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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,617 --> 00:00:09,285 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,620 - Where do you see yourself 3 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,620 in ten years? 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,721 - Ten years? 5 00:00:11,821 --> 00:00:15,523 I don't know about ten days 6 00:00:11,821 --> 00:00:15,523 from now, honestly. 7 00:00:15,191 --> 00:00:16,224 Where do you see yourself 8 00:00:15,191 --> 00:00:16,224 in ten years? 9 00:00:16,325 --> 00:00:17,794 - Well, I'll be 47. 10 00:00:17,894 --> 00:00:21,030 I see myself 11 00:00:17,894 --> 00:00:21,030 in a really good relationship. 12 00:00:21,913 --> 00:00:23,466 - Do you think you'll be 13 00:00:21,913 --> 00:00:23,466 with Chris in ten years? 14 00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:25,334 - I would like to be with him 15 00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:25,334 in ten years. 16 00:00:25,435 --> 00:00:27,370 Um, I'm gonna be friends 17 00:00:25,435 --> 00:00:27,370 with Taylor Swift. 18 00:00:27,470 --> 00:00:28,438 I think the oceans 19 00:00:27,470 --> 00:00:28,438 are gonna rise, 20 00:00:29,505 --> 00:00:31,174 and we're all going 21 00:00:29,505 --> 00:00:31,174 to be living in a hellscape. 22 00:00:31,274 --> 00:00:32,508 But I'll be happy. 23 00:00:31,274 --> 00:00:32,508 I'm gonna be touring-- 24 00:00:32,607 --> 00:00:34,610 a touring musician 25 00:00:32,607 --> 00:00:34,610 in the water world. 26 00:00:34,711 --> 00:00:36,212 - On a submarine. 27 00:00:34,711 --> 00:00:36,212 - On a jet ski. 28 00:00:36,312 --> 00:00:37,447 On a jet ski. 29 00:00:36,312 --> 00:00:37,447 You know, it's gonna be, like, 30 00:00:37,547 --> 00:00:38,648 Kevin Costner's "Waterworld." 31 00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,483 - Are you gonna be 47 32 00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,483 in your metaverse? 33 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:43,953 - No. God, no. 34 00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:43,953 - [laughs] 35 00:00:44,143 --> 00:00:46,856 - * I'm gonna miss my flight 36 00:00:46,956 --> 00:00:52,295 * I feel so all alone 37 00:00:46,956 --> 00:00:52,295 out on the road * 38 00:00:52,395 --> 00:00:55,198 * Can you welcome me home? 39 00:00:55,298 --> 00:00:57,867 [upbeat music] 40 00:00:57,967 --> 00:00:58,868 * 41 00:00:58,968 --> 00:01:00,203 - Cool. 42 00:01:00,303 --> 00:01:02,772 - Ooh, it's gonna 43 00:01:00,303 --> 00:01:02,772 be so vintage. 44 00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,241 Hello. 45 00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,241 - Hey. 46 00:01:05,341 --> 00:01:06,976 - Oh, my God. 47 00:01:05,341 --> 00:01:06,976 What a cool shop. 48 00:01:07,713 --> 00:01:08,578 - Very vintage. 49 00:01:08,678 --> 00:01:11,347 I'm already seeing some hats. 50 00:01:08,678 --> 00:01:11,347 - I'm drawn to this hat. 51 00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:13,316 - [gasps] 52 00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:13,316 Oh, yeah. 53 00:01:13,416 --> 00:01:15,351 - God, my head is so big. 54 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,486 When I first started 55 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,486 doing comedy, 56 00:01:16,586 --> 00:01:19,989 I did not care about 57 00:01:16,586 --> 00:01:19,989 how I looked or how I dressed 58 00:01:20,843 --> 00:01:22,392 until, like, last week. 59 00:01:22,492 --> 00:01:25,328 And now I can get more ballsy 60 00:01:22,492 --> 00:01:25,328 with the way I dress 61 00:01:25,428 --> 00:01:27,663 but I still like to do resale 62 00:01:27,764 --> 00:01:30,400 and vintage clothing 63 00:01:27,764 --> 00:01:30,400 and stuff that, you know, 64 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,002 dead people have worn 65 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,002 before me. 66 00:01:33,973 --> 00:01:36,239 - Is there a particular decade 67 00:01:33,973 --> 00:01:36,239 that you're attracted to? 68 00:01:36,338 --> 00:01:37,573 - I go onstage a lot, 69 00:01:37,673 --> 00:01:40,009 and I just like to have 70 00:01:37,673 --> 00:01:40,009 glitzy things that maybe, like, 71 00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:42,545 Joan Rivers would have worn 72 00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:42,545 in Vegas. 73 00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:45,014 - Are we gonna change in here? 74 00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:45,014 - Yeah. Let's do it. 75 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:46,949 You can call me Taylor Thrift. 76 00:01:47,743 --> 00:01:49,385 This is, like, what people 77 00:01:47,743 --> 00:01:49,385 think female comics are. 78 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,020 - Yeah. 79 00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,020 - Like, honey... 80 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:53,222 - So I'll tell you about-- 81 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:53,222 - Can I get some foreplay? 82 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,357 - [laughing] 83 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,357 Yeah. 84 00:01:54,457 --> 00:01:55,891 - [vocalizes] 85 00:01:54,457 --> 00:01:55,891 - That works out 86 00:01:55,992 --> 00:01:56,993 for you, sugar. 87 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,394 Oh, tie me up, dog. 88 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,394 Call me-- 89 00:01:58,494 --> 00:01:59,896 buy me a chance. 90 00:01:58,494 --> 00:01:59,896 - No, stop it. 91 00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:02,198 Stop this character. 92 00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:02,198 - Buy me some Swiss cheese. 93 00:02:02,298 --> 00:02:03,966 - I want to file 94 00:02:02,298 --> 00:02:03,966 a sexual harassment suit 95 00:02:04,613 --> 00:02:05,768 that'll be ignored for decades. 96 00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:08,371 I feel like 97 00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:08,371 you're Amelia Earhart 98 00:02:08,471 --> 00:02:10,673 before her last flight. 99 00:02:08,471 --> 00:02:10,673 - Get on my plane. 100 00:02:10,772 --> 00:02:15,211 - Do you think it's ridiculous 101 00:02:10,772 --> 00:02:15,211 if I were to try to, like, 102 00:02:15,311 --> 00:02:17,743 have a different career 103 00:02:15,311 --> 00:02:17,743 than comedy? 104 00:02:17,146 --> 00:02:21,851 I think I'm gonna try to be, 105 00:02:17,146 --> 00:02:21,851 like, a singer-songwriter. 106 00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:24,187 My family was always 107 00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:24,187 super musical. 108 00:02:24,287 --> 00:02:26,389 My dad is an amazing musician. 109 00:02:26,489 --> 00:02:30,927 And I am not 110 00:02:26,489 --> 00:02:30,927 as naturally inclined. 111 00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:33,596 I really credit my dad 112 00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:33,596 for making me 113 00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:36,598 pretty obsessed with music 114 00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:36,598 from an early age. 115 00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:38,801 He actually 116 00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:38,801 plays professionally. 117 00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:43,406 He plays in, you know, 118 00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:43,406 bars and restaurants, 119 00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:44,973 grocery stores, 120 00:02:46,023 --> 00:02:47,210 um, nursing homes. 121 00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:48,511 That's what he does 122 00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:48,511 in his retirement. 123 00:02:48,610 --> 00:02:51,881 He plays-- 124 00:02:48,610 --> 00:02:51,881 he plays retirement homes. 