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1
00:00:02,187 --> 00:00:06,139
The bat is now contained,
but still very much alive.
2
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:09,842
Human movement and noise
tends to agitate the animal.
3
00:00:09,867 --> 00:00:12,535
It will not bite the skin,
4
00:00:12,537 --> 00:00:16,172
but it will aggressively
attack the eyes.
5
00:00:16,463 --> 00:00:19,615
So please do not use the
bathroom beside room number...
6
00:00:19,615 --> 00:00:22,306
All right, everybody, get out your lunches.
7
00:00:22,471 --> 00:00:25,038
Quickly. Come on. Let's
go. My local bagel shop
8
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:26,882
decided to take the morning
off, so I'm starving.
9
00:00:27,075 --> 00:00:28,805
Come on. I need to see what Mommy packed.
10
00:00:28,805 --> 00:00:31,149
- Feelin' a little hangry, huh?
- No, no, no, no, no.
11
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,966
That is such an annoying
word. Don't... don't do that.
12
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,368
Now, get back of the class, Marcus.
13
00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:36,641
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.
14
00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:37,591
Go, now.
15
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:40,309
- [SLAMS HAND]
- [SIGHS] Just, I can't...
16
00:00:40,311 --> 00:00:41,944
I can't do it with you today, man.
17
00:00:41,946 --> 00:00:44,163
- Too hungry.
- [PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
18
00:00:44,716 --> 00:00:46,582
Naw, that's not gonna
work. Turn your desk around.
19
00:00:46,584 --> 00:00:49,079
I can't look at your face. I just can't.
20
00:00:50,085 --> 00:00:51,863
"Hangry" means horny and angry.
21
00:00:51,863 --> 00:00:54,197
Basically, you're so
horny that you're angry.
22
00:00:54,199 --> 00:00:55,765
All right, that's still not working for me.
23
00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:56,846
See that leak right there?
24
00:00:56,846 --> 00:00:58,312
Try and get ya under that leak.
25
00:00:58,788 --> 00:01:00,421
All right? Get your body under that leak.
26
00:01:00,423 --> 00:01:01,759
Not the desk. Your body.
27
00:01:01,784 --> 00:01:02,790
[CHAIR SCRAPING]
28
00:01:02,792 --> 00:01:04,636
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!
That's perfect.
29
00:01:05,194 --> 00:01:06,675
There we go. Now...
30
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:08,925
if none of you are willing to
share your snacks with me...
31
00:01:10,060 --> 00:01:11,259
then I'm off to the vending machine
32
00:01:11,261 --> 00:01:13,094
For a little dose of C-13:
33
00:01:13,096 --> 00:01:15,030
Cape Cod Salt and Vinegar potato chips.
34
00:01:15,032 --> 00:01:16,501
Have you guys had 'em? Yum!
35
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,918
Oh, and if Marcus moves,
36
00:01:19,937 --> 00:01:20,936
you all get detention.
37
00:01:20,938 --> 00:01:23,372
[RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"]
38
00:01:23,771 --> 00:01:25,437
One, two, three, four!
39
00:01:25,439 --> 00:01:28,273
♪ Next time I'll listen to my heart ♪
40
00:01:28,275 --> 00:01:31,076
♪ Next time, well,
I'll be smart ♪
41
00:01:31,078 --> 00:01:38,083
♪
42
00:01:38,085 --> 00:01:40,886
[LIGHTLY SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
43
00:01:40,888 --> 00:01:43,088
♪
44
00:01:43,090 --> 00:01:44,589
[BEEPING]
45
00:01:44,591 --> 00:01:46,191
[THUNK]
46
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:49,784
Unsweetened Fruit Leather?
47
00:01:50,086 --> 00:01:51,636
That's not what C-13 is.
48
00:01:53,723 --> 00:01:55,256
Hey, Ralph, Ralph, Ralph.
49
00:01:55,258 --> 00:01:56,857
Come here, man. Hey,
50
00:01:56,859 --> 00:01:58,143
What the hell's going on around here?
51
00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:00,833
Oh, well, um... between us,
52
00:02:01,074 --> 00:02:02,873
a moth laid eggs
53
00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:04,775
in the auditorium curtain.
Now, they hatched...
54
00:02:04,777 --> 00:02:06,143
- Mm-hmm.
- Now there's moths in the air.
55
00:02:06,145 --> 00:02:08,713
What loves moths? Bats... all right?
56
00:02:08,715 --> 00:02:10,815
And I mean bats... plural.
57
00:02:10,817 --> 00:02:12,261
I don't care. That's
not what I'm talking about.
58
00:02:12,261 --> 00:02:14,047
Where are my chips? What is this?
59
00:02:14,072 --> 00:02:16,039
Oh! The student council is responsible
60
00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:17,841
for what goes in the snack machine,
61
00:02:17,843 --> 00:02:19,742
and they're doing this
really cool thing right now
62
00:02:19,744 --> 00:02:21,110
called Healthy Habits.
63
00:02:21,112 --> 00:02:22,534
Okay, tell me, what's
your day lookin' like?
64
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:24,267
- Pretty light?
- Puhh. Very busy.
65
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,169
Okay. Gonna need you to
shuffle some things around,
66
00:02:26,171 --> 00:02:28,227
make getting my chips back your number one.
