All language subtitles for Olivia.Marries.Her.Match.S03E01.1080p.WEB.h264-CODSWALLOP[eztv.re]_track3_eng

OLIVIA ATTWOOD: Since you last saw
me and Brad, a lot has happened.

I've bagged my dream gig

on I'm A Celebrity
Get Me Out Of Here...

..only to receive some
heart-breaking news

that meant I had to leave
within the first 24 hours.

Olivia Attwood was forced to
withdraw from the competition

on medical grounds.

I've been crazy busy filming
my new documentary series

which only went and won
a Broadcast Award!

Really? You've not mentioned it (!)

And I'm back to full fitness
with two working knees.

'To Dack! 2-1, and Blackburn
are now in the game!'

We've also added to the family -
Lola has a sister,

Stitch has joined the family.

But the biggest news is...

we're finally getting married!

Yes, I'm walking down the aisle
to my tall, dark and handsome...

sorry, not tall,
dark and handsome Bradley Dack.

And, of course, I'm bringing you
all along with me

in the lead-up to me
walking down the aisle.

Obviously you know me...

Think of the wedding photos!
..I never do things by halves.

CHEERING

I'm gonna cry.

It's not just your wedding.
I don't give a BLEEP.

You all know I've met my match...
Are you crying?

..so I guess it's time to marry him.

This is Olivia Marries Her Match.

Brad?

I'm coming home.
I can't wait. I'll see you soon.

We've got a lot to chat about, hun,
don't you worry.

We are finally getting married,
I can officially say that.

Unless there is an asteroid,
there will be a wedding.

This is the right time.

I am so glad that we
didn't get married the first time

or the second time.

The wedding's completely different.

The guest list is, like,
60% different.

The dress is different.

We're different.

My teeth are different.

Do you even know how soon it is?

I've just realised that.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Six weeks.
Oh, my God. My arse is sweating.

So, we're getting married at
the Bulgari Hotel in Knightsbridge.

Soz.

No-one has ever got married there.
That's sick. First ones?

It's the first ever wedding.

I like something
that no-one else has had,

which is ironic marrying you.

But most people in
the south of England with a pulse...

Can't really change that, can I?
..have had Brad.

That's not true.
It's not far off.

So anyone after is copying you?

That's the... We are the blueprint.

I think that's really cool.

It's gonna look amazing, innit,
what she's sent us and showed us?

I still haven't seen
the wedding venue.

I've just seen pictures.

I imagine it smells
like rich people.

Whatever they smell like.

Are you looking forward
to the wedding?

I am looking forward to the wedding.

I fluctuate, don't I, wildly between

crippling anxiety and...?

Why do you get anxiety, though?
I don't know, just...

It's scary, isn't it?

There's two types of people
with a wedding day -

one person is always gonna be
overthinking it

and feeling quite nervous

and, "Oh, my God, this is huge."

And the other person
is just gonna be like...

"Mm, just another day."
Which is you.

Yeah, I'll just turn up,
do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I'll give you that you've done
more of the wedding stuff,

you've got a lot of lists that
you're ticking off and all that.

Yeah, I'm doing, like, 98% of it.

I delegated a few things to you,
which I've ended up doing as well,

so I'd say 99.9%.

I will... I can help you with stuff.

But then there's a certain way
you want things done,

and I can't live up
to them standards sometimes.

That's a really, like,
manipulative way to be like,

"I would just do it,
but you're better than me and I..."

That's...

No, I'm just saying that you like
things done a certain way, right?

Yeah, I need them done
when they need to be done.

"Oh, I'll do something tomorrow
or later."

I'll just do it myself
if that's the case.

It's not, like, a massive wedding.

What do you mean,
"it's not a massive wedding"?

In terms of weddings that happen
in the world, it's pretty big.

Do you think?
Yes.

It's a big wedding cos of
all the stuff going on, but...

I just don't know what to say.

We've got a ten-piece band
and an artic lorry-worth of flowers

driving down for two days
before the wedding,

I don't know what...
All right, it's a big wedding.

You can have your big wedding,
no problem.

Um, there's 78 people attending.

I've got a draft seating plan
already done on my laptop.

When did...? I don't know
even when you did that.

When I'm not doing anything,
according to you.

What? I would love it
if we would go into this

next couple of weeks with

less picking on each other
and less passive aggression.

