Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,959
You idiot! You could have
scratched our Mercedes!
2
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,399
Scratched your Mercedes? You could
have killed me, you stupid cow!
3
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,919
Wait... Is that Adam?
4
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:49,879
What?
5
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,719
Sheila. Sheila Bloom.
6
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,839
Oh!
7
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,479
Hello, Sheila.
8
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,039
Hi. How are you?
9
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,439
Fine. You remember
my husband, don't you?
10
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,080
Um, yes. Hello, Mr Bloom!
11
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:08,720
Um, sorry that I called you...
12
00:01:08,721 --> 00:01:10,159
How's your mum?
13
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,879
Er, yep, fine.
14
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:12,520
Dad?
15
00:01:12,521 --> 00:01:13,879
Good. Good.
16
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:14,240
And you?
17
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:14,960
Yep.
18
00:01:14,961 --> 00:01:16,039
Girlfriend?
19
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,239
Er, no, not, not at the moment.
20
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,239
Not to be rude,
but if you were more careful,
21
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,959
things like this wouldn't happen.
22
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,799
OK...
Because, to be honest,
23
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:29,919
our Mercedes would cost considerably
more to repair than your, er, Yugo.
24
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,279
Er, it's a Nissan.
25
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,239
Who knows, you might even
find yourself a nice girlfriend.
26
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,440
Well, goodbye. Go on, Eddie.
27
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,120
Bitch.
28
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,239
Surprise!
Surprise!
29
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,439
Oh, thanks. Thank you.
30
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,039
Happy birthday, Pusface.
31
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,599
Oh, very good. Get off!
32
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,040
Yeah, happy birthday, Bambino.
33
00:01:59,041 --> 00:02:00,639
Thanks, Dad. You look brown.
34
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:01,999
It was the sun.
35
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,879
Um, yes. What's with the doorbell?
36
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,159
And the coat rack?
37
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:07,680
Broken.
38
00:02:07,681 --> 00:02:11,159
Everything's broken in this
house, including your dad's brain.
39
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:11,640
Hi, Mum.
40
00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:14,759
Wha...? My hearing machine's
all clogged up with ear wax.
41
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,079
Oh, your poor ankle.
I'm sorry, Mum. Here.
42
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,639
Oh, thank you, Bobble.
Happy birthday.
43
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,120
Oh, they're gorgeous.
Jonny, put these in a vase.
44
00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:24,120
Dad, put these in a vase.
45
00:02:24,121 --> 00:02:25,159
Oh!
46
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,639
You all right?
47
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:29,079
I'm on crutchlings.
48
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,559
Aww!
49
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,039
Bloody jellyfish.
50
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,080
So what happened again? It stung you?
51
00:02:33,081 --> 00:02:35,839
I told you, I got
stung on the ankle.
52
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:36,999
And then...?
53
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,959
Then I fell over and sprained
the other one. It's not funny!
54
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:40,400
It is a bit funny.
55
00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:41,599
What's funny?
56
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,200
Nothing.
57
00:02:42,201 --> 00:02:42,880
Mum's ankle.
58
00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:44,080
Oh, yeah, that is funny!
59
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,319
Please, stop eating cream!
60
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,519
Oh, just go
and put this inside, would you?
61
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,599
Dad, put this inside, would you?
62
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:52,760
Oh... Mind my foot!
63
00:02:52,761 --> 00:02:53,800
Ooh, guess who I just saw?
64
00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:54,879
Who?
65
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:55,800
Bitchface.
66
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,399
Oh! Sheila Bloom?
Ugh, what was she doing?
67
00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,959
Um, trying to run me over.
68
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,999
What, in her stupid Mercedes?
69
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,120
Of course. Oi, Pissface,
what are you doing in there?
70
00:03:03,121 --> 00:03:04,480
Nothing!
71
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,359
Martin. Adam just saw Bitchface.
72
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,720
You saw Sheila Bloom?
Yup.
73
00:03:11,721 --> 00:03:13,200
In her stupid Mercedes?
Yup.
74
00:03:13,201 --> 00:03:15,399
Can you believe Dad
went on a date with her?
