All language subtitles for Angel From Hell s01e01.eng

Hey! Magician lady!

Did you disappear
my fruit again?

(kids gasp) Oh! Wow!

Huh? Uh, no, Steve,
it's probably

up your ass,
next to that giant stick, huh?

Man: I can't believe this woman.

Hey, never said my show
was rated G, people.

Never said it.

Does this... belong to you?

How'd you do that?

It's magic, dude.
Now, if you'll look

in the pocket of your hoodie, I
think you got something for me.

(soft gasp)

(chuckles) That's so cool!

Why don't you get a
five-spot from your dad

- and put it in the hat, okay?
- Okay.

Okay. One of these.

Are these enough
radishes for a party?

I don't know,
how many rabbits did you invite?

Ha! It's for the crudit?s.

- Come on, let's just cater it.
- Oh, lazy much?

It is our first party

since we moved in together...

We can make the appetizers.

Fine.

Ooh!

Oh, I love this.

Is this Latin American cotton?

I went to El Salvador last year

on this ridiculous surf trip.

- Cool.
- Man: So good.

Another scarf? I didn't agree

to move in with
Steven Tyler's mic stand.

- Mm.
- Mm.

Guys, I think I'm gonna hit up

an earlier yoga class.

- Oh, at that place? MRSA alert.
- I know,

but I've got
a commercial audition later,

and I need to clear my head...
I'm nervous.

All right, text me later, let
me know how it goes.

Yes, Mom.

(both chuckle)

Okay, let's go.

All right.

(groans)

Oh!

(laughing): I'm so sorry!

Look what the clumsy
magician lady did.

Oh, no worries.
Accidents happen.

Well, that's a very
sweet thing to say.

I'll bet you're a very
sweet person, Dr. Allison.

How did you know my name?
And that I'm a doctor.

- Have we met?
- It feels like it, doesn't it?

It's like we've known each other
all our lives.

Like we have a psychic,
spiritual connection.

What is happening here?

Ha-ha! I'm just
messing with you.

Look. I palmed your
charm bracelet.

There's an Allison charm,
a doctor charm...

(chuckles)
I thought you had ESP.

I was gonna make you guess
what my job was.

- You're unemployed.
- Well,

actually I'm developing an app.

- You get paid for that?
- Well,

I'm talking to some investors.

Yeah, you're unemployed.

Dr. Allison,
it has been a pleasure.

(chuckles) Take it sleazy,
Zuckerberg. (chuckles)

Beard is ridiculous. (chuckles)

Why?

What the...?

Uh... that woman just hit me.

Ooh. Is Jill coming
to your party?

Well, she's my best
friend, so yeah.

- Cool. I won't bring a date.
- 'Cause you think

- you're going home with her?
- Totally possible.

I'm making headway...
We're doing a cleanse together.

Oh. Are you applying for the job
of her gay best friend?

No. I'm applying for the job of
her lover, thank you very much,

and my r?sum?'s tight.

R?sum?? Hmm.

"?�Allison's brother:

"?�hobbies
include obsessive crushes

and pooping my pants
on the way to Mammoth."

Ooh. There was something wrong
with those date shakes.

Look, Jill would be lucky
to go out with you,

- I know.
- but I don't think she sees you that way,

and I think you
should probably move on.

- Never.
- I just worry about you,

being newly divorced and all.

And that's very sweet of you
and I appreciate that,

- but I'm fine.
- Shut the front door! Dr. Allison!

It's me, Amy,
from the farmers' market.

How random is this,
running into you?

It's really random.

- Who's this Bit-O-Honey?
- Hi. What's up?

- I'm Brad. I'm the brother.
- Mmm!

- Brad: Yeah.
- Hey, I want to show you something.

I got this thing on my shoulder,
might be a mole.

Could be a...

wax burn from some
degrading role play.

You know what I'm talking about, don't you?

Yeah, I do.

Amy: So anyway, you give it an
eyeball, maybe ballpark diagnosis?

Why don't you just
come into my office?

- Just make an appointment.
- Oh. Okay. That's cool.

Um, I am currently
in between insurance carriers,

so what's your barter policy?

(Amy laughs)

(laughing):
Just messing with you!

I'll pay cash.
It'll probably be all ones.

And no,
I'm not a stripper, Brad.

Damn it.

So, Dr. Allison,

I guess I'll be
seeing you soon, huh?

Amy: And, you...

I'm not done with you yet.

Good. If you need me, I live
above my sister's garage.

- Ooh, you're a project, aren't you?
- Get your tool set ready.

(chuckles)

Why was I flirting
with that woman?

I have no idea.

She's some kook
from the farmers' market.

It's like she drew me in... it
got very sexual, very quickly.

- Yeah, I know. It was weird.
- All right.

