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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,548 - August Ripley. - Rochelle Decker. 2 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:13,355 - I get these things. 3 00:00:13,387 --> 00:00:15,137 I can’t hear them anymore, I can’t see them. 4 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:16,771 But I know them. 5 00:00:16,807 --> 00:00:18,597 - You know, I always liked you, Zooey. 6 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:19,943 She’s one of us. 7 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,647 - One of us. One of us. 8 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,278 - I heard about the day you left the church. 9 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:28,027 - The organization wasn’t meeting my needs. 10 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,949 Dear Luke, please consider this 11 00:00:29,987 --> 00:00:31,777 my resignation from the Roman Agency. 12 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,453 Effective immediately. 13 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,042 Susan Ireland. 14 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,364 - Hasan! 15 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,686 Mina, Tarik, 16 00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:49,611 I can’t give you a guaranteed sale date or price. 17 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:53,401 Nobody can. The market is a living, breathing thing. 18 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:56,134 - So, what was that number you gave us five minutes ago? 19 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,367 - That is a listing price that I think will put us 20 00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:00,700 in a very positive position. I suspect we’ll get 21 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:03,706 several offers above that, but, well, wait and see. 22 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,289 So, 23 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,793 is there anything else that I need to know? 24 00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:10,955 - Mmm. No. - Mmm. No. Nothing. No. 25 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,525 - No, I-I-I don’t... - Sounds great. 26 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,468 - I don’t think so, no. 27 00:02:15,384 --> 00:02:17,545 - These older houses often have, uh, 28 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,425 features and quirks that could impact 29 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,143 the potential sales price and days on market. 30 00:02:22,683 --> 00:02:24,394 Now, if this is the case, 31 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,146 we are very good at managing these things, 32 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:28,358 but now is the time to tell us. 33 00:02:28,397 --> 00:02:30,858 - Did you tell him about the antichrist next door? 34 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,031 - Daria. - He needs to know. 35 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,158 - The Masseys. 36 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,737 - Our neighbors from hell. 37 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,741 - Unreasonable neighbors aren’t that... 38 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,537 unusual. 39 00:02:45,581 --> 00:02:47,042 - Unreasonable? 40 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,093 They’ve been a problem since we moved in. 41 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,627 - We’ve tried to be good neighbors. 42 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,211 Ask anyone else on the block. 43 00:02:52,254 --> 00:02:54,965 - But with the Masseys? - If they find out we’re selling, 44 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,090 they’ll try to sabotage us. 45 00:02:57,134 --> 00:03:00,254 - Badmouth us. Scare away the buyers. 46 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,844 - Who wants to live next to murderous psychopaths? 47 00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:04,576 - We generally try and keep those bullet points 48 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,350 out of the marketing materials. 49 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,611 - What can we do? 50 00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,896 - Well, generally, I like to head off the problem 51 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,031 by reaching out first; create goodwill. 52 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,487 - Goodwill? Good luck. 53 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,618 - You’d be surprised what a properly deployed muffin basket 54 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,826 can achieve. Now, are you done with this? 55 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,342 Nice landscaping. 56 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,377 Least they keep the property up. 57 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,841 - That’s what they always say about axe murderers: 58 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,381 "Gee, what a surprise. 59 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:41,176 They took such good care of their yard." 60 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,137 - Hm. 61 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,114 - Hey! 62 00:03:57,945 --> 00:03:59,485 - Nice greenery. 63 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,070 - Aren’t they? 64 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,156 - So, should be an easy one. A normie. 65 00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:10,786 - Hm. Just like Susan suggested. 66 00:04:13,627 --> 00:04:15,548 - We’ve always welcomed every client, 67 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,918 regardless of their degree of metaphysical engagement, 68 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,875 so the Hasans should be pretty simple. 69 00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:21,675 Open, show, closing. 70 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,759 But their neighbors have got them really spooked. 71 00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:26,846 - Perhaps it’s just bad chemistry. 72 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,024 - Maybe, but, Phil, when you do the HCP at the Hasan house... 73 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,192 - I’ll check the Massey place, too. 74 00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:35,281 - Maybe they’re just too alike? 75 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,896 I mean, suburbia rots everyone’s brain sooner or later. 76 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,629 - The Hasans have lived there for eight years. 77 00:04:39,653 --> 00:04:42,163 They never had problems with anyone else, or so they say. 78 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,408 August, I want you in there sooner than later. 79 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,740 Hasans don’t seem like the type to make this up, but... 80 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,156 - There was a fascinating study done on Norwegian rats 81 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,747 living in close proximity... 82 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,917 - Tarik? We were just talking about you. 83 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,432 What? 84 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,353 - Okay... 85 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,257 you’re gonna have to believe us now. 86 00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,425 - I can’t believe a normal person would... 87 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,894 - Go all Ozzy Osbourne and then drop it on our doorstep? 