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1
00:00:01,836 --> 00:00:03,554
I just got an e-mail from the school.
2
00:00:03,601 --> 00:00:06,773
Crossing Guard Sandy
is having a "hip replacement."
3
00:00:06,836 --> 00:00:09,537
Mama, I know this means rehab.
4
00:00:09,606 --> 00:00:12,106
Aww. My little girl is growing up.
5
00:00:12,175 --> 00:00:13,508
Principal Ablin needs
6
00:00:13,576 --> 00:00:15,376
parent volunteers to fill in for her.
7
00:00:15,445 --> 00:00:16,844
Oh, my God, Mom. Please don't.
8
00:00:16,913 --> 00:00:18,146
Don't you know your own mother?
9
00:00:18,214 --> 00:00:19,947
For me, "volunteering"
is in the same category
10
00:00:20,016 --> 00:00:21,816
as cardio and quinoa.
11
00:00:21,885 --> 00:00:24,118
But you did volunteer to run
the Spring Gala.
12
00:00:24,187 --> 00:00:27,188
Only to endear myself to
all those idiot moms I hate.
13
00:00:27,257 --> 00:00:28,556
Have you nailed down a venue yet?
14
00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:32,927
So far, my only options
are the YMCA and...
15
00:00:32,996 --> 00:00:34,328
that's it.
16
00:00:34,397 --> 00:00:36,364
I was hoping something was going
to come to me in that pause,
17
00:00:36,433 --> 00:00:37,732
but nothing showed up.
18
00:00:37,801 --> 00:00:39,734
I'm really starting to worry
about finding a venue.
19
00:00:39,803 --> 00:00:42,437
I know my archenemies are
just waiting for me to fail.
20
00:00:42,505 --> 00:00:43,704
Okay, Batman.
21
00:00:43,773 --> 00:00:45,540
How many archenemies are you up to?
22
00:00:45,608 --> 00:00:47,942
Eight archenemies, three nemesises...
23
00:00:48,011 --> 00:00:50,211
Nemeses.
24
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,813
Nemeses.
25
00:00:51,881 --> 00:00:53,948
And one more mom that
just started to turn on me.
26
00:00:54,017 --> 00:00:55,716
She told me her daughter's name
was Poet.
27
00:00:55,785 --> 00:00:57,218
What am I supposed to do? Not laugh?
28
00:00:57,287 --> 00:00:59,153
Know your audience, Poet's mom!
29
00:00:59,222 --> 00:01:01,756
You know, you should really
look at the Carson House.
30
00:01:01,825 --> 00:01:04,325
It's a huge estate...
gardens, room for dancing,
31
00:01:04,394 --> 00:01:06,294
and, on a historical note,
the outhouse is still there
32
00:01:06,362 --> 00:01:09,597
where Paul Revere took a rush
number two on his midnight ride.
33
00:01:09,666 --> 00:01:11,265
- There's a plaque.
- Hmm.
34
00:01:11,334 --> 00:01:12,433
The Carson House is under the domain
35
00:01:12,502 --> 00:01:13,434
of the Historical Guild.
36
00:01:13,503 --> 00:01:14,902
And as Guild recording secretary,
37
00:01:14,955 --> 00:01:16,844
Stan was in charge
of all rental inquiries.
38
00:01:16,907 --> 00:01:19,907
Hmm. I thought Stan moved
to Nepal to "find himself."
39
00:01:19,976 --> 00:01:21,442
Oh, rehab!
40
00:01:21,511 --> 00:01:22,577
If I do air quotes twice,
41
00:01:22,645 --> 00:01:24,278
it means "flee from bad marriage."
42
00:01:24,347 --> 00:01:26,581
Yes, but his seat was
taken over by his wife,
43
00:01:26,649 --> 00:01:27,982
so that means you're gonna need
44
00:01:28,051 --> 00:01:29,717
to get Chloe Brown Mueller
to sign off on it.
45
00:01:29,786 --> 00:01:31,118
Ugh! Chloe Brown Mueller?
46
00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:32,553
She is never gonna say yes to me.
47
00:01:32,622 --> 00:01:34,255
She's like my number-one archenemy.
48
00:01:34,324 --> 00:01:36,657
The Joker doesn't rent
Arkham Asylum out to Batman
49
00:01:36,726 --> 00:01:37,658
for his bat-parties.
50
00:01:37,727 --> 00:01:39,026
No, he does not.
51
00:01:39,095 --> 00:01:40,595
I need to find someone irresistible
52
00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:42,597
to do my bidding.
53
00:01:42,665 --> 00:01:44,632
Aren't you adorable?
54
00:01:44,701 --> 00:01:45,833
Thank you.
55
00:01:45,902 --> 00:01:47,735
Can I speak to Chloe Brown Mueller?
56
00:01:47,804 --> 00:01:49,051
She's eating her lunch right now,
57
00:01:49,129 --> 00:01:50,671
- and she doesn't like to be...
- CHLOE: Maria, who is that?!
58
00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:52,273
I told you to never reveal details
59
00:01:52,342 --> 00:01:53,641
about my private life.
60
00:01:53,710 --> 00:01:55,309
Ugh, I forgot after I haven't
61
00:01:55,378 --> 00:01:56,611
seen you in a while how rough you look.
62
00:01:56,679 --> 00:01:57,778
Get out of here.
63
00:01:57,847 --> 00:02:00,014
Oh, hi, Anna-Kat. How can I help you?
64
00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:02,383
Okay, first,
65
00:02:02,452 --> 00:02:04,752
you need to compliment the store.
66
00:02:04,821 --> 00:02:07,121
What beautiful wares you have here.
67
00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:08,623
[SIGHS] Finally,
68
00:02:08,691 --> 00:02:11,485
someone with a good eye for wares.
69
00:02:11,728 --> 00:02:13,928
?
70
00:02:13,997 --> 00:02:17,598
Then you need to say something
nice about Chloe's looks.
