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1
00:00:33,308 --> 00:00:34,810
HANK:
To Travis.
2
00:00:34,977 --> 00:00:38,564
May you have as many sick days
in retirement as you had
3
00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:42,192
in your 40 years working
at Strickland Propane.
4
00:00:42,401 --> 00:00:43,610
Which is three.
5
00:00:43,694 --> 00:00:44,945
Speech! Speech!
6
00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:47,030
Yeah, come on ol' boy.
Go ahead.
7
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:48,073
[CHEERING]
8
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,159
Well, its funny.
9
00:00:50,242 --> 00:00:52,578
This was just supposed
to be a two-week gig
10
00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:55,038
until I got my pilot's license.
11
00:00:55,164 --> 00:00:57,332
But I guess,
like so many other dreams,
12
00:00:57,457 --> 00:01:01,253
time has a way of slipping
through your fingers and...
13
00:01:01,336 --> 00:01:03,130
[SIGHING]
14
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,092
Cake?
15
00:01:07,342 --> 00:01:09,068
TRAVIS:
Cake's good.
16
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,388
PEGGY:
Mmm, this is delicious.
17
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,182
Travis didn't want
to take this home?
18
00:01:13,265 --> 00:01:14,933
No, he's a diabetic.
19
00:01:15,017 --> 00:01:16,935
The cake was just for ceremony.
20
00:01:17,102 --> 00:01:18,937
Hmm, diabetic, huh.
21
00:01:19,062 --> 00:01:21,481
Well, Travis does not know
what he's missing.
22
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:25,027
Yep, the new guy starts Monday,
and I'm kinda nervous for him.
23
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:27,196
It can't be easy coming in
as a rookie
24
00:01:27,279 --> 00:01:28,906
to a championship team.
25
00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:30,365
Now, that's true.
26
00:01:30,449 --> 00:01:33,076
13 years later, Lady Bird
still has it out for Bobby.
27
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,077
What?!
28
00:01:34,244 --> 00:01:35,287
[FAKES A COUGH]
29
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:38,540
Well, who wants coffee?
30
00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:42,544
So the thing
about working here is,
31
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,338
we treat all our customers
32
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:46,882
like they're purchasing
a Vogner Imperiale,
33
00:01:46,965 --> 00:01:49,218
even if they can only
afford the Citizen.
34
00:01:49,384 --> 00:01:51,845
Oh, and even though
the display food is plastic
35
00:01:51,929 --> 00:01:54,932
we still like you to wash
your hands before handling it.
36
00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:58,143
Wow, this sure is a world away
from Taco Bueno.
37
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,728
You've got 40 years.
38
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,396
You'll get the swing of it.
39
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:04,274
Well, I'll let you hit
the books there, "rookie."
40
00:02:07,152 --> 00:02:09,655
[WHISTLING]
41
00:02:12,824 --> 00:02:15,160
Whistling was Travis's thing.
42
00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:16,703
Oh. Sorry.
43
00:02:16,787 --> 00:02:17,996
That's okay, Rich.
44
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:20,290
You had no way of knowing that.
45
00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:24,586
Thanks for the coupon
to the Olive Garden, Hank.
46
00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,922
The Tour of Italy was delicious.
47
00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:29,091
Hey, Rich, why don't you
pull up a chair?
48
00:02:29,258 --> 00:02:31,176
That's okay.
You got a full table.
49
00:02:31,260 --> 00:02:32,552
I'll just eat in my car.
50
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,554
Nonsense.
We'll make room.
51
00:02:35,931 --> 00:02:38,016
Oh, yeah. Squeeze in.
52
00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:41,812
We were just talking about
the Olive Garden, Rich.
53
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,438
Oh, I love that place.
54
00:02:43,605 --> 00:02:45,065
They got a couple of waitresses
55
00:02:45,148 --> 00:02:47,234
I wouldn't kick out of bed
for eating lasagne,
56
00:02:47,302 --> 00:02:48,568
if you get what I'm saying.
57
00:02:49,444 --> 00:02:51,571
- [NERVOUS LAUGH]
- [NERVOUS LAUGH]
58
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,032
Uh, Rich, could you
give me a hand
59
00:02:54,116 --> 00:02:56,660
unloading those meat
thermometers out back?
60
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:57,744
Sure.
61
00:02:58,203 --> 00:03:00,122
So, where do you want me?
