Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,880
Suntan lotion is good for me
2
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,757
You protect me
3
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,592
Tee-hee-hee
4
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:57,349
Oh, the sun tries to burn me,
but you won't let it, will ya?
5
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:03,000
Ultraviolet rays - bad.
Lotion - good.
6
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,200
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
7
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:05,200
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
8
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,700
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
9
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,736
Smiley.
10
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:22,124
There's something important
I was supposed to do today.
11
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,626
Have five daiquiris?
12
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,671
No, you remembered to do that.
13
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:32,467
Man, why did I have so many drinks?
I can't remember.
14
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,805
- What's today?
- October?
15
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,517
It's nudie-magazine day!
16
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,478
Yeah!
17
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,532
Watch out, butler!
18
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,701
Ooh, you're a quick one.
19
00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:11,423
Nudie-magazine day!
Nudie-magazine day!
20
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,259
Nudie-magazine day! Nudie...
21
00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,470
Agh! Ooh!
22
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,953
Ooh.
23
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,579
Eee...
24
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,709
Ah!
25
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,963
Oh!
26
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,760
[SQUAWKING]
27
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,641
Holy jeez!
28
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:07,855
Lookee what we got here.
That silly penguin is back again.
29
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:11,608
No, Mr. Madison, there no penguin.
You got too much sun today.
30
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,570
- There no penguin!
- [SQUAWKS]
31
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:19,408
It's too damn hot for a penguin
to be just walkin' around here.
32
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:24,246
I gotta send him back to the South Pole.
33
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,041
No!
34
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:41,388
Penguin! Don't you dare run away!
35
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,392
Come here, Mr. Penguin!
36
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,937
I'm one of the good guys, penguin.
37
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,065
Don't run! Oh. Oh...
38
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,412
Don't run!
39
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:08,373
Don't run from me!
40
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,584
Penguin!
41
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,089
Penguin.
42
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,807
You're a bad penguin.
43
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,935
Whee-hee!
44
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,937
Call the zoo!
45
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:38,403
All the people at the zoo
are very nice, penguin.
46
00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:42,032
They'll treat you real respectable, like.
47
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,620
There's nothing to worry about, big fella.
48
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,415
Here I come!
49
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:02,469
Right this way, gentlemen.
Mr. Madison is expecting you.
50
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,683
Leg.
51
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:15,482
Billy! You shouldn't pull that crap in front
of your father's business associates.
52
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:19,361
Now you get yourself upstairs
and get ready. Dinner's in 15 minutes.
53
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,822
- Yeah, yeah.
- Don't "yeah, yeah" me, boy.
54
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,117
This is a very important dinner.
You best be there.
55
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:28,370
I will. Thank you, Juanita.
56
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,583
You gotta dress yourself up
and look nice, too.
57
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:36,378
Oh, that boy's a fine
piece of work all right.
58
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,507
He's a fine piece of ass though, too.
59
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,184
Where the hell is he? I'm starvin'.
60
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:54,605
I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car.
You should've had some.
61
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,608
If you'd told me
there were Triscuit crackers,...
62
00:05:57,733 --> 00:06:00,319
- ..I could've enjoyed them with you.
- I'm sorry.
63
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,114
Sorry doesn't put the Triscuit crackers
in my stomach, does it, Carl?
64
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,951
Gentlemen?
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.
65
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:13,081
Have you all met?
Eric Gordon, my executive vice president.
66
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:17,920
And our operations manager Carl Alphonse.
Sit down, gentlemen, sit down.
67
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,047
Beautiful table.
68
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,216
Good seeing you, sir.
69
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,096
Where's Billy?
70
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,309
Juanita said he'd be down
in a few minutes.
71
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:35,270
I'm sure you'll all be very impressed.
72
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:40,108
Shampoo is better.
I go on first and clean the hair.
73
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,569
Conditioner is better.
74
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:46,073
I leave the hair silky and smooth.
75
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,659
Oh, really, fool? Really!
76
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,873
Stop looking at me, swan.
77
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,428
[SLURPS]
78
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,651
- Hey, Carl, what's up?
- Nothing much, Billy.
79
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:25,153
- I see you got a little sun today.
- You think so?
80
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:30,158
- I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours.
- Did you fall asleep or did you pass out?
81
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,413
Shut up!
82
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:39,042
That's enough, Billy. Because you took
your sweet-ass time coming down here,...
83
00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:41,378
these gentlemen will miss their flights.
84
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:45,382
Well, this guy can stay in my room,
I'll tell you that much.
85
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,558
Billy? Eat your soup.
86
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,977
It's good soup.
87
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:01,523
Gentlemen, I can't thank you enough
for coming this evening.
88
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:04,109
[YELLS GIBBERISH]
89
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:07,613
Please, Billy, please,
no gibberish tonight, please. I beg you.
90
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,781
Sorry, Daddy.
91
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:14,745
This is a big night for me tonight, gents.
I have an important announcement.
92
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:17,164
[FAST GIBBERISH]
93
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,417
That's it, Billy! Get the hell outta here!
94
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,963
[SLOW GIBBERISH]
95
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:37,184
- Nice talkin' to you, Billy.
- [SINGSONG GIBBERISH]
96
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,145
[YELLS]
97
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,657
Right. One, two, three!
98
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,204
Hey, Billy, how come
you ain't poundin' any tonight?
99
00:08:57,329 --> 00:09:01,625
I don't know. My dad was yellin' at me.
I'm just not in the mood.
100
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:08,757
Hey, Billy, who would you rather bone,
Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
101
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:12,719
Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
102
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,888
'74.
103
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,517
- Meg Ryan.
- Go.
104
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:21,520
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
105
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,942
Oh, my God! I am the winner!
106
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:30,696
- Billy is not an idiot.
- I'm not saying he's an idiot.
107
00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:35,450
I just think he might not be mature
enough to run a Fortune 500 company.
108
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:39,371
My late wife Emily and I
started this company...
109
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,624
with a 15-unit motel
in Patchogue, Long Island.
110
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,252
We built it into 650 hotels.
111
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:50,257
Our dream was to one day
turn it over to our only son Billy.
112
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,886
- How many people work for Madison?
- 61,000 and change.
113
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:59,808
How long will they have jobs once Billy
has the hotel operator speaking gibberish?
114
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,400
Oh, Billy, Billy boy.
115
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:12,279
When are you gonna find
whatever it is you're lookin' for?
116
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,865
Here's a nice piece of shit.
117
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:24,875
My, oh, my. Wait till old man Clemens
realises it's a bag of shit.
118
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:28,086
He's gonna shit when he realises it's shit.
119
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,797
Who got the lighter?
120
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,966
Come on.
121
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,477
Light it.
122
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,858
[RINGS DOORBELL]
123
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,905
Oh, my God! Old man Clemens hates shit!
124
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,657
Shh. Here he comes!
125
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,992
Who the hell is it? What do you want?
126
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,954
Judas Priest, Barbara!
One of those flaming bags again!
127
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,790
[BARBARA] Don't put it out
with your boots, Ted.
128
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,251
Don't tell me my business, devil woman.
129
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:11,129
Call the fire department.
This one's outta control!
130
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,302
[SNIFFS]
131
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:21,807
It's poop again!
132
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:24,393
He called the shit "poop"!
133
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:28,230
This is the best night of my life!
134
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:33,235
I'll get you damn kids for this!
You're all gonna die!
135
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,866
Billy, could you step in here
for a moment?
136
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,285
I have big news.
137
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:45,372
Eric is pregnant! Congratulations, Dippy!
138
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:49,126
Feel those kicks!
He's gonna be a soccer player. He is.
139
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,879
He is.
140
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:58,010
All right, what's up?
141
00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,679
I've had to face
some hard truths tonight, Billy.
142
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,390
Do we have to do this
with Captain Dipshit here?
143
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:07,477
You were brought up with
every advantage. I bought you everything.
144
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:10,480
Toys, cars, vacations, clothes...
145
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:13,066
Actually, I stole this shirt from Frank.
146
00:12:13,192 --> 00:12:17,279
Yeah, well, whatever.
It's all my fault. I made a mistake.
147
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:21,200
Jeez, what...?
Are you some damned moron?
148
00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,785
Can't you just stop for two seconds?
149
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:27,247
I'm trying to tell you that I'm retiring,
and Eric, not you,...
150
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:30,042
- ..is gonna take over Madison Hotels.
- Eric?!
151
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:34,463
You're gonna give the company to Eric?
He is a bad, bad man!
152
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:39,510
What do you care, Billy? What do you care
who I appoint to run the company, huh?
153
00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:44,097
I mean, I'm doin' you a favor.
You don't ever have to look for a job.
154
00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:49,311
You can sit around all day, goofing off,
sipping drinks, chasing invisible penguins.
155
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:53,106
Is that it, Dad?
