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1
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,793
HIGHER, JOE. HIGHER.
2
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,360
STOP PRESSURING ME.
3
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,275
I HAVEN'’T READ
THE INSTRUCTIONS YET.
4
00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:19,497
JOE, THE INSTRUCTIONS
ARE "JUMP."
5
00:00:19,497 --> 00:00:21,412
AND THEN WHAT, DAD?
THEN WHAT?
6
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:22,979
AND THEN WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO?
7
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,372
THEN YOU TAKE IT
IN THE BACKYARD,
8
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,851
BECAUSE GRANDPA BERNIE
IS COMING HERE SOON.
9
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:27,897
COME ON!
- WE HAVE A GRANDPA BERNIE?
10
00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,551
HE'’S NOT OUR REAL GRANDPA, JANIE.
11
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,640
HE PLAYED THE GRANDPA
ON DAD'’S SHOW, REMEMBER?
12
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,819
WHOA!
13
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:39,256
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY CHAIR?
14
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,562
I DON'’T KNOW
WHAT YOU CALL IT,
15
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:43,826
BUT I CALL IT
"SITTIN'’ AND EATIN'’."
16
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:47,612
THAT PIE WAS MEANT FOR DINNER
WITH MY BOSS TOMORROW NIGHT.
17
00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:52,139
ABOUT THAT, I GOT GOOD NEWS
AND BAD NEWS.
18
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,619
THE BAD NEWS IS
YOU WERE FIRED.
19
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,493
THE GOOD NEWS IS
THIS PIE IS DELICIOUS.
20
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,626
I WAS FIRED?
21
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:02,888
GOTCHA!
22
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,850
I HAVEN'’T SEEN HIM
SINCE THE SHOW ENDED.
23
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:10,070
I'’M SO EXCITED.
- MM-HMM.
24
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,724
YEAH, YEAH, YOU'’RE EXCITED
TO SEE THE HOTTIE HE'’S DATING.
25
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:13,812
- NO.
- MM-HMM.
26
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:15,031
NO, NO.
I MISS THE GUY.
27
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,641
IS HE HERE YET?
28
00:01:16,641 --> 00:01:18,861
AND WHO IS THE HOTTIE
THAT HE'’S DATING?
29
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,471
I DON'’T KNOW,
30
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:21,690
BUT I'’M PUTTING MY MONEY
ON A FORMER SWIMSUIT MODEL,
31
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:22,952
35 TO 40.
32
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,693
NO, NO, I'’M GOING
YOGA INSTRUCTOR,
33
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:27,087
ABOUT 30 TO 35.
34
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,479
UH-UH,
YOU GUYS ARE RIDICULOUS.
35
00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:31,743
SHE'’S A HOT NANNY,
NOT A DAY OVER 30.
36
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,223
YOU KNOW, I'’D BE WILLING
TO JOIN THIS WAGER
37
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,312
IF I HAD, SAY, $10 TO BET.
38
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:37,184
KEVIN,
YOU GOTTA LET THAT GO.
39
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,924
BERNIE BORROWED
THAT $10 YEARS AGO.
40
00:01:38,924 --> 00:01:40,622
HE DOESN'’T EVEN REMEMBER!
41
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:42,667
WELL, I REMEMBER.
IT WAS A TUESDAY.
42
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,582
TACO TUESDAY.
43
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,497
AND GUESS WHO COULDN'’T
AFFORD A TACO
44
00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:47,846
BECAUSE HE DIDN'’T
HAVE TEN BUCKS.
45
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:50,893
THIS {\an8}MUCHACHO.
46
00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:53,765
WOW, COME ON!
47
00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:58,901
all: OHHH!
48
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:03,645
OOH.
49
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:06,691
WHOA!
50
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:08,432
AWW.
51
00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,478
- NICE SAVE.
- YEAH, SORRY.
52
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,001
BERNIE, YOU LOOK
LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.
53
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,308
I WAS GONNA SAY
MORE LIKE TEN.
54
00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:16,919
CHRISTINE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
55
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,703
OH! HELLO, JOE.
56
00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,575
YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?
57
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:22,229
YEAH, SHE WAS MY FRIEND
FITZY'’S NANNY.
