All language subtitles for The.Rules.of.Attraction.2002.1080p.BluRay.x264.DTS-WiKi.ENG

It's a story that might bore you,
but you don't have to listen,

because I always knew
it was going to be like that.

And it was, I think,
in that last year, or weekend-

really a Friday in December
at Camden-

and this was years ago,
when I was a different person

and I was so drunk that
I ended up losing my virginity.

I lost it to some guy who I thought
was a Ceramics major,

but was actually
either a NYU film student

who was just up to Camden
for the "End of the World,"

or a townie.

I actually had my eye
on someone else that night - Victor.

I'm telling you,
with European girls,

it's just a numbers game.

If you stand in any major European
city on any fucking corner,

and consecutively ask every girl
that walks by if she'll fuck you,

one out of 20 will say "yes. "

A junior, a Drama major,
just back from Europe...

only a little gay,
with flecked blond hair,

a great body
and these amazing gray eyes.

Bam- 20th one, you're fucking.
Right there.

It's a confirmed statistic,
my man.

But Victor was fucking
my roommate, Lara.

She gave him mono
before he dumped her.

I'm told that later,
after I left Camden,

she got really drunk and went
wandering through Windham House,

and did the whole
football team.

White girl...

She's now married to a senator
and has four kids.

How time distorts things.

So you know the movie
I'm talking about?

It was wrongfully labeled
"A Tarantino Film,"

even though he was just credited
as executive producer.

So this guy
from NYU, or whatever-

who wasn't even
a good Victor facsimile-

and I were talking
on this ratty old couch.

I'm sure you've seen this movie,
this Russian classic,

- "The Man with the Camera"?
- Yep, yep.

I kept agreeing with his likes
and dislikes, all the time thinking

that while he might not be Victor,
he was cute enough.

It's real.
It's like real... shit.

I was sure that I was mispronouncing
all these filmmakers' names,

remembering
all the wrong actors,

naming the wrong cinematographers,
but I wanted him.

...I see the same kind
of "silent movie actress" quality.

Seriously, has anyone ever told you
you look like Clara Bow?

Because you do, I'm serious.
I'm telling you.

I know these things, and...
and...

I could see that his gaze was
drifting towards Kristin Notneff.

And she was looking back at him
with confidence, because she knew

that underneath her clothes
she was wearing a black bra

with matching black lace panties,
which I wasn't.

Um, I'm sorry,
what was I talking about?

But I had the next best thing.

I've got a joint
in my room.

Except it wasn't my room.
It was Lorna Slavin's room,

who was off-campus
at her boyfriend's house,

probably swallowing
his DNA.

And I didn't have
a joint either,

and if I did,
I didn't know where it was,

because it would have been
Lorna Slavin's joint.

He wouldn't have cared
if I had one or not.

I must have passed out
around then.

When I came to,
he was already fucking me,

but he didn't know that I was
a virgin and that it hurt.

Not that badly- only
a little bit of sharp pain,

but not as bad as I had been
taught to expect-

but not exactly
pleasant, either.

That's when I heard
another voice in the room.

Now, I want you to do her
like Ron Jeremy would.

I remember
the weight on the bed shifting,

and realizing
that this person behind me

wasn't the NYU film student guy,
but somebody else.

Oh, my God,
it was some townie.

I had actually
lost my virginity to a townie.

This wouldn't
have happened with Victor.

He would have taken me gently
in his big, strong Drama major arms,

and undressed me
quietly and expertly,

taken my bra off
with grace and ease.

And it probably wouldn't
have hurt.

I should have given myself to Victor
last term when I had the chance.

Dude, we had to put
the keg somewhere.

Don't put it there,
it's blocking my shot.

Now get the fuck out of here
before you ruin my movie.

I always knew
it would be like this.

I just get the feeling
my life lacks forward momentum.

Like everything is
moving by so quickly

that time just seems
to stop.

Sometimes I can't
believe the shit

that spills out
of my mouth.

So while I talk about
God knows what,

I let my eyes
drift across the room,

as my mouth allows thoughts
to drop out of my brain

and roll off my tongue
like gumballs,

I imagine all the things
in life that never were,

and all the things
that could have been.

He'll do.

I like this song.

Gay song, definitely.

Do you have any E?

That shit makes
your spinal fluid run backwards.

- I may have some up in my room.
- You're game, right?

No one's
twisting your arm.

I don't even know why
I'm trying to convince you.

Let's do it.

I think it's kicking in.

I feel it now, too.

The truth is,
I feel nothing.

What the fuck!

- Sorry, I thought you were gay.
- Fuck you, I'm no fag!

You sure about that?

I definitely detect a certain
"faggy-ness" to you.

Get the fuck outta here,
you fucking homo!

I'm not gay.

You're lucky
I don't kill you.

Luck has nothing
to do with it.

Everything
is preordained.

Manifest destiny.

You can stop time from happening
no more than you can will

the oceans
to overwhelm the world,

or to cause the moon
to drop from her outer sphere.

Three months later,
the handsome dunce

had an affair
with a friend of mine.

Within a year,
he was a full-blown queen

and telling people
I couldn't get it up.

Luck has nothing
to do with anything.

A great numb feeling
washes over me

as I let go of the past
and look forward to the future.

I pretend
to be a vampire.

I don't really need to pretend,
because that's who I am,

an emotional vampire.

I've just come
to expect it-

that vampires are real,

that I was born this way,

that I feed off of other
people's real emotions.

I search
for this night's prey.

Who will it be?

You look familiar-
have we met?

I think I fucked her somewhere
toward the beginning of term,

the "Wet Wednesday" party.

No.

- What's your name?
- Peter.

Really?
Aren't you a senior?

No, a freshman.

Really?
I thought you were older.

No, I'm a freshman.

Peter.
Peter the freshman.

She has dick-sucking lips,
so I consider the options.

I leave right now,
go back to my room,

play the guitar...

masturbate to broadband-speed
Internet porn...

I'm going
to come on those tits.

...go to sleep.

Or...

I could play "Quarters"
with Dickie and Quinlivan

and that dumb guy from LA.

Or I could take her
to the Carousel for some coffee

and ditch her there
with the bill.

