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1
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,280
Oh my God!
2
00:00:38,281 --> 00:00:39,200
What is he wearing?
3
00:00:39,201 --> 00:00:40,800
Hi, Dad.
4
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,999
You nearly gave me a heart attack.
Hello, bambinos.
5
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,559
Er, why are you dressed like that?
6
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,079
Like what?
7
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,519
Like a sex attacker.
8
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,839
Oh, yeah. For my sex attacks.
9
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:52,520
And what are those?
10
00:00:52,521 --> 00:00:55,679
My old wellies.
I just cut them down a bit.
11
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:56,999
Because...?
12
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,199
Yeah, I think there was a reason,
er...
13
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,639
Well, take a box!
14
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:02,799
Really?
15
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,439
Come on! Bone idle.
16
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,319
What are you doing?
17
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:08,799
I'm doing a bonfire.
18
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,879
A bonfire?
19
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:10,879
A bonfire?
20
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:11,600
What are you burning?
21
00:01:11,601 --> 00:01:12,639
Your mother.
22
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,039
I'm not quite dead yet. Hi, boys.
23
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,279
Hi, Mum.
24
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,190
Just put them down over there.
25
00:01:21,190 --> 00:01:23,030
No, not there - there!
26
00:01:26,990 --> 00:01:28,190
No, there.
27
00:01:36,710 --> 00:01:37,710
You're welcome!
28
00:01:37,711 --> 00:01:39,309
Dad looks nice.
29
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:43,629
Doesn't he? Martin, can you please
not wear your Little Miss Muffet boots in the house?
30
00:01:43,630 --> 00:01:45,309
Yes, mein Fuhrer!
31
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:47,029
Please stop doing that!
32
00:01:47,030 --> 00:01:49,949
And Jonny, can you
please stop eating cream?
33
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:50,590
What?
34
00:01:50,591 --> 00:01:52,709
Right, I'm going outside.
35
00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:54,909
Good idea.
Try not to burn the house down.
36
00:01:54,910 --> 00:01:56,229
What's he burning?
37
00:01:56,230 --> 00:01:58,269
Oh, his old science magazines.
38
00:01:58,270 --> 00:01:59,790
I thought he'd thrown them all away?
39
00:01:59,791 --> 00:02:00,499
So did I,
40
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,219
till I found him putting them
in the attic at 3am.
41
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:04,100
Excellent.
42
00:02:04,101 --> 00:02:06,220
It was excellent,
I made him sleep up there.
43
00:02:08,140 --> 00:02:09,299
So, excited?
44
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:10,419
About what?
45
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:11,739
The wedding, silly.
46
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:12,380
What wedding?
47
00:02:12,381 --> 00:02:12,980
The wedding!
48
00:02:12,981 --> 00:02:13,700
What wedding?
49
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,939
I can't believe you two!
Neil's wedding.
50
00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:16,939
Neil...?
51
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:18,380
Oh, you mean boring Neil?
52
00:02:18,381 --> 00:02:19,460
He's not boring.
53
00:02:19,461 --> 00:02:20,380
And ugly Karen.
54
00:02:20,381 --> 00:02:21,979
Karen's not ugly!
55
00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:23,300
Mum, she's got a face like a foot.
56
00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:24,220
Stop it!
57
00:02:24,221 --> 00:02:26,060
She does, she definitely
has a foot face.
58
00:02:26,061 --> 00:02:28,019
Well, maybe her face does look
59
00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:29,620
like a foot,
but she's a lovely girl.
60
00:02:29,621 --> 00:02:30,220
For a foot.
61
00:02:30,221 --> 00:02:31,580
I now pronounce you man and foot.
62
00:02:31,581 --> 00:02:33,859
You may kiss the foot.
63
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:36,499
Do we have to go?
No-one's going to notice.
64
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:38,580
Shut up! It's Val's son,
she's my best friend. You're going.
65
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,218
Why can't it be a funeral?
66
00:02:41,219 --> 00:02:42,299
At least it'd be over quickly.
67
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,099
Yeah, Neil and Karen's
double funeral.
68
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:46,738
Very nice! And you wonder
why you're both single?
69
00:02:46,739 --> 00:02:48,458
Excuse me, I've got a girlfriend.
70
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,218
Hmm, that's never been proved.
