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1
00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:27,686
Where's my suitcase?
2
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,857
Who stole the hair dryer?
3
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,483
Miss. Young lady!
4
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,569
Excuse me. Girls!
5
00:01:36,237 --> 00:01:38,572
Hey, little fella. Hey!
6
00:01:38,781 --> 00:01:41,116
Excuse me, girls. Girls!
7
00:01:41,951 --> 00:01:42,951
Hey, big fella!
8
00:01:43,119 --> 00:01:45,329
Help me make the beds
in the living room.
9
00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:46,705
Come on down here!
10
00:01:46,956 --> 00:01:48,874
Hey, son!
11
00:01:49,792 --> 00:01:53,128
Big fella.
Hey, little guy! Little guy!
12
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:57,299
Pete's brother
and his family are here.
13
00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:59,051
Trish is going to Montreal.
14
00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:01,803
Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
15
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,472
-Then we're off.
-When?
16
00:02:03,681 --> 00:02:05,974
-Tomorrow.
-You're not ready, are you?
17
00:02:06,601 --> 00:02:09,102
Uncle Frank won't let me
watch the movie...
18
00:02:09,312 --> 00:02:10,646
...but the big kids can.
19
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,147
Why can't I?
20
00:02:12,357 --> 00:02:13,523
I'm on the phone.
21
00:02:14,484 --> 00:02:16,610
When do you come back?
Not till then?
22
00:02:16,819 --> 00:02:19,655
It's not even rated R.
He's just being a jerk.
23
00:02:20,782 --> 00:02:23,367
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no...
24
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,202
...then it must be really bad.
25
00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:28,580
No, we put the dog in the kennel--
Hey, get off!
26
00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:29,998
Kevin, out of the room.
27
00:02:30,166 --> 00:02:32,501
Hang up the phone and make me,
why don't you?
28
00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:33,710
This kid.
29
00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:36,421
Did you pick up
a voltage adapter thing?
30
00:02:36,631 --> 00:02:38,173
No, I didn't have time.
31
00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:41,134
-Then how do I shave in France?
-Grow a goatee.
32
00:02:41,344 --> 00:02:43,512
Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.
33
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:48,016
I've got something, pick up those
Micro Machines that are all over.
34
00:02:48,184 --> 00:02:50,185
Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
35
00:02:50,395 --> 00:02:52,729
He was playing
with the glue gun again.
36
00:02:53,147 --> 00:02:54,231
We talked about that.
37
00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:57,526
Did I burn down the joint?
I don't think so.
38
00:02:57,694 --> 00:02:59,569
I made ornaments out of fish hooks.
39
00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:03,740
-My new fish hooks?
-I can't make them out of old ones...
40
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:06,326
...with dry worm guts stuck on them.
41
00:03:07,328 --> 00:03:10,289
-Peter.
-Come on, Kevin. Out.
42
00:03:10,665 --> 00:03:12,749
Do you guys have a voltage adapter?
43
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,418
Here's a voltage adapter!
44
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:18,255
God, you're getting heavy!
Go pack your suitcase.
45
00:03:19,632 --> 00:03:22,551
Pack my suitcase?
46
00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:25,178
-Where's the shampoo?
-I don't live here.
47
00:03:25,388 --> 00:03:27,556
This many people here
and no shampoo.
48
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,891
-Are your folks home?
-They don't live here.
49
00:03:30,059 --> 00:03:32,728
-Tracy, did you order the pizza?
-Buzz did.
50
00:03:32,937 --> 00:03:34,938
Excuse me. Are your parents here?
51
00:03:35,189 --> 00:03:36,648
My parents live in Paris.
52
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:37,899
-Hi!
-Hi!
53
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,443
-Are your parents home?
-Yeah.
54
00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,528
-Do they live here?
-No.
55
00:03:41,696 --> 00:03:45,407
No. Why should they?
All kids, no parents.
56
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:46,992
Probably a fancy orphanage.
57
00:03:47,452 --> 00:03:51,163
I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
I've never done it once.
58
00:03:51,372 --> 00:03:53,498
-Tough.
-That's what Megan said.
59
00:03:53,708 --> 00:03:56,209
-What did I say?
-You told him, "Tough."
60
00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:59,755
The dope was whining about a suitcase.
What was I supposed to say?
61
00:03:59,922 --> 00:04:01,631
"Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
62
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,383
-I'm not an idiot!
-Really?
63
00:04:03,593 --> 00:04:06,678
You're helpless! We have to do
everything for you.
64
00:04:06,888 --> 00:04:10,098
-She's right, Kev.
-Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
65
00:04:10,308 --> 00:04:11,933
I don't know how to pack.
66
00:04:12,143 --> 00:04:15,479
-I hope you didn't just pack crap.
-Shut up, Linnie.
67
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:18,648
-Do you know what I should pack?
-Buzz told you, cheek-face.
68
00:04:18,816 --> 00:04:20,609
Toilet paper and water.
69
00:04:21,986 --> 00:04:23,737
What are you so worried about?
70
00:04:23,946 --> 00:04:26,531
You know Mom's gonna
pack your stuff, anyway.
71
00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:29,868
You're what the French call
les incompetents.
72
00:04:30,119 --> 00:04:31,119
What?
73
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,955
Bombs away!
74
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:41,922
P.S. You have to sleep
on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
75
00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:45,258
If he has something to drink,
he'll wet the bed.
76
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,804
This house is so full of people
it makes me sick!
77
00:04:49,013 --> 00:04:51,765
When I grow up and get married,
I'm living alone!
78
00:04:51,974 --> 00:04:54,768
Did you hear me?
I'm living alone!
79
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,646
I'm living alone!
80
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,401
Who's gonna feed your spider?
81
00:05:03,152 --> 00:05:06,905
He just ate a load of mice guts.
He'll be good for a couple weeks.
82
00:05:08,658 --> 00:05:11,535
Is it true French babes
don't shave their pits?
83
00:05:12,203 --> 00:05:13,245
Some don't.
84
00:05:14,789 --> 00:05:16,289
But they got nude beaches.
85
00:05:16,499 --> 00:05:17,707
Not in the winter.
86
00:05:24,048 --> 00:05:25,590
Buzz?
87
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,884
Don't you know how to knock,
phlegm-wad?
88
00:05:28,302 --> 00:05:31,513
Can I sleep here?
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
89
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,557
If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.
90
00:05:34,183 --> 00:05:38,353
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
if you were growing on my ass.
91
00:05:41,691 --> 00:05:43,775
Check it out. Old man Marley.
92
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:48,822
Who's he?
93
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:53,076
You ever heard of
the South Bend Shovel Slayer?
94
00:05:53,244 --> 00:05:55,120
-No.
-That's him.
95
00:05:55,329 --> 00:06:00,208
In '58 he murdered his whole family
and half the people on his block...
96
00:06:01,335 --> 00:06:03,336
...with a snow shovel.
97
00:06:03,838 --> 00:06:06,840
Been hiding out
in this neighborhood ever since.
98
00:06:07,049 --> 00:06:10,594
If he's the shovel slayer,
how come the cops don't arrest him?
99
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,554
Not enough evidence to convict.
100
00:06:13,264 --> 00:06:15,307
They never found the bodies.
101
00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:17,601
Everyone around here knows he did it.
102
00:06:18,227 --> 00:06:20,061
It'll just be a matter of time...
103
00:06:20,271 --> 00:06:22,314
...before he does it again.
104
00:06:22,523 --> 00:06:24,191
What's he doing now?
105
00:06:24,358 --> 00:06:27,319
He walks up and down
the streets every night...
106
00:06:27,528 --> 00:06:29,821
...salting the sidewalks.
107
00:06:30,031 --> 00:06:31,990
Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
108
00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:35,410
No way.
109
00:06:36,037 --> 00:06:38,497
See that garbage can full of salt?
110
00:06:39,248 --> 00:06:41,958
That's where he keeps his victims.
111
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,961
The salt turns the bodies...
112
00:06:45,254 --> 00:06:47,005
...into mummies.
113
00:06:49,467 --> 00:06:51,009
Mummies!
114
00:06:55,556 --> 00:06:56,806
Look out!
115
00:07:29,674 --> 00:07:32,092
How you kids doing? Good?
116
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,886
Lot of action around here today, huh?
117
00:07:35,096 --> 00:07:36,680
Going on vacation?
118
00:07:36,973 --> 00:07:38,431
Where you going?
119
00:07:38,641 --> 00:07:42,102
You hear me, or what?
Going on a trip?
120
00:07:42,603 --> 00:07:44,312
Where you going, kid?
121
00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:56,575
Okay, that's $122.50.
122
00:07:56,993 --> 00:07:59,077
Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
123
00:07:59,328 --> 00:08:01,329
You just around for the holidays?
124
00:08:01,497 --> 00:08:02,831
You could say that.
125
00:08:02,999 --> 00:08:04,583
-Pizza's here!
-There you go.
126
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:06,751
That's $122.50.
127
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:09,004
It's my brother's house. He'll get it.
128
00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:12,340
Hey, listen....
129
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:14,134
-Hi.
-Hi.
130
00:08:14,677 --> 00:08:16,553
-Are you Mr. McCallister?
-Yeah.
131
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,597
The Mr. McCallister who lives here?
132
00:08:18,848 --> 00:08:21,266
Good, because somebody
owes me $122.50.
133
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:25,020
-I'd like a word with you, sir.
-Am I under arrest or something?
134
00:08:25,187 --> 00:08:29,107
No, no, no. There's always
a lot of burglaries around the holidays.
135
00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:33,403
We're checking the neighborhood to see
if the proper precautions are taken.
136
00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:37,657
We have automatic timers
for our lights, locks for our doors.
137
00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:39,868
That's about as well
as anybody can do.
138
00:08:40,077 --> 00:08:42,120
-Did you get some eggnog?
-Come on.
139
00:08:42,371 --> 00:08:43,747
-Let's eat.
-Come on.
140
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:44,956
-Eggnog?
-Pizza!
141
00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:48,501
-Are you gonna be leaving--?
-Pizza!
