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Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,885
and 20th CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
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00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,410
( phone ringing )
4
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:49,711
Yo?
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00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:50,911
MAN:
Daggum, dude, man,
6
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,282
talkin' big ol' bite
of apple, man,
7
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:53,286
talkin' life sentence--
8
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,754
Daggum bu yin' a cow.
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00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,155
Oh, man, you talkin' 'bout 'em
like like a dang ol'...
10
00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:58,351
Dang.
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00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,190
Daggum, big wig jingo
bang it up, dog!
12
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,558
Like... Woo! Yeah, baby!
13
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,461
( line disconnects )
14
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:06,728
Wow, so your little brother
Patch is getting married.
15
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,360
Now that calls
for a beer.
16
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,563
Yup!
Yup!
17
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,593
Mm-hmm.
18
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:15,468
'Yeah, you boys were always
competing over something.
19
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,705
Who could sell
the most copies of Grit.
20
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,803
Who could bag
the most groceries.
21
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,712
Who could bag
the most ladies.
22
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,412
It was always close, but
it was always Boomhauer.
23
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:28,353
Yeah, but Patch finally beat
Boomhauer at something--
24
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:30,482
( Chuckling ):
his way to the altar.
25
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,424
DALE: Oh, don't
worry, Boomhauer,
26
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,359
Patch might have
beat you to the altar,
27
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,987
but you'll beat him
to the grave.
28
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:38,123
As a bachelor,
your life expectancy
29
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:41,396
is seven years shorter
than us blissfully marrieds.
30
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,802
Even Bill gets a couple
of years' credit
31
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,204
for that charade
of a marriage of his.
32
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,606
That's true.
33
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,201
Dang ol' journey,
man, ain't no...
34
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,335
ain't no race.
35
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,609
Boomhauer!
36
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:23,701
Yo.
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00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,109
Yol
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00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,510
Katherine Hester, man!
39
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,546
Oh, I can't believe
it's been 12 years.
40
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,713
I just got into town
a half hour ago.
41
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,223
It's like dang ol',
talkin' 'bout destiny, man.
42
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:38,588
Talkin' 'bout ol' planets
aligned, you know,
43
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,423
just like a Big ol' Dipper, man.
44
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,724
Oh man, that
dang ol' smile.
45
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,492
'You remember getting
our braces caught
46
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:45,760
and hooked like that, man.
47
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,233
Talkin' 'bout
no pain, no gain.
48
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:49,235
You know, I've
been thinking
49
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,964
about you a lot lately.
50
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,904
Oh, man...
Dang ol true man?
51
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,031
Well, yeah.
52
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,838
I mean I am marrying
your brother.
53
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:56,843
You!
54
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,174
You're marrying...
Patch?!
55
00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,645
Talkin' 'bout my Patch?!
56
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,944
I guess I'm going to be
Mrs. Boomhauer after all.
57
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,314
I was actually on my way
to the airport to pick him up.
58
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,979
When you see him,
could you act surprised?
59
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,117
That's perfect.
60
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,727
So, your brother's
marrying Katherine.
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00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,700
She made the best beer.
62
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:22,930
Yup.
63
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:24,528
Wow, it's like
if the Russians
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00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,198
landed on the moon
after we did
65
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:28,207
and then married it.
66
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,766
Sorry, Boomhauer.
67
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,539
Boomhauer's okay.
68
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,672
He had his chance
to land Katherine
69
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,011
in the boat
years ago.
70
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,675
Instead,
he cut the line.
71
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,209
Hey, man, it's like,
dang ol' history man.
72
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,254
PATCH:
Yee-hal
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00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,795
Oh, man, here they come now.
74
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,763
Go act, like,
surprised, man!
75
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,363
Gentlemen,
intro-dang-ol'-ducing
76
00:03:56,403 --> 00:04:00,101
daggum future
Mrs. Patch Boomhauer!
77
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,302
Unbelievable.
78
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:02,706
Katherine,
is it not?
79
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:07,842
Dang ol' stand there,
black T-shirt,
80
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,144
looking all sharp man
with that hair
81
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:10,343
all scruffy on top
that way, man.
82
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:11,350
Come here.
83
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,374
Yeah, okay.
Man, okay.