Did the penguin tell you to do this?
156
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:55,359
- Penguin?
- What an idiot.
157
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:58,362
You know, I could help Billy
until he gets the hang of it.
158
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:03,158
I think crazy Carl is right. I mean,
I can do this if I set my mind to it.
159
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,744
High school was a pain in the ass,
but I graduated.
160
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,914
Because I paid your teachers
to give you decent grades.
161
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:12,084
I've regretted it every day since.
I thought at the time...
162
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:15,754
if you could get good grades,
you might get into a good college...
163
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,924
- ..and straighten yourself out.
- I don't believe that.
164
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:22,386
Well, what do you believe?
That you were an honors student?
165
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:27,891
How could I hand over to someone who
couldn't get through school on his own?
166
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,520
I don't know. Don't think about it.
Just hand it over.
167
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,607
Forget it.
168
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:41,196
Well, listen, don't you think you better
go to bed? Big day tomorrow.
169
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:46,076
A day filled with daiquiris
and Nintendos and jack-off magazines...
170
00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:50,747
Dad!
171
00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:52,916
Yeah, what?
172
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,878
Give me one more chance.
I'll prove I can take over.
173
00:13:56,003 --> 00:14:00,591
I'll do anything it takes. I'll go back
to high school and take the exams again.
174
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:05,846
- I'll get my diploma all by myself.
- Billy, Billy, it wasn't just high school.
175
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:08,682
Remember that spelling bee
you won in the first grade?
176
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:11,727
- No, you didn't.
- Rock.
177
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,229
R-o-k.
178
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,107
Yeah? So what's your point?
179
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,652
- R-o-c-k!
- The C is silent.
180
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,114
OK, all right.
181
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:28,827
All right, you got it. First grade
through 12th grade all over again.
182
00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:34,333
I'll do each grade in two weeks,
take the tests, regraduate,...
183
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:40,255
prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then
I get to take over Madison Hotels.
184
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,424
That's some idea.
185
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:47,012
- You just think of that?
- Yeah, I did. It's pretty good, huh?
186
00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:51,391
Brian, don't you think
the future of Madison Hotels...
187
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:56,230
and its 61,000 employees is too
important to gamble on a game like this?
188
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:58,398
No.
189
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,569
You're on.
Carl, you make the arrangements.
190
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:08,992
You pass every grade before June 15
and you take over instead of Eric.
191
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:14,957
Have a nice weekend, son.
You start school on Monday.
192
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:16,667
Oh!
193
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,836
Give 'em hell, Bill.
194
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:25,425
Nice try, asswipe.
But you're just delaying the inevitable.
195
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,974
["I'LL TUMBLE 4 YA" BY CULTURE CLUB]
196
00:15:33,559 --> 00:15:37,646
Downtown we'll drown,
we're in our never splendor
197
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,940
Flowers, showers
198
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,317
Who's got the new boy gender?
199
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,946
I'll be your baby, I'll be your score
200
00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,575
I'll run the gun for you
and so much more
201
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,326
I'll tumble for ya
202
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:53,453
I'll tumble for ya
203
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:58,083
I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble for you
204
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,626
I'll tumble for ya
205
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,920
I'll tumble for ya
206
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,507
I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble
207
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:13,682
I get a crazy feeling
that chases in my head
208
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,519
It's nothing that you do to me,
it's nothing that you said...
209
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,813
Where's my Snack Pack?
210
00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,649
You've got a banana.
You don't need no Snack Pack.
211
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:26,278
You know I like Snack Pack.
Why can't you give me a Snack Pack?!
212
00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:28,822
I thought I was your Snack Pack.
213
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:31,200
- What are you talkin' about?
- Nothin'.
214
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,994
Bill, you're gonna miss the bus.
215
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:37,080
Yeah, you better get
your beautiful buns up that driveway.
216
00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,625
- What a weirdo!
- [JUANITA LAUGHS]
217
00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:45,172
Oh, back to school
218
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:46,882
Back to school
219
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:50,969
To prove to Dad that I'm not a fool
220
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:54,348
I got my lunch packed up
221
00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:56,308
My boots tied tight
222
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,770
I hope I don't get in a fight
223
00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:02,773
Oh, back to school
224
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:06,652
Back to school, back to school...
225
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,658
Well, here goes nothin'.
226
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,095
Thank you, Daddy.
227
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:50,153
- Hi. How you doin'?
- Fine.
228
00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:52,364
Are you going to class today, too?
229
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:55,200
I'll be going to class to teach.
How about you?
230
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,828
I'll be going to learn.
231
00:17:57,953 --> 00:18:00,914
Ah. You must be Billy Madison.
232
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,291
Yes, I am.
233
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:06,837
Don't you think it's pathetic that because
of your father you get to do school again?
234
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,882
- Yes, I do.
- Well, as long as you know.
235
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,050
Well, all right!
236
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,976
[BELL RINGS]
237
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,984
[CHILDREN SHRIEKING]
238
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,407
Hey, mister,
guess what I had for breakfast.
239
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,576
- What?
- Beans.
240
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,751
Scotty likes beans, don't you, Scotty?
241
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:50,506
- Hey. How you doin'?
- Let's involve the class.
242
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:53,091
Quiet down, my special people.
243
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:57,971
I want you all to meet...
244
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,766
our new friend Billy.
245
00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:05,062
- Can everyone say hello to Billy?
- Hello, Billy.
246
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,813
Hi.
247
00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:11,235
Billy is going to be sharing our fun
and learning for the next two weeks.
248
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:15,572
Billy is special,
just like each and every one of you.
249
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,243
And what do we do to our special people?
250
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,460
All right. All right.
251
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:35,133
Billy, why don't you take a seat
right up front here?
252
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:38,971
And we can start story time.
253
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,266
You got a misshaped head.
254
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,434
Thank you.
255
00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:53,193
The Puppy Who Lost His Way
by Chrissy Taylor.
256
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,239
"One fine morning..."
257
00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:03,245
"a puppy popped his puppy paws
out of his puppy house."
258
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,123
"This was no ordinary puppy."
259
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:11,420
"This puppy was the happiest puppy
in the whole world."
260
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:17,926
"In fact, his name was Happy.
Happy looked through the bushes..."
261
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:22,222
"'I'll never let you get lost again',
cried the little boy,...
262
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:26,268
who was so happy
that he gave Happy a kiss...
263
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,271
on his wet little puppy nose."
264
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,566
"The end."
265
00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:37,237
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Miss Lippy.
The part of the story I don't like...
266
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:40,949
is that the little boy gave up
looking for Happy after an hour.
267
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:45,913
He didn't put posters up. He just sat
on the porch like a goon and waited.
268
00:20:46,038 --> 00:20:50,501
That little boy's gotta think:
you got a pet, you got a responsibility.
269
00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:54,338
If your dog gets lost, you don't look
for an hour then call it quits.
270
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:58,258
You get your ass out there
and you find that fuckin' dog!
271
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:05,807
I think it's time to play dodge ball.
272
00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:24,326
You're out! O'Doyle rules!
273
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,253
[SITAR MUSIC]
274
00:21:47,516 --> 00:21:49,935
Billy. What are you doing back?
275
00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:52,104
I'm out.
276
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:57,943
Well, that just means you stay
off to the side until a new game starts.
277
00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:02,155
That's OK. I'm kinda tired anyway.
I'll just sit here and color or something.
278
00:22:02,281 --> 00:22:06,660
Billy, dodge-ball time is a special time.
279
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:12,040
Not just for you boys and girls,
but for Miss Lippy, too. So stay outside.
280
00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,554
[CHILDREN] Whoa!
281
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,765
Now you're all in big, big trouble.
282
00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:32,144
["BEAT ON THE BRAT" BY THE RAMONES]
283
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,945
You're out!
284
00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,822
Oh, yeah!
285
00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:49,745
[BELL RINGS]
286
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,538
Lunchtime!
287
00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:01,465
I bet that Snack Pack's pretty good.
288
00:23:03,926 --> 00:23:07,179
Wanna trade me the rest of it
for this banana?
289
00:23:08,597 --> 00:23:11,517
You know how badly I can beat you, right?
290
00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:18,357
Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis
is the best video game ever.
291
00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:22,903
I disagree. It's a very good game, but I
think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
292
00:23:23,028 --> 00:23:26,740
- Donkey Kong sucks.
- You know somethin'? You suck.
293
00:23:28,825 --> 00:23:31,745
Number one, number one
294
00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,456
Now my song has just begun
295
00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:37,918
With a rum tum taddelum,
Old John Braddelum
296
00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:41,004
Hey, what country folk we be
297
00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:47,469
Number two, number two
298
00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:50,222
Roosters crow,
cock-a-doodle-doodle-doo
299
00:23:50,347 --> 00:23:53,809
With a rum tum taddelum,
Old John Braddelum
300
00:23:53,934 --> 00:23:57,229
Hey, what countryfolk we be
301
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,277
Number three, number three
302
00:24:03,402 --> 00:24:05,821
I like you and you like me
303
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:22,337
Hey! That's very nice of you to pick up
your little brother here at school.
