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- Were you a scared child?
2
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- Yeah.
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You know, going into
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your parents' bedroom to sleep.
5
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- Aw.
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- Like, I was afraid of Freddy
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from "Nightmare on Elm Street."
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- Mm-hmm.
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- You would end up
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in your parents' bed a lot.
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- Oh, I slept in my parents'
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bedroom till late eighth grade.
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I remember the last time,
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because I was old enough
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to know that
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my parents could be having sex.
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So I knocked to make sure
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that they weren't like,
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[exasperated voice]
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"Yeah?"
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- I'd take my chances
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1,000 out of 1,000 times
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with Freddy
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over my dad's balls.
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- Ugh.
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- [laughs]
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- * I wanna miss my flight
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* I feel so all alone
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out on the road *
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* Can you welcome me home?
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[upbeat music]
32
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- You guys, how was Chicago?
33
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- Chi-town, what's goin' on,
34
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baby?
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Is that what you have to say
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when you say "Chicago"?
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- You have to say that
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when you--
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- Chi-town, what's goin' on?
40
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- It was awesome.
41
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We went to a bird sanctuary.
42
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- Oh, my gosh.
43
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- That was wild.
44
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- Well,
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it's just a normal house.
46
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There were 70 cages.
47
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I mean, it's crazy.
48
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Oh, my God.
49
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I think this--
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this might be it.
51
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- Oh, my...
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- Holy ----.
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- [laughing]
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[bird cawing]
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- Oh, my God.
56
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- Like, Chicago was great.
57
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But it was kind of awkward.
58
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I had to ride the elevator up
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with my parents and Chris
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up to our floor,
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and they saw us, you know,
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go off together,
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and probably knew
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what was going to happen,
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based on my act.
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- Wah-wah-wah-wah.
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- So we consummated
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our...uh, love?
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Um, yeah, we had sex.
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Ready for a wild night?
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- No.
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- Presently occupied.
73
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Yeah...
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I have no regrets.
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It was great,
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and I feel really secure
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about my decision to do that.
78
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I just feel like
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it was the most responsible sex
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I've ever had.
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Still didn't use a condom,
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but still responsible.
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Kerstin, do you want kids?
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- I mean, I do if it happens.
85
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But I'm not gonna go like to
86
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the ends of the Earth to, like,
87
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"I must have a family
88
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to feel fulfilled!"
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Nikki, do you want kids?
90
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- If we came up with a plan
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where it was like I wasn't the
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one having to do everything.
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Like, my dad was very--
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he played with us all the time,
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all the time.
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My mom was not, like,
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on the floor playing with us.
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I feel like I'm ready
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to commit to Chris
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and move forward,
101
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but to ask him if he's down
102
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for marrying me some day
103
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and possibly having a family?
104
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We've never talked
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about things like that.
106
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We could still do what we've
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been doing, but, you know,
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with contracts involved.
109
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- Does Brenna want kids?
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- Mm...
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Look.
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By the time we have kids,
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she'll be an adult.
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[laughter]
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- She's 25.
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- When I play guitar
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and sing in my house,
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like,
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it's an embarrassing thing.
120
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I don't really like him
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to overhear it.
122
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I'd rather you hear me
123
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masturbating, honestly,
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'cause it sounds
125
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pretty masturbatory.
126
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- Yeah, I don't know
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what's the difference.
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[both laugh]
129
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- My howls--
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my lonesome howls.
131
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- Yeah, I was like,
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"Man,
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she hit that note finally."
134
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- Yeah.
135
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[calm music]
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*
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[knocking]
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[dogs barking]
139
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- It's you.
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Come on in.
141
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- Hey, Julie.
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- Hey!
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- Hi, how are you?
144
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- Dad, this is Arya.
145
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- Hey, Arya.
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- Nice to meet you.
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- Nice to meet you.
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- Hi!
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- Hi!
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So good to see you.
151
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- Hey, Luigi, please.
152
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- Luigi, quit it.
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Just stop it.
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- You have a lovely home.
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- Oh, my gosh.
156
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Thank you for being here.
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- Absolutely.
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- I wanna be taken seriously
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as a singer,
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so I actually started taking
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singing lessons
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a couple months ago with Arya,
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and...we haven't
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really done much singing.
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[chimes chiming]
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You really have awesome skin.
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I'm not a Christian
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or anything like that.
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- Sure, sure.
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- But, just like, mother nature
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give me a sign.
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- Right.
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Universe, give me a sign.
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- My coach and I
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have just become friends,
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and I haven't sang
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one note yet.
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I guess what I would love for
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you to help us with today,
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because we are performing
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a song--
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- You guys both are?
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Together?
184
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- Yeah, I'm doing
185
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a live podcasts tonight.
186
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- I just learned it
187
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15 minutes ago.
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- Yeah, I mean,
189
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I learned this song too.
190
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But, you know,
191
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I've only sang it one day.
192
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* There's a red truck sittin'
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under a street lamp *
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* Full of dents and rust
195
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* The bed is empty
196
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I'll be singing the bulk of it,
197
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but then,
198
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my dad and I want to work
199
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on some harmonies
200
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for the chorus.
201
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- Absolutely, absolutely.
202
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- Can I have
203
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some vocal warm-ups, maybe,
204
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that would help?
205
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- Yeah.
206
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Do you have a keyboard, or a--
207
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- Yeah, right over here.
208
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- We have
209
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a tiny piano over there.
210
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It's my first time singing
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a sincere original song
212
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in front of people,
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and I am feeling nervous.
214
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I'm a beginner.
215
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I don't think I'm Adele.
216
00:04:57,707 --> 00:05:00,276
I think I'm a Dell computer...
217
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that the speakers
218
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are blown out.
219
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* Ah ah ah ah ah
220
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* Ah ah ah
221
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ah ah *
222
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* Brr
223
00:05:09,463 --> 00:05:11,154
* Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
224
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* Ah ah ah ah ah
225
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* Brr
226
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- Come on.
227
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* Brr
228
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- All right, all right.
229
00:05:19,562 --> 00:05:20,663
- I haven't smoked weed
230
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for two months,
231
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:22,298
and my voice
232
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has not changed at all.