84
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,580
Hey, got dang it, man.
85
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:15,179
Don't wake up
the dang ol' lion, man.
86
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,055
Man, hey, come on.
87
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,991
Hey, hey. Ow. Ow. Ow!
88
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:22,154
Daggum jaw, man.
Talkin' TMJ, man.
89
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,092
PATCH: Shoot, man,
yeah, that's what, like,
90
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:30,763
got me outta the daggum
port a-john business,
91
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:31,930
dang ol' quick like, man,
92
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,940
'cause I'm telling you,
like, whew.
93
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:34,770
Talkin' Andy Dump, man.
94
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:35,969
( Faughing )
95
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,499
Oh, Patch.
96
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:38,978
Mm, I'll tell you what,
97
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,811
the blood runs hot
in that Boomhauer family.
98
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,612
Yeah, that Patch
got it going on,
99
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,778
but he a dog, I can
smell it from here.
100
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,082
You know, I still remember
101
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,748
the day
Katherine left for London.
102
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,020
Boomhauer stayed in his hot tub
for two straight days.
103
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:55,995
I have never seen a man look
so unhappy, yet so relaxed.
104
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,294
Bobby, what are you doing?
105
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,600
I want to show Patch
106
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,505
I've got what it takes
to be a ring boy.
107
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,875
It's ring bearer,
and that's Ladybird's job.
108
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,005
Besides, you're old enough
to be an usher.
109
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,276
An usher? Wow!
110
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,148
Sir, come back when
you have a tie.
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00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,619
PATCH:
Yo! Shush it!
112
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,451
Talkin' 'bout since
I was a little boy,
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00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,547
big brother man, fed me
dirt and daggum bugs,
114
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,319
but, you know,
long story short, man,
115
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,951
talkin' 'bout... best man.
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00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,297
Yo.
117
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:41,568
Very touching,
118
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,474
but something tells me
this is not over.
119
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,617
So, uh, Boomhauer,
how you doing there?
120
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:52,675
Well, man, you know,
121
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,153
this dang ol' beer's
a little warm,
122
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,154
but, you know.
123
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,587
( Sighs)
124
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,724
To be thinking of her
as your sister-in-law.
125
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,750
Hey, man, I ain't got no dang
ol' problem here, man,
126
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,025
you know, talkin' 'bout you got
little son of yours, man,
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00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,055
walking around carrying
that dang ol' little burger
128
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,567
on a pillow, man,
you got...
129
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,333
"We-We're here
130
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,100
to congratulate Patch
and Katherine on..."
131
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:14,334
PATCH:
Daggum cannonball!
132
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,840
Watch it with that dang
ol' cannonball, man!
133
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,847
LUANNE: Hello, Mr. Boomhauer.
134
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,179
Thanks for letting me
borrow your Walkman.
135
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,548
I broke it.
136
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:26,643
Talkin' 'bout meow.
Here, kitty-kitty.
137
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:28,120
Patch-elor party, man.
138
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:30,088
Daggum, find you
a place to sit, darlin'.
139
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,249
Um...
140
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,656
Just a little ol' kidder,
man, you know,
141
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:34,319
every dang ol' April Fool's,
growing up, man,
142
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:35,920
putting up a little
ol frog in my bed.
143
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,930
You know, just ol Patch, man.
144
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,298
Woo-dogs, that's
a sweet taste, man.
145
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,460
Lookin' forward
to that meal.
146
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:43,799
You know, like...
147
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,236
( imitates porn music )
148
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,740
'You know you gotta talk
'bout, think 'bout new,
149
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:48,605
turning over a new leaf
with ol' Katherine, man.
150
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:51,304
You got, like, vows, man,
talkin' 'bout vows.
151
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,039
Yo man, talkin' 'bout,
eating at home, man,
152
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,343
'cept for drive-thru window
action now and then, man.
153
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,248
Talkin' 'bout fast food, baby!
154
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,150
Dang ol grow up, man.
155
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,744
Yup.
156
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,188
Yup.
157
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,214
Fight!
158
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,919
BOOMHAUER:
Get off me, man!
159
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,591
( Shouting )
160
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:14,259
Now calm down!
161
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,564
Both of you!
162
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,297
I can't understand
a word you're saying!
