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1
00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:08,039
HEY, JAKE. HEY, MOM.
2
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:11,154
HEY, MAN WHO COULD HAVE
DROPPED JAKE OFF IN THE DRIVEWAY...
3
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,411
INSTEAD OF COMING INTO MY HOUSE.
4
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,982
YES, I COULD HAVE,
5
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,050
BUT THEN I WOULD
HAVE MISSED THIS.
6
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:22,888
GO ON, JAKE. FIRST OF
ALL, MOM, I LOVE YOU.
7
00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:26,491
JAKE, DID YOU CALL YOUR
TEACHER "BIG MAMA" AGAIN?
8
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:34,399
- MOM, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
- YEAH.
9
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:38,770
SPEAKING OF FUNNY, WHAT DO
YOU THINK ABOUT BEAUTY PAGEANTS?
10
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:41,785
WELL, JAKE, I THINK BEAUTY
PAGEANTS ARE FINE FOR SOME PEOPLE,
11
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,409
BUT YOU REALLY OUGHT
TO STICK WITH SOCCER.
12
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,279
MOM, STOP! MY SIDES.
13
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:55,254
WE'RE HAVING A FUND-RAISER AT
SCHOOL. IT'S A PAGEANT FOR GRANDMAS.
14
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:57,322
OH! A GRANDMA PAGEANT.
15
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,324
REALLY.
16
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:02,172
LITTLE OLD LADIES GOING UP
ON STAGE STRUTTIN' THEIR STUFF?
17
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,129
MM-HMM. THAT IS HILARIOUS.
18
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:07,031
YEAH. YEAH, BUT THAT'S
NOT THE FUNNY PART.
19
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,034
I SIGNED YOU UP.
20
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,838
HA, HEY!
21
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,641
♪ MY ROOTS ARE
PLANTED IN THE PAST ♪
22
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,077
♪ THOUGH MY LIFE
IS CHANGING FAST ♪
23
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:23,148
♪ WHO I AM IS WHO I WANT TO BE ♪
24
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,951
♪ A SINGLE MOM WHO
WORKS TOO HARD ♪
25
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,686
♪ WHO LOVES HER
KIDS AND NEVER STOPS ♪
26
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,322
♪ WITH GENTLE HANDS ♪
27
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,257
♪ AND THE HEART OF A FIGHTER ♪
28
00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:38,897
♪ I'M A SURVIVOR ♪♪
29
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,639
MRS. H, I THOUGHT OF
THE PERFECT THING...
30
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,819
FOR YOU TO WEAR AT YOUR PAGEANT.
31
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,678
- BEST OF ALL, IT'S PATRIOTIC.
- WHAT EXACTLY COULD THAT BE?
32
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:56,314
RED HAIR, WHITE FACE,
BLUE HAT... YOU ARE A FLAG.
33
00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,017
YEAH!
34
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:03,321
REBA?
35
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,501
YOU'VE TOLD ME A THOUSAND
TIMES, AND I'VE NEVER LISTENED.
36
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:07,692
YOU'RE RIGHT. I SHOULD
JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.
37
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,530
I'M JUST APOLOGIZING IN ADVANCE.
38
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:20,939
GUESS WHAT I AM.
39
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:23,442
THE NEW FRUIT IN THE
FRUIT OF THE LOOM?
40
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,382
BROCK TOLD ME ABOUT THE
PAGEANT. ISN'T IT EXCITING?
41
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,385
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
42
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,720
I KNOW THAT JAKE FELT
OBLIGATED TO ASK YOU,
43
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:38,122
BUT I JUST WANTED TO SHOW HIM...
44
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,858
WHAT OTHER OPTIONS
WERE AVAILABLE.
45
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,562
AFTER ALL, I AM A STEP-GRANDMA.
46
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,998
WITH THE BRAINS
OF A "STEP-LADDER."
47
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,069
WOW, BARBRA JEAN.
48
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:54,539
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. OH, THIS?
49
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,541
THIS WAS EASY.
50
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,543
YOU KNOW, JUST AN
OLD PAGEANT GOWN,
51
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,678
SOME HAIR SPRAY AND MAKEUP...
52
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:05,417
AND THREE STRATEGICALLY
PLACED RUBBER BANDS.
53
00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:15,894
TWO. TWO RUBBER BANDS.
54
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:19,864
FIVE.
55
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,701
YEAH, WE STARTED
WITH FIVE RUBBER BANDS.
56
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,171
OKAY. NOW, JAKE,
57
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,208
IF YOU ALLOW ME TO
REPRESENT YOU IN THE PAGEANT,
58
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:33,879
I HAVE SEVERAL SONG OPTIONS
FOR THE TALENT PORTION.
