All language subtitles for Friday Night Dinner s01e05 The Mercedes.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,959 You idiot! You could have scratched our Mercedes! 2 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,399 Scratched your Mercedes? You could have killed me, you stupid cow! 3 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,919 Wait... Is that Adam? 4 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:49,879 What? 5 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,719 Sheila. Sheila Bloom. 6 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,839 Oh! 7 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,479 Hello, Sheila. 8 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,039 Hi. How are you? 9 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,439 Fine. You remember my husband, don't you? 10 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,080 Um, yes. Hello, Mr Bloom! 11 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:08,720 Um, sorry that I called you... 12 00:01:08,721 --> 00:01:10,159 How's your mum? 13 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,879 Er, yep, fine. 14 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:12,520 Dad? 15 00:01:12,521 --> 00:01:13,879 Good. Good. 16 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:14,240 And you? 17 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:14,960 Yep. 18 00:01:14,961 --> 00:01:16,039 Girlfriend? 19 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,239 Er, no, not, not at the moment. 20 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,239 Not to be rude, but if you were more careful, 21 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,959 things like this wouldn't happen. 22 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,799 OK... Because, to be honest, 23 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:29,919 our Mercedes would cost considerably more to repair than your, er, Yugo. 24 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,279 Er, it's a Nissan. 25 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,239 Who knows, you might even find yourself a nice girlfriend. 26 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,440 Well, goodbye. Go on, Eddie. 27 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,120 Bitch. 28 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,239 Surprise! Surprise! 29 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,439 Oh, thanks. Thank you. 30 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,039 Happy birthday, Pusface. 31 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,599 Oh, very good. Get off! 32 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,040 Yeah, happy birthday, Bambino. 33 00:01:59,041 --> 00:02:00,639 Thanks, Dad. You look brown. 34 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:01,999 It was the sun. 35 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,879 Um, yes. What's with the doorbell? 36 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,159 And the coat rack? 37 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:07,680 Broken. 38 00:02:07,681 --> 00:02:11,159 Everything's broken in this house, including your dad's brain. 39 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:11,640 Hi, Mum. 40 00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:14,759 Wha...? My hearing machine's all clogged up with ear wax. 41 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,079 Oh, your poor ankle. I'm sorry, Mum. Here. 42 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,639 Oh, thank you, Bobble. Happy birthday. 43 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,120 Oh, they're gorgeous. Jonny, put these in a vase. 44 00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:24,120 Dad, put these in a vase. 45 00:02:24,121 --> 00:02:25,159 Oh! 46 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,639 You all right? 47 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:29,079 I'm on crutchlings. 48 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,559 Aww! 49 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,039 Bloody jellyfish. 50 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,080 So what happened again? It stung you? 51 00:02:33,081 --> 00:02:35,839 I told you, I got stung on the ankle. 52 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:36,999 And then...? 53 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,959 Then I fell over and sprained the other one. It's not funny! 54 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:40,400 It is a bit funny. 55 00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:41,599 What's funny? 56 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,200 Nothing. 57 00:02:42,201 --> 00:02:42,880 Mum's ankle. 58 00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:44,080 Oh, yeah, that is funny! 59 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,319 Please, stop eating cream! 60 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,519 Oh, just go and put this inside, would you? 61 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,599 Dad, put this inside, would you? 62 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:52,760 Oh... Mind my foot! 63 00:02:52,761 --> 00:02:53,800 Ooh, guess who I just saw? 64 00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:54,879 Who? 65 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:55,800 Bitchface. 