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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,030 ♫.. This little light of mine ..♫ 2 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:06,100 ♫.. I'm gonna let it shine ..♫ 3 00:00:06,130 --> 00:00:08,700 ♫.. Let it shine, let it shine ..♫ 4 00:00:08,730 --> 00:00:10,170 ♫.. Let it shine ..♫ 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,960 ♫.. Everywhere I go ..♫ 6 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,400 ♫.. I'm gonna let it shine ..♫ 7 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,680 ♫.. Everywhere I go ..♫ 8 00:00:19,710 --> 00:00:21,010 ♫.. I'm gonna let it shine... ..♫ 9 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,710 Well, I am happy to report that my potato salad 10 00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:27,550 is once again the hit of the potluck. 11 00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:29,340 That's great, honey. I feel bad 12 00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:30,310 for Pam Staples. 13 00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:33,210 No one's touching her potato salad. 14 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,120 If you feel bad, then why are you smiling? 15 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,430 'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite. 16 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:40,520 (chuckles) 17 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:41,960 Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today? 18 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,900 Pastor Jeff. Thank you, Pastor Jeff. 19 00:00:43,930 --> 00:00:45,630 Y'all remember my wife Selena. 20 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,100 MEEMAW : Hi, Selena. Oh, yeah. 21 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,360 ¿Qué tal? 22 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,500 You're married to her? 23 00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:51,340 Why, yes, I am. 24 00:00:51,370 --> 00:00:54,500 (quietly): You can think it-- you don't need to say it. 25 00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:55,900 How are you liking Medford, Selena? 26 00:00:55,940 --> 00:00:58,610 (bad Spanish accent): ¿Cómo te gusta Medford? 27 00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,190 She likes it fine. 28 00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:05,060 Oh. 29 00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:09,360 (grunts) She needs to use the little girls' room. 30 00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:11,590 Mary, could I talk to you for a second? 31 00:01:11,630 --> 00:01:12,830 Sure. 32 00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:14,990 Don't worry. I'll bring her right back. 33 00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:17,070 Wasn't worried, but okay. 34 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,800 Okay. 35 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:20,690 His Spanish is terrible. 36 00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:22,530 That's not what she said at all. 37 00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:23,600 Oh. 38 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,010 I don't know if you've heard, 39 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,700 but our church secretary, 40 00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:29,700 Elizabeth Sohinki, is currently seeking treatment 41 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,940 for a little problem with-- shall we say-- 42 00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:33,820 under-the-counter medications. 43 00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:35,890 Oh. So that rumor's true. 44 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:36,990 Mm-hmm. Well, she did 45 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:39,020 always seem extremely alert. 46 00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:41,020 Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway, 47 00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:43,290 we need someone to step in and fill the position. 48 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,350 I was wondering if you might consider it. 49 00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,290 It's not just bookkeeping. 50 00:01:48,330 --> 00:01:51,240 I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues-- you know, 51 00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:53,140 plumbing, electric, what have you. 52 00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:56,610 And I'd also head the planning committee 53 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:57,880 for all the social events, 54 00:01:57,910 --> 00:01:59,510 which, of course, includes the big three: 55 00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,670 baptisms, weddings, funerals. 