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1
00:00:01,873 --> 00:00:03,686
Contagious.
2
00:00:03,707 --> 00:00:05,473
We must contain this pandemic.
3
00:00:05,475 --> 00:00:06,941
[coughing, retching]
4
00:00:06,943 --> 00:00:09,310
- Contagious.
- Contagious.
5
00:00:09,312 --> 00:00:10,612
- Contagious.
- Contagious.
6
00:00:10,614 --> 00:00:11,780
- Contagious.
- Contagious.
7
00:00:11,782 --> 00:00:12,947
- [crying]
- Contagious.
8
00:00:12,949 --> 00:00:15,984
[soft piano music]
9
00:00:15,986 --> 00:00:21,823
10
00:00:21,825 --> 00:00:24,759
Everyone stay back! Stay back, damn you!
11
00:00:24,761 --> 00:00:26,027
[door slams shut]
12
00:00:28,231 --> 00:00:31,332
Excuse me, sir, but I'm afraid we must
13
00:00:31,334 --> 00:00:32,834
quarantine the downstairs.
14
00:00:32,836 --> 00:00:35,737
We're having a tiny outbreak situation.
15
00:00:35,739 --> 00:00:38,973
The cook and staff have
"beshitted" most of the kitchen.
16
00:00:38,975 --> 00:00:41,276
Oh, those poor people!
17
00:00:41,278 --> 00:00:43,077
You mean, "Oh, those poor people."
18
00:00:43,079 --> 00:00:44,779
I'm telling you, Daddy, it's high time
19
00:00:44,781 --> 00:00:46,514
we got one of those
modern, new flamethrowers
20
00:00:46,516 --> 00:00:48,750
and burnt that
whole downstairs to a crisp.
21
00:00:48,752 --> 00:00:50,285
Maybe then they can make a cr?me br?l?e
22
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,287
- that doesn't taste like snot!
- [dish shatters]
23
00:00:52,289 --> 00:00:54,122
How can you think about dessert
24
00:00:54,124 --> 00:00:55,690
at a time like this?
25
00:00:55,692 --> 00:00:56,991
I just finished my entree,
26
00:00:56,993 --> 00:00:58,301
what else am I supposed to think about?
27
00:00:58,303 --> 00:01:01,196
Well, as a proud "Grey Lady"
of the Red Cross
28
00:01:01,198 --> 00:01:03,865
Volunteers Corp,
I'll be going downstairs
29
00:01:03,867 --> 00:01:05,834
to save those poor souls.
30
00:01:05,836 --> 00:01:07,368
Well, the only thing
I'm interested in saving
31
00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:09,370
is the family fortune
and my rear virginity...
32
00:01:09,372 --> 00:01:10,805
for second marriage. [giggles]
33
00:01:10,807 --> 00:01:12,473
That's my baby girl. [clears throat]
34
00:01:12,475 --> 00:01:15,310
Peepers, whatever we do,
lets do it quietly.
35
00:01:15,312 --> 00:01:18,213
I'm afraid the Lookie-Loos
already sniffing about.
36
00:01:18,215 --> 00:01:19,914
The newspaper's here?
37
00:01:19,916 --> 00:01:21,416
[upbeat string music]
38
00:01:21,418 --> 00:01:24,152
Well, then, lets save these
poor souls in their final hours!
39
00:01:24,154 --> 00:01:27,222
The last thing those poor people need
40
00:01:27,224 --> 00:01:29,691
- is you, Lillian!
- No, I'm going to do that.
41
00:01:29,693 --> 00:01:31,059
The last thing they need is you!
42
00:01:31,061 --> 00:01:34,429
Your disease is more
rampant than theirs is!
43
00:01:34,431 --> 00:01:37,165
- I am certified to deal with it!
- I'm winning.
44
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:39,567
I want the money, I want the fame
45
00:01:39,569 --> 00:01:42,003
I want the whole world
to know my name
46
00:01:42,005 --> 00:01:44,339
This is mine, I got to get it
47
00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:46,841
I got to get it, got, got to get it
48
00:01:46,843 --> 00:01:48,109
"Another Period"
49
00:01:48,147 --> 00:01:52,136
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
50
00:01:52,215 --> 00:01:55,116
[crickets chirping]
51
00:01:59,522 --> 00:02:01,222
How are you sleeping?
52
00:02:01,224 --> 00:02:02,891
- [both scream]
- Kill him first!
53
00:02:02,893 --> 00:02:04,492
Identify yourself, state your price
54
00:02:04,494 --> 00:02:06,661
and then write to my father
and ask him for that price!
55
00:02:06,663 --> 00:02:08,463
Frederick, it's me.
56
00:02:09,566 --> 00:02:12,200
[gasps] Oh, hello, Beatrice.
