,174 --> 00:03:08,408
Miss Davis is having
86
00:03:08,442 --> 00:03:09,643
a super crappy day, okay?
87
00:03:09,677 --> 00:03:11,177
So why don't we just
88
00:03:11,212 --> 00:03:12,479
shut our faces
89
00:03:12,514 --> 00:03:13,881
and get ready for some learning?
90
00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:17,083
Um...
91
00:03:17,118 --> 00:03:18,652
where's my lesson plan?
92
00:03:18,686 --> 00:03:19,953
Some kid picked up the TV.
93
00:03:19,988 --> 00:03:21,454
And you just sat there?
94
00:03:21,489 --> 00:03:23,523
Great!
95
00:03:23,557 --> 00:03:26,226
This is why China is winning!
96
00:03:29,363 --> 00:03:31,331
Hey! Hold up, Tank Top!
97
00:03:31,365 --> 00:03:33,666
It's not a tank top,
it's a sleeveless shirt.
98
00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:36,002
I don't care, I just want my TV back.
99
00:03:36,037 --> 00:03:37,737
Although I am seeing a lot of side boob.
100
00:03:38,405 --> 00:03:40,105
Hey!
101
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:41,774
This TV was checked out by another teacher.
102
00:03:41,808 --> 00:03:42,975
My orders were clear.
103
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,376
Wait! Time-out. My nails.
104
00:03:44,411 --> 00:03:46,045
Really? Hey...
105
00:03:46,079 --> 00:03:47,713
- Give it back!
- No. Stop it.
106
00:03:48,649 --> 00:03:49,649
(shrieks)
107
00:03:49,683 --> 00:03:50,783
I'm still taking it.
108
00:03:50,817 --> 00:03:52,018
MEREDITH: She was driving
109
00:03:52,052 --> 00:03:53,218
my old car, and I was like,
110
00:03:53,253 --> 00:03:54,686
"I don't even care."
111
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,488
You know, like, she can have my old life,
112
00:03:56,523 --> 00:03:58,290
because I am blazing a new one.
113
00:03:58,324 --> 00:04:00,225
But, Irene, you should have
seen her, she's so gross.
114
00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:02,161
Fake hair, fake boobs, and...
115
00:04:02,195 --> 00:04:05,864
Guys... FYI, before I
hand out the paychecks,
116
00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:07,232
I reserve the cafeteria
117
00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:08,567
for my special group
118
00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:10,168
today and Wednesday, so...
119
00:04:10,202 --> 00:04:12,671
Uh, I need something, Principal Carl.
120
00:04:12,705 --> 00:04:14,238
Someone has checked out the big TV,
121
00:04:14,273 --> 00:04:17,341
even though I use it for
serious educational purposes
122
00:04:17,376 --> 00:04:18,743
in my classroom every day.
123
00:04:18,778 --> 00:04:20,344
I want it and I need it back.
124
00:04:20,379 --> 00:04:22,213
Well, Meredith, we all have to share.
125
00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:24,348
That is the Fighting Quaker way.
126
00:04:24,383 --> 00:04:26,184
Not the Fighting Quaker three-way,
127
00:04:26,218 --> 00:04:27,518
which was graffitied behind the gym.
128
00:04:27,553 --> 00:04:28,553
Got the checks here.
129
00:04:28,587 --> 00:04:30,921
Um, I know where the TV is.
130
00:04:30,956 --> 00:04:33,157
Ginny checked it out, but isn't using it.
131
00:04:33,192 --> 00:04:34,525
She says that it is
132
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:35,593
teaching someone a lesson,
133
00:04:35,627 --> 00:04:36,927
but I don't know how because
134
00:04:36,962 --> 00:04:38,262
it's just in the corner of the room.
135
00:04:38,297 --> 00:04:39,930
- Of course you took it.
- GINNY: Took it?
136
00:04:39,965 --> 00:04:41,332
Or rescued it?
137
00:04:41,366 --> 00:04:42,600
That poor TV was getting
138
00:04:42,634 --> 00:04:44,501
so sick of teaching your class.
139
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:45,268
Hmm.
140
00:04:45,303 --> 00:04:46,670
Come on, Kim.
141
00:04:46,705 --> 00:04:48,038
- Let's go.
- Okay.
142
00:04:48,073 --> 00:04:49,506
- Um, I haven't finished my lunch...
- Now!
