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1
00:00:07,624 --> 00:00:09,191
Did you miss me, Gal?
2
00:00:09,192 --> 00:00:12,660
Madalena, I have traveled
1,000 miles to see you.
3
00:00:12,662 --> 00:00:14,396
I fought pirates.
4
00:00:14,397 --> 00:00:16,797
I stared death in the face a dozen times,
5
00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:18,667
and I did all that to be with a woman
6
00:00:18,668 --> 00:00:21,970
who chose a fierce and cruel man
over my unconditional love.
7
00:00:21,971 --> 00:00:24,070
- So...
- You crossed my mind, yes.
8
00:00:24,072 --> 00:00:24,839
[Smacks lips]
9
00:00:24,841 --> 00:00:26,809
Then why didn't you act happy to see me?
10
00:00:26,810 --> 00:00:28,544
To be honest, I don't know how to feel.
11
00:00:28,545 --> 00:00:30,511
Isabella told me
you wanted me to rescue you.
12
00:00:30,513 --> 00:00:31,914
Did you even know I was coming?
13
00:00:31,915 --> 00:00:34,650
Well, I found out earlier today,
and as soon as I did,
14
00:00:34,651 --> 00:00:36,685
I made a plan for us to be together.
15
00:00:36,686 --> 00:00:38,821
Yeah, well, I had a plan, as well.
16
00:00:38,822 --> 00:00:41,490
We were gonna live
in a cottage by the sea.
17
00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:44,193
We were gonna make love, plant a garden...
18
00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:45,294
Have children.
19
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,796
I was gonna sing songs of your beauty.
20
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,364
Oh, Gal.
21
00:00:49,365 --> 00:00:50,599
That sounds awful.
22
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,135
Look around.
23
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,937
I live in a castle. [Chuckles]
24
00:00:54,938 --> 00:00:56,905
And you know
what I've learned about myself?
25
00:00:56,906 --> 00:00:59,708
I really like stuff.
26
00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:02,110
I mean, why would I give all this up
27
00:01:02,111 --> 00:01:04,413
to get fat and pregnant
and grow my own food?
28
00:01:04,414 --> 00:01:06,348
So, you didn't want me to come?
29
00:01:08,718 --> 00:01:11,887
I should never have trusted Isabella.
30
00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:14,022
How could someone so small
tell such a big lie?
31
00:01:14,023 --> 00:01:15,524
Well, none of that matters now.
32
00:01:15,525 --> 00:01:17,993
I have a plan that will allow me
to remain as queen,
33
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:21,963
and you will be
well taken care of as my...
34
00:01:21,964 --> 00:01:23,098
Special companion.
35
00:01:23,099 --> 00:01:24,933
Your boy toy, you mean.
36
00:01:24,934 --> 00:01:27,436
Is that how you see me? Hmm?
37
00:01:27,437 --> 00:01:29,671
As some well-groomed, ruggedly handsome,
38
00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,706
yet oddly delicate-featured plaything?
39
00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:34,009
Yeah.
40
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,043
[Sighs]
41
00:01:35,044 --> 00:01:37,546
Madalena, I've got something to say,
42
00:01:37,547 --> 00:01:40,782
and I've come a really,
really long way to say it.
43
00:01:40,783 --> 00:01:42,117
[Music plays] Oh, no.
44
00:01:42,118 --> 00:01:44,219
I want you, I need you
45
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,820
You cut me, and I bleed you
46
00:01:45,821 --> 00:01:47,956
You're like some kind of sonnet
47
00:01:47,957 --> 00:01:49,758
All I want to do is read you
48
00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:51,526
-
And I love you
- I know.
49
00:01:51,527 --> 00:01:53,561
-
I mean I love you
- Yes. Thanks.
50
00:01:53,562 --> 00:01:55,430
-
I said I love you
- You did.
51
00:01:55,431 --> 00:01:59,668
And now don't you want
to tell me something, too?
52
00:02:02,605 --> 00:02:04,239
I love you
53
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,509
As much as someone like me
can love anyone
54
00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:07,946
Huh?
55
00:02:07,948 --> 00:02:11,112
I mean, I love
how we make people stare
56
00:02:11,113 --> 00:02:13,047
We're quite the stunning pair
57
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,891
In other words, you love me
58
00:02:14,893 --> 00:02:18,386
As much as someone like me
can love anyone
59
00:02:18,387 --> 00:02:18,992
Okay.
60
00:02:18,994 --> 00:02:21,856
I mean, I love how when we hit the hay
61
00:02:21,857 --> 00:02:23,358
It's more than just okay
62
00:02:23,359 --> 00:02:24,000
Right?