88 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,814 I told you, these people are sick. 89 00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:17,360 - I can’t take this anymore. 90 00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:20,149 You don’t have to. 91 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,031 - Tarik, this really isn’t the time 92 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,913 to get into an altercation with these people. 93 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,826 Massey! 94 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,495 Massey, you cowardly pile of puke! 95 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,632 Come out and face me! Massey! 96 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,920 And don’t just send out your freakishly tall wife 97 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:41,384 to fight your battles! I want a piece of you! 98 00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:43,683 Man, dial it down a little. 99 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,548 - What’d you say about my wife? 100 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,134 - I don’t think that he meant anything. 101 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,269 - She’s tall! Freakishly tall! 102 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,887 Abnormally tall! 103 00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:53,233 - You take that back. - Or what? 104 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,149 You gonna unleash Slenderwoman on me? 105 00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,790 - I’m gonna do some unleashing, all right. 106 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,944 What kind of a sicko 107 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:01,444 rips the head off a bird and puts it on someone’s porch? 108 00:06:01,485 --> 00:06:02,879 - The kind of sicko who’s tired of getting 109 00:06:02,903 --> 00:06:04,454 a midnight suntan, that’s who! 110 00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:07,738 - My porch light, my rules! - Tariq, put down the rock. 111 00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:09,913 - My dog! Your ass! How about that? 112 00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:13,083 - Mr. Massey, put down the dog. - Whoa-ho-ho. 113 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:16,502 And a shadow covers the land as the 50-foot woman attacks. 114 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,593 - Eat a heaping bowl of shit, Hasan! 115 00:06:18,627 --> 00:06:20,798 - You bird dismemberer! 116 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:23,088 - You’re insane! - You’re a sociopath! 117 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:26,012 - You’re neighbors! - Come get your bird, Massey. 118 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,552 - Okay. Go get ’em, Buttercup! 119 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,137 - Go on! - No! 120 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,692 - Hope he saved me a drumstick. 121 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,276 - Hm. 122 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,201 The irony is I’m only five-nine. 123 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,872 In heels. 124 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,000 - You always had this kind of, um... 125 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,038 tension between you? 126 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,170 - Tension? They made our lives 127 00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:58,838 a living hell ever since we moved in. 128 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:01,377 - Thought you were here first? - Oh! 129 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,971 - Look. Look at the things they do. 130 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,634 - It’s a little hard to make out. 131 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,851 - Yeah, that’s because of their goddam porchlight. 132 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,483 Thing’s gotta be like a 100 jillion lumens. 133 00:07:17,519 --> 00:07:19,399 It shines right into our bedroom all night. 134 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,358 - Well, did you talk to them about it? 135 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,569 - Yeah. They suggested something involving a place 136 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,281 where the sun doesn’t shine. It was hurtful. 137 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,951 - Yeah, that’s not even the worst of it. 138 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,529 Here, look at this. 139 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,365 - Does that say...? - Yeah! 140 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,081 - The ’f word’. - Son of a bitch 141 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,432 snuck onto our property at night and wrote it in huge letters 142 00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:39,456 with a fertilizer spreader on our front lawn. 143 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,091 - We had to mow every few days to keep it from growing taller 144 00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:43,957 and corrupting young people. 145 00:07:44,004 --> 00:07:46,965 - Well, you did pin a note to their door with a knife. 146 00:07:47,007 --> 00:07:48,838 Have you seen their hedges? 147 00:07:48,884 --> 00:07:50,715 They look like the lead singer from... 148 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,615 - What’s the name of that band? - The Melvins. 149 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,098 - The Melvins! And they refuse to trim ’em! 150 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,691 You know how something like that can affect property values! 151 00:07:59,269 --> 00:08:00,810 Okay. 152 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,358 Look, you seem okay for a real estate guy. 153 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,189 And if you sell the house, we’ll be glad to see them go. 154 00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,605 But... there’s no goddamn way 155 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,415 that we are gonna help them do anything. 156 00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:12,067 - You mark my words: 157 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,697 If we ever turn up dead and headless, bleeding out 158 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,543 on the porch like that poor bird Buttercup got hold of, 159 00:08:17,579 --> 00:08:19,500 you’ll know the Hasans did it. 160 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,709 - Well, 161 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,838 meanwhile, enjoy the muffins. 162 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:35,259 Quitting? Already? 163 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,225 Well, you’ve only been a real estate agent 164 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,846 for a few days. 165 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,812 You closed the Dunn-Herberts when no one else could. 166 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,904 - Yeah. And then I went home and took a 45-minute shower 167 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,650 to wash off the filmy residue of capitalism. 168 00:08:48,318 --> 00:08:49,859 - It’s called growing up. 169 00:08:49,903 --> 00:08:52,703 - No, this was called selling out. 170 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,240 And I just don’t think that it’s right for me. 171 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,084 But I also don’t want to let Luke down either. 172 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,711 - It’s fine to wander when you’re young. 