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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,523
I
I
2
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,037
Why would anyone do drugs
when they could just mow a lawn?
3
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,111
Hank, we were all out
of your sports drink,
4
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,941
so I blended some lemonade
5
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,243
with a few
of Bobby's chewable vitamins.
6
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:50,248
If you want,
7
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:51,715
we can call it
"Lemon-ator-ade."
8
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,587
I gotta say,
9
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,122
we walk through this
neighborhood all the time,
10
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,214
and you have the most
11
00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,690
beautifully
maintained house.
12
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,727
What's your secret
to keeping the grass so green?
13
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:05,162
Uh...
Oh, it's simple, really.
14
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:07,165
We water it.
15
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,669
Uh, actually, it's
not that simple.
16
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,205
Every three weeks
I put down a 28-3-3
17
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:14,741
mix of fertilizer
and weed control.
18
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:15,706
Oh.
19
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,140
Well, it's not just
the lawn.
20
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,734
It's all the attention
to detail.
21
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:20,643
Like the way the brass
door knocker sets off
22
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:21,646
the color of the trim.
23
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,772
Oh, right.
24
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,681
And it matches the
hinges perfectly.
25
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:25,877
Did it come as a set?
26
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:29,684
Well...
I'm not sure.
27
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,691
Interesting story about
the screws in those hinges...
28
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,490
Hey, you want to see
something really great?
29
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:36,927
Just look at these drapes
30
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,522
and tell me
they're not real velvet, huh?
31
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,896
Interesting story...
32
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,496
I bought these the day
John Lennon was shot.
33
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:52,103
PEGGY:
What was [ thinking?
34
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,112
Dragging those
people off the street.
35
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,012
They probably
thought I was nuts.
36
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,983
Yeah, I was
a little confused myself.
37
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,144
I guess it just hit me.
38
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:03,553
I have nothing to do with
our house's curb appeal.
39
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,852
Hank, from now on
40
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:08,485
I am becoming more involved
in the front yard.
41
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:10,791
Maybe plant some
exotic flowers.
42
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:13,764
Something that says,
"Peggy Hill lives here."
43
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,460
The front yard, huh?
44
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:16,468
I tell you what.
45
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,129
How about
we repaint the kitchen?
46
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,832
You can pick out
any shade of white you want:
47
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,137
eggshell, ivory,
Swiss coffee.
48
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:24,142
Sky's the limit.
49
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:27,145
The front yard is the
statement a home makes
50
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,045
to the rest
of the world.
51
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,708
Right now, it's
your statement.
52
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,047
It should be
our statement.
53
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:37,112
Well, I guess we could try
a few flowers under the windows.
54
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:38,919
But nothing that climbs.
55
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,524
Yep.
56
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:44,029
Mm, yep.
57
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,121
What the...?
58
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,166
How do you like
Joseph's new minibike?
59
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,793
He won it off me
in a poker game.
60
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,098
You know, that bike's
not street legal.
61
00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:54,003
All right. Joseph,
get off the street!
62
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,804
No, not on the lawns!
63
00:02:56,910 --> 00:03:00,175
Boy, Hank, you sure got
a lot of arbitrary rules.
64
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,376
Lotta dang ol' flowers, man.
65
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,509
Talkin' 'bout
an ol' Algernon man.
66
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,917
Talkin' 'bout ol'
Cliff Robertson,
67
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,079
I tell you what, man.
68
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,089
Got-dang ol five
cents a minute, man.
69
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,660
Yeah, Peggy's fixing up
the front yard a bit.
70
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,852
Gee, Hank,
71
00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:16,827
if your wife wants to
screw something up,
72
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,489
why can't she just
stick to Bobby?
73
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:19,565
It'll be fine.
74
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,065
The plants have
little tags
75
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,863
with instructions on 'em.
76
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,903
( Sotto voce ).
Please don't ruin my yard.
77
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,645
Congratulations, Bill.
78
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,613
You no longer have
the worst yard in Arlen.
79
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,081
Peggy's traveling
circus of death
80
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:38,481
has seen to that.
81
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:41,054
Yeah, man, she just like the
dang ol' grim reaper, man.
82
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,350
Talkin' 'bout them ol
sunflowers. ( gags )
83
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,050
And then them petunias.
(gags)
84
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,853
And the ol' daisies, too, man.
