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- Hello ladies, ladies, and others,
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and thank you all for coming tonight to
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The Bigg Club, where men meet boys.
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It's spelled M-E-A-T,
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that's an auditory pun people,
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and yes, the management makes me do it every time.
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- Bring on the boys.
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- Yes, yes, sweetheart, any moment now.
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Aren't you feisty?
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You're exactly how I like my men,
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drunk and desperate.
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Come talk to me after the show next time, why don't ya?
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The name's Pinata Debris,
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and I am pleased to welcome to the stage, Joey and Matt.
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♪ Get fucked up yeah ♪
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♪ Repoke to the next loco yo ♪
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♪ Put your hands up yeah ♪
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♪ Baby that's the stuff, that's the stuff ♪
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♪ And we in the club ♪
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♪ That's that ass and all the club ♪
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♪ Call us in we break the seal ♪
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♪ Hear about pop while the ladies drop ♪
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♪ Lose control while we in the zone ♪
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♪ Fellas take a glance while the ladies dance ♪
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♪ Put your hands high, say I'm fly ♪
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♪ We fly tonight, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ It's all at night ♪
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♪ We get it right, we live it like ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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♪ Tell me things tell me things ♪
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♪ You tell me, we do the damn thing ♪
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♪ Drop bottles till we piss champagne ♪
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♪ Forget your worries forget your pain ♪
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♪ Gonna stay till the party ends ♪
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♪ All I need is a bottle and some friends ♪
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♪ Show starts when I walk in ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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♪ This drink is strong, your ass is wrong ♪
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♪ And I'm a take you home ♪
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♪ But now we digging cup ♪
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♪ Blood where your body sunk ♪
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♪ And the way these speakers ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it, forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about, it forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it, forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it, forget about it ♪
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- Hey Chuck, what's you doing?
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- Just watching the show.
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- You never watch the other guys.
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- Yeah well, tonight I am.
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- You like girls.
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Like me.
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- You ain't a girl.
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- How dare you?
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Well you weren't so picky
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while I was sucking you off last fortnight.
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I would report you to HR for sexual harassment
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and misgendering me,
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if there were such a thing as HR in this dump of a place.
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- Look,
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buzz off.
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I'm waiting to see something here.
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- Fine, but don't say I never blew nothin' for ya.
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- Hi Matt.
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- Hi ya Clive.
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Now you know I said the cute ones don't have to tip.
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- Ah, you're so nice.
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You're so much nicer than the other dancers.
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- I don't know that that's true.
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- I think it's true.
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The other guys don't have the same spark as you.
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- Thanks.
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You know what Clive?
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I think you should go home.
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- Go home?
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It's not even midnight.
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- Yes, but believe me, it's pumpkin time for you.
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Trust me, go, now,
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and you'll see why tomorrow.
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- All right, if you say so Matt.
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- I do.
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Here.
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- All right, I'll go, I'll go.
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Night night.
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- Night night, termite.
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- God Danny, are you doing coke again?
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What is this, 1986?
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- What do you want, Pinata?
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- I was just gonna say it's my birthday next month,
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and I was wondering if I could have
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a special birthday show here?
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- Special birthday show?
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Like what?
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- You know, like singing, dancing.
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- No, girl, when people come to Bigg's
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we offer them one thing,
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hot guys in nothing but jock straps.
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- But I can offer them magic and illusion.
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- Face it kid, the slogan here is where men meet--
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- Where men meet boys, I know.
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- You're not a man.
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You're not a boy.
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- I'm not a girl, not yet a woman.
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- Exactly, you're a fine host,
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but you're not the selling point.
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People come here to see hot guys,
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that's the meal.
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Anything else, like you, is garnish.
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- How dare you?
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Are you calling me parsley?
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- If the herb fits.
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- Everybody freeze.
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- Hello gentlemen, and others.
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- You know Pinata, that joke never worked.
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Ladies, ladies, and others?
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All that's left is men,
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and I have had enough of men.
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Now, in case you haven't figured this out yet,
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this is a motherfuckin' robbery.
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Our associate Chuck's gonna go around the room,
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like we do when we're dancing here,
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but, instead of giving us your money,
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you're gonna give us your clothes.
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Put 'em in the bag, wallets, cell phones, everything.
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You first.
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- Police department, this is Vargas.
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If it's not homicide, I'm not interested.
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That's dangerous.
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A robbery you say?
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Armed?
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I see, now you're talking my language.
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The heat of battle, the smell of the flintlock,
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this is where men are forged.
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None of this light felony, foo foo,
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hypno skeleton bullshit.
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I'm talking the rage of battle,
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the heat of a thousand suns.
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What was that?
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Hostages?
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Sorry, I was in the middle of a sexual fantasy.
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Where was this again?
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Strip club?
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Sweet luscious tits of innocence.
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Those hardworking girls never hurt anybody.
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Why they are merely providing a public good,
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and to take advantage of that is truly a heinous act of--
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What?
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What do you mean they're not girls,
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you said this was a strip club.
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I see, no no, there's nothing wrong with
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doing things the gay way.
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As an ass man myself,
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I can appreciate the appreciation.
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Two luscious hunks of ham,
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squeezed together over a forbidden point of entry.
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It's enough to make the mind wander.
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In fact, it reminds me--
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Huh? How many hostages?
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Um, I think I'd better transfer your call to dispatch,
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there may be a closer car,
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and in these times of ass-driven violence,
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time is of the essence.
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Hold please.
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Now it's time to go hide in the bathroom
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and forget this ever happened.
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Ain't no way I'm gonna get my clothes
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covered in the stench of blood and cum,
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for the second time tonight.
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- [Dispatcher] Six six henry.
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- You know Rod,
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there comes a time in every little girl's life,
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when she dreams about her wedding day.
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- In this hypothetical, am I the little girl?
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- No, no Rod, I am the little girl.
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You are the little boy.
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This is our little wedding.
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- Oh.
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- It's time we get hitched.
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- Huh?
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- [Dispatcher] All cars in the immediate area,
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we have a 211 in progress at the Bigg Club.
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- Oh, I know where that is.
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Take a right on Washington, and a left on Empire.
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- Good, this is why I keep you around.
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Now, let's go mow down some faggots motherfucker.
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- What's going on?
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- Look, it's our erstwhile boss, Danny.
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For years we've been working for him,
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and not only has he been not paying us a living wage,
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he's been skimming our tips for his cocaine habit.
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Haven't you, Danny?
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- How do you know?
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No, no of course not.
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- Well Danny, I think you should
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put on a little show for your patrons.
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You've always been backstage,
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now it's your turn in the spotlight.
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Up on the stage, strip.
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- What? Are you kidding me?
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- Twerk.
220
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Charleston.
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Macarena.
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- Copper cops,
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copper cops.
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- Shit.
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How are we doing?
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- That's everyone's shit, let's blow.
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- Out of the way.
228
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- Freeze.
229
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- Hey!
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- You won't get away with this.
231
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- I kinda think we will.
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What's your name, handsome?
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- Rod, it's Rod.
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- Oh, that was a good one.
235
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You're coming with us, Rod.
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- Someone stop them!
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- You have the right to remain silent.
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- Oh look at me, I'm a police officer.
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- Chuck!
240
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Take me with you.
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I love you.
242
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- Can't babe, sorry.
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Nothing personal.
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- Get off of me, I am going to get those brazen, faggots,
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if it is the last thing that I do.
246
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Motherfuckers!
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♪ I'm on a fucked up fruitless mission ♪
248
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♪ I'm not thinking I'm going to jail ♪
249
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♪ But bad luck never fails ♪
250
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♪ It's got be dropped on my tail ♪
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♪ Would you please post my bail ♪
252
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♪ This is it no turning back ♪
253
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♪ Got a monkey on my back ♪
254
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♪ He's got a hair across his eye ♪
255
00:15:08,822 --> 00:15:12,152
♪ About to fall on my glass ♪
256
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♪ I'm not thinking I'm going to jail ♪
257
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♪ But bad luck never fails ♪
258
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- I understand, you think it's fun and games,
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this kidnapping a cap.
260
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It does happen once a week.
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Stop it.
262
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I have to pay for that badge.
263
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- When's the next turn?
264
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- It's coming up in two miles.
265
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- Here that Tulula?
266
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We're almost there.
267
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- Straight men and their cars.
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I'll never understand it.
269
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,290
- Where are you taking me?
270
00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:48,400
Stop trying to take off my shirt.
271
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,450
- We are headed to Chuck's old frat house,
272
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,300
aren't we Chuck?
273
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,520
- Delta Iota Kappa.
274
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,130
- Yeah, remember dudes,
275
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,700
you can't blow up my spot.
276
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,250
I'm so respected there.
277
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,220
I'm a brother, proud Delta.
278
00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:04,160
- Yeah, yeah, you told us.
279
00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:07,420
- Chuck, what's it like in a frat house anyway?
280
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,280
I've heard stories.
281
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,910
- Probably not as entertaining as we think.
282
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:13,740
- Or hope.
283
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,060
- No, it was great.
284
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,840
Got all the pussy I wanted when I was a Delta.
285
00:16:18,841 --> 00:16:21,571
- Gross, pussy's gross.
286
00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:22,400
Right Rod?
287
00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:23,283
- Stop it.
288
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,280
Stop it, stop it.
289
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,780
- You know, I like that you don't shave your chest Rod.
290
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:33,780
I always say manscaping is a crime against real men.
291
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,660
- I always say manscaping is for heteros.
292
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,580
Women like smooth men.
293
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:41,500
Real men like real men.
294
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,500
- You know what we mean, Rod?
295
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:44,480
- Stop it, stop it.
296
00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:48,470
- Hey, hey, hey, those are my pants.
297
00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:50,200
- Quiet Rod, or I will have to gag you.
298
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,220
- Do it anyway, I'm tired of his whining.
299
00:16:56,199 --> 00:16:58,609
- Things like that.
300
00:16:58,607 --> 00:17:00,117
- You know, I watched this documentary
301
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,700
about fraternity life.
302
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,620
It was quite eye-opening.
303
00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:06,070
- Yeah, what was it called?
304
00:17:06,070 --> 00:17:08,960
- Frat Fuckhouse Volume 17.
305
00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:10,319
- 17?
306
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,240
- Yeah, I hadn't seen one through 16,
307
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,750
but you could follow the story pretty easily.
308
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,820
It was mostly butt sex.
309
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,210
- I'm serious you guys.
310
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,300
I don't want anyone at the frat
311
00:17:21,298 --> 00:17:23,628
to know what we're doing there.
312
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:24,850
- You mean you don't want them knowing
313
00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:26,630
what you do for a living?
314
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,530
Shaking those cakes for thirsty men?
315
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:30,780
- That too.