143
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,174
All right. I am supposed
144
00:04:51,209 --> 00:04:52,576
to take my medication with
food, but that's okay...
145
00:04:52,611 --> 00:04:53,844
Ginny checked out the TV
146
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:55,045
just so I can't have it.
147
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,046
Now my kids aren't gonna know
148
00:04:56,081 --> 00:04:57,347
what happens to Omar.
149
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:58,916
I hate this place.
150
00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,183
Oh, me, too.
151
00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:01,618
Except I do kind of love it.
152
00:05:01,652 --> 00:05:02,952
(sighs)
153
00:05:02,987 --> 00:05:04,287
I have to find a way out of here, Irene.
154
00:05:04,322 --> 00:05:05,555
I only took this job
155
00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:06,823
so I could find a rich guy...
156
00:05:08,092 --> 00:05:10,093
... to fall in love with.
157
00:05:10,128 --> 00:05:13,029
- Nice save.
- MEREDITH: Oh, look.
158
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,697
It's a gym teacher. I thought I smelled
159
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,432
dirty socks and failed dreams.
160
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:17,700
Ooh.
161
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,035
Somebody knows my scent.
162
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:22,805
CARL: And here's your
first Nixon... paycheck.
163
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,741
Listen, we gotta talk.
164
00:05:24,775 --> 00:05:26,776
My ex got off our friends and family plan
165
00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,044
and that brought some stuff up.
166
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,246
Emotional stuff, and you are my rock.
167
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,414
- So I'll call you later, okay?
- Okay.
168
00:05:32,449 --> 00:05:33,482
God knows I have enough
169
00:05:33,517 --> 00:05:34,750
free minutes now.
170
00:05:34,784 --> 00:05:36,252
- Kotsky...
- Thank you, sir.
171
00:05:36,286 --> 00:05:38,320
- Hang in there.
- Uh...
172
00:05:38,355 --> 00:05:40,922
you're his "rock"? Really?
173
00:05:40,957 --> 00:05:43,125
He's divorced, I'm
divorced... I... I don't know,
174
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,926
- we kind of get each other.
- Well, I guess that explains
175
00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:47,163
why he didn't ask too many
questions about your r?sum?.
176
00:05:47,197 --> 00:05:48,830
Uh, state tax?
177
00:05:48,865 --> 00:05:50,098
Social Security?
178
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,332
FICA?
179
00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:52,768
Is this Obama?
180
00:05:52,802 --> 00:05:54,602
Is this why everybody's mad?
181
00:05:56,873 --> 00:05:59,340
Are you gonna help with
Safety Patrol at all?
182
00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:01,076
Does no one see our tip jar?
183
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,310
It's like...
184
00:06:02,344 --> 00:06:04,345
What do I gotta do?
185
00:06:10,246 --> 00:06:12,347
Joel...
186
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:14,549
- Joel?
- Yeah?
187
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,083
Who are those guys
188
00:06:16,118 --> 00:06:17,218
who don't wear shorts to work?
189
00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:18,919
JOEL: Uh, well, first
190
00:06:18,954 --> 00:06:21,055
I'd like to explore why you
hate gym teachers so much.
191
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,689
I'm just not into guys
who can't do their jobs
192
00:06:22,724 --> 00:06:24,258
if they forget their whistle.
193
00:06:24,292 --> 00:06:25,592
You know what? You have not
changed since high school.
194
00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:27,361
MEREDITH: Now, who are those guys?
195
00:06:27,395 --> 00:06:29,163
They're in Carl's Divorced Dudes group.
196
00:06:29,197 --> 00:06:31,098
So they're all divorced?
197
00:06:31,133 --> 00:06:33,167
Oh. Yeah.
198
00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:34,401
Yeah, I've... I've met 'em.
199
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,370
Mostly doctor-lawyer types
200
00:06:36,404 --> 00:06:37,872
who just talk about
wanting to meet new wives.
201
00:06:37,906 --> 00:06:39,105
It's crazy.
202
00:06:39,140 --> 00:06:40,674
You're just saying that.
203
00:06:40,708 --> 00:06:41,908
No, no.
204
00:06:41,942 --> 00:06:43,577
He met 'em at, um, Stanford.
205
00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,612
Stanford? That's a smart people school.