304
00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:25,090
He's not my brother. He's my son.
305
00:24:26,258 --> 00:24:30,387
- You gotta be kiddin' me.
- Mom, that's Billy. He's in my class.
306
00:24:30,512 --> 00:24:32,931
I heard he's retarded or something.
307
00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:35,475
[LAUGHS]
308
00:24:36,185 --> 00:24:40,022
Creative mind. Maybe someday he'll make
Mommy and Daddy a lot of money.
309
00:24:40,147 --> 00:24:44,234
Daddy's in prison, and he won't
be home for a long time.
310
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,403
My dear Lord.
311
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:50,657
Yeah! Yeah, well, I gotta get goin'
right now. I gotta get on the bus.
312
00:24:50,782 --> 00:24:53,994
I ride the bus for the city
and watch the bus drivers.
313
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,080
This programme to make sure
they turn the wheels right...
314
00:24:57,206 --> 00:24:59,458
Billy, you forgot your stuff.
315
00:25:06,048 --> 00:25:07,174
Come on, honey.
316
00:25:07,299 --> 00:25:09,760
Thank you very much, Miss Lippy!
317
00:25:13,889 --> 00:25:15,766
- [PHONE RINGS]
- Yes.
318
00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:20,229
- [SECRETARY] Brian Madison for you.
- Tell him I'm out to lunch.
319
00:25:20,354 --> 00:25:22,481
Billy Madison.
320
00:25:22,606 --> 00:25:28,445
A buffoon. And yet a threat
to my eventual takeover of this company.
321
00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:31,949
A menace.
And what do we do with a menace?
322
00:25:32,074 --> 00:25:36,495
We eliminate it.
We eliminate Billy Madison.
323
00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:39,122
- Tricia Labonte?
- Here.
324
00:25:40,832 --> 00:25:43,085
- Scotty Logan?
- Here.
325
00:25:44,628 --> 00:25:47,172
- Billy Madison?
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
326
00:25:48,215 --> 00:25:50,259
[LAUGHING]
327
00:25:59,893 --> 00:26:01,144
Hm...
328
00:26:25,711 --> 00:26:28,714
Hey. Look at all this milk.
329
00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:33,093
- You want some of this milk?
- That milk belongs to that classroom.
330
00:26:33,218 --> 00:26:36,930
Oh. They don't gots to know about it.
It could be our milk.
331
00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:39,933
No milk will ever be our milk.
332
00:26:40,809 --> 00:26:42,853
Ooh. That wasn't very nice.
333
00:26:42,978 --> 00:26:46,398
How 'bout you, sideburns?
You want some of this milk?
334
00:26:46,523 --> 00:26:48,150
Rather have a beer.
335
00:27:21,225 --> 00:27:24,603
I drew the duck blue because
I've never seen a blue duck before...
336
00:27:24,728 --> 00:27:27,814
and, to be honest with ya,
I wanted to see a blue duck.
337
00:27:28,106 --> 00:27:31,193
Well, it's an excellent blue duck.
338
00:27:31,318 --> 00:27:35,280
Congratulations.
You just passed the first grade.
339
00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:38,158
Oh, Miss Lippy, that's so great.
340
00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:40,410
What do you think of that, Mr. Blue Duck?
341
00:27:40,536 --> 00:27:42,996
That's quack-tastic!
342
00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:48,836
Wow! Look at all that candy!
343
00:27:49,795 --> 00:27:51,505
Rolex!
344
00:27:54,716 --> 00:27:58,637
- Thanks for the watch, Billy.
- You're welcome, buddy.
345
00:27:58,762 --> 00:28:04,601
This is great. When I graduated first grade
all my father did was tell me to get a job.
346
00:28:04,726 --> 00:28:05,727
[BRAYING]
347
00:28:05,853 --> 00:28:09,731
Hey, you wanna feed that donkey
some beer, get it all messed up?
348
00:28:09,857 --> 00:28:13,652
- Maybe later.
- I'll go put some beer in a bucket.
349
00:28:13,777 --> 00:28:17,281
- OK.
- Hey there, Mr. Graduate. How's it goin'?
350
00:28:17,406 --> 00:28:19,449
[ERIC] Go!
351
00:28:22,786 --> 00:28:25,455
Come on, kid! Get up! Get up!
352
00:28:25,581 --> 00:28:28,166
You're humiliating yourself! Get up!
353
00:28:30,752 --> 00:28:32,796
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
354
00:28:35,883 --> 00:28:37,593
Aaah!
355
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:57,446
So he's passed first grade and
he's moved on to second. Whoop-de-do.
356
00:28:57,571 --> 00:28:59,907
Any more information, Rollo?
357
00:29:04,244 --> 00:29:06,455
Billy likes to drink soda.
358
00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:12,878
Miss Lippy's car is green.
359
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:18,926
And now we have just two students left.
360
00:29:20,928 --> 00:29:22,763
Bath.
361
00:29:23,138 --> 00:29:25,265
Bath.
362
00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:29,853
B-a-t-h.
363
00:29:29,978 --> 00:29:32,189
- Bath.
- Correct!
364
00:29:32,314 --> 00:29:36,568
Bath - that's a little easy.
Why don't you just give her the trophy?
365
00:29:37,736 --> 00:29:39,363
Cheese.
366
00:29:41,365 --> 00:29:42,407
Cheese.
367
00:29:42,658 --> 00:29:49,665
C-h-e-e-s-e.
368
00:29:49,790 --> 00:29:52,084
- Cheese.
- Correct.
369
00:29:53,710 --> 00:29:56,839
- Couch.
- Couch.
370
00:29:59,007 --> 00:30:00,384
C...
371
00:30:00,509 --> 00:30:03,762
C-o...
372
00:30:04,888 --> 00:30:07,182
- W?
- No!
373
00:30:07,516 --> 00:30:10,394
No, I'm sorry, that's not right.
374
00:30:10,519 --> 00:30:12,187
[LAUGHS]
375
00:30:12,312 --> 00:30:16,275
Well, Billy, if you spell this correctly,
you pass second grade.
376
00:30:18,652 --> 00:30:19,987
Couch.
377
00:30:20,112 --> 00:30:22,155
C...
378
00:30:22,906 --> 00:30:24,533
Cou...
379
00:30:24,950 --> 00:30:26,535
Cou...
380
00:30:27,619 --> 00:30:29,663
C-o...
381
00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:34,877
R... Are you going to the mall later?
That's what I'm asking.
382
00:30:35,002 --> 00:30:38,589
No, I am not going to the mall.
Keep spelling, mister.
383
00:30:39,590 --> 00:30:41,633
C-o-u...
384
00:30:43,427 --> 00:30:45,554
c-h?
385
00:30:46,763 --> 00:30:48,682
Correct!
386
00:30:48,807 --> 00:30:51,894
I am the smartest man alive!
387
00:30:53,312 --> 00:30:55,856
[SQUEALING]
388
00:30:58,066 --> 00:31:01,486
Is he gonna have a stupid party
every time he passes a grade?
389
00:31:02,237 --> 00:31:04,573
[CARL] Everybody's having
a good time but you.
390
00:31:04,698 --> 00:31:07,159
Spoilt snot. Get outta here.
391
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:13,165
Let me ask you something, Carl.
You started here, what, 25 years ago?
392
00:31:13,290 --> 00:31:15,876
Night bellboy at the Philadelphia Madison?
393
00:31:16,001 --> 00:31:21,590
After all your hard work, how would you
feel working for some punk kid like Billy?
394
00:31:22,257 --> 00:31:24,092
Could be worse.
395
00:31:27,471 --> 00:31:28,764
That's nice.
396
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,436
Man, I'm so nervous.
First and second grade were easy,...
397
00:31:34,561 --> 00:31:38,607
but social studies, division?
This is gonna be tough.
398
00:31:40,567 --> 00:31:43,403
Man, I'm so nervous.
First and second grade were easy,...
399
00:31:43,529 --> 00:31:46,406
but social studies, division?
This is gonna be tough.
400
00:31:46,532 --> 00:31:48,742
Relax, dude.
401
00:31:49,868 --> 00:31:51,328
Jackpot.
402
00:31:51,453 --> 00:31:55,832
- Good morning, class.
- Good morning, Miss Vaughn.
403
00:31:55,958 --> 00:32:01,129
We're gonna start today by reading
a short story entitled "My Sister Fanny".
404
00:32:01,255 --> 00:32:03,215
Quiet.
405
00:32:03,340 --> 00:32:07,594
OK, so let's all open up
our Reading is Fun books to page 69.