125 00:02:51,981 --> 00:02:53,348 Singing, it's just, like, 126 00:02:53,449 --> 00:02:55,351 first of all, 127 00:02:53,449 --> 00:02:55,351 my favorite art form. 128 00:02:55,451 --> 00:02:57,453 And I think always been 129 00:02:55,451 --> 00:02:57,453 the thing I want to do 130 00:02:57,553 --> 00:03:00,490 that I was scared to do, 131 00:02:57,553 --> 00:03:00,490 so I just chose a path 132 00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:03,826 to artistic expression 133 00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:03,826 that was easier for me than-- 134 00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,361 - Mm-hmm. 135 00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,361 - Than what I really wanted 136 00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:07,663 to do, which was always 137 00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:07,663 be a singer-songwriter. 138 00:03:07,764 --> 00:03:12,335 - I think it's probably easier 139 00:03:07,764 --> 00:03:12,335 to go from comedy the other way 140 00:03:12,435 --> 00:03:14,003 than to go into stand-up. 141 00:03:14,643 --> 00:03:15,338 - So I'm doing the right way? 142 00:03:15,438 --> 00:03:16,672 - Yes, I think so. 143 00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:19,693 You're doing 144 00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:19,693 the reverse Madonna. 145 00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:21,878 - But am I allowed to just say, 146 00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:21,878 "Hey, I'm putting out a song," 147 00:03:21,978 --> 00:03:23,479 without making fun of it 148 00:03:21,978 --> 00:03:23,479 and being like... 149 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,753 - Yes. Yes. 150 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,753 - "I'm so stupid 151 00:03:25,214 --> 00:03:26,949 for putting out a song?" 152 00:03:25,214 --> 00:03:26,949 - Totally. 153 00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,585 - When the pandemic hit, 154 00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,585 I was unable to do stand-up 155 00:03:29,685 --> 00:03:31,954 and get my feelings out 156 00:03:29,685 --> 00:03:31,954 that way. 157 00:03:32,823 --> 00:03:33,856 The first thing I did 158 00:03:32,823 --> 00:03:33,856 was get a karaoke machine. 159 00:03:33,956 --> 00:03:35,992 I would get up every morning, 160 00:03:33,956 --> 00:03:35,992 eat my breakfast, 161 00:03:36,863 --> 00:03:38,561 and go in the living room and 162 00:03:36,863 --> 00:03:38,561 sing three Taylor Swift songs, 163 00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:40,863 and I learned how good 164 00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:40,863 you could get by practicing. 165 00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:42,698 When I first started 166 00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:42,698 doing stand-up, 167 00:03:42,799 --> 00:03:43,433 I sucked. 168 00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:44,867 I didn't call myself a comedian 169 00:03:45,735 --> 00:03:46,963 till I got on 170 00:03:45,735 --> 00:03:46,963 "Last Comic Standing." 171 00:03:46,903 --> 00:03:47,737 Why can't I be Taylor Swift? 172 00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:50,540 Like-- 173 00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:50,540 * And then he loved me 174 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,023 And then I'd be like-- 175 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,023 [panting] 176 00:03:52,208 --> 00:03:54,343 You know what I think 177 00:03:52,208 --> 00:03:54,343 I'm uncomfortable with? 178 00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:56,746 Like, feelings in songs. 179 00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:56,746 - Yeah. 180 00:03:56,846 --> 00:03:58,146 - I'm uncomfortable 181 00:03:56,846 --> 00:03:58,146 being like-- 182 00:03:58,247 --> 00:04:00,516 * I loved him one summer 183 00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:01,918 - Yeah. 184 00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:01,918 - That is so embarrassing 185 00:04:02,463 --> 00:04:03,686 to be, like, 186 00:04:02,463 --> 00:04:03,686 accessing those feelings. 187 00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:06,833 It's much funnier to be like, 188 00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:06,833 "I queefed in his mouth." 189 00:04:06,222 --> 00:04:07,457 - I mean-- 190 00:04:06,222 --> 00:04:07,457 - [fart] 191 00:04:07,557 --> 00:04:09,358 - [laughing] Oh, my God. 192 00:04:07,557 --> 00:04:09,358 - That was a queef. 193 00:04:09,459 --> 00:04:11,394 Right? 194 00:04:09,459 --> 00:04:11,394 - Sure was, doll. 195 00:04:12,695 --> 00:04:13,763 - [whispering] Hey. 196 00:04:12,695 --> 00:04:13,763 - Yeah? 197 00:04:13,863 --> 00:04:15,164 - You know what you could do? 198 00:04:13,863 --> 00:04:15,164 - Huh? 199 00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:16,432 - Rub my feet. 200 00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:16,432 - No. 201 00:04:16,531 --> 00:04:17,899 - Just a little bit? 202 00:04:16,531 --> 00:04:17,899 - No, no, no, no. 203 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,202 You have a foot machine. 204 00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:20,436 - But it's not good, Andrew. 205 00:04:20,536 --> 00:04:21,904 - Rub my feet. 206 00:04:20,536 --> 00:04:21,904 - Let's go. 207 00:04:22,004 --> 00:04:24,173 - Find the pressure spot. 208 00:04:22,004 --> 00:04:24,173 - I'm warming it up first. 209 00:04:24,273 --> 00:04:25,441 - See, I'm already in there. 210 00:04:25,541 --> 00:04:26,943 - It's just like sex. 211 00:04:27,713 --> 00:04:28,144 Boys don't do foreplay. 212 00:04:28,244 --> 00:04:29,312 They just go-- 213 00:04:28,244 --> 00:04:29,312 [growls] 214 00:04:29,412 --> 00:04:30,446 I can assure you, 215 00:04:30,546 --> 00:04:32,148 I'm feeling nothing sexual 216 00:04:30,546 --> 00:04:32,148 for you. 217 00:04:32,248 --> 00:04:34,350 My vagina's falling off. 218 00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:35,885 - My penis is in my body. 219 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,186 - Good. Keep it there. 220 00:04:37,286 --> 00:04:39,922 - [laughing] 221 00:04:41,853 --> 00:04:44,883 [mid-tempo music] 222 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,893 * 223 00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:46,903 [leaf blower whirring] 224 00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:46,996 [dog barking] 225 00:04:49,966 --> 00:04:51,768 - Hi! 226 00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:52,735 Mom? 227 00:04:54,983 --> 00:04:56,205 Mom. Mom! 228 00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:58,207 - Hey. 229 00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:58,207 - Hi. 230 00:04:58,307 --> 00:04:59,208 - Hey. 231 00:04:58,307 --> 00:04:59,208 - What's up? 232 00:04:59,308 --> 00:05:00,209 Just blowing some leaves? 233 00:05:00,309 --> 00:05:01,477 - Just blowing some leaves. 234 00:05:01,577 --> 00:05:02,745 - I thought Dad hates 235 00:05:01,577 --> 00:05:02,745 leaf blowers. 236 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:04,347 - He does. 237 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:04,347 I gotta use it when he's gone. 238 00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:05,348 - He hates you blowing leaves. 239 00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:07,443 - He hates it. 240 00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:07,443 - Or anyone else. 241 00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:08,351 - Too bad. 242 00:05:08,451 --> 00:05:09,886 That's the way it goes. 243 00:05:08,451 --> 00:05:09,886 - Um, 244 00:05:09,986 --> 00:05:13,923 I brought some clothes for you 245 00:05:09,986 --> 00:05:13,923 to see if you want any, 246 00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,533 and then the rest you can maybe 247 00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:16,533 take to Goodwill for me. 248 00:05:16,863 --> 00:05:17,794 - Okay. 249 00:05:16,863 --> 00:05:17,794 - It's a lot. 250 00:05:17,894 --> 00:05:20,329 - Oh, my God. Oh, I already 251 00:05:17,894 --> 00:05:20,329 see some stuff I want. 252 00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:22,923 - Taylor gave me that. 253 00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:22,923 You can have it. 254 00:05:22,231 --> 00:05:23,266 - Except it's got some issues. 