75
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,239
Dad went on a date with Bitchface?
76
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,599
It was before your mother.
It was just a few dates.
77
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,520
Few? You told me it was one.
78
00:03:21,521 --> 00:03:26,039
Did I? Well, didn't really get up
to much, you know, business.
79
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,159
Er...
80
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,199
Thanks, Dad.
81
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,639
What do you mean "much business"?
82
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:33,199
Looking forward
to your birthday dinner?
83
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,519
Yeah, course.
What have you been doing in here?
84
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,679
Nothing.
Oh, you do know Dad's making it?
85
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,679
Ha, ha!
86
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,320
Well, you didn't think I was
doing the cooking, did you?
87
00:03:42,321 --> 00:03:43,999
No, but...
88
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,160
Yeah, Adam, you know Mum's crippled.
89
00:03:45,161 --> 00:03:46,679
Thank you, Jonny.
90
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,319
But... Dad?
91
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,759
You've never really
made dinner before.
92
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:52,360
What?
93
00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:53,879
You've never made dinner!
94
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,440
No.
95
00:03:54,441 --> 00:03:56,919
Right. And now you're
making my birthday dinner.
96
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,519
Yes, I know.
97
00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,560
We could always
just go for a Chinese.
98
00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:01,800
Yes, but a Chinese won't
be as nice as this.
99
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,599
Won't it?
100
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,440
What is it?
101
00:04:05,441 --> 00:04:07,479
It's a surprise.
102
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,920
I'd rather it wasn't a surprise.
103
00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:12,719
All right. Potatoes and some meat.
104
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,879
"Potatoes and some meat".
105
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,120
Mmm, prison food!
106
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,159
Dad really is making
my birthday dinner?
107
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,599
Oh, I'm sorry, darling,
what can I do?
108
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,319
Anyway, I'm banned
from the kitchen, look.
109
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:25,960
Martin?
110
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,160
Oh, bloody go away!
111
00:04:27,161 --> 00:04:28,039
See?
112
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,119
Where's the birthday boy?
113
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,080
Grandma! You're here!
I didn't know Grandma was here!
114
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,160
Surprise!
115
00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:36,199
Thank you.
116
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,759
You all right now, Mum?
117
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,639
Oh, yes, Dolly.
118
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,799
I'm much better now, thank you.
119
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,959
I had, um... a bit of...
120
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,799
you know.
121
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:46,759
Right.
122
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,439
Grandma, remember
what you were going to say to Adam?
123
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,920
What?
Remember that thing?
124
00:04:50,921 --> 00:04:52,879
What thing?
125
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,199
Oh, yes!
126
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,080
Happy birthday, Pusface.
127
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,279
No, I love them, I really do.
128
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,199
Do you?
129
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,159
Yeah, the microwave
and the knife sharpener.
130
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,199
Electric knife sharpener.
131
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:13,719
Yes, and the, um,
hand-held hoover device thing.
132
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,919
They're really...
Shit?
133
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,559
Thank you!
Practical.
134
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,719
Yes. Practical.
Lovely practical presents.
135
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,679
Oh, Jackie,
did you get me my bikini?
136
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,399
Yes, Mum, I got you your bikini.
137
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,879
Sorry, bikini?
138
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,879
Yes, from Spain. She wanted one.
139
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,120
Is it the right size?
140
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,160
Well, it's the size you asked, Mum.
141
00:05:31,161 --> 00:05:32,999
38 GG.
142
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:33,839
What?
143
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,600
Nothing.
144
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:35,920
Can you go and get it then?
145
00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:37,919
Mum, I can't get it now, can I?
146
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,799
Oh, yes. OK, then.
147
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,479
Don't worry, I'll go. I'll go.
148
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,880
She really wants that bikini.
149
00:05:44,881 --> 00:05:46,160
But no bikini for Dad.
150
00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:47,639
What? I'm hot.
151
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,279
Martin, is it going to be long?
152
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,360
Yeah, meat's not ready yet.
153
00:05:50,361 --> 00:05:52,519
Still not ready?
What meat is it, horse?
