All language subtitles for King of the Hill s03e21 Revenge Of The Lutefisk.eng

[Theme song]

REV. THOMASSON:
So I told that state trooper:

"ignorance of the Lord is no excuse either.�

[Church organ playing]

That was quick.

Well, the Winston Cup's on at noon...

and Rev. Thomas son
always wraps it up in plenty of time.

And now, friends...

I'm sad to say that I've decided to retire
from Arlen First Methodist.

[People muttering in shock]

Retire? The man works half a day a week.

After much reflection and soul-searching...

I've decided that the future of God
is on the Internet.

CyberRev.com will spread the gospel
to every online soul in the world...

unless you have AOL.

I'll be hosting a potluck dinner on
Saturday to welcome your new minister...

The new guy had better like sports.

...Rev. Karen Stroup.

[All gasping]

A woman.

So, it's up and running.

The secret lab in the basement
of the Harvard Divinity School...

where they ordain women surgically.

The Pebble Beach Celebrity Golf Pro-Am
is this Sunday.

If this gal's sermon runs late,
you know how women like to talk...

we're gonna miss
Matt Lauer's opening drive.

You know what I think? I think God sent
a female minister here to punish me.

First single gal to move to Arlen in years,
and she's forbidden to marry.

Bill, ministers can marry.

[Bill chuckling]

Thank you, God.

Wait till Cotton finds out
about this female man of God.

I almost hesitate to fax it to him.

That's not gonna happen, Dale.

I told you to stop sending my dad
The Gribble Report.

You tell me a lot of things, Hank,
most of which I publish.

[Solemn instrumental music]

Bobby, honey, let's try to make
Rev. Stroup feel very welcome, okay?

Some people, they just cannot accept
women in positions of real authority.

I remember my first day
as a fourth-grade substitute teacher.

BILL: Look! There she is!

I'm a successful tire distributor.
Back me up.

[People chattering]

[Bill humming]

Hello, Reverend.

I am Peggy Hill,
and this is Peggy Hill's Frito pie.

It is a traditional Texas recipe
that I found on a bag of Fritos.

Well, Peggy Hill.

Peggy Hill. Peggy Hill. Peggy Hill.

Good.

You are in for a real treat.

I've prepared a little taste of Minnesota
called lutefisk.

It's a Scandinavian delicacy made
by baking codfish in a solution of lye...

until the bones become gelatinous.

[All gagging in revulsion]

PEGGY: Oh, what?
Okay, honey, we'll be right there.

My husband is dying to meet you.

[People chattering]

Hank Hill, Hank Hill, Hank Hill. Good.

So, your first sermon tomorrow.
You nervous?

Yeah, a little.

Me, too. You see,
the Pebble Beach Pro-Am is on at 1:30...

and my VCR doesn't always work.

That could be a problem.

The Quarterback Challenge is on at 1:15.
Don't wanna miss that.

You're a football fan?

Let's just say
between God and the Vikings...

Sunday's not my day of rest.

[Hank laughing]

Well, you might be all right.

[Sighing]

Seriously, though,
how are you fixed for propane?

[Bobby slurping]

[Grunting]

[Sighing]

This stuff stinks.

[Grunting]

When I found out I'd been assigned to
a church in Texas, I was a little worried.

A lot of female ministers
don't last too long down here.

Yeah, it gets pretty hot in the summer.

Hank, let me ask you something.
Do you like fish?

Only catching them, gutting them,
and eating them.

REV. STROUP: Just a taste, Hank.

I want everyone in the congregation
to have some lutefisk...

and I only made enough for 30.

My lutefisk! Where is my lutefisk?

I put it right here between the Frito pie
and the Frito pie.

Has anyone seen it?

[Suspenseful instrumental music]

DALE: Maybe you put it on
the dessert table next to my lemon bars.

REV. STROUP: It's not here.
Can everyone help me look?

BILL: I found it!

Did anyone get to try some?

[Tense instrumental music]

Someone just threw it out?

That's right. I found it in the trash.

[Sad instrumental music]

Poor Rev. Stroup.

Just seeing how much
people enjoyed my Frito pie...

must have been salt in her wounds.

It's sort of an odd way to attack a gal,
to throw out her favorite fish.

But I doubt that there is anything
that could have hurt that woman more.

[Birds chirping]

[Grunting]

[Stomach gurgling]

[Groaning]

HANK: Let's go. If we get to church late,
we'll have to park in the dirt lot.

I met y'all last night.

I know you are good people, decent people.

I'm not going to judge the whole town
based on the sins of one lost soul.

[Bobby's stomach gurgles]

I'm not even going to judge
that one person...

because I still don't know who it is.

[Moans]

Well, it was worth a shot.

Please open your Bibles to Mark 6:41.

"And the two fishes...

"divided he among them all.

"And they did all eat, and were filled.

"And they took up twelve baskets
full of the fragments, and of the fishes.�

Mom, I left a shoe in the car. Be right back.

Let us pray.

[Church organ playing]

What did I miss? Did she dance yet?

How did he find out about this?