Or I could take her back
to my room,

hope the Frog is gone,
get stoned and fuck her.

So, what do you think?

What do I think?

I think, why not?

Rock and roll.

She slowly followed me
back to my dorm room

like she knew
this would happen,

too eager,
too stunned to speak.

I was so excited,
I couldn't stop shaking

and I dropped the key
when I tried to unlock the door.

She sat on the bed and I played
her a song I had written myself,

then segued into one
by Counting Crows.

I played it quietly and sang
the lyrics slowly and softly.

She was so moved that
she actually started to cry.

# I'm not ready
for this sort of thing... #

Maybe it was the Ecstasy
I'm pretty sure she was on.

Maybe it was that she thought
she really loved me.

But when he kissed her on the
lips, he instantly went hard.

She was crying,
her face was slick,

but she let him
pull her clothes off.

She smelled like sweet fruit.
She was small, too.

Her pubic hair
was light and sparse.

Yet, when he fingered her,
he didn't feel anything-

she wasn't getting wet,

even though she was
making soft little moans.

He was semi-stiff
and losing his erection.

Something was wrong,
something was missing,

he didn't know what.

Confused,
he started to fuck her.

Before he came, it hit him-

he can't remember the last time
he had sex sober.

Peter! Oh, Peter!

Fuck!

# This is stranger
than I thought #

# Six different ways
inside my heart #

# And everyone
I'll keep tonight #

# Six different ways
go deep inside #

# I'll tell them
anything at all #

# I know I'll give them
more and more... #

# I'll tell them
anything at all #

# I know I'll give
the world and more #

# They think I'm
on my hands and head #

# This time
they're much too slow #

# Six sides
to every lie I say #

# It's that American
voice again #

# It was never quite
like this before #

# Not one of you
is the same #

# To do do do... #

You sneaky bitch.

Got you.

You're mine now
for the rest of the day,

week, month, year, life.

Have you guessed who I am?
Sometimes I think you have.

Sometimes,
when you're scanning a crowd,

I feel those sultry dark eyes
of yours stop on me.

Are you too afraid to come up to me
and let me know how you feel?

I want to moan
and writhe with you,

and I want to go up to you
and kiss your mouth

and pull you to me and say,
'Love you, love you,'

while stripping.

I want you so bad it stings.

I want to kill the ugly girls
you're always with.

Do you really like those boring,
naive, coy, calculating girls,

or is it just for sex?

The seeds of love
have taken hold,

and if we won't burn together,
I'll burn alone. "

# This is stranger
than I ever thought. #

What?

How'd she do that?

Blood clot.

What's going on?

You're gonna have
to sell that bike of yours,

- that's what's going on.
- Why?

Where's my money,
college boy?

Do you take
American Express?

That's not funny.

You like that?

They taught it
to me in the Army.

One of 17 hand-to-hand
combat methods

of rendering
your enemy defenseless.

Now, all I got to do
is apply positive pressure

to rip your carpals free
from your metacarpals,

and you will be unable
to operate your weapon!

I'm not your enemy, Rupert,
and I don't have a weapon.

That's why you get
a little time, homes.

You want some coke?

Sure.

Then buy some
of your own, bitch.

Get the fuck out of my crib
and get me my money.

There's an Orgy Night
at Booth House.

I'm scoring for a bunch
of freshman.

They're rich, they want cocaine,
they'll pay premium to get it.

What do you think?

I think you're a rich
motherfucking motherfucker,

who owes me a shitload
of motherfucking cash.

That's what I think, you rich
motherfucking motherfucker.

You want some blow,
motherfucker?

You bring me my motherfucking
cash, motherfucker! Fuck you!

Jesus fucking Christ, Rupert,
don't get so tense.

I'll show you tense,
motherfucker.

You're into me
for a fuckload of money,

and I think you and your
motherfucking rich-kid friends

are gonna take off to all your
rich-ass motherfucking lives,

leaving me holding
my motherfucking dick!

So fuck you!

Fucking, Rupert, fucking A'.
I'm not like those rich assholes.

I'm on financial aid.
I have to work for a living.

I'm from a fucking farm
in Nebraska.

My family had to sell
the fucking cow to get me here.

- I'm working in food service.
- Bullshit!

My father's
in the hospital, okay?

My family's strapped for cash.
I might have to drop out.

- Really?
- The Lord is my witness. Yes.

You really don't have
any fucking cash?

No, I had to work all summer
just to pay for this term.

I thought you went home
to New York for the summer.

That's what I told people
so they wouldn't laugh at me.

I actually had to wash pigs
all summer, Rupert.

Jesus Christ, man, I can get
these kids to overpay,

they're so desperate
for drugs.

I'm your key to moving
this shit on campus.

You need me,
and you know it.

And I need the cash.
We need each other.

You get this straight,
fuckhead.

I need you like I need

a motherfucking asshole
on my elbow!

Right here! An asshole!

That's how much
I need you.

What do you think, Guest?

I think you should
sniff less cocaine.

And stop leaving the gun there
laying on the table, man.

Leave the boy alone before
he piss in panty.

You know I'm just fucking with you,
baby, right?

Right.

What kind of markup
do you think you can get

off these
rich-ass freshmen?

Well, that depends on
how stepped-on it is.

Stepped-on? Guest,
is our shit stepped-on?

No, man, it's fresher
than the morning snow.

What the bumbaclot
wrong with him?

Maybe 20%
over market value.

50%, you say!

Hot damn, college boy!

That's some good
motherfucking math!

I do believe
we have ourselves a deal.

Do we have
ourselves a deal?

Sure.

Good, it's time for you
to get to work.

Sometimes, a minute...

will last like an hour,
you know?

Where other times...

an hour just...

just zips by
in like a minute.

It's all subjective.

Every person perceives it...

perceives it different.

It's like, that's why you can't
trust clocks, you know?

Marc, you owe me 500 bucks.

I want it by Sunday.

Okay?

You notice I don't have
any clocks in my room,

because they interfere
with your ability to...

...to adjust the time to...

to suit your needs,
you know?

Marc.

Do not be a slave to time,
my friend,

because, it-

there's no point.

I- I can feel my dick.

I can feel my dick.

Oh my God!

Hey! Fucking, hey!

What about the cash?