56 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,780 And here is the cherry on top. 57 00:02:04,810 --> 00:02:08,880 The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings... 58 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,620 "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"? 59 00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:11,850 Exactly. 60 00:02:11,890 --> 00:02:14,190 Guess whose job it would be to write those. 61 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,580 Yours. 62 00:02:15,620 --> 00:02:17,620 Already working on a couple. 63 00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,000 Listen to this. 64 00:02:19,030 --> 00:02:21,330 (excited chuckling) 65 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:26,730 "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1." 66 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,040 What? 67 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,600 You know, be one. 68 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,880 Like be a Christian. 69 00:02:32,910 --> 00:02:35,080 And also B1 the vitamin. 70 00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:37,880 Well, now that you explained it, it's funny. 71 00:02:37,910 --> 00:02:39,410 Yeah. Might be a thinker. 72 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,190 But there's a lot more where that came from. 73 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,210 What about the twins? 74 00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,850 Well, I'll still get 'em off to school every day. 75 00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:49,430 And when they get home, 76 00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:52,500 Mom can keep an eye on 'em till I get back. 77 00:02:52,530 --> 00:02:54,030 Think she'll go for it? 78 00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:56,490 Are you kidding? She loves 'em like crazy. 79 00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:57,630 Fat chance. 80 00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:59,440 Oh, come on. 81 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:02,310 You come on. I'm in the prime of my life. 82 00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:05,610 I got my water aerobics and my salsa dancing 83 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,040 and my bowling league. 84 00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:08,900 But you love your grandchildren. 85 00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:11,310 I love ice cream, too, but I don't want to eat it 86 00:03:11,350 --> 00:03:13,720 from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week. 87 00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:15,890 Well, I'm very disappointed. 88 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,090 And I'm fine with that. 89 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,560 Why don't you just get a babysitter? 90 00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:21,530 Kinda defeats the purpose of making extra money. 91 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:22,330 Oh, yeah, right. 92 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,830 All right, let's think about it. 93 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:25,400 Georgie. 94 00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:26,600 Football practice. 95 00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,270 And I don't trust him when I'm home. Oh. 96 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:31,840 Okay, now, what are we talking about here? 97 00:03:31,870 --> 00:03:35,070 Sheldon is intelligent and responsible, 98 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:38,800 and Missy... is his sister. 99 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,480 I think they'll be fine home alone 100 00:03:40,510 --> 00:03:42,980 all by themselves for a couple hours after school. 101 00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,940 You think? I do. 102 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:47,620 As a matter of fact, I actually think it'll be great for them. 103 00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,350 These kids today are so coddled, 104 00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:51,210 I honestly think y'all are raising 105 00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:53,650 a whole generation of sissies. 106 00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:56,790 Is that the way you speak about your grandchildren? 107 00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,790 Yes. 108 00:04:00,830 --> 00:04:03,730 ♫.. Nobody else is stronger than I am ..