All language subtitles for Alpha House s01e05 Hippo Issues.eng

SO, GIL...

I HEAR YOU'VE GOT
AN ETHICS CONCLAVE THIS MORNING.

DON'T EVEN START, BUDDY.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

HEY, I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CAMPAIGN HERE.

AT LEAST YOU CAN GIVE ME
A HEADS UP...

ROBERT,
IF WE TALK ABOUT THIS,

THEY'LL HAUL MY ASS
BEFORE THE COMMITTEE.

YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS.

REALLY?

UN-BE-LIEVABLE.

RIDICULOUS.

COME ON,
WOMEN JUST SAY THAT.

OH, BUT THEY REALLY MEAN IT.

I AM GOING TO MISS THIS.

MISS WHAT?

LOVE AMONG THE TROPHIES.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ANDY, I HAVE TO FIND
ANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE.

WHAT, WHY?

COME ON, IT'S UNFAIR
TO THE GUYS HAVING ME AROUND,

AND IT CHANGES EVERYTHING.

POOR GIL JOHN,
HE CAN'T EVEN WALK AROUND

HIS OWN HOUSE NAKED ANYMORE,
AND NEITHER CAN I.

WHICH ISN'T FAIR TO ME.

ANDY, I'M TOO OLD
FOR DORM LIFE.

I'M JUST... I'M GONNA LOOK
FOR A HOTEL SUITE

THAT CAN DOUBLE AS AN OFFICE
FOR ME AND BENNY,

AND OTHERWISE
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO SHUTTLE

TO AND FROM MIAMI.

THAT REALLY WAS ONE
FOR THE RECORD BOOKS.

THANKS.

WAIT, BUT NO,
BEFORE I ORDER YOUR PLAQUE,

I NEED TO MAKE SURE
IT WASN'T A FLUKE.

- THAT IT'S REPLICABLE.
- REPLICABLE?

DOUBLE OR NOTHING.

AY, DIOS MIO.

BUENOS DIAS, LAWMAKERS.

HEY, ADRIANA,
HOW'S IT GOING?

NO KIDDING.

I GOT IT.

HI, YOU MUST BE HERE
ABOUT THE HOUSEKEEPING JOB.

I'M MRS. BIGGS.

MRS. BI... OH, MY GOD.
QUE PENA.

I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

GIL JOHN, IT'S YOUR WIFE.

I'M SO SORRY, I DON'T HAVE
MY CONTACT LENSES IN,

SO I DIDN'T SEE THE RESEMBLANCE.

THE WHAT?

OH, MY GOD.
NO, NOT THE RESEMBLANCE.

YOU'RE NOT RELATED.
I MEAN, YOU ARE RELATED,

BUT YOU'RE NOT RELATED.
WELL, YOU ARE RELATED.

I JUST... YOU ARE NOT RELA...
YOU'RE RELATED...

WHO ARE YOU?

MADDIE, MADDIE,
THIS IS ADRIANA, ANDY'S FRIEND.

- OH.
- I MUST SOUND LIKE A DOLT.

GOODBYE, ADRIANA.
HAVE A GREAT RUN.

THANKS.

MADDIE, HOW ARE YOU?

ANDY IS DATING THAT?

WELL, WE WERE A LITTLE
PUZZLED AT FIRST TOO,

BUT ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HER,
SHE'S ACTUALLY VERY RICH AND POWERFUL.

MMM.

GIL JOHN, I'VE BOOKED
THE WASHINGTON ROOM

AT THE HYATT
FOR THIS AFTERNOON.

ROBERT, ARE YOU AVAILABLE?

WE COULD USE SOME FEEDBACK
FROM A DEBATE PRO.

AH, I GOT TO CHECK MY SCHEDULE.

WELL, WE WOULD SO APPRECIATE IT.

GIL JOHN MISSED THE DEBATES
IN THE LAST ELECTION,

SO HE COULD REALLY
USE SOME POINTERS.

GOOD LORD!

OH, THIS IS THE BROOKS BROTHERS
OUTLET CORNER.

LOOK AT ALL
THESE BEAUTIFUL SUITS.

OH, G.J., IF ONLY YOU
HAD ROBERT'S TASTE.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE
THAT WOULD MAKE.

