All language subtitles for King of the Hill s03e22 Death And Texas.eng

[Theme song]

[Gentle instrumental music]

The fork and the spoon
Jumped over the moon

No.

[Moans]

You got a letter.

It smells like the letters Luanne
used to get from her mom in prison.

[Sniffing]

Only prisonier.

"Archer"? I don't know anyone
named Archer.

[Mumbles]

I've been pre-approved for a Gold Card.

Who wants ice cream?

[Bobby moans]

[Peggy sighs]

Listen to this.
It's from an old student of mine.

He's on death row.

"And as I raise my hand
for possibly my final question...

"I hope that Miss Peggy Hill
will call on me one more time...

"because she is the person who has had
the most positive impact on my life.

"Sincerely, Wesley Martin Archer."�

That's a good name for a killer.
What was he like, Mom?

Did he speak real proper English,
like an evil genius?

I think maybe he had wavy brown hair...

or was he that albino boy?

It'll all come back to me when I see him.

Wait a second here. You're not thinking
of going into a prison, are you?

Hank, I am a substitute teacher.

I flit in and out of people"s lives,
and I never know if I've made a difference.

With this boy, I did make an impact.

He's in prison, Peggy.

HANK: Dang it. Some of these guys
haven't seen a woman...

since they killed their wives.

If you're gonna insist on going...

do you have to be all decked out
like some disco dancer?

Hank, please. Death row is perfectly safe.

There's a code of conduct
that all prisoners are obligated to obey.

[Car engine starts]

[Country instrumental music]

I tell you what, Hank...

she's like dang old Susan Sarandon
in that movie...

Spicoli, man. Talking about
taste the waves cool buzz, you know.

Are you just gonna joke your way
through your entire life, Boomhauer?

Don't snap at Boomhauer just because
you're losing control of your woman.

Believe me, if you don't stop it here,
the next step"ll be cutting your allowance.

You can't rein Peggy in, Dale.
Peggy's like a wild mare.

She needs to run free,
her chestnut mane blowing in the wind...

flanks glistening with sweat.

I'll stop now.

Death row. You think Peggy' s
gonna meet the executioner?

-She only mentioned the murderer.
-Executioning.

For us exterminators,
that's the Major League.

The show.

[Yelps]

[Bluesy instrumental music]

[Metal detector beeping]

Empty your bag on that table.

We'll hold on to this.

A con could use a mascara applicator
to scoop a man's eye right out of his head.

[door buzzing]

Hola, Senora Hill.

You don't remember me. That's okay.

Someone like you touches so many lives.

Yes, I guess I do. Who'd you kill?

I killed myself.

At least I might as well have,
as bad as I feel about it.

One night I went with my buddy Ray
over to his friend's house.

Only he wasn't home.
So I gave Ray a boost up to the window.

He couldn't climb up and hold his gun
at the same time.

WES: That's why we were there,
to return his friend's gun.

I can see where this is going. Go on.

So we get inside,
and it turns out the guy was home.

He was screaming, alarms were ringing...

and when a guy yells, "Don't shoot!�
believe me, it has the opposite effect.

I just panicked. The next thing I know,
his head was blown off.

It would be a comedy of errors
if it wasn't so tragic.

You don't miss a thing, do you?

How do you say:

"Peggy Hill is the smartest,
most talented woman on Earth...�

In Spanish?

That would be, "Peggy Hill es bueno.�

The prison may think 10 back issues of
Us Magazine and a Bible make a library...

but I do not.

Wesley needs more than that
to expand his mind.

Why bother helping him at all?
He's just gonna be executed.

Very nice, Hank.

You know, Wes had only the best things
to say about you.

He was supportive
about your problems with your father.

You gave a convict
personal information about...

-How could you be that naive?
-Naive?

Do you know what a prisoner
could do with this? I do.

He could jab it into your windpipe,
and you would be dead in two minutes.

Glasses are not a weapon.
Guns are a weapon.

You used to know that.