♫ 109 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,390 ♫.. Yesterday I moved a mountain ..♫ 110 00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:09,100 ♫.. I bet I could be your hero ..♫ 111 00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,380 ♫.. I am a mighty little man ..♫ 112 00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:15,880 ♫.. I am a mighty little man. ..♫ 113 00:04:15,975 --> 00:04:18,475 Subtitles by MaxPayne ^.^.^.^.COLORED by.^.^.^.^ ® Sud_Arun collections ® A member of Psagmeno.com 114 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,320 (door closes) 115 00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:22,820 Hi. 116 00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:25,010 How'd it go with your mom? 117 00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:26,210 She's not interested in watching 'em. 118 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,350 Doesn't want to give up her afternoons. 119 00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:31,030 Of course. Sorry. 120 00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:34,800 You know what, it's okay. 121 00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:36,200 The timing wasn't right. 122 00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,490 Maybe when the kids are older. 123 00:04:38,530 --> 00:04:41,430 Okay. 124 00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:46,330 (sighs) I guess I'll go get dinner started. 125 00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:58,010 How about this? 126 00:04:58,050 --> 00:05:00,550 Go ahead and take the job. 127 00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:02,160 Yeah, if it turns out 128 00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,690 Sheldon and Missy can't look out for themselves 129 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,490 for a couple hours after school, 130 00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:08,900 then... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 131 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:10,030 Are you sure about this? 132 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,890 Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em. 133 00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:14,060 Teach 'em a little responsibility. 134 00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,500 That's exactly what my mom said. 135 00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:18,140 Really? 136 00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:19,800 Well, I still like the idea. 137 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,540 Mmm. 138 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,440 MARY : Thank you, God, for this food 139 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,280 we're about to receive, and for the nourishment 140 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,950 of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. 141 00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:33,710 ALL : Amen. 142 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,050 So, kids, 143 00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:37,660 we have a little family business to discuss. 144 00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,190 You're pregnant? No. 145 00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:41,200 We're getting a puppy? No. 146 00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:43,270 I'm not sure I care. 147 00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:46,100 Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take 148 00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,200 a full-time job at the church. 149 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,010 Well, who's going to take care of us? 150 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,410 Well, nothing will change in the morning-- I'll make breakfast, 151 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,470 take you both to school. Then, after school, 152 00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:57,350 you'll come home, do your homework, 153 00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,080 watch TV, play with your toys 154 00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:01,240 till I come home around 6:00. 155 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,610 Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us? 156 00:06:03,650 --> 00:06:06,210 'Cause she's not the person you think she is. George... 157 00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:08,420 You're really gonna leave these two alone? 158 00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:09,260 Yes. 159 00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:12,130 That's a brave choice. 