85
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:47,984
"Help me!"
86
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,062
( Sighs)
87
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,688
She's trying so hard.
88
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:55,098
Joseph, that is not a toy!
89
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,333
Hey, you put
a dent in it.
90
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,463
Sorry, Dad.
91
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:03,042
I sorta crashed
into a telephone pole.
92
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,076
I don't care what you...!
93
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,106
Oh...
94
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,847
I can't stay
mad at you.
95
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,042
Bet you can't steer
that thing with your feet.
96
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,009
So, uh, Peggy,
maybe it's time
97
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,351
to pull up some of
those dead plants.
98
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,389
They're not dead.
99
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,550
They just need
some more sunlight.
100
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,093
There's no damn sun!
101
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:23,987
Well, maybe if you...
102
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,758
No one asked
for your opinion, okay?
103
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,356
Okay, I'm sorry.
104
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,630
I just really want
to do this on my own.
105
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,705
MIHN: Listen to your
husband, Peggy Hill.
106
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:33,932
If there's one thing
107
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,838
that brillo-haired
hillbilly can do,
108
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,000
it's farm.
109
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,010
{( laughing )
110
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,479
Angel of Death
meet Old MacDonald!
111
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,915
? E-I-E-I-Ow! ?
112
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:48,511
I tried perennials,
I tried annuals,
113
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,919
I tried succulents...
114
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,650
Well, you just got
to keep trying
115
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:53,487
until you find
the right thing,
116
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:55,687
and when you finally
do, you'll know it.
117
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:56,786
Thank you, Hank.
118
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,524
KAHN: She just touched your arm.
119
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,793
Quick, amputate!
120
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,527
{( laughing )
121
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,037
Excuse me, do you
know of a plant
122
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,970
that can withstand
over-watering,
123
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,944
inadequate fertilization,
124
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,812
and perhaps some
over-zealous pruning?
125
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,612
Yeah, they're called weeds.
126
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,710
Great, give me a tray of...
127
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,381
You know, hotshot,
you may think
128
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,254
you have the world
by the tail right now,
129
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,951
making five dollars
an hour,
130
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,358
with that ridiculous
red vest and...
131
00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:31,863
Just give us a
flat of impatiens.
132
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,024
I'm not done with
you, Pimples.
133
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,930
( Scoffs ):
Impatiens.
134
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,563
Everyone has impatiens.
135
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,438
How is that going to wow
the pants off anyone?
136
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:45,512
Ooh! An estate sale.
Pull over.
137
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,943
Dead people have tons
of clothes
138
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,412
that they don't want
anymore.
139
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,846
Fine, but make it fast.
140
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,440
If these turds
die in the car,
141
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,816
I'll set a new record.
142
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,425
Oh, what beautiful
morning glories.
143
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,587
Thank you.
144
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,926
So, you're a gardener?
145
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,965
I'm beginning to think no.
146
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,228
(gasps)
147
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,565
My God, I love that.
148
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:11,899
What's that called?
149
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,598
Oh, that's Winklebottom.
150
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,573
Kind of a rarity in these parts.
151
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,336
Came all the way from Germany.
152
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:20,903
Mmm, boy, that's exactly
what I need in my front yard.
153
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,982
Would you consider selling?
154
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,217
Come on, let's get this
in the ground
155
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:30,721
before Hank gets home.
156
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,350
Peggy Hill has found
her calling card.
157
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:37,958
( Scoffs ):
Idiot.
158
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,932
( Shrieking )
159
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:52,488
I
I
160
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:52,910
I
I
161
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,247
So, what do you think?
162
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:01,183
I think... uh,
I think it's an elf.
163
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,586
Actually, the term
is "garden gnome."
164
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,556
His name is Winklebottom.
165
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,287
Don't you just love how
your eye goes right to him?
166
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,921
Yeah, I didn't even
notice the house.
167
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,295
I cannot tell you
what a relief this is.
168
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,561
I was getting
so frustrated
169
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,261
with everything
dying on me.
170
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,928
Uh, I don't know, Peggy.
171
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,370
Do you really think
this is, uh...
172
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,305
this-this thing
is for us?
173
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,570
It was just
like you said.
174
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,577
I saw it,
and I immediately knew.
175
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,646
Just like you said.
176
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,575
Uh... yeah.
177
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,550
Oh, we have
a garden gnome.
