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1
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♪ You must remember this
2
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,434
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,353
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,556
♪ The fundamental things apply
5
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♪ As time goes by ♪
6
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They're never her own, are they?
7
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No way. Well, at least I hope not.
8
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Her legs are six feet long, as well.
9
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:42,319
Let's console ourselves with the fact
that, intellectually, she's a vacuum.
10
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:46,439
- We don't know that, do we?
- No, but we can think it.
11
00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:51,469
- Why didn't somebody wake me?
- Mum, you don't have to be in first thing.
12
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,916
- Don't start.
- You don't believe that, do you?
13
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,709
Good gracious! No, of course I don't.
14
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,519
That's what we thought. Right, we're off.
15
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:05,718
Don't bother with supper for us tonight.
We're going out with Alistair.
16
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,075
- Again?
- Yeah, why?
17
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,276
- Nothing.
- We'll open up the shop.
18
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,797
Don't worry, we shan't make executive
decisions until the big gun gets in.
19
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,713
I don't like being described
as an artillery piece.
20
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,791
- Top dog, then?
- That's worse.
21
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,589
Let's go before Lionel sees
what we've done to the paper.
22
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:28,358
- Not covered in jam again, is it?
- No, but it is in two bits.
23
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,318
But two very tidy bits. Bye, Lionel.
24
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,198
- Bye.
- Bye.
25
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:38,432
No chance of getting the paper
delivered to our bedroom door?
26
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,069
Not unless we give the paperboy
the front door key.
27
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,118
I'm just having coffee.
Do you want toast?
28
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,952
Lionel?
29
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,873
- Hmm?
- Do you want toast?
30
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,838
- Fine, thank you.
- You don't believe that?
31
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,514
I hadn't really asked myself that.
32
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,875
Men are so easily taken in.
33
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,952
- Yes.
- She won't come to life, you know.
34
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:05,397
Just as well. Be embarrassing,
the two of you fighting over me.
35
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,796
Judy and Sandy are going out
with Alistair this evening.
36
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:14,954
- That sentence is left hanging in the air.
- They seem to be going out a lot lately.
37
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,077
- Yes?
- Yes, well...
38
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,790
- Well what?
- Don't you think it's odd?
39
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,440
- What are you suggesting?
- Nothing.
40
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,830
- They are friends.
- Would you go out with two women?
41
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:30,435
- I've never had the chance.
- What's that supposed to mean?
42
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,318
I was going against my grain
and being flippant.
43
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,153
- I'd sooner you didn't.
- I shan't do it again.
44
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,153
It's just that Judy and Alistair
are no longer an item.
45
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,472
I hate that word. Makes them sound like
something on a supermarket shelf.
46
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:49,236
What if Alistair's roving eye has settled
on Sandy? Why does he invite Judy?
47
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,357
I'm not really up to these questions
in the mornings.
48
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,113
I expect
there's a perfectly rational explanation.
49
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,590
- I'm sure there is.
- And it's not really any of our business.
50
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,319
We just leave it alone.
51
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,358
Just have a word with Alistair
when you see him.
52
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,000
- Certainly not.
- Don't make it obvious.
53
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,036
I must go. See you this evening.
54
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,475
- I haven't agreed to...
- Bye.
55
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:18,995
"Congratulations, Mr Hardcastle.
You are already a prizewinner." Yeah.
56
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,116
Good God.
57
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,629
Come in, Alistair.
58
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,073
I'm home!
59
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,311
- Listen there's something... Oh.
- Hi, Li.
60
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,789
- Hello, Alistair.
- I found him on the doorstep.
61
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,838
I was in a basket
with a note pinned to my chest.
62
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,315
You're early. The girls aren't in yet.
63
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,075
I had a meet with a Malaysian guy,
but he called off with the flu.
64
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,515
Malaysian malaise?
65
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,115
Nice one. I thought I'd drop by
and see how you two are.
66
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,270
- We're fine.
- Like a drink?
67
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,512
Yes, slimline-still-min please, Li.
I'm fat and driving.
68
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,752
- Jean?
- No, thank you. I've a few things to do.