142
00:08:49,545 --> 00:08:51,463
Grab a napkin
and pour your own drinks.
143
00:08:51,672 --> 00:08:56,384
-Does Santa go through customs?
-What time do we have to go to bed?
144
00:08:56,552 --> 00:08:59,429
Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
on the button.
145
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:03,391
I hope you're all drinking milk.
I want to get rid of it.
146
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:08,188
-Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.
-For pizza?
147
00:09:08,397 --> 00:09:10,148
Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
148
00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:12,776
-You've got money.
-Traveler's checks.
149
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,070
Forget it, Frank. We have cash.
150
00:09:15,279 --> 00:09:18,448
You probably got the checks
that don't work in France.
151
00:09:18,908 --> 00:09:21,576
Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
152
00:09:21,911 --> 00:09:23,912
Yeah. But if you want any...
153
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:27,415
...somebody's gonna have to barf it up
because it's gone.
154
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:31,503
Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
155
00:09:37,635 --> 00:09:40,303
Kev! Kev, get a plate.
156
00:09:50,773 --> 00:09:53,108
-Passports!
-Watch it!
157
00:09:56,487 --> 00:09:59,030
No, no. Get these passports
out of here.
158
00:10:03,494 --> 00:10:06,454
Are you okay, honey? Come here.
Are you all right?
159
00:10:07,289 --> 00:10:08,373
What is the matter?
160
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:11,334
He started it!
He ate my pizza on purpose.
161
00:10:11,669 --> 00:10:13,586
He knows I hate sausage and olives--
162
00:10:13,796 --> 00:10:16,256
Look what you did, you little jerk!
163
00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:31,187
Get upstairs now.
164
00:10:31,355 --> 00:10:32,397
Why?
165
00:10:32,606 --> 00:10:34,274
You're such a disease.
166
00:10:34,525 --> 00:10:36,860
-Shut up!
-Kevin, upstairs!
167
00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,237
-Say good night, Kevin.
-"Good night, Kevin."
168
00:10:42,199 --> 00:10:44,075
Why do I get treated like scum?
169
00:10:44,285 --> 00:10:46,870
I'm sorry. This house is just crazy.
170
00:10:47,121 --> 00:10:49,330
We've got all these extra kids
running around.
171
00:10:49,540 --> 00:10:52,584
My brother's in from Ohio.
It's nuts.
172
00:10:52,835 --> 00:10:55,336
How come you didn't bring
more cheese pizzas?
173
00:10:56,297 --> 00:10:58,590
-Nice tip. Thanks.
-Thanks.
174
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,008
Having a reunion?
175
00:11:00,176 --> 00:11:04,512
My husband's brother transferred
to Paris. His kids are still here.
176
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:07,390
He missed the family,
so he invited us to Paris...
177
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,767
...so we'll be together.
178
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:12,562
-You're taking a trip to Paris?
-Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
179
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:14,939
Excellent. Excellent.
180
00:11:15,149 --> 00:11:18,193
If you'll excuse me,
this one's a little out of sorts.
181
00:11:18,402 --> 00:11:21,112
Don't worry about me.
I spoke to your husband.
182
00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:26,159
And don't worry about your home.
It's in good hands.
183
00:11:29,246 --> 00:11:32,207
Fifteen people in this house,
and only you have to make trouble.
184
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:33,792
I'm getting dumped on.
185
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:36,795
You're the only one acting up.
Now get upstairs.
186
00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:39,339
I am upstairs, dummy!
187
00:11:40,049 --> 00:11:41,716
The third floor?
188
00:11:41,926 --> 00:11:44,093
-Go.
-It's scary up there.
189
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,179
Fuller'll be up in a while.
190
00:11:46,388 --> 00:11:49,432
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
He wets the bed.
191
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,851
He'll pee all over me. I know it.
192
00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:53,853
We'll put him somewhere else.
193
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:56,481
I'm sorry.
194
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,108
It's too late. Get upstairs.
195
00:12:02,279 --> 00:12:04,197
Everyone in this family hates me!
196
00:12:04,406 --> 00:12:06,574
Then ask Santa for a new family.
197
00:12:06,784 --> 00:12:10,245
I don't want a new family.
I don't want any family. Families suck!
198
00:12:10,454 --> 00:12:13,581
Stay up there. I don't want
to see you again tonight.
199
00:12:13,791 --> 00:12:16,292
I don't want to see you
for the rest of my life.
200
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,962
I don't want to see
anybody else either.
201
00:12:19,213 --> 00:12:21,172
I hope you don't mean that.
202
00:12:21,423 --> 00:12:25,260
You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up
and didn't have a family.
203
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,470
No, I wouldn't.
204
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,265
Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.
205
00:12:30,474 --> 00:12:33,685
I hope I never see
any of you jerks again!
206
00:12:54,415 --> 00:12:57,542
I wish they would all just disappear.
207
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:57,769
-Where are they?
-I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
208
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:07,695
Peter!
209
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,574
-We slept in!
-We slept in!
210
00:14:28,425 --> 00:14:31,302
Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
I live across the street.
211
00:14:31,512 --> 00:14:33,304
You guys going out of town?
212
00:14:33,555 --> 00:14:34,889
We're going to Florida.
213
00:14:35,099 --> 00:14:38,726
Well, first we're going to Missouri
to pick up my grandma.
214
00:14:38,936 --> 00:14:41,437
You know the McCallisters
are going to France?
215
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,022
Do you know if it's cold?
216
00:14:43,232 --> 00:14:47,819
-Do these vans get good mileage?
-Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
217
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,741
Do a head count.
Get everyone in the vans.
218
00:14:53,951 --> 00:14:55,159
Where are the passports?
219
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:57,286
I put them in the microwave to dry.
220
00:14:57,538 --> 00:15:01,290
How fast does this go?
Does it have automatic transmission?
221
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,292
Does it have 4-wheel drive?
222
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:07,380
Look, I told you before, kid.
Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
223
00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:21,060
Line up in front of the van.
224
00:15:22,896 --> 00:15:24,981
Line up and shut up!
225
00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:27,900
Shut up! I gotta take a head count.
226
00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:29,485
One, two, three--
227
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:32,071
Eleven, 92, 12....
228
00:15:32,781 --> 00:15:34,657
Buzz, don't be a moron.
229
00:15:34,908 --> 00:15:37,785
Six, seven, eight...
230
00:15:37,995 --> 00:15:40,580
...nine, 10, 11.
231
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:44,625
Okay, half in this van,
half in this one. Let's go.
232
00:15:45,794 --> 00:15:48,588
Have a good trip.
Bring me back something French.
233
00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:55,136
There's no way we'll make this plane.
It leaves in 45 minutes.
234
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:56,596
Think positive!
235
00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:58,723
You be positive. I'll be realistic.
236
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:02,477
Ma'am. Ma'am.
Excuse me, your power is fixed...
237
00:16:02,686 --> 00:16:06,314
...but the phones are a mess.
It'll take a couple of days to fix.
238
00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:08,900
-Especially around the holidays.
-Thanks.
239
00:16:09,109 --> 00:16:10,443
Did you count heads?
240
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:12,445
Eleven, including me.
241
00:16:12,654 --> 00:16:17,241
Five boys, six girls, four parents, two
drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.
242
00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:54,403
Hold the plane!
243
00:16:54,863 --> 00:16:56,531
-Did we miss it?
-You just made it.
244
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:01,410
Single seats only in coach.
Take whatever's free.
245
00:17:02,704 --> 00:17:04,372
I get a window seat!
246
00:17:07,376 --> 00:17:11,003
-Kids are in coach, we're first class.
-Seats Four A and B.
247
00:17:11,213 --> 00:17:13,673
Four A and B. I'll take your coats.
248
00:17:15,092 --> 00:17:17,301
-Fasten your seat belts.
-Champagne, please.
249
00:17:17,511 --> 00:17:19,637
-It's free, isn't it?
-Oh, yes.
250
00:17:20,556 --> 00:17:21,681
We made it.
251
00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:25,643
Do you believe it?
Hope we didn't forget anything.
252
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:47,642
Mom?
253
00:18:53,190 --> 00:18:54,982
Thank you.
254
00:18:55,192 --> 00:18:58,527
-That's real. That's real crystal.
-Yeah, so?
255
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:01,656
-Put them in your purse.
-Frank, I can't do that.
256
00:19:01,865 --> 00:19:04,617
Just-- Put them in your purse!
257
00:19:04,993 --> 00:19:07,495
Yeah. Fill it up. Fill it up.
258
00:19:07,704 --> 00:19:09,038
Fill it up, please.
259
00:19:09,998 --> 00:19:10,998
Thank you.
260
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:14,752
Don't you feel like a heel,
flying first class with the kids in coach?
261
00:19:15,003 --> 00:19:16,337
No. The kids are fine.
262
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:20,841
The only time I ever flew as a kid was
in the station wagon, not to France.
263
00:19:21,134 --> 00:19:24,011
We had to go to Aunt Laura
and Uncle Arthur's.
264
00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:27,390
Kids are okay. They're having
the time of their lives.
265
00:19:28,517 --> 00:19:30,101
Hello?
266
00:19:31,687 --> 00:19:33,020
Mom?
267
00:19:35,399 --> 00:19:36,857
Dad?
268
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:43,698
Mom? Dad?
269
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:47,618
Where are you guys?
270
00:19:48,537 --> 00:19:49,912
Buzz?
271
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:53,332
Buzz?
272
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,713
Buzz?
273
00:20:03,093 --> 00:20:04,343
Megan?
274
00:20:04,845 --> 00:20:06,220
Hello?
275
00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:08,931
Hello?
276
00:20:09,099 --> 00:20:10,391
Rod?
277
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,059
Uncle Frank?
278
00:20:12,227 --> 00:20:14,937
Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
279
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,650
Megan? Linnie?
280
00:20:21,945 --> 00:20:23,988
Is this a joke?
281
00:20:47,637 --> 00:20:49,388
It's only my imagination.
282
00:20:49,598 --> 00:20:51,599
Only my imagination.
