All language subtitles for All Night s01e03 Karaoke.eng

WOMAN:
Previously on "All Night"...

- Let's do this thing.
- Stop, Roni.

I don't want this.

- Ever think you might be
overlooking the obvious?

He's gay.

DEANNA: He only likes her
because she's pretty

and plays a children's
instrument.

What he and I have is--
- Is irrelevant.

What you need is for him
to see you as his hot sister.

You know what I mean.

- For the valedictorian, huh?
- The future is female.

- Whoo!
- And all of the sudden,

you're a part of Roni's
little gang of minions

and hanging out
with Alexis 24/7?

Do you have a crush on her?

- No.

[upbeat music]

??

- An impressive
Prince selection.

- You know, my aunt met him
on a bus once,

and he called her
"interesting."

- Wow.

Ooh, we should do Kiss.

But with my falsetto,
it's just so obvious.

What song do you want to sing?

- How about that new one
called "I Just Sit and Watch"?

- What?
You have an amazing voice.

You sing for me all the time.

- That doesn't mean I want
to do it

in front
of the whole school.

I am not Sherman Grove
High's resident rock star.

- Well, I guess
this resident rock star

will just have to serenade you.

??

- Do you remember
the choreography

from our 8th grade
Taylor Swift medley?

"From Heartache to Heartbreak,"
"Taylor's Journey,"

because they have
all the songs in here.

- Yeah, well, speaking
of heartache and heartbreak...

- Ooh.
- [laughing]

- Oh!
- Dude.

- He's not gay, right?

- Of course not.

- It's normal bro-havior.

Straight guys are obsessed
with their balls.

- They love them.

- Do you know how frustrating
it is to watch people

butcher music
they didn't even write?

You know what we should do?

- Find the most depressing,
mood-killing song in this book

and sing it so seriously

people want to crawl under
their chairs and weep?

- I was thinking that

they could just weep
into their hands,

but your version
is much better.

- Yeah.

Oh, are you planning
on singing

with your best pal, Alexis,

or has she been preparing
for her solo performance

since last year?

- Yeah, yeah, I bet
she's putting fire in the show,

or Riverdancing?

No, she's gonna wear that
see-through leotard

she wore for "Wicked."

- Sadly, that leotard
is at the cleaner's,

but I hear there
might be a cape.

- All right.
- A cape?

RONI: Are you seeing this?

- He's dabbing it on

just like the Sephora
lip specialist taught us.

Oz is so smart.

- Yeah, and so gay.

[upbeat music]

??

- Yeah, dude.

We're gonna kill it.

Oh, babe, get this.

We're gonna sing "Pony"
and go full "Magic Mike,"

you know what I'm saying?

[beatboxing]

- I'm gonna need you to stop.

Can we talk a sec?

- Yeah, yeah, one sec.

- Okay, so you know
how much I care about you.

- I think so.

- And you know when I care
about someone,

I would do anything for them.

I always put other
people first.

It's, honestly,
probably my biggest flaw.

- Sure.

- So then you know you can talk
to me about anything.

- Cool, yeah, thanks.
Uh, we good?

I need to go, like,
stretch it out before "Pony."

- What--what I'm saying is...

you can come out.

- Of?

- Of this prison of walls
you've built around you.

- Are you drunk?

- I don't think I've ever been
more sober in my life.

It's obviously hard for you
to say, but that's all right.

I can speak for you.

- Okay.

- You're gay.

- No, I'm not.

- I'm not mad.
I'm an ally.

Three words: it gets better.

- Three more words:
I'm not gay.

- Please, the tailoring,
the lippy.

All the signs are there.
- Okay.

I'm pretty sure
that's really offensive.

- How about the most
obvious sign:

you won't have sex with me.

- That--that's not true,
exactly.

- Am I not attractive?

Am I not enough?
- No.

You're beautiful.
- So you're gay.

- I'm not gay.

- That's the only
possible reason.

- No, it's not.
- Then what is it?

- I have a broken penis.

[upbeat rock music]

??

- ? I don't need your love ?

? I don't need your love ?

? So why you
bringing me down? ?

? Come on, lift me up,
come on, lift me up ?

- Melinda!

- ? You're not the only one,
not the only one ?

- I'm not asking.

Okay, I am, but willfully.

- ? Come on, lift me up ?

? Quit messing around ?

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm really not the best dancer.

I pretty much spend my life

trying to avoid
dancing in pubic.

- Didn't you go to prom?
- Yeah.

I stamped your hand
at the door.