163
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,532
Shoot, man, I mean, man,
164
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,164
just talkin' wedding, man,
goes off.
165
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,230
Daggum jealousy, man.
166
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,742
Ugly, green-eyed monster, man.
167
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,835
'You must settle this like men.
168
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,312
Angry, redneck men.
169
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,576
Blunderbusses at 20 paces!
170
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,980
Dang it, Boomhauer.
171
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,541
Your brother
is getting married
172
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,279
and you need to start
acting right!
173
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,412
Talkin' 'bout tell him, man!
174
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,751
He's the one wanna
175
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,224
get dang ol' hoochie-
coochie dance, man.
176
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,623
Hey, man, no, you too much
hoochie-coochie man,
177
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:40,922
talkin' you ain't no best man
after all, no way, man!
178
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,861
'Yeah man, you know,
you can't fire me, man,
179
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,330
'cause I tell you what: I quit!
180
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:46,890
(gasping )
181
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,731
Daggum can't have no wedding
with no best man, man.
182
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:51,066
Hold the ring, give
the speech, man, you know,
183
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,265
throw the bachelor party, man.
184
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,366
Daggum, man, you know,
talking about, Hank?
185
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,001
Whoa.
Yeah, but...
186
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,478
Me? Your best man?
187
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,975
Well, I...
188
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,648
( sighs)
189
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:05,913
Patch...
190
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,750
I'd be honored.
191
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,192
Well, what was I going to do?
192
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,323
Let Patch have a wedding
without a best man?
193
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,265
Boomhauer had his chance
with Katherine.
194
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,268
Maybe this is just
the kick in the pants
195
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,738
Boomhauer needs to snap him out
of that Peter Pan lifestyle.
196
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,069
'You know, maybe you're right.
197
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,474
He's not getting
any younger,
198
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,533
and all the women
he dates are.
199
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,739
Something's got to give.
200
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:34,577
So, what are Patch
and Katherine
201
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:36,013
serving
at their wedding?
202
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,279
I need to know what
color tux to get--
203
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,480
Stain-wise.
204
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,547
Hey, uh, Boomhauer,
we're going to start
205
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,719
planning the bachelor party
at my place tonight.
206
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,125
'You want to join us?
207
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,960
Remember how much fun you had
at our bachelor parties?
208
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,232
Hey, Bill, can you
grab me a beer?
209
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:04,875
( Faughing )
210
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,548
Hey, Hank, could you
grab me a beer?
211
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,683
( Faughing )
212
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,053
Dang ol' ball and chain, man.
213
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,751
Hey, man, Dale,
why don't you go
214
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,454
and get me a dang ol'
beer, man?
215
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,032
Ah! Wha-What is it,
a bomb?!
216
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,699
I can't lose it! It's after me!
217
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:31,966
Help!
218
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,406
So what do you say,
Boomhauer?
219
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,671
'You ready
to step back in?
220
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,199
No, man.
221
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,090
( Knocking )
222
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:55,023
Hello, Boomhauer.
223
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:57,462
I heard you dropped out
as Patch's best man.
224
00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:00,523
I, dang, I don't want to
say nothing 'bout dang ol'...
225
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:03,468
Dial back the charm,
we've got some talking to do.
226
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,235
I really want us
to work things out
227
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,333
because I couldn't
stand the idea
228
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,811
of my kids not knowing
their Uncle Boomhauer.
229
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,508
Man, it's just dang ol'
complicated, you know, man.
230
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,949
It's like a dang ol'
Rubik's cube, man, like,
231
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,248
talkin' 'bout blue, red, man,
then you get to one side,
232
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,948
then it like messes up
the other side, man.
233
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:25,458
Well, I truly hope that you'll
at least come to the wedding.
234
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:28,826
Dangol', I-I'll-I'll
be there, man.
235
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,163
Hey, Patch.
236
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,937
We're all geared up
for one heck of
237
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,570
a bachelor party
tomorrow night.
238
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:49,139
We got you three kinds of
sausage and two kinds of pizza.
239
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,844
'You can eat yourself silly,
bachelor.
240
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,751
Shoot man, talkin' about
entertainment, man.
241
00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,811
Talkin' shake things up, man,
get live, be wild,
242
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:56,947
you know, talkin' go pro.