283
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:12,161
The cars are still here.
They didn't go to the airport!
284
00:21:30,180 --> 00:21:33,682
I made my family disappear.
285
00:21:34,976 --> 00:21:36,894
You're completely helpless.
286
00:21:37,145 --> 00:21:41,941
You know, Kevin, you're what
the French call les incompetents.
287
00:21:42,192 --> 00:21:45,152
Kevin, I'm going to feed you
to my tarantula.
288
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,155
Kevin, you are such a disease.
289
00:21:48,365 --> 00:21:53,327
There are 15 people, and you're
the only one who has to make trouble.
290
00:21:53,662 --> 00:21:57,164
Look what you did, you little jerk!
291
00:22:00,710 --> 00:22:04,296
I made my family disappear.
292
00:22:18,353 --> 00:22:20,187
I'm free!
293
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:43,502
No clothes on anybody. Sickening!
294
00:22:44,546 --> 00:22:48,048
Cool! Firecrackers!
I'll save these for later.
295
00:22:48,508 --> 00:22:51,218
Buzz, I'm going through
all your private stuff.
296
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:54,013
You better come out and pound me!
297
00:22:58,018 --> 00:23:01,061
Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!
298
00:23:50,070 --> 00:23:51,445
Who is it?
299
00:23:55,116 --> 00:23:57,993
It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
300
00:23:58,286 --> 00:24:01,038
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out.
301
00:24:01,289 --> 00:24:04,375
All right, Johnny,
but what about my money?
302
00:24:04,584 --> 00:24:05,626
What money?
303
00:24:05,835 --> 00:24:08,087
A.C. said you had some dough for me.
304
00:24:08,296 --> 00:24:11,215
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
305
00:24:11,424 --> 00:24:13,342
A.C. said 10 percent.
306
00:24:14,511 --> 00:24:16,971
Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.
307
00:24:17,847 --> 00:24:20,140
Guys, I'm eating junk
and watching rubbish!
308
00:24:20,350 --> 00:24:22,893
You better come out and stop me!
309
00:24:23,103 --> 00:24:25,229
He'll call you when he gets out.
310
00:24:26,773 --> 00:24:28,148
Hey.
311
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,401
I'll tell you what I'll give you.
312
00:24:32,028 --> 00:24:34,321
I'm gonna give you
to the count of 10...
313
00:24:35,031 --> 00:24:37,324
...to get your ugly, yellow...
314
00:24:37,534 --> 00:24:39,702
...no-good keister off my property...
315
00:24:39,911 --> 00:24:41,912
...before I pump your guts
full of lead.
316
00:24:42,122 --> 00:24:44,748
All right, I'm sorry. I'm going.
317
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,209
One, two...10.
318
00:25:02,642 --> 00:25:04,852
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
319
00:25:06,771 --> 00:25:08,105
Mom!
320
00:25:19,409 --> 00:25:20,743
What's the matter?
321
00:25:22,203 --> 00:25:23,370
Honey?
322
00:25:24,748 --> 00:25:28,167
-I have a terrible feeling.
-About what?
323
00:25:29,794 --> 00:25:31,378
That we didn't do something.
324
00:25:32,380 --> 00:25:34,882
You feel that way
because we left in a hurry.
325
00:25:35,050 --> 00:25:38,302
-We took care of everything.
-Did I turn off the coffee?
326
00:25:38,678 --> 00:25:39,887
No.
327
00:25:40,055 --> 00:25:41,180
I did.
328
00:25:41,389 --> 00:25:42,806
Did you lock up?
329
00:25:44,184 --> 00:25:45,392
Yeah.
330
00:25:46,728 --> 00:25:48,103
Did you close the garage?
331
00:25:50,106 --> 00:25:51,190
That's it.
332
00:25:51,399 --> 00:25:53,817
I forgot to close the garage. That's it.
333
00:25:59,574 --> 00:26:01,450
No, that's not it.
334
00:26:03,495 --> 00:26:05,204
What else could we be forgetting?
335
00:26:09,125 --> 00:26:10,167
Kevin!
336
00:26:53,878 --> 00:26:57,047
The captain's doing all he can.
Your phones are out of order.
337
00:26:57,257 --> 00:26:59,717
We'll call when we land.
I'm sure it's okay.
338
00:27:01,678 --> 00:27:03,679
Horrible. Horrible.
339
00:27:04,013 --> 00:27:05,305
Just horrible.
340
00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:08,267
How could we do this? We forgot him.
341
00:27:08,476 --> 00:27:10,769
We didn't forget him,
we just miscounted.
342
00:27:11,855 --> 00:27:14,314
What kind of mother am I?
343
00:27:14,524 --> 00:27:17,985
If it makes you feel any better,
I forgot my reading glasses.
344
00:27:22,699 --> 00:27:25,576
Five families gone
on one block alone.
345
00:27:25,785 --> 00:27:28,746
They all told me
from their own mouths.
346
00:27:28,997 --> 00:27:30,497
It's almost too easy.
347
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,082
Check it out:
348
00:27:32,292 --> 00:27:34,334
All the houses with nobody home...
349
00:27:34,544 --> 00:27:37,379
...have automatic timers
on their lights.
350
00:27:37,756 --> 00:27:41,049
But I got it all figured out.
Watch this.
351
00:27:42,302 --> 00:27:47,222
Number 664 will be going on
right about...
352
00:27:48,558 --> 00:27:49,808
...now.
353
00:27:50,810 --> 00:27:52,770
Wait, wait, wait.
354
00:27:53,855 --> 00:27:56,648
Number 672...
355
00:27:57,650 --> 00:28:00,194
...right now.
356
00:28:02,530 --> 00:28:03,614
Wait a minute.
357
00:28:03,907 --> 00:28:06,784
671...
358
00:28:06,951 --> 00:28:08,035
...now.
359
00:28:10,538 --> 00:28:14,041
And that's the one, Marvin.
That's the silver tuna.
360
00:28:14,542 --> 00:28:15,751
It's very G.
361
00:28:16,419 --> 00:28:18,837
Very G, huh? It's loaded.
362
00:28:19,047 --> 00:28:21,298
It's got lots of top-flight goods.
363
00:28:21,549 --> 00:28:24,843
-Stereos, VCRs--
-Toys?
364
00:28:25,053 --> 00:28:27,638
Probably looking at
some very fine jewelry.
365
00:28:28,056 --> 00:28:29,431
Possible cash horde.
366
00:28:30,183 --> 00:28:32,684
Odd marketable securities.
367
00:28:33,228 --> 00:28:35,646
Who knows? It's a gem.
368
00:28:36,439 --> 00:28:38,398
Grab your crowbar.
369
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,068
Crowbars up.
370
00:29:40,253 --> 00:29:41,795
Which way?
371
00:29:41,963 --> 00:29:44,298
We'll go around back,
down the basement.
372
00:30:05,153 --> 00:30:07,946
-You said they were gone.
-They were gonna leave today.
373
00:30:08,156 --> 00:30:09,781
Let's get out of here.
374
00:30:46,235 --> 00:30:48,570
We have to use the phone, please.
375
00:30:49,405 --> 00:30:52,115
It's an emergency.
We really have to make a call.
376
00:30:52,325 --> 00:30:54,826
Please! Our brother's home alone.
377
00:30:55,536 --> 00:30:57,329
Give us the phone!
378
00:30:57,622 --> 00:30:58,830
I'm sorry. Thank you.
379
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,750
I'm calling the police.
Book us a flight home.
380
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,836
Get change out of here.
Call everybody you know.
381
00:31:05,046 --> 00:31:09,216
Here's my address book. You and Frank
call everyone on our street.
382
00:31:09,425 --> 00:31:11,218
Maybe somebody can help us.
383
00:31:11,427 --> 00:31:14,805
Hello? Hello?
Oh, she'll have to call you back.
384
00:31:21,229 --> 00:31:25,065
This is ridiculous. Only a wimp
would be hiding under a bed.
385
00:31:25,274 --> 00:31:29,277
And I can't be a wimp.
I'm the man of the house.
386
00:31:36,577 --> 00:31:39,913
Hey, I'm not afraid anymore!
387
00:31:40,957 --> 00:31:44,543
I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
388
00:31:45,086 --> 00:31:48,880
Do you hear me?
I'm not afraid anymore.
389
00:32:19,495 --> 00:32:20,787
Village police department.
390
00:32:20,955 --> 00:32:24,374
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
391
00:32:24,584 --> 00:32:29,671
I'd like somebody to go there. Tell him
that we're coming home to get him.
392
00:32:29,922 --> 00:32:31,965
Okay, let me connect you
with Family Crisis Intervention.
393
00:32:32,133 --> 00:32:33,467
No, it's not a family crisis.
394
00:32:33,634 --> 00:32:35,010
Hold on.
395
00:32:36,929 --> 00:32:40,307
Larry, can you pick up?
There's some hyper lady on hold.
396
00:32:40,558 --> 00:32:42,893
-What line, Rose?
-Two.
397
00:32:43,561 --> 00:32:45,937
Family Crisis Intervention,
Sergeant Balzak.
398
00:32:46,189 --> 00:32:49,024
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
399
00:32:49,233 --> 00:32:53,904
Has the child been involved in
violence with a drunk family member?
400
00:32:54,113 --> 00:32:55,155
No!
401
00:32:55,448 --> 00:32:57,949
Has he been involved
in a household accident?
402
00:32:58,159 --> 00:33:00,327
I don't know. I hope not.
403
00:33:01,704 --> 00:33:05,707
Has the child ingested any poison
or is an object lodged in his throat?
404
00:33:05,958 --> 00:33:09,419
No, he's home alone! I'd like
somebody to go over to the house...
405
00:33:09,629 --> 00:33:11,421
...and see if he's all right.
406
00:33:12,548 --> 00:33:16,134
You want us to go to your house,
just to check on him.
407
00:33:16,344 --> 00:33:17,427
Yes!
408
00:33:18,096 --> 00:33:19,679
Let me connect you to the police.
409
00:33:19,889 --> 00:33:21,348
They just transferred me.