57
00:02:12,202 --> 00:02:14,168
I was just having
the most delicious dream
58
00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:16,537
about a bear with human hands.
59
00:02:16,539 --> 00:02:18,339
[scoffs] What the hell
are you doing here?
60
00:02:18,341 --> 00:02:20,308
Well, I wanted to tell you
the good news.
61
00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:23,278
Father set me up with a suitor
and I think I like him.
62
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,613
You travelled 12 hours by train,
63
00:02:25,615 --> 00:02:27,582
broke into our house, into our room,
64
00:02:27,584 --> 00:02:29,617
and all that just to say
you met someone?
65
00:02:29,619 --> 00:02:31,085
No, that's ridiculous.
66
00:02:31,087 --> 00:02:33,421
We travelled by carriage
and it took two weeks.
67
00:02:33,423 --> 00:02:36,090
Anyway, his name is Dick
and he's the president
68
00:02:36,092 --> 00:02:37,425
of the Pinta Yacht Club.
69
00:02:37,427 --> 00:02:39,193
- He's the president?
- Mm-hmm.
70
00:02:39,195 --> 00:02:41,129
Darn it, I'm only the vice president.
71
00:02:41,131 --> 00:02:43,231
You're vice president
of the United States.
72
00:02:43,233 --> 00:02:45,099
You don't have to rub it in my face.
73
00:02:45,101 --> 00:02:47,368
All right, enough, Beatrice,
it's time for you to leave.
74
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:49,270
Freddie has got a country to run.
75
00:02:49,272 --> 00:02:50,872
Ohh, okay. Bye, Beatrice.
76
00:02:50,874 --> 00:02:53,574
Well, can't wait to meet
your new friend.
77
00:02:53,576 --> 00:02:56,344
- Now, ta-ta.
- You mean it, Celery?
78
00:02:56,346 --> 00:02:59,047
- A double date?
- Uh, not... not really.
79
00:02:59,049 --> 00:03:00,311
We can do it tonight!
80
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,050
I'm at the hotel
across from the penis monument.
81
00:03:02,052 --> 00:03:04,419
Oh, Beatrice, I made a similar mistake.
82
00:03:04,421 --> 00:03:07,221
It's actually called
the Washington Penis.
83
00:03:07,223 --> 00:03:09,390
Oh, okay. Celery...
84
00:03:09,392 --> 00:03:11,125
you're the best sister in the world!
85
00:03:11,127 --> 00:03:13,061
Okay. Oh, no. Oh... ohh.
86
00:03:13,063 --> 00:03:14,862
I'll see you tonight.
87
00:03:14,864 --> 00:03:16,159
Bye, Freddie.
88
00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:19,540
Did she say you were
officially sisters now?
89
00:03:20,403 --> 00:03:22,437
[gloomy music]
90
00:03:22,439 --> 00:03:23,938
[coughing]
91
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:27,442
92
00:03:27,444 --> 00:03:30,345
May God bless you
and keep you, my child.
93
00:03:30,347 --> 00:03:32,580
Heiress coming through. [laughs]
94
00:03:32,582 --> 00:03:34,282
Oh, if it isn't Brussels Sheridan
95
00:03:34,284 --> 00:03:36,351
of the Lookie-Loos Society Pages.
96
00:03:36,353 --> 00:03:38,319
If it isn't Lillian Bellacourt.
97
00:03:38,321 --> 00:03:40,922
Would you like to get
a few photographic stills of me?
98
00:03:40,924 --> 00:03:42,123
I could grab one of these near dead
99
00:03:42,125 --> 00:03:43,825
in the better lighting. Oh, yes!
100
00:03:43,827 --> 00:03:45,626
Excuse me, we're taking a picture!
101
00:03:45,628 --> 00:03:47,795
- [pounds on glass]
- Lady of the house speaking.
102
00:03:47,797 --> 00:03:49,464
Everyone come close,
we're gonna do a little
103
00:03:49,466 --> 00:03:51,032
"photo-graph."
104
00:03:51,034 --> 00:03:52,667
Oh. Oh!
105
00:03:52,669 --> 00:03:54,769
- On three.
- All right, everyone, ready?
106
00:03:54,771 --> 00:03:57,772
One, two, three!
107
00:03:57,774 --> 00:03:58,950
[shutter clicks]
108
00:03:59,809 --> 00:04:01,175
- Un, deux...
- [snapping fingers]
109
00:04:01,177 --> 00:04:02,777
un, deux, trois, quatre.
110
00:04:02,779 --> 00:04:05,246
- [all singing]
-
Wade in the water
111
00:04:05,248 --> 00:04:07,849
Wade in the water
112
00:04:07,851 --> 00:04:10,485
Wade in the water
113
00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:12,787
God's gonna trouble the water
114
00:04:12,789 --> 00:04:15,156
-
Now wade in that water
- He's doing it again!