69
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:20,874
(Sighs)
70
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,075
- Why the sigh, Li?
- What?
71
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:28,278
Oh, I was just thinking, um,
about Judy and Sandy.
72
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,193
Then you should have a big smile
on your face.
73
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:35,831
- You three seem to be going out a lot.
- We do, don't we?
74
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:40,232
- As a threesome.
- We would be, there are... three of us!
75
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,470
I don't know what I'm talking about.
76
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,915
Shoot from the hip.
Something bothering you?
77
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,991
No. Jean.
78
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:53,074
She's not exactly bothered...
Well, just a bit, I suppose.
79
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,311
- You done something to upset her?
- No!
80
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,358
I'm still on the freeway
but you've hung a left.
81
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,874
- What?
- We're not connecting.
82
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,916
- That's my fault.
- Yes, I know.
83
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:09,438
All right, look, I think this is
what I'm supposed to be saying.
84
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,274
You going out with Judy and Sandy
at the same time...
85
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,352
I can't go any further with that sentence.
86
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,398
I hope you're not thinking
what I think you're thinking.
87
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:25,758
- I'm not sure what I'm thinking.
- Judy and I have become good mates.
88
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,833
- And Sandy, too, I think of her as a mate.
- You do?
89
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,118
Li, the millennium looms.
This kind of relationship can function.
90
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,590
- Hello, Lionel. Hello, Alistair.
- Hello, Lionel.
91
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,636
- Hey, hey!
- You're early.
92
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:44,669
Yes, I cancelled a meeting with a healthy
Malaysian guy in order to be early.
93
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:48,753
(Judy) We've got to change.
(Alistair) You've got all of... five minutes.
94
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,752
Lionel, why are you looking at us
like that?
95
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,751
Nothing, nothing.
96
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,996
- Right. We'll get ready then.
- In five minutes.
97
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,836
- Mates?
- Just mates.
98
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:09,199
Well, that's all finished.
What have you two been chatting about?
99
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:10,952
(Mouths)
100
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,396
Bye. Have a nice time.
101
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,351
I can tell you didn't establish anything
with Alistair.
102
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,318
I don't know
what you wanted me to establish.
103
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,312
- Something!
- He says they're mates.
104
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,358
Did you think of girls as mates
when you were young?
105
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,237
You didn't treat me as a mate.
106
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,073
- I don't think you'd have wanted me to.
- No. It's just...
107
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,709
- Can we change the subject?
- I am going on a bit, aren't I?
108
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,395
No, it isn't that.
I got a letter this morning.
109
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,989
- Oh, not bad news?
- Not exactly bad news.
110
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,752
It's from my ex-wife.
111
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,917
Oh.
112
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,355
I see. How is she?
113
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:04,597
- You don't care how she is, do you?
- Not truthfully, no.
114
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,638
- How'd she know you were living here?
- She didn't.
115
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:11,395
- It was forwarded from my old flat.
- Does she want something?
116
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,436
- To see me.
- Oh, I see.
117
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,593
She hasn't displayed the slightest
interest in me since the divorce.
118
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,832
- Have you shown an interest in her?
- Good God, no.
119
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:25,708
She says she's in London for a few days
and might we meet for a drink.
120
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,633
- Why would she suggest that?
- Old times' sake?
121
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:33,234
- We don't have any old times' sake.
- You were married for ten years.
122
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,278
We still don't have any old times' sake.
123
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,471
- Blast!
- What?
124
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:44,350
It was forwarded immediately. Just when
you want the post office to be inefficient!
125
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,919
Oh, Lionel!
126
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,709
Mind you, she's not to know
that it was forwarded so quickly.
127
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,156
- That's a very sneaky thought.
- Good one, though.
128
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:57,233
- You'd never forgive yourself.
- I'd have a damned good try.
129
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,915
- What if she wants help?
- Margaret never wanted help.
130
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:06,154
In ten years of marriage, she never once
asked me to zip up her dress.
131
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:09,915
In any case, I hardly think
that suggesting we meet for a drink
132
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,672
is a cri de coeur.
133
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,832
- I think you should ring her.
- Say I can't make it?