233
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Like,
234
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it just feels like I still--
235
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like, it's impossible.
236
00:05:26,335 --> 00:05:30,206
- Yeah, it is possible.
237
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- So frustrating.
238
00:05:30,239 --> 00:05:31,574
- Oh, Nikki.
239
00:05:31,607 --> 00:05:34,510
- I just hate sounding bad.
240
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- You sound great.
241
00:05:34,544 --> 00:05:36,179
- I know, but I can't
242
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hit these high notes.
243
00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:38,581
I just wanna be Taylor Swift,
244
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and I can't.
245
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- [laughs]
246
00:05:38,614 --> 00:05:40,316
- I just won't ever be able
247
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to sing.
248
00:05:40,349 --> 00:05:41,818
- You're not gonna--
249
00:05:41,851 --> 00:05:43,986
- Just sing a lower octave.
250
00:05:41,851 --> 00:05:43,986
- In these songs,
251
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you're not gonna
252
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be singing that high.
253
00:05:45,288 --> 00:05:47,690
- But I can't even hit octaves
254
00:05:45,288 --> 00:05:47,690
she hits in her low octaves.
255
00:05:47,724 --> 00:05:49,325
- Well,
256
00:05:47,724 --> 00:05:49,325
you have a different voice.
257
00:05:49,358 --> 00:05:50,693
- But I want--
258
00:05:49,358 --> 00:05:50,693
- I can't sing
259
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:52,695
like Frankie Valli,
260
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but big deal.
261
00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:54,897
- I don't have the best voice.
262
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Can we sing the other song?
263
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- Please.
264
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I would love
265
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to hear the other song.
266
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- There is a rasp, honey,
267
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'cause I smoked for many years.
268
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:03,333
I just, like, seem like
269
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I'm an old, like,
270
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you know, talent agent.
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[guitar playing]
272
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*
273
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* Tell me something, Dad
274
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* What did I do to make you
275
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so damn mad? *
276
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* This song's
277
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off the deep end *
278
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* Where did we go wrong?
279
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* I want us to get along
280
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- * It's too late
281
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for that now *
282
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* I'm kicking you out now
283
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* And I'm gonna bang
284
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your mom *
285
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*
286
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* I'm gonna bang
287
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* I'm gonna bang your mom
288
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:49,952
- * I've heard you bang,
289
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I've heard you bang my mom *
290
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* I've heard her moans
291
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- That's not nice.
292
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- * Because we share a wall
293
00:06:54,624 --> 00:06:58,261
* This is my impression
294
00:06:54,624 --> 00:06:58,261
of Mom *
295
00:06:58,294 --> 00:07:00,263
- Oh, God.
296
00:06:58,294 --> 00:07:00,263
I can hear this.
297
00:07:00,296 --> 00:07:05,301
- * Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh
298
00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:08,204
* Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
299
00:07:08,237 --> 00:07:09,839
* Ah-ah-ah
300
00:07:09,872 --> 00:07:15,778
* Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
301
00:07:15,812 --> 00:07:18,281
* This song is so gross now
302
00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:20,683
* The end must be close now
303
00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:20,683
- * Must be close now
304
00:07:20,717 --> 00:07:24,754
both: * Where do we go
305
00:07:20,717 --> 00:07:24,754
from here? *
306
00:07:24,787 --> 00:07:25,955
- * We gotta go
307
00:07:25,988 --> 00:07:28,624
* We gotta end this show
308
00:07:28,658 --> 00:07:33,196
* Grandma's got
309
00:07:28,658 --> 00:07:33,196
another sailor to blow *
310
00:07:33,229 --> 00:07:35,593
- [sighs]
311
00:07:33,229 --> 00:07:35,593
- What the ----?
312
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,166
- That is awful.
313
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,000
- That's every bit of hilarious
314
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,000
and more.
315
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:42,663
- Thanks.
316
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:42,663
- When did you write that?
317
00:07:42,993 --> 00:07:43,339
- Last summer.
318
00:07:43,372 --> 00:07:45,608
- My mom would love this.
319
00:07:43,372 --> 00:07:45,608
She had a good sense of humor.
320
00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:46,509
- Yeah, yeah.
321
00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:46,509
- She'd definitely approve.
322
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,144
- What about your wife...
323
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,144
- And it's true.
324
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:49,912
- And what about your mother?
325
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:49,912
About your mother?
326
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,581
- Oh, yeah, would you check
327
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,581
with Mom? She's alive.
328
00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:52,949
You can actually check
329
00:07:51,614 --> 00:07:52,949
with Mom.
330
00:07:52,982 --> 00:07:53,950
- I'm alive.
331
00:07:52,982 --> 00:07:53,950
I'm right here.
332
00:07:53,983 --> 00:07:55,793
- We know you're fine
333
00:07:53,983 --> 00:07:55,793
with it.
334
00:07:55,793 --> 00:07:57,153
- Ah, great.
335
00:07:55,793 --> 00:07:57,153
[laughter]
336
00:08:04,213 --> 00:08:05,194
- Facials!
337
00:08:05,228 --> 00:08:06,262
It's like the spa.
338
00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:07,930
- Oh, my God.
339
00:08:07,964 --> 00:08:09,565
- [laughs]
340
00:08:09,599 --> 00:08:11,267
- This ain't too bad.
341
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,403
- Do you think facialists
342
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,403
really wanna put, like,
343
00:08:13,436 --> 00:08:14,670
eyes here
344
00:08:13,436 --> 00:08:14,670
and, like, do that top?
345
00:08:14,704 --> 00:08:16,539
- Oh, my God, that is so fun.
346
00:08:16,572 --> 00:08:18,683
Oh, I got some eyes.
347
00:08:19,023 --> 00:08:19,342
- Okay, this is weird.
348
00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:20,643
- Just stay still.
349
00:08:20,676 --> 00:08:22,145
- Wait, now smoke a cigarette.
350
00:08:20,676 --> 00:08:22,145
- Here we go.
351
00:08:22,178 --> 00:08:23,579
- [laughs]
352
00:08:23,613 --> 00:08:24,981
- Mrs. Featherbottom.