71
00:02:17,667 --> 00:02:19,433
I love that haircut.
72
00:02:19,502 --> 00:02:21,168
It frames your face perfectly.
73
00:02:21,237 --> 00:02:24,238
And makes my cheekbones look
like Keith Urban's.
74
00:02:24,307 --> 00:02:27,008
- It does.
- [CHUCKLES]
75
00:02:27,076 --> 00:02:30,011
Then take a random shot at Maria.
76
00:02:30,079 --> 00:02:33,180
Maria, there is such a thing
as teeth-whitening strips.
77
00:02:33,249 --> 00:02:35,383
[LAUGHS] Good one, Anna-Kat!
78
00:02:35,451 --> 00:02:37,018
Up top.
79
00:02:37,086 --> 00:02:38,619
[LAUGHS]
80
00:02:38,688 --> 00:02:41,155
Once the table's set...
81
00:02:41,224 --> 00:02:43,991
then you make the ask.
82
00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:45,526
Oh, I was wondering.
83
00:02:45,595 --> 00:02:47,295
Can my mom please use the Carson House
84
00:02:47,363 --> 00:02:48,496
for the Spring Gala?
85
00:02:48,565 --> 00:02:51,532
Aww. You tell your mama
that I hate her guts
86
00:02:51,601 --> 00:02:53,067
and then laugh at her like this.
87
00:02:53,136 --> 00:02:54,569
[CACKLES]
88
00:02:54,637 --> 00:02:56,203
She hates your guts.
89
00:02:56,272 --> 00:02:59,373
[CACKLES]
90
00:02:59,442 --> 00:03:01,208
[GROANS]
91
00:03:01,277 --> 00:03:04,211
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
92
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,213
?
93
00:03:06,282 --> 00:03:09,584
[GROANS] I need that venue.
94
00:03:09,652 --> 00:03:12,553
Of all people, it had to be
Chloe Brown Mueller.
95
00:03:12,622 --> 00:03:13,955
Well, you got to come up with something.
96
00:03:14,023 --> 00:03:15,122
The Gala's just two months away.
97
00:03:15,191 --> 00:03:16,424
Can you stop screaming at me?
98
00:03:16,492 --> 00:03:17,558
I'm not screaming at you.
99
00:03:17,627 --> 00:03:18,893
You're totally screaming. Doris?
100
00:03:18,962 --> 00:03:20,194
- Yeah, you're making a scene.
- Mm-hmm.
101
00:03:20,263 --> 00:03:21,462
Ugh, I hate it when you guys do that
102
00:03:21,531 --> 00:03:23,130
"You're screaming" thing
when I'm not screaming.
103
00:03:23,199 --> 00:03:24,532
It drives me crazy!
104
00:03:24,601 --> 00:03:25,591
Okay. Now you're screaming.
105
00:03:25,607 --> 00:03:28,174
You sent in a child
to do an assassin's work.
106
00:03:28,243 --> 00:03:31,411
Why not have Angela go
full-on lawyer on Chloe's ass?
107
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,612
Rough her up a bit.
108
00:03:32,681 --> 00:03:34,114
I have her threaten people all the time.
109
00:03:34,182 --> 00:03:35,949
What's that word you use
to intimidate people?
110
00:03:36,017 --> 00:03:37,717
- It sounds dirty?
- Penal code?
111
00:03:37,786 --> 00:03:38,985
- That's the one.
- Yeah.
112
00:03:39,054 --> 00:03:40,253
Do you really think
113
00:03:40,322 --> 00:03:42,455
that you can intimidate
Chloe Brown Mueller?
114
00:03:42,524 --> 00:03:45,058
[SCOFFS] I could do it in my sleep.
115
00:03:45,127 --> 00:03:47,861
[CLEARS THROAT] I checked
the deed on your shop
116
00:03:47,929 --> 00:03:49,162
and there are some issues.
117
00:03:49,231 --> 00:03:50,697
You have an easement running
through your property.
118
00:03:50,766 --> 00:03:52,999
Also, a problem with
your grantor-grantee index.
119
00:03:53,052 --> 00:03:54,371
And no permit for the add-on
120
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:55,906
that encroaches on city property.
121
00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:58,275
[WINCES] That's bad.
122
00:03:58,344 --> 00:03:59,510
Wow!
123
00:03:59,579 --> 00:04:01,745
Could you intimidate
the guy at Yogurtland?
124
00:04:01,814 --> 00:04:04,114
He keeps calling me out
for putting on extra toppings
125
00:04:04,183 --> 00:04:06,317
after he's already weighed it.
126
00:04:06,385 --> 00:04:07,918
[CHUCKLES]
127
00:04:07,987 --> 00:04:09,820
?
128
00:04:09,889 --> 00:04:11,956
Right this way. There we go.
129
00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:15,125
- Oh, my God.
- My dad is filling in for Sandy.
130
00:04:15,194 --> 00:04:16,427
Go ahead.
131
00:04:16,496 --> 00:04:18,229
Are you upset because
he's the crossing guard
132
00:04:18,297 --> 00:04:20,498
or because he's wearing a lady's vest?
133
00:04:20,566 --> 00:04:21,899
Remember last year when we did
134
00:04:21,968 --> 00:04:24,034
the count-to-three rule
before you speak?
135
00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:25,836
- It's back.
- GREG: Safety first.
136
00:04:25,905 --> 00:04:26,904
Oh, no.
137
00:04:26,973 --> 00:04:28,439
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
138
00:04:28,508 --> 00:04:30,641
Okay. Come on.
139
00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:32,543
Hello, everybody. Hi.
140
00:04:32,612 --> 00:04:34,111
Why is he doing this to us?!
141
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:35,546
What? It's not that bad.
142
00:04:35,615 --> 00:04:37,548
Imagine if it was your dad out there.