OH!

NOW THIS IS JUST VERY,
VERY BECOMING.

ROBERT, DO YOU MIND
IF WE TRY THIS?

TRY THIS?

YEAH.

- ROOM'S CLEAN, SENATOR.
- THANK YOU, JAY.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE ARE NOW IN EXECUTIVE SESSION

OF THE SELECT COMMITTEE
ON ETHICS.

THIS IS A PRELIMINARY
HEARING LAUNCHED...

WHY ARE
WE BEING LOCKED IN?

IS THIS LIKE A DEATHMATCH THING?

'CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE
I CAN TAKE YOU ALL.

THIS IS A PRELIMINARY HEARING
LAUNCHED WHEN A SWORN COMPLAINT

AGAINST A MEMBER SEEMS
CREDIBLE ENOUGH

TO WARRANT FURTHER
INQUIRY.

COUNSEL.

OKAY, I BELIEVE YOU'VE ALL
BEEN BRIEFED ON THE COMPLAINT.

NOT ME, NO, SIR.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SKIPPED
THE BRIEFING, GIL JOHN.

IN ORDER TO BE BRIEFED,
YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY BE PRESENT.

SO TRUE.
SHOWING UP IS KEY.

WOODY ALLEN WAS RIGHT.

I WOULDN'T KNOW.

I'M MORE OF A LARRY ''THE CABLE GUY'' GUY.
ANY OF Y'ALL SEEN HEALTH INSPECTOR?

IT'S A CLASSIC.

BETTER THAN
HANNAH AND HER SISTERS?

PFFT! NO COMPARISON.

LET ME GUESS, GIL JOHN,

YOU'RE GOING TO THROW UP
GORILLA DUST ALL MORNING

BECAUSE ROBERT'S YOUR FRIEND.

WELL, IT SOUNDS
LIKE HE COULD USE ONE

'CAUSE THIS COMPLAINT'S
BULLSHIT.

THE COMPLAINT
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

THE CHARGE IS THAT ROBERT
ACCEPTED GIFTS FOR HIS VOTE

IN FAVOR OF
THE MOHAIR SUBSIDY,

THAT HE'S IN THE POCKET
OF ''BIG GOAT.''

GIVEN YOUR PERSONAL
CONNECTION,

I WONDER WHETHER
YOU MIGHT NOT WANT

TO RECUSE YOURSELF,
GIL JOHN.

I WAS WONDERING
THE SAME THING,

AND NOW I JOIN THE CHAIR
IN WONDERING IT ALOUD.

THE LADY AND GENTLEMAN
NEED NOT TROUBLE THEMSELVES.

ACCORDING
TO SR-338 SECTION D,

''A MEMBER OF THE COMMITTEE
SHALL BE INELIGIBLE

''TO PARTICIPATE IN ANY
INQUIRY RELATING TO BRACKET 'I'

''THE CONDUCT OF, BRACKET ROMAN NUMERAL ONE,
AS SUCH MEMBER, BRACKET ROMAN NUMERAL TWO,

''ANY OFFICER OR EMPLOYEE
THE MEMBER SUPERVISES,

''OR, BRACKET
ROMAN NUMERAL THREE,

ANY EMPLOYEE OF ANY OFFICER
THE MEMBER SUPERVISES.''

NOW, ANY OF THESE EXCEPTIONS
SOUND LIKE ME?

ANY MENTION OF RECUSING
FOR WINGMEN?

I DIDN'T HEAR IT.

I REST... I REST MYSELF.

ALL RIGHT THEN.
PROCEEDING.

''WHILE SENSATIONAL
NEW POLL NUMBERS

''SEEM TO HAVE RESTORED

''LOUIS LAFFER'S
POLITICAL PROSPECTS,

''IT IS THE STEADY
OUTPOURING OF CARDS...

''AND FLOWERS AND PRAYERS,

AND TWEETS WITH KITTEN
GIFTS THAT HAVE REVIVED THE SENATOR'S SPIRITS.''

HE GOT HIS LITTLE HEAD STUCK.

- ''EACH AND EVERY DAY...''
- SHELBY, SHELBY!

YOU'RE TALKING
OUT LOUD AGAIN.