71
00:02:50,219 --> 00:02:52,498
Alison is coming on Sunday,
isn't she?
72
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,199
Don't tell me we have to wear a suit?
73
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,000
No, you go naked.
74
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,559
Cool! Wedding orgy.
75
00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,599
Jonny, do me a favour? Shut up,
and put the crumble in the oven.
76
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,959
Adam, can you look at this? It's
stuck on speakerphone all the time.
77
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,479
Is it?
78
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:06,760
Mmm, Dad dropped it in the loo.
79
00:03:06,761 --> 00:03:08,279
Eurgh!
80
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:11,719
Er... Hello?
81
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,039
'Hello! It's only Val.'
82
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,600
Oh, Val, Val.
83
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:16,759
Hi, Val!
84
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,159
'Hello!' It's Val.
85
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,639
Hello, Aunty Val.
86
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:23,239
'Hi, boys. Looking forward
to meeting your girlfriend on Sunday, Jonny.'
87
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,559
Right.
88
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,360
Well, well?
89
00:03:25,361 --> 00:03:26,559
'It's here!'
90
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:27,800
Ooh! And how does it look?
91
00:03:27,801 --> 00:03:30,439
'You'll find out soon,
I'm bringing it round!'
92
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:30,880
Ooh, Val!
93
00:03:30,881 --> 00:03:31,720
'See you soon!'
94
00:03:31,721 --> 00:03:32,759
Bye!
95
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:33,840
What's she bringing round?
96
00:03:33,841 --> 00:03:36,999
Her dress, she's had it altered.
It's so exciting!
97
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,120
Ooh, I must get my camera.
98
00:03:38,121 --> 00:03:40,319
There's fox shit everywhere.
99
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,919
Thank you, Martin.
Val's popping round with her dress.
100
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:43,440
What?
101
00:03:43,441 --> 00:03:44,999
Val's bringing round her dress.
102
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:45,760
Oh.
103
00:03:45,761 --> 00:03:47,079
Aren't you excited?
104
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,319
Very. Er, boys,
can you help me with the fire?
105
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,439
Do we have to?
106
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,359
Yes, I really need you.
107
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,680
All right, I'll get her arms,
you get her legs.
108
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,799
It's not very big.
109
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:01,679
What?
110
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,040
You said it was a bonfire.
111
00:04:03,041 --> 00:04:04,560
Well, it is a bonfire.
What did you expect?
112
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:07,119
Um, maybe a bonfire?
113
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,800
Where are all the flames and stuff?
114
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,039
Right. So do we just...?
115
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,040
Wait!
116
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,199
OK.
117
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,479
What?
118
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:18,720
Come on.
119
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,960
And mind the fox shit.
120
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:29,680
What are we...?
121
00:04:29,681 --> 00:04:31,439
Put them there.
122
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,160
Not there, there!
123
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,719
Sit down.
124
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,119
Sorry, why are
all your boxes in here?
125
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,400
Why aren't we burning your stuff?
126
00:04:42,401 --> 00:04:43,160
What?
127
00:04:43,161 --> 00:04:44,319
The magazines.
128
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,319
Because I'm not really
burning anything.
129
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,319
What?
130
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,239
Sorry?
131
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,160
What, you're just pretending
to burn things?
132
00:04:50,161 --> 00:04:51,479
Correct.
133
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:52,600
You're having a pretend bonfire?
134
00:04:52,601 --> 00:04:53,719
Yes.
135
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,719
Because you've got a mental disorder?
136
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,200
No, because Mum will think
I'm burning all my things.
137
00:04:58,201 --> 00:05:00,879
Wouldn't it be better
to actually burn your things?
138
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,759
Don't be an idiot.
I'm not burning all my old magazines! They're collectibles.
139
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,359
Er, they're really not...
140
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,879
Mum will do a mental on you!
141
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,160
You're not going to tell Mum,
are you?
142
00:05:10,161 --> 00:05:11,480
What if she comes in here?
143
00:05:11,481 --> 00:05:11,960
She won't.
144
00:05:11,961 --> 00:05:13,160
What if she does?
145
00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:16,479
Your Mum hates it in here. Last
time she came in my shed was 9/11.
146
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,399
9/11?
147
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,640
She was scared.
