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Your attention please

This film has been classified as vulgar comedy

It contains high amounts of coarse language, adult themes,

political incorrectness, discrimination and sexual situations

As such, this film has been rated

one level higher than Parental Guidance:

Parental Censure

Any persons who are unable to accept these themes

will be granted 10 seconds of screen time

to leave the cinema

As a result of seeing this film

If any persons develop symptoms of

emotional distress

illness

unhappiness

or erectile dysfunction

the film and the cinema would like to make clear that

it's none of our fucking problem!

Aiyah sorry, sorry, sorry!

I didn't expect you to be so punctual

I thought most film people are always late

Personally, I am usually pretty on-time

Not just during film shoots

Even going to the cinema, I'm never late

When you're watching a movie

if you're late, you just miss a bit

But when you walk to your seat

you're blocking other people's view, asshole

Let's start when the students are all here

Isn't he cool? Arriving later than the professor

OK, everyone. All here?

Then let's start

I'm very pleased to have here with us today a film producer

My old friend Mr. To Wai-cheung

Please give him a warm welcome

Oh, and please remember to turn off your cellphones

don't disturb our little get-together

Ah To - you don't mind me calling you that, right?

Love it

We have many students here from different departments

but they're all interested in the subject of "producing"

However, theory and practice are usually different Right

So we hope you can share your experience with us

We're recording this lecture, ok?

Not a problem

Alright! Let me ask the first question then

Exactly what kind of work does a producer do?

Professor, that's a good question

Many people want to know that

If you want to know what a film producer does

then you must first understand

his role in a film production

Professor, may I ask you a biological question?

Sure!What is the point of having pubes?

Excuse me?

Pubes!

There are a lot of students here...

Oh, yes. Sorry

Forgot that there are girls here too Yes

Let me make it clearer

What is the pubic hair's function?

Don't say you don't know

Pubic hair is very strange

It looks ugly and sheds easily

If you don't let it breathe, it'll stink

If you're competing for Miss Hong Kong

when you get to the swimsuit event

some pubic strands may stick out of your bikini

so embarrassing

So how can something so ugly

still serve a purpose?

It does

During sexual intercourse

the bodies collide against one another

which then generates friction

The function of the pubic hair

is to ease that friction

Try shaving it off

The next time you have sex

you'll find that it really hurts

Producers then are responsible for

easing the friction between people

A normal producer is like a patch of straggly pubes

A good producer is like a great thick bush of pubic hair

So my parents paid for me to study for four years

just to learn how to become like pubic hair?

Exactly!

Not really

You'll also get a diploma out of it too

Let's get back to the subject then

I have been talking about the subject

Besides that handful of...

I mean, producers also work in other areas

For example, how do you find investors?

That's another good question!

Finding money is very important

Once you have money

you can fool around

friction will then turn up

So those thick pubes will come in handy again!

Can we not always use pubic hair as an example?

I'm sorry. I only used it twice

This is an institution for higher learning

Why don't we talk about

is it hard to find funding nowadays?

There are many ways to find money

Having a big studio boss is one way

And lately product placements are quite popular...

That's right, class!

I know lots about product placement

Let me explain it to you

Product placement is now very popular

During a movie

brands promote their products using "soft sell"

then the advertising is paid to the film company

It's like killing two birds with one stone

What's your question?

Most product placements these days are too obvious

As a producer

do you accept money from anyone?

In principle, yes

But you must understand

clients want their product onscreen

for the whole film

but the director doesn't want even a single shot

As the pube.. I mean producer

I must mediate between the two sides

You make yourself sound so smart

but can you really appease both side?

Hey! Good morning

What's up with you?

The traffic in Central is so bad in the morning

It's crazy man!

I didn't think that you'd show up to a presentation

while wearing slippers!

I have yoga class tonight

This way it's easier for me to change clothes

If you don't like it, I can go home and..

You're in a rush

Why don't I just go and buy a new pair

That store's shoes are ok

Oh shit! I forgot to bring my VIP...

Without my VIP card, it means no discount

Hey, VIP. Why don't you just disappear

Please just give me the director's synopsis

Hold this. He e-mailed it to me last night

So I saved everything into this.

Hello Kitty USB

Shall I go over the details with you first?

No need. Is it similar to the last version?

Just tiny changes

Fine I'll present it myself

Nowadays, soft product placement

for a multinational corporation's brand building

is especially important

Union, as the world's 4th largest insurance company

it is even more crucial

to build an international image

In this story, the director is trying to present

Union's status and significance in the global community

Imagine Jay Chou as part of your company's insurance staff

with a happy family and good career prospects

Just think about it

Jay Chou. Such a suave guy

wandering back and forth in front of your company logo

As a female audience

how can you resist buying insurance from Union?

That's right, he accidently finds out that

the company every year has over

USD 10 million missing..

Under Jay Chou's investigation

he finds that this is connected to a huge international conspiracy

It turns out that your company

every year sends this huge amount of money

via an offshore account directly to..

Al-Qaeda?

Yes, al-Qaeda

Because...

if the planes are covered by Union insurance

and accidents occur and the planes crash

your company..would ask the terrorist organisation

to confess to the attacks

Since terrorist attacks aren't covered by insurance

therefore Union can then

reject all claims from the victims' families

Please.. Everybody calm down

Not everyone in the company is bad

only the management

To expose the truth, Jay Chou

continues his investigation until he's stopped by the top brass

In order to stop Jay

Oh motherfucker

They..even murder his wife and family

And their insurance records

are all confiscated and deleted by management

To fight for justice

and for his family's insurance claim

he confronts Union's management

and exposes the plot to the world

Fine I won't try to justify this

How about this

I promise that your company logo

will appear in this film for at least 10 minutes

Sorry, sorry

That doesn't work!

It means you failed

Indeed, it failed

But each failure paves the way for success

As a producer, you must be able to endure constant rejection

Next

What you're saying is

being a producer is all about bragging

There's no practical work

You can say that

But if anyone who brags can be a producer

then Professor Cheng wouldn't be here

It's a tough world outside

That's right. Since the stakes are so high

that's why a producer

should be able to sacrifice himself for cinema

You make it sound so good

So what have you sacrificed for cinema?

You want to know what I have sacrificed for cinema?

Can you please tell the staff to stop recording?

If you stop recording, I'll tell you

Turn it off, turn it off

You really want to know what I've sacrificed for cinema?

OK, I'll tell you now

fucking scare your pants off!

This is ridiculous!

why didn't you tell me beforehand?

I did, I told you this morning

You said he only changed it a little bit

Why is your work quality nosediving?

You're driving me nuts

Was anyone looking for me?

Was anyone looking for me?

Who?

Fat Wei

What did he say?

You asshole, the cheque bounced three fucking times

You smelly fucking..

