All language subtitles for My Left Nut (2020) - S1E1

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,640 STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS: What is it, anyway? Did I do that? 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,920 Or was it always there? I should probably tell someone. 3 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,999 No, fuck that, I can't. 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,560 It's all Tommy's fault I found it in the first place. 5 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,159 Here, do you ever stick your finger up yer bum? 6 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,479 What? What are you on about, Tommy? 7 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,759 Well, I was up in the Gaeltacht last summer, right, 8 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,319 and I was getting with this absolute beauty. 9 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,679 You're such a spoofer. 10 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,559 No, I'm serious, right? 11 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,679 She was speaking away to me in Irish, 12 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,759 well, I haven't a clue what she was talkin' about, 13 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,439 but it was so hot. 14 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:46,239 You only find the Irish language sexy because your da was in the Ra. 15 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,959 My da wasn't in the IRA. 16 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,719 Then how come we found a box full of balaclavas under your stairs? 17 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,039 Cos he gets cold, he's got weak blood vessels. 18 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,279 Anyway...! We was out in one of the fields, right, 19 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,959 and things start to get a bit hot and heavy, do you know what I mean? 20 00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,999 And she starts making all these Irish sex noises. 21 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,159 She asks me a question, I just nod my head. I can't even speak, 22 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,000 I'm in that much ecstasy, and next thing I know... 23 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,279 She shoves her finger right up my hole! 24 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,639 In your bum?! Tommy, that's stinkin'! 25 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,439 I'm telling you, it is unbelievable. 26 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:17,799 I'm addicted. 27 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,799 So now, like, once or twice a week, I sit down and really treat myself. 28 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,359 I put on some Sinead O'Connor 29 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,200 and explore the depths of my rect... Get away! 30 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,600 Rachael. 31 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,360 Need a hand? Aye, good one. 32 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,079 What do you have this for? 33 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,919 Art. It's for drawing, 34 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,640 so you have a reference. 35 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,879 So... can I have it back? 36 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,240 Yeah. 37 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,679 Ahhhh! My hand! No-o-o-o-o! 38 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,080 Fucking hell. MICK CHUCKLES 39 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,679 So, er, where's yous off to? Tescos, to grab some lunch. 40 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,399 Do you want to come with? What? With you? 41 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,439 Only if you're free. If you don't want to, it's fine. No, no, no... 42 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,679 Here, Mick! Ask them if they're up for a bit of anal play! 43 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,840 Not with you anyway, you wee rat! Let's go, Rachael. 44 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,360 You love it, Siobhan! 45 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,679 What the hell was that, Tommy? They love it! 46 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,639 No, they don't, you spoon! You scared them off! 47 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,399 He's right. Look, you'll never get a bird like that, Tommy. 48 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,879 You need to be more sensitive. 49 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,879 See, that's what Niamh likes about me. 50 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,040 When are we ever going to meet this Niamh? 51 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,279 She's very busy down in Newry. 52 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,519 Why don't you bring her up to Belfast for once? 53 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:40,079 You and Niamh, me and Siobhan, and Mick and Rachael. 54 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,239 She's well into you, man. Not any more, you dickhead. 55 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,160 Nah, she is. 56 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,520 Do you reckon? 57 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,439 Do you see that wooden hand? 58 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,639 I bet she shoves that right up her doot. 59 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,079 Oh, piss off! 60 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,000 THEY LAUGH 61 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,159 STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS: Maybe Rachael does like me, 62 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,079 but Tommy is always talking shite - 63 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,919 like this finger-up-the-bum craic. 64 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,679 What's that about? 65 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,319 I've never heard of sticking your finger up your bum before. 66 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,119 But then... 67 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,679 ..I've never been with a girl either. 68 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,359 But if Tommy's doing it, maybe everyone's doing it. 69 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,039 And if everyone's doing it, I'm not going to be 70 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,999 the one weirdo who's not doing it! 71 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,440 I'm testing out the back door system. 72 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,919 # Cos it's easy 73 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,999 # Once you know how it's done 74 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,519 # You can't stop now 75 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,519 # It's already begun 76 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:52,439 # You feel it runnin' through your bones 77 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,679 # And you jerk it out... # 78 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,399 MUSIC FADES 79 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,480 STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS: What's that?! 80 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,200 What IS that? 81 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,760 Was that always there? 