148
00:05:18,641 --> 00:05:23,479
This way I get your Mum off my back
and I get to spend lots of lovely time in my lovely shed.
149
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,319
Lovely?
150
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,039
I take a box from the garage,
walk through the house,
151
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:32,400
pretend to dump it in the fire
then I come in here and have a nice sit down. Lovely.
152
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,159
Shall we see what's on then?
153
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,000
What?
154
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:39,880
You've got a telly in here?
155
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,199
Ssh! Beer?
156
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,479
Sorry? TV? Beer?
157
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,959
When did our Dad become cool?
158
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,040
What do you mean?
159
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:50,120
I'll have a beer!
160
00:05:50,121 --> 00:05:51,200
Yeah, all right.
161
00:05:51,201 --> 00:05:52,440
What do you think, lads?
Good plan?
162
00:05:52,441 --> 00:05:53,520
Yeah, a good plan.
163
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,360
A very good plan.
164
00:05:54,361 --> 00:05:55,160
Cheers!
165
00:05:55,161 --> 00:05:56,600
Cheers!
166
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,160
Oh, yes, it's non-alcoholic lager.
I bought the wrong ones.
167
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,039
So, it's all happening out there?
168
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:09,919
What?
169
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,480
You've got all your stuff out there?
170
00:06:11,481 --> 00:06:12,960
Yeah, it's all happening out there.
171
00:06:12,961 --> 00:06:14,719
All your old newspapers? Yep.
172
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,639
And all your horrible
New Scientist magazines?
173
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,039
Yep, all on the fire,
burning away out there.
174
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:23,079
Still got a lot more to do
though, haven't we?
175
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,039
What?
176
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,639
Oh, yep, lots more to do.
177
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,119
No, don't worry, Jackie,
it's all going to plan.
178
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,839
It's a good plan, isn't it, lads?
179
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:31,720
A very good plan.
180
00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:33,000
A very, very good plan.
181
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:36,439
Well, well done.
Here, have another bit of chicken.
182
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,560
Mmm, actually, I'd rather have
a lovely bit of squirrel!
183
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,919
Oh, you bastard!
184
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,479
Yes! 1-0!
185
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,120
Adam!
186
00:06:46,121 --> 00:06:47,719
Arsewipe.
187
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:48,919
Jonny!
188
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,599
Oh, where is she?
I can't wait much longer.
189
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:52,599
For what?
190
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,719
The dress, of course. Val's dress!
191
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,120
And the bride's hat,
which is a shoe.
192
00:06:56,121 --> 00:06:57,759
And the veil, which is a sock!
193
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,319
So she is coming on
Sunday, isn't she?
194
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,119
Who?
195
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,039
Alison! Your girlfriend.
196
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,480
You know, the one that doesn't exist.
197
00:07:04,481 --> 00:07:05,319
Ha-ha!
198
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,200
No, she does exist,
she goes out with Simon.
199
00:07:07,201 --> 00:07:07,800
Shut up!
200
00:07:07,801 --> 00:07:09,080
Yes, shut up Adam.
201
00:07:09,081 --> 00:07:10,679
To the wedding, she is coming?
202
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,240
Course.
203
00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:12,360
She isn't coming.
204
00:07:12,361 --> 00:07:14,879
Well, it's a shame
you're not bringing a girl.
205
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,039
Yes, it is a shame, isn't it, Mum?
No females?
206
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,719
You could have asked Tanya.
207
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:20,360
Mum!
208
00:07:20,361 --> 00:07:23,199
What a good idea!
Why don't you ask Tanya?
209
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,439
Why would I ask Tanya Green
to come to a wedding, when I don't even know her?
210
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,640
She's meant to be very clever,
she works for Coca Cola!
211
00:07:28,641 --> 00:07:29,680
Ooh, Coca Cola!
212
00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:30,920
Ooh, yes, please.
213
00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:33,599
Um, what's Alison wearing
for the wedding?
214
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,199
I'm sure Mum would love to know.
Bet he doesn't know.
215
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,439
Thank you.
216
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,480
Well, what is she wearing?
217
00:07:38,481 --> 00:07:39,679
Jesus!
218
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:40,879
Well?
219
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,639
Well, it's a sort of...
220
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,239
Hmm?