63
00:02:24,002 --> 00:02:27,295
I'd absolutely say
more like middling to fair
64
00:02:27,296 --> 00:02:28,730
[Chuckling] Yeah. Wait. What?
65
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,932
Dance with me
66
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:34,235
Can't you see
how freaking gorgeous we look?
67
00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:37,505
Can't you feel
the frantic beat of our hearts
68
00:02:37,506 --> 00:02:41,576
As our various parts rub
with such delicious friction?
69
00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:43,144
So, that's all you really...
70
00:02:43,145 --> 00:02:45,213
Dance with me
71
00:02:45,214 --> 00:02:48,916
Why not finish what's already begun?
72
00:02:48,917 --> 00:02:51,018
So, what you're saying is you love me
73
00:02:51,019 --> 00:02:53,154
-
I love you
-
Really love me
74
00:02:53,155 --> 00:02:55,590
-
I love you
-
And always loved me?
75
00:02:55,591 --> 00:02:58,893
As much as someone like me
can love anyone
76
00:03:01,363 --> 00:03:02,697
[Song ends]
77
00:03:02,698 --> 00:03:05,032
Does that clear things up for you?
78
00:03:05,033 --> 00:03:06,334
No.
79
00:03:06,335 --> 00:03:08,035
And when did you learn how to dance?
80
00:03:08,036 --> 00:03:10,872
Galavant - 01x06
Dungeons and Dragon Lady
81
00:03:11,345 --> 00:03:13,218
Are you hearing this, Gareth?
82
00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:17,425
My own wife tries to trick me
into killing my favorite chef
83
00:03:17,425 --> 00:03:19,292
so she can save her ex-boyfriend.
84
00:03:19,293 --> 00:03:20,260
You sure it was her?
85
00:03:20,261 --> 00:03:21,428
Pretty girl, tiny waist, big eyes?
86
00:03:21,429 --> 00:03:22,562
Definitely, My King.
87
00:03:22,563 --> 00:03:23,730
[Scoffs]
88
00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:25,699
No one has it as bad as I do, Gareth.
89
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,634
- No one!
- Aaaaaaaah!
90
00:03:27,635 --> 00:03:29,369
[Gasps]
91
00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:31,104
Uh... Don't worry.
92
00:03:31,105 --> 00:03:34,240
Why do I continually allow
people to treat me this way?
93
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:35,041
Oh, come on.
94
00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:37,477
Forget I'm your king
and talk to me like your friend.
95
00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:38,511
All right.
96
00:03:38,512 --> 00:03:40,013
You keep acting like a prat.
97
00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:41,448
You need to be more of a geezer.
98
00:03:41,449 --> 00:03:44,684
You know, I've tried to tell you
time and time again.
99
00:03:44,685 --> 00:03:46,920
You don't turn your ear.
100
00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:49,155
Oh, Gareth.
101
00:03:49,156 --> 00:03:50,690
I can't understand a word you say.
102
00:03:50,691 --> 00:03:52,826
Let me ask you this, then.
103
00:03:52,827 --> 00:03:54,727
Do you like me, Gareth?
104
00:03:54,728 --> 00:03:58,731
- I mean, you know, as a... as a person?
- Aaaaaaah!
105
00:04:01,368 --> 00:04:02,535
I got to go.
106
00:04:02,536 --> 00:04:03,670
My queen needs me.
107
00:04:03,671 --> 00:04:05,471
- Your queen?
- Mm.
108
00:04:05,472 --> 00:04:08,141
Are you hearing this? Now it's his queen.
109
00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:09,876
Fine. Go ahead.
110
00:04:09,877 --> 00:04:11,644
Leave me, too. Be that guy.
111
00:04:11,645 --> 00:04:12,512
Go. Go.
112
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:13,746
Yeah, okay.
113
00:04:16,016 --> 00:04:17,784
Why am I like this?
114
00:04:17,785 --> 00:04:20,623
Why do I continually allow
people to treat me this way?
115
00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:22,025
- Sire!
- Hmm?
116
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:24,457
I-I think I know something
that may help you.
117
00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:26,025
Really? What?
118
00:04:26,026 --> 00:04:28,027
Have you ever heard of Xanax?
119
00:04:28,028 --> 00:04:29,162
Xanax?
120
00:04:29,163 --> 00:04:31,764
Is he that new magician
I'm hearing so much about?
121
00:04:31,765 --> 00:04:32,899
Merlin's replacement?
122
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:33,966
Yes, My King.