I think that would be...
Deal.

Yeah? Starting from now?
Yeah.

Put your arm across me
and pretend you like me. Sorry.

No, that's too... I feel
claustrophobic. That'll be fine.

It's been a long time coming,

but I'm finally seeing
our wedding venue.

I'm excited.

Our wedding is gonna happen

in the ballroom
of the basement of the hotel,

so I think that's really good

because it makes it secure,
it's private,

there's no risk of photographers,
it's perfect.

And this is our beautiful ballroom.

What do you think?
It's amazing, innit?

I didn't realise
how big it would be.

It looks smaller in photos,
doesn't it? It's huge.

Yeah. I really, really love it.

She's done a good job.
Thank you.

I think it feels really right here,
don't you?

Yeah, like, honestly.

I feel like we've got
the perfect venue.

I'm relieved that I don't
just like it, I love it.

So, we'll get married on a raise,
on a stage, yeah?

Yeah.

Cos I imagine it being darker
than this.

It'll be darker than this.

And the dance floor will be just
in front of the stage. Yeah.

That's really good.

Are you happy, though?
Yeah, I'm buzzing.

Proper buzzing.

Yeah, it's a wedding,
but it's gonna feel like

you're going to
some really glitzy event.

You know? It's gonna be very cool.

No kids, no animals, no...

ugly people!

SHE LAUGHS

Are you happy, then?
Yeah, buzzing.

I'm happy too.

And that's the most important thing!

THEY LAUGH

I'm gonna leave you to discuss
the finer details,

and I'll see you soon.

Thanks, Hannah.
See you later. Cheers.

Right, so we're happy
with everything?

Oh, my God, it's beautiful,
isn't it? Buzzing.

Julie Perry is our wedding planner.

She is one of the best
wedding planners in the country.

She is not to be messed with.

She is a straight-talking,
get-shit-done kind of woman,

which I love.

So, do you want to have a look
at your plan? Yeah.

OK, so you'll walk down here,
and you've got your rows of seating,

but with some candles.

Your dress will set on fire.
The least of my concerns.

I'm excited, I think,
to see you walk down the aisle.

That'll be fun.
Aw, are you gonna cry?

I hope not.
Why?

I don't wanna mess up my make-up.

Oh! What have I done to you?

I've created a monster.

Are we going circular tables?
Yeah.

I like the fact that
we're in the middle, and no-one's

far away from us.
There's no bad table.

Speeches will run at about two and
a half minutes per person maximum.

And then I think...

This is, in my mind, because
Jamie and Ronnie and the girls

maybe take a stand here.

Are the girls speaking?
Yes. Yeah.

Why would you have friends speaking,
and I wouldn't?

I don't know.

I didn't know maids of honour spoke.

Course they do. Are you joking?

Do you wanna just be
the only one to talk, then?

And my dad and your friends?

I just asked one question.

All right. It felt loaded.
It weren't.

Right, OK.

THEY CHUCKLE

Do you not feel like, and I'm not
saying this in an egotistical way,

but do you not think people
will be disappointed

if they don't hear from me?

Probably not.

I'll just do a toast
at the very end.

It's not even gonna be a speech,
it's gonna be a toast. OK.

It's gonna be a...

"Thanks, everyone,
for being part of my day.

"Our day."
Our day.

"Thanks for being part of our day.
Thanks for all my presents."

Our presents.
"Our presents!"

We've done really well

that up till now, no-one knows
we're getting married here.

I haven't told anyone.
I know.

You didn't know where it was until
today. So you'd have had a job.

Today is the first time
I'm gonna try my wedding dress on

with wedding hair and make-up.

This is my first time trying on
the dress with glam.

Mikey and Mikey are my long-term
make-up artist and hair stylist,

and they're very dear friends.

They've done my hair and make-up
for red carpets,

photo shoots,
special life moments,

but this will probably be

THE most special thing they've ever
done my hair and make-up for,

so we're doing
a very unofficial trial.

Wait, you look at these
little bad boys I purchased

yesterday from Selfridges.
Is this the underwear?

So, this is them.
What is that?

I don't know, it's what you wear.
It's what she told me to get.

Don't you wear, like,
the sexy stuff?

No, cos the sexy stuff will
give you lines. It has to be smooth.

I've never seen anyone in those.

Look, it's got a piss hole.
Oh, my God.