160 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:13,730 Look, this job is important to your mother. 161 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,460 We expect you both to step up and be responsible. 162 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,270 I can do that. 163 00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:19,700 Missy? 164 00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:21,960 I'm thinking about it. 165 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,530 Very brave. 166 00:06:31,235 --> 00:06:34,305 Okay, let's go over it one more time. 167 00:06:34,345 --> 00:06:37,385 House key's under the plastic owl by the front door. 168 00:06:37,415 --> 00:06:40,485 There's after-school snacks in the fridge. 169 00:06:40,515 --> 00:06:43,255 One for each of you. 170 00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:46,355 Emergency numbers are right there by the phone. 171 00:06:46,385 --> 00:06:48,415 First aid kit is in the hall closet. 172 00:06:48,455 --> 00:06:51,055 (sighs) And you won't be needing it, 173 00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:54,765 but under the kitchen sink is a fire extinguisher. 174 00:06:54,795 --> 00:06:56,355 Ooh, that looks fun. 175 00:06:56,395 --> 00:06:59,925 For fires only, and don't be starting one just to use it. 176 00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:02,865 (whispering): It's like she can read my mind. 177 00:07:02,905 --> 00:07:04,345 SHELDON : Don't worry, Mom. 178 00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:05,845 We'll make you proud. 179 00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:07,915 I know you will, baby. 180 00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:09,145 All set for your first day? 181 00:07:09,175 --> 00:07:10,805 I believe I am. Mm. 182 00:07:10,845 --> 00:07:12,015 Mwah. Mwah. 183 00:07:12,045 --> 00:07:13,005 Go get 'em. 184 00:07:13,045 --> 00:07:15,305 Thanks for waking me up. 185 00:07:15,345 --> 00:07:17,715 I woke you up 40 minutes ago. 186 00:07:17,755 --> 00:07:20,325 Well, you didn't do a very good job. 187 00:07:20,355 --> 00:07:22,455 Bye, y'all. 188 00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:25,325 (groans) 189 00:07:25,355 --> 00:07:26,285 (door closes) 190 00:07:28,765 --> 00:07:31,735 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 191 00:07:31,765 --> 00:07:33,265 Okay, later. 192 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,605 Sorry to bother you, Peg, is Pastor Jeff available? 193 00:07:37,635 --> 00:07:40,735 Jeff! You available?! 194 00:07:40,775 --> 00:07:41,745 JEFF : On the phone. 195 00:07:41,775 --> 00:07:43,875 He's on the phone. 196 00:07:44,645 --> 00:07:47,115 (coughing) 197 00:07:48,785 --> 00:07:50,925 (wheezes, coughs) 198 00:07:54,225 --> 00:07:57,665 You know, my mother's had some luck cutting back on the smoking 199 00:07:57,695 --> 00:07:58,925 by chewing that nicotine gum. 200 00:07:58,955 --> 00:08:02,625 Got some right here. 201 00:08:02,665 --> 00:08:03,905 So you do. (chuckles) 202 00:08:03,935 --> 00:08:05,005 JEFF : Come on in. 203 00:08:05,035 --> 00:08:06,435 Go on, you heard him. 204 00:08:06,465 --> 00:08:07,495 (coughing) 205 00:08:07,535 --> 00:08:09,905 Thank you. 206 00:08:09,935 --> 00:08:11,495 Hey, hey. 207 00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:13,565 Hey, Mare. 208 00:08:13,605 --> 00:08:15,505 Uh, you finding everything you need? 209 00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:16,885 Oh, you bet. 210 00:08:16,915 --> 00:08:19,585 So, I've been going over the books, 211 00:08:19,615 --> 00:08:22,115 and I think we have enough money in our budget 212 00:08:22,145 --> 00:08:24,375 to purchase a personal computer 213 00:08:24,415 --> 00:08:26,645 to handle all the church business. 214 00:08:26,685 --> 00:08:28,585 Okay. (chuckles) 215 00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:30,425 Well, uh, why don't you leave the paperwork here, 216 00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:31,655 and I'll-I'll take a look at it. 217 00:08:31,695 --> 00:08:32,665 Of course. 218 00:08:32,695 --> 00:08:34,795 That's for your perusal. 219 00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:36,225 (chuckles) 220 00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:40,265 Everything okay? 221 00:08:40,305 --> 00:08:41,805 What? 222 00:08:41,835 --> 00:08:43,665 Yeah. Right as rain. 223 00:08:43,705 --> 00:08:44,805 All righty. 224 00:08:44,835 --> 00:08:46,805 Hey, if you have a minute, 225 00:08:46,845 --> 00:08:49,915 I would love to talk to you about the sign out front. 226 00:08:49,945 --> 00:08:52,085 Yeah, sure. 227 00:09:04,055 --> 00:09:06,555 So far so good. 228 00:09:25,745 --> 00:09:27,775 SHELDON : Hello? 229 00:09:27,815 --> 00:09:29,955 Anybody? 