206
00:06:45,647 --> 00:06:47,514
Yeah, and they must be successful
207
00:06:47,548 --> 00:06:49,115
if they can leave their jobs early,
208
00:06:49,150 --> 00:06:51,184
without a whistle, just
to go to a support group.
209
00:06:51,218 --> 00:06:52,452
I mean... whew.
210
00:06:52,487 --> 00:06:53,953
- Good point.
- Yeah.
211
00:06:53,988 --> 00:06:56,322
- Thanks, Coach Kotsky.
- No problem.
212
00:06:59,426 --> 00:07:00,760
Quit lookin' at my tush.
213
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,195
Oh, sorry.
214
00:07:02,229 --> 00:07:04,563
It's just distractingly firm.
215
00:07:06,930 --> 00:07:08,397
MEREDITH: So I just heard about
your divorce support group.
216
00:07:08,431 --> 00:07:09,831
I mean, you know me.
217
00:07:09,866 --> 00:07:11,967
I love supporting and being supported.
218
00:07:12,002 --> 00:07:13,635
Sorry.
219
00:07:13,669 --> 00:07:16,037
It's called "Separated and Divorced Dudes."
220
00:07:16,071 --> 00:07:18,473
I know you and I have a very special bond,
221
00:07:18,508 --> 00:07:19,808
and just as you have been there for me,
222
00:07:19,842 --> 00:07:21,209
I am always here for you.
223
00:07:21,243 --> 00:07:22,511
I know.
224
00:07:22,545 --> 00:07:24,846
But... I mean, those shoulders of yours
225
00:07:24,881 --> 00:07:26,247
could use a rest.
226
00:07:26,282 --> 00:07:28,082
Supporting me and...
227
00:07:28,117 --> 00:07:30,318
the school, and...
228
00:07:30,352 --> 00:07:34,188
that elegant bald head...
229
00:07:34,223 --> 00:07:35,223
(choked up): ... of yours. It just...
230
00:07:35,257 --> 00:07:36,590
(choked up): Don't do that,
231
00:07:36,625 --> 00:07:37,625
'cause if you start, I'm gonna start.
232
00:07:39,228 --> 00:07:40,561
All right, you can come.
233
00:07:40,595 --> 00:07:42,530
(sighs) Thank you.
234
00:07:42,564 --> 00:07:45,266
But let's keep this on the down-low.
235
00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:47,535
I like to keep my private life private.
236
00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:49,169
Yes, my wife left me,
237
00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:51,171
but the whole world
doesn't need to know that.
238
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:53,106
Principal Carl?
239
00:07:53,141 --> 00:07:54,575
You're leaning on the P.A. again.
240
00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:55,943
(feedback whines)
241
00:07:55,977 --> 00:07:57,210
Okay.
242
00:07:57,245 --> 00:07:59,947
I'll see you after school.
243
00:07:59,981 --> 00:08:01,849
CARL (over P.A.): Uh, attention, Nixonians.
244
00:08:01,883 --> 00:08:03,884
Please disregard that last
245
00:08:03,919 --> 00:08:06,186
drama class improvisation. Thank you!
246
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:08,388
Hi.
247
00:08:08,423 --> 00:08:09,957
You were right about me showing movies.
248
00:08:09,991 --> 00:08:13,526
So I've decided to try
something else in my class.
249
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:16,129
Apparently, it's not wearing
proper workplace attire.
250
00:08:16,164 --> 00:08:17,397
Kim is gonna teach for me.
251
00:08:17,432 --> 00:08:18,731
Baptism by fire.
252
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,033
It's the Meredith Davis
253
00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:21,400
educational philosophy.
254
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:23,235
- TM.
- What?
255
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,772
Oh, yeah. There's a student
teacher sign-up sheet
256
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,206
in Principal Carl's office.
257
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,775
Apparently, you can check out anything.
258
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,711
TVs, traffic cones, lightbulbs, Kim...
259
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,080
Got her for the rest of the year.
260
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,582
But I'm always with Ginny.
261
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,816
We share a pedometer.
262
00:08:36,851 --> 00:08:38,784
Kim... just go.
263
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,820
I...
264
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,623
I guess I'll just count my own steps.
265
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:45,657
Enjoy the TV.
266
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:51,663
One... two... three...
267
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,132
(door shuts)
268
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,567
But I've never taught before.
269
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,669
Ginny still has me training with dolls.
270
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:58,837
You're ready. You've been following
271
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,305
Ginny around for a year.