You would have worn that
back in the day in Guildford

as some kind of outfit.

And now you're trying to
put it under your wedding dress.

I really enjoy
the shoe option, though.

Fuck off.
It's very you.

Oh, don't! Cos if you make me hate
them, I'm gonna start spiralling,

and then I'm gonna have to
tower over him.

You've done this for Brad.
This is love.

I can't shrink, and I can't
grow Brad, so... here we are.

I don't wanna look like Fiona
and Lord Farquaad.

Let's start cos
I just realised the time.

Like, are you gonna do a low bun?
Mm-hm.

Cos I was playing with the idea of
having the veil over for the aisle.

Right, so you're having
all this stress,

what has been Brad's duties
during the entire wedding?

Are you joking?

No, I'm serious,
that's why I'm asking.

Just existing.

This is the first, like,
wedding glam we've done,

and I feel great.

Like,
this is really what I pictured.

THEY LAUGH
Come on.

Let's re-enact.

Oh, my God, look.
Hold it low.

SHE HUMS THE BRIDAL CHORUS
Now she knows it's real.

I actually forgot about the fact

that you actually have to hold
fricking flowers.

That's something I need
to talk to Julie about.

I guess that's quite important,
isn't it?

You've got such a lovely neck.
Is that a random thing to say?

No, but I'll take it.

You've got a lovely neck.
It cost her a fortune.

Is that the original neck?

What do you fucking think?
Have you watched Love Island?

Like a snail.

Which original part is
walking down the aisle?!

Um...
Her ankles.

Right, I need to get changed.

I need to go. I'm late as usual.
What else is fucking new?

Love you, gorge, good luck.
Send pictures. Love you.

I am going to try on
my wedding dress today,

and I am taking two of my
bestest friends in the whole world -

Ryan and Mark.

Look at the train on that.

I feel quite honoured, do you?
I feel quite sicky.

How did you riff-raff get in here?

Oh, my God!

Olivia, I'm so scared!

I just wanna see this dress.
I know.

Ready?

Hi, hello.
Hi.

Good to see you.
Good to see you. You look gorgeous.

Thanks, you too.
Let's do this

before we get escorted
out the building.

OK, don't look left.

Just go and sit down.
Oh, God.

Not the left, not the left.

Hey, it's posh in here, Liv.

My heart's in me mouth.
Feel like it's me putting it on.

Oh, God, I'm nervous now.

Shall we get your arms in?
Yeah.

I do feel quite nervous
for the boys to see the dress.

They do not sugar-coat things.

If they hate it,
they will tell me they hate it,

and I don't have a plan B.

You can go.

Shut your eyes.

BOYS GASP

What do you think?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Olivia!

You look unbelievable.

This is a good reaction.

They are gagged,
they are speechless.

Oh, my God, are you crying?

They're crying.

SHE LAUGHS
Yeah?

It's just... You don't need to do
anything different.

You just look amazing.

That's all I want all my life,
I'm such a fucking attention seeker.

I just want the shock.

I want the drama, I want the...
SHE GASPS

And they are definitely...
SHE GASPS

This is gorgeous.

Right, now I need to show you
the options.

So, we have this...

Hm.
Oh.

Silence.

I actually do love it, you know.

Do you think it makes
a bit more drama?

Because you've got a very long neck
cos you're dead elegant,

it just breaks it up a little bit
and adds to it.

And I've never seen a dress like it
in me life. Thank you.

You look like a proper royal.

Like a royal.
SHE SQUEALS

I wanted to look rich.
That was my main brief.

You just look stun.

Ooh, I love having you around!

You have some brown on your nose!

Are you gonna...?

I feel like we can confidently

tick that off as a successful
final dress fitting.

I feel really good.
The boys love it.

I'm happy, and now I'm starving.

Right, we'll go for lunch now
and chat about hen and stuff.

Now we're talking big business.

Come on,
we'll get some drinks ready.

Let's go and have a glass
of champagne to celebrate.

You're paying, darling!

Love you.

Love you, babe.

So today, me, Jay and Ronnie
are going go-karting.

I asked them to be my best men.
They luckily accepted, so...

I don't wanna blow my own trumpet,
but I'm a fucking good go-karter.

HE LAUGHS

Whoo!

THEY LAUGH

I've actually known Jamie
since I was, like, 12 or 13,

we played football together.