353
00:08:25,423 --> 00:08:26,916
- [British accent]
354
00:08:25,423 --> 00:08:26,916
What are you girls doing?
355
00:08:26,949 --> 00:08:30,473
- You can't smoke inside,
356
00:08:26,949 --> 00:08:30,473
ma'am.
357
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:32,587
- Oh, this cigarette's
358
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:32,587
delicious.
359
00:08:32,621 --> 00:08:34,756
- Ma'am, your driver's
360
00:08:32,621 --> 00:08:34,756
waiting out back.
361
00:08:34,791 --> 00:08:37,592
- [laughs]
362
00:08:34,791 --> 00:08:37,592
Okay, are you girls done?
363
00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:38,928
- Yes.
364
00:08:38,961 --> 00:08:41,597
- [normally] This has gone
365
00:08:38,961 --> 00:08:41,597
off the track.
366
00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:44,700
[upbeat music]
367
00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:46,335
- Am I supposed
368
00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:46,335
to be doing anything?
369
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:47,670
- You can paddle.
370
00:08:47,703 --> 00:08:50,173
- You know what--an issue
371
00:08:47,703 --> 00:08:50,173
I have with canoeing?
372
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:52,013
- What is it?
373
00:08:51,174 --> 00:08:53,309
- That you always gotta keep
374
00:08:51,174 --> 00:08:53,309
switching sides.
375
00:08:53,342 --> 00:08:54,744
- You actually don't.
376
00:08:53,342 --> 00:08:54,744
If you look at me,
377
00:08:54,777 --> 00:08:56,245
I'm doing the J stroke.
378
00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:58,347
Because I'm missing
379
00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:58,347
a muscle on my left side,
380
00:08:58,381 --> 00:08:59,849
I always paddle on the right.
381
00:08:59,882 --> 00:09:01,417
There's also something
382
00:08:59,882 --> 00:09:01,417
in the front
383
00:09:01,451 --> 00:09:03,720
called a cross-bow
384
00:09:01,451 --> 00:09:03,720
draw stroke,
385
00:09:03,753 --> 00:09:05,588
which is really cool.
386
00:09:05,621 --> 00:09:07,256
- Cool.
387
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:09,158
My dad loves the outdoors.
388
00:09:09,192 --> 00:09:10,426
He loves adventure.
389
00:09:09,192 --> 00:09:10,426
He loves canoeing.
390
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:11,961
He loves trees.
391
00:09:12,223 --> 00:09:13,863
He loves eagles.
392
00:09:12,223 --> 00:09:13,863
He loves hawks.
393
00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:16,232
He loves every single thing
394
00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:16,232
about the outdoors.
395
00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,834
- Listen.
396
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:19,202
[distant birds calling]
397
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:19,202
Hear that?
398
00:09:19,235 --> 00:09:21,313
- No!
399
00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:24,273
And I don't care
400
00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:24,273
about the outdoors.
401
00:09:24,307 --> 00:09:26,442
Did Mom like outdoors
402
00:09:24,307 --> 00:09:26,442
when you first met her,
403
00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:28,383
or did you get her into it?
404
00:09:28,383 --> 00:09:30,713
- Um...kind of got her
405
00:09:28,383 --> 00:09:30,713
into it, I guess.
406
00:09:30,747 --> 00:09:33,433
- When did you know Mom
407
00:09:30,747 --> 00:09:33,433
was the one?
408
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:34,717
When you got her pregnant?
409
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:34,717
- I had to work--
410
00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:36,285
- Just kidding.
411
00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:36,285
- [laughs]
412
00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:38,588
- How soon did you ask
413
00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:38,588
if she wanted to have kids?
414
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:39,856
- Pretty quickly,
415
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:39,856
'cause if she didn't,
416
00:09:39,889 --> 00:09:41,853
I would just move on.
417
00:09:41,157 --> 00:09:43,326
- How do you deal
418
00:09:41,157 --> 00:09:43,326
with conflict with Mom?
419
00:09:43,359 --> 00:09:45,161
Do you tell her right away?
420
00:09:45,194 --> 00:09:46,229
- Uh, yeah.
421
00:09:46,262 --> 00:09:49,599
- I mean, I do keep my mouth
422
00:09:46,262 --> 00:09:49,599
shut a lot of times.
423
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:51,613
When it's someone
424
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:51,613
I don't like romantically,
425
00:09:51,613 --> 00:09:53,836
I can stand up for myself
426
00:09:51,613 --> 00:09:53,836
anytime,
427
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:56,739
but when
428
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:56,739
it's a romantic pursuit,
429
00:09:56,773 --> 00:09:58,975
it becomes literally impossible
430
00:09:59,008 --> 00:10:02,945
because I just am so awkward
431
00:09:59,008 --> 00:10:02,945
when it comes to romance.
432
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:06,482
Asking the guy you're dating
433
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:06,482
and sleeping with now
434
00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:09,685
about your future and marriage
435
00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:09,685
and kids
436
00:10:09,719 --> 00:10:11,154
and all of these things
437
00:10:11,187 --> 00:10:13,833
that I should probably
438
00:10:11,187 --> 00:10:13,833
already know the answers to--
439
00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:16,225
it's really scary,
440
00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:16,225
and I wanna be the cool girl.
441
00:10:16,259 --> 00:10:17,160
I don't wanna be the girl
442
00:10:17,193 --> 00:10:18,494
that's pressuring a guy
443
00:10:17,193 --> 00:10:18,494
to get married.
444
00:10:18,528 --> 00:10:20,263
Guys hate that girl.
445
00:10:20,296 --> 00:10:24,233
That's why I'm, like, excited
446
00:10:20,296 --> 00:10:24,233
about Chris more than ever.
447
00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:27,036
I just feel like
448
00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:27,036
he thinks the world of me,
449
00:10:27,313 --> 00:10:28,905
and like I know he loves me.
450
00:10:28,938 --> 00:10:30,807
- Look at this battleship.
451
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,776
- What?
452
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,776
- Look at to the right.