Got it. Next

Lawyer Tsang called

Who is Lawyer Tsang?

Your ex-wife

You haven't paid alimony for three months

If you don't pay it immediately

don't even think about seeing your daughter

Anything else?

Lui Wing-shing called you from Guangzhou

Really?

Brother Wing-shing, looking for me? What's up?

What are you up to?

Nothing, still working on Blackie Tak's action film

What? Still Blackie Tak, really?

Hey, I know a boss in Guangxi

Are you interested in a chat?

Guangxi? Did he invest in movies before?

Nope. Guangxi gangster. Triad head

Got rich by smuggling rare golden turtles

You're my sworn brother

Why don't we give it a shot

Do you have time to come up?

If we can close the deal, he has cash

Does he really have money?

Bro, it's golden turtles, not wet market chicken

Of course he's loaded!

All these are yours

Thank you so much

When did you start running grey imports?

Not really

I just buy them to please the bosses

How can I carry with just two hands?

True

You have no idea how in demand milk powder is

Hey, is your boss really trustworthy?

Asking us to meet here? Seems suspicious

Hey, don't worry. We're mates

I know he's awesome

Really? How did you meet him?

At GaGa

Guangzhou's GaGa Bar? Lots of girls there

Yeah, but he still tried to compete with me

He hit me over a girl

But we ended with a friendship dinner

Isn't he awesome?

Shing! Brother Tyrannosaurus

Brother Tyrannosaurus

Let me introduce

Sit! Sit! Sit!

This is our Hong Kong movie producer, To Wai-cheung

Big Producer

Nice to meet you

I'm sorry. I should have gone to pick you up today

but one of my enemies was just publicly executed

See? He's dressed so smart today

Of course! How can you not dress up for an execution

Hey, let's not mention these

the facade may seem shabby here

But the best delicacies in Guangxi are here

Let me order the best food for you

Ho, tell the chef to bring out the dishes

Big Producer

Here in Beihai

we don't go for those karaoke

or saunas or massages

We go straight to the point

So let's give you a warm welcome

Don't say anything. Have some tonic first

then it's time for fun

Fun!

Since you got all the way here

it means you're my friend

Obedience is better than politeness

Cheers! Then let's drink up and be friends

Sure, sure.Thank you, Brother Tyrannosaurus

After tonight

we'll be brothers-in-law

Cheers! Cheers! Thank you, Brother Tyrannosaurus

Thank you, thank you Cheers! Cheers!

Cheers!

Cheers!

Can you explain what these dishes are?

Let me introduce them to you It must be your first time

This is braised rabbit head

This is deep fried frog

Ah, this one is fucking awesome

A deep fried family of field mice the father, mother and the offsprings

Eat the mother first

This one's braised soft-shell turtle

Look at it! The head looks just like you

Just kidding! Let's have some soup!

Let's have some soup! OK!

Not bad. This is chestnut soup Yes, vegetables

What chestnut? It's bull's eye. It's good for you!

Ah here's the main dish

It's called the dragon-tiger-phoenix delight

Fucking amazing

What does the dragon-tiger-phoenix refer to?

Snake, cat and chicken

Woah, cat? I can't do it

Hey, when in Rome, do as the Romans do

I fucking told you basket case so many fucking times

Don't fucking disgrace me in front of my fucking guests

Why the fuck are you always fucking up like this?

Am I fucking right?

When we have guests,always fucking let them pick first

What the fuck did I tell you before?

I'm so fucking sorry, Big Brother

Why say that shit to me?

Say it to Big Producer

I'm so fucking sorry

No problem Let's continue

No way. This is the rule

You're our guest. You first

Actually I don't eat much

You're fucking making us lose face

Big Brother ordered this especially for you

You want us to fucking lose face?

Of course not. It's just that I need to drive later

These dishes must have been cooked with wine

I get drunk easily

What are you fucking scared of?

If you get drunk and hit someone

just say you know me, end of story

Of course, better to not run over anyone too famous

I told you he's powerful in Guangxi

You can't get out of it.

Take some I'll try a little

Tastes real gamey!

You motherfucker!

You fucking want Big Brother to lose face?

I'm just not used to eating these

We common people just eat common food

Is there anything more normal to eat?

Big Producer isn't used to eating these. Don't force him

Do you eat cow?

Cow? Great!

I love beef!

Tell the chef to cook my signature dish

Cheers! Brother Tyrannosaurus

I'm so sorry

Sorry, Brother Wah Tao. Sorry, brothers

Cheers! Quit talking bullshit

It's truly delicious

Hong Kong doesn't have beef this good

So smooth and so soft

Not too tough and not too rough

And I never knew preserved vegetable tastes

so good with beef

The texture is sticky but it's easy to eat

No tendons. Better than those in Kowloon City

What part of the cow is it?

Is it the neck or the cheek?

It's. cow bliss

Cow bliss? What does that mean..

Cow bliss is cow vagina

You can't always order it But our timing is just right

Think about it

one cow only has one vagina. It reduces once you cook it

So guess how many cows you need to cook just one dish?

Yeah Lucky that we have Brother Tyrannosaurus here today

Otherwise

there'd be more preserved vegetables than vaginas

Still not fucking giving face to my boss?

Drink it all!

If you don't fucking finish it, don't talk to me

Brother Tyrannosaurus, it's my fault

I'll drink!

It's alright! It's alright!

That's good. We've all been getting too worked up

Let's enjoy mule pussy after dinner. How about that?

What is "mule pussy"?

Never heard of it

But you can tell from what thay say

they're pussy crazy, so they should be dependable

Brother Tyrannosaurus. We Hong Kongers are ignorant

What is "mule pussy"?

You don't understand Cantonese?

Mule pussy is the pussy of a mule

How can that be?

"Dragon-tiger-phoenix" means snake, cat and chicken

"Cow bliss" is cow's vagina

How the fuck can "mule pussy" mean mule's pussy?

Why not?

Big Brother. It took us half a day to find it

Hey, come in. You're so damn late

If you really know how to fuck

then you'd know that mule pussy is the best

Once you try it, you'll never go back

It's true

I didn't touch my girl for ages afterwards

Why did you take so fucking long?

Big Brother, the mule was easy to find

But I thought of hanging a corsage on it to celebrate

It's so hard to find a corsage!

Which one would you like?

You fucking asshole. Don't push me anymore

The whole night you forced me to eat all this shit

You want me to eat cow's vagina? Fine

But when I'm drunk you tell me to go fuck animals?!

I'll kill anyone who tells me I should go fuck a mule!

I've been putting up with you all night

Don't think you're so special

just because you've made movies

I greeted you with exotic dishes

and you didn't appreciate it. Fine

You wanted to eat beef

I ordered beef and you still didn't appreciate. Fine

I treated you with sincerity

but you made me lose face in front of my men

You two had better settle this with us tonight!