82 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,639 Shit, did I do that? Was I wanking too hard? 83 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,480 Michael! Dinner! 84 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,839 Yeah. 85 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,879 Sure, we always knew she was like that - it's all fur coat with her. 86 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:22,399 Still a couple of stalls to fill at this bloody charity thing. 87 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,479 Don't know why I'm doing it in the first place. 88 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,080 Oh, my God, are you serious?! 89 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,999 Here, two seconds. 90 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,319 Mum, I'm finished. Can I be excused? 91 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,799 Me, too. 92 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:34,840 What about the dishes? 93 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,359 BOTH: Bagsy not me! 94 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,919 You're slow off the mark today. You feeling OK? 95 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,760 Yeah. Grand. 96 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,639 You've barely touched your dinner, do you not like it? 97 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,039 Father Donal likes it when I cook it for him. 98 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,319 Why do we always have to eat leftovers from a priest? 99 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:53,999 Because I get paid to cook for him 100 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,359 and, if he has leftovers, they're not going to go to waste. 101 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,799 There's people starving all over this world. Now, come on. 102 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,879 They'll put hairs on your chest. 103 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,360 What, are you not hungry? 104 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,279 Hmm. Oh, for God's sake, fine, leave it. 105 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:10,760 I'll do these, you go on up and do your homework. Honest to God. 106 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,520 SHE SIGHS HEAVILY 107 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,879 Ye-o, ten kills! Suck my hairy ballbag! 108 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,999 How are you on ten already? Ah, shite. 109 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,879 I've got magic fingers, just ask your ma. 110 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,559 My ma says you're shite. Oh, come on, come on! 111 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,520 Tommy and Conor's ma, ye-e-o! Ah, your ma's your da, Mick! 112 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,959 Conor, don't be like that! 113 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,279 Ah, shit. I didn't mean to bring up your da. 114 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,279 It's grand. It's just what you say. 115 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,599 I know, but... 116 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,240 Oh, fuck's sake, Mick, that was never a kill! 117 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,519 Um, here, lads... 118 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,759 What? 119 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:56,999 Well, um... 120 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,359 Yes, shotgun, sweet! 121 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,239 Well... 122 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,079 HE STUTTERS I was trying out, you know, 123 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,639 earlier on, the pokey bum wank thing and... 124 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,999 You stinker! You actually tried that?! 125 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,119 No, I was going to, but... 126 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,639 You're absolutely rotten. Why would you even do that? 127 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,399 Ye-o! My influence spreads far and wide. 128 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,799 It's good, isn't it?! 129 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,879 Well, I didn't actually... 130 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,399 Yes! Yes! Got you, Mick, you're dead! 131 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,839 Ah, shit. 132 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,439 Ha, you can't play properly with all that shite on your fingers! 133 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:26,679 What?! 134 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,439 It was your idea, Tommy! Anyway... 135 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,719 It's not about that. It was afterwards... Ye-o-o! 136 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,199 Shitey Fingers Mick! I found... Shitey Fingers Mick... 137 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,439 Can you just shut up for two seconds? I'm trying to... 138 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:41,039 BOTH CHANT: Shitey Fingers Mick! Shitey Fingers Mick! Fuck off! 139 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,600 CONTROL CLATTERS Pricks. 140 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,200 DOOR OPENS 141 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,320 What's all that effin' and blinding about? Nothin'. 142 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,600 What is wrong with you this evening? 143 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,359 Come on, there's clearly something wrong. What's up? 144 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,280 How did Dad first know he was sick? 145 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,959 You want to know about that? 146 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,520 I've just been thinking about it. 147 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,320 Well, um... 148 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,520 ..it was around Easter, um... 149 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,399 ..when he realised something was wrong, 150 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,319 so that was... That was... what? 151 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,280 About a year, year and a half before he died. 152 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,959 Because we were on holiday in Donegal, in Jackson's... 153 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,159 Do you remember Jackson's Hotel in Ballybofey? 154 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,399 The one where you wet the bed? Mum! 155 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,719 Well, uh, yeah, we were there 156 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:50,600 and, uh, we were in the pool... and he... 157 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,600 ..couldn't lift his arm to make a stroke. 158 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:01,199 Yeah, I gave off stink to him, you know, I just kept saying, 159 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,639 "Oh, in the name of God, Jimmy, when was the last time you were swimming? 160 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:08,199 "You're not fit, you need to join a gym! Blah, blah, blah, blah..." But... 161 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,240 No, he was... SHE SIGHS 162 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,520 He was obviously worried that the feeling in his arm, you know... 163 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,119 ..it wasn't right. 