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1
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All set?
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00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:04,950
~ 'Team in position.'
~ Good. Get him as soon as he steps out.
3
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,470
~ Are you sure this'll work?
~ After analysis, 600 pages of research,
4
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:11,390
we know their weaknesses.
This can't fail.
5
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:12,590
Just give me the word.
6
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,180
Do it. Let's nail these bastards.
7
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ICE CREAM VAN JINGLE
8
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Ice cream!
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ICE CREAM!
10
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Ice cream!
11
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Ice cream!
12
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But I want one!
13
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:31,990
No, you don't.
14
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,990
JINGLE CONTINUES
15
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,550
~ It's not working.
~ Give it time.
16
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,750
This worked with Uday Hussein,
it'll work on him.
17
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,710
Please, Daniel, it's been four weeks,
18
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,750
and all I've eaten is El Rico fish
curd! I can still taste the eyeballs!
19
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,710
Please, Daniel, it'll be fine.
20
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,670
The police have not been
there since Tuesday.
21
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:52,230
It's a trap! Remember you heard
a rumour Taylor Swift was giving away kittens outside? It's a trap!
22
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,590
OK! Fine. OK. OK.
23
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:55,990
OK.
24
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,270
JINGLE STOPS
25
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,510
HE EXHALES
26
00:00:58,560 --> 00:00:59,750
JINGLE RESUMES
27
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,740
~ But I want one!
~ No!
28
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:03,830
Still nothing.
29
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,020
Smarter than we thought.
30
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,840
THEY GRUNT
31
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:36,470
Mmm!
32
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:41,350
So. MI6, the CIA, they can't
just come in and get you.
33
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,470
Even flushing you out -
34
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,830
loud music, turning off the
power, that's a diplomo-no-no.
35
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,590
But TEMPTING you out is fair game.
36
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,190
Hence, this.
37
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,910
~ Can I have a lick?
~ No.
38
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,790
I don't care about ice cream.
39
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,440
What are we going to do about
these internet trolls? Hmm?
40
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,670
See?
41
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,660
Look how many death
threats I'm getting.
42
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,310
"Dan Hern's whiny voice is
like a cat having its nails
43
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,950
"dragged down a blackboard."
44
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,830
"If there was justice, we'd
kill him with hammers?"
45
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,550
This Mumsnet is very harsh!
46
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,110
OK. I know nothing
about internet law,
47
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,510
as all my books are from the '90s
but if they telex you any threats,
48
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,030
I'll be right on that.
49
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,670
You know, a man online once
called me a douche-sack.
50
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:29,070
I was so hurt, I actually
flew to Stuttgart to ask him
51
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,310
why he was so angry.
52
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,830
Now we're best of friends!
53
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,880
He's sending me a birthday
card next week.
54
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,550
It's my birthday next week.
55
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,550
Yeah, come on. Let's wrap this up.
56
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,990
Backslash's weaknesses are
simple. Computer games.
57
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,030
Videos of dogs wearing human clothes.
58
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,030
Ice cream. Hence the
failed Operation Cornet.
59
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,510
But Hern's are more elaborate.
60
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,030
Vanity, attention,
61
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,280
sex. Which leads us to...
62
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,630
Project Siren.
63
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,430
We have taken Hern's e-mails,
online dating profiles
64
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:58,750
and porn viewing history
65
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,670
to create a profile
of his perfect woman.
66
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:02,830
We make contact online.
67
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,670
We convince him he's falling in love.
68
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:05,750
And then?
69
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,940
Chemistry does the rest.
70
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,670
~ Wait, we're storing porn records now?
~ Yeah, of course.
71
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,910
So who's sending the messages?
72
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,600
Bring him in!
73
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Our seductress.
74
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,110
What the hell is going on? Someone
asked me for an autograph,
75
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,310
it turns out I've signed
the Official Secrets Act
76
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,430
and then I go for an ice
cream and get kidnapped!
77
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,950
That van's paying for itself.