243
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,186
Professional entertainers?
Wow.
244
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,624
Daggum right, man.
I'll have him call ya.
245
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,856
You know, dang ol bring
plenty of singles, huh!
246
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,331
( Imitates porn music )
247
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,096
I wish Boomhauer could
see how happy Patch is.
248
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:11,001
So what do you suppose
the live entertainment is?
249
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,334
Karaoke.
250
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,703
( Chuckles )
251
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:16,573
Well, he did say
it would be wild.
252
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,806
HANK: Tomorrow night
from 7:00 to 10:00 PM,
253
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,177
the family room
is reserved
254
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,581
for a bachelor party.
255
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:24,811
I've got a variance
from the city.
256
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,751
They're letting us
have 70 decibels.
257
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,151
Same as Bennigan's.
258
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,349
Well, we are having
259
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,118
a bachelorette party
for Katherine,
260
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:35,060
and Minh is bringing three
Patrick Swayze movies.
261
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,922
( Whispering ). Bobby,
now I can't officially invite you
262
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,263
to the bachelor party,
263
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,860
but if a certain usher
264
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:45,371
sheaked in and had
a Snappy Tom
265
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,840
or maybe some unattended
Collins mixer,
266
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,501
I'd be too busy to notice.
267
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:52,945
( Phone ringing )
268
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,276
Hill residence.
269
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,748
Yeah, this is Kraig T.
of KT Entertainment.
270
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,146
Of some special talent
tomorrow night.
271
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,310
Is that correct?
272
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,377
Oh, yes, yes,
the party planner.
273
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,416
Now, the groom mentioned
274
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,719
that he would
like a happy ending.
275
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:05,724
You cool with that?
276
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:06,919
Of course, he's getting married!
277
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,405
Oh, man. Dang, dang
ol' beautiful, man.
278
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,469
Oh, I'm sure somehow
it's bad luck
279
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:29,140
for you to see me
in my gown.
280
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,480
Will you try to stop
by Patch's bachelor party?
281
00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:33,144
Knowing Patch,
it'll be pretty tame,
282
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:36,178
but I'm sure there'll be
good food and good music.
283
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,917
Katherine, man,
you know...
284
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,982
I-I don't want to go against
blood or nothin' like that,
285
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:41,494
but, man, you
know-- got...
286
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,996
got to keep a dang
ol' eye on Patch, man.
287
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,124
Boomhauer!
288
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,228
I never thought I'd have
to pull you in the garage
289
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,932
like I do with Bill and Dale.
290
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,599
Hey, man... The time for
you to stop this wedding
291
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,702
was 20 years ago, before
you broke up with Katherine.
292
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,178
'You need to grow up.
293
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,338
Patch did.
294
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,939
Now-now-now, you don't
understand, man...
295
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,006
I think I
understand plenty,
296
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,449
but you need
to suck it up
297
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,146
and get with the program.
298
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,529
Ace high,
in your face, sir.
299
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:20,931
Yeah, look at that-- all those
Frito chips are all yours, ol' top.
300
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:29,133
( Clears throat ). Uh, hey,
Patch, can you grab me a beer?
301
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,641
( Faughing )
302
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,816
Hold it down, guys.
We're-we're pushing past 60.
303
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:38,817
BOOMHAUER:
Yo, man.
304
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,684
Talkin' 'bout... yo.
305
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,155
Aw...
306
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,147
( doorbell rings )
307
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:46,590
Be right there!
308
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,321
Everyone hold on
to your hats,
309
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,853
'cause the special talent
has just arrived.
310
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,956
Yee-haw!
311
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,199
Hello. You must be Mr. T.
312
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,669
How are you this
evening, sir?
313
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:00,236
Leave the door unlocked
like we discussed?
314
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,297
Yes, sir.
315
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,504
Ah, karaoke.
Dale was right.
316
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,807
Edible underpants...
317
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,612
made from the same stuff
as fruit roll-up,
318
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,277
so don't sit
on anything dusty.
319
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,582
Game time!
320
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,452
101 Bachelorette Party
Games.
321
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:17,957
For the first game,
322
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:21,620
we will need nail polish
and a summer squash...
323
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,060
Oh! Eh...
324
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,463
Why don't we go see
what the guys are up to?