Colonel, I saved you a seat.

[Church organ playing]

Here is another Minnesota tradition...

that's not so easy to throw in the garbage.

Let's everyone rise
and hug the person next to you.

[Church organ playing]

Leave it to a woman to turn God's house
into a love shack.

Permission to hug you, Colonel?

Denied! Go hug your wife.

I can't.
She's hugging the person next to her.

REV. STROUP: Looks like you need
someone to hug.

REV. STROUP: Looks like you need
someone to hug.

Looks like you need to read your Bible.

And I quote, "Women should remain silent
in the churches.

"They are not allowed to speak,
but must be in submission.� Corinthians.

-Yes, but in the book of--
-Billy Graham, man...

Jimmy Swaggart, man, Karen Stroup--

Enough! If you hurt this woman,
this single woman...

and you take her away from me,
I promise I will strike you down.

I made my point.

If you need me, I'll be in the one part
of this church that's still men's only.

[Church organ playing]

[Bobby groaning]

I'm sorry. I ate all the lutefisk.

[Groaning]

Why did you have to taste so good?

[Door opening]

[Gasping]

[Screams in horror]

Mercy! Mister, what did you eat?

[Door creaking]

[Gagging]

[Sniffing]

Forget it. I'll take my business elsewhere.

[Door closing]

[Toilet flushing]

[Door lock rattling]

MAN: Hello.

[Gasps]

MAN: Is anyone in there?

Are you okay?

[Stuttering]

[Knocking on door]

[Bobby moans]

[Sniffing]

[Moaning]

[Banging on door]

[Bobby grunting]

[Fire crackling]

[Church organ playing]

[Hank sniffing]

-What's that smell?
-Nothing.

Wait a minute. I know that smell.

Fire!

[Fire alarm ringing]

[People screaming in confusion]

[Grim instrumental music]

Oh, God! Please don't let it be
the propane tanks.

I just spoke to the arson investigator.

His investigation points to arson!

[All gasping]

Someone did this because
they don't want a woman minister.

To him I say:

"You can burn down our church,
but you cannot burn down our faith.

"Our faith is the kind of stuff that
children's pajamas should be made of.�

[People murmuring in assent]

Why would someone
want to burn down our church?

Honey, they weren't trying to
burn down our church.

They were trying to kill Rev. Stroup.

The fire started in a garbage can
in the men's room.

[Gasping]

And I read in the paper
that the flames were so hot...

they literally burned
the very wood the church was made of.

Bobby, you haven't even touched
your arroz con chicken.

I'm not eating ever again.

I don't blame you. I ate bugs in the war
tasted better than this.

Actually, Cotton, I think he's upset
about what happened to the church.

It burnt down.

I feel so bad.

[Sobbing]

It's not your fault, honey.

Whoever committed this hate crime...

is the one who should
starve himself to death, not you.

Oh.

Our sweet little sensitive boy.

He feels everything so deeply, like a poet.

A cowboy poet.

[Gentle instrumental music]

It is with a heavy heart...

that I welcome you
to this interfaith prayer service.

Protestant and Catholic,
Jew and Buddhist...

man and woman...

we are all brought together today by hate.

I hate hate.

Hate that throws out my lutefisk.

Hate that burns down our church.

Hate that makes an innocent little boy
stop eating.

That's right.

Would Bobby Hill
please come up to the microphone?

Go on, honey. It'll be okay.

Minh.

[Peggy makes clicking noises]

Bobby, the strength of your devotion...

is an inspiration to us all.

That's why I want you
to be the first to know...

the police have found the matchbook
that started the fire...

and are closing in on the arsonist.

[People applauding]

PEGGY: Bobby!

[People muttering concernedly]

For the sake of this poor, tortured soul...

please help us find the man
responsible for this hate crime.

If you know anyone who might carry a
matchbook from a strip club in Houston...

tell the police.

[Suspenseful instrumental music]

The matchbook came
from a strip club in Houston.

A strip club in Houston, Hank.

My father did not burn down the church.

Lots of guys go to strip clubs in Houston.

And also go to church in Arlen
where they harass female ministers?

Then announce they're going
to the men"s room...

where a fire is started
with matches from a strip club...

in Houston?

[Door opening]

COTTON: Gribble!

You gotta help me.
They found my girly bar matches.

It's only a matter of time
before they accuse me of church-burnery.

Colonel, I would be honored if you
used my phone to claim responsibility.

But I didn't do it, you idiot.

The evidence suggests otherwise.

They've got your matchbook,
and it won't be long before I turn you in.

Okay. Here's how it went down.

I tried to go to the latrine,
but there was already a man in there.

I lit one match in self-defense,
and then beat a hasty retreat.

The smelly man must have set the fire
after I left.

Find the man with the terrible smell,
and you'll have your arsonist.

Sir, your only hope is to make a run for it.

[Moans]

[Dogs barking]

[Thudding]

Wake up, Hank.

PEGGY: Going somewhere?

Why don't you just turn around,
go back to bed, and no one gets hurt.

