All language subtitles for King of the Hill s03e07 Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men.eng

[Theme song]

Good old Mason 1500.
Handles like the day I bought her.

I tell you what,
this is the only mower I'd want with me...

if I were ever stranded on a desert island.

You are gonna kill at that
lawn mower focus group tomorrow, Hank.

Now, Dale, a focus group
is not a competition.

It's a chance for
the informed lawn mower consumer...

to give valuable input to the Mason
Corporation in a comfortable mall setting.

I think it's just an honor to be invited.

I'll tell you why we've gotta go tomorrow.
Look at your average pickup truck.

With air bags and vanity mirrors...

it's one focus group away
from turning into a powder room.

We can't let that happen
to the Mason 1500.

We sure can't, can we?

Bill, the only reason I invited
Dale and Boomhauer and not you...

is 'cause you're coming over
for Thanksgiving dinner...

and I didn't want you to get sick of me.

Hank, I will never be sick of you.

Not even when
we're sharing a cloud in heaven.

All right, you can come.
But when I make a point, just nod.

Hank, you asked me to tell you
when Celine Dion is off the field. She's off.

HANK: Thanks, Mom.

HANK: Aren't moms great?
ALL: Yeah, they are.

I tell you what I'm thankful for...

that it's my mom's turn
to spend Thanksgiving with us.

She eats the dark meat and
doesn't complain. Boy, I tell you, she...

What the...

You lawn jockeys were standing here
when I left two months ago. Pathetic!

Dad, you came last Thanksgiving.
This year it's Mom's turn, remember?

I don't want to cause any fuss.

Your mother can eat in the yard!

HANK: In addition to all the things
we don't talk about in front of my dad...

let me add
my Mason Company focus group.

How could you be worried
about this focus group?

Your father is gonna ruin
this Thanksgiving...

as surely as Squanto and
his band of Indians ruined the first one.

Look at the time.
We've got to get this dinner on the table...

because we are getting up
at 4:00 tomorrow morning.

It is a two-hour drive to the mall, and
I want us there right when the doors open.

I have never gotten up that early in my life
unless fish were involved.

Hank, the day after Thanksgiving is,
in my opinion...

the biggest shopping day of the year.

And I will not spend another year
giving Dallas Mavericks crap...

because the Cowboys stuff was
all sold out. So I want us in bed by 7:30.

I won't be able to fall asleep that early.

PEGGY: You are not even trying.
Have another beer.

Well, it's worth a shot.

Dear Lord, we are grateful
that Cotton has forgotten...

our carefully worked-out
holiday parent-rotation schedule...

so that we may all be together
on this day. Amen.

ALL: Amen.

[Burping]

Titty, did you make this stuffing?

-'Cause it tastes like garbage!
-Dad.

Did I ever tell you about the time she tried
to poison me with her baked chicken?

-It was Chicken Almondine.
-It was cyanide, woman!

Dad, could you please show Mom
some respect while Bobby's in the room?

You heard him, Bobby. Leave the room.

HANK: No, sit down, Bobby.

Could you at least respect Grand mom
until we get to dessert?

Didi's your grand mom, too, Bobby.
Your pretty grand mom.

-Dad.
-'Course, bad as Titty was in the kitchen...

she was even worse in the bedroom!

[Tense instrumental music]

I said, the woman was lousy in the sack.

[Tense instrumental music continues]

To the stuffing.

Might taste like garbage,
but it sure fills you up.

Come on, Peggy. Turn off your itty-bitty
headlamp, and let's get some sleep.

This is Six Malls Over Texas, Hank.

If you go unprepared, it will eat you alive.

Goodnight, Peggy.
That was a lovely dinner.

Goodnight, son.

Mom seemed to enjoy herself tonight.

You defended Troy Aikman
more than you defended your mother.

Mom knows how it is with Dad.

And there were six dropped passes.
All Troy can do is get it there.

[Soft instrumental music]

Okay, everyone, follow my beam.
Hurry carefully.

COTTON: Good morning.
I hopes we wasn't too loud last night.

Just so you know,
you kids are on your own today.

I'm taking Bobby ice-skating at the mall.