115
00:04:15,158 --> 00:04:16,357
- He's doing it again!
- What?
116
00:04:16,359 --> 00:04:18,026
- Hello. Hello.
- What'd I do?
117
00:04:18,028 --> 00:04:21,729
Stop manjacking like a bunch
of Baltimore Slavics.
118
00:04:21,731 --> 00:04:23,765
We are the Gentlemen Callers, please.
119
00:04:23,767 --> 00:04:25,700
The Boston Barber-Fest is next week.
120
00:04:25,702 --> 00:04:27,835
It's where the Dandy Dollops
got their start!
121
00:04:27,837 --> 00:04:30,505
That's why I suggest that I do the solo
122
00:04:30,507 --> 00:04:33,141
because I am the face
of contemporary barber shop.
123
00:04:33,143 --> 00:04:36,177
You are the face of a sad
and pathetic man.
124
00:04:36,179 --> 00:04:37,841
Oh, well, in that case,
I'm the face of you.
125
00:04:38,314 --> 00:04:39,521
[stammers]
126
00:04:39,849 --> 00:04:44,352
[hip-hop music]
127
00:04:44,354 --> 00:04:47,155
So how exactly did you two meet again?
128
00:04:47,157 --> 00:04:48,890
Oh, it's such a funny story.
129
00:04:48,892 --> 00:04:50,591
- Do you want to tell it?
- No, you tell it.
130
00:04:50,593 --> 00:04:52,860
- Okay, we'll both tell it.
- Yes. [giggles]
131
00:04:52,862 --> 00:04:54,395
The Commodore was doing a business deal
132
00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:56,197
with my father, Admiral Firestone...
133
00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:58,733
Mm-hmm and he thought I would
make a fruitful bargaining chip.
134
00:04:58,735 --> 00:05:01,602
So, as luck would have it,
he said that in exchange
135
00:05:01,604 --> 00:05:04,005
for my family's oil rights
in Nova Scotia...
136
00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:05,540
Commodore would give him his opal mines,
137
00:05:05,542 --> 00:05:08,242
$750,000 worth of gold bullion...
138
00:05:08,244 --> 00:05:11,679
And his tallest daughter
who just happens to be...
139
00:05:11,681 --> 00:05:14,382
- both: Beatrice!
- [both laugh]
140
00:05:14,384 --> 00:05:17,118
My father heard that and he said, "Sold!
141
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,086
both: "You can't put a price
on opal these days."
142
00:05:21,724 --> 00:05:25,093
143
00:05:25,095 --> 00:05:26,761
[groans]
144
00:05:26,763 --> 00:05:27,998
I hate water.
145
00:05:28,598 --> 00:05:30,038
Tastes like my mouth.
146
00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:32,700
[sighs]
147
00:05:32,702 --> 00:05:35,136
- [clinks on window]
- [splashes]
148
00:05:35,138 --> 00:05:36,754
Next!
149
00:05:38,141 --> 00:05:39,540
[screams]
150
00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:41,476
Get out of here, Lillian!
151
00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:43,711
- You're burning the servants.
- No,
152
00:05:43,713 --> 00:05:45,546
I'm the one who's gonna slop these hogs.
153
00:05:45,548 --> 00:05:48,649
There's a typhoid epidemic
going on here, Lillian,
154
00:05:48,651 --> 00:05:51,385
- so I suggest you move over.
- No!
155
00:05:51,387 --> 00:05:53,554
I'm more compassionate
than you, you sloth..
156
00:05:53,556 --> 00:05:56,457
[laughs] The sloth is the gentlest
157
00:05:56,459 --> 00:05:59,460
of the South American Pilosa
genus of placental mammals.
158
00:05:59,462 --> 00:06:01,896
So I'll take it as a compliment.
159
00:06:01,898 --> 00:06:04,465
Take it however you wish, just move!
160
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:06,134
Oh, you like to push?
161
00:06:06,136 --> 00:06:09,937
How about a push
from a certified Grey Lady?
162
00:06:09,939 --> 00:06:11,973
[screams] [both grunting]
163
00:06:11,975 --> 00:06:14,775
Contagious! Contagious!
164
00:06:14,777 --> 00:06:17,678
Everyone, hold your breath!
165
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,747
[whimpers]
166
00:06:19,749 --> 00:06:22,250
- Infected patient...
- No!
167
00:06:22,252 --> 00:06:25,052
Please step behind the partition.
168
00:06:25,054 --> 00:06:26,387
No, no, if I'm going to be infected,
169
00:06:26,389 --> 00:06:27,822
it would be from
a rich person's disease.
170
00:06:27,824 --> 00:06:30,291
Like gold poisoning
or a governor's rash,
171
00:06:30,293 --> 00:06:31,959
not... not typhoid.