230 00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:34,615 They weren't kidding. 231 00:09:40,095 --> 00:09:43,005 Maybe I'll just have one little peek. 232 00:09:44,565 --> 00:09:47,375 How come you're not eating your snack? 233 00:09:47,405 --> 00:09:51,575 I prefer my snack to be a reward for homework well done. 234 00:09:51,605 --> 00:09:53,865 You're like an old person. 235 00:09:53,905 --> 00:09:55,535 Thank you. 236 00:10:04,985 --> 00:10:05,975 What's your homework? 237 00:10:06,015 --> 00:10:07,185 Non-Euclidean geometry. 238 00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:08,525 How about you? 239 00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:10,985 "Symonyms." 240 00:10:11,025 --> 00:10:12,895 You mean synonyms. 241 00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:15,255 I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms." 242 00:10:17,795 --> 00:10:19,655 Did you see that? 243 00:10:19,695 --> 00:10:21,595 Someone's out there. 244 00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,975 Oh, no. They're in the backyard. 245 00:10:25,005 --> 00:10:26,465 What do we do? 246 00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:30,035 Aah! 247 00:10:30,075 --> 00:10:32,705 (all screaming) 248 00:10:42,385 --> 00:10:46,285 Would one of you please get me a towel? 249 00:10:51,115 --> 00:10:53,045 Why were you sneaking around out there? 250 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,555 Yeah, you scared us. 251 00:10:54,585 --> 00:10:56,885 I was checking up on you two. 252 00:10:56,925 --> 00:11:00,025 And in case you're wondering, you scared me back. 253 00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:01,485 Well, why didn't you knock? 254 00:11:01,525 --> 00:11:05,395 Because you two are supposed to be doing this on your own. 255 00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:07,305 And you don't think we can. 256 00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:08,375 Of course I do. 257 00:11:08,405 --> 00:11:09,635 I'm the one who told your mother 258 00:11:09,665 --> 00:11:11,795 that you were fine by yourselves in the first place. 259 00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:14,265 Then why were you checking up on us? 260 00:11:14,305 --> 00:11:16,465 That's called being two-faced. 261 00:11:16,505 --> 00:11:17,835 We'll be okay on our own. 262 00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:19,905 Yeah, we need to prove we can do this. 263 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:22,105 All right. 264 00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:24,045 I respect that. 265 00:11:24,085 --> 00:11:28,855 And I'm happy to keep this little incident a secret. 266 00:11:28,885 --> 00:11:30,585 Really? I'm telling everyone. 267 00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,595 It was hilarious. 268 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,735 I'm going bowling. 269 00:11:35,765 --> 00:11:38,405 (door opens, closes) 270 00:11:38,435 --> 00:11:42,005 When we first started dating, everything was wonderful. 271 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,875 That's when it is wonderful. 272 00:11:43,905 --> 00:11:46,005 All the problems started once we got married. 273 00:11:46,035 --> 00:11:48,735 Well, marriage will do that to a relationship. 274 00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:50,015 I-I got Selena a credit card 275 00:11:50,045 --> 00:11:52,715 to make small purchases for the house. 276 00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:55,755 You know... (stammers) ...coffee maker, DustBuster. 277 00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:57,455 You know what she did? 278 00:11:57,485 --> 00:11:59,225 She went to that Sharper Image store 279 00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:00,755 and she bought a massage chair. 280 00:12:00,785 --> 00:12:03,085 Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall. 281 00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:04,225 It was terrific. 282 00:12:04,255 --> 00:12:05,485 It's $2,000. 283 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:08,995 Oh. Well, seeing as I know how much you make, 284 00:12:09,025 --> 00:12:10,225 you can't afford that. 285 00:12:10,265 --> 00:12:12,765 I... uh-uh. 286 00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:14,795 ADULT SHELDON : Of all the afflictions 287 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:18,175 that can befall a child, one reigns supreme. 288 00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:21,175 Beyond scraped knees and paper cuts, 289 00:12:21,205 --> 00:12:25,775 nothing strikes fear into the hearts of kids around the world 290 00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:28,115 like a splinter. 291 00:12:28,145 --> 00:12:32,515 (distorted): No! 292 00:12:32,555 --> 00:12:35,525 Tell me why you were pretending to have amnesia. 