62
00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,749
There are no meat
thermometers out here, Rich.
63
00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:05,544
I just made that up to save
you the embarrassment.
64
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:09,172
I think you might've learned
some bad habits at Taco Bueno.
65
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,107
Oh, yeah?
66
00:03:10,236 --> 00:03:12,009
That comment about the, uh...
67
00:03:12,134 --> 00:03:13,427
the lasagne.
68
00:03:13,552 --> 00:03:15,012
Well, here at Strickland,
69
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,431
we try not to say things
that are not funny
70
00:03:17,514 --> 00:03:18,932
and also disgusting.
71
00:03:19,141 --> 00:03:20,726
Oh, I crossed the line.
I'm sorry.
72
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:22,269
It was just off the cuff.
73
00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:23,478
I thought Donna laughed.
74
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,105
Well, she was being polite.
75
00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:27,316
That's why we keep her
at the front desk.
76
00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:28,942
Uh, I didn't think
she was just being...
77
00:03:30,402 --> 00:03:32,029
You know what?
Doesn't matter.
78
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,363
Rules are rules.
79
00:03:33,488 --> 00:03:36,074
Attaboy, Rich.
You'll do just fine.
80
00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:40,245
[CHUCKLING]
81
00:03:40,329 --> 00:03:42,706
"Eating lasagne in bed."
82
00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:46,626
Hey, Rich...
83
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:49,129
you get those meat
thermometers put away?
84
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,257
Uh, yeah, except for the one
I got right here.
85
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:55,135
You stole
a meat therm... Oh!
86
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,262
[BOTH LAUGHING]
87
00:03:57,387 --> 00:03:59,598
Hey, can you toss me
that back brace?
88
00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:01,600
I got some heavy lifting
to do here.
89
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:03,727
Me, too. Where's the urinal?
90
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,188
[ALL LAUGHING]
91
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:07,939
That was Moretti's Grill.
92
00:04:08,023 --> 00:04:10,650
They're having problems
with the burners again.
93
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:12,277
I need an eight-inch L-pipe.
94
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,112
That's what she said.
95
00:04:14,196 --> 00:04:15,739
[LAUGHING]
96
00:04:15,947 --> 00:04:17,824
Oh, did their hostess call, too?
97
00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:19,326
[GIGGLING]
98
00:04:19,451 --> 00:04:20,452
Uh, yeah.
99
00:04:20,619 --> 00:04:22,829
Huh... oh, here's one.
100
00:04:22,954 --> 00:04:24,831
Well, I should be back by 3:00.
101
00:04:24,915 --> 00:04:26,833
I hope the threading's
not stripped.
102
00:04:26,958 --> 00:04:28,543
I mean, if I have to do it
manually,
103
00:04:28,627 --> 00:04:30,045
I'll be down there for hours.
104
00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:31,922
That's what she said...
Right?
105
00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:33,340
Yes, Enrique.
106
00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:35,801
That is exactly what she said.
107
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,886
[LAUGHING]
108
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:39,971
[RELUCTANT LAUGHTER]
109
00:04:40,055 --> 00:04:41,807
Yeah, uh,
110
00:04:41,973 --> 00:04:43,225
I don't know why I'm laughing.
111
00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:45,852
Sounds like I'm gonna be
down there all night.
112
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:47,813
HANK:
It was really weird.
113
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,065
I showed up at Moretti's
Grill to do some work
114
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,275
and the hostess didn't
even know I was coming.
115
00:04:52,484 --> 00:04:54,611
Hostesses can be very flighty.
116
00:04:54,736 --> 00:04:56,863
That's why they only let them
carry menus.
117
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,199
Yeah, but before I left
the office,
118
00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:00,742
the new guy made it sound
119
00:05:00,826 --> 00:05:02,619
like she was on top
of everything.
120
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,621
Heck, even as I was heading
out the door,
121
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:06,706
I just mentioned that
I hoped my cordless drill
122
00:05:06,832 --> 00:05:08,417
had enough juice for the job,
123
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,752
and Rich said,
"That's what she said,"
124
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:15,882
and then everybody
high-fived and... oh...
125
00:05:15,966 --> 00:05:18,885
Oh, no. It was
an "intimate" joke!
126
00:05:18,969 --> 00:05:20,679
God, Joe Jack was laughing,
127
00:05:20,762 --> 00:05:22,264
and Donna was laughing.