58
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:23,665
- OH.
- AHH.
59
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:25,797
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
60
00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:27,756
I HAVE A THING FOR NANNIES.
61
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:31,151
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY
WE WILL NOT BE GETTING A NANNY.
62
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:35,242
OH, AND, UH,
THIS IS BERNIE JR.
63
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,113
- YEAH.
- PRECIOUS LITTLE THING.
64
00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:38,593
HI, SWEETHEART.
I'’M AMY.
65
00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:39,768
NICE TO MEET YOU.
66
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:42,988
WOW.
WHAT A CUTIE!
67
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,773
WHAT'’S AN OUTFIT LIKE THIS
GO FOR, BERNIE, HUH?
68
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,514
I DON'’T KNOW, TEN BUCKS?
69
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:49,169
WELL, BRUNCH IS WAITING
IN THE KITCHEN.
70
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,344
SO FOLLOW ME, KIDS.
71
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:51,606
YEAH, PLEASE,
COME ON IN, GUYS.
72
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,216
I HOPE WE'’RE HAVING TACOS.
MMM!
73
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,218
HE'’S STILL WEIRD!
74
00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,570
CHRISTINE, HOW CAN ONE
HIRE A NANNY LIKE YOU?
75
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,137
OH, DO YOU HAVE
A LITTLE ONE AT HOME?
76
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:04,706
NOPE.
BUT IF THAT'’S WHAT IT TAKES.
77
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,056
LOOK AT YOU.
GOT A WIFE AND A KID.
78
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:09,014
IT'’S LIKE A WHOLE NEW BERNIE.
79
00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,060
I THOUGHT FOR SURE YOU'’D BE
SPENDING YOUR GOLDEN YEARS
80
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:14,150
ON A BEACH IN COSTA RICA
WITH A NEW WOMAN EACH WEEK.
81
00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,804
WELL, I THOUGHT SO TOO, DAVID.
82
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:19,590
BUT YOU CONVINCED ME
THAT LIFE IS MEANT TO BE SHARED.
83
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:22,419
AND I LISTENED,
AND NOW I HAVE ALL THIS.
84
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:24,682
OH, WELL, YOU'’RE WELCOME.
85
00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:27,598
I'’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU
FOR IT.
86
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:31,036
HEY, NEW BERNIE?
OLD DIAPER.
87
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,909
NEVER FORGIVE YOU.
88
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,565
BERNIE, THIS IS ONE OF
THOSE "GOTCHA" MOMENTS, RIGHT?
89
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,480
NO.
90
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:07,159
HEY, BERN, YOU WERE KIDDING
ABOUT NOT FORGIVING ME, RIGHT?
91
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,379
YEAH, I WAS
JUST BLOWING OFF STEAM.
92
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:12,556
I MEAN, OTHER THAN NO SLEEP
AND NO PEACE AND QUIET,
93
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,645
I AM FINE.
94
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:18,040
I JUST WISH I COULD GET
THIS DIAPER CLOSED
95
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,390
BEFORE HE GOES AGAIN.
96
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,653
YOU GOT A STAPLER
OR SOMETHING?
97
00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:26,004
NO, NO, NO.
WATCH AND LEARN, OKAY?
98
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:27,528
IT'’S SIMPLE.
99
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:30,661
AND SO THE TV SON
TEACHES THE TV DAD.
100
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:34,752
I'’D STAND BACK A LITTLE.
THE KID KICKS LIKE A MULE.
101
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,624
LOOK AT THIS.
102
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,974
COME HERE, LITTLE GUY.
COME HERE.
103
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:42,282
OH. LOOKIT, LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS.
COME ON.
104
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,196
HE'’S GOT YOUR EYES.
105
00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:47,983
BLOODSHOT AND SAD...
106
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,420
FROM CRYING OF THINGS
I'’M NEVER GONNA SEE,
107
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,467
OF THINGS I'’VE NEVER DONE.
108
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,905
BUT I'’M A HAPPY GUY!
109
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,124
OH, HEY, GRANDPA BERNIE.
110
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:02,040
HEY! EMILY!
111
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,651
THIS IS ZACK,
FROM MY HOME EC. CLASS.