[Police siren wailing]

Quick! You gots to hide me!

[Cotton grunting]

[Dramatic instrumental music]

We know you're in there.
Come out with your hands up.

Cotton Hill, you're under arrest for arson.

You got the wrong man. Let me down!

Mom, he didn't start the fire.
He couldn't have.

-Bobby!
-Grandpa!

- I didn't do it.
-I believe you.

-It was somebody else.
-I know.

Look for the man with the terrible smell.
He's the one you want.

You hear me?
The man with the terrible smell.

I'll miss you.

[Sad instrumental music]

[Sighs]

Okay, show's over. Nothing to see here.
Everyone go home.

It's a circus out there.

By now, it's all over town:
My dad is an arsonist.

I don't know why you're so surprised.

I have always said
that man is capable of anything.

Before, people used to look away
or pretend not to hear me.

But now,
they will all have to nod in agreement.

Yes, they will.

Even if Grandpa did do it,
it doesn't mean he's a bad person.

Bobby, I've always stood by my dad,
no matter what.

And there's been a lot of what
over the years.

But burning down a church,
I just don't know.

But he's still your father,
no matter what, right?

Well, I know you can disown a child.

There must be something like that
for a parent.

[Sniffles]

[Announcer chatters on P.A. system]

I'd like a one-way ticket to Mexico,
por favor.

That means today.

DIDI: Bobby?

Grandma Didi?

I just came in from Houston.
Cotton is in jail.

I know. Are you here to bail him out?

There's no bail. He's burned down a church.

Now our baby is going to grow up
without a father.

Not your and my baby,
Cotton's and my baby.

I feel so bad. It was an accident.

I know it was an accident.

Why can't they just leave him alone
and forget about it?

This baby was an accident, too...

but if I forgot about it,
it would never get born.

I think you have to be
responsible for your accidents.

Cotton thinks so, too.
At least he stopped saying he didn't.

Really?

He said if the baby turned out
as good as you, Bobby...

then he will not abandon it.

[Quavering]

PEGGY: You have got to confess.

You will feel better, and I will feel better.

They're offering you a good deal.
Cop to the hate crime...

and they'll drop
the 123 counts of attempted murder.

No deals! I'm not taking a fall
for the smelly man.

Dang it, Dad!
There is no smelly man. Now--

Now you listen to me.

I spent two weeks on lwo Jima
buried under a pile of bodies.

The things I smelled,
you can't even imagine.

I'll never forget
what I smelled that day in the church.

[Dramatic instrumental music]

It was a vengeful stink.
It was a stink for the ages.

I will tell you what stinks, old man.
Your story stinks.

Grandpa, Dad, Mom.

[Panting]

It was me!

It's all my fault.

I ate the lutefisk.

I got sick in the bathroom.

I lit the matches.

I burned down the church.

I let everyone blame Grandpa.

[Bobby moans]

I told you I didn't do it.

Your boy is the man with the terrible smell.

Oh!

I knew it.
I knew this was too good to be true.

You are going to march down that hall
and tell the police everything.

See if maybe they will spare
your grandfather's life.

BOBBY: Okay.

Nobody's going no place.

Sit down, Hank, Hank's wife.
You, too, Stinky.

Don't call him that.

I'm sorry. Did I hurt your feelings, Stinky?

Grandpa.

It don't feel so good, does it?
Well, get used to it.

'Cause that's what everyone's gonna
call you if you go blabbing to the police.

Stinky!

He's right. Oh, Lord!
And there are other names, too.

Yeah. How about "arsonist"?

That's what they'll be calling him
in State of Texas v. Bobby Hill.

So many names. What are we gonna do?

You'll do what I say,
is what are you gonna do.

Now get the cops in here.

-Tell them I'm ready to confess.
-No, Dad, you can't.

I'm an old man.
Everybody already hates me.

But Bobby, he's just a child.
He's got his whole life ahead of him.

[Soft instrumental music]

Do you know what you're saying?

If I can take a bullet for my grandson,
I'll do it.

But not in the face.
That's how I make my livings.

-How you make your--
-Send them in!

I'll tell you what I told the cops.

I'm the one who burned down your church.

But it was an accident.

As for the man with the terrible smell,
well, that was me, foo.

I'm old, I gots no shins...

my plumbing don't work so good no more.

1 blamed the fire on someone else...

because I was embarrassed
by my own terrible smell.

[People murmuring in sympathy]

The digestive problems of the elderly
are their cross to bear...

and we should pity them,
not condemn them.

Cotton Hill, you have my forgiveness
and my love.

And I invite the entire congregation...

to offer you their forgiveness and love...

with a hug.

[Groans]

[Gentle instrumental music]

DALE: I forgive you.

[Cotton moans in disgust]

[Dale yelling affectionately]

[Cotton groaning]

Mom, as long as we're confessing...

remember when Grandpa
broke the arm of your Boggle trophy...

'cause he was playing soccer in the house?

I will never forgive him for that.

-It was me.
- I forgive you.

COTTON: But not in the face.
That's how I make my livings.

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