Marc, what about
the fucking cash?

What class, man?

Who teaches that?

Fucking-

Just go away, you know.

Just stop bugging me.

Just stop asking me.
Stop kicking my fucking bed.

Stop, you know...

I'll get you your fucking-
just don't fuck my karma, dude!

Don't fuck it up!

# Get yourself together,
get yourself together #

# Shake, shake, shake... #

# Get yourself together... #

Hi, Mitch. What's up?

Not very much.
What's up with you?

Not much.

Can we talk?

What do you want
to talk about?

Just what's going on.

Hey, I warned you.

Remember that.

I know, I know.

Wait, what did you
warn me about?

I warned you!

# Shake, shake, shake... #

Wait, Mitch.

Mitch, don't be
such a pussy.

I am warning you again.

I don't know
what your fucking problem is.

Just stay the fuck aw-

- Hey.
- Hey, guys.

Is there some sort of problem,
Paul and Mitchell?

No- you two
know each other?

Yeah. Hi.

Hi.

Mitch, I'm kinda through
partying tonight.

Do you want to walk me
back to my room?

My roommate's
at her boyfriend's tonight.

Yeah.

What about you, Paul?
What are you doing?

- Come on, let's go.
- It might be fun.

- No.
- Come on.

- Let's go.
- You know you want to.

- Later, guy.
- Bye, Paul. Maybe next time.

Mr. Bateman.

Excuse you.

Sean Bateman, right?

Right. It's Paul?

Right.

The girl with Mitchell?

You mean, Candice?
Her name is Candice.

Yeah, that's right.

I had a class with her,
but I failed it.

Really?
My type of guy.

Fucking keg's dead.

Typical. I wish
I had a case of beer.

- Quesadilla?
- What?

A quesadilla?
Mexican food? El Sombrero?

El Sombrero closed
a long time ago.

How about tomorrow night?
I'll buy.

I don't know.
You'll buy?

Totally buy.

Rock and roll.

Tomorrow, then.

# Yellow is the color
of my true love's hair #

# In the morning,
when we rise #

- # That's the time #
- # That's the time #

# I love the best #

# Green is the color... #

How could you possibly go out
this early in the morning?

- I've got class.
- It's Saturday.

# When we rise #

# In the morning #

# When we rise #

Merde! What is it?

Asshole, turn off
the fucking thing!

- # That's the time #
- # That's the time #

# I love the best #

# Blue is the color
of the sky #

# In the morning,
when we rise #

- # That's the time #
- # That's the time #

# I love the best... #

# Mellow is the feeling
that I get #

# When I see her #

# When I see her,
oh, yeah #

- # That's the time #
- # That's the time #

# I love the best #

# Freedom is a word
I rarely use #

# Without thinking,
oh, yeah #

# Without thinking #

- # Of the time #
- # Of the time #

# When I've been loved #

# Yellow is the color
of my true love's hair #

# In the morning #

# When we rise #

# In the morning,
when we rise #

- # That's the time #
- # That's the time #

# I love the best. #

- Hi.
- Hey.

Are you here
for that class?

The tutorial
on the Post-Modern Condition?

- Yeah.
- It was canceled.

Typical.

I've never seen you
there before.

That's what's so typical.

It's the first time I ever
bothered to show up for it.

Yeah, you've got
bad timing.

Saturdays suck ass.

I don't have to put up
with this shit.

I'm dropping
this fucking class.

- Yeah, me too.
- Really?

Mm-hmm. I think I'm
gonna change my major.

- To what?
- I don't know yet.

- What's yours?
- I don't even know.

Your name's
Sean Bateman, right?

Right.
Your name is Lauren.

Yeah. I bought pot
from you last year.

It was good.
A little seedy though.

You used to go out with
that Paul Denton dude, right?

Yeah.

Before.

Show me your eyes.

#... Feeling that I get #

# When I see her #

# When I see her,
oh, yeah #

- # That's the time #
- Rock and roll.

- # That's the time #
- # That's the time #

- # That's the time #
- # I love the best #

Maybe I'll see you at the next
pre-Saturday-party party.

Or something.

# Freedom is a word
I rarely use #

# Without thinking,
oh, yeah #

# Without thinking #

- # Of the time #
- # Of the time #

# When I've been loved. #

Oh my God.
Harry tried to kill himself.

That is so typical.

I just knew something like this
was going to happen.

I just had a feeling that
there would be some obstacle,

major or minor,
that was going to prevent

my evening with Sean
from happening.

You've got to come
to Fel's house- he's there.

Shit, Jesus, Paul.
We've got to do something.

That's way too gay.

Um... call security?

Trust me, they'll be there
within an hour.

Security. Security?

What do you need,
a formal fucking invitation?

I have an appointment
at 7:00, Raymond!

You are killing Harry!
Pull it together!

Mach schnell!

What did he do, try to OD
on Sudafed and wine coolers?

Oh, my God.
I brought Paul.

- What did he take?
- I don't know.

Oh, Harry, sweetie,
are you okay?

He's going to get
death of cold.

I think we should take him
to Dunham Hospital.

That's all the way in fucking
Keene! Are you crazy?

- Where else is there, asshole?
- I have to meet someone at 7:00.

Fuck your meeting!
Get the car, Raymond!

Grab his feet! Jesus!

Jesus, this is so typical.

He found out
he was adopted today.

Could we stop at a Circle K
and get some cigarettes?

I remind you we have
somebody OD'ing back here.

He's not OD'ing.

He's a freshman.
Freshman don't OD.

Fuck you, Paul!
Oh shit, he's throwing up!

- Open the fucking window!
- He's not throwing up.

Then what do you call
that "ccchhh" sound, huh?

Dry heaves.
He's forgetting to breathe

and he has a lot of air
in his stomach.

Maybe you should be
inducing vomiting.

Should I just
pull the car over?!

- Can I change the CD?
- Shut up, Paul!

You're going to be okay.

# Blue-eyed dressed
for every situation #

# Moving through
the doorway of the nation- #

- Come on, grab his arm.
- Oh, God.

Okay, you're
gonna make it.

Both: Help!

- Help!
- We need some help over here.

- Please! This guy's OD'ing!
- Oh my God.