316
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,140
We're just gonna get in there,
317
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:34,670
get the diamonds and the plane vouchers,
318
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:36,790
and we are on our way to Hawaii.
319
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:37,940
- Fun in the sun.
320
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,390
- I can't wait to make out with you on the beach.
321
00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:48,380
Why are we stopping?
322
00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,190
- [Chuck] We need gas.
323
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,090
- [Matt] Great, okay you stay here with Rod
324
00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:52,920
so that he doesn't get away,
325
00:17:52,923 --> 00:17:54,953
and we're gonna go in and get some snacks.
326
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:08,070
- Uh, hi.
327
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:10,570
- Hi, Carol, is it?
328
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:13,090
- Yeah, how did you know?
329
00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:14,520
- Your name tag, Carol.
330
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,230
- Oh, of course, how inane of me.
331
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,760
- Hey you see our friend outside gassing up our car?
332
00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:31,200
- Yes, he is also not wearing a shirt.
333
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:33,940
- You're very astute, Carol.
334
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,850
- Hey Joey, you want a soft drink?
335
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,320
- Naw man, I don't like nothin' soft.
336
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:43,730
Look Carol, can I call you sometime?
337
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:45,970
- Why?
338
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:47,173
- Who knows?
339
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:48,420
Live a little.
340
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,680
If you're shy, you can call me.
341
00:18:50,679 --> 00:18:52,849
Give me your cell phone and I'll put in my number.
342
00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:06,820
- You want all of this?
343
00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:08,310
- Well my grandmother always says,
344
00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,520
it's better to have it and not need it,
345
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,280
than to need it and not have it.
346
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,800
You never know when a Twinkie will come in handy.
347
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:14,900
- I guess that's true.
348
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:17,810
- Don't call right away.
349
00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:19,410
Desperation is never attractive.
350
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:22,060
- Let me ring you up.
351
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,910
- I'm afraid that won't be necessary.
352
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:26,920
- Damn it.
353
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,820
Your criminals, on the lam?
354
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,130
- 'Fraid so, Carol.
355
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,010
- Can I come with you?
356
00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,897
I'm really handy to have around.
357
00:19:36,422 --> 00:19:37,962
- Oh Carol, come here.
358
00:19:55,442 --> 00:19:57,032
- Oh what the heck?
359
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,120
- Sorry hon.
360
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,160
- Well you don't have to rub it in.
361
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,180
- And then they made me strip down in front of everyone,
362
00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:31,490
pants down,
363
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:32,720
underpants down,
364
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,970
everything.
365
00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:34,940
- Yes, I understand.
366
00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:38,750
- I mean everyone saw my schmeckle.
367
00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:40,350
- Yes I know, I was there.
368
00:20:40,350 --> 00:20:41,180
I saw it too.
369
00:20:41,183 --> 00:20:42,613
- Oh my God.
370
00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:45,200
- Now, you brought the surveillance footage with you.
371
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,030
- Yes.
372
00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:46,873
Here.
373
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:51,030
When Joey pantsed me up there,
374
00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:54,480
that was the most humiliating moment of my life.
375
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,800
- Yes, I'm sure.
376
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,250
Lester stop, stop bandaging me,
377
00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:00,010
and put this on the big screen.
378
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:01,780
- But your arm?
379
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:04,390
- It can wait, Officer Pence is in trouble.
380
00:21:04,390 --> 00:21:05,510
- Yes, ma'am.
381
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,604
Sorry, ma'am.
382
00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:14,950
- All right, fast forward,
383
00:21:14,950 --> 00:21:18,030
we need about 11:30, that's when it all went down, right?
384
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:18,860
- Right?
385
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,230
- Nope, too late, that's me, go back.
386
00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:32,720
- That's them there, that's Joey, and Matt.
387
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:34,800
- Lovers?
388
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,780
- I think so.
389
00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:36,610
- You think so?
390
00:21:36,613 --> 00:21:38,763
- Well, they're not exactly monogamous,
391
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,350
but I think they hump on a regular basis.
392
00:21:41,350 --> 00:21:42,180
- Interesting.
393
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,450
- Then there's the third one, that's Chuck.
394
00:21:45,453 --> 00:21:46,613
- And who's he fucking?
395
00:21:46,610 --> 00:21:49,160
- I don't know, I think he's mostly straight.
396
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,750
- Mostly straight?
397
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:51,680
What does that mean?
398
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,760
- Well, I mean, I don't go for guys myself,
399
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:58,020
but in the dark I'll catch a gray, you know what I mean?
400
00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,360
- No.
401
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:00,570
- As Gertrude Stein said,
402
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,530
a mouth is a mouth is a mouth.
403
00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,340
- Gertrude Stein.
404
00:22:05,340 --> 00:22:06,170
- What I'm trying to say is,
405
00:22:06,173 --> 00:22:08,213
getting your dick wet is getting your dick wet.
406
00:22:08,206 --> 00:22:09,186
- Oh.
407
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:12,244
- All right, enough of the crap, pay attention.
408
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,440
- Oh God that's me, turn it off, turn it off.
409
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,630
- Yeah Lester, shut it down.
410
00:22:15,630 --> 00:22:16,870
- I'm trying.
411
00:22:19,610 --> 00:22:21,270
- Oh my God.
412
00:22:21,270 --> 00:22:23,140
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
413
00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:27,380
- Hey Joann, I have the--
414
00:22:28,530 --> 00:22:30,160
Oh my God.
415
00:22:33,190 --> 00:22:35,910
Oh, I'm sorry.
416
00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:37,100
I'll be back later.
417
00:22:39,448 --> 00:22:40,958
- I got lunch for everyone and--
418
00:22:43,890 --> 00:22:46,300
God I hope he's a grower.
419
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:47,760
- You can stop bawling,
420
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:48,760
it's not that small.
421
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,850
- Maybe we should have called before?
422
00:23:16,850 --> 00:23:17,800
- No it's all good.
423
00:23:18,820 --> 00:23:19,650
I'm a brother here,
424
00:23:19,653 --> 00:23:22,123
and we brothers have to offer each other hospitality.
425
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,240
It's in our code.
426
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,070
- Wait a minute.
427
00:23:26,516 --> 00:23:27,466
A little conspicuous don't you think?
428
00:23:27,473 --> 00:23:29,913
- It's okay, I made one.
429
00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:32,680
Here, handsome.
430
00:23:34,860 --> 00:23:36,150
It matches your eyes.
431
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,700
- Hey, brother Chuck.
432
00:23:54,335 --> 00:23:55,165
Deltas!
433
00:23:55,168 --> 00:23:57,078
- In the flesh, brother Hunter.
434
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,990
Wanted to come by for a quick visit to the old house,
435
00:23:58,990 --> 00:24:00,620
show it off to my new friends.
436
00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:01,450
You mind?
437
00:24:01,453 --> 00:24:02,293
- Oh, of course not brother.
438
00:24:02,286 --> 00:24:04,186
Mi casa es su casa, you know that.
439
00:24:04,190 --> 00:24:05,500
Come on in fellas.
440
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:07,020
You've gotta see the place man,
441
00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:08,690
we have not improved a thing.
442
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:11,340
Hey, dudes.
443
00:24:12,527 --> 00:24:14,647
Look, brother Chuck.
444
00:24:14,652 --> 00:24:15,492
You remember him?
445
00:24:15,485 --> 00:24:16,895
- Yeah, up Chuck.
446
00:24:17,808 --> 00:24:18,858
How's it hangin'?
447
00:24:18,863 --> 00:24:20,713
- Haven't seen you since you graduated, bro.
448
00:24:20,711 --> 00:24:21,911
- Yeah, what the fuck is up man?
449
00:24:21,910 --> 00:24:23,920
- Hey guys, good to see you all again.
450
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,850
These are my bros, Matt and Joey.
451
00:24:25,850 --> 00:24:27,160
They wanted to come by and see the old place,
452
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,410
I talked about it so much.
453
00:24:28,410 --> 00:24:29,960
- And I see you brought along a pledge.
454
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:30,790
- Pledge?
455
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:34,460
- This is Rod.
456
00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:36,130
- I'm a hostage.
457
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:38,420
- Kidder.
458
00:24:38,420 --> 00:24:40,740
- Good to see you want to keep the old traditions alive.
459
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:42,920
- How do we know this isn't some kind of trick?
460
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,480
Who are these strangers?
461
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,460
Maybe they're plants from Beta Upsilon Tau.
462
00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:47,860
- How dare you?
463
00:24:47,860 --> 00:24:49,000
Our rivals?
464
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,040
I am a proud Delta, just like you all.
465
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,140
- Surely we can trust old Up Chuck?
466
00:24:53,140 --> 00:24:55,610
Remember, when he drank 37 beers the night
467
00:24:55,610 --> 00:24:57,180
before the fraternity carnival?
468
00:24:57,180 --> 00:24:58,420
- We lost to the Betas that year,
469
00:24:58,420 --> 00:25:00,750
because he was too hung over for the wrestling competition.
470
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:03,470
Maybe he's been deep undercover all along.
471
00:25:03,470 --> 00:25:05,140
- What's going on brothers?
472
00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:07,120
Why are you so suspicious?
473
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,140
- It's time we leveled with you Chuck.
474
00:25:09,140 --> 00:25:12,010
We are basically all that's left of Delta Iota Kappa.
475
00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:12,910
- What?
476
00:25:12,910 --> 00:25:14,400
The three of you?
477
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,350
- Yeah, and Luke.
478
00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,930
He's busy in the other room, banging the frat house slut.
479
00:25:18,930 --> 00:25:20,510
- Frat house slut.
480
00:25:20,510 --> 00:25:21,360
- How did this happen?
481
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:24,090
- Well some people thought our frat hazing
482
00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:26,340
from last year got a little out of hand.
483
00:25:26,340 --> 00:25:27,320
- Out of hand?
484
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:28,950
- Yeah, some pledge almost drowned
485
00:25:28,950 --> 00:25:30,530
when we made him three laps in the pool,
486
00:25:30,530 --> 00:25:32,440
with a lit candle sticking out of his ass.
487
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:33,900
- [Frat Bro] And, in our defense,
488
00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:35,580
it was hilarious at the time.
489
00:25:35,580 --> 00:25:37,500
- But those bastards at Beta Upsilon Tau
490
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:40,010
reported us to the college administration.
491
00:25:40,010 --> 00:25:41,630
So now we, are on probation
492
00:25:41,630 --> 00:25:43,990
until we can get our act together.
493
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,590
- Hey brother Hunter, question.
494
00:25:47,590 --> 00:25:49,060
- What's up Up Chuck?
495
00:25:49,060 --> 00:25:51,140
- Why is the rooster naked?
496
00:25:51,140 --> 00:25:52,540
- Why wouldn't he be?
