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1
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,093
Hey, Rick!
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,471
Need me for any adventures?
3
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,015
Adventures? Remember those?
4
00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:19,728
Not right now, Morty!
But definitely next week though.
5
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:23,022
You been saying that a while now buddy,
so I think I’m gonna give
6
00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:26,651
you a little nudge by cashing
in a few of these bad boys.
7
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,154
We’re still doing the punch card system?
8
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:32,157
Never stopped.
Read ’em and weep.
9
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:36,119
Fully punched cards, each entitling
me to an adventure of my choosing.
10
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,663
- I don’t make the rules.
- I do, you little gremlin.
11
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,582
And I definitely did
not stamp all these.
12
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,667
You never remember to stamp the
cards, you’re always drunk.
13
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,419
I didn’t know we were still doing this!
14
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:47,088
This stinks to high heaven Morty,
I’m not accepting these.
15
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:50,049
I knew you were going to do this.
So I got receipts, bitch.
16
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:51,217
I kept notes.
17
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,635
This is gibberish.
18
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,638
"Isle of the Mortysaurs"?
"Takes One to Know One"?
19
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,140
I make up titles for each adventure.
20
00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,143
You did the same thing for that MS
readathon at your school, Morty
21
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:00,977
and you didn’t read shit.
22
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:03,188
It’s okay to lie when you’re
fighting Multiple Sclerosis!
23
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,231
Or when you think you won’t get caught!
24
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,524
How are you going to catch me?
25
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,819
You done and did it now, little man.
That’s your ass.
26
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,822
Don’t grift a grifter, Morty.
I got friends in cosmic places.
27
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,991
I need an audit.
28
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,952
Right!
You were already watching.
29
00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,913
- I’ll come get you.
- What is this?
30
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,500
I am The Observer!
31
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,668
You’re so busted.
Look at your face, you’re so fucked.
32
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,879
I Observe All!
33
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,547
They observe all, Morty.
34
00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,883
- Cosmic allseeing species.
- So?
35
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,385
So, they’re basically
universal police body-cams but
36
00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,429
you can’t turn them off before
you beat a minority.
37
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,848
Or in your case,
before you cook the adventure books!
38
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,767
- I don’t do that!
- We gonna find out!
39
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,478
I’m here for this!
40
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,847
I bet a solid seventy percent
of these are bullshit.
41
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,641
Quit your bitching and do the audit,
I got nothing to hide!
42
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,643
{\an8}Alright, Observer!
Gimme "Truth or Dare".
43
00:02:24,143 --> 00:02:26,062
{\an8}- Christ! These names, Morty.
- It’s shorthand!
44
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:31,526
{\an8}I have observed it!
Now gaze upon me and so shall you...
45
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,073
{\an8}Two attack patterns
and a giant glowing weak spot
46
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,493
{\an8}- Legend of Zelda tutorial-ass bullshit.
- I thought it was kind of fun.
47
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,371
{\an8}Halt! Unidentified adventurers.
48
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,832
{\an8}We are the guardians of this sanctuary.
49
00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:50,044
{\an8}One of us tells only truths,
the other, only lies.
50
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,088
{\an8}- You ever fucked this guy’s wife?
- Yes.
51
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,258
{\an8}Well, how about that, he guessed right.
52
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,093
{\an8}I forgive you!
53
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,470
{\an8}- Oh shit!
- Alright, next room.
54
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,555
{\an8}No, I wanna watch.
55
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:03,933
{\an8}Did you see how one of them lied?
56
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,269
{\an8}Fine! I’ll call that one legit,
I’m not here to nitpick,
57
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,937
{\an8}I’m here to find blatant fraud.
58
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:10,106
{\an8}Okay!
Show me "Late Night Western".
59
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:17,113
{\an8}Morty! Take me drive me,
wan go western bacon.
60
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,698
{\an8}Morty western bacon now.
61
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,457
{\an8}- Before you say anything...
- I knew it! Busted!
62
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,125
{\an8}You’re banned from that Carls Jr!
63
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,502
{\an8}That doesn’t make the drive-thru
an adventure, Morty. Invalid.