Will you get him
into the Emergency Room?

- Thank God.
- I'm on my break.

I there anyone else
around here, please?!

- Hello?
- Please take care of Harry.

Please, you've got
to take care of him!

- Move, move!
- Oh, God. Oh, God.

Sir, can I speak
to your manager, please?

Will you get him up.
His name's Harry, please!

- What's his name?
- Harry.

- Harry.
- Harry, Harry.

I'm not getting any pulse.

Is this a joke?

I can see him moving.
He's not dead.

- I can see him breathing.
- He's dead, Paul, shut up!

And how did this happen,
exactly?

- Oh God, I don't know!
- Oh God, oh God!

Will you shut up?
He's not dead.

He hasn't got a pulse.
There's no heartbeat.

His pupils are fixed
and dilated.

Harry, please come back.

Sorry, there's nothing more
I can do here.

You have
to do something.

I've seen this on ER.
Please fix him!

Harry's gone bye-bye.
Harry's gone to the big bye-bye.

He's got his name in the papers
on the back side.

It's "'toe-tag time'
in Teenville" tonight. Again.

- What?
- Teenville?

You should've
just said no, Harry.

I'm not dead, am I?

Yes, you are!
Shut up!

Actually, you don't have
a pulse. I think you're dead.

If you let me run a few tests,
I could probably prove it.

- You've got a malpractice suit!
- Harry is dead.

You don't know
what you're talking about!

Seriously,
am I dead?

A few tests on Harry, I'm sure
I could prove he's dead.

No! Pain and suffering!

I must insist you bring back
your friend's corpse

for me to do
some tests.

Is your ultimate deterrent
to a Friday night party working?

Sort of.

The best
would be Victor though.

Okay, enough fantasizing.
Victor is 3000 miles away.

Use the book.

Okay, how do I look?

You look
kinda skinny, actually.

Skinny? Really?

Bulimic skinny
or anorexic skinny?

What's the difference?

Bulimic skinny passes
for healthy,

except your teeth rot, but
my teeth aren't rotting, so...

So you look bulimic skinny?

Lauren, I'm telling you,

it's amazing the weight you lose
when you get off the pill.

Yeah, until the 50 pounds you gain
when you get knocked up.

Okay, well, do the math.

If a condom is 98% safe,
and he wears two,

then you're 196% safe.

That is a much better percentage
than the pill can offer.

I don't think
it works that way, Lara.

Abstinence is 100% safe, which
is less of a percentage than-

Whatever, I don't care.
I don't major in math.

- So are you coming or not?
- I don't know.

Lauren, listen to your friend
and roommate.

If you spend the rest
of your life

waiting for Victor, you're
never gonna lose your virginity.

You can't just wait for destiny
to play itself out.

You have
to make it happen.

Is she coming tonight?

- I doubt it.
- Why?

- She's been looking at the book.
- What book?

It's this big medical book
she's got of venereal diseases.

Before a party, she looks
through it to discourage herself

from hooking up
with people like you.

It's got some
pretty nasty imagery.

And it helps her keep her
focused on her homework.

- So, she's not coming, then?
- Nope.

So, you want to get me
another beer?

Hey, Sean.
Sorry I'm late.

What?

There was this whole thing-
I had to take this freshman

to the hospital and there was
this sick kid and, anyhow, I'm-

What the fuck
are you talking about?

- I'm here.
- Never mind.

- I'll make it up to you.
- You don't have to.

I know I don't have to,
but I want to.

- I insist.
- Whatever.

Really.

I have some pot
in my room

if you want to smoke
and get stoned.

- You have pot?
- In my room, yeah.

- Want a beer?
- Let's go.

Hey, Lauren, this is...

- Jim.
- Jim, from Dartmouth.

- Hi.
- Brewski for you-ski?

- Sure.
- Hey, you want it you got it.

He thinks this is the
"Dress to Get Screwed" party.

If you want him,
I'll give him to ya.

No, that's okay.

You sure? 'Cause I don't see
Victor around.

What about Sean Bateman?
Have you seen him around?

Yeah, actually, Sean Bateman
just ran off with Paul.

Paul Denton?

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

You don't think... no.

- I don't know.
- No.

He must just be
selling him something.

- Must be.
- Must be.

Yeah.

Okay, so what is this?
Are you out on the prowl again?

Yeah, that book's
just not- it's not doing it.

No?

Good. Okay, well, just
don't wait up for me, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay.

Miss Lauren Hynde.

Why weren't you
at my tutorial last Saturday?

Would you like a drink?

Come here.

Yeah.

- Do you want a turn-on?
- No thanks.

Well...

don't mind if I do.

Are we going to do it
here on the couch?

Do what?

You know, do it.

What?

Fuck?

Oh, are you mad?

I would lose my tenure.

And I'm a married man.

But aren't you
hitting on me?

Well, for a hummer, sure.

I've heard
you're talented, Miss Hynde.

And it certainly
can't hurt your GPA.

So, shall we?

So where did you
spend last summer?

- Berlin.
- Sprechen sie Deutsch?

What?

- Do you speak German?
- No.

- What the f-?
- You don't?

No. Why?

Well, I don't know.

I just assumed, since
you spent the summer in Berlin-

I thought maybe you-

No. Berlin, New Hampshire.

I need to get some more pot.

I'm running out.

And I need to get laid.

Where the fuck
was Lauren tonight?

Lara's kind of hot. I could
bang her and feel good about it.

I'd rather have Lauren.

I wonder why.

It would just ruin
my illusion of her innocence,

her purity.

Is that really what I want?

I need to fuck someone.

Then I need to get more pot.

I watched him
with growing intensity

as he refilled the pipe in the dark
and smoky din of the room.

He delicately fingered
what looked like dried moss to me,

and it struck me then
that I liked Sean

because he looked slutty,
a boy who'd been around.

A boy who couldn't remember
if he was Catholic or not.

# I don't know what color
your eyes are, baby #

# But your hair
is long and brown #

# Your legs are strong
and so, so long #

# And you don't come
from this town #

# My head is
full of magic, baby #

# And I have to share
this with you #

# I feel I'm
on top again, baby #

# That's got everything
to do with you #

# I'm alive #

# So alive. #

Suck it harder!