78
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,070
Miranda Harris, MI6.
79
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,790
Oliver Spencer, MI6.
80
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,710
Brad Johnson, CIA.
81
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,790
This is Alan Mulden.
82
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,310
He wrote the films,
Things Women Think,
83
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Women Aren't From Venus
84
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,470
~ and Always The Bride.
~ SHE TITTERS
85
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No-one can write for women
the way this man can.
86
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,030
Except actual women.
87
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,590
But we couldn't find any of those because
the film industry is quite sexist.
88
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,670
You can't just abduct me and
put me to work. I have rights.
89
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,270
Actually, the intelligence service
90
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,070
has used screenwriters'
help for years.
91
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,030
After 9/11, the CIA asked Hollywood
to help predict further attacks.
92
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,710
~ And of course, Richard Curtis
wrote the Iraq dossier. ~ We'll make it worth your while.
93
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,510
Enough of the kid gloves bullshit.
94
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,630
You think this is how
we caught Bin Laden?
95
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,150
No. We went in all guns blazing
96
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,470
and just ten years later, we had him!
97
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:17,270
If you can't get us Hern, the CIA
isn't afraid to get its hands dirty.
98
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,670
~ What are you saying?
~ We've got our own plan.
99
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,060
We have a man on the inside.
100
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,470
You know, the foreign minister
left me a voicemail.
101
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She calls this a national disgrace!
102
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:29,870
You!
103
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:33,390
You spent ?2,000 on fish pedicures?
104
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,830
But they make my toes so soft.
105
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:38,990
And you, more. Private detective after
private detective. And for what?
106
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,510
My family did get kidnapped.
107
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,310
Yes, your PERSONAL family. Not the
embassy's family. You pay for that!
108
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,110
The numbers aren't the issue here.
109
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,230
The issue is that someone leaked
our expenses in the first place.
110
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,750
~ It's that hacker, Ludo.
~ Yes!
111
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,350
Maybe Dan Hern?
112
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Leaky Dan Hern, the leaker?
113
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,150
Who's famous for leaking things?
114
00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:00,430
Who's in here for leaking things
because he leaks things?!
115
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,080
God!
116
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:07,150
We have to keep a lookout
for anyone that sticks out,
117
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,270
who we haven't seen before,
who is suspicious.
118
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,590
Guys, guys, let's chill out, OK?
119
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,670
I know I've only been here for a week
120
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,230
but if there's one thing I know,
121
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,470
it's we El Ricans are a family.
122
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,510
Enough with all this, "Is someone
a spy, who's the spy?"
123
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:23,630
You know, madness.
124
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,590
Let's get back to
trusting each other.
125
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,470
~ Juan Pablo is right.
~ Yeah, it's going to tear us apart!
126
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,030
And if that ain't just what
those danged Americans want,
127
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,550
well, my name isn't
Juan Pablo Dominguez.
128
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,350
'Actually, Clive, it's
you-apostrophe-RE a dick,
129
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,230
'meaning "you are", not "your".'
130
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,310
KNOCK AT DOOR
131
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,510
Are you finish? I must clean!
132
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,110
For the last time, no!
133
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,560
SHE SIGHS
134
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,870
Seven days to go.
135
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,310
I bought this calendar
just to count down.
136
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,190
Birthdays don't matter, Ludo.
137
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:58,790
Just an excuse for narcissism.
138
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,150
TWEET ALERT
139
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,630
~ Hmm.
~ Bloody hell.
140
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,230
I do not pluck my eyebrows!
141
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,350
They're just...naturally neat.
142
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,150
You know, at Ludopia,
143
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,990
they would throw a surprise
party for me each year.
144
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,710
We would blow the roof off!
145
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,300
ROCK GUITAR
146
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,070
Why ruin a perfectly good cake
by putting a lady in it?
147
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,870
~ Parties are stupid.
~ Hmmm.
148
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,750
Bunch of people standing in rooms
149
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,150
saying some words,
having so-called fun.