453
00:10:33,810 --> 00:10:35,723
- Okay, that actually is cool
454
00:10:35,144 --> 00:10:36,243
and worthy
455
00:10:35,144 --> 00:10:36,243
of interrupting my...
456
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:37,513
- That is a battle--[laughs]
457
00:10:37,547 --> 00:10:38,881
- Emotional...
458
00:10:37,547 --> 00:10:38,881
- That is so cool.
459
00:10:38,915 --> 00:10:40,650
Look at that.
460
00:10:38,915 --> 00:10:40,650
- Story.
461
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,952
- So you were saying,
462
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,952
with Chris...
463
00:10:42,985 --> 00:10:45,254
- He's so great and so--
464
00:10:42,985 --> 00:10:45,254
he's always there for me.
465
00:10:45,288 --> 00:10:47,490
- Look how cool that is.
466
00:10:45,288 --> 00:10:47,490
You know, I read about this.
467
00:10:47,523 --> 00:10:48,925
They have battleship wars.
468
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:50,259
There's another one
469
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:50,259
over there.
470
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:53,396
- I feel like one's going
471
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:53,396
in my heart right now.
472
00:10:54,764 --> 00:10:56,899
Not to make this not romantic,
473
00:10:56,933 --> 00:10:58,835
but you're just a good...
474
00:10:58,868 --> 00:11:00,570
- We're a good team.
475
00:10:58,868 --> 00:11:00,570
- You're a good teammate.
476
00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:02,305
He gets me out of my head and--
477
00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:02,305
- I'm good for perspective.
478
00:11:02,338 --> 00:11:03,206
- Yeah.
479
00:11:03,239 --> 00:11:05,274
Anybody could've helped
480
00:11:03,239 --> 00:11:05,274
Nikki with that.
481
00:11:05,308 --> 00:11:06,809
They just had to--
482
00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:09,545
- But they don't have sex
483
00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:09,545
with me at the same time.
484
00:11:09,579 --> 00:11:11,481
Your perspective is my back.
485
00:11:11,514 --> 00:11:13,549
- No!
486
00:11:11,514 --> 00:11:13,549
Stop!
487
00:11:13,583 --> 00:11:15,351
Come on.
488
00:11:15,385 --> 00:11:17,687
[both laughing]
489
00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:21,891
[upbeat music]
490
00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:22,925
- Julie, what do you think
491
00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:22,925
about one of these
492
00:11:22,959 --> 00:11:24,894
in our house?
493
00:11:22,959 --> 00:11:24,894
- Don't touch it.
494
00:11:24,927 --> 00:11:26,562
- Hi!
495
00:11:24,927 --> 00:11:26,562
How's it going?
496
00:11:26,596 --> 00:11:27,730
- Good.
497
00:11:26,596 --> 00:11:27,730
How are you?
498
00:11:27,764 --> 00:11:28,765
- Are you guys coming
499
00:11:27,764 --> 00:11:28,765
to the show?
500
00:11:28,798 --> 00:11:30,166
Nice!
501
00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:33,269
- Oh, look at this mirror.
502
00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:33,269
Did you see this mirror?
503
00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:36,906
- Yeah.
504
00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:36,906
If you want body dysmorphia...
505
00:11:36,939 --> 00:11:38,975
- That's great.
506
00:11:36,939 --> 00:11:38,975
Look, Jules, look.
507
00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:40,543
- This is so
508
00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:40,543
Hank Williams, Jr.
509
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,345
- What about it?
510
00:11:42,378 --> 00:11:44,847
Do you think I haven't seen
511
00:11:42,378 --> 00:11:44,847
one of these mirrors before?
512
00:11:44,881 --> 00:11:46,783
Like, how old are you?
513
00:11:46,816 --> 00:11:48,251
- 7:00.
514
00:11:46,816 --> 00:11:48,251
Showtime.
515
00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:50,520
Nikki, I'm gonna have
516
00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:50,520
to plug in our stuff.
517
00:11:50,553 --> 00:11:51,754
- Okay.
518
00:11:50,553 --> 00:11:51,754
- Yeah.
519
00:11:51,788 --> 00:11:53,156
Andrew, are you ready?
520
00:11:53,189 --> 00:11:54,390
- We gotta go sit down.
521
00:11:53,189 --> 00:11:54,390
- We gotta go sit down.
522
00:11:54,424 --> 00:11:55,491
- You know I always am.
523
00:11:55,525 --> 00:11:56,993
*
524
00:11:57,026 --> 00:11:58,928
- Hi.
525
00:11:57,026 --> 00:11:58,928
Are you Arya?
526
00:11:58,961 --> 00:11:59,929
- I am.
527
00:11:58,961 --> 00:11:59,929
- I'm Chris.
528
00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:01,330
Did I say that right?
529
00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:01,330
- It's nice to meet you.
530
00:12:01,364 --> 00:12:02,632
- Nice to meet you.
531
00:12:02,665 --> 00:12:04,000
- This is Noa.
532
00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:06,502
She's a producer
533
00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:06,502
on Nikki's podcast.
534
00:12:06,536 --> 00:12:08,653
[soft guitar music]
535
00:12:08,653 --> 00:12:09,539
- * Have you ever done
536
00:12:08,653 --> 00:12:09,539
a podcast? *
537
00:12:09,572 --> 00:12:10,873
- * I have
538
00:12:10,907 --> 00:12:12,442
- * Have you ever done
539
00:12:10,907 --> 00:12:12,442
a live one? *
540
00:12:12,475 --> 00:12:13,609
- * I have
541
00:12:13,643 --> 00:12:15,545
- * I'm about to go out there
542
00:12:15,578 --> 00:12:17,914
* And I'm experiencing
543
00:12:15,578 --> 00:12:17,914
stage fright *
544
00:12:17,947 --> 00:12:19,816
[music winds down]
545
00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:21,784
I believe in living
546
00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:21,784
your dreams,
547
00:12:21,818 --> 00:12:23,252
but I just don't wanna be
548
00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:26,622
the actress who switches
549
00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:26,622
to singing, and everyone goes,
550
00:12:26,656 --> 00:12:28,491
"Mm, stick to what
551
00:12:26,656 --> 00:12:28,491
you're good at."