255 00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:24,834 - Yeah, it's got 256 00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:24,834 a little stain on it. 257 00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:26,969 These are both for Lauren. 258 00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:26,969 Sorry, nothing for you. 259 00:05:27,643 --> 00:05:30,239 - Lauren will be able to fit 260 00:05:27,643 --> 00:05:30,239 in these in a couple months. 261 00:05:30,339 --> 00:05:32,875 Okay. 262 00:05:30,339 --> 00:05:32,875 - Um... 263 00:05:32,975 --> 00:05:35,244 I want to throw Lauren 264 00:05:32,975 --> 00:05:35,244 some kind of-- 265 00:05:35,344 --> 00:05:37,613 do you have third kid 266 00:05:35,344 --> 00:05:37,613 baby showers? 267 00:05:37,714 --> 00:05:39,582 - They do. 268 00:05:37,714 --> 00:05:39,582 They call 'em sprinkles. 269 00:05:39,682 --> 00:05:40,883 - That makes sense. 270 00:05:39,682 --> 00:05:40,883 - Does it make sense? 271 00:05:40,983 --> 00:05:43,219 - So it's, like, a lesser-- 272 00:05:40,983 --> 00:05:43,219 it's not, like, your first one. 273 00:05:43,319 --> 00:05:44,587 Oh, yeah. We got to do one. 274 00:05:44,687 --> 00:05:46,833 - That would be so nice. 275 00:05:44,687 --> 00:05:46,833 - Yeah. 276 00:05:46,189 --> 00:05:47,590 - She would love that. 277 00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:50,259 - My sister, Lauren, she's 278 00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:50,259 two years younger than me. 279 00:05:50,359 --> 00:05:52,528 She is the most 280 00:05:50,359 --> 00:05:52,528 beautiful person I know. 281 00:05:52,628 --> 00:05:54,630 She has chose a totally 282 00:05:52,628 --> 00:05:54,630 different path in life. 283 00:05:54,731 --> 00:05:57,166 She's married 284 00:05:54,731 --> 00:05:57,166 to an amazing guy, Matt. 285 00:05:57,266 --> 00:05:59,736 They have two kids together, 286 00:05:57,266 --> 00:05:59,736 a third on the way. 287 00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:03,272 And I'm 37, and I tell 288 00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:03,272 dick jokes for a living 289 00:06:03,372 --> 00:06:05,441 and am currently trying to get 290 00:06:03,372 --> 00:06:05,441 back with an ex-boyfriend 291 00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:07,577 who I've been off and on with 292 00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:07,577 for eight years. 293 00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:09,946 My younger sister 294 00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:09,946 has three kids. 295 00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:11,280 - Total surprise. 296 00:06:11,381 --> 00:06:12,915 - I did not see this coming... 297 00:06:11,381 --> 00:06:12,915 - No. 298 00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:14,584 - For her. 299 00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:14,584 - I assumed she was gonna 300 00:06:14,684 --> 00:06:15,752 have children, 301 00:06:14,684 --> 00:06:15,752 but I didn't know-- 302 00:06:15,852 --> 00:06:17,286 - You probably 303 00:06:15,852 --> 00:06:17,286 assumed I was too. 304 00:06:17,387 --> 00:06:18,755 - Mm. I don't know. 305 00:06:18,855 --> 00:06:20,423 Your career was 306 00:06:18,855 --> 00:06:20,423 kind of forefront. 307 00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:22,658 - But before we had careers. 308 00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:22,658 You just assume your daughters 309 00:06:22,759 --> 00:06:23,926 will have kids. 310 00:06:22,759 --> 00:06:23,926 - Yeah, I just assumed both 311 00:06:24,543 --> 00:06:25,294 of you would have children. 312 00:06:24,543 --> 00:06:25,294 - Yeah. 313 00:06:25,395 --> 00:06:27,397 I've honestly never been 314 00:06:25,395 --> 00:06:27,397 to a baby shower. 315 00:06:27,497 --> 00:06:29,593 - Really? 316 00:06:27,497 --> 00:06:29,593 - I don't think so. 317 00:06:29,165 --> 00:06:32,623 I actually went to one, and it 318 00:06:29,165 --> 00:06:32,623 was in the movie "Trainwreck." 319 00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:33,633 - Oh. 320 00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:33,633 - That was like-- 321 00:06:34,237 --> 00:06:34,704 - It was in a movie. 322 00:06:34,237 --> 00:06:34,704 - And that's what I feel 323 00:06:35,738 --> 00:06:36,472 like they all are, just like, 324 00:06:35,738 --> 00:06:36,472 we're so excited. 325 00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:37,407 - Yeah, they kind of 326 00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:37,407 make it like that. 327 00:06:37,974 --> 00:06:38,441 - And just, oh, my gosh. 328 00:06:39,242 --> 00:06:40,543 - But you came in 329 00:06:39,242 --> 00:06:40,543 for Arlo's birth. 330 00:06:40,643 --> 00:06:41,511 - But not the shower. 331 00:06:41,611 --> 00:06:43,246 - It was really fun. 332 00:06:41,611 --> 00:06:43,246 I had it. 333 00:06:43,346 --> 00:06:45,448 I blew up these cloud balloons. 334 00:06:45,548 --> 00:06:46,849 - Oh, yeah. 335 00:06:45,548 --> 00:06:46,849 - And then I had little babies 336 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,851 in onesies floating 337 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,851 around the room. 338 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,020 - Didn't they look like-- 339 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,020 - They looked like little, 340 00:06:51,813 --> 00:06:53,022 uh, onesies-- 341 00:06:51,813 --> 00:06:53,022 - Like, ghost babies? 342 00:06:53,833 --> 00:06:53,990 - Yeah, ghost babies. 343 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:55,825 - I've been hearing 344 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:55,825 about these ghost babies 345 00:06:55,925 --> 00:06:57,627 since their inception. 346 00:06:57,726 --> 00:07:01,253 My mom seems to have had 347 00:06:57,726 --> 00:07:01,253 some acid flashbacks 348 00:07:01,913 --> 00:07:04,367 that are hitting her up 349 00:07:01,913 --> 00:07:04,367 later in life. 350 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:05,201 - Everybody's like, 351 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:05,201 what is that? 352 00:07:06,303 --> 00:07:06,335 - They were kind of 353 00:07:06,303 --> 00:07:06,335 disturbed by it? 354 00:07:07,313 --> 00:07:07,470 - Yeah. 355 00:07:07,313 --> 00:07:07,470 And I was like, 356 00:07:09,272 --> 00:07:10,807 - It's truly terrifying 357 00:07:09,272 --> 00:07:10,807 and hilarious. 358 00:07:10,907 --> 00:07:12,475 - I'm gonna bring one of 'em. 359 00:07:10,907 --> 00:07:12,475 - You still have one? 360 00:07:12,575 --> 00:07:13,810 - I have all of them. 361 00:07:13,910 --> 00:07:16,312 - She likes terrifying 362 00:07:13,910 --> 00:07:16,312 party guests, apparently. 363 00:07:16,412 --> 00:07:17,947 Please bring the ghost babies. 364 00:07:18,423 --> 00:07:20,773 No one's ever wanted to go 365 00:07:18,423 --> 00:07:20,773 to a baby shower, right? 366 00:07:20,216 --> 00:07:20,983 - People don't want to go. 367 00:07:21,851 --> 00:07:22,719 - We won't have 368 00:07:21,851 --> 00:07:22,719 to have penis straws 369 00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:24,587 like they always do. 370 00:07:25,955 --> 00:07:27,490 Are those bachelor-- 371 00:07:25,955 --> 00:07:27,490 - That's bachelor parties. 372 00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:28,891 - Okay. Bachelorette parties. 373 00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:28,891 - Yeah. 374 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:31,627 - Are they ever, like, fun, 375 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:31,627 and people, like, drink? 