134
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,718
No, I think you should see her.
135
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,155
- This isn't like you.
- What do you mean?
136
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,915
Well, you have thrown
the odd jealous fit, haven't you?
137
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,595
I most certainly have not.
138
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,711
Displayed the odd twinge?
139
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,756
Well, perhaps just the odd one.
140
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,796
- But this is different.
- You sure?
141
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:39,634
Yes. Why should I be jealous
of Margaret? You divorced her.
142
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,393
- All right. We'll see her.
- We?
143
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,153
- Did you tell her about me?
- No, she doesn't know.
144
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,879
I don't think she'd want me to come.
145
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,713
- I want you to.
- I don't know about that.
146
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:55,555
It'd be better than sitting at home
dying of curiosity, wouldn't it?
147
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,955
Go on, ring her and get it over with.
148
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,673
She's called Margaret Butterworth now.
149
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,830
- Is that her maiden name?
- No.
150
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,230
Oh. Unless she's using an alias,
she's remarried.
151
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:12,757
Poor devil.
She's staying at the Dorchester.
152
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,356
Well, he can't be that poor. Go on,
get on with it. I'll go into the kitchen.
153
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,398
- Why?
- You might feel inhibited with me here.
154
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:25,429
I feel inhibited anyway. You won't be
listening in on the extension, will you?
155
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,313
That remark isn't even worth an answer.
156
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,356
- Dorchester Hotel.
- Yes, good evening.
157
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:36,560
- Is a Mrs Butterworth staying with you?
- Mrs Butterworth? Er... yes, she is, sir.
158
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:40,792
(Flatly) Oh, she is, good.
Um... may I speak to her, then, please?
159
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,279
Certainly, sir...
160
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,470
Well, that's that fixed. 8:30.
161
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,312
- When?
- Tonight.
162
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,397
- Tonight?
- Get it over with, you said. Good idea.
163
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,789
I'm peeling potatoes!
164
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:59,032
Take 'em with you. Get the Dorchester
kitchens to finish them off.
165
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,430
You know what I mean.
I can't be ready for 8:30.
166
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,559
- It's an hour and a half away.
- She's had all day to get ready.
167
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,200
She didn't know we were coming.
168
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,670
This is ridiculous.
And don't say I look fine as I am!
169
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,558
- Well, you do. Apart from the pinny.
- Oh!
170
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,995
I don't see what all the fuss is about.
We're going for drinks.
171
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,913
It's not a long frock and tiara job, is it?
172
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,468
- What if she wears a long frock?
- So what?
173
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,710
- You're one up in a long frock.
- You wear one.
174
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,395
- What if she doesn't?
- Then you'll be one up.
175
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:35,439
- Making her think I need to be?
- I'm in a no-win situation.
176
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,910
You're not in a no-win situation,
I'm in a no-win situation!
177
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,992
Why do women have this need
to impress other women?
178
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,071
- They don't.
- No?
179
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,438
- Well, just the odd occasion.
- Like present wife meeting ex-wife?
180
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,672
- Perhaps you should go on your own.
- Perhaps you should get ready.
181
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,595
- My hair's a mess.
- No, it isn't.
182
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:01,195
Are you going to contradict me
or are you going to get ready?
183
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:06,434
I'll have a shower, then decide whether
to wear a short shirt or a long shirt.
184
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,035
You sure we've got the right hotel?
185
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:18,989
Margaret never was a very good
time-keeper. 8:30 I said I'd be here.
186
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,833
- I? Not we?
- Too much to explain on the phone.
187
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,593
I thought I'd surprise her with you.
188
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,036
I wish I'd worn the first dress I put on.
189
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,759
- I said you looked nice in it.
- I know you did.
190
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:35,072
I said you looked nice in the second one.
And the third and the fourth.
191
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,556
- You say I look nice in everything.
- Well, you do.
192
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,393
Blinkered, but reassuring.
193
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:47,235
You shouldn't need reassuring. You're
much cuddlier than Margaret ever was.
194
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,992
Cuddlier?
195
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,595
- Prettier. You've seen her photograph.
- Only an old blurry one.
196
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:57,629
- She could've changed since then.