??

- Right, right, right, right.

Excellent stamping skills.
- Thank you.

??

- Oh, it's five minutes
till karaoke.

Bernie and I are about
to go up there and kill it.

- This was fun. Thank you.
Thanks.

- Hang on. Sing with us.
- No!

The only thing more
terrifying than dancing

in public is singing in public.

- Well, that's all the more
reason you should do it.

Plus, I heard if you sing,
you get a muffin.

??

- It better be blueberry.

If it's bran, I walk.

- Come on.

??

- Not having my phone sucks,

but I will say,
I do feel very mindful.

- I'd feel a lot more mindful
if I had my mindfulness app.

- Hey, you seen Cody?

- Last time I saw him,

he was hanging out
with Stefania.

- Have you seen Stefania?

- No.

- It is grad night, mi amigo.

Anything can happen.

- Aqua surveillance is the key
to finding cosplay_queen_7,

the anonymous Tumblr icon
who has stolen our hearts.

You take the land.
I'll take the sea.

- Oh.
- What?

- No, no, it's fine, I just
thought I'd take the sea.

- I have the goggles.
- Because I lent them to you.

- Do you want to take the sea?
Take the sea.

- No, no, no, no, no.
[whistle blasts]

- Karaoke will start
in five minutes.

- Whoo!

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

??

- Dang. The power of song.

- You know you don't need
any of this stuff.

- You don't need
any of this stuff.

Your eyebrows
are crafted by angels.

- Actually, an Estonian woman
called Greta.

- Really?
I need her number.

- Oh, sharing an esthetician.

What's next,
holding hands in public?

- [laughs]
Soon, okay?

I just--
I need it to be the right time.

- Hey, I know you'll come out
when you want, if you want,

and, I'll admit, I'm
kind of digging the secrecy.

- I know, right?
I mean, it's sort of fun.

Remember that one time
at Roni's lake house,

where she asked me why
I was wearing your bikini top?

- Yeah, and you told her
it was a style choice,

and she and Lyssee switched
tops five minutes later.

- You know, maybe we should
trade bras for fashion reasons.

- Okay.

[upbeat dance music]

??

MAN: ? And now we're dancing
in the afterglow ?

- And then the children's choir
comes in out of nowhere

and somehow makes it
even sadder.

"Christmas Shoes" is
the ultimate depressing song.

- I was getting depressed
by "Christmas Shoes"

way before it was cool.

- Well, I own it
on a special green vinyl.

The album cover
is shaped like an actual shoe.

- What--then--
wait, wait, wait.

How would you fit it
on the record--never mind.

You know what, this is the best
possible iteration of karaoke.

- Oh, even better than
singing with Roni

while she provides
the backing track

on her precious ukulele?

- What do you have
against ukuleles?

- They're guitars
that refuse to grow up.

- All right.
Well, "Christmas Shoes" it is.

It's got death, poverty,
and Jesus:

the holy trinity of buzzkill.

- Yeah, so it was broke.

Oh, there you guys are.
Great news.

The whole "Oz is gay" thing
was a total misunderstanding.

He broke his penis.
- During lacrosse.

- Lacrosse?
- Yes, lacrosse.

See, I knew there was a reason
he wasn't having sex with me.

- I didn't know you could
break a penis.

- Oh, you can.

Although,
technically it's a fracture

since there's no bone.

Wait, Roni,
don't you go to every game?

Wouldn't you have
seen this happen?

- Oz has a really
high pain tolerance.

He might not have
noticed until after,

or it could
have been at practice.

- Then why didn't he tell you?

- I guess he didn't want
to worry me.

Poor kid,
suffering in silence.

- So brave.

- This doesn't add up.
- Yes, it does.

Here, let me show you.

Okay, Jonas is Oz.

- Hi--hey, guys.

- There's no need
for Oz to speak.

So Jonas is Oz,

and I'm the opposing player
who is very evil.

- How evil?

Like Cersei Lannister evil
or like Voldemort evil?

- Like their supremely
evil child.

- What?
- [laughs]

I don't think you understand
the ramifications in both canons of the--

- Shh. Okay.

So I'm coming at you
with my big stick, and--

- Ahh!
- Yeah.

But it's a contact sport,
so he's wearing a cup.

- I'm not.
- Hush.

So maybe the angle
is more like--

- Ahh!
Maybe Stymie could be Oz.

- And then it goes
under the cup, right?

- And he was hard?
- What? No.

Why would he be hard
during lacrosse?

- Love of the game.