Then Ronnie come into my life
a bit later.

Ever since we met,
we just kinda hit it off.

Jamie saying he's never been before.

I know.
He's like fucking Lewis Hamilton.

Oh, this is nice.

Ooh, yes, stunning.

Ooh, that looks stunning.

Gorgeous. Ooh, look at that.

Yours smells like
a woman's lavatory.

Thanks, Liv,
I'll enjoy that thoroughly.

The hen is gonna be amazing.

This year, it's gonna be
my go-to holiday.

Going to Ibiza on my hen do!

The Vegas dream was slashed,
but Ibiza never fails.

I am so in the mood for it.

I'm wet for it.

I feel like I'm excited
for the airport, getting ready.

Is it cheating on your hen do?

Yeah, cos you're with a partner.

I'm really glad
that we cleared that up now.

Brad's going the week before.

If I see him even breathing
in a girl's direction...

He's not. He loves you.

He is on a stag do,
and a lot of the boys are single.

They're gonna have girls around.

That's just... What can I do?

I'm going a week later,

so if you wanna ignore me
for the whole time you're away,

I'll ignore you when I'm away,

and I'll marry someone Spanish
when I'm there.

So whatever he does, I'll raise him.

HE GASPS

Brad's a naturally outgoing,
flirtatious guy.

I'm a naturally outgoing,
flirtatious gal.

As long as it doesn't go any further
than that, we're all good.

If we can't get through these
two holidays and behave ourselves...

..you know, me and him,
cos I know I can get carried away,

then, well, what are we doing here?

That's the most 'sensiblest' thing
I've ever heard you say in me life.

I'd be nowhere without
the fabulous gay men in my life,

and it's never been truer
than it has today.

So, thanks, honeys.

OK. Lunch is on me,
don't get used to it.

Being with the boys today
has made me feel

even more buzzing for the stag.

I think they really embraced
the role of best men.

We're trying to organise your
stag do, wanting the best for you,

and you don't reply.
We just need one minute from you.

"Brad, what's happening?" "Er."
About what, though?

You just grunt. Don't get any reply.
What could you need from me?

Trying to get 15 people together
is hard.

But we've done it now, all set.
Yeah, we're all ready.

Raring to go.
Let's get it on.

It's gonna be mental.
I feel sorry for him already.

Why?

Our friends are...
They're a lively bunch.

We've had some nights before
that have gone way too far.

So putting us all together
at the same time, on holiday,

is a little bit
of a recipe for disaster.

You can't shave any part of my body
while I'm asleep.

That's not in the rules.
That is in the rules.

All right.
There's no eyebrow cutting,

beard cutting, hair cutting.

There's no tattoos.
Why?

The thing is,
I don't trust any of you.

Why?
What do you mean, "why"?

If I come back from Ibiza
with any part of hair missing,

on my face or head...

..I am actually scared
of what she would do.

She'd go so nuts.

I think they'd definitely be
uninvited to the wedding.

What do you think Liv's
gonna be doing that weekend?

I don't really care.
She'll be ringing you every minute.

No, she won't. I think we need to
take your phone away.

We've got to take everyone's.
She'll be ringing me, ringing you.

All the phones stay in the room.

You're making her sound so bad.
She's not like that.

No, she ain't that bad.
HE QUACKS

Liv will probably want me ringing
her every single minute of the day.

I know she's probably gonna have
her spies out there anyway,

probably a private investigator
flying over.

Listen, I'm prepared for it all.

I've been with the girl long enough
to know what she's like.

Could be my last ever boys trip.

We could even have a few days after
and just go away.

We don't get married
till the next Saturday.

Yeah, so we could do that.
We could still go somewhere.

Am I scared of Olivia Jade Attwood?

I'll just buy her a bag
or something, it's all right.

That's the way to beat Liv.
Just gifts.

Can get away with anything.

Brad.
Yeah?

Can you come up here?

Just when the football's
about to start. Sorry, girls.

Ooh, hello.
Hello.

What do you need me for?
Football's on.

I don't give a fuck.
It's Champions League.

Do you need any help with your list?

It's not really my list, is it?
It was meant to be our list.

But you are quite controlling, so...

I know you like things done
a certain way.

I feel like me doing everything
doesn't feel right.

OK.