272
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,808
It's time for the student teacher
273
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,443
to become the teacher.
274
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,412
(clicks tongue, laughs) Okay.
275
00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:09,347
Go get 'em, Miss...
276
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,382
Kim!
277
00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:13,784
(students talking quietly)
278
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:23,794
Irene!
279
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:25,763
Can't talk, my sisters were just
in a horrible boating accident.
280
00:09:25,797 --> 00:09:26,998
I'm the one that called the front office.
281
00:09:27,032 --> 00:09:28,265
They're fine. Surprise!
282
00:09:28,299 --> 00:09:29,867
Oh... oh, yeah.
283
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,135
I was wondering how they got a boat.
284
00:09:31,169 --> 00:09:32,369
We're playing hooky.
285
00:09:32,404 --> 00:09:33,538
You're gonna take me to get
286
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:34,839
my hair and my nails done.
287
00:09:34,873 --> 00:09:35,907
Great.
288
00:09:40,245 --> 00:09:41,879
I don't know what we do now.
289
00:09:44,049 --> 00:09:46,050
I should've watched the whole movie.
290
00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:47,717
'Cause we are alone, but we are what?
291
00:09:47,752 --> 00:09:49,219
ALL: Not forgotten.
292
00:09:49,254 --> 00:09:50,487
CARL: Absolutely.
293
00:09:50,522 --> 00:09:52,456
'Cause we all know that being alone
294
00:09:52,490 --> 00:09:54,458
is really being in a
relationship with ourselves.
295
00:09:54,492 --> 00:09:56,693
Everyone, this is Meredith.
296
00:09:56,727 --> 00:09:58,628
- Meredith?
- Th... thi... this is the Meredith?
297
00:09:58,663 --> 00:09:59,796
This is your rock?
298
00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:01,665
MEREDITH (laughing): Yes!
299
00:10:01,699 --> 00:10:02,699
I am Carl's rock.
300
00:10:03,935 --> 00:10:06,002
A recently divorced rock...
301
00:10:06,037 --> 00:10:07,236
Matt.
302
00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:09,005
- Hi.
- And...
303
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,640
this is Irene.
304
00:10:10,675 --> 00:10:13,409
She's not divorced, but
she is totally alone.
305
00:10:13,444 --> 00:10:15,579
Oh, well, not totally alone.
306
00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:17,346
I have two ferrets,
307
00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:19,248
and, uh... one on the way.
308
00:10:19,283 --> 00:10:20,550
He's coming from Mexico
309
00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:22,685
as soon as he gets his musk sacs removed.
310
00:10:22,719 --> 00:10:24,187
Uh, would you care to join the circle?
311
00:10:24,221 --> 00:10:26,255
Very much.
312
00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:28,591
(chuckles) Duck...
313
00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:30,193
duck... just kidding.
314
00:10:30,227 --> 00:10:32,027
We can play games later.
315
00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:33,228
- Thank you.
- MAN: Oh, yeah...
316
00:10:33,262 --> 00:10:34,262
- Sit...
- So sweet.
317
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:41,103
So, I saw my lawyer this week.
318
00:10:41,137 --> 00:10:43,238
Mmm. Luckily, he didn't see me,
319
00:10:43,272 --> 00:10:45,540
so those divorce papers remain unsigned.
320
00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:47,342
(groans) That's so hard.
321
00:10:47,376 --> 00:10:49,011
Yeah.
322
00:10:49,045 --> 00:10:50,412
But I'm here to support you.
323
00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:51,413
Oh.
324
00:10:51,447 --> 00:10:53,548
... in any way...
325
00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:56,284
I... can.
326
00:11:06,328 --> 00:11:08,029
MEREDITH (gasps): Whoo!
327
00:11:08,063 --> 00:11:10,765
(singsongy): I have a great drinking game!
328
00:11:10,799 --> 00:11:14,736
I just need a black AmEx.
329
00:11:14,770 --> 00:11:16,704
No, that's... that's not liquor.
330
00:11:16,739 --> 00:11:18,640
That's my wife's scent:
331
00:11:18,674 --> 00:11:22,076
gardenia, orange, pancake batter,
332
00:11:22,111 --> 00:11:24,878
and prescription dandruff shampoo.
333
00:11:24,912 --> 00:11:27,281
He's a perfumer. He's
gonna do all of our exes.