66 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,399 Oh! Sheila Bloom? Ugh, what was she doing? 67 00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,959 Um, trying to run me over. 68 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,999 What, in her stupid Mercedes? 69 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,120 Of course. Oi, Pissface, what are you doing in there? 70 00:03:03,121 --> 00:03:04,480 Nothing! 71 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,359 Martin. Adam just saw Bitchface. 72 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,720 You saw Sheila Bloom? Yup. 73 00:03:11,721 --> 00:03:13,200 In her stupid Mercedes? Yup. 74 00:03:13,201 --> 00:03:15,399 Can you believe Dad went on a date with her? 75 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,239 Dad went on a date with Bitchface? 76 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,599 It was before your mother. It was just a few dates. 77 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,520 Few? You told me it was one. 78 00:03:21,521 --> 00:03:26,039 Did I? Well, didn't really get up to much, you know, business. 79 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,159 Er... 80 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,199 Thanks, Dad. 81 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,639 What do you mean "much business"? 82 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:33,199 Looking forward to your birthday dinner? 83 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,519 Yeah, course. What have you been doing in here? 84 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,679 Nothing. Oh, you do know Dad's making it? 85 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,679 Ha, ha! 86 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,320 Well, you didn't think I was doing the cooking, did you? 87 00:03:42,321 --> 00:03:43,999 No, but... 88 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,160 Yeah, Adam, you know Mum's crippled. 89 00:03:45,161 --> 00:03:46,679 Thank you, Jonny. 90 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,319 But... Dad? 91 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,759 You've never really made dinner before. 92 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:52,360 What? 93 00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:53,879 You've never made dinner! 94 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,440 No. 95 00:03:54,441 --> 00:03:56,919 Right. And now you're making my birthday dinner. 96 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,519 Yes, I know. 97 00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,560 We could always just go for a Chinese. 98 00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:01,800 Yes, but a Chinese won't be as nice as this. 99 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,599 Won't it? 100 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,440 What is it? 101 00:04:05,441 --> 00:04:07,479 It's a surprise. 102 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,920 I'd rather it wasn't a surprise. 103 00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:12,719 All right. Potatoes and some meat. 104 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,879 "Potatoes and some meat". 105 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,120 Mmm, prison food! 106 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,159 Dad really is making my birthday dinner? 107 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,599 Oh, I'm sorry, darling, what can I do? 108 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,319 Anyway, I'm banned from the kitchen, look. 109 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:25,960 Martin? 110 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,160 Oh, bloody go away! 111 00:04:27,161 --> 00:04:28,039 See? 112 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,119 Where's the birthday boy? 113 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,080 Grandma! You're here! I didn't know Grandma was here! 114 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,160 Surprise! 115 00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:36,199 Thank you. 116 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,759 You all right now, Mum? 117 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,639 Oh, yes, Dolly. 118 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,799 I'm much better now, thank you. 119 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,959 I had, um... a bit of... 120 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,799 you know. 121 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:46,759 Right. 122 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,439 Grandma, remember what you were going to say to Adam? 123 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,920 What? Remember that thing? 124 00:04:50,921 --> 00:04:52,879 What thing? 125 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,199 Oh, yes! 126 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,080 Happy birthday, Pusface. 127 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,279 No, I love them, I really do. 128 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,199 Do you? 129 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,159 Yeah, the microwave and the knife sharpener. 