128
00:05:22,347 --> 00:05:24,307
I've never seen them
laugh so hard.
129
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,852
Yes, people do love
the off-color jokes.
130
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,604
You would not believe
how many times the kids ask me
131
00:05:29,688 --> 00:05:31,731
how to say poo-poo in Spanish.
132
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:32,791
Ugh.
133
00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:34,985
It's la tierra de la trasero.
134
00:05:35,110 --> 00:05:38,029
The literal translation
is "earth of the butt."
135
00:05:38,113 --> 00:05:40,824
I made it up but
the kids seem to like it.
136
00:05:41,032 --> 00:05:42,659
And how!
137
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,411
Yep.
138
00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:46,121
Yup.
139
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,706
Mmm-hmm.
140
00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:50,208
It's official.
I've quit smoking.
141
00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:51,626
I'm off the junk.
142
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:53,003
Well, good for you, Dale.
143
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:54,379
What brought this on?
144
00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:57,591
Oh, Nancy's been naggin' me
ever since our bed caught fire.
145
00:05:57,674 --> 00:06:00,051
I went a little heavy
on the aftershave,
146
00:06:00,135 --> 00:06:01,887
lit one up, and kaboom.
147
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,430
Check out my eyebrows.
148
00:06:03,513 --> 00:06:04,681
It's mascara.
149
00:06:04,806 --> 00:06:06,183
BILL:
Well, congratulations.
150
00:06:06,349 --> 00:06:08,435
I know how hard it is
to quit smoking.
151
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,854
Not with my nifty
little miracle cure.
152
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,190
Yes, gentlemen, it crushes
the craving
153
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:16,776
without any
of the undesirable side effects.
154
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,906
Chewing tobacco?
155
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,824
That's disgusting.
156
00:06:22,908 --> 00:06:25,785
Will someone please tell me
what happened to good manners?
157
00:06:25,911 --> 00:06:27,537
It's like this new guy at work.
158
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,332
He turns every little comment
into a vulgarity.
159
00:06:30,415 --> 00:06:31,625
It's awful.
160
00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:32,959
I'll tell you what, man --
161
00:06:33,043 --> 00:06:34,920
it's like the dang old world
has become a sewer, man.
162
00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:37,130
Like them shock jocks,
and them rappers, too, man.
163
00:06:37,255 --> 00:06:39,132
Like got ol' Miss Manners'
panties in a bunch, man.
164
00:06:39,216 --> 00:06:40,091
You're right.
165
00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:43,512
I can't believe the filth they're
putting on TV these days.
166
00:06:43,595 --> 00:06:45,931
And they just beam it right
into my home.
167
00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:48,350
I hit the Pay-Per-View button
and there it is,
168
00:06:48,433 --> 00:06:49,601
right in front of me!
169
00:06:49,768 --> 00:06:52,771
Well, that's life
in the 21st century for you.
170
00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:54,898
We just have to learn
to accept it.
171
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,024
[SPITS TOBACCO]
172
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,611
Accept it, Bill.
173
00:06:59,736 --> 00:07:02,739
Well, crudeness might be
"cool" everywhere else,
174
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,783
but I won't accept it
in my home,
175
00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:07,661
and I certainly won't accept it
in my home away from home.
176
00:07:07,869 --> 00:07:10,372
From now on
at Strickland Propane,
177
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,415
"she" is going to say nothing.
178
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,334
That's what I said!
179
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,629
Hey, someone tickle me.
180
00:07:17,712 --> 00:07:20,465
I want to make this stuff
come out my nose.
181
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,595
Hey, Donna, listen
to the new nickname
182
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,639
that Rich thought
up for Enrique.
183
00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:29,391
You mean, Enri-GAY!
184
00:07:29,474 --> 00:07:30,934
[ALL LAUGH]
185
00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:33,478
Man, you could be on Mad TV.
186
00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:36,022
Yeah, but then I couldn't hang out
here with you and Joe Jack.
187
00:07:36,106 --> 00:07:37,649
Or should I say
"Low Crack?"
188
00:07:37,732 --> 00:07:39,526
Pull up your pants
before I drop a quarter in there
189
00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:40,610
and make a phone call.
190
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:41,903
[LAUGHING]
191
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:43,446
Hey, what's the matter,
Low Crack?