406
00:32:07,719 --> 00:32:09,763
69!
407
00:32:12,474 --> 00:32:15,310
Class, say hello to Billy Madison.
408
00:32:15,435 --> 00:32:18,772
Hello, Billy Madison.
409
00:32:18,897 --> 00:32:21,817
Billy is a nuisance.
He will be gone in two weeks.
410
00:32:21,942 --> 00:32:25,028
I apologize for this inconvenience.
411
00:32:25,821 --> 00:32:29,074
- Jeez! What's up her butt?
- What was that, Billy?
412
00:32:29,199 --> 00:32:32,286
I said "Reading is good."
413
00:32:32,411 --> 00:32:34,872
Can we start the story now?
414
00:32:37,249 --> 00:32:39,293
Dan, you may begin.
415
00:32:40,169 --> 00:32:41,837
"O... o... once...
416
00:32:41,962 --> 00:32:44,840
th... th... there w... was...
417
00:32:44,965 --> 00:32:47,509
a g... g... girl...
418
00:32:47,634 --> 00:32:49,720
who w..."
419
00:32:49,845 --> 00:32:52,055
- He can't even read.
- Cut it out, dude.
420
00:32:52,181 --> 00:32:54,641
You're gonna get us in trouble.
421
00:32:55,434 --> 00:32:58,061
"..p... p... p... p..."
422
00:32:58,187 --> 00:33:00,272
T... t... t... today, junior!
423
00:33:10,449 --> 00:33:13,493
Ow! You're tearing my ear off!
424
00:33:13,619 --> 00:33:18,457
Making fun of a kid for trying to read.
Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
425
00:33:18,582 --> 00:33:22,127
I'm sorry. I can't hear you.
I've been physically abused in the ear.
426
00:33:22,252 --> 00:33:27,216
Keep your mouth shut for the next two
weeks or I'm gonna fail you. End of story.
427
00:33:27,341 --> 00:33:32,095
I see your lips movin', but I can't
make out your words. I'm deaf.
428
00:33:33,722 --> 00:33:37,100
Oh, Veronica Vaughn. So hot.
429
00:33:37,226 --> 00:33:39,436
Want to touch the heinie.
430
00:33:39,561 --> 00:33:41,438
[HOWLS]
431
00:33:41,563 --> 00:33:45,359
So that girlie I've been chasin'?
Turns out she's my third-grade teacher.
432
00:33:45,484 --> 00:33:48,028
First thing she does
is kick me out of her class.
433
00:33:48,153 --> 00:33:51,073
Maybe she feels she has
to make an example of you.
434
00:33:51,198 --> 00:33:54,284
- Or she's got somethin' up her ass.
- That's what I said.
435
00:33:54,409 --> 00:33:56,912
- Poor Billy.
- I'm so depressed.
436
00:33:57,788 --> 00:34:00,374
- Want me to take my shirt off for you?
- No, thank you.
437
00:34:00,499 --> 00:34:04,169
OK, baby. But remember,
the offer is on the table.
438
00:34:05,963 --> 00:34:09,842
Oh, yes. Oh, my.
439
00:34:09,967 --> 00:34:12,052
Oh, God, yes.
440
00:34:12,177 --> 00:34:14,429
- Lordy.
- Billy Madison.
441
00:34:14,555 --> 00:34:15,681
Uh-huh?
442
00:34:15,806 --> 00:34:20,060
Would you like to try writing some words
in cursive on the blackboard today?
443
00:34:20,185 --> 00:34:22,229
OK. Sure.
444
00:34:29,152 --> 00:34:31,196
OK, how about the word "dugout"?
445
00:34:41,748 --> 00:34:44,084
OK, good. How about "bunt"?
446
00:34:53,135 --> 00:34:56,513
Bunt. B-u-n-t.
447
00:34:56,638 --> 00:35:01,101
In perfect cursive.
Any more brain-busters?
448
00:35:02,477 --> 00:35:04,521
Rizzuto.
449
00:35:11,278 --> 00:35:13,322
Z... Z...
450
00:35:22,331 --> 00:35:23,957
Rirruto?
451
00:35:25,042 --> 00:35:27,336
Those are Zs.
452
00:35:27,461 --> 00:35:29,379
They look like Rs to me.
453
00:35:29,505 --> 00:35:34,843
That's not fair! Rizzuto is not a word.
He's a baseball player. You're cheating.
454
00:35:34,968 --> 00:35:37,346
Would you like to try the word "buzz"?
455
00:35:37,471 --> 00:35:39,473
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
456
00:35:39,598 --> 00:35:42,434
I hate cursive and I hate all of you!
457
00:35:42,559 --> 00:35:45,062
I'm never comin' back to school! Never!
458
00:35:45,187 --> 00:35:47,481
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
459
00:35:51,610 --> 00:35:53,654
[JUANITA] Billy!
460
00:36:02,246 --> 00:36:04,414
I swear, I'm sick. I can't go to school.
461
00:36:04,540 --> 00:36:09,044
If you're gonna stay home today,
you could help me shave my armpits.
462
00:36:09,169 --> 00:36:12,089
Oh, my God! I'll go to school.
463
00:36:15,843 --> 00:36:17,886
O'Doyle rules!
464
00:36:24,893 --> 00:36:29,648
- What's goin' on?
- Miss Vaughn's sick.
465
00:36:31,233 --> 00:36:33,026
[TEACHER CLAPS]
466
00:36:33,151 --> 00:36:35,821
Please take your seats.
467
00:36:37,197 --> 00:36:40,659
- Who's that guy?
- Principal Anderson.
468
00:36:43,912 --> 00:36:48,917
As you can tell, Miss Vaughn is not feeling
well today, so I'll be taking her place.
469
00:36:49,042 --> 00:36:52,212
But don't get your hopes up,
because I plan on teaching,...
470
00:36:52,337 --> 00:36:54,923
so I hope you plan on learning.
471
00:36:55,591 --> 00:37:00,512
Now, who can tell me where we are
in our social-studies reader?
472
00:37:00,637 --> 00:37:02,639
Yes?
473
00:37:02,764 --> 00:37:04,349
Michael?
474
00:37:05,058 --> 00:37:07,519
Excuse me. What's that in your hand?
475
00:37:09,813 --> 00:37:12,149
Bring that note up to me.
476
00:37:12,274 --> 00:37:14,610
[CLASS] Ooh.
477
00:37:18,447 --> 00:37:22,159
Now let's see what couldn't wait
till after class.
478
00:37:27,706 --> 00:37:31,960
"We're so lucky to have
Principal Anderson substituting."
479
00:37:33,212 --> 00:37:38,383
"Now we have the privilege of staring
at that tub of lard all day long"?
480
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:44,640
"If I were him, I would walk my fat ass
right into oncoming traffic."
481
00:37:48,143 --> 00:37:51,688
Oh, man, Billy,
I just thought of the funniest thing.
482
00:37:52,439 --> 00:37:54,483
Billy?
483
00:37:55,859 --> 00:37:59,821
- Where's Billy?
- He's in school, man.
484
00:37:59,947 --> 00:38:01,198
Oh, yeah.
485
00:38:22,678 --> 00:38:25,514
["I'M NOT THE ONE" BY THE CARS]
486
00:38:25,639 --> 00:38:27,724
I'm not the one
487
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,478
That you'll be shootin' for
488
00:38:31,603 --> 00:38:33,647
I'm not the one
489
00:38:34,690 --> 00:38:37,192
Who's coming back for more
490
00:38:37,317 --> 00:38:40,737
You know why
491
00:38:40,863 --> 00:38:43,198
We've been through this too many times
492
00:38:43,323 --> 00:38:46,201
You know why
493
00:38:46,326 --> 00:38:49,788
It's never clear it's pantomime
494
00:38:52,374 --> 00:38:56,920
I don't wanna sound like a weirdo,
but I kinda missed Miss Vaughn today.
495
00:38:57,045 --> 00:38:59,965
- Why? Do you like her or something?
- No!
496
00:39:00,090 --> 00:39:03,135
- Why? Did she say she likes me?
- Not to me.
497
00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:05,929
Well, let's find out.
498
00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:20,485
Uh, hello?
499
00:39:20,611 --> 00:39:22,738
Um, is this Miss Vaughn?
500
00:39:22,863 --> 00:39:24,781
Oh, hi. It's Ernie from class.
501
00:39:24,907 --> 00:39:27,826
[WHISPERS] Ask her if she has a boyfriend.
502
00:39:27,951 --> 00:39:31,455
Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you have a boyfriend?
503
00:39:33,540 --> 00:39:35,334
[WHISPERS] No.
504
00:39:35,959 --> 00:39:37,628
- Ask her...
- Shh!
505
00:39:37,753 --> 00:39:41,965
Ask her if she likes anybody from class,
like, more than a friend.