376 00:07:31,728 --> 00:07:34,764 - Let's not do opening presents 377 00:07:31,728 --> 00:07:34,764 and stuff like that. 378 00:07:34,864 --> 00:07:36,299 - Can we do one that's, 379 00:07:34,864 --> 00:07:36,299 like, not-- 380 00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:38,768 like, the anti-baby shower? 381 00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:40,503 - Do an anti? 382 00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:40,503 - Anti. 383 00:07:40,603 --> 00:07:42,663 - An anti. 384 00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:45,808 Nikki, I think this 385 00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:45,808 is going somewhere. 386 00:07:45,908 --> 00:07:47,276 - Ugh. 387 00:07:45,908 --> 00:07:47,276 - Oh, come on. 388 00:07:47,377 --> 00:07:49,445 - Ugh. I regret that. 389 00:07:55,151 --> 00:07:56,719 [upbeat music] 390 00:07:56,819 --> 00:07:58,755 - Ah, ha-ha-ha. 391 00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:01,491 [squeals] 392 00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:01,491 - [laughs] 393 00:08:01,591 --> 00:08:02,692 Hi. Oh, my gosh. 394 00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:05,223 - What a treat. 395 00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:05,223 - Good to see you. 396 00:08:05,893 --> 00:08:06,729 - Rachel and I met 397 00:08:05,893 --> 00:08:06,729 through Amy Schumer 398 00:08:06,829 --> 00:08:08,731 back in 2010 399 00:08:06,829 --> 00:08:08,731 when I moved to New York. 400 00:08:08,831 --> 00:08:11,501 I saw your name, 401 00:08:08,831 --> 00:08:11,501 like, on a flyer 402 00:08:11,601 --> 00:08:12,602 at my Starbucks, 403 00:08:11,601 --> 00:08:12,602 and I was like-- 404 00:08:12,702 --> 00:08:13,803 [gasps] 405 00:08:12,702 --> 00:08:13,803 Rachel's co-- 406 00:08:13,903 --> 00:08:15,805 like, I forgot 407 00:08:13,903 --> 00:08:15,805 that you were coming here. 408 00:08:15,905 --> 00:08:18,708 She's one of the four 409 00:08:15,905 --> 00:08:18,708 funniest people I know. 410 00:08:18,808 --> 00:08:21,344 Kerstin, Rachel Feinstein, 411 00:08:18,808 --> 00:08:21,344 David Spade, Bob Saget. 412 00:08:21,444 --> 00:08:22,678 Those people all make me laugh 413 00:08:22,779 --> 00:08:25,515 in a way 414 00:08:22,779 --> 00:08:25,515 that my head snaps back 415 00:08:25,615 --> 00:08:26,983 like a Pez dispenser. 416 00:08:27,443 --> 00:08:28,384 [indistinct speech on computer] 417 00:08:28,484 --> 00:08:30,473 [laughing] 418 00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:31,354 - [indistinct] 419 00:08:31,454 --> 00:08:33,623 - Gah ha-ha. 420 00:08:31,454 --> 00:08:33,623 It hurts. 421 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,957 Wait, what was the time-- 422 00:08:36,533 --> 00:08:38,895 one of my favorite stories 423 00:08:36,533 --> 00:08:38,895 was when you brought 424 00:08:38,995 --> 00:08:41,563 a change of clothes to a date. 425 00:08:41,664 --> 00:08:44,367 - Wait, what? 426 00:08:41,664 --> 00:08:44,367 - Oh, that was a dark time. 427 00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:46,536 Whoa. 428 00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:46,536 I met this guy at a show, 429 00:08:46,636 --> 00:08:48,538 and I came to the date, 430 00:08:48,638 --> 00:08:50,673 and I couldn't decide 431 00:08:48,638 --> 00:08:50,673 what to wear. 432 00:08:50,773 --> 00:08:53,710 So I packed a second dress 433 00:08:50,773 --> 00:08:53,710 in my purse. 434 00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:56,579 And so I pretended-- 435 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:58,848 oof, to spill the drink 436 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:58,848 on myself. 437 00:08:58,948 --> 00:09:00,917 And then I was like, 438 00:08:58,948 --> 00:09:00,917 oopsie daisy. 439 00:09:01,743 --> 00:09:02,952 And so I ran off 440 00:09:01,743 --> 00:09:02,952 to the bathroom 441 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:04,787 and changed and came back 442 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:04,787 in the dress. 443 00:09:04,887 --> 00:09:07,423 I was probably, like, 444 00:09:04,887 --> 00:09:07,423 walking towards him just like-- 445 00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:10,203 - Oh, my God. 446 00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:10,203 - I know. 447 00:09:10,159 --> 00:09:12,223 - You were dating a lot 448 00:09:10,159 --> 00:09:12,223 before you found B. 449 00:09:12,563 --> 00:09:13,629 - Yeah, I was hanging out 450 00:09:12,563 --> 00:09:13,629 at steak houses, 451 00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:15,331 'cause I heard men hang out 452 00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:15,331 at steak houses. 453 00:09:15,431 --> 00:09:17,800 I'm like, I'll be 454 00:09:15,431 --> 00:09:17,800 at the steak house bar later. 455 00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,402 They're like, that's not-- 456 00:09:19,502 --> 00:09:22,371 I was pulsing with desperation. 457 00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:24,343 - Oh, my God. 458 00:09:25,013 --> 00:09:25,575 Was it just 459 00:09:25,013 --> 00:09:25,575 you just knew you wanted 460 00:09:25,675 --> 00:09:26,909 to be married someday 461 00:09:25,675 --> 00:09:26,909 and have kids? 462 00:09:27,373 --> 00:09:29,212 Like, was there a fear 463 00:09:27,373 --> 00:09:29,212 that it wouldn't happen? 464 00:09:29,312 --> 00:09:30,913 - Oh, yeah, of course. 465 00:09:29,312 --> 00:09:30,913 Definitely. 466 00:09:31,413 --> 00:09:32,248 I was, like, 467 00:09:31,413 --> 00:09:32,248 at the bottom of the ninth, 468 00:09:32,348 --> 00:09:34,217 like, when he was 469 00:09:32,348 --> 00:09:34,217 getting ready to propose. 470 00:09:34,317 --> 00:09:35,818 I was, like, 471 00:09:34,317 --> 00:09:35,818 talking about it on stage 472 00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:38,454 when I was, like, 473 00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:38,454 looking for a ring in my salad. 474 00:09:38,554 --> 00:09:39,856 No one wanted to be around me. 475 00:09:39,956 --> 00:09:41,791 - I totally relate to this. 476 00:09:41,891 --> 00:09:44,327 Like, I want 477 00:09:41,891 --> 00:09:44,327 to maybe be married. 478 00:09:44,427 --> 00:09:45,695 Like, I want to be wife. 479 00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:46,996 - Yeah. 480 00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:46,996 - And so if you're not down 481 00:09:47,573 --> 00:09:50,233 for marriage, like, tell me now 482 00:09:47,573 --> 00:09:50,233 'cause this is what I need. 483 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:53,736 When I look at Chris now, I 484 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:53,736 kind of see the total package. 485 00:09:53,836 --> 00:09:55,905 Oh. Oh! 486 00:09:53,836 --> 00:09:55,905 - [laughing] 487 00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,673 Ah! 488 00:09:57,173 --> 00:09:58,741 Are you okay? 489 00:09:57,173 --> 00:09:58,741 - Yeah. 490 00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:00,476 He's someone 491 00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:00,476 I'm deeply attracted to. 492 00:10:00,576 --> 00:10:02,845 He's consistent, 493 00:10:00,576 --> 00:10:02,845 he's there for me. 494 00:10:02,945 --> 00:10:04,180 He's really husband material. 495 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,783 - This is--it's working. 496 00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:08,484 - I mean, they're out. 497 00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:08,484 - [laughs] 498 00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:11,854 - Chris and I are doing so 499 00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:11,854 great that maybe I want kids. 500 00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:13,173 Maybe it's just St. Louis, 501 00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:15,193 'cause everyone 502 00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:15,193 in St. Louis has kids. 503 00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:17,727 Rachel, what's your favorite 504 00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:17,727 thing about being a mom? 505 00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:20,897 - Um, I didn't realize 506 00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:20,897 how silly it would be. 507 00:10:20,997 --> 00:10:22,932 Like, she's--it's funny. 