172
00:06:31,961 --> 00:06:34,195
Contagious. Contagious.
173
00:06:34,197 --> 00:06:35,229
[whimpers]
174
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:40,187
So, what I'm dying to know is
175
00:06:40,189 --> 00:06:41,670
how did you two meet?
176
00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:44,391
Fredrick, would you
like to tell the story?
177
00:06:44,393 --> 00:06:46,327
No, it's boring and I don't remember it.
178
00:06:47,597 --> 00:06:49,396
Oh, soup! [chuckles]
179
00:06:51,601 --> 00:06:54,535
Aah! Hot! Hot! Mouth!
180
00:06:54,537 --> 00:06:55,736
[groaning]
181
00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:58,183
Ooh, soup fools me every time. [sighs]
182
00:06:58,708 --> 00:07:01,208
You know I feel a bit
of a headache coming on.
183
00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:03,410
Perhaps I'll go walk the gardens.
184
00:07:03,412 --> 00:07:06,580
- Get some fresh air.
- Okay, bye.
185
00:07:06,582 --> 00:07:08,318
[clears throat]
186
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,051
Oh! Can I have your dessert
187
00:07:11,053 --> 00:07:12,551
if it gets here before you come back?
188
00:07:12,888 --> 00:07:14,151
[sighs]
189
00:07:14,924 --> 00:07:16,206
Excuse me.
190
00:07:19,228 --> 00:07:21,740
Should someone go and check
and see if she's unwell?
191
00:07:21,765 --> 00:07:23,464
Oh, I would, but I don't want to miss
192
00:07:23,466 --> 00:07:25,570
my soup at its ideal temperature.
193
00:07:26,102 --> 00:07:28,569
I'll just go check
and see how she's doing.
194
00:07:28,571 --> 00:07:29,870
Okay, bye.
195
00:07:33,843 --> 00:07:36,110
Aah! Still hot!
196
00:07:36,112 --> 00:07:37,945
Still so hot! Come here.
197
00:07:37,947 --> 00:07:41,482
- [panting]
- [blowing]
198
00:07:41,484 --> 00:07:43,517
- Better?
- Uhhuh.
199
00:07:43,519 --> 00:07:46,420
[hip-hop music]
200
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:49,256
Okay, no one is supposed
to come close to this line.
201
00:07:49,258 --> 00:07:50,791
Do you understand?
202
00:07:50,793 --> 00:07:52,359
Everyone away.
203
00:07:52,361 --> 00:07:54,928
Give Miss Lillian some space
for God's sakes!
204
00:07:54,930 --> 00:07:56,697
No one's even coming near her.
205
00:07:56,699 --> 00:07:58,265
This must be some kind of mistake.
206
00:07:58,267 --> 00:08:00,501
I-I can't catch
the same disease as servants.
207
00:08:00,503 --> 00:08:02,870
I mean, we're practically
not even the same species.
208
00:08:02,872 --> 00:08:05,105
You don't catch a fever from a horse.
209
00:08:05,107 --> 00:08:06,640
You don't acquire
an immune deficiency virus
210
00:08:06,642 --> 00:08:09,273
from a monkey. Over the line!
211
00:08:10,479 --> 00:08:13,547
[crying] Everyone just leave her be!
212
00:08:13,549 --> 00:08:14,374
[wincing]
213
00:08:14,376 --> 00:08:19,353
Poor, Lillian! Poor, Lillian!
214
00:08:19,355 --> 00:08:23,123
[gentle music]
215
00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:25,359
Mind if I join your constitutional?
216
00:08:25,361 --> 00:08:28,962
- Oh, I would be delighted.
- [inhales deeply]
217
00:08:28,964 --> 00:08:32,566
I have to say, it's nice
to spend a moment with an adult.
218
00:08:32,568 --> 00:08:35,002
[chuckles] Trouble in paradise?
219
00:08:35,004 --> 00:08:38,205
Oh, it's Fredrick.
He can just be so childish.
220
00:08:38,555 --> 00:08:40,255
He doesn't know how soup works,
221
00:08:40,615 --> 00:08:41,842
he's convinced he's got a twin brother
222
00:08:41,844 --> 00:08:43,241
who lives in the mirror,
223
00:08:43,729 --> 00:08:45,212
he's afraid of clouds.
224
00:08:45,537 --> 00:08:48,148
Sometimes I wish I had met
a proper gentleman,
225
00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:49,413
- like yourself.
- Oh...
226
00:08:49,985 --> 00:08:51,790
I'm afraid I'm no gentleman.
227
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:54,734
I have a confession to make, Celery.
228
00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:57,775
The only reason
I came out here was to...
229
00:08:58,094 --> 00:09:00,160
bend you over in the woods.
230
00:09:00,162 --> 00:09:02,763
Oh, Dick.