Look at that chick's cans.

- Implants.
- I like the feel of fake tits.

- I need to get cable in my room.
- Hello?

Hi, Mom.

What's going on?

You are one dirty bitch!

Paul: Tomorrow?
The Jareds are coming?

Does it have to be this weekend?
I have a lot of schoolwork.

- How about next weekend?
- Faggoty sitcom,

- faggoty sitcom...
- Richard?

Okay.

Yeah, you too.

I have to go into the city
tomorrow night.

Rock and roll.

- You want to go?
- Nope.

"Dressed to Get Screwed Party"
is tomorrow night.

I know, and I don't want
to leave you here alone.

Deal with it.
I'm borrowing these.

Wait.

Would you give me a ride
to the bus station tomorrow?

Whatever. Look,
I have to meet my advisor.

I shouldn't be leaving.

He'll sleep with someone else. It's
the "Dressed to Get Screwed Party. "

What the fuck am I doing?

I love you, Sean Bateman.

I wonder
if Lauren goes wild during sex.

I wonder if she comes easily.

Or at all. I won't go to bed
with a girl who doesn't.

If I can't make a girl come,
why bother?

It would be like asking
questions in a letter.

I'm hungry.

"Tonight's the night.
Tonight's the night.

Tonight's the night.
Tonight's the night.

Tonight's the night. "

So, tonight's the night?

- I'm going all the way.
- Who's the lucky boy?

- I'm not telling.
- You will if you want the room.

Okay, okay...

- Sean Bateman.
- He's a drug dealer.

- He made me "zzshing"!
- "Zzshing"?

"Zzshing" like you just know
that you'll be with that person

and something amazing
will happen,

like he just fucking
fucks you right up the-

"Zzshing. "

- No, I've never heard that.
- You will someday.

You know, you might be
afflicted with synesthesia.

What?

It's a clinical disorder
which causes you

to hear what you see
and see what you hear-

an uncontrolled combination
of your senses.

You should really get that
checked out.

- Prozac might help.
- What?

Rusty pipes.

# And the thought of rubbing feet
is getting so exciting #

# Skyrocket in flight #

# Afternoon delight. #

Hello?

Can I talk to Sean Bateman?
I think he lives upstairs.

Yeah?

Sean.

Who is this,
Patrick?

Who the hell is Patrick?
No, it's is Paul.

Paul...?

Yeah, remember me?

No.
This better be good.

I was just wondering what was
going on. Who's Patrick?

It's none of your business,
what do you want?

Were you asleep?

- No, of course not.
- What are you doing?

That's none of your
fucking business.

I'm getting ready
to go to this party.

With who?
With Patrick?

No.

With the person who's leaving
notes in my box.

- Are you?
- Deal with it.

- Are you just fucking with me?
- Rock and roll.

Motherfucker!

Who?

Oh, Jesus Christ, Richard,
is that you?

It's Dick.
And yes, it's me.

What the hell
are you doing?

Getting fucked up.

Maybe getting fucked.

Oh, Richard.

All right, Richard-

Oh, yeah, you're just
turning me on, Richard.

Ride 'em cowboy!

Paul-!

You remember Mrs. Jared?

Of course.
Hello, Mrs. Jared.

I leave you alone for five
minutes and you're drinking.

Drunk.
I'm drunk.

Then take a shower
and sober up.

Oh, my tortures never end.
How are you, Paul?

Fine.

Would you talk to him?
He'll listen to you.

Come on, Myra.

I'll see you both downstairs
in 15 minutes, hmm?

You want to take
a shower with me...

for old times' sake?

- Want one?
- What are they?

- Does it matter?
- No.

# Oh well, I guess
it would be nice #

# If I could touch
your body #

# I know not everybody #

# Has got a body
like you #

# But I've gotta
think twice #

# Before I give
my heart away #

# And I know
all the games you play #

# Because I play them too... #

Fine with me.

So when she showed up...

# Oh baby, I reconsider #

# My foolish notion #

# Well, I need someone
to hold me #

# But I wait
for something more #

# Yes, I gotta have faith #

# I gotta have faith #

# 'Cause I gotta have
faith, faith, faith, #

# I gotta have
faith, faith, faith... #

Oh, yeah.

# Got to,
got to have faith #

# Before this river,
becomes an ocean #

# Before you throw my heart
back on the floor #

# Oh baby, I reconsider #

# My foolish notion #

# Well, I need someone
to hold me #

# But I'll wait
for something more #

# 'Cause I gotta
have faith #

# Ooh,
I gotta have faith #

# 'Cause I gotta have
faith, faith, faith, #

# I gotta have
faith, faith faith. #

Then I realized
my Cadillac had been stolen.

Oh, my God.

Stolen. The police
couldn't have cared less.

They said my insurance
would take care of it.

Frankly, I was getting sick
of the color, you know?

I'm going to ask
one more time, Richard,

kindly remove
your sunglasses.

Very well, then...

why don't you
tell us about school?

Tell us about school.

- Ciggy.
- Oh, Ri- don't smoke.

You're not allowed
to smoke here, Richard...

- ... I don't think-
- My name is not Richard.

- Then what is it?
- Dick.

- What?
- Dick.

You heard me.
Dick.

No.
Your name is Richard.

Sorry, it's Dick.

Well, then- Dick,
how is school?

It sucks cock.

Yeah, it does.

And what classes
are you taking- Dick?

"Gang Bang 101,"

"Freebase Tutorial"...

and "Oral Sex Workshop. "

Well, then, how are you
liking that, Dick?

Yeah.

"How do you like that?"

What has happened to you?

What do you mean,
what has happened to me?

What do you think?

I can see what that school
has done to you.

Maybe perhaps Paul and I
should go upstairs-

- No.
- No?

No. If anyone is going
to leave this table,

- it's going to be Richard.
- It's Dick!

Leave the table now,
Richard.

Why? Why?

I'm asking you
to leave the table, now.

No, no, no...

I will not leave the table.
No!

Leave the table!

Well, fuck you-ooo!

And fuck you.
And fuck you, pretty boy.

And fuck you all
very much.

I'm outta here.

Have a good one!

Oh, everything's fine now.

No, really.
I'm terribly sorry.