130 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,199 Electric knife sharpener. 131 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:13,719 Yes, and the, um, hand-held hoover device thing. 132 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,919 They're really... Shit? 133 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,559 Thank you! Practical. 134 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,719 Yes. Practical. Lovely practical presents. 135 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,679 Oh, Jackie, did you get me my bikini? 136 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,399 Yes, Mum, I got you your bikini. 137 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,879 Sorry, bikini? 138 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,879 Yes, from Spain. She wanted one. 139 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,120 Is it the right size? 140 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,160 Well, it's the size you asked, Mum. 141 00:05:31,161 --> 00:05:32,999 38 GG. 142 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:33,839 What? 143 00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,600 Nothing. 144 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:35,920 Can you go and get it then? 145 00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:37,919 Mum, I can't get it now, can I? 146 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,799 Oh, yes. OK, then. 147 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,479 Don't worry, I'll go. I'll go. 148 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,880 She really wants that bikini. 149 00:05:44,881 --> 00:05:46,160 But no bikini for Dad. 150 00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:47,639 What? I'm hot. 151 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,279 Martin, is it going to be long? 152 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,360 Yeah, meat's not ready yet. 153 00:05:50,361 --> 00:05:52,519 Still not ready? What meat is it, horse? 154 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,879 Here. 155 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,959 What's that? What do you think it is? 156 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:57,720 From you? 157 00:05:57,721 --> 00:05:59,119 Yeah. Thanks, Dad. 158 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,759 I hope you like it. 159 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,200 I just thought, you were always interested in, um... 160 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,439 The SS. 161 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,159 Yeah, you were always interested in the war, so, er... 162 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,599 Um... 163 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,359 Martin, the SS? 164 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:12,840 The SS? 165 00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:14,959 Cos he used to love the war, remember? 166 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,479 I'm not sure about "loved". I was kind of interested 167 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,679 when we did it at school but... the SS? 168 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,719 Wonderful present for a Jewish son, a book on the SS! 169 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:23,880 It's very good! 170 00:06:23,881 --> 00:06:28,239 Um... Thanks, Dad. No, it's, um... No, it's really nice of you. 171 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,279 Yeah, see? 172 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,319 I can't believe you bought that! 173 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,800 You said you were buying a book about the war! 174 00:06:32,801 --> 00:06:34,559 It is about the war. 175 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,760 There are quite a lot of pictures of the SS. 176 00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:39,159 Well, what do you expect? Your brother! 177 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,519 Yeah... 178 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:41,480 Well, you do like it, don't you? 179 00:06:41,481 --> 00:06:43,519 Yeah, Dad. 180 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,599 It's just you'd imagine a book on the SS 181 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,159 might sort of focus on all the bad things they did? The atrocities? 182 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:49,999 The SS! 183 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,839 And this one, it's... well, 184 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:59,439 weapons of the SS, medals of the SS, heroes of the SS! You know... 185 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:00,959 It is a bit "SS-y". 186 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,079 Just take it away, please, it's dirty. 187 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,000 It's not dirty! 188 00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,839 It's dirty. Just take it away! 189 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:06,680 Sorry, Dad. 190 00:07:06,681 --> 00:07:08,519 And don't let my mother see it! 191 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,319 I can't find it anywhere. 