173 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,288 Noble, even. 174 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,916 But one must eventually choose a path 175 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,500 and follow it to the end 176 00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:10,628 because old wanderers lack direction, purpose. 177 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,597 And they often pee outdoors. 178 00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:17,095 - Ew. 179 00:09:20,809 --> 00:09:22,350 Hi. May I help you? 180 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,767 - Oh, I’m-I’m looking for Phil Orley. 181 00:09:24,813 --> 00:09:27,073 May I say who is here? 182 00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:29,238 Philly can’t possibly be 183 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,647 important enough to merit this level of screening. 184 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,446 Oh, Philly. 185 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,951 - Hey, Philly. Que pasa? 186 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,623 Abby! 187 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,871 Wh-what are you doing here? Is everything okay? 188 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,538 - Everything’s fine. I was just about to 189 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,004 submit a blood sample to your secretary here. 190 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,014 It’s not too late. 191 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,797 - This is Zooey, our newest agent. 192 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,929 Zooey, my big sister, Abby. 193 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,469 - Charmed. - Mm. 194 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,062 - Okay, come on. 195 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,890 So, Abs, not that this isn’t a treat, but what’s up? 196 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,557 - I was in town and wondered 197 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,225 if you and Anthony were free for dinner. 198 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,822 - In town for what? 199 00:10:08,857 --> 00:10:11,187 - To take you and Anthony for dinner. 200 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,490 I was taking care of some paperwork 201 00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,779 from mom and dad’s estate... you’re welcome... 202 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:17,453 and thought what a great excuse to visit 203 00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:19,491 my third-favorite little brother. 204 00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,115 Play your cards right and that 205 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,961 second-favorite slot might even open up. 206 00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:25,996 - Okay, well, I’ll have to check with Anthony. He’s really busy... 207 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,591 - How ’bout that place we all went to last Christmas? 208 00:10:29,169 --> 00:10:32,470 - Fremonts? - Fremonts. Tomorrow night? 7:00? 209 00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:35,547 - Abby, I’ve got a ton of work on my plate right now. I don’t... 210 00:10:35,592 --> 00:10:37,302 - I know you’re so busy and important. 211 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,884 Let’s make it 7:30. 212 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,520 Give this a quick look. We’ll talk at dinner. 213 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,807 Bye. 214 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,993 - My big sister, ladies and gentlemen. 215 00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:58,570 - Yeah, I’m not sure I like her. - Oh, me neither. 216 00:10:58,615 --> 00:11:00,615 - Luke wanted you to call him, by the way. 217 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,155 - Okay. 218 00:11:03,203 --> 00:11:04,754 - Philly. 219 00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:07,629 - I hate to say it, but the records look clean. 220 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,206 Property line has stayed the same since it was farmland. 221 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,802 - Well, how long have they been there? 222 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,091 - That’s gonna take a deeper dive. 223 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:17,011 Farm bureau records, folklore, anecdotals... 224 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,890 - Well, these houses have been here a while. 225 00:11:18,927 --> 00:11:21,177 See if you can track down who lived here before. 226 00:11:21,221 --> 00:11:23,432 - I love a challenge. - Hm. 227 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,191 - Good news is it’s a great house at a reasonable price point. 228 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,274 The buyers should be lined up. 229 00:11:37,404 --> 00:11:39,154 - I think we know the bad news already. 230 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,739 They live next door. 231 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,493 - Honestly, I have to tell you, 232 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,115 I spoke with them and they were... 233 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:47,461 - Don’t say it! - Reasonable. Even nice. 234 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,038 - You were here! 235 00:11:49,082 --> 00:11:51,212 Did you not see the decapitated bird? 236 00:11:51,251 --> 00:11:53,091 - They told me their dog did that. 237 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,798 - And you believed them? 238 00:11:54,838 --> 00:11:56,399 - Honestly, I don’t know who to believe. 239 00:11:56,423 --> 00:11:58,634 You did some kind of extreme stuff to them, too. 240 00:11:59,509 --> 00:12:01,049 - He showed you the lawn. 241 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,260 - You’re not exactly innocents here. 242 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,577 - Then maybe we need to find new representation. 243 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,812 - Mm-hm. - You’d fire us? 244 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,937 Wow, that is wildly unprecedented 245 00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:15,442 and certainly your prerogative, but my solution 246 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,705 would be to sell your house as quickly as possible 247 00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,447 for the most amount of money possible 248 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,239 and put some space between you and the Masseys 249 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,452 before you develop a nuclear program. 250 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,711 - We have that block party coming up. 251 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,379 A lot of people come to that. 252 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,128 - Great! Everybody loves a block party. 253 00:12:34,169 --> 00:12:36,669 Gives people a real chance to get a feel for the neighborhood, 254 00:12:36,713 --> 00:12:40,014 see how well everybody gets along. 255 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,431 - If it’ll get us out of here faster, 256 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,178 we’ll fake it. 257 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,774 - That is all I want to hear! 258 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:54,355 Look, you don’t need to love them. 259 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,109 Just don’t attack them for a while. 