143
00:04:40,553 --> 00:04:42,820
[PAINED] Why did you make me do that?
144
00:04:42,889 --> 00:04:44,722
Has your dad ever been
a crossing guard before?
145
00:04:44,790 --> 00:04:45,489
Never.
146
00:04:45,558 --> 00:04:46,957
He's a natural.
147
00:04:47,026 --> 00:04:49,493
In all my years as an educator,
I've never seen his equal.
148
00:04:49,562 --> 00:04:51,095
Here we go.
149
00:04:51,163 --> 00:04:52,730
My lord, he ZZ Top'd it.
150
00:04:54,367 --> 00:04:55,900
We have to put an end to this.
151
00:04:58,271 --> 00:04:59,403
Hey.
152
00:04:59,472 --> 00:05:00,571
What do you think you're doing?
153
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:01,872
Chipping in,
giving back to the community.
154
00:05:01,941 --> 00:05:03,741
- Well, knock it off.
- Yeah, you're embarrassing us.
155
00:05:03,809 --> 00:05:05,509
Hey, the school needed
someone to help out,
156
00:05:05,578 --> 00:05:07,745
my work schedule allowed for it,
so I stepped up.
157
00:05:07,813 --> 00:05:08,946
Besides, it's good for you
158
00:05:09,015 --> 00:05:10,347
to be embarrassed every once in a while.
159
00:05:10,416 --> 00:05:11,315
Builds character.
160
00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:12,750
Just gimme the sign, Greg.
161
00:05:12,818 --> 00:05:17,888
?
162
00:05:17,957 --> 00:05:19,590
Is the baby sleeping
through the night yet?
163
00:05:19,659 --> 00:05:21,892
[CHUCKLES] You'd have
to ask the night nurse.
164
00:05:21,961 --> 00:05:23,961
I put on a sleep mask, pop two Ambien,
165
00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:26,063
and, just to be safe,
I crash in the pool house.
166
00:05:26,132 --> 00:05:29,199
Sometimes, I don't wake up
until it's time to come here.
167
00:05:29,268 --> 00:05:31,302
Hey.
168
00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:33,938
So, did you get Chloe Brown
Mueller to bend to your will?
169
00:05:34,006 --> 00:05:35,306
I went over to her shop to talk to her,
170
00:05:35,374 --> 00:05:36,440
you know, play hardball?
171
00:05:36,509 --> 00:05:38,175
The thing is, she played
hardball right back.
172
00:05:38,244 --> 00:05:39,743
But you know what? I don't give in.
173
00:05:39,812 --> 00:05:40,978
And she didn't, either,
174
00:05:41,047 --> 00:05:43,547
and, well, one thing led to another.
175
00:05:43,616 --> 00:05:45,015
What thing led to what other thing?
176
00:05:45,084 --> 00:05:52,222
?
177
00:05:52,291 --> 00:05:59,496
?
178
00:05:59,565 --> 00:06:02,633
Maria, you're not on break! Clean it up!
179
00:06:02,702 --> 00:06:04,101
[BOTH MOANING]
180
00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:09,640
KATIE: Are you being serious right now?
181
00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:12,042
You hooked up with Chloe Brown Mueller?
182
00:06:12,111 --> 00:06:13,510
In front of Maria?
183
00:06:13,579 --> 00:06:15,713
No, we just pre-gamed at the shop.
184
00:06:15,781 --> 00:06:17,548
We ended back up at my place.
185
00:06:17,617 --> 00:06:18,549
You know how you're always telling us
186
00:06:18,618 --> 00:06:20,184
how selfish she is?
187
00:06:20,252 --> 00:06:22,753
That was not my experience.
188
00:06:22,822 --> 00:06:24,488
Oh, my God.
189
00:06:24,557 --> 00:06:25,589
I want to know nothing
190
00:06:25,658 --> 00:06:27,091
and everything at the same time.
191
00:06:27,159 --> 00:06:28,459
I can't believe
192
00:06:28,527 --> 00:06:30,661
you hooked up with Chloe Brown Mueller.
193
00:06:30,730 --> 00:06:31,762
How does that even happen?!
194
00:06:31,831 --> 00:06:32,963
Easy.
195
00:06:33,032 --> 00:06:34,832
She's a lonely Westport
housewife in crisis.
196
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:35,966
It's kind of my bread and butter.
197
00:06:36,035 --> 00:06:37,234
I'm glad you got your bread buttered,
198
00:06:37,303 --> 00:06:38,802
but did you get the contract signed?
199
00:06:38,871 --> 00:06:40,471
Oh, yeah. That's why I was there.
200
00:06:40,539 --> 00:06:41,673
I forgot that part.
201
00:06:41,729 --> 00:06:42,795
[SIGHS]
202
00:06:47,791 --> 00:06:49,938
Angela, I sent you to rough her up
203
00:06:50,002 --> 00:06:51,344
and get the contract signed.
204
00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:53,127
- Well, I did the first part.
- [GROANS]
205
00:06:53,196 --> 00:06:55,149
So, are you guys gonna be,
like, an item now?
206
00:06:55,212 --> 00:06:56,978
[SCOFFS] No. Chloe and I both know
207
00:06:57,047 --> 00:06:58,313
it was a one-and-done thing.
208
00:06:58,382 --> 00:07:00,415
I'm only asking because here she comes.
209
00:07:00,484 --> 00:07:01,816
- Hi!
- Oh, my God.
210
00:07:01,885 --> 00:07:03,685
She stole my Tegan and Sara sweatshirt.
211
00:07:03,754 --> 00:07:05,720
I feel like something magical
is about to happen.
212
00:07:05,789 --> 00:07:08,890
I thought you might be here
with your little breakfast club.
213
00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:11,126
Oh, please! You have to sit here!
214
00:07:11,194 --> 00:07:12,727
Oh, thank you so much.
215
00:07:12,796 --> 00:07:14,614
I've worked up quite an appetite.
