All language subtitles for King of the Hill s08e16 Daletech.eng

( Shudders )

Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX

Yep.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Dale, what the heck
are you doing in my yard?

Giving it
peace of mind.

"This is a bill
for services

provided by... Daletech"?

That's my home
security company.

I've been providing
protection with my constant

surveillance
for years.

Well, the free ride is over.

KAHN:
Hey, Hank.

Interested in lap dance?

No, Kahn.

I'm interested in you
putting a privacy hedge

in front of your
bathroom window.

We all have them.

Hank made me
plant two hedges.

I agree.

The ugly and working class
should have privacy hedges.

But you don't keep
a Ferrari in the garage.

( Sighs)

Can Daletech do anything

about getting me
a privacy hedge?

To be honest,
we're more into

the invasion
of privacy business

than the creation
of privacy business.

Peggy, could you
hurry up with that toast?

I want to get
out of here

before Kahn takes his shower.

Bobby? Did you drink
my grapefruit juice?

Yeah, sure, Dad.

I drank your grapefruit juice.

I had it with
a big bowl of broccoli.

No, I didn't.

COTTON:
Fine! Call your lawyer!

Steak and eggs.
Bloody, but not raw.

Grandpa!

Where's Grandma Didi
and G.H.?

Gone to visit her folks.
I'm flopping here.

Oh, that's great, Dad.
'You can sleep in the...

H-How long
will they be gone?

Summer, part of autumn.
Don't know.

Can't you stay
with anyone else?

Your war buddies?
Stinky, Stanky, Smelly?

They've all been shoved
into retirement homes.

Got useless and got locked up.

All except Topsy.

Topsy? Perfect!
You guys could

hang out at his place,
play checkers at his place.

He's playing checkers
with worms.

Died six months ago.

Damn him.

Hank, your wife
let the salt run out.

Which one's the salt?

Flour. Sugar.
Dog food.

Sody pop.

Look, Hank.

I realize Cotton
is your father

and you can't throw
him out on the street,

but the man drives me nuts.

We should send him
to senior daycare.

They have daycare for seniors?

It's the newest craze.

Since life expectancy
has spiraled out of control,

many nursery schools
are being converted

to accommodate seniors.

I'll pack him a sack lunch.

( Sighing ). I couldn't
do that to my dad.

He's just
at loose ends.

loud clattering )

You just missed the criminals
who did this, Hank.

Sure am glad
I'm protected by Daletech.

Were they about
five-foot, ten,

wearing a baseball cap
and about to get

their ass kicked by me?

Um, it all happened so fast.
I uh, { coughs )...

Hey, Hank! Look! Propane!

KAHN: J It's a
dead man's party I

I VWWwWho could ask
for more? I

Look at this,
Hank's wife.

I've never seen a Far-Easterner
spend so much time primping.

Not now, Cotton.
I'm busy.

He got a half a bottle
of pomade in his hair.

That man gets near a flame,

he's going to look
like Chinese New Year.

What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?

Baking? Sewing?

Which one is it?

I am trying to make
a crossword puzzle

for my Espanol class.

I need
a four-letter word...

Tent! Food! Ammo!

Guns! Tojo!

Horse! No, that's five.

Cotton!
This is a Spanish crossword.

Oh! Taco! Bean!

Cuba! Peso! Agua!

PEGGY:
Hey, Hank!

You forgot this!

( Cotton grunts )

Mucho! Lucho!

Grande! Enchiladal

What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?

Now all I need you
to do is staple

the Char-King
warranty cards

to the front
of the owner's manuals.

Think you can
handle that, Dad?

I made you, didn't [?

So I sees you
in the market for a grill.

Yes, sir.

Do you know if this
model is self-cleaning?

Like a cat.

All you gotsto do is, eh...

push this red button.

( Flames whoosh )
( screaming )

(gasps )

( Nervous chuckle )

So, uh, Dad,

I thought you might
enjoy this, uh,

well, social club.

'You brought me to a brothel.

Sorry about the murals,

but we're still
in transition.

Don't matter to me, madam.

Where can I transition
into my underpants?

