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1
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:11,698
# You must remember this
2
00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:14,334
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:17,178
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:23,535
# The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:23,580 --> 00:00:26,811
# As time goes by #
6
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(Doorbell)
7
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,977
- Gosh, you're early.
- I'm keen.
8
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,858
Miss Pargetter?
9
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,529
No. Mum, there's a band for you.
10
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,969
(Jean) I don't laugh at jokes in the morning.
11
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:48,690
- Good Lord.
- Miss Pargetter?
12
00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:51,334
- Um, yes, but...
- (Band leader) 3, 4, 1...
13
00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:56,010
♪ What are you doing the rest of your life?
14
00:00:56,060 --> 00:01:00,372
♪ North and south and east and west
of your life
15
00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:04,652
♪ I have only one request of your life
16
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:08,488
♪ That you spend it all with me ♪
17
00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,419
And I'm the me. Good morning!
18
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:14,815
Alistair, what are you doing?
19
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:19,857
- Good morning. Gentlemen.
- Will you stop that? It's 8:00 in the morning.
20
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,539
- Who cares?
- (Jean) I do.
21
00:01:22,580 --> 00:01:24,889
Now, clear off.
22
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:31,816
- He doesn't do things by halves, does he?
- I've never been so embarrassed.
23
00:01:31,860 --> 00:01:32,895
Look at me.
24
00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:36,250
- Love is blind.
- I don't know what you find so funny.
25
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:38,609
(Band leader) # I have often walked... #
26
00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:42,337
Shut up!
27
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:46,616
Hi, Li.
28
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,934
- Go away.
- Isn't it a brilliant morning?
29
00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:53,131
- Ask me this afternoon.
- Listen, I'm just touching base.
30
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:56,616
- What?
- Touching base. You know...
31
00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:00,695
Should we send for an interpreter?
32
00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:04,699
- How are you?
- New question or are we still touching base?
33
00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:08,016
That is touching base.
Seeing how you are.
34
00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:10,051
I'm very well, thank you. Goodbye.
35
00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:12,895
- Li...
- And will you stop calling me that?
36
00:02:12,940 --> 00:02:15,534
Sorry, mate.
37
00:02:16,660 --> 00:02:21,780
Seeing how you are means, well,
seeing how you are.
38
00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:23,731
I've just told you, I'm very well.
39
00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:26,419
- Monster.
- Monster?
40
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,815
That's all I needed to know.
41
00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:33,536
Well, I'll just collect my musicians
from the restaurant and be on my way.
42
00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:36,936
Why do you say things that I simply
have to ask questions about?
43
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,493
- What things?
- What things.
44
00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:46,008
What are your musicians doing
in the restaurant?
45
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:48,858
- I'm buying them breakfast.
- Oh, I see.
46
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:51,698
I had them round at Jean's
at 8:00 this morning.
47
00:02:51,740 --> 00:02:53,332
Musicians? What for?
48
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:56,133
Serenading her, furthering my cause.
49
00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:01,692
- I imagine she was overcome.
- P for persistence. That's the main thing.
50
00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:03,412
Huh.
51
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:05,451
You know...
52
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,649
you baffle me.
53
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,531
I baffle you?
54
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:12,095
Mm. I still can't figure out why
we're not in a two-horse race...
55
00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:15,052
- I haven't got a horse.
...with Jean as the winning post.
56
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,534
She wouldn't like to be described
as a winning post.
57
00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:21,209
- You know what I mean.
- Yes, for once I do.
58
00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:24,300
- So why aren't you an entry?
- I go lame.
59
00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:26,331
Oh, come on.
60
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,775
- You're still quite presentable.
- Thank you.
61
00:03:29,820 --> 00:03:33,051
Strong in wind and limb,
not exactly a young stallion.
62
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,692
Not exactly.
63
00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:37,618
So it baffles me that you don't
show an interest. If I...
64
00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:41,175
- Haven't you got someone else to annoy?
- Oh, yeah, tons of people.
65
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:46,214
Unless, of course, you're waiting
for the right moment to make your move.
66
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,820
- I am, as a matter of fact.
