Original subtitles

[# Gracie Fields: If I'm A Dreamer Aren't We All]

# Aren't we all in search of happiness?

# To each one it seems a different thing

# To some it's health

# To some it's wealth

# To some it's more than this...

[man] I have not been one for grabbing life by the throat,

for standing up and demanding my say.

But I did at least lean forward in my chair from time to time

to remind fate that I was still here,

in the hope, perhaps, that she would look around, point at me and say,

"Crisp, your turn.”

And then, of course, one day she did.

His extraordinary story, The Naked Civil Servant,

which was broadcast last night, has been described

as the triumph of the resolute individual

against the faceless multitude.

He is Mr. Quentin Crisp.

As a young man, you paraded the streets of London,

your hair dyed, nails painted, face made up,

and you were badly beaten up for this.

Why did you dress like that, when you knew it would lead to beatings?

To begin with, I was merely being who I was,

and for that alone I was beaten.

So I started to wear make-up

because it was necessary for me to live out my life,

getting up, going to work, buying food, going home again,

so that someone could be seen to be homosexual

and to be a part of life.

So you were, uh, you were on a crusade:

"This is who I am. Get used to it."

If you like, yes.

- Did you ever hit back? - Never.

Because that would have been like reducing yourself to their level.

No. Because if I had, they would have killed me.

[laughter]

[Crisp] In fact, all my new-found celebrity meant

was that now my tormentors had a name to put to their demon.

- Oh, yes. - [man] Is this Quentin Crisp?

- Yes. - You're a fucking poof.

- I'm gonna smash your bloody face in. - You wish to make an appointment?

What?

I have some time on Tuesday afternoon if that is convenient for you.

You're disgusting.

[dial tone buzzes]

Some people in New York.

They've just shown Civil Servant on cable.

They want you to go over there for a month,

appear on stage and, uh, talk.

Talk? What about?

You, your life, the secret of happiness.

Well, it is quite a long way. Do you want to do it?

[# Donna Summer: Last Dance]

[Crisp] The moment I saw Manhattan, I wanted it.

It was more like the movies than I had ever dreamed.

- # Yes, it's my last chance - But did Manhattan want me?

Ooh, my, my, my!

- You got it all on today, honey. - Yes, I have, haven't I?

# So let's dance The last dance

# Let's dance The last dance...

[Crisp] The streets of New York are the closest thing to heaven on Earth.

Here, you are not scurrying from one place to another

as fast as your feet will carry you.

You are on display.

Without her outcasts, the metropolis would be a very dull place indeed.

# Oh, oh, I need you

# By me, beside me

# To guide me To hold me...

[Crisp] To succeed in heaven, you must avoid the shadows.

If the sunny side of the street is full, walk in the road.

And on no account learn the language.

The more English you sound, the more likely you are to be believed.

# Come on, baby let's dance tonight

# Yeah #

Welcome to what I would describe

as a consultation with a doctor who is more ill than you are.

[laughter]

What would you be like if there was nobody else in the world?

Who would you be if the only opinion that mattered was yours?

Because if you want to be truly happy, you must be that person.

You must search inside yourself for what is uniquely you.

When you find it, polish it until it becomes your style.

[murmuring]

It's no good being a pig farmer for 30 years, looking back and saying,

- "I was meant to be a ballet dancer." - [laughter]

By that time, pigs are your style.

Thank you.

I'm Connie Clausen. C-L-A-U-S-E-N.

I wanna represent you. You're different.

That's good. There's a big audience out there for different.

[Crisp] We went in search of the deviant dollar.

You should have him on your show.

He wore make-up in London in the '30s. They beat him up for it.

In spite of that, he's actually funny. Really, he's a scream.

I can have him at your door by eight.

[radio] # We got the funk #

Right, this is WYNY. We're gettin' down just for the funk of it.

Caller, you're through to Quentin Crisp.

[man] I been trying to get this fly girl to step with me for months now,

but she just keeps saying no.

Well, if at first you don't succeed, perhaps failure is your style.

- Hey, man. Come on. - That's you told, sucker.

Line five. How you doin'?

[woman] Hi. Hi. I just moved to a new neighbourhood,

and the woman next door's way above me.

She's got nicer clothes, nicer house, a bigger car...

No. Never try to keep up with the Joneses.

Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper.

[Crisp] But time was running out on my brief stay in heaven.