Aw, did you
have an accident?

You accept Blue Cross?

( Stammers )

What kind of brothel is this?

It's an activity center.

It'll be fun, Dad.
Just give it a chance.

Bye!

( Screaming )

I'm not sleepy!

Come on!

You think I'm used up?

I can outfight, out drink
and outdo anyone I know.

Hmm. Double murder
in Detroit last night,

wasn't protected
by Daletech.

Oh, God.

What now?

Hello, Officers.

Uh, what kind of trouble
is my father in?

Sir, he's not
in any trouble

now that we got him out
of that nursery school.

A war hero
like your dad

still has a lot
to give to society.

I'm an auxiliary policeman now.

Sworn to serve and to protect.

What? Really?

With all the budget cuts,

our manpower's been
stretched to its limits.

That's why we started a senior
division of Citizens on Patrol.

Officer Hill.

Well, this is
great, Dad.

So what do
you actually do?

'You hang out
at the station?

Get the officers coffee?
Answer phones?

Nope.
I gots myself a real beat.

The cops said I'm the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.

But Daletech's the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.

Not anymore.

Well, I think that's,
that's...

You sassing me?
Not

( grunts)

Too tight. Too tight!

COTTON: All right, I'm in charge

of keeping
the peace now.

So if anyone thinks I'm not
worth the spit to shine a shoe,

they better be ready
to talk to me

and my partner,
Sgt. Whippy.

Oh, that's great, Dad.

But remember, you're supposed

to be the eyes and ears
of the neighborhood,

not the... whippy.
( whip cracks )

DALE:
Damn that Cotton.

They'll never pay
for my Daletech service

now that he's working for free.

Nope, Cotton's got to go.

But he's got Hank behind him
and Hank's the alpha-neighbor.

I'm gamma or delta at best.

Well, I didn't get
to be president of Daletech

by playing by the rules.

So Operation Turn Everyone
Against Cotton

is in motion... now!

NANCY:
Sounds good, Sug.

Could you add the softener
when the washer dings?

Oh,

I'll add the softener
on the ding.

PEGGY:
I don't know, Hank.

Cotton working
as a cop?

He has a terrible
human rights record.

Don't worry.

I checked
with the police department

and he doesn't have
any actual police authority.

Well, I'm off to chop down
that birdhouse.

Too much chirping
disturbs the peace.

Uh, Dad, I don't think
that's such a... dang it!

Who moved this coffee table?

First, my grapefruit
juice disappears.

Now, someone's moving
the coffee table.

Well, so you thinks someone
is breakin' in

and messin' with
your stuff, do ya?

No, Dad,
I'm sure it's nothing.

Oh, well, I got
some choppin' to do.

Hank's wife, we'll
be having

sparrow eggs for
breakfast tomorrow.

But, uh, you know,
I'm not the police officer.

You are.

Would you be willing
to take on the case

of who's drinking
my juice

and moving
my coffee table?

Hot berk, I'd better get on it!

Cotton, that is an outdoor toy!

Ten-four, Manimal!

Hank, you can't
really believe

that someone's
breaking in our house

just to drink
your grapefruit juice.

No, but it'll keep him
busy a while,

you know, out
of everyone's hair.

Hello, boys.

You off to play
a little marbles, mumbly peg

or king of the coffee table?!

We're gonna go shout
swear words into a sewer pipe.

Not anymore!

This street's on lock down
till I find out

who's been messing
with your daddy's stuff.

Now move it!

Good work, Officer.

Those two looked like
some bad eggs all right.

Can it, Gribble.

Someone's been tapping
into my boy's grapefruit juice,

and I means to find out who.

Put your finger
down your throat.

Let me see
what's in your gullet.

Okay, but I'm allergic
to citrus.

I wish I wasn't 'cause
all Bill talks about

is how good
grapefruit juice is.

It's like he's rubbing it
in my face.

COTTON: Well,
how do you like that?

A man who doesn't like juice
has a juicer.

Maybe I ought a squeeze
some truth out of you.

( Whimpering )

It was a wedding gift!