293 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,295 I've got a splinter! 294 00:12:37,325 --> 00:12:38,795 So? 295 00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,125 So, it's an emergency! 296 00:12:40,155 --> 00:12:41,155 Call Meemaw! 297 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,195 Oh, calm down. 298 00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:44,785 We can take care of this. No, we can't! 299 00:12:44,825 --> 00:12:47,655 Sheldon, if we can't handle a little splinter, 300 00:12:47,695 --> 00:12:50,025 they're never gonna leave us alone again. 301 00:12:50,065 --> 00:12:51,765 You're right. 302 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,175 So, what do we do? 303 00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:54,975 Let me see it. 304 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,085 Oh, boy. That's a deep one. 305 00:13:00,115 --> 00:13:02,585 Hey, it's throbbing really bad. 306 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,585 Mom would take it out with tweezers. 307 00:13:04,615 --> 00:13:06,675 Well, where would we find tweezers? 308 00:13:06,715 --> 00:13:08,415 Let's see what we got. 309 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,555 Band-Aids... 310 00:13:09,585 --> 00:13:11,545 cotton balls. 311 00:13:11,585 --> 00:13:13,255 What's "gowz"? 312 00:13:13,295 --> 00:13:15,735 It's gauze, and the fact that you don't know that 313 00:13:15,765 --> 00:13:17,595 is not filling me with hope. 314 00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:21,105 Where would Mom keep the tweezers? 315 00:13:21,135 --> 00:13:23,705 Sometimes she uses a needle on splinters. No. 316 00:13:23,735 --> 00:13:26,235 No needles. Anything but needles. 317 00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:29,115 Wait, she has tweezers in her makeup bag. 318 00:13:29,145 --> 00:13:30,915 She plucks her eyebrows with them. 319 00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:33,685 And sometimes her mustache. 320 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,925 Anything? 321 00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:42,095 Nope. 322 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,625 Wait. 323 00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:45,115 Maybe they're in her room. 324 00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:47,685 We're not allowed to go in Mom and Dad's room. 325 00:13:47,725 --> 00:13:50,125 Want me to get the needle? 326 00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:54,325 (whispering): Let's make this quick. 327 00:13:54,365 --> 00:13:55,965 Why are you whispering? 328 00:13:56,005 --> 00:13:58,475 That's how people speak when they're being naughty. 329 00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,505 I wouldn't know. 330 00:13:59,535 --> 00:14:01,295 I'm naughty all the time. 331 00:14:09,345 --> 00:14:11,305 You're really not coming in? 332 00:14:11,345 --> 00:14:13,645 No. But you're doing great. 333 00:14:17,325 --> 00:14:18,695 (sighs) 334 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,595 What's wrong? 335 00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:22,625 This really is naughty. 336 00:14:22,665 --> 00:14:24,335 I told you. 337 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,335 I don't see anything. 338 00:14:30,365 --> 00:14:32,065 There's just a Bible and a flashlight. 339 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,405 (phone ringing) (screams) 340 00:14:33,435 --> 00:14:34,635 (screams) 341 00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:35,875 What do I do? 342 00:14:35,905 --> 00:14:38,275 Answer it but sound calm. 343 00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:42,805 Hello. 344 00:14:42,845 --> 00:14:43,905 Hey, it's Dad. 345 00:14:43,945 --> 00:14:45,215 How you guys doing? 346 00:14:45,255 --> 00:14:46,355 We're great. 347 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,755 Glad to hear it. 348 00:14:47,785 --> 00:14:48,815 I'm watching TV, 349 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:51,425 and Sheldon's reading quietly. 350 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,485 (sighs) 351 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,565 I knew you could handle this. 352 00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:54,965 I'm proud of you. You know what? 353 00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,835 I'm proud of us, too. 354 00:14:56,865 --> 00:14:58,565 Uh... (chuckling): Okay, baby doll, 355 00:14:58,595 --> 00:14:59,895 I'll be home in a couple hours. 356 00:14:59,935 --> 00:15:01,875 Stay out all night. We got this. 357 00:15:01,905 --> 00:15:04,505 Wha... Love you, too. 358 00:15:04,535 --> 00:15:06,665 (chuckles softly) 359 00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,245 That was intense. 