154
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,879
Here.
155
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,959
What's that?
What do you think it is?
156
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:57,720
From you?
157
00:05:57,721 --> 00:05:59,119
Yeah.
Thanks, Dad.
158
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,759
I hope you like it.
159
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,200
I just thought, you were
always interested in, um...
160
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,439
The SS.
161
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,159
Yeah, you were always
interested in the war, so, er...
162
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,599
Um...
163
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,359
Martin, the SS?
164
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:12,840
The SS?
165
00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:14,959
Cos he used to
love the war, remember?
166
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,479
I'm not sure about "loved".
I was kind of interested
167
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,679
when we did it at
school but... the SS?
168
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,719
Wonderful present for
a Jewish son, a book on the SS!
169
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:23,880
It's very good!
170
00:06:23,881 --> 00:06:28,239
Um... Thanks, Dad. No, it's, um...
No, it's really nice of you.
171
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,279
Yeah, see?
172
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,319
I can't believe you bought that!
173
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,800
You said you were buying
a book about the war!
174
00:06:32,801 --> 00:06:34,559
It is about the war.
175
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,760
There are quite a lot
of pictures of the SS.
176
00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:39,159
Well, what do you expect?
Your brother!
177
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,519
Yeah...
178
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:41,480
Well, you do like it, don't you?
179
00:06:41,481 --> 00:06:43,519
Yeah, Dad.
180
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,599
It's just you'd imagine
a book on the SS
181
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,159
might sort of focus on all the bad
things they did? The atrocities?
182
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:49,999
The SS!
183
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,839
And this one, it's... well,
184
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:59,439
weapons of the SS, medals of the SS,
heroes of the SS! You know...
185
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:00,959
It is a bit "SS-y".
186
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,079
Just take it away, please,
it's dirty.
187
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,000
It's not dirty!
188
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,839
It's dirty. Just take it away!
189
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:06,680
Sorry, Dad.
190
00:07:06,681 --> 00:07:08,519
And don't let my mother see it!
191
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,319
I can't find it anywhere.
192
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,319
Oh, the SS.
193
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,360
You lucky boy!
194
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,040
Oh, finally!
195
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,800
Don't touch!
196
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,040
Well, make some room, will you? God!
197
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,279
Lovely party atmosphere
he's created!
198
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,159
Yes, try and remember
it's your son's birthday.
199
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,440
You all right there, Mum?
200
00:07:51,441 --> 00:07:53,279
Oh, yes, thank you, Jackie.
201
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,039
Have you had your hair done?
202
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,080
I haven't, actually.
203
00:07:56,081 --> 00:07:57,279
Really?
Yeah.
204
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,320
Oh, I think you should.
205
00:07:58,321 --> 00:08:00,079
Brilliant!
206
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,719
Urgh!
207
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,319
Even more brilliant!
Oh, come on!
208
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,439
Oh, boys!
209
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,719
Stop it, Adam!
210
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,999
Me?!
211
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,960
How you going to find
yourself a female
212
00:08:09,961 --> 00:08:11,800
if you act like
a baby the whole time?
213
00:08:11,801 --> 00:08:13,239
Yes, females!
214
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,479
Martin!
Leave him, it's his birthday!
215
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,919
Yes, thank you. Can we please have
a ban on the F-word, for tonight?
216
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,880
Oh, really?
217
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,279
So what did you mean
when you said, um,
218
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,439
"not much business"?
219
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,279
Sorry?
220
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,279
You and Sheila Bloom,
"not much business".
221
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,759
Oh, we're not still
talking about that, are we?
222
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,599
Honestly, nothing happened.
223
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,320
Honestly?
224
00:08:37,321 --> 00:08:41,039
Yeah. It was yonks ago,
and really we, er, hardly had sex.
225
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,079
Oh, please!
226
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,439
Dad!
227
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,479
What do you mean, "Hardly"?
228
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,919
Jackie,
has Martin got somebody pregnant?
229
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:48,640
Mum!
230
00:08:48,641 --> 00:08:52,759
Jon-Jon, who was the lady
that Martin got pregnant?