67
00:02:28,309 --> 00:02:30,209
No, Jack. You do not wanna get involved
68
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,734
with the student council.
'Kay? I-i-it's the most
69
00:02:32,791 --> 00:02:34,625
toxically ambitious group of students
70
00:02:34,627 --> 00:02:36,527
- all together in one room.
- [SCOFFS]
71
00:02:36,529 --> 00:02:37,895
Come on, Ralph, you're telling me
72
00:02:37,897 --> 00:02:38,960
you're gonna be intimidated by a group
73
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,461
- of overachieving virgins?
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
74
00:02:42,648 --> 00:02:43,874
Yes.
75
00:02:48,804 --> 00:02:52,172
[PERCUSSIVE SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
76
00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:56,545
♪
77
00:02:56,546 --> 00:02:57,984
_
78
00:02:58,009 --> 00:02:59,275
[UNDER BREATH] All right.
79
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,800
Ah, good. Grace! Hi.
80
00:03:04,802 --> 00:03:07,103
Just the person I wanted to speak to. Hey.
81
00:03:07,105 --> 00:03:08,938
I'm gonna need you to get
my salt and vinegar chips
82
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:10,673
back in the vending machines.
83
00:03:10,675 --> 00:03:13,266
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- Oh. I'm just the secretary.
84
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:16,487
I take notes. I count
votes during elections.
85
00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:18,489
If you wanna change a policy,
86
00:03:18,491 --> 00:03:20,191
you need to talk to the president.
87
00:03:20,193 --> 00:03:21,759
[GROANS] Ugh. All right, fine.
88
00:03:21,761 --> 00:03:22,890
Who's the president?
89
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:24,056
[DOOR OPENS]
90
00:03:24,058 --> 00:03:25,758
You may take your seats.
91
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,927
Let's get this baby started.
92
00:03:27,929 --> 00:03:30,062
[TENSE MUSIC]
93
00:03:30,751 --> 00:03:32,195
You gotta be kidding me.
94
00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:34,153
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSION]
95
00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:35,822
- Tssss.
- Mr. Griffin,
96
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,990
you are more than welcome
to take a seat in the back.
97
00:03:37,992 --> 00:03:39,792
That's cute. Why don't we skip to the part
98
00:03:39,794 --> 00:03:41,661
where I get what I want... Namely chips...
99
00:03:41,663 --> 00:03:43,196
Back in the vending machines?
100
00:03:43,198 --> 00:03:44,630
Hmm. Well, unfortunately,
101
00:03:44,632 --> 00:03:46,891
we do have a little bit of an agenda.
102
00:03:46,916 --> 00:03:48,883
First up on the list is the discussion
103
00:03:48,885 --> 00:03:50,760
of our new rooftop garden...
104
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:54,155
which I can confirm will
be generously sponsored
105
00:03:54,157 --> 00:03:55,990
by Kasperak Motors.
106
00:03:55,992 --> 00:03:57,601
Turns out, I had a connection.
107
00:03:59,144 --> 00:04:01,929
It's a joke. They're my parents.
108
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:03,752
You guys actually listen to him?
109
00:04:03,752 --> 00:04:05,909
Hey, I have a mandate
from the student body.
110
00:04:05,934 --> 00:04:08,601
I was elected in a
landslide over Scottie Deeks.
111
00:04:08,603 --> 00:04:10,670
- And he plays football.
- Yeah, well, I'm guessing
112
00:04:10,672 --> 00:04:12,242
Scottie Deeks sucks pretty hard.
113
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,086
All right, talk about your stupid garden.
114
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,020
- Go. Hurry.
- Thank you.
115
00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:18,224
Now, on to the selection of vegetables.
116
00:04:18,297 --> 00:04:20,764
And you know what? I think
we should vote on them
117
00:04:20,766 --> 00:04:22,700
one by one, alphabetically.
118
00:04:22,923 --> 00:04:24,261
Starting with alfalfa.
119
00:04:24,261 --> 00:04:26,261
- All in favor.
- ALL: Aye.
120
00:04:26,263 --> 00:04:27,930
Wow. Unanimous for alfalfa.
121
00:04:27,932 --> 00:04:31,667
Absolutely wonderful. Next up will be...
122
00:04:32,077 --> 00:04:33,568
buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
123
00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:36,628
You know what? I...
completely lost my place.
124
00:04:36,653 --> 00:04:38,601
Grace, can you read back
the alfalfa results, please?
125
00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:40,496
No. Hold on a second. Chips. Okay?
126
00:04:40,559 --> 00:04:41,809
Why don't we do chips, all right?
127
00:04:41,809 --> 00:04:43,115
I'm an adult, and I want chips,
128
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,239
- so I get chips.
- Oh, my G...
129
00:04:45,264 --> 00:04:47,164
Oh, I know what's going on here.
130
00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:49,733
- This isn't about chips at all.
- [SCOFFS] What?
131
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:51,989
Fired from Harvard, stuck in Toledo,
132
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,827
and these chips are just one
more thing you can't control.
133
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:56,360
- All agreed?
- ALL: Aye.
134
00:04:56,679 --> 00:04:59,112
- Don't vote on that!