- Mmm.
67
00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:53,138
Yes, I'm waiting to raise that cup to my lips
without you chuntering on.
68
00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:58,818
Yes... Well, see you, Li, er, mate,
69
00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:00,896
er... champ.
70
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:02,809
Champ?
71
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:05,935
- Well, hi.
- Morning, Alistair.
72
00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:08,574
Nice. Very nice.
73
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:14,971
Hairy. Very hairy.
74
00:04:17,580 --> 00:04:19,536
- Chop-chop.
- What?
75
00:04:19,580 --> 00:04:22,856
- Oh, good morning, Judith.
- Good morning. How are you?
76
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,130
The company's improved. Want anything?
77
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:30,300
No, thanks. Well. I'm ready when you are.
78
00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:33,218
- For what?
- I'm here to help with your revisions.
79
00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:36,889
- I thought Sandy was doing that.
- No, she can't, she's off sick.
80
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,650
- Morning, Sandy.
- Morning, boss.
81
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:49,053
Slaters' rang.
82
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:52,217
They know it's a cheek,
but could they have three temps tomorrow?
83
00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:54,455
No. What did you say?
84
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,139
"We've never let
an old customer down yet," I said.
85
00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:59,057
- You're going places.
- Thanks.
86
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,852
Only you find the three temps.
87
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,572
I already have.
88
00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:05,896
Gosh, you are going places.
What are you doing here?
89
00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:10,612
- Hanging on your every word.
- You should be helping Lionel.
90
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:13,174
Judith went.
91
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:15,017
- Did she?
- She insisted.
92
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:18,848
- She's the Dragon Lady's daughter...
- I thought it was Iron Drawers.
93
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:21,209
That was weeks ago.
94
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:24,252
- Insisted?
- Very nicely.
95
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:27,372
Hmm. I wondered why she left so early.
96
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,860
- She doesn't!
- She does.
97
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:36,373
Two failed marriages behind her,
now she gets a crush on Lionel.
98
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:39,850
If they get married, can I have her job?
99
00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:46,011
If they get married,
Lionel will be my son-in-law.
100
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:49,617
- Funny old life, isn't it?
- Yes, hysterical.
101
00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:53,930
- Does Lionel know?
- Oh, I doubt it. He's not very perceptive.
102
00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:58,019
Very flattering for an old chap to find out.
She's very attractive, Judith.
103
00:05:58,060 --> 00:06:00,620
- She's my daughter!
- Well, you don't want him.
104
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,571
Well, I didn't say I did.
105
00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,975
Anyway, you've got Alistair.
106
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:08,175
If you go on,
those places I said you were going to
107
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:11,451
will be out of that door
and onto the end of a dole queue.
108
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:17,329
So, you want one word
to describe your ex-wife.
109
00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:19,769
- Yes.
- What about winsome?
110
00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:23,130
(Laughs) No, I'd never describe
Margaret as winsome.
111
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:24,329
Winning?
112
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:27,452
No, that would be entering
the realms of fantasy.
113
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,456
Ghastly.
114
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:32,011
No, let me think for a moment.
115
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,413
- Ah!
- Got it?
116
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:36,179
- I've got cramp.
- Oh. Where?
117
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,332
In my neck. Where do you think?
118
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:42,536
- Let me have a go.
- Ooh, I don't think that will be necessary.
119
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:45,413
- Now... there?
- Yeah.
120
00:06:45,460 --> 00:06:48,611
- Oh-ooh!
- Easing off?
121
00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:51,493
Ah, yes, a little. Hoo-oo.
122
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:53,690
Coffee and biscuits for two...
123
00:06:53,740 --> 00:06:56,049
Oh... sorry.
124
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:58,819
- It's cramp.
- I see.
125
00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:04,048
Well, just put the tray down, will you?
126
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,897
Oo-ooh.
127
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,290
There is a lock on the door.
128
00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:14,016
Bang goes your reputation.
129
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:18,531
I don't have one. When she came in yesterday,
I was on the floor with Sandy.
130
00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:21,094
- Doing what?
- Picking up papers.
131
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:23,617
That's fine.