231
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:53,959
Sheila Bloom.
232
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:54,760
Shut up, Jonny!
233
00:08:54,761 --> 00:08:56,599
In the back of her Mercedes.
234
00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,399
Ignore them, Mum. Martin didn't
get anyone pregnant, did you?
235
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:00,840
What?
236
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,719
Get Bitchface pregnant?
237
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,759
No. To be honest,
she never gave me the chance!
238
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,000
I'll get it!
239
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:08,200
No, I'll get it.
240
00:09:08,201 --> 00:09:11,119
We'll talk about this later.
241
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,479
Hello? Oh, hi. Are you?
242
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,599
OK, then.
243
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,399
Who is it?
244
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,239
Coming.
245
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,040
Who is it?
246
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:23,760
Oh.
Hello, Adam.
247
00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:25,439
Jonny.
I'm Adam.
248
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,719
Oh, yes. No, it was just,
I was passing and I noticed
249
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,119
that your doorbell wasn't working.
250
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,040
Er, I'm not
on the phone any more, Jim.
251
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,839
What? Oh, yes.
252
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:43,639
No, your bell's not working,
so I thought I'd, I'd just, um...
253
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,199
let you know.
254
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,399
Thanks.
255
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,319
Did you know?
256
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,959
Well, yes, there is a sign.
257
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,999
There's a sign.
258
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,799
Wilson...
259
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,759
Is your mother in?
260
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,319
Jim, it's Friday night,
we're about to have dinner.
261
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,119
Who is it?
Jim.
262
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,999
Oh.
Hi, Jackie!
263
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,360
Um, ooh, something smells...
264
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,399
OK, well...
265
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:12,840
Who's Pusface?
266
00:10:12,841 --> 00:10:14,239
No-one.
267
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,239
Adam is.
268
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,479
Are you?
269
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,759
Pusface?
270
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,079
It's a nickname. A Jewish nickname.
271
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,639
Is it? Oh.
272
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:24,679
Is there anything special
273
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,719
that Jewish people get
for their birthdays?
274
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:28,200
What?
275
00:10:28,201 --> 00:10:29,479
Come on, boys!
276
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:33,279
Coming! Um, I'm gonna...
it's sort of my birthday dinner.
277
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,639
Yes, of course. Happy birthday.
278
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,080
Thank you.
279
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,679
Actually, there is something
we give each other on our birthdays.
280
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,799
Oh, yes?
281
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,519
Yeah. It's kind of traditional
to give a big basket of fruit
282
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:51,239
to the eldest son of the family.
283
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,280
A big basket of fruit?
284
00:10:52,281 --> 00:10:53,839
Mmm, yeah.
285
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,519
I've never heard of that.
286
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,559
Right. Any particular type of fruit?
287
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,319
Yeah, er, well, only
green-coloured ones, really.
288
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,839
Sort of, er, apples... um, grapes...
289
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,999
Kiwis?
Yeah, they're allowed. Yeah.
290
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,479
Pears...
291
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,359
No, no. Pears are forbidden.
292
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,439
I understand, your traditions.
293
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,519
Traditions, yeah.
294
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,559
This, this basket of fruit...
295
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,799
does it have a name?
296
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,079
Yes, it does.
It is called a...
297
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,919
Schmoigel.
298
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,159
What?
299
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:25,800
A Schmoigel.
300
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,279
Schm... Schmoigel?
301
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,559
Jonny! Coming! Schmoigel.
302
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,120
Schmoigel.
303
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,679
Oh, that man, every Friday night!
Doesn't he know we're Jewish?
304
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,159
Oh, he knows!
305
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:41,640
What else did he want?
306
00:11:41,641 --> 00:11:42,679
Oh, nothing.
307
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:43,600
Are you ready now?
308
00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:45,799
Yep, ready for my poisoning!
309
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,839
Well, first of all, I've
made you some lovely potatoes.
310
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,199
Um, lovely?
311
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,959
There's not a lot of them, Dad.
312
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,079
These ones are meant
to be quite dense.
313
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,319
A dense meal.
314
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,359
Yeah, and now
for the best bit. Ta-da!