334
00:11:27,315 --> 00:11:30,317
CARL: Divorce is a
journey, not a destination.
335
00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:31,985
It's like a journey...
336
00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:34,488
Hey, why the long face?
337
00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:35,822
You set me up.
338
00:11:35,857 --> 00:11:37,891
Pretty good for a dumb gym teacher, huh?
339
00:11:37,925 --> 00:11:41,561
CARL: As you guys know, my
wife Carla cheated on me.
340
00:11:41,645 --> 00:11:42,779
I ran into the guy she cheated on me with,
341
00:11:42,814 --> 00:11:44,547
the other day at the gym.
342
00:11:44,582 --> 00:11:47,650
I popped in to put one of my
"roommates wanted" flyers up.
343
00:11:47,685 --> 00:11:49,285
I've already heard this.
344
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,722
I can't imagine her with someone else.
345
00:11:51,756 --> 00:11:53,690
It was always Carla and Carl.
346
00:11:53,725 --> 00:11:55,891
Now it's Carla and Carl.
347
00:11:55,926 --> 00:11:57,860
His name is Carl, too.
348
00:11:57,894 --> 00:11:59,462
I... I just lost it.
349
00:11:59,496 --> 00:12:01,464
I screamed, "I hope you're happy, Carl!"
350
00:12:01,498 --> 00:12:03,899
From inside my car in a
parking lot. He's a big guy.
351
00:12:03,934 --> 00:12:04,900
Oh.
352
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,336
Just...
353
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:08,238
Come here. We got your back.
354
00:12:08,272 --> 00:12:09,905
Ah, thank you, guys.
355
00:12:09,940 --> 00:12:11,674
It really hurts.
356
00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:12,808
You're stepping on my foot... please.
357
00:12:12,903 --> 00:12:14,236
Oh, sorry.
358
00:12:14,271 --> 00:12:16,738
Hey, Rock, you want to get in on this?
359
00:12:16,773 --> 00:12:18,440
Yeah, you're one of us.
360
00:12:18,474 --> 00:12:20,375
What?
361
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:21,877
Yeah, you're just like us.
362
00:12:21,912 --> 00:12:23,279
I'm not like you guys at all.
363
00:12:23,313 --> 00:12:24,914
Not at all.
364
00:12:24,948 --> 00:12:27,082
Like, not at all at all.
365
00:12:27,117 --> 00:12:28,717
What do you mean?
366
00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:29,718
Look at yourselves.
367
00:12:29,752 --> 00:12:32,921
You guys are just a bunch
of pathetic sad sacks.
368
00:12:32,955 --> 00:12:34,889
Oh, no, no, no. It's called a hugwad.
369
00:12:34,924 --> 00:12:36,758
We do 'em at the ferret
handlers' convention.
370
00:12:36,793 --> 00:12:38,460
I don't think she understands.
371
00:12:38,494 --> 00:12:39,994
Excuse me. Of course I understand.
372
00:12:40,029 --> 00:12:41,596
My husband left me, too.
373
00:12:41,631 --> 00:12:43,832
But I moved on. Sulking...
374
00:12:43,866 --> 00:12:47,501
in some hugwad isn't
getting you guys any closer
375
00:12:47,536 --> 00:12:49,804
to the life you want.
It's keeping you from it.
376
00:12:49,839 --> 00:12:51,672
You shouldn't define yourself as separated
377
00:12:51,707 --> 00:12:52,941
and divorced dudes.
378
00:12:52,975 --> 00:12:56,911
You should just be, like...
379
00:12:56,946 --> 00:12:58,479
dudes.
380
00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:02,950
Wait. Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!
381
00:13:02,984 --> 00:13:06,654
Show us how. Show us how to be dudes.
382
00:13:08,289 --> 00:13:10,891
Guys, everyone, stay in the hugwad, please.
383
00:13:16,331 --> 00:13:18,798
But we just got these silk-screened.
384
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:34,147
Kim!
385
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,883
Kim...
386
00:13:38,352 --> 00:13:40,387
- (sighs)
- MEREDITH: Yeah, that's good,
387
00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:41,788
'cause I think it's better
388
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,290
when you get really specific about it.
389
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,025
Wow, I was sure you would be long gone.
390
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,627
Well, I had to help.
391
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:51,563
I'm having them send an
accidental text to their ex.
392
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,565
It's pretty genius. Ned,
Ned, come here, honey.