112
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:05,653
AND THIS IS OUR BABY.
113
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:09,439
HOME EC.
IS GETTING EXCITING.
114
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:12,964
IN MY DAY, WE MADE TOAST.
115
00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:15,402
IT'’S NOT A REAL BABY,
GRANDPA BERNIE.
116
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:16,794
IT'’S A SIMULATOR BABY.
117
00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:18,405
WE'’RE TAKING CARE OF IT
FOR A CLASS IN SCHOOL.
118
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,623
YEAH, THE CLASS IS CALLED
119
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:22,104
"INTRO TO DON'’T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT."
120
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:24,367
IT'’S PROGRAMMED TO BEHAVE
JUST LIKE A REAL ONE.
121
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,502
THAT MEANS HE'’S HAPPY.
122
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,416
AREN'’T YOU HAPPY?
123
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,026
YES, YOU ARE!
YES, YOU ARE!
124
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:35,117
HE'’S THE LUCKIEST BABY
IN CLASS.
125
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:37,249
WHOSE BABY IS THAT?
HE'’S SO CUTE.
126
00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:38,338
THIS IS GRANDPA BERNIE'’S.
127
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,166
NO, REALLY.
128
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:43,865
OH, REALLY?
129
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:47,477
YEP.
I MADE IT MYSELF.
130
00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:50,262
THIS IS BERNIE JR.
HERE YA GO.
131
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:53,614
NO, I'’M GOOD.
132
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,050
OH, TIME FOR A BOTTLE.
133
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,834
LET'’S DO THIS.
134
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,317
CAN I FEED YOUR DOLL?
135
00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:03,885
SORRY, JANIE.
THIS IS NOT A DOLL.
136
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:05,452
YEAH, SHE WON'’T LET ME
HOLD IT EITHER.
137
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:06,670
UH, THAT'’S RIGHT.
138
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,280
BECAUSE WHEN JANIE
WAS A BABY,
139
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,544
BUTTERFINGERS OVER HERE
USED TO DROP HER ALL THE TIME.
140
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:13,547
- I DON'’T REMEMBER THAT.
- ME NEITHER.
141
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:18,073
I DON'’T REMEMBER
A LOT OF STUFF.
142
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:20,162
WELL, EMILY,
I'’M A LOT OLDER NOW,
143
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,293
AND MY HANDS
ARE A LOT GRIPPIER.
144
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,431
SMOOTH.
LIKE BUTTER.
145
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:31,565
- YOU'’VE GOT GREAT KIDS, DAVID.
- THANK YOU.
146
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,610
I MEAN, I GOT A LOT OF DREAMS
FOR THIS GUY.
147
00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:37,919
TOP OF THE LIST IS THAT
BERNIE JR. IS OUTTA DIAPERS
148
00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:41,662
BEFORE BERNIE SR. IS IN THEM.
149
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:43,620
WELL, BERNIE, YOU JUST NEED
TO RELAX A LITTLE BIT.
150
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,448
YOU KNOW, I'’LL TELL YOU.
WHY DON'’T YOU DO THIS?
151
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,581
WHY DON'’T YOU TAKE CHRISTINE,
PICK A NIGHT, GO TO DINNER.
152
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:49,713
AMY AND I WILL WATCH LITTLE--
- CHRISTINE!
153
00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:52,194
DAVID'’S GONNA TAKE THE BABY!
154
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,065
DAVID'’S DOING WHAT NOW?
155
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,545
OH, THAT'’S SO SWEET,
BUT WE CAN'’T.
156
00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:58,722
WE CAN'’T,
YET WE'’RE GONNA.
157
00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:01,377
- GO.
- THANK YOU, AMY.
158
00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:05,250
OH, I LOVE YOU,
MY LITTLE ANGEL, MM!
159
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,166
AND I LOVE YOU TOO,
MY LITTLE ANGEL.
160
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,908
GO, GO, GO!
161
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:18,873
YOU WERE RIGHT, MOMMY.
HE TOTALLY LOVES THAT TOY.
162
00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:21,136
MM, JUST LIKE YOU WERE, SWEETIE.
163
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:24,269
SO FASCINATED
BY ALL THE SOUNDS IT MAKES.