315
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,679
Is it clay?
316
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,279
Clay?
Is that the meat?
317
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,479
Of course it's the meat.
Anyone want to carve?
318
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,600
Can it be carved?
319
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:10,639
That does look very dry, Martin.
320
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,799
It really was potatoes and some meat.
321
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,799
Aww. Martin, you do know
you've shrunk the beef?
322
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,000
Shrunk the beef?
323
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,039
Brilliant!
324
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,560
I'll carve, then.
325
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,480
Should the meat squeak?
326
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,639
Tuck in, Birthday Boy.
327
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:39,799
Dad?
328
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,959
What?
329
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,439
I think we should go for a Chinese.
330
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,879
A Chinese?
331
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:45,320
Yeah, let's go for a Chinese.
332
00:12:45,321 --> 00:12:46,520
Don't be stupid!
333
00:12:46,521 --> 00:12:48,679
He's right.
I think we should go for a Chinese.
334
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,879
Go for a Chinese? It's delicious!
335
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,560
Look...
336
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:06,000
Yeah, let's go for a Chinese.
337
00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:12,660
OK. Now, slowly, Jackie, slowly.
338
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:13,780
Jackie,
339
00:13:13,781 --> 00:13:15,820
what sort of food is Chinese?
340
00:13:15,821 --> 00:13:18,140
Mum, I've told you,
you've had Chinese food.
341
00:13:18,141 --> 00:13:20,460
Ow, you're pinching me,
you're pinching me!
342
00:13:20,461 --> 00:13:22,740
Oh, thank you, Martin, more pain!
343
00:13:22,741 --> 00:13:23,501
Is it like Greek?
344
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,220
Er, probably the opposite.
345
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,100
Oh, no.
346
00:13:27,101 --> 00:13:28,180
The Mercedes!
347
00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:29,020
What?
348
00:13:29,021 --> 00:13:30,580
Bitchface!
349
00:13:30,581 --> 00:13:32,380
Nice to see you, Jackie!
350
00:13:32,381 --> 00:13:33,421
Oh, and you!
351
00:13:39,421 --> 00:13:41,820
Didn't mention my foot once,
not once!
352
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,100
All she talked about was
her stupid Mercedes!
353
00:13:44,101 --> 00:13:45,461
They've had it resprayed!
354
00:13:45,462 --> 00:13:46,381
When they go dogging!
355
00:13:46,382 --> 00:13:47,460
Jonny!
356
00:13:47,461 --> 00:13:49,020
What are you talking about?
357
00:13:49,021 --> 00:13:52,021
Your girlfriend, who you
hardly had sex with.
358
00:13:53,341 --> 00:13:55,460
Would you like some green
tea before your meal?
359
00:13:55,461 --> 00:13:57,260
Er, great, thanks.
360
00:13:57,261 --> 00:13:57,981
Thank you.
361
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,020
Mmm!
362
00:14:06,021 --> 00:14:07,740
Mmm, ketchup!
363
00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:10,780
Uh-oh, Miss Mercedes alert!
364
00:14:10,781 --> 00:14:13,540
I don't know how you could
do things with that woman.
365
00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:16,140
Not this again! I've told you,
it was years ago!
366
00:14:16,141 --> 00:14:18,061
We're not suddenly going to find out
we're actually her children, are we?
367
00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:19,580
Thank you, Adam!
368
00:14:19,581 --> 00:14:21,500
Ooh, here she comes, our real mum!
369
00:14:21,501 --> 00:14:22,860
Nice meal?
370
00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,620
Mmm, very nice, thank you.
371
00:14:24,621 --> 00:14:26,780
We didn't like it. We just told
the manager,
372
00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:29,300
he's going to give us
some free vouchers.
373
00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:31,580
It's not as good as the one in town.
374
00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:33,740
Right.
375
00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:34,940
Hi, Jonathan.
376
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:35,581
Hello.
377
00:14:35,582 --> 00:14:37,100
Hello again, Adam.
378
00:14:37,101 --> 00:14:38,860
Oh, of course, you, er,
379
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,260
saw each other earlier.