497
00:25:52,540 --> 00:25:54,160
I mean just look at him.
498
00:25:55,855 --> 00:25:56,695
- It's our mascot.
499
00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:57,810
- Those Betas are always trying
500
00:25:57,810 --> 00:25:59,590
to get their hands on Delta cock.
501
00:25:59,590 --> 00:26:01,280
- They're gonna take me back to the frat,
502
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,930
and do unspeakable things to me.
503
00:26:02,930 --> 00:26:04,870
I don't want to do unspeakable things to their frat.
504
00:26:04,870 --> 00:26:06,620
Only here, Delta for life!
505
00:26:06,620 --> 00:26:07,760
- Deltas!
506
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,930
- No no no, we not gonna do unspeakable things,
507
00:26:10,930 --> 00:26:13,570
I mean, normally, maybe,
508
00:26:13,570 --> 00:26:16,230
but this time, we're going right to the Dean.
509
00:26:16,230 --> 00:26:17,520
You guys are hazing again,
510
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,400
and now Delta Iota Kappa is over.
511
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,880
- Yeah, over.
512
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,850
- So help me God.
513
00:26:23,850 --> 00:26:26,630
If you touch one vein on that beautiful cock.
514
00:26:32,030 --> 00:26:33,530
- Allow us.
515
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,220
- Here comes the secret Delta Iota Kappa handshake.
516
00:27:33,220 --> 00:27:35,210
- Secret handshake.
517
00:28:08,986 --> 00:28:09,816
- Whoo!
518
00:28:11,274 --> 00:28:12,794
- I guess we can trust these guys.
519
00:28:12,790 --> 00:28:15,690
- Absolutely yes, Joey, Matt,
520
00:28:15,690 --> 00:28:17,720
I hereby call you honorary members
521
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,470
of the Delta Iota Kappa fraternity.
522
00:28:20,470 --> 00:28:21,580
- Thank you.
523
00:28:21,580 --> 00:28:23,250
- What about this one now?
524
00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:24,800
Your pledge?
525
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,260
- Pledge.
526
00:28:26,258 --> 00:28:28,478
- Yeah, you guessed it bud,
527
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,440
this guy never really had the true frat experience,
528
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,800
so we thought we'd do a little hazing.
529
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,440
- Well that's perfect.
530
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,500
It's hell week for our pledges, right now.
531
00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:39,800
- Hell week?
532
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,780
But I thought you said you were on probation
533
00:28:41,780 --> 00:28:42,890
because of your hazing?
534
00:28:42,890 --> 00:28:44,640
- Well yeah, but that doesn't mean
535
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,070
we're gonna break with tradition.
536
00:28:47,070 --> 00:28:48,360
- Well shit, yeah.
537
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,930
That's why we brought this guy along, hell week.
538
00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:52,870
I just wanted to show him around a little.
539
00:28:52,870 --> 00:28:56,110
- All right pledge, are you ready to join this fraternity?
540
00:28:56,110 --> 00:28:57,510
- No.
541
00:28:57,510 --> 00:28:59,750
- Well, you don't deserve it.
542
00:28:59,750 --> 00:29:00,640
- Dance monkey.
543
00:29:10,370 --> 00:29:11,610
- Classic.
544
00:29:11,610 --> 00:29:14,030
All right, let's put him with the others.
545
00:29:14,030 --> 00:29:15,910
- Wait, the others?
546
00:29:16,810 --> 00:29:19,460
- Like I told you, it's hell week, baby.
547
00:29:22,150 --> 00:29:25,560
And you know what happens to pledges on hell week.
548
00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:29,810
Now I don't remember telling you you could stop dancing.
549
00:29:31,340 --> 00:29:32,280
Drop the shoulders.
550
00:29:32,277 --> 00:29:33,837
A little bit of movement.
551
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,540
- This one's sleeping in here tonight, right boy?
552
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:47,760
- Sorry, yes sir.
553
00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:51,630
- Oh, pathetic pledges,
554
00:29:51,630 --> 00:29:52,920
sleeping in here.
555
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,540
- Why am I erect?
556
00:29:58,860 --> 00:30:01,750
- And these lucky gents get the comfy bed,
557
00:30:01,750 --> 00:30:04,450
but have to go totally nude, wrapped up together.
558
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,130
You'll totally be fags for each other
559
00:30:08,130 --> 00:30:10,210
by tomorrow morning, I bet.
560
00:30:10,210 --> 00:30:11,280
Right pledge?
561
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:12,830
- Sir, yes sir.
562
00:30:12,830 --> 00:30:15,060
- Where do you want to put yours, brother Chuck?
563
00:30:15,060 --> 00:30:18,630
- Uh, let me confer with my associates.
564
00:30:18,630 --> 00:30:19,460
Just a moment.
565
00:30:25,580 --> 00:30:26,410
- What's wrong?
566
00:30:26,413 --> 00:30:28,323
- Guys, shouldn't we worry about?
567
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:29,150
- No, that's Luke.
568
00:30:29,153 --> 00:30:30,933
He's just boning, he won't notice anything.
569
00:30:30,930 --> 00:30:33,370
Joey, Matt, we have a problem.
570
00:30:33,370 --> 00:30:34,200
- What is it?
571
00:30:34,203 --> 00:30:36,593
- The diamonds and the plane tickets are in that bed.
572
00:30:36,590 --> 00:30:37,970
That's where I hid them,
573
00:30:37,970 --> 00:30:39,240
underneath those naked pledges.
574
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:40,070
- Shit.
575
00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:42,950
- Okay so, what does that mean?
576
00:30:42,950 --> 00:30:44,940
- It means we can't get to them until 10 in the morning
577
00:30:44,940 --> 00:30:45,810
when they take the pledges
578
00:30:45,810 --> 00:30:47,960
for their naked run through the streets.
579
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,530
I forgot it was gonna be hell week this time of year,
580
00:30:49,530 --> 00:30:50,860
but I still remember how it works.
581
00:30:50,860 --> 00:30:52,060
- Okay, then now what?
582
00:30:52,055 --> 00:30:55,005
Oh wait, did you say, naked pledges?
583
00:30:55,010 --> 00:30:57,320
- Okay, look guys, this is not a disaster,
584
00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:58,680
not at all, all right.
585
00:31:00,060 --> 00:31:01,460
Okay Chuck, can your frat brothers
586
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:02,440
put us up here for the night?
587
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:03,450
- Of course.
588
00:31:03,450 --> 00:31:04,280
- Okay, good.
589
00:31:05,170 --> 00:31:06,830
Cops won't think to look for us here.
590
00:31:06,830 --> 00:31:08,400
No one will.
591
00:31:08,397 --> 00:31:09,227
We get to wait out here the rest of the night,
592
00:31:09,230 --> 00:31:12,350
and in the morning, grab the shit and get out of this town.
593
00:31:12,350 --> 00:31:13,410
Even better, we can get some shut-eye
594
00:31:13,410 --> 00:31:14,730
and be fresh for our trip.
595
00:31:14,730 --> 00:31:15,720
- Works for me.
596
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,550
- Great.
597
00:31:17,390 --> 00:31:18,900
- Hey Chuck,
598
00:31:20,180 --> 00:31:22,030
did you have to go through this pledging stuff?
599
00:31:22,030 --> 00:31:24,270
Were you tied up naked with a bunch of other dudes?
600
00:31:24,270 --> 00:31:25,460
- Yeah.
601
00:31:25,460 --> 00:31:28,850
- Uh, how do I put this delicately?
602
00:31:28,850 --> 00:31:30,240
- Did you have to fuck another dude?
603
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:31,420
- Wait, fucked?
604
00:31:31,420 --> 00:31:33,330
Oh God, you got fucked, didn't you?
605
00:31:33,330 --> 00:31:34,330
Oh you liked it.
606
00:31:34,330 --> 00:31:36,280
- Not me, but some poor bastards did.
607
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:37,410
I was lucky.
608
00:31:37,410 --> 00:31:39,380
I only had to give another pledge a hand job.
609
00:31:39,376 --> 00:31:40,206
- Hot.
610
00:31:40,209 --> 00:31:41,039
- No, when you're pledging you have to do
611
00:31:41,042 --> 00:31:42,452
what every brother tells you.
612
00:31:42,450 --> 00:31:43,600
- Sounds pretty gay to me.
613
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,580
- It's not gay, it's discipline.
614
00:31:46,576 --> 00:31:47,406
- Hot.
615
00:31:48,310 --> 00:31:49,540
- If a pledge mouths off or whatever
616
00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:51,630
they can be forced to serve a brother for the night.
617
00:31:51,630 --> 00:31:53,650
- I could use a servant.
618
00:31:53,650 --> 00:31:56,650
- You guys, it's not supposed to be fun, or sexual,
619
00:31:56,650 --> 00:31:58,200
for the pledges anyway.
620
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:01,480
It's supposed to be completely humiliating and degrading.
621
00:32:02,391 --> 00:32:03,221
- Hot.
622
00:32:04,630 --> 00:32:05,460
- Chuck?
623
00:32:05,463 --> 00:32:06,443
Is that you?
624
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,940
- Oh shit.
625
00:32:07,940 --> 00:32:09,260
Beverly, hi.
626
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,530
- Hey.
627
00:32:10,530 --> 00:32:12,530
- Ah shut up Luke, you came already.
628
00:32:16,741 --> 00:32:18,551
You still taste so good.
629
00:32:20,180 --> 00:32:22,420
What are you doing back in town?
630
00:32:22,420 --> 00:32:23,250
- Uh oh.
631
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,580
- So yeah brothers,
632
00:32:31,580 --> 00:32:32,980
our plans fell through,
633
00:32:32,980 --> 00:32:34,720
and it looks like we're gonna need a place to crash,
634
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:35,870
just for tonight.
635
00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:37,000
- Of course, buddy.
636
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,640
Since the pledges are all scattered around,
637
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,440
we've got plenty of space.
638
00:32:41,443 --> 00:32:44,843
- Good, because I want to get this hunk back in the sack.
639
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:45,920
- Oh Beverly.
640
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:46,920
You old slut.
641
00:32:48,150 --> 00:32:49,890
- I like what I like.
642
00:32:49,890 --> 00:32:52,060
- Can we get a separate room?
643
00:32:52,060 --> 00:32:52,890
Matt and I?
644
00:32:52,893 --> 00:32:53,953
- Of course, dudes.
645
00:32:53,950 --> 00:32:55,930
Hey, tell you what,
646
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:58,300
some of the pledges have been pretty disobedient.
647
00:32:58,300 --> 00:33:00,470
Why don't you each take one to be your servant tonight?
648
00:33:00,470 --> 00:33:01,410
- Really?