150
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,190
TWEET ALERT
151
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,270
Oh, for f...
152
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,260
WOMAN'S VOICE READS:
153
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,510
Oh, this is good.
154
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,950
~ Finally a good one.
~ Yeah.
155
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,310
'I don't normally do this, and
I'm sure someone so important
156
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,990
'won't have time to reply
to a girl like me..'
157
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:43,390
.. But I really admire you
and all the work you've done,
158
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,070
so I thought I'd say, "Hi".
159
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,350
My name's Catrina.
160
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,590
WOMAN'S VOICE RESUMES:
161
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,630
'.. long nights in, and data freedom.
162
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,070
'And I HATE parties.'
163
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,710
.. Talk soon, kiss, kiss, kiss.
164
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,030
~ Can I go now?
~ No!
165
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,110
Whoa!
166
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,470
Everybody's being so secretive today.
167
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,310
Like they're planning something.
168
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,390
Eh, Daniel?
169
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,910
Perhaps a surprise party?
170
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,110
No, no, no, don't tell me.
171
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,470
~ I don't want to know!
~ HE CHUCKLES
172
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,710
~ OK, I changed my mind! Tell me!
~ Look, Ludo...
173
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,590
No, no, no, wait! Sorry, don't
tell me! Best I don't know.
174
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,670
OK, tell me! I can't
bear it! What is it?
175
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,840
No, wait, no! Don't!
176
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,180
~ OK, what is it?!
~ Look, Ludo, zip it!
177
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,390
I'm sorry, Daniel.
178
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,270
I'm too excited to sleep.
179
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,030
~ It's midday.
~ Yeah.
180
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,950
Nap time can wait.
181
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,390
'Dear Catrina, it may
surprise you to know
182
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,110
'I don't get fan mail very often.
183
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:44,190
'probably because people are
intimidated by my global fame.'
184
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,720
LUDO HUMS
185
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,470
Hello?
186
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,430
What are you doing?
187
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,910
Is this something to do
with a certain secret?
188
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,550
A secret I'm not meant
to be knowing about?
189
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,790
How much do you know?
190
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,430
Hm! Nothing(!)
191
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,750
Wink!
192
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,080
Let's just say I'm going to
blow the roof off this place!
193
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,590
Ludo is the mole!
He was in my office.
194
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,190
He said all of our secrets are out
195
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,070
and he's going to blow
this place wide open.
196
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,590
It's not him! Let's
throw out Dan Hern.
197
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,710
He's the only one it can be.
198
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,350
I'm going to confront him.
199
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,230
You'll see how stupid you're being!
200
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,270
OK!
201
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:35,710
Juan Pablo!
202
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,470
Beef for the chief.
203
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,030
Rafael, they were out
of the sushi you like
204
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,230
but I called a Japanese
friend of mine...
205
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,710
Ah, I won't bore you
with it, but, enjoy.
206
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,910
Juan Pablo. What did
we ever do without him?
207
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,630
I feel bad for paying you no money.
208
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,190
Oh, please, I asked to
intern here, didn't I?
209
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,510
I don't expect any payment.
210
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,630
The honour of... serving the
country that I love is...
211
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,480
HIS VOICE FALTERS
212
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,630
OK!
213
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,670
Breathe.
214
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,070
OK.
215
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,750
We wait for Ludo to slip up.
216
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,870
And in the meantime,
don't talk to him.
217
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,030
Don't tell him anything.
218
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,630
More leaks. Six months
of diplomatic cables.
219
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:18,950
And Rafael,
220
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:23,500
someone has leaked these erotic
pictures of you on the internet.
221
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,910
Leaked?
222
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,990
That's the only explanation.
223
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:32,950
We need to find this monster
and bring him to justice!
224
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,110
So I said, "If that's what you think,
225
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,190
"PRESIDENT Obama,
226
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,190
"then you know where
you can shove it."
227
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:41,680
So, if you'd read that e-mail,
I definitely won the argument.
228
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,470
'Wow, Dan, that's really interesting.