410
00:33:21,516 --> 00:33:23,683
-Rose! Hyper on 2.
-Hang on.
411
00:33:23,893 --> 00:33:27,521
-Hold on, please.
-No, please don't hang up. Please!
412
00:33:28,356 --> 00:33:29,606
Any luck?
413
00:33:29,774 --> 00:33:31,191
No.
414
00:33:31,359 --> 00:33:34,027
-I couldn't get anybody.
-Leslie?
415
00:33:34,237 --> 00:33:36,530
Nothing but a bunch
of answering machines.
416
00:33:38,699 --> 00:33:41,660
Somebody pick up. Pick up!
417
00:33:41,869 --> 00:33:43,870
Oh, hi, ma'am. It's you again.
418
00:33:44,038 --> 00:33:47,999
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone, and I--
419
00:33:48,209 --> 00:33:52,003
We'll send a policeman over
to your house to check on your son.
420
00:34:22,285 --> 00:34:24,953
There's no one home.
The house looks secure.
421
00:34:25,163 --> 00:34:27,247
Tell them to count their kids again.
422
00:34:28,332 --> 00:34:30,750
You can't bump somebody or ask or--?
423
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:32,794
There's no way I can do that.
424
00:34:33,004 --> 00:34:35,088
Isn't there a way
if you ask somebody?
425
00:34:35,298 --> 00:34:36,798
If you said it's an emergency--
426
00:34:37,008 --> 00:34:38,258
I cannot ask them.
427
00:34:38,551 --> 00:34:40,802
A policeman's going
over to the house.
428
00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:43,930
Well, that's a relief.
Everything here is booked.
429
00:34:44,098 --> 00:34:45,182
Nothing to Chicago?
430
00:34:45,433 --> 00:34:48,602
There's nothing to Chicago,
New York, Nashville.
431
00:34:49,979 --> 00:34:53,106
-What about a private plane?
-Sorry. We don't do that.
432
00:34:53,357 --> 00:34:56,234
The only thing is a booking
for us on Friday morning.
433
00:34:56,444 --> 00:34:58,945
Friday morn-- That's two days away.
434
00:34:59,155 --> 00:35:02,866
The kids are exhausted and so are you.
There's nothing we can do.
435
00:35:03,075 --> 00:35:08,079
I say we go over to Rob's, and
that way we can call the police again.
436
00:35:08,372 --> 00:35:11,583
I'm not leaving here
unless it's on an airplane.
437
00:35:11,792 --> 00:35:13,877
Madame, we are doing
everything we can.
438
00:35:14,128 --> 00:35:18,089
If you want to stay at the airport,
maybe we can get you on standby.
439
00:35:18,341 --> 00:35:21,218
It is a possibility
that a seat will open up.
440
00:35:21,969 --> 00:35:24,763
-Is that okay?
-Yes. I'll wait.
441
00:35:30,519 --> 00:35:32,729
-Bye. I'll miss you, honey.
-Bye.
442
00:35:36,734 --> 00:35:38,485
Don't you get lost.
443
00:35:40,071 --> 00:35:41,238
Goodbye.
444
00:35:57,004 --> 00:36:00,090
I took a shower, washing every
body part with actual soap.
445
00:36:00,383 --> 00:36:02,217
Including all my major crevices...
446
00:36:02,426 --> 00:36:04,844
...between my toes
and in my belly button...
447
00:36:05,096 --> 00:36:07,514
...which I never did before
but enjoyed.
448
00:36:08,015 --> 00:36:13,103
I washed my hair with adult formula
shampoo and used cream rinse.
449
00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:17,357
I can't find my toothbrush,
so I'll pick one up today.
450
00:36:17,608 --> 00:36:19,693
Other than that, I'm in good shape.
451
00:37:10,328 --> 00:37:13,580
All right! Buzz's life savings.
452
00:37:40,399 --> 00:37:43,026
I thought the Murphys went to Florida.
453
00:37:59,293 --> 00:38:02,337
You're one of the great
cat burglars of the world.
454
00:38:02,546 --> 00:38:05,215
You think you can keep it
down a little in there?
455
00:38:05,883 --> 00:38:09,636
You've reached the Murphys.
Please leave a message after the beep.
456
00:38:10,513 --> 00:38:14,391
This is Peter McCallister again.
We're in Paris at my brother's.
457
00:38:14,642 --> 00:38:18,061
Let me give you the number here.
The country code is 33.
458
00:38:18,270 --> 00:38:23,233
The area code is 14
and the number is 694-876--
459
00:38:23,651 --> 00:38:25,443
-Hey, Harry.
-Yeah?
460
00:38:25,694 --> 00:38:28,530
That house we ran last night,
was that the McCallister's?
461
00:38:28,697 --> 00:38:30,198
Yeah.
462
00:38:30,533 --> 00:38:33,868
-Call me in Paris.
-You're right. They're gone.
463
00:38:37,289 --> 00:38:40,834
-I knew they were.
-Silver tuna tonight.
464
00:38:49,969 --> 00:38:51,302
How may I help you?
465
00:38:51,971 --> 00:38:55,265
Is this toothbrush approved
by the American Dental Association?
466
00:38:56,058 --> 00:38:57,600
Well, I don't know.
467
00:38:58,686 --> 00:39:02,105
-It doesn't say, hon.
-Can you please find out?
468
00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:06,985
-Herb.
-Yeah?
469
00:39:07,194 --> 00:39:10,447
I got a question here
about a toothbrush.
470
00:39:17,037 --> 00:39:21,541
Do you know, is this brush approved
by the American Dental Association?
471
00:39:21,709 --> 00:39:22,876
I don't know.
472
00:39:45,357 --> 00:39:47,775
Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
473
00:39:49,862 --> 00:39:51,738
Wait, you have to pay for that.
474
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:55,575
Son! Son! Hey!
475
00:39:56,035 --> 00:39:58,495
Jimmy, stop that boy!
476
00:40:02,917 --> 00:40:04,083
Hey!
477
00:40:04,293 --> 00:40:06,169
Hey!
478
00:40:08,422 --> 00:40:09,923
Shoplifter!
479
00:40:13,761 --> 00:40:14,969
Hey! Hey, kid!
480
00:40:21,977 --> 00:40:23,353
Come back here!
481
00:40:24,855 --> 00:40:26,523
Stop it, will you?
482
00:40:27,066 --> 00:40:28,191
Come here.
483
00:41:06,355 --> 00:41:08,231
I'm a criminal.
484
00:41:08,256 --> 00:41:10,256
SharePirate.Com Subs
485
00:41:35,551 --> 00:41:37,260
What's so funny?
486
00:41:38,053 --> 00:41:39,345
What's so funny?
487
00:41:39,847 --> 00:41:40,972
Why are you laughing?
488
00:41:44,268 --> 00:41:45,476
You did it again.
489
00:41:46,895 --> 00:41:48,354
You left the water running.
490
00:41:49,273 --> 00:41:51,691
Why do you do that?
I told you not to do it.
491
00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:54,277
-It's our calling card.
-Calling card.
492
00:41:54,486 --> 00:41:56,613
All the great ones leave their mark.
493
00:41:56,864 --> 00:41:58,448
We're the Wet Bandits.
494
00:41:58,866 --> 00:42:01,409
You're sick, you know?
You're really sick.
495
00:42:02,286 --> 00:42:04,078
-I'm not sick.
-Yes, you are.
496
00:42:04,288 --> 00:42:05,496
It's a sick thing to do.
497
00:42:12,296 --> 00:42:14,130
-We don't need that.
-Don't tell me--
498
00:42:14,381 --> 00:42:16,215
I can do it if I want to.
499
00:42:18,385 --> 00:42:20,595
It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
500
00:42:28,896 --> 00:42:30,229
Hey! Hey!
501
00:42:30,439 --> 00:42:32,398
You gotta watch out for traffic.
502
00:42:32,775 --> 00:42:34,692
-Sorry.
-Damn.
503
00:42:34,902 --> 00:42:37,278
Santy don't visit
the funeral homes, buddy.
504
00:42:38,322 --> 00:42:39,530
Okay, okay.
505
00:42:40,407 --> 00:42:42,492
Merry Christmas.
506
00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:54,003
What's the matter?
507
00:42:54,421 --> 00:42:56,547
I don't like the way
that kid looked at me.
508
00:42:56,757 --> 00:43:00,343
-Ever seen him before?
-I saw a hundred kids this week.
509
00:43:01,428 --> 00:43:03,221
Let's see what house he goes into.
510
00:43:35,796 --> 00:43:37,130
Why's he going faster?
511
00:43:37,381 --> 00:43:39,465
I told you something's wrong.
512
00:43:39,675 --> 00:43:41,676
He looked at me weird.
Why would he run?
513
00:44:17,838 --> 00:44:19,589
Maybe he went in the church.
514
00:44:19,882 --> 00:44:22,592
-I'm not going in there.
-Me neither.
515
00:44:22,885 --> 00:44:24,719
Let's get out of here.
516
00:44:42,613 --> 00:44:46,240
When those guys come back,
I'll be ready.
517
00:45:11,058 --> 00:45:12,308
Did they come back?
518
00:45:12,768 --> 00:45:14,602
From Paris?
519
00:45:50,222 --> 00:45:52,598
We'll come back tomorrow.
Maybe they'll be gone.
520
00:45:53,350 --> 00:45:56,102
We better go before
somebody sees us.
521
00:46:27,634 --> 00:46:29,468
Look what I found in the kitchen.
522
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:31,846
Frank, those are for later.
523
00:46:36,643 --> 00:46:39,061
Do you want a little shrimp, huh?
524
00:46:40,188 --> 00:46:41,898
Do you speak English?
525
00:46:45,444 --> 00:46:46,777
Well, is there--?
526
00:46:52,576 --> 00:46:55,786
-Did you get anybody?
-I am looking for my son!
527
00:46:55,996 --> 00:46:57,705
No, I can't find anybody.
528
00:46:57,915 --> 00:47:01,000
They're all shopping.
Nobody's home for the holidays.