Brother, please listen to me

Put away your gun first. Put it back

We are looking for money, not looking to make enemies

We shouldn't get so upset because of a pair of mules

It's not worth it, right?

My friend got drunk. Please forgive him

Like back in GaGa

I'll set up a friendship dinner. How about that?

I'll tell you now

I, Tyrannosaurus, have never been so insulted

I treated you with courtersy

so you must fuck the mule first before you can leave

You came today, you then need to fuck a mule

Otherwise, I won't let you walk out of here

Cheung, listen to me. I'm so sorry

Brother Tyrannosaurus, it's me who brought him here

I'll do it on his behalf

Both mules for me

You think this is a wedding?

The best man drinks the groom?

One man on each mule!

What's the big deal?

Stop it! Stop it. Let me speak

Stop talking. Listen to me

I ask for one thing

What?

Can I have a pre-coital cigarette?

Go ahead

Cheung, as your buddy, I'm so sorry

Lui, don't say that shit

It seems like we can't escape this time

How about I cover for you. You run away first

Fuck you. Do I look like someone who'll do that?

I have a sense of personal loyalty

So...

how about you protect me first while I run

Fuck you!

No matter what fucking happens, I promise you

Whatever happens tonight, only you and I will know

And the few of them

and the two mules

We won't say a word!

Why are you talking so fucking loud?

Are you proud of it?

Are you two ready to fuck or what?

Do you need to take so fucking long?

I never realized before that smoking a cigarette

lasts for such a short time

If I can just puff on it for a little longer

then it would be great

If you've ever been to those old cinemas

where there was a dress circle for midnight shows

then you may have experienced the same thing

Halfway though a show

the film burns up

because the projector got too hot

part of a reel is missing

There's no picture

When you drink too much, you may also lose some footage

You forget what happened to you

and what you've done

If it's something we really want to forget

we can also force ourselves to lose some footage

What the hell happened that night?

I just remember us having dinner

after that cigarette

I don't remember anything

But since then

whenever I see a four-legged animal like

a horse

a cow

a goat...

I can't help but start flinching

I try to make myself forget because

what happens in Vegas

stays in Vegas

What happens in Guangxi

I'd rather not think about it

Hey, everything's fine

Brother Tyrannosaurus thinks we did good last time

He wants to invest in the film

What? What film?

The story he mentioned to you

Damn! I'm really missing some footage

I don't remember a thing

What the fuck. You already promised him!

Fuck me. What kind of film?

I told you it was great!

Once you try it, you will never go back

See? These two fuckers are still savoring it

Big Producer, since we're brothers now

I don't mind telling you that

since I was a kid, I've always admired film people

You guys have talent and imagination

How can we compare with you?

It's nothing, really

When I was a child in Guangxi

I loved going to see Hong Kong movies

What was my favourite film?

Big Brother, your favourites must've all been pornos

Do you need to say it?

Of course! What was it called?

Oh yes

"Confession of a Concubine"

Starring that erotic film star..

Yum Yum Shaw, right?

Yes, yes! I loved her since I was a kid

Whenever I think of her, I'd want to jerk off

Just mentioning her makes me hard

Do you think we can make her come back

and make a film?

Do you have money?

Of course!

Then I know her very well!

Great!

Then just remake "Confession of a Concubine"

I've even come up with a new title

"Confessions of Two Concubines"

If it makes money, then let's make

"Triple Confessions of Concubines"

If that also makes money, then we must make

"Four-Way Confessions of Concubines"

Good idea, no?

OK it's settled You make it, I invest in it

As long as you have money!

You shoot..no. You invest, we shoot

It's bound to be good

OK then let's do it

Cheers! Cheers!

Let's drink the whole bottle!

The condoms we left for you

Why didn't you use them?

Did you bring your own?

You need a condom to fuck a mule?

Big Brother, how can you fuck a mule without a condom?

Of course not

Look at these crazy and reckless Hong Kongers

So disgusting

We'd better not use the same utensils

Good fucking idea

I think movies are just like fashion

There are cycles

Just like bell-bottommed trousers

they were popular in the 70s

But after a few decades, they'll become popular again

Everyone has regrets about their first time

But a second opportunity can come very fast

Life is full of surprises

When this second opportunity comes, you may ask yourself

if I can do it again

This time, how can I improve my performance?

Today, your opportunity has comes

What the fuck, Cheung? You've got to be kidding me

I thank you for coming to me with a new film idea

But I'm an old lady now, and you're still asking me to strip?

Are you nuts?

Don't scold me yet

My big boss really loves you

He saw you in "Confession of a Concubine" when he was a child

If you're in "Confessions of Two Concubines",

it'll surely be a hit

When he was a child, right?

Asking me to take off my clothes?

Even if I say yes

I'll just end scaring youngsters away!

You asked me out for lunch I appreciate it

You give me a new role. I also appreciate it

But please don't ask me

to do this at my age

so I won't get teased by people, ok asshole?

But my boss said that we must have Yum Yum Shaw

You see what kind of influence you still have?

Ok, even if you deny it

at least your presence still affect me

It's fine if you don't help me

But think about yourself

Why not show off your beauty before it's too late?

I'll treat you to this meal

Please, I beg you, go play around with young girls

But don't try to fool this old lady Eat!

Daddy, what are you scratching? I'll scratch too

No, Jacqueline

Only low-lives scratch like that in public

Mr. To

I let you see Jacqueline

because I have a meeting in Shanghai

so I can't go with her to school

No matter what, you're still her father

After you meet her teacher

I'll ask the maid to pick her up

No way

You're gonna leave her alone at night?

She can stay with me

The maid will look after her

Why must the maid look after her?

You'll let her sleep alone all night?

Auntie Lin will stay with her

Why must she stay with the maid?

Our daughter isn't a horse trainer

Daddy, why does a horse trainer need to sleep with a maid?

Oh, because those horse trainers are desperate

They need to work in the middle of the night

When they finish work

they have needs in the morning Enough

Why do you say these things in front of your daughter?

I'll send you Auntie Lin's mobile number

After the parents' meeting...

I want to stay at Daddy's place

Lawyer Tsang

I hope you will respect the wishes of the parties

Thank you

Jacqueline, Mommy can let you stay at Daddy's place

But you must promise me something

If you touch anything dirty there

wash your hands immediately

Clean with soap for 15 seconds

while singing "Happy Birthday", OK?

Call Mommy anytime if you have any problems

or call Auntie Lin, OK?

OK

Are you done scratching?

I don't know why

it's so itchy!

Come, let's go have ice cream

To Siu-kuen's academic performance is really poor

After going through her records

She was ranked no.1 before she transferred here

But now she's almost the worst student

As her parent

you should let her focus more on her studies

Miss Cheung, she's been very focused

You should reduce her activities outside of school

so she can concentrate on her studies

Such as?