64
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,589
{\an8}Sounds like it’s anyone’s game!
65
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:38,051
{\an8}Well, no!
It’s not a bet, it’s an audit.
66
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,511
{\an8}Observer, show us
"Maximum Overdrivewith Clothes"
67
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,185
{\an8}At least this is better than cars,
cars can run you over.
68
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,273
{\an8}Okay, no, this is worse.
69
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,568
{\an8}- Adventure, suck it.
- Alright, fine.
70
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,820
{\an8}How about "Whistlering Dixie".
71
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,578
{\an8}Whistler! Whattaya got to tag and
bag these bastards?
72
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:09,666
{\an8}Made this little puppy after
I bagged my first neck-rophiliac.
73
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,418
{\an8}Double action triggers pumping out
14 hundred kilos
74
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,128
{\an8}of holy water per square inch.
75
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:18,216
{\an8}This old girl’s got dry-aged,
Sicilian garlic expelling out at
76
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:23,471
{\an8}32 hundred feet per second,
is swaddled by 5200 Solar-joules
77
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:26,975
{\an8}of raw ultraviolet.
And she’s only getting started,
78
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,310
{\an8}I’m talking
crucifix-shaped Chinese stars,
79
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,270
{\an8}mirror-tipped wooden stakes, and a...
80
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,398
What? Hello?
Guys?
81
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,527
Morty, that was just an old man
rambling at us.
82
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,444
People died!
83
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,947
So, by your logic,
9/11 was an adventure?
84
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,198
Tweet it, see who agrees.
85
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:45,243
- Very well! Bear witness to 9/11!
- What?
86
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:48,621
Dude, don’t, just you need to let
us throw to the stuff, okay?
87
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,040
What’s next?
What the hell is "Leg Day"?
88
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,044
Hey look, Morty!
I’m a leg!
89
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,715
A leg, Morty!
I’m Leg Rick!
90
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,800
Okay! I’ll give you that last one.
91
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,012
- What? I mean I’ll take it but...
- Hey Morty! Check this out.
92
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,722
That’s clearly unlicensed.
93
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,724
- License this!
- Wait, what are you doing?
94
00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:11,436
Hey Smith, you look hungry!
How about some knuckle pie?
95
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,815
Jeez. Rick’s implants.
96
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,067
Big Doug... get the truck.
97
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,820
I’ve never felt so alive!
98
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,578
Man.
99
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:07,784
- Turn back into a boat!
- I’m trying!
100
00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:12,538
- I’m trying!
- Big Doug!
101
00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,042
Big Doug, no.
102
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,088
There’s my guy! Come on!
The hamsters turned on me, Morty.
103
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,089
We gotta go.
104
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,717
- R.I.P, Big Doug!
- Wasn’t even in that one!
105
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,970
Who cares, it wasn’t even on my list.
This guy just cued it up!
106
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,640
Speaking of cues,
what about all those times
107
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,226
- you two misunderstood each other?
- Wait, what?
108
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,727
Are you setting up a series of them?
109
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:38,940
Trust me! The key is grouping them
with thematic connections.
110
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,487
I just want to talk to Morty in private,
about something unrelated.
111
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,405
We’ll be right back.
112
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,992
Okay, this guy might
have been kind of a mistake.
113
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,369
He’s really, like, aggressive.
114
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,497
He’s steamrolling us. He thinks
he’s hosting a fucking clip show.
115
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,332
- And I don’t like his voice.
- I don’t like his voice.
116
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,625
I don’t like that he’s doing jokes,
117
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,127
I don’t like that he’s
talking down to you.
118
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,879
Thank you. Okay.
Let’s rethink this.
119
00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,673
I still don’t trust these,
but I’ll accept these cards
120
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,842
- at 70 cents on the dollar.
- Done. Fair.
121
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,593
How do we get rid of him?
122
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,887
I’ll just pay the asshole and
tell him he did a great job.
123
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:11,889
He thinks he’s hosting a fucking
clip show.
124
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,683
- And I don’t like his voice.
- I don’t like his voice.
125
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,976
I don’t like that he’s doing jokes
126
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,060
- Okay, well, that’s...
- I don’t like that...
