All language subtitles for King of the Hill s03e02 And They Call It Bobby Love.eng

[Theme music]

[School bell ringing]

[Bobby panting]

[Screams]

Kid, where's your hall pass?

You got me.

My name is Ramon Tavares.
I'm in Mr. Powell's class.

Ramon Tavares?

Why does your lunch bag say "Bobby Hill"?

Because we can't spell Ramon...

What did I say?

[Laughing]

All right. Get going, Ramon.

-Bobby Hill!
-Yeah?

You're good.

[Laughing]

Yup.

-Yup.
-Yup.

[Boomhauer grunts in agreement]

They dumped it right where we stand.
That's where we stand.

Why would somebody leave a couch
behind my house?

I know how it got here.

One of them firefighting planes
scooped it up out of Lake Arlen.

You're not talking
about that dang old urban legend, man.

It's like that toothbrush
up that man's bottom.

That true, too. That happened to me.

Look, treasure.

A rubber band and a sugar cube.

[Exclaiming in pleasure]

Have a little pride, Bill.

If we eat their garbage,
we're not much better than they are.

Probably had a coffee table.

If this old couch could talk...

My name? My name is Hank Taxpayer...

and I want that couch removed.

There are people who stand in that alley.

We talk.

That's not really your business, is it?

Sports, mostly, you know.

[Grunting]

[Girls laughing]

[Cheerful instrumental music]

Guys, you've got to see this.
Bobby, do that walk again.

Okay.

[Yiddish accent]
What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

[All laughing]

What's so funny about that?

It's adult humor, Connie.
I don't even get some of it.

[Lively instrumental music]

It could be weeks
before the city comes and hauls this away.

What? You say something, Hank?

This is ridiculous.
I say we get rid of the couch ourselves.

[Bill sighing pleasurably]

-What are you doing?
-I'm drinking beer.

I'm sitting on the couch, and I'm outside.

I'm just going to take a break.
Five minutes, that's all.

[Dale sighing]

Man, don't sit like a bunch of
dang old lazy couch jockeys sitting there.

Look up there in the sky, man.
That dang old...

[Boomhauer sighs]

Sorry. I don't want to be
no dang old Lucky Pierre, man.

Come on, Hank.

All right. But if I don't like it,
I'm standing right back up.

[Birds chirping]

[Telephone ringing]

HANK: Hello?
MARIE: Hi, can I speak to Bobby, please?

I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.

Who was it, Dad?

A girl asking for someone named Bobby.

Oh.

[Telephone ringing]

HANK: Hello?
MARIE: Hi. Does Bobby Hill live there?

Hold on a second.

Son, it's one of your friends
playing a prank.

BOBBY: Hey, Joseph.
MARIE: Bobby, it's Marie.

Oh. Hey!

MARIE: A bunch of us are going to hang out
at the mall. Wanna come?

I did have a prior engagement,
but I can always tape it.

[Marie laughing]

[Leaf blower running]

[Cheerful instrumental music]

[Electric drill whirring]

BOBBY: What are you going to get, Marie?
MARIE: I don't eat anything with a head.

I'm a vegetarian, Bobby.

-I don't eat meat.
-My dad says...

if God didn't want us to eat meat,
He wouldn't have invented steak sauce.

Your dad says that?

Once.

Did you know that the average person
consumes 500 chickens?

That's enough chickens
to feed a whole starving village.

But they shouldn't eat them.

Because that's bad.

-I'll have the chopped salad, please.
-And I'll have the BLT, please.

-That has bacon, Bobby.
-Bacon doesn't have a head on it.

Could you make that an LT, please?

Tonight was fun.
My friends think you're a riot.

I really was choking at the food court,
but don't tell them that.

There's a couch in the alley.

Sit down.

-You want to kiss?
-I'll try anything once.

I didn't think I'd like fruit pies,
but then I tried one...

and if your kiss is anything
like a fruit pie, I'm sure--

[Smooching]

All right. See you around.

[Grunting]

[Peggy humming]

Mom, Dad, did you see the sunrise
this morning?

It was the same color
as my girlfriend Marie's hair.

[Peggy sighs]

Here's your coffee, sweetmeat.

[Bobby sniffing]

Reminds me of my girlfriend Marie.

She likes to drink her coffee black, too.

Looks like they'll finally
cut down the big oak tree...

in the middle of the ball park.

I'm not sure what my girlfriend Marie
thinks about that. I'll ask her.

All right, Bobby, I'll bite.

Why do you keep saying
the word "girlfriend"?

Because I have a girlfriend.

Bobby has a girlfriend? All right, son.

She's real, right?

I mean, she's not imaginary
or on a cereal box or anything, is she?

-No.
-All right.

I assume that she's your girlfriend...

just like Joseph is your boyfriend.