Like looking after her dog

Impossible

I cannot force my daughter to give up her dog

When I was a child, I didn't have to study like this

My mother didn't push me to study every night

unlike her nasty mother

What do you do, Mr To?

I'm a film producer

How about your wife?

Barrister

There you go

Actually, our school is most concerned about our reputation

If our students cannot reach a certain standard

it will end up affecting us too

Based on To Siu-kuen's academic performance

things are not looking good

Although Lawyer Tsang

pleaded with our principal to take her in..

Only her mother did the begging, not me

Are you going to kick her out?

Don't wait until next week

I can go enrol her at Oxford

Oxford?

Oxford Road Subsidised Primary School

I have never agreed with most of her mother's arrangements

The average IQ is 120

Our daughter's score is just two points more

122. What's the big deal?

But her mother had to transfer her from a normal school

to your so-called genius school

What's so great about a school for geniuses?

The school's genius

is in charging us $15,000 every month for tuition!

My daughter was the top in a normal school, right?

But she insisted on making her come last among geniuses

Mr. To, you're wrong

All parents want their children to do better than they did

They want them to make friends with smarter people

to upgrade themselves

Of course, some losers like to be

with people at their own level

It makes them feel more comfortable

Mr. To, you are one of these

It doesn't mean To Siu-kuen needs to be like you, right?

Miss Cheung, I don't know what the fuck you're saying

Sorry

Producer, you're back

What's going on?

Fat Wei brought them up here

Fat Wei?

Hey, Pang Lap-wei!

What the fuck are you doing? All I owe you is some money

Hey, you don't just owe me money, but all of us

If you don't pay me, OK

But the whole crew needs to make a living

Who the hell are these people?

Your place is so big, and you're not making a film

So I rented out half of it for you

and let these guys shoot some pseudo-models

How else would you find money to pay people?

Before, you would call me Producer this, Producer that

Now I have no film, so you fuck me over like this

Let Big Sis tell you something

in this world, sometimes being big is not the most important thing

Small can be cute too

Look at me, pretty cute, no?

What kind of writing is this?

Producer To, do you remember me?

Not really

Popping Candy!

Popping Candy?

Maybe I do know you?

You not only know me

but you've tasted me too

Wow, then I really totally don't recall

What are you doing here?

Well, after you said no to me on your last film, I took your advice

Since I don't have much going on

I became a part-time model

Is this your company? Yes

Why did your office become a studio?

Just ask my friend, Fat Wei

They wanted to find a venue for a photography club

They couldn't find a space, so they begged me

My place here is big, no it's not a big deal

Daddy, Daddy

Miss, I like your costume

Actually I'm a nurse Isn't it pretty?

So cute! I've never seen this type of nurse uniform before

Daddy, I want one too

Hey, wait until you grow bigger..

I mean when you grow up first

Who are you looking for?

Blackie Tak

Come in

Thanks

Producer

Director, what are you doing here?

Well, my friend opened this gambling den

So he asked me to help him

What is this place?

A children's playground?

Nowadays gambling dens are very user friendly

Housewives want to play mahjong

but who looks after the kids?

So we hire maids to look after their children

Do you remember Auntie Chau? She just left

Auntie Chau?

Yes! Excuse me

Mrs. Leung, it's time for you to go home

Let me finish

Your husband will be back in half an hour

What? OK, I should leave

Yes, stop playing

Really? Damn

Billy, let's go

How about the dishes?

Maria has cooked them for you

Your service is really perfect

We always put our customers firsts

Come early next time

Don't, don't, don't

Remember your husband is on leave this Thursday

Behave yourself, OK? Bye bye

OK Thank you

Tak, what are you doing here?

What can I do? The film market is so damn quiet

How goes the sales pitch on our last project?

How can I even sell it?

I have always given you freedom

But how could you write that

they donate money to al-Qaeda?

Why do you need cameras?

It's just to be on the safe..

Police, everybody freeze!

We suspect you're running an illegal gambling den

Who's the owner?

There's no owner here

I'm the production manager We're filming in here

This is our director, our camera

our extras, our lighting gears

You dare to try and fool us?

I've been watching you for the past two weeks

You're filming the same scene every day?

Your dialogue is the same every day?

I've even recorded it

Like "pong", "seung", "chow", "kong"

"Aiya, I lost"

And "Fuck you for such a risky tile"

I'll let our director explain

Sir, this is a gambling film

The words, "pong", "seung", "kong",

are required in the film

And Sir, "Fuck you..."

".. for such a risky tile"

clearly expresses a gambler's rage

How about the money?

Fake money

It looks this real?

If it looks fake,

Hong Kong movies won't look professional

You! What do you do?

I'm the most miserable. I'm the producer of this film

Everyone squat down Pull out your ID cards

Squat down.. Pull out your ID cards

You too

Blackie Tak, you can't be like this your whole life

You think I don't want to make movies?

Just look at my name

I've had bad luck for the last few years

You've had bad luck for more than a few years

But now your chance is coming

An investor wants to remake a classic film

I want you to direct it

Really? Remake what?

"Confession of a Concubine"

"Confession of a Concubine"?!

Keep quiet

Sorry! Sorry!

Why are you alone? Where's Quin?

She was in a rush to go to yoga, so she left first

What the hell?

hey hi. My legs and arm are bent,

my hands can't reach the phone

Please leave your message after the tone Call you back

Hey, don't just get bent out of shape.

Why don't you just oack up?

How many times did I say your performance is nosediving?

This is my daughter

How can you leave her alone like this?

Call me back!

Daddy, I'm actually not alone

Big Sis is with me

Which big Sis?

I can only find some biscuits

Hey, you're back!

Did you help me look after her?

Yeah, I saw your assistant leave

So I stayed to keep her company after the shoot

I actually wanted to go down to buy something to eat

But I was worried about her staying here alone

Don't eat these. Let's go out to eat

Be careful It's hot

At this moment, I find that I may have misjudged Popping Candy

Before, I thought that at most she was a "wet nurse"

but in fact she might turn out to be a good mother

Daddy, I haven't slept at your place for so long

Actually, I really want to sleep here

Then you should tell Mommy that

Mommy says she doesn't want me to see you so much

Otherwise, I'll start becoming more like you

She said your films are all Category Ill

and they're not suitable for children

The films you made before

I actually told my classmates about them

But none of them have heard of the titles

Their families only let them go see

stuff like "Lord of the Rings" and "Infernal Affairs"

Daddy, what was the name of your last film?