123
00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:36,669
I-I occasionally buy herbs from him.
124
00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:39,305
Herbs? For what? F-f-for cooking?
125
00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:41,507
Yeah... f-for cooking.
126
00:04:41,508 --> 00:04:42,675
[Sighs]
127
00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:45,578
All right, it's worth a shot.
Let's go see Xanax.
128
00:04:45,579 --> 00:04:47,647
I should probably put on
something more casual.
129
00:04:47,648 --> 00:04:49,048
[Snaps fingers] The brown.
130
00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:55,555
Uh, hi.
131
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,523
Um, why are we back in the dungeon?
132
00:04:57,524 --> 00:05:00,026
Just wait here. I'll come
get you when it's time.
133
00:05:00,027 --> 00:05:02,161
Someone's coming to help execute my plan.
134
00:05:02,162 --> 00:05:03,329
Move along.
135
00:05:05,265 --> 00:05:06,999
[Gasps] Galavant! Galavant!
136
00:05:09,436 --> 00:05:11,270
I thought you were dead.
137
00:05:11,271 --> 00:05:13,206
You mean because you betrayed me,
you thought they would hang me?
138
00:05:13,207 --> 00:05:14,273
Because you betrayed me?
139
00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:15,441
Sid: Oh, trust me, sir,
140
00:05:15,442 --> 00:05:17,910
I have been guilting
the crap out of her down here.
141
00:05:17,911 --> 00:05:19,979
King Richard said if I didn't
deliver the jewel and you,
142
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,347
he would kill my parents.
143
00:05:21,348 --> 00:05:22,982
I tried to warn you...
144
00:05:22,983 --> 00:05:25,151
so many songs, so many asides.
145
00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:26,919
The point is, Queen Madalena,
146
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,688
you have the jewel and you have Galavant.
147
00:05:28,689 --> 00:05:30,790
- You must release my parents.
- Must I?
148
00:05:30,791 --> 00:05:32,325
- Yes. You have to.
- Have I?
149
00:05:32,326 --> 00:05:33,559
- Yes.
- Really?
150
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,860
Why are you just repeating
everything I say as a question?
151
00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:36,662
Am I just repeating everything
you say as a question?
152
00:05:36,663 --> 00:05:38,097
You... Don't hear it?
153
00:05:38,098 --> 00:05:39,432
-I hear it. Yeah.
- Yeah.
154
00:05:39,433 --> 00:05:42,968
- You're sort of doing it a little bit.
- I had a deal with King Richard.
155
00:05:42,969 --> 00:05:44,937
My dear girl...
156
00:05:44,938 --> 00:05:46,739
I am not King Richard.
157
00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:51,243
But I will enjoy killing the girl
who tried to eat my leftover man mutton.
158
00:05:54,448 --> 00:05:55,948
[Gasps]
159
00:05:55,949 --> 00:05:58,984
Is... Anyone else uncomfortable?
160
00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:02,421
Gareth.
161
00:06:02,422 --> 00:06:04,127
Cut her face.
162
00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:05,396
Torture the rest.
163
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:07,800
- Gala...
- Excuse me?
164
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:11,026
I said torture them. Is there a problem?
165
00:06:11,231 --> 00:06:12,632
No. There's not a problem.
166
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,567
I like torturing. I'm pretty good at it.
167
00:06:14,568 --> 00:06:16,102
I once kept a guy alive for a week,
168
00:06:16,103 --> 00:06:18,270
and he was just a head and a finger.
169
00:06:18,271 --> 00:06:20,139
But that order came from the king,
170
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:21,240
and I serve My King.
171
00:06:21,241 --> 00:06:24,176
Your king is weak, Gareth. You know this.
172
00:06:24,177 --> 00:06:26,879
He cries like a baby,
he cares like a woman.
173
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,081
He makes decoupage footstools as a hobby.
174
00:06:29,082 --> 00:06:30,483
Hey! That was a birthday present.
175
00:06:30,484 --> 00:06:32,084
He got me that so I could have a sit down.
176
00:06:32,085 --> 00:06:34,420
You're a dog, Gareth.
177
00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:36,789
And a dog needs a strong master.
178
00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:39,758
Now sic 'em.
179
00:06:41,995 --> 00:06:44,330
[Goat bleats]
180
00:06:44,331 --> 00:06:46,165
Here we are, sir.
181
00:06:46,166 --> 00:06:47,500
Are we safe?
182
00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:49,869
This neighborhood looks a little dodgy.
183
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,170
Don't worry, sire, we'll be fine.