506
00:39:42,925 --> 00:39:47,471
Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you like
anybody in class more than a friend?
507
00:39:52,226 --> 00:39:54,269
[WHISPERS] No.
508
00:39:55,270 --> 00:39:58,482
Ask her if she would ever
go out with somebody from class.
509
00:39:58,607 --> 00:40:00,567
- No!
- Just do it!
510
00:40:02,361 --> 00:40:06,698
Um, Miss Vaughn, would you ever
go out with anybody from class?
511
00:40:07,616 --> 00:40:09,451
Uh-huh.
512
00:40:10,202 --> 00:40:12,371
Uh-huh.
513
00:40:12,496 --> 00:40:15,832
You see, Ernie, grown-ups like
to go out with other grown-ups.
514
00:40:15,958 --> 00:40:19,253
- What about Billy?
- You're more of a grown-up than Billy.
515
00:40:19,378 --> 00:40:21,922
- I'll give you a grown-up.
- What was that, Ernie?
516
00:40:22,047 --> 00:40:26,301
[HIGH-PITCHED] Nothing.
See you tomorrow in class, Miss Vaughn.
517
00:40:26,426 --> 00:40:28,470
You blew it!
518
00:40:34,101 --> 00:40:38,772
Hey, I dare you to throw
your sandwich at the bus driver.
519
00:40:39,231 --> 00:40:42,234
[CHILDREN] Do it. Come on.
520
00:40:44,570 --> 00:40:46,113
Hey!
521
00:40:46,238 --> 00:40:48,699
Hey, who threw that?
522
00:40:50,742 --> 00:40:53,203
I'll turn this damn bus around.
523
00:40:53,328 --> 00:40:58,125
That'll end your precious little
field trip pretty damn quick, huh?
524
00:40:59,376 --> 00:41:01,420
Bullshit.
525
00:41:08,260 --> 00:41:12,389
Hey, I'm tryin' to score points with
the teacher today. Don't screw it up!
526
00:41:12,514 --> 00:41:15,642
I dare you to touch her boobs.
527
00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:18,854
Touch her boobs? That's assault, brother.
528
00:41:23,108 --> 00:41:25,235
Ya double-dare me?
529
00:41:31,950 --> 00:41:34,703
Miss Vaughn, how long till we get there?
530
00:41:34,828 --> 00:41:38,582
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- Probably about two minutes.
531
00:41:39,333 --> 00:41:42,878
Sorry about that.
Damn guy drives like an animal.
532
00:41:43,879 --> 00:41:47,257
That's all right, Billy.
Why don't you go back and sit down now?
533
00:41:47,382 --> 00:41:49,593
- OK.
- I double-dare you.
534
00:41:49,718 --> 00:41:52,304
Da... I... Accident...
535
00:41:52,429 --> 00:41:54,556
Mistake... Tit...
536
00:41:54,681 --> 00:41:57,142
- Go sit down now.
- Yes.
537
00:41:57,267 --> 00:41:59,311
[CHILDREN GIGGLE]
538
00:42:04,274 --> 00:42:07,986
Yeah, here we go again.
Another treat from the road.
539
00:42:08,111 --> 00:42:11,907
Grand, ripe banana.
Trick of the day. Great...
540
00:42:16,203 --> 00:42:19,748
[WOMAN] What is a horseshoe?
What does a horseshoe do?
541
00:42:19,873 --> 00:42:22,084
Are there any horse socks?
542
00:42:22,209 --> 00:42:24,253
Is anybody listening to me?
543
00:42:24,378 --> 00:42:27,256
Anyways, I am sorry about
what happened back there,...
544
00:42:27,381 --> 00:42:30,676
but you have to admit,
I've been tryin' to be good lately.
545
00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:34,137
Well, you're not the first person
that's tried to grab my chest.
546
00:42:34,263 --> 00:42:37,975
I'm trying not to hold you to a higher
standard than the rest of the students.
547
00:42:38,100 --> 00:42:40,853
Although maybe I should.
You are, what, 50?
548
00:42:40,978 --> 00:42:45,983
No, but the other kids look up to me.
I don't want them to think I'm a coward.
549
00:42:46,108 --> 00:42:50,946
Don't worry about it. Next week you're
gonna have another teacher to annoy.
550
00:42:51,071 --> 00:42:55,742
I don't want to annoy another teacher,
Miss Vaughn. I want to annoy you.
551
00:42:55,868 --> 00:42:59,830
- Miss Vaughn!
- Somebody stole all our lunches.
552
00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:02,916
Who would steal 30-bagged lunches?
553
00:43:10,716 --> 00:43:13,260
I'll tell you who took those lunches.
554
00:43:13,385 --> 00:43:15,637
That damn sasquatch.
555
00:43:16,805 --> 00:43:20,934
Well, I guess that's it.
OK, everybody! Back on the bus!
556
00:43:21,059 --> 00:43:24,980
- Hey, what's with Ernie?
- I don't know. I'll be right back.
557
00:43:27,482 --> 00:43:29,526
Hey, Ernie, what's up?
558
00:43:30,611 --> 00:43:32,654
Nothing.
559
00:43:33,572 --> 00:43:37,284
You fallen in love
with the wall or somethin'?
560
00:43:37,409 --> 00:43:40,495
- I had an accident.
- An accident. What does that mean?
561
00:43:40,621 --> 00:43:41,914
Ooh!
562
00:43:42,706 --> 00:43:44,541
Oh, I know. OK. Uh...
563
00:43:48,128 --> 00:43:51,798
Don't worry, buddy. You hang tight.
I'll be right back.
564
00:43:59,473 --> 00:44:02,476
Hey, look, everybody! Billy peed his pants!
565
00:44:02,601 --> 00:44:07,439
Of course, I peed my pants. Everybody
my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.
566
00:44:07,564 --> 00:44:09,358
- Really?
- Yes!
567
00:44:09,483 --> 00:44:13,320
You ain't cool unless you pee your pants.
568
00:44:13,445 --> 00:44:16,865
- Wow.
- Hey, man, Ernie peed his pants too.
569
00:44:18,408 --> 00:44:19,993
All right!
570
00:44:23,539 --> 00:44:28,460
If peeing your pants is cool,
consider me Miles Davis.
571
00:44:28,585 --> 00:44:29,837
Oh!
572
00:44:30,003 --> 00:44:34,716
That was the grossest thing
I've ever heard in my life! Let's go!
573
00:44:34,842 --> 00:44:37,135
Get on the bus here.
574
00:44:37,261 --> 00:44:39,388
Move it. Get up there, Kyle.
575
00:44:39,513 --> 00:44:41,640
One, two, five, seven.
576
00:44:41,765 --> 00:44:45,352
Move it or lose it. Get on the b...
577
00:44:45,477 --> 00:44:47,938
Hi, Miss Vaughn. Nice to see ya.
578
00:44:55,737 --> 00:45:01,118
That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass.
579
00:45:02,244 --> 00:45:06,582
I know from experience, dude,
if you know what I mean.
580
00:45:06,707 --> 00:45:08,667
No, you don't.
581
00:45:08,792 --> 00:45:13,505
Well, not me personally, but a guy I know.
Him and her got it on.
582
00:45:13,630 --> 00:45:15,674
Whoo-ee!
583
00:45:16,300 --> 00:45:18,552
No, they didn't.
584
00:45:18,677 --> 00:45:21,138
No, no, no, they didn't.
585
00:45:21,263 --> 00:45:25,184
But you can imagine
what it'd be like if they did, right? Huh?
586
00:45:32,065 --> 00:45:35,569
Everybody on?
Good, great, grand, wonderful!
587
00:45:36,737 --> 00:45:39,656
No yelling on the bus!
588
00:45:39,781 --> 00:45:43,619
[GINO] Billy passed the third grade
589
00:45:43,744 --> 00:45:47,748
Oh, what a glorious day
590
00:45:47,873 --> 00:45:51,543
Oh, passin' third grade
591
00:45:51,710 --> 00:45:55,631
The Billy Madison way
592
00:45:55,797 --> 00:45:57,549
Yeah!
593
00:45:57,674 --> 00:45:59,885
Rock on! Yes!
594
00:46:10,771 --> 00:46:12,689
[BOY] Stop it.
595
00:46:13,315 --> 00:46:18,362
Who are you? I don't even know you.
Go away, mister. Stop it.
596
00:46:18,487 --> 00:46:20,531
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
597
00:46:24,618 --> 00:46:27,913
- Look! She came!
- And she came too.
598
00:46:45,305 --> 00:46:47,766
The mucus queen is yours.
599
00:46:49,393 --> 00:46:50,394
Thanks.
600
00:46:50,519 --> 00:46:52,563
Hi!
601
00:46:53,772 --> 00:46:57,067
Oh, gosh. Oh, thank you.
602
00:47:01,446 --> 00:47:02,990
Oh, my God!