192 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,319 Oh, the SS. 193 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,360 You lucky boy! 194 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,040 Oh, finally! 195 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,800 Don't touch! 196 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,040 Well, make some room, will you? God! 197 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,279 Lovely party atmosphere he's created! 198 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,159 Yes, try and remember it's your son's birthday. 199 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,440 You all right there, Mum? 200 00:07:51,441 --> 00:07:53,279 Oh, yes, thank you, Jackie. 201 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,039 Have you had your hair done? 202 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,080 I haven't, actually. 203 00:07:56,081 --> 00:07:57,279 Really? Yeah. 204 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,320 Oh, I think you should. 205 00:07:58,321 --> 00:08:00,079 Brilliant! 206 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,719 Urgh! 207 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,319 Even more brilliant! Oh, come on! 208 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,439 Oh, boys! 209 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,719 Stop it, Adam! 210 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,999 Me?! 211 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,960 How you going to find yourself a female 212 00:08:09,961 --> 00:08:11,800 if you act like a baby the whole time? 213 00:08:11,801 --> 00:08:13,239 Yes, females! 214 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,479 Martin! Leave him, it's his birthday! 215 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,919 Yes, thank you. Can we please have a ban on the F-word, for tonight? 216 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,880 Oh, really? 217 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,279 So what did you mean when you said, um, 218 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,439 "not much business"? 219 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,279 Sorry? 220 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,279 You and Sheila Bloom, "not much business". 221 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,759 Oh, we're not still talking about that, are we? 222 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,599 Honestly, nothing happened. 223 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,320 Honestly? 224 00:08:37,321 --> 00:08:41,039 Yeah. It was yonks ago, and really we, er, hardly had sex. 225 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,079 Oh, please! 226 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,439 Dad! 227 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,479 What do you mean, "Hardly"? 228 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,919 Jackie, has Martin got somebody pregnant? 229 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:48,640 Mum! 230 00:08:48,641 --> 00:08:52,759 Jon-Jon, who was the lady that Martin got pregnant? 231 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:53,959 Sheila Bloom. 232 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:54,760 Shut up, Jonny! 233 00:08:54,761 --> 00:08:56,599 In the back of her Mercedes. 234 00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,399 Ignore them, Mum. Martin didn't get anyone pregnant, did you? 235 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:00,840 What? 236 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,719 Get Bitchface pregnant? 237 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,759 No. To be honest, she never gave me the chance! 238 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,000 I'll get it! 239 00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:08,200 No, I'll get it. 240 00:09:08,201 --> 00:09:11,119 We'll talk about this later. 241 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,479 Hello? Oh, hi. Are you? 242 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,599 OK, then. 243 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,399 Who is it? 244 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,239 Coming. 245 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,040 Who is it? 246 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:23,760 Oh. Hello, Adam. 247 00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:25,439 Jonny. I'm Adam. 248 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,719 Oh, yes. No, it was just, I was passing and I noticed 249 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,119 that your doorbell wasn't working. 250 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,040 Er, I'm not on the phone any more, Jim. 251 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,839 What? Oh, yes. 252 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:43,639 No, your bell's not working, so I thought I'd, I'd just, um... 253 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,199 let you know. 254 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,399 Thanks. 255 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,319 Did you know? 256 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,959 Well, yes, there is a sign. 257 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,999 There's a sign. 258 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,799 Wilson... 