132
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:26,093
Thank you.
133
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:28,048
Ah.
134
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,819
You got cramp
the first time we went out, remember?
135
00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:34,409
So I did. Of course, I didn't know
you were Jean's daughter then.
136
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:39,089
- What if you had known?
- Well...
137
00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:41,734
Would you still have tried to seduce me?
138
00:07:41,780 --> 00:07:44,214
This isn't a conversation we should continue.
139
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:48,219
- Why?
- Well, it was very clumsy, on my part.
140
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,216
No, it wasn't.
141
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:53,696
Look, I know when I'm being clumsy
and please don't kneel like that.
142
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,731
And don't say "like what?"
143
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,255
- Coffee?
- Yes, please.
144
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:03,571
Alistair's clumsy.
145
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,019
I thought you liked him.
146
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:09,576
Yes, I like him, but he's very young.
147
00:08:11,420 --> 00:08:15,208
- Looks about your age.
- Well, he's young for me, then.
148
00:08:16,940 --> 00:08:18,931
Would you like a biscuit?
149
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:22,571
Yeah.
150
00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:25,810
(Man) Rrrrrr!
(Sandy) Aaah!
151
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:28,817
- What's going on?
- It's a gorilla.
152
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:31,772
I'll only ask you once more.
153
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:33,813
It's a gorilla-gram.
154
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,976
Oh, childish! Is it your birthday?
155
00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:39,854
- No. He wants you.
- Oh, it's absurd. Send it away.
156
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,494
- I'm only little.
- Sandy!
157
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:48,011
(Roars)
158
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,971
(Roars)
159
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:57,257
Can I help you?
160
00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:02,728
- (Mumbles)
- What?
161
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:04,532
(Mumbles)
162
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:08,089
I don't know what you're talking about.
163
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:12,615
- (Mumbles)
- Take the head off.
164
00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:16,050
Take your head off!
165
00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:20,052
You're supposed to scream.
166
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,091
Oh. Aaah!
167
00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:25,419
There, now goodbye.
168
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:29,769
- You didn't sound very frightened.
- Well, I can't be really, can I?
169
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,539
I knew I shouldn't have taken the head off.
170
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,536
We're not even supposed to speak.
171
00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:38,129
- What are you supposed to do?
- Well, roar and make you scream,
172
00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:41,775
then throw you over me shoulder
and run about, generally.
173
00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:45,495
You won't be trying that, will you?
174
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:47,895
No? No.
175
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:50,135
No, it's all gone a bit flat now.
176
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:53,013
It hasn't gone flat, it started flat.
177
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,494
- Who sent you?
- I've got a message.
178
00:09:55,540 --> 00:09:59,692
- I thought you weren't supposed to speak.
- A written one, it's in a little pocket.
179
00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:03,930
It's not easy with these big hands.
I keep telling them.
180
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,972
Well, point to it.
181
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:13,249
- Would you like to sit down?
- No, thanks. It's hard getting up again.
182
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,130
Oh, I might have known.
183
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:19,013
- Is that it?
- Well, unless you'd like a banana.
184
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:26,896
- You won't be complaining, will you?
- Oh, no, I thought you were really good,
185
00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:28,498
really convincing.
186
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:32,456
You wouldn't like a quick whizz round
on my shoulders?
187
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,536
- No, thank you.
- I could just run here.
188
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:36,889
I'm very careful with skirts.
189
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,170
- No, thank you.
- It'd make me feel better.
190
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:42,212
I'd like you to feel better, but not that badly.
191
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:46,978
- Back to base, then.
- Well, how do you do that?
192
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:52,016
On the tube. We're only in North Ken.
God, it gets hot down there.
193
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:53,652
You don't keep the head on?
194
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:57,409
Oh, yes. I don't want to be recognised.
195
00:10:57,460 --> 00:11:00,338
I mean, pretending to be a gorilla.
196
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,452
I'm not very proud of it.
They're noble creatures.
197
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:07,137
Sandy!
198
00:11:08,740 --> 00:11:10,617
That was all very quiet.
199
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:13,254
Could our friend get a taxi, on our account?