603
00:47:04,074 --> 00:47:06,535
Snack Pack! You're the coolest!
604
00:47:06,702 --> 00:47:10,539
- Those should last you the weekend.
- Thank you very much.
605
00:47:10,706 --> 00:47:13,667
- Billy is on the right track.
- He's on track all right.
606
00:47:13,792 --> 00:47:16,461
He's headed right down the toilet.
607
00:47:18,172 --> 00:47:20,215
Easy.
608
00:47:21,592 --> 00:47:23,802
You still don't think he's gonna make it?
609
00:47:23,969 --> 00:47:28,265
Trust me, Carl, baby.
I know he's not gonna make it.
610
00:47:28,390 --> 00:47:30,851
Would you excuse me for a second?
611
00:47:33,353 --> 00:47:36,356
Who will help me destroy Billy Madison?
612
00:47:36,481 --> 00:47:38,525
Who?
613
00:47:56,335 --> 00:48:00,255
You know, that was really sweet,
the way you helped Ernie out yesterday.
614
00:48:00,380 --> 00:48:03,509
He would have done the same for me.
615
00:48:03,634 --> 00:48:06,595
So what's it like being back in school?
616
00:48:06,720 --> 00:48:09,264
I don't know. I kinda feel
like an idiot sometimes.
617
00:48:09,431 --> 00:48:12,518
Although I am an idiot,
so it kinda works out.
618
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,980
Is it just you and your dad in here?
619
00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:21,902
Well, actually, no. There's Juanita,
and some maids and butlers and stuff.
620
00:48:22,027 --> 00:48:25,155
And people who work for my dad
are always stoppin' by.
621
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:29,701
And my friends are always sleepin' over,
even when I didn't ask 'em to.
622
00:48:29,826 --> 00:48:32,913
- Sounds like a hotel.
- It kinda is. It can be distracting.
623
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,541
That's why I moved out here.
624
00:48:47,386 --> 00:48:49,346
Wow.
625
00:48:49,471 --> 00:48:52,474
This is where I've been spending
most of my time lately.
626
00:48:52,641 --> 00:48:55,102
Not exactly roughing it, are you?
627
00:49:00,482 --> 00:49:03,986
Those are, uh...
They come with the tent, so...
628
00:49:09,533 --> 00:49:13,704
Oh, wow. A Tale of Two Cities.
I don't think we're up to that one yet.
629
00:49:13,829 --> 00:49:17,332
I can understand nine words
in that book now.
630
00:49:20,544 --> 00:49:24,464
So, it's, um... the last day of third grade.
631
00:49:25,507 --> 00:49:29,428
And you have the teacher,
alone, in your tent.
632
00:49:30,345 --> 00:49:32,806
What do you wanna do?
633
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:38,020
Well, I can think of three things
I'd like to do.
634
00:49:38,145 --> 00:49:42,441
One would involve some ice cubes
and a nine-iron.
635
00:49:43,859 --> 00:49:47,029
- Two would include a buffalo.
- Really?
636
00:49:47,196 --> 00:49:52,534
Live or stuffed.
Preferably stuffed, for safety's sake.
637
00:49:52,659 --> 00:49:55,662
Three: we'd bring back
some of those ice cubes,...
638
00:49:55,829 --> 00:49:58,916
but switch it over to a pitching wedge.
639
00:49:59,708 --> 00:50:02,169
How you guys doin'?
640
00:50:03,629 --> 00:50:07,299
Hey! Carl! Good to see you!
641
00:50:10,135 --> 00:50:12,679
This is Veronica, my teacher. That's Carl.
642
00:50:12,846 --> 00:50:16,600
Very pleased to meet you.
Bill, I think Eric is up to something.
643
00:50:16,767 --> 00:50:19,520
- Who's Eric?
- He works for my dad too.
644
00:50:19,645 --> 00:50:22,564
He gets the company if I screw up.
He's a douchebag.
645
00:50:22,731 --> 00:50:27,194
He made some menacing comments to me,
and then he did that little weasel laugh.
646
00:50:27,361 --> 00:50:31,490
- Yeah. How does that laugh go again?
- You know. [LAUGHS]
647
00:50:32,241 --> 00:50:35,077
- Very good. It sounded just like him.
- Thanks.
648
00:50:35,202 --> 00:50:38,205
Well, I'm sure he's got
something up his sleeve.
649
00:50:38,330 --> 00:50:39,957
- Thanks, buddy.
- No problem.
650
00:50:40,707 --> 00:50:42,584
["ABC" BY THE JACKSON 5]
651
00:50:44,837 --> 00:50:46,964
You went to school to learn, girl
652
00:50:47,089 --> 00:50:50,008
Things you never, never knew before...
653
00:50:51,093 --> 00:50:55,055
[TEACHER] The most densely populated part
of the US is along the eastern seaboard.
654
00:50:55,222 --> 00:50:59,351
We're gonna talk about why that is
over the next few minutes.
655
00:50:59,518 --> 00:51:03,730
We all know what a census is, don't we?
That's like taking a census...
656
00:51:07,484 --> 00:51:10,195
You know, yeah. Pick it up and gimme...
657
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,281
You want some of this?
658
00:51:12,447 --> 00:51:14,908
Oh, my dear Lord!
659
00:51:15,033 --> 00:51:18,620
You never leave me open, son,
cos I'm gonna hit it every time.
660
00:51:18,745 --> 00:51:21,498
You want some more of that?
I didn't think so!
661
00:51:22,541 --> 00:51:26,670
Reading, writing, arithmetic
are the branches of the learning tree
662
00:51:26,837 --> 00:51:30,090
But without the roots
of love every day, girl
663
00:51:30,215 --> 00:51:32,593
Your education ain't complete
664
00:51:32,718 --> 00:51:35,095
Teacher's gonna show you
665
00:51:35,262 --> 00:51:37,222
How to get an A
666
00:51:37,347 --> 00:51:40,350
How to spell 'me', 'you'
and add the two
667
00:51:40,517 --> 00:51:42,811
Listen to me, baby,
that's all you gotta do
668
00:51:42,978 --> 00:51:44,438
ABC
669
00:51:44,605 --> 00:51:46,982
It's easy as 1-2-3
670
00:51:47,232 --> 00:51:50,652
As simple as do-re-mi, ABC...
671
00:52:19,848 --> 00:52:22,601
[BELCHES THE ALPHABET]
672
00:52:26,813 --> 00:52:29,191
All right, stop before I throw up.
673
00:52:29,358 --> 00:52:32,694
Hey, Billy, you wanna go
play soccer with us after school?
674
00:52:32,819 --> 00:52:36,073
No, I got a test on Friday.
I'll play with you guys next week.
675
00:52:36,198 --> 00:52:39,284
- Next week you'll be in ninth grade.
- Yeah, high school.
676
00:52:39,409 --> 00:52:40,536
Oh, yeah.
677
00:52:40,702 --> 00:52:45,415
You aren't gonna wanna hang round with
a bunch of dumb elementary-school kids.
678
00:52:45,666 --> 00:52:49,169
That's not true. I'll come
and visit you guys all the time.
679
00:52:49,419 --> 00:52:51,463
Yeah, to see your girlfriend.
680
00:52:51,630 --> 00:52:53,507
[BOYS] Whooo!
681
00:52:54,967 --> 00:52:56,760
[CACKLING]
682
00:52:56,927 --> 00:53:00,597
Have some more Sloppy Joes.
683
00:53:01,974 --> 00:53:05,227
I made 'em extra sloppy for yous.
684
00:53:08,021 --> 00:53:11,692
I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.
685
00:53:12,818 --> 00:53:15,237
Lady, you're scarin' us.
686
00:53:41,555 --> 00:53:46,268
- Do you know where the bathroom is?
- Second door on the left.
687
00:53:49,897 --> 00:53:53,609
Hey, tubby, how about
a little bathroom reading?
688
00:53:53,775 --> 00:53:57,404
I have the August 1983 issue
of Wrestling World here.
689
00:53:58,655 --> 00:54:02,868
There's a terrific article about
a wrestler named the Revolting Blob.
690
00:54:04,620 --> 00:54:08,749
Gee, you know somethin'?
He kinda looks like someone I know.
691
00:54:09,958 --> 00:54:12,878
- Where'd you get that?
- I have a subscription.
692
00:54:13,045 --> 00:54:18,634
Bad guy. He threw one opponent out of
the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens.
693
00:54:20,260 --> 00:54:23,180
Boy, this wacko looks familiar.
694
00:54:23,305 --> 00:54:26,975
What do I care about some
stupid phoney wrestling guy?
695
00:54:27,142 --> 00:54:29,102
My God.
696
00:54:29,228 --> 00:54:34,024
In June 1983 he sat on
some guy's head and killed him.
697
00:54:34,191 --> 00:54:36,318
It was just a stunt!