325
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,296
KRAIG T Gentlemen,
there's only one rule,
326
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,926
and that is to have fun...
327
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,460
and to tip generously.
328
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,972
Well, since you're here
to emcee,
329
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:34,905
I'm going to go get
the hot wings.
330
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,568
I could use a little help.
331
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:39,472
Gents, there is
a special menu available
332
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:40,638
for special requests,
333
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:41,738
all right, huh,
334
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:42,805
okay, all right?
335
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,317
Now let's get the bachelor!
336
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:47,251
GUYS:
Patch, Patch, Patch, Patch,
337
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:49,118
Patch, Patch!
338
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,448
Dang, man, ol',
don't, no way, man,
339
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,325
talkin' 'bout dang ol' sanctity
of marriage, man.
340
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,487
Just dang ol' get on out.
341
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,826
Daggum, mine all mine, man.
342
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:58,990
Talkin' primed and ready.
343
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,465
Here, here's some
dang ol' money.
344
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,060
Now-now, you just dang ol' get
on out of here, man.
345
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:04,661
Hold on now. Come on, baby.
346
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,968
We need a bedroom story, man,
talking "Once Upon My Lap."
347
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:08,735
Get 'em while
they're hot!
348
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,675
BOBBY: Wow! You didn't tell me
349
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,610
about this part, Dad.
350
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,615
Bobby, close your eyes
and go to your room.
351
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,208
Boomhauer, what
are you doing?
352
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,854
Patch?
353
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,289
Daggum ol' help!
354
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:26,951
Boomhauer, told you
no hanky and panky.
355
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,859
Dang ol' hijacked
by Boom-hos.
356
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,056
Is this true?
357
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,586
Boomhauer, did you pay
358
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:32,792
for these women to...
359
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,300
I can't believe you!
360
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,301
Marriage may not mean
anything to you,
361
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:38,963
but it means a lot
to Patch and me and Buck
362
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,530
and everyone else here!
363
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,132
Hey, man, now I'm talkin'
'bout ol dang ol'...
364
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,472
I don't want to hear it!
365
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:46,968
Now take your hired floozies
and get the hell out!
366
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,344
Now, Boomhauer!
367
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,991
Guys night out, man,
talkin'... girls?
368
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,083
Why?
369
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:13,471
I really thought
Boomhauer had come around.
370
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,167
I mean, he brought beer...
371
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,643
but then...
the prostitutes.
372
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:20,146
Maybe you can work that
into your best man speech
373
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:21,977
at the rehearsal dinner.
374
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,914
You know, in a funny way.
375
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,042
What really bugs me
376
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,985
is that Boomhauer
flat out lied to me.
377
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,479
( Sighs ). It makes me
question our entire friendship.
378
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,585
Whore monger, yes;
liar, unproven.
379
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:37,494
Technically, Boomhauer
did not lie to your face.
380
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,862
'You merely assume
that he lied.
381
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,333
Wait a minute. You're right.
382
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:42,994
I never asked Boomhauer
383
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:45,163
if he tried to break up
Patch and Katherine,
384
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:47,832
so he hasn't actually lied
to me yet.
385
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:50,673
If I go to Boomhauer,
and he comes clean, well...
386
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,441
maybe there's a chance
we can still be friends.
387
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:58,809
Does this suit smell like
embalming fluid to you?
388
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:02,985
Now, Boomhauer,
389
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,615
as a man, I'm obligated
390
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,786
to try to salvage our friendship
of over 30 years
391
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,886
by asking you
some tough questions.
392
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,488
( Sighs)
393
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,432
Do you love Katherine Hester?
394
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,094
Yo, man.
395
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,503
And does the thought of Patch
marrying her tear you up inside?
396
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,098
Yo, man.
397
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,303
And did you hire those ladies
of easy virtue
398
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,641
to frame Patch
and break up the wedding?
399
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,678
No, man.
400
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,551
Oh, Boomhauer,
401
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,386
I am so sorry
for doubting you.
402
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:38,515
Well, wait a minute.
403
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,822
If you didn't hire
those girls, then...
404
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,328
Kraig T?!
405
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,659
Oh, God, Patch knew
all along!