Peggy. Joseph is not Bobby's boyfriend.

[Dale screaming]

DALE: Red alert! The garbage truck's here!

You're not taking it!

Can you ask this gentleman
to get off the couch, so we can do our job?

Bill, don't move a muscle.

[Both grunting]

Good work, Bill.

All right, but if you leave it out,
somebody's going to haul it away.

Go to hell.

[Ominous instrumental music]

MAN: Let's go.

BOBBY: What do you want to do, guys?
CONNIE: Let's go bike riding.

-That's boring.
-Yeah, that's a little boring, Connie.

Maybe there's something else
we all could do?

We could go shopping for clothes
at the mall.

That's a great idea.

[Telephone ringing]

For quality purposes, some portions
of this conversation may be recorded.

DALE: Gribble residence.
BILL: Hey, Dale.

I just phoned to talk about the couch.

You know, just thinking about the couch.

Bill, this is so strange.

I was just about to call you
about the couch.

Yeah? You know the only thing
better than talking about the couch?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

-I'll see you out there!
-All right.

[Dale humming]

MARIE: Wonder where your friends are.
BOBBY: I don't know.

They were following us to the mall
and then they were gone.

Look, the couch. You want to kiss?

No, I got to go.

You know, Marie...

the other night when you wanted to kiss,
I didn't feel like it...

but I did it anyway.

You have to respect my needs, too.

Okay, whatever.

[Bobby and Marie smooching]

[Gasps]

[Sad instrumental music]

Bobby?

Okay, Bobby, I got to go.

Good night, Marie.

Can I have some rice
and plain toast, please?

My girlfriend Marie's a vegetarian,
and she says--

There it is.
I knew this was too good to be true.

So? She's a vegetarian.

She still likes lots of things I like.
Like kissing, for instance.

My word. Hank, talk to the boy.

Bobby...

vegetarians can't be trusted.

Just last week,
we caught one of them siphoning gas...

-out of a company truck--
-No, I was talking about the kissing.

-He's too young.
-You would think that...

but I am such a good kisser, Mom.
Marie says so.

You should have seen it.

She bent my head back, she put her hand--

Bobby, you are only 12.
You should be afraid of girls.

You're just jealous because
you aren't as in love as me and Marie.

I really don't think you can compare
a two-day infatuation...

to a 20-year marriage.

I bet Marie and me have kissed more
in two days...

than you have in your whole marriage.

You know, I don't think
I've ever seen you guys kiss.

-Your father has kissed me.
-Peggy!

I'm not afraid to show my love. You are.

Your father and I have done things
you can't even imagine.

Peggy, please.

Uh...

I'm flattered that you asked me
to help you with your algebra homework.

Actually, Luanne, I don't need you
to teach me algebra.

Thank God!

Well...

As you know, Bobby has a girlfriend.

Bobby has a girlfriend, and I know it?

Yes, and well...

it's made me realize
that I really like Bobby.

What should I do?

If you and Bobby are meant to be,
then it'll happen.

I mean, Buckley and I weren't meant to be,
and that's why he blew up.

Excuse me. I have an outside couch.

What do you have
to keep the squirrels away?

STOREKEEPER: I'll check.

What are you doing?

Hank, remember how we
used to hold hands in broad daylight?

Come on, honey, hold my hand.

I wish I could, but my hands are full, see?

I guess Bobby was right.
Maybe we are afraid to show our love.

Al right.

Get a room, you two.

[Upbeat blues music]

What did you do to my old couch?

We're not falling for it, Kahn.
This was not yours.

I got rid of it after a neighborhood cat
came inside and peed all over it.

Tried to dump it in front of Gribble's yard,
but Minh cut her leg on a tack...

so we dump it here.

[Dale grunts knowingly]

I get it. He's seen what we've done with it,
now he wants it back.

You crazy! I don't want it back.

I got an old pair of boxer shorts
you can use as a tea cozy. Want that, too?

[Laughing mockingly]

MARIE: Hey, is Bobby home?
HANK: Who are you?

I'm Marie.

HANK: How old are you?
MARIE: 14.

14? I don't know what
Bobby's been telling you, but he's only 12.

He's been telling me lots of things.

How come
you never hold your wife's hand?

BOBBY: See you later, Dad.

[Door closes]

Bobby's Marie is 14 years old.

What? Oh, God.

That means when she was three,
our Bobby was only one.

It makes me sick just thinking about it.

[Techno music playing]

Is this a make-out party?

Because if it is, I'm prepared for that.

Look, if the lady doesn't want to dance,
don't make her dance.

-Come on, kid. Move out of the way.
-Bobby, move.

[Techno music stops]

Marie!

Bobby, what are you doing?

BOBBY: Why were you dancing
with those guys?

I don't know.
I like dancing, I wanted to dance.