164
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,274
THIS THING CRACKS ME UP.
165
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:32,974
THEY'’RE SO CUTE AT THIS AGE.
166
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,758
OKAY, YOU,
TIME FOR BED, YOU.
167
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,456
COME ON,
JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES.
168
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,067
I THINK SHE MEANT ME.
169
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:42,723
- GOOD NIGHT.
- IT'’S GETTING KIND OF LATE.
170
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:45,247
I WONDER WHERE CHRISTINE
AND BERNIE ARE.
171
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,118
THEY'’RE FINE.
THEY'’RE PROBABLY ON THEIR WAY.
172
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:49,120
YOU THINK
THEY'’LL LET ME KEEP THIS?
173
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,210
WHAT?
THEY'’RE NOT PAYING US.
174
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,430
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
175
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,476
EMILY THINKS
I HAVE BUTTERFINGERS?
176
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,912
WELL, WATCH
THESE BUTTERFINGERS
177
00:07:57,912 --> 00:07:59,783
HACK PAST
THE HIGH SCHOOL'’S FIREWALL
178
00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:01,481
AND INTO THE ROBOT BABY SOFTWARE
179
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:05,659
AND TURN IT INTO
EMILY'’S WORST NIGHTMARE.
180
00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:09,445
ALL I UNDERSTOOD WAS
"EMILY'’S WORST NIGHTMARE."
181
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:12,361
SO I'’M IN.
182
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:15,016
OOH! HANG ON, HANG ON.
183
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,452
HELLO?
184
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:20,021
HEY!
BERNIE, YOU GUYS HAVING FUN?
185
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,675
HUH? OH--
186
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:24,242
HE HAD A LITTLE BIT
TOO MUCH TO DRINK.
187
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,070
HE THINKS WE'’RE MAD.
HE'’S FEELING GUILTY.
188
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:29,160
NO--NO, NO, BERN--
BERNIE, NO, DO NOT DRIVE.
189
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,684
DON'’T WORRY, OKAY?
190
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:33,600
AMY AND I, WE'’LL TAKE CARE
OF LITTLE BERNIE--
191
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,864
HELLO?
192
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:41,042
GUESS HE WASN'’T
FEELING THAT GUILTY.
193
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,260
NO, HE WAS.
YOU SHOULD'’VE HEARD HIM.
194
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,914
HE WAS LIKE...
195
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,046
"DAVID, I FEEL SO BAD.
196
00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:47,614
"THEY HAD THIS THING
WITH THE SMALL GLASSES
197
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,747
"AND THE SALT AND THE LIME,
AND IT WAS CRAZY!
198
00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:52,619
BUT I FEEL BAD
FOR YOU, DAVID."
199
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,362
LOOK,
ALL RIGHT, HERE'’S THE THING.
200
00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:59,016
THE HARD PART IS DONE.
201
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,583
GO TO BED.
I'’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
202
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:01,758
OKAY.
203
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:02,933
DAVID...
204
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,500
I'’M GOING UP THAT THING
205
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,850
THAT LEADS ME TO THE PLACE
FOR SLEEPING.
206
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,939
ALL RIGHT?
I'’LL SEE YOU LATER.
207
00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:10,854
GOOD NIGHT.
208
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:13,596
OKAY, OKAY.
SHH. SHH.
209
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:16,077
I DON'’T GET IT.
I CHANGED HIM, I FED HIM.
210
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:18,166
IT'’S LIKE HE'’S SUDDENLY
GONE HAYWIRE.
211
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,863
IF IT KEEPS CRYING,
IT'’S GONNA WAKE UP MY BABY.
212
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,953
OH!
213
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:32,093
YEAH, HEY, BERNIE.
IT'’S DAVID AGAIN.
214
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:33,616
JUST WONDERING
WHEN YOU'’RE GONNA PICK UP
215
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,487
YOUR LITTLE
BUNDLE OF JOY.
216
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,144
YOU HEAR THAT?
217
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,711
THAT'’S BERNIE JR. SAYING,
"COME HOME SOON,
218
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:46,324
BECAUSE UNCLE DAVID
IS GETTING CRANKY."