- No, she was born middle-aged.
197
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,029
- Stop fiddling.
- Well, I don't like this dress.
198
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,350
Look, there'll be no competition.
199
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:07,116
Margaret and clothes,
they just sort of... hang on her.
200
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:11,273
I don't want to sound unkind
but all you have to face is a drab woman.
201
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,390
- Lionel?
- Yes?
202
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,358
Well, don't you recognise me?
203
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,590
Margaret!
204
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,638
You look much older.
205
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,871
- Well, I am.
- Yes, I know, but...
206
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:36,556
- I didn't know you'd brought a friend.
- I'm not a friend. I'm a wife.
207
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:40,030
My second wife.
She would be, of course.
208
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,076
Margaret, this is Jean.
209
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:46,119
- (Both) How do you...
- Well, let's sit down, shall we?
210
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,954
- Um... what can I get you to drink?
- No, this is with me.
211
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,828
Marco, bottle of Bollinger,
four glasses, please.
212
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:59,077
- You didn't like champagne.
- I didn't like a lot of things.
213
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:02,835
So, you're married again.
How long ago did that happen?
214
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,434
- Just a few months ago.
- Good gracious.
215
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,238
Why "good gracious"?
216
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,353
- I don't know why I said that.
- Where's your husband?
217
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,754
Butterworth? Pushing up daisies.
218
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,991
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, he had a good innings.
219
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,150
He was quite venerable
when I married him.
220
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,550
- Was that recently?
- Lord, no. Ages ago.
221
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,200
He died at the tiller of his yacht
off Antibes.
222
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,192
- Did he?
- Do you sail at all?
223
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,795
Well, we've been on the Serpentine
a couple of times.
224
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,589
Ah, there you are.
Just slop it about, would you?
225
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,478
Put two more bottles on ice
in case we get thirsty.
226
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:45,111
- Is someone joining us?
- Yes. Gary. He's my current chap.
227
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,079
He's ghastly. He takes longer
to get ready than I do.
228
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:56,709
Oh, it's lovely to see you again
after all these years, Lionel.
229
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,436
- And... Jean.
- Yes.
230
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,750
- It's so nice to meet you.
- Thank you.
231
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,389
Do you do anything
or do you just look after Lionel?
232
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:10,115
- I run a secretarial agency.
- Sweet.
233
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,395
(Lionel) You've gone blonde.
234
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:16,632
I've gone all sorts of things.
235
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:22,117
- What's your natural colour, Jean?
- This.
236
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,873
Ohh. Cheers.
237
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,954
- Oh, there he is at last.
- (Both) Cheers.
238
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,713
Honestly, Gary,
you're more vain than I am.
239
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,439
You know I like to look good
for you, baby.
240
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,518
Lionel, Jean, meet Gary.
241
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,317
- How do you do?
- Pleasure, Lionel.
242
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,277
- Oh.
- Oh, hello.
243
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,396
Great pleasure, Jean.
244
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:51,553
Gary, stop trying to eat Jean's hand.
Pour some champagne.
245
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,118
Right, yes.
246
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,351
Drink up, you two. The night is young.
247
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,309
(Margaret) Pour it up to the top, darling.
I'm very thirsty tonight.
248
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:07,520
No, I mean it! Use the house in Portugal
whenever you like!
249
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,319
Gary and I are always off somewhere,
aren't we, Gary?
250
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,550
Mm. Next week, Barbados.
251
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,790
Gary loves Barbados.
252
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,236
If I don't take him to Barbados
at least twice a year,
253
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,073
he gets very sulky, don't you, darling?
254
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:25,073
- No, I don't.
- Positively petulant.
255
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,912
- What do you do, Gary?
- Do?
256
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,150
He's an actor.
257
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:33,153
He had two lines in an episode
of Baywatch last year.
258
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,073
A cameo.
And there's talk of asking me back.
259
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:41,838
- Lionel's a writer.
- A writer? What do you write?
260
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,631
Well, I did a sort of a book.
261
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:48,554
It was a very good book.
It's still selling very, very, very well.
262
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,756
Ohh. What's it called?
263
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,318
My Life In Kenya.