200
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:18,052
- That's very nice of you, very nice.
- Well, as you say, they're noble creatures.
201
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:22,412
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
202
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,660
Ta-da! Monster.
203
00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,811
So how did you like it?
204
00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:39,978
I don't think I've had as much pleasure
since I broke my arm 15 years ago.
205
00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:42,375
Oh, now, what sort of attitude is that?
206
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:46,698
- Sanity. I'm too old for a gorilla-gram.
- (Alistair) Rubbish.
207
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,810
That's what I was trying to say.
208
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:52,250
Any man with any sense would love
to throw you over his shoulder,
209
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:56,088
rampage off into the jungle,
throw you down on some soft grass...
210
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:57,858
You're getting carried away.
211
00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:03,133
- I know. That's the effect you have on me.
- Alistair, it's a fantasy.
212
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,410
- Let's go to Morocco.
- Certainly not.
213
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:07,451
- Brazil?
- You saw me this morning.
214
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:08,535
- Oh, yes.
- A mess!
215
00:12:08,580 --> 00:12:12,414
- No. Beautifully rumpled from sleep.
- Oh.
216
00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:16,054
Still warm.
217
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,011
I bet your sheets were still warm.
218
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,773
- Oh, Alistair, this has got to stop.
- Say yes, then.
219
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,651
- To what?
- Morocco.
220
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,975
- Oh!
- Brazil?
221
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,099
Middlesbrough?
222
00:12:31,420 --> 00:12:34,093
- Thanks for coming.
- I'm busy. What's so urgent?
223
00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:37,132
- Would you like a drink?
- No, thanks. What's so urgent?
224
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,898
Sandy isn't ill at all.
225
00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:41,374
I know, she's been driving me mad all morning.
226
00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:43,172
Why didn't you send her?
227
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:46,815
I didn't want to make Judith look foolish.
I mean, any more foolish.
228
00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,373
You know, then?
229
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:50,172
About you being gorgeous? Oh, yes.
230
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:53,576
- She's got a screw loose.
- Yes, that's what I said.
231
00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:57,490
It hasn't been easy in the Anson suite.
232
00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:00,732
What's funny about that?
233
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:06,138
It's one of those deathless phrases, isn't it?
"It hasn't been easy in the Anson suite."
234
00:13:06,180 --> 00:13:07,852
Well, it hasn't.
235
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:10,972
The conversation keeps getting shifted around.
236
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:14,171
Even cramp emerges as a positive virtue.
237
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:18,418
And that skirt doesn't help. I swear
it's got shorter as the morning's gone on.
238
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:21,020
- You're embarrassed?
- Look at it this way.
239
00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:25,576
It isn't every day I'm faced with
acres of leg, a very attractive body
240
00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:27,929
and a face actually giving me the come-on.
241
00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:29,333
No, I suppose not.
242
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:30,972
I know not.
243
00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:34,057
She's not upstairs, is she,
slipping into something uncomfortable?
244
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,251
You don't think I'd be sitting down here
if she was, do you?
245
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,816
The way you're talking, no, I don't.
246
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:44,980
I didn't mean that. I sent her for something
I don't need so that I could talk to you.
247
00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:48,854
- Hmph. I don't see what I can do about it.
- Well, you're her mother.
248
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:52,051
- Then I'm the last person she'd listen to.
- Oh.
249
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,852
What if I weren't her mother?
250
00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:59,495
I'd be praying that I'd live up
to her expectations.
251
00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:01,608
Well, you did ask!
252
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:05,129
- You're flattered!
- All right.
253
00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:07,740
You're flattered by Alistair's juvenile attentions.
254
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,816
- Don't be absurd.
- Oh, I see.
255
00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:12,215
This is a conversation where I'm to be honest
256
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:15,138
- and you're allowed to lie.
- Oh, OK, I am flattered.
257
00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:17,057
- So, we're both flattered.
- Yes.
258
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:20,934
Perhaps we should retire
to a home for the flattered.
259
00:14:20,980 --> 00:14:23,858
- Home for the aged flattered.