698
00:54:36,485 --> 00:54:39,863
He was supposed to pinch my leg
if he was running short of air.
699
00:54:40,030 --> 00:54:44,660
With this guy sitting on everyone's head,
I wonder how he got his teaching degree?
700
00:54:44,826 --> 00:54:46,537
No!
701
00:54:46,662 --> 00:54:50,707
No, you can't do that to me.
Those kids are my whole life!
702
00:54:50,874 --> 00:54:55,712
So you wouldn't want anything to happen
that would make 'em think less of you?
703
00:54:55,879 --> 00:54:57,506
Max?
704
00:54:58,465 --> 00:55:00,300
Max?
705
00:55:00,467 --> 00:55:02,636
You ready to cooperate with me?
706
00:55:02,803 --> 00:55:04,680
Yes.
707
00:55:04,847 --> 00:55:07,516
Then Madison Hotels is as good as mine!
708
00:55:19,903 --> 00:55:21,905
[ROCK MUSIC FROM CAR]
709
00:55:43,927 --> 00:55:46,346
[LAUGHTER]
710
00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:50,309
- [STUDENT] Nice shirt.
- Yeah. Yep.
711
00:55:50,475 --> 00:55:52,477
[BELL RINGS]
712
00:55:58,066 --> 00:56:03,697
Now the cell's happy. But other molecules
are saying "We'd like some energy too."
713
00:56:03,864 --> 00:56:09,828
And it uses its own pigment molecule,
chlorophyll, to carry out the action.
714
00:56:09,995 --> 00:56:13,290
This does not make the ribosomes happy.
715
00:56:14,583 --> 00:56:17,461
And poor chlorophyll is caught
in the middle of this.
716
00:56:17,628 --> 00:56:21,215
Chlorophyll? More like "bore-ophyll"!
717
00:56:22,674 --> 00:56:24,676
Right?
718
00:56:27,304 --> 00:56:31,725
- Jeez, a little bit stuffy in here, huh?
- Don't talk to me.
719
00:56:31,892 --> 00:56:34,561
- And why is that?
- Because you're a loser.
720
00:56:34,728 --> 00:56:38,857
[TEACHER] ..from these ribosomes.
And chlorophyll helps the chloroplast...
721
00:56:38,982 --> 00:56:41,276
No, I will not make out with you!
722
00:56:42,319 --> 00:56:45,989
Did you hear that? This girl wants to
make out with me in the middle of class!
723
00:56:46,156 --> 00:56:49,243
You got "chlorophyll man" up there
talkin' about God knows what.
724
00:56:49,409 --> 00:56:54,456
All she's talking about is makin' out with
me. I'm here to learn, not to make out.
725
00:56:54,623 --> 00:56:56,834
Go on with the chlorophyll.
726
00:57:01,338 --> 00:57:03,340
O'Doyle rules.
727
00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:06,927
Thanks a lot, O'Doyle. Nice meetin' you.
728
00:57:07,970 --> 00:57:09,972
[GIGGLING]
729
00:57:11,473 --> 00:57:14,351
- Wait till they start with the wedgies.
- Yeah.
730
00:57:14,518 --> 00:57:18,730
You oughta start cutting your underwear
before you get to school. So it rips easier.
731
00:57:18,856 --> 00:57:20,899
I see. Who are you guys?
732
00:57:21,066 --> 00:57:23,986
The guys everybody used to pick on
before you started here.
733
00:57:24,152 --> 00:57:28,991
No, they ain't pickin' on me. They're givin'
me a hard time cos I'm the new guy.
734
00:57:29,157 --> 00:57:31,076
A little first-day hazing.
735
00:57:31,243 --> 00:57:35,873
- Are you in loser denial or something?
- I had a bad case of loser denial myself.
736
00:57:36,039 --> 00:57:39,001
Till the lacrosse team stuck
a parking cone up my ass.
737
00:57:39,501 --> 00:57:43,547
Loser? I ain't no loser.
I was the king of this high school.
738
00:57:43,672 --> 00:57:46,967
A hundred friends, a million parties...
739
00:57:47,134 --> 00:57:49,428
You guys are losers, not me.
740
00:57:51,597 --> 00:57:54,474
And that is what a prime number is.
741
00:57:54,641 --> 00:57:56,810
[CHILDREN] Billy!
742
00:57:56,977 --> 00:58:00,272
I figured I got fourth period off,
I'd shoot down and say hi.
743
00:58:00,397 --> 00:58:03,275
- How's high school, Billy?
- Yeah, how's high school?
744
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:07,404
High school is great.
I mean, I'm learning a lot.
745
00:58:07,529 --> 00:58:12,075
And all the kids are treating me
very nice. It's great.
746
00:58:12,242 --> 00:58:15,245
Gee, I can't wait till I go to high school.
747
00:58:16,705 --> 00:58:18,957
Don't you say that.
748
00:58:19,082 --> 00:58:21,835
Don't you ever say that.
749
00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:24,087
Stay here.
750
00:58:24,213 --> 00:58:27,174
Stay as long as you can.
751
00:58:27,299 --> 00:58:30,677
For the love of God, cherish it.
752
00:58:30,802 --> 00:58:33,305
[VERONICA] Jennifer,
why don't you read out loud?
753
00:58:33,430 --> 00:58:36,183
You gotta cherish it.
754
00:58:36,308 --> 00:58:38,393
You do.
755
00:58:38,519 --> 00:58:40,145
Hm.
756
00:58:44,274 --> 00:58:46,193
I don't understand it.
757
00:58:46,318 --> 00:58:50,572
I mean, ten years ago high school
was the greatest. I had so much fun.
758
00:58:50,697 --> 00:58:53,700
I guess a little too much fun,
since you've gotta do it again.
759
00:58:53,825 --> 00:58:59,540
I know. It's just that classes are so hard,
and all the kids treat me like I'm a goof.
760
00:59:00,332 --> 00:59:02,626
Well, you are a goof.
761
00:59:02,751 --> 00:59:06,213
Suck it up. Eight more weeks
and you're all set.
762
00:59:06,338 --> 00:59:09,007
Yeah, you're right. You're so smart.
763
00:59:12,052 --> 00:59:14,096
- I gotta go, OK?
- OK.
764
00:59:15,013 --> 00:59:16,640
Billy, wait.
765
00:59:17,391 --> 00:59:20,477
It doesn't feel so great
to be called a loser, does it?
766
00:59:20,811 --> 00:59:21,687
No.
767
00:59:21,812 --> 00:59:24,356
Maybe the first time
you went to high school,...
768
00:59:24,481 --> 00:59:29,111
you weren't as nice to the kids
that you thought were losers.
769
00:59:29,236 --> 00:59:32,531
I know what you're sayin'.
You're so smart.
770
00:59:42,541 --> 00:59:44,585
[PHONE RINGS]
771
00:59:47,462 --> 00:59:48,463
Hello?
772
00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:51,842
- Hi. Is this Danny McGrath?
- Yeah.
773
00:59:51,967 --> 00:59:55,470
The Danny McGrath that graduated
from Knibb High School in 1984?
774
00:59:56,180 --> 01:00:00,475
- Uh, yeah. Who's this?
- This is Billy Madison.
775
01:00:00,601 --> 01:00:04,813
You probably don't remember me,
but I went to high school with you.
776
01:00:04,938 --> 01:00:07,441
I kinda gave you a hard time back then,...
777
01:00:07,566 --> 01:00:11,278
and I did some things that
I thought were funny at the time,...
778
01:00:11,403 --> 01:00:14,781
but now I realize they
were just mean and stupid.
779
01:00:14,907 --> 01:00:18,535
And I just wanted to apologize,
and I hope you forgive me.
780
01:00:19,328 --> 01:00:21,496
Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it.
781
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,791
Wow! That's great!
782
01:00:24,917 --> 01:00:28,003
Well, I am sorry, and maybe
we can get together some time...
783
01:00:28,128 --> 01:00:30,172
and have coffee or somethin'.
784
01:00:30,756 --> 01:00:34,092
- Sure, I'd like that.
- OK. Well, I'll see you around.
785
01:00:34,218 --> 01:00:36,261
OK. Bye.
786
01:00:36,386 --> 01:00:40,307
["TELEPHONE LINE"
BY ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA]
787
01:01:12,714 --> 01:01:14,716
Speak for yourself, moron.
788
01:01:16,301 --> 01:01:18,804
Oh, my God! That is funny!
789
01:01:18,929 --> 01:01:23,976
Next.: the shocking story of power
and corruption involving a hotel tycoon.
790
01:01:24,101 --> 01:01:29,106
How his 27-year-old millionaire son
cheated his way through school.
791
01:01:29,231 --> 01:01:32,943
- What the hell...?
- Now, now. Maybe it's somebody else.