What Color Is Your Parachute?
Is a wonderful book...

about finding your inner self.

This is so great.

Mrs. Hill, have you ever played What If?

What If?

Is that the one where you see how quickly
you can stab a knife around your fingers?

That game's fun,
but I don't think it has a name.

How about "Stab-scotch"?

Stab-scotch. That's real good, Mrs. Hill.

But back to What If.

I can't help thinking, "What if
Mrs. Hill had been my full-time teacher?�

-Maybe I'd be able to read these books.
-You can't read?

Now, that is a crime.

Look, I know it'd be unfair to ask,
but if you would come in and tutor me...

-What's the happiest color on Earth?
-Yellow.

Then my parachute would be yellow.

HANK: You gave that bastard
our travel version...

of The Guinness Book of World Records...

and now you're gonna teach him to read it?

I'm a teacher. I sell knowledge.
And it doesn't matter to who.

-Whom.
-Even murderers?

You work with propane. That kills people.

Only when used by people
that don't know how to handle it.

And I know how to handle it.

And I know how to handle myself.

I am not some corset-wearing lady...

who passes out with the vapors
at the drop of a hat or a sudden garroting.

Dang it, Peggy. You can't just...

Okay, that's it. You leave me no choice.

For your own good,
I am forbidding you to go back there.

You forbid me?

Unless you decide on your own not to go...

'cause I'll still support that.

Nobody forbids Peggy Hill.

[Tense instrumental music]

[Upbeat instrumental music]

PEGGY: Since there's only one
of you, I cannot grade on a curve.

But every day an assignment is late
is one grade off and a day in the hole.

[Peggy laughing]

That's beautiful. Is that me?

It's an apple.

Oh.

So, you're telling me you'll spray
the entire prison for just $1 a month?

My word is my bond, sir.

Due to the fact the state
wouldn't bond me or insure me.

[Grunts in agreement]

Of course, the invoice will say $2,000...

but that's just procedure.
I think we've got ourselves a deal.

[Laughing]

I read your manual...

and as an official employee
of the prison system...

I now qualify to be the executioner.

Where's Old Sparky?

Old Sparky's been put out to pasture.
We use lethal injection.

Okay, then where's Old Squirty?

Dead is dead.
I don't care how we get there.

Mr. Gribble, generally we choose
one of the guards to be the executioner...

and there's a rather long list
of volunteers already.

Put me on it. Please.

All right. You'll be number 129.

Wingo!

[Singing] I'm gonna kill a killer

I'm gonna kill a killer

[Pop instrumental music]

Mom, you're covering up my essay
on why pollution is bad.

It got a "Shows Improvement.�

Sorry, Bobby, but I guess we're just gonna
have to murder somebody...

if we want your mom's attention.

Okay.

[Gentle instrumental music]

PEGGY: Hey, Sam.

[Metal detector beeping]

[Peggy humming]

GUARD: Hold it.

PEGGY: Yeah!

Wes, you're supposed to
start finding words.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Hill.

I'm just not used to such creative teaching.

Don't you dare touch her.
You leave Mrs. Hill alone!

[Peggy gasps]

[Wes grunting]

No, stop it!

She's too good for you!
She's teaching me to read!

[Wes groaning]

PEGGY: Good God.

[Dale humming]

DALE: Excuse me. Do you know
if these gloves are good for killing a man?

[Grunting]

[Laughs fiendishly]

[Wes sighs]

It was only three days in the pit.

I thought the guard
was gonna touch your bottom.

I tried to tell them you meant no harm,
but they would not listen.

Heck. They're all as dumb
as a bucket of dirt.

-Anyway, that's why they hate Boggle.
-They hate Boggle?

Only because we love Boggle.

When I was little, my meema played
on her Boggle set all the time.

I just watched, being illiterate and all...

but I dreamed
of someday playing on that set.

Peggy. if you get me my Boggle set,
you could make that dream come true.

I am a dream weaver.