219
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:48,109
I WAS UP EVERY HOUR
ON THE HOUR
220
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,198
WITH THIS SCREAM MACHINE.
221
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:51,982
JOIN THE CLUB!
222
00:09:51,982 --> 00:09:56,465
DADDY, WHATEVER I DID
AS A BABY, I APOLOGIZE.
223
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:58,815
JUST MAKE IT STOP!
224
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,861
IT'’S LIKE IT'’S PROGRAMMED
TO TORTURE ME.
225
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,863
NICE WORK.
226
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:09,130
HEY, MAYBE HE'’S HUNGRY.
I HEATED UP SOME MILK.
227
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:10,653
WAIT, KEVIN, NO.
228
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,089
YOU HAVE TO TEST THE TEMPERATURE
OF THAT FOR THE BABY
229
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:13,438
SO IT'’S NOT TOO HOT.
230
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,486
JUST RIGHT.
231
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,141
ON YOUR ARM!
232
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:23,100
GIMME THE BOTTLE.
MOVE OVER, MOVE OVER.
233
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,363
COME ON, LITTLE--
LITTLE BERNIE.
234
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:27,670
HERE WE GO, COME ON.
COME ON!
235
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:28,802
LITTLE MILK.
236
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:32,762
COME ON, HERE WE GO.
237
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,459
IT'’S NOT WORKING.
NOT WORKING.
238
00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:38,289
TAKE THE BOTTLE.
239
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:41,162
WAIT, KEEP GO--
240
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,511
WAIT, KEVIN.
DON'’T STOP, KEVIN.
241
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,905
KEEP GOING.
IT'’S WORKING, IT'’S WORKING!
242
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:46,123
GO! GO!
243
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:50,606
YES!
IT'’S WORKING.
244
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:53,827
AND--
AND TURN!
245
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:57,091
OKAY, THERE WE GO.
246
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,658
THERE WE GO.
247
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,485
OKAY.
248
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:02,879
OOH.
249
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:08,058
AH!
250
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:10,800
MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE
TAKEN SHIFTS.
251
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,106
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
252
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,847
OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.
253
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,675
LET'’S TRY JAZZ HANDS.
254
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:20,505
WAH!
SEE, HE LIKES THAT.
255
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,594
HERE WE GO.
256
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,600
OH, YES!
MARCUS...
257
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,124
PLEASE TELL ME
BERNIE SHOWED UP, MARCUS.
258
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,691
LOOK, I AM NO LONGER
IN THE BUSINESS
259
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:32,604
OF TELLING YOU
WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR,
260
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:33,997
SO, NO, HE DID NOT.
261
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:41,178
- OH, THAT KID IS RELENTLESS.
- THAT'’S NOT BERNIE JR.
262
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:48,795
KEVIN! WHAT'’S WRONG?
263
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:52,494
DAVID, THIS THING
HAS BEEN CRYING
264
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:56,063
FROM THE MOMENT YOU WENT
TO GET THE KIDS UNTIL RIGHT NOW.
265
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,979
HE BROKE ME, DAVID.
HE BROKE ME!
266
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,246
OH! BERNIE!
267
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,987
BEFORE YOU SAY
YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT ME,
268
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,815
I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU
I AM FINE.
269
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,034
WELL, WE WEREN'’T FINE.
270
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,514
I'’M SORRY.
I'’M SORRY.
271
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,689
BUT YOU WERE RIGHT.
272
00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:15,517
I NEEDED TO CLEAR MY HEAD.
273
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:16,866
GOOD, I'’M RELIEVED.
274
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,172
I JUST THOUGHT FOR SURE
YOU WERE ON A BEACH
275
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,130
IN COSTA RICA
WEARING A FAKE BEARD,
276
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,480
INSISTING EVERYBODY CALL YOU
"EL PRESIDENTE."
277
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,135
DON'’T WORRY ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.
278
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:27,311
BECAUSE OF YOU,
I AM IN A VERY GOOD PLACE.
279
00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:32,099
I ACTUALLY GOT MY BEAUTIFUL
CHRISTINE A MANI-PEDI...
280
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:34,884
WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS.
281
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:37,974
THERE'’S MY LITTLE GUY.