552
00:12:28,524 --> 00:12:30,026
Okay, I'm ready.
553
00:12:30,873 --> 00:12:33,362
Like, I don't wanna hear
554
00:12:30,873 --> 00:12:33,362
Taylor Swift do comedy.
555
00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:35,264
[indistinct announcement]
556
00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:35,264
- Here we go.
557
00:12:35,298 --> 00:12:36,666
And I fear that Taylor Swift
558
00:12:35,298 --> 00:12:36,666
would be better at comedy
559
00:12:36,699 --> 00:12:37,867
than me right out of the gate,
560
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,470
because she's good
561
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,470
at everything.
562
00:12:41,037 --> 00:12:42,638
- And here's Nikki!
563
00:12:42,672 --> 00:12:46,275
[cheers and applause]
564
00:12:55,318 --> 00:12:57,887
[upbeat music]
565
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,289
- Here's Nikki!
566
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,289
[cheers and applause]
567
00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:04,627
- Welcome to "The Nikki Glaser
568
00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:04,627
Podcast" Live Edition!
569
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,573
[cheers and applause]
570
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,573
Oh, my God!
571
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:10,600
Noa, how are we feeling?
572
00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:13,002
- This is unbelievable, Nikki.
573
00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:13,002
- It's so exciting.
574
00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:15,571
Uh, you texted me,
575
00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:15,571
"Mandy's here,"
576
00:13:15,605 --> 00:13:17,573
and I was like, "Who's Mandy?"
577
00:13:17,607 --> 00:13:19,693
And you go, "The masseuse."
578
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:20,910
She's going to join us
579
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:20,910
on stage,
580
00:13:20,943 --> 00:13:23,146
and she's just gonna rub
581
00:13:20,943 --> 00:13:23,146
my feet during the show,
582
00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:24,514
if that's okay with people,
583
00:13:24,547 --> 00:13:26,516
because embracing my bunions
584
00:13:24,547 --> 00:13:26,516
has been very hard.
585
00:13:26,549 --> 00:13:28,418
Mandy, come on up,
586
00:13:26,549 --> 00:13:28,418
but please don't speak.
587
00:13:28,451 --> 00:13:30,286
[cheers and applause]
588
00:13:30,319 --> 00:13:32,288
I'm just kidding.
589
00:13:30,319 --> 00:13:32,288
Welcome Mandy to the stage.
590
00:13:32,321 --> 00:13:34,190
Hi, Mandy.
591
00:13:34,223 --> 00:13:36,492
Thank you so much.
592
00:13:34,223 --> 00:13:36,492
This is, like, amazing.
593
00:13:36,526 --> 00:13:39,362
I am so excited for this.
594
00:13:36,526 --> 00:13:39,362
You're welcome.
595
00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:42,923
[laughter]
596
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,801
Should we bring in...
597
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,801
Andrew!
598
00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:47,303
[cheers and applause]
599
00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:50,173
- Hey, hey.
600
00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:50,173
Buddy, hey.
601
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:52,308
Hey!
602
00:13:52,341 --> 00:13:53,943
*
603
00:13:53,976 --> 00:13:55,511
Have you ever seen
604
00:13:53,976 --> 00:13:55,511
a foot like this?
605
00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:56,813
Her dad has the same foot,
606
00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:56,813
I learned.
607
00:13:56,846 --> 00:13:58,314
- This bunion's even bigger.
608
00:14:00,349 --> 00:14:02,552
Okay, so I went over
609
00:14:00,349 --> 00:14:02,552
to my parents' house
610
00:14:02,585 --> 00:14:05,688
and had a singing lesson
611
00:14:02,585 --> 00:14:05,688
with my new best friend, Arya,
612
00:14:05,722 --> 00:14:07,690
to coach me and my dad
613
00:14:05,722 --> 00:14:07,690
on a song
614
00:14:07,724 --> 00:14:08,691
because there might be
615
00:14:07,724 --> 00:14:08,691
some music
616
00:14:08,725 --> 00:14:10,543
later on in the show.
617
00:14:10,543 --> 00:14:11,594
It makes me feel
618
00:14:10,543 --> 00:14:11,594
really insecure
619
00:14:11,627 --> 00:14:13,329
when I'm singing
620
00:14:11,627 --> 00:14:13,329
in front of people.
621
00:14:13,362 --> 00:14:16,399
I would literally rather do,
622
00:14:13,362 --> 00:14:16,399
like, a donkey show
623
00:14:16,432 --> 00:14:18,167
than this.
624
00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:19,969
But I just have to remember,
625
00:14:20,002 --> 00:14:20,970
doing stand-up
626
00:14:20,002 --> 00:14:20,970
for the first time
627
00:14:21,003 --> 00:14:23,005
my freshman year of college,
628
00:14:21,003 --> 00:14:23,005
I was so nervous,
629
00:14:23,673 --> 00:14:24,340
because a lot
630
00:14:23,673 --> 00:14:24,340
was riding on this.
631
00:14:24,373 --> 00:14:26,175
This didn't work out,
632
00:14:24,373 --> 00:14:26,175
I didn't--
633
00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:27,677
I don't know
634
00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:27,677
what I was gonna do.
635
00:14:27,710 --> 00:14:29,445
Oh, my dad called me today,
636
00:14:29,479 --> 00:14:31,714
and he told me
637
00:14:29,479 --> 00:14:31,714
that he really wants me
638
00:14:31,748 --> 00:14:34,217
to stop smoking so much pot.
639
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:37,019
He thinks I'm losing interest
640
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:37,019
in things that I once loved,
641
00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:39,222
which--completely not true,
642
00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:41,691
because I still, like, love
643
00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:41,691
smoking pot.
644
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:44,883
[laughter]
645
00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:46,462
I remember having my jokes
646
00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:46,462
on a little piece of paper
647
00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:48,598
that was, like, soaked
648
00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:48,598
in sweat,
649
00:14:48,631 --> 00:14:49,966
and as soon as I got
650
00:14:48,631 --> 00:14:49,966
my first laugh,
651
00:14:49,999 --> 00:14:51,033
I was like, "Okay, I got this."
