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1
00:00:39,516 --> 00:00:41,490
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
2
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,601
[THUDDING]
3
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,593
[COW MOOS]
4
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,618
[COW MOOING]
5
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:50,367
TESS:
And love slipped
the bonds of restraint.
6
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:56,073
His touch was like a cosmic ''yes. ''
7
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:59,514
EUSTACIA [ANGRILY]:
''Fuck you, '' screamed Kelly.
''Fuck you to hell. ''
8
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:05,886
Scott stepped back
from the cell door
as the gob of spit flew. ''Fuck you. ''
9
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:11,226
GLEN:
This matrix is what Hardy meant
by ''the ache of modernism. ''
10
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:13,990
Crap.
11
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,694
NICHOLAS:
Inchcombe knew too well
the dreadful mundanity of murder.
12
00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:20,931
But Patel was stricken.
13
00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:25,544
Inchcombe realized
his lack of feeling was almost...
14
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:27,645
Pathological.
15
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:28,838
[COW MOOS]
16
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:32,212
'''I've been wearing the wrong size
all my life,' says Katie.
17
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:38,017
'I was always popping out.
Turns out I'm a 30 GG,' she says.
18
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:41,160
'Now my bras finally fit.
19
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,454
[CHUCKLES]
20
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:45,826
Though Simon prefers me
without one.'''
21
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,101
[SlGHS]
22
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,434
We can go round mine, if you like.
23
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:55,769
And watch your dad
farting into a sofa?
24
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,542
A taxi?
25
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:08,611
In Ewedown?
26
00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:11,055
Come on.
Where are we going?
27
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:13,215
Nowhere.
28
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:22,533
Glen, can I tempt you?
Oh, wow, thank you.
29
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:25,899
Uh, I often take something snacky
to Nicholas this time of day.
30
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,905
I know how the brain needs feeding.
Mm.
31
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,205
So how you
settling in?
32
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,437
Great.
33
00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:37,709
The last writers' retreat I was at,
I kind of froze my balls off,
you know?
34
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,284
Screeching fire doors
and curried lasagna,
35
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:44,014
and a needy poet,
from whom I still bear the scars.
36
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:48,957
Well, we try to keep it peaceful here.
Far from the madding crowd.
37
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,619
May I?
Oh.
38
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,924
Well, it's paradise.
39
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,896
[COW MOOS]
40
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,401
In Ewedown?
What are you doing there?
41
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,004
I haven't told her yet.
42
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:03,698
Why not? You keep saying
you want to be with me.
43
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:08,574
Well, I can't tell her just like that.
It's 25 years. A marriage.
44
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,978
Ah. Come on, Nicholas.
45
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,551
Or I'm gonna get in a taxi
and find your farm.
46
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,881
No.
Come up there and I'll drag you out.
47
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,217
No, don't.
48
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:21,292
I wanted to be with you.
I thought you'd be pleased.
49
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,021
Well, of course I'm pleased.
50
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:29,398
Nadia, go to the pub and stay there.
I'll come when I can.
51
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,059
Are you going to tell her?
52
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:32,898
NICHOLAS:
Just give me a couple of hours.
53
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:35,535
Cock pie.
54
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,643
BETH: How's the worker?
Good, actually.
55
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,712
Just about to embark on forensics.
56
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,077
Well, give me your pages
and I'll get started.
57
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,377
Reckon I might pack it in
a bit early today.
58
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,612
Need to think
about my blood smears.
59
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,348
Might take a drive, have a pint.
60
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:53,583
Stir the old grey matter up.
61
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,058
Who were you talking to just then?
62
00:04:56,229 --> 00:05:01,690
Judy. She said the lmpala contract
should be through in a day or two.
63
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,597
I could come with you.
64
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,294
What?
For a drive.
65
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,167
I don't know when we last went out.
66
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,808
Mm. This is absolutely yummy.
67
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,171
Or we could go into Hadditon,
get a meal.
68
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:13,778
Yes.
69
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:16,139
But what about the guests?
70
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,647
Mary's got Casey to help.
71
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,547
But I-- I'm supposed to be thinking,
you know, about...
72
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,212
You can run it by me.
I'm good at forensics.
73
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,415
[SlGHS]
74
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,328
[MOOING]
75
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,130
[GROANS]
76
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,792
Andy, can I tempt you?
77
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:41,134
Oh, uh, we've got a new academic.
Glen, American.
78
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:43,400
Turns out he's working
on Thomas Hardy.
79
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,942
Said he might have
some farming questions.
80
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:48,740
Needs an expert yokel, does he?
Would you mind?
81
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,440
Oh, and the--
The writers are eating
alfresco tonight.
82
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:54,781
Could you check
there's no bird shit
on the seats? Sorry.
83
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:56,312
You okay?
84
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,889
Yes.
85
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,720
Nicholas and I
are going out to dinner.
86
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:05,387
[LlLY ALLEN'S
''THE FEAR'' PLAYlNG]
87
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:12,999
Now.
88
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,198
[TlRES SQUEALlNG]
89
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,570
Fucking bingo.
90
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,350
[SlGHS]
91
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,682
[SlGHS]
92
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:32,357
What a dump.
93
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:07,817
Yeah.
We could walk up the garage.
94
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:11,293
Oh. I'm supposed to be
helping my mom
up at Stonefield.
95
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,864
They keep you busy.
Yeah.
96
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,501
You never stop, you.
97
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,200
Bet them writers are wankers.
98
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,306
It was called From Hearth to Heath:
99
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:24,068
The Doomsday and Revelation
in Victorian Verse.
100
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,268
What was it about?
101
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:29,609
Well, you know,
pale poets on laudanum
and dark towers and sunless seas.
102
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,773
A little Sturm und Drang
in a teacup.
103
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,009
Did it sell?
104
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:38,624
Well, of course, my kind of books
aren't about sales,
that's not why I write. So, no.
105
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,757
TESS:
So, what are you working on next?
106
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,260
GLEN:
Thomas Hardy.
107
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:47,593
Is there anything left to say
about that maudlin bore?
108
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:51,430
Excuse me, but there's
nothing dull about Hardy.
That is a misconception.
109
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:55,404
At least you've been published.
I'm seething with envy.
110
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,976
I'd love to be published.
I publish myself on the lnternet.
111
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,613
Oh, do you earn money doing that?
No.
112
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,578
GLEN: What do you write?
Lesbian crime.
113
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:08,385
I'm here picking up tips
from the master.
114
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:11,613
[PHONE BEEPlNG]
115
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:15,020
[FOOTSTEPS]
116
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:17,185
Beth?
BETH: Yeah?
117
00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:19,490
Why don't I just pop out on my own?
118
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,691
Well, I'm ready now. Come on.
119
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,495
Is that..?
120
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,865
I mean, are you wearing that?
121
00:08:26,472 --> 00:08:27,939
Oh.
122
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:31,800
It just looks a bit hot.
123
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:36,415
You know, Hadditon's
always packed with pissed
Londonites on a Friday.
124
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,049
I doubt we get a table anyway.
125
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:40,708
Let's do it properly next week.
Make an occasion.
126
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:44,379
I'm always taking you for granted.
I'm vile, I know.
127
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:47,117
You should kick me, really.
128
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:49,925
Who is she?
129
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,794
What?
130
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,395
Oh, come on, Beth.
131
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,460
Tell me who.
132
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,839
Look, it's nothing.
133
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,870
It's been once or twice, that's all.
It's just--
134
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,939
Beth, it's not anything.
Who is she?
135
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,675
So she's on her way in,
the bride and groom are--
136
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,615
Just a researcher on Radio 4.
What's her name?
137
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:17,347
Nadia. Nadia Patel.
Patel? She's in your book.
138
00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:19,650
No. No. I met her when I was on
Desert lsland Discs.
139
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,817
You put her in your book.
Well, just the name.
140
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,622
Desert lsland Discs was a year ago.
Yes--
141
00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:24,820
So ''once or twice''?
142
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,260
I was going to tell you.
Ha-ha!
143
00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:28,263
In the book, from your woman,
Shh! Shh!
144
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:30,299
saying that they're coming
to the par--
145
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,633
I've had enough of this.
Beth. I'm a ruin, I know.
146
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:36,036
But I've been in a real state
about this.
147
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,473
I-- I didn't want to hurt you.
Oh!
148
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,343
BETH:
How could you lie to my face?
149
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,948
NICHOLAS:
Can we talk calmly?
There are people out there.
150
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,812
BETH:
You looked me in the face and lied.
151
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,010
For God's sake,
we're surrounded by novelists.
152
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:50,553
You bastard.
Beth,
153
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:53,556
we're like a pair of compasses,
Oh, don't you dare.
154
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:55,557
joined solidly at the top,
155
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:58,595
but with the ends
able to roam in freedom.
156
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,494
[PHONE BEEPlNG]
157
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,930
That's her, isn't it?
Are you keeping her waiting?
158
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,002
We've talked a lot
about the creative mind,
159
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,503
and we agreed
it needs a certain freedom
to explore.
160
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,141
Take your freedom.
I can't live like this anymore.
161
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,709
It makes me feel worthless.
Calm yourself down.
162
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,814
Go set up home with Patel.
See if she does your tax returns.
163
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,950
Do you love her? Is she young?
164
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,812
For heaven's sake--
Is she?!
165
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,886
Yes!
166
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:29,687
lf you leave here tonight
to be with her, don't come back.
167
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,794
NICHOLAS:
Beth, you're making fools of us both.
168
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,966
Liar!
169
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:39,863
[SOBS]
170
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:42,567
[DOOR SLAMS]
171
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:44,709
[MOUTHS]
Fuck.
172
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:48,973
I didn't know
they provided material too.
173
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:03,725
Beth does everything for him,
you know.
Types his manuscript,
174
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:07,024
deals with his agent, makes his
female characters convincing.
175
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,498
She even came up with the name
Dr. Inchcombe.
176
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,035
DlGGORY:
No wonder he's bored.
177
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,800
I hope she takes him
to the fucking cleaners.
178
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,779
[ENGlNE STARTS]
179
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:29,812
At the end of the day,
this is why I'm glad I'm single.
180
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,956
[GASPlNG]
181
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,526
Will she take him back though?
That's the question.
182
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,764
Would you?
Well, I'd be torn.
183
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:50,841
He's far too up himself.
Yeah, but what about their farm?
184
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,502
Splitting up all this?
Must be worth a fortune.
185
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,411
BETH:
Nadia Patel.
186
00:11:57,583 --> 00:12:01,519
''Gazelle eyes. '' ''Tantric sex. ''
187
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,519
She's very rash,
making him choose.
188
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,985
Why would he choose me?
189
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:15,160
I thought you weren't going to come.
I was busy. Rowing with my wife.
190
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,632
Where are we going?
Home.
191
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:18,963
To your farm?
192
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:20,571
[LAUGHS]
193
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,169
[SlGHS]
194
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,572
We could have gone on
just as we were.
195
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,771
Yes, but you said
you wanted to be with me.
196
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:32,281
Yes. In London.
197
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:34,051
Now and then.
198
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,287
[ENGlNE STARTS]
199
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,662
Big glass of Rioja, please.
And I need a room.
200
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:50,563
Sure. How many nights?
201
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:52,829
Don't know. Just one?
202
00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:57,101
Are you here for the writers' retreat?
No, but I'm a writer.
203
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,573
Well, journalist.
204
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:02,412
I don't mean to pry.
I'm just really nosey.
205
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,412
I'm from here. Sort of.
206
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:07,644
Well, it's a nice place. I love it.
207
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:12,416
I keep meaning to leave, but--
Hard to get away.
208
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,490
My mom's house
is just up the road.
209
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:17,857
You're not staying with her?
She's-- She died.
210
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:19,862
Have that on me.
211
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:23,433
And here's your key.
212
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:26,902
Up the stairs, right in front.
You can't miss it.
213
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,597
Thanks.
214
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,638
Didn't think I'd see you tonight.
215
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,216
Bit of an atmosphere at Stonefield.
Tell me everything.
216
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:42,821
Marriage. Remind me never to try it.
217
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:47,426
Andy, you're just a sex object.
No one would have you.
218
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,289
[CHUCKLES]
219
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,582
[SlGHS]
220
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,919
GLEN:
Ahem. So the Hardiments
have lived here for centuries, huh?
221
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,257
No. About 20 years.
222
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,358
Still strangers, by local standards.
223
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,823
[DOOR CLOSES]
224
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,434
Andy, uh, come look at lngrid.
I, uh--
225
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,972
I think she's coming into heat.
226
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,937
She's very nice, Beth.
227
00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:44,912
Yeah. I owe her a lot.
228
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,153
Husband's kind of a sleazebag,
huh?
229
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,745
We'd say ''prick'' here, actually.
230
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,481
Or wanker.
231
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:56,728
That's good.
We might even call him a fuck.
232
00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:59,621
That's good too.
233
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:09,267
Can I help?
It's going rotten underneath.
234
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,673
Can I have a look at lngrid?
Look, it's-- It's falling apart.
235
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,710
Yeah, well, I can do that. Beth...
236
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,077
He won't last five minutes.
237
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:38,565
GLEN:
Oh, Jesus. He's been translated
into lcelandic and Swahili.
238
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,734
[SlGHS]
239
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,965
What an output.
240
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,375
I need my book to be a success.
241
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:50,709
I need a tiny reward
for all my endeavors.
242
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,349
[SlGHS]
243
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,719
I need a dump.
244
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,452
[GRUNTS]
245
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,123
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
246
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,601
NICHOLAS: Beth.
BETH: No, don't touch me.
247
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,333
Don't you dare.
I'm sorry.
248
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,671
Not good enough, not anymore.
I'm sorry.
249
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,904
You do what you like,
then you're sorry?
250
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,709
I hate myself. I hate myself.
251
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,613
BETH:
Where were you?
252
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,420
NICHOLAS:
I drove her back to London.
Took all night.
253
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:34,252
BETH: You drove her home?
I finished it. She was in a state.
254
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,925
BETH: So it's over?
NICHOLAS: I'm sorry.
255
00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:43,167
[CRYlNG]
I don't know why I'm like this.
256
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,897
I couldn't manage without you.
257
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,063
[BETH AND NICHOLAS SOBBlNG]
258
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,622
BETH:
I've got to go to the bottle bank.
259
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,197
NICHOLAS:
Okay.
260
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:18,464
Let's talk later.
BETH: Yeah.
261
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:22,599
The goat's come into heat.
NICHOLAS: Has it?
262
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,438
I love you so much.
263
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:30,172
Me too.
264
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,148
[DOORKNOB RATTLlNG]
265
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,431
[SlGHS]
266
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,040
I've just seen the Hardiments kiss
and make up.
267
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:59,336
The hat's on.
Looks like she's taking him back.
268
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:02,811
When the hat's on,
it means don't speak.
269
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:07,078
So peace is restored.
270
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:08,610
[ALARM WAlLlNG]
271
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:10,914
Oh, for fuck's sake!
272
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,258
I don't like cows.
Yeah.
273
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:17,418
They exude bovine malice.
Yeah.
274
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,791
These girls are killing machines.
275
00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:22,365
They don't like Americans either.
Very funny.
276
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,560
[AND Y CHUCKLES]
[COW MOOING]
277
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,260
AND Y:
It's Winnards Farm.
278
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,737
Lady there died a while back.
Place is empty.
279
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:32,036
Think it's being robbed?
Nah.
280
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,071
Probably just kids.
281
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:37,374
Nothing to do around here
except make trouble.
282
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:41,479
What if it's bad guys?
283
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:44,623
Don't you have a blunderbuss
or a fowling piece or something?
284
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,519
[CHUCKLES]
285
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,685
AND Y:
Used to belong to my dad,
this place.
286
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,456
Really?
But it all went tits up.
287
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:56,067
The land was flogged
to a consortium
and the house sold to Londoners.
288
00:18:56,235 --> 00:19:00,035
The Drewes.
So this is your ancestral pile?
289
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,763
Was.
290
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,166
Born in that room up there.
291
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:07,103
You must have been
pretty resentful.
292
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:13,646
AND Y:
Oil This farm's mine, big nose.
293
00:19:18,123 --> 00:19:19,147
[TAMARA GRUNTlNG]
294
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,259
[HAMMER STRlKlNG]
295
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:24,885
Hey, what are you doing?