- I told you I'd see you soon.
- Okay, uh,

you keep showing up everywhere,

- and it's freaking me out.
- Absolutely.

It is weird. Creme de menthe?

I'm actually on my way back to the office.

'Cause it's 2:00 p.m.,
on a Tuesday.

Wow, it's Tuesday already?
Man, space and time!

- Listen, can I ask you something personal?
- I don't really know you.

Do you believe there's a force in
this world that wants nothing more

- than for you to be happy?
- But go ahead and ask anyway.

And if there was

such a force, do you think it
could be manifested in a person?

A person whose mission is to safeguard
your journey through this world?

You know, like, uh, intervene before you
get hit by a bus or something like that.

It sounds like you're describing
a guardian angel.

That's exactly
what I'm describing.

(big sigh)
What exactly do you want?

(sighs) Dr. Allison,

we have not been
formally introduced.

I'm Amy, and, honey...

I'm your guardian angel.

Uh... look...

- I am a skin doctor.
- I know.

I think what you need
is a psychiatrist.

- Oh.
- Or...

maybe a sober
living arrangement.

Your mother died 412 days ago.

And though you won't admit it,

she was your best friend.

And since then you've
buried yourself in work,

buried yourself
in a relationship

with a guy
who's a bit of a tool.

- Hey...
- It's an observation,

honey, it's not a judgment.

Got your first period
at Red Lobster,

which is super ironic.

(quietly): Stop!
(women laughing)

Remember your first orgasm,

when you farted
just a little bit?

Oh, my God! (laughing)

Oh, man, so embarrassing!

How do you know all that stuff?

I've been watching you.

It's what we do.

We watch over souls.

And yours is amazing.

You could've easily found
that stuff online.

My friends over-share
on Facebook.

That's true, and I am a whiz

at the computer...
Especially Photoshop.

Check this out... my head

on Gisele Bundchen's body.

- What do you think?
- Ew.

Christmas card material? No?

So you've been
cyber-stalking me?

- I suppose you know my password?
- Maybe.

Or... I may be an angel
whose mission it is to...

safeguard your journey
through this world.

It all depends

on what you believe, Allison.

Okay.

See you later, angel lady. Yeah.
Okay.

Look out!

Bus! Oh, my God! (gasps)

No, no, no bus. I'm so sorry.

I'm seeing things. My fault.

- Okay.
- I'm sorry. No touching, either.

(laughing): I'm buzzed.
I thought I saw a bus.

I'm loaded. It's the
creme de menthe, honey.

It sneaks up on ya.

S01E01
Pilot

sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com

- Morning, Felicia.
- Holy sunburn, Dad!

How many days were you
lost in the desert?

- I played a quick nine this morning.
- Aw, Dad,

come on, we're dermatologists,
not cautionary tales.

Hey, you know, I still
haven't received

your RSVP
to the housewarming party.

I think your house
is plenty warm.

Is it really necessary to add
an unemployed boyfriend, honey?

Evan and I are moving in
together, it is happening,

and I want you there.

Of course I'm coming.

Great. Are you bringing anyone?

No, no.

Flying solo...
like a golden eagle.

You know who you could bring?

Uh, Dana from the club.
Yeah, she seems cool.

- She's too short.
- Have you seen yourself lately?

Exactly. If we had kids,
they'd be jockeys.

Oh, what about that cute
pediatrician from the conference?

Oh, I'll date a doctor
if you do.

Dad, come on, it's been
over a year since Mom died.

I'm not trying to pressure you.

But it might be time
to get out there.

Are you nervous?

'Cause you're a Beverly
Hills skin doctor.

There's going to be a stampede.

Well, now
you're making me blush.

I wish I could tell.
Stacy from the bank.

And we're done.
If you'll excuse me now,

I'm gonna go dunk my head
in some aloe.

(car alarm chirps)

Sweet Volt. Evan's idea?

You know what they
say about a guy

with a small carbon
footprint... small penis.

Okay, we're officially
in a stalker situation.

Impromptu plan... you,
me, Julio's Cantina.

When's the last time you had a
weekday margarita?

No, thanks.

I've got a 6:00 a.m. spin class.

Plus, I'm off sugar.

(groans)

I have an antihistamine
or EpiPen here somewhere,

- 'Cause I'm allergic to fun.
- Because you're allergic to fun.

Listen... I know we just met

and we're having a great time
making jokes, but...

I have something really intense
I need to talk to you about.

I have cancer.

(Latin music playing loudly)
Okay, I don't have cancer.

Terrible lie.

- Never should've said it.
- You just faked cancer?

Let's leave the past
in the past, okay?

I didn't know any other way
to get you here.

Oh, so you had to lie?

Technically, we're never
supposed to intervene

in a human's life.