127
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,354
that’s on us.
Should have seen that coming.
128
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,939
Seeing is more my thing.
129
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,399
Well, then you know
he’s about to pay you.
130
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,026
And "tell me I did a great job"?
131
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,487
Fine! You caught us.
We secretly think you suck.
132
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,615
Here’s twice what I owe you,
that’s how little conversation
133
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,075
we want to have about you leaving.
134
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,744
I have never seen two bigger assholes!
135
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:37,206
- And I see all assholes!
- Then you can see yours out.
136
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,541
Bye.
137
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:41,836
Christ.
138
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,472
Shit! Hot, so hot.
139
00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,725
Gotta start in the middle,
statistically the coolest.
140
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,394
You won’t find
a carb on my plate, Morty.
141
00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,229
- I’m all about that keto.
- No!
142
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,898
- Is that a fucking...
- Clip?
143
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,692
I’m a fats man.
Gimme all the fats!
144
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,195
That burrito looks pretty carby!
145
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,322
- This fucking guy.
- That’s your move?
146
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,491
Diet shaming? Just take the L, man!
This is embarrassing.
147
00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:15,203
I’ll show you embarrassing!
148
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,916
Do it, Morty! It’s the only way
to save the universe!
149
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,251
How? How is it the only way?
150
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:26,005
Morty, I’m dying!
It’s up to you.
151
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,428
- Rick!
- What the hell are you doing?
152
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,932
Saving the universe! I think!
Right, Rick?
153
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:45,358
- This guy's nuts!
- Screw you, Morty.
154
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,693
What the hell?
You told me I was a hero!
155
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,946
- You were that night.
- What the hell’s going on?
156
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,865
Is that angry stone playing...
video-clips?
157
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,785
It’s some weirdo Grandpa hired
to prove I’m a bad person.
158
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,621
Turns out people that take that job
aren’t fun to be around.
159
00:08:58,996 --> 00:08:59,956
Get out of here!
160
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:04,293
Sidewalk’s public property, bro!
I can observe all I want from here!
161
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,630
This isn’t our problem, Dad.
Please make this loud thing go away.
162
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,507
I was studying for a test.
163
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,591
No, you weren’t!
164
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,385
Fucking rock asshole.
165
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,511
Now you’ve done it!
166
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:17,640
As they’ve shamed me,
so shall I now shame you!
167
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,813
Mom? Are you drinking wine in there?
168
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,482
No! I’m shitting.
169
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,901
Bitch, I know the sound of a toilet
lid moving.
170
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:30,903
Two birds, one stone.
171
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,738
More embarrassing for Mom than me.
172
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,992
- I wasn’t lying, I was going to shit.
- What’s going on here?
173
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,703
Cosmic being playing
embarrassing clips out of spite?
174
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:39,954
Damn, Jerry. Nailed it.
175
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,998
I was watching from the upstairs window.
176
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,916
Well, watch this, loser!
177
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,461
Morty, I’m throwing out some stuff
from our last couple adventures,
178
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,006
- you got any use for this diamond?
- Nope. I’m good.
179
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,181
This is gonna be fine.
180
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,688
I’m sorry!
I can’t stop once I start!
181
00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,525
Whatever!
Everyone knows I’m embarrassing,
182
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,403
- I’m bulletproof.
- Oh my God, this is so sad.
183
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:15,531
Not as sad as you after this!
184
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,452
{\an8}The so called "Hottie Snatchers"
have spread to Canada and Mexico,
185
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,621
{\an8}grabbing the most attractive residents
and taking them god knows where.
186
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:26,542
{\an8}All Americans, even sub-sevens,
are advised to stay indoors.
187
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,377
{\an8}You certainly
wouldn’t be safe out there.
188
00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:29,879
{\an8}Not on the air, Michael.
189
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,672
BRB, bathroom.
190
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:33,966
I need to know!
191
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,183
It’s okay, It’s not real!
They’re just doing it at random!
192
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,728
Is everything okay? I heard a...
193
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,568
You too?
It’s not so bad once you get used to it.
194
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,697
I don’t deserve this,
I just walked downstairs.
