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1
00:00:02,297 --> 00:00:04,860
Ooh! You look just like Kate Middleton.
2
00:00:04,949 --> 00:00:06,015
I realize that.
3
00:00:06,095 --> 00:00:07,961
But I'm still not wearing this dumb hat,
4
00:00:08,047 --> 00:00:10,013
because I'm not going
to the stupid polo match.
5
00:00:10,049 --> 00:00:12,215
This is my charity event
for the community,
6
00:00:12,267 --> 00:00:14,101
and you are part of that
community, and you are going.
7
00:00:14,186 --> 00:00:16,069
Mnh-mnh. I'm not part of the community.
8
00:00:16,155 --> 00:00:18,505
I just happen to live in the community.
9
00:00:18,590 --> 00:00:20,439
What's the charity, Doris?
10
00:00:20,676 --> 00:00:22,008
I don't know.
11
00:00:22,094 --> 00:00:24,394
Horses? Orphans? AIDS?
12
00:00:24,446 --> 00:00:26,913
God, I hope it's not for something
boring, like the environment.
13
00:00:26,999 --> 00:00:30,300
- We should go, honey. It'd be fun.
- Greg, please. Don't make me leave you.
14
00:00:30,335 --> 00:00:32,410
I'm too unmotivated
to get a revenge body.
15
00:00:33,472 --> 00:00:35,972
Doris, I just don't like fancy events.
16
00:00:36,058 --> 00:00:37,240
It's not who I am.
17
00:00:37,276 --> 00:00:38,575
I like to be comfortable.
18
00:00:38,627 --> 00:00:40,494
So while you're out playing horsies,
19
00:00:40,579 --> 00:00:43,096
I'll be at home, covered in a blanket.
20
00:00:43,182 --> 00:00:45,515
And yes... probably popcorn.
21
00:00:45,551 --> 00:00:46,716
[Scoffs]
22
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,770
Oliver's going.
23
00:00:49,855 --> 00:00:52,205
Doris offered to let me
cut the ceremonial ribbon
24
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:53,423
at the polo match.
25
00:00:53,459 --> 00:00:55,308
Why?! You hate him.
26
00:00:55,394 --> 00:00:57,327
I do. So much.
27
00:00:57,412 --> 00:00:58,945
But I did it to punish my kids.
28
00:00:59,031 --> 00:01:00,647
They've cracked so many smartphones.
29
00:01:00,732 --> 00:01:03,550
Stop saying
it wasn't your fault! It was!
30
00:01:03,635 --> 00:01:06,503
So I took away the ribbon-cutting
honor and gave it to Oliver.
31
00:01:06,555 --> 00:01:08,505
I'll get my picture
in the "About Town" section
32
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:09,906
of the Westport Observer.
33
00:01:09,942 --> 00:01:11,441
Anybody who's anybody is in there.
34
00:01:11,527 --> 00:01:12,576
How does this look?
35
00:01:14,079 --> 00:01:16,963
I ate some street food in Manhattan
when I was pregnant with him.
36
00:01:17,049 --> 00:01:20,367
I wonder if one of those meat worms
made its way into his brain.
37
00:01:21,653 --> 00:01:22,986
You're going to that polo match.
38
00:01:24,156 --> 00:01:25,822
Katie: If I put on this hat
and go to this thing,
39
00:01:25,874 --> 00:01:28,801
I become everything
I can't stand about this town.
40
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,177
Suddenly, I'm one of those people
41
00:01:30,262 --> 00:01:32,345
who say they're stuffed
after eating salad.
42
00:01:32,431 --> 00:01:33,396
God, I hate...
43
00:01:33,465 --> 00:01:34,698
Hey! What's going on in there?!
44
00:01:34,783 --> 00:01:37,100
I'm not going, and you can't make me.
45
00:01:38,086 --> 00:01:39,503
Hey, Anna-Kat.
46
00:01:39,588 --> 00:01:41,938
You want to lead a horsie out
at a pony event?
47
00:01:42,007 --> 00:01:43,440
Yes!
48
00:01:43,492 --> 00:01:45,025
Got you now.
49
00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:46,109
Wow!
50
00:01:46,195 --> 00:01:47,744
Blindsided by my best friend.
51
00:01:47,796 --> 00:01:50,180
Now I know how Roy felt
when the tiger ate him.
52
00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:53,099
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:56,853
54
00:01:56,889 --> 00:01:59,806
I'll wear this purple tie,
give Oliver the suspenders,
55
00:01:59,892 --> 00:02:01,107
we'll put the girls in purple dresses,
56
00:02:01,193 --> 00:02:03,476
and we'll figure something out
for you so we all match.
57
00:02:03,562 --> 00:02:05,695
Where the hell did you get
a purple bow tie?
58
00:02:05,731 --> 00:02:07,564
When I was alternate number 3
in my Duke a cappella group.
59
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,149
- [Hums]
- Don't.
60
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:11,735
You know I can't control my face
when I listen to you sing.
61
00:02:13,071 --> 00:02:14,120
[Cellphone bloops]
62
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:17,073
[Laughs]
63
00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:18,992
Are you watching that video
of me dancing again?
64
00:02:19,077 --> 00:02:21,044
You gave me two margaritas
and put on Whitney Houston.
65
00:02:21,079 --> 00:02:23,663
- It was basically entrapment.