Who are you?
296
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,589
Andy, you moron. It's me.
297
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:30,297
Tam?
298
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,595
I didn't even recognize you.
299
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,637
Well, you won't do it that way.
300
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,571
Then help me.
301
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,233
Used to do bits of work
for your mom.
302
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:41,276
Been keeping an eye on the place
since she died.
303
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:42,778
What kind of work, graphics?
304
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:46,384
No, I do horticulture now.
You're a gardener?
305
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,318
Wow, this is a great old house.
306
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,581
Thanks. Do you want to buy it?
307
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:57,161
I'm not the property-owning type, no.
I prefer my life to fit in hand luggage.
308
00:19:57,329 --> 00:20:00,821
That why you're back, to flog it?
Yep.
309
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,467
AND Y:
Make a nice second home
for some banker wankers.
310
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,161
Look, Andy, if you want it,
why don't you just make me an offer?
311
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,765
Because, sadly,
I'm still prey to the economic forces
312
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:13,173
that threw the peasant classes
off the land.
313
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,409
Unlucky.
314
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:17,279
AND Y:
Tam.
315
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,615
What the fuck have you done
to your nose?
316
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:25,621
Oh, come on, Andy.
Aliens came and took it.
317
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:27,088
She's completely different.
318
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:31,054
What was she like before?
What's the story?
319
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,822
There isn't one.
Oh, come on.
320
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:37,196
It was nothing. Decade ago.
Just a teenage thing.
321
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:40,597
You should find someone
you're in love with.
322
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,105
Stupid prick.
You saying you love me, frosty tits?
323
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,266
You first.
You're the girl, you say it.
324
00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:46,672
I love you.
325
00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:50,406
Fuck off. I love you!
326
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,482
Romeo and Juliet, huh?
327
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:57,019
Something classy
in the wood shed, huh? Heh.
328
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:01,391
[BOTH CHUCKLlNG]
329
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,087
[BELL TOLLlNG]
330
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,657
Would you do him?
No.
331
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,825
What about him?
He's gay, you dobbin.
332
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,198
So?
Oh.
333
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:14,464
Swipe.
334
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,700
JOD Y:
Ben Sergeant.
I'd walk through fire to do him.
335
00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:20,071
CASE Y: The drummer?
JOD Y: He's not just the drummer.
336
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,737
He writes all the lyrics. It's his band.
He's the fucking genius.
337
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:27,545
Not Steve Culley,
or any of these wankers. It's Ben.
338
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,883
Okay, yeah. I-- I'd do Ben.
339
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:35,993
I wanna be her, in that dress,
with him licking my teapot lids.
340
00:21:36,161 --> 00:21:38,891
Yeah, me too.
341
00:21:39,098 --> 00:21:41,328
So has the muse shone on you,
Greg?
342
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,468
I've been pretty distracted
most recently
343
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:47,366
by those delicious cookie things
Beth brought around this afternoon.
344
00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:50,508
Oh, yes. Of course,
we call them biscuits here.
345
00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:52,769
And by the place itself, the people.
346
00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,140
I sometimes wish
I could get distracted.
347
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,214
Ten-page-a-day man,
rain or shine.
348
00:21:57,382 --> 00:22:00,112
Wow. That's scary.
Ten pages a day,
how do you do that?
349
00:22:00,285 --> 00:22:01,684
Oh, Greg,
Glen.
350
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:04,118
I wouldn't presume
to give an academic tips.
351
00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:05,984
Matter of fact,
I read one of your books--
352
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:09,184
Another distraction.
--I thought it was decent stuff.
353
00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:15,255
Well, how do I do it?
I just get on with it, Greg.
354
00:22:16,935 --> 00:22:19,699
[MlMlCS NICHOLAS]
''We call them biscuits here.''
355
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,897
To the muse.
The muse.
356
00:22:22,608 --> 00:22:24,132
However you find her.
357
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,072
WRlTERS [SOFTLY]:
Cheers.
358
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,277
Who's that?
359
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:32,375
GLEN:
That's Tamara Drewe.
360
00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:35,884
NICHOLAS: No, it isn't.
GLEN: I met her with Andy.
361
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:39,722
Good God, what's happened to her?
She had a nose job, Dad.
362
00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:41,525
NICHOLAS:
She's completely different.
363
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:42,785
GLEN:
That's what Andy said.
364
00:22:42,961 --> 00:22:45,794
Poor Tamara, she's such a sad girl.
365
00:22:46,331 --> 00:22:48,697
She used to come
help you wash the car,
didn't she, Nicholas?
366
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,198
NICHOLAS:
When she was a teenager.
367
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,303
She liked a bit of family
after her dad left.
368
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:54,063
Is that Tamara Drewe
that writes a column
369
00:22:54,239 --> 00:22:55,467
in one of the Sundays?
Used to.
370
00:22:55,641 --> 00:22:57,700
Writes for The lndependent now.
Oh.
371
00:22:58,310 --> 00:23:02,144
BETH:
She spent weeks
going on about her nose job.
372
00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:05,475
Was her old one an awful conk?
Yes.
373
00:23:06,084 --> 00:23:09,315
BETH:
She's poured herself
into those shorts.
374
00:23:09,521 --> 00:23:12,251
Hope they don't give her thrush.
375
00:23:12,424 --> 00:23:14,517
Hello. Sorry to intrude.
376
00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:18,218
Hi, Tamara.
Poppy. How are you?
377
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,194
I love your new hooter.
378
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:22,924
Thanks. It's not actually new,
it's just smaller.
379
00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:26,468
Tamara. So sorry about your mom.
380
00:23:26,638 --> 00:23:28,697
Thanks.
Are you staying down for long?
381
00:23:28,874 --> 00:23:30,865
I'll have to.
There's so much to be done.
382
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,840
Well, let us know if we can help.
383
00:23:33,011 --> 00:23:35,343
Could you spare
a pair of strong arms?
384
00:23:35,514 --> 00:23:37,778
I've got a skip coming tomorrow,
and...
385
00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:39,815
Nicholas?
386
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,614
I'm available.
I do skips.
387
00:23:42,788 --> 00:23:45,279
BETH: Nicholas?
Oh, bug--
388
00:23:45,457 --> 00:23:47,254
Oh. Um...
389
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:50,361
Thank you, everyone.
You're very kind.
390
00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:52,359
Is Andy around at all?
391
00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:54,225
Oh, I-- I can't spare Andy.
392
00:23:54,399 --> 00:23:57,732
He's making a new coop
for my Buff Orpingtons. Heh.
393
00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:01,971
We'll soon have that dry,
don't worry. Heh-heh.
394
00:24:02,140 --> 00:24:04,574
She's had Glen down there
helping her all morning.
395
00:24:04,743 --> 00:24:06,574
I hope she realizes
he's here to work.
396
00:24:06,745 --> 00:24:09,009
Can't believe what a difference
her nose makes.
397
00:24:09,181 --> 00:24:11,775
I think it's a mistake.
Taken away all her character.
398
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,214
Come on, she looks 1 0 times better.
Huh.
399
00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:17,219
And she knows it.
I found those shorts really irritating.
400
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:20,119
Going around with half her bum
hanging out. I mean, why?
401
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:22,954
To annoy people like you.
Hmm.
402
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:24,493
I might get a pair myself.
403
00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:26,392
Of course you wouldn't.
Why not?
404
00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,396
Because you're not desperate,
are you?
405
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:32,298
There was always something
desperate about Tamara Drewe.
406
00:24:33,572 --> 00:24:36,063
GLEN:
Why did you change your face?
407
00:24:36,408 --> 00:24:38,899
Changing my face
is the best thing I ever did.
408
00:24:39,111 --> 00:24:41,079
I don't care
what anybody else thinks.
409
00:24:41,246 --> 00:24:44,841
You think it would work for me?
Maybe, if you did the wrinkles too.
410
00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:46,780
Oh, you're just
coming on to me now.
411
00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:47,976
[TAMARA CHUCKLES]
412
00:24:52,991 --> 00:24:55,459
In your column,
you write about yourself.
Does that come easily?
413
00:24:55,627 --> 00:24:58,960
Not easily. It just feels right.
414
00:24:59,131 --> 00:25:01,429
My first novel is definitely
going to be autobiographical.
415
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,966
Your first novel? You're gonna
dash one off, just like that?
416
00:25:04,136 --> 00:25:08,664
Heh. ldeally,
I'd like to make it into fiction
before I'm 30.
417
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,674
Then maybe a swimwear collection,
chat show, pasta-sauce range.
418
00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:13,868
What?
419
00:25:14,046 --> 00:25:16,879
Life sure comes easy
for the beautiful.
420
00:25:19,284 --> 00:25:21,184
You know,
before I had the nose job,
421
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:24,117
I had no problem
being taken seriously.
422
00:25:24,289 --> 00:25:26,621
Maybe when they removed
that bit of cartilage,
423
00:25:26,792 --> 00:25:29,317
they pulled out my brain
by mistake.
424
00:25:29,494 --> 00:25:31,553
What do you think?
425
00:25:32,564 --> 00:25:33,588
Thank you.
426
00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:35,164
[CHUCKLES]
427
00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:38,727
She's single, you know.
428
00:25:39,171 --> 00:25:42,470
Well, it's not exactly a relationship.
We have an occasional thing.
429
00:25:42,641 --> 00:25:45,371
Zoe doesn't wanna be tied down--
Not Zoe.
430
00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:46,568
[SlGHS]
431
00:25:46,745 --> 00:25:48,406
Tamara.
432
00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:51,674
You should get in there.
Marry the girl.
Then you could live
433
00:25:51,850 --> 00:25:54,546
in your ancestral home again.
No. Not her type.
434
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,554
Andy, you know, the trouble with you
is that you think like a loser.
435
00:25:59,024 --> 00:26:02,755
I know this because I'm the loser
that all other losers come to for tips.
436
00:26:02,928 --> 00:26:04,623
I am a loser's loser.
437
00:26:04,796 --> 00:26:06,491
I'm a pedigree loser.
438
00:26:06,665 --> 00:26:08,997
Had a graphics business, went bust.
439
00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:10,691
Then with
my great business acumen,
440
00:26:10,869 --> 00:26:13,565
I invested in a polytunnel
full of ganja.
441
00:26:13,739 --> 00:26:17,937
Spent six years
stoned out of my box.
I'm only just getting it back together.
442
00:26:18,110 --> 00:26:19,941
Besides,
443
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:23,214
even if I was the last man
in the world,
444
00:26:23,515 --> 00:26:25,142
Tamara Drewe wouldn't have me.
445
00:26:25,484 --> 00:26:26,644
Why not?
446
00:26:27,853 --> 00:26:30,947
I dumped her.
Oh, you are a loser.
447
00:26:31,123 --> 00:26:32,556
I was 20.
448
00:26:32,724 --> 00:26:35,557
And my mates thought
I was cradle-snatching.
449
00:26:35,961 --> 00:26:38,862
And they used to call her Beaky.
Beaky?
450
00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:40,423
Beaky?
451
00:26:43,035 --> 00:26:44,696
[GRUNTS]
452
00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:46,030
[GROANS]
453
00:26:46,204 --> 00:26:47,330
[SOBS]
454
00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:07,452
TAMARA:
Boys know nothing.
455
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:12,753
I've been reading Inchcombe's Dose.
The bit where Dr. Inchcombe
456
00:27:12,931 --> 00:27:16,662
finds himself having thoughts
about the dead guy's daughter.
457
00:27:16,835 --> 00:27:21,863
You describe her light smattering
of freckles and her striking profile.
458
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:26,568
So who did you base her on?
459
00:27:27,079 --> 00:27:29,240
Have you noticed me?
460
00:27:29,448 --> 00:27:31,882
Because I've noticed you.
461
00:27:32,617 --> 00:27:34,414
You're making yourself ridiculous.
462
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:39,256
Nichol-arse!
463
00:27:40,792 --> 00:27:43,420
A man can dream, huh?
464
00:27:47,732 --> 00:27:48,756
[SlGHS]
465
00:27:48,934 --> 00:27:50,458
No.
466
00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:54,195
[SlGHS]
467
00:27:57,509 --> 00:28:00,637
Oh, write, you numbskull.
468
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:05,983
MAN: The best ham I've had in ages.
WOMAN: Good.
469
00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:08,248
BETH:
How's Thomas Hardy?
470
00:28:08,420 --> 00:28:11,150
I'm wasting my sabbatical.
Oh, dear.
471
00:28:11,323 --> 00:28:15,157
I've been writing this book forever.
Don't know why I can't finish it.
472
00:28:15,327 --> 00:28:17,955
Two years behind
on my delivery date,
473
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:21,497
and Fantail could ask
for their chickenshit advance back.
474
00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:24,396
I can't write. I'm fucking constipated.
475
00:28:26,171 --> 00:28:27,832
It's a disaster.
476
00:28:28,006 --> 00:28:29,337
Crikey.
477
00:28:29,508 --> 00:28:31,237
[HORN HONKS]
478
00:28:31,810 --> 00:28:35,439
Oh. Uh, sorry, Glen. Um--
I've gotta grab Andy
before he rushes off.
479
00:28:35,614 --> 00:28:37,514
Tamara's asked him
to do up her house.
480
00:28:37,682 --> 00:28:40,845
Why? She knows
how hard he works for me.
481
00:28:44,356 --> 00:28:46,017
Is this all his fan mail?
482
00:28:47,526 --> 00:28:50,654
Yeah. I do a couple of sessions
a week to keep on top of it.
483
00:28:50,829 --> 00:28:53,354
Pretty good
at forging Nick's signature.
484
00:28:57,269 --> 00:28:59,260
Why don't we have
a proper chat about it?
485
00:28:59,437 --> 00:29:02,463
Always used to help Nicholas--
You'd do that? You have time?
486
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:05,941
I'll just, uh...
487
00:29:09,781 --> 00:29:11,442
Tam?
488
00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:13,812
Tam?
489
00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:16,516
Tam?
490
00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:24,857
Got some color charts
for you to see.
491
00:29:29,067 --> 00:29:32,036
What color do you think
it should be in here?
492
00:29:34,139 --> 00:29:36,471
Well, I was thinking, um,
493
00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:41,044
this one for down here.
494
00:29:43,548 --> 00:29:45,243
And, um...
495
00:29:47,352 --> 00:29:50,185
This one for the bedroom.
Okay.
496
00:29:55,060 --> 00:29:58,427
So, uh, what do you have to do
to get a cup of tea around here?
497
00:29:58,597 --> 00:30:02,465
Make it. Tea, sugar, fridge.
498
00:30:04,035 --> 00:30:05,502
I'm off to work.
499
00:30:09,541 --> 00:30:11,532
[SWlPE SlNGlNG
''WHERE ARE YOU NOW?'']
500
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,008
GUARD 1 :
Hey!
501
00:30:17,182 --> 00:30:20,674
This is our village! Our fucking field!
GUARD 1 : Go on.
502
00:30:20,852 --> 00:30:22,820
CASE Y: Get off!
JOD Y: Come on, bastard. Let us in!
503
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:25,047
GUARD 2:
Kiss your mother with that mouth?
Fuck off.
504
00:30:25,523 --> 00:30:27,514
Get on, shove it.
505
00:30:28,526 --> 00:30:29,550
[CROWD CHEERlNG]
506
00:30:29,728 --> 00:30:32,720
[SWlPE PERFORMlNG
''THlS lS A LOW'']
507
00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:24,877
Bullshit! Fuck off!
508
00:31:25,684 --> 00:31:29,347
Swipe is fucking finished!
Steve Culley is a--
509
00:31:29,521 --> 00:31:30,545
[STATlC SQUEALS]
510
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:33,714
Fuck off.
Fran has been
shagging that tosser.
511
00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:35,553
FRAN: Steve, stop it!
Come on then.
512
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,757
FRAN: Stop it!
Uhn!
513
00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:39,662
I'm Tamara Drewe.
What?
514
00:31:39,831 --> 00:31:43,358
I'm supposed to be interviewing you,
for The lndependent.
515
00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:45,526
It was scheduled for later,
516
00:31:46,338 --> 00:31:48,568
but is now a good time?