OH, SORRY', MA'AM.

LET THE BOY BE, LOUISE.
HE'S JUST DOING HIS JOB.

BUT DOES HE NEED
TO DO IT HERE?

I'M MICRO-BLOGGING, MRS. LAFFER.

THE SENATOR'S STORY
IS BREAKING REALLY BIG,

AND MY EDITOR WANTS ME
TO SURROUND THE STORY

AND FLOOD THE ZONE.

BREAKING BIG. ME.

OH, TAMMY,
AREN'T YOU NICE TO DROP BY?

OH, AND LOOK
AT THOSE BALLOONS!

YOUR FAVORITE COLORS,
RIGHT, LOUIS?

IN CERTAIN COMBINATIONS,
ABSOLUTELY.

THANK YOU, TAMMY.

OH, WELL, THEY'RE FROM
ALL OF US AT THE OFFICE, SIR.

WE FEEL JUST SO BADLY

THAT THE TRIP
WAS SO POORLY ORGANIZED.

WELL, LET'S GIVE THE TALIBAN
A LITTLE CREDIT, TAMMY.

THEY'RE
A FORMIDABLE ADVERSARY.

''EVEN NOW,
LYING IN A HOSPITAL BED

LAFFER HAS NO TIME
FOR BITTERNESS.''

SHELBY, COULD I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU?

SURE, MA'AM.

PERHAPS YOU COULD FLOOD
THE ZONE OUT THERE.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK, SIR?

THINK? ABOUT WHAT?

MY NEW LOOK.

WELL, YOUR COMMENT
ABOUT MY TOP BLOUSES,

I KIND OF TOOK IT
TO HEART.

OH, JEEZ, TAMMY,
I APOLOGIZE.

I KNOW IT SOUNDED
LIKE SEXUAL HARASSMENT,

- BUT I... I WAS JUST KIDDING.
- OH, NO, NO, NO.

IT WAS KIND OF A WAKE-UP CALL
ABOUT DRESSING PROFESSIONALLY.

I'M JUST, I'M TRYING MY BEST
NOT TO LOOK CHEAP.

OH, TAMMY,
YOU NEVER LOOK CHEAP.

OH, ISN'T SHE SWEET?
JULIE'S BEEN HELPING ME OUT.

SHE DIDN'T NEED MUCH HELP,
JUST A FEW FRESH IDEAS.

WE FOUND
SOME DARLING JACKETS

AND SOME CUTE, LITTLE RUFFLED
CROSS-OVER TOPS...

THAT DON'T SHOW ANYTHING.

THAT NEW ''NICOLE MILLER'' LINE.

YES! HOW'D YOU KNOW?

IN THE POST.
THE, UH, ADS.

- OH.
- NEXT TO THE HARD NEWS.

ANYWAY, YOU LOOK
VERY OFFICE-READY

- BUT IN A GUY-READY WAY.

I'M SURE AARON WILL APPROVE.

I HOPE SO.

HE... HE DOESN'T SEEM TO APPROVE
OF MUCH SO FAR.

TAMMY, YOU GOT TO TRUST
THE LOVE DOCTOR.

HE WOULDN'T
HAVE INTRODUCED YOU TWO

IF HE DIDN'T SEE POTENTIAL.

YOU SHOULD GO SEE
HIM YOURSELF, JULIE.

MAYBE HE'LL GIVE
YOU A PRESCRIPTION.

- EXCUSE ME, SENATOR?
- YOU NEVER KNOW.

HE'S GOT A PRETTY GOOD
TRACK RECORD... 13 MARRIAGES.

OH, I DON'T REALLY THINK
THAT'S IN THE CARDS FOR ME, SIR.

YOU KEEP ME PRETTY BUSY.

GOOD POINT, I DO.

I PUSH MY TEAM HARD.

WAY TO LEAN IN, JULIE.

- I'M BACK.
- WHOA! HEY, HEY!

YEAH?

SO? QUITE A TRIP, NO?

YOU TELL ME.
HOW'D IT PLAY?

''SENATOR LOUIS LAFFER, OTHERS,
ATTACKED IN AFGHANISTAN.''

''OTHERS''?
THAT'S ALL I GOT?