260 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,607 - We’ll try. 261 00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,203 - And maybe turn off that porch light 262 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,278 that burns like a thousand suns? 263 00:13:03,865 --> 00:13:05,405 - We’ll see. 264 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,658 - There you go. Peace in our time. 265 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,341 Your greatest advantage is that you live 266 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:18,919 in a highly desirable neighborhood 267 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,884 and no other inventory is available here. 268 00:13:20,924 --> 00:13:22,794 You get to set the market and... 269 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,640 - This means war. 270 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,895 I really appreciate you coming in, Mr. Flynn. 271 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,775 - Oh, my office is just around the corner. 272 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:47,623 - Great. So, you used to live at 4 Sotherfield Lane, right? 273 00:13:47,659 --> 00:13:49,250 Next door to Rowan and Renata Massey? 274 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,116 Ohh... They were the worst. 275 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,254 - How so? - Arguments. 276 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,251 Noisy. Nasty. 277 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,844 All the time... endless. 278 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,418 - About what? 279 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,302 - You know, neighbor stuff. 280 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,101 - Anything specific? 281 00:14:11,558 --> 00:14:13,519 - They killed my cat! 282 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,111 - Excuse me? 283 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,856 - They put out a bowl of antifreeze and poisoned my cat! 284 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,359 - That’s dark. - Weird. 285 00:14:23,236 --> 00:14:24,907 I forgot it until just now. 286 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,696 - Hey. - Yeah? 287 00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,912 You work for Rita. 288 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,036 - I’m her assistant. 289 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,884 - Hm. 290 00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:50,104 Hey! You never mentioned you were thinking about selling. 291 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,019 - Oh, we been thinking about it for a while. 292 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,557 You know, we got the nicer house 293 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,061 and we’re empirically better people, 294 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,563 so why let them set the market? 295 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,942 - Luke! So nice to see you. 296 00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,864 I’m afraid this house is a... 297 00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:06,703 tiny bit out of your price range, 298 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,698 but maybe we can help you find a nice haunted amusement park, 299 00:15:09,741 --> 00:15:11,292 or something. 300 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,745 - Can I have a word? - Hm. 301 00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,088 - Look who’s over there. 302 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,587 - Listen, Rita, there is something going on 303 00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:24,259 between these neighbors. 304 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,048 - A little friction between neighbors? 305 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,682 Happens all the time. 306 00:15:27,717 --> 00:15:29,638 You piece of crap! 307 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,933 You had to horn in on our actions! 308 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,076 - We have every right to expose it to the open market, 309 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,941 - just the same as you! - Swear to God, you better not... 310 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,859 - That cow meant everything to us and you took her for your own! 311 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,187 - The cow wandered onto our land! 312 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,153 - You were trying to claim him! 313 00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:46,823 - whole crop of sorghum! 314 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,913 We will have nothing for the rest of the season. 315 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:51,908 - Don’t dare tell me what to do! - I’ll bite them off your hand! 316 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,870 - Tarik! - I’ve had enough of you, buddy! 317 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,831 - Tarik! 318 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,504 Remember what we talked about? 319 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,168 Back in the house. 320 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,551 - This isn’t over! Swear to God! - No, it’s not over, 321 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:09,511 because you’re not lying in a pool of blood! 322 00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,011 - Hey! - Not yet! Not yet! 323 00:16:12,053 --> 00:16:13,604 - No, come on! 324 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,346 - So, a little friction, you say? 325 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,192 - Did you hear what they were screaming about? 326 00:16:19,227 --> 00:16:22,477 - Uh, I dunno. Something about a cow? 327 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:40,456 - Hey. I got your text. I’m working tonight so... 328 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,379 - You are not gonna believe this. 329 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,998 - It’s Abigail. I might. 330 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,551 - This is an affidavit of posthumous variation, 331 00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,801 which is a precursor to post-probate allocation, 332 00:16:50,842 --> 00:16:52,763 - which means... - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 333 00:16:52,802 --> 00:16:54,352 Start at the beginning. 334 00:16:56,389 --> 00:16:59,139 - My parents were super involved in our parish church, 335 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,274 my whole life. You know this. 336 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,692 So they always told us, "When we’re gone, 337 00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:06,070 everything’s split between you kids except for 338 00:17:06,107 --> 00:17:08,438 this one piece of land. That’s for the church." 339 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,105 - Like, to build a church, or...? 340 00:17:11,154 --> 00:17:13,234 - Who cares? It’s a couple acres of dirt and weeds 341 00:17:13,281 --> 00:17:14,951 that I don’t think Jesus could find 342 00:17:14,991 --> 00:17:16,951 without the GPS coordinates. 343 00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:18,544 - And yet? - And yet, 344 00:17:18,578 --> 00:17:20,909 when my mom passed it never came up. 345 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,461 I just assumed that it was specified in the will 346 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,040 and then handed over. 347 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,835 Apparently not. 348 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:31,051 It’s gone to us kids with the rest of the estate. 