517
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:52,073
CROWD [CHANTlNG]:
Swipel Swipel Swipel
518
00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:54,871
Swipel Swipel Swipel
519
00:31:57,248 --> 00:31:59,546
They should let us in for free.
RYAN: Too right.
520
00:31:59,718 --> 00:32:02,949
They come here, drink our water,
use our fields.
521
00:32:03,121 --> 00:32:05,248
And they leave all their crap
in our drains.
522
00:32:05,790 --> 00:32:06,882
RYAN:
Nice girlfriend, mate.
523
00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:09,749
Ben. Ben!
524
00:32:09,928 --> 00:32:12,419
What are you doing?
That's Ben from Swipe.
525
00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:15,725
And he's got his dog. Ben!
526
00:32:16,101 --> 00:32:19,628
Ben! Ben!
527
00:32:39,591 --> 00:32:40,990
That's Boss.
528
00:32:41,159 --> 00:32:42,285
[GRUNTS]
529
00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:43,620
Up.
530
00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:45,922
Boy. Come on.
531
00:32:46,097 --> 00:32:47,758
Hi, Boss.
There.
532
00:32:47,932 --> 00:32:50,833
Not allergic, are you?
To indie drummers?
533
00:32:51,002 --> 00:32:52,492
Maybe.
534
00:32:52,937 --> 00:32:54,461
Who the fuck's she?
535
00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:58,097
I've seen her up at Stonefield.
She's got a nose made of plastic.
536
00:33:02,580 --> 00:33:05,515
So who are your influences?
537
00:33:05,683 --> 00:33:07,674
Everyone asks that.
538
00:33:07,852 --> 00:33:09,843
I mean,
what do you want me to say?
Phil Collins?
539
00:33:10,021 --> 00:33:12,046
Animal from The Muppets?
540
00:33:14,025 --> 00:33:15,686
This your house?
Yeah.
541
00:33:15,860 --> 00:33:18,385
Do you want to buy it?
No.
542
00:33:20,098 --> 00:33:22,191
I want something else.
543
00:33:23,802 --> 00:33:27,795
How come she gets Ben?
I've loved him since March.
544
00:33:27,972 --> 00:33:29,166
[SlGHS]
545
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:32,309
Would you like a beer?
Yeah.
546
00:33:34,746 --> 00:33:36,338
Maureen Tucker.
Who?
547
00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:39,278
Moe Tucker. The Velvets.
Five-foot-nothing.
548
00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:40,679
Used to stand up to play.
549
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:44,447
Put the snare drum on its side
and whacked it with mallets.
Mentalist.
550
00:33:44,622 --> 00:33:46,920
You write a lot of songs.
That's pretty rare for a drummer.
551
00:33:47,091 --> 00:33:49,787
Yeah, well, everything you've heard
about drummers is complete shit.
552
00:33:49,961 --> 00:33:52,555
You mean they don't
spontaneously combust?
553
00:33:52,730 --> 00:33:53,822
No.
554
00:33:53,998 --> 00:33:56,193
Only sometimes.
555
00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:16,419
[GlGGLES]
556
00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:27,922
[STOPS DRUMMlNG]
557
00:34:28,099 --> 00:34:29,327
Any more questions?
558
00:34:29,501 --> 00:34:31,366
[SWlPE'S ''THlS lS A LOW''
PLAYlNG]
559
00:34:39,511 --> 00:34:42,344
[CHUCKLES]
560
00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:46,473
[MlMlCS GUN FlRlNG]
561
00:35:13,878 --> 00:35:14,902
[COWS MOOING]
562
00:35:15,079 --> 00:35:17,104
Jesus. Oh, my God.
563
00:35:27,258 --> 00:35:28,748
Hello.
564
00:35:29,027 --> 00:35:30,824
Who are you?
565
00:35:43,308 --> 00:35:45,173
AND Y:
You know anything about this dog,
Tam?
566
00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:56,518
You want some breakfast, Tam?
567
00:35:58,523 --> 00:36:00,115
Tam?
568
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,951
[TAMARA AND BEN
MOANlNG AND YELLlNG]
569
00:36:26,517 --> 00:36:30,817
How goes the opus?
Fine, Nicholas, just fine.
570
00:36:32,657 --> 00:36:36,423
GLEN:
It's his most obscure novel,
The Well-Beloved.
571
00:36:36,594 --> 00:36:38,528
Most people have never
even heard of it.
572
00:36:38,696 --> 00:36:42,757
It's about a young guy of 20
who falls in love
with a beautiful young woman.
573
00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:46,592
Then when he's 40,
he meets the woman's daughter
and he falls in love with her.
574
00:36:46,771 --> 00:36:49,831
And finally, when he's 60,
he meets her granddaughter.
575
00:36:50,008 --> 00:36:51,441
Oh, he doesn't.
576
00:36:51,609 --> 00:36:55,010
Yeah. Falls in mystical love.
577
00:36:55,179 --> 00:36:57,477
Hardy was the same in his life too.
578
00:36:57,649 --> 00:37:00,982
Even as he aged,
he only had eyes for young women.
579
00:37:01,152 --> 00:37:04,144
It's like, in one essential way,
he never grew up.
580
00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:05,721
In his trousers. Ha.
Yeah.
581
00:37:05,890 --> 00:37:08,620
He was still at it in his 80s,
you know.
582
00:37:08,793 --> 00:37:10,988
Snow on the rooftop,
fire in the cellar.
583
00:37:11,162 --> 00:37:13,824
Ha-ha.
Why won't it come for you, Glen?
584
00:37:13,998 --> 00:37:16,296
The way you talk about it
is so engaging.
585
00:37:16,467 --> 00:37:18,196
Do you wanna try?
586
00:37:18,603 --> 00:37:21,470
Well, there's an academic style,
you know?
587
00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:25,200
Who are you writing for?
Who's your ideal reader?
588
00:37:25,376 --> 00:37:28,470
lf wrote the way you spoke,
you'd make me want to read Hardy.
589
00:37:28,646 --> 00:37:30,204
Really?
Yeah.
590
00:37:30,381 --> 00:37:33,475
lf you wrote like you were talking
to a friend. Try it again.
591
00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:35,943
[MOTOR STARTS]
592
00:37:39,223 --> 00:37:40,554
Oh.
593
00:37:42,827 --> 00:37:44,454
Oh! Ha-ha-ha.
594
00:37:53,137 --> 00:37:55,332
No, no, no.
It's not as if I'm avant-garde.
595
00:37:55,506 --> 00:37:59,272
I simply pander to popular taste.
Your books are far more than that.
596
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:02,572
Just airport fodder. I think
I write them in my sleep sometimes.
597
00:38:02,747 --> 00:38:04,476
I wish I wrote so well awake.
598
00:38:04,649 --> 00:38:08,085
Your prose are so economical,
so vivid, like the greats.
599
00:38:08,252 --> 00:38:09,879
Like Raymond Chandler.
Oh, come on.
600
00:38:10,054 --> 00:38:12,079
Graham Greene.
I'm just earning a crust.
601
00:38:12,256 --> 00:38:14,349
You created Inchcombe.
602
00:38:14,525 --> 00:38:16,925
lf only he were real.
He's my kind of man.
603
00:38:17,095 --> 00:38:21,361
Yes. Sophisticated, jaded,
but so vulnerable.
604
00:38:21,532 --> 00:38:24,524
Cynical, but a man of total integrity.
605
00:38:24,702 --> 00:38:26,932
My books don't say anything
remotely profound.
606
00:38:27,105 --> 00:38:33,169
I can't pretend to be an intellectual,
not like the professor here,
607
00:38:33,344 --> 00:38:37,440
illuminating our ignorance
with his critical glow.
608
00:38:37,615 --> 00:38:40,743
I love prose. I turn a decent plot.
That's pretty much it.
609
00:38:40,918 --> 00:38:42,977
Excuse me.
NICHOLAS: People like crime fiction,
610
00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:46,123
because no matter how violent
or shocking, it comforts them.
611
00:38:46,290 --> 00:38:48,850
Secretly, Nicholas hates all this.
612
00:38:49,026 --> 00:38:51,290
These crime weekends
really take it out of him.
613
00:38:51,462 --> 00:38:53,089
NICHOLAS:
--in my case, a jaded doctor.
614
00:38:53,264 --> 00:38:54,356
Let me help.
615
00:38:54,532 --> 00:38:56,397
Oh, well, they need dusting with this.
616
00:38:56,567 --> 00:38:57,966
Restoring order to--
617
00:38:58,136 --> 00:39:00,001
I went to my room today,
618
00:39:00,438 --> 00:39:03,532
and I wrote for three hours.
The time, it just vanished.
619
00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:05,805
That's great. That's brilliant.
620
00:39:05,977 --> 00:39:09,674
I feel like a man
who's just passed
a gargantuan stool.
621
00:39:09,847 --> 00:39:12,475
Oh, super.
622
00:39:12,750 --> 00:39:14,274
Oh! Uh--
623
00:39:14,452 --> 00:39:15,578
Sprig of mint on top.
624
00:39:15,753 --> 00:39:19,450
NICHOLAS:
Of course, my life isn't like that,
so I just make stuff up. Ha-ha.
625
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:24,427
The real secret of being a writer
is learning how to lie,
626
00:39:24,595 --> 00:39:27,496
because that's what storytellers are,
thieves and liars.
627
00:39:27,665 --> 00:39:32,329
''The basis of all excellence is truth.''
Samuel Johnson.
628
00:39:38,009 --> 00:39:39,033
[GUlTAR PLAYlNG]
629
00:39:40,578 --> 00:39:44,344
! I met a girl on a farm
Her name was Tamara !
630
00:39:44,515 --> 00:39:45,743
Ben, I'm trying to write.
631
00:39:45,917 --> 00:39:49,148
! I wanted to write her a song
But one thing caused me alarm !
632
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:50,787
Please, Ben, it's a new story.
633
00:39:50,955 --> 00:39:53,219
! Her name didn't rhyme
With anything !
634
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,450
! Not a single thing
I wanted to sing !
635
00:39:55,626 --> 00:39:57,594
It comes from my heart,
it's about my mom and dad.
636
00:39:57,762 --> 00:40:01,163
! All she wants to do is type
It's making me want a little bite !
637
00:40:01,332 --> 00:40:06,565
! So cook me pasta carbonara
Because I'm ravenous, Tamara !
638
00:40:06,737 --> 00:40:09,900
! Then shag me
Wearing your tiara !!
639
00:40:20,117 --> 00:40:21,448
[BOSS BARKS]
640
00:40:29,727 --> 00:40:31,285
[YELLS THEN WHlSTLES]
641
00:40:31,462 --> 00:40:32,895
Andy.
642
00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:35,356
Let me dog in, will you?
643
00:40:35,833 --> 00:40:37,494
Cheers, mate.
644
00:40:47,378 --> 00:40:48,436
[BOSS BARKS]
645
00:40:48,913 --> 00:40:52,110
He must like kissing plastic.
He doesn't really love her.
646
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:54,308
He's just on the rebound
from losing Fran.
647
00:40:54,485 --> 00:40:57,852
Numbing his pain
with loads of empty rampant sex.
648
00:40:58,022 --> 00:40:59,148
What he really needs--
649
00:40:59,323 --> 00:41:02,486
Is a 1 5 year old from Ewedown?
So? Stranger things happen.
650
00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:05,857
He's only 1 0 years older,
and that's nothing. lf he met me--
651
00:41:06,030 --> 00:41:08,396
lf he just met me--
It'd be love, right?
652
00:41:08,566 --> 00:41:11,364
Yeah. But I'd settle for sex.
653
00:41:11,736 --> 00:41:16,332
Cooer, in your parents' bedroom?
Still, I suppose being an exhibitionist
654
00:41:16,507 --> 00:41:18,839
is part of his job,
strutting about on stage.
655
00:41:19,010 --> 00:41:21,205
He doesn't strut. He's a drummer.
656
00:41:21,379 --> 00:41:23,313
He sits on his ass.
657
00:41:23,481 --> 00:41:26,473
He's very good-looking, isn't he?
Poppy YouTubed him.
658
00:41:26,651 --> 00:41:28,448
We both got quite hot and bothered.
659
00:41:28,619 --> 00:41:31,349
Is that his car? The yellow Porsche.
Yep.
660
00:41:31,522 --> 00:41:34,218
Yeah, a bit brash,
vrooming through the village.
661
00:41:34,392 --> 00:41:38,294
Fancy our Tamara bagging
a bona fide rock star.
662
00:41:38,462 --> 00:41:43,627
She was such an ugly duckling.
She must be thrilled to bits.
663
00:41:44,235 --> 00:41:46,226
[ROOSTER CROWlNG]
664
00:41:51,175 --> 00:41:52,802
[TlRES SCREECH]
665
00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:07,620
We're not open for another hour.
666
00:42:07,792 --> 00:42:09,419
Good.
667
00:42:10,161 --> 00:42:12,152
[BOTH MOANlNG]
668
00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:22,662
I mean, she used to be so funny.
So human.
669
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,502
What does she see
in that London knob?
670
00:42:25,676 --> 00:42:29,874
He even wears fucking makeup.
How did she get so shallow?
671
00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:35,383
Andy, are you really
going on about her now?
672
00:42:35,619 --> 00:42:38,110
Oh.
Where are your manners?
673
00:42:38,289 --> 00:42:39,551
I'm sorry.
674
00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:43,922
Bide your time, you big prick.
675
00:42:46,163 --> 00:42:48,154
[TAMARA AND BEN
MOANlNG AND YELLlNG]
676
00:42:50,401 --> 00:42:51,425
TAMARA:
Oh, Ben.
677
00:42:54,739 --> 00:42:56,707
[COW MOOING]
678
00:42:59,143 --> 00:43:00,838
[BOSS BARKlNG]
679
00:43:01,012 --> 00:43:04,470
PENNY:
Come here, you wretched beast!
680
00:43:05,516 --> 00:43:08,110
Stinking animal!
681
00:43:08,285 --> 00:43:11,118
Filthy hound!
682
00:43:11,288 --> 00:43:13,153
[BARKlNG & MOOING CONTlNUE]
683
00:43:13,824 --> 00:43:15,189
[GRUNTS]
684
00:43:16,627 --> 00:43:19,255
Fuck soup.
685
00:43:19,430 --> 00:43:20,692
Here.
686
00:43:20,865 --> 00:43:23,834
What's this?
What does it look like?
687
00:43:25,936 --> 00:43:27,631
Ben.
688
00:43:28,139 --> 00:43:30,130
Which finger?
689
00:43:30,975 --> 00:43:33,034
Wherever you want.
690
00:43:36,914 --> 00:43:38,814
That one's nice.
691
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:40,910
Stick it on that one.
692
00:43:42,653 --> 00:43:46,919
Those girls could have aborted.
Calm down, Penny. I'll sort him out.
693
00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:49,423
It beats me
why you people
want to live in the country.
694
00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:53,495
You have no sense of responsibility.
It's not our dog.
695
00:43:53,664 --> 00:43:56,326
Hello, Penny. How's tricks?
696
00:43:56,500 --> 00:43:59,367
Oh, Nicholas.
You're looking good. Terrific coat.
697
00:43:59,537 --> 00:44:02,438
Oh, what, this old thing?
You look like royalty.
698
00:44:02,606 --> 00:44:06,303
Well, I try.
Can't wait for your next book.
699
00:44:06,477 --> 00:44:08,308
Inchcombe's such a saucepot.
700
00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:10,413
Giles always says,
''What are you reading, Penny?
701
00:44:10,581 --> 00:44:12,310
You've got steam
coming out of your ears.''
702
00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:13,950
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
703
00:44:19,790 --> 00:44:22,452
What's the ring saying, Ben?
704
00:44:24,028 --> 00:44:29,056
''Hello, I'm a ring.
Will you marry me?''
705
00:44:32,403 --> 00:44:33,870
What?
706
00:44:34,205 --> 00:44:36,070
I didn't know.
707
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:38,403
Didn't know what?
708
00:44:38,809 --> 00:44:41,141
That you're in love with me.
709
00:44:42,980 --> 00:44:46,973
The ring is saying,
''I'm platinum with a long guarantee.
710
00:44:47,151 --> 00:44:48,175
Will you marry me?''