Cos I feel like I bring quite a lot
to this relationship. Yeah, you do.

But then tell me. I'm not
a mind-reader, I need to know.

But I don't think
it's about being a mind-reader.

It's about being present
and helping

and not living life like a bachelor.

I'm not living like a bachelor.
OK, so let's get into this.

Why have I had to find out
from Ronnie

that you're going on a golf day
the day before our wedding?

It's two days before.

Brad, you see that,
just picking up on the details.

OK, TWO days before the wedding.

Why did you think it was OK
not to mention that to me?

But I did.
I said we was playing golf.

Babe, you made plans
for a whole day with 12 people

to book days off work,

and I was the last person
to find out.

I love playing golf.

But also it's a chance to, like,
be with the boys for five hours.

Just put your phone on silent,
and it's just a bit of peace

from Olivia, like, do you know
what I mean? Nagging and...

You've even got matching
fricking T-shirts.

Sorry.
It's not funny, though, is it?

No.

You didn't think organising
a whole-day thing

two days before our wedding
was something you should flag?

I didn't think it was gonna be
that much of a big deal.

You not telling me stuff
is slowly sending me fucking insane.

I'm getting more neurotic,

and my list-writing
is getting more excessive,

and you're getting more and more...
unaccountable.

I feel like it's a practical joke,

the stuff that he just
casually mentions.

You need to communicate with me
about stuff like that

when I'm going through a lot
of trouble planning every hour.

And you have to remember, Brad,

I was happy to do
a registry wedding, and you wasn't.

Yeah, all right,
but it's my wedding as well.

Right.
It's not just your wedding.

Right, so I've gone with
what you wanted,

I didn't want anyone to be there.

No, we went in the middle.

Brad, the middle would have been
ten people at a church.

All right, so we've gone to 80, but
I've got way less guests than you.

I think we're about to try
and hopefully start a marriage.

This is, like, way bigger
than a party.

As much as we get to joke about it,

this is the start of us spending
the rest of our lives together,

and your communication skills
right now terrify me.

Sometimes,
it is hard for me to say...

I feel like you're gonna bite
me head off if I tell you something.

That's just life,
that's how you are.

I love you that way.

You love me biting your head off?

No, I don't, but I wouldn't
change you. That's who you are.

Hello?

SHE SIGHS

I'll give you that you've done
more of the wedding stuff.

You've got a list of all the things
that you're ticking off.

You're more in contact
with Julie and Faye.

Because they can't get hold of you.

The thing is, you're making me
into someone I don't like.

I don't recognise myself.

Because in general life,

I don't ask you for any help,
Brad, with anything.

I don't ask you for money,
I don't ask you for physical help,

I don't ask you to do anything,

but I do everything,
and I do it well.

But this is becoming a lot.

This fucking party
is draining the life out of me.

All right.
If you just answer your phone...

I just feel like
I'm constantly berating you.

Stop nagging, then.

I don't wanna nag,
but I just want you to help me!

I'm saying I'll help you.

I'm just very organised,

and if that means I have to
control everything...

Mm, that sounds bad.

If I have to plan everything

to the minute detail to make sure
that it's correct,

then that's what I have to do.

Do you wanna hug out?

My secret little book.

I'm back at the Bulgari with my mum,

and today, we're gonna do
a very important job -

wine tasting for the big day.

I don't actually have a clue,
I'll just drink anything that's wet,

so I do actually need someone

that half knows
what they're talking about.

How are you today?
Very good, thank you.

Right, so what's the plan, Hannah?

Our wonderful wine expert, Nico
here, will explain about each one,

and then we can finalise
your selection.

Is this bucket to spit in?

Er, yes. Well, I'm definitely not
spitting out the champagne.

Please enjoy.

Shall we move forward to the white?
Yes, please.

Shall I spit it? I feel like
an animal spitting in a bucket.

I feel like a camel.

You saw that off quick, didn't you?
SHE SPITS

You look like you were being sick.

Spitting in the bucket like a goat
has made me feel sick.

See, I like that.
SHE SPITS

SHE SPITS
You're making me sick doing that.

She's just doing it really gnarly.

I feel like I'm sitting next to
someone in the dentist's chair.

When they say, she's like...
SPITS DRAMATICALLY

I feel like I'm in an exam.
I'm scared.

What shall I say?
The second one is better? Yeah.

Lastly, the reds.