231
00:09:02,765 --> 00:09:05,332
Garfield, who are all these people?
232
00:09:05,334 --> 00:09:08,702
Well, that's Connie, the chef,
233
00:09:08,704 --> 00:09:11,238
and that's Quincy, the coal shoveler,
234
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,941
and that's Pearl, she was your wet nurse
235
00:09:13,943 --> 00:09:17,377
and your primary companion for
the first 19 years of your life.
236
00:09:18,007 --> 00:09:19,855
Huh.
237
00:09:20,116 --> 00:09:22,850
And... and what about that
little woman. What does she do?
238
00:09:22,852 --> 00:09:24,585
She kills and plucks the egrets
239
00:09:24,587 --> 00:09:26,686
for the feather collars of your stoles.
240
00:09:28,924 --> 00:09:31,503
You mean, without her
my collar would just be...
241
00:09:31,894 --> 00:09:34,362
- a plain collar?
- Yes, ma'am.
242
00:09:34,764 --> 00:09:36,196
What about my bowel movements
243
00:09:36,198 --> 00:09:38,599
that magically disappear by morning?
244
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:41,568
Well, I'm proud to say,
I remove those myself.
245
00:09:41,570 --> 00:09:43,036
But there's always a little note
246
00:09:43,038 --> 00:09:44,705
saying they've taken
a "stroll to Brown Town"
247
00:09:44,707 --> 00:09:46,573
with a caricature in a top hat.
248
00:09:46,575 --> 00:09:48,442
249
00:09:48,444 --> 00:09:49,658
Oh.
250
00:09:50,446 --> 00:09:53,242
All these years I knew
you were "serve-ants,"
251
00:09:53,749 --> 00:09:55,549
but it never occurred to me that
252
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:57,684
you were "serve-people."
253
00:09:57,686 --> 00:09:58,919
Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn
254
00:09:58,921 --> 00:10:00,487
Damn, son
255
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,457
both: Mmm.
256
00:10:03,459 --> 00:10:05,759
Double dates are so much more
fun when its just two people.
257
00:10:05,761 --> 00:10:07,628
Mm-hmm. And how delightful
258
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:09,396
that we can be in such
a romantic setting
259
00:10:09,398 --> 00:10:11,098
and not even think about
getting back together?
260
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,499
[chuckles] That's so true.
261
00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:14,902
- Mm-hmm.
- We are just friends now.
262
00:10:14,904 --> 00:10:16,035
Mm-hmm.
263
00:10:18,012 --> 00:10:20,546
[giggles] See? It just feels so normal.
264
00:10:20,548 --> 00:10:22,048
Yes, it's like playing a game of chess
265
00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:23,749
or being pen pals.
266
00:10:24,852 --> 00:10:26,452
Oh, call me Mr. Buttfingers,
267
00:10:26,454 --> 00:10:28,320
I've gotten chocolate
all over your face.
268
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,271
- Shall I lick it off?
- Oh, well...
269
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:34,794
- As a friend.
- I think that would be fine,
270
00:10:34,796 --> 00:10:37,396
- but only as a friend.
- Of course.
271
00:10:37,398 --> 00:10:40,199
Mm-hmm.
272
00:10:40,201 --> 00:10:42,301
Hmm. That felt so normal.
273
00:10:42,303 --> 00:10:43,636
Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
274
00:10:43,638 --> 00:10:45,671
It was almost like kissing, though.
275
00:10:45,673 --> 00:10:47,840
Oh, yes. [chuckles]
276
00:10:47,842 --> 00:10:49,408
Okay, I have a silly question for you.
277
00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:50,976
- Yes?
- Is there such a thing
278
00:10:50,978 --> 00:10:54,814
- as friends who kiss?
- Hmm. Sure there are.
279
00:10:54,816 --> 00:10:56,382
- They're called "pecking pals."
- Oh.
280
00:10:56,384 --> 00:10:57,917
Yes, they're all the rage in Boise.
281
00:10:57,919 --> 00:10:59,867
- Hmm.
- Shall we try?
282
00:11:00,254 --> 00:11:02,788
- I think that would be fine.
- Okay.
283
00:11:05,893 --> 00:11:07,226
- [laughs]
- I felt nothing.
284
00:11:07,228 --> 00:11:08,958
Delightful. [chuckles]
285
00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:10,830
Should we try once more with tongue?
286
00:11:10,832 --> 00:11:12,198
- Mm-hmm. Yes.
- Okay.
287
00:11:14,936 --> 00:11:17,336
[moaning] Oh, Dick,
288
00:11:17,338 --> 00:11:19,772
you're such a man. Such an adult.
289
00:11:19,774 --> 00:11:21,741
Oh, I'm a man, alright.
290
00:11:21,743 --> 00:11:23,209
Guess how many shipping concerns
291
00:11:23,211 --> 00:11:25,244
- I'm responsible for.