- No!
66
00:02:23,749 --> 00:02:26,383
I am trying to convince Billy
to come to the polo match.
67
00:02:26,418 --> 00:02:28,418
I don't want
your old college roommate here.
68
00:02:28,470 --> 00:02:30,053
He's like a man mixed with an infant.
69
00:02:30,088 --> 00:02:31,054
He's a "minfant."
70
00:02:31,089 --> 00:02:32,255
Don't judge Billy.
71
00:02:32,341 --> 00:02:34,140
Remember, if he hadn't taken me in
72
00:02:34,226 --> 00:02:36,393
when I got kicked off campus
for a minor infraction...
73
00:02:36,428 --> 00:02:38,144
- You were streaking.
- No.
74
00:02:38,230 --> 00:02:40,564
I was sitting naked in the
fountain, drinking sangria.
75
00:02:40,599 --> 00:02:42,065
"Streaking" implies running.
76
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,817
You're right. I feel silly.
77
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,569
And if Billy hadn't rented me a room,
78
00:02:45,604 --> 00:02:47,604
I might have dropped out, moved home,
79
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,322
never signed up for your class,
never met you,
80
00:02:49,408 --> 00:02:50,941
and our children
would've never been born.
81
00:02:50,993 --> 00:02:53,610
So by you hating Billy,
you hate our children.
82
00:02:53,662 --> 00:02:55,662
Kids! Your dad hates you!
83
00:02:55,747 --> 00:02:57,497
- Taylor: What?!
- Nothing!
84
00:02:57,583 --> 00:03:00,500
Billy is my connection to who I was.
85
00:03:00,586 --> 00:03:02,919
And if I have to go
to that stupid polo match
86
00:03:02,971 --> 00:03:05,138
and be around those people
that I don't like,
87
00:03:05,224 --> 00:03:06,523
I need him there to lean on.
88
00:03:06,608 --> 00:03:08,358
He's loud, crass,
89
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:10,527
and need I remind you
what he did at our wedding?
90
00:03:10,612 --> 00:03:12,662
Cake dive!
91
00:03:12,698 --> 00:03:13,930
[People gasp]
92
00:03:13,966 --> 00:03:15,966
He ruined our wedding.
93
00:03:16,051 --> 00:03:17,801
- [Cellphone bloops]
- [Gasps] Billy's in.
94
00:03:17,853 --> 00:03:19,819
Well, we have no room for him here.
95
00:03:19,905 --> 00:03:22,572
He'll park his food truck in
the driveway and stay in that.
96
00:03:22,624 --> 00:03:23,907
Great.
97
00:03:23,959 --> 00:03:25,742
Why don't we just pull the couch
onto the front lawn
98
00:03:25,827 --> 00:03:28,245
to complete the white-trash tableau.
99
00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:31,091
Just for that, I'm gonna watch
that video of you dancing.
100
00:03:31,116 --> 00:03:33,183
101
00:03:33,268 --> 00:03:35,402
I can't believe Billy's coming to visit.
102
00:03:35,487 --> 00:03:37,654
You should be excited
to see him. He's your godfather.
103
00:03:37,706 --> 00:03:39,589
All he does is terrorize me.
104
00:03:39,625 --> 00:03:42,125
We've been in a seven-year prank war,
105
00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:44,144
and he's the only one doing the pranks.
106
00:03:44,229 --> 00:03:45,979
I will never be happier than the day
107
00:03:46,064 --> 00:03:47,564
I saw you with shaved eyebrows.
108
00:03:47,649 --> 00:03:49,482
- [Car horn plays "La Cucaracha"]
- He's here!
109
00:03:49,568 --> 00:03:50,867
Out of my way!
110
00:03:51,903 --> 00:03:53,870
How come you're never
that excited to see me?
111
00:03:53,922 --> 00:03:55,588
Too many reasons to name right now!
112
00:03:55,674 --> 00:03:56,556
Come on, Greg!
113
00:03:56,642 --> 00:03:57,724
Billy!
114
00:03:57,809 --> 00:03:59,759
Hey! [Bleep] Breath!
115
00:03:59,845 --> 00:04:00,777
Lovely.
116
00:04:00,812 --> 00:04:02,279
[Both laugh]
117
00:04:02,314 --> 00:04:03,363
How you doing, chief?
118
00:04:03,448 --> 00:04:04,447
Chief is well. Thank you.
119
00:04:04,483 --> 00:04:05,865
- And it's "Greg."
- Ah. Okay.
120
00:04:05,951 --> 00:04:06,983
He never remembers my name.
121
00:04:07,035 --> 00:04:08,814
So? He calls me [Bleep] Breath.
122
00:04:08,936 --> 00:04:10,603
What are you upset about?
123
00:04:11,673 --> 00:04:14,174
Say hello to your godfather.
124
00:04:14,259 --> 00:04:16,893
[As Don Corleone] Oliver, someday
I'm gonna come to you for a favor.
125
00:04:16,928 --> 00:04:19,646
Gooba, gooba, goo. [Laughs]
126
00:04:19,731 --> 00:04:21,931
Okay, yeah. I think
this joke has run its course.
127
00:04:21,984 --> 00:04:23,616
You remember Taylor and Anna-Kat.
128
00:04:23,702 --> 00:04:25,402
Billy: Yeah. Taylor,
it's been a long time.