I prefer the pale rose.

What have you written, you big geek?

My mum's like, "I don't really
drink... unless it's wet."

"Quite a slap." What does that mean?

Quite sharp.

Oh.
THEY LAUGH

OK, well...

We've got a champagne,
we've got our white,

well, our pale rose,
I wrote, "Cute colour."

Hannah, thank you very much.
Pleasure.

It was lovely to see you again.
If you need anything, let me know.

Thank you so much.
And thank you to Nico.

Thank you very much.

OK, well... I've eaten
about six of these breadsticks.

Someone on the Daily Mail said
that I have legs like breadsticks.

A little bit like that.
Does that look like me?

SHE LAUGHS

I wish. So how do you feel
about the wedding?

Are you OK?
I'm all right.

Is everything in hand?
Yeah.

I think so. We're getting there.
Are you nervous?

Um...
Right decision, right man,

right footballer?

Mum!
Sorry. Sorry.

I'm just a natural worrier.

I overthink everything.
Yeah.

He doesn't.
He doesn't.

He balances me out. He's like
the completely opposite personality.

And, of course, he knows what
he's signing up for now, doesn't he?

He's known you long enough.

SHE LAUGHS
Sorry!

The good and the bad and the ugly.

Sorry!

But you think the sun shines
out his arse.

He's not perfect.
Sort of, yeah.

He's a little bit of a gem,
isn't he? So...

We're gonna have
a big life change because

I've just literally found out
in the last hour

that Brad isn't going back
to Blackburn.

He's not?
No.

I feel like the fact they haven't
picked up his extension

is insulting to Brad on a degree,

the amount of sacrifice
that he's given to that club,

but then at the same time,
he really wasn't happy.

He was really desperate for a move.
It's not all bad.

But it's just...

it's quite a lot to deal with
right now.

He just didn't click
with that manager, did he? No.

For him, it's great.

He's ready for a change.
It scares me because I hate change.

All I've known is Blackburn.

And now it's obviously,
we're getting married,

we're gonna be newlyweds,
and he'll be starting a new club.

So it's exciting, but you don't know
where that's gonna be. Yeah.

No, you don't. It could be anywhere.

I'm not ready to move.

Just bloody got in that house.
But you might have to.

SHE EXHALES
Yeah.

We have no idea where he's gonna go.

So am I literally gonna get married

and then be having to look
at moving anywhere?

It could be across the country,
it could be abroad.

He's gonna have to go
where the football is.

There's no control over that,
very little.

So that is, for me,
it's unnerving, to say the least.

Brad's going on his stag do
tres soon.

Yeah, where is he going?

We're both going to Ibiza.
Oh, yeah.

OK.
What do you think?

Do you think Brad's gonna
behave himself or not?

In terms of what?

Grabbing up any other women,
getting in the press.

I think there'll be a bit of,
you know,

there'll be a bit of getting
a bit too close,

but Brad actually doing the deed
with somebody else, no.

What are you saying,
a bit of titty grabbing?

I think they'll all get a bit drunk,

and there'll be girls
all over them like a rash,

but I don't think...
Poor them. I hope they'll be OK (!)

He doesn't drink very often,
so when he does drink, it's like...

a bit of a hot mess express.

I think he'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.

You trust him, don't you? No?
I'm joking.

What difference does it make
how I feel at this point?

I hate the whole thing of stag dos.
So do I.

I think it's a recipe for disaster.

I think men don't know how
to behave, they get too excited.

They're like a pack of animals
once they get together, aren't they?

But I feel completely different
about hen dos, they're great.

It's a life-long establishment
that should be honoured.

It's great to let the hair down,
get loose.

You know?
Yeah.

What time's your flight?

Go to the airport now.
11 o'clock tomorrow, baby.

Gonna get loose!

You're such a loser. I actually
can't wait for you to leave.

I'm gonna have a big party.
That's a lie.

I'm gonna have a big party with
loads of men. You're gonna miss me.

Someone Instagram messaged me

and said, "Only you would be able to
engineer it that Brad's gonna have

"cameras following him
on his stag do."

I was like, "Oh, yeah,
that's pretty good, isn't it?"

Yeah. You've done well.

Are you actually gonna go to Ibiza
with that hairy back as well?

I'll shave it at Jamie's.
It's not hairy, either.