216
00:07:14,638 --> 00:07:15,997
- [GIGGLES]
- Oh.
217
00:07:15,999 --> 00:07:18,133
So, did you tell them about us?
218
00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:20,001
Oh, she told us everything.
219
00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:22,704
And I just want to say,
you both look so good together.
220
00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:24,839
Seriously. You both are glowing.
221
00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:26,007
Aren't they glowing, Katie?
222
00:07:26,076 --> 00:07:28,243
It's hideous... yet I can't look away.
223
00:07:28,311 --> 00:07:30,445
- Listen, Chloe.
- Yes, Angie?
224
00:07:30,514 --> 00:07:32,914
Angers? Angela! [CHUCKLES]
225
00:07:32,983 --> 00:07:34,616
I'm just trying out a few nicknames...
226
00:07:34,684 --> 00:07:35,683
- Uh-huh.
- ...and I'll find it.
227
00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:36,951
Just like you found it...
228
00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:38,086
- Mm.
- ...last night.
229
00:07:38,155 --> 00:07:39,120
Okay, well, listen.
230
00:07:39,189 --> 00:07:40,355
Can you sign this contract
231
00:07:40,424 --> 00:07:42,290
saying that Katie can use
the Carson House
232
00:07:42,359 --> 00:07:43,525
for the Spring Gala?
233
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,160
You know, normally,
234
00:07:45,228 --> 00:07:47,662
I would tell Katie
how much I deeply hate her
235
00:07:47,731 --> 00:07:50,231
and then I'd make some quip
about how her house
236
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:52,033
could be brought to school as a diorama
237
00:07:52,102 --> 00:07:53,401
because it's a shoe box.
238
00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:55,570
But this morning... I don't know...
239
00:07:55,639 --> 00:07:57,305
I'm feeling good.
240
00:07:57,374 --> 00:07:59,240
Might have something to do with...
241
00:07:59,309 --> 00:08:01,109
how you made me feel good last night.
242
00:08:01,178 --> 00:08:02,510
- [WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
- Okay. Yep, we know.
243
00:08:02,579 --> 00:08:04,245
You two are so cute!
244
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:06,815
[GIGGLES] But the thing is,
245
00:08:06,883 --> 00:08:10,051
I have to scan the contract
and e-mail it for Stan to sign.
246
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,419
Wait, you can't sign it?
247
00:08:11,488 --> 00:08:13,388
No, but I'll hear from him
as soon as he wanders
248
00:08:13,457 --> 00:08:15,390
into one of those Internet cafes.
249
00:08:15,459 --> 00:08:16,591
How long will that take?
250
00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:17,826
Could be weeks.
251
00:08:17,894 --> 00:08:18,927
You know what?
252
00:08:18,995 --> 00:08:20,428
I'm gonna go buy something sweet...
253
00:08:20,497 --> 00:08:22,263
- for my sweet.
- Mm.
254
00:08:22,332 --> 00:08:23,631
Okay... Oh. That happened.
255
00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:24,632
Don't miss me too much.
256
00:08:24,701 --> 00:08:26,501
All right. [CLEARS THROAT]
257
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:29,170
Katie, I cannot deal with
a stage-five hetero clinger.
258
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:31,005
- I'm out.
- KATIE: What? No!
259
00:08:31,074 --> 00:08:32,440
Angela, you have to stay with her
260
00:08:32,509 --> 00:08:34,008
until Chloe gets the contract signed.
261
00:08:34,077 --> 00:08:35,343
I really need this venue.
262
00:08:35,412 --> 00:08:36,678
And I'm having fun!
263
00:08:36,746 --> 00:08:38,413
- She said it could be weeks.
- Suck it up.
264
00:08:38,482 --> 00:08:41,015
I have to sleep with Richard
until I'm 50.
265
00:08:41,084 --> 00:08:42,517
- Why 50?
- It was in the prenup.
266
00:08:42,586 --> 00:08:44,165
Also I'm only allowed to gain 15 pounds.
267
00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:47,111
Angela, please.
I really need this venue.
268
00:08:47,165 --> 00:08:48,131
Fine.
269
00:08:48,199 --> 00:08:50,833
[SIGHING] Oh, God. Thank you.
270
00:08:50,902 --> 00:08:53,836
A chocolate angel
for my chocolate angel.
271
00:08:53,905 --> 00:08:55,037
Ooh.
272
00:08:55,106 --> 00:08:57,206
[QUIETLY] I am so glad
I woke up for this.
273
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,708
Mm-hmm.
274
00:08:58,777 --> 00:09:01,677
?
275
00:09:01,746 --> 00:09:05,515
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
276
00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:07,250
Oh, my God. He bought a whistle.
277
00:09:08,386 --> 00:09:10,753
Not all heroes wear capes.
278
00:09:12,724 --> 00:09:14,357
Oh, Harriet.
279
00:09:14,426 --> 00:09:16,259
Let me help you with that backpack.
280
00:09:16,327 --> 00:09:17,927
Whoa, is this a crosswalk or a catwalk?
281
00:09:17,996 --> 00:09:19,862
Those are some great-fitting
jeans there, Steve.
282
00:09:19,931 --> 00:09:22,465
- Mr. Otto.
- Gayle, what do you got?
283
00:09:22,534 --> 00:09:25,234
Ow! [GROANS]
284
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,170
Franklin!
285
00:09:27,238 --> 00:09:28,971
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
286
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,440
Kid, are you okay?
287
00:09:30,508 --> 00:09:31,707
I think so.
288
00:09:31,776 --> 00:09:33,643
I wish there was somebody there
to stop me.
289
00:09:33,711 --> 00:09:35,978
Oh, my God. Franklin,
you have to be more careful.
290
00:09:36,047 --> 00:09:38,414
You need to stop
victimshaming me, Mr. Otto.
291
00:09:38,483 --> 00:09:39,482
We'll take him to the nurse, Dad.