649
00:33:01,410 --> 00:33:03,930
- Sure, whatever you need, they'll do it.
650
00:33:03,930 --> 00:33:05,260
They'll treat you with the same respect
651
00:33:05,260 --> 00:33:07,130
they would their elder brothers.
652
00:33:07,130 --> 00:33:07,960
- Yeah, we'll flip a coin
653
00:33:07,963 --> 00:33:09,673
to see what pledge gets to serve you.
654
00:33:09,670 --> 00:33:13,100
- No need, I'll take the brown-eyed one,
655
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:15,240
and the curly-haired one in the bathroom.
656
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,650
- And of course, Rod can come with us too.
657
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,110
- You want one, Chuck?
658
00:33:22,107 --> 00:33:24,337
- Naw, I think he's got his hands full,
659
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,050
of me.
660
00:33:27,460 --> 00:33:29,200
- Oh I'll bet he will.
661
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,390
I'll bet he will.
662
00:33:31,390 --> 00:33:32,640
- Hey dude, don't be afraid
663
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,640
to do whatever you want to the pledges.
664
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,090
It's part of their ordeal,
665
00:33:36,090 --> 00:33:39,670
and remember, it's not gay if it's your dick getting sucked.
666
00:33:39,670 --> 00:33:41,640
- It's not gay.
667
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,460
- Thanks broseph, I'll remember that.
668
00:33:44,460 --> 00:33:46,940
- Oh yeah, and there's condoms in the dresser drawer.
669
00:33:46,940 --> 00:33:48,690
But only use them if you need them.
670
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,520
- These boys will stop at nothing,
671
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:56,080
they are ruthless.
672
00:33:57,180 --> 00:33:58,010
Poor Rod.
673
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,120
We have to find you.
674
00:34:02,460 --> 00:34:03,290
- Joann.
675
00:34:04,140 --> 00:34:07,990
I'm sorry, we have done a search of all the hotels,
676
00:34:07,990 --> 00:34:11,190
motels, hostels, flop houses, and bed and breakfasts,
677
00:34:11,190 --> 00:34:13,550
in a 200 mile radius.
678
00:34:13,550 --> 00:34:16,300
Those jizz jockeys are nowhere to be found.
679
00:34:16,295 --> 00:34:17,895
- And you've got your eye on the airports,
680
00:34:17,900 --> 00:34:20,360
the bus depots, and the train stations?
681
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:21,190
- Of course.
682
00:34:22,330 --> 00:34:23,850
- We are going to find them.
683
00:34:23,850 --> 00:34:25,630
Believe you me.
684
00:34:25,630 --> 00:34:27,620
They have kidnapped Officer Pence,
685
00:34:27,620 --> 00:34:30,520
and they will pay for that.
686
00:34:31,630 --> 00:34:32,760
- They also shot you.
687
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,630
- Don't tell me what to be angry about, Lester!
688
00:34:35,633 --> 00:34:36,673
- Yes, ma'am.
689
00:34:36,670 --> 00:34:37,540
Sorry ma'am.
690
00:34:46,802 --> 00:34:49,972
- Well Rod, where have they taken you?
691
00:35:05,156 --> 00:35:06,106
- Now kiss bitches.
692
00:35:31,070 --> 00:35:32,170
- What's the matter, Rod?
693
00:35:32,170 --> 00:35:33,000
You want to join in?
694
00:35:33,003 --> 00:35:33,843
- No.
695
00:35:33,836 --> 00:35:34,666
- You sure?
696
00:35:34,669 --> 00:35:35,499
We'll untie you if you help us
697
00:35:35,502 --> 00:35:36,882
by sucking these dudes' dicks.
698
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,270
- Oh, we'll have to ungag him, too.
699
00:35:39,270 --> 00:35:42,250
- I guess so, if he's gonna take a shot or two in the mouth.
700
00:35:44,730 --> 00:35:46,390
- Oh come on Rod, don't be a pussy.
701
00:35:46,390 --> 00:35:48,260
Want to play with us?
702
00:35:48,260 --> 00:35:50,120
- Oh Rod, you're gonna love this.
703
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:05,830
- Oh Chuck.
704
00:36:07,517 --> 00:36:10,097
It's so good to have you back.
705
00:36:10,100 --> 00:36:12,120
- You too, Beverly.
706
00:36:13,380 --> 00:36:14,580
- You ready to go again?
707
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:17,020
- Just give me 15 minutes.
708
00:36:18,681 --> 00:36:20,051
I'm not as young as I used to be.
709
00:36:20,910 --> 00:36:24,790
- Oh hey, sorry, I didn't realize Beverly was occupied,
710
00:36:24,790 --> 00:36:26,010
I've got some dank weed.
711
00:36:26,010 --> 00:36:27,780
- Yeah, sorry Luke.
712
00:36:27,780 --> 00:36:29,450
See you tomorrow?
713
00:36:29,450 --> 00:36:32,820
Chucky will be gone by then and we can smoke up
714
00:36:32,820 --> 00:36:34,010
and do that thing you like
715
00:36:34,010 --> 00:36:35,960
with the whipped cream and the bananas.
716
00:36:36,930 --> 00:36:39,090
- Okay, I'll see you tomorrow night, then.
717
00:36:41,770 --> 00:36:44,650
- Honestly, Luke isn't the brightest knife in the drawer
718
00:36:44,647 --> 00:36:47,017
but he eats pussy like a madman
719
00:36:47,020 --> 00:36:49,170
so I'm inclined to forgive him his foibles.
720
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:51,550
- He's a weirdo.
721
00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:56,160
- You're not jealous are you Chucky?
722
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:57,920
- Don't call me Chucky.
723
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:58,750
It's diminutive.
724
00:36:59,690 --> 00:37:01,020
- Oh, I'm sorry.
725
00:37:02,185 --> 00:37:03,935
I've been a bad girl.
726
00:37:05,253 --> 00:37:08,763
Why don't you come over here and let me make it up to you?
727
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,090
- Maybe we could just cuddle?
728
00:37:13,850 --> 00:37:14,680
- All right.
729
00:37:16,130 --> 00:37:20,150
But I want you inside of me in the morning.
730
00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:22,020
- Whatever you say.
731
00:37:22,020 --> 00:37:23,170
As long as it's before 10 a.m.
732
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,510
- Why?
733
00:37:26,510 --> 00:37:29,420
- I mean, whatever, it's no big thing.
734
00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:33,520
- What are you doing back here anyway?
735
00:37:35,570 --> 00:37:38,420
- Well, can you keep a secret?
736
00:37:44,810 --> 00:37:47,370
- Those boots are looking mighty fine, pledge,
737
00:37:47,370 --> 00:37:49,230
mighty fine indeed.
738
00:37:50,550 --> 00:37:52,380
I have an exam coming up pledge,
739
00:37:52,380 --> 00:37:54,350
an exam on Ayn Rand.
740
00:37:54,350 --> 00:37:56,060
Have you read Rand?
741
00:37:56,060 --> 00:37:56,890
- Yes, sir.
742
00:37:56,893 --> 00:37:57,933
- No, you haven't.
743
00:37:57,930 --> 00:37:59,010
You know why?
744
00:37:59,010 --> 00:38:00,670
Because Rand fucking reads you
745
00:38:00,670 --> 00:38:03,460
like the parasite she knows you are.
746
00:38:03,460 --> 00:38:05,000
- I've heard that before, sir.
747
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,740
- I used to jack off to Rand, pledge.
748
00:38:07,740 --> 00:38:10,660
Not her philosophy, just her.
749
00:38:10,660 --> 00:38:12,690
Her eyes, her pantsuits.
750
00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:14,950
Holy fuck she was something,
751
00:38:14,950 --> 00:38:16,880
and that's when I started to read her books.
752
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,980
And then I realized, Ayn Rand's words alone
753
00:38:19,980 --> 00:38:21,840
make my dick rock hard.
754
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,380
Have you read the Fountainhead?
755
00:38:23,380 --> 00:38:24,310
- Yes, sir.
756
00:38:24,310 --> 00:38:27,200
- The Fountainhead is about the tip of my penis.
757
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,430
It's about the tip of all of our penises.
758
00:38:29,430 --> 00:38:31,160
Is it penises, or peen-eye?
759
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:32,410
- It's cock, sir.
760
00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:33,240
- What's that?
761
00:38:33,243 --> 00:38:34,483
- It's cock,
762
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,370
big, bludgeoning, beautifully objectivist cock.
763
00:38:38,370 --> 00:38:39,830
- Makes you hard, doesn't it?
764
00:38:40,690 --> 00:38:41,910
- Your boots are done.
765
00:38:41,910 --> 00:38:43,550
- So they are.
766
00:38:43,550 --> 00:38:45,100
Is there anything I can help you with?
767
00:38:45,100 --> 00:38:48,690
- I'm writing an essay, required, on The Maltese Falcon,
768
00:38:48,690 --> 00:38:50,670
John Huston, 1941.
769
00:38:50,670 --> 00:38:52,120
- Yep, great film.
770
00:38:53,260 --> 00:38:54,510
And?
771
00:38:54,510 --> 00:38:57,700
For me, I feel the film would be better, smoother,
772
00:38:57,700 --> 00:38:59,470
if the character of Kasper Gutman,
773
00:38:59,470 --> 00:39:01,560
portrayed by Sydney Greenstreet,
774
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,580
was replaced with Lex Luthor,
775
00:39:03,580 --> 00:39:07,340
portrayed by Kevin Spacey from Superman Returns, 2006.
776
00:39:07,340 --> 00:39:09,580
That's the subject of my essay,
777
00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:12,500
but Professor Denton rejected it, whole cloth.
778
00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:14,640
- You're a film major, aren't you pledge?
779
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:15,590
- Yes, sir.
780
00:39:15,590 --> 00:39:17,770
Although I ordinarily refuse to view anything
781
00:39:17,770 --> 00:39:19,650
lensed prior to 1977.
782
00:39:19,650 --> 00:39:21,430
- Why 1977?
783
00:39:21,430 --> 00:39:22,960
- Star Wars.
784
00:39:32,950 --> 00:39:35,370
- Take them and cut them out in little stars,
785
00:39:35,370 --> 00:39:37,490
and he will make a face of heaven so fine,
786
00:39:37,490 --> 00:39:39,700
that all the world will be in love with night,
787
00:39:39,700 --> 00:39:42,310
pay no worship to the garish sun.
788
00:39:42,310 --> 00:39:43,940
Oh I have bought a mansion of love,
789
00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:45,380
but not possessed it.
790
00:39:45,380 --> 00:39:48,040
And though I am sold, not yet enjoyed.
791
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:49,880
So tedious is this day
792
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:51,920
as is the night before some festival
793
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,980
to the impatient child that hath new robes
794
00:39:53,980 --> 00:39:55,200
and may not wear them.