164 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,919 PHONE RINGS 165 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,120 RINGING STOPS 166 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,680 HE EXHALES 167 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,160 SOFTLY: What has you thinking about your dad? 168 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,640 You've... You've never really... spoken about him before. 169 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,000 I-I don't know. 170 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,440 Don't remember much about him. 171 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,240 Well... 172 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,600 Anything you want to know, you just ask, OK? 173 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,039 Any time you want, we'll talk about him. 174 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,359 Big eejit that he was. 175 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,000 PHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE 176 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,359 I'll get it! 177 00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:00,199 Or you can talk to him. 178 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,840 He won't talk back, but... 179 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,200 ..he's listening. 180 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,279 Mick! It's Tommy for you! 181 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,200 What does he want? I don't know, do I? 182 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,999 You know, I could ask Father Donal to talk to you. 183 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,960 I'm not talking to a priest. 184 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,959 All right, Tommy? Why aren't you answering your phone? 185 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,319 Making me ring your house phone like a weirdo. 186 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,599 Least I got to speak to your sister, though. 187 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,639 She's gaggin' for the ride! TOMMY GIGGLES 188 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,399 Shut up. What do you want? Well, I've got big news, 189 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,639 but you bitched out of the game before I could tell you. 190 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,639 You've got a date this Saturday! 191 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,279 A date, what? 192 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,919 Aye, I got onto Siobhan. Me and her, you and Rachael, 193 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,279 hitting up the cinema. Are you serious? 194 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,879 Rachael actually said she wanted to go with me, like? Well... 195 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,639 I mean, I didn't actually speak to Rachael. Siobhan's sorting it. 196 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,999 OK, OK. Wow. Class. What's on? 197 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,359 Well, it doesn't matter what film's on, you spanner! 198 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,799 Dark room, back row, cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box. 199 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,839 No-one actually does that, do they? 200 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,999 Well, I mean, they don't actually do the popcorn box thing, but... 201 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,479 ..it's just a bit of wee hand-shandy in the cinema... 202 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,839 Everyone's doing it! 203 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,839 Siobhan and Rachael are well up for it, man! See you the morra! 204 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,359 CALL DISCONNECTS 205 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,920 STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS: A date?! With Rachael?! Fucking right! 206 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,680 But what if she wants to touch my ball? 207 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,120 She'll freak out and probably tell everyone! 208 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,519 Mum! Get out! Oh, Jesus! 209 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,559 What are you doing, Mum?! Calm yourself down. 210 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,959 It's nothing I haven't seen before. I gave birth to you, 211 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,399 for Christ's sake. Mu-u-um! 212 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,759 All right! Just keep the door locked in future. 213 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,199 HE SIGHS Fuck's sake! 214 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,719 KNOCK ON DOOR What now?! 215 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,879 Hurry up! I need to shave my legs, I'm meeting Danny. 216 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,079 Can a man not shit in peace?! That's no way to talk to a lady! 217 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,519 You'll never get a girlfriend if you carry on like that. 218 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:57,720 Piss off! 219 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,600 CONSCIOUSNESS: Shit. How do you speak to a girl on date? 220 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,360 Is it just normal chatting or what? 221 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,919 Look, there's no rules or anything. Niamh and I just get along. 222 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,999 Just any advice you have, please. 223 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,840 All right, but give me a hand, would you? 224 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,639 First thing, buying the snacks. 225 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,279 Popcorn only. 226 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,719 Stay away from chocolate. 227 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,719 But... I'm a Malteser man. 228 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,999 Aye, and I'm mad for a bag of mint Aero bubbles, 229 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,640 but I gotta stick to popcorn. 230 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,879 You buy a bag of chocolate, it gets all over your hands. 231 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,999 Next thing you know, you've got chocolate stains 232 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,479 all over her white jeans 233 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,279 and then she'll be calling you Shitey Fingers Mick. 234 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,959 Popcorn's grand, sure, especially if you share, 235 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,719 gives you more opportunities to brush up against her hand. 236 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,840 Next thing - hand-holding. It's important not to get trapped. 237 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,039 Trapped? Right... 238 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,639 You're in the cinema, she's sitting next to you, 239 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,440 the film starts up. Your hands are very close together... 240 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,839 ..you probably should reach out and hold it. Right, yeah. 241 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,639 How long do you hold it for? 242 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,799 Oh... Just for a while? 