195
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,574
Okay, well if Dad’s
just gonna stand here,
196
00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,285
should I do something?
Unless that somehow tees me up.
197
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,286
Walked right into it!
198
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,706
This is our target, Dichotomus Daniel.
199
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,377
That was my chair.
200
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,546
- It was a fart.
- Birdperson always knows.
201
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,673
It’s true! He’s got that beak!
202
00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:15,966
Get lost, you piece of shit!
203
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,260
Why? So you can do stuff like this?
204
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,269
Morty!
205
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,272
I’m afraid the only way out
is through the bottom of this massive
206
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:31,315
vat of whale semen.
207
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,943
Well, that last one
was just for shock value.
208
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:34,985
Fuck this guy!
209
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:38,989
If you can’t take the heat,
get out of the watching'!
210
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,366
You suck!
211
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,327
Showing weird shit just cuz
we wouldn’t let you treat our lives
212
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,120
like a clip show!
213
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,663
- Get him Morty!
- Mess him up, little bro!
214
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,791
What? You gonna beat me up
like the piss guy?
215
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,126
Hey! Not cool!
216
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,378
Why don’t you tee up this clip
of me kicking your ass!
217
00:11:55,631 --> 00:12:02,096
I’m all rocks now!
I never saw this coming...
218
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,517
Shit!
These guys can die?
219
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,644
- I thought they were cosmic.
- You know what?
220
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,855
I say we leave this thing
in the street, deny any involvement
221
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,106
and just hope this blows over.
222
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,150
Unless, of course,
they play this exact clip
223
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,986
on a screen in front of a jury
with some kind of built-in bias.
224
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,406
As an observer,
I try to stay impartial,
225
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,825
but I am not seeing innocence.
226
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,911
- It’s not blowing over, Rick.
- I’d tell you to stay positive, Morty
227
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,663
but I do not like the looks
of that jury.
228
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,542
I can’t believe
we got ourselves into this mess
229
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,878
over something as petty
as what an adventure is...
230
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,173
I guess I can admit
I got a little loose with the stamps.
231
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,009
Gotcha! Can the stenographer read back
that confession, please?
232
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:43,512
Silence! The killing
of an observer is unforgivable.
233
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:47,224
We must now decide
whether to end your existence.
234
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,311
Your honor! If everyone here
has truly seen everything,
235
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,522
then you all know that my grandson and
I did this whole thing with giants.
236
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,191
Did what whole thing?
237
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:59,278
I will address that!
I’m your court appointed defender.
238
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:03,032
Your honor, observe the time
Rick and Morty did this with giants!
239
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:07,077
This is an open and shut case, Morty.
Y’know what do ya think is gonna happen,
240
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,787
some magical angel’s
gonna show up and...
241
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:12,124
Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the
violation of civil liberties!
242
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,835
The moments are practically identical,
your honor,
243
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:17,713
I move for a mistrial
on the grounds it bumps.
244
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,133
If the argument is that
Rick and Morty repeat their mistakes,
245
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,802
- the prosecution agrees!
- Oh God!
246
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:26,805
You sound just like the guy we killed. Allegedly.
247
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,557
That was my brother!
248
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,977
- I didn’t like his voice either!
- Well, this isn’t gonna help our case.
249
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,021
Neither will this next clip!
250
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,233
Morty! I made you a gorilla gun.
Pretty cool.
251
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,902
A gorilla gun?
Does this do what I think it does?
252
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,363
Where’s your lunch money, punk?
253
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:45,866
Lunch money? Are you sure you
wouldn’t rather have a banana?
254
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,996
I thought it
would turn him into a gorilla...
255
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,831
Why would you want
a bully to be a gorilla?
256
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:56,043
It was a gun that kills gorillas.
Please go easy on him,
257
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,003
this one’s on me
and it won’t happen again.
258
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,589
- Morty, this is a bully gun.
- Cool!
259
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:01,840
Any questions about it?
260
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,510
- Not really.
- Should be self-explanatory. Have fun.
261
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,596
- Give me your backpack.
- You trying to bully me?
262
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,100
Well, how are you going to bully...
another bully?
263
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,018
What are you doing?