508 00:10:20,997 --> 00:10:22,932 Every day is funny. 509 00:10:23,032 --> 00:10:24,967 And also I feel like 510 00:10:23,032 --> 00:10:24,967 when a babysitter comes over, 511 00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:27,643 like, I'm doing an impression 512 00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:27,643 of a mother. 513 00:10:27,203 --> 00:10:28,771 Like, you know that speech 514 00:10:27,203 --> 00:10:28,771 that you have 515 00:10:28,871 --> 00:10:30,673 before you leave 516 00:10:28,871 --> 00:10:30,673 the babysitter? 517 00:10:30,773 --> 00:10:31,808 - Yeah. 518 00:10:30,773 --> 00:10:31,808 - And they kind of dismiss me. 519 00:10:31,908 --> 00:10:34,383 I feared the people I worked 520 00:10:31,908 --> 00:10:34,383 with when I was a nanny. 521 00:10:34,177 --> 00:10:36,312 - Yes. 522 00:10:34,177 --> 00:10:36,312 I used to be so scared... 523 00:10:36,412 --> 00:10:37,980 - Yes. I know, I was like-- 524 00:10:36,412 --> 00:10:37,980 - Of the moms. 525 00:10:38,423 --> 00:10:39,382 - Yeah, 'cause I knew-- 526 00:10:38,423 --> 00:10:39,382 - The dads were always 527 00:10:39,482 --> 00:10:41,451 kind of like, 528 00:10:39,482 --> 00:10:41,451 I'll drive you home drunk. 529 00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:43,152 - Wait, I thought 530 00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:43,152 that only happens in movies. 531 00:10:43,252 --> 00:10:45,888 [laughter] 532 00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:49,193 - What's going on here? 533 00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:49,193 - Oh, that's just who I am. 534 00:10:49,158 --> 00:10:51,260 - What is that? 535 00:10:49,158 --> 00:10:51,260 - Wh--cut it out. 536 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,196 - I'm not kidding you. 537 00:10:53,296 --> 00:10:54,530 There's been gains. 538 00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:56,933 Can I get a change of seats? 539 00:10:56,232 --> 00:10:58,401 - Oh, Glase. 540 00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:01,337 [mid-tempo music] 541 00:11:01,437 --> 00:11:02,371 * 542 00:11:02,472 --> 00:11:03,973 - Oh. 543 00:11:02,472 --> 00:11:03,973 - Whoa. 544 00:11:04,683 --> 00:11:06,342 I've never been in a studio. 545 00:11:04,683 --> 00:11:06,342 - Me neither, dude. 546 00:11:06,442 --> 00:11:07,543 - Seriously? 547 00:11:06,442 --> 00:11:07,543 - Hey. 548 00:11:07,643 --> 00:11:08,978 - Welcome. 549 00:11:07,643 --> 00:11:08,978 - Thank you. 550 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,214 It's cool that you have 551 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,214 my vagina on your shirt. 552 00:11:11,314 --> 00:11:13,549 Um, I'm just kidding. 553 00:11:11,314 --> 00:11:13,549 It just reminded me of-- 554 00:11:13,649 --> 00:11:15,551 - [chuckles] 555 00:11:13,649 --> 00:11:15,551 - It's just a joke. 556 00:11:15,651 --> 00:11:16,753 All right, 557 00:11:15,651 --> 00:11:16,753 off to a great start. 558 00:11:16,853 --> 00:11:17,954 Okay, um-- 559 00:11:16,853 --> 00:11:17,954 [laughter] 560 00:11:18,823 --> 00:11:20,189 Today I'm recording a song. 561 00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:22,959 I'm so excited to do it, 562 00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:22,959 because it's like I'm Batkid. 563 00:11:23,873 --> 00:11:24,460 And they're giving me the city, 564 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,396 and I get to pretend 565 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,396 like I'm a superhero. 566 00:11:26,496 --> 00:11:28,831 Like, I am living a dream. 567 00:11:28,931 --> 00:11:32,301 [guitar playing] 568 00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:36,005 * August, you were the one, 569 00:11:33,302 --> 00:11:36,005 hold the seed in the sand * 570 00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:37,840 * You let go of what's real 571 00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,575 [clears throat] 572 00:11:39,675 --> 00:11:41,144 - Does she start right off? 573 00:11:41,177 --> 00:11:42,578 - I don't know where I start, 574 00:11:41,177 --> 00:11:42,578 to be honest with you. 575 00:11:42,678 --> 00:11:44,914 - Twice through. 576 00:11:45,014 --> 00:11:47,183 * Some people sa-- 577 00:11:45,014 --> 00:11:47,183 [bleep], sorry. 578 00:11:47,283 --> 00:11:49,943 I'm really, really loud in my-- 579 00:11:49,152 --> 00:11:51,020 it's almost like I hate 580 00:11:49,152 --> 00:11:51,020 my voice right now 581 00:11:51,154 --> 00:11:52,422 'cause it's so loud. 582 00:11:52,522 --> 00:11:53,956 [over headphones] * I know-- 583 00:11:52,522 --> 00:11:53,956 - Too much? 584 00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:55,725 Oh, you got to sing 585 00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:55,725 with yourself. 586 00:11:55,825 --> 00:11:57,213 - This isn't going well. 587 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,594 My biggest fear 588 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,594 is that I'm only getting 589 00:11:58,694 --> 00:12:00,263 to do this 590 00:11:58,694 --> 00:12:00,263 because I've paid for it 591 00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:02,565 or because my friends 592 00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:02,565 are trying to be nice. 593 00:12:02,665 --> 00:12:03,833 [clears throat] 594 00:12:03,933 --> 00:12:06,002 I'm feeling, like, 595 00:12:03,933 --> 00:12:06,002 that kind of thing today 596 00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:08,653 where it's like, 597 00:12:06,633 --> 00:12:08,653 is this just your Make-A-Wish? 598 00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,541 * And even though I know-- 599 00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,541 Ugh. 600 00:12:11,641 --> 00:12:13,509 Wha-ha-la-la-la-la. 601 00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:14,744 Don't want to hear myself. 602 00:12:14,844 --> 00:12:16,312 - Oh. Oh. 603 00:12:16,412 --> 00:12:17,613 Hi! 604 00:12:16,412 --> 00:12:17,613 - Yo. 605 00:12:17,714 --> 00:12:18,881 - Ah. 606 00:12:18,981 --> 00:12:20,783 - Someone's excited. 607 00:12:20,883 --> 00:12:22,218 - So sweet. 608 00:12:22,318 --> 00:12:25,321 - [panting] 609 00:12:22,318 --> 00:12:25,321 [laughter] 610 00:12:26,889 --> 00:12:28,591 Hi. 611 00:12:26,889 --> 00:12:28,591 - How's it going? 612 00:12:28,691 --> 00:12:30,159 - Can't stand my own voice. 613 00:12:30,259 --> 00:12:32,862 Can I just sing it 614 00:12:30,259 --> 00:12:32,862 as someone else? 615 00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:35,498 - You don't have to keep these. 616 00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:35,498 They don't have to be perfect. 617 00:12:35,598 --> 00:12:36,566 You just have to try 618 00:12:36,666 --> 00:12:38,034 and do your best. 619 00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:39,902 - I'm glad Chris stopped 620 00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:39,902 by the studio, 621 00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:42,772 because he's so proud of me 622 00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:42,772 trying this new, 623 00:12:42,872 --> 00:12:44,974 kind of awkward, 624 00:12:42,872 --> 00:12:44,974 late in the game, 625 00:12:46,023 --> 00:12:46,208 delusional endeavor. 626 00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:48,411 Thanks for coming. 627 00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:48,411 - This is awesome. 628 00:12:48,511 --> 00:12:52,315 - He supports me in my career 629 00:12:48,511 --> 00:12:52,315 and my hopes and dreams. 