- Let's put an end to this
135
00:04:59,114 --> 00:05:01,415
right now. All in favor of restoring
136
00:05:01,417 --> 00:05:03,892
Salt and vinegar chips
to the vending machine...
137
00:05:05,243 --> 00:05:06,368
Victor.
138
00:05:07,009 --> 00:05:08,998
Wow. Motion denied.
139
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:11,122
Sorry, Mr. Griffin.
140
00:05:11,906 --> 00:05:12,925
Okay.
141
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:14,847
Yeah, all right.
142
00:05:16,603 --> 00:05:17,629
Bye!
143
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,953
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSION]
144
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,669
Now, you would agree that looking good
145
00:05:43,671 --> 00:05:45,273
also helps with feeling good?
146
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,551
- I suppose.
- And you would also agree
147
00:05:47,576 --> 00:05:49,343
that more radiant skin
148
00:05:49,345 --> 00:05:52,212
is preferable to less radiant skin.
149
00:05:52,214 --> 00:05:53,686
That's hard to argue with.
150
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,509
Then we agree! Now,
151
00:05:55,509 --> 00:05:58,037
you are trying the shimmering
152
00:05:58,062 --> 00:05:59,519
skin perfector.
153
00:05:59,544 --> 00:06:02,178
Mmm. Look at those undertones. All right?
154
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:04,194
Now, that is peaches and cream!
155
00:06:04,195 --> 00:06:06,528
Okay? Oh! And is that the hand
156
00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:08,864
of a teenage supermodel?
157
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:10,751
Seems kinda young to be a supermodel.
158
00:06:10,753 --> 00:06:13,220
Look at that. Mm-mm. So I'm gonna suggest
159
00:06:13,222 --> 00:06:16,223
a six-month supply of the perfector, okay?
160
00:06:16,225 --> 00:06:19,193
Along with the stain and the concealer
161
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:21,495
and the rejuvenating serum.
162
00:06:21,497 --> 00:06:22,710
Sounds good?
163
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:25,799
- [SOFTLY] Yeah.
- [WEAKLY] Yes.
164
00:06:25,801 --> 00:06:27,501
Yes. Ooh! Hold that thought,
165
00:06:27,503 --> 00:06:29,327
because pale Jennifer is a gold mine.
166
00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:31,228
I'll just need your orders
by the end of the week.
167
00:06:31,439 --> 00:06:33,258
Jennifer, hold on a minute!
168
00:06:33,283 --> 00:06:35,149
- Jennifer!
- Why is it so terrifying
169
00:06:35,151 --> 00:06:37,084
to say no to her? Every time Stef
170
00:06:37,086 --> 00:06:39,086
gets a new side hustle,
we end up spending money.
171
00:06:39,088 --> 00:06:41,222
And you know I'm trying to
save up for that houseboat.
172
00:06:41,224 --> 00:06:42,735
We have to stand up to her.
173
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,894
I've not cut a single penny in half
174
00:06:44,896 --> 00:06:46,386
with those scissors she sold me.
175
00:06:46,386 --> 00:06:47,935
That's just not a need I have.
176
00:06:48,222 --> 00:06:50,089
[CLOCK TICKING]
177
00:06:50,091 --> 00:06:52,349
Okay. Everyone shut up immediately!
178
00:06:53,198 --> 00:06:55,698
Today we're starting a new revenge mission.
179
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:57,020
Our target...
180
00:06:57,266 --> 00:06:58,240
boom.
181
00:06:59,902 --> 00:07:01,636
- Oy vey.
- Out!
182
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,304
Go to the principal's office right now.
183
00:07:03,306 --> 00:07:05,172
You, too, you sycophantic minions.
184
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,941
But we... we didn't do anything.
185
00:07:06,943 --> 00:07:08,276
Oh, you didn't do anything?
186
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,585
I think ya did. Ha ha ha.
187
00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:12,052
Think you did, yeah.
188
00:07:12,936 --> 00:07:15,604
Yeah, hey, Durbin. I gotta send three kids
189
00:07:15,606 --> 00:07:16,738
to your office right now.
190
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,974
Why? They were kissing each other.
191
00:07:18,976 --> 00:07:20,876
Yeah! All three of 'em
were just sitting here
192
00:07:20,878 --> 00:07:22,611
doing kissing right here in
the middle of the classroom.
193
00:07:22,611 --> 00:07:24,017
It was crazy. I couldn't believe it.
194
00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:25,685
Anyway, it was gross. Here they come.
195
00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:27,787
Out!
196
00:07:28,787 --> 00:07:29,973
[CHUCKLES]
197
00:07:30,155 --> 00:07:31,093
Yep.
198
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,890
Have fun explaining that.
199
00:07:33,892 --> 00:07:35,826
He must have struck out last night.
200
00:07:35,828 --> 00:07:37,306
He's hangry as hell.
201
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:39,231
Now, as you may have heard,
202
00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:40,814
Marcus refuses to bring back my chips.
203
00:07:40,815 --> 00:07:43,449
So our mission is to
replace Marcus Kasperak
204
00:07:43,451 --> 00:07:44,983
as student council president.
205
00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:47,119
Can't you just buy chips at the store?
206
00:07:47,121 --> 00:07:48,821
Well, it's not about chips anymore, Sarika.
207
00:07:49,445 --> 00:07:51,578
This is about principle, okay?