221
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,160
Sort of a...
222
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,999
I'll get it! Good timing.
223
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,040
Oh, it's Val with the dress!
224
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:50,360
Oh.
225
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,560
I'll go then, shall I?
226
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,359
? I'm getting married
in the morning
227
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,039
? Ding dong
the bells are going to...
228
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,319
? Chime! ?
229
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,079
Oh, hi, Jim. No, I thought it was...
230
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,239
You're getting re-married?
231
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:14,360
No, not quite. It's not Val,
everyone. It's not Val.
232
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,160
Um...
233
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,639
There, that's a bit shiny.
234
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:31,920
Right.
235
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,159
So...
236
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,439
Yes, um, your scales.
237
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,519
Remember I borrowed your scales
for my special diet.
238
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,119
Did you? Oh, yes! Great, thanks.
Ah. How's Wilson?
239
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,839
Very naughty, actually.
He's been very naughty this week!
240
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,079
Oh, dear.
241
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,040
Haven't you? Haven't you?
242
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,800
Did poos all in my bed.
243
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,599
Thanks for these, Jackie.
244
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,400
Oh, you're wel...
245
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,439
I lost three pounds in two weeks.
246
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,879
Did you?
247
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,280
I was 13 stone 2.
248
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,439
And...
249
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,080
and now I'm...
250
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,599
Ta-da!
251
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,199
It's alfalfa.
252
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,520
Well...
253
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,680
Oh, Jim...
254
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,999
Wilson!
255
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,039
These?
256
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,320
Mmm...
257
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,959
These?
258
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,039
Er...
259
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,759
Are you going to be long?
We've got crumble.
260
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,320
Are you going to be long?
We've got crumble.
261
00:09:40,321 --> 00:09:41,680
Will you be long? We've got crumble.
262
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,119
Ooh, crumble!
263
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,799
Are they even going to fit?
264
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,960
Well, yes, if I curl my toesies up.
265
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,400
Er, shouldn't you be
looking for your dog?
266
00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:52,759
What?
267
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,759
These?
268
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,280
To be honest, Martin,
I prefer a softer leather.
269
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,280
Ah, how about these ones?
270
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,600
Yeah. I'll take them!
271
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,520
Are you sure you
can walk in those?
272
00:10:18,521 --> 00:10:19,800
Yes, absolutely, Jonny.
273
00:10:19,801 --> 00:10:20,920
Adam. I'm Jonny.
274
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:23,599
Oh, yes. No, they're fine, really.
275
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,000
Fit me like a glove. Right.
276
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,359
No, they're fine.
277
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:31,920
Wilson?
278
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,039
Has he gone?
279
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:35,760
Wilson!
280
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,279
Er, sort of.
281
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,079
Wilson!
282
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,039
Martin,
283
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,880
can you get the ice cream
from the outside freezer?
284
00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:42,199
What?
285
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,919
The ice cre...
Help your Dad with the freezer.
286
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,840
He'll only fall in it or something.
287
00:10:46,841 --> 00:10:48,200
Or we could just push him in.
288
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,119
What does she keep in here?
289
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,319
Dad, I think you should at least put
some of this old crap on the fire.
290
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,679
Found it.
291
00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:58,559
Raaaa!
292
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,439
Jesus! Shit, Dad!
293
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,720
Where did you get that?
294
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:42,339
Here we are, Valerie.
I'm so sorry, really.
295
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:44,619
Oh, it's all right, Martin, it's OK.
296
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,459
How did you get us two mixed up?
297
00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:47,379
What?
298
00:11:47,380 --> 00:11:50,499
How did you get us mixed up?
299
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,259
Well, your hair.
300
00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:53,619
What about our hair?
301
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:56,139
It's similar.
302
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:57,139
Is it?
303
00:11:57,140 --> 00:11:58,299
No, it's not.
304
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,899
All right then, similar bottoms.
305
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:02,299
Right, thanks, Martin.
306
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:05,540
Go outside and set fire to
something. Preferably yourself.
307
00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:11,539
Oh, hello, boys!
You looking forward to the wedding?
308
00:12:11,540 --> 00:12:12,180
Yes, Aunty Val.
309
00:12:12,181 --> 00:12:13,420
Yes, Aunty Val.