264
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,198
Really? Am I in it?
265
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,236
On and off, yes.
266
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:03,836
- Lionel's written a film, as well.
- Oh, you are a dark horse.
267
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,230
- What's that about?
- It's a sort of a love story, really.
268
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:11,518
You, writing a love story?
Now, that does surprise me.
269
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,955
- It's very special.
- Why?!
270
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:20,156
- Darling, can we eat? I'm hungry.
- You're always hungry!
271
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,233
Why don't we all make an evening of it
and have supper?
272
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,072
(Glass shatters)
273
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,995
Why don't you pick it up, darling?
We'd better order a few more bottles.
274
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,036
(Jean) You said she was drab.
275
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,750
You said she was drab.
276
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,592
Well, she was.
277
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,240
- Really?
- Yes, really.
278
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,073
And clothes just hang on her.
You said that.
279
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,116
She's not the same woman.
280
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,351
You mean she's someone
impersonating your ex-wife?
281
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,874
Of course I don't.
282
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,316
She's... She's done something to herself.
283
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,313
From your description,
she's had a complete body transplant.
284
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,198
Look, I'm telling you, she's changed.
285
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,431
I was married to her for ten years
and I hardly recognised her.
286
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:18,877
When I asked you about her, why didn't
you just say she was very glamorous?
287
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,838
I wouldn't have liked it
but I could've lived with it.
288
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,070
She never was, that's why.
289
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,119
I married her in Kenya because she was
the only single woman within 50 miles.
290
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,158
- Really?
- And now you're saying "really" again.
291
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,755
- Well, really!
- I don't know what else to say.
292
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:39,960
It's some sort of...
impossible metamorphosis.
293
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,998
- Can happen, I suppose.
- You said it was impossible.
294
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,832
- I'm confused.
- Yes.
295
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,718
But I'm not lying.
Why should I lie to you?
296
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,713
Look, if Margaret looked like Miss World,
I'd have told you.
297
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,951
- Would you?
- Well, of course I would.
298
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:59,431
Or I'd have looked a complete fool
when she walked in tonight.
299
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,557
- Yes, that's true.
- At last.
300
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,599
I suppose some women
do get more attractive the older they get.
301
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,716
Yes.
302
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,678
- Having all that money helps a bit.
- Course it does.
303
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,912
- She really was plain?
- She really was.
304
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,868
- My God, she can knock it back!
- She had two bottles to herself.
305
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:29,112
When we were married, she made
one glass of wine last all evening.
306
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:33,955
She was very glamorous, though.
Until she started weaving about.
307
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,316
That's thanks to Butterworth's millions,
I suppose.
308
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,313
- What did she say he did for a living?
- I thought she said he was in feeds.
309
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:45,075
I thought she said peas.
But you may be right.
310
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,757
- You still look a bit shell-shocked.
- Well, I am.
311
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,276
I mean, that's not the woman I married.
312
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,352
Whizzing around the world,
dripping with diamonds.
313
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,510
She's so sure of herself, as well.
314
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,559
I suppose if you're dripping
with diamonds, you tend to be.
315
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,556
You haven't mentioned Gary.
316
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,189
- Well, I was being discreet.
- She wasn't.
317
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,238
- They were rather tactile, weren't they?
- Mm.
318
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:15,677
If you were dripping with diamonds, you
wouldn't have someone like him in tow?
319
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,116
- I don't think you'd like that.
- If you were on your own.
320
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,839
Oh, credit me with some taste.
321
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:27,040
He's good-looking, but if he has a brain,
he did a very good job of hiding it.
322
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,998
I suppose he's what you'd call a toy boy.
323
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,117
Not to put too fine a point on it, he is.
324
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,156
I couldn't do that for a living.
325
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,276
You've left it a bit late.
326
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,956
Honestly, I went tonight
expecting to dislike Margaret.
327
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,996
- And?
- I'm afraid I did.
328
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,514
You don't have to apologise.
329
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,592
I still wonder why she wanted to see me.
330
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,353
- Old times' sake.
- No.
331
00:19:55,440 --> 00:20:00,230
It means good old times. We could've
chatted about those in five minutes.