393
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,201
Why don't you read yours?
394
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:59,538
Oh. Um, "Hey, lover, the
sex last night was great."
395
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,540
And then a minute later
he sends a follow-up text.
396
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,310
"Oops. Sorry, that was
meant for someone else."
397
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,311
Nice.
398
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,913
I... I... I... I... I
feel healthier already.
399
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,581
Mm-hmm. Sometimes you
don't choose being a hero.
400
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,483
Being a hero chooses you.
401
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,051
You know what? I'm impressed.
402
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:16,422
You are human... ish.
403
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:18,857
MAN: How about that?
404
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,159
Well, it's not perfect,
but, you know, it will do.
405
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,195
I could say the same about you.
406
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:26,231
Oh, thank you.
407
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:28,699
You can't write, "I still love you, Carla."
408
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,036
- It doesn't work.
- You doesn't work!
409
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:34,372
- What is wrong with you?
- I want my tissues back.
410
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,674
No! I did not shed one tear over my ex.
411
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:38,609
- You don't need them.
- Yes, I do need them!
412
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:40,078
You may be my rock,
413
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:42,379
but these dudes are my pillow to cry into.
414
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,449
And I don't want rocks in my pillow.
415
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:47,585
I'm not ready to move on.
You're ruining everything!
416
00:14:47,619 --> 00:14:49,186
I just want you to be as healthy as I am.
417
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,187
It's called tough love.
418
00:14:50,221 --> 00:14:51,689
I don't want tough love.
419
00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:53,290
I want very, very soft love.
420
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,526
And if you're so healthy,
why did you use me
421
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,594
to get in this group so
you can meet somebody?
422
00:14:57,628 --> 00:14:59,629
What? No.
423
00:14:59,664 --> 00:15:01,531
I saw your little flirty routine.
424
00:15:01,566 --> 00:15:03,700
"Oh, my God, games are for later!"
425
00:15:03,734 --> 00:15:06,236
went to Stanford... for two years.
426
00:15:06,271 --> 00:15:08,538
You don't even know what
you're talking about.
427
00:15:08,573 --> 00:15:09,806
You're not my rock anymore.
428
00:15:09,841 --> 00:15:10,975
You are fired!
429
00:15:14,745 --> 00:15:16,613
Just to clarify, you're fired as my rock.
430
00:15:16,647 --> 00:15:19,716
Your job is safe. I'm not
allowed to fire another teacher
431
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:20,984
without school board approval.
432
00:15:21,018 --> 00:15:22,786
Okay.
433
00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:24,621
(sighs)
434
00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:28,134
JOEL: I'm really
flattered that you chose me
435
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:29,369
to be your new soft rock.
436
00:15:29,403 --> 00:15:31,037
Just not really sure why.
437
00:15:31,072 --> 00:15:33,706
- You're the first teacher I saw.
- Okay, cool.
438
00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:35,174
Um, are we gonna be done soon?
439
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:36,842
Because, you know, the rest
of the kids are showing up.
440
00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:40,312
Pretty soon. Man, last night was rough.
441
00:15:40,346 --> 00:15:41,647
I ate an entire cracker barrel.
442
00:15:41,682 --> 00:15:43,482
I didn't even know that was a real thing.
443
00:15:43,516 --> 00:15:45,017
- Hmm.
- What do I do now?
444
00:15:45,052 --> 00:15:48,387
Laps. Run lots of laps.
445
00:15:48,421 --> 00:15:50,122
The answer is always laps.
446
00:15:50,156 --> 00:15:52,857
- Hey, what's going on? Did you break him?
- It's okay.
447
00:15:52,892 --> 00:15:54,626
I'm gonna fix him.
448
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:56,995
Just say good-bye to sad,
pathetic Principal Carl.
449
00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:59,331
Oh, my God, you're gonna
kill Principal Carl.
450
00:15:59,365 --> 00:16:01,500
No. Look, I'm helping
him. I'm just not done yet.
451
00:16:01,534 --> 00:16:03,802
It's all part of the plan
that I'm still working on.
452
00:16:03,836 --> 00:16:05,704
Why don't you get him to the cafeteria
453
00:16:05,738 --> 00:16:09,574
- after school, okay?
- Yeah.
454
00:16:09,609 --> 00:16:12,978
Um, why would I give Kim back?
455
00:16:13,012 --> 00:16:14,846
Because I have something you want.