529
00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:02,919
Never mind, forget it.
530
00:47:03,795 --> 00:47:06,505
-This is so pointless.
-What?
531
00:47:06,882 --> 00:47:08,966
We're here rotting in this apartment.
532
00:47:09,176 --> 00:47:11,385
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.
533
00:47:11,762 --> 00:47:14,347
-So?
-You're not worried about Kevin?
534
00:47:14,556 --> 00:47:19,435
Why should I be? He acted like a jerk,
and now he caught it in the butt.
535
00:47:20,687 --> 00:47:24,065
He's so little and helpless.
Don't you think he's flipped out?
536
00:47:24,274 --> 00:47:27,360
The trout can use a couple of days
in the real world.
537
00:47:27,569 --> 00:47:29,779
You're not worried
something might happen?
538
00:47:30,697 --> 00:47:32,573
No. For three reasons:
539
00:47:32,783 --> 00:47:37,453
A, I'm not that lucky.
Two, we have smoke detectors...
540
00:47:37,704 --> 00:47:41,540
...and D, we live in the most boring
street in the United States...
541
00:47:41,750 --> 00:47:46,128
...where nothing even remotely
dangerous will ever happen. Period.
542
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:14,281
Who is it?
543
00:48:14,449 --> 00:48:16,659
It's Little Nero's. I have your pizza.
544
00:48:17,285 --> 00:48:19,954
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out.
545
00:48:20,914 --> 00:48:22,331
Okay.
546
00:48:23,750 --> 00:48:25,126
What about the money?
547
00:48:26,503 --> 00:48:28,004
What money?
548
00:48:28,797 --> 00:48:31,465
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.
549
00:48:32,426 --> 00:48:35,803
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
550
00:48:37,305 --> 00:48:39,140
That'll be $11.80, sir.
551
00:48:46,606 --> 00:48:49,191
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
552
00:48:51,111 --> 00:48:52,862
-Cheapskate.
-Hey.
553
00:48:53,071 --> 00:48:55,364
I'm gonna give you
to the count of 10...
554
00:48:55,574 --> 00:48:57,950
...to get your ugly, yellow...
555
00:48:58,201 --> 00:49:00,286
...no-good keister off my property...
556
00:49:00,495 --> 00:49:02,621
...before I pump your guts full of lead.
557
00:49:02,831 --> 00:49:05,583
One, two...10.
558
00:49:33,570 --> 00:49:36,906
A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
559
00:49:40,118 --> 00:49:41,702
--to Dallas/Fort Worth.
560
00:49:41,953 --> 00:49:43,746
American Airlines....
561
00:49:45,499 --> 00:49:48,042
So we have the $500,
the pocket translator...
562
00:49:48,251 --> 00:49:50,586
...the two first-class seats,
that's an upgrade--
563
00:49:50,837 --> 00:49:51,962
Is that a real Rolex?
564
00:49:53,715 --> 00:49:56,008
-Do you think it is?
-No.
565
00:49:56,218 --> 00:49:59,428
But who can tell? I also have a ring.
566
00:49:59,679 --> 00:50:01,514
That is beautiful!
567
00:50:01,723 --> 00:50:03,057
They're boarding.
568
00:50:03,683 --> 00:50:06,894
She's offered us two first-class
tickets if we go Friday.
569
00:50:07,104 --> 00:50:11,357
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and--
570
00:50:11,566 --> 00:50:12,858
The earrings.
571
00:50:13,151 --> 00:50:16,904
She's got her own earrings.
A whole shoebox full of them.
572
00:50:17,114 --> 00:50:18,697
-Come on, come on.
-No, but--
573
00:50:20,117 --> 00:50:21,158
I'm desperate.
574
00:50:22,285 --> 00:50:26,038
I'm begging you.
From a mother to a mother. Please!
575
00:50:28,166 --> 00:50:30,876
-Oh, Ed.
-Please!
576
00:50:31,878 --> 00:50:33,546
Oh, all right.
577
00:50:39,302 --> 00:50:41,387
"Dear Santa, I got a sister last year.
578
00:50:41,555 --> 00:50:43,514
This year I'd rather have Clay-Doh."
579
00:50:58,488 --> 00:50:59,530
I didn't mean it.
580
00:50:59,739 --> 00:51:02,908
If you come back, I'll never
be a pain in the butt again.
581
00:51:03,243 --> 00:51:06,412
I promise. Good night.
582
00:52:47,597 --> 00:52:49,515
Are those microwave dinners good?
583
00:52:50,141 --> 00:52:52,893
-I don't know.
-I'll give them a whirl.
584
00:52:58,400 --> 00:52:59,942
For the kids.
585
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,446
Hold on, I got a coupon for that.
586
00:53:05,782 --> 00:53:07,658
It was in the paper this morning.
587
00:53:11,288 --> 00:53:12,329
$19.83.
588
00:53:12,956 --> 00:53:14,206
Okay.
589
00:53:18,295 --> 00:53:19,712
Are you here by yourself?
590
00:53:21,131 --> 00:53:22,798
Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
591
00:53:23,049 --> 00:53:27,261
You think I'd be here alone?
I don't think so.
592
00:53:27,971 --> 00:53:29,054
Where's your mom?
593
00:53:29,264 --> 00:53:30,848
-In the car.
-Where's your dad?
594
00:53:31,057 --> 00:53:33,976
-He's at work.
-What about brothers and sisters?
595
00:53:34,185 --> 00:53:35,561
I'm an only child.
596
00:53:36,062 --> 00:53:38,147
-Where do you live?
-I can't tell you.
597
00:53:38,356 --> 00:53:41,233
-Why not?
-Because you're a stranger.
598
00:54:19,773 --> 00:54:23,150
Hello, Kevin!
599
00:54:26,613 --> 00:54:27,863
Shut up!
600
00:54:41,419 --> 00:54:42,669
I don't get it.
601
00:54:43,296 --> 00:54:45,464
It looks like there's nobody's home.
602
00:54:46,466 --> 00:54:48,675
Last night the place is jumping.
603
00:54:49,302 --> 00:54:51,178
Something ain't right.
604
00:54:51,930 --> 00:54:52,971
Go check it out.
605
00:55:01,981 --> 00:55:03,148
Now?
606
00:55:03,566 --> 00:55:07,027
No, tomorrow, egghead!
Now! Go ahead.
607
00:55:09,364 --> 00:55:10,531
"Now?"
608
00:55:27,882 --> 00:55:29,007
Shit!
609
00:55:32,303 --> 00:55:33,887
Get the hell out of here.
610
00:55:34,097 --> 00:55:37,182
All right, Johnny.
But what about my money?
611
00:55:37,350 --> 00:55:38,475
What money?
612
00:55:38,685 --> 00:55:40,894
A.C. said you had
some dough for me.
613
00:55:41,104 --> 00:55:43,981
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
614
00:55:44,190 --> 00:55:45,983
A.C. said 10 percent.
615
00:55:47,235 --> 00:55:49,736
Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.
616
00:55:49,946 --> 00:55:51,113
What do you mean?
617
00:55:51,322 --> 00:55:53,824
He's upstairs, taking a bath.
618
00:55:54,742 --> 00:55:56,910
He'll call you when he gets out.
619
00:55:58,371 --> 00:56:02,458
Hey, I tell you what
I'm gonna give you, Snakes.
620
00:56:03,293 --> 00:56:06,378
-Snakes?
-I'll give you to the count of 10...
621
00:56:06,588 --> 00:56:08,797
...to get your ugly,
yellow, no-good...
622
00:56:09,007 --> 00:56:10,966
...keister off my property...
623
00:56:11,217 --> 00:56:13,218
...before I pump your guts full of lead.
624
00:56:13,470 --> 00:56:16,096
All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm going.
625
00:56:16,306 --> 00:56:19,224
One, two...10.
626
00:56:38,453 --> 00:56:41,413
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
627
00:56:46,252 --> 00:56:47,294
What happened?
628
00:56:47,462 --> 00:56:50,005
I don't know who,
but somebody got blown away.
629
00:56:50,256 --> 00:56:52,508
Somebody beat us, they're in there.
630
00:56:52,759 --> 00:56:53,842
Two of them.
631
00:56:54,093 --> 00:56:56,678
There was arguing.
One blew the other one away.
632
00:56:56,888 --> 00:56:58,472
-Who?
-I don't know.
633
00:56:59,307 --> 00:57:04,394
I recognized one of their voices.
I heard that name "Snakes" before.
634
00:57:04,646 --> 00:57:08,315
Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
I don't know no Snakes.
635
00:57:08,525 --> 00:57:11,777
Snakes. Let's get out of here.
636
00:57:14,155 --> 00:57:15,405
Hold it. Hold it.
637
00:57:15,615 --> 00:57:18,951
Let's wait and see who it is.
We work this neighborhood too.
638
00:57:19,869 --> 00:57:21,787
Suppose the cops finger us for a job...
639
00:57:21,996 --> 00:57:24,957
...and they ask us
about a murder in the area.
640
00:57:25,166 --> 00:57:28,126
Won't it be nice to have
a face to go with it?
641
00:57:30,838 --> 00:57:31,964
That's a good idea.
642
00:57:32,507 --> 00:57:35,551
Of course it's a good idea. Snakes?
643
00:57:35,802 --> 00:57:37,970
He sounded like a snake.
644
00:57:44,561 --> 00:57:45,727
Everything's full.
645
00:57:45,937 --> 00:57:47,437
Everything's full?
646
00:57:47,647 --> 00:57:50,482
I'm very sorry,
but it is Christmas Eve.
647
00:57:51,234 --> 00:57:53,026
What about another airline?
648
00:57:57,699 --> 00:58:00,492
Nothing available.
May I help you get a hotel room?
649
00:58:00,702 --> 00:58:04,246
-Tomorrow we can get you a flight.
-I can't wait that long.
650
00:58:04,872 --> 00:58:08,750
I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're doing
absolutely everything we can.
651
00:58:13,006 --> 00:58:15,966
I'm in your way. I'm sorry.
You've places to go.