795
00:40:46,733 --> 00:40:48,233
- 9-1-1.
796
00:40:50,870 --> 00:40:51,700
- Hello?
797
00:40:53,110 --> 00:40:54,320
Uh huh.
798
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,220
You've been kidnapped?
799
00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:57,570
So?
800
00:40:57,570 --> 00:40:58,980
Uh huh.
801
00:40:58,980 --> 00:41:02,820
Ah, I see, let me transfer you to somebody who gives a shit.
802
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:05,350
Idiot.
803
00:41:06,671 --> 00:41:08,091
- [Operator] 9-1-1, how can we help you?
804
00:41:08,088 --> 00:41:08,918
- Help me, please.
805
00:41:08,921 --> 00:41:09,751
Help me.
806
00:41:09,754 --> 00:41:10,594
- [Operator] Yes, sir.
807
00:41:10,587 --> 00:41:11,417
Please be specific.
808
00:41:11,420 --> 00:41:12,420
Put me through to Joann Cumbersbeck, please.
809
00:41:13,332 --> 00:41:15,222
- [Operator] I don't understand, sir.
810
00:41:15,220 --> 00:41:18,860
- I'm a cop, Officer Rod Pence, I've been kidnapped,
811
00:41:18,860 --> 00:41:20,870
put me through to Joann Cumbersbeck, now.
812
00:41:20,870 --> 00:41:22,850
- [Operator] Yes sir, please hold.
813
00:41:22,850 --> 00:41:24,880
- Hey, what's going on?
814
00:41:24,878 --> 00:41:27,208
- Nothing, nothing, don't worry about me.
815
00:41:27,210 --> 00:41:29,250
- Is that pledge calling his mother?
816
00:41:29,250 --> 00:41:31,200
- Or his girlfriend?
817
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:32,490
Gonna cry pussy?
818
00:41:33,420 --> 00:41:34,660
- What's going on?
819
00:41:34,660 --> 00:41:37,120
- This pledge is calling his mommy.
820
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:37,950
- Lame.
821
00:41:37,953 --> 00:41:39,153
- Oh quiet, quiet.
822
00:41:39,150 --> 00:41:42,010
I'm not calling my mother, this is very important.
823
00:41:42,012 --> 00:41:42,852
- [Joann] Rod? Rod? Is that you?
824
00:41:42,845 --> 00:41:44,815
- Joann, Joann, thank God,
825
00:41:44,820 --> 00:41:47,300
I'm naked Joann, they made me do terrible things.
826
00:41:47,300 --> 00:41:50,360
- Oh waa waa, listen to the baby pussy boy.
827
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,560
- Who's Joann, your girlfriend?
828
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:53,440
- [Joann] Where are you?
829
00:41:53,437 --> 00:41:56,247
- Joann, I'm naked, they made me, they made me.
830
00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:59,160
- [Joann] Rod focus, we will come to find you.
831
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:00,610
Where are you?
832
00:42:00,610 --> 00:42:02,850
- They took me to some frat house somewhere.
833
00:42:02,852 --> 00:42:03,692
- [Joann] A frat house?
834
00:42:03,685 --> 00:42:04,515
- Yeah, I'm standing here in the middle--
835
00:42:04,518 --> 00:42:07,918
- What the hell is going on in here?
836
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:11,360
- Pledge, you have been very insubordinate.
837
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,650
At this rate, your never gonna join the frat.
838
00:42:13,650 --> 00:42:16,610
- What? I don't want to join your frat.
839
00:42:16,610 --> 00:42:17,620
- Grab him.
840
00:42:17,623 --> 00:42:18,463
- No, no.
841
00:42:18,456 --> 00:42:21,416
I'm not a pledge!
842
00:42:21,423 --> 00:42:23,593
- Lester, Lester, I need you to trace this call.
843
00:42:23,590 --> 00:42:25,210
I need you to triangulate this location.
844
00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:26,670
I should have known it.
845
00:42:26,670 --> 00:42:28,970
Those faggots were in a frat house.
846
00:42:33,060 --> 00:42:34,910
What in the raging shits is this?
847
00:42:34,910 --> 00:42:36,610
- Drag queen from the club,
848
00:42:36,610 --> 00:42:38,610
name's Pinata Debris.
849
00:42:38,610 --> 00:42:40,620
Wanted to give a statement.
850
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,260
- Thank you, Lester.
851
00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:44,560
You've been too kind.
852
00:42:48,507 --> 00:42:50,857
- What have you got for me?
853
00:42:50,863 --> 00:42:52,033
- Information.
854
00:42:53,441 --> 00:42:54,441
Experience.
855
00:42:58,351 --> 00:43:00,561
Lips for days.
856
00:43:03,548 --> 00:43:05,918
- All right, what can you tell me about frat houses?
857
00:43:07,010 --> 00:43:10,680
- Darling, I believe the plural is frat hice?
858
00:43:16,637 --> 00:43:17,467
- What's going on?
859
00:43:17,470 --> 00:43:18,400
- What's all that noise.
860
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,340
- Is this normal?
861
00:43:19,340 --> 00:43:21,840
- I don't know.
862
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:25,590
- I don't think so, but it's hell week, who knows?
863
00:43:26,670 --> 00:43:27,720
- Better investigate.
864
00:43:28,850 --> 00:43:32,500
- Wait, you guys are totally straight, right?
865
00:43:33,620 --> 00:43:35,110
- Yes. - Yeah.
866
00:43:36,036 --> 00:43:37,626
- Great.
867
00:43:37,630 --> 00:43:39,870
Make out with each other until we get back.
868
00:43:39,870 --> 00:43:40,700
- No slacking.
869
00:43:49,950 --> 00:43:52,540
- Thank you sir, may I have another.
870
00:43:52,540 --> 00:43:55,490
Thank you sir, may I have another.
871
00:43:55,494 --> 00:43:58,394
Thank you sir, may I have another.
872
00:43:58,390 --> 00:43:59,380
- Hey, what's going on here?
873
00:43:59,380 --> 00:44:02,130
- This pledge tried making contact with the outside world.
874
00:44:02,130 --> 00:44:03,610
He was calling someone named Joann
875
00:44:03,610 --> 00:44:04,920
to try to get him out of this.
876
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:06,430
- Probably his mother.
877
00:44:06,430 --> 00:44:07,800
- Shut up, pledge.
878
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,720
- Sir, yes sir.
879
00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:10,550
- Joann?
880
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,190
- Must be his partner.
881
00:44:13,190 --> 00:44:16,410
It's okay boys, we'll take charge of him from here.
882
00:44:16,410 --> 00:44:19,680
- And we'll be sure to administer severe punishment.
883
00:44:20,730 --> 00:44:22,970
- Great, because it's about time
884
00:44:22,970 --> 00:44:26,150
for our naked humiliation walk.
885
00:44:26,150 --> 00:44:29,130
Okay pledges, drop 'em.
886
00:44:29,130 --> 00:44:30,520
- Sir, yes sir.
887
00:44:33,530 --> 00:44:36,170
- All right pledges, hands on heads and out the door.
888
00:44:36,170 --> 00:44:38,030
Let's go, single file.
889
00:44:38,032 --> 00:44:39,202
Count 'em off.
890
00:44:46,090 --> 00:44:49,090
- So you really care about this Rod guy, right?
891
00:44:49,090 --> 00:44:50,830
- His name is Officer Pence to you.
892
00:44:50,830 --> 00:44:53,840
- But you really seem to care a lot about him.
893
00:44:54,690 --> 00:44:56,610
Why is that?
894
00:44:56,610 --> 00:44:57,590
- He's a good cop.
895
00:44:59,050 --> 00:45:00,800
He had dreams, you know.
896
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,050
Wanted to be a filmmaker.
897
00:45:03,528 --> 00:45:04,578
- He did?
898
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:05,680
- Yeah. - Rod?
899
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:06,510
- Yeah.
900
00:45:07,947 --> 00:45:09,467
He spent five years making a documentary
901
00:45:09,470 --> 00:45:11,670
about ghetto youth in the area,
902
00:45:11,670 --> 00:45:13,760
thought it would win him a Pulitzer.
903
00:45:13,764 --> 00:45:14,684
He had big plans.
904
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,800
- Well then, what happened?
905
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,720
- He lost his NEA funding, and couldn't complete the film.
906
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:23,040
He had to sell all the footage just to make ends meet.
907
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,430
It all went to some Korean company
908
00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:27,690
that makes crappy videos for karaoke songs.
909
00:45:27,690 --> 00:45:31,870
- Oh, that's why those videos never make any sense.
910
00:45:31,870 --> 00:45:35,400
Wait, I host a karaoke night on Tuesdays.
911
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,740
Could it be?
912
00:45:38,740 --> 00:45:41,230
Is there a video for Angel of the Morning,
913
00:45:41,230 --> 00:45:43,830
where a guy with a mohawk is flipping off the camera?
914
00:45:43,830 --> 00:45:45,230
- That does sound like it.
915
00:45:45,230 --> 00:45:46,060
- Wow.
916
00:45:50,310 --> 00:45:53,820
Are you in love with him?
917
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:56,300
- Of course not.
918
00:45:56,300 --> 00:45:57,630
Of course not.
919
00:45:57,630 --> 00:45:58,990
We have been dating for six months,
920
00:45:58,990 --> 00:46:00,310
and he hasn't even kissed me yet,
921
00:46:00,307 --> 00:46:01,957
because he's a perfect gentleman.
922
00:46:07,370 --> 00:46:09,030
- No, no, no.
923
00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:11,280
Hands on head, pledges.
924
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,840
That's 20 whacks with the paddle when we get back.
925
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:16,420
All right boys, we will be taking a brisk tour
926
00:46:16,420 --> 00:46:18,180
of our fair campus.
927
00:46:18,180 --> 00:46:20,870
In our travels we shall visit the library,
928
00:46:20,870 --> 00:46:23,340
the cafeteria, best of all,
929
00:46:23,340 --> 00:46:25,810
the girls' field hockey practice, now again,,
930
00:46:25,810 --> 00:46:26,640
brother Brock.
931
00:46:27,624 --> 00:46:29,544
- I don't know but I've been told.
932
00:46:29,544 --> 00:46:30,384
- I don't know but I've been told.
933
00:46:35,820 --> 00:46:37,850
- If you look between your thighs
934
00:46:37,845 --> 00:46:40,265
- If you look between your thighs
935
00:46:40,267 --> 00:46:42,147
- You can judge them by the size.
936
00:46:42,150 --> 00:46:43,670
- You can judge them by the size.
937
00:46:43,670 --> 00:46:44,760
- Pledge,
938
00:46:44,761 --> 00:46:46,481
you having an internal compass problem here?