You're gonna shave
each other's backs?

Yeah.
You're actually disgusting.

I hate all of you.

That is the most 'lamest' packed
suitcase I've ever seen.

I actually feel sorry for you.
Why?

We could put them in clear packets,
so you know what's for each day.

I know what's for each day,
I have a brain.

What are you trying to say about me?

That sometimes your brain
gets a bit muddled,

so you need stuff like that,
I don't need that.

Cos I'm better.

I'm buzzing.
You're so lame.

I'm allowed to be happy
I'm going on holiday.

Just take it down 10%.
Why?

Cos you look like fucking Father
Christmas's helper this morning,

that grin on your face.

Just keep your dick in your pants,
and your hands in your pocket...

That's easy.
..and we won't have a problem.

What do you mean,
"hand in my pocket"?

Just keep your hands off
girls' arses,

like you've had a problem doing
in the past, and we'll be sweet.

Pass me your socks.

Brad, please.

They literally...
I don't care if a girl falls over,

and she's drowning, and you're
the only person that's seen her,

you step over her.

There's no excuse
that will be accepted.

Genuinely.
No problem.

I hear you.

Is this a joke?
Or is this for real?

It's my Ibiza vibes hat.

That is basically like
a walking contraceptive, so take it.

I was worried that you were gonna
look really fit,

but I'm not any more.

What about, um, some pyjamas?
I'm good.

Are you gonna sleep naked?
Yes.

Interesting. I'll do the same, then,
when I'm in Ibiza. Or fully clothed.

However I end up.

Wild (!) Oh, my God,

stop making me jealous
of your crazy, wild personality (!)

Are you taking this rucksack?
Yeah.

Can you leave that in there, please?
What?

I think you've got everything.

I'm pretty sure
you just took my passport.

Toothbrush.

Hair comb.

Who bought you this lovely set-up?
You did.

Yeah, remember that
when you're out there.

Is my passport back in there?

I'm sure your little girlfriend
in Ibiza can't afford Goyard.

What passport?
The passport you took out.

Yes, it's in there.
Show me, then.

What do you mean?
Get it out and show me.

It's there.
Get it out and show me.

Brad!

So it's there.

It's not a very good hiding place,
is it?

Oh, fucking fly to Ibiza, Brad.

You've no idea what I'm capable of.

I think I know.
You do?

Yeah, I do.

I'll go to Spanish prison,
I don't care.

Like, I actually will.
I'll go away for life.

For doing what?
Murder you.

Me?
And whoever else I need to.

I'll make my rounds.

Nice. Good to know.

Right, gonna miss you, dude.

Wish me luck.

Bye!

HE LAUGHS

Ha-ha-ha (!)

Oh, my God, fuck off
with the fucking hat!

Stitch is definitely gonna
eat that now.

Stitch!

Love you.

I'll miss you.

Go on, then.
Love you.

Be good. Don't do anything
I wouldn't do.

I'll text you when I get to the...
Yeah, whatever.

Text you when I get to the airport.

If the messages don't deliver,
it's cos I've blocked you.

Have a good trip.

Love you.
Bye.

Girls are gonna see Brad
on his stag do and think,

"Oh, my God, hilarious,
let's go and get on his table

"and get in the Daily Mail
and send Liv videos

"and send her insane."

But I'm working on letting go of
things that are not in my control.

This isn't in my control.
This is all on him.

The stag is on.
It's started, it's begun.

You look unbelievable.

Jamie and Ronnie decided
it would be funny

to dress me up like Liv
at the airport.

Go on, Liv.

I actually think
if you took my beard off,

I'd be all right, you know?

A few of the boys
definitely wouldn't say no.

THEY LAUGH

Let's get this stag started.

It's time to attack Ibiza.

Eurgh, this looks like
someone's eaten a bit of it.

Oh!

Why's it black on the top
like it's been singed?

I need to blast the rest
of this off with the hose.

I think we can establish
that kitchen cleaner don't work

as a dog shit remover.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

'Liv, have I done well?'

What the actual fuck?
What's on your head?

'My wig.'

That is so disturbing.

I'm picking up dog shit.

'Nice.'

Are you steaming?

'We're just about to take off,
I'll ring you when we get there.'

Oh, you're steaming, bro.

'I'm actually not, are we?'

'No, we've only had, like,
four or five.'

Have a safe flight.