- Are you sure, ma'am?
- Oh, positive. Yes.

- My son isn't well.
- Yeah.

He's- well, not well.

He's been under a lot
of stress, midterms starting...

School.
Yes, of course.

I would like another
Vodka Collins.

Eve, would you like
anything?

Yes- well, I mean,
no, no.

Go ahead.

Get her another one.

- Please.
- Thank you, Paul.

Sure, Mom.

You know,

I think my next car

is going to be blue.

Blue, don't you think?
A very dark blue.

What do you think,
Paul?

Blue.

# Baby girl, where you at? #

# Got no strings,
got men attached #

# Can't stop that feeling
for long, no #

# You making dogs
wanna beg #

# Breaking them off
your fancy legs #

# But they make you
feel right at home, now #

# See all these illusions
just take us too long #

# And I want it bad #

# Because you walk pretty,
because you talk pretty #

# 'Cause you make me sick
and I'm not leaving #

# Till you're leaving
oh, I swear there's something

# When she's pumping
asking for a raise... #

Those are grown in shit.

# So does she want me
to buy her things? #

# On my house, on my job
on my loot, shoes #

# My shirt, my crew, my mind
my father's last name? #

# When I get you alone... #

Thank God you�re still dealing.

So where's Lauren

She's out of town.

Do you have a thing for her

She won't put out. You know that, right

She's got this little boyfriend who she's saving herself for.

You're just wasting your time and money.

She's got a boyfriend

All these intrusions just take us too long

And I want you so bad

Because you walk city, because you talk city

'Cause you make me sick...

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes!

Hi, Sean.

Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon...

Sean's voice Disillusionment strikes.

After all my pining for Lauren,

this- her roommate.

The inevitable conclusion.

It's like bad poetry-and then what

I'm still hard, so I keep on going.

She's groaning now. Humping up, down, up.

Is it ever going to end

I should never have done this.

I should have kept it innocent.

God, oh yes.

I put my handover her mouth.

She comes, licking my palms, snorting.

It's over.

Kleenex.

What's wrong I told you I came.

I was born in a Holiday Inn.

Better it's not Lauren. Note to self

never 'shroom again.
Only gets you into trouble.

I've written you this last letter

because I know I'll never have you.

I stood in a corner and watched you go off with her.

She's so beneath you.

You probably did it just to hurt me.

Well, it worked. You hurt me,

and now there�s nothing else I can do.

There won't be any more notes. It's last call.

No, I can't forget this evening

Or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes

Your sorrow shows

Yes, it shows

No, I can't forget tomorrow

When I think of all my sorrow

When I had you there

But then I let you go

And now it's only fair

That I should let you know

What you should know...

Know...

I can't live

If living is without you

I can't live

I can't give anymore

I can't live

If living is without you

I can't give

I can't give anymore

Well, I can't forget this evening

Or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes

Your sorrow shows

Yes, it shows...

I only did it with her because I'm in love with you.

Lauren, I love you.

Laur-

- Lauren-!
- Leave, Sean!

Since when does fucking somebody else

mean that I'm not faithful to you

Lauren...

She's not ever going to want see you again.

Lara Face it...

you fucked up.

- Hello
- Hello

Hello

- Hello, Bertrand
- Bertrand's not in.

Is it Jean-Jaques. Hello

Lauren...

Fuck! Fuck!

Come on.

Results are evident in a few short weeks.

Call and order your bottle of Longitude

having your credit card ready
and calling 1-800-518-3492.

That's 1-800-518-3492.

Imagine the look on her face if you were much larger.

Call now-1-800-518-3492.

Or visit them online at Longitude Capsules.com.

- Typical
- Radio WTNA-

Tom and Andy - More music.

Could be wrong

I could be right

Could be wrong...

I could be wrong, I could be right...

Sean...

May the road rise with you

May the road rise with you...

Gotcha.

You're so sad.

Sean, you're sick.

Hey... wait a minute.

Yeah.

I could be wrong, I could be right

I could be black, I could be white...

Victor Took a charter flight
on a DC-10 to London,

landed at Heathrow.
Took a cab to the city center.

Don't let people lie to you,
hostels are for the ugly.

I'm staying at Home House,
the most beautiful hotel.

Called a friend from school
who was selling hash,

but she wasn't in.
Met a couple of Brits

who take me to of all places, Camden Street.

I flirt a bit at the Virgin Megastore,
buy some CDs,

then follow some girls with pink hair.

I wandered around trying to get laid
until it started to rain,

then went back to Home House.
Ministry of Sound is dead,

so I go to Rem Forum, but it's Gay Night.

I find one hetero girl
and we dry-hump on the dance floor.

We cab it back to Home House,
I strip her clothes off

suck her toes and we fuck.
Hung out for four or five days,

met the world's biggest DJ, Paul Oakenfold.

Kept missing the Changing of the Guards.

Wrote my mom a postcard
I never sent, bought speed

from an Italian junkie trying
to sell me a stolen bike.

Smoked a lot of hash that had
too much tobacco in it.

Saw the Tate. Saw Big Ben.

Ate a lot of weird English food.
It rained a lot.

It was expensive
and I'm jonesing- split for Amsterdam.

The Dutch all know English
so I didn't have to speak Dutch,

which was a relief.
I cruise the red light district,

visit a sex show,
visit a sex museum,

smoke a lot of hash.
I meet a Dutch TV actress

and we drink absinthe
at a bar called Absinthe.

The museums were cool.
Lots of Van Goghs

and the Vermeers were intense.
Wandered around,

bought a lot of pastries,
ate some intense waffles.

Bought some coke and I cruised
the red light district

I found some blonde
with big-tits that reminds me of Lara.

I gave her 100 guilders.
In the end, she pulls me out,

I come between her tits
even though I'm wearing a rubber.

We made small talk about AIDS,
her Moroccan pimp and herself.

I wake to the sound of a wino singing.

It's 800 a.m. and hot as blazes.

I pretend to ice-skate
around Central Station.

Trade songs with a Kiwi girl,
then split for Paris

Wandered the Champs-Elys�es,
climbed the Eiffel Tower

for only seven francs -
the ticket machine was broken.

Got the hang of the Metro,
took it everywhere.