229
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,260
'Tell me more.'
230
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,950
'Then there's the time
I met Julian Assange.
231
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,630
'You know he's only four feet tall?
232
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,880
'He just wears big shoes.'
233
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,180
'That's really interesting, Dan.'
234
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,230
'I like you, Catrina.
235
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,830
'There's something about you.
236
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,350
'Something I can't
quite put into words.'
237
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,830
TWEET ALERT
238
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,620
KEYBOARD CLACKS
239
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,150
HE SIGHS
240
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,190
We've been chatting for five hours
241
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,190
and he's not asked a
single question back.
242
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,510
He REALLY likes talking
about himself.
243
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:26,590
Typical man.
244
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,190
What's the game plan here?
245
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,430
Record him jacking off on webcam?
Embarrass him to death?
246
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,070
We hacked his webcam months ago.
247
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,510
We already have 300 hours of... that.
248
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,110
He'll come out in good time.
249
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,270
"Time." The CIA doesn't do "time".
250
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,550
Our leaks from inside will
put suspicion on Hern.
251
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:47,710
It'll be chaos. Just like
we made happen in Iraq.
252
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,390
Yeah, I don't think you actually
wanted that to happen in Iraq.
253
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,990
~ Oh, didn't we?!
~ No. ~ No.
254
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,910
Agree to disagree.
255
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,310
I know what you're doing.
256
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,990
And you won't get away with it.
257
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,240
What? How could you know?
258
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,070
~ I didn't want you to find out like this.
~ You admit it!
259
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,950
You've heard I'm with someone
else now and you're hurt, angry.
260
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,390
Hell hath no fury like
a woman scorned.
261
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,430
Did you know William
Congreve said that?
262
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,230
A lot of people think it's
Shakespeare but it's not.
263
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,870
Hey, you've learned something there.
264
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,150
~ What's this got to do with
you leaking our files online? ~ What?
265
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,510
~ You are the mole! Finally we get rid of you.
~ So you think there's a mole?
266
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,510
How about, I don't know, that
new guy, the one everyone loves.
267
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,590
~ He's an intern.
~ He's been here a week.
268
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,430
Sounds like he's just stepped
off the plane from Washington
269
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,430
and he's working for free,
despite being, what, 50?
270
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:48,520
This isn't over, but I must leave
now for unrelated reasons.
271
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:56,470
So, Juan Pablo, I was just wondering
where does your accent come from?
272
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,550
Well, I was born in South Rico City.
273
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,910
Then, when I was 20, I moved
to Southeast Rico City,
274
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,510
so a bit of a mishmash
of cultures coming out.
275
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:10,350
No, I mean, it doesn't sound El
Rican at all. It sounds American.
276
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,270
Oh, you know what, I've
gotten that before.
277
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,510
Yes, I did spend my gap
year in the States,
278
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,350
so maybe that's what you're
picking up a little.
279
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,430
Wait, wait, wait, surely
you are not saying...
280
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,910
You think Juan Pablo is the mole?
281
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,510
I'm just saying he doesn't look
like a Juan Pablo, does he?
282
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,270
Juan Pablo is the best
intern we've ever had.
283
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,470
~ He's been like a son
to me. Better than a son. ~ Yeah, thanks, Dad.
284
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:30,830
He has been here for a fortnight
285
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,390
and Mo says that he takes
classified files home with him.
286
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,110
Yes, to get ahead on my work. I just
want to make a good impression, sir.
287
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,470
Can you not remember anything that
Juan Pablo said about trust?
288
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:44,750
Obviously a spy is going to
say trust me! That's his JOB!
289
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,710
Let's settle this once and for all.
290
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,390
Juan Pablo, are you the mole?
291
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:55,630
I swear on the lives of my El
Rican family, I ain't no mole.
292
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:58,220
Well, that's good enough for me.
293
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,870
It's been a week. Time for stage
two. We pull him out of there.