939
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,650
That tip is your north star, now you follow it
940
00:46:48,650 --> 00:46:50,460
with the other fuckers.
941
00:46:52,132 --> 00:46:53,162
These are lasting memories that will
942
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:54,540
be with you the rest of your life,
943
00:46:54,538 --> 00:46:56,618
now start acting like it.
944
00:47:00,457 --> 00:47:01,557
- The diamonds.
945
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:02,830
- And the tickets.
946
00:47:14,010 --> 00:47:14,980
- Nothing. - Nothing.
947
00:47:14,980 --> 00:47:17,030
What the fuck?
948
00:47:17,030 --> 00:47:19,410
- Nothing, damn it.
949
00:47:19,410 --> 00:47:21,430
This is where Chuck said it would be.
950
00:47:21,430 --> 00:47:23,430
Wait a minute, where's Chuck?
951
00:47:30,140 --> 00:47:31,110
- Chuck?
952
00:47:31,110 --> 00:47:32,170
What happened?
953
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:34,320
- It was Beverly.
954
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,380
Somehow she got it out of me, all our plans.
955
00:47:37,380 --> 00:47:40,320
And then, after we had sex nine times, I fell asleep.
956
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,180
When I woke up I was tied up like this.
957
00:47:42,180 --> 00:47:43,940
I've been here all night.
958
00:47:43,940 --> 00:47:44,770
- Wait a minute.
959
00:47:47,550 --> 00:47:49,200
The car's gone.
960
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:50,030
Damn it.
961
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,693
- She took Tulula?
962
00:47:51,687 --> 00:47:52,807
- She took the keys,
963
00:47:52,810 --> 00:47:54,020
she took the tickets,
964
00:47:54,020 --> 00:47:55,640
she took the diamonds,
965
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:57,350
she took everything.
966
00:47:57,350 --> 00:47:58,290
- Women.
967
00:47:58,290 --> 00:47:59,440
Am I right?
968
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,530
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
969
00:48:01,530 --> 00:48:04,260
- Could you finish untying me please?
970
00:48:04,260 --> 00:48:06,860
- I don't even know if I should, Chuck.
971
00:48:06,860 --> 00:48:08,430
I'm ashamed of you,
972
00:48:08,430 --> 00:48:11,080
being taken in by that common trash.
973
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:11,930
I knew you were straight,
974
00:48:11,930 --> 00:48:14,330
but I thought you had better taste.
975
00:48:14,330 --> 00:48:17,040
- The wang wants what it wants.
976
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,540
I could never resist a fraternity slut.
977
00:48:20,850 --> 00:48:22,850
- Shit, copper cops.
978
00:48:35,630 --> 00:48:37,080
- Shit, what do we do now?
979
00:48:39,499 --> 00:48:40,819
- Okay, you fruits.
980
00:48:40,820 --> 00:48:41,860
We know you're in there.
981
00:48:41,860 --> 00:48:44,720
Come on out with your hands up, and no one gets hurt.
982
00:48:45,630 --> 00:48:48,420
- Chuck, Chuck, it's me, I know you're better than this.
983
00:48:48,421 --> 00:48:49,811
I love you Chuck, I love you!
984
00:48:49,810 --> 00:48:50,710
- Give that to me.
985
00:48:51,650 --> 00:48:54,150
- Can't believe Pinata's helping them.
986
00:48:54,147 --> 00:48:55,297
- I don't know if she's helping them,
987
00:48:55,300 --> 00:48:58,200
so much as trying to get into Chuck's pants again.
988
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,090
- Can I help it if I'm a chick magnet.
989
00:49:00,090 --> 00:49:01,210
- Chick with a dick magnet.
990
00:49:01,210 --> 00:49:03,990
- Chicks with dicks and geese.
991
00:49:03,990 --> 00:49:05,230
- I'd think you were happy I was going
992
00:49:05,230 --> 00:49:07,360
up the down escalator once in a while.
993
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,070
I mean God bless her.
994
00:49:09,070 --> 00:49:11,950
- It must take her hours to get ready in the morning.
995
00:49:11,945 --> 00:49:13,465
- I just wouldn't have the patience.
996
00:49:13,470 --> 00:49:15,470
- You know I often find that women who aren't real women,
997
00:49:15,467 --> 00:49:19,027
will be more like women than women who are real women.
998
00:49:19,030 --> 00:49:20,840
- Who's to say what's real, anyways?
999
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,860
In a sense everything that we see and hear is real,
1000
00:49:23,860 --> 00:49:25,500
so a real woman is real,
1001
00:49:25,500 --> 00:49:27,400
no matter the reality of the realness.
1002
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:30,360
- You know I think it was Gertrude Stein that said that.
1003
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:33,310
- [Joann] Faggots, surrender before we come in after you.
1004
00:49:33,310 --> 00:49:34,940
- What do we do now?
1005
00:49:34,940 --> 00:49:37,580
- Beats me, I've never been in a Mexican standoff before.
1006
00:49:37,580 --> 00:49:39,180
- Why does it gotta be Mexican?
1007
00:49:39,180 --> 00:49:40,550
That's racist.
1008
00:49:40,550 --> 00:49:42,490
- You always say things are racist.
1009
00:49:42,490 --> 00:49:43,600
Like that Chinese gift swap
1010
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:45,410
that Danny organized at the club last Christmas?
1011
00:49:45,410 --> 00:49:47,470
- That was racist, what does that even mean?
1012
00:49:47,470 --> 00:49:49,240
- Guys, cops.
1013
00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:50,840
About to storm the frat house, remember?
1014
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:52,100
- Right, yes.
1015
00:49:53,085 --> 00:49:54,265
Thoughts?
1016
00:49:54,270 --> 00:49:56,260
- We need to get out of here without getting nicked.
1017
00:49:56,260 --> 00:49:57,620
We need a diversion.
1018
00:49:57,620 --> 00:49:58,450
- Like what?
1019
00:49:59,573 --> 00:50:00,583
We have to throw something at them.
1020
00:50:00,580 --> 00:50:01,410
That completely pulls their focus,
1021
00:50:01,413 --> 00:50:03,363
so that we can get away.
1022
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:04,210
- I have an idea.
1023
00:50:05,390 --> 00:50:06,220
- Go on.
1024
00:50:08,116 --> 00:50:08,946
- Twinks.
1025
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:08,540
- As great as it is to watch you go for gold
1026
00:51:08,540 --> 00:51:11,500
in the naked tongue Olympics, we've got new plans for you.
1027
00:51:11,500 --> 00:51:12,600
- Sir, yes sir.
1028
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:14,370
- There's a police barricade outside.
1029
00:51:14,370 --> 00:51:16,670
We need you two to run out there like mad men,
1030
00:51:18,030 --> 00:51:19,970
firing this off at your leisure.
1031
00:51:19,970 --> 00:51:20,980
- Sir?
1032
00:51:20,980 --> 00:51:23,380
- Look, we're not actually asking you to shoot anybody.
1033
00:51:23,380 --> 00:51:24,430
- Unless you want to.
1034
00:51:25,420 --> 00:51:26,450
I mean it's probably better
1035
00:51:26,450 --> 00:51:27,840
for everyone if you don't, though.
1036
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,090
- Right.
1037
00:51:29,089 --> 00:51:31,159
We just need you to go outside,
1038
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:32,370
shoot this off into the air,
1039
00:51:32,370 --> 00:51:35,230
cause a distraction.
1040
00:51:35,230 --> 00:51:37,440
- But, if we do that, won't we get shot?
1041
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:38,660
- Another distraction.
1042
00:51:40,930 --> 00:51:43,760
Look, it'll be real easy, okay?
1043
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:45,410
We give you the cue, you run outside,
1044
00:51:45,410 --> 00:51:47,270
guns blazing, dicks flapping.
1045
00:51:47,270 --> 00:51:49,560
- Wait, you want us to do this naked, sir?
1046
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,490
- Could be really awesome.
1047
00:51:51,490 --> 00:51:53,310
No better test of manhood.
1048
00:51:53,310 --> 00:51:56,740
You two will be the envy of the entire frat.
1049
00:51:56,740 --> 00:51:59,630
- Sir, I'm not sure that's a very good idea.
1050
00:51:59,630 --> 00:52:01,340
I mean, we're just--
1051
00:52:01,340 --> 00:52:03,530
- Pledges don't talk back.
1052
00:52:03,530 --> 00:52:04,920
- Sir, yes sir.
1053
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,150
- There's nothing to be afraid of boys,
1054
00:52:07,150 --> 00:52:09,450
this will be your moment of glory.
1055
00:52:09,450 --> 00:52:12,250
You'll be American icons, like Butch and Sundance.
1056
00:52:13,190 --> 00:52:14,020
- Who?
1057
00:52:17,310 --> 00:52:19,740
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
1058
00:52:19,740 --> 00:52:20,570
There was a movie?
1059
00:52:20,573 --> 00:52:22,483
- Yeah, in the 70's.
1060
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,000
- I never saw it sir.
1061
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,530
- I saw it, my father was a fan, sir.
1062
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,530
- Good pledge, I like you.
1063
00:52:29,530 --> 00:52:32,130
- But, Butch Cassidy and Sundance,
1064
00:52:32,130 --> 00:52:34,920
at the end of the film, they died sir.
1065
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:35,750
- Spoilers!
1066
00:52:35,753 --> 00:52:37,903
- That's not the point, we're gonna get shot.
1067
00:52:37,900 --> 00:52:39,170
- Kids these days.
1068
00:52:40,030 --> 00:52:42,280
I remember when I was your age,
1069
00:52:43,210 --> 00:52:45,660
when a macho older man asked you to do something
1070
00:52:45,660 --> 00:52:46,490
you weren't sure about,
1071
00:52:46,493 --> 00:52:49,333
you just held your breath and you went for it.
1072
00:52:49,330 --> 00:52:52,350
- That's the problem with these fuckin' millennials.
1073
00:52:52,350 --> 00:52:55,210
Nobody's ready to get a rage hard on anymore.
1074
00:52:55,210 --> 00:52:56,620
- It's all blah blah blah,
1075
00:52:56,620 --> 00:52:59,050
I don't want to have butt sex with anyone I don't know.
1076
00:52:59,053 --> 00:53:00,483
- Waa waa, I don't want to have sex
1077
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,800
at a donkey show in Mexico.
1078
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,650
- Babe, what's it with you and Mexico today?
1079
00:53:05,650 --> 00:53:06,550
- I'm just saying.
1080
00:53:07,470 --> 00:53:09,870
- You guys are a real mess, you know that?
1081
00:53:09,870 --> 00:53:13,090
- You should see us at hot buffet night at The Eagle.
1082
00:53:13,088 --> 00:53:13,918
- The Eagle.