380
00:14:40,261 --> 00:14:42,901
Yes, we had a little chat,
didn't we?
381
00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:45,380
Um...
382
00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:47,341
How are you doing, Martin?
383
00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:50,501
Er, f-fine. Fine.
384
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,420
Oh, er, you know my mother?
385
00:14:54,421 --> 00:14:57,140
Oh, yes, of course.
Doing all right there, Mrs Buller?
386
00:14:57,141 --> 00:14:59,140
Hello. Who is it?
387
00:14:59,141 --> 00:15:00,500
Sheila. Sheila Bloom.
388
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:02,500
Oh, yes!
389
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:03,941
Are you the pregnant lady?
390
00:15:03,942 --> 00:15:05,820
I'm sorry!
391
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:06,461
Grandma, have some more rice.
392
00:15:06,462 --> 00:15:08,300
The one that Martin got pregnant?
393
00:15:08,301 --> 00:15:10,020
Er, your mother, I forgot to ask,
394
00:15:10,021 --> 00:15:12,340
she was, er... she was quite unwell.
395
00:15:12,341 --> 00:15:17,020
Yes, well, she, um... she passed away,
about six weeks ago.
396
00:15:17,021 --> 00:15:20,380
Oh, I am sorry. Oh, I had no idea!
397
00:15:20,381 --> 00:15:22,540
Yeah, sorry.
398
00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:24,940
It was terrible!
She had been quite ill.
399
00:15:24,941 --> 00:15:25,661
Very sad!
400
00:15:25,662 --> 00:15:28,140
We thought she was getting better
401
00:15:28,141 --> 00:15:30,820
and then she suddenly
just went downhill.
402
00:15:30,821 --> 00:15:33,100
Eddie rushed her to the hospital
403
00:15:33,101 --> 00:15:34,581
in the, you know, Mercedes,
404
00:15:34,582 --> 00:15:36,540
and even though he's a fast driver
405
00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:39,340
and the Mercedes is a fast car,
a very fast car,
406
00:15:39,341 --> 00:15:41,780
well, he just couldn't
get her in there in time
407
00:15:41,781 --> 00:15:45,500
and well she just... she just died!
408
00:15:45,501 --> 00:15:46,940
That's awful!
409
00:15:46,941 --> 00:15:48,740
In the Mercedes.
410
00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:52,221
Sorry, I missed that,
where was it her mother died?
411
00:15:52,222 --> 00:15:53,620
In the Mercedes.
412
00:15:57,141 --> 00:15:59,341
Right, Eddie, get the coats.
413
00:16:07,021 --> 00:16:08,181
Shhh!
414
00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:15,900
What must she think of us?
415
00:16:15,901 --> 00:16:18,780
Um, as a family we just find
leukaemia really funny?
416
00:16:18,781 --> 00:16:20,021
I can't believe you're
actually going to do this.
417
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,421
What else are we meant to do?
418
00:16:21,422 --> 00:16:23,260
Oh, you are such an idiot, Martin!
419
00:16:23,261 --> 00:16:25,061
Well, how was I to know
he'd have the same coat?
420
00:16:25,062 --> 00:16:27,260
All you had to do was put it
on another hook.
421
00:16:27,261 --> 00:16:29,021
It's got the bloody
house keys in it!
422
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:30,060
All right!
423
00:16:30,061 --> 00:16:32,580
Go on, you'd better go
with your dad.
424
00:16:32,581 --> 00:16:33,420
What?!
425
00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:33,861
Go on!
426
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:34,381
We're not going!
427
00:16:34,382 --> 00:16:35,221
You are!
428
00:16:35,222 --> 00:16:36,181
No way! Why don't you go?
429
00:16:36,182 --> 00:16:40,180
Because I'm crippled, remember.
Just go and get your dad's jacket!
430
00:16:40,181 --> 00:16:43,060
Sorry, There's no way I'm knocking on
that woman's door
431
00:16:43,061 --> 00:16:44,301
having just laughed
at her dying mother!
432
00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:45,221
Er, dead mother.
433
00:16:45,222 --> 00:16:46,221
Correct, dead mother.