( Screaming )

Dang it, wolf man!

Your belly beard
done burned out the motor.

I'm gonna get the Dirt Devil.

Dale, you have
to believe me.

I didn't drink
Hank's juice.

I know you didn't, Bill.

That power hungry
rent-a-cop

is just out to make
a name for himself.

I'm just as scared
as you are.

You got to help me.

Well, you're not
a member of Daletech,

but I guess I could try to
intervene just this once.

Thank you, Daletech.

Sir, you did it!

Bill broke down and implicated
Boomhauer as the possible culprit.

Ah! You don't say.

Well, I guess I'd better
go pay Boomhauer a little visit.

I'm not gonna ask ya again.

Did ya drink
my boy's grapefruit juice?

Gotdang, man, I didn't drink
nothing, man.

Talkin' bout just tr yin'
to change my oil here, man.

( Screams )

I like mangos, man!

I believe ya.

The weight
of a jalopy

always crushes the truth
out of a man.

He called your car
a jalopy.

That's literally adding
insult to injury.

HANK:
Dang it!

I don't know
what kind of game

is being played around here,

but everybody in this house
knows

the toilet paper goes over...
front, not...

Don't look at me like that.

'You know what I'm talking about.

'You are as crazy as your father.

You know what that
old coot did to Luanne?

He cracked my driver's license
in half

with a big shakey thing
because I didn't blinker.

And he made me go to bed
at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Look, I know Dad can be a pain,

but I haven't seen this kind
of spark in him

in a long time.

Besides, Luanne never uses
her turn signal

and Bobby gets cranky
around 4:00.

Look, Hank Hill, I'm
wearing a bikini made of suds!

( Whip cracking )

Now, I understand
why lion tamers

get mauled
every so often.

( Whip cracking )

Boy, I gotta tell ya,
Hank,

things sure have gone
to hell

ever since Cotton
got that badge.

Yeah, maybe
that's partly my fault.

I guess I'd better have
a sit-down with him.

Hmm, that might not be
a good idea.

Cotton's self-esteem is
as fragile as his elderly hips.

Hey, maybe we should have
a neighborhood meeting

to let people blow off
some steam in private.

You know,
a bull session?

That's not a bad idea,
Dale.

You're right.

It's not a bad idea.

Not a bad idea at all.

( Faughing maniacally )

It's the beer.

I just want to start

this meeting off
by acknowledging

that my Dad can be
a handful sometimes.

A handful of crap!

I thought we were
supposed to vent.

Go ahead.

It's a safe environment.

What's said here, stays here.

He pulled my belly hairs
with a juicer!

It took me 16 years to
get my first driver's license.

I'm too old
to start over!

He keeps on pressing me
to name Connie as a Communist.

I had to!

'You were right, Gribble.

They are all plotting
against me.

BILL: We should rub
grapefruit juice in his eye.

PEGGY:
And slap him on a bus

with a sack lunch!

( Whip cracking )

COTTON:
All right!

I'm arresting everybody here

for conspiring to slander
a police officer.

What? Dad, that's crazy.

And you...

All that stuff you claim's
been messed with...

How do I know
it ain't an inside job?

Maybe ya done it
for the insurance money.

You think I insure my juice
against being drunk?

( Murmuring )

Shush it!

'You're all suspects.

Now, if you cuff
yourselves

it'll save ya a beatin'.

Start cuff in'!

No, don't hurt me?

Give me my whip, boy.

No.

Dang it, Dad,
you're out of control.

There is no mystery.

I just gave you that
as busy work,

but you even managed
to screw that up.

But I'm a cop.

I keeps the peace.

I'm protecting the... juice.

Someone moves
the table, I...

Dad, you're not a cop.

Now give me your badge.

I don't want to have
to call the real police.

Daletech, for all
your home security needs.

Daletech, for all your home
security needs.

So, who wants the new
introductory surveillance package?

For an extra
30 bucks a month,

you'll get a closed circuit
feed of Bill's house.

It puts it all
in perspective, believe me.

I believe you.

So where is Cotton?
Let me guess.