652
00:14:51,953 --> 00:14:53,302
So with singing,
653
00:14:51,953 --> 00:14:53,302
that's all I want.
654
00:14:53,336 --> 00:14:55,471
We have just a little more show
655
00:14:53,336 --> 00:14:55,471
left for you,
656
00:14:55,505 --> 00:14:57,907
and it's gonna change the tone
657
00:14:55,505 --> 00:14:57,907
a little bit.
658
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,475
Dad, do you wanna set up?
659
00:14:59,509 --> 00:15:00,910
- Sure.
660
00:14:59,509 --> 00:15:00,910
- Okay, my dad, EJ,
661
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:03,403
is gonna play a song with me.
662
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,763
Thank you, Andrew!
663
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,763
Thank you, Noa.
664
00:15:06,149 --> 00:15:08,618
[soft guitar music]
665
00:15:08,651 --> 00:15:10,920
- It's a really good song,
666
00:15:08,651 --> 00:15:10,920
by the way. Matt--
667
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,755
- I love that you have to tell
668
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,755
them that.
669
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:16,533
- No, he's a hell
670
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:16,533
of a songwriter.
671
00:15:16,533 --> 00:15:18,227
- * There's a red truck
672
00:15:18,261 --> 00:15:20,763
* Sitting under a streetlamp
673
00:15:20,797 --> 00:15:23,733
* Full of dents and rust
674
00:15:23,766 --> 00:15:25,234
* But my bed is empty
675
00:15:25,268 --> 00:15:27,370
* It's the same deal
676
00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:30,206
* Up in this hotel room
677
00:15:30,239 --> 00:15:32,175
* I've been known to feel
678
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:34,777
* More than my manager
679
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:34,777
tells me *
680
00:15:34,811 --> 00:15:38,915
* And I'm praying to you
681
00:15:38,948 --> 00:15:42,793
* St. Lou
682
00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:47,790
both: * I'm praying to you,
683
00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:47,790
St. Lou *
684
00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:50,873
*
685
00:15:50,873 --> 00:15:53,029
[cheers and applause]
686
00:15:53,903 --> 00:15:55,431
- Thank you, thank you.
687
00:15:55,465 --> 00:15:57,567
I'm actually really proud
688
00:15:55,465 --> 00:15:57,567
of myself
689
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,963
singing about St. Louis.
690
00:15:59,963 --> 00:16:02,323
The song is amazing,
691
00:15:59,963 --> 00:16:02,323
and I also love St. Louis
692
00:16:02,663 --> 00:16:03,940
because my family's here.
693
00:16:03,973 --> 00:16:05,693
- You can sing.
694
00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:06,442
- Ugh, thank you.
695
00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:06,442
- Yeah.
696
00:16:06,476 --> 00:16:09,278
- Girl, oh, my gosh.
697
00:16:06,476 --> 00:16:09,278
Thank you.
698
00:16:09,312 --> 00:16:10,480
Although it wasn't perfect,
699
00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:12,423
and I could pick it apart
700
00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:12,423
to pieces, like,
701
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:13,483
I'm never gonna sound
702
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:13,483
like Adele
703
00:16:13,516 --> 00:16:14,984
or Ariana Grande,
704
00:16:15,453 --> 00:16:17,487
but you don't really have
705
00:16:15,453 --> 00:16:17,487
to sound perfect.
706
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,843
You just have to sound
707
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,843
like you.
708
00:16:20,156 --> 00:16:21,357
- Lay-nay.
709
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:22,558
- Thank you so much
710
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:22,558
for coming.
711
00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:23,326
- Oh, yeah, of course.
712
00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:25,553
I was right here
713
00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:25,553
the whole time.
714
00:16:25,553 --> 00:16:26,729
Did you have fun?
715
00:16:25,553 --> 00:16:26,729
- Yeah, it was fun.
716
00:16:26,763 --> 00:16:27,864
- I mean, the song was great.
717
00:16:27,897 --> 00:16:28,865
- Thank you.
718
00:16:27,897 --> 00:16:28,865
- Yeah.
719
00:16:28,898 --> 00:16:30,943
- Thank you.
720
00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:31,467
Good to see you.
721
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:32,568
- Good night.
722
00:16:32,602 --> 00:16:35,471
*
723
00:16:35,505 --> 00:16:37,173
- Oh, my gosh,
724
00:16:35,505 --> 00:16:37,173
I love your shirt.
725
00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,475
- You guys were so awesome
726
00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,475
when you sang that song.
727
00:16:39,509 --> 00:16:40,843
Like, I started crying.
728
00:16:39,509 --> 00:16:40,843
You guys were so great.
729
00:16:40,877 --> 00:16:42,011
- Really?
730
00:16:40,877 --> 00:16:42,011
- Yeah.
731
00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:43,733
- Thank you!
732
00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:43,733
- You're amazing.
733
00:16:43,146 --> 00:16:44,647
- Thank you.
734
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,282
Bye, girl.
735
00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:47,984
- Too bad her zipper
736
00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:47,984
was down.
737
00:16:48,017 --> 00:16:49,986
[laughing]
738
00:16:50,019 --> 00:16:51,421
I should've told her.
739
00:16:58,728 --> 00:17:03,273
[upbeat music]
740
00:17:03,603 --> 00:17:05,200
- Oh, mother of God!
741
00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:07,642
Jesus Christ.
742
00:17:07,973 --> 00:17:08,938
[sly music]
743
00:17:08,971 --> 00:17:10,806
Hello?
744
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,275
Hello!
745
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,275
- Hey.
746
00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:13,776
- You brought me presents?
747
00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:13,776
- No, it's not for you.
748
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:15,645
It's for Andrew.
749
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:15,645
- What?
750
00:17:15,678 --> 00:17:17,146
- How you doing?
751
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:19,181
- Hi!
752
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:19,181
- How's a gal?
753
00:17:19,681 --> 00:17:20,783
- How do they look?
754
00:17:20,816 --> 00:17:22,793
- Pretty good, actually.