208
00:07:52,127 --> 00:07:53,670
And it is a little bit about the chips.
209
00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:55,837
I do love chips, you
know? It's about 60... 40,
210
00:07:55,839 --> 00:07:57,639
principle to chips at this point for me.
211
00:07:57,641 --> 00:07:59,372
- I get it.
- Yeah. Heather gets it.
212
00:07:59,372 --> 00:08:01,272
Thank you, Heather. So I read
the student council bylaws.
213
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,805
We only need 200
signatures to recall Marcus
214
00:08:03,830 --> 00:08:05,361
and replace him with a new candidate.
215
00:08:05,362 --> 00:08:07,760
So today we're gonna be
choosing that new candidate.
216
00:08:07,831 --> 00:08:09,330
This seems like an overreaction.
217
00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:11,032
All right, well, Sarika's eliminated.
218
00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:13,167
So I wanna hear you guys pitch yourselves,
219
00:08:13,169 --> 00:08:15,637
campaign-style. Anthony, you start.
220
00:08:15,904 --> 00:08:17,118
If I was president,
221
00:08:17,118 --> 00:08:19,252
I'd make all the dances
at Prom slow dances.
222
00:08:19,254 --> 00:08:21,964
If I'm paying 20 bucks,
I wanna feel a body.
223
00:08:22,014 --> 00:08:23,498
There ya go. Good point.
224
00:08:23,498 --> 00:08:24,664
Okay, who's next? Colin.
225
00:08:24,666 --> 00:08:26,152
I don't know if I'm the right choice.
226
00:08:26,152 --> 00:08:27,618
There's a pretty damning video out there
227
00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:30,254
of me blowing out another
kid's birthday candles.
228
00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,399
- I got excited.
- 'Kay.
229
00:08:32,399 --> 00:08:34,232
Anybody else have any
skeletons in their closet?
230
00:08:34,433 --> 00:08:37,367
I shoplift magazines to feel alive.
231
00:08:37,721 --> 00:08:39,419
Getting caught's the fun part.
232
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,481
You know what? Look, Why don't we
233
00:08:40,481 --> 00:08:42,180
skip past this and just
move on to the person
234
00:08:42,182 --> 00:08:43,348
with the most charisma.
235
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:45,150
- Dan Decker, you in?
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
236
00:08:45,152 --> 00:08:47,118
I mean, I actually did student council
237
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,453
back I Florida, so I'd love to...
238
00:08:48,455 --> 00:08:50,012
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... yeah, okay.
239
00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:52,160
Don't ruin it. All right. Uh, guys...
240
00:08:52,389 --> 00:08:53,822
Dan Decker's our candidate.
241
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:55,590
Let's go out and let's
get those signatures, okay?
242
00:08:55,592 --> 00:08:57,826
Pass those down. I want you to be subtle.
243
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,191
But I want you to be efficient.
244
00:08:59,191 --> 00:09:02,864
With each passing minute, my
chips get staler and staler.
245
00:09:03,687 --> 00:09:06,863
And, o-of course, sexuality can be...
246
00:09:07,228 --> 00:09:09,729
expressed in so many different forms
247
00:09:09,731 --> 00:09:11,397
and permutations.
248
00:09:11,399 --> 00:09:13,466
- I mean, David Bowie...
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
249
00:09:14,036 --> 00:09:17,037
- You got a minute?
- Absolutely! Yes.
250
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:19,468
Okay. I'm gonna let you
guys off with a warning.
251
00:09:19,468 --> 00:09:21,564
So, uh, thank you. [CLEARS THROAT]
252
00:09:24,247 --> 00:09:26,573
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Okay. Yes, it's true.
253
00:09:26,575 --> 00:09:30,010
Some of the bats have gotten
into some of the vents.
254
00:09:30,075 --> 00:09:31,528
What? Eew. No.
255
00:09:31,566 --> 00:09:33,175
We need to talk about Stef.
256
00:09:34,336 --> 00:09:37,270
[TENSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
257
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:40,273
♪
258
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,923
Whassup, dirty Durb?
259
00:09:41,924 --> 00:09:43,693
Look, there is a rule
260
00:09:43,718 --> 00:09:46,056
against soliciting on school grounds.
261
00:09:46,081 --> 00:09:48,096
Wha... Are you kidding me?
262
00:09:48,123 --> 00:09:50,190
Are you guys hearing this nonsense?
263
00:09:50,192 --> 00:09:52,152
I am, and I'm shocked by it.
264
00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:53,606
Screw you, Durbin.
265
00:09:56,238 --> 00:09:57,815
[AHEM] Well, it is a rule,
266
00:09:57,815 --> 00:09:59,582
and I'm gonna have to
267
00:09:59,824 --> 00:10:01,117
ask you to stop.
268
00:10:01,119 --> 00:10:04,087
Mm-hmm. Durbs, um, you would agree that,
269
00:10:04,112 --> 00:10:06,889
as a teacher, I don't make a lot of money.
270
00:10:06,891 --> 00:10:09,091
No. Not nearly what you deserve.
271
00:10:09,093 --> 00:10:10,860
Mm-hmm. And you would agree that
272
00:10:10,862 --> 00:10:13,362
I should be able to retire one day?