- How many?
292
00:11:25,246 --> 00:11:27,546
- Two.
- Oh, tell me more!
293
00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:30,516
Do you have important
responsibilities at your job?
294
00:11:30,518 --> 00:11:32,451
Oh, extremely important.
295
00:11:32,453 --> 00:11:34,920
I often have many people relying on me
296
00:11:34,922 --> 00:11:38,090
- and never have time for myself.
- [moans loudly] Don't stop!
297
00:11:38,092 --> 00:11:40,526
- Keep going!
- Sometimes...
298
00:11:40,528 --> 00:11:43,729
I work... through... lunch!
299
00:11:43,731 --> 00:11:44,930
[screams]
300
00:11:44,932 --> 00:11:48,134
[hip-hop music]
301
00:11:48,136 --> 00:11:51,070
- Ohh...
- [overlapping coughing]
302
00:11:57,111 --> 00:11:59,111
If I might be so bold,
303
00:11:59,113 --> 00:12:02,114
I hope your typhoid death
is swift and painless.
304
00:12:02,116 --> 00:12:04,216
- Do you have a name?
- Ethany.
305
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,719
Oh, that's unfortunate.
306
00:12:06,721 --> 00:12:08,454
Better name you could've
made some friends.
307
00:12:08,456 --> 00:12:10,058
I'm sure you're right, Miss.
308
00:12:10,625 --> 00:12:12,474
Don't matter much now, though...
309
00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:16,862
seeing as we're gonna die soon anyway.
310
00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:21,947
No! No, it can't be like this!
311
00:12:22,336 --> 00:12:25,304
Garfield, everyone,
I want to get to know
312
00:12:25,306 --> 00:12:26,939
each and every one of you.
313
00:12:26,941 --> 00:12:29,742
And just so you know,
a rich person knowing you
314
00:12:29,744 --> 00:12:31,277
is as good as going to heaven.
315
00:12:31,279 --> 00:12:33,979
[gentle music]
316
00:12:33,981 --> 00:12:36,615
Well, the worst thing I've ever done
317
00:12:36,617 --> 00:12:38,617
is suck the bone marrow
out of the old bones
318
00:12:38,619 --> 00:12:40,252
reserved for the dogs.
319
00:12:40,254 --> 00:12:42,321
Not Mayor Cutie's bones!
320
00:12:42,323 --> 00:12:45,124
She needs that marrow
to prevent hip dysplasia!
321
00:12:46,794 --> 00:12:50,429
Oh, well, I forgive you,
but don't let Mayor Cutie know,
322
00:12:50,431 --> 00:12:52,131
she might not be as easy to forgive.
323
00:12:52,779 --> 00:12:57,096
I was responsible
for the great fire of 1892.
324
00:12:57,635 --> 00:13:00,536
That's how I lost my parents.
325
00:13:00,538 --> 00:13:02,880
Hush, child, you've had your turn.
326
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:04,896
- Blanche?
- Huh?
327
00:13:05,611 --> 00:13:08,812
I-I-I don't...
I-I've never done anything.
328
00:13:08,814 --> 00:13:11,615
Such as I've never thrown anyone
down a flight of stairs...
329
00:13:11,617 --> 00:13:13,917
- for example.
- [laughing]
330
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:17,821
Blanche, you're so boring.
I once stole a towel.
331
00:13:17,823 --> 00:13:20,657
Well, my real sin is the time...
332
00:13:20,659 --> 00:13:22,984
enamored with one of my coworkers...
333
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,729
- [farts]
- Oh!
334
00:13:25,731 --> 00:13:28,598
- Off to make brown water.
- [stomach gurgling]
335
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,033
Ohh!
336
00:13:31,136 --> 00:13:32,335
Lillian, your turn.
337
00:13:32,337 --> 00:13:34,638
[chuckles] My greatest sin...
338
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,272
[gentle music]
339
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,907
Is not realizing that
some of the greatest people
340
00:13:37,909 --> 00:13:40,410
I've ever known
were living right underneath me.
341
00:13:40,412 --> 00:13:42,979
[all gasp, aww]
342
00:13:42,981 --> 00:13:45,815
Oh, that and once I aborted a child
343
00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:47,647
to fit into a dress.
344
00:13:48,459 --> 00:13:49,691
Aww.
345
00:13:51,923 --> 00:13:53,656
[panting, whimpering]
346
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,424
I'm hungry.
347
00:13:55,426 --> 00:13:57,626
Let's not just lay here and die.
348
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,528
Let's prepare a last supper
349
00:13:59,530 --> 00:14:01,864
and eat together as friends.
350
00:14:01,866 --> 00:14:04,600
Yes, you heard her. Let's do it!
351
00:14:04,602 --> 00:14:06,435
Ethany, prepare the gruel.