755
00:17:22,151 --> 00:17:23,820
I'm doing, like, multi-colors.
756
00:17:22,151 --> 00:17:23,820
- Are you doing--
757
00:17:23,853 --> 00:17:25,588
- Have you ever painted a nail?
758
00:17:25,621 --> 00:17:28,491
- We did something
759
00:17:25,621 --> 00:17:28,491
that you were like, very--
760
00:17:28,524 --> 00:17:29,826
- Makeup?
761
00:17:29,859 --> 00:17:31,553
- Maybe it was makeup.
762
00:17:31,553 --> 00:17:32,295
- I just love putting on makeup
763
00:17:32,328 --> 00:17:35,198
'cause guys can look better
764
00:17:32,328 --> 00:17:35,198
with, like, slight makeup.
765
00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:36,866
- Yeah, like what?
766
00:17:36,899 --> 00:17:39,202
- Like, if--I would just define
767
00:17:36,899 --> 00:17:39,202
your brows a little bit more.
768
00:17:39,235 --> 00:17:40,369
- What's that supposed to mean?
769
00:17:40,403 --> 00:17:42,205
- They're undefined,
770
00:17:40,403 --> 00:17:42,205
just like us.
771
00:17:42,238 --> 00:17:44,340
[light music]
772
00:17:44,373 --> 00:17:46,008
- That's really funny.
773
00:17:46,703 --> 00:17:47,744
- What did you bring Andrew?
774
00:17:47,777 --> 00:17:49,512
- Because I've come over here
775
00:17:47,777 --> 00:17:49,512
and tried to make a pizza,
776
00:17:49,545 --> 00:17:51,753
and I feel like he's desperate
777
00:17:49,545 --> 00:17:51,753
for it,
778
00:17:51,147 --> 00:17:54,183
this guy,
779
00:17:51,147 --> 00:17:54,183
and then a pizza cutter.
780
00:17:54,217 --> 00:17:56,803
- Thank you so much!
781
00:17:56,152 --> 00:17:58,388
I'm so tired of watching him
782
00:17:56,152 --> 00:17:58,388
saw at things
783
00:17:58,421 --> 00:18:01,424
with a knife that's made
784
00:17:58,421 --> 00:18:01,424
to, like, cut fruit.
785
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:03,860
- It's kind of humiliating.
786
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:03,860
There's a tool for every job.
787
00:18:03,893 --> 00:18:05,223
- Yeah.
788
00:18:05,223 --> 00:18:06,362
- Oh, did you see Poppy
789
00:18:05,223 --> 00:18:06,362
and Arlo?
790
00:18:06,396 --> 00:18:07,563
- Yeah.
791
00:18:06,396 --> 00:18:07,563
- How'd that go?
792
00:18:07,597 --> 00:18:08,364
- It was so cute.
793
00:18:08,398 --> 00:18:09,899
- Yeah?
794
00:18:08,398 --> 00:18:09,899
- They like me so much.
795
00:18:09,932 --> 00:18:11,334
- Yeah!
796
00:18:09,932 --> 00:18:11,334
- So nice.
797
00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:12,201
I always think
798
00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:12,201
they're gonna forget me.
799
00:18:12,235 --> 00:18:13,336
- When was the last time
800
00:18:12,235 --> 00:18:13,336
you saw them?
801
00:18:13,369 --> 00:18:14,904
- At Lauren's baby sprinkle.
802
00:18:14,937 --> 00:18:16,239
Hi!
803
00:18:16,272 --> 00:18:18,207
When I see you,
804
00:18:16,272 --> 00:18:18,207
I want more of you,
805
00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:20,610
but I'm not guaranteed
806
00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:20,610
to get one like you.
807
00:18:20,643 --> 00:18:25,214
And my sister's pregnant A-F.
808
00:18:20,643 --> 00:18:25,214
She's so pregnant.
809
00:18:25,248 --> 00:18:26,716
How often do you see
810
00:18:25,248 --> 00:18:26,716
your niece and nephew?
811
00:18:26,749 --> 00:18:28,518
I think you see them, like,
812
00:18:26,749 --> 00:18:28,518
every day, don't you?
813
00:18:28,551 --> 00:18:30,473
- Not every day,
814
00:18:28,551 --> 00:18:30,473
but pretty often.
815
00:18:30,473 --> 00:18:31,687
- Do you want kids?
816
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:35,892
- Uh, I think
817
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:35,892
I could be convinced on kids,
818
00:18:35,925 --> 00:18:38,261
which I know is not the best.
819
00:18:38,294 --> 00:18:41,264
- I've honed an ability
820
00:18:38,294 --> 00:18:41,264
to ask men questions
821
00:18:41,297 --> 00:18:43,866
that I'm deeply invested
822
00:18:41,297 --> 00:18:43,866
in knowing the answers to
823
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,953
in a way that makes it seem
824
00:18:45,168 --> 00:18:46,602
like, "Oh, I don't care
825
00:18:45,168 --> 00:18:46,602
about the answer.
826
00:18:46,636 --> 00:18:48,204
"Like, it's just a thing
827
00:18:46,636 --> 00:18:48,204
I thought of.
828
00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:49,605
"I haven't been thinking
829
00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:49,605
about this for weeks
830
00:18:49,639 --> 00:18:51,683
"and, like, working up
831
00:18:49,639 --> 00:18:51,683
the courage to ask you.
832
00:18:51,683 --> 00:18:52,241
"I'm not really serious.
833
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:53,810
"Do you wanna be
834
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:53,810
with me forever, like...
835
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,344
"This is, like, Facebook quiz.
836
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,344
Do you wanna take it?
837
00:18:55,378 --> 00:18:57,814
Like, do you, like, love me?"
838
00:18:57,847 --> 00:18:59,615
So, like, with you and me,
839
00:18:59,649 --> 00:19:00,750
do you ever think
840
00:18:59,649 --> 00:19:00,750
about, how...
841
00:19:00,783 --> 00:19:01,918
- No.