59
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,682
NOW, FIRST... AND
A'ONE, AND A-TWO!
60
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,051
♪ I'M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY ♪
61
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,021
♪ YANKEE DOODLE DO OR DIE ♪♪
62
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:46,558
NOW SOMETHING MORE SEDATE...
63
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,627
LIKE THIS.
64
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:55,767
♪ AVE MARIA ♪
65
00:03:55,836 --> 00:04:01,807
♪ GRATIA DE MARIA ♪
66
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,875
BREAK IT DOWN, MARY!
67
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:18,323
YEAH!
68
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,266
I NEED A BEER.
69
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,769
YEAH, RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
70
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:34,839
HEY. OH, NO.
71
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,052
DID I MISS MARY BREAKING IT
DOWN? I COULD DO IT AGAIN.
72
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,210
NO. OKAY.
73
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,347
SO ANYWAY, SOMEBODY
ASK ME A QUESTION. OKAY.
74
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:45,283
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
75
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,522
I MEANT A PAGEANT QUESTION.
76
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,657
WHAT EXACTLY IS
MISSING FROM YOUR LIFE...
77
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,460
THAT WOULD MAKE
YOU ENTER A PAGEANT?
78
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:58,062
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION, BOB.
79
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,033
I WANNA BE A ROLE MODEL...
80
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:06,705
NOT JUST TO GRANDMAS, BUT
TO ALL PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.
81
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:09,874
HEY, NOW.
82
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:13,344
TO SHOW COMPASSION
FOR THE HUMAN RACE...
83
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,491
BY VISITING CHILDREN'S WARDS,
84
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:17,515
VOLUNTEERING AT
RETIREMENT HOMES...
85
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,518
AND READING TO THE EYELESS.
86
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,529
- YOU MEAN TO THE BLIND?
- NO.
87
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,575
I MEAN THE EYELESS WHO CAN SEE.
88
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:35,399
OKAY, GEE WHIZ.
89
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:40,304
WOW, BARBRA JEAN. YOUR
SPEECH WAS REALLY GOOD.
90
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:43,141
AND YOU SURE DO KNOW HOW TO TAP.
91
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:47,212
YEAH, BUT TAP-DANCING TO THAT
SONG WAS JUST A LITTLE DISRESPECTFUL.
92
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,048
NOW, IF YOU WORE A
NUN'S COSTUME, THAT...
93
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:54,252
NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? I HEAR
THAT'S A TOUGH HABIT TO BREAK.
94
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,101
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, JAKE,
SHE WOULD BE GREAT.
95
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,403
BUT YOU KNOW, YOU KIND OF
ALREADY DID ASK YOUR MOM,
96
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,593
AND, WELL, IF
BARBRA JEAN'S IN IT,
97
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:05,530
SHE'S GONNA MAKE
MY LIFE MISERABLE.
98
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:09,000
ACTUALLY, BROCK, AS I RECALL,
YOU PICKED ME FIRST TOO.
99
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:16,908
SO, MOM, YOU DON'T CARE IF
BARBRA JEAN TAKES YOUR PLACE?
100
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,177
NO, SHE DOESN'T CARE. YOU
DON'T CARE, DO YOU, REBA?
101
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:22,947
OH, NOT AT ALL. NO, NO. BARBRA JEAN IS
REALLY GOOD AT THESE SORT OF THINGS.
102
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,783
TRULY, SHE'S A NATURAL.
103
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,899
SO, JAKE, YOU PICK
WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT,
104
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,101
AND IT WON'T HURT
MY FEELINGS AT ALL.
105
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,559
WELL... PICK ME, PICK ME!
106
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:39,030
I GUESS I PICK BARBRA JEAN.
107
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,366
YES! HA, HA, HA!
108
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:44,536
I MEAN, THANK YOU,
AND I HOPE I CAN LIVE UP...
109
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:48,206
TO THE CONFIDENCE AND
EXPECTATIONS YOU HAVE IN ME.
110
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,643
OKAY.
111
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,714
WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M
OUT OF THE PAGEANT,
112
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,783
SO I'M GONNA GO
HAVE ME SOME PIE.
113
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:07,893
MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN'T
LET BARBRA JEAN ENTER THAT PAGEANT.
114
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:11,329
WHY NOT? OLD PEOPLE
NEED TO LAUGH TOO.
115
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,398
JAKE WANTED YOU
TO BE IN THE CONTEST.
116
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,500
THAT'S WHY HE CAME
UP WITH THE IDEA.