349 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,548 - So, it’s ours now? 350 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,433 Our summer place to graze the ponies 351 00:17:36,471 --> 00:17:38,602 and let the corgis run free? 352 00:17:39,307 --> 00:17:43,597 - Abigail says that we should donate it to the church now. 353 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,556 That’s what these forms are for. 354 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,775 See, you know, 355 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,396 that’s what kills me about Abigail! 356 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,201 She doesn’t have the decency to forge my name 357 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,238 and do this deal quietly. No! 358 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,491 She has to ambush me and-and-and 359 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,624 knowing perfectly well that, given enough time, 360 00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,750 not only am I going to say no, but hell, no. 361 00:18:01,788 --> 00:18:04,919 - Your relationship with your sister is... complicated. 362 00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,959 - She was always the favorite, the-the good one. 363 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:11,173 It took a big gesture of me becoming a priest to pull ahead. 364 00:18:11,214 --> 00:18:13,424 - Sort of a Hail Mary. 365 00:18:17,887 --> 00:18:19,428 Do you want to keep the land? 366 00:18:19,472 --> 00:18:21,022 - No. I mean... 367 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,392 What-what would we do with it? 368 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,058 That’s not-that’s not the point! The... 369 00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:29,776 The point is... she’s asking me. 370 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,191 Me! 371 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,355 To give something that... with a not-insignificant 372 00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:36,075 dollar value to the church. 373 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,326 The same church that chose to model 374 00:18:38,366 --> 00:18:42,247 the tolerant ministry of Christ by tossing me out the narthex! 375 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,288 I’m not good enough, but my inheritance is? No! No. 376 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,173 - Okay, great, simple. 377 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:50,998 - Simple? - Just tell Abby 378 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,586 what you just told me. 379 00:18:54,674 --> 00:18:56,384 - Yes. 380 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,013 No. 381 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,894 - Hell, no. 382 00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,140 - Hell, no. 383 00:19:19,282 --> 00:19:20,833 - Now that is marketing. 384 00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:23,077 - Oh, yeah. Kids at a grade-school rager 385 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,000 are known for their brand loyalty. 386 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,457 - I’m going to mingle. 387 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,795 - Hey. 388 00:19:34,839 --> 00:19:36,339 I’m Alvin. 389 00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,849 I- I work for Rita Weiss. 390 00:19:39,886 --> 00:19:41,967 - Oh. Thoughts and prayers, Alvin. 391 00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:44,183 You’re with Roman, right? 392 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,775 - Mm-hm. - What’s that like? 393 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,439 - It’s okay. Most of the time. 394 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:51,269 - I ask because I hear things. 395 00:19:51,898 --> 00:19:53,479 - What kind of things? 396 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,066 - Like, 397 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,028 you made a pact with the devil that so you could move people 398 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,321 into different houses so that he could eat their souls. 399 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,026 Oh... 400 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,286 Yeah, yeah. I can confirm that. 401 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,869 Oh! 402 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,132 - You had me there. - Did I? 403 00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:16,423 - Well, I better get back. Gotta make sure 404 00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:18,585 nobody gets in there with, you know, sharp objects. 405 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,094 We’ll lose the deposit. Yeah-ha. Yeah. 406 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,181 Thank you for your service. 407 00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:34,316 - Wish you’d thought of it, right? 408 00:20:34,357 --> 00:20:38,238 - Yeah! The next pre-qualified toddlers to come by are yours. 409 00:20:38,945 --> 00:20:40,865 Listen, we talked to some of the people who lived 410 00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:43,236 in these houses before the Hasans and Masseys. 411 00:20:44,951 --> 00:20:46,622 - And? - Let’s just say 412 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,372 there’s a history of violence. 413 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:51,084 We need to close these places before they murder each other. 414 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,183 This is a great idea. 415 00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:07,637 There you go. 416 00:21:22,530 --> 00:21:24,070 - Hi. - Oh! 417 00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:25,655 Here we go! 418 00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:05,321 - Oops. - Oh! 419 00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:09,238 Oh! 420 00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,544 Tariq! Rowan! 421 00:22:18,711 --> 00:22:20,261 - Ah! 422 00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,800 Ahh! 423 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,428 No. 424 00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:31,848 Ahh! 425 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,740 - Ah, ah! 426 00:22:52,203 --> 00:22:54,713 Stay! 427 00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:56,627 - Hey, are you okay? - I am. 428 00:22:56,666 --> 00:22:58,207 But this is getting out of control. 429 00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:00,625 - Well, this is a mess. 430 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:03,050 Where’s that useless assistant of mine? 431 00:23:04,799 --> 00:23:06,339 - Oh, no, no, no, no. 432 00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:14,807 Alvin bounced. 433 00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:30,162 - Well, guess who’s picking up her own dry cleaning 434 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,829 for the rest of the week. 435 00:23:31,868 --> 00:23:33,409 - He got knifed, Rita... 436 00:23:33,996 --> 00:23:35,536 and you don’t even care! 437 00:23:37,290 --> 00:23:38,830 - This has gone too far. 438 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:41,336 - Oh, relax. Nobody’s pressing any charges. 439 00:23:41,377 --> 00:23:42,958 A stitch here, a tetanus shot there. 440 00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:44,765 - No, we are gonna get on top of this thing. 441 00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:46,468 I’m gonna do a deep dive into the Hasans 442 00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:49,677 and I need your go ahead to do the same at the Masseys. 443 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,299 - Your people in my listing? 444 00:23:51,888 --> 00:23:53,519 - We’re never going to sell these places 445 00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:55,267 until we settle this. 446 00:23:55,308 --> 00:23:59,058 From a pure greed perspective, can’t see how you can refuse. 