273
00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:15,631
Or would you prefer that I die working?
274
00:10:16,139 --> 00:10:18,701
No. I want you to die somewhere fun.
275
00:10:18,839 --> 00:10:20,754
Then we're agreed. You know what?
276
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,492
I'm so glad
277
00:10:23,141 --> 00:10:24,879
you're on my side with this one.
278
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,143
You're one of the good ones, dirty, okay?
279
00:10:27,145 --> 00:10:28,978
Oh, and ladies, don't forget those orders.
280
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,412
[QUIETLY] Yeah.
281
00:10:30,414 --> 00:10:32,081
♪
282
00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:33,170
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
283
00:10:35,045 --> 00:10:37,253
Thought this was supposed
to be a rooftop garden.
284
00:10:37,255 --> 00:10:39,054
Apparently, the weight of the soil
285
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:41,023
would have made the gym roof collapse.
286
00:10:41,547 --> 00:10:43,375
We almost killed a lot of people...
287
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,524
Victor. Mulch.
288
00:10:45,384 --> 00:10:46,885
I gotta mulch.
289
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:48,729
Hey, Jack.
290
00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:51,659
You know, I saw the most
curious thing yesterday...
291
00:10:51,796 --> 00:10:54,630
Dan Decker chatting up the Spanish Club.
292
00:10:54,890 --> 00:10:57,407
At first, I was... very confused.
293
00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,681
And then I realized what he was doing.
294
00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:01,728
Courting the Latino vote.
295
00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:04,170
I think that club's mostly white kids.
296
00:11:04,172 --> 00:11:05,671
Victor, shut up!
297
00:11:07,396 --> 00:11:09,830
Anyway, I passed an emergency resolution.
298
00:11:09,832 --> 00:11:13,414
To replace the president, it
now requires 10,000 signatures.
299
00:11:13,414 --> 00:11:14,680
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING]
300
00:11:14,681 --> 00:11:15,691
Sorry, Jack.
301
00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:17,790
Mark my words, you soulless taint.
302
00:11:17,815 --> 00:11:19,815
I will take you down.
You'll be out of office
303
00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:22,702
before you see a single
precious tomato grow.
304
00:11:23,621 --> 00:11:26,094
Or sooner. Depending on how long it takes
305
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,423
tomatoes to grow.
306
00:11:27,423 --> 00:11:30,357
Well, depends on the size and the soil.
307
00:11:30,654 --> 00:11:32,053
By the way, we had to find a place
308
00:11:32,055 --> 00:11:33,621
for some gardening supplies.
309
00:11:33,817 --> 00:11:36,430
Might make parking a little bit of a mess.
310
00:11:37,787 --> 00:11:38,845
See ya, Jack.
311
00:11:39,389 --> 00:11:41,889
[TENSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
312
00:11:41,891 --> 00:11:48,496
♪
313
00:11:53,469 --> 00:11:54,936
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
314
00:11:54,938 --> 00:11:58,439
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
315
00:11:58,441 --> 00:11:59,601
Marcus!
316
00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:07,530
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] _
317
00:12:09,648 --> 00:12:11,958
It's over, Dan. Marcus sniffed you out.
318
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,240
Pulled some midnight procedural bullcrap.
319
00:12:14,242 --> 00:12:16,509
And I was left bribing some
homeless guy to move his fort
320
00:12:16,511 --> 00:12:18,041
so I could park in the street.
321
00:12:18,066 --> 00:12:19,478
- His fort?
- Yeah, his house, his tent.
322
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,148
What... what do you want from
me? Look, time to move to plan B.
323
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,250
Where can I buy some cocaine
to plant in Marcus's locker?
324
00:12:24,252 --> 00:12:25,551
- Don't lie.
- Okay, this whole thing
325
00:12:25,553 --> 00:12:26,970
seems like an insane overreaction
326
00:12:26,995 --> 00:12:28,150
to missing out on some
salt and vinegar chips.
327
00:12:28,175 --> 00:12:29,654
This has moved far beyond chips, okay?
328
00:12:29,654 --> 00:12:31,454
- This is personal!
- So you don't care
329
00:12:31,456 --> 00:12:33,556
- about the chips.
- A little, Dan! Okay?
330
00:12:33,558 --> 00:12:35,558
I care about the chips a little.
331
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:36,993
It's about 90-10,
Marcus-chips.
332
00:12:36,995 --> 00:12:38,494
Oh, there you are. Hey.
333
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:39,962
- Did you park out front?
- Yeah.
334
00:12:39,964 --> 00:12:41,631
It's street cleaning.
They just towed your car.
335
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:43,232
[SHOUTING] They towed my ca...
336
00:12:43,473 --> 00:12:45,807
Ohh... okay. Student
council's outta control.
337
00:12:45,809 --> 00:12:47,309
- You gotta do something!
- No, no, no.
338
00:12:47,311 --> 00:12:49,614
I told you, I don't want
no part of this, all right?
339
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,981
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait Is that Scottie Deeks?
340
00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:55,984
That's the kid Marcus beat
for Student Council President?
341
00:12:55,986 --> 00:12:58,298
Scottie? Yeah. That kid rocks.
342
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:01,158
This school makes no sense.