264
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,692
I feel like this one’s not
entirely my fault.
265
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,194
- Okay, how do you feel?
- I’m okay.
266
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,863
I mean,
maybe just stop giving me guns, or...
267
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,950
Or make them less ambiguous, way
ahead of you. Here. Take this.
268
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:31,287
This is a gun,
and I want to be really specific here.
269
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,540
This is a gun that you only use
to shoot bad people.
270
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,208
- Are we clear?
- Okay, Rick.
271
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,587
- When are you going to use that?
- When I want to shoot a bad person.
272
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,588
Okay.
273
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,632
- I had a great time tonight, Jessica.
- Hey. Give me your money.
274
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,301
Why don’t you take this instead?
275
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,054
- Jeffrey Dahmer?
- Hi.
276
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,889
- What’s happening?
- I don’t know, just run.
277
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:56,353
Let the record show this bit
continued for several more guns.
278
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,981
What are we even guilty of in that one,
being kind of dumb?
279
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,483
For being dumb over and over!
280
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:06,488
But your honor, is that not
the definition of experimentation?
281
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,158
The foundation of science?
And are Rick and Morty
282
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:13,162
therefore not only not not learning,
but therefore actively learning?
283
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:14,830
Observe this example!
284
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,876
How long before Ben Franklin
comes back to life?
285
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,628
Holy shit! Yes!
286
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,088
Shit! He came back evil.
287
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,549
What do you think will happen
if we bury him again?
288
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:26,508
You don’t know?
289
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,053
This is my first time
using Pet Semetary soil, Morty.
290
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,889
I mean as long as
we’re asking questions...
291
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,557
We’ve been here so long my phone died.
292
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:36,435
- It’s not gonna charge your phone!
- So you can be curious and I can’t?
293
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,645
Fuck, you’re right.
294
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,856
We’re sitting on top of brand new
science here, let’s gather some data!
295
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,362
- Put your back into it, Morty!
- You think it’ll refill the tank?
296
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,655
Good pitch, Morty!
297
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,449
Okay! Let’s bury that kangaroo
from the waist down.
298
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,451
Holy shit! Will only his legs come back?
299
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,702
Who knows?
300
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,871
I’m having a great time with
you tonight, Morty!
301
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,415
- What’s that one?
- Ben Franklin!
302
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,125
Remember we tried wrapping him
303
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,669
in tin foil to see
if it’d shield him from the evil?
304
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:02,670
Oh yeah.
305
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,547
Fuck! It’s hot!
306
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:10,260
Jesus Christ!
It cooked him like a pig at a luau.
307
00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:13,514
- It’s so moist.
- Rick! That’s a guy!
308
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,391
Man, what is this place doing to us?
309
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,060
Is nothing sacred to you two?
310
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,604
What are these clips?
What are we even on trial for anymore?
311
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:24,358
What’s anyone on trial for, son?
Being good or evil.
312
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:28,070
Look, sure we can be irreverent
but we’re far from evil.
313
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:31,448
- We make more friends than enemies!
- Let’s run the tape on that one!
314
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,159
Rick, can you make my churros
come to life?
315
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,160
On it!
316
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,955
Hi! I’m Churry!
317
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,416
- Churry, do you want to have fun?
- Let’s go!
318
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,446
This has been the best time of my
life, Churry.
319
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,491
Okay, thanks Rick! You can turn
him back into a regular Churros now.
320
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,243
What?
I can’t turn him back.
321
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,662
You asked me to bring him to life.
Done!
322
00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,874
But he’s a churros, he doesn’t have
internal organs, a brain, etc.
323
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,418
in order to live, I had to make
him functionally immortal.
324
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,171
What?
325
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,804
My family!
326
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,556
Goodbye, Churry. I’ll miss you.
327
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:48,025
These are just regular churro?
Oh my God! No!
328
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:52,070
Mark my words, Morty.
I shall leave you as you left me.
329
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:55,991
On a barren planet.
Praying for death!
330
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,327
I’m starting to see
why this lawyer was free.
331
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,038
Okay! Well we never
intentionally hurt people.
332
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,206
We adventure!