"Sudan Red vs. Malachite Green"

But my classmates have never heard of it

In this world, there are many kinds of movies

Some are shot more expensively

some are not so expensive

Daddy right now's making movies that are not so expensive

It's cheaper, so there's less money

less promotion, fewer cinemas will show them

so fewer people know

But Mary who sits next to me said

all film premieres are featured on the "Entertainment Scoop" program

So whenever Mommy works late

I turn on the TV to watch the program

but I never see them feature one of your films

Daddy, can you ask "Entertainment Scoop"

to feature one of your films next time?

So even if I can't watch the film

I can still tell my classmates that

my daddy's film was on "Entertainment Scoop".

OK I promise

Don't forget your promise!

Sleep tight

Hey, sorry. I didn't bring my own clothes

I found these in your closet. Do you mind?

Of course not. My ex-wife left them here

As long as you don't find them too tight

It's OK

Seems you like playing video games

Yup. I'm not good at much except playing video games

Come on, that's not true

When I was a little girl, I thought

I'd become a video game designer

But apparently you must be good at maths. And I'm not

You're kidding. You wanted to be a video game designer?

May I ask what kind of game would you design?

Don't you think holding this game controller

is kinda like giving someone a handjob?

So I was thinking

there should be a game that helps people jerk off

Mind if you explain how you'd make a jerking off game?

Why not?

You owe people lots of money

so the player must clear the debt by working at a massage parlour

That's fucking sad What's so fun about it?

What's not fun about it?

You need to give handjobs to clear your debt

so you gotta do it fast

If you do it quickly and accurately

you can earn promotions and keep your clients

If your techniques aren't right, you will hurt your wrists

and you'll get less business

You have a point

But nobody will play your game

Why?

Liking video games

doesn't mean you'll also like jerking off

If you like giving handjobs

then why not work at a real massage parlour?

Why play a video game?

Not necessarily.

My friends wouldn't help their moms with the cooking

but they'd play Cooking Mama in the living room

Maybe some guys would buy it

to train their girlfriends

Sounds like you did your research

Yes, once I have lots of money

I will start developing this video game

Hey, are you really gonna give me a role?

Really, newcomers like you

think you'd get a role just by sleeping around

I'll ask you this:

last time, you slept with assistant director Sunny Luk

did he give you a role?

He said he didn't have a role for me yet

Fuck him - he's already working as a director

You know what he's most worried about?

He's scared of people gossiping

So what does he do?

He won't let you go on set

So why would he give you a role?

And you?

I'm a producer. It's different

Gossips don't bother me

But it's fucking hard to even begin shooting

If I can make one, I'll get you in

Actually, you're not the first to promise me a role

and then bring me to god knows where

But...

you're the first who's willing to tell me the truth

I'm sorry

I'm not that interested in your private life

I wanna know - did you really fuck that donkey?

Miss

it means you haven't been paying attention

See, mules and donkeys are different

A mule is the result of a horse and a donkey fucking. Understand?

You guys are not interested at all in

what happens between me and the girl?

Go back to talk about the mule

Right, let's humor everyone and talk about the mule?

But surely you want to know

why Popping Candy is called Popping Candy?

Why then?

The reason Popping Candy is called Popping Candy is because

she has a secret weapon

What is it?

Exploding

Candy

mouth

Half a year ago

Producer

thanks for the meal today

No problem

Just now, you taught me lots of things

I'm lucky to have listened to you

Otherwise, I really would have taken that role

Since I'm a newcomer, I've got a lot to learn

I really thought that film was a 3D movie

If it's in 3D, then it should be a big production

You got it all wrong

"3D" doesn't mean it's filmed in 3D

You can already tell by looking at its title:

"The Avengerin...

. 33D"

That's too small for you

Without you, I wouldn't know what to do

As a newcomer, you already fulfill one basic requirement

You have a sweet tongue

How do you know my tongue is sweet?

In this industry, these are the most important words

"Rely on your mouth"

Just look at me

There are many ways to use the mouth

One of them is.. If you're good enough

you can get twice the result with half the effort

My mouth can learn pretty fast

As a producer, I always like to instruct newcomers

Wait a sec

What?

Let me find my popping candy first

Why do you want candy right now?

I have something else for you

It's not for me It's for you!

I have diabetes. I can't eat too much sugar

I'm not normally this quick

You're already not bad

So far, only one person

can stand it for more than a minute

Really? How did he manage to hold it in?

He.. Actually I can't say he could hold it either

I blew him for five minutes

but saw that he had no reaction

I was gonna compliment him

but then I realised that he'd had a stroke

I was pretty lucky then

Hey, hey. It's hard again

Do you have any more popping candy?

Auntie, who are you looking for?

What did you say?

Where's To Wai-cheung?

Producer, someone's looking for you

Excuse me, you should take off your shoes

Aren't you ashamed?

What?

You bring some tramp home in front of your daughter?

Hey, you can yell at me, but don't insult others

She's not a tramp

This is my friend Popping...

What's your name?

Tsui Ka-yan

Your daughter's here, and you bring a teenage girl home?

Are you nuts? How much older than your daughter is she?

That's why we don't have a generation gap Jacqueline...

Smart move. You even managed to talk back to a barrister

Bye-bye, Daddy

I'll visit you again next week

My letter of attorney states clearly

If you don't pay your alimony

you will never see your daughter again

Let's go, Jacqueline

Bye-bye, Big Sis

Bye-bye. Bye-bye

Come over here

Do you remember what Mommy told you?

You forgot

When you touch dirty things at Daddy's place

you must wash your hands

Open your hands

Sing "Happy Birthday"

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you..

Just ignore her

I'm thinking

I know

Hey I'm really thinking about something serious

Don't bother me now

I'm not bothering your brain

The upper and lower half aren't related

Your upper half can keep on thinking

I'll "pop" the bottom half

What did you just say?

Your upper half can keep on thinking.

I'll "pop" the lower half

Not that, before

The upper and lower half are not related?

Sorry. I'm not normally that quick

Aren't you deceiving your audience?

Yum Yum, you make it sound so serious

With the advancements in technology

Even "Avatar" could make a guy turn into a blue creature

We can paste your head onto a newcomer's body

No big deal, right?

Your face is still so attractive

and she has an hourglass figure

Sorry, all this talk is making me hard

Will it really work?

I'm really hard now. Of course it works

Idiot, I mean the film

Why won't it work?

You coupled with her will be so sexy

How about the lead actor? Who are you looking for?

You have any suggestions?

Chow Yun-fat?

Of course, he'd be perfect

But his schedule is booked for the next three years

I thought of a potential candidate

He's on a similar level

He's like the Chow Yun-fat of Hong Kong Cat Ill films

Who is he?

Hiro Hayama!

Coffee, thanks. OK

Don't speak so loud, OK?

Your name is bigger than my voice

How can I not speak up?