259 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,759 Is your mother in? 260 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,319 Jim, it's Friday night, we're about to have dinner. 261 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,119 Who is it? Jim. 262 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,999 Oh. Hi, Jackie! 263 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,360 Um, ooh, something smells... 264 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,399 OK, well... 265 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:12,840 Who's Pusface? 266 00:10:12,841 --> 00:10:14,239 No-one. 267 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,239 Adam is. 268 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,479 Are you? 269 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,759 Pusface? 270 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,079 It's a nickname. A Jewish nickname. 271 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,639 Is it? Oh. 272 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:24,679 Is there anything special 273 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,719 that Jewish people get for their birthdays? 274 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:28,200 What? 275 00:10:28,201 --> 00:10:29,479 Come on, boys! 276 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:33,279 Coming! Um, I'm gonna... it's sort of my birthday dinner. 277 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,639 Yes, of course. Happy birthday. 278 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,080 Thank you. 279 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,679 Actually, there is something we give each other on our birthdays. 280 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,799 Oh, yes? 281 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,519 Yeah. It's kind of traditional to give a big basket of fruit 282 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:51,239 to the eldest son of the family. 283 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,280 A big basket of fruit? 284 00:10:52,281 --> 00:10:53,839 Mmm, yeah. 285 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,519 I've never heard of that. 286 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,559 Right. Any particular type of fruit? 287 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,319 Yeah, er, well, only green-coloured ones, really. 288 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,839 Sort of, er, apples... um, grapes... 289 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,999 Kiwis? Yeah, they're allowed. Yeah. 290 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,479 Pears... 291 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,359 No, no. Pears are forbidden. 292 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,439 I understand, your traditions. 293 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,519 Traditions, yeah. 294 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,559 This, this basket of fruit... 295 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,799 does it have a name? 296 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,079 Yes, it does. It is called a... 297 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,919 Schmoigel. 298 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,159 What? 299 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:25,800 A Schmoigel. 300 00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,279 Schm... Schmoigel? 301 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,559 Jonny! Coming! Schmoigel. 302 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,120 Schmoigel. 303 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,679 Oh, that man, every Friday night! Doesn't he know we're Jewish? 304 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,159 Oh, he knows! 305 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:41,640 What else did he want? 306 00:11:41,641 --> 00:11:42,679 Oh, nothing. 307 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:43,600 Are you ready now? 308 00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:45,799 Yep, ready for my poisoning! 309 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,839 Well, first of all, I've made you some lovely potatoes. 310 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,199 Um, lovely? 311 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,959 There's not a lot of them, Dad. 312 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,079 These ones are meant to be quite dense. 313 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,319 A dense meal. 314 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,359 Yeah, and now for the best bit. Ta-da! 315 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,679 Is it clay? 316 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,279 Clay? Is that the meat? 317 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,479 Of course it's the meat. Anyone want to carve? 318 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,600 Can it be carved? 319 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:10,639 That does look very dry, Martin. 