129
00:04:25,487 --> 00:04:27,237
And I know that you like
to keep your hands clean,
130
00:04:27,289 --> 00:04:29,406
so I got you a box of plastic gloves.
131
00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:32,008
Ooh! The lunch lady wears these.
132
00:04:32,044 --> 00:04:34,210
Oh, thank God you're here to save me.
133
00:04:34,296 --> 00:04:36,763
They're trying to turn me
into a fancy-hat person.
134
00:04:36,848 --> 00:04:38,715
Oh, don't worry about that.
Billy's got ya.
135
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,967
The only thing
going on your head is this.
136
00:04:41,053 --> 00:04:43,553
[Both laugh]
137
00:04:43,605 --> 00:04:44,637
[Coughs]
138
00:04:44,723 --> 00:04:46,856
Sir, could you please
turn off your truck?
139
00:04:46,892 --> 00:04:49,392
Could you please go screw yourself?
140
00:04:49,478 --> 00:04:53,029
[Laughs] You are just what I needed.
141
00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:56,232
Sorry, Ron. You're under no
obligation to go screw yourself.
142
00:04:56,284 --> 00:04:59,069
143
00:04:59,154 --> 00:05:00,704
[Engine shuts off]
144
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:08,188
In college,
Billy would make us breakfast
145
00:05:08,257 --> 00:05:09,356
every Sunday morning.
146
00:05:09,441 --> 00:05:10,657
[Laughs]
147
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:12,593
How high were we?
148
00:05:12,628 --> 00:05:13,594
[Chuckles]
149
00:05:15,164 --> 00:05:18,882
We were on the seventh floor,
so... pretty high.
150
00:05:18,968 --> 00:05:20,434
Terrible save.
151
00:05:20,519 --> 00:05:21,769
- Now...
- [Pan clatters]
152
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:24,488
...this is my chicken neck scramble.
153
00:05:24,573 --> 00:05:26,507
My hook is,
I barbecue the chicken necks.
154
00:05:26,542 --> 00:05:28,392
You know, most people throw them away.
155
00:05:28,477 --> 00:05:29,760
When was the last time
156
00:05:29,845 --> 00:05:32,062
your truck passed
a health inspection test?
157
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:34,114
Well, technically, it's
an old blood-donation truck,
158
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,783
so I skate by inspection-free.
159
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,718
Okay, people,
pass your food to the front.
160
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:45,025
Ah-ah! Gotcha!
161
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,243
[Billy and Katie laugh]
162
00:05:46,328 --> 00:05:48,796
He put shaving cream in my backpack!
163
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,514
[Laughter]
164
00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:51,515
Mom!
165
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,434
Oliver, grow a pair.
166
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,536
167
00:05:57,907 --> 00:06:00,340
He's been pulling pranks on me
since I was in kindergarten.
168
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,876
Actually, it started
when you were an infant.
169
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:02,843
It did?
170
00:06:02,928 --> 00:06:05,863
He drew a tiny mustache on you
with a Sharpie.
171
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,814
You looked just like a fat, bald Hitler.
172
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,051
What do you say this time,
we get him back?
173
00:06:12,555 --> 00:06:14,404
Evil Dad.
174
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:16,957
Now, this is my kind
of father/son bonding.
175
00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:18,492
176
00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:21,128
Bye, Taylor. Bye, Anna-Kat.
177
00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:22,596
Katie!
178
00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:23,764
[Singsong voice] Hi!
179
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:24,932
[Singsong voice] Hi!
180
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,567
Did you get my e-mail?
181
00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:29,336
Which one of the 40
are you talking about?
182
00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:31,205
We finally got the cafeteria
183
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,924
to change Taco Tuesday to Tofu Tuesday!
184
00:06:34,009 --> 00:06:36,276
- Isn't that great?!
- Amazing!
185
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,078
I know! [Laughs]
186
00:06:38,114 --> 00:06:39,446
Buh-bye!
187
00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:40,831
Bye!
188
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:43,217
What the hell was that?
189
00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:44,885
It was like listening
to two dolphins banging.
190
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:47,521
Oh, it's terrible. I don't even
notice I do it anymore.
191
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:48,405
Tara: Hey!
192
00:06:50,292 --> 00:06:52,367
Who's this number 4 combo?
193
00:06:52,828 --> 00:06:54,962
One neck, two breasts,
and an ass full of Tabasco.
194
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:57,264
Oh, that's Tara.
She's the worst of the bunch.
195
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,016
She's Taylor's boyfriend's mom.
196
00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:01,652
Tara, this is my friend Billy.
197
00:07:01,737 --> 00:07:03,403
You see this?
198
00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:05,172
A-minus!
199
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:08,175
Eyo has never gotten
below an "A" in his life.
200
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,309
It's your daughter's fault.
201
00:07:09,361 --> 00:07:11,028
She's a distraction,
and I won't have it.
202
00:07:11,113 --> 00:07:14,031
[Chuckles] This is the kind of
nonsense I deal with every day.
203
00:07:14,116 --> 00:07:16,333
I mean, how do you not
stick your head in a deep fryer?
204
00:07:16,418 --> 00:07:17,584
I don't have a deep fryer.
205
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:19,636
That is the most honest answer
I could give you.