I'm shy

If you're shy, then I'm autistic

I have exploding body parts phobia. I'm still taking medicine

Don't ask me to make another Cat Ill film

This is not like your last film

Firstly, no Vonnie Lui this time

So no bodies will suddenly explode

Secondly, I guarantee your cock from beginning to the end

won't get cut off

You sure there are no exploding body parts?

I ensure you that everyone will be normal and caring

Well I can consider it

Yes!

So how many partners will I have?

If it's an orgy then I need to charge extra

Well this is where it gets tricky, so keep it a secret

In principle, there are two lead actresses

One is a famous star, Yum Yum Shaw. The other is...

Wait, wait. Yum Yum Shaw? Who's that?

Shaw Brothers' No 1 porn star

Even before they see her face

her name alone

would give half the audience hard-ons

I'm getting hard too just talking about it

She was very popular back then

Back then? When was that?

Back when the Da Da department store was still in Mongkok

I wasn't in Hong Kong then

Poor you

You didn't get to see Yum Yum Shaw's golden years

She was like Hong Kong's Ai Iijima

But your actual partner

is a newcomer, Tsui Ka-yan

Popping Candy?

So you are acquianted with her

then everything is easy

Mr. To

Why do you think Playboy condom should sponsor your film?

Well, this is is a Category Ill film

Lots of epic lovemaking scenes

People change condoms more than they change clothes

If Playboy can't sponsor us

I don't know who else you could sponsor

Are you kidding?

"Confession of Two Concubines" is a period film

There wew condoms back then?

Although it's a period piece

what's really popular now is the time travel concept

So adding this will totally fit

What time travel? It's still just porn

Who's the main actress?

We can't reveal her name yet

but I will give you a surprise

A superstar, a Hong Kong Film Award winner

An award-winner who agrees to strip?!

Who is the partner, the main actor?

It's Hiro Hayama

Lately his image isn't so good

He split with his girlfriend

and she called him a fast shooter

Aren't you afraid he's going to aff negatively?

It's exactly because he's fast. That's why I'm pitching you

Why's that?

Think about it. Hiro Hayama is at the premiere

Reporters will ask why he comes so fast

What should he say? I'll tell him to say

"It's because I use Playboy condoms

They're so thin, it's like I'm wearing nothing at all

so I can't help but come too fast!"

Think about it. Once guys hear that

all the fuckers will rush out to buy 'em

For guys, I get it

But wouldn't this give a bad impression to our female customers?

I'm not gonna care that much about the female customers

Those who buy condoms are men

Have you personally seen a woman buying condoms before?

Not even once

Excuse me, Mr. To

Yes?

We all turned off our cellphones

But you've been busy texting

Aren't you disrespecting us?

Let me finish this SMS first

I don't agree with what you said

Professor Cheng gets paid a salary to speak to you

but I'm not paid

There's no reason why I should give up my business just to talk to you

No problem, please don't blame these kids

It's because they're young

so we need to teach them

Otherwise they'll turn out horrible

Take my assistant. I treated her too nicely

So?

That's why I got in trouble

Hi

When is Blackie Tak coming?

I don't know

No worries, let me give him a call

How can you work like this?

I told you to call him to come up ages ago

Why do you let your responsibilities nosedive?

I'm in a hurry to talk to him

You didn't call him yesterday?

Why are you still looking at me?

I hired you to arrange my schedule

Can I ask you what you have arranged for me?

In fact I did arrange something for you

I've arranged a meeting for you

with Miss Leung. Over there!

Leung who?

Just some government person

Nothing. It's very simple

I'm done for the day

Am off to the movies Bye bye

What movie?

A Western film, called

"Have a Nice Meeting". Goodbye

What the hell?

Hello, Mr To

I'm Ms. Leung From the Equal Opportunities Commission

Do you mind if I record this?

Go ahead

I came here to investigate an office sexual harassment case

Your staff, Ms Quin Lau

asked us for help two weeks ago

According to her verbal statement

you have previously sexually harassed her twice

What are you talking about?

When did I sexually harass her?

The first time was at 3pm on the 8th of this month

After you came back from the insurance company meeting

because of your failure to get sponsorship

you abused her verbally

The second time was at 9pm on the 19th

You left a message on her phone after work

and repeated those unreasonable requests

with language involving

female reproductive organs and oral sex

Wait, wait.. What did I say?

This is the statement by Miss Lau

When did I tell her to go "muff diving"?

Fuck! This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble

If she doesn't know Chinese, she should learn it

What I said was her work performance is "nosediving"

Mr. To, I have to remind you

this conversation is being recorded

The words you say can be used as evidence in court

Please refrain from anymore misleading and discriminatory words

What you just said

implies that you and Ms Lau had a compromising relationship

Where are you going with this?

What did I say? When did I say that?

"Fucking this overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble"

Mr. To, what you just said clearly implies that

the alleged harassment

came after you had sex with her

I said

"Fuck.. This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble"

You said it again

"Fucking this overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble"

What kind of machine is this?!

I really said, "Fuck", break,

then exclamation mark

"This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble".

That's it

I clearly heard it without the break

Anyway, we already recorded it

So I have to remind you again

You must think carefully before you speak

Dear Officer Leung

As a man

why would I tell a woman to go..diving?

If I really wanted to harass her, I'd tell her to suck..!

Look at me

And where would I find this...

female...organ for her?

All I said was that her work performance is nosediving!

According to Ms. Lau's statement

Mr. To, you know Ms. Lau does yoga regularly

And in your voice message,

you told her to get bent

I have reason to believe that

you think her body is more flexible than normal

so she can do that particular movement

Mr. To, I'd like to remind you that

during the investigation, you cannot contact the complainant

and you have no right to fire her

Otherwise we will pass the case to the Labour Department

Fuck! This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble

"nosediving"

Guangzhou Language Dictionary:

"To nosedive is to make a sudden downward plunge"

"nosediving" refers to

rashness, irresponsibility and lacking seriousness

You cannot contact me. You cannot fire me

"Nosediving" isn't a bad word!

After all this talk, a producer's duty is to look for money and actors

Once the film starts shooting, a producer doesn't do much

All remaining responsibilities go to the director

The way you see it is too simple

Once the movie starts shooting, the producer gets even busier

Producer!

Director!

Why are there so many Indians here?

They're Pakistanis

What's the difference?

You're filming an erotic period film

why do you need so many Indians?

They're illegal workers. I'm trying to help you save on costs

You helping me to save money?

I'm fucking different now

I promise, this film won't go overbudget

Really? Absolutely

The actors have arrived Who?

Take a look and you'll know who it is

Hi

Just say it

I'm making an awesome new film

I expect it'll make at least $50 million

Well, that's how I feel

But along the way there are some difficulties

I need to advance some money first

You know how much I have, which is nearly nothing

It's why I need to talk to you

Do you think the alimony payment can be put on hold for a year?