711
00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:50,320
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
712
00:44:50,488 --> 00:44:52,217
Yes.
713
00:44:56,961 --> 00:44:58,952
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
714
00:45:00,297 --> 00:45:02,094
What?
BETH: Oh, is Tamara there?
715
00:45:02,266 --> 00:45:03,824
She is being proposed to.
716
00:45:04,001 --> 00:45:05,195
[LAUGHS]
717
00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:07,030
[ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG
OVER CAR STEREO]
718
00:45:07,204 --> 00:45:09,195
[HORN HONKlNG]
719
00:45:15,946 --> 00:45:19,177
Shh. There are writers here
trying to write.
720
00:45:19,350 --> 00:45:20,374
[MUSlC STOPS]
721
00:45:21,519 --> 00:45:22,986
[MOANS]
722
00:45:25,689 --> 00:45:27,122
BETH:
Hello.
723
00:45:27,658 --> 00:45:31,856
Oh, um, this is, uh,
a Buff Orpington.
He's a bit peaky today.
724
00:45:32,029 --> 00:45:35,123
They're not great layers,
but they're very decorative. Heh.
725
00:45:36,233 --> 00:45:38,098
We're, um--
We're fully organic here.
726
00:45:38,269 --> 00:45:43,605
Though, uh,
I like to think our champion product
is, uh, the written word. Heh-heh.
727
00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:46,400
NICHOLAS:
The famous Ben.
728
00:45:47,011 --> 00:45:48,945
Swipe, eh?
729
00:45:49,113 --> 00:45:52,412
No, Swipe's over.
I thought the whole world knew that.
730
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:54,380
It wasn't on Newsnight, no.
731
00:45:54,552 --> 00:45:56,747
Ben's engaged to Tamara.
lsn't that lovely?
732
00:45:56,921 --> 00:45:58,946
He'd just popped the question
when I rang.
733
00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:00,989
And she said yes?
734
00:46:02,893 --> 00:46:04,053
We're delighted for you both.
735
00:46:04,228 --> 00:46:06,025
[BOSS BARKlNG]
736
00:46:07,131 --> 00:46:09,463
Why is he on a fucking chain?
737
00:46:09,633 --> 00:46:11,760
He was out of control.
738
00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:13,927
How would you like
to be chained up?
739
00:46:14,104 --> 00:46:17,801
He was chasing livestock.
He could have got shot.
740
00:46:18,576 --> 00:46:22,205
They shoot him,
I'll fucking shoot them.
741
00:46:23,147 --> 00:46:25,047
Unbelievable.
742
00:46:25,983 --> 00:46:29,248
Here, pooch.
I think the word is gobshite.
743
00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:31,285
BETH:
I hope he makes her happy.
744
00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:33,650
It's hard for girls
when their dads walk out.
745
00:46:33,824 --> 00:46:36,486
Gives them bad taste in men.
746
00:46:36,660 --> 00:46:38,321
What's that supposed to mean?
747
00:46:38,495 --> 00:46:41,623
Oh, just saying Tamara's father left
when she was a girl and--
748
00:46:41,799 --> 00:46:44,063
That is 1 0-pence psychology.
749
00:46:44,235 --> 00:46:46,703
You don't know
what you're talking about.
750
00:46:49,039 --> 00:46:50,233
BEN:
Poor little man.
751
00:46:51,675 --> 00:46:53,666
[lNAUDlBLE DlALOGUE]
752
00:47:12,963 --> 00:47:15,158
''My Buff Orpingtons.''
''Oh, the written word.''
753
00:47:15,332 --> 00:47:17,163
What a fucking freak.
754
00:47:17,334 --> 00:47:19,359
TAMARA:
It's a shame the ring doesn't fit.
755
00:47:19,770 --> 00:47:22,603
Why didn't you bring one of mine
along when you bought it?
756
00:47:22,773 --> 00:47:25,037
I didn't know you then, did I?
757
00:47:26,777 --> 00:47:28,802
So when did you buy it?
758
00:47:31,482 --> 00:47:33,541
Was it for someone else?
759
00:47:34,752 --> 00:47:37,084
You bought it for Fran, didn't you?
760
00:47:37,254 --> 00:47:38,380
So?
761
00:47:39,456 --> 00:47:40,718
It's yours now.
762
00:47:42,826 --> 00:47:44,691
She never wore it. She didn't want it.
763
00:47:44,862 --> 00:47:47,490
Did you ask her to marry you?
Just as a gesture,
764
00:47:47,665 --> 00:47:50,600
when she started seeing Steve.
That backfired.
765
00:47:50,768 --> 00:47:53,328
Look, it's you I wanna marry now.
766
00:47:53,504 --> 00:47:54,903
The ring-- The ring doesn't matter.
767
00:47:55,072 --> 00:47:57,199
The ring's just
a consumerist piece of zinc.
768
00:47:57,374 --> 00:47:59,467
What matters is that I love you.
769
00:47:59,643 --> 00:48:01,338
Do you?
770
00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:03,207
Yes.
771
00:48:06,016 --> 00:48:08,041
With my whole heart.
772
00:48:08,485 --> 00:48:10,646
And all the other stuff.
773
00:48:12,189 --> 00:48:15,681
[lN DEEP VOlCE]
Like me brain, me entrails.
774
00:48:17,461 --> 00:48:20,225
Me pancreas.
775
00:48:20,397 --> 00:48:23,059
It all wants to marry you.
776
00:48:24,802 --> 00:48:26,167
Hmm?
777
00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:30,271
BETH:
She wondered if you had a delivery
date in mind. I said Easterish.
778
00:48:30,441 --> 00:48:32,739
Oh, mind that cocoa, it's hot.
779
00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:35,003
There's a few invites.
I'll pop them there.
780
00:48:35,179 --> 00:48:37,238
You just tick the ones
you want to go to.
781
00:48:37,414 --> 00:48:42,181
Oh, and, uh, Tim wants
to know if you'll do your
Christmas signing in Hadditon.
782
00:48:42,353 --> 00:48:45,652
I know he's always ungrateful,
but I think it's so important
783
00:48:45,823 --> 00:48:48,519
to keep these little bookshops open,
don't you?
784
00:48:48,692 --> 00:48:50,284
Mm-hm.
785
00:48:55,232 --> 00:48:57,598
Come in soon, my love.
786
00:49:01,739 --> 00:49:03,104
[DOOR CLOSES]
787
00:49:25,896 --> 00:49:28,091
Look at that cellulite.
788
00:49:28,265 --> 00:49:31,496
She been sitting on a bead car seat
or what?
789
00:49:32,236 --> 00:49:34,329
''Her latest tattoo count was nine,
790
00:49:34,505 --> 00:49:39,875
including a Sumatran tiger
and 'eternity' written in Sanskrit.''
791
00:49:40,043 --> 00:49:43,410
She'll be getting
a bar code done next,
right across there.
792
00:49:43,580 --> 00:49:47,346
And Judy Garland's face
right on there.
793
00:49:49,620 --> 00:49:51,554
Nice baby, though.
794
00:49:51,722 --> 00:49:53,553
I'd like one that color.
795
00:49:56,860 --> 00:49:57,986
[RYAN SHOUTS]
796
00:49:58,162 --> 00:49:59,390
RYAN:
Shut the fuck up.
797
00:49:59,563 --> 00:50:02,623
That Ryan's a dick.
I think he's cute.
798
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,564
No, you don't. Would you snog him?
799
00:50:06,570 --> 00:50:10,199
Maybe.
Be like having a slug in your mouth.
800
00:50:11,375 --> 00:50:12,501
RYAN:
Shit.
801
00:50:12,676 --> 00:50:14,234
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
802
00:50:14,411 --> 00:50:16,242
RYAN:
Shut up, fat arse. It ain't funny.
803
00:50:16,413 --> 00:50:17,846
Ben.
Ben?
804
00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:19,915
Come on, let's do some messing.
805
00:50:26,390 --> 00:50:29,723
What about you, Glen? Sorry.
Where will you be?
806
00:50:29,893 --> 00:50:32,225
In London
with a collection of spare academics.
807
00:50:32,396 --> 00:50:35,729
We'll be decking the halls
in our own erudite way.
808
00:50:35,899 --> 00:50:36,991
I'll miss our chats.
809
00:50:37,167 --> 00:50:40,568
Yeah. I've been in a state
of writerly bliss these past weeks.
810
00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:43,638
I hope I get to come back.
Oh. Me too. We'd love to have you.
811
00:50:43,807 --> 00:50:46,640
You know, these are the best
mince pies I've ever had.
812
00:50:46,810 --> 00:50:47,834
[LAUGHS]
813
00:50:48,011 --> 00:50:50,309
lf it were possible
to have an orgasm from food,
814
00:50:50,481 --> 00:50:52,745
these mince pies would do it.
815
00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:54,711
Golly. Heh.
816
00:50:57,554 --> 00:50:58,578
[MOUTHS]
Fuck.
817
00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:05,619
She keeps this here for Andy.
818
00:51:05,796 --> 00:51:08,993
What if she's got an alarm?
Soon find out.
819
00:51:09,166 --> 00:51:14,069
What if they come back?
lf you're too chicken, go home.
820
00:51:37,227 --> 00:51:38,626
[BELL JlNGLES]
821
00:51:46,537 --> 00:51:50,029
What the fuck are we doing here?
It's kind of research.
822
00:51:50,207 --> 00:51:52,698
I want to write about them.
They're funny.
823
00:51:52,876 --> 00:51:54,901
Come on, Ben.
824
00:51:55,379 --> 00:51:59,247
2001 was the best year.
I just sold my last three cases.
825
00:51:59,416 --> 00:52:02,943
It's a perfect wine for the price.
Besides, I want to show you off.
826
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,418
What am I, arm candy?
827
00:52:05,589 --> 00:52:08,114
More like arm fungus with that face.
828
00:52:08,292 --> 00:52:13,389
I got her this gorgeous
Rajasthani Ghagra skirt.
829
00:52:14,164 --> 00:52:15,654
Divine.
830
00:52:15,832 --> 00:52:17,925
She'll probably loathe it. Ha-ha.
831
00:52:18,101 --> 00:52:20,194
But if she does, I'll have it.
Glen.
832
00:52:20,370 --> 00:52:22,201
GLEN: Hi.
Meet Ben. Ben, Glen.
833
00:52:22,372 --> 00:52:23,896
Hi, Ben.
Ben's my fianc�.
834
00:52:24,074 --> 00:52:25,336
You're getting married?
Uh-huh.
835
00:52:25,509 --> 00:52:28,205
Okay. Beautiful dress,
magazine photo shoot.
836
00:52:28,378 --> 00:52:30,437
Everything
the aspiring novelist needs.
837
00:52:30,614 --> 00:52:34,015
I knew you'd be pleased.
Have a mince pie? No.
838
00:52:34,418 --> 00:52:36,386
Congratulations.
839
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:40,313
Can we get the fuck out of here?
Wait.
840
00:52:42,726 --> 00:52:45,559
In Field of Tares,
you made Fred a corporal,
841
00:52:45,729 --> 00:52:48,823
but there's no such thing
in the Royal Artillery.
842
00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:51,229
They call them bombardiers.
843
00:52:51,535 --> 00:52:54,197
Oh, thank you for that.
Very good.
844
00:52:56,106 --> 00:52:57,630
Sorry.
845
00:52:57,808 --> 00:52:59,742
Hello.
Tamara.
846
00:52:59,910 --> 00:53:02,538
Would you make that out for Ben?
847
00:53:02,713 --> 00:53:05,511
To Ben.
My fianc�.
848
00:53:06,450 --> 00:53:08,884
We're getting married
in the summer.
849
00:53:09,052 --> 00:53:10,576
So I hear.
850
00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:21,320
My heartiest commiserations,
Tamara.
851
00:53:21,665 --> 00:53:24,998
Merry Christmas, Nichol-arse.
852
00:53:29,006 --> 00:53:31,440
Casey, look.
853
00:53:32,843 --> 00:53:34,470
The sticks.
854
00:53:36,279 --> 00:53:38,270
No, don't touch.
855
00:53:41,351 --> 00:53:42,477
[SNlFFlNG]
856
00:53:42,653 --> 00:53:44,518
Pour Homme.
857
00:53:44,688 --> 00:53:46,155
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
858
00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:49,053
Smells like men.
859
00:53:50,994 --> 00:53:53,895
Live the dream, Case.
Live the dream, Jode.
860
00:53:54,064 --> 00:53:55,156
His boots.
861
00:53:55,332 --> 00:53:58,631
BOTH:
! This is a call
for a domestic dispute !
862
00:53:58,802 --> 00:54:02,465
! She's got me in the corner
And she's put in-- !!
863
00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:06,399
Ben.
864
00:54:09,046 --> 00:54:10,138
Oh, my God.
865
00:54:14,618 --> 00:54:16,051
TAMARA:
Look, stop going on about it.
866
00:54:16,219 --> 00:54:19,677
I've invested a lot of time
into this house.
867
00:54:19,856 --> 00:54:23,121
Why don't you sell it, then?
Because I've started writing.
868
00:54:23,293 --> 00:54:25,386
BEN:
You can write anywhere.
869
00:54:25,729 --> 00:54:27,424
JOD Y:
Yes, we've done it.
870
00:54:27,597 --> 00:54:29,588
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
871
00:54:31,234 --> 00:54:34,135
No, Ben, this is proper.
It's not just stuff for the paper.
872
00:54:34,304 --> 00:54:37,603
It's about my teens,
and it's actually working for me here.
873
00:54:37,774 --> 00:54:40,766
I'm glad it's memory lane for you,
but it's doing my fucking head in.
874
00:54:40,944 --> 00:54:43,913
I want some London.
Some noise, some urban.
875
00:54:44,081 --> 00:54:45,105
[BOSS BARKlNG]
876
00:54:45,282 --> 00:54:47,079
I've had enough.
Are you with me or what?
877
00:54:47,250 --> 00:54:48,444
Of course, I'm with you.
878
00:54:48,618 --> 00:54:51,644
It's depressing here. It's boring.
879
00:54:52,756 --> 00:54:55,782
And every time
I look out the window,
I see Andy Cobb's arse.
880
00:54:55,959 --> 00:54:57,790
What's that about?
881
00:54:57,961 --> 00:54:59,952
[GEESE HONKlNG]
882
00:55:03,967 --> 00:55:05,229
BEN:
Oi!
883
00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:08,430
Tammy says
you got Christmas geese.
884
00:55:08,605 --> 00:55:10,129
Yep.
885
00:55:12,309 --> 00:55:14,607
We're leaving, thank fuck.
886
00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:17,174
Well, give us one then.
887
00:55:17,347 --> 00:55:18,905
Right now?
888
00:55:19,282 --> 00:55:20,874
Yeah.
889
00:55:22,018 --> 00:55:24,816
That one's spare. Help yourself.
890
00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:26,148
BEN:
You having a laugh?
891
00:55:26,323 --> 00:55:28,518
What?
It's fucking alive.
892
00:55:29,292 --> 00:55:31,453
I suppose you'd better kill it then.
893
00:55:32,963 --> 00:55:34,555
How?
894
00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:40,565
Gently put its head down there.
895
00:55:40,737 --> 00:55:43,797
Quick in the back of skull with this.
Pluck it while it's warm.
896
00:55:44,941 --> 00:55:47,341
Little pot to catch all the blood.
897
00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:49,475
You enjoy that?
898
00:55:50,213 --> 00:55:51,646
No.
899
00:55:51,815 --> 00:55:54,909
But in my low-wage economy,
this flock's worth a lot.
900
00:55:57,387 --> 00:55:58,411
[CLEARS THROAT]
901
00:55:58,588 --> 00:56:01,318
You are one sick fuck, Andy.
902
00:56:01,892 --> 00:56:03,985
Grow up.
What, mate?
903
00:56:04,161 --> 00:56:07,392
I said, grow up.
904
00:56:07,697 --> 00:56:09,426
Little drummer boy.
905
00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:29,078
Tam phoned this morning.
906
00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:32,017
Told me to finish the house.
907
00:56:32,189 --> 00:56:36,592
Goes on the market in the spring,
and that's it. Over.
908
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:41,455
Why does the asshole
always get the girl?
909
00:56:42,833 --> 00:56:45,996
Come on, or you'll miss that train.