352
00:14:06,437 --> 00:14:09,638
Flobelle, wash some spoons.
353
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,308
- Lillian...
- Oh, Garfield.
354
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,677
Some lines must never be crossed.
355
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,546
Today I became your sister,
but I'll always be...
356
00:14:17,548 --> 00:14:20,282
- your master.
- Of course.
357
00:14:20,284 --> 00:14:23,352
Of course! Of course!
358
00:14:23,354 --> 00:14:27,823
[gentle music]
359
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,587
- [exhales sharply] Mm.
- [chuckles]
360
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,807
That is fun and it's great
and I like it.
361
00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:33,742
- [both laugh]
- Me, too.
362
00:14:33,744 --> 00:14:36,478
[sighs] But it isn't strange, is it?
363
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,313
- Hmm?
- I mean, we had chocolate
364
00:14:38,315 --> 00:14:40,249
all over ourselves,
we had to get it off.
365
00:14:40,251 --> 00:14:43,519
Yes, it would've been strange
to have left the chocolate on.
366
00:14:43,521 --> 00:14:45,120
Chocolate isn't clothes.
367
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,270
Also, we bathed together all the time
368
00:14:47,272 --> 00:14:48,352
- when we were babies.
- Exactly.
369
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:49,920
And we're the same people
we were back then.
370
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,456
- Mm-hmm.
- We're bathing as friends.
371
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,938
- Bubble buddies.
- [giggles]
372
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,529
- [deeply sighs]
- What's wrong, buddy?
373
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:02,033
Oh, bathing always makes me so tense.
374
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:05,036
Oh, no, now I feel tense, too.
375
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,637
- Hmm.
- What are we going to do?
376
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:10,307
Maybe a warm glass of milk
could do the trick.
377
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:13,477
Oh, they're all dried up.
378
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,979
You've been gone a long time.
379
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,414
Hmm.
380
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,882
Well, the only other option
that I can think of
381
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,351
to relax me is sex, but...
382
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,952
Hmm...
383
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:24,889
Well, sex does always make me
feel more breezy.
384
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:26,457
- It does, doesn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
385
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,092
- [chuckles]
- But...
386
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:31,128
- Can you fornicate as friends?
- Certainly.
387
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,049
Yeah, but as long
as it's just as friends.
388
00:15:33,051 --> 00:15:34,432
Yes, just as friends.
389
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,901
- Coitus colleagues.
- I think I've heard of that.
390
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,069
I think I've heard of that, too.
391
00:15:38,094 --> 00:15:40,103
- Yeah.
- Okay.
392
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,608
[hip-hop music]
393
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,843
394
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,847
Usually I eat every 35 minutes.
395
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,749
This has been really hard.
396
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:54,251
For you, Miss. I would be honored
397
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:56,921
if this were to be
my last Earthly chore.
398
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,856
Thank you, girl.
399
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,681
So this is gruel.
400
00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:02,498
Never had gruel before, but...
401
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,850
Tastes amazing.
402
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,402
Overwhelming amount of menthol...
403
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,297
Mm.
404
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,808
It's like cigarette milk!
405
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,044
[laughter]
406
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:22,546
-
Hello
-
Bonjour
407
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,816
Wie geht's
408
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,485
Oh, shit.
409
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:33,412
- [all singing]
-
Around the world with hello
410
00:16:33,414 --> 00:16:36,227
Good morrow servants and servant ladies,
411
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,229
we are the Gentlemen Callers
and we are here
412
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,164
to entertain and delight you
413
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,533
as you push off across the River Styx.
414
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,503
Oh, Lillian.
415
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,972
- You're here?
- Hard cheese indeed.
416
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,406
Awkward. Awkward moments.
417
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,575
Well, so, the short version,
418
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,678
every barber shop organization
has a front man.
419
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,046
And despite the harmony in our voices,
420
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:58,015
there's actually discord
as to who among us
421
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,850
should be that front man.
422
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,887
So we shall audition for you
and you shall cast your vote.
423
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,023
You the work-a-day, lack-witted,
424
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,658
unwashed and currently dying.
425
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,426
- [clears throat]
- To give you an idea
426
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:11,061
- of my background...
- First of all, no one knows...
427
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,396
- I would like to...
- No, they...
428
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,098
- Probably, because...
- No, no, no.
429
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,199
I feel like it's only fair
that the baritone go first.
430
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,067
[overlapping arguing]
431
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,036
- Excuse me?
- What is it, child?
432
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,372
Maybe I could sing, sirs?
433
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,907
[gentle music]
434
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:27,344
Amazing grace
435
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:32,216
How sweet the sound
436
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:36,887
That saved a wretch
437
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,624
Like me
438
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,260
[men laughing]
439
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:45,296
Oh, sorry, I know
you're all having a moment.