630 00:12:52,415 --> 00:12:55,918 When he is in this mode, 631 00:12:52,415 --> 00:12:55,918 I'm, like, very-- 632 00:12:56,018 --> 00:12:58,654 I'm pretty horned up for it. 633 00:12:58,755 --> 00:13:01,657 [music playing] 634 00:13:01,758 --> 00:13:04,660 * I'll always be the one 635 00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:07,530 * Who bares my bones 636 00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:07,530 in bright moonlight * 637 00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:13,269 * I do not see 638 00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:13,269 how you couldn't trust me * 639 00:13:13,369 --> 00:13:16,663 * Will you come back again, 640 00:13:13,369 --> 00:13:16,663 hold my face in your hands * 641 00:13:16,172 --> 00:13:18,441 * Say this isn't the end 642 00:13:18,541 --> 00:13:20,443 [upbeat music] 643 00:13:20,543 --> 00:13:22,145 I definitely am 644 00:13:20,543 --> 00:13:22,145 a better singer 645 00:13:22,245 --> 00:13:24,514 than Bob Dylan... 646 00:13:22,245 --> 00:13:24,514 is now. 647 00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:26,449 [as Bob Dylan] 648 00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:26,449 * He sings like this 649 00:13:26,549 --> 00:13:27,683 [normal voice] 650 00:13:26,549 --> 00:13:27,683 Like, that's not good. 651 00:13:27,784 --> 00:13:29,619 - It's awesome. 652 00:13:27,784 --> 00:13:29,619 - Thanks. 653 00:13:29,719 --> 00:13:31,020 I could win a Grammy someday. 654 00:13:31,813 --> 00:13:32,688 I bet if I worked hard enough 655 00:13:31,813 --> 00:13:32,688 I could. 656 00:13:32,789 --> 00:13:36,659 Do I think I will win a Grammy? 657 00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:38,883 Yeah. I do. 658 00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:38,883 I honestly do. 659 00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:39,929 - She's just gonna put the pup 660 00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:39,929 on her lap. 661 00:13:40,029 --> 00:13:41,564 - It'll give me more comfort. 662 00:13:41,664 --> 00:13:42,732 - Do you want me to sit 663 00:13:41,664 --> 00:13:42,732 on your lap too? 664 00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:45,368 [laughter] 665 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,675 - So, um, 666 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,675 do you need this rogue tampon 667 00:13:52,775 --> 00:13:54,143 that has hair? 668 00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:55,478 Do you want to push this 669 00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:55,478 into your vagina? 670 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:57,814 - This is very representative 671 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:57,814 of me. 672 00:13:57,914 --> 00:13:58,981 This is me. 673 00:13:57,914 --> 00:13:58,981 - With this wiry... 674 00:13:59,148 --> 00:14:00,683 - Hair. 675 00:13:59,148 --> 00:14:00,683 And, like, 676 00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,452 has a little bit 677 00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,452 of spray tan on it. 678 00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:04,687 - Give it to me. 679 00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:04,687 - Out of the wrapper. 680 00:14:04,787 --> 00:14:06,503 - Buh-bye. 681 00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:08,491 Aw, I wanted it 682 00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:08,491 to land in the trash. 683 00:14:08,591 --> 00:14:09,525 Okay. 684 00:14:09,625 --> 00:14:12,361 [upbeat music] 685 00:14:12,462 --> 00:14:15,298 * 686 00:14:15,398 --> 00:14:16,466 - All right. Let's move 'em. 687 00:14:16,566 --> 00:14:18,000 - I don't know 688 00:14:16,566 --> 00:14:18,000 how to do these things. 689 00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:19,602 - They have event people 690 00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:19,602 that'll help do that. 691 00:14:19,702 --> 00:14:21,003 - We can have 692 00:14:19,702 --> 00:14:21,003 other people do this. 693 00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:22,371 You guys are old. 694 00:14:22,472 --> 00:14:23,673 - Oh, my God. 695 00:14:23,773 --> 00:14:25,842 That's the wrong tablecloth. 696 00:14:25,942 --> 00:14:26,976 - Hup, two, three. 697 00:14:27,713 --> 00:14:28,010 Are these the chairs 698 00:14:27,713 --> 00:14:28,010 we're using? 699 00:14:29,733 --> 00:14:30,446 - Let's all try to decide 700 00:14:29,733 --> 00:14:30,446 where these should hang. 701 00:14:30,546 --> 00:14:34,783 - If I ever have a baby shower 702 00:14:30,546 --> 00:14:34,783 or a wedding, 703 00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:37,253 I don't want my mom to... 704 00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:37,253 even be there. 705 00:14:37,353 --> 00:14:39,555 - We'll just set those up 706 00:14:37,353 --> 00:14:39,555 over here, along here. 707 00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:41,891 You go around and make sure 708 00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:41,891 the tablecloth is even. 709 00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:43,693 We're gonna go over here 710 00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:43,693 to the buffet. 711 00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:45,962 - My mom likes to be frazzled. 712 00:14:46,903 --> 00:14:47,029 Bossing people around and, 713 00:14:47,913 --> 00:14:48,431 "No one's helping me." 714 00:14:48,531 --> 00:14:50,032 - EJ, you don't have time 715 00:14:48,531 --> 00:14:50,032 to talk. 716 00:14:50,943 --> 00:14:52,001 We have got to get this going. 717 00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:54,203 - "Why don't you do this?" 718 00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:54,203 "God damn it." 719 00:14:54,303 --> 00:14:55,872 - Don't put up any more tables. 720 00:14:55,972 --> 00:14:56,973 - Chairs, you mean? 721 00:14:58,013 --> 00:14:58,374 - Chairs you can put up. 722 00:14:58,474 --> 00:15:00,309 [laughing] 723 00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:01,878 Where should we put this? 724 00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:01,878 - What about right here? 725 00:15:01,978 --> 00:15:03,146 - You can't see it. 726 00:15:03,246 --> 00:15:04,380 - Yeah, you can. 727 00:15:03,246 --> 00:15:04,380 - What about in this window? 728 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,915 - My mom envisioned this idea 729 00:15:06,433 --> 00:15:07,443 in one of her night terrors, 730 00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:08,885 and she brought it to life. 731 00:15:08,985 --> 00:15:11,813 - They found a headless, 732 00:15:08,985 --> 00:15:11,813 legless baby 733 00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:13,389 buried in a mass grave. 734 00:15:13,489 --> 00:15:14,757 - Hello! 735 00:15:14,857 --> 00:15:16,626 Hi! 736 00:15:14,857 --> 00:15:16,626 - Oh, my goodness. 737 00:15:16,726 --> 00:15:18,728 Thank you so much for coming. 738 00:15:18,828 --> 00:15:20,963 - You guys are here! 739 00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:23,603 [cheers] 740 00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:24,613 Hi, how are you? 741 00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:26,235 - Yes. Yes. 742 00:15:26,335 --> 00:15:27,970 [indistinct speech] 743 00:15:28,653 --> 00:15:29,338 - Hi, Poppy. 744 00:15:29,439 --> 00:15:31,683 - Happy baby party. 745 00:15:29,439 --> 00:15:31,683 - This is so beautiful. 746 00:15:32,013 --> 00:15:32,909 - You look amazing. 747 00:15:32,013 --> 00:15:32,909 - You look great too. 748 00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:34,777 - God, you make me want 749 00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:34,777 to get pregnant. 750 00:15:34,877 --> 00:15:36,733 - Really? 