292
00:09:39,551 --> 00:09:41,217
- I think he'll be fine.
- Okay.
293
00:09:41,286 --> 00:09:42,985
ANNA-KAT: Here.
294
00:09:45,690 --> 00:09:47,023
Good acting, Franklin.
295
00:09:47,091 --> 00:09:48,391
Thanks.
296
00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:50,860
I've been hit by cars multiple times.
297
00:09:50,929 --> 00:09:52,495
I'm gonna need your vest, Otto.
298
00:09:58,436 --> 00:09:59,936
And your gun.
299
00:10:00,004 --> 00:10:01,604
You didn't give me a gun.
300
00:10:01,673 --> 00:10:03,473
Oh, good. That's good.
301
00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:11,247
?
302
00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:13,015
- Chloe?
- Hi, guys.
303
00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:15,351
Welcome to Angela's. Come on in.
304
00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:16,352
Shoes off!
305
00:10:16,421 --> 00:10:17,887
I'm gonna go grab some wine.
306
00:10:17,956 --> 00:10:19,188
Okay.
307
00:10:19,257 --> 00:10:21,757
Why did you invite us over here
if she's here?
308
00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:23,860
Oh, I invited you here
because she's here.
309
00:10:23,928 --> 00:10:25,461
You two are my buffers.
310
00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:27,797
CHLOE: Hey, honey.
Where's the corkscrew?
311
00:10:27,866 --> 00:10:29,365
It's in the drawer by the stove.
312
00:10:29,434 --> 00:10:30,967
Oh, we are changing that.
313
00:10:31,035 --> 00:10:32,702
I can't be around her by myself.
314
00:10:32,770 --> 00:10:34,370
What makes you think
she wants to be around me?
315
00:10:34,439 --> 00:10:35,371
She hates me.
316
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,472
Then if you want that venue,
317
00:10:36,541 --> 00:10:37,740
you need to find a way to change that.
318
00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:39,041
- Make nice with her.
- [GROANS]
319
00:10:39,110 --> 00:10:41,177
Ooh, Katie kissing up
to Chloe Brown Mueller!
320
00:10:41,246 --> 00:10:42,712
That sounds like a fun show, too.
321
00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:44,247
[SING-SONG VOICE] I'm back!
322
00:10:44,315 --> 00:10:45,681
Oh. Great. [CHUCKLES]
323
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,316
[CLEARS THROAT]
324
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:50,186
Did you miss me? 'Cause I missed you.
325
00:10:50,255 --> 00:10:51,654
- Um...
- I did.
326
00:10:51,723 --> 00:10:52,588
Shut up, Katie.
327
00:10:52,657 --> 00:10:54,757
Chloe, listen.
328
00:10:54,826 --> 00:10:58,227
- You make my best friend very happy.
- Aww.
329
00:10:58,296 --> 00:11:00,763
And I was thinking that
it would be for the best
330
00:11:00,832 --> 00:11:03,566
if you and I mended our fences.
331
00:11:03,635 --> 00:11:06,135
I couldn't agree more.
332
00:11:06,204 --> 00:11:08,738
- I've hated you for so long...
- Mm-hmm.
333
00:11:08,806 --> 00:11:10,339
...and I started thinking about it.
334
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:12,441
Why do I hate you so much?
335
00:11:12,510 --> 00:11:13,910
Is it because you're poor,
336
00:11:13,978 --> 00:11:16,145
because you're tragically sloppy,
337
00:11:16,214 --> 00:11:18,548
or maybe it's those wide hobbit feet?
338
00:11:18,616 --> 00:11:20,516
- Mm-hmm.
- And the answer is yes.
339
00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:22,552
It's all those things.
340
00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,687
And you act like you hate me,
341
00:11:24,756 --> 00:11:28,491
but what's really going on
is you hate yourself.
342
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,927
Yeah, it's just my general appearance
343
00:11:30,995 --> 00:11:32,995
that has been a real barrier between us.
344
00:11:33,064 --> 00:11:35,331
But if we're gonna spend time together,
345
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,166
I'm gonna introduce you
to something called
346
00:11:37,235 --> 00:11:38,601
a "drink coaster."
347
00:11:38,670 --> 00:11:40,770
'Cause I can't have those foam
beer sleeves
348
00:11:40,838 --> 00:11:42,672
just laying around my house.
349
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,773
All right, I'm gonna grab some dessert.
350
00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:46,075
- Yeah, you do that.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
351
00:11:46,144 --> 00:11:47,710
I'm clay! Mold me.
352
00:11:47,779 --> 00:11:48,911
All right!
353
00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:50,980
I can't do this. Screw the Carson House.
354
00:11:51,049 --> 00:11:52,281
I'll just do it at the YMCA
355
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:53,916
and tell the intramural
basketball league
356
00:11:53,985 --> 00:11:55,885
that they can only have half
the court that night.
357
00:11:55,954 --> 00:11:57,553
Who's ready for some dessert?
358
00:11:57,622 --> 00:11:59,221
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
359
00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:00,890
Thank you.
360
00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:03,092
Oh, give me two scoops of that.
[CHUCKLES]
361
00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:04,794
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES]
362
00:12:04,862 --> 00:12:06,862
I never want this day to end.
363
00:12:06,931 --> 00:12:09,532
Here you go. Now, this isn't for you.
364
00:12:09,601 --> 00:12:11,434
This is to teach you some willpower.
365
00:12:11,502 --> 00:12:13,302
- Okay, Chloe...
- Oh, you know what?
366
00:12:13,371 --> 00:12:14,337
While I was in the kitchen,
367
00:12:14,405 --> 00:12:16,739
Stan e-mailed me back the contract.
368
00:12:16,808 --> 00:12:17,840
He signed it.
369
00:12:17,909 --> 00:12:18,874
Where is it?
370
00:12:18,943 --> 00:12:20,176
Oh, I just have to print it out.