[Dog barking]

So, Jennette, I did not realize
they allowed Wesley conjugal visits.

[Train horn blowing]

Wes had better get the whole set.

Rock Me, Amadeus!

Now, Wes, you shake the letters,
not the timer.

[Wes laughing]

Right.

All right, who covered Wes' drawing
with this crap?

I just thought that maybe
if you saw some happy pictures...

you might do happy things,
like not visiting death row.

PEGGY: Let me paint you
a happy picture, Hank.

A broken-down, illiterate man
with death staring him in the face...

spells out the word "party�
with his family Boggle set...

and then he croons White Christmas to me
as I leave his cell for the day.

Now, that is a happy picture, Hank.

Then everybody started fighting,
and the guards were in there...

just a-swinging their clubs.
I couldn't get to the Boggle set in time.

-It was ruined?
-Just the timer.

Jennette will give you a new one.

[Birds chirping]

Wes is a little slow.

He needs more time.

You realize that
this is not a regulation timer.

This will make tournament play
impossible for Wes.

Oh.

Okay.

I know it was stupid, but we were playing
out in the yard and the top fell off.

Jennette will give you
some more timer sand.

-What about using a watch?
-Peggy, that's not real Boggle.

Well, this should certainly last him a while.

[Peggy scribbling]

[Wes humming]

You're not writing, Wes.

All right. I'm gonna give you one tiny hint.

Rats! There's tar on my star-art.

[Wes groans]

Wes, what is it?

[Wes grunts hesitantly]

I can't let the guard see me cry.

-If they sense some weakness--
-Guard, could you give us some space?

You are inhibiting his wordplay.

I have something to tell you.

-Can you hear me?
-I can hear you.

Good. Peggy, all this timer sand
you've been bringing me--

-Don't mention that.
-This is coke, Peggy.

You've been smuggling me cocaine.
That's a federal offense.

And you know what?
You're gonna bring me more of it.

-Is this some kind of a--
-How stupid can you be?

I never had you as a teacher.

I grew up in Arkansas.
I'm almost 40, for cripe's sakes!

I wrote every teacher
in the Arlen yearbook.

You were the only sap
dumb enough to answer.

So all that about being
the only positive influence on you--

Here's what you're gonna do.

You're going to bring me
a brick of cocaine every week.

And that's not all.

You know what else I want, Peggy Hill?
Two times a month...

[Solemn instrumental music]

My sloppy joe is all sloppy and no joe.

I forgot to add the meat.

How could I be so freaking stupid?

Luanne, Bobby, why don't you go
get some money from my purse...

and go out for pizza?

And go out for pizza?

[Sighs]

[Door slams]

[Peggy crying]

Oh, Hank!

It's so awful!

Hank, I've been
smuggling cocaine in to Wes.

Smuggling cocaine?
That's got to be illegal, Peggy.

I thought it was Boggle sand.

Now he's making all kinds of demands.

"One box of pornography,
a jug of corn liquor...

"a Farrah Fawcett poster...

"a Milwaukee Sawazall,
and a brick of cocaine on every Tuesday."

[Hank sighs]

He certainly revealed his true colors.

I don't think you'll be going back
to see him again.

I have to or he will turn me in.

They will send me to jail.

I guess you're happy now.

You get to say, "I told you so.�

[Peggy sniffling]

PEGGY: Jerk.
HANK: Look, don't panic.

He's not gonna turn you in.
He's just bluffing.

-He has nothing to gain.
-He has nothing to lose either.

There's no row after death row.

[Phone ringing]

That's Wes. Don't answer it.

I'll handle this. Murderers are just bullies.

If you stand up to them,
they always crumble.

This is Hank Hill. You?

You're not getting any more
of your funny timer sand...

and you're gonna leave my wife alone.

[Grunts in assent]

No, your ass is mine
because we've got a plan.

Sure we do. It's a terrific plan.

We discarded two perfectly good plans...

when we came up with this great one.

Why didn't you tell me
about our terrific plan?