343
00:13:01,511 --> 00:13:03,711
- [SCOFFS]
- [PHONE TUNE PLAYS]
344
00:13:04,349 --> 00:13:05,848
- Hello?
- [AUTOTUNE VOICE] Is this
345
00:13:05,850 --> 00:13:07,617
- Jack Griffin?
- Yeah. Who's this?
346
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,061
Marcus's election. It was rigged.
347
00:13:10,455 --> 00:13:12,152
[DRAMATIC STING]
348
00:13:12,152 --> 00:13:13,252
Why are you telling me this?
349
00:13:13,254 --> 00:13:15,682
- And why are you singing?
- It's an Auto-Tune app.
350
00:13:15,682 --> 00:13:17,081
Marcus has to be stopped.
351
00:13:17,551 --> 00:13:19,685
[SING-SONGY] Just follow the car.
352
00:13:19,687 --> 00:13:21,820
Follow the car? Wh-what does that mean?
353
00:13:21,822 --> 00:13:24,998
- Who is this?
- Get your dang gym clothes on!
354
00:13:24,999 --> 00:13:27,100
You're not skippin' soccer again!
355
00:13:27,102 --> 00:13:29,202
But my stomach is cramping.
356
00:13:29,204 --> 00:13:32,872
You are not on your period.
That only works for girls!
357
00:13:33,139 --> 00:13:34,875
Follow the car!
358
00:13:34,876 --> 00:13:37,477
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
359
00:13:37,479 --> 00:13:39,239
Follow the car?
360
00:13:39,881 --> 00:13:41,881
♪
361
00:13:42,812 --> 00:13:44,720
Follow the car.
362
00:13:46,855 --> 00:13:48,337
Follow the car.
363
00:13:49,791 --> 00:13:51,325
Follow the...
364
00:13:53,258 --> 00:13:54,445
Hey, Michelle.
365
00:13:55,397 --> 00:13:56,974
I like the quiet.
366
00:13:57,899 --> 00:14:00,299
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
367
00:14:00,301 --> 00:14:01,407
All right.
368
00:14:02,203 --> 00:14:09,208
♪
369
00:14:14,382 --> 00:14:18,155
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING]
370
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:19,886
♪
371
00:14:19,888 --> 00:14:22,255
[CHUCKLES]
372
00:14:22,257 --> 00:14:24,090
♪
373
00:14:24,845 --> 00:14:26,344
- Hey, Grace.
- [GASPS]
374
00:14:26,791 --> 00:14:28,572
Ha ha. Hey, quick question.
375
00:14:28,572 --> 00:14:30,759
Uh... you wanna tell
me how you got this car?
376
00:14:33,223 --> 00:14:35,356
Uh... [BREATHY LAUGH]
377
00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:37,287
The garden has been planted.
378
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,382
And what grows?
379
00:14:40,358 --> 00:14:42,761
- My legacy.
- [INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC SWELLS]
380
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,031
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- All right, everybody.
381
00:14:45,233 --> 00:14:47,601
Quiet down, and all eyes on me.
382
00:14:47,603 --> 00:14:49,536
You know what, Mr. Griffin, I have to say,
383
00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:52,405
these interruptions are
getting a little bit ridiculous.
384
00:14:52,407 --> 00:14:54,674
Yeah. You know what I think is ridiculous?
385
00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:56,141
The fact that anybody thought
386
00:14:56,173 --> 00:14:57,880
you could beat
dreamboat Scottie Deeks
387
00:14:57,906 --> 00:14:59,839
in a popularity contest. [LAUGHS]
388
00:15:00,489 --> 00:15:02,153
[LAUGHING] You see, Marcus knew
389
00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:03,539
he was gonna lose the election,
390
00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,167
so he had his parents
bribe the vote counter...
391
00:15:06,764 --> 00:15:08,099
My girl Grace here...
392
00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:11,617
With a brand-new car from
the family dealership.
393
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,710
Isn't that right?
394
00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:14,397
And what did Grace do? [LAUGHS] Well...
395
00:15:14,662 --> 00:15:17,383
Grace, being a good little soldier...
396
00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:20,405
she fixed the election votes.
397
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:24,301
Here is Grace's tally of the actual votes.
398
00:15:24,303 --> 00:15:25,683
[LAUGHS] Marcus didn't just lose.
399
00:15:25,683 --> 00:15:28,184
Man...[LAUGHING] he got absolutely crushed!
400
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:31,340
We got a whopping 426 votes
401
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:32,440
for Scottie Deeks.
402
00:15:32,442 --> 00:15:34,976
Wow. We got a concerning 32 votes
403
00:15:34,978 --> 00:15:36,597
for murderer Robert Durst.
404
00:15:36,675 --> 00:15:38,222
I don't know what that was all about.
405
00:15:38,223 --> 00:15:41,091
And a very sad and pathetic
19 votes for Marcus.
406
00:15:41,093 --> 00:15:42,222
Whoopsie-daisies!
407
00:15:42,222 --> 00:15:45,223
[LAUGHING]
408
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:47,225
I didn't win?
409
00:15:47,991 --> 00:15:49,227
Grace, is that true?
410
00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:52,115
Ah...
411
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:55,777
Um, effective immediately,
412
00:15:56,815 --> 00:15:58,741
I am retiring from...
413
00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:01,804
public service, so...