Oh, is that some sort
of angel rule?

As a matter of fact, it is, yes.

We're supposed to help from
afar, be subtle about things.

You know, like implant
an inspirational thought,

or nudge you
towards the conditioner

that would give your hair
that perfect bounce.

- The Pantene?
- You're welcome.

(chuckles) But if I see
you're about to go down

a dangerous path,
what am I gonna do,

stick my head up my ass?

What are you talking about,
??�dangerous path??�?

Follow me.

(giggling) Allison: Oh.

I didn't know they
were having dinner tonight.

Evan said he was working.

He's working on boning
your best friend.

They've hooked up once before.

Some light petting...
I won't go into details.

- Second base.
- What?!

Boobs, dude. (belches)

And some dry humping,
but please, I just,

I don't want to get
into the details.

Allison: I'm sorry, Evan is cheating?

With Jill?

Kid, I'm so sorry.

Oh, honey.

Would it cheer you up
to know that there is

a taquito...

behind your ear?

(crunching taquito)

These are surprisingly crunchy.

(low, indistinct conversation)

Hey, guys.

- Oh. Hey, babe.
- Hi.

Wha... What are you doing here?
I thought you were working late.

Allison: Oh, I just...

you know...

What are you doing here?

Um...

(chuckles):
I guess you caught us.

I can't believe this.

How could you?

How could I what?

And, Jill, you're hooking up
with my boyfriend?

Allison,
wh-what are you talking about?

We didn't hook up.

Oh, then what the hell is this?

With the coffee and the cakes?

Babe, there's just one cake.

Look...

I wasn't going to tell you,

but I'm-I'm making a video

for the party tomorrow night,

of all the big moments
in your life.

Because moving in together

is the biggest moment
in my life.

- Yeah?
- And Jill was just helping me out.

She just brought over pics

that I can scan.

Jill: This is us at prom.

This was when we were in Greece.

Oh, and one of us
at Red Lobster.

It's a little weird you have
a picture from that day.

It was a big moment.

It's really sweet.

Oh, my God, you guys.
I'm so sorry.

I just totally freaked out.

Can we please just forget
I said anything?

- Um, yeah.
- I'm so sorry.

Evan: Babe, why would
you even think that?

- I don't know. I'm sorry.
- Ah, come here.

He's lying. I know
they were hooking up.

- How?
- An angel knows.

- And I hacked into his e-mails.
- What?!

- I told you I'm a wiz at the computer.
- Ugh!

Oh, please, no, stop. Please.

Let me explain.

- Are you crying?
- No.

There's habanero pepper
in this taquito

and I'm literally
digesting lava.

I want you out of my life.

Seriously.
I will get a restraining order.

My uncle's a lawyer.

Your uncle's a dentist.

Why do you know everything?

I am going back inside
to have dinner

with my non-cheating boyfriend
and my best friend.

Crazy ladies not invited.

Well, I'm not following you,
but I got to go to the bathroom.

I've got a nuclear situation
here and it ain't a drill.

Allison: Hi.

You look gorgeous.

So good to see you.

Hello. Hey, you.

Hi, Brad.

How's the cleanse going?

Oh, I stopped it last week.

Didn't I tell you?

You did not.

Spacey actress.

(both laugh)

Anyway, how is it going for you?

Uh, good for me.
I'm-I'm-I'm loving it. Yeah.

I've had some vertigo
and full body sweats,

but other than...

and I am a little weak,
actually, but good.

- Cool.
- So, um...

Yeah, I'm loving
the clean living.

- It's going to be my thing now.
- Do you want to get drunk?

- Absolutely.
- Come on.

(pop music playing, muffled)

Man, I got to stop intervening.

Are you talking to me?

Evan's cheating on Allison,

and I just want to go in there

and bust him, but I can't.

I'm trying to be
more disciplined.

Okay, I don't know any of the
people you're talking about.

What? Boo. Bad neighbor.

- All right.
- Get out of here.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Hey, don't let him

take a whizz on my chariot.

It's my only mode
of transport post DWI.

Speaking of which, do you
know a good attorney?

Like, an affordable guy,

someone who's not going
to ask a lot of questions?

Have a nice night.

You, too, pal.

Hey, and introduce yourself
to Allison!

She's the best!

Welcome, everybody,
to our first party.

(cheering)

I'll keep it short. Um...

I just want to say
how truly lucky I feel

to have met this man.

- Aw...
- He makes me feel

safe and loved

and I'm so happy
we're living together.

No, I'm the lucky one
to have you.

Hear, hear! (laughter)

- I'm pretty great.
- Yes, you are.

- We're out of beer.
- We're out of beer.

Get some more beer.

Love is in the air, huh?

Oh, sorry, yeah.