192
00:07:43,572 --> 00:07:44,573
Can't you take a joke?
193
00:07:44,739 --> 00:07:45,740
I can take it.
194
00:07:45,907 --> 00:07:47,659
- That's what she said!
- That's what she said.
195
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:48,952
[LAUGHING]
Oh, man!
196
00:07:49,119 --> 00:07:51,997
Okay, someone want to tell me
what's so funny here?
197
00:07:53,248 --> 00:07:56,209
Maybe you should ask Enri-Gay!
198
00:07:56,293 --> 00:07:58,003
You'd know better
than me, Low Crack!
199
00:07:58,086 --> 00:07:59,045
[ALL LAUGHING]
200
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,506
No. No. That is not funny.
201
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,675
It's the kind of thing
a first-grader would say,
202
00:08:03,758 --> 00:08:06,094
and then he'd get his mouth
washed out with soap.
203
00:08:06,261 --> 00:08:07,929
Now, this is a place of work,
204
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,765
so I want this behavior
to stop right now.
205
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:14,561
It's crude, unprofessional,
and just plain not funny.
206
00:08:14,853 --> 00:08:16,896
Is there a problem here, Hank?
207
00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,857
Nope. We were just
having a little discussion
208
00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,191
on office decorum.
209
00:08:20,275 --> 00:08:21,526
Nothing I can't handle.
210
00:08:21,693 --> 00:08:22,944
Well, all right, then.
211
00:08:23,028 --> 00:08:26,448
Y'all should be well-advised
to do what this man tells you.
212
00:08:26,531 --> 00:08:29,034
He is my proxy when
I am in absentia.
213
00:08:29,159 --> 00:08:30,368
Thank you, sir.
214
00:08:30,493 --> 00:08:32,162
I appreciate you
getting behind me.
215
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,872
RICH [SOFTLY]:
That's what she said.
216
00:08:36,374 --> 00:08:38,543
[LAUGHING]
217
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:39,878
"Getting behind me."
218
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:41,129
[LAUGHING]
219
00:08:41,338 --> 00:08:44,633
Ooo-wee! That's funny!
Damn, you quick, boy!
220
00:08:44,716 --> 00:08:46,551
That's what she
said... about Joe Jack!
221
00:08:46,718 --> 00:08:48,762
[STRICKLAND HOWLING]
222
00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:52,015
Stop! Stop! No!
No! No! Don't stop!
223
00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:54,309
That's what she said!
224
00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:55,852
Sir, no!
225
00:08:56,061 --> 00:08:58,772
You're funnier than that comedian
that ruined Monday Night Football.
226
00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:00,649
[ALL LAUGHING]
227
00:09:10,241 --> 00:09:12,786
Here's my specimen sample,
honey.
228
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,794
[STRICKLAND AND RICH LAUGHING]
229
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,548
[LOUD FARTING]
230
00:09:25,674 --> 00:09:27,008
STRICKLAND:
Good Lord, Ol' Top!
231
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,468
What you doing in there?!
232
00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:30,011
No, no. That was not me.
233
00:09:30,095 --> 00:09:31,513
[LOUD FARTING]
234
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,014
[STRICKLAND LAUGHING]
235
00:09:33,765 --> 00:09:35,433
It's not funny.
236
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,520
And a waste of a perfectly good
nine-volt battery.
237
00:09:38,728 --> 00:09:40,814
How do the Chinese
let themselves
238
00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:43,374
get talked into
making these things?
239
00:09:43,566 --> 00:09:47,320
Hoo! What did do for fun
before we had one of these?
240
00:09:47,404 --> 00:09:49,280
[FARTING]
241
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,866
[FARTING CONTINUES]
242
00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:54,786
Yeah. Quitting
smoking
243
00:09:54,953 --> 00:09:56,371
is the best thing
I've ever done.
244
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,872
Check this out.
245
00:09:58,873 --> 00:10:01,543
[WHEEZING]
246
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:04,587
[COUGHING]
247
00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:07,757
A couple of days ago,
that would have killed me.
248
00:10:08,925 --> 00:10:11,386
Hey, Hank.
Don't you want a beer?
249
00:10:11,553 --> 00:10:14,139
What I want is a professional
working environment,
250
00:10:14,264 --> 00:10:17,142
where it's hard work that
earns your colleagues' respect,
251
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:20,311
not the ability to rhyme
your name with a body part.