- You're not here to work? - No.

But, then, I don't think I ever did a day's real work in England

and they put up with me for 73 years.

You've no family here? No investments?

No.

So... why should we let you in?

Well, I'm told that the Constitution

allows residency for unique people

who can fulfill a function that no one else can possibly perform.

And?

Well, I humbly suggest that I qualify on those grounds.

[Crisp] I became a resident alien.

[woman] How do stay sane?

Because balancing the public you with the private you...

That's easy. Become the public persona,

- erase the private one. - [laughter]

What if your husband or your kids don't like your public persona?

Why are you with them if they don't like who you are?

- [laughter] - Leave them.

Yeah, OK, but what about... Haven't you ever been in love?

Never.

For people like me,

the dream is to win and to keep the love of a great dark man.

A real man.

The essence of a real man is that he does not fall in love with his own sex.

It's impossible.

This does not prevent homosexuals from trying.

[laughter]

They pile the make-up on thicker, they sway more from side to side,

they camp even more outrageously.

And the more they do this, the further the object of desire backs away,

- his hands raised in horror. - [laughter]

That's so much bullshit.

I'm... I'm gay. I'm a homosexual.

You used to be a pioneer, and now look at you.

- Playing to the straights? - [indistinct muttering]

It is many years since I presumed to think that I represented homosexuality.

Now I represent nothing more than my puny self.

I'm no longer a pioneer because my journey has not taken me

deeper and deeper into the jungle

but, mercifully, out into the common light of day.

[Crisp] No, I will not be nudged into a new struggle with the human race.

Now that we've finally met, I love it.

[applause continues]

- [phone rings] - Ooh, sorry.

Hi. How are you? No, no, no. I got it. I got it.

[clears throat] Phillip Steele.

[Clausen] I represent Quentin Crisp. You know him?

He's this old gay guy, and he's extremely witty.

- Yeah, no, I know him. - He wants to write movie reviews.

I thought your magazine might be interested.

Yeah, sure. Yes, we would. Uh... We... We don't have a lot of money.

- It was nice talking to you. - No, no. Wait. Uh...

- I'm sure we can dig into our pockets. - Oh, can you? I'm so pleased.

So, will he kind of, uh, send us the reviews he's writing?

He hasn't written any reviews yet.

Take him to the movies, then he'll write some reviews.

Oh.

- OK. Sure. - [phone hangs up]

Thank you.

I liked it very much. Mr. Hoffman is a brave man.

A little different from the films of your youth.

Well, the films of my youth were silent.

Men were men and women were women.

Romance still existed

precisely because men were men and women were women.

- [Steele] May I walk you home? - [Crisp] Sadly I cannot go home.

- [Crisp] I've been invited to a party. - Oh, well, that sounds like fun.

I know no one there, but I've been invited, so I shall attend.

Well, if you want someone to go with you, I'm not doing much.

Don't you perhaps have a friend at home waiting, Mr. Steele?

Uh, well, I do live with my partner, Simon,

but he's, um, um... busy tonight, so...

[disco music plays]

[indistinct chattering]

Live alone.

The continual presence of another will cramp your style in the end,

unless, of course, that person is someone you love.

Then the burden will be intolerable straightaway.

You're still hungry.

I never know when my next meal may come,

but I'm told that peanuts are a source of protein,

champagne is good for the digestion.

I don't shop for food anymore.

I attend every cocktail party to which I am invited.

Aah... This is Mr. Quentin Crisp. All the way from London.

Hello. This is Mr. Steele.

- Mr. Steele rules the Native magazine. - Hi.

Mr. Crisp is a very celebrated gay rights campaigner.

You're a sort of gay hero, right?

I don't think that I could claim to be a hero.

Things must've been different when you were young.

They were. Everything was in black and white, for one thing.

- And it was illegal, right, being gay? - Profoundly illegal.

Now we're out and proud and we've got everything.

Gay magazines, gay bars, gay saunas, gay youth groups.

I'm very glad that I have lived into an age

where happiness is there for those who know how to enjoy it.

It must be strange, though, seeing all these freedoms

that you can only dream about.

I'm sure that had they existed when I was young,

I wouldn't have had the first clue what to do with them.

Welcome to the 1 980s.

The problem of sex between two men is not that it is dirty or harmful,

- but that it is contrived. - [laughter]

For a man and a woman, their union is taken for granted.