652
00:58:16,175 --> 00:58:18,552
Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me.
653
00:58:18,845 --> 00:58:23,599
Look, I have been awake for almost
60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty.
654
00:58:24,100 --> 00:58:28,145
I have been from Chicago to Paris,
to Dallas to-- Where am I?
655
00:58:28,771 --> 00:58:30,188
Scranton.
656
00:58:30,481 --> 00:58:33,025
I'm trying to get home
to my 8-year-old son.
657
00:58:33,985 --> 00:58:36,361
Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
658
00:58:36,529 --> 00:58:39,031
-I'm sorry.
-No. No way.
659
00:58:39,282 --> 00:58:42,284
This is Christmas!
The season of perpetual hope.
660
00:58:43,369 --> 00:58:46,121
If I have to get on
your runway and hitchhike...
661
00:58:46,372 --> 00:58:48,373
...if it costs me everything I own...
662
00:58:48,583 --> 00:58:51,418
...if I have to sell my soul
to the devil himself...
663
00:58:51,628 --> 00:58:54,421
...I am going to get home to my son.
664
00:58:55,715 --> 00:58:57,758
Ma'am, if there was anything--
665
00:58:57,967 --> 00:58:59,551
Do it. Do anything.
666
00:58:59,761 --> 00:59:01,678
-I can get you a hotel room.
-What?
667
00:59:01,971 --> 00:59:05,974
Can you excuse us for a sec?
Can I see you for a second, please?
668
00:59:06,184 --> 00:59:08,060
Excuse us.
669
00:59:10,146 --> 00:59:12,564
You got a little bit of a dilemma.
670
00:59:12,774 --> 00:59:15,192
We got a crisis ourselves.
671
00:59:15,777 --> 00:59:18,028
Allow me to introduce myself.
Gus Polinski.
672
00:59:20,448 --> 00:59:22,658
Polka King of the Midwest?
673
00:59:25,912 --> 00:59:27,412
The Kenosha Kickers?
674
00:59:28,706 --> 00:59:30,040
-Hi there.
-Hi.
675
00:59:30,917 --> 00:59:34,294
That's okay. I thought
you might have recognized--
676
00:59:34,545 --> 00:59:38,006
I had a few hits a few years ago.
That's why I just--
677
00:59:38,174 --> 00:59:39,424
"Polka, Polka, Polka"?
678
00:59:41,969 --> 00:59:44,221
No? "Twin Lakes Polka"?
679
00:59:44,430 --> 00:59:49,267
"Yamahoozie Polka," a.k.a.
"Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"?
680
00:59:49,477 --> 00:59:50,936
These are songs?
681
00:59:51,145 --> 00:59:54,022
Yeah. Yeah, we--
Some fairly big hits for us.
682
00:59:54,273 --> 00:59:56,066
You know, in the early '70s.
683
00:59:56,275 --> 00:59:59,069
Yeah, we sold about
623 copies of that.
684
00:59:59,278 --> 01:00:00,862
-In Chicago?
-No, Sheboygan.
685
01:00:01,072 --> 01:00:02,739
Very big in Sheboygan.
686
01:00:02,949 --> 01:00:04,449
Did you say you could help?
687
01:00:04,617 --> 01:00:08,370
Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
Our flight was canceled...
688
01:00:08,579 --> 01:00:12,958
...so we gotta drive. See the guy
in the yellow jacket over there?
689
01:00:13,167 --> 01:00:16,586
He's gonna rent us a nice big van
to drive to Milwaukee.
690
01:00:16,796 --> 01:00:20,132
Now, I heard you had some problems
getting to Chicago?
691
01:00:20,508 --> 01:00:21,758
To see your kid?
692
01:00:22,009 --> 01:00:25,971
My son. He--
We left, and he's there.
693
01:00:26,139 --> 01:00:29,766
If you have to get to Chicago,
we'll gladly drive you.
694
01:00:29,976 --> 01:00:32,060
It's on the way to Milwaukee.
695
01:00:32,562 --> 01:00:34,980
-You'd give me a ride?
-Sure, why not?
696
01:00:35,189 --> 01:00:36,690
You gotta get home.
697
01:00:36,899 --> 01:00:39,901
-A ride to Chicago?
-Sure, it's Christmastime.
698
01:00:40,528 --> 01:00:42,112
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
699
01:00:42,363 --> 01:00:44,489
You don't mind
going with polka bums?
700
01:00:44,699 --> 01:00:46,491
No, I'd love to.
701
01:01:09,015 --> 01:01:11,516
Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
702
01:01:11,726 --> 01:01:13,560
Look at this.
703
01:01:19,525 --> 01:01:23,111
I think we're getting scammed
by a kindergartner.
704
01:01:53,476 --> 01:01:55,727
Dad, can you come here
and help me?
705
01:02:00,483 --> 01:02:02,859
Remember that kid
we saw the other day?
706
01:02:03,820 --> 01:02:05,320
He lives here.
707
01:02:05,655 --> 01:02:08,114
If the kid's here,
the parents got to be.
708
01:02:08,741 --> 01:02:10,116
He's home alone.
709
01:02:18,376 --> 01:02:20,502
What? You want to
come back tonight?
710
01:02:20,711 --> 01:02:22,087
Even with the kid here?
711
01:02:22,338 --> 01:02:24,464
I don't think that's a good idea.
712
01:02:24,674 --> 01:02:27,384
That house is the reason
we worked this block.
713
01:02:27,635 --> 01:02:29,886
Ever since I saw that house,
I wanted it.
714
01:02:30,304 --> 01:02:32,264
Let's take it one step at a time.
715
01:02:32,473 --> 01:02:37,018
We'll unload the van, get a bite
to eat, we'll come back about 9:00.
716
01:02:37,311 --> 01:02:38,520
Nine o'clock.
717
01:02:38,729 --> 01:02:40,021
This way it's dark.
718
01:02:40,606 --> 01:02:43,316
Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
719
01:02:43,526 --> 01:02:46,194
You're afraid of the dark too.
You know you are.
720
01:02:47,697 --> 01:02:49,030
No, I'm not.
721
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:51,116
-Yes, you are.
-Not, not, not.
722
01:02:51,325 --> 01:02:52,492
You are so.
723
01:02:52,702 --> 01:02:54,703
Mom, where are you?
724
01:03:09,427 --> 01:03:10,677
Do you play?
725
01:03:11,345 --> 01:03:14,681
Do you want to try?
Go ahead, try it. Try it!
726
01:03:42,418 --> 01:03:44,502
-Excuse me.
-Yeah?
727
01:03:46,172 --> 01:03:47,756
Hey, nice shoes.
728
01:03:48,215 --> 01:03:49,716
Oh, thanks.
729
01:03:49,926 --> 01:03:53,386
Is he still here?
It's really important that I see him.
730
01:03:54,180 --> 01:03:57,557
He's getting in his car.
If you hurry, you can catch him.
731
01:03:58,935 --> 01:04:03,271
How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
732
01:04:03,481 --> 01:04:06,066
What's next, rabies shots
for the Easter Bunny?
733
01:04:06,275 --> 01:04:07,776
Santa, hold on.
734
01:04:10,112 --> 01:04:13,907
-Can I talk to you?
-Make it quick. Santa's running late.
735
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,534
I know you're not
the real Santa Claus.
736
01:04:17,036 --> 01:04:20,497
What makes you say that?
Just out of curiosity.
737
01:04:20,706 --> 01:04:24,209
-I'm old enough to know how it works.
-All right.
738
01:04:24,377 --> 01:04:26,419
But I also know you work for him.
739
01:04:26,754 --> 01:04:29,589
-I'd like you to give him a message.
-Shoot.
740
01:04:30,049 --> 01:04:34,803
Kevin McCallister, 671 Lincoln Blvd.
Do you need the phone number?
741
01:04:35,137 --> 01:04:36,388
No, that's all right.
742
01:04:36,764 --> 01:04:38,515
This is extremely important.
743
01:04:38,766 --> 01:04:43,770
Please tell him instead of presents,
I just want my family back.
744
01:04:44,313 --> 01:04:48,733
No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate,
Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
745
01:04:48,943 --> 01:04:50,986
And my aunt and my cousins.
746
01:04:51,237 --> 01:04:54,322
And if he has time,
my Uncle Frank. Okay?
747
01:04:56,033 --> 01:04:57,242
Okay.
748
01:04:58,119 --> 01:05:00,412
-I'll see what I can do.
-Thanks.
749
01:05:00,621 --> 01:05:05,166
Wait. My elf took the last of the
candy canes home to her boyfriend.
750
01:05:05,459 --> 01:05:07,252
-That's okay.
-No, don't be silly.
751
01:05:07,461 --> 01:05:10,338
Everybody who sees Santa
has gotta get something.
752
01:05:10,548 --> 01:05:14,676
Here, hold out your little paw there.
There you go.
753
01:05:15,177 --> 01:05:17,512
-Don't spoil your dinner.
-I won't.
754
01:05:17,930 --> 01:05:19,347
Thanks.
755
01:05:30,568 --> 01:05:32,152
Son of a--!
756
01:08:29,538 --> 01:08:30,872
Merry Christmas.
757
01:08:33,459 --> 01:08:34,667
May I sit down?
758
01:08:46,055 --> 01:08:47,388
That's my granddaughter.
759
01:08:48,057 --> 01:08:49,974
The little red-haired girl.
760
01:08:51,977 --> 01:08:54,729
She's about your age. You know her?
761
01:08:54,897 --> 01:08:56,022
No.
762
01:08:56,232 --> 01:08:59,275
-You live next to me, don't you?
-Yeah.
763
01:08:59,485 --> 01:09:03,029
You can say hello when you see me.
You don't have to be afraid.
764
01:09:04,031 --> 01:09:08,993
There's a lot of things going around
about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
765
01:09:09,828 --> 01:09:11,829
-You've been good this year?
-I think so.
766
01:09:12,498 --> 01:09:13,831
You swear to it?
767
01:09:14,208 --> 01:09:15,250
No.