360 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,445 I don't think I'm cut out for this latchkey life. 361 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,835 (phone ringing) (both scream) 362 00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,705 You answer it this time. 363 00:15:14,745 --> 00:15:16,945 I can't; I'm supposed to be reading quietly. 364 00:15:16,985 --> 00:15:18,525 Answer it, Sheldon. 365 00:15:18,555 --> 00:15:21,285 Well, I'm not going in there. 366 00:15:21,315 --> 00:15:23,515 Hello. Cooper residence. 367 00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:25,185 Sheldon speaking. 368 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,465 Hey, Shelly. 369 00:15:26,495 --> 00:15:27,625 Oh, hello, Mom. 370 00:15:27,655 --> 00:15:29,255 How's your day going? 371 00:15:33,295 --> 00:15:34,495 Shelly? 372 00:15:34,535 --> 00:15:38,605 Shelly? Shelly? You there? 373 00:15:38,635 --> 00:15:40,435 Yes, I'm here. 374 00:15:40,475 --> 00:15:42,515 She wants to know how my day's going. 375 00:15:42,545 --> 00:15:43,645 Say it's going good. 376 00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:44,635 I can't say that. 377 00:15:44,675 --> 00:15:45,475 Why not? 378 00:15:45,515 --> 00:15:46,415 It's bad grammar. 379 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:47,685 How are you supposed to say it? 380 00:15:47,715 --> 00:15:49,115 "It's going well." 381 00:15:49,145 --> 00:15:49,975 Oh, that's nice. 382 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,885 I've got to get back to work, 383 00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:55,685 but I love you and miss you very much. 384 00:15:55,725 --> 00:15:57,495 Okay. 385 00:15:57,525 --> 00:16:00,595 I handled that really well. 386 00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:01,715 (dial tone) 387 00:16:01,755 --> 00:16:03,585 (knocking on door) 388 00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:04,685 Got a minute? 389 00:16:04,725 --> 00:16:06,655 Sure, come on in. 390 00:16:06,695 --> 00:16:08,725 I just wanted to apologize. 391 00:16:08,765 --> 00:16:12,235 I-It was wrong of me to unload my personal business on you. 392 00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,245 Here it is, your first day and all. 393 00:16:14,275 --> 00:16:15,105 Oh, that's fine. 394 00:16:15,135 --> 00:16:16,465 Always happy to lend an ear. 395 00:16:16,505 --> 00:16:18,735 Great, 'cause I didn't tell you everything. 396 00:16:18,775 --> 00:16:21,775 Really? 'Cause you told me a lot. 397 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,155 This morning, while Selena was in the shower, 398 00:16:23,185 --> 00:16:25,655 I went through her purse and I took the credit card. 399 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,325 Oh, my. Now, 400 00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:30,325 do you think that's stealing, or is it doing the right thing? 401 00:16:30,355 --> 00:16:33,185 You know, saving us from bankruptcy and whatnot? 402 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:36,995 Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated. 403 00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:39,995 Um... going through her purse-- probably wrong, 404 00:16:40,035 --> 00:16:42,205 but on the other hand... 405 00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:44,575 ...well, there is no other hand. 406 00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:46,445 You can't be doing things like that 407 00:16:46,475 --> 00:16:47,645 and have a healthy marriage. 408 00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:49,015 Why don't you just talk to her? 409 00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:51,115 Explain your financial situation? 410 00:16:51,145 --> 00:16:53,085 That... 411 00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:56,945 Oh, we're closing the door now, okay. 412 00:16:56,985 --> 00:17:00,055 That's not so easy. 413 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:02,355 Because of the language barrier? 414 00:17:02,385 --> 00:17:05,485 That, and I implied, when we were dating, 415 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,465 that I was... well-to-do. 416 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,665 Oh, Pastor Jeff, why would you do that? 417 00:17:11,695 --> 00:17:13,055 You saw her. 418 00:17:13,095 --> 00:17:14,395 Uh, she is the kind of woman 419 00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:17,405 that can make a man do bad things. 420 00:17:17,435 --> 00:17:23,335 Well, I... I don't know what to say to that. 421 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,815 (exhales) Maybe you ought to pray on it. 422 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,515 You're right. 