Peggy. I made that up.

And the other two plans?

He says if he doesn't get his coke
by noon Tuesday...

he's gonna turn you in just for fun.

[Soft instrumental music]

Look, go to the warden, tell him
you were naive and that Wes tricked you.

I can't.

They made me watch a short film...

about the danger of smuggling things
in to the prisoners.

It was called Don't Be a Mule.

I even got 100%
on the test they gave me afterwards.

You can't smuggle any more drugs in,
that's for sure.

What would happen if we just gave Wes
a brick of regular timer sand?

We can't do that.

He is going to deal this batch
to the Aryan Brotherhood.

If they think he tried to pull a fast one...

They would make a pincushion out of him.

Unless he tastes it.

He always tasted the timer sand
when I brought it in.

I didn't think anything of it at the time.

He always said
it was very good timer sand.

�Primo."

[Peggy crying]

[Sad instrumental music]

It's 12:40. I think you're in the clear.

Maybe the phone isn't working.

Hank, there's no dial tone.

[Peggy exclaims]

Hello? This is the freakiest thing.

I didn't even hear the phone ring. I was...

Yes, Warden, I understand. I will be there.

Okay. He wants me to come in
and explain myself tomorrow.

I guess I'd better make Bobby's lunch...

for the next two to five years.

-What's going on?
-Nothing.

[Exclaims]

Who's in the mood for some fun?

[Gaming machine zapping]

Look, Mom, Gilda's trapped in a fortress,
but I'm gonna break her free.

[Grunting]

[Bobby sighs]

My sweet little boy.

Peggy. I... How're you set for quarters?

No, that's not what I meant to say.

You said the other day you've never had
a positive impact on anybody's life.

I want you to know that you have.

I'd hate to think where Bobby, Luanne,
and I would be without you.

[Soft instrumental music]

[Peggy sighs]

Come on. Those moles
aren't gonna whack themselves.

Go!

[Moles squeaking]

[Peggy crying]

[Hank crying]

DALE: It is my destiny to be the nameless,
faceless executioner.

But do not fear me,
for I am just part of the circle of life.

The last part.

Made you flinch.

Lunch!

[Alarm ringing]

[Dale yelling]

Mrs. Hill, did you smuggle cocaine
into my prison?

I came to this prison to make an impact,
to help.

Help how? By getting me hooked?

Do you give all your students drugs?
That's not the right way to motivate us.

-I never meant to--
-Tell him, Peggy.

-Tell him about the Boggle timer.
-Stop rushing me.

Come clean. Tell him the truth.

I came here to tell the truth.
I wouldn't dream of telling anything else.

[Sniffing]

[Suspenseful instrumental music]

I never saw this man before in my life.

And what I mean by that
is I did not bring him cocaine.

I would like to please see
the evidence against me.

[Fetters jangling]

But there's no cocaine in there.

In fact, it looks like it's been licked clean.

I had a little bit left this morning...

but this was an important meeting.
I wanted to be up for it.

So, this is the only evidence against me?

It should be enough.

I didn't bring in a thing.

I swear to God
she smuggled cocaine in to me!

So I guess it's this convict's word
against my wife's.

Now, let's see. Who can we trust?

HANK: Peggy, have you
ever decapitated anyone?

No, I don't believe I have.

How about you, Wes?

Have you ever done anything
that caused a man's head to come off?

[Wes growling]

[Peggy gasps]

[Wes screams]

[Wes groaning]

[Happy instrumental music]

PEGGY: I guess someone owes me
an apology.

I wouldn't hold your breath.

I don't think Wes even apologized
for those people he killed.

-I was talking about you.
-I'm sorry.

Do you even know
what you're apologizing for?

-No. I'm sorry, but I don't.
-I accept.

You apologized because you said
I couldn't take care of myself, and I can.

PEGGY: So there.
HANK: Al right.

HANK: / thought it had
something to do with the prison.

[Theme song]

BOBBY: A/I sloppy and no joe.

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