320 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,799 It really was potatoes and some meat. 321 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,799 Aww. Martin, you do know you've shrunk the beef? 322 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,000 Shrunk the beef? 323 00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,039 Brilliant! 324 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,560 I'll carve, then. 325 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,480 Should the meat squeak? 326 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,639 Tuck in, Birthday Boy. 327 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:39,799 Dad? 328 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,959 What? 329 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,439 I think we should go for a Chinese. 330 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,879 A Chinese? 331 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:45,320 Yeah, let's go for a Chinese. 332 00:12:45,321 --> 00:12:46,520 Don't be stupid! 333 00:12:46,521 --> 00:12:48,679 He's right. I think we should go for a Chinese. 334 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,879 Go for a Chinese? It's delicious! 335 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,560 Look... 336 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:06,000 Yeah, let's go for a Chinese. 337 00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:12,660 OK. Now, slowly, Jackie, slowly. 338 00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:13,780 Jackie, 339 00:13:13,781 --> 00:13:15,820 what sort of food is Chinese? 340 00:13:15,821 --> 00:13:18,140 Mum, I've told you, you've had Chinese food. 341 00:13:18,141 --> 00:13:20,460 Ow, you're pinching me, you're pinching me! 342 00:13:20,461 --> 00:13:22,740 Oh, thank you, Martin, more pain! 343 00:13:22,741 --> 00:13:23,501 Is it like Greek? 344 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,220 Er, probably the opposite. 345 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,100 Oh, no. 346 00:13:27,101 --> 00:13:28,180 The Mercedes! 347 00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:29,020 What? 348 00:13:29,021 --> 00:13:30,580 Bitchface! 349 00:13:30,581 --> 00:13:32,380 Nice to see you, Jackie! 350 00:13:32,381 --> 00:13:33,421 Oh, and you! 351 00:13:39,421 --> 00:13:41,820 Didn't mention my foot once, not once! 352 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,100 All she talked about was her stupid Mercedes! 353 00:13:44,101 --> 00:13:45,461 They've had it resprayed! 354 00:13:45,462 --> 00:13:46,381 When they go dogging! 355 00:13:46,382 --> 00:13:47,460 Jonny! 356 00:13:47,461 --> 00:13:49,020 What are you talking about? 357 00:13:49,021 --> 00:13:52,021 Your girlfriend, who you hardly had sex with. 358 00:13:53,341 --> 00:13:55,460 Would you like some green tea before your meal? 359 00:13:55,461 --> 00:13:57,260 Er, great, thanks. 360 00:13:57,261 --> 00:13:57,981 Thank you. 361 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,020 Mmm! 362 00:14:06,021 --> 00:14:07,740 Mmm, ketchup! 363 00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:10,780 Uh-oh, Miss Mercedes alert! 364 00:14:10,781 --> 00:14:13,540 I don't know how you could do things with that woman. 365 00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:16,140 Not this again! I've told you, it was years ago! 366 00:14:16,141 --> 00:14:18,061 We're not suddenly going to find out we're actually her children, are we? 367 00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:19,580 Thank you, Adam! 368 00:14:19,581 --> 00:14:21,500 Ooh, here she comes, our real mum! 369 00:14:21,501 --> 00:14:22,860 Nice meal? 370 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,620 Mmm, very nice, thank you. 371 00:14:24,621 --> 00:14:26,780 We didn't like it. We just told the manager, 372 00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:29,300 he's going to give us some free vouchers. 373 00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:31,580 It's not as good as the one in town. 374 00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:33,740 Right. 375 00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:34,940 Hi, Jonathan. 376 00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:35,581 Hello. 377 00:14:35,582 --> 00:14:37,100 Hello again, Adam. 378 00:14:37,101 --> 00:14:38,860 Oh, of course, you, er, 379 00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,260 saw each other earlier. 380 00:14:40,261 --> 00:14:42,901 Yes, we had a little chat, didn't we? 381 00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:45,380 Um... 382 00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:47,341 How are you doing, Martin? 383 00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:50,501 Er, f-fine. Fine. 384 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,420 Oh, er, you know my mother? 385 00:14:54,421 --> 00:14:57,140 Oh, yes, of course. Doing all right there, Mrs Buller? 386 00:14:57,141 --> 00:14:59,140 Hello. Who is it? 387 00:14:59,141 --> 00:15:00,500 Sheila. Sheila Bloom. 388 00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:02,500 Oh, yes! 389 00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:03,941 Are you the pregnant lady? 390 00:15:03,942 --> 00:15:05,820 I'm sorry! 391 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:06,461 Grandma, have some more rice. 392 00:15:06,462 --> 00:15:08,300 The one that Martin got pregnant? 