447 00:24:01,230 --> 00:24:02,770 - Well, when you put it that way. 448 00:24:09,155 --> 00:24:12,826 - No area in the home is particularly active? 449 00:24:12,867 --> 00:24:15,538 - I mean, it’s mostly around that side, 450 00:24:15,578 --> 00:24:17,159 closest to them. 451 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:22,630 - Any odd sounds at night? 452 00:24:23,252 --> 00:24:25,712 - No. Well, rats. 453 00:24:27,715 --> 00:24:30,046 - Rats? - The Masseys throw dinner scraps 454 00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,054 into our yard almost every night. 455 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:35,135 That brought raccoons. And then the rats came. 456 00:24:36,182 --> 00:24:37,853 - That’s despicable. 457 00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,153 - It was his first gig as altar boy. 458 00:24:40,186 --> 00:24:41,896 - Mm. - And the cassock was 459 00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:43,479 a little too long. 460 00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:45,574 - Oh. - Ethan tripped. 461 00:24:45,608 --> 00:24:47,189 - Mm. - Whoow! 462 00:24:47,236 --> 00:24:49,566 Body of Christ all over the place. 463 00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:51,202 He was devastated. 464 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,200 He was so worried Jesus would be mad at him. 465 00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:55,540 - I know that feeling. 466 00:24:55,576 --> 00:24:57,826 - Oh, he reminds me so much of you at that age. 467 00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,371 So innocent. 468 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:03,083 Mm. 469 00:25:03,126 --> 00:25:05,416 Ruggedly handsome, just like his uncle. 470 00:25:05,461 --> 00:25:07,882 Yeah. 471 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:09,593 - He’s a good boy. - Yeah. 472 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,222 - Obeys his parents. 473 00:25:12,635 --> 00:25:16,256 - And so we segue gracefully into the business of the day. 474 00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:19,056 - You knew mom wanted to give that land to the church. 475 00:25:19,101 --> 00:25:20,770 - How could I not? 476 00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:23,101 Every festive dinner over the last four years of her life 477 00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:27,277 included a dry run of mother’s post-mortem wish list. 478 00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:29,777 - And she wondered why the desserts weren’t moving. 479 00:25:32,155 --> 00:25:33,865 - But here’s the thing, Abs... 480 00:25:34,490 --> 00:25:36,080 back then it was... 481 00:25:36,743 --> 00:25:38,294 it was abstract. 482 00:25:38,327 --> 00:25:40,748 - And back then you were a priest. 483 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,038 - Yeah. 484 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,089 O- okay, sure, but... 485 00:25:46,336 --> 00:25:48,955 Now? Now it’s real. 486 00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:52,715 - And now you’re a gay guy who sells real estate. 487 00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:55,470 - Yeah, and I feel pretty good about both, if it matters. 488 00:25:55,511 --> 00:25:58,392 - Yeah, it matters. Of course it matters a lot. 489 00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:00,641 But while your world has turned, 490 00:26:00,683 --> 00:26:03,314 like, a thousand times, Mom’s hasn’t. 491 00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:05,403 - Dying will do that to a person. 492 00:26:05,439 --> 00:26:07,229 - It’s a shitty two acres of nothing. 493 00:26:07,273 --> 00:26:08,784 Why do you even care? 494 00:26:09,817 --> 00:26:12,488 - I care because you made it personal. 495 00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:16,453 Before it was something that just happened, like... 496 00:26:17,201 --> 00:26:19,790 February, or rickets, or the playoffs 497 00:26:19,827 --> 00:26:22,327 and all I could say was, "Well, that happened." 498 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,832 But now you’re making me sign off on it. 499 00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:26,924 Endorse it. And it pisses me off! 500 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,130 - Do you have any idea how much you hurt her... 501 00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:31,131 - Oh. - When you left the church? 502 00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:33,432 Every time one of her friends asked about 503 00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:37,298 her son, the priest... she had to correct them. 504 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:40,135 - Yeah. She didn’t have to. - Yes she did. Phil... 505 00:26:40,723 --> 00:26:42,273 Come on! You knew mom. 506 00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:44,809 She did... 507 00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:46,403 and her heart broke. 508 00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:49,193 - Yeah. 509 00:26:49,232 --> 00:26:51,153 I know that feeling, too. 510 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,579 - Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm. 511 00:27:05,915 --> 00:27:09,705 You know what? Let’s just try it back over by the shelves again. 512 00:27:09,752 --> 00:27:12,173 - You know, I find myself envying Alvin 513 00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:14,884 and his reliable morphine drip. 514 00:27:14,924 --> 00:27:17,224 - Ooh, you’re a smart one. 515 00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:18,851 - Yeah, I’m a genius. 516 00:27:18,886 --> 00:27:21,346 - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 517 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:24,519 You recognize the ultimate futility of it all. 518 00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:27,397 The trick is to identify what we can change 519 00:27:27,436 --> 00:27:31,227 and what we can’t. We can move a coffee table. 520 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,904 We can’t force a lender 521 00:27:32,942 --> 00:27:36,782 to prequalify a buyer with insufficient income. 522 00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:39,027 Not legally, anyway. 523 00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:41,334 - Okay, you’re starting to scare me a little. 524 00:27:41,367 --> 00:27:42,867 - That’s real estate, kitten. 525 00:27:43,871 --> 00:27:45,871 Oh, Renata! Hi! 526 00:27:45,913 --> 00:27:49,003 - Hi. Are you Alvin’s replacement? 527 00:27:49,041 --> 00:27:52,711 - God, I hope not. - Uh, Zooey’s, um... 528 00:27:52,753 --> 00:27:57,013 a special consultant here to evaluate the property. 529 00:27:57,049 --> 00:27:59,009 - Yeah, I saw your R-rated lawn outside. 530 00:27:59,051 --> 00:28:01,761 - God, the Hasans make it so difficult. 531 00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:03,424 See here! 532 00:28:06,934 --> 00:28:08,555 Double-glazed windows. 533 00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:11,773 The Hasans play their music from midnight to six AM. 534 00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,605 They even put subwoofers on the ground to shake the walls. 535 00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:17,530 - They’re evil people. - What kind of music? 536 00:28:17,570 --> 00:28:20,951 - Show tunes; ’80s TV themes; 537 00:28:20,990 --> 00:28:23,911 Hall. And. Oates. 538 00:28:23,951 --> 00:28:25,541 - Monsters. 539 00:28:25,578 --> 00:28:27,472 - Two o’clock in the morning and I need to be reminded 540 00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,416 that my kiss is on their list? 541 00:28:29,458 --> 00:28:30,998 - Why do we even have prisons? 