178
00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:33,847
Oh, boy.
179
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,548
I shall call him Vandor.
180
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,556
You will call
him Winklebottom,
181
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,887
like everyone else.
182
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,461
Now let's go get
an old toothbrush.
183
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:43,859
I want to clean the spider
eggs from his ears.
184
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,129
So is that a
ceramic gnome,
185
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:52,136
or did Peggy
kill a real gnome
186
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,229
and take it to
a taxidermist?
187
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,105
Gosh, Hank,
what will people think
188
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,938
when they see
that thing out here?
189
00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,239
( Sighs)
190
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,007
God willing,
they'll think Peggy's a widow.
191
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:04,209
Hey, how do we know you
didn't buy the gnome yourself
192
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,877
and are just pretending
not to like the gnome
193
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,513
so that your friends
don't make fun of you?
194
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:11,488
BILL:
? Hank likes the gnome ?
195
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,320
? Hank likes the gnome. ?
196
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,520
I do not like the gnome, Bill.
197
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:18,825
? Hank-y and Gnome-y
sittin' in a tree... 7?
198
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,026
That's it.
I'm kicking your ass.
199
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,569
I'm sorry! I'm
sorry! I'm sorry!
200
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:33,436
Good morning, Hank.
201
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:35,810
Good morning,
Mailman Thompson.
202
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,084
Hank, were you
trying to keep
203
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,486
that mailman from
seeing our gnome?
204
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,559
No, no. Of course not.
205
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,324
Oh. You just
did it again.
206
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,023
Well, it's just that
207
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,861
people are starting to,
208
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,993
you know, say nasty things
about our house.
209
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:58,901
Like what?
What are they saying?
210
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,497
Well, like yesterday,
I heard the FedEx guy
211
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,869
call our house "the one
with the gnome out front."
212
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,073
Oh, I see what
this is all about.
213
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,479
For years, everyone
has always raved
214
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,449
about your grass
and your hinges,
215
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,783
and now you're afraid
you're being displaced.
216
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:16,981
My God.
217
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,524
What a beautiful
Winklebottom.
218
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:19,519
Yes, very good.
219
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,316
That ls Winklebottom.
220
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,452
How did you know?
221
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,461
Are you kidding?
222
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,258
I'd recognize one anywhere.
223
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,958
That darling bulbous nose.
224
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,092
Those adorable
hairy knuckles...
225
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,364
This is a 1932 original,
226
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,735
handmade
by Klaus Zeigenlef, himself.
227
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:34,898
Really?
228
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,407
You hear that Hank?
229
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,442
I heard it.
230
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,206
I am just so envious,
but do you mind
231
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,213
if I offer up
a little tip?
232
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,977
Your Winklebottom is
facing southeast.
233
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,985
Technically,
he should face north.
234
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,816
Wonderful. Why?
235
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,823
Well, that's where they're more
apt to find tree moss,
236
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,155
which is how they make
their delicious gnome tea.
237
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,228
That is so charming.
238
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,421
No, it's not.
239
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,430
Oh, there's so much lore
for you to discover.
240
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,694
You're gonna lose
yourself for hours
241
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:04,168
in all the chat rooms
and message boards.
242
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,398
Hey, are you
into Babylon 57
243
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:07,905
No. Should I be?
244
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,870
Oh. "Garden Gnome
Fact Number 28:
245
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:18,212
"At night, garden gnomes
are quite lively,
246
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:21,913
but they turn to stone
the second daylight hits them."
247
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,079
I love it.
248
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,157
Hey, maybe tonight
we should leave out
249
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,386
a snack plate for
old Winklebottom.
250
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,928
Perhaps a fruit pie?
251
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,223
No, Bobby.
252
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,391
Winklebottom would like
mushrooms and dandelions
253
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:36,128
and a thimbleful
of peppermint schnapps.
254
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,374
Thank you,
President Winklebottom.
255
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,707
I would love to join you
for tea in the rose gar...
256
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:47,712
We got a shooter!
257
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:48,906
I'll take the bullet!
258
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,449
( Grunting )
259
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:55,178
(gasps ).
Oh...
260
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,347
Dad, I need your help!
261
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,221
I broke Winklebottom.
262
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,953
Oh, boy. It was an
accident, I swear.
263
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,189
Please, tell me
you can fix it.
264
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,856
All right, let's take a look.