252
00:10:20,395 --> 00:10:22,105
You got that in
your cooler, Bill?
253
00:10:22,313 --> 00:10:24,399
If I check, you're going
to make fun of me, right?
254
00:10:28,611 --> 00:10:30,071
Was that Hank?
255
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,323
I blacked out
there for a second.
256
00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:34,451
HANK:
I don't get it.
257
00:10:34,659 --> 00:10:35,952
What is so funny
258
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:39,414
about putting a prophylactic
on my Mag-lite?
259
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:42,041
Not the Mag-lite
I gave you for Christmas?!
260
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,501
Well, needless to say,
261
00:10:43,626 --> 00:10:45,628
it went straight
into the garbage.
262
00:10:45,754 --> 00:10:48,798
Dad, I've dealt with a lot
of bullies in my day,
263
00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:51,718
and I've learned that
the most effective strategy
264
00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:54,012
is to fight fire with fire.
265
00:10:55,513 --> 00:10:57,932
Whoopee cushions?
Plastic vomit?
266
00:10:58,099 --> 00:11:00,310
I thought I banned these things
from the house.
267
00:11:00,435 --> 00:11:02,604
Dad, now is not the time.
268
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:04,272
Poo in a can!
269
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,357
Remember that creep
Pete Sheldon?
270
00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:08,610
The wet willie guy?
271
00:11:08,777 --> 00:11:11,279
Well, a little dab of
this on his chair, and...
272
00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:15,116
let's just say his new nickname
is "Peter Pantload."
273
00:11:18,536 --> 00:11:20,138
Hey, what are you doing?
274
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,748
I'm throwing this stuff out.
275
00:11:21,873 --> 00:11:25,001
When you stoop to their level,
you're no better than they are.
276
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:27,212
At least leave me the fake barf.
277
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,922
I've got gym tomorrow!
278
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:33,009
[ALL LAUGHING]
279
00:11:33,134 --> 00:11:35,011
BUCK:
All righty!
280
00:11:35,178 --> 00:11:36,638
Ready to hit the links, Ol' Top?
281
00:11:36,721 --> 00:11:38,598
Don't want to keep
the clients waiting.
282
00:11:38,807 --> 00:11:41,351
You kidding, sir? I've been
looking forward to it all week.
283
00:11:41,518 --> 00:11:44,270
Oh, yeah.
About that, Hank...
284
00:11:44,395 --> 00:11:46,314
What?! You're taking him?!
285
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,775
He can't handle
the Vista Village account.
286
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:51,528
Tell me the difference between
a Positive Placement Pump
287
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:53,488
and a Vertical Turbine Pump.
288
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:56,366
Um... I know the placement
of my pump.
289
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,909
And, when I see your mama...
290
00:11:58,076 --> 00:11:59,786
That's it!
I'm kicking your ass!
291
00:11:59,869 --> 00:12:01,538
Ooh! Now who's the potty mouth?
292
00:12:01,746 --> 00:12:03,331
Now, get hold of yourself, Hank.
293
00:12:03,414 --> 00:12:04,958
This ain't no fraternity party.
294
00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:06,709
You can't go
around hitting people.
295
00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:08,753
Come on, Rich.
Let's ske-doot.
296
00:12:08,878 --> 00:12:11,005
Don't worry, boss.
I'll wow these guys.
297
00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:13,341
I worked up this great
little bit with the ball washer.
298
00:12:13,424 --> 00:12:15,426
And I can't wait to see it!
299
00:12:24,519 --> 00:12:25,979
[SIGHS]
300
00:12:36,781 --> 00:12:38,116
[HORN HONKING]
301
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,785
Hey, you made a lane change
without signaling!
302
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:44,831
Thanks for seeing me,
Mrs. Borginnis.
303
00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:47,125
It's Ms. Borginnis,
but, yes, I'm married.
304
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,252
And Borginnis is
my husband's name.
305
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:50,461
Uh...
306
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,338
So why don't you
tell me your problem?
307
00:12:52,463 --> 00:12:55,216
Well, as you can
probably tell from my jacket
308
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,218
and my hat and my shirt,
309
00:12:57,302 --> 00:13:00,096
I sell propane
and propane accessories.
310
00:13:00,263 --> 00:13:01,764
- Uh-huh.