768
01:09:15,501 --> 01:09:20,088
Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
if you're feeling bad about yourself.
769
01:09:20,506 --> 01:09:23,132
-It is?
-I think so.
770
01:09:23,342 --> 01:09:25,927
-Are you feeling bad about yourself?
-No.
771
01:09:30,391 --> 01:09:34,894
I've been kind of a pain lately.
I said some things I shouldn't have.
772
01:09:35,646 --> 01:09:38,314
I really haven't been
too good this year.
773
01:09:38,941 --> 01:09:39,983
Yeah.
774
01:09:40,150 --> 01:09:43,403
I'm kind of upset
because I really like my family.
775
01:09:43,612 --> 01:09:48,533
Even though sometimes I say I don't.
Sometimes I even think I don't.
776
01:09:48,826 --> 01:09:51,577
-Do you get that?
-I think so.
777
01:09:52,037 --> 01:09:54,872
How you feel about your family
is a complicated thing.
778
01:09:55,124 --> 01:09:57,542
Especially with an older brother.
779
01:09:58,294 --> 01:10:00,628
Deep down, you'll always love them.
780
01:10:00,838 --> 01:10:05,133
But you can forget that you love them.
You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
781
01:10:05,342 --> 01:10:07,760
And that's not just
because you're young.
782
01:10:09,471 --> 01:10:12,181
You want to know the real
reason why I'm here?
783
01:10:12,391 --> 01:10:13,641
Sure.
784
01:10:14,101 --> 01:10:17,895
I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
I can't come hear her tonight.
785
01:10:18,480 --> 01:10:19,564
You have plans?
786
01:10:19,982 --> 01:10:21,816
No.
787
01:10:21,984 --> 01:10:23,318
I'm not welcome.
788
01:10:24,111 --> 01:10:25,320
At church?
789
01:10:25,571 --> 01:10:27,655
You're always welcome at church.
790
01:10:27,865 --> 01:10:29,949
I'm not welcome with my son.
791
01:10:31,410 --> 01:10:35,163
Years back, before you and your family
moved on the block...
792
01:10:35,914 --> 01:10:37,582
...I had an argument with my son.
793
01:10:38,375 --> 01:10:39,417
How old is he?
794
01:10:39,752 --> 01:10:41,294
He's grown up.
795
01:10:42,671 --> 01:10:47,342
We lost our tempers, and I said
I didn't care to see him anymore.
796
01:10:47,843 --> 01:10:52,180
He said the same, and we haven't
spoken to each other since.
797
01:10:53,349 --> 01:10:55,600
If you miss him,
why don't you call him?
798
01:10:56,226 --> 01:10:58,353
I'm afraid if I call,
he won't talk to me.
799
01:10:58,604 --> 01:11:00,104
How do you know?
800
01:11:01,106 --> 01:11:03,775
I don't know.
I'm just afraid he won't.
801
01:11:04,610 --> 01:11:07,612
No offense, but aren't you
a little old to be afraid?
802
01:11:08,989 --> 01:11:11,157
You can be old for a lot of things.
803
01:11:11,367 --> 01:11:14,160
-You're never too old to be afraid.
-That's true.
804
01:11:14,370 --> 01:11:16,287
I was afraid of our basement.
805
01:11:16,497 --> 01:11:19,791
It's dark. There's weird stuff
down there, and it smells funny.
806
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:23,461
That sort of thing.
It's bothered me for years.
807
01:11:23,837 --> 01:11:25,004
Basements are like that.
808
01:11:26,340 --> 01:11:28,716
I made myself go down
to do some laundry...
809
01:11:28,926 --> 01:11:31,052
...and I found out it's not so bad.
810
01:11:31,303 --> 01:11:35,890
I worried about it, but if you
turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
811
01:11:36,183 --> 01:11:37,225
What's your point?
812
01:11:37,684 --> 01:11:40,436
My point is,
you should call your son.
813
01:11:41,397 --> 01:11:44,148
-What if he won't talk to me?
-At least you'll know.
814
01:11:44,358 --> 01:11:48,736
Then you could stop worrying about it.
You won't have to be afraid anymore.
815
01:11:49,405 --> 01:11:54,450
No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
my dad. Especially around the holidays.
816
01:11:56,203 --> 01:11:57,787
I don't know.
817
01:11:57,996 --> 01:12:00,915
Just give it a shot.
For your granddaughter anyway.
818
01:12:01,166 --> 01:12:04,335
I'm sure she misses you.
And the presents.
819
01:12:05,045 --> 01:12:06,379
I send her a check.
820
01:12:07,089 --> 01:12:10,675
I wish my grandparents did that.
They always send me clothes.
821
01:12:10,884 --> 01:12:13,719
Last year I got a sweater
with a bird knitted on it.
822
01:12:13,971 --> 01:12:15,012
Oh, that's nice.
823
01:12:15,222 --> 01:12:17,348
Not for a guy in the second grade.
824
01:12:17,558 --> 01:12:20,184
You can get beat up
for wearing something like that.
825
01:12:21,562 --> 01:12:23,604
I have a friend who got nailed...
826
01:12:23,814 --> 01:12:26,691
...because there was a rumor
he wore dinosaur pajamas.
827
01:12:27,818 --> 01:12:32,071
You better run home where you belong.
Think about what I said.
828
01:12:32,489 --> 01:12:33,865
-All right?
-Okay.
829
01:12:34,658 --> 01:12:35,825
It's nice talking to you.
830
01:12:36,994 --> 01:12:38,744
Nice talking to you.
831
01:12:45,002 --> 01:12:47,086
-What about you?
-Me?
832
01:12:47,754 --> 01:12:49,255
Yeah. You and your son.
833
01:12:51,216 --> 01:12:53,092
We'll see what happens.
834
01:12:54,386 --> 01:12:55,636
Merry Christmas.
835
01:12:56,847 --> 01:12:58,764
Merry Christmas.
836
01:13:50,651 --> 01:13:54,278
This is my house. I have to defend it.
837
01:15:22,117 --> 01:15:25,369
We'll check it out.
We can come back for the truck.
838
01:15:33,629 --> 01:15:34,754
How do we go in?
839
01:15:35,380 --> 01:15:38,299
We'll go to the back door.
Maybe he'll let us in.
840
01:15:38,508 --> 01:15:41,886
Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
841
01:15:43,930 --> 01:15:47,892
Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
macaroni and cheese dinner...
842
01:15:48,101 --> 01:15:50,895
...and the people
who sold it on sale. Amen.
843
01:16:15,962 --> 01:16:18,631
This is it. Don't get scared now.
844
01:16:31,853 --> 01:16:34,522
Merry Christmas, little fella.
845
01:16:35,440 --> 01:16:40,111
We know that you're in there
and that you're all alone.
846
01:16:40,654 --> 01:16:42,947
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
847
01:16:43,865 --> 01:16:46,492
It's Santy Claus and his elf.
848
01:16:48,954 --> 01:16:50,162
We won't hurt you.
849
01:16:50,831 --> 01:16:54,250
No, no. Got some nice
presents for you.
850
01:16:54,584 --> 01:16:58,254
Be a good little fella now
and open the door.
851
01:17:03,093 --> 01:17:04,218
What?
852
01:17:06,054 --> 01:17:08,055
What? What?
853
01:17:08,765 --> 01:17:09,807
What?
854
01:17:09,975 --> 01:17:12,476
-What happened?
-Get that little--
855
01:17:23,989 --> 01:17:25,406
Hello.
856
01:17:31,121 --> 01:17:33,497
Yes! Yes!
857
01:17:33,707 --> 01:17:35,207
The little jerk is armed!
858
01:17:35,417 --> 01:17:39,628
That's it! I'm going in the front.
You go down the basement!
859
01:18:41,983 --> 01:18:44,193
That smart aleck!
860
01:20:12,449 --> 01:20:16,994
Oh, boy. That's it, you little--
You little--
861
01:20:17,954 --> 01:20:20,164
No, not this time, you little brat.
862
01:20:23,501 --> 01:20:26,378
You little creep, where are you?
863
01:20:50,320 --> 01:20:51,737
Yes!
864
01:21:25,480 --> 01:21:27,272
--rip his head off--!
865
01:21:37,158 --> 01:21:38,575
You're dead, kid.
866
01:22:26,082 --> 01:22:28,792
Where are you, you little creep?
867
01:22:45,018 --> 01:22:47,728
Harry, I'm coming in!
868
01:22:52,400 --> 01:22:54,443
Oh, no! I'm really scared.
869
01:22:54,694 --> 01:22:58,489
It's too late for you, kid, we're
in the house. We're gonna get you.
870
01:22:58,740 --> 01:23:00,824
Okay, come and get me!
871
01:23:01,201 --> 01:23:02,326
Why, you--!
872
01:23:08,875 --> 01:23:10,125
Now you're dead!
873
01:23:35,902 --> 01:23:38,403
I'm gonna kill that kid!
874
01:23:53,419 --> 01:23:55,587
-Marv.
-Harry?
875
01:23:55,922 --> 01:23:57,673
Why'd you take your shoes off?
876
01:23:58,216 --> 01:23:59,925
Why are you dressed like a chicken?
877
01:24:01,928 --> 01:24:05,305
I'm up here, you morons.
Come and get me.
878
01:24:08,726 --> 01:24:11,979
You guys give up,
or are you thirsty for more?
879
01:24:21,823 --> 01:24:23,198
Heads up!
880
01:24:26,286 --> 01:24:28,745
Don't worry, Marv.
I'll get him for you.
881
01:24:32,917 --> 01:24:34,585
Yes!
882
01:24:39,132 --> 01:24:41,425
He's only a kid, Harry.
We can take him.
883
01:24:41,593 --> 01:24:44,678
Shut up, will you? What is it?
884
01:24:44,929 --> 01:24:47,055
You're missing some teeth.
885
01:24:47,265 --> 01:24:49,433
Where? It's my gold tooth.
886
01:24:49,642 --> 01:24:52,603
My gold tooth. I'll kill him. I'll kill him!
887
01:24:54,939 --> 01:24:57,149
You bomb me with
one more can, kid...