184
00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:53,305
Just... Try not to look scared.
185
00:06:54,574 --> 00:06:56,842
Hello. Nice to see you.
186
00:06:56,843 --> 00:06:58,844
[Bell tolling]
187
00:07:05,318 --> 00:07:06,852
What do you want?
188
00:07:08,822 --> 00:07:10,656
Uh, we're here to see Xanax.
189
00:07:10,657 --> 00:07:12,224
He's in the attic.
190
00:07:12,225 --> 00:07:13,992
Xanax: Mom! It's a laboratory!
191
00:07:13,993 --> 00:07:15,260
Call it a laboratory.
192
00:07:15,261 --> 00:07:16,395
It's an attic.
193
00:07:19,632 --> 00:07:22,468
[Xanax coughing]
194
00:07:22,469 --> 00:07:25,938
Hmm. This is... Cozy.
195
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:29,441
King Richard, may I present
Xanax The Magician.
196
00:07:29,442 --> 00:07:30,709
[Grunts]
197
00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:32,678
Actually, I'm not legally allowed
198
00:07:32,679 --> 00:07:34,680
to call myself a magician anymore
199
00:07:34,681 --> 00:07:37,015
'cause of the whole... [Sighs] Thing.
200
00:07:37,016 --> 00:07:38,450
Don't worry.
201
00:07:38,451 --> 00:07:40,886
Think of me as a spiritual guide.
202
00:07:40,887 --> 00:07:42,754
I'm allowed to... Call myself that.
203
00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:44,223
Anyone can. It's meaningless.
204
00:07:44,224 --> 00:07:45,324
[Groans]
205
00:07:45,325 --> 00:07:46,458
[Laughs]
206
00:07:46,459 --> 00:07:48,460
Look at his shiny little hat, toad.
207
00:07:48,461 --> 00:07:50,262
Ribbit.
208
00:07:50,263 --> 00:07:51,563
Who's that person?
209
00:07:51,564 --> 00:07:53,265
It's toad. He's cool.
210
00:07:53,266 --> 00:07:54,199
Ribbit.
211
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,068
[Chuckles] Don't ask.
212
00:07:56,069 --> 00:07:57,035
[Scoffs]
213
00:07:57,036 --> 00:07:58,603
He was a toad.
214
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,172
I did a spell...
215
00:08:00,173 --> 00:08:03,809
turned him into a human-ish... Type thing.
216
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:05,243
So, uh, yeah. I flipped it.
217
00:08:05,244 --> 00:08:06,278
[Chuckles]
218
00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:07,846
That's very good.
219
00:08:07,847 --> 00:08:09,448
Anyway, what can I do for you gents?
220
00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:11,550
Well, it's... No big deal, really.
221
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:13,452
We were just... in the neighborhood,
222
00:08:13,453 --> 00:08:15,320
and, um, I was sort of wondering,
223
00:08:15,321 --> 00:08:17,289
you know, why I am the way I am,
224
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:19,925
and he mentioned
you might be able to help me.
225
00:08:19,926 --> 00:08:22,093
Xanax can help anything.
226
00:08:22,094 --> 00:08:23,094
Wonderful.
227
00:08:23,095 --> 00:08:25,063
[Burping]
228
00:08:25,064 --> 00:08:26,731
Bit of wind there.
229
00:08:26,732 --> 00:08:28,033
Ooh.
230
00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:29,901
Right. Let's get you started.
231
00:08:29,902 --> 00:08:32,437
This is a... Kind of disgusting
little workstation, isn't it?
232
00:08:32,438 --> 00:08:35,106
You see the toilet?
It's basically a window.
233
00:08:35,107 --> 00:08:39,144
And by "window,"
I mean "hole"... in the wall.
234
00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:40,412
It works.
235
00:08:40,413 --> 00:08:41,546
One of them.
236
00:08:41,547 --> 00:08:43,281
Oh. Toad spotted it.
You'd love that, wouldn't you?
237
00:08:43,282 --> 00:08:44,983
[Chuckles]
238
00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:46,217
That goes in.
239
00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:48,320
Ready. Let's do this.
240
00:08:48,321 --> 00:08:49,654
[Sizzling]
241
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:50,989
Oooooooooooh.
242
00:08:52,525 --> 00:08:54,793
Now the magic words.
243
00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:59,130
Abracadabra.
244
00:08:59,131 --> 00:09:01,433
Alakazam.
245
00:09:01,434 --> 00:09:07,372
[Mumbling] Habrazamdabra, flanimal ham.
246
00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:08,473
Oooooh.