- Now, don't get me wrong --
311
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:04,017
I have the best job
in the world --
312
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:07,896
but this guy Rich has been
making a lot of, uh, jokes.
313
00:13:08,062 --> 00:13:09,814
Jokes?
What kind of jokes?
314
00:13:09,939 --> 00:13:11,858
Knock-knock? Ding-dong?
What are we talking about?
315
00:13:12,066 --> 00:13:16,237
Uh... jokes that, uh...
you know, use vulgarity.
316
00:13:18,239 --> 00:13:22,994
You know, jokes about
morning nature functions.
317
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:26,164
Plus, I can't say the word
"meat" without someone giggling.
318
00:13:26,331 --> 00:13:27,999
And, yesterday, someone took my
319
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:31,085
"Employee of the Month" picture,
and drew a beard on it.
320
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,962
But not where you think.
321
00:13:33,171 --> 00:13:35,340
Pervasive pattern
of demeaning behavior,
322
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:38,092
hostile work environment
affecting job performance.
323
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:41,721
Mr. Hill, I believe we have
a strong case for a lawsuit
324
00:13:41,846 --> 00:13:44,223
based on male-on-male
sexual harassment.
325
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,894
Male-on-male sexual harassment?
Ugh! No!
326
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:51,481
Look, sexual harassment
is just an umbrella term
327
00:13:51,606 --> 00:13:54,192
that covers a wide variety
of offenses.
328
00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:57,612
Do you validate,
or am I stuck for the 75 cents?
329
00:13:57,820 --> 00:14:00,323
Please,
just take this literature.
330
00:14:00,531 --> 00:14:03,242
You know what?
I'll pay the 75 cents myself.
331
00:14:03,368 --> 00:14:05,578
- [PAGER BEEPS]
- Oh! Propane emergency.
332
00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:08,957
Ma'am, I'm gonna need
to commandeer your phone.
333
00:14:09,207 --> 00:14:11,751
This is Hank Hill,
Strickland Propane.
334
00:14:11,876 --> 00:14:14,754
MAN: Yes. I'd like
to report a gas leak.
335
00:14:14,837 --> 00:14:17,715
Oh, okay. Just remain calm,
and tell me where it is.
336
00:14:17,799 --> 00:14:20,385
It's... in your pants!
337
00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:21,844
[FLATULENCE NOISES]
338
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:23,888
BUCK: Hang up, Ol' Top,
or he'll know it's us!
339
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,765
[GIGGLING]
340
00:14:26,182 --> 00:14:27,517
Ms. Borginnis,
341
00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:29,560
I'll take that literature.
342
00:14:33,982 --> 00:14:35,733
See? Sexual harassment
343
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,276
is an umbrella term.
344
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,946
It doesn't just cover women,
but also men...
345
00:14:40,029 --> 00:14:43,199
and "transgender individuals."
346
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:44,409
[GROANS]
347
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:46,452
Hank, you'll be a trailblazer.
348
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,830
Now, I know it is not fun
being the first,
349
00:14:48,913 --> 00:14:51,791
but it may mean
you could be the last.
350
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:53,626
That's a great line
for the movie.
351
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:57,338
Jo Beth Williams will
knock it out of the park.
352
00:14:57,422 --> 00:14:59,090
[SIGHS]
353
00:15:02,343 --> 00:15:03,511
Ass tag!
354
00:15:03,678 --> 00:15:04,512
[GASPS]
355
00:15:05,346 --> 00:15:07,265
[EMPLOYEES LAUGHING]
356
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,475
Hey, you're it!
357
00:15:12,103 --> 00:15:13,187
Hey, Enrique,
358
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,606
I didn't know you were
married to a monkey.
359
00:15:15,732 --> 00:15:17,608
What happened to
the picture of my wife?
360
00:15:17,775 --> 00:15:19,444
I don't know.
Did you check the men's room?
361
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:22,262
[ALL LAUGHING]
362
00:15:24,073 --> 00:15:25,950
[FORCED LAUGH]
363
00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:28,870
I'm married to a monkey.
364
00:15:32,415 --> 00:15:34,333
[WHISPERING] I got to
make this quick, but I love you.
365
00:15:35,418 --> 00:15:36,753
Someone's coming.
366
00:15:38,421 --> 00:15:40,256
Oh, Hank, I was just...