206
00:07:19,722 --> 00:07:20,938
Listen to me.
207
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,523
Eyo is going to medical school,
208
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:24,992
- [Taylor laughs]
- and your girl's not going to get in his way.
209
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:26,960
Stop talking to her!
210
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:29,930
[School bell rings] Remember, you're going
to be an anesthesiologist!
211
00:07:30,015 --> 00:07:31,148
Have you seen enough?
212
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,266
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
213
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:34,017
Want to go to second breakfast with me?
214
00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,519
It'll be my third, but sure.
215
00:07:35,604 --> 00:07:37,871
216
00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:39,373
So, this is your favorite spot
in town, huh?
217
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,924
Yeah. What do you think?
218
00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:45,979
Twel... Twelve dollars? For eggs?
219
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:48,832
I can get you a neck-and-onion
scramble for $2.99.
220
00:07:48,918 --> 00:07:51,835
Well, everything's pesticide-free, so...
221
00:07:51,921 --> 00:07:52,886
Oh.
222
00:07:52,922 --> 00:07:55,072
Yeah, yeah, it's really...
223
00:07:55,157 --> 00:07:56,990
- clean.
- Mm.
224
00:07:57,026 --> 00:07:59,159
Oh, look at that. There's not
even any gum under the table.
225
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:00,244
Mnh-mnh.
226
00:08:00,329 --> 00:08:01,378
And there is now.
227
00:08:01,463 --> 00:08:02,679
Billy.
228
00:08:02,765 --> 00:08:05,599
Hey, when did you become so hoity-toity?
229
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,935
Well, my back's
kind of up against the wall.
230
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,254
In Westport, there's not many choices.
231
00:08:10,339 --> 00:08:11,088
Hm.
232
00:08:13,676 --> 00:08:14,841
You want to get out of here
233
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,026
and go have breakfast
the way we used to?
234
00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:17,144
Hell yeah.
235
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:18,862
236
00:08:28,691 --> 00:08:30,490
[Fan whirring]
237
00:08:30,526 --> 00:08:32,526
Nothing better
than gas-station grub, huh?
238
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,528
Onion rings dipped in nacho cheese
239
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:35,879
spelled with a "Z"...
240
00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:37,514
nothing makes me happier.
241
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,099
So, what are we gonna do
at this polo match?
242
00:08:39,134 --> 00:08:40,384
Let the horses out and then be like,
243
00:08:40,469 --> 00:08:41,602
"I don't know how they got out"?
244
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,570
[Laughing] We can't do that.
245
00:08:43,622 --> 00:08:44,955
I still gotta live here, Billy.
246
00:08:46,508 --> 00:08:48,508
Can't drink a tall boy right now.
247
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:49,810
Why not?
248
00:08:49,845 --> 00:08:51,762
Just put them back in the bag.
249
00:08:51,847 --> 00:08:53,030
We'll drink them later.
250
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:54,531
Oh, are you worried
that someone's gonna see you
251
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:57,251
getting drunk at a gas station
at 9:30 in the morning?
252
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,303
Yeah. That covers all the bases.
253
00:09:02,391 --> 00:09:03,607
What are you looking at?
254
00:09:03,692 --> 00:09:05,325
[Scoffs] You've changed.
255
00:09:06,495 --> 00:09:07,794
You're crazy!
256
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,963
Oh, come on! You're eating
in fancy restaurants,
257
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,632
taking me to a polo match,
258
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,267
letting a tall boy go flat.
259
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,235
Same girl I ever was.
260
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,286
Okay.
261
00:09:16,372 --> 00:09:17,838
I am!
262
00:09:20,843 --> 00:09:21,775
Prove it.
263
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:22,809
Steal that.
264
00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:25,612
That stupid thing?
265
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:26,747
You see?
266
00:09:26,782 --> 00:09:28,215
Old Katie wouldn't think twice.
267
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:29,333
What happened to the girl
268
00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:31,084
who made jello shots out of toilet water
269
00:09:31,136 --> 00:09:32,769
and took out an entire sorority?
270
00:09:32,855 --> 00:09:34,638
Oh, that was the best!
271
00:09:34,723 --> 00:09:35,906
Yeah, where's that girl?
272
00:09:35,991 --> 00:09:38,025
273
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,983
She's right here.
274
00:09:52,074 --> 00:09:54,074
[Fan whirring]
275
00:09:56,445 --> 00:09:58,962
What kind of lesson is this
for the kids?!
276
00:10:01,216 --> 00:10:02,382
[Whirring stops]
277
00:10:03,652 --> 00:10:05,185
Billy dared me.
278
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,571
[Sighs] I do not like
these friends of hers.
279
00:10:07,656 --> 00:10:09,956
You're gonna take this back,
and you're going to apologize.
280
00:10:09,992 --> 00:10:11,241
Fine.
281
00:10:11,327 --> 00:10:13,076
But I can't apologize.
282
00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:14,711
I don't even know
what this thing is called.
283
00:10:14,797 --> 00:10:17,297
What am I supposed to say?
"Sorry I stole your..."
284
00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:20,500
[Thumping]
285
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:25,956
I'm practicing leading the pony
onto the field.
286
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:29,009
But before you say anything,
I realize...
287
00:10:29,044 --> 00:10:31,178
this is make-believe.
288
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,846
You look amazing, baby.