247
00:09:08,474 --> 00:09:10,809
Try that now. It's all magic.
248
00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:13,711
- So, I just... Drink that down, eh?
- Yeah.
249
00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:16,180
- Straight down the gullet?
- Yeah.
250
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:19,317
- Ooh. That is pungent.
- Yeah. That's the anus.
251
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,719
Oh, what the hell.
252
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,787
Oh, God.
253
00:09:22,788 --> 00:09:23,788
Mm.
254
00:09:23,789 --> 00:09:25,056
Hmm.
255
00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:28,426
Takes a little while to kick in
with a strong-willed...
256
00:09:28,427 --> 00:09:29,460
- I'm feeling it.
- Yeah.
257
00:09:31,030 --> 00:09:32,997
Oh, wow.
258
00:09:38,915 --> 00:09:42,351
All right, boss, we need an escape plan.
259
00:09:42,352 --> 00:09:44,720
- What are you thinking?
- Galavant: Here's what I think.
260
00:09:46,323 --> 00:09:49,191
If you really break it down...
261
00:09:49,192 --> 00:09:51,827
"I love you as much as someone
like me could love anyone"
262
00:09:51,828 --> 00:09:53,028
can mean a lot of things.
263
00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:55,029
Oh, come on, man.
264
00:09:55,031 --> 00:09:56,665
Oh, just let it go!
265
00:09:56,666 --> 00:09:58,066
She's the worst!
266
00:09:58,067 --> 00:10:00,335
- She imprisoned us.
- She stole our jewels.
267
00:10:00,335 --> 00:10:02,670
- Yeah, not a fan.
- You want to know what I think?
268
00:10:02,672 --> 00:10:03,972
I think you're in a dungeon
269
00:10:03,973 --> 00:10:06,174
wondering if the woman
that put you there loves you.
270
00:10:06,175 --> 00:10:09,344
And the real question is,
why do you still love her?
271
00:10:09,345 --> 00:10:11,046
I mean, yes, she's beautiful,
272
00:10:11,047 --> 00:10:13,081
in a perfect-skin, perfect-body,
perfect-hair kind of way,
273
00:10:13,082 --> 00:10:14,449
if you're into that sort of thing.
274
00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:15,751
Mm.
275
00:10:15,752 --> 00:10:17,653
I know you, Galavant.
276
00:10:17,654 --> 00:10:20,222
I know your heart, and you deserve better.
277
00:10:20,223 --> 00:10:23,191
You deserve to be with someone
who will lift you up as a man,
278
00:10:23,192 --> 00:10:25,727
someone who will fight with you,
not against you.
279
00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:27,763
Maybe someone who's small and cute
280
00:10:27,764 --> 00:10:29,631
and ethnically hard to pin down.
281
00:10:32,502 --> 00:10:33,769
What you're saying is...
282
00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:39,074
you don't think she loves me?
283
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:41,176
[Groans] [Sighs] Jester: Bloody hell.
284
00:10:41,177 --> 00:10:43,545
Oh, please, just stop the torture
and kill me already.
285
00:10:43,546 --> 00:10:44,629
I haven't started yet.
286
00:10:44,631 --> 00:10:45,528
He's not part of it?
287
00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:48,051
Will everybody just shut up?!
288
00:10:48,151 --> 00:10:51,186
- Do you want to know what real torture is?
- No, I'm good. Thanks.
289
00:10:52,722 --> 00:10:53,855
[Sighs]
290
00:10:53,856 --> 00:10:55,624
[Mace clanks]
291
00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:58,660
Imagine being loyal
to someone your whole life.
292
00:10:58,661 --> 00:10:59,895
I'm not gonna tell you who,
293
00:10:59,896 --> 00:11:02,864
but hypothetically,
we'll call him "the king."
294
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:07,002
He's a bit of a ponce, but I like him.
295
00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:10,138
Then he gets married
to this rump-fed basket cockle,
296
00:11:10,139 --> 00:11:13,074
who, hypothetically,
we'll call "the queen."
297
00:11:13,075 --> 00:11:14,776
We all know who you're
talking about, Gareth.
298
00:11:14,777 --> 00:11:17,345
But let me be cryptic
for a minute, will ya?!
299
00:11:17,346 --> 00:11:19,481
Just give me that!
300
00:11:19,482 --> 00:11:22,717
Now, she's not like "the king."
301
00:11:22,718 --> 00:11:25,420
But she's strong, and I mire strength.
302
00:11:25,421 --> 00:11:28,990
But, then again, I've sworn
an oath to protect the king.