910
00:56:46,169 --> 00:56:48,138
[DRUMS PLAYlNG]
911
00:57:02,285 --> 00:57:04,219
[PHONE RlNGS]
912
00:57:06,056 --> 00:57:07,887
Andy.
913
00:57:08,058 --> 00:57:12,495
So, what about this shed?
Am I dismantling it or mending it?
914
00:57:12,662 --> 00:57:14,186
Hang on.
915
00:57:17,567 --> 00:57:18,591
[SlGHS]
916
00:57:18,768 --> 00:57:21,566
I don't know. The shed.
917
00:57:21,905 --> 00:57:23,065
What do you think?
918
00:57:23,773 --> 00:57:26,071
I recommend preserving it.
919
00:57:26,243 --> 00:57:27,676
Really?
920
00:57:28,078 --> 00:57:31,809
Always useful, a good shed.
921
00:57:32,582 --> 00:57:36,450
Well, then keep it.
922
00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:51,297
Oh...
923
00:57:51,468 --> 00:57:54,801
Classy job, Uncle Andy.
924
00:57:55,705 --> 00:57:59,038
It's like, transformed.
925
00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:01,109
Ben won't like this.
926
00:58:01,278 --> 00:58:03,269
Bit boring.
927
00:58:03,446 --> 00:58:06,506
Bit old folks.
928
00:58:06,683 --> 00:58:09,550
I like those curtains. And I like that.
929
00:58:09,719 --> 00:58:12,688
No, don't like those lamps,
or that paper.
930
00:58:12,856 --> 00:58:15,825
I'd have gold leaf embossed
all round there,
931
00:58:15,992 --> 00:58:18,017
and a wall of flamingo.
932
00:58:18,194 --> 00:58:22,130
Ben would like that.
That's a lovely chair.
933
00:58:23,033 --> 00:58:25,228
What's under here?
934
00:58:31,474 --> 00:58:33,738
[COMPUTER TURNS ON]
935
00:58:36,012 --> 00:58:37,604
I'd have a bead curtain.
936
00:58:37,781 --> 00:58:43,583
And the bathroom
needs to be darker,
like deep chocolate or velvet plum.
937
00:58:43,853 --> 00:58:47,050
And I'd bathe in scented oils.
938
00:58:50,093 --> 00:58:53,790
And then I'd be ready for Ben.
939
00:58:55,432 --> 00:58:59,163
It won't just be a shag, Case.
It'll be an event.
940
00:58:59,336 --> 00:59:04,968
I'll be wearing, like,
a gossamer shirt
and a bra set, Prada.
941
00:59:05,141 --> 00:59:07,200
And he'll be wearing a black T-shirt.
942
00:59:10,013 --> 00:59:12,573
And it'll be all taut over his buff bod.
943
00:59:12,749 --> 00:59:16,879
And underneath,
Calvin Klein boxers, black.
944
00:59:17,821 --> 00:59:22,155
And he'll have a tattoo of my name,
and lush pecs.
945
00:59:22,325 --> 00:59:25,419
And I'll smell of Allure by Chanel.
946
00:59:27,764 --> 00:59:30,961
And he tries to resist me
but I'm a vision.
947
00:59:31,134 --> 00:59:33,432
And it will be like: ''Ahh.''
948
00:59:33,603 --> 00:59:35,730
But also respectful.
949
00:59:35,905 --> 00:59:39,306
And my V plates will melt
into nothing.
950
00:59:41,945 --> 00:59:43,105
Are you listening?
951
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:45,580
I like this.
What?
952
00:59:45,749 --> 00:59:48,809
There's this bit where Tamara's dad
takes her out for dinner,
953
00:59:48,985 --> 00:59:52,079
and she thinks it's some big treat,
but what he's doing, right,
954
00:59:52,255 --> 00:59:55,918
is telling her that he's leaving them,
and she-- Right, she's gutted.
955
00:59:56,092 --> 00:59:59,493
She yaks up her food into her napkin
and puts it on his plate.
956
00:59:59,863 --> 01:00:02,855
So?
It's painful.
957
01:00:03,066 --> 01:00:07,969
But funny.
It's about her, Plastic Fantastic.
958
01:00:08,505 --> 01:00:13,408
Jode, she's sad.
Sad? She's a lucky cow.
959
01:00:18,314 --> 01:00:20,680
I've been re-reading
Inchcombe Etherised,
960
01:00:20,850 --> 01:00:22,715
one of Nicholas's early books.
961
01:00:22,886 --> 01:00:26,845
There's a character, Theo,
who's an adulterer.
962
01:00:27,023 --> 01:00:32,689
And Theo has a list of golden rules
called Lulling the Spouse.
963
01:00:33,063 --> 01:00:37,966
''To allay suspicion,'' he says,
''you must first arouse it.''
964
01:00:38,234 --> 01:00:40,634
Nicholas rang me earlier
to say he was going to be late home.
965
01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:44,132
Yeah, I just bumped into
Raoul and Celia.
966
01:00:44,307 --> 01:00:46,832
I said, ''Oh, that's nice.''
967
01:00:47,010 --> 01:00:50,070
And thought, ''Have you?''
968
01:00:50,380 --> 01:00:52,371
And I couldn't shake the suspicion.
969
01:00:52,549 --> 01:00:55,313
So after an hour, I phoned Raoul.
970
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:56,611
[PHONE RlNGS]
971
01:00:56,786 --> 01:00:59,482
Hello? Yeah, he's right here.
972
01:00:59,656 --> 01:01:02,454
And he put Nicholas
straight on the line.
973
01:01:02,625 --> 01:01:04,559
Hello.
974
01:01:05,562 --> 01:01:08,531
He's been telling the truth a lot
recently.
975
01:01:09,332 --> 01:01:11,630
Is he lulling me?
976
01:01:16,573 --> 01:01:20,100
I might remind him
that in Inchcombe Etherized,
977
01:01:20,276 --> 01:01:24,007
Theo's wife runs him through
with a carving knife.
978
01:01:25,982 --> 01:01:27,973
[TYPlNG]
979
01:01:31,454 --> 01:01:33,445
[TAPPlNG]
980
01:01:38,628 --> 01:01:40,425
What are you doing?
Just messing.
981
01:01:40,597 --> 01:01:42,428
I got three valentines.
982
01:01:42,599 --> 01:01:45,329
One from Mom,
one from that peanut Ryan,
983
01:01:45,502 --> 01:01:47,402
and a mystery one from Ben.
984
01:01:48,104 --> 01:01:49,867
I sent you that.
985
01:01:50,607 --> 01:01:52,632
Is that theirs?
986
01:01:52,842 --> 01:01:54,935
It's my mom's.
They don't drink this shit.
987
01:01:55,111 --> 01:01:57,636
Come upstairs
and look at what I'm doing.
988
01:01:58,681 --> 01:02:03,448
I've got into her e-mails.
We have to get Ben to come back.
989
01:02:04,521 --> 01:02:05,954
I'm sending him a valentine.
990
01:02:06,122 --> 01:02:07,919
No, you're not.
From her address.
991
01:02:08,091 --> 01:02:10,616
Then he'll think it's from Tamara,
you dipshit.
992
01:02:10,793 --> 01:02:12,988
But I know it'll be from me.
993
01:02:13,163 --> 01:02:16,530
Subject: Hot love.
994
01:02:17,534 --> 01:02:19,126
Oh, God. Jody.
995
01:02:19,836 --> 01:02:22,896
''Contacts.'' Where are you, Ben?
996
01:02:23,072 --> 01:02:25,802
There's that bloke my mom works for,
Nicholas Hardiment.
997
01:02:25,975 --> 01:02:28,466
Let's put him on. Who else?
998
01:02:28,645 --> 01:02:31,773
Uncle Andy.
Andy Cobb.
999
01:02:32,048 --> 01:02:35,176
Come to Winnards Farm.
1000
01:02:35,351 --> 01:02:41,221
I'll give you the biggest shagging
of your life.
1001
01:02:41,391 --> 01:02:43,723
Love, Tamara. Kiss, kiss, kiss.
1002
01:02:43,893 --> 01:02:47,697
Don't ever, ever send that.
I just did.
1003
01:02:50,066 --> 01:02:52,125
What the fuck is this?
1004
01:02:53,503 --> 01:02:55,733
''Come to Winnards Farm,
1005
01:02:57,507 --> 01:03:00,908
and I'll give you
the biggest shagging of your life.''
1006
01:03:01,077 --> 01:03:04,569
''I'll give you the biggest shagging
of your life.''
1007
01:03:05,582 --> 01:03:06,947
[DRUMS PLAYlNG]
1008
01:03:07,150 --> 01:03:08,742
Are you listening to me?
1009
01:03:08,918 --> 01:03:12,752
Ben, will you stop drumming?
I didn't write that e-mail.
1010
01:03:12,922 --> 01:03:14,287
Why don't you believe me?
1011
01:03:14,457 --> 01:03:15,947
When Fran started
fucking Steve Culley,
1012
01:03:16,125 --> 01:03:18,389
at least she had the decency
not to tell the whole world.
1013
01:03:18,561 --> 01:03:19,926
What's that supposed to mean?
1014
01:03:22,465 --> 01:03:25,366
She must want a foursome
or something.
1015
01:03:26,369 --> 01:03:28,860
You fancy a foursome
with Nicholas Hardiment?
1016
01:03:29,038 --> 01:03:30,437
Bugger that.
1017
01:03:30,607 --> 01:03:32,040
What was she thinking?
1018
01:03:32,208 --> 01:03:35,177
Well, maybe she's trying
to make you jealous.
1019
01:03:35,345 --> 01:03:37,905
Or maybe she's trying
to make the boyfriend jealous.
1020
01:03:38,081 --> 01:03:41,175
Or maybe she's just trying
to give him a really big hint
1021
01:03:41,351 --> 01:03:42,978
that she's not getting enough.
1022
01:03:43,152 --> 01:03:46,383
Or maybe she's just a bit kinky.
Or maybe she's crazy.
1023
01:03:46,556 --> 01:03:49,423
Or maybe she was off her face.
1024
01:03:49,592 --> 01:03:50,650
She was pissed.
1025
01:03:50,827 --> 01:03:53,193
TAMARA [OVER PHONE]:
I wasn't pissed or depraved
or anything.
1026
01:03:53,363 --> 01:03:54,523
It's okay. It's okay.
1027
01:03:54,697 --> 01:03:57,632
Can you go look at the house?
To make sure no one's been in.
1028
01:03:57,800 --> 01:03:59,529
No problem.
Thanks.
1029
01:03:59,702 --> 01:04:01,067
Ben's really pissed off.
1030
01:04:01,237 --> 01:04:03,398
He's massively got the hump.
Have I?
1031
01:04:03,573 --> 01:04:06,337
I've just asked Andy
to have a look at Winnards.
1032
01:04:06,509 --> 01:04:08,841
I've got to go, I'm sorry.
1033
01:04:09,012 --> 01:04:10,741
Are you a fucking idiot?
What?
1034
01:04:10,913 --> 01:04:14,371
Are you thick? lsn't it obvious
who wrote that e-mail?
That tosser Andy Cobb.
1035
01:04:14,550 --> 01:04:16,780
Andy wouldn't do that.
Making himself cozy in your house,
1036
01:04:16,953 --> 01:04:19,478
going through your stuff.
Probably got a pair of your pants on.
1037
01:04:19,656 --> 01:04:21,317
Bet it was him who nicked
my black T-shirt.
1038
01:04:21,491 --> 01:04:24,187
Of course, he didn't.
Oh, that's it, jumping to his defense.
1039
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:27,193
He hasn't done anything.
Boss. Boss.
1040
01:04:27,363 --> 01:04:29,263
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1041
01:04:29,432 --> 01:04:31,093
What are you doing?
1042
01:04:31,634 --> 01:04:33,465
You know Fran's having a baby.
1043
01:04:33,636 --> 01:04:36,696
She wanted to see me.
I wasn't going to, but now,
1044
01:04:37,473 --> 01:04:39,100
why not?
1045
01:04:39,809 --> 01:04:42,243
Come on, Boss, let's go for a crap.
1046
01:04:43,846 --> 01:04:46,838
Come on, mom,
she's just stirring shit.
Tamara's always done that.
1047
01:04:47,016 --> 01:04:50,508
Yes, but why?
You know how subversive she is.
1048
01:04:50,687 --> 01:04:54,487
She once sent me a valentine
from Prince Harry and I believed it.
1049
01:04:54,657 --> 01:04:57,353
It's her sense of humor.
She likes causing trouble.
1050
01:04:57,527 --> 01:05:00,894
At school, she used to give us
first-years tips on how to shoplift.
1051
01:05:01,064 --> 01:05:03,294
She taught you how to shoplift?
1052
01:05:03,466 --> 01:05:06,833
Mom, she's marrying Ben Sergeant.
1053
01:05:07,003 --> 01:05:09,062
Why would she look at an old git
like Dad?
1054
01:05:09,238 --> 01:05:11,172
BETH:
Hmm. I just don't get the joke.
1055
01:05:11,341 --> 01:05:13,605
And why is your father on the e-mail?
And Andy?
1056
01:05:13,776 --> 01:05:16,677
It's so tasteless.
Help me out with these, would you?
1057
01:05:16,846 --> 01:05:18,939
POPPY:
I have to work on my thesis
on the Taliban.
1058
01:05:19,115 --> 01:05:20,912
BETH:
Taliban, I know.
1059
01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:29,187
What do you make of that e-mail
from Tamara?
1060
01:05:29,359 --> 01:05:31,190
Don't make any sense.
1061
01:05:31,361 --> 01:05:35,058
That London boyfriend's trying
to fuck her up. That's my theory.
1062
01:05:35,231 --> 01:05:37,426
She could do so much better.
1063
01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:39,700
I couldn't agree more.
1064
01:05:39,869 --> 01:05:41,063
[THUNDER RUMBLlNG]
1065
01:05:45,141 --> 01:05:48,076
It's Ben.
''Who's the Daddy?''
1066
01:05:48,811 --> 01:05:50,438
''Steve Culley and Fran Redmond
1067
01:05:50,613 --> 01:05:53,446
recently announced
they were expecting.
1068
01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:58,417
But in a valentine-tryst shocker,
Fran is snapped
with ex Ben Sergeant.
1069
01:05:58,588 --> 01:06:00,385
Ben and Fran, we say, 'Get a room.'''
1070
01:06:00,556 --> 01:06:03,923
He's back with Fran?
After you sent that e-mail, Jode.
1071
01:06:04,093 --> 01:06:06,152
No way. No way.
1072
01:06:08,531 --> 01:06:09,862
There's Plastic.
1073
01:06:11,367 --> 01:06:14,029
Oh, my God, what have I done?
What have you done?
1074
01:06:14,203 --> 01:06:15,864
What if Ben's dumped her?
1075
01:06:17,874 --> 01:06:19,842
What if he never comes back?
1076
01:06:22,445 --> 01:06:23,707
[DOOR CLOSES]
1077
01:06:29,118 --> 01:06:31,109
[THUNDER RUMBLlNG]
1078
01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:48,136
I'll never see Ben again
and it's all my fault.
1079
01:06:48,638 --> 01:06:50,902
What's all your fault?
None of your business.
1080
01:06:51,340 --> 01:06:53,968
I'm bloody sick of you looking
like a wet weekend.
1081
01:06:54,143 --> 01:06:55,371
Who's Ben?
No one.
1082
01:06:55,545 --> 01:06:56,978
What have you done?
Nothing.
1083
01:06:57,146 --> 01:07:00,115
You in trouble?
No, leave me alone.
1084
01:07:00,349 --> 01:07:02,749
You take care with boys, Jody.
1085
01:07:02,919 --> 01:07:05,319
You know what can happen.
1086
01:07:07,190 --> 01:07:08,214
What can happen?
1087
01:07:08,391 --> 01:07:12,794
What can ever, ever happen
in a place like this?
1088
01:07:20,703 --> 01:07:24,434
Hello. I thought you were in London
with Ben from Swipe.
1089
01:07:24,607 --> 01:07:28,065
I'm looking for Andy.
Well, he's not up at Stonefield.
1090
01:07:29,345 --> 01:07:31,370
So where's this shag
you've been offering me?