456
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,915
All right, let me see.
457
00:16:21,721 --> 00:16:23,221
Hmm...
458
00:16:23,255 --> 00:16:24,322
(inhales sharply)
459
00:16:24,356 --> 00:16:25,856
I don't know.
460
00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:28,726
I kind of think I want
to keep Kim. She's great.
461
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:32,730
I don't have to be here to
turn her on in the mornings,
462
00:16:32,764 --> 00:16:35,099
and she just learned how
to massage both of my feet
463
00:16:35,134 --> 00:16:36,534
at the same time!
464
00:16:36,568 --> 00:16:37,701
Big hands.
465
00:16:37,736 --> 00:16:39,903
Trust me, the TV is much better.
466
00:16:39,938 --> 00:16:42,039
Why do you want Kim back so bad?
467
00:16:43,742 --> 00:16:47,011
Sharing a pedometer has
become incredibly difficult.
468
00:16:47,045 --> 00:16:50,180
Okay, okay, I'll take
the TV back, but I need
469
00:16:50,214 --> 00:16:52,382
you guys to fill in for me after school.
470
00:16:52,416 --> 00:16:53,583
Fill in where?
471
00:16:54,819 --> 00:16:57,887
- Now I have two chaperones?
- Great.
472
00:16:59,423 --> 00:17:01,124
(laughs) Again! Again!
473
00:17:03,594 --> 00:17:05,028
Wait a minute.
474
00:17:05,062 --> 00:17:07,030
This doesn't look like a nice quiet place
475
00:17:07,064 --> 00:17:09,032
that's great for real talking.
476
00:17:09,066 --> 00:17:11,090
Yeah, sorry. I promised I'd get you here.
477
00:17:11,090 --> 00:17:15,593
Carl, we're all here because
we want you to move on.
478
00:17:15,628 --> 00:17:16,995
So I've contacted Carla,
479
00:17:17,029 --> 00:17:19,030
and she's agreed to a conference call.
480
00:17:19,064 --> 00:17:20,898
- BOTH: What?
- And so did the guy
481
00:17:20,933 --> 00:17:22,399
- she cheated on you with.
- What?!
482
00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:24,268
I told her you were in a boating accident.
483
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:25,536
She should be calling any minute.
484
00:17:25,570 --> 00:17:27,538
But I fired you as my rock.
485
00:17:27,572 --> 00:17:28,840
Well, you can't fire me as your rock.
486
00:17:28,874 --> 00:17:31,175
I'm sorry, but I don't
care about these dudes.
487
00:17:31,209 --> 00:17:32,343
Why would you say that?
488
00:17:32,377 --> 00:17:33,544
Okay, sorry,
489
00:17:33,578 --> 00:17:35,679
but you and I get each other.
490
00:17:35,713 --> 00:17:37,515
I don't want you being dumped
491
00:17:37,549 --> 00:17:39,416
to be the defining moment in your life.
492
00:17:39,451 --> 00:17:41,385
Trust me, this will help.
493
00:17:41,419 --> 00:17:43,020
I don't need to talk to Carla.
494
00:17:43,054 --> 00:17:44,788
That's why I have the group!
495
00:17:44,822 --> 00:17:46,524
You had no right contacting her.
496
00:17:46,558 --> 00:17:47,891
I had all the right.
497
00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:49,960
You are living a pathetic existence
498
00:17:49,994 --> 00:17:53,063
hoping that your old life
just knocks on your door.
499
00:17:53,097 --> 00:17:54,698
Uh, no, I'm not, because first of all,
500
00:17:54,732 --> 00:17:56,700
I don't have a door. I
have a string of beads.
501
00:17:56,734 --> 00:17:57,768
Stop making excuses!
502
00:17:57,802 --> 00:17:59,102
Get on that party line with Carla
503
00:17:59,137 --> 00:18:01,538
and tell her she ruined your life!
504
00:18:01,572 --> 00:18:03,806
That you had everything, and now it's gone!
505
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,910
And you are stuck with
nothing at a crap job
506
00:18:07,944 --> 00:18:11,747
while that slut drives around
in your Mercedes convertible!
507
00:18:11,782 --> 00:18:13,115
- Excuse me?
- There's no guarantee
508
00:18:13,150 --> 00:18:15,585
that life will turn out
the way you want it to!