423 00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:28,875 You're absolutely right. 424 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,355 (chuckles softly) 425 00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:31,485 I'll do that now. 426 00:17:31,515 --> 00:17:32,675 I'll do the same. 427 00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:33,815 Thank you. 428 00:17:33,855 --> 00:17:36,255 (door opens) 429 00:17:40,055 --> 00:17:42,255 God, please give me the strength 430 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:45,565 to not spread this juicy gossip about Pastor Jeff. 431 00:17:45,595 --> 00:17:46,825 (quietly): Amen. 432 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:47,865 (sighs) 433 00:17:47,895 --> 00:17:49,295 What are you doing? 434 00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:52,845 I'm reading quietly, so I don't have to lie about it later. 435 00:17:52,875 --> 00:17:54,545 (gasps) 436 00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:55,675 Found 'em. 437 00:17:55,705 --> 00:17:57,035 The tweezers? 438 00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:59,535 Mom's needles and her magnifying glass. 439 00:17:59,575 --> 00:18:00,975 Absolutely not. 440 00:18:01,015 --> 00:18:02,715 Let me at least try. 441 00:18:02,745 --> 00:18:03,745 No. 442 00:18:03,785 --> 00:18:05,355 You're being a baby. 443 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,825 Nothing you can say will change my mind. 444 00:18:07,855 --> 00:18:09,595 What if it gets infected and turns green 445 00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:12,165 and they have to cut it off? 446 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,635 I think it's numb. 447 00:18:15,665 --> 00:18:16,565 Great, put your hand out. 448 00:18:19,035 --> 00:18:21,935 Wait, how do you plan on sterilizing the needle? 449 00:18:21,965 --> 00:18:24,195 Mom uses a lit match. 450 00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:26,165 We're not allowed to play with matches. 451 00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:27,675 What else would work? 452 00:18:27,705 --> 00:18:29,565 Alcohol. 453 00:18:37,545 --> 00:18:39,545 Stick your finger in there. 454 00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:40,685 I'll do the needle. 455 00:18:40,715 --> 00:18:44,185 Okay. I hope I don't get drunk. 456 00:18:44,225 --> 00:18:45,465 How long till you're sterile? 457 00:18:45,495 --> 00:18:46,295 I don't know, 458 00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,995 but I'm getting lightheaded. 459 00:18:50,525 --> 00:18:53,925 No matter what happens, hold still. 460 00:19:02,105 --> 00:19:03,205 I can't do it. 461 00:19:03,245 --> 00:19:05,045 Yes, you can. No, I can't. 462 00:19:05,075 --> 00:19:06,235 Just let me get it. 463 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,035 What if you slip and stab me in the eye? 464 00:19:08,075 --> 00:19:09,645 I'm not gonna slip. 465 00:19:09,685 --> 00:19:11,755 Who always wins when we play... 466 00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:13,555 (gasps) Be right back. 467 00:19:17,385 --> 00:19:21,215 ADULT SHELDON : In 1989 the Milton Bradley Company 468 00:19:21,255 --> 00:19:25,125 had dozens of board games on the market, 469 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:30,275 but only one where you were the doctor. 470 00:19:32,235 --> 00:19:34,965 Operation came complete 471 00:19:35,005 --> 00:19:36,735 with a red light-up nose, 472 00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:40,215 13 plastic body parts for players to remove 473 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:45,125 and, most importantly, one pair of genuine tweezers. 474 00:19:50,725 --> 00:19:54,025 My sister performed a medical procedure using 475 00:19:54,055 --> 00:19:56,055 a children's board game, 476 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:59,165 while I bravely sat very still. 477 00:20:08,435 --> 00:20:10,035 (exhales) 478 00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:14,685 I guess you could say there were two heroes that day. 479 00:20:18,255 --> 00:20:21,095 Gee, how do you suppose that happened? 480 00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:23,695 Hello? MISSY : In here. 481 00:20:23,725 --> 00:20:26,865 Why does the kitchen smell like whiskey? 482 00:20:26,895 --> 00:20:28,995 Ask her. 483 00:20:29,025 --> 00:20:30,655 Oh, dear Lord! 484 00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:34,965 Wait till you hear what I did to Meemaw. 485 00:20:35,005 --> 00:20:38,105 Our show came at number one. 486 00:20:38,275 --> 00:20:39,405 I did it! I did it! 487 00:20:39,429 --> 00:20:45,429 Subtitles by MaxPayne ^.^.^.^.COLORED by.^.^.^.^ ® Sud_Arun collections ® A member of Psagmeno.com39008

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