294
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,910
I was hoping I'd get to
ring my wife or something,
295
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,190
maybe get some clean
clothes, a shower?
296
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,670
Hern will be with you by dawn.
297
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:18,390
I love the smell of waterboarding in
the morning. Smells like... water.
298
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,440
A fake girlfriend, that's one thing,
but, torture? That's unethical.
299
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:28,230
Keep typing or we publish
all your nudey photos.
300
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,280
Do it!
301
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,110
'But I yearn for something more.
302
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,030
'I want to see the
colour of your eyes
303
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,020
'I want to feel your
skin against mine.'
304
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,950
'We can escape together.
305
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,100
'I can help you. I have
powerful friends...'
306
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,480
'The two of us... against the world.'
307
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,510
Say it.
308
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,880
'We can make love under the stars.'
309
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,910
ALARM RINGS
310
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,750
It's my birthday!
311
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,630
It's my birthday! It's my birthday!
312
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,710
Dan, Dan.
313
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,910
Another year older.
314
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,960
I don't need this kitten
calendar any more.
315
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:43,110
Dan, Dan, Dan.
316
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,830
Dan, today is my birthday.
317
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,830
Hmm.
318
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,520
OK.
319
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,910
It's my birthday! It's my birthday!
320
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,830
Hey, it's my birthday!
321
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,150
Wait, it's my special day.
322
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,190
My birthday, my birthday...
323
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,560
Mo, it's my birthday!
324
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,190
It's my birthday! It's my birthday!
325
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,350
It's my birthday!
326
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,190
OK, pros.
327
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,990
True love. Freedom.
328
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,150
Finally cash in my Nectar points.
329
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,670
Cons.
330
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,550
Might get caught and
sentenced to death.
331
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,560
~ Dan...
~ Not now, Ludo, I'm thinking.
332
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,510
OK I clean?
333
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,030
Do you want to have a party?
334
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,830
I no English so much.
335
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,230
Only clean.
336
00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:01,640
These urinal cakes were the
only cakes I could find.
337
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,680
Lemon. I hate lemon.
338
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,350
MOBILE BUZZES
339
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:19,310
If this is Wonga, I've already
told you I gambled your money away
340
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,870
and it's not like you'll lend me
any more to win it back, so...
341
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,830
~ Lorna?
~ Oh, Ludo.
342
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,310
A client, wow!
343
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,920
Um, let me just clear my schedule.
344
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:39,310
~ Fire away.
~ It's my birthday but nobody cares.
345
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:42,550
Even Dan stood me up for
his internet girlfriend.
346
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,830
~ You're the closest I have to a friend.
~ Interesting.
347
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,030
Could you phrase that
as a legal question?
348
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:52,150
~ Is it illegal that Dan
didn't come to my party? ~ Good, now I'm on the clock.
349
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:56,070
I'm going to tell you what
I tell all my divorce clients.
350
00:16:56,120 --> 00:17:01,910
~ Talk to him, clearly and
rationally, tell him how you feel. ~ Great advice.
351
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:06,360
~ And if that fails, set fire to his car.
~ That's less good advice.
352
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,230
~ Dan.
~ Not now, Ludo, this is important.
353
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,350
No, Dan, THIS is important.
354
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,950
I didn't get mad when you
woke me up in the mornings.
355
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,910
I didn't get mad when you called
Doctor Who a kids' TV show.
356
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,470
~ It IS a kids' TV show.
~ But I'm mad now, Dan.
357
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,670
~ You did nothing for my birthday.
~ I've been busy. ~ With her?
358
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,710
~ You barely know her, Dan.
~ I know enough.
359
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,100
Then what's her second name?
360
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,910
Er, I-I don't need to know
her second name to know that
361
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,710
~ she's perfect for me.
~ OK, what does she do?
362
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:46,470
She makes the flowers smell sweeter.
She makes the sun shine brighter.
363
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,390
~ Oh...
~ It's not important!
364
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,230
You are being what my Aunt Inga
would call a real sour egg.