117
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,669
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
118
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,670
IT WAS HIS IDEA FOR
THE FUND-RAISER.
119
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,773
HE TOLD ALL HIS BUDDIES
THAT YOU WERE GONNA WIN...
120
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,943
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE YOUNGEST,
COOLEST GRANDMA. HE DID?
121
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:28,179
YEAH, AND HE'S A HARD-ENOUGH KID
TO LIKE WITHOUT THEM SEEING THAT.
122
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:41,470
OH, MAN! I DIDN'T KNOW IT
WAS SO IMPORTANT TO HIM.
123
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,427
OF COURSE I'LL DO IT.
124
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:46,364
HEY, REBA, DO YOU
HAVE ANY JUGGLING PINS?
125
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:49,233
YES, BARBRA JEAN. THEY'RE IN
THE BACKYARD UNDER THE BIG TOP.
126
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,871
YOU WON'T NEED 'EM, BARBRA JEAN.
I'VE DECIDED TO ENTER THE PAGEANT.
127
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,641
WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
128
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,821
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
TO JAKE THAT I DO IT.
129
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:01,679
WELL, WHAT I THINK IS
IMPORTANT TO JAKE...
130
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:03,881
IS THAT SOMEBODY WIN,
131
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:07,852
AND LET'S FACE IT, I
HAVE A BETTER CHANCE.
132
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:13,124
REALLY? AND WHY
WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
133
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:15,126
WELL, BECAUSE I HAVE EXPERIENCE.
134
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,963
I HAVE WON FOUR BEAUTY
CONTESTS ALREADY...
135
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:21,666
MISS VALUE MART,
MISS KNOX COUNTY P&E,
136
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,135
MISS TASTEE FREEZ,
137
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,906
AND A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
DOWN IN GALVESTON.
138
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,460
WHY IS IT THE STUFF THAT
NORMAL PEOPLE TRY TO FORGET...
139
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,884
YOU BRAG ABOUT?
140
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,690
REBA, TRY NOT TO THINK OF IT
AS YOU NOT BEING IN THE CONTEST.
141
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:49,727
THINK OF IT AS ME SAVING YOU
FROM MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
142
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,704
DO YOU HAVE A FULL-LENGTH
MIRROR IN YOUR HOUSE?
143
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:13,651
REBA, YOU HAVE A
GREAT MANY TALENTS.
144
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,021
YOU MAKE A NICE OMELET.
145
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:19,558
BUT IN THIS, YOU'RE
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
146
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,095
BARBRA JEAN, I'M
ENTERING THIS PAGEANT...
147
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:27,132
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO DISAPPOINT JAKE,
148
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,400
BUT I'M GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT.
149
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:31,736
THAT WILL BE THE
ICING ON THE CAKE.
150
00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:35,173
OH, WELL, BRING IT ON, PEACHES.
151
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,777
BRING IT... ON!
152
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:56,727
HEY. I THOUGHT I'D WEAR MY
COUSIN'S DRESS IN THE PAGEANT.
153
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,930
SHE GOT MARRIED
THREE TIMES IN THIS THING.
154
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,333
IT'S LUCKY.
155
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,335
MOM, YOU'RE GONNA
BE IN A BEAUTY PAGEANT.
156
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,538
YOU HAVE TO WEAR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW,
FLASHY. SOMETHING THAT CATCHES THE EYE.
157
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,976
OR TURN YOUR HEAD INTO
A FLAG. I'M TELLING YOU.
158
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:19,483
I'M SURE IF WE LOOK WAY IN THE BACK OF
YOUR CLOSET, WE CAN FIND SOMETHING SEXY.
159
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,553
CHEYENNE, I'VE HAD
THREE CHILDREN.
160
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,522
THE ONLY THING SEXY IN MY
CLOSET IS AN OLD NURSING BRA.
161
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:29,360
- HEY! NOT IN FRONT OF ME.
- WE'LL GO SHOPPING TOMORROW.
162
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:32,175
BUT HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA DO FOR YOUR TALENT ROUTINE?
163
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,199
YES! I'M GONNA DO
A COMEDY ROUTINE.
164
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:37,368
OH, MERCIFUL GOD, NO.
165
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,939
LOOK, I'VE BEEN WATCHING A LOT OF
LATE-NIGHT COMICS, AND IT LOOKS EASY.
166
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:44,275
ALL I NEED IS A LITTLE PRACTICE,
AND I CAN BE AS FUNNY AS THEY ARE.
167
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,444
SO SIT BACK, SHUT UP AND LAUGH.