332
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,198
She can't have wanted financial help.
333
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,396
It all seemed so pointless.
334
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,632
- Interesting, though.
- Yes, in a macabre sort of way.
335
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:13,554
Still, it's done. I don't expect
we'll be seeing her again.
336
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,200
I'm glad I met her, though.
It lays a sort of ghost.
337
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,872
When I was married to her,
you were the ghost.
338
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,749
- You never told her about me?
- Too special.
339
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:31,556
Awww. I shall go to sleep tonight
thinking of that.
340
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,596
- Good night.
- Good night.
341
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:43,038
(Jean) If you found a really old lady,
you could be a senior toy boy.
342
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:54,757
Mum... I want a quick word
while Sandy's in the bath.
343
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,193
Secrets?
344
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:01,149
It's about us both knocking about
with Alistair. It seems to bother you.
345
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,550
Of course it doesn't bother me.
Why should it?
346
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:09,191
Well, I don't know, but it just seems to.
Anyway, I do have a reason for it.
347
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:14,354
I'm trying, as discreetly as I can,
to push Alistair in Sandy's direction.
348
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,149
She's a smashing girl.
349
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,358
Once you get past his ego,
he's not a bad chap. You see?
350
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,915
- I suppose I do.
- For goodness' sake, don't tell Sandy.
351
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,911
No, no, of course not.
352
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,150
- Hi, Judy.
- Er, hello, Lionel.
353
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,198
- I've broken the egg whisk.
- What were you whisking?
354
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:39,354
Nothing. I was getting a spoon, the egg
whisk fell on the floor, and I trod on it.
355
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:45,588
I think we can stand the loss. Listen,
Judy's just told me something odd.
356
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:50,708
- Should I really hear about this?
- She's pushing Sandy in Alistair's way.
357
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,473
- By going out with them?
- Yes.
358
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:58,236
- Does that make any sense to you?
- Well, in a sort of way.
359
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,351
- Can I tell you something?
- Both of us?
360
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,113
- Yes, of course both of you.
- (Sighs)
361
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,351
It's this threesome business.
I know you find it confusing.
362
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,273
- No, no, no, we don't.
- Yes, you do.
363
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:16,229
- Well, just a little.
- OK. Look, I know they've drifted apart.
364
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,995
But I still think Judy and Alistair
were made for each other.
365
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:25,200
Judy won't go out with him on her own
so I go along with them to, well...
366
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,829
give them a push in the right direction -
do you see?
367
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,754
- Do we?
- Well... in a sort of way.
368
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,389
- Good. Only don't tell Judy.
- No, no, no, of course not.
369
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,915
Well, that's that cleared up.
370
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,151
- It is?
- As far as we're concerned.
371
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,915
As for them, what a muddle.
Don't laugh. They're young.
372
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,118
I'm not laughing at Judy and Sandy.
I was thinking about Alistair.
373
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,953
He can't know whether
he's coming or going.
374
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:00,237
It almost makes you feel sorry
for Alistair.
375
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,992
Almost.
376
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,034
Come in. They must be ready by now.
377
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:10,352
- (Judy) Be down in a moment.
- Be beautiful for me!
378
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,117
If I didn't know you better,
I'd say you were smirking.
379
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:16,952
Me? No.
380
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,676
What's the opposite of tug-of-war?
381
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,516
There isn't one.
Push-of-peace is as near as I can get.
382
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,878
You should have seen the faces
at Chelsea Harbour last night.
383
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,394
- Did something sink?
- No, no, no.
384
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,155
When I walked in with a beautiful woman
on each arm - envy!
385
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,595
- I can see that.
- Between you and me,
386
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,478
it makes a guy feel in control of his life.
387
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,118
- Have a nice evening.
- Yeah, thank you.
388
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,436
Hey, hey!
389
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,994
Soon as I get one bit back,
another bit pops out.
390
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,514
A bit like life.
391
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,115
- That's a sombre thought.
- Wasn't meant to be.
392
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,476
- Done it again.
- You don't have to mend it.
393
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,516
It's become a sort of a challenge.