365
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,820
Well, your Aunt Inga is an idiot.
366
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,000
You take that back.
367
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,760
It's like that, is it?
368
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:11,070
Fair warning, Ludo, I am a white
belt in Brazilian Jujutsu, which is
369
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:15,590
the beginner belt, but it shows I
had the commitment to buy a belt.
370
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:21,310
Yeah, well, I have seen the
film Karate Kid five times.
371
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:25,200
It's about a kid who learns karate.
372
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,880
How long have they been doing that?
373
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,400
Coming up to half an hour.
374
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,110
You are uninvited from my party!
375
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,910
Yeah, well, you're
uninvited from my life!
376
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,700
I'm leaving with Catrina at midnight.
377
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:49,990
I did some research.
378
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,950
There was no Juan Pablo
Dominguez born in Rico City.
379
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,870
You've been lying to us. It's
right in front of our faces.
380
00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:01,670
~ He MUST be the mole.
~ I brought you into my embassy, into my family.
381
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:05,150
~ I have no son.
~ Well, you still have me.
382
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,350
You know what I meant. Take him away.
383
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,430
Wait, guys, guys, let me explain.
384
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:13,430
~ We owe you nothing.
~ No, it's OK, let him speak.
385
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,310
Thank you.
386
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:20,120
I've a confession to make. My name
is not Juan Pablo Dominguez.
387
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,390
It's...
388
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,150
Hank.
389
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,990
~ Hank Landerson.
~ Hank Landerson? ~ Hank Landerson?
390
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,870
Hank Landerson. Short for Henry.
391
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,150
Pops was American.
392
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,510
He gave me an American name and when
he left me and my nine brothers
393
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:39,390
and my mom to fend for ourselves
in savage Rico City, I decided
394
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:44,430
I wanted a name that reflected my
real roots, so I chose Juan Pablo.
395
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,870
I thought I looked like a Juan Pablo.
396
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,070
~ I mean, I THOUGHT I did.
~ Oh, come on! ~ No, it's true.
397
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,870
I'm no mole, I swear it.
398
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:56,030
Goodbye, everyone. It's been an
absolute pleasure working here.
399
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,550
Thank you so much
for the opportunity.
400
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,990
If you could find it in your heart
to give me a reference, maybe?
401
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,870
The worst thing is no-one
could have seen this coming.
402
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,270
~ I did.
~ He had us all fooled.
403
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,310
Not me! I worked it out ages ago.
404
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,910
I was the only one who said anything.
405
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,990
I caught him all by myself!
406
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,470
So I think it's about time I started
getting a little bit more respect,
407
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:20,720
yes?
408
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,360
Hey, hey, where's the party?
409
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,670
It's cancelled.
410
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,910
Dan's leaving forever with his girl.
411
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,630
He's what? He can't.
412
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,870
He's my golden goose.
413
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,390
I'm up to my tits in debt, Ludo!
414
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,550
I just bought a fucking 90" TV, I
can fit my head in Dimbleby's mouth.
415
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,670
I am not going back.
416
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,800
We are going to find out who
this skank is and crush her!
417
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,270
We're in position. It's happening.
418
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,790
~ It's cost ?11 million but it's happening.
~ ?11 million?
419
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,440
Not the time!
420
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,670
I traced Catrina's messages
421
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,270
and I inverted the subnode
on the protocol mainframe
422
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,680
then I modulated the encryption
on their remote server.
423
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,710
~ Look.
~ Ooh!
424
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,360
~ You see?
~ No, I've got no idea.
425
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,840
This is who his girl really is.
426
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,350
~ Hi, spies!
~ Motherfucker! ~ He's in our systems!
427
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,950
Shut it down, shut it down now!
428
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,790
Help me! I've been here eight days,
429
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,320
call the newspapers, Amnesty,
the Writers Guild, anyone!
430
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,310
So we tell Dan she was fake.
431
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,430
He won't listen to me.
432
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,870
But I know someone he will listen to.