289
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:34,514
You know...
290
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,066
this could work.
291
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,172
Now...
292
00:10:42,257 --> 00:10:43,957
we all match.
293
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,425
No.
294
00:10:45,477 --> 00:10:46,259
Mnh-mnh.
295
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:47,594
Come on, Mama.
296
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,613
Please!
297
00:10:49,698 --> 00:10:51,231
Okay.
298
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:53,950
I've got to learn to love you less.
299
00:10:54,036 --> 00:10:56,620
300
00:10:56,705 --> 00:10:57,671
[Door opens]
301
00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:00,590
[Door closes]
302
00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:04,478
Don't worry about me, Westport.
Wear whatever you want.
303
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,580
Hey, don't call me Westport.
304
00:11:06,615 --> 00:11:09,199
Pbht! I bet you even
started wearing underwear.
305
00:11:09,284 --> 00:11:10,217
Ew! Mom!
306
00:11:11,387 --> 00:11:12,586
Mine.
307
00:11:13,972 --> 00:11:17,007
308
00:11:17,092 --> 00:11:19,693
Revenge is a dish... best served cold.
309
00:11:19,778 --> 00:11:21,361
And with tartar control.
310
00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,163
[Both chuckle evilly]
311
00:11:24,416 --> 00:11:26,249
Look, Katie...
312
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:27,717
[Muffled] I'll go with ya....
313
00:11:29,104 --> 00:11:30,520
...but I'm not wearing a hat.
314
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,856
And I'm 50/50 on wearing a shirt.
315
00:11:36,745 --> 00:11:37,994
Oliver: He didn't even notice!
316
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,298
The doughnut was filled
with half a tube of toothpaste.
317
00:11:41,383 --> 00:11:42,416
A goat would've spit it out.
318
00:11:44,253 --> 00:11:45,669
So, what do we try next?
319
00:11:45,754 --> 00:11:46,753
That's all I got.
320
00:11:46,805 --> 00:11:49,256
Dad. Think about it.
321
00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:51,224
What did people do to you
when you were a kid?
322
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:52,559
You're not gonna believe this,
323
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:54,945
but I was actually pretty cool
when I was a kid.
324
00:11:55,030 --> 00:11:57,948
Just so I have a point of reference,
are you cool now?
325
00:11:58,033 --> 00:12:00,684
I started listening to Ryan Seacrest
on the way to work.
326
00:12:00,869 --> 00:12:02,202
Okay.
327
00:12:02,287 --> 00:12:04,254
That gives me
all the information I need.
328
00:12:04,339 --> 00:12:06,973
329
00:12:07,009 --> 00:12:09,392
I'm gonna wear these Kelly-green
pants to the polo match.
330
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,011
I'm just gonna do it!
331
00:12:11,096 --> 00:12:12,896
I'm not gonna do it.
I'm gonna look like an idiot.
332
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:15,315
Let me know how it goes,
because I'm staying home.
333
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,318
Why?
334
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,821
I'm just not up for pretending
to be one of those people.
335
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:21,905
It's not me.
336
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:24,324
And if I go, it's like I'm giving in.
337
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:25,742
But it's Doris' charity.
338
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,328
She still isn't even sure
what the charity is for...
339
00:12:28,413 --> 00:12:29,913
or what charity is.
340
00:12:29,998 --> 00:12:31,081
The whole family is going.
341
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:33,133
You're part of the family,
so you're going.
342
00:12:33,168 --> 00:12:34,167
Fine.
343
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:38,472
[Sighs]
344
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,840
What is with you?
345
00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:42,559
Have I changed?
346
00:12:42,644 --> 00:12:44,561
What are you talking about?
347
00:12:44,646 --> 00:12:46,763
Am I a different person
than who I used to be?
348
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,349
Of course. You've grown up.
You got kids and a house.
349
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:53,270
No. I mean have I changed
since we moved to Westport?
350
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:54,821
You really need to stop worrying
351
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,574
what a guy who lives inside
a chicken truck thinks of you.
352
00:12:57,659 --> 00:13:00,911
You've changed
in appropriate and healthy ways.
353
00:13:00,996 --> 00:13:02,863
Come on. Let's get ready for bed.
354
00:13:06,168 --> 00:13:08,118
I'm appropriate? And healthy?
355
00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:09,703
Just add the word "polite,"
356
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:11,872
and I become everything I can't stand.
357
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,007
I am not letting go of the old Katie.
358
00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:16,710
And the first thing is,
I'm done talking in my head.
359
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,295
I am not changing!
360
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,297
Hey, you want to sleep in your
clothes, knock yourself out.
361
00:13:23,338 --> 00:13:25,004
[Indistinct conversations]
362
00:13:26,142 --> 00:13:27,692
I'm gonna take Anna-Kat and sign in.
363
00:13:27,777 --> 00:13:29,110
Okay, Champ. Catch you later.
364
00:13:29,162 --> 00:13:30,712
- You know my name is Greg.
- You got it, Ace.
365
00:13:30,747 --> 00:13:31,913
Rum and coke?
366
00:13:31,998 --> 00:13:33,748
- Tequila.
- There she is!
367
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:34,849
Yeaaaaah!
368
00:13:36,853 --> 00:13:38,987
Hey, Mrs. Otto. I like your hat.
369
00:13:39,072 --> 00:13:40,154
Eyo.