Before two men get into bed,

they must first sit down and have a board meeting.

- [laughter] - The soul doesn't stand a chance.

- [woman] Hi, Mr. Crisp. How are you? - [Crisp] Well, thank you.

[Steele] You know so many people.

If I have an ambition, it is to know everyone in the world before I die.

I'm not doing badly.

All right, E.T. What did you think?

It was enchanting.

I pity the little guy in the suit.

Oh, so do l. To star in the biggest film of the decade

and nobody will ever know his face, what use is that?

Are you quite well, Mr. Steele?

You look a little frayed at the edges.

- I'm fine. Fine. - Your little friend.

He upped and walked out on me again.

Mr. Steele, if your happiness is entirely dependent on another's love,

you will never truly be happy.

If your love is valuable to you, it is because you give it.

You must be ready to expect nothing in return.

Once you accept this, your heart will never be broken again.

But, then, that's...

[sighs] You have to countenance living the rest of your life

without ever hoping to be loved.

It really isn't as impossible as it sounds.

Well, we must put an end to this despair.

My turn to buy you lunch.

So, home?

Perhaps you might show me one of these places.

- Isn't there a bar called the Anvil? - You wanna go to a gay bar?

Uh... I don't think... They're quite wild places these days.

Exactly why I should like to go to one, see the American male in all his finery.

Well, OK.

But not the Anvil.

Unless you happen to have a leather biker's suit and helmet on you.

[Crisp] Oh, dear. I left it at home.

- [dance music plays] - These, Quentin, are known as clones.

They're all so clean.

Construction workers without the actual work.

They don't seem very friendly. I think, perhaps, that's my fault.

Well, I don't think either of us is actually following the dress code.

You gotta be a macho man.

[Crisp] They operate on the principle

that in order to find their great dark man,

they must first look like him.

Since clones are exclusively attracted to other clones,

it is impossible to rope one in without first becoming one.

But which of these is the original, the archetype,

and how many of them are merely pretenders,

clone admirers in disguise?

What is through there?

You don't wanna know what goes on in there.

I think I can imagine.

Guys, you're not exactly playing ball here,

so why don't you finish up and go someplace else, OK?

- [Crisp] Aren't you angry? - [Steele laughs] No.

Not at all. It's not my thing anyhow.

It's their space. They have a right to do whatever they want.

Their space? Hardly progress.

- A more fashionable ghetto. - [sighs] Quentin...

Things have changed. Gay men are partying now.

After all the shit they have taken.

You know, they're having the time of their lives.

And who could blame them?

[man] Larry, does the president have any reaction to the announcement

that AIDS is now an epidemic, with over 600 cases?

Can you turn that up?

[Larry] What's AIDS?

One third of those have died. It's being called the gay plague.

- [laughter] - No, it is. I mean, this is serious.

When one out of three people that get this have died...

- Is the president even aware of it? - Well, I don’t have it. Do you?

- [Laughter] - No, I don’t.

- How do you know? - [Laughter]

[man] In other words, the White House looks on this as a great joke?

[Larry] I checked thoroughly with Dr. Ruge this morning,

and he's had no, uh...

...no patients suffering from AIDS, or whatever it is.

- May we move on? - Shit.

Sinatra...

No. Beauty is in the eye of the possessor. Don't let anyone

- tell you otherwise. - [laughter]

- [woman] Do you like ballet? - I do.

But the chief thrill of the ballet

is the chance that one of the dancers might break their neck.

[laughter]

- [man] Your predictions for 1983. - Things will get worse.

- You said that last year. - Try telling me I was wrong.

What... What do you think about AIDS?

What can be made of it?

Homosexuals are forever complaining of one ailment or another.

AIDS is a fad, nothing more.

[indistinct muttering]

You look well, Mr. Steele.

You always call me Mr. Steele. I...

Do you ever call anybody by their first name?

That would be impolite.

So... in what way...

...is AIDS a fad exactly?

To create a hysteria around this illness now

would play into the hands of your enemies.

They would say that homosexuality and disease go hand in hand.

We must treat this crisis as a boring triviality.

It will pass.

Well, I hope you're right. It certainly is a popular fad.

The number of its adherents grows by the day.

I'm very sorry to hear it.

See, now, look, if you could say that,

that, you know, on reflection, you... you... you recognise

that, maybe, what you said wasn't...