- (Jean laughs)
260
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,698
Alistair sent me a gorilla-gram
this morning.
261
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:29,208
And I accused him of being juvenile.
262
00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:32,773
The gorilla's heart wasn't in it, otherwise...
263
00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:35,050
- Up and down the high street.
- Yes.
264
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:38,858
I heard about the band.
265
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:44,258
Oh, they weren't bad. Just early.
But a gorilla-gram!
266
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,451
- You said you were flattered.
- Well, I am by the attention,
267
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,730
not by the way Alistair expresses it.
268
00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:51,975
Then he asked me to go to Morocco.
269
00:14:52,020 --> 00:14:54,659
Well, if you want to make a fool of yourself,
just do it.
270
00:14:55,380 --> 00:14:59,089
Look, I don't know if you've noticed,
but it isn't 1953 any more.
271
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:02,769
If an older woman wants
a young boyfriend, she can these days.
272
00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:06,850
- You call them toy boys, don't you?
- Oh, don't look so smug.
273
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:10,852
It's the same as an old man
having a young girlfriend.
274
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:13,937
How come you're an older woman
but I'm an old man?
275
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:18,019
- All right, older. Older. Still no difference.
- Well, of course there is.
276
00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:21,814
- What?
- Well... It's more traditional.
277
00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:24,693
Look, we're not talking about
Trooping the Colour.
278
00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:27,493
- Acceptable, then.
- To whom? Men?
279
00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:29,815
You never used to talk like this.
280
00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:35,619
Well, I was young then. If I wanted a young
boyfriend then, he'd have been in short trousers.
281
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:38,458
I'd have had to take him to the zoo
and buy him sweets.
282
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:42,539
So, you do like the idea
of a younger boyfriend then?
283
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:45,528
No. Well, I don't know, do you know?
284
00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:47,491
Oh, I don't know about you these days.
285
00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:49,496
Not me, you.
286
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:52,134
Oh. I want Sandy back.
287
00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:57,814
I don't see how that would help. Not in
your present Monarch Of The Glen mood.
288
00:15:57,860 --> 00:16:00,499
- She's a very sexy girl.
- I'm sure she is.
289
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:03,771
But she sees what she sees,
not what she wants to see.
290
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:09,016
I suppose Alistair sees
what he wants to see.
291
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:10,618
- Aah!
- You all right?
292
00:16:10,660 --> 00:16:12,457
Oh, it's my back.
293
00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:16,290
Rather funny, really.
You get backache, I get cramp.
294
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:19,218
And here we are, a couple of sex symbols.
295
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:25,936
- Have we had a reply?
- No.
296
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:29,973
It's no good them sending us faxes
if the faxes are unintelligible.
297
00:16:34,980 --> 00:16:37,619
- Guess who?
- Oh, who let him in?
298
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,412
I did.
299
00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:42,418
- You're supposed to protect me.
- I'm not a bodyguard.
300
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:46,097
- Anyway, he's very persuasive.
- Oh, he's a pain.
301
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:49,894
- Oh, he's got a lovely smile.
- I'm going home.
302
00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:52,408
- Tired?
- Better locks on the doors.
303
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:55,335
Better be quick.
304
00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:59,211
- Aha!
- Aha, I'm busy.
305
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:02,218
You think I'm not?
I have a publishing company to run.
306
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:03,852
The difference is I don't care.
307
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:07,017
No, the difference is you're
wealthy enough not to have to.
308
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,498
I've got a great idea.
309
00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:13,135
If it involves balloons, musicians or gorillas,
I don't want to know.
310
00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:16,809
- What about a picnic on Sunday?
- Where? Mount Fujiyama?
311
00:17:16,860 --> 00:17:19,090
- If you like.
- I haven't got time.
312
00:17:19,740 --> 00:17:23,619
Actually, I was thinking more of Richmond,
by the river.
313
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:27,168
- Please.
- All right.
314
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,573
- You've cracked!
- No.
315
00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:30,736
- There's a condition.
- Anything.
316
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:33,419
If I say yes, will you stop
pestering me for a week?
317
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,809
- If it's what you want.
- I've just said so.