414
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,294
I'll see some of you in chemistry.
415
00:16:08,199 --> 00:16:11,266
Oh, no! Oh, I... Oh, no, I thought he knew!
416
00:16:11,268 --> 00:16:13,135
[DOOR CLOSES] I thought the whole...
417
00:16:13,137 --> 00:16:14,372
I thought he knew!
418
00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:17,550
[STAMMERS] You know,
419
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:20,082
I-I have been told that sometimes I...
420
00:16:22,056 --> 00:16:23,251
overreact.
421
00:16:24,425 --> 00:16:26,492
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
422
00:16:28,129 --> 00:16:31,972
[LIGHTLY EDGY MUSIC]
423
00:16:31,996 --> 00:16:33,495
_
424
00:16:33,496 --> 00:16:35,072
- Beautiful house.
- Oh, thank you.
425
00:16:35,097 --> 00:16:36,941
I appreciate you letting me come over
426
00:16:36,941 --> 00:16:38,607
and speak to... I, uh...
427
00:16:39,027 --> 00:16:41,383
guess I owned your son pretty hard today.
428
00:16:41,383 --> 00:16:43,924
Please. I'm so ashamed of what we've done.
429
00:16:43,925 --> 00:16:46,370
Yeah. It was... pretty psychotic.
430
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,380
And was it worth it? To get our little
431
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,716
superstar elected high
school president? Ha.
432
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,484
- Probably.
- Hmm.
433
00:16:53,001 --> 00:16:54,587
Kinda seems like you're not that ashamed.
434
00:16:54,829 --> 00:16:56,380
- I'm gonna go talk to him.
- Please.
435
00:16:56,381 --> 00:16:58,115
Could you do me one huge favor?
436
00:16:58,429 --> 00:17:00,375
Tell him he won the election.
437
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:04,837
I'm not doing that.
438
00:17:05,126 --> 00:17:06,032
No?
439
00:17:06,995 --> 00:17:08,227
Oh, my God.
440
00:17:08,615 --> 00:17:09,528
Oh, God.
441
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:12,965
[MELLOW POP SONG]
442
00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:15,901
♪
443
00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:17,970
♪ Where could I start ♪
444
00:17:17,972 --> 00:17:19,505
Whoa! Hey, uh...
445
00:17:19,936 --> 00:17:21,541
mind tossing this shirt on?
446
00:17:21,597 --> 00:17:24,376
Getting a pretty wicked glare
off your back there, bud.
447
00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:26,764
Uh...
448
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,363
Listen, we... we mighta let this situation
449
00:17:29,363 --> 00:17:30,863
get a little outta hand, you know.
450
00:17:30,865 --> 00:17:32,502
Blame shared equally, of course.
451
00:17:33,614 --> 00:17:36,682
Maybe... 70-30, you. I mean...
452
00:17:36,683 --> 00:17:37,721
let's be honest.
453
00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:42,364
You, uh... wanna talk about it?
454
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:44,907
When I won the election, I just thought
455
00:17:44,937 --> 00:17:46,937
people were finally starting to like me.
456
00:17:46,939 --> 00:17:49,445
I don't want you to tell me
that people actually do like me
457
00:17:49,445 --> 00:17:51,511
or that none of this matters
'cause it's just high school
458
00:17:51,512 --> 00:17:53,512
- or anything like that.
- Oh, no, no, no, it matters.
459
00:17:53,844 --> 00:17:55,677
It matters. It's a serious problem for you.
460
00:17:55,679 --> 00:17:57,112
You get in people's business,
461
00:17:57,114 --> 00:17:58,434
tell 'em what they're doing wrong.
462
00:17:58,434 --> 00:18:00,368
It's just no good. Nobody
wants to hear that stuff.
463
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:02,981
Come on, you gotta think
more about how you come off.
464
00:18:03,706 --> 00:18:05,706
But, look, it's not entirely your fault.
465
00:18:05,708 --> 00:18:07,808
I mean, you've clearly been sheltered
466
00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:09,710
by adoring parents, you know?
467
00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:11,645
Normally, this sort of obnoxiousness
468
00:18:11,647 --> 00:18:14,111
would have been wedgied
or swirlied out of you.
469
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:16,504
Who's been bullying you?
470
00:18:17,547 --> 00:18:18,712
Nobody.
471
00:18:18,915 --> 00:18:20,671
Huh. Well, you know,
472
00:18:21,469 --> 00:18:24,309
if it helps, I could... I could bully you.
473
00:18:24,705 --> 00:18:26,220
You know, nothing physical.
474
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:28,587
Just... burns, barbs, you know.
475
00:18:28,589 --> 00:18:30,189
Light verbal stuff.
476
00:18:30,191 --> 00:18:31,623
Isn't that what you already do?
477
00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:33,625
Largely, yes, but in this particular case,
478
00:18:33,627 --> 00:18:36,361
the intention would be slightly more noble.
479
00:18:36,823 --> 00:18:37,818
Yeah.
480
00:18:38,369 --> 00:18:39,470
That'd be nice.
481
00:18:41,635 --> 00:18:42,819
All right.
482
00:18:43,907 --> 00:18:45,151
I don't do that.
483
00:18:45,439 --> 00:18:46,813
Okay.