265
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:27,148
Uh... I'm afraid
there's nothing I can do.
266
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,778
Sorry, Bobby.
267
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:30,856
But-but Mom loved that gnome.
268
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,356
She's going to kill me.
269
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:33,956
Bobby, calm down.
270
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,994
How do you expect
me to calm down?!
271
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,324
You can't fix it!
272
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,159
Yeah, but maybe
it's for the best.
273
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,291
Your mother had grown
way too attached to that gnome.
274
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,598
Better that something
happened to it now,
275
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,763
before she got
even more attached to it.
276
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,308
Don't worry, Bobby,
I'll take care of everything.
277
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:52,174
Oh, thanks, Dad.
278
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,643
Uh, don't sweat it.
279
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,374
That's what being a father
is all about.
280
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:01,081
Okay, we're going to dump him
in one of these cans,
281
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,712
and if he doesn't
fit, just whack him
282
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,291
a few times with this
fire extinguisher.
283
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:08,053
So, Mom's really going to think
someone stole it?
284
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,959
Uh-huh. There.
That one.
285
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,657
Uh, I don't know
about this house.
286
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,233
There's a lot of lights on.
287
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,133
All right.
288
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,898
That driveway's empty.
289
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,871
Someone could pull in
at any moment.
290
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,840
Fine, I'll
do it myself.
291
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,614
OLD WOMAN:
Is that you, Janet?
292
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,648
(gasps)
293
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:33,080
( Tires squeal)
294
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:50,261
We did it, Dad.
295
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,060
We really did it.
296
00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:53,696
Not yet, we didn't.
297
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,200
( Crunching )
298
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,540
( Crunching )
299
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:06,276
Bobby, we are never to
speak of this again.
300
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,198
I
I
301
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:09,780
I
I
302
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:20,256
Good morning.
303
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,926
So how was miniature golf
last night?
304
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:24,128
Um, okay.
305
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,170
( Clears throat )
306
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:26,534
We were there for 90 minutes.
307
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,300
Dad shot a three under par,
and I shot four over.
308
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,633
Later, we stopped for ice cream.
309
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,834
( Thump )
310
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:35,175
Oh, there's my paper.
311
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,107
( Peggy screams )
312
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:41,152
Remember, son,
everything's gonna be okay.
313
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,278
Winklebottom!
314
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:43,749
My Winklebottom!
315
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,984
This is
just awful.
316
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:48,220
Who would do such a thing?
317
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,090
Hooligans.
318
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:50,219
(crying)
319
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,593
Oh, it's just so senseless!
320
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,063
SALLY:
Oh, my God.
321
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,156
Peggy, Hank,
322
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,257
what happened to
our Winklebottom?
323
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,627
(crying ):
Oh, I don't know, Sally!
324
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,227
I don't know!
325
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,870
I'm calling
the police.
326
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,202
The cops?! Dad!
327
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:03,673
Now, hold on, there.
328
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,767
The police have more
important things to do than...
329
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:06,902
Hank, honey,
330
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,503
you're too frazzled
to think straight.
331
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,708
Aunt Sally's taking care
of things now.
332
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,085
So is Winklebottom
his first name
333
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,177
or his last name?
334
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,019
I told you,
it's just Winklebottom, damn it!
335
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,250
We're wasting time here!
336
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,186
I'm just trying to
be thorough, ma'am.
337
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:24,093
Now did any of you hear
any strange noises last night?
338
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,188
No, sir. I was here all night.
339
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,596
No, you weren't.
340
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,566
You were out playing
miniature golf last night.
341
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,034
He shot three under par.
342
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,161
I shot four over.
343
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:33,500
We stopped for ice cream!
344
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,938
Oh, right. That course
out there on Lexington.
345
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,033
That last hole's
a doozy, ain't it?
346
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,137
Yes.
347
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:41,179
Please, Officer,
348
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,112
tell me you'll
catch the...
349
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,183
who did this.
350
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:45,876
Honestly, ma'am,
there's not much I can do.
351
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,646
Teenagers are always
stealing these things
352
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,051
and doing God knows
what to them.
353
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,645
If we ever do
354
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,020
find your Winklebottom,
355
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,150
there's a good chance
you're not gonna want him back.
356
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,853
(crying ):
No.
357
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,222
( Tires screeching )
Hey!