'I love you, I'm about to take off.'
Love you.

'Love you too. Bye-bye.'
Bye.

Brad's gone on the stag, and I'm
just having a wild time, you know?

Up to my elbows in dog shit.

Living the dream (!)

Whoo!

I'm walking through this airport
dressed like Liv,

and honestly, the whole gaff
is just staring at me,

and it's making me feel
really uncomfortable.

THEY CHEER

I'm a bit worried about how crazy
the stag could get.

Four days,
four nights is a long time,

so I'm gonna pace myself.

Otherwise, I could be flying home
after two days.

It's heavy in here, mate.

You'll look after me, no?
Listen, you've got four days.

Will you look after me or not?
Of course we will.

No, no and no.

We'll give it a good go.

Tone, how do you feel about your son
getting married, mate?

Long time coming, mate,
long time coming.

She's a good girl.
No, she's quality.

He couldn't do no better.

Until he comes to Ibiza.

CHEERING

So, Brad, are you missing Liv?

Do I miss Liv now?
Right now.

At this very moment?
Yes.

Right now.
Absolutely not!

THEY LAUGH

Who is Liv?

Do you know what pisses me off?

I'm here just grafting away
doing bits and bobs

for the wedding, for the house.

I bet when I'm away on my hen,

Brad will be out round Manchester
like he's on a second stag do.

He better fucking be
locked to this house

doing all the bits and bobs
that need doing.

Otherwise, I'm gonna literally
rip every one of his pubes out

and shove them down his throat.

Would the downstairs bar be open?
What time does that open?

I'm just thinking of somewhere that

I can tell everyone
who's stayed in the hotel

to meet for a drink
on the Sunday afternoon.

And if I just confirm with you
that we will

want to use the cigar lounge
on the day of the wedding,

probably like 1:30, 2pm for an hour.

Everyone needs something from me
at this time,

and I literally haven't got enough
to give to everyone.

I'll just end up running away
to Mexico and shaving my head.

What a sad little life!

CHATTER

Liv's a bit anxious about
the stag do and that, obviously.

Me being away with the boys, don't
really know what's gonna happen.

Do you reckon she's ready
for the second outfit?

Mate, what the fuck
are you on about?

I've got one more outfit
before we finish this little bit.

Hold on, I need to see what it is.

No, you'll enjoy it.
You'll fully enjoy it.

Let's just go to the toilet,
and we'll get you changed.

You want me to go now?
We'll go and get changed.

Bruv, you ain't ready for this!

Oh, hi!
Hello.

How are you, darling?

I'm good, how are you?

While Brad's away, it seems like
a good time to get Jen round,

so she feels like she's involved,

and I probably won't see her again
before the wedding.

He's just put, "Absolute havoc."

What's that mean?
Oh, God.

It's mental.

It means it's all happening.

How many have gone on this one?

About 20.

It sounds like a proper, like,
lads on tour.

Yeah, us having a little salad party
in the kitchen.

And Brad's like,
"Lads, lads, lads, lads!"

Ryan and my mum
are obviously very different.

One thing they do have in common
is they are good at just

telling me to shut up
and stop acting crazy!

He's not replied to me.

Liv, I think you need to stop.

You've got to put it down now,
darling,

because it's not your hen do,
you know, it's his.

Mum, I am fine.

Does anyone here think I'm not fine?

Guys!

OK.
I so believe you.

I actually genuinely, genuinely,
GENUINELY feel really calm.

Boys, are you ready?

THEY LAUGH

Why do you look so good in it,
you fucking weirdo?

How good does he look?
Mate, he looks incredible!

I wouldn't say I'm a massive fan
of latex.

In fact, this is the first time
I'm wearing latex.

Turn around.

THEY LAUGH
I don't feel sexy.

I'll be honest.

Gonna make me fucking nuts rub.

Do you know what would make it
better, though, Dacky?

THEY CHEER

Stag do!

Wine in it.
Fuck off.

THEY LAUGH

OVERLAPPING CHATTER

Sit down cos of your leg.
What? There's something in my eye!

Pricks.

Oi, congratulations, happy stag.

Onto the weekend.

I feel like I'm not even
living for myself.

Why do you think Brad's so great?

You're allowed to go there.
Way past it.

There's nothing I need to say.
Fuck off!

We're in Ibiza, bitches!

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