318
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,292
- After the picnic, I mean.
- Huh. You're very confident.
319
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:42,808
Yes, I am.
320
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:47,411
I can remember
when I was about, ooh, six months old...
321
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:53,019
And I remember looking up into my mirror
with the red and yellow beads
322
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:55,415
and I remember saying to myself,
323
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,577
"Face it. Alistair Deacon...
324
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,180
"you have a lot to be confident about."
325
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,979
I love it when you laugh.
326
00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:08,773
Don't get used to it.
There's another condition.
327
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:10,731
- Unfair!
- I know.
328
00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:13,578
It's, er, not a physical one, is it?
329
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:16,817
- No.
- That's a relief. Go on.
330
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:21,890
A picnic? It's all wet grass and wasps.
331
00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:23,931
All right, dry grass and wasps.
332
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,811
Yes, but why?
333
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,292
Will you stop doing that?
334
00:18:30,220 --> 00:18:34,099
- No, it's Judith. She's distracting me.
- (Jean) Tell her to act her age.
335
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,973
- Your mother says act your age.
- (Laughs) That's rich.
336
00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:41,252
She said, "That's rich." Yes, I know, I know.
337
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,048
Go on.
338
00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:47,371
Are you sure?
339
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,048
All right. I'll ask.
340
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,897
Was that Mum checking up?
341
00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:55,135
- No.
- Who's going on a picnic?
342
00:18:55,780 --> 00:19:00,331
- Um... your mother and Alistair.
- Oh, well, well.
343
00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:04,297
Look, um, would you...
344
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,649
- Would you like to go on a picnic?
- Who with?
345
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:10,339
- Um... me.
- Yes.
346
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:14,296
- You can think about it.
- No, I don't need to. Where shall we go?
347
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:15,819
Er...
348
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:18,294
Well, the same place as them, I suppose.
349
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,376
You mean it's the four of us?
350
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:23,571
Well, um, more or less, yes.
351
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,338
Oh.
352
00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:29,293
Well, think of it as, uh, two couples.
353
00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:32,218
Got ya.
354
00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:34,171
Will you stop doing that?
355
00:19:36,820 --> 00:19:39,209
It's like a bad plot for a restoration comedy.
356
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:43,697
No, it isn't. Look, we all get together,
Judy and Alistair look at each other,
357
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:48,575
the scales drop from their eyes,
they walk off hand in hand and we get peace.
358
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,053
What about the toy boy idea?
359
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:53,456
That only works as a theory,
when Alistair isn't actually there.
360
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:54,728
Silly theory.
361
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:57,340
- Of course, when he is there, phwoo-hoo.
- What?
362
00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:59,211
Nothing.
363
00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:03,333
- Why say it, then?
- Well, he is very personable.
364
00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:06,099
- Not an adjective I'd use.
- You're not a woman.
365
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:10,609
So what you're saying is,
when he's around, you go all gooey.
366
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:13,333
- That's not an adjective I'd use.
- Silly?
367
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:17,089
Look, you positively preen when Judy
just wrinkles her nose at you.
368
00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:19,290
I've never preened in my life.
369
00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:23,094
But I'll just say this. This plan of yours
might come unstuck.
370
00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:26,652
And I'm not being immodest
but Judith is fairly struck.
371
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:29,055
So is Alistair. Very, very, very struck.
372
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:31,489
- We're doing it again, aren't we?
- Yes, we are.
373
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:34,054
Trying to snatch a drink
at the fountain of youth.
374
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:37,978
- I got cramp again the other day.
- Reaching for the fountain?
375
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:40,693
- Reaching for a pencil.
- Oh.
376
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:44,816
- How's the backache?
- Oh, it's gone. It hasn't come back.
377
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:47,420
- Good to hear.
- Thank you.
378
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:51,453
- Well, this picnic, it's worth a go, I suppose.
- Of course it is.
379
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,458
What else would you be doing
on a Sunday afternoon?
380
00:20:54,500 --> 00:21:00,735
I don't know. Trying to stay awake
while Rugby Special is on BBC2, I suppose.
381
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,616
- What about you?