303
00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:30,325
So I don't know what to do.
304
00:11:30,326 --> 00:11:33,161
I mean, that's real torture,
isn't it, lads?
305
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:36,464
[Sighs]
306
00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:39,601
[Goat bleats]
307
00:11:43,105 --> 00:11:45,240
Xanax: Welcome to Richard's journey
308
00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:48,376
to find out why he is the way he is.
309
00:11:48,377 --> 00:11:50,979
There's bottles of water in easy reach.
310
00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:52,881
Please stay hydrated.
311
00:11:52,882 --> 00:11:54,149
And no kissing.
312
00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:55,783
Of course. Wait. What?
313
00:11:55,784 --> 00:11:57,485
Oh... Shouldn't be an issue.
314
00:11:57,486 --> 00:11:59,387
But it has happened in the past,
315
00:11:59,388 --> 00:12:01,823
so I made a blanket rule... no kissing.
316
00:12:01,824 --> 00:12:02,924
[Chuckles]
317
00:12:02,925 --> 00:12:05,226
Mm. Good idea.
318
00:12:05,227 --> 00:12:07,629
Okay. Everyone ready?
319
00:12:07,630 --> 00:12:08,730
Ribbit.
320
00:12:08,731 --> 00:12:12,700
Close your eyes, open your mind
321
00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:16,704
Your journey's about to begin
322
00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:20,508
Relax your karma and try not to barf
323
00:12:20,509 --> 00:12:25,013
As the universe starts to spin
324
00:12:25,014 --> 00:12:28,683
Hocus-pocus, expealadocious
325
00:12:28,684 --> 00:12:32,520
Set your aura free
326
00:12:32,521 --> 00:12:37,458
Petrificus totalis,
drink deeply from the chalice
327
00:12:37,459 --> 00:12:48,269
Tell us what you see-e-e-e-e-e
328
00:12:48,270 --> 00:12:50,371
[Cackles]
329
00:12:50,372 --> 00:12:51,639
[Gasps]
330
00:12:53,909 --> 00:12:55,042
I see a door!
331
00:12:57,779 --> 00:12:58,913
Oi! What did I say?
332
00:12:58,914 --> 00:13:00,381
No...
333
00:13:00,382 --> 00:13:02,116
Go through it.
334
00:13:02,117 --> 00:13:03,884
It's opening on its own!
335
00:13:03,885 --> 00:13:05,820
That's magic.
336
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,228
This is the day my father died.
337
00:13:14,229 --> 00:13:17,531
The king is dead, long live the king
338
00:13:17,532 --> 00:13:21,035
The king is dead, long live the king
339
00:13:21,036 --> 00:13:24,638
Where is his son,
who'll inherit everything?
340
00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:27,041
Is that you, sire? So handsome.
341
00:13:27,043 --> 00:13:29,811
No. It's my much older brother, Kingsley.
342
00:13:29,811 --> 00:13:32,213
- Young Richard: I can't see anything!
- That's me.
343
00:13:32,214 --> 00:13:34,415
Shut up, you
344
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:35,783
I can't see anything!
345
00:13:35,784 --> 00:13:37,218
Shut up
346
00:13:37,219 --> 00:13:38,185
Oh, dear.
347
00:13:38,186 --> 00:13:39,720
I ate my feelings.
348
00:13:39,721 --> 00:13:41,322
And a lot of bread.
349
00:13:41,323 --> 00:13:43,123
The sword, Your Highness
350
00:13:43,124 --> 00:13:45,125
Here's the royal sword
351
00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:46,360
[Scoffs]
352
00:13:46,361 --> 00:13:47,795
No one gives me anything.
353
00:13:47,796 --> 00:13:51,498
To be the king,
you must receive the sword
354
00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:54,301
If I want something, I take it.
355
00:13:54,302 --> 00:13:55,936
And I don't want to be any king.
356
00:13:55,937 --> 00:13:56,971
[All gasp]
357
00:13:56,972 --> 00:13:59,239
Oh, but, Kingsley, it's your destiny.
358
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,742
We literally named you "Kingsley."
359
00:14:01,743 --> 00:14:02,876
God told us to.
360
00:14:02,877 --> 00:14:04,845
It's not like we were being trendy.
361
00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:07,181
My destiny lies
beyond the castle walls, mother.
362
00:14:07,182 --> 00:14:09,216
I'm going to conquer and kill
363
00:14:09,217 --> 00:14:11,719
and spread bastard children
throughout the land,
364
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,654
like wildflower seeds.
365
00:14:13,655 --> 00:14:15,823
Somebody else
can sit on their ass and rule.