370
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,040
I... don't like your hat?
371
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,374
Eyo!
372
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,677
Mrs. Otto, I recognize
the existence of your hat,
373
00:13:45,762 --> 00:13:47,395
but I have... no opinion on it.
374
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,063
Thank you, Eyo.
375
00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:52,033
[Laughs]
376
00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:54,002
- [Singsong voice] I made you be fancy!
- Yeah.
377
00:13:54,054 --> 00:13:55,470
I'm returning this dress tomorrow,
378
00:13:55,505 --> 00:13:56,971
as long as I don't pit out too badly.
379
00:13:57,057 --> 00:13:58,056
[Chuckles]
380
00:13:58,124 --> 00:14:00,275
Oliver, here are
the ceremonial scissors.
381
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,293
I know we have our differences
382
00:14:02,379 --> 00:14:04,629
and you're only doing this
to punish your kids...
383
00:14:05,749 --> 00:14:07,131
...but thanks.
384
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,516
Now, if you'll excuse me,
385
00:14:08,602 --> 00:14:11,319
I'm off to find some people who matter.
386
00:14:11,404 --> 00:14:12,487
I should do that, too.
387
00:14:12,572 --> 00:14:13,705
No offense, Katie.
388
00:14:13,790 --> 00:14:15,373
Sure.
389
00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:18,142
- [Singsong voice] Hi, Katie!
- [Singsong voice] Hi, Suzanne!
390
00:14:18,228 --> 00:14:20,061
You look amazing!
391
00:14:20,146 --> 00:14:22,747
- Uh-huh. But...?
- But nothing.
392
00:14:22,832 --> 00:14:24,832
I would kill to have that skin.
393
00:14:24,884 --> 00:14:26,434
Oh. It's because I don't run.
394
00:14:26,469 --> 00:14:27,969
[Laughs]
395
00:14:28,021 --> 00:14:30,104
You're hysterical. [Laughs]
396
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,940
I'm gonna come back
and grab you in a few.
397
00:14:31,992 --> 00:14:33,458
We're taking a group picture.
398
00:14:33,543 --> 00:14:35,543
Mm. You want me to take it for you?
399
00:14:35,629 --> 00:14:38,596
No, we want you in it... with us!
400
00:14:38,682 --> 00:14:39,847
Oh!
401
00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:41,816
- Sure.
- Yeah.
402
00:14:41,901 --> 00:14:43,735
We'll all hang out
and drink Tom Collinses.
403
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:44,786
They're back. [Chuckles]
404
00:14:44,871 --> 00:14:46,120
I didn't know they were gone.
405
00:14:46,172 --> 00:14:47,088
But I'm in.
406
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:48,389
Oh! [Chuckles]
407
00:14:48,425 --> 00:14:49,974
Oh.
408
00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:52,360
Look who got invited to sit
with the cool girls at school.
409
00:14:52,395 --> 00:14:54,162
I can't stop them from being nice to me.
410
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:55,413
Yeah.
411
00:14:55,498 --> 00:14:57,832
Doris, this is my old friend Billy.
412
00:14:57,884 --> 00:15:00,134
I'm so glad you came.
413
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:03,338
[Hushed] He's not wearing a jacket,
a tie, or closed-toe shoes.
414
00:15:03,406 --> 00:15:04,739
This is a closed-toe event.
415
00:15:04,824 --> 00:15:07,666
Hey, you ever, um... thought of adding
a betting element to this thing?
416
00:15:07,768 --> 00:15:10,776
I mean, you got all the ingredients...
horses, booze...
417
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,063
idiots with money.
418
00:15:12,148 --> 00:15:14,482
[Chuckles] Billy, this is Doris' event.
419
00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:15,984
- Be nice.
- Oh. Okay.
420
00:15:16,069 --> 00:15:19,253
For your information,
this is the premier event for...
421
00:15:20,256 --> 00:15:21,889
...the charity it supports.
422
00:15:21,941 --> 00:15:23,558
You still don't know what it's called.
423
00:15:23,643 --> 00:15:25,250
Yes, I do.
424
00:15:26,029 --> 00:15:27,795
Big Hands, Small Hearts.
425
00:15:27,831 --> 00:15:30,682
So it's gonna help people
born with big hands
426
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,567
and/or small hearts.
427
00:15:32,602 --> 00:15:33,726
Hm.
428
00:15:34,404 --> 00:15:36,104
Angela, this is my friend Billy.
429
00:15:36,189 --> 00:15:37,355
- Hi! [Chuckles]
- Oh.
430
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:38,356
- Oh!
- Mwah!
431
00:15:38,425 --> 00:15:40,008
I've heard so much about you.
432
00:15:40,043 --> 00:15:41,342
I could turn her if I wanted to.
433
00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:42,794
[Laughs]
434
00:15:42,879 --> 00:15:44,012
No way in hell.
435
00:15:44,097 --> 00:15:46,014
Oh. I'm just not in the mood.
436
00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:47,148
Okay.
437
00:15:47,233 --> 00:15:49,334
Doris, there isn't
a suitable vegan option.
438
00:15:49,419 --> 00:15:50,585
Oh, sure there is.
439
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:53,054
The vegan option is to go home and eat.
440
00:15:53,089 --> 00:15:55,139
Oh! Okay. Come on.