333
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,416
Stuff goes wrong,
we don’t just murder for fun.
334
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,460
Here’s a clip about that topic!
335
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,589
I did it, Morty! I killed the versions
of us that were in Space Jam!
336
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,008
- Help me with the bodies!
- How you’d do it, Rick?
337
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,802
It was easy, Morty.
They welcomed death!
338
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:15,844
They wanted out,
Morty!
339
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:19,348
No! You don’t get it,
they begged me. It was a kindness!
340
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,559
- Was that helpful?
- It was for the prosecution!
341
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,729
- Okay, I’ve heard enough!
- No, you fucking haven’t.
342
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,440
If we’re about to die,
at least let us defend ourselves.
343
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,942
- The outrage!
- Seems iffy.
344
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,528
I’ll allow it. But no lolly gagging!
345
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,738
I only need one clip, your honor.
346
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:37,658
If it pleases the court,
hold on to your tits.
347
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,623
I’m a leg, Morty! You like that?
348
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,334
I know you do.
349
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,503
We already saw that one.
350
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,464
- No, that’s the other time I did it.
- That was your Hail Mary?
351
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:56,176
- I held onto my tits for nothing!
- That was mid!
352
00:18:56,176 --> 00:19:00,472
I hereby find Rick and Morty guilty!
Time to die!
353
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,608
- What in tarnation?
- Plot twist!
354
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,569
Whattaya expect?
You gave me access to your tech.
355
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,780
Look, I’m not saying we’re heroes
356
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,740
but in the two minutes
I’ve had access to your server
357
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,451
I can observe you’re no better.
Here, let’s see a clip.
358
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:28,375
Help! Please!
Oh my God! Please!
359
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:36,592
Absurd! If the Observer was in the clip,
who was watching?
360
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,593
Glad you asked!
361
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:39,303
Please!
362
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,099
Jesus Christ.
363
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,935
You can’t shame us for watching!
It’s who we are!
364
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,521
Right! And you’d never take
advantage of that.
365
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,734
Hot copies! Freshly watched!
I’ve got Avatar 3 through 6!
366
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:57,446
Friends and Family screening, the VFX
aren’t done, but they’re still blue!
367
00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:00,032
It’s not my fault I saw those
movies!
368
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,451
Yes! We observe,
it’s all we do!
369
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,161
It’s not all you do.
370
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,581
I’ll give you guys twenty dollars
to fight each other.
371
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,375
Money, money.
372
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,254
As it turns out, you do plenty!
You’re just as bad as us!
373
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,716
We’re not all bad,
I observe a couple of bad apples!
374
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,802
Who are you calling an apple?
Should we all observe
375
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,387
what you did with Tom’s wife?
376
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,599
Observe me harder! Harder!
377
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:29,311
I regret nothing, Tom!
The only thing you could never see
378
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,063
was what a treasure Nancy was.
379
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,649
- I’ll kill you!
- I’d like to observe you try!
380
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,696
Jeez, Rick!
People be fucking each other’s wives.
381
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:42,991
Marriage is a scam, Morty.
Let’s scram.
382
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,160
Wait! I still have more clips!
383
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,580
Morty, I appreciate
what you were trying to do
384
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,999
with the punch cards,
my whole groove thing.
385
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,835
Thanks. So is this a stamp?
386
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:55,796
Or you gonna make me count this
as my adventure?
387
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,714
How about we just ignore this one.
388
00:20:57,714 --> 00:20:59,424
Good call.
389
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,177
- Eighty cents on the dollar?
- Seventy five.
390
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:03,178
Done.
391
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,640
Whattaya say, Rick?
Fly through space, come upon something,
392
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,351
maybe I have a moral objection,
stuff gets messy
393
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,560
and you ultimately bail us out?
394
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,895
Let’s take it for a spin.
395
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,399
Rick and Morty! We’re back, baby!
Check the glove box!
396
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,317
Another gun!!
397
00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:52,436
Morty, see you at the frolf
mixer tomorrow?
398
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,979
Sure thing Jimmy.
399
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,899
I knew this day would come.
400
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:00,986
God!
401
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,365
Nice! Free Churros.
33195
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