366
00:14:15,824 --> 00:14:17,791
But who?
367
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:19,560
-
Who?
-
But who?
368
00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:21,829
Who?
But who?
But who?
369
00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:24,331
[Richard farts]
370
00:14:24,332 --> 00:14:26,500
[All gasp]
371
00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:27,601
Dickie?
372
00:14:27,602 --> 00:14:28,702
"Dickie." [Chuckles]
373
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:31,572
Knight: Brilliant.
374
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:32,739
Gareth.
375
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:34,041
Aye.
376
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:35,609
You shall be the king's guard.
377
00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:38,312
I'm only 10, but... All right.
378
00:14:38,313 --> 00:14:40,847
I'm Gareth, and I'll faithfully
serve you, My King.
379
00:14:40,848 --> 00:14:44,051
The sword, your highness
380
00:14:44,052 --> 00:14:48,288
Here's your royal sword
381
00:14:48,289 --> 00:14:50,257
To be the king, you mu...
382
00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:52,626
Actually, I think I will take the sword.
383
00:14:52,627 --> 00:14:54,027
[Subjects gasp]
384
00:14:54,028 --> 00:14:56,196
Good luck... Dickie.
385
00:14:56,197 --> 00:14:57,597
[Chuckles]
386
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,234
Chef: How humiliating.
387
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:02,469
That's it.
388
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:04,304
It was humiliating.
389
00:15:04,305 --> 00:15:07,307
Everything comes back to this moment.
390
00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:09,009
I have spent my entire life
391
00:15:09,010 --> 00:15:11,511
behaving as if
I'm everyone's second choice...
392
00:15:11,512 --> 00:15:13,713
my parents', my kingdom's,
and now my queen's.
393
00:15:13,721 --> 00:15:16,290
Let's go take back my kingdom!
394
00:15:18,386 --> 00:15:19,986
Where's that bloody door?
395
00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:23,156
Well, how the hell
are we supposed to get up there?
396
00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:25,492
That was amazing!
397
00:15:25,493 --> 00:15:26,893
Thank you, Xanax.
398
00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:28,962
I now know exactly what I must do.
399
00:15:28,963 --> 00:15:30,797
Come on, chef! To the horses!
400
00:15:30,798 --> 00:15:32,532
I wouldn't ride just yet.
401
00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,334
Again, it's a legal thing.
402
00:15:34,335 --> 00:15:38,304
A guy once... he took his horse
through a farmers market,
403
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,873
and there was... "raaaaaah!"
404
00:15:39,874 --> 00:15:42,275
The hooves and the crushing
and s-screaming, so...
405
00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:44,377
- Ugh...
- Let the potion wear off.
406
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,246
An hour, say?
407
00:15:46,247 --> 00:15:47,280
Oh. Okay.
408
00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:50,416
Hey, in that case, you guys want to
see my room from when I was a kid?
409
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,818
Wow. [Chuckles]
410
00:15:51,819 --> 00:15:53,253
Let's... let's do this.
411
00:15:53,254 --> 00:15:53,953
Great.
412
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,422
[Chuckles]
413
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,529
Listen, Galavant...
414
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,965
I know what I did to you was horrible...
415
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,667
probably even worse
than what Madalena did to you,
416
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,669
because at least she had
the guts to do it to your face.
417
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,471
And I won't say it again,
418
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,473
but I'm more sorry than you'll ever know.
419
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,209
Just so you know... I'm really sorry.
420
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,411
Oh, God. You must feel
really bad. You're babbling.
421
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,512
[Scoffs]
422
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,514
You only babble when you feel really bad.
423
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,950
I do not babble when I feel bad.
424
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,084
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
425
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:28,220
To be honest,
I've rather grown to like it.
426
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,222
But you do babble, princess.
427
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,491
Princess Isa-babble.
428
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,026
[Laughs] "Princess Isa-babble."
429
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,503
Okay, hang on a sec.
430
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,764
Babbling is when someone talks nonsense,
431
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,399
and I do not talk nonsense.
432
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,869
I mean... Sometimes, at times,
I guess I do babble,
433
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,071
but it's only because I have
a lot going on in my head and...
434
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,406
oh. Never mind.
435
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,541
Look, you don't have to feel bad.
436
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,443
They're your parents.
437
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,578
When you care about somebody...
438
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,213
You'll do anything for them.
439
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:59,751
Love is... Strange.
440
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,953
And sometimes kind of gross.