-We're gonna go meet guys.
-I'm the bait.

-What?
-Guys love single moms.

[Cotton exclaiming loudly]

COTTON: I forgot how much
old ladies stink.

[Solemn instrumental music]

Good God, you've got a fat neck, Hank!

So, Dad, I thought we'd split up at the mall.

Are you gonna talk the whole way?

I'm gonna head down
to the corn dog shack...

and watch the girlies make lemonade.

HANK: Goodbye, Peggy.
PEGGY: No time.

Fire truck!

Hi, how long would it take to glue
a rubber sole back on a lady's loafer?

Five minutes.

Lady's loafer? That's a men's loafer.

It is a uni-loafer.

Have it your way.
This is gonna take a while.

[Peggy sighing]

[Dramatic instrumental music]

KAHN: Here come leftover turkeys.

Hell, you're here?

I am everywhere you want to be, Hank Hill.

I'm Jonathan Burrows, your moderator.

My research associates and I
at Research Associates...

have only one client:
the American consumer.

Yes, we're being paid
by the Mason Corporation.

But we are paid to be independent.

[Chattering]

What's the matter?

We may or may not have
run into your dad in the men's room...

and we may or may not have told him
that we were being paid $50...

to participate in a focus group.

Mostly, may.

[Tense instrumental music]

Dad, that was a close one.
Now what you're gonna wanna do...

is turn around, head out the door,
and once you're out the door...

-there really is no wrong turn.
-Out of my way.

Damn.

Why don't we start
by introducing ourselves?

Kahn So up ha no us in phone.
I am system analyst.

So that's what you do.
What kind of systems?

Why bother explain?
You're already in over your head.

JONATHAN: You, sir.

Lane Pretty. I own Pretty Ford,
Pretty Honda...

and I got my eye on Pretty Cadillac.

-My daddy ain't doing so good.
-You sold me an Escort once.

Boyce Hubert, minister,
although I've lost my faith.

'Course, I did find a pretty great
parking space on my way in.

But the Lord works in such
mysterious ways, who the hell knows?

My name"s Hank Hill and I--

He runs a gas station. Next.

I'm Cotton Hill. I killed 50 men.

-Is that a real computer?
-Yes.

In that case, my name is...

Rusty Shackelford.

Shackelford.

You can just go ahead
and call me Boomhauer, man.

You know, that dang old last name,
you know, Me at head.

Did a lot of different things.
Had a job back there in that company.

Settlement, man. Old workers' comp, too.
It's tax-free, man.

Okay. You, sir.

I'm Bill Dauterive. I'm a sergeant barber
in the United States Army.

I'm 5'8.75" tall.
My wife, Lenore, divorced me...

in the year of our Lord 1991.
That's about it.

Super. What a fine lot you are.
And now I'd like to direct your attention...

to the best that the Mason Corporation
has to offer.

That's my mower, the Mason 1500.

The Mason 2500!

Lord have mercy.

That's not my mower!

They call this progress?
They've pushed out all the mower...

to make room for cruise control,
zero turning radius...

featherweight space-age polymers,
optional rear bag attachment...

Tommy Hilfinger sports package?

I love this mower so much...

-my heart hurts.
-Why? Why do you love it so much?

Because Hank Hill will never be able
to afford one on his meager salary.

My boy's a pump jockey. Works for tips.

-Dad, I do not work for tips.
-Pump jockey!

-Dad, I am not a pump--
-Works for tips.

I like the mower. It's got a lot of
nice curves, like a purty young woman.

Hank's mower's like a dumpy fishwife.

[Dance music playing]

What are we waiting for, Luanne?

Maybe it's too soon since...

Buckley's not getting any deader, Luanne.

-It's time to move on.
-Yeah.

Let's go!

[Luanne screaming]

Are you all right?

[Sobbing]

It's just that they're playing
Buckley and my song.

Hey.

Come on, Betsy.

You gotta love a product
with this many options and add-ons.

That's where you make your money.
You take your optional rear bag.

If I had a Mason dealership,
I'd guaran-damn-tee you...

if you walked into my showroom, you'd
ride out with that bag behind your ass.