888
01:24:57,442 --> 01:25:01,612
...and I'll snap off your cojones
and boil them in motor oil!
889
01:25:05,033 --> 01:25:06,158
911 emergency.
890
01:25:06,367 --> 01:25:08,202
Hello, my house is being robbed.
891
01:25:08,453 --> 01:25:13,123
My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
My name is Murphy.
892
01:25:16,628 --> 01:25:18,045
You never know what's there.
893
01:25:19,172 --> 01:25:20,797
There he is!
894
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:27,387
I got you! I got him, Harry.
895
01:25:29,182 --> 01:25:30,474
I got him.
896
01:25:31,601 --> 01:25:32,893
Harry, give me a hand!
897
01:25:36,272 --> 01:25:38,190
I got him!
898
01:25:38,358 --> 01:25:39,691
Harry, help me. Get up!
899
01:25:41,319 --> 01:25:42,527
I got him.
900
01:26:22,235 --> 01:26:23,527
What are you doing?
901
01:26:24,362 --> 01:26:26,947
Harry, don't move.
902
01:26:27,198 --> 01:26:28,282
Marv?
903
01:26:28,533 --> 01:26:30,867
Don't move.
904
01:26:31,369 --> 01:26:32,911
What are you doing?
905
01:26:37,667 --> 01:26:39,334
Did I get him?
906
01:26:39,794 --> 01:26:41,169
Did I get him?
907
01:26:41,546 --> 01:26:43,630
Where is it? Where is it?
908
01:26:43,840 --> 01:26:47,467
Never mind that. Here!
How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
909
01:26:47,677 --> 01:26:50,554
Get that kid, before I--
Get that kid!
910
01:27:17,206 --> 01:27:18,498
Where'd he go?
911
01:27:19,167 --> 01:27:21,251
Maybe he committed suicide.
912
01:27:21,586 --> 01:27:26,381
Down here, you big horse's ass!
Come get me before I call the police.
913
01:27:26,591 --> 01:27:28,592
-Let's get him!
-Wait, wait.
914
01:27:28,801 --> 01:27:30,677
It's just what he wants us to do:
915
01:27:30,887 --> 01:27:33,972
Go back through his fun house
so we get all tore up.
916
01:27:34,182 --> 01:27:35,724
He's gonna call the cops!
917
01:27:35,933 --> 01:27:37,601
From a tree house?
918
01:27:37,852 --> 01:27:38,977
Come on.
919
01:27:40,229 --> 01:27:41,813
-Out the window?
-Yeah.
920
01:27:41,981 --> 01:27:43,398
I'm not going out the window.
921
01:27:43,608 --> 01:27:47,611
Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
Come on, get out here.
922
01:27:52,450 --> 01:27:53,784
Come on.
923
01:27:59,791 --> 01:28:01,291
Come on!
924
01:28:06,923 --> 01:28:10,175
-Come on. Keep going.
-Let's go back, Harry.
925
01:28:15,807 --> 01:28:16,890
Shut it, Marv.
926
01:28:20,353 --> 01:28:21,395
Hey, guys!
927
01:28:21,979 --> 01:28:23,271
Check this out.
928
01:28:24,357 --> 01:28:26,066
Go back. Go back.
929
01:29:14,574 --> 01:29:15,949
There he is!
930
01:29:16,117 --> 01:29:18,201
Hey, I'm calling the cops!
931
01:29:19,454 --> 01:29:21,955
Wait, wait!
He wants us to follow him.
932
01:29:22,206 --> 01:29:24,124
I got a better idea. Come on.
933
01:29:42,143 --> 01:29:43,351
Hi, pal.
934
01:29:43,769 --> 01:29:47,022
We outsmarted you this time.
Get over here!
935
01:29:53,237 --> 01:29:54,404
What are you gonna do?
936
01:29:54,822 --> 01:29:56,865
I'll do exactly what he did to us.
937
01:29:57,074 --> 01:29:58,909
Burn his head with a blowtorch.
938
01:29:59,118 --> 01:30:01,119
I'll smash his face with an iron.
939
01:30:01,329 --> 01:30:04,164
I'd like to slap him
in the face with a paint can!
940
01:30:04,373 --> 01:30:05,999
Shove a nail through his foot!
941
01:30:06,250 --> 01:30:11,129
I'm gonna bite off every one of
these little fingers, one at a time.
942
01:30:20,431 --> 01:30:22,807
Come on. Let's get you home.
943
01:30:45,790 --> 01:30:48,500
Wow, this is great.
944
01:30:51,837 --> 01:30:54,130
Nice move, leaving the water running.
945
01:30:54,340 --> 01:30:58,176
Now we know each and every house
that you've hit.
946
01:31:01,639 --> 01:31:04,307
We've been looking for you guys
for a long time.
947
01:31:04,559 --> 01:31:07,435
Yeah. Well, remember,
we're the Wet Bandits.
948
01:31:07,812 --> 01:31:11,815
-Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T--
-Shut up! Get in the car!
949
01:31:11,983 --> 01:31:13,608
Hey, come on. Come on.
950
01:31:14,402 --> 01:31:16,903
-Hands off the head, pal!
-Come on.
951
01:32:12,501 --> 01:32:14,419
I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.
952
01:32:14,670 --> 01:32:15,879
No, you're not.
953
01:32:16,047 --> 01:32:18,548
You're beating yourself up there.
This happens.
954
01:32:18,758 --> 01:32:20,467
These things happen.
955
01:32:20,676 --> 01:32:24,554
You want to talk about bad parents?
Look at us.
956
01:32:24,764 --> 01:32:29,517
We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year.
We hardly see our families.
957
01:32:30,227 --> 01:32:32,479
Joe, over there. Gosh, you know...
958
01:32:32,688 --> 01:32:35,523
...he forgets his kids' names
half the time.
959
01:32:35,733 --> 01:32:39,027
Ziggy over there,
he's never even met his kid.
960
01:32:39,278 --> 01:32:43,031
Eddy.... Let's just hope
none of them write a book about him.
961
01:32:44,158 --> 01:32:47,661
Tell me, have you gone on vacation
and left your child home?
962
01:32:51,082 --> 01:32:52,457
No.
963
01:32:53,250 --> 01:32:56,127
But I did leave one
at a funeral parlor once.
964
01:32:56,962 --> 01:33:00,215
Yeah, it was terrible too.
I was all distraught and everything.
965
01:33:00,424 --> 01:33:04,678
The wife and I, we left the little
tyke there in the funeral parlor.
966
01:33:04,929 --> 01:33:08,598
All day. You know, we went
back at night, when we...
967
01:33:08,808 --> 01:33:11,059
...came to our senses, there he was.
968
01:33:11,310 --> 01:33:14,437
Apparently, he was there
all day with a corpse.
969
01:33:15,481 --> 01:33:18,775
He was okay.
You know, after six, seven weeks.
970
01:33:18,984 --> 01:33:21,444
He came around
and started talking again.
971
01:33:22,822 --> 01:33:25,824
They get over it.
Kids are resilient like that.
972
01:33:26,033 --> 01:33:27,742
We shouldn't talk about this.
973
01:33:27,993 --> 01:33:32,122
-I was just trying to cheer you up.
-I'm sorry I did.
974
01:33:58,399 --> 01:33:59,524
Mom?
975
01:34:04,697 --> 01:34:05,989
Mom?
976
01:34:10,035 --> 01:34:12,078
Mom?
977
01:34:58,417 --> 01:34:59,751
Kevin!
978
01:35:01,295 --> 01:35:02,420
Kevin!
979
01:35:33,786 --> 01:35:35,662
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
980
01:35:45,089 --> 01:35:47,590
Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
981
01:36:07,528 --> 01:36:09,320
Where's everybody else?
982
01:36:10,030 --> 01:36:12,031
Oh, baby, they couldn't come.
983
01:36:12,241 --> 01:36:13,491
They wanted to so much--
984
01:36:13,701 --> 01:36:18,162
I didn't fall asleep in the back
and drool all over you, did I?
985
01:36:18,372 --> 01:36:20,707
-You do drool!
-Shut up!
986
01:36:23,544 --> 01:36:27,171
Kevin, my boy. How are you?
It's good to see you.
987
01:36:27,381 --> 01:36:29,132
You're all right.
988
01:36:29,633 --> 01:36:30,842
I love you. You okay?
989
01:36:32,511 --> 01:36:33,636
Hey, Kev.
990
01:36:35,973 --> 01:36:38,641
It's cool that you didn't
burn the place down.
991
01:36:40,978 --> 01:36:42,437
Thanks, Buzz.
992
01:36:44,148 --> 01:36:46,149
Wait a minute.
How'd you guys get home?
993
01:36:46,358 --> 01:36:48,860
On the morning flight
you didn't want to wait for.
994
01:36:49,069 --> 01:36:52,322
-Oh, no. Thank you.
-Merry Christmas.
995
01:36:52,531 --> 01:36:53,948
Merry Christmas.
996
01:36:54,575 --> 01:36:56,659
Someone has to find an open store.
997
01:36:56,869 --> 01:36:58,494
I went shopping yesterday.
998
01:37:01,165 --> 01:37:02,707
You, shopping?
999
01:37:03,000 --> 01:37:05,710
I got some milk, eggs
and fabric softener.
1000
01:37:07,671 --> 01:37:09,547
-What?
-No kidding?
1001
01:37:09,757 --> 01:37:11,466
What a funny guy.
1002
01:37:11,675 --> 01:37:13,801
What else did you do
while we were away?
1003
01:37:14,970 --> 01:37:17,221
Just hung around.
1004
01:37:19,308 --> 01:37:20,767
Bring your stuff upstairs.
1005
01:37:20,976 --> 01:37:25,521
Shopping? He doesn't know how
to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
1006
01:37:26,065 --> 01:37:28,733
This is not the Kevin I knew.
1007
01:37:52,341 --> 01:37:53,883
Honey, what's this?
1008
01:38:52,359 --> 01:38:55,778
Kevin! What did you do to my room?
73973
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