310
00:12:13,421 --> 00:12:14,180
Get off!
311
00:12:14,181 --> 00:12:16,979
Oh, Karen's going
to make a beautiful bride.
312
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:18,460
Oh, she's such a beautiful girl.
313
00:12:18,461 --> 00:12:20,259
Oh, yes.
314
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:22,979
Yes, she has a beautiful face,
doesn't she, Jonny?
315
00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:25,299
Oh, yeah, beautiful... face!
316
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:29,179
Val's going try her dress on later.
You're excited to see it, aren't you?
317
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:32,259
I hear the famous Alison's
coming on Sunday.
318
00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:33,660
Famous for being invisible.
319
00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:34,900
When can we have our crumble?
320
00:12:34,901 --> 00:12:36,180
Changing the subject!
321
00:12:36,181 --> 00:12:37,099
Er...
322
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,299
actually Aunty Val, I've got
to be honest. She, um... she...
323
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,299
Can't come?
324
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:41,780
She...
325
00:12:41,781 --> 00:12:42,780
Can't come.
326
00:12:42,781 --> 00:12:43,980
Shut up! She...
327
00:12:43,981 --> 00:12:45,539
She... can't come.
328
00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:46,820
Oh, what a surprise!
329
00:12:46,821 --> 00:12:48,100
What do you mean?
330
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,739
I'm going outside now, boys.
331
00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:52,420
Very good, Martin...
She can't come?
332
00:12:52,421 --> 00:12:53,420
Alison can't come.
333
00:12:53,421 --> 00:12:54,420
Alison can't orgasm?
334
00:12:54,421 --> 00:12:55,140
Ha-ha!
335
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,099
Adam!
336
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,100
Who's had an orgasm?
337
00:12:57,101 --> 00:12:57,540
Alison.
338
00:12:57,541 --> 00:13:00,659
So she can't come to the wedding?
339
00:13:00,660 --> 00:13:02,100
No, she's got another wedding.
340
00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:02,900
Really?
341
00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:04,060
It's true, she's got a wedding.
342
00:13:04,061 --> 00:13:05,819
Honestly, Val, I had no idea.
343
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,700
Why didn't you tell Aunty ages ago?
344
00:13:07,701 --> 00:13:09,619
I didn't know ages ago, did I?
345
00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:12,579
What, you just found out
about this emergency wedding?
346
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:16,139
Anyway, why doesn't Adam invite
Tanya Green instead?
347
00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:17,379
Shut up.
348
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,379
You can if you want.
She's a lovely girl.
349
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:21,099
You know she works for Coca Cola?
350
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,220
Ooh, Coca Cola!
351
00:13:22,221 --> 00:13:24,140
Thank you, but I'm going
outside to help Dad.
352
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:26,779
Oh, that reminds me,
I've got to call Tanya's mum.
353
00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:28,339
Joan did all the alterations.
354
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:29,380
Yeah, of course.
355
00:13:29,381 --> 00:13:31,539
Oh, you haven't
got the number, have you?
356
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:33,299
I've left my silly phone at home.
357
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:35,900
No, use ours.
Adam, pass the address book.
358
00:13:37,620 --> 00:13:42,339
Oh, I'm so sorry, Val, I really
had no idea... Seriously, Jonny!
359
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:44,180
Actually, um, just call her for Val.
360
00:13:44,181 --> 00:13:46,219
Little slaves.
361
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:48,539
Do you know, I hate my sons.
362
00:13:48,540 --> 00:13:49,820
Here, Aunty Val.
363
00:13:49,821 --> 00:13:51,539
Ooh, it's on loudspeaker!
364
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:52,740
It's been down the loo.
365
00:13:52,741 --> 00:13:53,939
'Hello?'
366
00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:55,299
Hello? Who's that?
367
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:56,260
'It's Tanya.'
368
00:13:56,261 --> 00:13:58,100
It's Valerie Lewis.
Is your mother there?
369
00:13:58,101 --> 00:14:00,459
'Um, no sorry, she's
not here at the moment.'
370
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:01,580
Will you tell her I called?
371
00:14:01,581 --> 00:14:02,579
'Sure.'
372
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:03,780
Oh, hang on a minute...
373
00:14:03,781 --> 00:14:05,659
Tanya?