371
00:12:20,244 --> 00:12:21,844
I don't want to waste
another precious moment
372
00:12:21,913 --> 00:12:23,112
of your alone time with Angela.
373
00:12:23,181 --> 00:12:24,747
E-mail it to me,
and I'll print it at home.
374
00:12:24,816 --> 00:12:25,982
No problem.
375
00:12:26,050 --> 00:12:27,917
You and Chocolate Angel
have a nice night!
376
00:12:27,986 --> 00:12:29,185
I'm coming with!
377
00:12:29,253 --> 00:12:31,087
Okay. [LAUGHS] Ooh, yeah. [CHUCKLES]
378
00:12:31,155 --> 00:12:32,521
Don't leave me.
379
00:12:32,590 --> 00:12:33,889
I can't take another moment with her.
380
00:12:33,958 --> 00:12:35,625
- Mnh.
- Ha ha.
381
00:12:35,693 --> 00:12:37,360
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
382
00:12:37,428 --> 00:12:40,429
So, should we retire to the bedroom?
383
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:41,764
[SIGHS]
384
00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:42,832
Might as well.
385
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:46,969
?
386
00:12:47,038 --> 00:12:49,505
I've got the signed document from Stan.
387
00:12:49,574 --> 00:12:51,874
The Carson House is officially mine.
388
00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:53,109
Congratulations.
389
00:12:53,177 --> 00:12:54,510
At least you can show your face
at school.
390
00:12:54,579 --> 00:12:56,045
No one got mowed down on your watch.
391
00:12:56,114 --> 00:12:57,546
Try to think of all the kids
392
00:12:57,615 --> 00:12:59,548
who didn't get mowed down on your watch.
393
00:12:59,617 --> 00:13:00,683
You don't get it.
394
00:13:00,752 --> 00:13:02,418
You've never been a man of the vest.
395
00:13:02,487 --> 00:13:03,386
[SLAMS GLASSES]
396
00:13:03,454 --> 00:13:04,520
I should've been better.
397
00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:07,456
[SIGHS] Wow.
398
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,924
Dad is really taking this hard.
399
00:13:08,993 --> 00:13:11,327
Did we do the right thing?
400
00:13:11,396 --> 00:13:13,562
Hey, you two. We did this for a reason.
401
00:13:13,631 --> 00:13:15,831
You want Dad out there in that sash
402
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:18,100
representing this family?
403
00:13:18,169 --> 00:13:19,301
Smarten up.
404
00:13:19,370 --> 00:13:20,269
Anna-Kat, we were...
405
00:13:20,338 --> 00:13:21,437
- Smarten up.
- But we...
406
00:13:21,506 --> 00:13:22,638
Smarten up!
407
00:13:22,707 --> 00:13:28,511
?
408
00:13:28,579 --> 00:13:31,614
KATIE: I got the venue,
and Chloe's out of my life.
409
00:13:31,683 --> 00:13:34,050
Now all I need to do is
run away to Mexico
410
00:13:34,118 --> 00:13:36,819
and everything will be perfect.
411
00:13:36,888 --> 00:13:38,954
Gotta really throw this away.
412
00:13:39,023 --> 00:13:42,091
Nah. I'll save it just in case.
413
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,093
[DOORBELL RINGS]
414
00:13:46,931 --> 00:13:48,597
- [SOBBING]
- Chloe?
415
00:13:48,666 --> 00:13:50,433
What are you doing here?
416
00:13:50,501 --> 00:13:51,767
And crying?
417
00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:53,836
[SOBBING] Angela broke up with me!
418
00:13:55,506 --> 00:13:58,941
Oh, my God. [SOBBING]
419
00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:02,745
- Cradle me like a baby bird.
- No.
420
00:14:02,814 --> 00:14:04,413
My wing is broken.
421
00:14:04,482 --> 00:14:07,083
Oh, God! Your earrings are ugly!
422
00:14:07,151 --> 00:14:08,884
[GROANS]
423
00:14:12,086 --> 00:14:14,353
[VOICE BREAKING]
I don't understand what I did wrong.
424
00:14:14,422 --> 00:14:16,271
I mean, you know her better
than anybody.
425
00:14:16,325 --> 00:14:17,747
Did she say anything to you?
426
00:14:17,818 --> 00:14:20,841
The connection we had was so powerful.
427
00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:22,354
Why are you here?
428
00:14:22,423 --> 00:14:24,485
You must have plenty of friends
to talk to.
429
00:14:24,532 --> 00:14:25,865
I don't. [SNIFFLES]
430
00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:27,366
I mean, I have my...
431
00:14:27,435 --> 00:14:29,836
hundreds of thousands
of Instagram followers,
432
00:14:29,904 --> 00:14:31,504
but they aren't really friends.
433
00:14:31,573 --> 00:14:32,872
And then there's Maria,
434
00:14:32,941 --> 00:14:34,640
but she keeps changing her phone number.
435
00:14:34,709 --> 00:14:37,443
She said that the phone company
has to do that every month,
436
00:14:37,512 --> 00:14:39,245
but that doesn't make sense.
437
00:14:39,314 --> 00:14:42,582
Well, that is so sad.
438
00:14:42,650 --> 00:14:44,772
You know the best thing for that is?
439
00:14:44,812 --> 00:14:45,811
A warm hug?
440
00:14:45,879 --> 00:14:47,179
[CHUCKLING] No.
441
00:14:47,248 --> 00:14:48,847
Drinking by yourself
442
00:14:48,916 --> 00:14:51,183
at your own home.
443
00:14:51,252 --> 00:14:52,284
I'm so alone.
444
00:14:52,353 --> 00:14:53,252
No, you're not.
445
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,087
I'm here for you...
446
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:56,822
- in spirit.
- Wait, I...
447
00:14:56,890 --> 00:15:00,425
[BEETHOVEN'S "MOONLIGHT SONATA"
PLAYS ON PIANO]
448
00:15:00,494 --> 00:15:06,331
?