1091
01:07:31,547 --> 01:07:33,071
Fuck off.
Come on. I saw that e-mail.
1092
01:07:33,249 --> 01:07:34,580
Well, I didn't send it.
1093
01:07:34,750 --> 01:07:39,278
And I wouldn't shag you
if you were the last man left
after a nuclear winter.
1094
01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,721
I'll come round tomorrow then,
about 3?
1095
01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:44,587
Drop dead, you smug prick.
1096
01:07:48,564 --> 01:07:49,656
Watch out.
1097
01:07:49,832 --> 01:07:51,197
[HORN HONKS]
1098
01:08:27,703 --> 01:08:29,000
[SOBS]
1099
01:08:39,649 --> 01:08:44,177
Yeah, I'll--
I'll probably stay at the library
another hour or two.
1100
01:08:44,654 --> 01:08:46,485
Yeah.
1101
01:08:47,890 --> 01:08:51,189
Yeah,
just checking some law reports.
1102
01:08:51,894 --> 01:08:54,522
You're a marvel.
1103
01:08:55,698 --> 01:08:57,632
Okay.
1104
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,791
[KNOCKlNG]
1105
01:09:14,216 --> 01:09:15,911
Hello.
1106
01:09:18,487 --> 01:09:20,148
So,
1107
01:09:20,623 --> 01:09:22,523
Nicholas.
1108
01:09:31,734 --> 01:09:34,066
You can tell me to leave.
1109
01:09:37,540 --> 01:09:40,100
You can throw me right out.
1110
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:46,944
Just say the word,
1111
01:09:47,950 --> 01:09:50,043
and I'll go.
1112
01:10:06,002 --> 01:10:07,526
[SlGHS]
1113
01:10:19,348 --> 01:10:21,612
TAMARA:
Do you smoke after sex?
1114
01:10:21,784 --> 01:10:23,411
NICHOLAS:
I don't know, I've never looked.
1115
01:10:23,586 --> 01:10:24,917
[TAMARA CHUCKLES]
1116
01:10:27,089 --> 01:10:28,954
I used to watch you
out of my window,
1117
01:10:29,125 --> 01:10:31,821
helping your daughter
skateboard up the lane.
1118
01:10:32,561 --> 01:10:34,791
Bit of an obvious crush, wasn't it?
1119
01:10:35,264 --> 01:10:39,132
Is that why I'm here?
To expurgate the crush?
1120
01:10:39,301 --> 01:10:40,791
I don't know.
1121
01:10:40,970 --> 01:10:42,870
Or as revenge on your ex?
1122
01:10:43,706 --> 01:10:46,072
I don't know, Nicholas.
1123
01:10:46,308 --> 01:10:47,468
Why are you here?
1124
01:10:48,744 --> 01:10:50,336
I should have thought
that was obvious.
1125
01:10:50,513 --> 01:10:51,912
[CHUCKLES]
1126
01:10:53,149 --> 01:10:56,744
Since you climbed over that stile
in the summer,
1127
01:10:57,586 --> 01:11:00,419
I haven't thought about
very much else.
1128
01:11:07,596 --> 01:11:10,224
When can we do this again?
What about Beth?
1129
01:11:10,399 --> 01:11:12,663
Beth and I have this kind of open--
Bullshit.
1130
01:11:12,835 --> 01:11:16,100
Thursday?
lsn't life complicated enough?
1131
01:11:16,272 --> 01:11:18,502
Don't put me in your column.
1132
01:11:19,175 --> 01:11:21,405
In your dreams.
1133
01:11:24,413 --> 01:11:25,812
[SlGHS]
1134
01:11:28,951 --> 01:11:29,975
[CHUCKLES]
1135
01:11:30,152 --> 01:11:32,347
LUCETTA:
Structure can be so sterile, can't it?
1136
01:11:32,521 --> 01:11:34,648
I always think of it
as a 3-dimensional--
1137
01:11:34,824 --> 01:11:36,655
Oh.
LUCETTA: Oh, here he is.
1138
01:11:37,126 --> 01:11:41,222
Oh, poor you. Was it awful?
I was starting to worry.
1139
01:11:41,397 --> 01:11:45,595
Bloody terrible. Didn't move
till well past Chiswick, but look.
1140
01:11:45,768 --> 01:11:48,498
I popped into Fortnum's.
My favorite teas.
1141
01:11:48,671 --> 01:11:50,662
[BOTH CHUCKLlNG]
1142
01:11:51,741 --> 01:11:55,541
Oh, my goodness,
you feel like my buzzy toothbrush
just after I've charged it up.
1143
01:11:55,711 --> 01:11:59,169
You should go to London more often.
Well, maybe I will.
1144
01:11:59,348 --> 01:12:02,943
Oh. Sorry, everybody.
Traffic was a pig. Do carry on.
What have I missed?
1145
01:12:03,119 --> 01:12:06,350
Well, I'm trying this magic realist bit
at the end of Chapter 3.
1146
01:12:06,522 --> 01:12:08,888
Oh. That sounds very innovative.
Oh, you think so?
1147
01:12:09,058 --> 01:12:12,323
Yes. I think I've always been waiting
for the, uh, magic realist crime novel.
1148
01:12:12,495 --> 01:12:13,519
[LAUGHlNG]
1149
01:12:13,696 --> 01:12:16,688
LUCETTA:
Wuthering Heights,
it's kind of Angel of the North.
1150
01:12:16,866 --> 01:12:18,857
[CHATTERlNG]
1151
01:12:28,644 --> 01:12:34,082
So after two years of radio silence,
I contact my editor,
1152
01:12:34,717 --> 01:12:38,312
and she loves-- I mean,
she loves the chapters
I did in the fall.
1153
01:12:38,487 --> 01:12:41,081
Oh, Glen. Ha-ha.
1154
01:12:41,724 --> 01:12:43,351
GLEN:
I tried writing at the library
1155
01:12:43,526 --> 01:12:46,927
but I could feel that awful paralysis
descending again.
1156
01:12:47,096 --> 01:12:51,226
I missed everything that I've been,
you know, finding here.
1157
01:12:51,634 --> 01:12:53,727
Oh, my God.
1158
01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:56,701
It's so beautiful.
1159
01:12:56,872 --> 01:12:58,567
Well, I'm very glad
you've come back.
1160
01:12:58,741 --> 01:13:00,606
Yeah, in a few solid weeks--
1161
01:13:00,776 --> 01:13:02,903
Holy cow!
1162
01:13:04,914 --> 01:13:06,814
ldiots!
JOD Y & CASE Y: Ha-ha.
1163
01:13:07,249 --> 01:13:08,773
Morons!
1164
01:13:08,951 --> 01:13:10,543
Ha-ha.
1165
01:13:12,822 --> 01:13:16,553
Hey, writers, let's egg
the self-regarding sacks of shit.
1166
01:13:16,725 --> 01:13:19,785
It's half term, they're just bored.
1167
01:13:22,164 --> 01:13:24,997
There's this theory
that Hardy gave his wife syphilis,
you know.
1168
01:13:25,167 --> 01:13:27,931
No evidence, but the symptoms fit.
Poor woman,
1169
01:13:28,103 --> 01:13:31,869
she starts to get eccentric and then
she moves her bed up to their attic.
1170
01:13:32,041 --> 01:13:33,065
The bastard.
1171
01:13:33,242 --> 01:13:36,268
Meanwhile, Hardy falls in love
with a woman 39 years
younger than him.
1172
01:13:36,445 --> 01:13:40,245
I don't believe it.
Yeah, he was 65 and she was 26.
1173
01:13:40,416 --> 01:13:42,941
Geoff.
Glen.
1174
01:13:43,118 --> 01:13:44,642
Henry James?
Thomas Hardy.
1175
01:13:44,820 --> 01:13:47,812
That's it, a Hardy book.
Coming well?
1176
01:13:47,990 --> 01:13:50,550
Yes, actually.
He gave his wife syphilis.
1177
01:13:50,726 --> 01:13:52,751
Jolly good.
1178
01:13:54,830 --> 01:13:56,855
Oh, he-- He's completely distracted.
1179
01:13:57,032 --> 01:13:59,000
He's up and down to London
all the time.
1180
01:13:59,168 --> 01:14:02,296
This latest Inchcombe's
taking everything he's got.
1181
01:14:02,738 --> 01:14:05,104
It's really preying on him.
1182
01:14:06,642 --> 01:14:09,042
Is it any good?
Because I keep changing things
1183
01:14:09,211 --> 01:14:10,235
and--
NICHOLAS: Shh.
1184
01:14:16,151 --> 01:14:18,619
It's brutally candid.
1185
01:14:19,421 --> 01:14:22,913
You lay yourself completely bare.
1186
01:14:25,995 --> 01:14:30,989
It's a bit over-written.
It needs a good edit, but, uh,
1187
01:14:32,568 --> 01:14:34,092
it's very moving.
1188
01:14:35,437 --> 01:14:36,927
Thank you.
1189
01:14:37,106 --> 01:14:38,835
So,
1190
01:14:39,708 --> 01:14:41,505
have I done my duty?
1191
01:14:41,911 --> 01:14:43,538
Admirably.
1192
01:14:43,946 --> 01:14:46,005
Now do I get my treat?
1193
01:14:47,716 --> 01:14:50,378
You are so cheesy.
1194
01:14:51,420 --> 01:14:53,411
[BELL TOLLlNG]
1195
01:14:56,859 --> 01:14:59,555
Zero Ben sightings
in two whole months.
1196
01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:04,631
Last time I saw Plastic,
she looked like a minger.
1197
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:06,631
All red-eyed and gutted.
1198
01:15:06,835 --> 01:15:08,632
Ben's a love rat.
1199
01:15:08,804 --> 01:15:10,669
You gotta face it,
she should move on.
1200
01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:12,363
She's probably topped herself.
1201
01:15:12,741 --> 01:15:17,007
I would, if Ben dumped me.
Jode, don't say that.
1202
01:15:17,179 --> 01:15:19,044
What if she's done something?
1203
01:15:19,214 --> 01:15:21,944
Like got in the bath
with her heated tongs?
1204
01:15:22,117 --> 01:15:25,245
Like taken a stack of pills.
Think she might be lying there,
1205
01:15:25,421 --> 01:15:28,151
all choked in vomit and drug froth?
That'd be dire.
1206
01:15:28,324 --> 01:15:31,191
lf we find her, we'll get in the papers.
Oh, my God.
1207
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,260
Rock chick dead at Winnards Farm.
1208
01:15:49,712 --> 01:15:51,873
[WHlSPERlNG]
What's Uncle Andy doing here?
1209
01:16:04,326 --> 01:16:06,419
Ass biscuits.
1210
01:16:16,171 --> 01:16:17,934
No answer.
1211
01:16:18,107 --> 01:16:21,474
She could've been there days.
She could be all putrid-like, rancid.
1212
01:16:21,643 --> 01:16:23,611
Oh, no, gonna chuck.
1213
01:16:23,779 --> 01:16:27,579
All bloated and all greeny.
Uncle Andy will find her by the smell.
1214
01:16:28,217 --> 01:16:29,514
Ugh. Shh.
1215
01:16:30,919 --> 01:16:32,216
Andy.
1216
01:16:32,388 --> 01:16:35,585
Oh, bollocks, she's alive.
AND Y: Haven't seen you for a while.
1217
01:16:36,191 --> 01:16:38,455
Thought you might be ill
or something, or depressed.
1218
01:16:38,627 --> 01:16:40,891
I've had my head down, writing.
1219
01:16:41,063 --> 01:16:42,121
Come for a drink.
1220
01:16:42,698 --> 01:16:44,893
Let's lighten up.
I'd love to, but,
1221
01:16:45,901 --> 01:16:49,064
I'm kind of on one with my writing,
and...
1222
01:16:50,406 --> 01:16:51,930
Can we do it soon, though?
1223
01:16:52,107 --> 01:16:55,634
I really would like to.
Just not right now.
1224
01:16:56,311 --> 01:16:57,938
Sure.
1225
01:17:08,524 --> 01:17:10,355
NICHOLAS:
What is he doing here?
1226
01:17:10,526 --> 01:17:12,460
Oh, he just came by
on the off-chance.
1227
01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:14,493
Off-chance of what?
1228
01:17:14,663 --> 01:17:17,097
Something about the roofing
for the shed.
1229
01:17:23,439 --> 01:17:25,771
Do you think he's in with a chance?
No way.
1230
01:17:25,941 --> 01:17:28,933
Why not? He's fit. I'd do him.
Jody, he's my uncle.
1231
01:17:29,111 --> 01:17:32,103
She'd be mad not to have him.
Bet he goes like a train.
1232
01:17:32,281 --> 01:17:33,543
[ENGlNE STARTS]
1233
01:17:38,987 --> 01:17:40,511
Let's go, my knickers are wet.
1234
01:17:40,689 --> 01:17:42,816
CASE Y:
Wait, wait.
1235
01:17:46,528 --> 01:17:49,463
Oh, my God.
1236
01:17:53,402 --> 01:17:54,699
Nicholas, go.
1237
01:18:03,212 --> 01:18:06,147
''Prolific author
of intelligent crime novels.''
1238
01:18:06,315 --> 01:18:09,250
Fucking D-list.
How could she do that after Ben?
1239
01:18:09,418 --> 01:18:12,581
He's not even a proper celeb.
Maybe she's numbing the pain.
1240
01:18:12,754 --> 01:18:13,778
Trying to tear love--
1241
01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:15,617
Oh, shut up, Case.
She's just a slag.
1242
01:18:15,791 --> 01:18:18,589
She went out
and pulled a married man.
1243
01:18:19,128 --> 01:18:22,359
Like that bitch
that went off with my dad.
1244
01:18:23,932 --> 01:18:26,992
I know who I feel sorry for.
1245
01:18:31,340 --> 01:18:33,968
Then there'll be the divorce
and acrimony,
1246
01:18:34,143 --> 01:18:36,873
and Beth's world will fall apart.
Yeah.
1247
01:18:37,045 --> 01:18:41,175
But maybe one day,
she'll put the bitterness behind her,
1248
01:18:41,350 --> 01:18:42,612
and find a new love.
1249
01:18:42,784 --> 01:18:45,514
Don't be daft. She's old, you sop.
1250
01:18:45,687 --> 01:18:47,450
See?
1251
01:18:48,157 --> 01:18:50,955
That's D-list's car.
1252
01:18:52,528 --> 01:18:55,793
This is where he hides his car
when he goes to shag Plastic.
1253
01:18:55,964 --> 01:18:58,990
Yeah. Dirty git.
Big old turd.
1254
01:18:59,168 --> 01:19:02,763
He's a rotten cheater.
Like my dad.
1255
01:19:03,805 --> 01:19:06,968
Come on, Case. Let's fuck him up.
1256
01:19:11,079 --> 01:19:13,946
Shit salad.
1257
01:19:17,319 --> 01:19:20,413
Oh, poor you. What a drag.
1258
01:19:20,789 --> 01:19:22,051
Yes, it's a frightful bore.
1259
01:19:22,224 --> 01:19:23,851
BETH:
I'll hold off on the paella then.
1260
01:19:24,026 --> 01:19:25,926
You're a marvel. See you soon.
1261
01:19:26,094 --> 01:19:27,721
Did you--?
1262
01:19:30,899 --> 01:19:33,868
Beth, can I use the printer?
1263
01:19:34,036 --> 01:19:37,802
Nicholas is stuck on the motorway
with a flat tire,
1264
01:19:38,273 --> 01:19:40,503
but I couldn't hear traffic,
just rooks.
1265
01:19:40,676 --> 01:19:42,007
Hmm.
1266
01:19:42,844 --> 01:19:44,835
Sorry, um, did you want me
to read something?
1267
01:19:45,013 --> 01:19:47,004
No. Can I use the printer?
1268
01:19:47,182 --> 01:19:49,173
[ROOKS CROWlNG]
1269
01:19:51,019 --> 01:19:54,955
Nicholas, someone knows.
1270
01:19:55,190 --> 01:19:58,125
Maybe we should--
Who cares?
1271
01:20:07,536 --> 01:20:11,870
Casey, pop them. Pop them.