Ford model party, hooked up
with a model named Karina.

She chugs my cock at the Marriott,
which is good.

Played billiards, went shopping
I think she gave me mono.

Drove a Ferrari that belonged
to the Saudi royal family.

Made out with a Dutch model
in front of the Louvre.

Saw the Arc de Triomphe -
almost became road kill.

Oakie invites me to Dublin,
I catch an Aer Lingus flight,

stay at the Morrison -
Dublin rocks like you can't imagine.

Oakenfold lets me spin
some discs with him.

Irish girls are small as leprechauns.

I swap hickeys with a drunk woman
after groping my abs

and calling me Mr. LA.
She strips for me

in the bathroom of the club.
Sneak into the Guinness factory

and steal some stout
so good my dick goes hard.

I fly to Barcelona which is a bust.

Too many fat American students,
too many lame meat markets.

I dropped acid at the Sagrada Fam�lia,

which was a trip, to say the least.

Cruise up the coast to Museu Gala Dal�,

but had no more acid, which sucked.

Some girl from Canada calls me on my cell,

so I let her listen to the church bells.

Canta Cruz is beautiful
but there are no girls there,

just old hippies. So I went to Switzerland

where, ironically,
I couldn't find anyone with the time.

Took Glacier Express to Shiltone

which is beautiful in a way
I can't describe.

EuroPass into Italy,
ended up in Venice,

met a hot girl who looks
like Rachel Leigh Cook,

and speaks better English than I do.

She's living for a year on only $5.00 a day.

We gondola around, buy hash.
She thinks I'm a capitalist-

my room costs more
for one night than her entire trip.

She doesn't mind much
when I pay the bills. I ditch her

and hook up with a couple
who obviously want a threesome.

Much tension, but the doofus
offers to drive me to Rome,

an offer I jump at. Traffic's bad,
we're stopped for hours.

The wife's a freak.
The guy wigs out on me.

It's like a Polanski film.
We stop in Florence,

where I see some big dome.
A bomb goes off

I lose the weird couple,
which is probably for the best.

Ended up in Rome,
which is big and hot and dirty.

Just like LA, but with ruins.
I went to the Vatican,

which is ridiculously opulent.
Stood for two hours

to get into the Sistine Chapel,
which now cleaned, looks fake.

I meet two underage Italian girls
who I try to talk

into fucking each other
while I jack off onto them.

Bored, I buy them some ice cream instead.

My hotel has a gym, so I work out.

I bump into some guy from Camden
who says he knows me,

but I'm sure that he's a fag,
so I lose him.

I try to fart and instead shit my pants.

In my room I masturbate
and have a pain in my groin.

I dream about a beautiful girl,
half in water,

stretching her lean body.
She asks me if I like it.

I tell her she can clean fish with it.

I don't know what it means,
but I wake well-rested,

masturbate in the shower,
and check out.

Make my way back to London,
hang out in Piccadilly Circus.

Swap shirts with some upper-crusty
Cambridge chick.

Hers was an Agnes B.;
mine, it cost me my Chanel.

She acts stuffy and prudish,
but is really wild underneath.

She barely looks at my abs,
though she wants to.

The next day I drop acid
and get lost in the subway

for a full day
and can't find my way out.

I meet a cute girl
that lets me jack off onto her

as long as no come gets
onto her Paul Smith coat.

We get stoned while listening
to Michael Jackson records.

The next morning,
I wake up talking to myself.

I had a big bump on my head
from flailing in my sleep.

I get my stuff and barely make my plane

back to the United States.
I no longer know who I am

and I feel like the ghost
of a total stranger.

So then I ended up back here.

I'm so there when school's out,
you don't even know.

No, I do know.
And you don't know until you do know.

And you have to go there to know.

You still fucking that girl from Hawaii- Page

Oh, no, man. I gave up on that shit.

She had issues.
I moved onto this chick named Candice.

- Yeah.
- She's great.

Did you fuck like a racehorse

You know it, brother.

- I met a girl.
- Did you score some hot poon.

It's not about that.

No...

it's about good time sand cuddling up.

She's a fag hag, right

It's cool because they're fun
and they like to dance.

I tell you, Victor,

I think I'm in love with this girl.

She's sweet. She's pure.

She's innocent.

She's a virgin.

Mitch How young is she

Out of the car seat, onto my meat.

If she's bleeding, I'm breeding.

If there's grass on the field
play ball, you know

Mitch Old enough to pee,
old enough for me.

Yeah.

- Ow.
- Bateman.

Bateman. Come on. What's up, man

Got any Toot-ankhamen

Sean How much you want

Three grams.

300. Up front.

I don't fucking trust you.

Tough shit.

Take Mitchell with you, then.

We take your car, and I drive.

- Go with him, bitch.
- Fucker. Ow! Shit!

I want change. Bring Daddy back change.

1000 times...

Mitch Would you keep your eyes on the road

Bitchen ride. You pick the color

Yeah, and I don't want you to crash it.

I didn't realize it came in banana.

- Relax.
- Mitch Oh, right. Relax.

While my car is being used
to run a drug deal,

I'll just sit back and relax.

I don't give a fuck
if we do this deal or not,

but you do. Your girlfriend
needs her nose candy.

Without nose candy,
she won't fuck you, and you know it.

I have my terms,
if you don't live up to them,

you get no pussy. So deal with it.

Looks kind of dark. Maybe nobody's home.

Rupert doesn't leave home.

- I'm gonna wait in the car.
- It's okay. Rupert's cool.

- But I don't want to go in.
- Just come in.

Let's get this over with.

Who dat

Blouse and skirt. Sean, are you dat, man

Just the man we're looking to see tonight.

Come in out the cold, mon.

Sean, Sean, Sean, what, bubba

You college boys
look nice and sweet and sexy.

Come, mon. Rupert's in the kitchen.

Rupert, extra chicken in the coop.

Sean. Who's your friend

This is Mitch.

Mitch.

- Hi.
- You a cop, Mitch

- No.
- Does he look like a cop

How the fuck am I supposed to know

Unless he's got a crack pipe stuck to his lip,

I gotta assume he's fucking 21 Jump Street.

I'm not 21 Jump Street, whatever that is.