367
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:41,924
[HUSHED]
Shh, we don't have much time.
368
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,250
I've been watching you.
369
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:46,262
You don't think any of this Rich
stuff is funny, either, do you?
370
00:15:46,429 --> 00:15:48,681
What do you mean?
I think he...
371
00:15:48,765 --> 00:15:50,892
I hate it. I hate it!
372
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,393
I don't want to come to work.
373
00:15:52,477 --> 00:15:53,770
I have nightmares.
374
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,772
I can't even eat
a hot dog anymore.
375
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:58,441
Well, I think I know
how we can stop it.
376
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,903
I talked with this lawyer
who thinks we can sue for...
377
00:16:01,986 --> 00:16:07,116
uh, you know, uh,
male-on-male sexual harassment.
378
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:08,659
Sexual harassment?
379
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,286
It's an umbrella term.
380
00:16:10,411 --> 00:16:13,372
You and me suing
for sexual harassment?
381
00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:16,918
I'm sorry, Hank.
382
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:23,508
Hey, Enrique, look who just
came out of the closet.
383
00:16:26,928 --> 00:16:28,554
[FORCED LAUGH]
384
00:16:30,431 --> 00:16:32,475
- Yep.
- Yep.
385
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:33,643
Mm-hmm.
386
00:16:33,935 --> 00:16:36,604
[SUCKING]
387
00:16:36,687 --> 00:16:37,814
What you got there?
388
00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:39,565
Oh, Nancy's at it again.
389
00:16:39,649 --> 00:16:43,569
Now she's got some new rule
about spitting on the carpet,
390
00:16:43,694 --> 00:16:45,988
so how I have to stuff
my chewing tobacco
391
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:49,492
into this paper cone
and inhale the aroma.
392
00:16:50,785 --> 00:16:52,453
Not...
393
00:16:52,537 --> 00:16:53,871
really...
394
00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:55,414
working.
395
00:16:58,209 --> 00:16:59,961
[SIGHS]
396
00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:01,879
Boomhauer, you're a genius.
397
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:04,132
What should we call
this new invention?
398
00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:05,925
Well, I guess that's a night.
399
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,554
Back to the potty factory
tomorrow.
400
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:12,515
Did Hank get a new job?
401
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:26,404
[COUGHS]
402
00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:27,572
I'm choking!
403
00:17:27,738 --> 00:17:29,365
Need something to drink.
404
00:17:32,243 --> 00:17:34,078
Ass tag time-out.
405
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,748
Hey, I didn't get a time-out
when I cut my thumb open.
406
00:17:37,832 --> 00:17:39,458
Come on, guys, have a heart.
407
00:17:39,584 --> 00:17:41,419
Joe Jack's choking.
Time out.
408
00:17:45,548 --> 00:17:47,508
Here you go, Joe Jack.
409
00:17:47,592 --> 00:17:48,593
Have a soda.
410
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,764
Nice try.
411
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,850
I think I got a clogged nozzle.
412
00:17:55,933 --> 00:17:57,518
Can you guys take a look?
413
00:17:57,602 --> 00:17:59,187
RICH: This man
needs to be serviced.
414
00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:01,439
Would you like to service
this man, Enrique?
415
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:02,607
Uh, no.
416
00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:05,151
Look, I got
the extended warranty.
417
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,403
Extended, huh?
418
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:11,032
To hell with this.
419
00:18:11,115 --> 00:18:12,867
Good morning, sir.
Are you being helped?
420
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,036
You're the ones who need help.
421
00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:17,872
[JOE JACK COUGHING]
422
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:21,500
[RICH LAUGHING]
423
00:18:22,919 --> 00:18:24,337
[SIGHS]
424
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:25,421
That does it.
425
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:26,923
This is a place of business
426
00:18:27,048 --> 00:18:29,217
and you've turned it
into a cesspool.
427
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,844
Lighten up, Mrs. Hill.
We're just having fun.
428
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,471
[ALL CHUCKLE]
429
00:18:33,554 --> 00:18:35,306
No, you're having fun.
430
00:18:35,389 --> 00:18:36,766
But I'm not.
431
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,435
And I know for a fact
that Enrique hates it.
432
00:18:42,146 --> 00:18:44,565
Joe Jack, you've been coughing
since I walked in here
433
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,485
because you're too scared
to get up and get a drink.