393 00:15:08,301 --> 00:15:10,020 Er, your mother, I forgot to ask, 394 00:15:10,021 --> 00:15:12,340 she was, er... she was quite unwell. 395 00:15:12,341 --> 00:15:17,020 Yes, well, she, um... she passed away, about six weeks ago. 396 00:15:17,021 --> 00:15:20,380 Oh, I am sorry. Oh, I had no idea! 397 00:15:20,381 --> 00:15:22,540 Yeah, sorry. 398 00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:24,940 It was terrible! She had been quite ill. 399 00:15:24,941 --> 00:15:25,661 Very sad! 400 00:15:25,662 --> 00:15:28,140 We thought she was getting better 401 00:15:28,141 --> 00:15:30,820 and then she suddenly just went downhill. 402 00:15:30,821 --> 00:15:33,100 Eddie rushed her to the hospital 403 00:15:33,101 --> 00:15:34,581 in the, you know, Mercedes, 404 00:15:34,582 --> 00:15:36,540 and even though he's a fast driver 405 00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:39,340 and the Mercedes is a fast car, a very fast car, 406 00:15:39,341 --> 00:15:41,780 well, he just couldn't get her in there in time 407 00:15:41,781 --> 00:15:45,500 and well she just... she just died! 408 00:15:45,501 --> 00:15:46,940 That's awful! 409 00:15:46,941 --> 00:15:48,740 In the Mercedes. 410 00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:52,221 Sorry, I missed that, where was it her mother died? 411 00:15:52,222 --> 00:15:53,620 In the Mercedes. 412 00:15:57,141 --> 00:15:59,341 Right, Eddie, get the coats. 413 00:16:07,021 --> 00:16:08,181 Shhh! 414 00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:15,900 What must she think of us? 415 00:16:15,901 --> 00:16:18,780 Um, as a family we just find leukaemia really funny? 416 00:16:18,781 --> 00:16:20,021 I can't believe you're actually going to do this. 417 00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,421 What else are we meant to do? 418 00:16:21,422 --> 00:16:23,260 Oh, you are such an idiot, Martin! 419 00:16:23,261 --> 00:16:25,061 Well, how was I to know he'd have the same coat? 420 00:16:25,062 --> 00:16:27,260 All you had to do was put it on another hook. 421 00:16:27,261 --> 00:16:29,021 It's got the bloody house keys in it! 422 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:30,060 All right! 423 00:16:30,061 --> 00:16:32,580 Go on, you'd better go with your dad. 424 00:16:32,581 --> 00:16:33,420 What?! 425 00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:33,861 Go on! 426 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:34,381 We're not going! 427 00:16:34,382 --> 00:16:35,221 You are! 428 00:16:35,222 --> 00:16:36,181 No way! Why don't you go? 429 00:16:36,182 --> 00:16:40,180 Because I'm crippled, remember. Just go and get your dad's jacket! 430 00:16:40,181 --> 00:16:43,060 Sorry, There's no way I'm knocking on that woman's door 431 00:16:43,061 --> 00:16:44,301 having just laughed at her dying mother! 432 00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:45,221 Er, dead mother. 433 00:16:45,222 --> 00:16:46,221 Correct, dead mother. 434 00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:47,580 OK, can we go now? 435 00:16:47,581 --> 00:16:48,221 What if she says "Mercedes" again? 436 00:16:48,222 --> 00:16:49,340 Oh, God! 437 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,900 Just stop moaning and get out the car! 438 00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:53,101 What if Dad suddenly starts humping Bitchface? 439 00:16:53,102 --> 00:16:53,940 Jonny! 440 00:16:53,941 --> 00:16:55,061 Oh, for Christ's Sake! 441 00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:58,061 All I did was kiss her breasts a little! Now come on! 442 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,301 You what? 443 00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:06,341 I kissed her breasts a little. 444 00:17:07,661 --> 00:17:09,580 It was ages ago! 445 00:17:09,581 --> 00:17:12,220 You kissed Bitchface's breasts? 446 00:17:12,221 --> 00:17:13,421 What are they talking about? 447 00:17:13,422 --> 00:17:15,340 Dad's breast-kissing. 448 00:17:15,341 --> 00:17:17,021 Well, what's so unusual about that? I kiss YOUR breasts! 449 00:17:17,022 --> 00:17:18,500 Eurgh! Please! 450 00:17:18,501 --> 00:17:19,861 Right, I'm now getting out the car! 451 00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:22,220 I am also now getting out the car! 452 00:17:22,221 --> 00:17:23,461 Martin. 453 00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:28,381 Just go and get the coat. 454 00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:35,821 It was only her breasts! 455 00:17:37,461 --> 00:17:38,740 Your mother! 456 00:17:38,741 --> 00:17:39,581 You're ringing the bell. 457 00:17:39,582 --> 00:17:40,141 No, you're ringing the bell. 458 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,620 Shut up! 459 00:17:41,621 --> 00:17:43,021 It's my birthday, you're ringing the... 460 00:17:43,022 --> 00:17:44,621 Oh, God! 461 00:17:49,141 --> 00:17:51,701 Oh, hello, Sheila. Sorry to bother you, but er... 462 00:17:53,221 --> 00:17:55,221 Thank you. 463 00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:00,661 Something funny? 464 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:01,781 No. 465 00:18:03,741 --> 00:18:04,740 You sure? 466 00:18:04,741 --> 00:18:05,141 Yes. 467 00:18:05,142 --> 00:18:06,661 Yep. 468 00:18:08,141 --> 00:18:09,380 Come on, Dad. 469 00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:10,981 Yeah, one minute. 