It is my policy never to lie, never to defend.

To recant would be to imply that I do not mean what I say.

And I do.

Well, you should expect things to get a little... rough.

It's not as if it's particularly funny.

"AIDS is a fad." I've heard better.

I've had two theatres cancel.

The book tour is becoming... difficult.

You have to retract.

I can explain what I said.

They don't print explanations. They print retractions.

Well...

Tell you what.

We'll lay off the public speaking and the TV shows for a while.

Wouldn't do you any good to dig yourself in any deeper.

As you wish.

[Crisp] Why is that people insist I should suffer,

that I should be lonely, indeed am lonely, did I but know it.

I am not.

Mr. Crisp?

Oh, yes?

- Could I join you, do you think? - Of course.

- I've been coming to your shows. - I can only apologise.

I am able to give you a full refund, if it will help.

I love the way you think on the spot. The questions that you get asked.

I treat it like a geography exam.

The night before, you open the atlas at random,

and if it says China, you learn all there is to say about China.

And then... if the exam asks about France?

Then your answer begins, "France isn't like China."

[laughs]

- Yeah. - And you say what you came to say.

- Even if people don't like it. - Quite so.

I'd love you to see my work.

I think you'd understand it.

I'd be delighted.

And then I escaped from Santa Barbara altogether and all that shit.

I haven't seen my parents in a long time.

- No? - No.

Well... they'd, uh... interfere with my style.

It's... I'm sorry. It's just, um...

- It's really a mess. - House cleaning is a mistake.

Right. Um... Don't lose your nerve,

because after four years, the dust can't get any worse, right?

Oh, lovely, hearing my worn-out lines spoken by another, younger voice.

They're a bit... dirty?

Well, with sex in art, you're stuck with it.

In real life, it might go away.

Do you like them?

Yes, I do.

Very much.

They have an honest...

...unpretentious quality to them.

I'm trying to depict the efforts we make to come together,

touch each other's skin, become a part of each other.

You see these efforts as thwarted in some way?

Futile... I guess.

I mean, I think it's like what you said.

Love is impossible.

I really believe that.

Thank you very much for the tea, Mr. Angus.

Oh, no. Thank you for coming. I knew you'd understand.

[Crisp] Yes, your wonderful paintings.

Well...

Would you sit for me sometime?

I'd be delighted.

[indistinct chattering]

[man] Hey!

Who the hell do you think you are?

- I'm sorry? - My friend is sick.

His name is Peter. He has AIDS.

His body is covered in sores. He's slowly going blind.

I'm very sorry to hear it.

You could give a shit. "AIDS is a fad"?

What the fuck does that mean?

You know, if you weren't so old, fella...

When you don't know jack and you talk that kind of shit,

it makes me so angry.

In which case, I must ensure that the words that have upset you

are never said again.

Yeah, well, you fuckin' better.

- Come on. Just leave it, man. - Let's go.

Limey politeness, hmm? Like that makes it all OK.

[man] Just leave it. Come on.

[Steele] I did warn you.

You've made a lot of people angry.

Are you OK?

Yes, thank you.

I hope you don't mind me...

...exploiting you like this.

This I have come to expect.

I never understand people who say, "l felt I'd been used."

Because think of the people who've never been used.

Life's much harder for them.

You...

You know, I should be recording this.

- Do you... Do you mind? - If you like.

- [clears throat] - Ooh.

Mr. Crisp.

- Oh, yes? - [laughs]

Uh, do you think, um...

Is there a place in heaven for gays?

Well...

Heterosexuals imagine the afterlife

as a world full of light where there is no parting.

If there is an afterlife for homosexuals,

which doesn't seem very likely, it will be very poorly lit

and full of people they can feel confident

they will never have to meet again.

You heard about the mandatory screening programme?

- Yes. - What do you think about it?

Disgraceful.

It'd be good if people heard you say that.

- It wouldn't stop the programme. - No, but...

It wouldn't take much, you know, to show your support.

Just make a statement.

They're fighting for their rights. I don't believe anyone has rights.

If humanity got what it deserves, we would starve.

[sighs] I think I'm gonna put the cinema reviews on hold for a while.

I understand.

I don't think I feel like going to the movies with you at the moment.

- As you wish. - No.

I don't wish.

Why do you say that it is impossible for you to find love?

Why?

Because the object of my desire is a real man.