- Or maybe he was not aroused

by lacrosse
and broke it anyway.

- Ron, I'm sorry,

but if he was flaccid,
he would have a bruise.

If he broke it, he was turgid.

SAT word.
740 verbal, bitches.

- I'm not getting
turgid for this.

- No, you're--you're wrong.

I mean, what makes you
such an expert?

- I have a friend
who broke one.

Google it.
- Okay.

But what if a weight
fell on him,

or Oz's soft
is like a normal guy's hard.

- Roni, respectfully...

your dude
was boning someone else.

??

- Is there any way
he could still be gay?

- Left cheek.
- Right cheek.

- Left cheek.

- Right cheek.

- Left cheek.
- Right cheek.

- Left cheek.
- Okay.

BOTH: Shake that fatty,
shake, shake that fatty.

Shake that fatty!
- Shake that fatty.

- Ooh, she got a big one,
now it's getting smaller.

Oh, cool, cool, 'cause
you should call her.

Tell her that you are gonna...

BOTH: Thighs, uh, thighs, uh.

- Thighs, thighs, thighs.

BOTH:
Thighs, uh, thighs, uh.

- Da-da-da-da. Ay!

Drop it down low,
put your hand on my booty.

Take it back 'cause
you're broody, I'm fruity.

I ain't playing games.
Do I look like a Tetris?

Shake it so hard
that it's trimmer.

BOTH: Ooh-lee, booty sweat.

Ooh-lee, booty sweat.

Ooh-lee, booty sweat,
twerking...

- Percocet.
- Hey, shake that fatty.

- Shake, shake that fatty.
- Nope.

The mic stays on you
till you show off those pipes.

- I cannot do this.
- Come on.

We're all embarrassing
ourselves.

It's more embarrassing
not to embarrass yourself.

All right, how about together.
Come on, hey.

ALL: Shake that fatty,
shake, shake that fatty.

Shake that fatty,
shake, shake that fatty, fatty.

Shake that fatty, shake,
shake that fatty, fatty.

Shake that fatty,
shake, shake that fatty.

Shake that fatty.

- I'm not gonna go back
in the pool.

You don't have to sit up there.

- Oh, great.
My back is killing me.

- You got some nice def
on those shoulders.

Were you on the swim team
in high school?

- I was a cheerleader.
- Cool.

Cool, cool, cool.

I'm more of a winter
sports man, myself.

- Do you play hockey?

- Do a bit of curling.

They have a team
up at Dartmouth--

where I'm going to school
in the fall--

to be a doctor--
maybe without borders.

- [laughs]

Have fun looking
at a lot of rashes.

- Oh, I will.

- Okay, well, I'm gonna go
use the restroom.

- I'll try not to drown
while you're gone.

- Yeah, either way.

[indistinct chatter]

- Maybe he's in the lounge.
- Yeah.

- There he is.
- Hey.

- You disgusting, rotten,
cheating little slut.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, babe.

- Don't you "babe" me.

There was no
lacrosse dick-breaking.

There was only you cheating
on your super-hot, kind,

whimsical girlfriend
dick-breaking.

- No way.
Babe, it was lacrosse.

- Oh, yeah?
Show me how it happened.

- You're being crazy.

- Show me.
- Okay.

So, I mean, you know,
I was just playing lacrosse,

like I do, you know,
really well,

and so--and the ball
just kind of hit me right here.

- Wrong.

- The guy's stick just--
- How?

- Well, there's certain
angles--

- There aren't.
- Okay.

You know what?
Fine, yeah, I cheated.

So congratulations, Bones.

You cracked the case
of the hot sophomore.

- I can't believe you would
do this to us--to me.

And with a sophomore?

- Yeah.

I mean, if it helps,
she kind of looks like you.

- Nobody looks like Roni.
She's unique and perfect.

Oh, you think that's funny,
funny boy?

Come at me, bro.
- Forget it, Lyssee.

I already have.

??

- Alexis.

Hey, you've got sad eyes.

I dig it.
- What?

- And just so you know,

my dick's
the opposite of broken.

- And the size
of that tiny blue pill.

Sounds about right.

[indistinct chatter]

- You ready?

- If you are.

- Let's do it, dude.

[dramatic instrumental music]

??

- ? It was almost
Christmastime ?

- ? There I stood
in another line ?

BOTH: ? Trying to buy
the best gift or two ?

? Not really
in the Christmas mood ?

? And standing right
in front of me ?

? Was a little boy
waiting anxiously ?

? Pacing around
like little boys do ?