434
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:47,580
OK, can we go now?
435
00:16:47,581 --> 00:16:48,221
What if she says "Mercedes" again?
436
00:16:48,222 --> 00:16:49,340
Oh, God!
437
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,900
Just stop moaning
and get out the car!
438
00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:53,101
What if Dad suddenly
starts humping Bitchface?
439
00:16:53,102 --> 00:16:53,940
Jonny!
440
00:16:53,941 --> 00:16:55,061
Oh, for Christ's Sake!
441
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:58,061
All I did was kiss her breasts
a little! Now come on!
442
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,301
You what?
443
00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:06,341
I kissed her breasts a little.
444
00:17:07,661 --> 00:17:09,580
It was ages ago!
445
00:17:09,581 --> 00:17:12,220
You kissed Bitchface's breasts?
446
00:17:12,221 --> 00:17:13,421
What are they talking about?
447
00:17:13,422 --> 00:17:15,340
Dad's breast-kissing.
448
00:17:15,341 --> 00:17:17,021
Well, what's so unusual about that?
I kiss YOUR breasts!
449
00:17:17,022 --> 00:17:18,500
Eurgh! Please!
450
00:17:18,501 --> 00:17:19,861
Right, I'm now getting out the car!
451
00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:22,220
I am also now getting out the car!
452
00:17:22,221 --> 00:17:23,461
Martin.
453
00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:28,381
Just go and get the coat.
454
00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:35,821
It was only her breasts!
455
00:17:37,461 --> 00:17:38,740
Your mother!
456
00:17:38,741 --> 00:17:39,581
You're ringing the bell.
457
00:17:39,582 --> 00:17:40,141
No, you're ringing the bell.
458
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,620
Shut up!
459
00:17:41,621 --> 00:17:43,021
It's my birthday,
you're ringing the...
460
00:17:43,022 --> 00:17:44,621
Oh, God!
461
00:17:49,141 --> 00:17:51,701
Oh, hello, Sheila.
Sorry to bother you, but er...
462
00:17:53,221 --> 00:17:55,221
Thank you.
463
00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:00,661
Something funny?
464
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:01,781
No.
465
00:18:03,741 --> 00:18:04,740
You sure?
466
00:18:04,741 --> 00:18:05,141
Yes.
467
00:18:05,142 --> 00:18:06,661
Yep.
468
00:18:08,141 --> 00:18:09,380
Come on, Dad.
469
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:10,981
Yeah, one minute.
470
00:18:17,861 --> 00:18:19,660
Yep, it's my coat!
471
00:18:19,661 --> 00:18:20,421
Thank you.
472
00:18:20,422 --> 00:18:21,620
Bye! Yep.
473
00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:22,981
Nightmare, nightmare,
nightmare, nightmare...
474
00:18:22,982 --> 00:18:24,261
Agony, agony, agony...
475
00:18:27,381 --> 00:18:28,380
Oh, freedom!
476
00:18:28,381 --> 00:18:29,341
How was it?
477
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:29,581
I got my coat.
478
00:18:29,582 --> 00:18:31,100
Did you get your coat?
479
00:18:31,101 --> 00:18:31,861
I got my coat.
480
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:32,981
What did she say?
481
00:18:32,982 --> 00:18:34,861
Well, luckily, she didn't say
the M-word.
482
00:18:34,862 --> 00:18:36,020
Let's go.
483
00:18:36,021 --> 00:18:37,381
Why is she still watching us?
484
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,140
Um, because she hates us?
485
00:18:39,141 --> 00:18:39,901
Seriously, can we just go?
486
00:18:39,902 --> 00:18:41,580
Bloody gearbox!
487
00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:44,380
Bye, Sheila!
488
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:46,860
Oh!
489
00:18:46,861 --> 00:18:49,781
Shit! Shit on it!
490
00:18:51,581 --> 00:18:53,300
The Mercedes!
491
00:18:53,301 --> 00:18:55,181
The Mercedes!
492
00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:03,580
The Mercedes!
493
00:19:03,581 --> 00:19:06,861
My Mercedes!