And the essence of a real man...

...is that he doesn't fall in love with somebody of his own sex.

I wouldn't want me. [sniffs]

I don't think it's fair to expect anybody else to.

- I'm sure that's nonsense. - Trust me. I've looked.

I get my kicks in the back room.

- Is that wise? - I like the back room.

They can hardly see your face. And no one speaks.

- No one breaks the spell. - Mmm-hmm.

This ensures that you will never meet anyone who might actually love you.

That's OK. Maybe...

...sad and lonely is my style.

[sighs]

- [indistinct shouting on TV] - [man] Aids is a disease that...

- What do you think about Quentin Crisp? - Quentin Crisp? No, he doesn't matter.

We used to think he was some kind of hero,

but it turns out he was just a bitter old queen.

You know, you live and learn, I guess.

[man] This is Stephen Adamson...

[dance music plays]

Shot, please.

You want something, buddy?

Huh?

Freak.

- [indistinct shouting on street] - [horn honking]

Hi.

The boys in your paintings...

My great dark men.

There is no great dark man.

Trust me. I looked.

It's not his rejection we have to fear. It's his non-existence.

We see him invoked everywhere,

but he is a fantasy, and a damaging fantasy at that.

You are beautiful, Mr. Angus.

The great dark man is not the solution to your problem,

he's causing it, and he could well be the death of you.

[clears throat] I think...

Well, it's way too late to start worrying about that now.

I think we should show your work.

I think we should find a gallery and show your work to the world.

Well, that'd be great.

But who'd want to, uh...

Who'd wanna see my work?

I will find a gallery.

Mmm-hmm. Well, it's figurative.

It's very gay, isn't it?

I see. Kind of nasty, aren't they?

Well, I don't think I need to see any more.

The market isn't really looking for message pieces at the moment.

It's a little bit preachy and, as I say, they're... they're very gay.

Works need to exert a more universal appeal.

So say nothing, and it will be a nothing that everyone can feel comfortable with.

If you say so.

Taxi!

Please. Allow me to help you get those home.

No, really, that's fine. Just... Taxi!

I really need to be on my own right now.

I'll see you later.

Thank you for everything you've done.

Hello, Quentin.

[Crisp] I was at least able to suggest

that Mr. Steele print some of Mr. Angus's work

within the pages of the Christopher Street magazine.

Sure.

These are great.

[Crisp] They did not sell immediately.

Then, on seeing them in the magazine,

Mr. Hockney purchased two.

This was the permission

that moneyed homosexuals across the world had been waiting for.

The young artist lived just long enough to see his work sell.

He died of complications associated with AIDS.

I wish terribly that he had lived,

if for no other reason than he had finally found the desire to do so.

A tenth decade and I am still here.

There's a man in my block who every week, without fail,

posts a gift to me through the letter box.

A dead mouse.

I await his offerings every Wednesday,

and I cannot leave the house until he has delivered.

I'm under mouse arrest until he does.

I think my days as a public speaker

are coming to an end.

Well... you know...

Good.

You need to start thinking of yourself now.

I have done little else all my life.

Really?

Thank you for helping me with the shopping.

I'll... I'll come by later if you want me to.

That would be very kind.

[Crisp] The world indulges itself in relentless change about my ears.

Let it. More people are getting what they want. This is good.

As my voice becomes less and less relevant,

I have more time to rest my eyes.

[woman] Wake up. Mr. Crisp.

Don't worry. I am here. You're not dead.

The front door was open.

My name is Susana Ventura.

Most people call me Penny Arcade.

How do you do?

Do you believe in postmodernism?

No. I believe that once there was modernism,

then it ended, now there is only decline and decay.

I think I may have just fallen in love with you.

Oh, dear.

- Will you come and perform with me? - Perform?

On stage. A theatrical experience.

Left wing, in your face, words, music, dance, nudity.

Nudity?

- You do the words. - And you would...

But what would I have to say?

Who would want to listen to me now?

Quentin, you said things would get worse.

You were so right.

We have lived into a period where protest and debate

have given way to buy and, hey, let's buy some more.

Take a walk with me?

There used to be a bar on this street called Ted's.

Now it's like a really high-end shoe shop,

but back in the day it was this sleazy gay bar with a great back room.

And, you know, they wouldn't let Marc Almond in.

- You know Marc Almond? - The singer? Yes, I have heard of him.