433
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,920
TWEET ALERT
434
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,070
WOMAN'S VOICE: Hello,
Dan. It is me, Catrina.
435
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,550
The girl which it is you love.
436
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:15,350
'You are a great man and I am
in love with you very much.'
437
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,430
WOMAN'S VOICE: 'But I can't ask
you to leave from your embassy.
438
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,710
'I know you argue with Ludo.
439
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,990
'But you like him more than you say.
440
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,230
'Also, we must never talk again.'
441
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,070
'What? Why?'
442
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,750
Yeah, why?
443
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,470
Step aside.
444
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,790
Here comes a lifetime
of rejection and misery.
445
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,310
Let's see.
446
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:38,950
WOMAN'S VOICE: 'I'm not ready
for all this sort of commitment.
447
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,110
'I care more about my career.
448
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,030
'The fortune cookie told me so.
449
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,750
'It's you or the pigeons.
450
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,830
'I'm racist against white people,
451
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,710
'despite myself being white.
452
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,190
'I'm actually 90.
453
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,750
'There's three billion people
I haven't done it with yet...'
454
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,070
'No, something's wrong.
455
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,550
'I'm coming out.
456
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,740
'I'm coming to get you.'
457
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,630
It's not working.
458
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,400
OK... let's try this.
459
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:17,800
TWEET ALERT
460
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,200
I want kids.
461
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,670
'What?'
462
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,350
TYPING
463
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,190
Now.
464
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,190
'Right now?'
465
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:39,440
Yes.
466
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,960
~ Yes!
~ Yes! ~ Yes!
467
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,680
~ Mission aborted.
~ Does that mean...? ~ Get out.
468
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,350
Where am I going to say I've been
for eight days? My wife's going...
469
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,150
We've provided a bulletproof alibi,
the police will back you up,
470
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:18,590
answers all possible questions.
471
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,350
I've been in jail for solicitation?
472
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,150
Or you can tell the truth
which we'll deny.
473
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,960
Cheerio.
474
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,310
~ So we both failed.
~ Oh, did we?
475
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:31,190
Well, they caught your mole so, yes.
476
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:32,960
Oh, did they?
477
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,740
Dumped Catrina.
478
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,680
I realised bros before hos.
479
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,030
She was crying.
480
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,160
I was like, "Come on,
get over it. Move on."
481
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,340
Is that right, then?
482
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:11,190
I know I moan about being here but...
483
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,110
could be worse, eh?
484
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,120
Could be a lot worse.
485
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,680
BEEPING
486
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,950
CAMERA BEEPS
487
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,110
What are you doing?
488
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:41,110
~ I clean. I clean plants.
~ Is that a camera?
489
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,510
~ I clean camera too.
~ Mole!
490
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,190
I no English. I finish
now. I go. OK, bye-bye!
491
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,110
~ I'm calling security.
~ The hell you are!
492
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,670
So hang on...
493
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,110
~ Juan Pablo...
~ All completely innocent, yeah.
494
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,470
So what happens now?
495
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,830
Well, I see us having two options.
496
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,790
One - you let me walk away.
497
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,270
Two - you call security, admit
you were wrong about the mole,
498
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:10,390
lose everyone's respect
and probably get fired.
499
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,110
Fine. Go.
500
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,590
Thank God you said
that. I have this gun.
501
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,670
I was going to have to shoot
you in the face with it
502
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,320
which would've been awkward. Ciao!
503
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,990
Oh, hey, Carmen.
504
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,630
~ Go fuck yourself, fugitive.
~ Hey!
505
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:30,390
You learnt English. Good for you!
506
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,840
Goodbye.
507
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,470
Hello!
508
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:00,920
Hello!
509
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,190
Do I not get a lawyer or a trial?
510
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,780
I've been here for a while, guys!
511
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,390
Can I get something to eat too, please?
And what's with the chains?
512
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,670
I'm in a prison cell!
513
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,760
God! Darn it!
514
00:27:16,810 --> 00:27:21,360
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