EXCEPT FOR THE PART
WHERE YOU WERE,

''RESCUED BY MYSTERY LATINA
AND WHISKED HOME ON HER PARTY PLANE.''

WE HAD TO GET LOUIS HOME.

NO ONE COULD HAVE PREDICTED
THAT ATTACK, KATHERINE.

IT WAS AN ACT OF GOD.

YEAH, ATTACKED IN A WAR ZONE.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

AND, BY THE WAY, THAT'S
EXACTLY HOW THE TALIBAN SPOKESMAN DESCRIBED IT.

- HOW?
- AS AN ACT OF GOD,

SO YOU'RE ON THE SAME PAGE.

OKAY, WE'LL GET PAST THIS.

- UH-HUH.
- IT'S ONLY A COUPLE OF CYCLES.

ANYTHING TO READ
INTO THE RECORD?

YES.

''SENOR HEE-HAW''
DIED AT 86.

WHAT?

OH, NO.

I LOVED THAT GUY.

I KNOW.

I'M... SORRY.

MR. PRESIDENT,
I RISE TODAY

TO MOURN THE DEATH
AND CELEBRATE THE LIFE OF JULIAN ORTIZ PARADERO,

KNOWN TO TWO GENERATIONS
OF FLORIDIAN CHILDREN

AS ''SENOR HEE-HAW.''

PARADERO, WHO PLAYED
HIS IRASCIBLE CHARACTER

ON MIAMI'S ''CHANNEL 5''
FOR OVER 43 YEARS...

TAUGHT MILLIONS
OF ENCHANTED YOUNGSTERS

HOW TO COUNT IN ENGLISH,

TIE THEIR SHOES,
AND SHARE WITH OTHERS.

ALTHOUGH ''SENOR HEE-HAW''
WAS DOGGED BY UNPROVEN CHARGES

OF ENDANGERING MINORS
IN HIS LATER YEARS,

MANY OF US WILL NOT SOON
FORGET HIS TWINKLING EYES

AND HIS TRADEMARK
FALSETTO GIGGLE.

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.

''SENOR HEE-HAW.''

OH, UH, CANCEL MY HAIRCUT,
WOULD YOU?

I GOT TO GO OVER TO THE HYATT
THIS MORNING.

YES, SIR. NEED A CAR?

NAH, THAT'S OKAY.
I'LL WALK.

OH, HEY, RANDALL.

WELL, GOOD MORNING, SENATOR.

RANDALL, WHERE DO WE STAND
ON THE WATER RINGS

ON THE SIDEBOARD
OF MY OFFICE?

OH, THE FINISH IS DAMAGED, SIR.

IT'S NOT A CLEANING ISSUE.

BAAAM!
WRONG ANSWER.

THE RIGHT ANSWER IS
''WHATEVER IT TAKES, SENATOR.''

THAT'S HOW YOU GET AHEAD.

I'M RETIRING NEXT WEEK.

WELL, THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME.
YOU'RE CALL.

AARON, YOU GOT TIME
FOR A LITTLE WALK AND TALK?

OF COURSE, SIR.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PRIDE,
RANDALL.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PRIDE.

SO...

DID YOU HOOK UP
WITH TAMMY?

UH, I'LL TELL YOU, SENATOR,

IF YOU PROMISE TO NEVER
SAY ''HOOK UP'' AGAIN.

OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH.

OKAY, SO, WE DID HANG OUT
A COUPLE OF TIMES...

AHA!
YEAH, WAS IT LOVE?

HUH, WAS IT LOVE?

IT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
THERE WAS NO GRAVITY AND SHIT?

I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

I MEAN, SHE'S SMART
AND GOOD-LOOKING AND ALL.

SHE'S JUST REALLY, REALLY WHITE.

AND I HAVE TO ASSUME
THAT YOU NOTICED THAT GOING IN.

NO, LIKE, SCARY WHITE.
PROHIBITIVELY WHITE.

LIKE, SWEATERS AND FRISBEES
AND CAMPING

AND MICHAEL BUBLE WHITE.

SWEATERS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH SWEATERS?

- NOTHING, IT'S JUST...
- AH, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

GIVE IT TIME.
PEOPLE CHANGE. GOTTA GO.