842
00:19:00,783 --> 00:19:01,918
- Like, my thoughts about--
843
00:19:01,951 --> 00:19:03,252
[laughs]
844
00:19:03,286 --> 00:19:04,554
- [laughs]
845
00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:07,724
- I'll pretend not to be
846
00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:07,724
deeply offended
847
00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:11,794
by the ease at which that joke
848
00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:11,794
came out of your mouth.
849
00:19:11,828 --> 00:19:14,913
But do you ever think
850
00:19:11,828 --> 00:19:14,913
about that with us?
851
00:19:14,163 --> 00:19:16,899
- With what?
852
00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,969
- Of us having kids.
853
00:19:20,303 --> 00:19:21,804
[lightly edgy music]
854
00:19:21,838 --> 00:19:22,605
- Um, yeah, I would.
855
00:19:22,638 --> 00:19:26,442
I would do, like, anything
856
00:19:22,638 --> 00:19:26,442
for...
857
00:19:26,476 --> 00:19:29,312
like, the person
858
00:19:26,476 --> 00:19:29,312
that I ended up with or...
859
00:19:31,314 --> 00:19:34,150
You know, and I think
860
00:19:31,314 --> 00:19:34,150
that having kids
861
00:19:34,183 --> 00:19:36,652
could be a lot of fun.
862
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:38,421
- All right.
863
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:40,556
Just wanted to throw it
864
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:40,556
out there.
865
00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,425
- I would say--
866
00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,425
- Listen, I don't even know
867
00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,883
if you want me to be
868
00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,883
your girlfriend anytime soon.
869
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,595
- Neither of us do.
870
00:19:45,628 --> 00:19:47,196
- I-I would like it, yeah.
871
00:19:47,230 --> 00:19:48,531
I know that I would like it.
872
00:19:48,564 --> 00:19:51,167
Honestly, if we get
873
00:19:48,564 --> 00:19:51,167
back together,
874
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,735
we should just get engaged.
875
00:19:52,769 --> 00:19:55,505
- Oh, yeah?
876
00:19:55,538 --> 00:19:58,608
Sometimes, I'm like,
877
00:19:55,538 --> 00:19:58,608
"Glase just wants to be a wife,
878
00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:02,145
"and it's whatever sucker
879
00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:02,145
is willing to do it."
880
00:20:02,178 --> 00:20:03,212
- I could be married
881
00:20:02,178 --> 00:20:03,212
right now...
882
00:20:03,246 --> 00:20:05,314
- I'm just kidding.
883
00:20:03,246 --> 00:20:05,314
- If I wanted to be anyone.
884
00:20:05,348 --> 00:20:07,773
No, I know you think that
885
00:20:05,348 --> 00:20:07,773
sometimes.
886
00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:09,419
- I'm just kidding!
887
00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:09,419
- You do.
888
00:20:09,452 --> 00:20:11,421
You said it as a joke,
889
00:20:09,452 --> 00:20:11,421
but I know you think that.
890
00:20:11,454 --> 00:20:13,489
- All right.
891
00:20:11,454 --> 00:20:13,489
- You think you're a sucker.
892
00:20:13,523 --> 00:20:15,558
I could find
893
00:20:13,523 --> 00:20:15,558
some schmuck to marry me.
894
00:20:15,591 --> 00:20:17,293
This isn't the hard thing.
895
00:20:17,326 --> 00:20:18,528
I want you, Chris!
896
00:20:18,561 --> 00:20:23,466
I think we just fundamentally
897
00:20:18,561 --> 00:20:23,466
don't understand each other,
898
00:20:23,499 --> 00:20:28,571
and we--we keep failing
899
00:20:23,499 --> 00:20:28,571
to communicate how we feel.
900
00:20:28,604 --> 00:20:30,373
- Nice.
901
00:20:28,604 --> 00:20:30,373
- Um ----.
902
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:32,175
Okay, I gotta go...
903
00:20:32,208 --> 00:20:34,510
jump on some calls.
904
00:20:36,679 --> 00:20:38,314
- [laughs]
905
00:20:36,679 --> 00:20:38,314
I'm out of here.
906
00:20:38,347 --> 00:20:39,716
- Yeah, you're ready.
907
00:20:38,347 --> 00:20:39,716
- I'm out.
908
00:20:39,749 --> 00:20:40,983
- We're ready.
909
00:20:39,749 --> 00:20:40,983
- All right.
910
00:20:41,017 --> 00:20:42,919
- Let's start right now.
911
00:20:43,886 --> 00:20:45,855
- What are you doing
912
00:20:43,886 --> 00:20:45,855
walking around St. Poo-is?
913
00:20:45,888 --> 00:20:47,824
- I literally just got poop
914
00:20:45,888 --> 00:20:47,824
on my hands
915
00:20:47,857 --> 00:20:49,192
from not having a bag.
916
00:20:49,225 --> 00:20:50,259
[upbeat music]
917
00:20:50,293 --> 00:20:51,494
Oh!
918
00:20:51,527 --> 00:20:52,595
Golf is the worst.
919
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:53,362
Ah, ----.
920
00:20:53,396 --> 00:20:55,231
Makes me want to throw
921
00:20:53,396 --> 00:20:55,231
a racket!
922
00:20:55,264 --> 00:20:56,432
I've been texting with JR.
923
00:20:56,466 --> 00:20:59,293
I'm entertaining the idea
924
00:20:56,466 --> 00:20:59,293
of hanging out with other guys.
925
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:00,737
Are you an F-boy or a nice guy?
926
00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:02,004
- I don't wanna say
927
00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:02,004
I'm a nice guy.
928
00:21:02,663 --> 00:21:03,239
That has the same connotations,
929
00:21:02,663 --> 00:21:03,239
right?
930
00:21:03,272 --> 00:21:04,440
- That's a good answer.
931
00:21:04,474 --> 00:21:06,309
- I've still never felt
932
00:21:04,474 --> 00:21:06,309
a feeling before.
933
00:21:06,342 --> 00:21:07,377
It sounds awesome.
934
00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:08,378
- I like that you are saying
935
00:21:08,411 --> 00:21:09,946
you don't feel feelings.
936
00:21:09,979 --> 00:21:11,848
- [laughs] Busted.
55592
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