1272
01:20:14,509 --> 01:20:15,874
[CAMERA CLlCKlNG]
1273
01:20:16,712 --> 01:20:19,579
Fucking bingo.
1274
01:20:24,319 --> 01:20:26,583
Hello, Casey, how are you? Hello.
1275
01:20:26,755 --> 01:20:28,814
All right.
Waiting for the bus?
1276
01:20:28,991 --> 01:20:30,856
Bus got scrapped.
Oh, so it did.
1277
01:20:31,026 --> 01:20:34,291
Well, hope it doesn't rain.
1278
01:20:35,931 --> 01:20:38,923
Gutted for her.
Me too.
1279
01:20:39,601 --> 01:20:42,092
Fat arse though, hasn't she?
1280
01:20:45,474 --> 01:20:47,203
Send her the photo, Case.
I can't.
1281
01:20:47,376 --> 01:20:49,435
Why not?
What if it ruins her life?
1282
01:20:49,611 --> 01:20:51,670
We gotta do something.
Plastic's an idiot.
1283
01:20:51,847 --> 01:20:54,680
She fucked it up with Ben.
We fucked it up with Ben, Jode.
1284
01:20:57,753 --> 01:20:59,653
It's like...
1285
01:21:02,224 --> 01:21:05,057
We've gotta rescue her from D-list.
1286
01:21:34,423 --> 01:21:36,118
Casey.
What?
1287
01:21:36,291 --> 01:21:40,421
She's back in touch with him.
She's got an e-mail from Ben.
1288
01:21:40,729 --> 01:21:43,926
''Tamara, Fran's baby has come.''
1289
01:21:44,099 --> 01:21:47,466
Case, he says it's a little brown girl
with curly black hair.
1290
01:21:47,636 --> 01:21:49,035
Oh, cute.
1291
01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:53,265
''I think we can safely say
it's Steven Culley's, not mine.
1292
01:21:53,442 --> 01:21:55,933
Truth is, I feel free.
1293
01:21:56,111 --> 01:21:58,341
Gig in Paris for a few days.
1294
01:21:58,513 --> 01:22:01,641
lf I bring him down,
would you have Boss?''
1295
01:22:01,817 --> 01:22:05,446
Yes. Yes, he's coming back.
1296
01:22:05,787 --> 01:22:08,085
CASE Y: What are you doing?
Dear, Ben,
1297
01:22:08,256 --> 01:22:11,953
I have found a reliable dog lover
in the village.
1298
01:22:12,127 --> 01:22:14,027
Who?
Please call Jody,
1299
01:22:14,196 --> 01:22:18,064
You can't send that.
on 0 7 700-900-929.
1300
01:22:18,233 --> 01:22:21,134
I'm getting him back down here!
For who? You?
1301
01:22:21,303 --> 01:22:23,464
Why not me?
Are you mental?
1302
01:22:23,638 --> 01:22:26,266
''Reliable dog lover''?
You're making a great big mess--
1303
01:22:26,441 --> 01:22:28,807
I'm making something happen!
1304
01:22:29,144 --> 01:22:31,009
Otherwise, my whole life will go by,
1305
01:22:31,179 --> 01:22:33,545
and I'll be 34
and washed up like my mom.
1306
01:22:33,715 --> 01:22:36,809
And no one decent
will ever even have snogged me.
1307
01:22:36,985 --> 01:22:39,852
lf you do this, you're on your own.
1308
01:22:40,021 --> 01:22:42,148
Fuck off, then.
1309
01:22:42,657 --> 01:22:44,955
You twat.
1310
01:22:48,363 --> 01:22:51,423
There's the festival brochure.
You're on in the Lanson marquee.
1311
01:22:51,733 --> 01:22:54,327
And, um, I've marked a few bits,
in case you want to read.
1312
01:22:54,503 --> 01:22:57,472
You're a marvel. Cheers.
1313
01:22:57,639 --> 01:22:59,300
I could come with you.
1314
01:22:59,474 --> 01:23:01,669
Oh, don't. You hate festivals.
1315
01:23:01,843 --> 01:23:04,812
But it's only Hadditon. I'll come.
1316
01:23:04,980 --> 01:23:07,881
It'll be completely boring.
You'll hate it.
1317
01:23:08,049 --> 01:23:09,914
Stay here.
1318
01:23:18,693 --> 01:23:20,684
[CLASSlCAL MUSlC
PLAYlNG OVER CAR STEREO]
1319
01:23:22,731 --> 01:23:24,130
Wow.
1320
01:23:28,236 --> 01:23:30,067
[GASPS]
1321
01:23:31,339 --> 01:23:35,537
Wanker! Aah! Right.
1322
01:23:35,710 --> 01:23:37,371
[KE YPAD BEEPlNG]
1323
01:23:37,579 --> 01:23:39,103
Ha-ha-ha.
Finished.
1324
01:23:39,281 --> 01:23:42,114
I'm doing this cake in celebration.
Well done.
1325
01:23:42,284 --> 01:23:43,615
Well, to Hardy.
1326
01:23:43,785 --> 01:23:44,809
[PHONE BEEPlNG]
1327
01:23:44,986 --> 01:23:48,615
Yeah, even though I can't bear
the man for what he did to his wife.
1328
01:23:48,990 --> 01:23:52,221
Oh, thanks, Andy.
Just pop them over there.
1329
01:23:57,866 --> 01:24:00,494
How do I find out who sent this?
1330
01:24:06,007 --> 01:24:08,373
It says ''number withheld.''
1331
01:24:10,912 --> 01:24:12,846
Did you know?
1332
01:24:15,984 --> 01:24:18,248
I couldn't tell you.
1333
01:24:18,587 --> 01:24:20,452
I'm sorry, Beth.
1334
01:24:26,728 --> 01:24:28,525
Her.
1335
01:24:28,930 --> 01:24:30,864
Oh, my God.
1336
01:24:31,032 --> 01:24:34,058
Oh, this is just--
This is just horrible.
1337
01:24:34,236 --> 01:24:35,260
Right under my nose.
1338
01:24:35,437 --> 01:24:37,302
Oh, it's so shitty.
God, I feel sick.
1339
01:24:37,472 --> 01:24:40,270
So insulting. You do not deserve
to be treated like this.
1340
01:24:40,442 --> 01:24:42,103
lf you're kind to me, I'll cry.
1341
01:24:42,277 --> 01:24:45,178
And I don't want to cry,
I must be very clear.
1342
01:24:45,614 --> 01:24:48,048
lf there's anything that I can do...
1343
01:24:48,316 --> 01:24:50,546
I have to do it by myself.
1344
01:24:50,719 --> 01:24:51,811
[STEPS ON BROKEN BOWL]
1345
01:24:51,987 --> 01:24:53,978
[SOBBlNG]
1346
01:24:54,656 --> 01:24:57,284
Oh, come on.
Come on, Beth. Come on.
1347
01:24:57,459 --> 01:25:00,394
I trod in the sponge mix.
1348
01:25:06,701 --> 01:25:09,568
Jody? This is Ben Sergeant.
1349
01:25:10,505 --> 01:25:12,439
Yeah, that's right. I love dogs.
1350
01:25:13,041 --> 01:25:16,772
Yeah, so I'll see you
at Winnards Farm at 2:00.
1351
01:25:16,945 --> 01:25:19,413
Yeah. Perfect.
1352
01:25:21,449 --> 01:25:22,882
[GASPS]
1353
01:25:28,089 --> 01:25:29,818
Andy.
1354
01:25:30,058 --> 01:25:32,754
Hey, how are you?
1355
01:25:34,529 --> 01:25:37,498
I wondered if you wanted
to go for that drink?
1356
01:25:38,033 --> 01:25:40,831
I need a friend at the mo--
You and Nicholas Hardiment.
1357
01:25:41,002 --> 01:25:43,232
That's a nice piece of work, isn't it?
1358
01:25:43,405 --> 01:25:47,341
I get it from his point of view.
He's always been a cheating wanker.
1359
01:25:47,509 --> 01:25:50,273
Loves having his cake and eating it.
1360
01:25:51,379 --> 01:25:54,314
But since when did your standards
drop so low?
1361
01:25:54,482 --> 01:25:55,779
You could have anyone.
1362
01:25:55,951 --> 01:25:58,715
All you have to do is bat your eyes.
Andy.
1363
01:25:58,887 --> 01:26:02,789
I care a lot about Beth.
She helped me out
when I was at rock bottom.
1364
01:26:02,958 --> 01:26:04,482
I'm not going to split them up.
1365
01:26:04,659 --> 01:26:06,456
It's just--
A bit of fun?
1366
01:26:06,628 --> 01:26:09,529
It's none of your bloody business.
1367
01:26:11,700 --> 01:26:14,225
Andy Cobb knows.
Cock pie. Has he told Beth?
1368
01:26:14,402 --> 01:26:17,030
I don't know, but he might.
And I wouldn't blame him.
1369
01:26:17,205 --> 01:26:18,672
I suppose it has
to come out sometime.
1370
01:26:18,840 --> 01:26:19,864
Does it?
1371
01:26:20,041 --> 01:26:23,010
It's a good thing. Feels like a relief.
It means we can think about
1372
01:26:23,178 --> 01:26:25,271
our plans for the future.
What future?
1373
01:26:25,447 --> 01:26:27,972
I know it's been hard for you,
sharing me with Beth.
1374
01:26:28,149 --> 01:26:30,276
But I'm yours now.
I'm gonna leave her.
1375
01:26:30,452 --> 01:26:33,421
Mr. Hardiment. It's time.
1376
01:26:34,689 --> 01:26:38,591
I want a new life with you.
1377
01:26:41,730 --> 01:26:42,992
It's a nice dog, Mom.
1378
01:26:43,164 --> 01:26:46,497
Well, I don't like having dog hair
and slobber all over the place.
1379
01:26:46,668 --> 01:26:47,999
But I said yes.
1380
01:26:48,169 --> 01:26:50,763
No dogs, no way, and that's final.
1381
01:26:50,939 --> 01:26:55,035
You loser, I hate you!
You want to ruin my life!
1382
01:26:56,778 --> 01:26:58,405
Live the dream, Jody.
1383
01:26:58,580 --> 01:27:00,172
Well, it all runs very smoothly.
1384
01:27:00,348 --> 01:27:03,613
I start a book in the summer
and publish it the following spring.
1385
01:27:03,785 --> 01:27:05,776
Bit of a factory, really.
1386
01:27:05,954 --> 01:27:06,978
[AUDlENCE CHUCKLES]
1387
01:27:07,155 --> 01:27:11,285
So you've finished Like The Night,
which is the 1 7th
of the Inchcombe adventures.
1388
01:27:11,459 --> 01:27:14,622
And we all assume
you're planning the next one already.
1389
01:27:14,796 --> 01:27:16,525
Well,
1390
01:27:17,766 --> 01:27:19,825
there isn't gonna be a next one.
1391
01:27:20,001 --> 01:27:21,093
MAN 1 : No.
WOMAN 1 : What?
1392
01:27:21,269 --> 01:27:23,430
Frankly,
I'm sick to death of Inchcombe.
1393
01:27:23,605 --> 01:27:26,233
In fact, I'm about to kill him off.
1394
01:27:26,408 --> 01:27:27,841
WOMAN 2: No.
MAN 2: He can't do that.
1395
01:27:28,009 --> 01:27:30,239
Well, I think
that's what we call in the trade,
1396
01:27:30,412 --> 01:27:33,381
a bit of a bombshell,
for your fans here.
1397
01:27:33,915 --> 01:27:38,011
Yes, but I'm moving on
to fresh pastures.
1398
01:27:38,186 --> 01:27:39,949
WOMAN 3:
No.
1399
01:27:40,121 --> 01:27:42,385
Inchcombe is about to meet
a very sticky end,
1400
01:27:42,557 --> 01:27:45,651
and it's one murder
I'm really looking forward to.
1401
01:27:45,827 --> 01:27:46,851
[AUDlENCE CHATTERlNG]
1402
01:27:47,028 --> 01:27:50,429
Now, at this point,
we should get
some questions, I think.
1403
01:27:50,598 --> 01:27:54,398
And I'm--
Yes, there's a lady over there.
1404
01:27:57,739 --> 01:28:02,733
WOMAN:
You write a lot about adultery,
is that from personal experience?
1405
01:28:03,878 --> 01:28:05,402
NICHOLAS:
Madam,
1406
01:28:07,415 --> 01:28:09,406
what a saucy question. Uh...
1407
01:28:09,584 --> 01:28:12,144
But there's no need
for an author's work
to be autobiographical--
1408
01:28:12,320 --> 01:28:14,185
Why do you cheat persistently
on your wife?
1409
01:28:15,857 --> 01:28:17,722
MAN:
Who's that?
1410
01:28:17,892 --> 01:28:19,792
[AUDlENCE MURMURlNG]
1411
01:28:23,198 --> 01:28:25,291
Because she lets me.
1412
01:28:26,701 --> 01:28:28,430
Tamara.
1413
01:28:29,437 --> 01:28:31,735
Where--?
Nicholas, this has got to stop.
1414
01:28:31,906 --> 01:28:34,101
You're right.
I can't go on using her.
Lying to her.
1415
01:28:34,275 --> 01:28:35,708
It won't be fun
but I've gotta do it.
1416
01:28:35,877 --> 01:28:38,607
I don't feel alive with Beth.
I haven't been living for years.
1417
01:28:38,780 --> 01:28:41,806
She's smothered me like a blanket.
Nicholas, listen to me.
1418
01:28:41,983 --> 01:28:45,749
It was fun,
but it's wrong and it's over.
1419
01:28:46,454 --> 01:28:47,716
[SlGHS]
1420
01:28:48,823 --> 01:28:51,485
I'm in love with you.
I'm sorry.
1421
01:28:51,659 --> 01:28:53,058
No.
1422
01:28:53,228 --> 01:28:56,664
No. No. No. You can't end it.
Tamara--
1423
01:28:56,831 --> 01:28:58,890
Fuck supper!
Will you keep it down?
1424
01:28:59,067 --> 01:29:01,467
My God, you're cold-hearted.
No, I'm not.
1425
01:29:01,636 --> 01:29:04,434
You don't feel a thing, do you?
I do. I do feel.
1426
01:29:04,606 --> 01:29:07,803
I feel like I'm blazing away inside
all the time.
1427
01:29:08,443 --> 01:29:11,742
Why do I do these things?
What am I doing with you?
1428
01:29:13,047 --> 01:29:16,175
There's someone else, isn't there?
Oh, for God's sake.
1429
01:29:16,351 --> 01:29:19,081
Not the narcissist drummer?
Goodbye.
1430
01:29:19,254 --> 01:29:20,949
It's that ignorant lunk, isn't it?
1431
01:29:21,122 --> 01:29:23,989
That muscle-bound wastrel
Andy Cobb.
1432
01:29:24,459 --> 01:29:27,724
Andy Cobb is a far better man
than you.
1433
01:29:27,896 --> 01:29:29,887
[GROUP CHATTERlNG]
1434
01:29:31,332 --> 01:29:32,959
Go on.
1435
01:29:33,668 --> 01:29:35,659
[GROANlNG]
1436
01:29:37,305 --> 01:29:41,036
Mr. Hardiment, will you sign this?
lmagine getting him to sign.
1437
01:29:41,209 --> 01:29:43,700
I love your books.
1438
01:30:00,328 --> 01:30:02,296
Thank you.
1439
01:30:10,171 --> 01:30:11,934
Hello?
1440
01:30:14,676 --> 01:30:17,440
It's Jody Long about the dog.
1441
01:30:21,516 --> 01:30:23,211
Ben?
1442
01:30:28,590 --> 01:30:30,285
Hello?
1443
01:30:33,194 --> 01:30:34,821
Ben?
1444
01:30:41,236 --> 01:30:42,931
Ben?
1445
01:30:48,610 --> 01:30:50,601
[SWlPE'S ''THlS lS A LOW''
PLAYlNG OVER PHONE]
1446
01:30:57,151 --> 01:30:59,176
Well, you gonna answer that?
1447
01:31:00,421 --> 01:31:02,889
Jody, what are you doing
not fucking answering?
1448
01:31:03,057 --> 01:31:05,116
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1449
01:31:06,661 --> 01:31:10,688
Ben's dog is here. It's loose.