Did he get busted down to doing
cross-guard duty?

No. He's making macaroni art
down at the Sunset Day Center.

Really? He's back in graycare?

I thought he had more fight
in him than that.

No. Losing that badge seemed
to really take it out of him.

Well, I better go pick him up.

Well, maybe I'll come along
and bring the colonel a balloon.

Not as a
potential client.

Just as a guy,
you know,

who's down and could...

could use a balloon.

Hey, Peeping Tom!

After speed walk,
I take shower.

See you
in half an hour.

( Faughing )

No hedge!

I see you
painted a picture.

This must be a
symbolic painting

of how he
feels inside.

Is this how
you feel inside?

Sorta.

Yup. See? That's
you, Hank, yelling,

and embarrassing him
in front of everyone.

Ooh! There's me!

( Sighs)

Come on, Dad.

You can finish
that tomorrow.

Hey, Dad, want to
grab a beer in the alley?

No. I'm just gonna go to bed.

I need to get up early
and find three aerosol can tops

for my
craft project.

Boy, I hate to see
your dad like this.

VWhy don't I just
look after him

so he doesn't have to go
back to that place tomorrow?

You'd do that?

Sure. Daletech's a bust.

Guess it's the wrong
economic climate

to be an expensive,
poorly trained visionary.

You really shouldn't
feel so worthless.

I'm much more of a
burden on my family,

and I feel great.

( Sighing ).
The show's over.

I can't stand to see
you like this, sir.

I'm the one
who broke you,

so I'm going
to fix this.

Hey, did you ever see

One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest?

You're

Jack Nicholson.

Are you crazy?!

This might be easier
if you lie down.

Now you're showing
some life? Geez!

This kind of
complicates things.

Wait!

I know that smell!

Someone has been monkeying
around in my boy's house!

And I know who it is!

Good for you, sir!

Hot berk,
I'm not some old screw up!

Now all I need is some proof.

Gribble,
I'm hiring Daletech!

Oh, no!

I've soiled myself!

It's okay, sir!

They'll change you at
the Sunset Day Center,

where we will
be all day!

The trap has been set.

Now the waiting begins.

God, the waiting is
interminable, isn't it?

Hello, Mr. Kahn.

I don't know what
you are talking about.

You think I drink juice and
move hillbilly furniture around?

I know you did.

Nobody in my boy's house,

or even this neighborhood,
uses pomade.

I can smell
it on you,

and I can smell it
on this pillow.

Now, confess.

You have no proof.

Who gonna
believe you?

You just some
crazy old man.

Oh, yeah?

Hello?

Coast clear.

Hey, slow down.

That juice expensive for
poor hillbillies like us.

Oh, you right.

I shouldn't
have done that.

I'm a very bad
redneck, Peggy Hill.

Okay, you caught me.

I drink Hank's juice.

Let's call it a day.

Hey, you...

MINH:
Mmm! Maybe I teach you a lesson.

After all, I'm always blabbing

about being
a substitute teacher.

Does Hank Hill know about this?

If he did, you
wouldn't be alive.

KAHN: You look as sexy to me
as propane tank, I tell you what.

I promise never to do it again.

We go back
to library reading room

if we need
cheap thrill.

Please don't tell Hank Hill.

I give you
anything you want.

I don't need anything from you,
but my boy does.

I want you to give
him his privacy hedge.

'You're gonna pay for it,
you're gonna build it,

and you're going to
thank him for the privilege.

And you have to subscribe

to a year
of Daletech services.

Dah! Okay. Hey,
this tape pretty good.

Can I keep it?

Huh! I didn't even
know there was a case,

and you solved it.

Who would have
guessed it was Kahn?

I didn't guess, boy.

I did some
old-fashioned police work.

Well, however you
did it, good job.

Officer Hill, Rainey
Street thanks you.

'You impersonating an officer,
boy?

Put that hand down.

I still don't
see what's so funny

about you sneaking in my house
just to move stuff around.

Oh, yeah, it real
funny in Laos.

Number one
reality show.

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

COTTON:
Ten-four, Manimal!

( Whip cracks )

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