358
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,999
Fancy riding, Tex!
359
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:10,042
? Green Acres is the place
to be ?
360
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,078
? Farm livin' is the life
for me ?
361
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,613
? Land spreadin'...?
362
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:15,943
( Sighs)
363
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,449
Oh, heck.
364
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:19,814
( Sighing )
365
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:20,818
Come on, Peggy.
366
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,649
It was just a
garden gnome.
367
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,850
Yeah, and propane is just
a stupid gas!
368
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,087
Uh, I'm sorry.
369
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,128
I have no reason
to lash out at you.
370
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:31,697
It's just
that you get praised
371
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:34,529
all the time about the house,
but I don't.
372
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,103
That's why Winklebottom
was a big deal for me.
373
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,467
Complete strangers
would walk by our house
374
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,801
and say to themselves,
375
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:44,434
"That's the lady
with the cool gnome."
376
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:45,568
Now I'm just the old hag
377
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,976
who picks up dog poop
with a hockey stick.
378
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:51,143
( Sighs)
379
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,051
Bobby, I'm telling your mother
what happened.
380
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:55,382
You're what?!
381
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,081
I can't stand
to see her like this.
382
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,124
It's the only thing
that'll give her peace.
383
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:00,551
No way!
384
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,116
The whole time
you've been giving me grief
385
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:04,089
about cracking,
and now you're gonna crack?!
386
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,528
Uh-uh.
387
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,099
We had a deal, old man!
388
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,599
Hey, watch your mouth.
389
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,533
Sorry.
390
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,796
Look,
I'll take all the heat.
391
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:11,927
She won't know
392
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,403
you had anything
to do with this.
393
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,066
But she has to know.
394
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:18,075
Uh, Peggy,
395
00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:20,111
I've got something difficult
to tell you.
396
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,507
Vandals didn't take your gnome.
397
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,409
It was me.
398
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:26,417
What?
399
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,044
Well, his ear broke off,
400
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,384
so I drove him
to the Heimlich County Forest
401
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,084
and buried him
in a shallow grave.
402
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,383
No. No, you're lying.
403
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,054
I'm not, Peggy.
It's the truth.
404
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,894
No. Even if you
hated Winklebottom,
405
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,091
there is no way
406
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,864
you would ever do
such a hurtful thing.
407
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:45,028
(gasps)
408
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:47,731
Oh, my God,
you're covering for someone.
409
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,807
Peggy, I'm-I'm not...
410
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,342
Bobby! It's Bobby!
411
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,035
Me?!
412
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,440
Of course.
413
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,741
You were playing one
of your weird little games,
414
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,337
and you broke it, didn't you?
415
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,042
Uh... uh... Dad?
416
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,709
No, no, really,
it was me.
417
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,014
I couldn't stand
the little freak,
418
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,349
so I rolled him in a towel
419
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,014
and smashed him to pieces
for good measure.
420
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,023
BOBBY:
You should've seen him, Mom.
421
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,684
He was nuts!
422
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:11,024
How dare you try
laying this on your father!
423
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,689
You're grounded
for a week, mister.
424
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:13,856
Dad!
425
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,024
Peggy, really, he didn't...
426
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,568
Don't make it any
worse for him, Hank.
427
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,070
Now you go
to your room!
428
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,574
Dinnertime.
429
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,808
One peanut butter
and jelly sandwich, no dessert.
430
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,748
( Quietly ).
There's pudding in my sock.
431
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:32,943
( Grumbles )
432
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:33,985
Everything'll be fine.
433
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,451
Your mother
will get over this.
434
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,579
No, she won't.
435
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,851
Dad, you've got
to get her a new one.
436
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,017
But... ( sighs )
that thing was pretty rare.
437
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,022
I wouldn't even know
where to get another one.
438
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:44,421
I do.
439
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,828
You know that German
tourist town on |-357
440
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,332
The one with
the windmills
441
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:49,868
and the
gingerbread houses?
442
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:50,959
( Groans )
443
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,265
New Hoffenschime.
444
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,736
If they don't have
a replacement
445
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,432
for Winklebottom,
then no one does.
446
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,737
PEGGY:
Lights out, Bobby.
447
00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,971
( Shouting ):
I said, lights out!
448
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,447
( Whispering ):
I'll bring you back a T-shirt.
449
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:12,684
I need a gnome.