434
00:18:47,652 --> 00:18:50,863
Ha-ha, choking to death
is real funny.
435
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,003
Look at us.
436
00:18:52,114 --> 00:18:54,450
Wallowing in
our own filthy behavior.
437
00:18:54,659 --> 00:18:58,079
So bent on being crass
we can't even trust each other.
438
00:18:58,287 --> 00:19:00,831
Sure, it's done
in the name of comedy,
439
00:19:00,957 --> 00:19:04,293
but is debasing ourselves
really that hilarious?
440
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:07,505
Don't you wish we could still
say words like "meat"
441
00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:11,133
and "tool" and "unit"
without someone turning it
442
00:19:11,259 --> 00:19:12,760
into something foul?
443
00:19:12,843 --> 00:19:16,514
Those are our words.
I say let's take 'em back.
444
00:19:18,933 --> 00:19:21,310
Even if we do agree
with you, honey,
445
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,812
Buck thinks it's funny,
446
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,772
and he's the one
signing our paychecks.
447
00:19:24,855 --> 00:19:26,190
[ALL ASSENTING]
448
00:19:26,941 --> 00:19:29,360
Hank, wow, I guess
I didn't realize
449
00:19:29,485 --> 00:19:31,445
how bad you felt about this.
450
00:19:31,529 --> 00:19:33,948
But there's something
else you don't realize.
451
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,116
You are open.
452
00:19:35,283 --> 00:19:36,450
Ass tag!
453
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:37,410
[GASPS]
454
00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:38,577
How about it?
455
00:19:38,703 --> 00:19:40,913
Let's hear it for the
number one Ass-assin!
456
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,456
That does it.
457
00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:45,001
I don't care what Buck
or anyone else thinks,
458
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:47,503
I'm going to do what
your mom should have done
459
00:19:47,628 --> 00:19:49,297
a long time ago.
460
00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:50,923
Come on, Hank.
Let go.
461
00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:53,592
Mr. Strickland
isn't going to like this.
462
00:19:55,386 --> 00:19:57,054
Oh, going to brush
your teeth before you kiss me?
463
00:19:57,138 --> 00:19:58,639
Well, still not interested.
464
00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:01,183
No, Rich, you've got
a potty mouth
465
00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:02,977
and I'm going
to wash it out with soap.
466
00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:04,312
What? No!
467
00:20:04,395 --> 00:20:07,023
Come on, guys.
Give me a hand.
468
00:20:08,149 --> 00:20:09,775
Hank, let him go!
469
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,861
What has gotten into you?!
470
00:20:12,028 --> 00:20:13,946
Buck, he attacked me!
471
00:20:14,155 --> 00:20:15,990
Sir, it's true,
472
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:18,951
but I just couldn't take
this garbage anymore.
473
00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:21,996
Either it doesn't belong
in the workplace, or I don't.
474
00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:24,290
You heard him, Buck.
Fire him.
475
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,627
You all feel the same as Hank?
476
00:20:31,589 --> 00:20:33,716
Even about the fart machine?
477
00:20:35,551 --> 00:20:38,054
Well, hell, I never thought
it was funny, neither.
478
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:39,305
Terrible stuff.
479
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,682
Uh-uh. Vulgar is what it was.
480
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:42,641
But Buck...
481
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,144
Watch it, Rich, or I'll turn Hank
loose with a toilet scrubber.
482
00:20:46,437 --> 00:20:48,898
[SPITTING]
483
00:20:53,527 --> 00:20:55,279
HANK:
Okay, team, gather round.
484
00:20:55,446 --> 00:20:57,490
I'm going to tell you
about the new improvements
485
00:20:57,615 --> 00:21:00,076
on the Vogner 2800 series.
486
00:21:00,284 --> 00:21:02,870
The first thing is that it will
smoke your meat.
487
00:21:03,079 --> 00:21:06,165
And it's got a nice big rack
for your buns.
488
00:21:06,339 --> 00:21:07,541
Or wieners.
489
00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,085
Or wieners. Why not?
490
00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:10,669
JOE JACK: Feels good
to say weiners again.
491
00:21:10,753 --> 00:21:12,046
DONNA:
Or sausage.
492
00:21:49,625 --> 00:21:51,742
TRAVIS: That's what
she said... about Joe Jack.
493
00:21:51,792 --> 00:21:56,342
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