Where Richard Grieco
and Johnny Depp got their start.

Come on. Where you been

You can bet the boy is not a cop.
Look upon him.

Obviously.

- What can I do you boys for.
- Came to pick up some stuff.

Did you now�

Where's my money, God damn it, Bateman

Don't act crazy, man.
Me and my buddy Mitch

just came by to pick up a couple of grams.

What the fuck's this

$300

You owe me $3,000, asshole.
Where's my fucking money

Hey, wait a minute. Wait.

I'm gonna wait in the car.
Excuse me.

Wait.

Wait for what, asshole.
You owe me some fucking money!

Listen...

...he's got it.

I don't know what the hell is going on.

I just- I came here for some blow, man.

Come on, Mitchell, give Rupert his money.

What the fuck are you talking about

- Give Rupert his money!
- I'm gonna go wait in the car.

Hey, boy! Don't better fuck with us.

This is absolute shit!

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Wait! This guy!

- Do you really have it- I don't- this guy- I-

You owe me some fucking money!

- Would you fucking tell him!
- Okay.

He doesn't have it.

What do you got for me

I know you got something.
What do you got for me

I have this.

Sean Back off! Back the fuck off!

Let me in!
Let me in, I have the keys!

I have the keys. Fucking let me in.

Fuck!

Are you fucking crazy

Define crazy.

- Wasn't that fun.
- Fuck you.

You're a fucking asshole.

Why don't you do something about it.

Fuck you! Get out of my fucking car!

- Take a swing, man.
- Give me my keys.

Come on. I know you want to.

- Fuck you.
- Fucking pussy.

Get out of my fucking car.

Get out of my fucking car,
you piece of shit.

Get out! Get out of my car!

Fucking asshole!

Mitchell, you're a pussy.

Asshole!

Fucking spit in my car.

Fuck.

Hey there, Mr. Talk Too Much

What's in store for us now

I don't know how to speak to you

I don't know how to trust in you...

What!

- I have good news.
- What

Victor's back from Europe.

Really...

Really Shit.

Sean Lauren. Wait.

Don't. Hey-wait, Lauren.

- Oh my God.
- Can't we talk

No!

Lauren.

Don't walk- hey!

I really did try to kill myself.

Just before I faked it.

- Wow. Sean, it's over.
- No, it's not.

Yeah, it is.
I'm in love with somebody else.

- Who.
- My old boyfriend Victor.

And that's none
of your fucking business, actually.

- Fucking Victor.
- Yeah.

Then why the fuck are you writing me letters

Deal with it, Sean. It's over.
Rock and roll.

Lauren, I want to know you.

What does that mean, know me Know me.

Nobody knows anyone else, ever!

You will never, ever know me.

Holy shit.

You do not know what a drag
it is to see you right now.

Look-

yeah-

You smell really good

but I don't know who you are.

Victor, shut up. It's me.

Oh, of course. How are... you

How long have you been here.
Why haven't you called.

I...

This is embarrassing. I'm sorry-

It's all right.

I don't have the slightest idea
who you are right now.

Really, it's... it's totally blank.

- Yeah, it is.
- Should I know you.

It's great seeing you, really.

Hey, man.

Looks like it's gonna be a cold one.

You know...

I find myself talking to you
when you're not even around-

just carrying on conversations.

I wish you wouldn't tell me
shit like that.

But, Sean, I don't-

You've got the wrong idea.
I don't want to be with you.

What do you mean. No, I just-

want to know you.
Just want to know who you are.

Sean. No one will ever know anyone.

You're not ever gonna know me.

What the hell does that mean

It means, Paul,

you're not ever gonna know me.

Figure it out. Deal with it.

Fuck you, Bateman.

Fuck you, Bateman!

Fuck you!

Fuck... you!

Welcome to Buford T. Pusser County.

You wanna fuck with me
You wanna fuck with me

I'll show you fucking!

You hear what Guest said, motherfucker

I have your money,
my brother wired it into my account.

You got the money
It was that easy, motherfucker

Fuck you, motherfucker.

How god damn funny you think this is

How are you, Miss Hynde

Okay.

How have you been...

Mr. Denton.

Okay.

He really likes you.

That's great.

Listen- were you putting notes in his box

Whose box

I thought you were putting notes in his box.

Purple ones Love letters

No, I didn't put notes into anybody's box.

You didn't

Wrong person.

Wasn't me.

- Then there's someone else.
- Doesn't matter anyway.

Not to people like him.

Not to people like us.

I started driving faster
as I left the college behind.

Someplace unoccupied, I hoped.

At first I thought there were things about her

that I would never forget, but in the end,

all I could think about was-

We'll be together again

I've been waiting for a long time

We're gonna be, we're gonna be together again

I've been connected to the right line

We'll be together and nobody ain't never

Gonna disconnect us or ever separate us

Or say to us you've got to... stop!

Stand there where you are,
before you go too far

Before you make a fool out of love- stop!

Don't jump before you look,
get hung upon a hook

Before you make a fool out of love

We'll be together again

I've been waiting for a long time

We're gonna be,
we're gonna be together again

I've been connected to the right line

We'll be together and nobody ain't never

Gonna disconnect us or ever separate us

Or say to us you've got to... stop!

Stand there where you are,
before you go too far

Before you make a fool out of love- stop!

Don't jump before you look, get hung upon a hook

Before you make a fool out of love

We'll be together and nobody ain't never

Gonna disconnect us or ever separate us

Or say to us you've got to... stop!

Stand there where you are,
before you go too far

Before you make a fool out of love- stop!

Don't jump before you look,
get hung upon a hook

Before you make a fool out of love- stop!

Stand there where you are,
before you go too far

Before you make a fool out of love- stop!

Don't jump before you look, get hung upon a hook

Before you make a fool out of love

Stop! Stand there where you are...

WTNA-

Tom and Andy - More music

You are the one, you make it happen

The things you do are totally planned

You are the one, you're so in charge now

You're going to make a stand, make a stand

The way you speak when people leave you

It makes them want to share your goal

You're not the one in every region

You know you're in control, in control

You are the one, you make it happen

The things you do are totally planned

You are the one, you're so in charge now

You're going to make a stand, make a stand

The way you speak when people leave you...