- Nodding off while Rugby Special's on.
382
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:08,298
- Makes you sleepy even thinking about it.
- Yes, it does.
383
00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:11,253
Is it warm enough for a bikini?
384
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:13,256
- Oh, no.
- (Lionel) Why not?
385
00:21:15,020 --> 00:21:16,373
Well, it's a lovely day.
386
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,694
Are you all right, Li?
387
00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:52,492
I'm fine.
388
00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:56,930
- Want to rest for a bit?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
389
00:21:58,220 --> 00:21:59,619
Poor old Lionel.
390
00:21:59,660 --> 00:22:03,096
There's more to a man
than carrying a picnic hamper. There!
391
00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:07,019
- (Judith) There's a good spot!
- Brilliant. Set her down, Li.
392
00:22:12,340 --> 00:22:15,491
Are you sure you're all right?
You've gone a funny colour.
393
00:22:15,540 --> 00:22:17,610
It's sheer exhilaration.
394
00:22:18,180 --> 00:22:20,136
Are you all right?
395
00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,136
I'm just having a sit-down.
396
00:22:23,980 --> 00:22:25,811
Look out. Mud.
397
00:22:25,860 --> 00:22:27,930
- Oh, where? Where?
- Nowhere.
398
00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:31,893
- Oh, no, Alistair! Alistair! Put me down.
- In a minute, in a minute.
399
00:22:31,940 --> 00:22:36,855
- Oh, please, Alistair, I feel silly.
- Oh, you look absolutely wonderful.
400
00:22:39,540 --> 00:22:41,735
- Couldn't make it, huh?
- Feeling better?
401
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:43,850
I'm fine, I'm game for anything.
402
00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:51,220
(Jean) Missed, Lionel.
(Lionel) My back!
403
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,612
Yours, Li!
404
00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:01,896
- I wasn't ready.
- Stay there, I'll get it.
405
00:23:09,340 --> 00:23:11,137
- Mum!
- Oh!
406
00:23:11,860 --> 00:23:14,420
Stay there. I'll get it.
407
00:23:21,420 --> 00:23:23,172
They're getting on well.
408
00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:26,089
I wouldn't call that a burgeoning romance.
409
00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:30,338
- You're only miffed because you didn't catch it.
- Your display wasn't athletic.
410
00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:33,656
- I caught more than you.
- Only cos Alistair threw you soft ones.
411
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:34,974
Pfff.
412
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,735
Oh, look, they're talking.
413
00:23:38,780 --> 00:23:40,577
He's probably proposing.
414
00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,090
God, I'm hot.
415
00:23:53,620 --> 00:23:55,736
(Alistair) Good idea.
416
00:24:03,020 --> 00:24:04,817
Let's eat.
417
00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:08,499
Et... voilà.
418
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:18,335
- Why don't we go for a stroll?
- Can we let the lunch go down first?
419
00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:24,135
Shall we go for a stroll?
420
00:24:24,180 --> 00:24:27,536
Well, perhaps it's the wine,
but this grass has got comfortable.
421
00:24:27,580 --> 00:24:30,174
Why don't you two go for a stroll?
422
00:24:30,740 --> 00:24:33,015
No, I'm all right.
423
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:39,848
I've got some badminton gear in the car,
we could set that up.
424
00:24:39,900 --> 00:24:42,334
What a good idea.
425
00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:52,618
- How's your badminton?
- Rusty-ish. Yours?
426
00:24:52,660 --> 00:24:55,732
- Nonexistent.
- Did we ever go on a picnic?
427
00:24:56,380 --> 00:25:00,419
Yes. You bought a bottle of cider,
I made some meat-paste sandwiches
428
00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:03,020
and we bought a couple of rock cakes
in a shop.
429
00:25:03,060 --> 00:25:06,575
Sophisticates. We didn't tear about
like those two.
430
00:25:06,620 --> 00:25:09,373
We couldn't. The field was full of cowpats.
431
00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:15,576
- (Alistair) I wanted to ask you something.
- What?
432
00:25:15,620 --> 00:25:19,135
Well, it's about your mother.