374
00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:06,780
It's Jackie Goodman here.
375
00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:08,379
Oh, no...
376
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,380
Do you remember me?
377
00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:11,619
'Um, hello, yes! Hi.'
378
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:16,539
Um, I think your mum might have
mentioned my, er, my son to you.
379
00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:18,339
Adam? The musician?
380
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:19,460
Failed musician.
381
00:14:19,461 --> 00:14:20,260
'Oh, yes?'
382
00:14:20,261 --> 00:14:23,259
Er, well he just wondered
what you were doing this Sunday?
383
00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:28,819
Actually, Adam's right here at the
moment and he'd love to say hello.
384
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,620
'Really? Um, OK...'
385
00:14:32,740 --> 00:14:33,779
Go on!
386
00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,059
You bloody...
387
00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:35,860
'Hello?'
388
00:14:35,861 --> 00:14:37,179
Hello.
389
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,899
'Hi.'
390
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,179
Um...
391
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,779
is that Tanya?
392
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,059
'Yes.'
393
00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:45,139
Erm... I'm Adam.
394
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:46,460
'I know.'
395
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,939
This is a bit
embarrassing, isn't it?
396
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:52,259
'It is a bit...'
397
00:14:52,260 --> 00:14:54,939
So, um...
398
00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:57,339
Will you just go away!
399
00:14:57,340 --> 00:14:58,899
Ask her to the wedding!
400
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:01,019
I hear you work for Coca Cola?
401
00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:03,579
'That's right, I've been
there for about three years.'
402
00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:05,099
Four years, wow!
403
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,020
'Three years.'
404
00:15:06,021 --> 00:15:07,939
Four years!
405
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,499
'No, three years.'
406
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:13,579
Um, sorry, Tanya, can you hold
on for just one sec? Piss off!
407
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,540
So you've been there
for three years?
408
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:16,379
'Yes.'
409
00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:20,339
Cool, and do you drink a lot
of Coca Cola then? Just fuck off!
410
00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:21,180
'Are you OK?'
411
00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:22,939
What?
412
00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:25,059
No, no I'm fine.
413
00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:27,339
'Your mum mentioned
something about Sunday?'
414
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:30,219
Sunday? Um...
415
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,579
'You're not in the bathroom,
are you?'
416
00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:35,859
The bathroom?
No, I'm in the living room.
417
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:37,739
'Er, what's that sound?'
418
00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:38,739
What sound?
419
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:39,860
'The toilet sound.'
420
00:15:39,861 --> 00:15:41,379
What toilet sound?
421
00:15:41,380 --> 00:15:43,419
'You're not, like,
on the loo, are you?'
422
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,979
Of course I'm not on the loo!
423
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,540
Hello? Hello?
424
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:52,979
You bloody shit!
425
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:55,779
You shitting bloody shitting shit!
426
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,939
One all?
427
00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,620
One all.
428
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:04,699
Well? Is she coming to the wedding?
429
00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:06,820
Probably not.
430
00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:13,019
I wish she'd hurry up and show us
this stupid dress,
431
00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:14,659
then we can just go.
432
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:16,179
Um, Jonny?
433
00:16:16,180 --> 00:16:17,819
What?
434
00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:20,939
Um, Join The Dots Sex Book.
435
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:25,219
101 naughty sex positions
in easy-to-join dots.
436
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:26,540
Oh, my God, where did he get that?
437
00:16:26,541 --> 00:16:28,339
He's filled half these in!
438
00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:30,179
Over half.
439
00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:32,259
Our dad's masturbatorium!
440
00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:34,299
What you doing?
441
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:35,579
Nothing.
442
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,420
Leave my special
crossword book alone!
443
00:16:37,421 --> 00:16:39,419
Special crosswords?
444
00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:40,579
Martin?
445
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:41,859
Shit, Mum!
446
00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:43,219
Mum!
447
00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:44,379
But...
448
00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:45,539
Hi, Mum.
449
00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:46,300
Hi.
450
00:16:46,301 --> 00:16:47,699
What you doing?
451
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,179
Bonfire.
452
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:50,499
In there?
453
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,979
Hello, Jackie.
Oh, you look nice!
454
00:16:52,980 --> 00:16:56,019
Thank you, Martin.
455
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:56,860
Can I help you, my love?