You're so capable. It won't be a big deal for you

Not that I won't pay it, I will!

but I'd like to do it all in one go

Once the film is released and I have money

I'll even add interests

. and I'd like to borrow $300,000 as well

How many years have we known each other?

Twenty years!

I used to drink malted soy milk

but I'm not gonna drink it forever

During high school

you saw so many movies you couldn't buy lunch

so you borrowed from me

After so many years

you still can't earn a living from movies

Don't you think that's a problem?

No! It's because.

that fucking director, he went overbudget

Otherwise I wouldn't be begging you

OK I can hold the alimony payment for a year

I'll even lend you that $300,000

But you must promise me one thing

You can't see your daughter for a year

Why can't I see my daughter?

If you really care for her, then you shouldn't see her

You should know yourself clearly

At this age, Jacqueline

will learn everything from her parents, both good and bad

Jacqueline was already congenitally affected by you

She's short Her IQ is lowered because of you

Fine These things can't be changed now

But can we not let other affect her?

You let her meet your friends

She shouldn't even see those people

And I don't want you taking her to see them

When was I a bad influence?

I don't want to argue with you

Call me if you want the cheque

How about these malted soy milk?

Save it for your teenage girls

How are you, Yum Yum?

It does fit you well

Cheung, you're really something

You can even think of something like this

What else I can do?

Our boss loves you so much, I have to make it work

Don't worry

Your body-double Tsui Ka-yan is famous for her hourglass figure

Her chest looks like it's carrying two pots

Did you meet her?

Yes, we met. But she's too busy to entertain me

Why?

A young girl like her

would rather fool around with the main actor

Really?

Yamete! Yamete!

Motto Motto

That's right.

Yamete! Motto!

That means "Stop it" and "More"

Actually those are hard to do. You know what I mean?

Hi, Producer

You're finally here. Yes!

I've been waiting all morning and you just arrived

I've been here for a while, but you were busy with others

Hey, Hiro. Is acting that hard?

Even off-screen, you still need to hold hands?

Only because it's in the script

Mr. Hayama is teaching me how to emote

He said it'll give me more film roles

I'm afraid that's not all he wants to give

I'll go for my makeup You guys chat

Bye

Hey

Thanks for giving me this opportunity

Despite the lovemaking scenes, and the green mask

everyone treats me so well

I feel like this is a new beginning in my career

Thank you

No need to thank me. You have so many friends here

It's like you're home

That's in the past

In my heart there's only you

It's true

Talk to you later

Hey, Producer. Running smoothly?

Very smooth. What's up?

Hey, there's something we should talk about

Brother Tyrannosaurus said this is his first film investment

Is it possible to give a role to his girl?

Which boss doesn't have a girlfriend?

Which boss doesn't want his girl in movies?

I understand. But couldn't this come up earlier?

We shot half of it already

I know, I know. It doesn't matter how big or small the role is

The boss understands, he doesn't mind

It's just a consideration

So fucking troublesome

What clothes you want her to wear?

Just wear nothing then

OK!

What the fuck?

Producer!

What the fuck is that?

This is sister-in-law You've met before

Didn't I tell you that

Brother Tyrannosaurus wants her in the film?

When?

You said it was for Brother Tyrannosaurus' girl

I said Brother Tyrannosaurus' mule

No, you said it was his girl!

I said his mule!

What?!

Doesn't matter if you heard it wrong or I said it wrong

you know Brother Tyrannosaurus' taste

If it's his girl, then it's a mule!

Also

like you requested,

you asked if she could wear nothing

Now she's wearing nothing. I removed them

So you should talk to the director and give her a better role

She must have some dialogue

but don't give her too much

She has trouble talking

she may get confused

Mr. Lui, what the fuck did I do wrong?

Did I kill your whole family in a previous life?

Or did I fuck you in the ass?

Fuck you

Fuck you

Director, let me introduce a brand new star to you

A huge change is coming to the film industry

What's up?

Daddy, did you go to jail?

Why am I in jail?

Mommy said you'll go overseas for a while

Even next year I won't get to see you

Mary said she saw many movies with a similar plot

It means daddy has gone to jail

Daddy, what did you do wrong?

Don't listen to your mom She's crazy

What jail? Daddy just needs to go overseas to make a film

Daddy, although I'm not very smart, I'm not stupid either

Don't lie to me

You won't see me for so long, so you must be going to jail

Mary said she saw many films about prisons

She said that if daddy goes to jail

I must tell you to be careful of one thing

Careful of what?

She said if you take a shower and drop your soap

don't bend down to pick it up

Otherwise, something horrible will happen

I asked her whether a ghost would appear

but she wouldn't say

So I think it must be something really horrible

So Daddy, remember not to bend down

Remember

Daddy promises you two things

First, Daddy's not going to jail

and I'll be able to see you

Second, in case Daddy really goes to jail

I won't bend down to pick up the soap

Even if I drop the soap, I simply just won't shower. OK?

OK

Bye bye

This is Barrister Tsang Lai-fun, I can't answer your call right now

Please leave your message after the tone

Three things:

One: The thing I asked you before?

Pretend I never said it

I'll pay the alimony

Two: I won't give up seeing Jacqueline

Three: Jacqueline is not really that short

Hey, Brother Hiro!

Fireworks Lau, why you are here?

Long time no see. Blackie Tak asked me to work here

Hey, ever since "Sexy Zen"

we haven't seen each other for some time

Yes, a few months

Things are so dull now

The props crew always want to go for a massage

What massage? It's just a "special massage"

What's so great about getting a hand job?

Every guy knows how to do it

If you can't "blow" your load

then you should consult Fireworks Lau, right?

So I asked those props guys

Why pay someone to give you hand jobs?

They say it's a different experience getting a handjob

If you do it yourself, then you know everything

like where to shoot and when it's almost ready. So boring!

Hey, they are props experts

If they encounter a problem, why can't they find a solution?

Later, I worked it out. Do you want to know how?

Brother Hiro! 02:15:59:07 02:15:59:26 P0 Pauline!

Good morning. Other tea ladies give you green tea

because you're Japanese

But if you really liked Japan

they why would you come to Hong Kong?

So I made you

pu'er tea

Thanks. Enjoy!

Do you want to know? Wanna know? You want to!

I only recommend it to friends like you

It's so easy: find a hard chair

put your hands on the chair, and sit on them!

10 minutes

until your hands have no blood circulation and feel tingly

Your hands won't feel like yours

This is when you start to jerking off

The feeling is really amazing

Think about it, they are your hands

but they won't feel like your hands

Interesting, right? Isn't it a great idea?

I even thought of patenting this method

I asked a lawyer, who said applying for a patent is easy

The problem is how to charge people money

You know how people hide the fact that they jerk off

They won't tell others afterwards. What can I do?