394
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,592
You said that
before you broke the curtain pole.
395
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,392
- Just before we got married.
- Yes.
396
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,473
- It's got a mind of its own, this thing.
- It doesn't like being trodden on.
397
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,710
- (Doorbell)
- Who's that?
398
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,631
- Heads or tails?
- Tails.
399
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,676
You go.
400
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,676
- Aren't you supposed to toss a coin?
- Only in the fair version.
401
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,232
Ahh. Oh, stupid thing!
402
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,278
- It's Margaret.
- Oh.
403
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,716
I should have telephoned.
I hope it's not a bad time.
404
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,519
No, we were just wrestling
with an egg whisk.
405
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,751
- Really?!
- Dull night on television, you know.
406
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,799
Well, do sit down.
Would you like a drink?
407
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,155
Not tonight, no.
408
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,352
We're off to Barbados tomorrow.
Gary says his tan's fading.
409
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:13,069
- I thought I'd say goodbye.
- I thought we did that last night.
410
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:18,871
I don't really remember
the last half of last night.
411
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,110
I also came to apologise.
412
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,272
Everybody has a drop too much
now and then.
413
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:26,316
I know Lionel does.
414
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:32,148
I'm not apologising for my drinking.
I quite enjoy that.
415
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,118
I'm apologising
for getting back in touch with you.
416
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,988
- It was a bit of a shock.
- It was intended to be.
417
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,436
- I don't understand that.
- I think I do.
418
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,557
- I thought you might.
- You wanted to say "Here I am".
419
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,995
- Here I am?
- That's right. "Here I am.
420
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,039
"Look at me, Lionel. Look where I've
got to." That's what I wanted to do.
421
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:58,035
- I see.
- Only... where I've got to...
422
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,918
I think Gary was the dud ammunition.
423
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:09,030
Perhaps I should have bought him some
toys and left him to play in his room.
424
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,271
Be fair. I wouldn't call wealth
dud ammunition.
425
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:16,512
No, it isn't. It can be quite powerful
when it's aimed at the right target.
426
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,875
Only you two aren't the right target.
427
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,191
I could take some of your jewellery
if it'd make you feel better.
428
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,873
I don't want to feel better.
429
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:31,750
I'm apologising for my behaviour,
not my life.
430
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,719
The truth is, I wanted to show Lionel
431
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,952
that I didn't remain the dull, boring wife
he always thought I was.
432
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:44,272
- I don't remember saying that to you.
- I don't think you ever said it.
433
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:49,150
And I don't think I ever said
I found you a dull, boring husband.
434
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:54,513
He does more exciting things
than mend egg whisks.
435
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,910
None of it really matters any more,
does it?
436
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,959
That's what I realised
when I finally surfaced this morning.
437
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,116
Well, places to go.
438
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:13,274
Goodbye, Lionel.
I don't expect we'll be meeting again.
439
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:17,319
Goodbye, Margaret.
May I ask you something before you go?
440
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,356
Provided it's not about Gary.
441
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:23,194
No, it's about the late Mr Butterworth.
442
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,909
Did you say he was in feeds or peas?
443
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,752
Aeronautics.
444
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,198
I wanted to ask you
a question before I go.
445
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,748
Providing it's not about Lionel.
446
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,230
Not directly.
It's about that little film he's written.
447
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,551
It's bound to be a huge success.
What was the question?
448
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:48,668
Oddly enough, I do remember what
information I wrung out of you last night.
449
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,115
It's a love story?
450
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,589
Just... fiction.
451
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:57,389
Of course. But you were the girl in it.
452
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,230
Yes, I was the girl in it.
453
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,276
She still is.
454
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,640
Always was, I suppose.
455
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:19,280
♪ You must remember this
456
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,635
♪ You must remember this
457
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,280
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
458
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,909
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
459
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,156
♪ The fundamental things apply
460
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:37,279
♪ As time goes by
461
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,080
♪ And when two lovers woo
462
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,913
♪ They still say I love you
463
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,310
♪ On that you can rely
464
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:55,753
♪ The world will always welcome lovers
465
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:04,670
♪ As time goes by ♪
466
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:09,270
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