406
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,358
Dang ol' yeah, man,
407
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,924
now-now, talkin'
'bout d-don't get hurt
408
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,026
falling off that dang ol' high
horse, man. Boomhauer,
409
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,833
I deserve all that
and more,
410
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,999
but right now I need
to get to the rehearsal dinner
411
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,530
and set things right.
412
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,272
I'll give Patch
the "happy ending" he deserves,
413
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,437
I tell you what.
414
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,626
Dang ol', where's
the best man, daggum, Hank?
415
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,559
Gotta give speech, man,
talkin' 'bout...
416
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,893
( imitating Hank ). "Life's funny
sometimes�-" like that, man.
417
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,456
Oh, my God, your
Hank is dead-on.
418
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:22,558
You know, I do
a great Bobby.
419
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,832
Excuse me, sir.
420
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,134
We have a hard
7-00 start time,
421
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,470
so I'm going to...
422
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,072
There Boomhauer.
423
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,511
We get a good fight,
it make up for cash bar.
424
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,987
Uh, sorry I'm late.
425
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:48,087
( Clears throat ). Hank Hill,
Best Man, Strickland Propane.
426
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,994
When people get married,
as these two plan tomorrow,
427
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,328
you've got to act right.
428
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,629
'You've got to
have commitment,
429
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,568
devotion, trust.
430
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,264
You can't be fooling around,
431
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,205
and you surely can't be...
( glass chiming )
432
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,902
There's something
I have to say.
433
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,571
When Patch first
asked me to marry him,
434
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,444
it was a dream come true...
435
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,272
...but when I got here,
436
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,776
I realized how much Patch
reminded me of Boomhauer,
437
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,949
and that I might be trying
to recapture something I lost.
438
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,448
And then Boomhauer hired
439
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,120
a bunch of prostitutes
440
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,131
to make me think Patch
was some kind of pervert...
441
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,030
and I hated him for it...
442
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:34,801
...but it was that desperate,
crazy, romantic move
443
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,140
that made me realize
maybe there is something
444
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,805
still between Boomhauer
and me.
445
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,314
I'm sorry, Patch.
446
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,907
I cannot marry you.
447
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,143
Well, now hold on, baby.
448
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,152
Now, daggum, ho, man.
449
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,153
It was all me.
450
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,814
Yeah, all me.
451
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,152
Talkin' 'bout frequent buyer,
452
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,988
spent Thanksgiving
with them hos, man.
453
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,117
(gasping )
454
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,286
Oh, my!
455
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,625
You're the one who hired
those strippers?
456
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:58,653
Dang straight, baby.
457
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,291
Dang ol' hopeless romantic.
458
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:01,925
Uh, no.
459
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,993
Boomhauer hired them because
he couldn't stand to see us together
460
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,165
is a grand romantic gesture.
461
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,334
You hiring them is...
462
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,844
just plain sleazy.
463
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,845
It's over, Patch.
464
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,678
Dang ol', no, baby, talkin'
'bout not me, man, talkin'...
465
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:20,209
Hank! Dang ol' Hank
loves hookers, man.
466
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,517
Well, here we are
saying good-bye again.
467
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,357
Don't worry. I'm not
going to do a donut
468
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,362
in your front
lawn this time.
469
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,855
( Sighs ). I just need
to go away for a while
470
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,663
and get my head together.
471
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:38,693
Hey, man, talkin' 'bout like
a dang ol' roller coaster, man.
472
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,536
You know, I talk...
we talk about destiny,
473
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,200
and that Big ol' Dipper,
man, you know,
474
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,710
well, it's just like a...
like a dang ol' North Star, man,
475
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,212
and I always will
be there, man,
476
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,078
you know, just like
adangol' GPS...
477
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,913
I feel the same way.
478
00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:13,164
Hey, um, dang ol' Hank,
man, you know,
479
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,798
talkin' 'bout, like,
that dang ol day
480
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,330
might never not ever come,
you know,
481
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:18,343
but if it do, man,
you know, I...
482
00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:21,836
you know, man, I might be puttin'
a little ol call on... on you, man.
483
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,179
Well, Boomhauer,
I'd be honored.
484
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:30,345
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
485
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:05,516
Whoa-ho-hoo, Patch.
486
00:22:05,566 --> 00:22:10,116
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