456
00:16:56,861 --> 00:16:58,139
Val's ready!
457
00:16:58,140 --> 00:16:59,580
Come and have a look at the dress!
458
00:16:59,581 --> 00:17:00,459
Great!
459
00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:01,539
What we doing?
460
00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:04,699
Ten minutes of pretend smiling.
461
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,299
It's nice, isn't it?
462
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,579
Very nice.
463
00:17:07,580 --> 00:17:08,620
Yeah, very nice.
464
00:17:08,621 --> 00:17:09,820
Oh, do you think so?
465
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,060
Yeah, it's really nice.
466
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,699
It's lovely!
467
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:13,380
Can we have the crumble now?
468
00:17:13,381 --> 00:17:15,219
In a minute!
469
00:17:15,220 --> 00:17:18,379
You don't think it's too...
Oh, I don't know.
470
00:17:18,380 --> 00:17:21,339
Oh, no. It's not, is it, boys?
471
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:21,820
No.
472
00:17:21,821 --> 00:17:22,300
No.
473
00:17:22,301 --> 00:17:22,940
Really?
474
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:23,460
Really.
475
00:17:23,461 --> 00:17:24,260
Really.
476
00:17:24,261 --> 00:17:25,899
Martin, do you like it?
477
00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:27,139
What?
478
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:28,380
Do you like my dress?
479
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,939
Yes. It's much nicer
than Jackie's one.
480
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:32,099
Oh, thank you.
481
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,020
Yes, thank you.
482
00:17:33,021 --> 00:17:35,259
Oh, Jackie.
483
00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:37,819
I can't tell you
how I feel at this minute.
484
00:17:37,820 --> 00:17:39,819
Oh, love!
485
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:42,099
I just think it's all got...
486
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,940
just all got a bit too much for me!
487
00:17:43,941 --> 00:17:45,139
Er...
488
00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:47,619
Boys, go and get
the crumble out, would you?
489
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:51,899
And, Martin, go and do your burning.
Oh, it's all right, Val!
490
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,339
Oh, I'm sorry, it's so silly...
491
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,740
Oh, come on, let's get you changed.
492
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,660
Ohh!
493
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,260
Silly!
494
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:05,060
Why's she crying?
495
00:18:05,061 --> 00:18:07,219
Because she's very, very happy.
496
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,820
I'm very, very happy!
497
00:18:10,460 --> 00:18:12,899
Emotions!
498
00:18:13,861 --> 00:18:15,219
Oh, who's that?
499
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,740
One second, love, I won't be long.
500
00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:22,219
And no-one else has seen him?
501
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,939
No-one! I've been
looking everywhere for him.
502
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:26,899
I even looked in your bins.
503
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:29,019
Did you?
Right.
504
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,819
I'm very worried, Jackie,
very worried!
505
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:34,979
I'm sure he'll turn up, Jim.
506
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:37,260
But what if someone's raped him?
507
00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:41,619
Um... he is a dog.
508
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,020
Well, exactly.
509
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,699
Have you tried calling him?
510
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:53,499
Yes, it's no good. I've been
shouting his name for hours.
511
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:57,299
Wilson!
Wilson!
512
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,699
You see?
513
00:18:58,700 --> 00:18:59,900
Well, maybe I could try.
514
00:18:59,901 --> 00:19:01,459
You can have a go, Jackie...
515
00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:03,780
WILSON!
516
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:07,900
Wilson!
517
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:13,539
Thank you, Jackie!
518
00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:16,340
Thank you so...
Oh, good boy!
519
00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:19,900
Thank you so much again, Jackie.
520
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:24,619
Do thank Martin for these.
521
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:29,019
I'm afraid they might need
a bit of a polish.
522
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,300
Th-thanks, Jim.
523
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,019
Oh, dear.
524
00:19:34,020 --> 00:19:35,260
What?
525
00:19:36,820 --> 00:19:39,299
I think someone's...
526
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,819
left me a little present.
527
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:43,260
Oh...
528
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:53,539
Oh, I don't know.
529
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:56,020
I think I found the whole thing
too overwhelming.
530
00:19:56,021 --> 00:19:58,779
Oh, I know.
531
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,939
Martin, can you hurry up, please?
532
00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:01,979
What?