168
00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:50,047
MIGHT WANT TO WORK
ON YOUR INTRO. YEAH.
169
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:54,185
SO IT'S GREAT TO BE
HERE WITH YOU TONIGHT.
170
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,421
YOU KNOW, I'M DIVORCED, SO I'M
BACK IN THE DATIN' WORLD AGAIN.
171
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,124
DATIN'... WOW!
172
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,529
HOW MANY OF YOU HERE
ARE... ARE SINGLE TONIGHT?
173
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,398
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.
174
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:10,034
SO YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
175
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:18,142
SO, NEW YORK... WOW.
176
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,312
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE
HERE FROM NEW YORK?
177
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,919
MAN, CATS AND DOGS
SURE ARE DIFFERENT, HUH?
178
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,920
YOU SUCK!
179
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:38,414
I'M SORRY, MRS. H, BUT THAT'S
WHAT THEY DO AT THE CLUBS.
180
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:43,434
MOM, NO OFFENSE, BUT I REALLY... I
DON'T THINK STAND-UP'S YOUR THING.
181
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,503
WELL, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE.
182
00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:47,739
COMEDY'S ALL I KNOW.
183
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,075
WE HAVE OUR WORK CUT OUT FOR US.
184
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,654
COME ON IN, MOM.
185
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:28,265
CHEYENNE, I FEEL
OVERDRESSED... FOR VEGAS.
186
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:32,036
MOM, YOU LOOK
FABULOUS. THANK YOU.
187
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:35,105
AND CONSIDERING WHAT YOU
DID LOOK LIKE, I'M BRILLIANT.
188
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:40,044
OKAY, I HAVE TO GO. I
FOUND A SET OF TEETH.
189
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:45,382
- HELLO, REBA.
- BARBRA JEAN.
190
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,289
OH. OH.
191
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:54,459
MEW. MEW.
192
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,529
I LIKE YOUR SPEECH.
193
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,965
MAKES YOU SOUND SMART.
194
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,767
I'M PRACTICIN' MY ELOCUTION.
195
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:07,438
ONE MORE WEAPON IN MY
ARSENAL WITH WHICH TO DEFEAT YOU.
196
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,074
YOU. YOU.
197
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,777
I FEEL LIKE I'M STARING
INTO A FISH TANK.
198
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:18,182
HEY. I GOT YOUR STUFF, HONEY.
199
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,352
THE, UH... AND, UH... YEAH.
200
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,690
HEY, REBA. HEY.
201
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,859
LISTEN, YOU TWO, I WANT
YOU TO REMEMBER SOMETHING.
202
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,028
THIS PAGEANT IS FOR THE SCHOOL.
203
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,330
IT'S NOT A COMPETITION
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
204
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,867
SO NO MATTER WHO WINS OR LOSES,
205
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:39,436
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IS, DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.
206
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:48,178
HA. THE OLD VASELINE TRICK, EH?
207
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,215
YOU NEWBIES JUST KILL ME.
208
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,718
HOPE YOU KNOW IF YOU
PUT TOO MUCH OF THAT ON,
209
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,854
YOUR LIPS GET ALL SLIPPERY AND
YOU START TO SLUR YOUR WORDS.
210
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:01,626
THANKS, BUT I CAN
HANDLE THIS ON MY OWN.
211
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,694
♪♪
212
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,830
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS.
213
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,877
THE PAGEANT'S GONNA START SOON.
214
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,135
SHOULDN'T YOU GO CHANGE?
215
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:14,138
SHOULDN'T YOU APPLY
SOME MORE RUBBER BANDS?
216
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,676
SHOULDN'T YOU GO...
SHOULDN'T YOU GO...
217
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,678
THAT WAS THE GOOD ONE.
218
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:23,714
OKAY, I'M LOOKING
FOR GRANDMA HART.
219
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,594
- OH, THAT'D BE ME.
- THAT'S ME.
220
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:29,053
I'M SORRY, BUT WE CAN ONLY HAVE
ONE GRANDMA FOR EACH FAMILY.
221
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:31,233
SO WHICH OF YOU IS GOING
TO REPRESENT THE HARTS?
222
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,324
- THAT'D BE ME.
- ME.
223
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:36,906
OKAY. WHY DON'T YOU TWO WORK IT
OUT, AND I'LL CHECK BACK WITH YOU.
224
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,863
OKAY.
225
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:41,565
IF THERE'S ONLY GONNA BE ONE
OF US, THAT ONE IS GONNA BE ME.
226
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,679
OH, WELL, I DON'T THINK
SO. THAT CROWN IS MINE.