1083
00:53:13,921 --> 00:53:15,241
- Take the gun, pledge.
1084
00:53:18,940 --> 00:53:20,990
- I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this.
1085
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,320
- You need to gather a little courage,
1086
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:25,150
a little spunk.
1087
00:53:28,430 --> 00:53:29,340
I believe in you.
1088
00:53:34,310 --> 00:53:36,660
Jesus these kids are too timid.
1089
00:53:36,660 --> 00:53:37,990
Don't we have any drugs for them or something
1090
00:53:37,990 --> 00:53:38,990
to amp the heart up?
1091
00:53:38,990 --> 00:53:40,910
This is a frat house after all, right?
1092
00:53:40,910 --> 00:53:42,630
Some coke to get the heart going?
1093
00:53:42,630 --> 00:53:45,970
- Um, there might be some amyl nitrate in the basement.
1094
00:53:45,970 --> 00:53:47,250
- Amyl nitrate?
1095
00:53:47,250 --> 00:53:48,550
You mean poppers?
1096
00:53:48,550 --> 00:53:50,150
I thought you said nothing about this place was gay?
1097
00:53:50,150 --> 00:53:51,480
- It's not.
1098
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,440
They use it clean the VCR.
1099
00:53:54,530 --> 00:53:56,610
- You still have a VCR?
1100
00:53:56,610 --> 00:53:57,690
- Is that where you watch
1101
00:53:57,690 --> 00:53:59,620
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Twinks?
1102
00:53:59,620 --> 00:54:02,290
- Hey, fuck you both, it's a classic.
1103
00:54:03,210 --> 00:54:05,160
- Okay now you,
1104
00:54:06,070 --> 00:54:07,860
your little buddy here is scared.
1105
00:54:07,860 --> 00:54:10,290
Now, I want you to take this gun,
1106
00:54:10,290 --> 00:54:11,500
don't shoot it.
1107
00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:12,860
Point it up in the air.
1108
00:54:12,860 --> 00:54:15,740
I just want you to run around here shouting.
1109
00:54:15,740 --> 00:54:17,420
Show me what you can do.
1110
00:54:17,420 --> 00:54:18,510
- Sir, yes sir.
1111
00:54:22,491 --> 00:54:23,821
Yabba dabba doo!
1112
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:31,290
- Good, now give me the gun.
1113
00:54:34,180 --> 00:54:35,830
- Sir, do I have to?
1114
00:54:35,829 --> 00:54:37,409
- Yes, you have to.
1115
00:54:39,060 --> 00:54:40,260
You'll be great.
1116
00:54:40,260 --> 00:54:41,860
You're gonna take this gun, kid.
1117
00:54:46,270 --> 00:54:47,240
You got this.
1118
00:54:49,210 --> 00:54:50,260
- I can.
1119
00:54:50,260 --> 00:54:51,090
I will.
1120
00:54:54,940 --> 00:54:56,360
- Was that a gun shot?
1121
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,010
- No, that was me.
1122
00:54:58,010 --> 00:54:59,510
I had Burrito Box for lunch.
1123
00:54:59,510 --> 00:55:01,740
- Yeah, I noticed.
1124
00:55:01,740 --> 00:55:04,330
But those gay boys still have their weapons.
1125
00:55:04,330 --> 00:55:07,140
And in case they are planning some kind of Mexican standoff,
1126
00:55:07,140 --> 00:55:09,530
we had better be ready.
1127
00:55:09,530 --> 00:55:11,270
- Why's it gotta be Mexican?
1128
00:55:11,270 --> 00:55:13,100
- I just love Burrito Box.
1129
00:55:14,460 --> 00:55:15,340
- I'm sorry sir.
1130
00:55:15,335 --> 00:55:16,755
I'm sorry sir.
1131
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:17,610
It was a mistake.
1132
00:55:18,470 --> 00:55:20,050
- This was a stupid idea anyway.
1133
00:55:20,050 --> 00:55:22,570
- No one likes a dude who's premature, kid.
1134
00:55:24,470 --> 00:55:27,270
Oh and, go back to kissing,
1135
00:55:27,270 --> 00:55:28,920
both of you.
1136
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:30,400
And this time rub your dicks together,
1137
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:31,750
see if you can start a fire.
1138
00:55:31,750 --> 00:55:32,890
- Yes sir.
1139
00:55:43,870 --> 00:55:45,050
- Okay, they're gone.
1140
00:55:52,210 --> 00:55:53,940
- That was a huge waste of time.
1141
00:55:53,940 --> 00:55:55,010
- I should have known better.
1142
00:55:55,010 --> 00:55:56,930
Never send a bottom when you need a top.
1143
00:55:56,930 --> 00:55:57,820
- Hey.
1144
00:55:57,820 --> 00:55:58,970
- That doesn't apply to you, stud.
1145
00:55:58,970 --> 00:56:00,120
- Damn right it doesn't.
1146
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:02,170
- I should have said never send a boy when you need a man.
1147
00:56:02,173 --> 00:56:03,013
- I need a man.
1148
00:56:03,940 --> 00:56:05,940
- Any men in here have any bright ideas?
1149
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:08,300
- Pinata's out there with the cops.
1150
00:56:08,300 --> 00:56:09,270
She can't be working with them.
1151
00:56:09,270 --> 00:56:10,980
Can we use that to our advantage somehow?
1152
00:56:10,980 --> 00:56:12,720
- Maybe we can have her make a distraction for us.
1153
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:14,470
Maybe we can get a message to her somehow?
1154
00:56:14,470 --> 00:56:16,510
- I could text her, I've got her number on my cell.
1155
00:56:16,513 --> 00:56:18,973
In case I ever needed a booty call.
1156
00:56:18,970 --> 00:56:20,610
- Who knew that all it took took to get you in bed
1157
00:56:20,610 --> 00:56:22,690
was a cheap dress and a wig.
1158
00:56:22,690 --> 00:56:24,510
- I just wouldn't have the patience.
1159
00:56:24,510 --> 00:56:26,180
- My cell phone's in my pants in the other room.
1160
00:56:26,180 --> 00:56:27,430
- Perfect, let's do this.
1161
00:56:30,490 --> 00:56:31,320
- Hi there.
1162
00:56:32,700 --> 00:56:33,780
- Hi.
1163
00:56:33,780 --> 00:56:35,170
- You must be Rod.
1164
00:56:35,170 --> 00:56:37,610
Darling, I'm a huge fan of your work.
1165
00:56:37,610 --> 00:56:38,520
- Thank you?
1166
00:56:39,761 --> 00:56:40,591
- Denada.
1167
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:43,470
Pinata.
1168
00:56:44,850 --> 00:56:47,780
- Oh, sorry I don't speak Spanish.
1169
00:56:48,900 --> 00:56:49,890
- Que las tima.
1170
00:57:06,700 --> 00:57:07,530
Bye.
1171
00:57:09,710 --> 00:57:13,230
- Sure thing stud, I'll do it for 15 dick pics.
1172
00:57:13,230 --> 00:57:14,280
- She's a thirsty girl.
1173
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:15,750
- We don't have time for this.
1174
00:57:15,750 --> 00:57:16,820
- Right now?
1175
00:57:16,820 --> 00:57:19,000
Kind of in a rush.
1176
00:57:20,550 --> 00:57:24,270
- Okay then, five now, the next 10 at your leisure.
1177
00:57:24,270 --> 00:57:25,960
- Jesus Christ, just give her what she wants.
1178
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:27,010
- What, just whip it out?
1179
00:57:27,010 --> 00:57:28,360
- You've never taken a dick pic before?
1180
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:30,820
- No, I usually rely on my pecs to seal the deal.
1181
00:57:30,820 --> 00:57:31,820
It's an in-person thing,
1182
00:57:31,820 --> 00:57:33,750
sexting is so cold and distant.
1183
00:57:35,940 --> 00:57:36,770
- What are you doing?
1184
00:57:36,773 --> 00:57:37,713
No, that's a bad angle.
1185
00:57:37,710 --> 00:57:38,580
- And the lighting is terrible
1186
00:57:38,580 --> 00:57:40,100
if you just shoot into your pants like that.
1187
00:57:40,100 --> 00:57:41,040
- Well excuse me,
1188
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:42,750
I'm not a professional cock photographer.
1189
00:57:42,750 --> 00:57:44,790
- A cock-tographer.
1190
00:57:44,790 --> 00:57:45,880
- Just give me the phone.
1191
00:57:45,877 --> 00:57:47,747
I dabbled in photography,
1192
00:57:47,750 --> 00:57:49,610
a little bit when I was in college.
1193
00:57:49,610 --> 00:57:51,380
Matt, get the lights.
1194
00:57:51,380 --> 00:57:53,760
Chuck, drop those pants.
1195
00:57:55,820 --> 00:57:58,000
- Give me an angry tiger.
1196
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,290
- Give it me baby.
1197
00:57:59,290 --> 00:58:00,140
Give it to me baby,
1198
00:58:00,140 --> 00:58:01,830
yeah the camera loves you.
1199
00:58:01,825 --> 00:58:03,895
- Give a little love to the right one too.
1200
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,000
- Holy shit, we're gonna need a bigger lens.
1201
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:23,590
- Sometimes there's cock,
1202
00:58:24,610 --> 00:58:26,270
so quickly.
1203
00:58:27,220 --> 00:58:30,180
God speed you gorgeous queer boys.
1204
00:58:45,811 --> 00:58:48,731
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1205
00:59:00,313 --> 00:59:03,233
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1206
00:59:15,079 --> 00:59:17,999
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1207
00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:31,430
- That's it.
1208
00:59:31,433 --> 00:59:32,953
We can just leave right now.
1209
00:59:32,950 --> 00:59:34,330
If we get naked we can go blend in
1210
00:59:34,330 --> 00:59:35,280
with the other naked pledges,
1211
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:36,710
and the cops won't know who is who.
1212
00:59:36,710 --> 00:59:37,970
- But then how would we get our clothes
1213
00:59:37,970 --> 00:59:39,120
to go find Beverly?
1214
00:59:40,340 --> 00:59:42,380
- We can just throw our clothes out the back window.
1215
00:59:42,380 --> 00:59:43,780
Let's sneak out another way.
1216
00:59:46,130 --> 00:59:47,250
We've got this.
1217
00:59:47,247 --> 00:59:51,387
- I am the law mister, and the law is not mocked.
1218
00:59:51,390 --> 00:59:53,690
- Actually, through a university loophole,
1219
00:59:53,690 --> 00:59:56,210
only campus law extends to this frat house,
1220
00:59:56,210 --> 01:00:00,460
and we are free to do whatever we like on this property.