441
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:05,123
It's embarrassingly gassy
442
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:09,327
And it leaves its dirty underwear
443
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,564
In piles around the place
444
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:15,667
Love is rude, it has a sort of smell
445
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:19,404
And it thinks that you don't notice
446
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,972
And it blurts out things
447
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:25,677
That make you want
to smack its stupid face
448
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,647
And it's awkward and confusing
449
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:31,916
It annoys you half to death
450
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,752
Then it grins that dopey grin
451
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,856
And you can't catch your breath
452
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:41,359
Love is strange
and sometimes sort of smug
453
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,963
And it's really, really bossy
454
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,632
And it messes with your head
455
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:51,870
Till you're a hopeless basket case
456
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,204
And it's stubborn
457
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,205
It's insulting
458
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,074
It's obnoxious
459
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,575
It's the worst
460
00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:03,615
You keep pushing it away,
and you fall in headfirst
461
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:07,385
Love is strange
462
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,554
And often pretty drunk
463
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,323
It looks different without makeup
464
00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:16,060
And it's nothing like the fairy tales
465
00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:19,197
You grow up dreaming of
466
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,298
Love is weird
467
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,300
Love is dumb
468
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:25,236
Love is strange
469
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:36,714
And that's what makes it lo-o-o-o-o-ve
470
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,883
I've been so blind.
471
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,985
Madalena never loved me.
472
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,087
When you love someone,
you shout it from the rooftop,
473
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:44,555
not couch it in a riddle.
474
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:45,823
Or in a song.
475
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,225
That's more cinematic.
476
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,659
[Chuckles]
477
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,395
Well, how's that for timing?
478
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,196
Our stars are finally aligning
479
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,165
on the same day I'm going to die.
480
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,900
No.
481
00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:00,505
No, you're not gonna die today.
482
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:02,340
And you're not gonna die today.
483
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:04,909
And you're not gonna die today.
484
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:07,778
You might already be dead.
485
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,282
Well, what are you going to do?
486
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,483
What else?
487
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:14,385
Save the day.
488
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:19,490
Have these been open the whole time?
489
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:23,060
No one thought to check?
490
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,495
Really?
491
00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,636
Is it done? Did you torture them?
492
00:19:32,637 --> 00:19:34,305
Nah.
493
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:35,740
But I gave you an order.
494
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,109
I don't give a rat's ass
about your orders.
495
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,878
I might be a dog, but at least
I'm a loyal one, love.
496
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:45,149
Now, I serve the king,
so I only follow his orders.
497
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:48,819
That is so nice to hear.
498
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:52,423
You have always been
my most loyal friend, Gareth.
499
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:55,159
I know you're not a hugger,
but if you were,
500
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,194
I would wrap myself around you
501
00:19:57,195 --> 00:19:59,463
like a leather jacket made of love.
502
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,898
Mm.
503
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:01,899
Xanax?
504
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,267
- So much Xanax.
- Mm.
505
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,435
Okay, couple of things.
506
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:07,771
First, chef, I am so munchy.
507
00:20:07,772 --> 00:20:09,673
Could you make me, like, a cheesy omelette
508
00:20:09,674 --> 00:20:12,109
with some ham chunks,
potatoes fried in bacon grease?
509
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:13,544
- Right away, sire.
- Excellent.
510
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,746
Next, I'm breaking up with you.
511
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:19,149
Gareth, would you please escort
Madalena down to the dungeon
512
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,784
and lock her up forever?
513
00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:21,752
Huh?
514
00:20:23,955 --> 00:20:24,955
Come on.
515
00:20:24,956 --> 00:20:26,590
Wait!
516
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,959
It would be rude to imprison your queen
517
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,195
when we have such a special visitor.
518
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:32,596
What visitor?
519
00:20:32,597 --> 00:20:34,832
What are you talking about?
520
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,401
Hello, brother.
521
00:20:40,371 --> 00:20:41,371
Kingsley?
522
00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:42,439
What's he doing here?
523
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,707
What are you doing here?
524
00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:45,042
I'm here to take your life.
525
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,833
My life?
526
00:20:46,835 --> 00:20:48,667
Your lifestyle.
527
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,647
Your kingdom.
528
00:20:50,648 --> 00:20:54,184
Of course, if you get in my way,
529
00:20:54,185 --> 00:20:58,200
I'll have to take your life, too...
530
00:21:01,018 --> 00:21:03,018
Dickie.
531
00:21:04,060 --> 00:21:06,023
This is gonna to be fun.
532
00:21:06,024 --> 00:21:08,234
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
533
00:21:08,284 --> 00:21:12,834
Repair and Synchronization by
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