542 00:28:34,337 --> 00:28:36,627 - Just sign it. - No. 543 00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:39,932 Just no. Emphatically no. 544 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:41,758 - This land thing was their choice, 545 00:28:41,802 --> 00:28:43,302 not yours. 546 00:28:43,346 --> 00:28:45,807 You can leave your property to whoever you want! 547 00:28:45,848 --> 00:28:47,729 The Humane Society, Doctors Without Borders, 548 00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:49,478 the Broadway League Foundation. 549 00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,269 - Leave Anthony out of this, please. 550 00:28:52,355 --> 00:28:53,895 If they wanted it so badly, 551 00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,941 why did they forget to have it in the will? 552 00:28:55,983 --> 00:28:58,953 - This is what they wanted. Does that mean nothing to you? 553 00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,446 - Clearly it means more to you. 554 00:29:01,530 --> 00:29:03,070 Perfect Abby. 555 00:29:03,866 --> 00:29:05,737 Always does what makes mommy happy. 556 00:29:06,369 --> 00:29:08,000 Never rocks the boat. 557 00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,916 - You broke their hearts. 558 00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,788 You left the priesthood. You married a... 559 00:29:15,711 --> 00:29:18,011 A- a wonderful guy who I personally love 560 00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:20,468 and knows every lyric Stephen Sondheim ever wrote. 561 00:29:21,884 --> 00:29:23,464 And, still, you were their favorite. 562 00:29:26,222 --> 00:29:27,772 Mm-hm. 563 00:29:28,808 --> 00:29:30,308 You won. 564 00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:33,063 My third-favorite little brother. 565 00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:36,864 You went against everything they ever taught us, 566 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,609 everything they ever dreamed... 567 00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:42,656 and, in the end, they loved you more, anyway. 568 00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:47,045 Yay for you, Philly. 569 00:29:47,076 --> 00:29:48,616 You won. 570 00:29:50,998 --> 00:29:52,498 You know what? 571 00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:55,844 Sign the papers, or don’t. 572 00:29:58,255 --> 00:30:00,134 You can let me know by mail. 573 00:30:12,519 --> 00:30:14,189 - You’re the boss, Luke, as always. 574 00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:17,068 But there is no sign of anything psychokinetic, 575 00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:18,686 only evil. 576 00:30:18,733 --> 00:30:20,252 - So, your instruments are telling you... 577 00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:24,356 - My sense of common decency tells me the Masseys 578 00:30:24,405 --> 00:30:26,365 should be sealed in a bell jar and studied! 579 00:30:27,116 --> 00:30:28,696 Hey, Zooey, what did you... 580 00:30:28,743 --> 00:30:30,584 - Those people are animals! 581 00:30:30,619 --> 00:30:32,160 - So, we agree. 582 00:30:32,204 --> 00:30:33,845 - I don’t think it’s enough for the Hasans 583 00:30:33,874 --> 00:30:35,884 to just be cast into the pit of hell. 584 00:30:35,916 --> 00:30:37,537 - The Hasans? 585 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,590 - We should set them on fire first! 586 00:30:40,630 --> 00:30:43,420 - The Hasans? Innocent victims 587 00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:46,547 of the Masseys’ sick, raccoon-based perversions? 588 00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,683 - No one should be told at two o’clock in the morning 589 00:30:49,722 --> 00:30:52,893 that their kiss is on someone’s list. Without consent! 590 00:30:52,933 --> 00:30:54,443 - You’re insane. 591 00:30:54,478 --> 00:30:56,018 - Oh! You’re bald! 592 00:30:56,063 --> 00:30:58,772 - You wear unnecessary metal in your nose. 593 00:30:58,815 --> 00:31:00,684 - Okay. - Okay, before we say something... 594 00:31:00,733 --> 00:31:03,243 - Oh, farmer boy! - Needy girl! 595 00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,107 - Needy? You’re slipping, August! 596 00:31:05,154 --> 00:31:07,704 Why only use two syllables when six will do? 597 00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:10,371 - You’re a quitter! You’ve only been a real estate agent 598 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,079 for a few days and already you want out! 599 00:31:12,662 --> 00:31:14,372 Your father should have taught you better. 600 00:31:14,413 --> 00:31:16,084 Oh, wait, you never really had a... 601 00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,673 Oh! 602 00:31:30,096 --> 00:31:32,926 - August, I am so sorry! 603 00:31:32,973 --> 00:31:34,814 - Zooey... 604 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:39,233 You mean the world to me and I cannot believe... 605 00:31:39,271 --> 00:31:40,822 - I’m so sorry! 606 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:42,940 - Are you guys okay? 607 00:31:43,609 --> 00:31:45,279 How long were you inside those houses? 608 00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:47,780 - Less than three hours. - Four hours. 609 00:31:49,907 --> 00:31:53,038 - But it isn’t enough just to be inside the house. 610 00:31:53,994 --> 00:31:55,575 You need to confront someone 611 00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,372 who was recently inside the other house. 612 00:31:58,416 --> 00:32:00,497 That is when the fireworks start. 613 00:32:01,627 --> 00:32:03,798 - So, what? It-it’ll never end? 614 00:32:04,798 --> 00:32:08,298 - People write songs and sonnets about everlasting love. 615 00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:10,644 But for true staying power... 616 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,180 hate takes the taco. 617 00:32:57,057 --> 00:32:58,597 - A cow. 618 00:32:59,853 --> 00:33:01,403 Damn cow. 619 00:33:02,897 --> 00:33:04,438 - I hope you’re right. 620 00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:07,073 Phil... make it fast. 621 00:33:07,109 --> 00:33:08,650 - I’m minutes away. 622 00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:51,401 It’s on, alright. 623 00:33:52,029 --> 00:33:54,240 Bring it! Bring it on! 624 00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,872 - Don’t do this! Don’t do this! 625 00:34:02,414 --> 00:34:03,914 - Ambrose! Parker! 626 00:34:05,751 --> 00:34:08,632 It’s not their fault! It’s a curse... a blood feud. 627 00:34:08,672 --> 00:34:11,132 Listen! Listen! 628 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,971 Back a 100 years ago, this was all farmland. 629 00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:18,471 Property line in the exact same place. 630 00:34:18,514 --> 00:34:20,144 Parker had cows. 631 00:34:20,182 --> 00:34:22,103 Ambrose grew sorghum. Everybody got along. 632 00:34:22,726 --> 00:34:25,396 One day one of Parker’s cows got into Ambrose’s crops. 633 00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:27,068 Ambrose tied him up 634 00:34:27,106 --> 00:34:29,027 intending to return him by nightfall, 635 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,856 but things got busy and he forgot. 636 00:34:31,443 --> 00:34:34,614 Well, Parker saw that Ambrose had one of his cows 637 00:34:34,655 --> 00:34:36,365 and got mad as hell. 638 00:34:36,407 --> 00:34:38,177 The two men came to blows but the families split ’em up 639 00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:40,331 and sent the sons out the next day to build a fence. 640 00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:43,123 These were hotheaded farm boys 641 00:34:43,164 --> 00:34:44,713 and they started fighting. 642 00:34:45,416 --> 00:34:47,246 First with words, then with knives. 643 00:34:47,293 --> 00:34:48,884 Shovels. Axes. 644 00:34:52,923 --> 00:34:54,844 It turned into a slaughter. 645 00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,483 They say the blood ran into the postholes. 