441
00:15:55,225 --> 00:15:56,841
For an event
that sponsors heart disease,
442
00:15:56,910 --> 00:15:59,110
you sure have a lot of bacon
on that buffet!
443
00:15:59,195 --> 00:16:01,112
- Heart disease? So that's it.
- Yeah.
444
00:16:01,197 --> 00:16:02,680
- Where do the huge hands come in?
- I don't know.
445
00:16:02,766 --> 00:16:04,632
[Chuckles]
446
00:16:04,718 --> 00:16:06,067
- Tara.
- Hm?
447
00:16:06,102 --> 00:16:07,769
Looks like you and I will be spending
448
00:16:07,854 --> 00:16:10,154
a lot more Christmases together.
449
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,458
Do not kiss her!
I saw her eating cheese!
450
00:16:14,094 --> 00:16:15,793
[Singsong voice] Hi!
451
00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:17,345
Can we steal Katie for a sec?
452
00:16:17,397 --> 00:16:18,312
No.
453
00:16:18,381 --> 00:16:19,530
[Singsong voice] Byeeee!
454
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,616
I can't tell if you're mad or confused
455
00:16:21,701 --> 00:16:23,084
'cause of your frozen forehead.
456
00:16:23,119 --> 00:16:24,969
[Chuckles nervously]
457
00:16:25,055 --> 00:16:27,672
Suzanne, he's just a big goof.
458
00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:28,723
I'll catch you later.
459
00:16:31,027 --> 00:16:33,194
I saved you from that one.
You owe me big.
460
00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:34,912
Mm.
461
00:16:34,981 --> 00:16:36,180
So big.
462
00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:37,382
[Laughter]
463
00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:39,400
- Say "Tom Collins"!
- [Camera shutter clicks]
464
00:16:39,436 --> 00:16:42,870
465
00:16:42,906 --> 00:16:44,322
[Over P.A.] Thank you, everyone,
466
00:16:44,407 --> 00:16:48,176
for attending and contributing
to this... important event.
467
00:16:48,211 --> 00:16:50,812
A-And now Oliver Otto
will cut the ceremonial ribbon.
468
00:16:52,015 --> 00:16:54,115
Just to be clear, he is not my child.
469
00:16:56,486 --> 00:16:58,086
Oliver, where are the giant scissors?
470
00:16:58,121 --> 00:17:00,338
They were just here a second ago.
471
00:17:00,423 --> 00:17:02,507
They're enormous. How did you lose them?
472
00:17:02,592 --> 00:17:03,591
We'll find them.
473
00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:05,093
Doris, distract the crowd.
474
00:17:05,178 --> 00:17:06,394
[Crowd murmuring]
475
00:17:06,479 --> 00:17:09,113
Uh, s-so, where's everybody from?
476
00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:10,948
Is that Cartier or Tiffany?
477
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,200
[Giggling]
478
00:17:12,252 --> 00:17:13,501
Do you like your mint julep?
479
00:17:13,536 --> 00:17:15,036
I think your friend's
high-pitched giggle
480
00:17:15,088 --> 00:17:16,170
tells us all we need to know.
481
00:17:16,256 --> 00:17:17,305
Oh, God.
482
00:17:18,475 --> 00:17:19,974
[Giggling continues]
483
00:17:20,009 --> 00:17:21,809
What did you do?
484
00:17:21,861 --> 00:17:24,245
What you brought me here
to do... mess with people.
485
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,180
Billy, why did you take the scissors?
486
00:17:27,217 --> 00:17:29,133
Oh! Okay. I found them!
487
00:17:29,219 --> 00:17:32,053
Tara! You tried to sabotage my event
488
00:17:32,088 --> 00:17:33,971
because I didn't have a vegan option?
489
00:17:34,057 --> 00:17:36,023
I didn't take your stupid scissors!
490
00:17:36,075 --> 00:17:37,775
Then how the hell
did they get in your purse?
491
00:17:37,861 --> 00:17:40,027
- I don't know! Ask her!
- Billy, tell them what you did.
492
00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:41,963
Oh, come on! Don't be like that.
493
00:17:41,998 --> 00:17:43,331
You're ruining my friend's event.
494
00:17:43,383 --> 00:17:44,832
Katie, that's an overreaction.
495
00:17:44,884 --> 00:17:46,300
I mean, you know,
people can still get in here.
496
00:17:46,336 --> 00:17:47,602
The ribbon's only held up by tape.
497
00:17:47,637 --> 00:17:49,437
That is not the point.
498
00:17:49,472 --> 00:17:51,522
They have traditions here.
499
00:17:51,608 --> 00:17:53,074
I want you to leave.
500
00:17:53,126 --> 00:17:55,243
You are violating my personal space.
501
00:17:55,295 --> 00:17:56,878
I need a 2-foot circle.
502
00:17:56,963 --> 00:17:57,962
2-foot circle!
503
00:17:58,047 --> 00:17:59,547
[Chuckling] Oh, you got it now.
504
00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:00,715
Oh, this is getting good.
505
00:18:01,684 --> 00:18:03,017
- Slap her!
- [Women gasp]
506
00:18:03,102 --> 00:18:04,185
That wasn't me!
507
00:18:04,237 --> 00:18:05,353
That's it, Tara.