SURE, I VOTED FOR FOOD STAMPS.
WHY?

BECAUSE CUTTING FOOD STAMPS
MEANS TAKING THE FOOD

OUT OF THE MOUTHS
OF HARD-WORKING

NORTH CAROLINA FARMERS
WHO PRODUCE FOOD STAMP FOOD.

NOW, I DON'T KNOW
IF MY OPPONENT

HAS EVER MISSED A MEAL
IN HIS LIFE,

BUT I HAVE, AND BELIEVE ME,
IT'S NO... PICNIC.

TIME.

COACH MANCUSI,
YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO RESPOND.

WELL, COACH BIGGS CAN PANDER
TO OUR WONDERFUL FARMERS

ALL HE WANTS,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS

THAT THE COST OF FOOD STAMPS
HAS SKYROCKETED.

WE CANNOT AFFORD ANY MORE
WASTEFUL RINO SPENDING.

RINO? WHAT...

''REPUBLICAN IN NAME ONLY.''

WHICH BRINGS ME
TO MY NEXT QUESTION, SENATOR.

YOUR AMERICAN CONSERVATIVE UNION
RATING PLUMMETED

TO 98% LAST YEAR.

ARE YOU HOPELESSLY OUT OF
STEP WITH YOUR PARTY?

WELL, HELL, THAT'S JUST 'CAUSE
I FAVORED BACKGROUND CHECKS.

AS DID HITLER, BUT GO ON.

- THANK YOU, MADDIE.
- I'M DIGGER!

SO YOU WOULD FAVOR
CRIMINALIZING

PRIVATE GUN TRANSFERS
BETWEEN HONEST CITIZENS?

- WHY?
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

FOR THE RECORD, I'M AGAINST IT,

SO THAT'S ANOTHER SHARP
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US.

OH, EXCUSE ME
FOR THE INTERRUPTION.

OH, THAT'S OKAY,
MRS. BIGGS.

NO, IT'S NOT,
AND SHE'S DIGGER!

WELL, THERE IS
THAT FAMOUS TEMPER OF YOURS,

- AND I DO MEAN FAMOUS.
- GOD DAMN IT!

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

LET'S TAKE A SHORT BREAK HERE
TO TAKE LUNCH ORDERS.

SHIT, ROBERT, I'M GONNA GET
KILLED ON ALL THESE HIPPO ISSUES.

I GOT A RECORD SUPPORTING
ALL THE STUFF REPUBLICANS USED TO BE FOR.

BACKGROUND CHECKS, MANDATES,
INFRASTRUCTURE, YOU NAME IT.

I'M BEING FUCKED
BY MY OWN PETARD.

YOU WANT... YOU WANT
A SHOULDER RUB THERE, MAN?

NO.

COME ON, IT'S NOT GAY,
IT'S JUST A SHOULDER RUB.

HANG ON.

SWEETIE?

LOUIS?

UH-HUH?
LOUISE?

- RIGHT HERE.
- I'M COMING, I'M COMING.

- WHOA, WHOA!
- LOUISE? LOUISE?

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

- OH!

DON'T NEED THAT.

HELLO, PTSD.

SO...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOUR 4:00 VIDEO CHATTER
WITH LOLA?

JAMES IS GONNA SET IT UP.

IT ONLY TAKES A SECOND, SIR.
EASY-PEASY.

SHE'S BEEN SO WORRIED.

SHE'S BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU
BETWEEN CLASSES.

AW, MY POOR BABY GIRL.

SHE DIDN'T SIGN ON FOR THIS...

A DAD WHO GOES
TO WHERE THE SHIT IS.

WINCING, WINCING.

OH, SORRY. SOLDIER TALK.

DADDY?

WAIT, WHO ARE YOU?

OH, SORRY.
I'M JAMES, MS. LAFFER. I WORK FOR YOUR DAD.

I WAS JUST GETTING HIM SET UP
FOR YOUR CHAT.

- LOLA, HONEY?
- OH, HI, DADDY.

I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

- HOW'S YOUR POOR LEG?
- IT'S FINE, HONEY, REALLY.

THEY'VE GOT ME
ALL PUT BACK TOGETHER.

- CAN I SHOW HER?
- MM-HMM.

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.