HOW YOU DOING?
282
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:41,151
MISSED YOUR DADDY-WADDY?
HI!
283
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:43,197
THAT IS JUST LIKE YOU!
284
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:44,502
IF I KNEW
WHY IT WAS CRYING,
285
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,982
DON'’T YOU THINK
I WOULD TELL YOU?
286
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:48,028
OKAY, SO NOW OUR SON
IS AN "IT"?
287
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,507
I JUST NEED A BREAK, EMILY.
288
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:51,640
YOU DON'’T GET A BREAK, ZACHARY.
289
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,251
EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UP,
THAT BABY IS THERE.
290
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:56,558
DAY IN, DAY OUT,
291
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:59,387
WEEK AFTER WEEK,
292
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:02,738
YEAR AFTER YEAR!
293
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:05,045
SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING,
MY LIFE'’S OVER?
294
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,829
GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THIS IS--WHAT'’S WRONG WITH YOU?
295
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,223
THIS IS A THREE-DAY
SCHOOL PROJECT.
296
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:10,659
I DON'’T GET IT.
WHAT'’S WITH THE DRAMA?
297
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,617
RIGHT, BERNIE?
298
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:20,277
OH, HEY, MARCUS,
YOU SEEN BERNIE?
299
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:22,627
WELL, HE CAME IN
MUMBLING SOMETHING ABOUT...
300
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:27,545
"I'’M OLD, I'’M TIRED,
I BLAME DAVID FOR EVERYTHING."
301
00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,852
DADDY,
WHERE'’S GRANDPA BERNIE GOING?
302
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:32,463
WHAT THE HECK?
303
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:43,300
NOW THAT'’S HOW YOU USE
A TRAMPOLINE, JOE.
304
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,221
SO BERNIE CAME BACK
AND THEN ABANDONED HIS BABY
305
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,528
BY DOING A TRIPLE LINDY
OVER THE WALL.
306
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:56,009
YEAH, AND AMAZINGLY,
HE STUCK THE LANDING.
307
00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:57,619
GOT IT.
308
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,404
WHAT I DON'’T UNDERSTAND
IS WHAT THOSE TWO ARE DOING.
309
00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,624
WELL, FIRST,
THEY WERE GOING AFTER BERNIE,
310
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,495
BUT NOW THEY'’RE JUST
TRYING TO PROVE
311
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:07,977
THAT IF A 70-YEAR-OLD CAN DO IT,
THEY CAN DO IT.
312
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:09,413
ONE MORE TIME, BABY,
YOU CAN DO IT!
313
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:17,726
OKAY, LET'’S GO.
314
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,946
DO WE HAVE TO?
315
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:22,296
ZACHARY,
PART OF OUR ASSIGNMENT
316
00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,515
IS TO GO OUT IN PUBLIC
WITH OUR BABY.
317
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:25,952
AND YOU WERE THE ONE
318
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,170
WHO PROMISED
YOUR IDIOT FRIEND CHAD
319
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,389
THAT WE'’D MEET HIM
FOR PIZZA.
320
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:32,741
- EMILY, I AM EXHA--
- EXCITED?
321
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,264
'’CAUSE I KNOW YOU WEREN'’T
GOING TO SAY "EXHAUSTED."
322
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:39,661
FINE.
323
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,184
FORGETTING SOMETHING?
324
00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:44,013
WHAT IT'’S LIKE
TO BE FREE?
325
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,233
THE BABY.
326
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,626
SAME THING.
327
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:56,852
HEY, I'’M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT
KEVIN MADE IT OVER THE WALL.
328
00:14:56,852 --> 00:15:01,117
UNLIKE BERNIE, HOWEVER,
HE DID NOT STICK THAT LANDING.
329
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:02,510
THINK, HONEY, THINK.
330
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:03,859
YOU WORKED WITH HIM
FOR TEN YEARS.
331
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:05,469
WHERE WOULD HE GO?
WHERE WOULD BERNIE BE?
332
00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:07,341
I THINK
I FOUND THE ANSWER.
333
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:09,560
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE WALL,
334
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,259
I DISCOVERED A COUPON
FOR A REUBEN SANDWICH
335
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:16,437
AND THAT THE FAZIOS'’S CAT
DOES NOT LIKE SURPRISES.