You don't mind, do you?
433
00:25:19,180 --> 00:25:23,617
- No. I think she's quite nice, really.
- You know what I mean.
434
00:25:23,660 --> 00:25:28,609
- Why should I mind?
- Well, I'm a good deal younger than she is.
435
00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:32,096
I wouldn't like you to think
I was just seeking a new experience.
436
00:25:32,140 --> 00:25:36,497
I don't believe age matters.
I think Lionel's gorgeous.
437
00:25:36,540 --> 00:25:41,455
Good. Do you think we could contrive
to... split this afternoon?
438
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,616
My thoughts exactly.
439
00:25:44,580 --> 00:25:47,048
- Let's do it.
- Let's do it.
440
00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:51,734
Oh.
441
00:25:53,100 --> 00:25:54,658
(Alistair) Oh.
442
00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:58,009
(Judith) He looks older.
443
00:25:58,060 --> 00:26:00,574
Jean doesn't.
444
00:26:02,220 --> 00:26:06,418
- Shall we go for a stroll?
- Might as well.
445
00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:15,297
Ooh.
446
00:26:18,140 --> 00:26:20,131
(Lionel) Urgh!
447
00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:23,655
Oh, bloody stuff.
448
00:26:23,700 --> 00:26:27,579
Oh, come here. Ooh!
449
00:26:28,740 --> 00:26:29,968
Thanks.
450
00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:34,211
I didn't mean to fall asleep.
451
00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:37,058
Neither did I. They've gone.
452
00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:40,256
My plan must have worked.
453
00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:44,578
Watching people sleep has its natural time span
as a spectator sport.
454
00:26:44,620 --> 00:26:46,895
- Badminton?
- Oh, no, thanks.
455
00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:49,219
I wonder what they're doing.
456
00:26:49,260 --> 00:26:52,696
Probably discussing whether to inject us
with monkey glands.
457
00:26:52,740 --> 00:26:54,492
(Laughs) Probably.
458
00:26:55,340 --> 00:26:59,128
Which ever you look at it, we played games
with the children and flaked out.
459
00:26:59,180 --> 00:27:01,410
We shouldn't be playing games of any sort.
460
00:27:01,460 --> 00:27:04,736
- You're right.
- We're just a couple of wrinklies.
461
00:27:04,780 --> 00:27:06,691
I prefer to call them laughter lines.
462
00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:10,415
So do I, but when you have them
all over your body, it's hard to justify.
463
00:27:10,460 --> 00:27:12,496
You can say you laughed all over.
464
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:22,335
If you repeat this, I shall say I was drunk.
But I'm glad you're back in my life again.
465
00:27:22,980 --> 00:27:25,938
You are back in my life again, aren't you?
466
00:27:25,980 --> 00:27:27,891
I seem to be. Yes.
467
00:27:28,780 --> 00:27:30,771
Nice to have a friend.
468
00:27:31,340 --> 00:27:34,537
Yes. It's nice to have a friend.
469
00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:43,616
- What are you doing?
- I'm giving you a friendly kiss.
470
00:27:43,660 --> 00:27:45,252
Oh.
471
00:27:57,140 --> 00:28:01,292
- Oh, damn and blast.
- What now?
472
00:28:03,020 --> 00:28:04,658
I need a pee.
473
00:28:09,180 --> 00:28:10,977
Go on, then.
474
00:28:20,020 --> 00:28:22,739
# You must remember this
475
00:28:22,780 --> 00:28:25,340
# A kiss is still a kiss
476
00:28:25,380 --> 00:28:28,770
# A sigh is just a sigh
477
00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:34,494
# The fundamental things apply
478
00:28:34,540 --> 00:28:38,294
# As time goes by
479
00:28:41,540 --> 00:28:44,293
# And when two lovers woo
480
00:28:44,340 --> 00:28:47,093
# They still say I love you
481
00:28:47,140 --> 00:28:50,052
# On that you can rely
482
00:28:52,660 --> 00:28:57,017
# The world will always welcome lovers
483
00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:06,253
# As time goes by #
484
00:29:06,303 --> 00:29:10,853
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