OH, MY GOSH, DADDY,
THAT'S AWFUL.

NO, NO, REALLY,
THE THING'S JUST SUPPORTING IT.

NO BIG DEAL.

HI AGAIN.

HI. AGAIN.

WE'RE BACK.

THIS QUESTION GOES FIRST
TO SENATOR BIGGS.

YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES
TO RESPOND.

SENATOR, YOU HAVE ALWAYS OPPOSED
THE DEATH PENALTY

ON RELIGIOUS GROUNDS,

BUT IF MADDIE BIGGS
WERE RAPED AND MURDERED,

WOULD YOU FAVOR THE DEATH
PENALTY FOR THE KILLER?

IF SHE WHAT?

WELL.

WELL?

MURDERED HOW?

HOW?

WHAT POSSIBLE DIFFERENCE
DOES THAT MAKE?

JUST ANSWER
THE FUCKING QUESTION .

COACH MANCUSI,
SAME QUESTION TO YOU.

IF MRS. MANCUSI
WERE RAPED AND MURDERED,

WOULD YOU FAVOR
THE DEATH PEN...

HELLS YES. I WOULD FAVOR RIPPING
TH KILLER'S BALLS OFF

AND THROWING HIM OUT
OF AN AIRPLANE!

JESUS CHRIST
ON A FOUR-MAN BOBSLED!

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU,
GIL JOHN?

SENATOR BIGGS, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO RESPOND TO COACH MANCUSI?

THE SUIT.

SO BENNY'S SETTING ME UP WITH
A SUITE AT THE RITZ-CARLTON.

THAT'S NOT FAR FROM HERE,
RIGHT?

RIGHT. K-STREET?

IT'S JUST A SHORT
LIMO GLIDE AWAY.

YEAH, WE'RE GONNA GET
THREE ROOMS, A RECEPTION AREA,

AN OFFICE, AND A BEDROOM.

TELL ME MORE
ABOUT YOUR RECEPTION AREA.

OH, THAT'S WHERE I RECEIVE
MY HANDSOME LEGISLATOR

BEFORE I WALK HIM
THROUGH THE OFFICE,

STRAIGHT INTO THE BEDROOM.

AND WHAT IF WE DON'T MAKE IT
ALL THE WAY TO THE BEDROOM?

I... BENNY WOULD NOTICE.

OKAY, I'M GONNA LET YOU GO.

CIAO! MWAH!

CIAO.

WHAT?

SHE'S MOVING TO A HOTEL ROOM.
I THINK YOU'D BE THRILLED.

YES, BECAUSE SO MANY
GOOD THINGS HAPPEN IN HOTELS.

LOOK, CAT, I GET IT.

I KNOW I HAVE
A DISCIPLINE PROBLEM.

I KNOW PEOPLE THINK
I'M AN ADDICT.

I BURNED THROUGH THREE MARRIAGE
COUNSELORS ON THAT ISSUE ALONE,

BUT I'VE GOT IT
UNDER CONTROL.

I PROMISE.

TO BE CONTINUED.

I'VE GOT A MEETING
WITH GRAYDON TALBOT.

HOLD ON, SERIOUSLY?

YEAH, HE'S IN TOWN
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

ANDY, YOU'VE BEEN IN THE SENATE
FOR LESS THAN A YEAR.

SO HAS TED CRUZ.

DO YOU THINK HE'S WAITING
TO PUT TOGETHER A TEAM?

OBAMA WAITED FIVE MINUTES.
IT'S DIFFERENT NOW.

NO MORE KEEPING YOUR HEAD DOWN.
NO MORE WAITING YOUR TURN.

ANDY, GRAYDON TALBOT
IS THE BIGGEST SCUMBAG IN NATIONAL POLITICS.

YOU SAY THAT LIKE
IT'S A BAD THING.

LISTEN, WE'RE JUST GOING
TO BE SPITBALLING IDEAS.

NO BILLABLES,
IT'S NOT EVEN A FIRST DATE.

NOT EVEN A PECK ON THE CHEEK.

OH, WHAT THE HELL?

ANDY, WHO AM I,
MISS MONEYPENNY?

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

G.J., I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU WEREN'T READY

FOR THE RAPE/MURDER QUESTION.

EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
IT'S A CLASSIC.

WELL, EXCUSE ME
FOR NOT BONING UP

ON MY REVENGE FANTASIES,
MADDIE.

LISTEN,
DIGGER'S GONNA TRY ANYTHING

TO GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD.

HE'S RIDING A CONSIDERABLE LEAD
RIGHT NOW,

AND HE CAN SEW THIS UP IF YOU
LOSE IT DURING THE DEBATE.

WE'VE GOT TO PREEMPT THAT
AND THINK OF SOMETHING

- TO THROW HIM OFF BALANCE.
- RECRUITING VIOLATIONS.

AND IT CAN'T BE
RECRUITING VIOLATIONS.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE NO ONE GIVES A DAMN,

EVEN IF DIGGER MANCUSI
USED HOOKERS TO RECRUIT.

FANS ONLY CARE ABOUT WINNING.

- DIGGER BROUGHT IN HOOKERS?
- OOH, NO.

I'M JUST USING THAT
AS AN EXAMPLE.

WELL, THAT'S HOW RUMORS
GET STARTED, MADDIE.

HOW OLD WERE THE HOOKERS?

FORGET THE HOOKERS!

I'M JUST SAYING STAY AWAY
FROM BASKETBALL.

STAY AWAY FROM BASKETBALL?
I AM BASKETBALL.

IT'S MY BRAND
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

WELL, THERE YOU ARE
LOSING IT AGAIN.

WELL, I'M SORRY, MADDIE,
BUT I GOT THESE TRIGGERS, OKAY?

I ADMIT IT,
AND IF SOME SON OF A BITCH ON TV

ASKS ME TO IMAGINE
MY WIFE'S RAPE AND MURDER,

YEAH, I MIGHT BLOW.

WHY? BECAUSE
IT'S FUCKING UPSETTING.

REALLY?

AWW.

- THAT'S MY HONEY BEAR.

FOR 17 YEARS, HE'S BEEN READY
EVERY DAY TO HELP PEOPLE,

PEOPLE WHO ARE READY
TO HELP THEMSELVES

TO TURN THEIR LIVES AROUND,

PEOPLE WHO DON'T MAKE EXCUSES,
WHO DIG DEEP,

LIKE ROBERT BETTENCOURT
HIMSELF

WHO HAD A VISION FOR HIMSELF
AND FOR PENNSYLVANIA,

AND HAS BEEN GETTING
IT DONE EVER SINCE.

ROBERT BETTENCOURT.

ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY
WITH NO EXCUSES.

MY NAME IS ROBERT BETTENCOURT,
AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.

OH, RANDALL,
DID YOU SEE THE WHOLE THING?

- I DID, SENATOR.
- AND WHAT'D YOU THINK?

WELL, WITH RESPECT, SIR,
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I THINK.

WELL, WHY WOULDN'T IT?

THAT AD ISN'T
INTENDED FOR ME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU'RE RUNNING THAT AD
FOR WHITE VOTERS TO SHOW THEM

THAT YOU'RE FEELING THEM.

I... I UNDERSTAND.
THAT'S POLITICS.

YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU GOTTA DO,

WHICH IS TO GO ALL
''CLARENCE THOMAS'' ON US.

THAT'S FINE,

BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY APPROVAL
FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

WELL, ASIDE FROM THAT,
HOW'D YOU LIKE IT?

HAVE A GOOD EVENING, SENATOR.

- YOU LOOK NICE TONIGHT.
- REALLY?

- YEAH, YOU SOUND SURPRISED.
- I AM.

IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED,
I'M A BIT FASHION CHALLENGED.

NO, NO, I HADN'T NOTICED.
I LOVE YOUR SWEATERS.

WELL, THANKS, BUT IT'S TRUE.

- WHAT WAS THAT?
- OH.

YOU HUNT.

USED TO.
JUST SQUIRRELS.

SQUIRRELS, WHY?
LIKE, FOR FUN?

OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S HORRIBLE.

FOR FOOD.

DO YOU LIKE SQUIRREL?

LIKE IT?
PEOPLE EAT SQUIRRELS?

MY PEOPLE DO.
DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS ANYWAY.