533
00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:03,579
Well, Val wants to go.
534
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:04,740
Where's she going?
535
00:20:04,741 --> 00:20:05,460
Home.
536
00:20:05,461 --> 00:20:06,460
A mental home?
537
00:20:06,461 --> 00:20:07,700
Oh, thanks, Martin.
538
00:20:07,701 --> 00:20:09,819
I'll put you in a mental home.
539
00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:11,459
Where's the crumble?
540
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:15,579
Boys? Oh, I hope they haven't
been eating it already.
541
00:20:15,580 --> 00:20:17,539
Oh, my bag...
542
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:18,820
You greedy pigs!
543
00:20:18,821 --> 00:20:19,939
Sorry, Mum.
544
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,659
Oh!
545
00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:23,899
Oh, bleeding bloody idiots!
546
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,019
Dad!
547
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,739
Martin! Oh!
548
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:30,540
Look, all of you just
go outside, will you?
549
00:20:32,860 --> 00:20:35,460
Stupid morons.
550
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:39,740
Bloody...
551
00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:42,980
moron-heads.
552
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:45,380
Lads?
553
00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:50,379
Children's lager?
554
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:51,820
Yeah, children's lager.
555
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,059
Are you sure you won't
stay for a nice bit of crumble?
556
00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:58,779
What, crimble crumble?
557
00:20:58,780 --> 00:21:01,659
No, I'd love to, but Larry's
going to be here in a minute.
558
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,259
Of course. Oh, one sec,
I'm sure my horrible boys
559
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:06,180
will want to say goodbye.
560
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,300
What are they...?
561
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:22,100
Shit!
562
00:21:22,101 --> 00:21:22,740
Shit!
563
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:23,579
Shit!
564
00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:25,739
So this is where you've all
been hanging out?
565
00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:26,860
It's all right, Jackie.
566
00:21:26,861 --> 00:21:30,019
All you men together.
Drinking.
567
00:21:30,020 --> 00:21:31,779
Well, not really drinking.
568
00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:35,139
Wait a minute, what are all
these boxes? Why are they...?
569
00:21:35,140 --> 00:21:37,859
You haven't got rid of
any of them, have you?
570
00:21:37,860 --> 00:21:40,219
You haven't burnt anything.
571
00:21:40,220 --> 00:21:43,739
You've... You've been lying to me.
572
00:21:43,740 --> 00:21:45,699
Sorry?
573
00:21:45,700 --> 00:21:49,739
Right, take all those boxes out
and throw them in the bloody fire.
574
00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:50,739
But, Jackie...
575
00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:51,819
NOW!
576
00:21:51,820 --> 00:21:54,300
Jackie, I've got to go!
577
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,100
Where's my...?
578
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:02,739
In the fire.
Go on, like you said, in the fire!
579
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:04,140
But they're my magazines!
580
00:22:04,141 --> 00:22:05,980
I'm not interested any more.
In the fire!
581
00:22:05,981 --> 00:22:07,260
Go on, Dad, you'd better.
582
00:22:07,261 --> 00:22:08,819
Oh, God!
583
00:22:08,820 --> 00:22:12,139
Jackie? You seen my dress anywhere?
584
00:22:12,140 --> 00:22:14,019
What?
It was on the door.
585
00:22:14,020 --> 00:22:14,740
It's not there.
586
00:22:14,741 --> 00:22:15,740
Isn't it?
587
00:22:15,741 --> 00:22:17,739
Wait, isn't that Aunty's...?
588
00:22:17,740 --> 00:22:19,139
Oh, my God!
589
00:22:19,140 --> 00:22:21,459
What?
590
00:22:21,460 --> 00:22:22,979
Oh, shit!
591
00:22:22,980 --> 00:22:25,899
Shit on it! Shit on it!
592
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:28,819
Martin? Have you seen Val's dress?
593
00:22:28,820 --> 00:22:29,180
What?
594
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,859
Do you know where my dress is?
595
00:22:30,860 --> 00:22:33,739
Um... yes.
596
00:22:33,740 --> 00:22:34,819
Well?
597
00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,099
Where is it?
598
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:38,899
Well, it's, um...
599
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:41,059
sort of...
600
00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:42,260
in there.
601
00:22:42,310 --> 00:22:46,860
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