You sold me pinstripes for my Escort.

No. Let me explain it to you.
I financed you pinstripes for your Escort.

So, if I'm hearing you people, this mower
has surpassed your expectations...

and quite possibly, your dreams?

Now hold on.

Boomhauer, Bill, Rusty and me don't like it.

'Course you don't like it.
Anything I like, you don't like.

Then when I say I don't like something,
for example your mother...

you've gotta say
how much you like her even more!

Please keep my mother out of this.

How about you, Rusty?

Rusty?

Rusty.

-Shackelford. Yes, I am pro-mower.
-What?

- I like the ashtray.
-Don"t be an idiot, Dale. That's the gas cap.

He's an idiot.
He can use it however he wants.

Thank you, Colonel.

Well, it looks like
we're pretty close to a consensus.

Now if we could discuss
the electric seat warmer?

Why would we need our seat warmed?

That's what pants are for.
Right, Boomhauer?

I don't know, Hank, man. Maybe dang old
get naked on that dang old thing.

Heat my little, that little old vibrate
might feel good, man.

So you're in favor of the mower,
Mr. Boomhauer?

Man, dang old listen, man.

-Boomhauer--
-I'd like to make a point.

I already made your point, Bill.
We don't like it.

We liked the old model, thank you.

Is that the point you wanted to make,
Mr. Dauterive?

Yes.

No! Hank, you have been
speaking for me for...

-I don't know how long.
-Years and years.

That sounds about right. Starting today...

William Fontaine Delatur Dauterive
speaks for himself.

Attaboy, Phil!

And what I have to say
will rock your world.

I like the cup holder.

Bill, we can order you a cup holder,
and I'll attach it to your 1500.

No, I'm sorry, Mr. Hill.

Mason doesn't make parts
for models that are being discontinued.

Your mower is...

-What's a nice word for "obsolete"?
-Collectible?

-Perfect.
-Bill's on fire today!

Way to go, Bill.

Your mower's obsolete, Hank.

When something gets old and tired,
you gotta trade up.

You mean like
you traded in Mother for Didi?

I didn't trade your mama in.
A trade-in has some value.

I scrapped her.

Listen to all of you.

You're hypnotized by a slick mower
with all sorts of bells and whistles.

And you're gonna fall for it. Well, I'm not.

My mower is reliable, low-maintenance,
and has held up damn well over the years.

I've got a good mower.
And I have got a good mother.

So let's see a show of hands.
All those in favor of the new model?

[Solemn instrumental music]

Wait. Are we voting for Hank's mom
or the mower?

The mower.

Gentlemen, you've made it clear this new
mower is what today's consumer wants.

When do we get our $50?

We haven't earned it yet.

This invitation specifically states that...

we are to discuss this new lawn mower
for three hours, from 9:00 to noon.

We still have an hour-and-a-half.

Give us a break, Hank.

When you little redneck boy,
you couldn't defend your mother.

Now you compensate
by defending your mower.

You confuse personal issues
with technological.

I have father issues, too,
but this is a good mower!

[All mumbling in agreement]

No, it's not. You know what? I'm willing
to put my money where my mouth is.

I'll put up my $50, less my expenses...

if you still like the new mower
after I've had my say.

That works out to over $7 apiece.

Put on your tap shoes, Shirley.

[Exclaiming in fear]

Wait till Dad sees this!

I'm sorry about all those things Cotton
said about you. It doesn't mean anything.

He just doesn't like you.

I wouldn't mind Cotton's rantings
if Hank would just stick up for me.

If it makes you feel any better,
Hank doesn't stick up for me either...

his own stepmother.

You folks think that just because
this mower is new, it's improved.

So we should just
get rid of the old one, right?

DALE: That's about the size of it there.

Hold on for a second.
A lot of great things in life are old.

Like Old Glory, Old Faithful, Old Testament.

�"Thou shalt not kill.� Just because
a baptism turns into a little drowning.

Everybody's gotta blame somebody.

Reverend, that's an awful thing.
Can I ask you a question?

-What kind of car do you drive?
-Mitsubishi Diamante.