They wouldn't let him in. Too much make-up.

And he refused to wipe it off.

Something similar happened to me in London many long, dark years ago.

Queer-on-queer discrimination.

Of course, it probably saved his life.

Saved his life?

There was a disease going around that was quite fashionable at the time.

- Remember? - Oh, yes.

You still like New York. Why?

Because happiness rains down from the sky in America.

Even if that were true,

this will only ever be New York, and New York is not America.

Not yet, anyhow. They're working on it.

Andy Warhol said that, "In the future,

everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame."

Yes.

What he should have said was, "In the future everyone will have 15 minutes

to find someone in the room with money."

Buying is more American than thinking.

Mmm.

There's an exciting new phenomenon known as the pink dollar.

Have you heard? Gay men don't need to protest anymore.

Why march for freedom when you can buy really cute white undies?

[muffled disco music playing]

[# Ce Ce Peniston: Finally]

# But all he ever wanted was to have a little fun

# But now you come along and brightened up my world

These boys live for the gym,

probably because, with so many of them still dying,

everybody's gotta look healthy, healthy, healthy.

# Finally you come along

# The way I feel about ya it just can't be wrong

Homosexuals have always been experts in the art of hedonism.

Homosexuals? You're so queer, you're not even gay.

Thank you.

You said that the trouble with gays was

they thought the whole straight world was one big party,

and the only problem was that they hadn't been invited.

I remember saying something like that.

Uh-uh. They're hosting the party now.

Quentin, look at them.

To be young and gay now means your commandments are written in stone.

Thou shalt go to the gym. Thou shalt take drugs.

Thou shalt wax off every body hair thou hast.

And if you don't, you get hurled out of heaven, cast out by the outcasts.

Sound familiar?

- [horn honking] - I got you a new pan.

And... a tea towel because...

May I throw this one away, please?

[Arcade] Quentin, speak to us.

What do you want me to say?

Say the first thing that comes into your head.

I hear from my spies

that there is a Democrat president now.

[cheering]

I too would cheer, but I worry that Mr. Clinton might break your hearts.

Ooh!

These days America only elects a Democrat

so that her armies can have a well-earned break...

- [laughter] -...before returning to the fray.

[cheering]

I have found a new muse, discovered a new profession.

Aged curio.

- The last of a dying breed. - Doesn't it make you tired?

- I mean, you can't be... - Do not worry, Mr. Steele.

It won't kill me. A few performances every now and then.

No, I suppose not.

And a feature film.

In England.

A... A feature film in England?

How can I refuse?

For you, Orlando.

The house and gardens in perpetuity.

But on one condition.

Do not age.

Do not wither.

Do not grow old.

[Crisp] Even a marriage to oneself cannot last forever.

My body and I divorced years ago.

But we're still forced to live together.

[Steele] You're tired.

No more performances.

[Crisp] Mr. Steele says that I should stop performing.

Says we're fighting old battles.

OK, fine. If you feel like you don't have anything more to say,

you can go home and I'll... I'll do the show myself.

[applause]

[Crisp clears throat]

Quentin, what about death?

Is it possible to die with style?

Oh, yes.

Once you have decided you are a stylist,

you must keep your eye on the ultimate horizon,

your finale,

a way of ending it on your own terms,

otherwise you'll find yourself on an iron bedstead in a rented room

with people standing around you saying, "He can't last much longer."

[man] Watch it, asshole!

I wish you'd stop doing that.

Yes, that would not be a good way to go.

Gunned down by a policeman, that'd be dying in style.

Shot through the heart by a member of the NYPD.

You're incredible.

People ask me what I would like played at my funeral.

They imagine that we can look down from the cloud

and count the number of mourners at our wake.

And we won't. We'll be dead.

When I die, I don't care what happens,

to me or to the world.

- Thank you. - Mmm-hmm.

Oh! What do you wanna do with these?

Invitations.

To parties, picture galleries, film premieres.

All must be attended to.

Or... you could just throw them away.

- Won't they be angry? - No, they won't.

- How will I live? - Oh, Quentin.

You have over one million dollars in your savings account.

It is possible to put quite a bit by

if you're prepared to live on peanuts and champagne.

Come on.

Throw them away.

Yes!

Come on.

amfAR?

AIDS research.

I send them cheques because it has long been an ambition of mine

to meet Miss Taylor.