494
00:19:07,861 --> 00:19:09,861
Why are we all laughing?
495
00:19:16,381 --> 00:19:17,500
Oh, my God,
496
00:19:17,501 --> 00:19:19,420
so embarrassing!
497
00:19:19,421 --> 00:19:20,861
So, you'll do all those things,
will you?
498
00:19:20,862 --> 00:19:21,661
What?
499
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,540
The car insurance stuff.
500
00:19:23,541 --> 00:19:25,060
Yes, I told you.
501
00:19:25,061 --> 00:19:28,660
And, Martin, can you fix that
bloody coat rack, please?
502
00:19:28,661 --> 00:19:29,901
Ja, mein Kapitan!
503
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,861
And feel free to hang yourself
from it!
504
00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:33,940
Oh, here it is, Mum!
505
00:19:33,941 --> 00:19:36,500
Your bikini! Under my cardi!
506
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:38,140
Oh, my bikini!
507
00:19:38,141 --> 00:19:41,540
Oh, thank you, Dolly! Thank you!
508
00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:44,381
And now, the Miss World Over 70s
category.
509
00:19:45,581 --> 00:19:47,540
You have a nice lie down, love.
510
00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:50,781
I'd rather you didn't kiss me
anywhere tonight, thank you.
511
00:19:52,661 --> 00:19:53,461
Oh! Oof!
512
00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:57,941
Boys, let me give you a bit
of advice. Never marry a woman.
513
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:00,940
Ooh!
514
00:20:00,941 --> 00:20:02,140
Oh!
515
00:20:02,141 --> 00:20:03,101
Ooh!
516
00:20:05,101 --> 00:20:06,780
Fantastic birthday!
517
00:20:06,781 --> 00:20:09,140
Yeah, I hope mine will be
as good as this!
518
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,420
Stop shining that
thing in my eyes, you div!
519
00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:12,381
Hello, you two!
520
00:20:13,461 --> 00:20:14,500
Oh, hi, Jim.
521
00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:14,981
Hi.
522
00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:17,020
That number plate's going to
need screwing back.
523
00:20:17,021 --> 00:20:19,500
That's what I'm doing.
524
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:22,061
Right, well, this is for you.
525
00:20:23,781 --> 00:20:26,580
Um, what is it?
526
00:20:26,581 --> 00:20:28,021
A Schmoigel?
527
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,060
A what?
528
00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:31,741
A Schmoigel?
529
00:20:33,581 --> 00:20:36,340
You know, a Schmoigel!
530
00:20:36,341 --> 00:20:39,261
Happy Birthday, Pusface!
531
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,420
Jackie?
532
00:20:43,421 --> 00:20:46,060
It fits! It fits!
533
00:20:46,061 --> 00:20:49,780
Ooh, ooh. Why's that door open?
534
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,580
Right.
535
00:20:51,581 --> 00:20:52,860
Oh!
536
00:20:52,861 --> 00:20:57,060
Hey! Done it.
Time for a biscuit.
537
00:20:57,061 --> 00:21:00,060
But don't worry,
there are absolutely no pears
538
00:21:00,061 --> 00:21:04,780
because I know that
pears are completely forbid...
539
00:21:04,781 --> 00:21:05,341
What?
540
00:21:05,342 --> 00:21:06,941
What?
541
00:21:10,781 --> 00:21:13,700
Hello! Hello!
542
00:21:14,662 --> 00:21:16,580
Martin!
543
00:21:16,581 --> 00:21:17,221
Jackie-e-e!
544
00:21:17,222 --> 00:21:18,780
Oh, ow! Oh!
545
00:21:18,781 --> 00:21:19,940
Jackie!
546
00:21:19,941 --> 00:21:21,981
Martin!
547
00:21:24,141 --> 00:21:26,821
You better be dead
or I will kill you!
548
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:29,381
All ri...
549
00:21:30,661 --> 00:21:33,421
Schmoigel?
550
00:21:51,421 --> 00:21:53,181
Subtitles by
Red Bee Media Ltd
551
00:21:53,231 --> 00:21:57,781
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35796
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.