336
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,483
IS THERE A DRAFT IN HERE?
337
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,356
UH, UH, UH, KEVIN,
LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT THAT, MAN.
338
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,358
- YEAH, IT'’S LIKE A--
- YEAH.
339
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:29,102
AH. YEAH, FELDY'’S DELI.
THAT'’S RIGHT.
340
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,278
BERNIE LOVES THIS PLACE.
HE'’S ALWAYS HERE.
341
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:32,583
YEAH, IT MAKES SENSE.
342
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,063
IF YOU'’RE GONNA RUN OFF
TO COSTA RICA,
343
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,151
YOU DON'’T WANNA DO IT
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
344
00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:36,805
WHY WOULD HE BE
IN COSTA RICA?
345
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:40,896
I DON'’T KNOW.
346
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:43,420
ALL I KNOW IS I BETTER FIND HIM
BEFORE CHRISTINE FINDS OUT
347
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,813
THAT EL PRESIDENTE'’S
ON THE RUN.
348
00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:46,467
WHO?
349
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,599
I DON'’T KNOW.
350
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:52,038
HEY, THIS IS
FOR TEN BUCKS OFF.
351
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:53,343
I'’M KEEPING THIS.
352
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,520
WHERE'’S MY WALLET?
353
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,044
OKAY.
354
00:15:58,044 --> 00:15:59,697
I'’M EVEN WITH BERNIE,
355
00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:02,744
BUT NOW I'’VE GOT A SCORE
TO SETTLE WITH MITTENS FAZIO.
356
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,050
ALL RIGHT, I'’M OFF.
357
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:11,622
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LITTLE GUY.
LET'’S GO.
358
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:21,806
YOUR TURN.
359
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,199
I DON'’T CARE
IF WE FAIL, EMILY.
360
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:24,244
JUST SHOVE HIM
UNDER THE TABLE.
361
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:25,854
I CAN'’T DEAL
WITH THAT THING.
362
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,943
I'’VE NEVER GOTTEN
ANYTHING LESS THAN A "B"
363
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:31,207
AND THIS BABY IS GONNA
GET ME AN "F."
364
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:34,602
UNLESS...
365
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,647
A WAITRESS WALKED BY
366
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:40,216
AND ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED
THIS PITCHER OF SODA
367
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,653
ON THE BABY,
368
00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,264
SHORTING IT OUT.
369
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,701
I'’M IN.
370
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,442
DO IT.
371
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:51,488
ALL RIGHT,
ON THE COUNT OF THREE.
372
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,578
ONE, TWO--
373
00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:56,928
WHOA! DUDES!
374
00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,756
THAT IS TOTALLY NOT OKAY.
375
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:01,759
DON'’T WASTE
A PERFECTLY GOOD SODA.
376
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:04,023
IT WON'’T STOP CRYING, CHAD.
377
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,287
I GOT THIS.
BABIES LOVE CHAD.
378
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:13,510
YOU SEE?
379
00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:20,691
AWW, AWW, LITTLE BRO!
380
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,565
OH, SMELLS LIKE
YOU JUST WHIPPED UP
381
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,915
A FRESH BATCH
OF COMPUTER DOODERS.
382
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,134
UGH!
383
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:30,440
CHAD OUT.
- WAIT.
384
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,618
THOSE ARE NOT
COMPUTER DOODERS.
385
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,664
REAL DOODERS, REAL DOODERS,
REAL DOODERS!
386
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:37,882
WHAT?
387
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:41,843
REAL BABY, REAL BABY,
REAL BABY!
388
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:48,458
{\an8}♪ UNO, DOS,
CHA, CHA, CHA! ♪
389
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:50,808
- BERNIE.
- {\an8}NO HABLA INGLES.
390
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,419
CHA, CHA, CHA.
391
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:54,203
BERNIE, BERNIE,
I KNOW IT'’S YOU.
392
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:55,900
I SMELL THE REUBEN
393
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,990
AND YOU GOT YOUR NAME, "BERNIE,"
WRITTEN ON YOUR TO-GO BAG.