? And in his hands he held ?

? A pair of shoes ?

? And his clothes
were worn and old ?

? He was dirty
from head to toe ?

? And when it came
his time to pay ?

? I couldn't believe
what I heard him say ?

? So I want to buy
these shoes ?

? For my mama, please ?

- ? It's Christmastime
and these... ?

BOTH:
? Shoes are just her size ?

- ? Could you hurry, sir ?

? Daddy says there's not much
time-- ?

- I have an announcement
concerning all of you.

Roni Sweetzer is effing single.

[cheers and applause]

- Fig.
- Yeah, oh.

Uh, yeah.
"Christmas Shoes," everyone.

Whoo!

- It's only fun to make
grad night look sad

when it's two people singing;
when it's one person singing,

grad night
doesn't look sad, I do.

- Yes, but you nailed the song.

- I objectively did not.
- Why are you so upset?

So we didn't show karaoke,
Roni did.

I get that you hate her,
but this isn't a big deal.

- Because you bailed on me.
I get it.

It's not a big deal,
but you still did.

- Okay, you're right.

I'm sorry, but it's just--

I've been waiting
for this for so long.

Roni Sweetzer's effing single.

- And she still effing sucks.

- You don't even know her.

- You
don't even know her.

- I'm the one that's been
following her

for like four years.
- Seriously?

- I've seen all her posts
on Instagram.

Her covers actually
mean something.

- Oh, my God, I can't
with you right now.

I'm gonna go find Cassie,
you know, my friend

who didn't leave me standing
on that stage singing a song

about shoes for a dying woman
to meet Jesus in.

- [laughing]
- It's not funny.

- It's pretty--it's funny.

- Kill it!
- Yes!

[video game beeping]

- Oh, my gosh, you're amazing.

You know, if I were in love
with a ridiculously hot guy

and found out the entire thing
was a cruel charade,

I'd be a total mess, but
you're handling this so well.

- I'm so, so sad,

and I can't even
tweet song lyrics

because I have no phone,
and no Oz, and...

[crying]
I just want my mom.

- It's okay.

I can be strong for both of us.

- Oh, you're still here?

- Uh...
Uh, yeah.

Sorry, here.
- Thanks.

- I wish I had
something else to read,

like--like maybe
an "O" Magazine.

Some other things I like
are chunky jewelry

over a cashmere
sweater cape...

Zumba...

- [laughs]
Uh...

- Cozying up with some ros�

and whatever's
on Lifetime Movie Network.

- Wait, you're into LMN?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Most people think
Lifetime doesn't bother

with movies anymore.

- What?
Those people are imbeciles.

They had to create a whole
separate channel for the movies

because they're so awesome.
- Exactly.

I mean, my husband
always teases me about it,

but I think
it is quality programming.

- Did you catch the one
that was on last weekend?

BOTH: "Pandora's Basket."

- So good.
So relevant.

That scene where Alice
goes into Dante's dresser

and discovers all
the broken wind chimes?

- Haunting.
- Haunting.

- Hey there, Bryce.

You're not
in there singing karaoke?

- No.
I'm going to be a doctor.

- Hon, your two hours is up.

I can take over, although
it's not actually taking over

since you're not even
in the chair.

- Oh, no one's swimming.

- Maybe they feel,

I don't know, unsafe,

since no one's in the chair.

- I think it's fine.

- Hello, is that
a new swimsuit?

- You like it?
- Yeah.

But I thought we were saving
up for a new upright vac.

- Ugh, God.

??

- Stay out of that water.

Stay out.

??

- ? I'm coming out ?

??

? I'm coming ?

? I'm coming out ?

? I want the world to know,
I got to let it show ?

? I'm coming out ?

? I want the world to know,
I got to let it show ?

? There's a new me coming out ?

? And I just have to live ?

- Okay, even I have to admit
this is pretty great.

- It's amazing.

- ? I think this time around
I am gonna do it ?

? Like you never knew it ?

- I think she's
saying she's gay.

- Dude, just because she
doesn't want to go out with you

doesn't make her a lesbian.

- Why does everyone think
everyone is gay?

- ? I have to shout
that I am coming out ?

? I'm coming out ?

? I want the world to know,
I got to let it show ?

? I'm coming out ?

- That's my girl!
Whoo!

- ? I want the world to know,
I got to let it show ?

I'm coming out!

[cheers and applause]

P.S.,

I'm gay.

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music]

??

- Oh, I wish I had my phone!
Yay!

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat rock music]

??

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