Who were those guys?

Why were you dancing with all those guys?

Bobby, they're friends.
We were just dancing.

What about us?
You are supposed to dance with just me...

and maybe some of your girlfriends,
but mostly just me!

What? This is getting way too intense.
We're only friends.

[Exclaims in shock]

I thought we were more than that!

You're a funny guy.
You make me laugh. That's all.

But we kissed.

Yes, and looking back now,
maybe that was a mistake.

Mistake?

That was the single most important thing
in my life.

Look, I don't think
we should hang out together anymore.

Just tell me why you were dancing
with all those guys!

Goodbye, Bobby.

You kissed me.
That means we're back together again.

Marie, come back.

Look, I'm doing your favorite comedy bit.

[Yiddish accent]
What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

[Bobby crying]

What are you talking about?

[Sad instrumental music]

[Bobby crying in the distance]

[Door opens]

Somebody push you off your bike, son?

[Sobbing]

Marie broke up with me.

[Peggy exclaims in pity]

-It doesn't feel so good, does it, son?
-No.

I guess your love wasn't as strong
as your father's and mine, was it?

No, it wasn't.

[Bobby crying]

BOBBY: I kissed Marie on this couch.

That's not what this couch is for.

Yeah, you know
you have to put it to a vote...

if you want a family member
to use the couch.

Al right.

[Clears throat]

I know it's not good
when a girl breaks your heart.

[Bobby continues crying]

It's only natural to be sad.

But the couch is a happy place.

[Bobby crying loudly]

[Sad country music playing on stereo]

He stopped crying.
That's a step in the right direction.

The boy's taste in music
is getting better, too.

[Sad country music playing on stereo]

BOBBY: Mom, I'm never going to make
anyone laugh ever again.

I don't want to be a prop comic.

PEGGY: No, Ladybird, not now.

Look at it this way.
Tonight you're going out on a date...

with your parents.

And we know how you like going out
with people older than you.

[Peggy squeals excitedly]

I'm on a date with my two favorite men.
Look at me.

[Bobby crying]

MARIE: A cup of rice, plain toast...

and I'll help myself to the salad bar.
Thank you.

[Country music playing]

Is that her?

Now it all makes sense.
She looks exactly like me.

Dad, I want to go home.

You can't let her get to you, son.
If you leave, she wins.

And dating is all about
who wins and who loses.

WAITRESS: Yee-haw!
Welcome to The Panhandler.

Would any of you fine folks...

care to take on
our 72-ounce top sirloin steak?

WAITRESS: Finish it in an hour and it's free.
HANK: No, thank you.

Yes, I would.

That's a lot of meat, son.
What happened to being a vegetarian?

And I want it rare.

ALL: All right, Bobby! Let's go!

[All cheering]

[Regal instrumental music]

[All applauding]

WAITRESS: Okay, the rules are simple.

No one is allowed to help you
chew or cut the meat.

And if you get sick before the finish,
the contest is over.

Good luck. Let's give him
a little encouragement, folks!

[All cheering]

[Dramatic instrumental music]

Attaboy. You can do it, son.

Shovel it in, honey.
Don't be afraid to use all your teeth.

That's it.
36 down, only 36 ounces to go, son.

Tame that slab of beef.

[Dramatic instrumental music continues]

You're just making
a fool of yourself, Bobby.

Nobody's impressed.

[Squealing excitedly]

-Come on, kid. Slice and swallow.
-A steak-eating machine.

[Dramatic instrumental music stops]

[Bobby sighs]

[All gasping]

[Exclaims in satisfaction]

[Dramatic instrumental music resumes]

[All cheering]

[Ominous instrumental music]

[Sighs in exasperation]

[Groans in satisfaction]

[All cheering]

Come on, Mom, Dad. We're leaving.

[Both cheering wildly]

[Victorious instrumental music]

Thank you, Arlen.

You two, I'm trying to eat.

Son, the worst part's over.

Now you'll realize just how silly...

The couch is gone! No!

[Tires screeching]

We didn't even get a chance
to say goodbye.

[Groaning]

[Sentimental instrumental music]

-Hi, Bobby.
-Hey, Connie.

Are you okay?

Me and Marie just broke up.

[Bobby retching]

You're taking it pretty hard.
You must've really liked her a lot.

No, I just ate a 72-ounce steak dinner
in 37 minutes.

[Bobby vomiting]

When you finish, you want to come over
to my house and watch some television?

[Bobby continues vomiting]

[Bobby continues vomiting]

CONNIE: /t doesn't have to be television.

BILL: Why, I don't know, Dale.

No, I didn't see a thing.

I bet the city hauled it away.

I know, Dale. I miss it, too.

Maybe it's all for the best.

We were starting to depend
on that couch too much.

Yeah, it's probably...

all for the best.

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