394
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:01,645
YOU CAN'’T JUST TAKE OFF
LIKE THIS.
395
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,343
SURE, I CAN.
396
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,084
IF THERE'’S A TRAMPOLINE
AT THE MEXICAN BORDER,
397
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,389
I'’M AS GOOD AS GONE.
398
00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:08,783
NO!
BERNIE, BERNIE, COME ON.
399
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:12,526
CHRISTINE NEEDS YOU.
YOUR BABY NEEDS YOU.
400
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:15,398
CHRISTINE IS YOUNG.
SHE'’LL FIND ANOTHER GUY.
401
00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:18,619
AND BERNIE'’S A BABY.
402
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,316
AT THIS POINT,
HE DON'’T KNOW WHO I AM.
403
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:24,407
IF I LEAVE NOW,
HE'’LL NEVER REMEMBER ME.
404
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:28,803
HEY, IT'’S FOR THE BEST.
405
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:30,761
YOU THINK I'’M A BAD FATHER?
- WELL--
406
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,415
LOOK AT THIS MORON.
407
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:33,764
HE'’S DRIVING OFF WITH A BABY
ON THE TRUNK OF HIS CAR.
408
00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:36,593
NO! THAT'’S YOUR KID!
NO!
409
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:38,769
BERNIE JR.!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
410
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:41,642
STOP THE CAR!
411
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,470
STOP THE--
LOOK IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR!
412
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,516
BABY HALF-ON-BOARD!
413
00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:47,430
OH!
414
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,781
NO! WAIT! NO!
415
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,043
TURN THE...
416
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,349
ENGINE OFF BEFORE THE...
417
00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:55,482
BABY FALLS!
418
00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:57,223
STOP!
419
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,094
I KNEW IT.
I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
420
00:18:59,094 --> 00:19:01,009
OF COURSE.
421
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:02,097
WHO COULDN'’T HAVE FORESEEN
A CONSTRUCTION CRANE
422
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:06,057
DANGLING THEIR CHILD
HIGH ABOVE THE STREET?
423
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:08,451
I GOT THIS, DAVID.
424
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,975
HOLD MY REUBEN.
425
00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:25,903
WAS I CLOSE?
426
00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:30,081
TO WHERE YOU STARTED.
427
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:34,085
THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY.
428
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:36,000
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY.
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY!
429
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,438
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY!
- THAT'’S THE FAKE BABY!
430
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:41,571
THEN WHERE'’S MY KID?
431
00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:45,662
- OH, EMILY!
- MY BABY!
432
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:46,881
OH, MY BABY!
433
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:49,013
I AM SO SORRY,
GRANDPA BERNIE.
434
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:52,191
I DID NOT MEAN TO TAKE
A LIVE HUMAN BEING.
435
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:56,064
DON'’T WORRY, SWEETHEART.
IT WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST.
436
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,500
YEAH, YEAH.
437
00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,329
THANKS FOR TAKING CARE
OF BERNIE JR.
438
00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:01,896
HE REALLY IS A GREAT BABY,
GRANDPA BERNIE.
439
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:03,680
HE IS, HE IS.
440
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,509
AND I NEVER THOUGHT
I'’D BE SO EXCITED
441
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,642
TO SEE HIM.
442
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:09,860
HEY!
443
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,297
I DON'’T KNOW WHAT I'’D DO
444
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:12,950
IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM.
445
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,604
WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD...
446
00:20:14,604 --> 00:20:16,432
WHERE THE WORRYING
NEVER STOPS.
447
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,695
I'’M GONNA BE OKAY,
RIGHT, DAVID?
448
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,044
YEAH.
COME ON.
449
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,785
BERNIE, YOU "RAISED" ME
FOR TEN YEARS,
450
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:23,744
AND LOOK AT ME,
I'’M FINE.
451
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:24,701
YOU'’RE GONNA BE AMAZING.
452
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,882
BERNIE?
453
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:34,189
BERNIE!
BERN--
454
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:35,495
- GOTCHA!
- OH!
455
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:37,366
DOH! COME ON!
456
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,412
YOUR DAD
HAS STILL GOT IT.
457
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:41,457
DON'’T DO THAT!
32056
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