449
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,033
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- Greg, honey.
450
00:15:08,102 --> 00:15:10,068
I know you're upset about the incident,
451
00:15:10,137 --> 00:15:12,838
but you are a great parent.
452
00:15:12,906 --> 00:15:14,473
Our kids are lucky to have you.
453
00:15:14,541 --> 00:15:16,608
That school is lucky to have you.
454
00:15:16,677 --> 00:15:19,378
And besides, even if you
had hurt that boy,
455
00:15:19,446 --> 00:15:21,079
- it's Franklin.
- Thanks, honey.
456
00:15:21,148 --> 00:15:23,148
I'm gonna go watch videos
of three-legged dogs.
457
00:15:23,217 --> 00:15:25,284
Their can-do spirit really cheers me up.
458
00:15:25,352 --> 00:15:26,718
But first, I'll play myself out.
459
00:15:26,787 --> 00:15:28,987
["SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT" PLAYS]
460
00:15:31,158 --> 00:15:32,791
- Mom?
- Mm-hmm?
461
00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:34,826
We might have had something to do
462
00:15:34,895 --> 00:15:37,262
with Dad losing his position
as a crossing guard.
463
00:15:38,465 --> 00:15:39,931
They made me go along with it.
464
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:40,999
It was your idea!
465
00:15:41,068 --> 00:15:42,234
And it was a damn good one.
466
00:15:42,303 --> 00:15:44,236
Guys, I am so disappointed in you.
467
00:15:44,305 --> 00:15:46,638
I know that you didn't like Dad
filling in as crossing guard,
468
00:15:46,707 --> 00:15:49,308
but sometimes, even though
it's not good for you,
469
00:15:49,376 --> 00:15:51,843
you have to do what's good
for someone else.
470
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,446
Damn.
471
00:15:54,515 --> 00:15:56,481
I just said something
that applies to me.
472
00:15:56,550 --> 00:15:57,983
You guys are going to have to find a way
473
00:15:58,052 --> 00:16:00,085
to make this up to your father.
474
00:16:00,154 --> 00:16:02,454
And I've got to go to
Chloe Brown Mueller's house.
475
00:16:02,523 --> 00:16:04,256
[RANDOM NOTES PLAY]
476
00:16:04,325 --> 00:16:05,624
I don't know how to play the piano.
477
00:16:10,497 --> 00:16:13,598
[CHLOE SOBBING]
478
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:15,334
Why?!
479
00:16:15,402 --> 00:16:16,868
- [SOBBING CONTINUES]
- Chloe?
480
00:16:16,937 --> 00:16:19,805
Oh. Oh, hey.
481
00:16:19,873 --> 00:16:22,207
Okay. Talk to me.
482
00:16:22,276 --> 00:16:24,643
I'm here... for you.
483
00:16:24,712 --> 00:16:26,712
I don't know what I was doing
with Angela.
484
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,680
My life used to be perfect,
485
00:16:28,749 --> 00:16:30,816
and now everything's upside down.
486
00:16:30,884 --> 00:16:32,851
- Within months, I'm single.
- Mm-hmm.
487
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,119
- I'm dating women.
- Mm-hmm.
488
00:16:34,188 --> 00:16:36,922
And now, here I am,
with no one else to turn to,
489
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:39,324
except you, my nemesis.
490
00:16:39,393 --> 00:16:40,926
- Nemeses.
- That's plural.
491
00:16:40,994 --> 00:16:42,227
Oh, I thought I had it.
492
00:16:42,296 --> 00:16:43,261
Look, Chloe.
493
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:45,130
You've just hit a rough patch,
494
00:16:45,199 --> 00:16:46,631
but you have so much...
495
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:49,267
a house, a kid, your shop.
496
00:16:49,336 --> 00:16:53,105
And a sexual future that is,
frankly, uncharted.
497
00:16:53,173 --> 00:16:54,873
You just doubled your dating pool!
498
00:16:54,942 --> 00:16:56,742
No, but nobody wants me.
499
00:16:56,810 --> 00:17:00,145
My husband left.
I screwed things up with Angela.
500
00:17:00,214 --> 00:17:02,013
I mean, the only relationship
I haven't failed at
501
00:17:02,082 --> 00:17:03,749
is with my cosmetic dentist.
502
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:05,984
See?
503
00:17:06,053 --> 00:17:08,019
You didn't screw things up with Angela.
504
00:17:08,088 --> 00:17:10,155
She was really into you the first night.
505
00:17:10,224 --> 00:17:12,057
That's just what she does...
She's a one-and-done.
506
00:17:12,126 --> 00:17:14,526
Well, not with me. We were 19-and-done.
507
00:17:14,595 --> 00:17:15,594
That's my fault.
508
00:17:15,662 --> 00:17:17,496
I wanted you to sign the papers,
509
00:17:17,564 --> 00:17:18,997
so I forced Angela to stay with you.
510
00:17:19,066 --> 00:17:20,399
The last 18 were on me.
511
00:17:20,467 --> 00:17:23,135
Wait. So it wasn't my fault?
512
00:17:23,203 --> 00:17:26,071
It was her fault and yours.
513
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:27,706
Yes.
514
00:17:27,775 --> 00:17:30,475
That actually makes me feel
a little better.
515
00:17:30,544 --> 00:17:32,144
If you think about it,
516
00:17:32,212 --> 00:17:34,780
I just did you a favor by telling you.
517
00:17:34,848 --> 00:17:37,115
So... maybe you could do me a favor
518
00:17:37,184 --> 00:17:39,084
and let me keep the Carson House
for the Gala.
519
00:17:39,153 --> 00:17:40,786
- I could.
- [CHUCKLES]
520
00:17:40,854 --> 00:17:43,555
But instead, I'll just do this.