751 00:15:34,877 --> 00:15:36,733 - You look good. 752 00:15:36,212 --> 00:15:38,753 Growing up, 753 00:15:36,212 --> 00:15:38,753 I was obsessed with Lauren 754 00:15:38,214 --> 00:15:39,248 being kidnapped, 755 00:15:38,214 --> 00:15:39,248 because I was aware 756 00:15:39,348 --> 00:15:42,793 that she was a much more 757 00:15:39,348 --> 00:15:42,793 attractive child than I was. 758 00:15:42,185 --> 00:15:43,319 And then when we got 759 00:15:42,185 --> 00:15:43,319 into high school, 760 00:15:43,419 --> 00:15:45,588 I was deeply jealous of her. 761 00:15:45,688 --> 00:15:48,257 My personality is the way 762 00:15:45,688 --> 00:15:48,257 it is because I needed 763 00:15:48,357 --> 00:15:49,592 to find other ways 764 00:15:48,357 --> 00:15:49,592 for people to like me, 765 00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:53,196 because I just felt 766 00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:53,196 so un-Lauren-like. 767 00:15:53,296 --> 00:15:54,430 [upbeat musical flourish] 768 00:15:55,965 --> 00:15:58,333 - Aye! What's up. 769 00:15:55,965 --> 00:15:58,333 - How you doing? 770 00:15:58,434 --> 00:16:00,436 - Oh, my God, 771 00:15:58,434 --> 00:16:00,436 there are so many babies here. 772 00:16:00,536 --> 00:16:02,323 Oh, my goodness. 773 00:16:02,993 --> 00:16:03,272 Look at all this. 774 00:16:03,372 --> 00:16:05,353 Look at all those babies. 775 00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:07,210 Those are haunting, right? 776 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,479 - Man, this place 777 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,479 looks awesome, Nikki. 778 00:16:09,579 --> 00:16:11,347 - I'm making a gigantic plate 779 00:16:09,579 --> 00:16:11,347 of veggies. 780 00:16:11,447 --> 00:16:13,583 - I ate so much, 781 00:16:11,447 --> 00:16:13,583 I feel pregnant. 782 00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,518 - Who--you or Lauren, 783 00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,518 more pregnant? 784 00:16:15,618 --> 00:16:17,787 - I don't know, it's-- 785 00:16:15,618 --> 00:16:17,787 here, feel. 786 00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:20,957 - You've known Lauren 787 00:16:17,887 --> 00:16:20,957 through all of her pregnancies. 788 00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:22,825 - Yeah. 789 00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:22,825 She had Arlo, 790 00:16:22,925 --> 00:16:23,960 and then Poppy, 791 00:16:24,543 --> 00:16:25,395 and now this one. 792 00:16:25,495 --> 00:16:26,996 - Then whatever 793 00:16:25,495 --> 00:16:26,996 this one's gonna be. 794 00:16:27,573 --> 00:16:28,464 - Yeah. 795 00:16:27,573 --> 00:16:28,464 - Whatever's it's gonna be. 796 00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:29,866 - Do you think that you might 797 00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:29,866 consider 798 00:16:29,966 --> 00:16:31,634 having little babies some time? 799 00:16:31,734 --> 00:16:33,569 - Um... 800 00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:36,172 you know, 801 00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:36,172 when I see this little one. 802 00:16:36,272 --> 00:16:38,683 - Here's one-- 803 00:16:36,272 --> 00:16:38,683 oh, my, she's so sweet. 804 00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,442 Come here. 805 00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,442 - Get over here. 806 00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:42,311 Just in time. Hi. 807 00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:42,311 - I love her. 808 00:16:42,412 --> 00:16:44,447 - When I see you, 809 00:16:42,412 --> 00:16:44,447 I want more of you. 810 00:16:44,547 --> 00:16:47,216 But I'm not guaranteed 811 00:16:44,547 --> 00:16:47,216 to get one like you. 812 00:16:47,316 --> 00:16:49,793 Um-- 813 00:16:47,316 --> 00:16:49,793 - She's so sweet. 814 00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:50,987 - I mean, 815 00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:50,987 I'd have to find someone 816 00:16:51,813 --> 00:16:52,855 to take me to the sperm bank. 817 00:16:52,955 --> 00:16:54,724 I got to get a ride. 818 00:16:54,824 --> 00:16:57,827 [laughter] 819 00:16:57,927 --> 00:17:01,731 In the past, my career was, 820 00:16:57,927 --> 00:17:01,731 like, my child. 821 00:17:01,831 --> 00:17:03,332 - Oh, no. 822 00:17:01,831 --> 00:17:03,332 - I got him. 823 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,401 No one can get him. 824 00:17:05,501 --> 00:17:08,504 But I always just thought 825 00:17:05,501 --> 00:17:08,504 it was my career or kids. 826 00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:09,772 And now, 827 00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:09,772 being back in St. Louis, 828 00:17:09,872 --> 00:17:12,708 I realize I might be able 829 00:17:09,872 --> 00:17:12,708 to have it all. 830 00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:14,744 - Don't let the balloon 831 00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:14,744 hit the ground. 832 00:17:16,646 --> 00:17:18,247 Charlie, 833 00:17:16,646 --> 00:17:18,247 don't let it hit the ground. 834 00:17:18,347 --> 00:17:19,681 - [squeals] 835 00:17:18,347 --> 00:17:19,681 - Don't let it hit the ground. 836 00:17:19,782 --> 00:17:22,463 - Chris is honestly 837 00:17:19,782 --> 00:17:22,463 really good with kids. 838 00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:25,221 And turns out, like, I am too. 839 00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:26,789 I think it might be 840 00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:26,789 because we're just 841 00:17:26,889 --> 00:17:29,892 extremely emotionally immature. 842 00:17:29,992 --> 00:17:31,427 Here's the cake. 843 00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,229 - Oh! 844 00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,229 - [laughing] 845 00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:35,923 - [laughing] 846 00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:35,923 - Oh, my God. 847 00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:37,266 - We don't know 848 00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:37,266 if it's a girl or boy yet. 849 00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:38,468 - That is great. 850 00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:38,468 - It's amazing. 851 00:17:38,568 --> 00:17:40,203 - Do you see the baby? 852 00:17:38,568 --> 00:17:40,203 - I don't really understand it. 853 00:17:40,303 --> 00:17:41,504 - Huh? 854 00:17:40,303 --> 00:17:41,504 - That's Matt. 855 00:17:41,604 --> 00:17:43,639 - Oh, Matt is like-- 856 00:17:41,604 --> 00:17:43,639 as the baby-- 857 00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:45,541 - Doing a face. 858 00:17:45,641 --> 00:17:47,710 - Oh, my God. 859 00:17:45,641 --> 00:17:47,710 - It's something. 860 00:17:47,810 --> 00:17:52,215 - Can we all take in the weird 861 00:17:47,810 --> 00:17:52,215 headless, bodyless baby torsos? 862 00:17:52,315 --> 00:17:53,616 She dug them out. 863 00:17:52,315 --> 00:17:53,616 - Remember these? 864 00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:55,685 - Oh, Jules, 865 00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:55,685 it's hard to forget. 866 00:17:55,785 --> 00:17:57,553 - [laughs] 867 00:18:03,659 --> 00:18:05,895 [upbeat music] 868 00:18:06,233 --> 00:18:07,196 - Dad, any luck? 869 00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:08,364 I want to play my song. 870 00:18:08,464 --> 00:18:10,933 - Oh, my God, please get 871 00:18:08,464 --> 00:18:10,933 your boots out of my freezer. 872 00:18:11,283 --> 00:18:13,603 - Well, I'm trying to make-- 873 00:18:11,283 --> 00:18:13,603 when you put sacks of water, 874 00:18:13,703 --> 00:18:15,805 and then the ice-- 875 00:18:13,703 --> 00:18:15,805 oh, it hasn't froze yet. 876 00:18:15,905 --> 00:18:18,408 When the ice freezes, 877 00:18:15,905 --> 00:18:18,408 it make the ice go out... 878 00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:19,409 - Expands? 879 00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:19,409 - And then the-- 880 00:18:19,509 --> 00:18:20,910 'cause my bunions--ooh, no. 881 00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:21,911 It popped. 882 00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:21,911 [bleep]. 883 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,147 - I knew this was a problem. 884 00:18:24,247 --> 00:18:26,716 Who puts bags of water 885 00:18:24,247 --> 00:18:26,716 in their shoes? 886 00:18:26,816 --> 00:18:28,251 - People with bunions. 