You send amfAR thousands of dollars

just so you can meet Elizabeth Taylor.

- And for no other reason. - None at all.

Uh-huh. I'll mail it for you.

[sighs] Right.

Please don't bother. Housework is a mistake.

Well, then, let me make a mistake on your behalf.

Why? It'll only raise two decades' worth of dust.

It's really not healthy, and you're not well anyhow.

He who so famously said

that after the first four years the dust doesn't get any worse,

he was wrong.

The dust took its awful revenge.

Mr. Steele,

why are you so determined to save me from myself?

Because, Mr. Crisp, you are important to me.

How so?

When they showed The Naked Civil Servant on cable,

I was still in the closet, living in Hicksville, Kentucky,

and... they showed that film, and...

- That film again. - Yes, yes, yes. That film again.

They showed the film and I saw what you did,

how you... braved them out, and...

...it changed my life.

I moved to New York. I started to live.

And that would not have been possible if it hadn't been for you.

And this is the filthiest stove I have ever seen.

[groans]

What is it? Are you all right?

What is it?

Amongst other conditions, I have a hernia...

...and I don't think I'm wearing the support correctly.

Phillip, would...

Sure.

[winces]

[front door opens]

[Steele] Quentin?

Allow me to introduce you to something called... broccoli.

You can't go back to England.

Why not?

You have an enlarged heart, psoriasis all over your body,

and you're in remission from a bout of prostate cancer

that you're not telling anyone about.

A transatlantic flight would not be a good idea right now.

Let me go with you.

That would get me into trouble with my employers.

You don't need the money! Seven hours in a pressurised cabin.

Your heart is never gonna take it.

Oh! I get it.

Suicide by airplane, huh?

I don't want you to die.

Why not?

You're too important.

It looks like they're gonna elect another Bush.

I mean, you said things would get worse. You didn't say they'd get this bad.

I'm not exactly...

...selling the idea of continuing to live here, am I?

No.

Well, then, fine. I hope you die on the plane.

That way England will have to bear all of the expenses

and have none of the profits.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

What does Steele say?

Mr. Steele is cosy.

I can't leave you alone for a second.

I thought you weren't gonna do any more.

You don't have to die in England. You hate England.

Yes, I do, but there'll be so little fuss.

I'm almost forgotten there.

Here...

Here, there is just the possibility

that someone will try and rescue me at the last.

Before that... my American swan song.

I've been invited to do one last question-and-answer session.

- Where is it? - In a gay club.

In Tampa, Florida.

Do you wanna do it?

If only to find out why they want me to.

[# The Smiths: How Soon is Now]

# I am the son and the heir

# Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

# I am the son and the heir

- Thank you, Phillip. - My pleasure, Denis.

[chuckles] I haven't been Denis since I was 19.

# I go about things the wrong way

# I am human and I need to be loved

# Just like everybody else does

What will I say to them?

The usual, I imagine.

Persistence is your greatest weapon.

It is in the nature of barriers that they fall.

Do not seek to become like your opponents.

You have the burden and the great joy

of being outsiders.

Every day you live is a kind of triumph.

This you should cling onto.

You should make no effort to try and join society.

Stay right where you are.

Give your name and serial number,

and wait for society to form itself around you.

Because it most certainly will.

Neither look forward where there is doubt,

nor backward where there is regret.

Look inward and ask

not if there is anything outside that you want,

but whether there is anything inside

that you have not yet unpacked.

[cheering]

[# Sting: An Englishman in New York]

# I don't drink coffee I take tea, my dear

# I like my toast done on one side

# And you can hear it in my accent when I talk

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# See me walking down Fifth Avenue

# Walking cane here at my side

# I take it everywhere I walk

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# If "manners maketh man " as someone said

# He’s the hero of the day

# It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile

# Be yourself no matter what they say

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety

# You could end up as the only one

# Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society

# At night a candle’s brighter than the sun

# Takes more than combat gear to make a man

# Takes more than a license for a gun

# Confront your enemies Avoid them when you can

# A gentleman will walk, but never run

# If "manners maketh man " as someone said

# He’s the hero of the day

# It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile

# Be yourself, no matter what they say

# Be yourself, no matter what they say

# Be yourself, no matter what they say

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York

# Whoa-oa

# I'm an alien I'm a legal alien

# I'm an Englishman in New York #