521
00:17:43,624 --> 00:17:46,558
[CACKLES]
522
00:17:46,627 --> 00:17:48,260
Ya poor.
523
00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:50,629
Whoo! She's back, everybody!
524
00:17:50,697 --> 00:17:52,964
Hey! Your Gala's gonna suck!
525
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:55,400
?
526
00:17:55,469 --> 00:17:57,836
[BEETHOVEN'S "MOONLIGHT SONATA"
PLAYS ON PIANO]
527
00:17:57,905 --> 00:18:02,574
?
528
00:18:02,643 --> 00:18:04,743
Okay, time's up.
529
00:18:04,812 --> 00:18:07,045
I gave you guys two days
to figure out a way
530
00:18:07,114 --> 00:18:09,047
to make it up to your father.
531
00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:11,550
We figured out something
that Dad can do at school.
532
00:18:11,618 --> 00:18:13,118
It will make him happy and, at least,
533
00:18:13,187 --> 00:18:14,986
he's not in view,
so we won't be embarrassed.
534
00:18:18,425 --> 00:18:21,993
?
535
00:18:22,062 --> 00:18:23,829
GREG: As a friendly reminder,
536
00:18:23,897 --> 00:18:26,131
please do not leave
fish-based sandwiches
537
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,200
in your lockers overnight.
538
00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:30,535
This has been the morning announcements.
539
00:18:30,604 --> 00:18:33,972
Before I go, I'd like
to take a minute to tell
540
00:18:34,041 --> 00:18:36,210
my three favorite minutemen
541
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,421
to have a great day.
542
00:18:37,478 --> 00:18:38,810
Don't say our names.
543
00:18:38,879 --> 00:18:40,979
My main man, Oliver Otto.
544
00:18:41,048 --> 00:18:43,114
Oh, no. My mom must have told him.
545
00:18:43,183 --> 00:18:44,716
He's getting revenge.
546
00:18:44,785 --> 00:18:46,184
Your voice changing is
just the beginning
547
00:18:46,253 --> 00:18:48,587
of your journey into manhood.
548
00:18:48,655 --> 00:18:50,489
You got too much heat on you, man.
549
00:18:50,557 --> 00:18:52,858
I've gotta v�monos.
550
00:18:52,926 --> 00:18:55,227
My big girl, Taylor Otto,
551
00:18:55,295 --> 00:18:58,063
who still won't let me
give away her Barbies.
552
00:18:58,131 --> 00:19:00,499
- Not cool, Mr. A.
- He can't hear you.
553
00:19:01,902 --> 00:19:03,935
Not cool, Mr. A!
554
00:19:04,004 --> 00:19:06,104
And last but not least...
555
00:19:06,173 --> 00:19:07,339
Don't do it, Greg.
556
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,875
...my baby girl, Anna-Kat Otto.
557
00:19:09,943 --> 00:19:12,611
If anybody wants to see a slide
show of her baby pictures,
558
00:19:12,679 --> 00:19:14,579
it will be up all day in the gymnasium.
559
00:19:14,648 --> 00:19:17,015
In all my baby pictures,
I'm wearing a helmet.
560
00:19:17,084 --> 00:19:22,354
?
561
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:24,589
Anna-Kat, you have
a huge knot under here.
562
00:19:24,658 --> 00:19:26,291
You can't just brush
the top of your hair.
563
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,259
Yeah, yeah.
564
00:19:27,327 --> 00:19:28,393
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
565
00:19:31,999 --> 00:19:33,064
Oh, my God.
566
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:34,132
Chloe Brown Mueller says
567
00:19:34,201 --> 00:19:36,067
I can use the Carson House after all.
568
00:19:36,136 --> 00:19:37,435
That's great, Mama.
569
00:19:37,504 --> 00:19:39,404
Why in the world would she do that?
570
00:19:39,473 --> 00:19:41,373
She hates me.
571
00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:45,544
What did you do?
572
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:48,847
- Ow.
- His ankle!
573
00:19:48,916 --> 00:19:50,882
[GASPS] Oh, what happened?
574
00:19:50,951 --> 00:19:52,584
He tripped over your rug.
575
00:19:52,653 --> 00:19:54,185
It wasn't properly secured.
576
00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:55,420
Of course it was.
577
00:19:55,489 --> 00:19:57,556
Maria! Tell them the rug
was properly secured!
578
00:19:57,624 --> 00:19:59,925
- I don't own this place.
- [SCOFFS]
579
00:19:59,993 --> 00:20:03,428
His father is a judge.
This is not good for you.
580
00:20:03,497 --> 00:20:07,365
How are we going to make this go away?
581
00:20:07,434 --> 00:20:09,868
You little...
582
00:20:09,937 --> 00:20:12,270
She hates me.
583
00:20:12,339 --> 00:20:14,940
I'm raising myself, and I love it.
584
00:20:15,008 --> 00:20:17,842
?
585
00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:23,222
Daddy's having "Daddy time."
586
00:20:23,268 --> 00:20:24,670
Bowel issues.
587
00:20:24,702 --> 00:20:25,738
Correct.
588
00:20:25,770 --> 00:20:28,173
Mama's gotta "run a quick errand."
589
00:20:28,207 --> 00:20:29,108
You're napping in your car.
590
00:20:29,141 --> 00:20:30,243
Yes.
591
00:20:30,276 --> 00:20:32,010
Taylor has a "situation."
592
00:20:32,044 --> 00:20:33,546
Tampon mishap.
593
00:20:33,578 --> 00:20:36,081
Good job, sweetie. I'm proud of you.
594
00:20:36,114 --> 00:20:38,451
Fake praise masking "real concern."
595
00:20:38,483 --> 00:20:40,273
Okay, we're done.
596
00:20:40,298 --> 00:20:41,453
You're cutting this off short
597
00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:43,710
because you think I "know too much."
598
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:46,134
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
599
00:20:46,184 --> 00:20:50,734
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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