243 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,999 Well, you can't let go - she'll get offended. 244 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,639 So now you're stuck holding her hand for the whole film. 245 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:15,359 120 minutes of your hand just getting sweatier and sweatier 246 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,519 and sweatier, till she thinks you've got some sort of 247 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,919 sweating disease and it's contagious and she never holds your hand again! 248 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,119 So... How long should I hold her hand for? 249 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,999 Well, on average, I'd say, um... 250 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,159 I'd say you tease it for the first half-hour. 251 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,199 Then hold it for the next half-hour 252 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,079 and, by that point, you should be kissing. 253 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,680 And you just keep kissing for the rest of the film. 254 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,199 Shit. 255 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,359 Right... 256 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,399 Unless... Unless what? 257 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,119 Well, unless there's a sex scene. You know, if there's a sex scene, 258 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,679 you HAVE to start making out immediately - that's the rule. 259 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,000 OK. Yeah. 260 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,080 TAPPING ON GLASS 261 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,320 Oh, right. 262 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,399 I'd better go, my dad's picking me up. 263 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,880 Off to the driving range! 264 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,519 I thought you were with Niamh this weekend? 265 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,360 Oh, no. She's... not well, so... 266 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,479 Look, you'll do great, Mick. Just remember what I told you 267 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,439 and everything else is common sense. 268 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,119 Clean shirt, right? Deodorant and... 269 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,959 You might want to shave! 270 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,319 Do you know how to...? 271 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,559 Just... I know your da's not around, so do you need me to show you how? 272 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,679 Fuck's sake, Conor, I know how to shave. 273 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,279 I've done it loads of times. I'm not an idiot. 274 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:34,320 Yeah, right, sorry. Well, um, fresh shave then. 275 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,879 CONSCIOUSNESS: Wait. 276 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,040 Can you see it through my trousers? 277 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,879 Has it...? 278 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,999 It has, it's definitely gotten bigger. 279 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,120 Shit, I'm going to have to sort it myself. 280 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,800 I could try squeezing it. 281 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,200 Freezing it. 282 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,360 Ooh! 283 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,960 Holy water? 284 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,960 CHOIR HARMONISES 285 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,480 Or... spraying it? 286 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,520 Shit! 287 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,839 Fuck. 288 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,160 You can definitely still see it. 289 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,080 That'll have to do. 290 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,119 Mum? Mum? Hmm-Hmm? 291 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,520 I need a... 292 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,359 What is it? 293 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,999 Well, well, I need a, you know? 294 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,839 The next time you're out, could you pick me up something? 295 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,199 In the name of God what is it you're after? A razor! 296 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:24,079 A razor? Yeah, you know, I need a shave. 297 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,879 No, you don't, you're only... I'm 15. 298 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,280 I'm not a child, Mum. Right. 299 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:35,439 Good. Right. Uh, absolutely, I can get that for you. 300 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,239 Um, and do you know...? Can you actually...? Do you know how to...? 301 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,319 I know how to shave, Mum. 302 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,079 I just need a razor. Right. 303 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,279 Good. I'll be out and about tomorrow, and I'll get you one then. 304 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,960 No, I need it for tonight. I'm going out. 305 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,960 Where? Cinema, with Tommy. 306 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,039 Why do you need to shave to go to the cinema? Sure, who'd be lookin' at you? 307 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,519 Mum, I need it for tonight, please! 308 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,399 Look, Michael, I'm just back in from the shops, 309 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,639 I'm not going out again. And me and Finn have to go meet 310 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,639 Father Donal to pick up the raffle prizes. Mum! I need it! 311 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,119 Aye, I'll just tell the Motor Neurone Disease charity 312 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,080 that we didn't raise enough money because my son needed a shave. 313 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,999 Look, what time will you be finished at the night 314 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,399 and I'll get Lucy to pick you up? I don't need looking after. 315 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,000 I'll get the bus. Don't be silly, she can give you a lift. 316 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,479 I'll get you one tomorrow, I promise! 317 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,599 FOOTSTEPS RETREAT UPSTAIRS, DOOR CLOSES 318 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:25,960 SHE SIGHS 319 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,520 Shaving. 320 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,080 That's the next bloody thing. 321 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,240 Desperate times. 322 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,519 Ah, there he is. 323 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,039 Hey. All right? Hi. 324 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,479 Hey, Mick. 325 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,279 All right, ladies, shall we? All right. 