470 00:18:17,861 --> 00:18:19,660 Yep, it's my coat! 471 00:18:19,661 --> 00:18:20,421 Thank you. 472 00:18:20,422 --> 00:18:21,620 Bye! Yep. 473 00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:22,981 Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare... 474 00:18:22,982 --> 00:18:24,261 Agony, agony, agony... 475 00:18:27,381 --> 00:18:28,380 Oh, freedom! 476 00:18:28,381 --> 00:18:29,341 How was it? 477 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:29,581 I got my coat. 478 00:18:29,582 --> 00:18:31,100 Did you get your coat? 479 00:18:31,101 --> 00:18:31,861 I got my coat. 480 00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:32,981 What did she say? 481 00:18:32,982 --> 00:18:34,861 Well, luckily, she didn't say the M-word. 482 00:18:34,862 --> 00:18:36,020 Let's go. 483 00:18:36,021 --> 00:18:37,381 Why is she still watching us? 484 00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,140 Um, because she hates us? 485 00:18:39,141 --> 00:18:39,901 Seriously, can we just go? 486 00:18:39,902 --> 00:18:41,580 Bloody gearbox! 487 00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:44,380 Bye, Sheila! 488 00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:46,860 Oh! 489 00:18:46,861 --> 00:18:49,781 Shit! Shit on it! 490 00:18:51,581 --> 00:18:53,300 The Mercedes! 491 00:18:53,301 --> 00:18:55,181 The Mercedes! 492 00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:03,580 The Mercedes! 493 00:19:03,581 --> 00:19:06,861 My Mercedes! 494 00:19:07,861 --> 00:19:09,861 Why are we all laughing? 495 00:19:16,381 --> 00:19:17,500 Oh, my God, 496 00:19:17,501 --> 00:19:19,420 so embarrassing! 497 00:19:19,421 --> 00:19:20,861 So, you'll do all those things, will you? 498 00:19:20,862 --> 00:19:21,661 What? 499 00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,540 The car insurance stuff. 500 00:19:23,541 --> 00:19:25,060 Yes, I told you. 501 00:19:25,061 --> 00:19:28,660 And, Martin, can you fix that bloody coat rack, please? 502 00:19:28,661 --> 00:19:29,901 Ja, mein Kapitan! 503 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,861 And feel free to hang yourself from it! 504 00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:33,940 Oh, here it is, Mum! 505 00:19:33,941 --> 00:19:36,500 Your bikini! Under my cardi! 506 00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:38,140 Oh, my bikini! 507 00:19:38,141 --> 00:19:41,540 Oh, thank you, Dolly! Thank you! 508 00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:44,381 And now, the Miss World Over 70s category. 509 00:19:45,581 --> 00:19:47,540 You have a nice lie down, love. 510 00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:50,781 I'd rather you didn't kiss me anywhere tonight, thank you. 511 00:19:52,661 --> 00:19:53,461 Oh! Oof! 512 00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:57,941 Boys, let me give you a bit of advice. Never marry a woman. 513 00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:00,940 Ooh! 514 00:20:00,941 --> 00:20:02,140 Oh! 515 00:20:02,141 --> 00:20:03,101 Ooh! 516 00:20:05,101 --> 00:20:06,780 Fantastic birthday! 517 00:20:06,781 --> 00:20:09,140 Yeah, I hope mine will be as good as this! 518 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,420 Stop shining that thing in my eyes, you div! 519 00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:12,381 Hello, you two! 520 00:20:13,461 --> 00:20:14,500 Oh, hi, Jim. 521 00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:14,981 Hi. 522 00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:17,020 That number plate's going to need screwing back. 523 00:20:17,021 --> 00:20:19,500 That's what I'm doing. 524 00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:22,061 Right, well, this is for you. 525 00:20:23,781 --> 00:20:26,580 Um, what is it? 526 00:20:26,581 --> 00:20:28,021 A Schmoigel? 527 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,060 A what? 528 00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:31,741 A Schmoigel? 529 00:20:33,581 --> 00:20:36,340 You know, a Schmoigel! 530 00:20:36,341 --> 00:20:39,261 Happy Birthday, Pusface! 531 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,420 Jackie? 532 00:20:43,421 --> 00:20:46,060 It fits! It fits! 533 00:20:46,061 --> 00:20:49,780 Ooh, ooh. Why's that door open? 534 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,580 Right. 535 00:20:51,581 --> 00:20:52,860 Oh! 536 00:20:52,861 --> 00:20:57,060 Hey! Done it. Time for a biscuit. 537 00:20:57,061 --> 00:21:00,060 But don't worry, there are absolutely no pears 538 00:21:00,061 --> 00:21:04,780 because I know that pears are completely forbid... 539 00:21:04,781 --> 00:21:05,341 What? 540 00:21:05,342 --> 00:21:06,941 What? 541 00:21:10,781 --> 00:21:13,700 Hello! Hello! 542 00:21:14,662 --> 00:21:16,580 Martin! 543 00:21:16,581 --> 00:21:17,221 Jackie-e-e! 544 00:21:17,222 --> 00:21:18,780 Oh, ow! Oh! 545 00:21:18,781 --> 00:21:19,940 Jackie! 546 00:21:19,941 --> 00:21:21,981 Martin! 547 00:21:24,141 --> 00:21:26,821 You better be dead or I will kill you! 548 00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:29,381 All ri... 549 00:21:30,661 --> 00:21:33,421 Schmoigel? 550 00:21:51,421 --> 00:21:53,181 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 551 00:21:53,231 --> 00:21:57,781 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35796

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.