887 00:18:26,816 --> 00:18:28,251 - Nikki, see if your phone's... 888 00:18:28,351 --> 00:18:29,519 - Aw, Nikki. 889 00:18:28,351 --> 00:18:29,519 - Connected to it. 890 00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:30,420 - Oh, wait. Here we go. 891 00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:30,420 Bluetooth pairing. 892 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,255 I really want 893 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,255 to play you guys the song 894 00:18:32,355 --> 00:18:34,323 that I just recorded. 895 00:18:32,355 --> 00:18:34,323 - Come on, Luigi. 896 00:18:34,424 --> 00:18:36,392 - I'm really nervous 897 00:18:34,424 --> 00:18:36,392 about my dad hearing this song, 898 00:18:36,492 --> 00:18:39,796 because he's very critical. 899 00:18:39,896 --> 00:18:41,831 - Hardly. 900 00:18:41,931 --> 00:18:43,499 - Ask anyone. 901 00:18:41,931 --> 00:18:43,499 Dad, you are critical. 902 00:18:43,599 --> 00:18:44,500 It's just the way you are. 903 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,468 - I'm not drinking red wine 904 00:18:45,568 --> 00:18:47,370 on that white couch. 905 00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:49,372 - Andrew was like, 906 00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:49,372 I see where you get it from. 907 00:18:49,472 --> 00:18:50,840 Your dad is very critical, 908 00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:52,708 and that's 909 00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:52,708 what makes you very critical. 910 00:18:52,809 --> 00:18:54,277 - Andrew's pretty easy 911 00:18:52,809 --> 00:18:54,277 to be critical of. 912 00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:56,733 No, I'm just kidding. 913 00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:56,733 [laughs] 914 00:18:56,212 --> 00:18:57,447 - I rest my case. 915 00:18:57,547 --> 00:18:59,282 Ugh. I'm kind of nervous. 916 00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:01,951 Mm. Ugh. 917 00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:01,951 - All right. 918 00:19:02,843 --> 00:19:05,154 [music playing] 919 00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,863 [playing on speaker] 920 00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,863 - * This is not a complaint 921 00:19:09,225 --> 00:19:10,293 Oh, whoa. 922 00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:13,903 * I am not against fame 923 00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:16,263 * But I wanna run away, 924 00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:16,263 and I wanna find a friend * 925 00:19:16,603 --> 00:19:18,935 * I wanna let someone in 926 00:19:19,293 --> 00:19:21,270 [singing along] 927 00:19:19,293 --> 00:19:21,270 * But I am alone 928 00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:24,240 * August, you were the one 929 00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:24,240 who put seeds in the sand * 930 00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:26,909 * You let go of what's real 931 00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:30,246 * Even though I know 932 00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:30,246 I can't-- * 933 00:19:30,346 --> 00:19:31,814 Sounds like Anya 934 00:19:30,346 --> 00:19:31,814 in the background. 935 00:19:31,914 --> 00:19:34,984 But I did harmonies for this, 936 00:19:31,914 --> 00:19:34,984 so it might be me. 937 00:19:35,453 --> 00:19:37,286 [harmonizing] 938 00:19:35,453 --> 00:19:37,286 * Make me so restless 939 00:19:37,387 --> 00:19:38,654 - Sounds like you. 940 00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:41,853 - [harmonizing] 941 00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:41,853 * I'll always be the one 942 00:19:41,224 --> 00:19:43,993 * Who bares my bones 943 00:19:41,224 --> 00:19:43,993 in bright moonlight * 944 00:19:44,543 --> 00:19:45,995 * I do not see how-- 945 00:19:46,563 --> 00:19:47,230 - Sounds good. 946 00:19:47,330 --> 00:19:49,632 - * Couldn't trust me 947 00:19:51,768 --> 00:19:53,469 * But it feels like the end 948 00:19:53,569 --> 00:19:55,653 - That sounds good, honey. 949 00:19:55,993 --> 00:19:57,440 - * I just know it's the end 950 00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:58,674 - It sounds killer. 951 00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:58,674 - Doesn't it sound good? 952 00:19:58,775 --> 00:20:00,176 - Oh, my God. 953 00:19:58,775 --> 00:20:00,176 - It sounds great. 954 00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:02,011 - My dad actually liked it. 955 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:05,314 When your harshest critic, 956 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:05,314 with his amazing voice, 957 00:20:05,415 --> 00:20:07,550 likes something, 958 00:20:05,415 --> 00:20:07,550 it gives me hope that, like, 959 00:20:07,650 --> 00:20:08,818 the masses could like it. 960 00:20:08,918 --> 00:20:10,953 - The whole song 961 00:20:08,918 --> 00:20:10,953 is really good. 962 00:20:11,153 --> 00:20:12,321 - You deliver it really well. 963 00:20:12,422 --> 00:20:14,023 Your voice is good. 964 00:20:12,422 --> 00:20:14,023 - No, it's so good. 965 00:20:14,843 --> 00:20:16,492 - Anyone can do anything 966 00:20:14,843 --> 00:20:16,492 if you work hard enough. 967 00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:18,261 It's about putting in 968 00:20:16,592 --> 00:20:18,261 those 10,000 hours. 969 00:20:18,361 --> 00:20:23,299 I probably have, like, 970 00:20:18,361 --> 00:20:23,299 9,983 hours to go. 971 00:20:23,399 --> 00:20:25,735 So... 972 00:20:25,835 --> 00:20:27,904 can we wrap this up? 973 00:20:25,835 --> 00:20:27,904 'Cause I got to go practice. 974 00:20:28,004 --> 00:20:30,343 I'm like Michael Jordan 975 00:20:28,004 --> 00:20:30,343 when he played baseball. 976 00:20:30,173 --> 00:20:31,707 Except-- 977 00:20:30,173 --> 00:20:31,707 - [chuckles] 978 00:20:31,808 --> 00:20:35,478 - I'm like Michael Jordan 979 00:20:31,808 --> 00:20:35,478 if he started doing pop music. 980 00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:37,980 I don't need to compare myself 981 00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:37,980 to Michael Jordan. 982 00:20:38,423 --> 00:20:39,215 I'm more of a Scottie Pippen. 983 00:20:39,315 --> 00:20:40,616 [both laugh] 984 00:20:42,919 --> 00:20:43,820 Next time... 985 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,493 You think I should change 986 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,493 my material at all 987 00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:48,524 with Chris and my mom and dad 988 00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:48,524 going to my show in Chicago? 989 00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:49,625 They've never been 990 00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:49,625 sitting next to each other 991 00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:53,233 while they have to hear jokes 992 00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:53,233 about me and Chris. 993 00:20:53,162 --> 00:20:56,199 Fluids are being exchanged. 994 00:20:53,162 --> 00:20:56,199 I don't know how to put that. 995 00:20:56,299 --> 00:20:57,500 Off to Chicago. 996 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:58,968 Bird sanctuary. 997 00:20:59,293 --> 00:21:00,303 [bird squawking] 998 00:20:59,293 --> 00:21:00,303 - Hello. 999 00:21:00,403 --> 00:21:02,663 - How these people live 1000 00:21:00,403 --> 00:21:02,663 like this. 1001 00:21:02,205 --> 00:21:04,240 - This is heaven. 1002 00:21:02,205 --> 00:21:04,240 [birds squawking] 1003 00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:05,508 [crowd cheering] 1004 00:21:05,608 --> 00:21:06,743 Blowjobs are intimate as well. 1005 00:21:06,843 --> 00:21:08,578 If you go too deep, 1006 00:21:06,843 --> 00:21:08,578 it hits your heart. 1007 00:21:08,678 --> 00:21:09,879 - What do you think 1008 00:21:08,678 --> 00:21:09,879 of that one? 1009 00:21:09,979 --> 00:21:11,848 - For the love of Glase. 60435

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