326 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,840 You're paying! 327 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,439 Jesus, what the fuck did you shave with? 328 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,079 A cheese grater?! Is it really noticeable? 329 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,599 Why you wearing a jacket round your waist like a weirdo? 330 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,359 Don't be ruining this for us! 331 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,720 Nah, nah, it's cool. I won't. 332 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,199 Popcorn? 333 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,879 No thanks. I prefer chocolate, really. 334 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,919 Really? 335 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,999 What about Maltesers? I'm not a big fan. 336 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,319 We'll get popcorn. OK. 337 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,799 One popcorn, please. Salt or sweet? 338 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,920 Salt. Sweet, please. 339 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,039 Sweet. 340 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,119 We can do a mix. 341 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,199 Sweet's good. No, we'll get a mix, please. 342 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,680 No, no, I don't even like salted anyways. OK. 343 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,240 Regular or large? 344 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,559 Large? 345 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,799 You're the closest thing to a parent any of them will ever have. 346 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,199 It's tough, being in this... 347 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,040 OK, OK. Going well. 348 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,279 Bit early to start holding hands yet. 349 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,680 Just tease it, as Conor said. 350 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,600 Wait, Tommy's doing it already! 351 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,200 No. Stick to your guns, wait a half-hour. 352 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,520 Shit, she's going in! It's too soon. 353 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,519 Just a drink. 354 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,280 Right! Cool, cool. 355 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,080 Oh, shit. She's going for the ball! 356 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,520 Quick, do something! Do something! 357 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,320 Are you inviting me back to your apartment? 358 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,719 Oh, no. 359 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,799 Sex scene. This is it. 360 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,080 WOMAN MOANS ON SCREEN 361 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,559 I can't do it. 362 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:41,920 I'm pathetic. 363 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:00,439 He do it on purpose? 364 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,799 So, here, I'm going to bring Siobhan around the corner, 365 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,159 so I can get a feel. Leave you and Rachael to do the same. 366 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,400 OK. Yeah. Good man. 367 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,720 I'm glad you came out tonight. 368 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,080 I'm glad you did. 369 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,600 It was fun. Yeah, I thought so, too. 370 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,960 Are you cold? Yeah, it's freezing! 371 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,920 Pff, it's not that cold. 372 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,120 So... Yeah? 373 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,640 Can I...? 374 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,160 Well, I mean, can we... 375 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,200 ..kiss? 376 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,840 Smooth. 377 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,520 I'd like that. 378 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,639 Just... 379 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,919 No touching below the belt. 380 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,479 What? 381 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,039 Oh, you know, just keep it above the belt. 382 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,079 Boxing joke. What did you think I was going to do? Nothing, I just... 383 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:22,079 I'm not going to give you a hand job in the middle of a car park, like! 384 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,399 No, no! That's disgusting! No, seriously... Sorry, I need to go. 385 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,640 Please! 386 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,799 It wasn't anything like that. 387 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,719 It was just a stupid joke. 388 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,000 I'm sorry. 389 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,839 I'm nervous. 390 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,639 Yeah? Yeah. 391 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,279 To be honest, I've been shitting myself all day. Me, too. 392 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,920 What? Why would you be nervous? 393 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,560 You're great. 394 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,039 BASSY MUSIC APPROACHES 395 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,599 What's that? What's what? CAR HORN HONKS 396 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,959 Get your hand off my boyfriend, you dirty who-o-ore! Who-o-o-o! 397 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,600 What's your problem?! Hurry up! Two seconds! 398 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,959 That's my sister and her boyfriend. RACHAEL CHUCKLES 399 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,920 I'm going to kill them. I'm going to actually kill them. 400 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,799 How'd it go? Yeah, it went well. 401 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,959 Did you get with her? Yeah. 402 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,559 Oh, go on, then, gi's a sniff. Get to fuck! 403 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:31,080 Let's go, big man! I'm coming! 404 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,120 Better get on then. 405 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,800 Yeah, OK. 406 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,520 OK, well... See you soon, Rachael. 407 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,279 Well? I'm not speaking to you. 408 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,680 You l-i-i-i-ike her. Shut up, Lucy! 409 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,520 CONSCIOUSNESS: She felt it. 410 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,520 What if it just keeps getting bigger and bigger? 411 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,880 What if it's something really serious? 412 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,960 Holy fuck! 50202

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