If you're through here, I'd like to take
the good reverend over to the lot...

put him behind the wheel
of a brand-new pre-owned Sonata.

I'm not through here yet, Lane.
Let me ask you this:

You'd buy this mower, right,
with all the bells and whistles?

Hell, yeah.

So you'd be the one
paying all that dealer mark-up, right?

You'd be just like me.

Hey now, Hondo. Just a second here.
Those god-dang Mason sons of bitches.

I'm changing my vote.

All right, then.
We're making some progress here.

Now, Boomhauer, you like that fancy
electronic seat warmer, don't you?

-Yo.
-Sounds like a good thing, I'll give you that.

But when you ride your mower,
where do you keep your beer?

Man, I plant that dang old beer
right between the legs.

Between his legs. In other words,
this electronic seat warmer...

is heating up
more than just Boomhauer's can.

It's also heating up his can of beer.

Man, I don't want warm beer
like that dang old Euro trash, man...

-drinking that old warm crap.
-All right, Boomhauer's on board.

-That makes three of us.
-You'll never sway me.

I am unswayable.

I'd be a little more impressed
with you, Dale...

if you didn't have chocolate chip crumbs
all over your eyebrows.

-No way.
-See for yourself.

[Dramatic instrumental music]

Hey, you're right.

[Dale exclaiming in fright]

Who are those people?

Those are people sent to monitor
your thoughts and opinions.

To learn how you think.
You know, get inside your head.

[Screaming]

That's four.

[Machine whirring]

All right. I think I've got enough
positive and negative comments...

to put together a very positive report.

Not so fast. I've still got 30 minutes.

[Tense instrumental music]

...and Taiwan won't be far behind.

And second--

Rock the casbah

Shareef don't like it

[All laughing]

That's it. This is
a zero-turning-radius mower, is it not?

It has a rear bag option, and it's
made of ultra-light space-age materials.

Now, taken alone,
each of those things might be good.

But combined,
they're a prescription for terror.

I don't see or like where this is going.

-Reverend Hubert--
- I didn't drown that boy.

Would you do me the honor
of getting on the mower?

Now drive to the wall
and execute a 180-degree turn.

Now engage the zero turning radius.

[Screaming]

[Tense instrumental music]

That could have been me. I hate this
mower!

There's your space-age polymers.
There's your zero turning radius.

There's your rear bag option.

My cup holder!

Now I know why
you're always speaking for me, Hank.

'Cause I'm never right and you always are.

Bill, if I'm always speaking for you,
and I'm always right...

that means you're always right, too,
doesn't it?

Well...

-It does.
-It does.

It does.

How do you like that? I'm always right!

That's everybody but one.

Preacher, if you're still
in the baptizing business...

I'd like you to drown my boy Hank.

They said the ladies' room
was the second door on the right...

so this must be it.

COTTON: I'll tell you who gets my vote.
The guy who figures out a way...

to strap an old woman on an old mower
and run them both off a cliff.

He's doing it again, and in public.

Don't get me wrong, Mr. Kahn.
I like a woman with a big butt.

But Titty was taking advantage
of the situation.

All right, I've had enough, Dad.

Don't talk to me like that, boy.
I'll tell you when you've had enough.

No, Dad. My mower is not too old,
and my mom was not too old.

But this isn't about my mom,
and it's certainly not about my mower.

It's about a bitter old man
who blames everybody but himself...

for all his own problems.

And if you ever talk about my mom
or my mower like that again...

you're not welcome in my house.

Amen.

You've got a fat neck, boy.

Well, I'm not sure if there is a God
or a heaven...

but one thing I can tell you
is your daddy's going to hell.

Hello, son. How was the focus group?

Not so great.
And now I've gotta do all my shopping.

Have you thought about
what you want for Christmas, Mom?

TILLY: I don't need anything from you,
Hank. You've given me enough already.

[Sentimental instrumental music]

[Snoring]

HANK: I guess Peggy got a ride home
with Cotton.

I'll be dipped!

[Theme song]

COTTON: Pump jockey!

HANK: / am not--
COTTON: Works for tips.

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