508
00:18:05,405 --> 00:18:08,489
- Angela, hold my diamond.
- Oh, I will squash you!
509
00:18:08,575 --> 00:18:10,625
I have taken many self-defense classes!
510
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,126
Billy's right.
511
00:18:12,212 --> 00:18:15,096
I brought him here
to do just this... mix it up.
512
00:18:15,131 --> 00:18:17,014
But I did want to be in that picture
513
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,733
with Suzanne and the other moms.
514
00:18:18,785 --> 00:18:19,700
Huh.
515
00:18:19,736 --> 00:18:20,952
Is it possible that I've...
516
00:18:21,037 --> 00:18:22,119
[Indistinct shouting]
517
00:18:22,205 --> 00:18:23,504
Okay, hold on!
518
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:24,622
Hold on!
519
00:18:24,707 --> 00:18:26,841
Tara didn't steal the scissors!
520
00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:27,758
Yeah.
521
00:18:27,844 --> 00:18:29,644
My stupid friend Billy did.
522
00:18:29,679 --> 00:18:31,779
[Crowd gasping]
523
00:18:31,815 --> 00:18:33,197
Apologize.
524
00:18:33,283 --> 00:18:34,899
What are you doing?
525
00:18:34,984 --> 00:18:36,317
W-Why are you taking their side?
526
00:18:36,402 --> 00:18:39,120
I mean... you're the one
who's always bagging on them.
527
00:18:39,172 --> 00:18:41,422
Because I'm allowed to.
528
00:18:41,474 --> 00:18:44,559
Because these are my friends.
529
00:18:44,627 --> 00:18:46,694
And they're growing on me.
530
00:18:48,114 --> 00:18:49,864
And I'm stuck living near this.
531
00:18:49,899 --> 00:18:51,032
I knew it.
532
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,366
You have changed.
533
00:18:52,452 --> 00:18:53,868
You've become one of them.
534
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,753
Yeah.
535
00:18:55,839 --> 00:18:57,121
I guess I have.
536
00:18:57,207 --> 00:18:59,257
This is my community.
537
00:18:59,342 --> 00:19:03,094
And if I'm going to live here,
I want to be a part of it.
538
00:19:03,179 --> 00:19:04,846
So yeah.
539
00:19:04,931 --> 00:19:07,181
These are my people.
540
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:08,399
...ish.
541
00:19:09,769 --> 00:19:11,202
Sorry, Champ.
542
00:19:11,287 --> 00:19:13,087
Oliver, cut the ribbon.
543
00:19:17,493 --> 00:19:19,397
Where'd the scissors go now?
544
00:19:19,712 --> 00:19:21,629
- Boy: Run!
- [Children giggling]
545
00:19:21,714 --> 00:19:23,848
546
00:19:25,969 --> 00:19:27,468
You got to respect that.
547
00:19:29,806 --> 00:19:30,638
Taylor...
548
00:19:30,723 --> 00:19:33,190
I really like the boyfriend.
549
00:19:33,276 --> 00:19:34,492
Sweetheart...
550
00:19:34,577 --> 00:19:36,744
that was some of the best
pony-leading I've ever seen.
551
00:19:36,829 --> 00:19:39,413
Even though I let it go and it
ran through the parking lot?
552
00:19:39,499 --> 00:19:41,666
Because you let it go and it
ran through the parking lot.
553
00:19:42,802 --> 00:19:44,886
Oliver, because I'm in a generous mood,
554
00:19:44,921 --> 00:19:47,588
you did get me
with the toothpaste doughnut.
555
00:19:47,674 --> 00:19:49,640
I threw up in the bathroom
and had diarrhea for two days.
556
00:19:50,894 --> 00:19:52,343
Well done.
557
00:19:52,428 --> 00:19:55,646
I'm sorry that I'm not
the Katie you were expecting.
558
00:19:55,732 --> 00:19:56,931
Gah.
559
00:19:56,983 --> 00:19:58,316
It'll take some getting used to,
560
00:19:58,401 --> 00:20:01,235
like when David Lee Roth left
and Sammy Hagar replaced him.
561
00:20:01,271 --> 00:20:03,654
The band was the same... but different.
562
00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:06,991
And, then again, maybe
this is not like that at all.
563
00:20:12,749 --> 00:20:14,031
[Sighs]
564
00:20:14,117 --> 00:20:16,200
[Clatter]
565
00:20:16,286 --> 00:20:18,104
- Bye, Rick.
- It's Greg!
566
00:20:23,378 --> 00:20:25,929
Congratulations
on winning the prank war.
567
00:20:26,014 --> 00:20:27,764
Couldn't have done it without you.
568
00:20:27,850 --> 00:20:30,934
I'm glad we brought some dignity
back to the Otto name.
569
00:20:31,019 --> 00:20:32,052
Good job, son.
570
00:20:32,137 --> 00:20:33,136
Good job, Dad.
571
00:20:33,222 --> 00:20:35,105
[Chuckles]
572
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,556
- [Whoosh]
- Aaah!
573
00:20:36,608 --> 00:20:38,592
Come on! Dad!
574
00:20:40,562 --> 00:20:41,478
I'll get the giant scissors.
575
00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:42,612
Hurry.
576
00:20:42,636 --> 00:20:45,636
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www.addic7ed.com
577
00:20:45,686 --> 00:20:50,236
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