It means Ben must be up
at Winnards.
1450
01:31:10,865 --> 01:31:12,594
[PANTlNG]
1451
01:31:12,767 --> 01:31:14,029
Boss!
1452
01:31:15,703 --> 01:31:17,034
Dog minder?
1453
01:31:18,239 --> 01:31:22,505
You've been breaking in, sending
e-mails and fucking people off.
1454
01:31:23,878 --> 01:31:27,211
Did you nick my black T-shirt?
I just wanted to meet you. Just once.
1455
01:31:27,382 --> 01:31:30,442
Just to tell you stuff.
Stuff? What stuff?
1456
01:31:30,618 --> 01:31:32,711
Like, I love you.
1457
01:31:33,354 --> 01:31:35,845
I really, really love you.
1458
01:31:36,324 --> 01:31:39,020
That's really nice.
1459
01:31:40,295 --> 01:31:43,594
I used to lie awake
thinking about you being here.
1460
01:31:43,765 --> 01:31:45,426
In Ewedown.
1461
01:31:45,600 --> 01:31:48,899
In the bum-hole of nowhere.
1462
01:31:49,904 --> 01:31:52,634
When you left, I couldn't bear it.
1463
01:31:53,007 --> 01:31:56,340
I just wanted
to make you come back.
1464
01:32:00,915 --> 01:32:05,682
Do you still love me, Jody?
Even though I wanna lock you up?
1465
01:32:07,021 --> 01:32:09,114
What would you do for me then?
1466
01:32:09,857 --> 01:32:12,018
Would you do anything,
like a proper fan?
1467
01:32:13,494 --> 01:32:15,621
Let's see then, shall we?
1468
01:32:16,931 --> 01:32:20,162
I bet that bitch wants a baby.
Well, she'll find out.
Nicholas doesn't do children.
1469
01:32:20,335 --> 01:32:22,269
He'll leave it all up to her. Oh.
1470
01:32:22,437 --> 01:32:24,029
That'll age her.
Beth.
1471
01:32:24,205 --> 01:32:26,765
Suppose he discovers fatherhood?
They do, these men.
1472
01:32:26,941 --> 01:32:30,809
Second time around,
they get all nappy-happy.
1473
01:32:30,979 --> 01:32:32,776
I was barely 20 when I got pregnant.
1474
01:32:32,947 --> 01:32:36,246
I've never done anything. God.
Yes, you have. Look at this place.
1475
01:32:36,417 --> 01:32:38,647
I've let him walk all over me.
Why? Why have I done that?
1476
01:32:38,820 --> 01:32:40,185
I-- I've wasted my life.
1477
01:32:40,355 --> 01:32:42,152
No. What about the work
you've done here?
1478
01:32:42,323 --> 01:32:43,347
Work?
Yes.
1479
01:32:43,524 --> 01:32:46,516
What, breeding goats?
Baking fucking biscuits?
1480
01:32:46,694 --> 01:32:48,025
It's meaningless!
1481
01:32:48,196 --> 01:32:49,254
[SOBBlNG]
1482
01:32:49,430 --> 01:32:50,897
Beth.
1483
01:32:51,132 --> 01:32:54,192
When I was lost with my book,
you helped me more than you know.
1484
01:32:54,369 --> 01:32:56,633
You asked me
who I was writing it for.
1485
01:32:57,438 --> 01:32:59,099
You.
1486
01:33:21,963 --> 01:33:23,760
NICHOLAS:
Excuse me.
1487
01:33:26,534 --> 01:33:28,092
May I speak with my wife?
1488
01:33:28,269 --> 01:33:31,568
No, you may not.
1489
01:33:33,241 --> 01:33:35,573
NICHOLAS:
Beth. Beth.
1490
01:33:37,311 --> 01:33:39,108
It's over.
1491
01:33:40,048 --> 01:33:41,743
I've finished it.
1492
01:33:41,916 --> 01:33:44,146
She's been chasing me.
1493
01:33:44,318 --> 01:33:46,616
I think there's something
unhinged about her.
1494
01:33:46,788 --> 01:33:48,255
This wild crush.
1495
01:33:48,423 --> 01:33:49,447
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1496
01:33:49,624 --> 01:33:53,754
Ben Sergeant's bloody dog again.
Go on, get out.
1497
01:33:53,928 --> 01:33:58,228
Back to that tart at Winnards Farm.
Go on. Bugger off!
1498
01:33:59,200 --> 01:34:00,690
Beth.
1499
01:34:01,969 --> 01:34:03,698
You know I'm sorry.
1500
01:34:04,505 --> 01:34:07,497
I want you to leave. I want a divorce.
1501
01:34:07,675 --> 01:34:09,666
No, you don't. Don't be ridiculous.
1502
01:34:10,111 --> 01:34:11,942
Now, look--
And I want this place.
1503
01:34:12,747 --> 01:34:13,873
You can't.
1504
01:34:14,348 --> 01:34:17,806
Watch me. I will.
1505
01:34:19,187 --> 01:34:23,248
That's it, lovely. Keep it going,
keep it going. Stop.
Couple of sugars.
1506
01:34:25,093 --> 01:34:26,754
Stir it.
1507
01:34:35,970 --> 01:34:39,371
That is a very good cup of tea.
Which is lucky for you, Jody.
1508
01:34:39,540 --> 01:34:40,598
Had it been shit,
1509
01:34:40,775 --> 01:34:43,335
I'd be on the phone
to the extremely scary
local cops right now.
1510
01:34:43,511 --> 01:34:44,910
Please don't tell my mom.
1511
01:34:45,079 --> 01:34:47,639
I know it's boring round here,
but for fuck's sakes.
1512
01:34:47,815 --> 01:34:49,407
I'm gonna get out soon as I can.
1513
01:34:49,584 --> 01:34:53,076
I'm gonna work in Vegas
as a croupier.
Vegas or a cruise liner.
1514
01:34:54,021 --> 01:34:58,390
Aim high, Jody.
That's what I say. Aim high.
1515
01:35:05,266 --> 01:35:07,063
Ben?
1516
01:35:09,804 --> 01:35:12,898
You've had an infestation.
Of what?
1517
01:35:13,207 --> 01:35:14,834
Jody.
1518
01:35:29,757 --> 01:35:30,781
[SNORTS]
1519
01:35:30,958 --> 01:35:32,892
[COW MOOING]
1520
01:35:36,130 --> 01:35:38,462
NICHOLAS:
Hey, Greg!
1521
01:35:38,633 --> 01:35:41,625
I want a word with you.
It's Glen, asshole.
1522
01:35:41,802 --> 01:35:44,430
You fucking devious bastard.
1523
01:35:44,605 --> 01:35:46,903
I'm devious? I'm a bastard?
1524
01:35:47,074 --> 01:35:51,033
You think I haven't noticed
you've been worming your way in?
1525
01:35:51,212 --> 01:35:55,876
You keep your hands off my wife,
you low-rent pedant.
1526
01:35:56,951 --> 01:35:59,852
You've abused Beth long enough
with all of your goddamn lies.
1527
01:36:00,021 --> 01:36:01,488
I want you out of my house.
1528
01:36:01,656 --> 01:36:04,716
It's Beth's. She made this place.
And I fucking paid for it.
1529
01:36:04,892 --> 01:36:07,224
I've given Beth all this.
What can you give her?
1530
01:36:07,395 --> 01:36:11,422
I can give her integrity.
Obscure literary shit,
1531
01:36:11,599 --> 01:36:13,032
not worth 1 0 pence.
1532
01:36:13,201 --> 01:36:17,001
You know, if I made my fortune
fantasizing about rapes and murders,
1533
01:36:17,171 --> 01:36:18,502
I wouldn't be so proud.
1534
01:36:18,673 --> 01:36:22,006
You cretin.
Fuck you.
1535
01:36:22,543 --> 01:36:24,101
Beth will come to her senses.
1536
01:36:24,278 --> 01:36:28,578
You need an income
to run Stonefield,
and mine's bigger than yours.
1537
01:36:35,690 --> 01:36:40,389
Get up, Nicholas, come on.
Let's talk about this like grown men.
1538
01:36:46,634 --> 01:36:49,432
Oh, my God. Nicholas.
1539
01:36:49,804 --> 01:36:51,032
Nic--
1540
01:36:51,239 --> 01:36:53,639
Uh...
Get up.
1541
01:36:54,942 --> 01:36:56,933
[COWS MOOING]
1542
01:37:01,882 --> 01:37:04,214
Nicholas, get up.
1543
01:37:04,619 --> 01:37:07,179
Run. Come on. Get up.
1544
01:37:07,355 --> 01:37:08,583
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1545
01:37:13,894 --> 01:37:16,158
Nicholas. Nicholas.
1546
01:37:20,635 --> 01:37:21,897
[GROANS]
1547
01:37:22,069 --> 01:37:23,536
[YELLS]
1548
01:37:28,676 --> 01:37:30,667
[BARKlNG]
1549
01:37:46,294 --> 01:37:47,625
[GASPS]
1550
01:37:52,066 --> 01:37:53,829
It was you?
1551
01:37:55,069 --> 01:37:57,128
It was you who sent the e-mail?
1552
01:37:57,305 --> 01:38:00,570
Jody's explained that she did it
out of a deep love for me.
1553
01:38:04,779 --> 01:38:08,078
Tammy.
Ben.
1554
01:38:18,926 --> 01:38:21,622
I think you should have this back.
1555
01:38:22,296 --> 01:38:24,230
I'm sorry.
1556
01:38:25,666 --> 01:38:28,260
[PANTlNG]
Jody! The dog!
1557
01:38:28,436 --> 01:38:30,427
[BARKlNG & MOOING CONTlNUE]
1558
01:39:01,969 --> 01:39:03,459
[GUNSHOT]
1559
01:39:12,713 --> 01:39:16,615
Got him. The beast. Hm.
1560
01:39:27,495 --> 01:39:29,486
[PANTlNG]
1561
01:39:44,945 --> 01:39:46,674
Nicholas.
1562
01:39:49,250 --> 01:39:52,617
God. Oh, God. Nicholas.
1563
01:39:52,787 --> 01:39:54,550
Bitch. Brazen.
1564
01:39:55,322 --> 01:39:56,653
Brazen.
Beth.
1565
01:39:56,824 --> 01:40:00,419
That is brazen.
Beth, don't look! Please, don't look!
1566
01:40:00,594 --> 01:40:02,585
[SCREAMlNG]
1567
01:40:04,598 --> 01:40:06,498
Nicholas?!
1568
01:40:08,102 --> 01:40:10,400
[SCREAMlNG]
1569
01:40:12,873 --> 01:40:13,897
No!
1570
01:40:14,074 --> 01:40:18,067
TAMARA:
No, but you can see it.
It's broken. It's smashed.
1571
01:40:19,313 --> 01:40:23,181
No, I haven't, but it's obvious.
1572
01:40:25,019 --> 01:40:28,682
Yes, his wife. Yes, she is.
1573
01:40:28,856 --> 01:40:31,620
Thank you. Thank you, I will.
1574
01:40:33,194 --> 01:40:35,253
They're on their way.
1575
01:40:37,031 --> 01:40:38,896
Beth, help is coming.
1576
01:40:39,066 --> 01:40:40,465
Aah!
1577
01:40:40,801 --> 01:40:42,962
[PANTlNG]
1578
01:40:43,337 --> 01:40:44,736
[GROANS]
1579
01:40:47,107 --> 01:40:49,007
It's broken.
1580
01:41:10,865 --> 01:41:12,492
[VEHlCLE APPROACHES
THEN STOPS]
1581
01:41:12,666 --> 01:41:14,361
[VEHlCLE DOOR OPENS]
1582
01:41:15,503 --> 01:41:16,697
[VEHlCLE DOOR CLOSES]
1583
01:41:19,206 --> 01:41:20,833
AND Y:
Tamara.
1584
01:41:22,476 --> 01:41:24,137
Listen.
1585
01:41:26,647 --> 01:41:28,774
[SOBBlNG]
I'm sorry.
1586
01:41:30,284 --> 01:41:32,149
Come on.
1587
01:41:32,319 --> 01:41:34,719
Are you blaming yourself?
1588
01:41:36,824 --> 01:41:38,155
It was an accident.
1589
01:41:53,407 --> 01:41:55,807
I'd better get back up to Stonefield.
1590
01:41:56,243 --> 01:41:59,940
Come with me. We'll get this sorted.
1591
01:42:05,019 --> 01:42:07,783
Then get Ben
to take you back to London.
1592
01:42:08,422 --> 01:42:10,982
I don't want to be with Ben.
1593
01:42:27,741 --> 01:42:30,073
MAN:
Put it on the back seat right here.
1594
01:42:34,315 --> 01:42:36,306
[lNDlSTlNCT CHATTER
OVER POLlCE RADlO]
1595
01:42:41,922 --> 01:42:42,911
What are you doing?
1596
01:42:43,090 --> 01:42:45,490
I figured it was best,
you know, that I take off.
1597
01:42:45,659 --> 01:42:47,889
She doesn't want writers
around the place now.
1598
01:42:48,062 --> 01:42:50,155
And police, autopsies, not my thing.
1599
01:42:50,331 --> 01:42:52,731
You can't run away.
I'm not running away.
1600
01:42:52,900 --> 01:42:57,030
I've finished my book.
My time here is up. Destiny calls.
1601
01:42:57,204 --> 01:43:00,799
Beth is asking for you.
Really?
1602
01:43:01,041 --> 01:43:03,373
She's on her own over there.
1603
01:43:03,978 --> 01:43:08,642
Glen, she doesn't need a writer
around the place,
1604
01:43:09,149 --> 01:43:11,242
she needs a man.
1605
01:43:20,127 --> 01:43:22,459
GLEN:
I'm so sorry.
1606
01:43:24,064 --> 01:43:26,555
It was my fault. I let the dog go.
1607
01:43:26,734 --> 01:43:28,827
No. No.
I shooed him away.
1608
01:43:29,003 --> 01:43:32,234
The police said it was an accident,
but if I'd caught him,
tied him up--
1609
01:43:32,406 --> 01:43:33,634
No, it wasn't your fault.
1610
01:43:33,807 --> 01:43:37,004
What I don't understand
is why was Nicholas
in that field anyway?
1611
01:43:37,177 --> 01:43:39,645
He hated cows.
And when he saw them coming,
1612
01:43:39,813 --> 01:43:44,546
why didn't he get out of their way--?
Beth, I have to tell you that--
1613
01:43:57,097 --> 01:43:59,224
You live in the country.
1614
01:43:59,400 --> 01:44:01,493
You share it
with those dangerous beasts,
1615
01:44:01,669 --> 01:44:04,399
and when they get scared,
they run.
1616
01:44:04,571 --> 01:44:06,562
Like we do.
1617
01:44:08,042 --> 01:44:09,600
Oh, Glen.
1618
01:44:12,946 --> 01:44:15,039
Stay with me.
1619
01:44:49,249 --> 01:44:51,911
Kind of suits you.
Don't say anything.
1620
01:44:52,086 --> 01:44:54,418
I always did like the old one.
1621
01:44:57,658 --> 01:45:00,593
You did it on purpose, didn't you?
What?
1622
01:45:00,761 --> 01:45:03,787
Made this place so beautiful
I'd never be able to leave.
1623
01:45:03,964 --> 01:45:06,262
Been dying to get rid of you.
1624
01:45:07,568 --> 01:45:09,468
This is my house.
1625
01:45:10,237 --> 01:45:13,968
I was born in that room.
So you were.
1626
01:45:15,109 --> 01:45:17,100
Welcome home.
1627
01:45:41,201 --> 01:45:43,192
[SOBBlNG]
1628
01:45:57,885 --> 01:45:59,352
[MOUTHlNG]
Pap-pap me.
1629
01:46:00,120 --> 01:46:01,348
[MOUTHlNG]
What?
1630
01:46:01,522 --> 01:46:03,990
Pap-pap me.
1631
01:46:07,961 --> 01:46:10,953
[SWlPE'S ''THlS lS A LOW''
PLAYlNG]
1632
01:47:21,835 --> 01:47:24,827
[DOMlNlC COOPER'S
''JAlL-BAlT JOD Y'' PLAYlNG''
120313
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