227
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:48,572
I'M ELIZABETH'S REAL GRANDMA. YOU'RE
JUST A CRAZY WOMAN WHO MARRIED GRANDPA.
228
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,644
BUT I HAVE TO BE IN THIS ONE.
229
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,646
WHY?
230
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,715
HOW MANY TO YOU HAVE
TO WIN UNTIL IT'S ENOUGH?
231
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:02,753
- ONE.
- WHAT?
232
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,755
YOU HEARD ME.
233
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,090
I JUST WANNA WIN ONE.
234
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:10,139
WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT
ALL THOSE OTHER PAGEANTS?
235
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:13,330
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MISS
FROZEN MEATS OR SOMETHING.
236
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:17,335
IT WAS MISS TASTEE
FREEZ, AND I CAME IN LAST.
237
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,837
I ALWAYS COME IN LAST.
238
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,173
EVEN AT THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST.
239
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,775
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO
KNOW IT WAS A GAY BAR?
240
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,693
WELL, IF NONE OF 'EM
EVER WORKED OUT,
241
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,785
WHY THE HECK DID YOU WANT TO ENTER
ANOTHER PAGEANT? WELL, I FIGURED...
242
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:37,388
I COULD FINALLY WHUP A
BUNCH OF OLD GRANDMAS.
243
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:41,793
I DIDN'T FIGURE THAT ONE OF THOSE
OLD GRANDMAS WAS GONNA BE YOU.
244
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:46,263
- WHO'S GONNA VOTE FOR ME
IF YOU'RE IN THE CONTEST?
- BARBRA JEAN...
245
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,265
YOU KNOW,
246
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,869
EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
247
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:54,905
ALL I EVER WANTED TO
BE WAS A BEAUTY QUEEN.
248
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,908
THEY WERE...
249
00:17:56,976 --> 00:18:00,244
THEY WERE LIKE...
BEAUTIFUL QUEENS.
250
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,153
BUT IN REAL LIFE,
251
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:12,924
THEY WERE JUST SMALL-TOWN GIRLS
THAT WORKED AT THE PIGGLY WIGGLY.
252
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,059
JUST LIKE ME.
253
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:18,495
SO, DO WE HAVE A
GRANDMA HART YET?
254
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,599
YES. IT'S HER.
255
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:26,704
GOOD. LADIES, WE'LL BE FILING
ON STAGE IN JUST A MINUTE.
256
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:31,108
REBA, WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
257
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:35,846
BECAUSE I KNOW HOW
MUCH IT MEANS TO YOU.
258
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:38,416
YOU'LL BE GREAT,
BARBRA JEAN. THANKS.
259
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,861
OH. EXCUSE ME.
260
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:55,966
JUST BETWEEN US GRANDMAS, I AM
HOTTER LOOKING THAN SHE IS, RIGHT?
261
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,978
GOOD LUCK.
262
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:23,327
OH, MAN. IT FEELS SO GOOD TO
GET OUT OF THOSE HIGH HEELS.
263
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:25,795
OH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
264
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,235
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
265
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,338
PRESENTING THE REIGNING QUEEN...
266
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,675
OF THE PARKER ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL PAGEANT OF GRANDMAS,
267
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,077
MRS. BARBRA JEAN HART.
268
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:49,753
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
269
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:53,223
THAT'S THE WAY SHE'S GONNA ENTER
EVERY ROOM FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS.
270
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,362
I'M VERY HAPPY FOR
YOU, BARBRA JEAN.
271
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:01,565
OH, HONEY, CAN
YOU GET ME A SODA?
272
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,668
WHAT TOOK YOU GUYS SO LONG?
273
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,937
WE HAD TO STOP AND BUY A TIARA.
274
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:09,940
HEY, THEY SHOULD
HAVE HAD ONE. YEAH.
275
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,510
HERE'S YOUR PIE,
VAN. OH, THANKS.
276
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:15,946
HEY, CAN YOU GET ME A
SODA? WHAT AM I, YOUR WIFE?
277
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:21,352
HEY, JAKE, YOU OKAY WITH IT THAT I
DIDN'T GET TO ENTER THE CONTEST?
278
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:24,955
YEAH. IT WAS WAY BETTER THAT BARBRA
JEAN ENTERED. SHE WAS AWESOME.
279
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,437
OH! MY FRIENDS
THOUGHT IT WAS SO COOL...
280
00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:32,029
WHEN YOUR BATON LIT
THE CURTAIN ON FIRE.
281
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,305
THOSE OLD LADIES SURE
CAN RUN, CAN'T THEY?
282
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:21,078
ACME!
21736
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