509
00:18:15,619 --> 00:18:20,656
(voice breaks): Even though you are hot
510
00:18:20,691 --> 00:18:22,858
and have a great rack!
511
00:18:24,761 --> 00:18:27,997
Hey, divorced dudes,
let's hit up Juanita's.
512
00:18:28,031 --> 00:18:29,799
First pitcher of margaritas on me,
513
00:18:29,833 --> 00:18:31,767
second through fifth, I will
not be around for. Come on.
514
00:18:33,937 --> 00:18:37,105
However great my rack may be,
515
00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:38,973
I think this is really about you.
516
00:18:39,008 --> 00:18:42,477
No. (Chuckles) Uh-uh.
517
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:45,414
I...
518
00:18:45,448 --> 00:18:48,083
(voice breaks): I'm fine, okay?
519
00:18:48,117 --> 00:18:49,084
I am totally...
520
00:18:49,118 --> 00:18:50,952
All right, all right.
521
00:18:50,986 --> 00:18:52,487
... totally... fine.
522
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:54,455
Come on.
523
00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:59,594
Oh, the gum's in there pretty good.
524
00:18:59,628 --> 00:19:01,629
Do you want me to try to chew it out?
525
00:19:01,663 --> 00:19:03,164
Why are you guys chaperoning today?
526
00:19:03,199 --> 00:19:04,999
Ginny did it to get me back.
527
00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:06,968
- She likes me.
- Kim, enough!
528
00:19:07,002 --> 00:19:10,638
No pedometer could measure
how far we went today.
529
00:19:12,641 --> 00:19:15,175
I really thought I had moved on.
530
00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:18,178
I thought I was over Ray.
531
00:19:18,213 --> 00:19:21,849
And then seeing his new
girlfriend driving my car,
532
00:19:21,883 --> 00:19:24,452
I just realized there's no going back
533
00:19:24,486 --> 00:19:25,886
to my old life.
534
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,489
This is...
535
00:19:29,523 --> 00:19:31,859
really where I'm at right now.
536
00:19:31,893 --> 00:19:33,393
Maybe it's not so bad.
537
00:19:33,427 --> 00:19:34,527
No, it is.
538
00:19:37,165 --> 00:19:39,733
(phone ringing)
539
00:19:53,412 --> 00:19:54,812
After the text yesterday,
my ex called right away.
540
00:19:54,847 --> 00:19:56,614
Yeah, mine... mine, too.
541
00:19:56,648 --> 00:19:59,217
- Then what'd you do?
- BOTH: Let it go to voice mail.
542
00:20:00,219 --> 00:20:01,353
And then I called her right back,
543
00:20:01,387 --> 00:20:02,553
- but still a huge victory.
- Mm-hmm.
544
00:20:04,023 --> 00:20:06,480
I haven't been on a date since my divorce.
545
00:20:06,485 --> 00:20:07,668
- Oh.
- But maybe
546
00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:10,327
you and I could go on a
real first date sometime.
547
00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:11,829
Well, I've been on a lot of first dates.
548
00:20:11,864 --> 00:20:14,365
Oh... But how about we go on a second date?
549
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:17,147
- Hi!
- Hi.
550
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:18,983
Oh!
551
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,484
- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
552
00:20:20,518 --> 00:20:22,053
It's cool, you really did help those dudes.
553
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:23,720
Mm-hmm.
554
00:20:23,754 --> 00:20:26,557
So, are you, like, an unofficial
member of the group now?
555
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,658
I am an official member of the group.
556
00:20:28,693 --> 00:20:30,759
(laughs) I'd love to see you in that shirt.
557
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:33,262
I'd also love to see you out of that shirt.
558
00:20:33,297 --> 00:20:35,264
I've already hit rock bottom once today.
559
00:20:35,299 --> 00:20:37,800
Here's to moving on.
560
00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:39,802
Hey! To moving on!
561
00:20:39,836 --> 00:20:41,237
To moving on!
562
00:20:41,271 --> 00:20:43,772
ALL: To moving on!
563
00:20:44,674 --> 00:20:46,308
Now who wants to do shots
564
00:20:46,342 --> 00:20:48,276
and leave nasty messages
on my ex's voice mail?
565
00:20:48,311 --> 00:20:49,511
(all cheer)
566
00:20:55,190 --> 00:21:01,512
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
567
00:21:01,562 --> 00:21:06,112
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39334
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Amharic
Basque
Belarusian
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