450
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,760
And not just any gnome.
451
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,692
I need a Winklebottom.
452
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:17,729
{( laughing )
453
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,956
A Winklebottom!
454
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,555
Why don't you just ask
me to move a rainbow?
455
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,794
Ugh. I can't tell
if you're being sarcastic,
456
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,802
or just weird.
457
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:25,928
If you're
lucky enough
458
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,733
to get a hold of
a Winklebottom,
459
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,740
you better hang
on for dear life.
460
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,537
Now, if you want
something spectacular,
461
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:32,941
how about one of these?
462
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,535
Just marked it down 80%.
463
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,547
Hey, what's that over there?
464
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,414
Oh, that's an
antique Figgleforth.
465
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:41,509
True, he looks very
similar to Winklebottom,
466
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,850
but let me warn you--
467
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,720
Completely different
personality.
468
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,759
Wrap him up
and get me out of here.
469
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,419
WOMAN:
Ooh, a Figgleforth!
470
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,860
Excuse me, I
had him first.
471
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:52,988
Actually, you didn't.
472
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,461
Hey, hey, let's leave
the fighting
473
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:56,797
to the trolls, okay?
474
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:59,496
I really need
this particular gnome.
475
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:00,595
Who doesn't?!
476
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:02,435
I bet this joker
doesn't even know
477
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:03,702
where gnomes
come from.
478
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,470
Or how they say good
night to each other.
479
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:06,477
Or what it means
480
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,740
when they shave
their mustache
481
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:08,814
and not
their beard.
482
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:11,281
( Sighs ).
All right, you got me.
483
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,614
I'm not a dork,
I sell propane.
484
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,483
Truth is, I hate gnomes.
485
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,454
I really,
really hate them.
486
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:18,887
But my wife loves 'em.
487
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,755
And as beautiful as my lawn
488
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,352
and my galvanized
steel rain gutters are,
489
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,897
they're no match
for my wife's happiness.
490
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,330
I'd do anything
to see her happy again.
491
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,460
Even if it means
putting this character
492
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,368
in my yard.
493
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,702
Okay, Blanche,
the gnome is yours.
494
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,809
Huh. Declined.
495
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:40,879
You're maxxed out.
496
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,470
Put it on layaway!
497
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:43,776
I'll pay cash.
498
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,611
Come back and see us again.
499
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,847
Uh, yeah, I don't think so.
500
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,252
I was talking
to Figgleforth.
501
00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:53,854
BOBBY:
Yup.
502
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,256
That's true north.
503
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,193
Here, you can give
this to your mother.
504
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:58,855
It's the fully
executed copy
505
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:01,865
of the, uh,
adoption papers.
506
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:02,866
I know how hard
507
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,659
that must have been
for you, Dad.
508
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,534
You want to talk about it?
509
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,834
Just get your mother.
510
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:08,839
Mom!
511
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,636
Bobby, you are supposed to be...
512
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:11,835
(gasps)
513
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,572
Oh! It's beautiful.
514
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,705
His name is Figgleforth!
515
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,409
We found him in
New Hoffenschime.
516
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:20,417
It was Bobby's idea.
517
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,817
Oh, Hank, I love it.
518
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:26,552
And it is so sweet of you
to give Bobby credit for this,
519
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,218
but I know it was all you.
520
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,159
What?! No, Peggy, he really...
521
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,320
Oh, don't worry, Hank.
522
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:32,727
I'm not mad at him anymore.
523
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:33,822
Kids will be kids.
524
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,128
Tell you what, Bobby.
525
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,794
Since your Dad's being
so generous towards you,
526
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:38,870
so can I.
527
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,798
I am suspending
your sentence.
528
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,203
Thanks.
529
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:45,300
Yup. Now he's out here
for the whole world to see.
530
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,311
You know,
now that I think about it,
531
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,144
I'm not sure if I even want
to keep him on the lawn.
532
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,307
You don't?
533
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,782
Well, you heard
that policeman.
534
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,081
People steal these things
all the time.
535
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:57,155
Maybe it's best
if we keep it inside.
536
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,280
Yes! Perfect!
537
00:20:58,390 --> 00:20:59,789
Oh, that makes so much sense!
538
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,758
Inside.
539
00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:55,477
HANK: We are never
to speak of this again.
540
00:21:55,527 --> 00:22:00,077
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