1221
01:00:00,459 --> 01:00:02,189
- I'm hunting down a fugitive,
1222
01:00:02,188 --> 01:00:04,778
and you are obstructing a police investigation.
1223
01:00:04,783 --> 01:00:07,753
- I am a fraternity brother, and I will not be mocked.
1224
01:00:14,181 --> 01:00:17,821
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1225
01:00:17,820 --> 01:00:19,980
- Hey, those guys shouldn't be naked.
1226
01:00:29,071 --> 01:00:31,991
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1227
01:00:35,470 --> 01:00:36,780
- My car!
1228
01:00:36,780 --> 01:00:38,400
- So where are we going?
1229
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:39,570
- Gotta track down Beverly.
1230
01:00:39,570 --> 01:00:40,890
- Who's Beverly?
1231
01:00:40,890 --> 01:00:42,010
- My ex.
1232
01:00:42,010 --> 01:00:43,150
- Where is she, that harlot?
1233
01:00:43,150 --> 01:00:43,980
- We don't know.
1234
01:00:45,669 --> 01:00:47,329
- But I have a good guess.
1235
01:00:47,330 --> 01:00:48,830
If I know Beverly,
1236
01:00:48,830 --> 01:00:50,880
she got herself a pumpkin spice latte
1237
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:53,350
and went to get her nails done, and a facial.
1238
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:55,070
- She better not be spending my fucking diamonds
1239
01:00:55,070 --> 01:00:56,260
on a face scrub.
1240
01:00:56,260 --> 01:00:57,960
- Oh, she sounds terrible.
1241
01:00:57,960 --> 01:00:59,170
- She is.
1242
01:00:59,170 --> 01:01:00,670
- Then why are we going to see her?
1243
01:01:00,670 --> 01:01:02,690
- She stole our diamonds, she stole our plane tickets,
1244
01:01:02,690 --> 01:01:03,520
and we're gonna get them back,
1245
01:01:03,523 --> 01:01:04,783
and then we're going to Hawaii.
1246
01:01:05,940 --> 01:01:07,210
- There's only one place in town
1247
01:01:07,210 --> 01:01:09,950
Beverly could be this time of day.
1248
01:01:09,950 --> 01:01:11,060
Wonder Spa.
1249
01:01:34,340 --> 01:01:35,680
- Hello gentlemen.
1250
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:36,890
Welcome to Wonder Spa,
1251
01:01:36,890 --> 01:01:39,120
where every woman is a queen.
1252
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:40,790
How can I help you?
1253
01:01:40,790 --> 01:01:43,250
- Yes, we're looking for our friend.
1254
01:01:43,250 --> 01:01:44,140
We want to see her,
1255
01:01:44,140 --> 01:01:46,200
her name is Beverly.
1256
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:50,470
- I'm sorry sir, but gentlemen are not allowed
1257
01:01:50,470 --> 01:01:51,680
inside Wonder Spa.
1258
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:54,520
It's a female-only environment.
1259
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:55,350
- It's cool.
1260
01:01:56,420 --> 01:01:58,090
We ain't gentlemen.
1261
01:01:58,090 --> 01:02:00,310
- That just may be, but I should have said
1262
01:02:00,310 --> 01:02:02,630
that there are no men of any kind
1263
01:02:02,630 --> 01:02:04,450
allowed to enter the Wonder Spa.
1264
01:02:04,450 --> 01:02:05,290
- Ma'am,
1265
01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:08,350
we're gay.
1266
01:02:08,350 --> 01:02:09,230
- I'm not.
1267
01:02:10,250 --> 01:02:11,110
- Not the point.
1268
01:02:12,050 --> 01:02:13,550
- I'm sorry.
1269
01:02:13,550 --> 01:02:16,560
You're men, gay, gentle,
1270
01:02:16,560 --> 01:02:18,290
whatever, you're men.
1271
01:02:19,490 --> 01:02:21,240
- We don't have time for this shit.
1272
01:02:24,561 --> 01:02:26,061
- Hold on, Sparky.
1273
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:29,000
Hello Miss.
1274
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,740
I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding.
1275
01:02:31,740 --> 01:02:34,740
We are so sorry to bother you.
1276
01:02:34,740 --> 01:02:36,420
You see, what had happened was,
1277
01:02:36,420 --> 01:02:38,900
Miss Beverly texted me and she wanted me
1278
01:02:38,900 --> 01:02:39,750
to bring her some
1279
01:02:43,249 --> 01:02:44,079
tampons.
1280
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:47,520
It is her time of the month,
1281
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:50,580
and she's leakin' like a ripe peach.
1282
01:02:50,580 --> 01:02:52,320
I have them here in my purse.
1283
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:53,690
I'd like to deliver them.
1284
01:02:53,690 --> 01:02:56,030
- Well why didn't you say so in the first place?
1285
01:02:56,030 --> 01:02:58,200
You can come with me Miss.
1286
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:00,230
Boys, you stay here.
1287
01:03:21,621 --> 01:03:23,041
- He he he he he.
1288
01:03:33,820 --> 01:03:34,770
- [Pinata] Beverly?
1289
01:03:35,709 --> 01:03:37,289
- Yes, who are you?
1290
01:03:40,930 --> 01:03:43,160
- Your most flawless nightmare.
1291
01:03:52,090 --> 01:03:53,150
- Okay.
1292
01:03:53,150 --> 01:03:55,430
- Nobody messes with my boy Chuck, Beverly.
1293
01:03:55,430 --> 01:03:57,560
You need to know that.
1294
01:04:05,154 --> 01:04:05,994
- Who are you?
1295
01:04:05,987 --> 01:04:07,577
- That's not important Beverly.
1296
01:04:07,580 --> 01:04:08,960
Where are the diamonds?
1297
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:09,790
- What?
1298
01:04:18,457 --> 01:04:19,837
- The diamonds, Beverly.
1299
01:04:19,837 --> 01:04:21,497
- Holy fucking shit!
1300
01:04:22,346 --> 01:04:24,756
They're right there in my purse.
1301
01:04:24,759 --> 01:04:25,589
Just stop.
1302
01:04:33,770 --> 01:04:35,250
- Cut it out.
1303
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:37,850
If you tease 'em like that, they'll follow you home.
1304
01:04:44,950 --> 01:04:47,360
- Insert witty one-liner here.
1305
01:04:51,660 --> 01:04:52,850
I've got 'em boys.
1306
01:04:52,850 --> 01:04:53,840
Let's jam.
1307
01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:55,030
- You did it?
1308
01:04:55,030 --> 01:04:58,270
- Always send a drag queen to do a man's job.
1309
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,490
- Ah Pinata.
1310
01:05:01,490 --> 01:05:02,550
You're amazing.
1311
01:05:02,550 --> 01:05:04,710
- No, you.
1312
01:05:08,330 --> 01:05:09,160
- Hawaii.
1313
01:05:13,460 --> 01:05:15,290
- Time to surrender rump rangers.
1314
01:05:18,340 --> 01:05:21,290
- No guns allowed in Wonder Spa,
1315
01:05:21,290 --> 01:05:22,740
where every woman is a queen.
1316
01:05:28,900 --> 01:05:32,160
- Give up, or I will waste this hostage.
1317
01:05:32,164 --> 01:05:33,004
- What?
1318
01:05:32,997 --> 01:05:33,827
- She'll do it.
1319
01:05:33,830 --> 01:05:34,880
She's crazy.
1320
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:39,100
- Please do not threaten the clientele of Wonder Spa,
1321
01:05:39,100 --> 01:05:40,670
where every woman is a queen.
1322
01:05:47,733 --> 01:05:49,373
- God damn it.
1323
01:05:50,880 --> 01:05:55,200
- There is no discharging of any weapons of any caliber
1324
01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:59,170
at Wonder Spa, where every woman is a queen.
1325
01:07:14,540 --> 01:07:17,320
- She bitch, I do not want to hurt you.
1326
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:19,110
- But I do.
1327
01:07:22,358 --> 01:07:23,188
Ow.
1328
01:07:26,020 --> 01:07:29,310
- Prepare the hot wax, it's Brazilian time.
1329
01:07:44,690 --> 01:07:45,940
- Are you coming with us?
1330
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:55,700
- I guess you will be.
1331
01:08:03,990 --> 01:08:05,260
- Hello?
1332
01:08:05,260 --> 01:08:06,790
This is Vargas.
1333
01:08:06,790 --> 01:08:08,400
I need to put out an APB
1334
01:08:08,400 --> 01:08:10,680
on some perps who've blown the scene,
1335
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:12,250
and possibly each other.
1336
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:16,360
Right yes, according to the officers on the scene,
1337
01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:19,590
it's a couple of go-go dancers with assless chaps,
1338
01:08:19,590 --> 01:08:21,960
and a wanton whore of the evening,
1339
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:23,700
with lips for days.
1340
01:08:23,700 --> 01:08:25,480
You know what they say, right?
1341
01:08:25,480 --> 01:08:28,380
Luscious lips sink ships.
1342
01:08:28,380 --> 01:08:29,670
They do say that.
1343
01:08:29,670 --> 01:08:31,460
And from what I understand,
1344
01:08:31,460 --> 01:08:34,360
everybody on the scene was going down on each other,
1345
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:36,130
like a god damn Titanic.
1346
01:08:36,130 --> 01:08:39,470
I'm talking bullets and blowjobs everywhere man.
1347
01:08:39,470 --> 01:08:41,740
We need these criminals found.
1348
01:08:43,790 --> 01:08:46,050
What do you mean, where was I?
1349
01:08:46,050 --> 01:08:48,170
I was in the god damn bathroom.
1350
01:08:48,170 --> 01:08:50,560
You ever use the bathroom?
1351
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:54,320
You try living on a diet of stale donuts,
1352
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:56,090
and bargain basement black coffee.
1353
01:08:57,162 --> 01:08:59,282
But that's life in the precinct,
1354
01:08:59,280 --> 01:09:01,940
life on the beat.
1355
01:09:01,940 --> 01:09:04,110
Do you know who you're talking to?
1356
01:09:04,110 --> 01:09:07,750
I have seen some shit man, some shit.
1357
01:09:07,750 --> 01:09:08,870
You know what?
1358
01:09:08,870 --> 01:09:10,990
I don't have to listen to this from you.
1359
01:09:10,990 --> 01:09:13,310
You go get those jockstrap motherfuckers,
1360
01:09:13,310 --> 01:09:14,560
and stop wasting my time.
1361
01:09:17,402 --> 01:09:19,902
Cut to the god damn credits.
1362
01:12:39,870 --> 01:12:40,700
- Hi.
1363
01:12:41,960 --> 01:12:42,790
- Hi.
1364
01:12:45,280 --> 01:12:46,530
- I think I love you.
1365
01:12:51,874 --> 01:12:52,714
- I know.
94373
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