646 00:35:07,688 --> 00:35:09,228 From that day on... 647 00:35:09,273 --> 00:35:11,614 families on either side of that fence... 648 00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:15,985 hated each other. 649 00:35:57,155 --> 00:35:59,065 - Ready? 650 00:36:33,148 --> 00:36:35,108 - Yo. Philly. 651 00:36:38,570 --> 00:36:40,490 - What are you doing here? 652 00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,161 - The clock radio in my hotel room 653 00:36:42,199 --> 00:36:43,780 woke me up this morning 654 00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,907 and was playing a Judas Priest song. 655 00:36:46,496 --> 00:36:48,076 And I thought of you. 656 00:36:48,123 --> 00:36:49,583 - You know, I’m not sure 657 00:36:49,623 --> 00:36:51,253 how I’m supposed to feel about that, Abs. 658 00:36:55,338 --> 00:36:56,878 - I realized 659 00:36:56,922 --> 00:36:59,092 how you must have felt about the church. 660 00:37:00,342 --> 00:37:02,643 Whatever you decide about the land thing, just... 661 00:37:03,679 --> 00:37:05,769 send me the paperwork and I’ll deal with it. 662 00:37:07,057 --> 00:37:08,597 Or not. 663 00:37:12,771 --> 00:37:14,692 Okay. That’s it. 664 00:37:14,733 --> 00:37:16,693 Tell Ethan that... 665 00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:19,572 Jesus doesn’t mind when you spill his body, 666 00:37:19,612 --> 00:37:21,572 but if you spill his blood, 667 00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:23,164 mix three parts hydrogen peroxide 668 00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:25,949 to one part dish soap. It gets the stains right out. 669 00:37:29,204 --> 00:37:31,164 - Hm. 670 00:37:31,206 --> 00:37:32,786 You are a good uncle. 671 00:37:43,260 --> 00:37:44,800 Second favorite brother. 672 00:37:58,275 --> 00:37:59,815 Hey. 673 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,659 - Luke! It’s perfect. 674 00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,867 Tarik was just saying now that the fence is gone, 675 00:38:04,907 --> 00:38:07,657 we can have full-sun hibiscus running all the way down. 676 00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:10,014 - I’m so glad to talk plants with someone. Mina’s hopeless. 677 00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:12,157 So’s Rowan. 678 00:38:15,876 --> 00:38:17,956 - What a tragic waste of time. 679 00:38:18,003 --> 00:38:20,724 The Masseys just told me they’re no longer selling. 680 00:38:20,757 --> 00:38:22,967 - Yeah, the Hasans feel the same way. 681 00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:27,141 - Poor Alvin. He nearly bounced into eternity and... 682 00:38:27,931 --> 00:38:29,811 - died in vain. - Hm. 683 00:38:30,557 --> 00:38:32,097 Just out of curiosity, 684 00:38:32,684 --> 00:38:34,514 what do you think happens when we die? 685 00:38:34,561 --> 00:38:36,231 - I have no idea. 686 00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:39,612 But it probably affects your credit scores. 687 00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,246 - No? Hell, no? 688 00:38:58,293 --> 00:38:59,844 - No. 689 00:38:59,878 --> 00:39:01,458 Hell, yes. 690 00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:03,666 I signed the damn papers over. 691 00:39:03,715 --> 00:39:07,635 Our ancestral land is going to be a vacation bible school, 692 00:39:08,554 --> 00:39:10,775 or a... popemobile parking lot, 693 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:14,139 or a place where they train Jesuits to fight in the octagon. 694 00:39:15,143 --> 00:39:17,563 Better get a nice fruit basket from the Vatican. 695 00:39:18,523 --> 00:39:20,112 - Oh, honey. 696 00:39:20,148 --> 00:39:22,028 - Just wasn’t worth the fight, you know? 697 00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:24,572 - You’re a good person. 698 00:39:25,112 --> 00:39:27,112 - Mm. Not really. 699 00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:29,197 But thank you. 700 00:39:29,867 --> 00:39:31,827 Oh, any word from the adoption people? 701 00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:36,583 You gotta know, 702 00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:39,918 as much as you want this baby... and I do, too, we both do, 703 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,501 don’t get me wrong... 704 00:39:42,755 --> 00:39:46,965 please don’t feel like we need a baby to be a family. 705 00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:50,603 - Yeah, I know. I-it’s just... 706 00:39:50,637 --> 00:39:52,177 - Hey... 707 00:39:52,222 --> 00:39:53,773 You and I... 708 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:56,981 we’re a better family than most people will ever find. 709 00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:02,322 Come here. 710 00:40:07,780 --> 00:40:09,320 We can always get a dog. 711 00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:17,213 - Good night, Zooey. - Good night, Augie. 712 00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:26,467 - Hey. 713 00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,929 What August said earlier: is it true? 714 00:40:29,969 --> 00:40:31,509 - Yes. 715 00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:33,514 The metal in my nose is unnecessary. 716 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,516 The other thing. 717 00:40:35,557 --> 00:40:37,057 - About quitting? 718 00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:38,641 Not being an agent? 719 00:40:41,313 --> 00:40:42,943 I... 720 00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:46,106 I hate your job. 721 00:40:46,777 --> 00:40:48,398 All of it! 722 00:40:48,947 --> 00:40:52,027 The arguments with stupid people who think they’re smart. 723 00:40:52,074 --> 00:40:53,954 Rita Weiss being my best friend... 724 00:40:53,992 --> 00:40:55,543 the whole thing. 725 00:40:55,577 --> 00:40:57,367 - But you’re good at it. 726 00:40:57,413 --> 00:40:59,623 - Yeah, well, I’m good at karaoke, too! 727 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,376 Doesn’t mean I want to do it for a living. 728 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:03,958 Look, I... 729 00:41:06,505 --> 00:41:08,916 I don’t know what my thing is. 730 00:41:08,967 --> 00:41:10,507 Maybe I’ll never find my thing, 731 00:41:11,219 --> 00:41:13,889 but I am absolutely sure that this thing 732 00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,021 is not my thing. 733 00:41:17,391 --> 00:41:18,931 I’m really sorry. 734 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,070 - You haven’t heard from, uh... Susan? 735 00:41:29,445 --> 00:41:30,985 - No. 736 00:41:47,838 --> 00:41:50,759 - Hi! You’ve reached Susan Ireland. 737 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:52,639 I’m on a bit of a sabbatical right now, 738 00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:54,847 so if you need immediate assistance, 739 00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:58,217 press one. Otherwise, leave me a message 740 00:41:58,266 --> 00:42:00,175 and roll the dice! Drink the wine! 741 00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:01,766 Because life is a mystery 742 00:42:01,811 --> 00:42:04,400 and the sun is only a morning star! 743 00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,659 - Damn it, Susan. What do you want me to say? 744 00:42:20,954 --> 00:42:22,494 I’m sorry. 745 00:42:23,123 --> 00:42:24,753 I’m sorry that you made it so easy 746 00:42:24,791 --> 00:42:28,342 to laugh at your process, at your color-coded paperclips. 747 00:42:28,378 --> 00:42:31,628 I am sorry that you did it so effortlessly 748 00:42:32,257 --> 00:42:34,217 that I forgot how good you really are. 749 00:42:36,512 --> 00:42:39,141 I’m sorry that this place just doesn’t seem to run 750 00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:42,596 as good without you. 751 00:42:42,643 --> 00:42:44,983 And, most of all, I am sorry that I am saying it 752 00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:48,400 to this credenza instead of your face. 55161

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