I need two cases of
Anchor Steam delivered to...

Weird.

Uh, no, not you. No.

Two cases of Anchor Steam
delivered to...

My clover charm?

Weird.

(laughing) Hey.

Hi. Hey, are you missing
your clover charm?

The one we got in Ireland?

Yeah. How'd you know?

Because it was in Evan's office.

On his couch.

Evan and I hooked up.

(partygoers gasp, music stops)

God, I'm so sorry.

- What?
- What?!

It happened when we
were making the video.

Things got out of hand. I promise
it'll never happen again.

- Seriously?
- Seriously?!

Not your moment, Brad.

- Are you kidding me?
- Are you kidding me?

No-no-no. I-I...

- We did not hook up.
- Oh?

Okay, I did, but...

just give me one minute
to explain.

Which part?

The cheating or
the-the making me feel horrible

for accusing you of cheating
while you were cheating?

All right, this move-in has brought
up a lot of issues for me.

- What issues?
- Okay, uh, well, uh,

first of all, uh,
we're very different people.

- Oh, okay.
- 'Cause I'm super chill

- Mm.
- but you, you're so intense.

Plus you're always on the phone
or you're at the office.

You have literally worked
about every weekend

since we have been together.

Well, somebody's got to work
around here.

(partygoers gasp) Oh.

So there it is.

You don't believe
in my business plan.

An app where you can choose
different skin colors

for your photos?

Uh, it's like Benetton.

Okay, it promotes tolerance.

It promotes blackface.

No, it-it doesn't. It...

Okay, we're just gonna need
to cool things off here

before someone says something
they're going to regret.

Oh, okay, well, how about this?

How about leave
and never come back?

I'm serious. Go.

I'm going to go.

- That's what I said.
- Yeah.

And then I said it.

(door shuts) Oh, my God.

Uh, yeah, hi. Uh, everybody,

the, um, party celebrating
my relationship

ended when my relationship
ended.

You heard her, folks!
Move it or lose it!

Wow.

Okay. Thanks. Bye.

Oh, kiddo.

I heard he was cheating and
I didn't want to believe it.

You deserve so much
better than him.

- Thanks, Dad.
- Love you, kiddo.

(knocking on door)

Amy:
Ta-da!

(chuckles)

So creepy.

I was just going
to leave the plate,

but I thought, "Who eats
unattended camp food, huh ?"

FYI, best s'more ever.

Well, here it is
on a Sunday morning

and the doctor is in.

My diagnosis: nerdialence.

Look, I don't know how you knew

but you knew.

Evan and Jill were hooking up.

You were right, go ahead,
throw it in my face.

Aw, sorry, kid.

That must feel terrible.

It does.

Here, take a bite.

(sighs)

Nobody's made me s'mores

- since I was a kid...
- Since you were a little girl.

- Your mom used to make them for you.
- Yeah, my mom used to...

- She used to make them for me whenever I
- She used to make them for you...

Okay, can I please finish
a nostalgic thought.

Sure.

She... used to make them

for me just because.

Mm.

She called it my reward
for being me.

She'd surprise me with
a plate every few months.

That's why I made the s'more.

I wanted to remind you of a time
when you felt really loved.

Well... that is not
how I feel now.

Pity party, your table's ready.

What? I barely got choked up.

Do you know what
your problem is?

You take care of
everybody but yourself,

and that attracts people
who take advantage.

I mean, you basically
supported your boyfriend,

your let your brother
sleep in your garage.

What is your point?

Living for others
never end well.

It drains you, honey.

Now, take a bite.

Hmm?

Wow.

(laughing)

That's amazing.

Look at that smile, huh?

That's the smile of
a happy kid, huh?

Living in the moment,

free from everybody's
expectations.

Settle down. (laughing)

Personal space.

Oh, Allison, I could help you.

You just need somebody
to nudge you,

to say, get off the phone,

have a weekday margarita,
have some fun,

let some random guy
take you to O-town.

Oh, I was with you
right up until the end.

Ah, you don't just
deserve to be happy

and to be loved.

It's your birthright.

And I want nothing less for you.

You might even say...

it's my mission in life.
(clicks tongue)

But... (snaps fingers)

if all this angel stuff is too
bizarre for you, I understand,

I get it...
and I'll leave you alone.

Walk very slowly...

just in case she wants
to change her mind.

It's not that I believe
you're an angel.

- But...?
- But...

you know, I could use
a weird friend.

Look at me.

Yeah, I know.

Do they come any weirder?
(laughing)

You got coffee in there?

I do.

Cr?me de menthe.

Mm, shocker.

Let's get our Sunday on, huh?

(dog barking in distance)

("The Funeral"
by Band of Horses plays)

(music stops)

(phone buzzing)

What?

sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0