484
00:18:48,576 --> 00:18:50,275
[TENSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
485
00:18:50,512 --> 00:18:52,446
- Ow. It's hurting!
- Really scratch it.
486
00:18:52,448 --> 00:18:54,614
- I know, hurry, hurry.
- [WHISPERS] Here she comes!
487
00:18:54,616 --> 00:18:55,952
So...
488
00:18:55,952 --> 00:18:57,029
you beauties ready to
489
00:18:57,029 --> 00:18:58,361
- finalize your orders?
- Yep.
490
00:18:58,363 --> 00:19:00,869
I got my list right here.
491
00:19:01,387 --> 00:19:03,481
Whoa! Isn't this rash right where you tried
492
00:19:03,481 --> 00:19:04,942
- Stef's make-up?
- Ooh...
493
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,643
- Oh, my God!
- I have one too!
494
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,533
Oh, no, I guess we can't buy
495
00:19:08,533 --> 00:19:10,600
any of your makeup
anymore ever! I'm so sad!
496
00:19:10,601 --> 00:19:13,202
- Hey, hey, no, no, no.
- Don't be sad.
497
00:19:13,441 --> 00:19:15,874
Not when you can buy this amazing concealer
498
00:19:15,876 --> 00:19:17,591
that will cover that right up.
499
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:20,525
Damn it, Stef! These
are obviously fake rashes.
500
00:19:20,878 --> 00:19:23,246
We were trying to get out
of buying your make up.
501
00:19:23,248 --> 00:19:24,513
- What?
- Oh, no.
502
00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:25,909
I think mine's turning real.
503
00:19:25,909 --> 00:19:27,796
Listen, girl, we wanna support you,
504
00:19:27,899 --> 00:19:29,732
but we all make the same amount of money.
505
00:19:29,734 --> 00:19:31,501
I've been wearing the same monthly contacts
506
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:32,936
for the past two years.
507
00:19:33,266 --> 00:19:35,900
I guess we were just
worried that if we said no,
508
00:19:35,902 --> 00:19:37,119
you were gonna get really mad at us.
509
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,653
Well, I'm not mad. I'm just sad
510
00:19:39,654 --> 00:19:41,777
that you feel like you couldn't be honest.
511
00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:43,889
Look... I don't know,
512
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,237
I thought this would be a good way
513
00:19:45,238 --> 00:19:46,538
to make some extra dough.
514
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:48,673
And I really did think it looked good.
515
00:19:48,675 --> 00:19:50,709
No, no, no, it did look good.
516
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,377
I don't know, I guess I just...
517
00:19:52,379 --> 00:19:54,446
feel like a smoother complexion
518
00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:56,869
can sometimes have both personal
519
00:19:56,908 --> 00:19:59,050
and professional benefits.
520
00:19:59,052 --> 00:20:00,518
Yep! I'm back in.
521
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,537
No! Stef, damn! You're relentless!
522
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,595
Okay. I'm sorry.
523
00:20:05,810 --> 00:20:08,144
I guess I just gotta
find out what to do with
524
00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:10,628
$300 worth of beauty products.
525
00:20:10,628 --> 00:20:11,660
Hmm...
526
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:16,431
Long story short, the
bats have been trapped
527
00:20:16,623 --> 00:20:18,623
with only one confirmed bite.
528
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:21,788
So get well soon, Mrs. Denunzio.
529
00:20:22,028 --> 00:20:23,583
Talk about handsome!
530
00:20:24,267 --> 00:20:26,683
The contouring's incredible.
531
00:20:27,521 --> 00:20:29,454
He honestly looks insane.
532
00:20:29,456 --> 00:20:30,922
Books back up on the shelves.
533
00:20:30,924 --> 00:20:32,097
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
534
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:33,730
Lastly, I'd like to congratulate
535
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,232
the awesome Scottie Deeks
536
00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:39,699
as our new Student
Council President.
537
00:20:40,141 --> 00:20:43,970
And... Oh, disgraced former
president Marcus Kasperak
538
00:20:43,972 --> 00:20:47,586
has accepted the position
of parliamentarian,
539
00:20:47,586 --> 00:20:50,653
so... beware,
recalcitrant legislators.
540
00:20:51,446 --> 00:20:53,542
Seems like an unnecessary position.
541
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,743
But congrats.
542
00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:57,789
I'm actually excited, you know.
543
00:20:57,792 --> 00:21:00,126
It's perfect for a policy wonk like me.
544
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:02,146
By the way, I, um...
545
00:21:03,064 --> 00:21:04,315
Brought you these.
546
00:21:04,566 --> 00:21:07,700
Wow. Now, see, this is likeable behavior.
547
00:21:07,702 --> 00:21:10,537
[LIGHT MUSIC]
548
00:21:10,539 --> 00:21:12,639
Don't you think your compulsive snacking
549
00:21:12,641 --> 00:21:15,030
belies some kinda
unaddressed anxiety that...
550
00:21:16,244 --> 00:21:18,211
Right. Back of the room.
551
00:21:18,213 --> 00:21:19,512
- Yeah.
- Got it.
552
00:21:19,514 --> 00:21:20,787
Much appreciated.
553
00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:24,948
[LIGHT MUSIC]
554
00:21:26,867 --> 00:21:29,722
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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