WE USED TO GO UP TO THIS CABIN
IN THE WOODS MY UNCLE HAS,

AND WE'D SHOOT SQUIRRELS,

AND THEN THE BOYS
WOU LD SKIN 'EM AND GUT 'EM.

AND THEN MY SISTER AND I,

WE'D CLEAN 'EM AND PUT THEM
IN A BIG POT OF WATER

AND SOAK FOR A COUPLE DAYS,
AND THEN ON SATURDAY NIGHTS,

WE WOULD QUARTER 'EM
AND BOIL 'EM

FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES OR SO,

AND THEN SERVE THEM
WITH SOME RED HOT GRAVY...

OH, WHICH FRANKLY
MAKES THE WHOLE MEAL.

I MEAN, WITHOUT THE GRAVY,
YOU JUST GOT STRINGY, GREY MEAT.

UGH.

ANYWAY,
THE GRAVY IS PRETTY KEY.

GOOD TIMES.

WOW.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT STORY...
EVERY DETAIL...

IS JUST SO... SO COLORFUL.

AWW, YOU'RE SWEET.

LET'S GO GET HAMMERED.

HEY, GRAYDON.

HEY, MAN, LONG TIME.

WHOO! YES!

CHARLES!

''YOU PUT THE FLAME ON ME''

DID YOU JUST GET HERE?
DID YOU MISS THAT?

I'M AFRAID SO.

IT'S AN INTERESTING VENUE
FOR A PITCH, GRAYDON.

WHAT, YOU MEAN, LIKE,
ME PITCHING YOU?

OH, MAN, WE GOT TO FIRE
BOTH OF OUR SCHEDULERS.

THEY GOT IT BACKWARDS.

- BUSY, ARE YOU?
- OH, YEAH, BUT NOT FOR LONG.

I AM TECHNICALLY RETIRED.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO RUN
CAMPAIGNS ANYMORE?

MONEY?

I'M WORTH MORE THAN MY ENTIRE
PRINCETON CLASS COMBINED,

AND I DIDN'T GET RICH
RUNNING LOSING CAMPAIGNS

LIKE MIKE MURPHY.
I GOT RICH WINNING THEM.

WHAT DO I MEAN BY WINNING?

GREAT, GREAT QUESTION.

THE ANSWER IS 38 OUT OF 50.

THAT'S THE NUMBER OF OPPONENTS
I DROVE OUT OF POLITICS FOREVER.

THAT'S FOREVER.

LOSERS I FUCKED UP SO BADLY,

THEY NEVER RAN AGAIN
FOR ANYTHING.

SO YOU'RE NOT PITCHING.

OH, NO, MAN.
I'M RETIRED.

NO OFFENSE.

LISTEN, I MEAN,
YOU KILLED LAST FALL.

- PROPS FOR THAT.
- YEAH.

BUT PRESIDENT?

YOU'RE WAY OUT AHEAD
OF YOUR HEADLIGHTS, DUDE.

YOU SHOULD BE OUT THERE
BUSTING YOUR HUMP

TO GET OTHER PEOPLE ELECTED.

YOU NEED THEM TO OWE YOU
ONCE YOU JUMP IN.

BUT HELL, A FUCKING INTERN
FROM POLITICO KNOWS THAT

- AND SO DO YOU.
- YEAH.

SO NO CHARGE.
BESIDES I AM OUT OF THE GAME.

HELLO,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WE HAVE MR. GRAYDON TALBOT
IN THE HOUSE.

MR. GRAYDON TALBOT,
YOU MIND COMING AND DOING SOMETHING FOR US?

GOT TO GO.

WAIT, GRAYDON, LET ME...

I'M RETIRED, MAN.
REALLY.

SO MUCH FUN.
WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN.

- BUENOS NOCHES.
- GOOD NIGHT, PROFESSOR.

SEE YOU IN CLASS.

LET ME GUESS, YOU TEACH.

- I DO.
- GEORGETOWN.

GEORGE WASHINGTON.

I'M A VISITING PROFESSOR FROM
THE UNIVERSITY OF BARCELONA.

THAT'S GREAT.

WHAT IS? THAT I'M A PROFESSOR,
OR FROM BARCELONA?

THAT YOU'RE VISITING.

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