440
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,898
Here's my thing.
For me, I wanted to hear
441
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:52,603
the music, but all I heard
was you trying so hard.
442
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,205
- Ugh.
- These are actually...
443
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,140
I ha... I actually have tears of hatred.
444
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,908
Bad. Bad news all around.
445
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,777
With all due respect,
I think that's perhaps
446
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,979
why we are talented musicians
447
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,148
and you are dying of typhoid.
448
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,417
- [coughing]
- Read the room next time.
449
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,319
Just read the room.
'Cause you killed this room.
450
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,753
This side of the room is dying.
451
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:13,224
Oh, no! Someone... Someone get a doctor!
452
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,925
Jaunt away. Jaunt away!
453
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,594
Jaunt! Jaunt! Jaunt! Jaunt!
454
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,796
We're all gonna die!
455
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,765
[sultry music]
456
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:27,638
457
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,340
Tell me your five-year plan!
458
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,542
It... involves... diversification.
459
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,277
- Don't look away.
- I won't.
460
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,979
- Don't look away.
- I never look away.
461
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,047
- Yes!
- You eat dirt.
462
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,782
You eat dirt. That's a dirty girl.
463
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,417
[both softly moaning]
464
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:42,419
[both grunting, moaning]
465
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:44,154
[both softly moaning]
466
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,756
Aah!
467
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:49,026
- [screams] Oh. Oh, my God.
- [sighs]
468
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,995
- Whoo, that's good.
- That was good.
469
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,464
[crying]
470
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:56,367
[dishes clanging]
471
00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,064
Get water. She needs water.
472
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:03,274
[grunting]
473
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:06,377
Attention, I bring the doctor with news.
474
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,812
Right, how is everyone feeling?
475
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,614
- [groans]
- Don't know why I ask.
476
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:13,550
I could've asked my nose. [laughing]
477
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,688
[scattered laughter]
478
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:21,458
So, good news,
you just have food poisoning.
479
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:24,028
It's pretty uncomfortable,
but not fatal at all.
480
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,397
[all exclaim]
481
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:29,199
So you're all going to live.
482
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,702
I've already taken the liberty
of burning your possessions
483
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,038
as a precaution and I'm docking you each
484
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,107
a month's worth of pay
for laying about on the job.
485
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,734
Back to work!
486
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:41,145
[gentle music]
487
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:44,048
And, Miss, in spite of my terrible name,
488
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:47,318
I did make a friend and her name...
489
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,919
is Lillian.
490
00:19:50,496 --> 00:19:53,464
[soft string music]
491
00:19:53,466 --> 00:19:54,565
492
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:55,900
Oh.
493
00:19:57,937 --> 00:20:01,939
Oh, dear, how I've missed you.
494
00:20:01,941 --> 00:20:03,841
What have you two been up to
495
00:20:03,843 --> 00:20:05,309
since we were gone?
496
00:20:05,311 --> 00:20:07,978
- Oh, just friend stuff.
- Yes.
497
00:20:07,980 --> 00:20:09,747
- Us, too.
- Oh!
498
00:20:09,749 --> 00:20:11,181
- How wonderful.
- [chuckles]
499
00:20:11,183 --> 00:20:13,317
Thank God we can all be friends.
500
00:20:13,319 --> 00:20:14,486
Mm-hmm.
501
00:20:15,021 --> 00:20:17,488
I never realized how easy
being friends is.
502
00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:19,924
Now I can have Fredrick and Dick.
503
00:20:19,926 --> 00:20:22,026
[hip-hop music]
504
00:20:22,028 --> 00:20:23,093
Bitch
505
00:20:23,095 --> 00:20:25,329
- [bell dings]
- Ethany!
506
00:20:25,331 --> 00:20:27,631
- [bell dings]
- Ethany!
507
00:20:27,633 --> 00:20:29,033
Yes, ma'am?
508
00:20:29,035 --> 00:20:31,001
Ethany, remember that meal we shared?
509
00:20:31,003 --> 00:20:33,771
Well, I've developed a bit
of a taste for that fever gruel.
510
00:20:33,773 --> 00:20:35,372
Would you go fetch me a bowl?
511
00:20:35,374 --> 00:20:36,608
Yes, ma'am.
512
00:20:37,209 --> 00:20:40,414
Oh, and, girl, make it two bowls.
513
00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:43,213
One for me and one for yourself.
514
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,289
Yes, ma'am!
515
00:20:45,985 --> 00:20:47,985
- Oh, girl.
- Yes, ma'am?
516
00:20:47,987 --> 00:20:50,807
Actually, I'll take both bowls.
517
00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:52,723
I'm really hungry.
518
00:20:52,725 --> 00:20:54,458
- [deflated]
- Yes, ma'am.
519
00:20:54,508 --> 00:20:59,058
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