I don't know. I need to go back to work

If you can't think of a solution, then try it first. OK?

Try it tonight. I won't charge you until after you try it

What the fuck?

How could you order chicken rice without any chicken wings?

Hey! You lied to me?

How did I lie to you?

You said there'd be no exploding body parts

Why would we suddenly have exploding body parts?

Then why is Fireworks Lau here?

What fireworks? How come I don't know?

Stop pretending I'm not shooting anymore

Hey, listen to me first

Go away!

Cheung! Cheung!

Producer? Producer?

He's awake!

Cheung! Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Cheung!

We're shooting tomorrow?

What film? The film already wrapped

Huh? So fast?

It's not fast. You passed out for three months

So fucking long?

Yeah Did you know how dangerous it was?

Your heart stopped several times

Like a dead fish

The doctor told us to stimulate you

play you your favourite music

and have people talk into your ears

But there were no reactions at all

Luckily, Yan was there

What did you say to me?

I swallowed some popping candy

and went "bulubulu" to your ears

Yeah And it worked! Once you heard the popping candy sound

your heart would start beating like crazy

The doctor was shocked

No wonder

I kept dreaming about your popping candy blowjobs

But in fact, you were really

just going "bulubulu" next to me

No, actually, when the nurses were not around

I really did blow you

You are so good to me

Why would I treat you badly?

You're the only person in the industry I truly wanted to blow

How about Hiro Hayama?

There's nothing between us

Don't lie to me

I always saw you two together on the set

whispering to each other

You two must have something

What? I was only chatting with him

He volunteered to help me translate my proposal

What proposal?

It's the jerking off video game I kept on talking about

I've been talking about it for years

Now I finally have a proposal

So he helped to translate it for me

and even sent it to a Japanese video game company

They're interested!

Next week I'm flying to Tokyo to meet them

Oh that's great!

Cheung, it's good that you woke up

Blackie Tak has already finished editing the film

Tomorrow Brother Tyrannosaurus will come down to see it

Fantastic!

All done!

Excellent! I'm so happy

I woke up and it's all fucking done!

What? The film's still finished?

So why do they need you?

Of course we were done

But the real problems started after that

Great! Great film!

Which genius took my goddess Yum Yum's head

and pasting it onto a teenage girl's body?

I did, Brother Tyrannosaurus

Producer, what's your family origins?

Hakka

(in Hakka) You fucking asshole

I fucking wanted to see my goddess Yum Yum's nipples

Why not replace her head with the girl's instead?

Your taste is so extreme?

Brother Tyrannosaurus

Modern technology is very advanced

We can re-do the whole film on a computer

How about I use a computer to redo your mother?

I wanted to make "Confessions of Two Concubines"

How did it turn into this al-Qaeda stuff?

Brother Tyrannosaurus, the fact is

When the film was half-finished, I was in a coma

The director got a bit creative and amended parts of it

Also!

My woman...

Big Brother, please don't be so sad

Brother Tyrannosaurus, regarding Sister-in-Law's accident

we deeply express our regret

I still remember

That day, you were begging me

to let my woman perform

I never thought that when I sent her off

it would be the last time I see her

Who was looking after her?

Do you know how to make a films?!

We really followed strict safety requirements

But I don't know why the donkey walked into that explosion heap

She's not a donkey!

Mule!

No!

Sister-in-Law!

Sister-in-Law

No one wants to see this film

This film is actually using a postposition approach

to pass through illusion and reality

Those post-90s kids will like it

Can you stop talking shit?

Post-90s? Post 90 years old!

Burn the film!

I can't fucking stand

people watching my woman blow up

Keung, we're going straight back to Guangxi

Call up everyone

Get a hall full of tables for my woman's memorial

Tell the restaurant to save some cow bliss for us

What about the snow peas?

Snow peas are for frying with pig's pussy. That's the correct recipe!

So what's cow's pussy fried with?

Preserved vegetables!

Fucking remember that

So what happens?

Yeah, what can you do?

Yes, what happens next?

In order to change Brother Tyrannosaurus' mind, it's simple

If we get audiences to become aware of this film

then we have a chance

But he told you to burn it

How would audiences know about it?

Just like I said earlier

at this very moment, you should ask yourself

what would you sacrifice for your film?

Producer, can you tell us then

what you have sacrificed?

Today, I sacrificed myself

for the interest of this film

I told all of you

my most shameful, hidden secrets

I revealed them all

Producer, we only have a few hundred people here

It's not gonna help much

There's something you don't know

You underestimate your students

After I told you to turn off the cameras

your students have been using their phones to record me

Some of them even posted it online immediately

Really? I didn't notice

Even in the last hour, I've been receiving

non-stop texts from magazine reporters

Moreover, our director Blackie Tak

has already posted the trailer online

In just an hour it got tens of thousands of hits

Amazing. You're good!

By the way

you mentioned the mule...remember?

You want to know if I fucked the mule, right?

Yes! Did you?

OK Let me tell you the truth

I really lost that footage

Fuck you!

On the internet,Confessions of Two Concubines became a hot topic

Brother Tyrannosaurus changed his mind and agreed to release the film

Following the momentum we had built up

it can be said that our premiere was starry, colourful and impressive

Hey, we're waiting for your signature

Hurry up, Producer. Thank you, Boss

For this film, I gave up a lot

I want to dedicate this film to my lover

Big Brother, Big Brother!

Don't be so sad, Big Brother!

Hey, time's up. The film is about to start

Hey, hurry up

OK, I'm coming

I have never missed my own premiere

because filmmaking is a kind of vanity

You work so hard just so that, after the lights go down

we receive everyone's applause

Producer To, can we we have a quick chat?

Sorry, I' ve never been late before

Just a few words!

We're from "Entertainment Scoop"

What do you want to talk about?

There are plenty of mules

Brother Tyrannosaurus later found a new lover

He's no longer angry with us

Due to the success of "Confessions of Two Concubines"

Blackie Tak and I have been making one film after another

The "Confessions" series has reached its seventh instalment

"The Question of Concubines"

which was the runner-up for the Most Popular Erotic Film

at Italy's Udine Far East Film Festival

Finally we are being appreciated

A Japanese company not only bought

Popping Candy's game "Happy Handjob"

She even became the game's representative

and went to Japan for her career

Look at her What's she doing?

Is a thousand-hand goddess necessary for handjobs?

Once I have free time

I'll take Jacqueline with me to visit her in Japan

Of course,I won't forget to carry some popping candy with me

But there's one thing I really want to figure out

Imagine that everything is slowing down, slowing down

Your memory returns back to that night

Everything becomes slow, very slow

Your memory returns back to that night

Everything is slowing down, slowing down

What can you see now?

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