792
01:01:34,987 --> 01:01:37,030
My name is Max Anderson,...
793
01:01:37,155 --> 01:01:42,744
and I am the principal
at the Polly Fector Elementary School.
794
01:01:42,870 --> 01:01:46,832
Recently a young man named
Billy Madison was enrolled there.
795
01:01:46,957 --> 01:01:50,544
During that time
Mr. Madison was disruptive.
796
01:01:50,669 --> 01:01:55,591
The only reason he passed was that
he offered me a bribe of $5,000,...
797
01:01:55,716 --> 01:01:58,260
which I regrettably accepted.
798
01:01:59,303 --> 01:02:00,762
I'm sorry, Billy.
799
01:02:00,888 --> 01:02:05,517
[REPORTER] That was Principal Anderson
of Polly Fector Elementary School.
800
01:02:05,642 --> 01:02:07,936
Dad! He's lyin'!
801
01:02:09,104 --> 01:02:12,733
You made a fool out of me.
This was a mistake from the beginning.
802
01:02:12,858 --> 01:02:16,153
Brian, I got some interim
forecasts for you to...
803
01:02:17,487 --> 01:02:20,574
- Why is everybody so glum?
- You seriously don't believe me?
804
01:02:20,699 --> 01:02:24,536
That's right. I seriously don't believe you.
805
01:02:24,661 --> 01:02:27,539
The deal's off. Eric's got the company.
806
01:02:29,708 --> 01:02:32,377
Wow. Good news for me.
807
01:02:38,634 --> 01:02:41,720
I can't believe this is happening right now.
808
01:02:44,306 --> 01:02:46,892
Are you gonna come to class on Monday?
809
01:02:47,017 --> 01:02:49,811
Wouldn't make much sense now, would it?
810
01:02:51,104 --> 01:02:53,774
Stupid idea in the first place.
811
01:02:54,775 --> 01:02:57,236
["RENEGADE" BY STYX]
812
01:02:57,528 --> 01:02:59,696
They finally found me
813
01:02:59,821 --> 01:03:01,782
The renegade who had it made
814
01:03:01,907 --> 01:03:04,660
Retrieved for a bounty
815
01:03:04,785 --> 01:03:06,954
Never more to go astray
816
01:03:07,079 --> 01:03:11,041
This'll be the end today
of the wanted man
817
01:03:13,585 --> 01:03:15,671
Better get up outta this bed!
818
01:03:15,796 --> 01:03:21,051
I've been years on the lam
And had a high price on my head
819
01:03:23,178 --> 01:03:26,390
Lawman said "Get him dead or alive"...
820
01:03:26,515 --> 01:03:28,559
[BILLY HOWLING]
821
01:03:34,273 --> 01:03:36,316
Yoo-hoo!
822
01:03:37,484 --> 01:03:39,027
Hello!
823
01:03:39,152 --> 01:03:41,196
Billy's here!
824
01:03:42,698 --> 01:03:44,700
Hey, baby!
825
01:03:45,242 --> 01:03:47,411
You lookin' hot tonight!
826
01:03:47,536 --> 01:03:51,498
- Billy, what has happened to you?
- We're gonna go on a date.
827
01:03:51,623 --> 01:03:54,918
You, me, Jack and Frank...
828
01:03:55,043 --> 01:03:59,631
are gonna go around puttin' shit
on people's doorsteps...
829
01:03:59,756 --> 01:04:02,467
and we're gonna set it on fire.
830
01:04:03,177 --> 01:04:08,182
Billy, why are you acting like this?
I know that you didn't pay off Max.
831
01:04:08,307 --> 01:04:11,018
Well, that makes two of us, then, baby,...
832
01:04:11,143 --> 01:04:16,773
but it takes more than two to tango.
Or somethin' like that.
833
01:04:17,357 --> 01:04:19,860
- So let's go.
- No, let's stay.
834
01:04:19,985 --> 01:04:23,071
And the three of you can light dog shit
on my living-room floor.
835
01:04:23,197 --> 01:04:27,576
- Come on, Billy, you know that...
- Talky, talky, talky.
836
01:04:27,701 --> 01:04:29,828
No more talky.
837
01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:32,414
You got a lighter in here?
838
01:04:35,417 --> 01:04:37,503
Oh.
839
01:04:37,628 --> 01:04:40,422
I see what's goin' on in here.
840
01:04:43,759 --> 01:04:47,346
So sorry to interrupt!
841
01:04:52,476 --> 01:04:54,520
Proceed.
842
01:04:55,812 --> 01:04:58,273
Billy, you're losing your mind.
843
01:05:01,902 --> 01:05:04,112
All right, boys' night out!
844
01:05:04,279 --> 01:05:05,781
Let's go!
845
01:05:11,787 --> 01:05:13,830
[SNORING]
846
01:05:30,556 --> 01:05:33,100
Ow!
847
01:05:33,642 --> 01:05:36,103
I need to talk to you.
848
01:05:46,572 --> 01:05:48,615
Jeez!
849
01:05:49,491 --> 01:05:51,952
What's goin' on, man?
850
01:05:54,288 --> 01:05:59,793
I think Billy and his girlfriend
are playin' water polo or somethin'.
851
01:06:01,503 --> 01:06:04,298
Hey, maybe they're playin' Marco Polo.
852
01:06:05,090 --> 01:06:07,009
Marco.
853
01:06:08,343 --> 01:06:10,762
- Jeez, that was a great game.
- Yeah.
854
01:06:16,143 --> 01:06:19,563
I got an idea for you.
Instead of being an idiot every day,...
855
01:06:19,688 --> 01:06:23,025
why don't you go back to school,
graduate and get the company?
856
01:06:23,150 --> 01:06:25,360
Cos I don't want it any more.
857
01:06:26,111 --> 01:06:30,407
- What do you mean, you don't want it?
- I got somethin' comin' outta my nose?
858
01:06:30,532 --> 01:06:33,577
I can't believe I liked someone
who could roll over and die.
859
01:06:33,702 --> 01:06:38,582
I ain't rollin' over and dyin'. I was set up.
And, worst of all, nobody believes me.
860
01:06:38,707 --> 01:06:42,252
I believe you, Billy. And I believe in you.
861
01:06:42,377 --> 01:06:46,089
You know, some people have no willpower,
no brains, no vision.
862
01:06:46,215 --> 01:06:48,884
They just drift through life
like lumps of crap.
863
01:06:49,009 --> 01:06:51,386
What is she talkin' about?
864
01:06:51,512 --> 01:06:55,474
And you have all those things.
You're just afraid to use 'em.
865
01:06:55,599 --> 01:07:00,521
Don't be. You say you're not a loser,
Billy Madison. So win.
866
01:07:16,578 --> 01:07:19,414
Yes, I will go back to school
867
01:07:19,540 --> 01:07:22,668
And achieve victory
868
01:07:22,793 --> 01:07:25,796
No man will take
what my father has built
869
01:07:25,921 --> 01:07:30,425
Unless that man is me
870
01:07:30,551 --> 01:07:33,762
My Billy, sweet Billy boy
871
01:07:33,887 --> 01:07:36,348
I knew you would go back
872
01:07:37,015 --> 01:07:40,143
No one can stop you if you try
873
01:07:40,269 --> 01:07:42,479
Don't I have a nice rack?
874
01:07:46,400 --> 01:07:49,278
Veronica, I thank you
875
01:07:49,403 --> 01:07:52,781
For beating the shit out of me
876
01:07:52,906 --> 01:07:55,784
I see things so clearly now
877
01:07:55,909 --> 01:07:58,120
I choose my destiny
878
01:07:58,245 --> 01:08:00,956
Oh, Billy, I knew you had it in ya.
879
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:04,918
We're here to help you, Billy
880
01:08:05,043 --> 01:08:08,088
Get back in school to stay
881
01:08:08,213 --> 01:08:11,633
You gotta work real hard and stick it out
882
01:08:11,758 --> 01:08:14,803
Till graduation day
883
01:08:14,928 --> 01:08:17,472
Hey, kids, it's me
884
01:08:17,598 --> 01:08:21,059
I bet you thought that I was dead
885
01:08:21,185 --> 01:08:23,937
But when I fell over I just broke my leg
886
01:08:24,062 --> 01:08:26,732
And got a hemorrhage in my head
887
01:08:28,984 --> 01:08:31,778
There are obstacles in the way
888
01:08:31,904 --> 01:08:35,199
- But together we shall overcome
- Overcome
889
01:08:35,324 --> 01:08:40,037
Cos you can't break our spirit
and you can't kill our dream
890
01:08:40,162 --> 01:08:44,875
Do you have any more gum,
more gum, more gum, more gum?
891
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:47,252
Do you have any more gum?
892
01:08:55,928 --> 01:08:58,388
Oh. Hello, kids.
893
01:08:58,514 --> 01:09:00,724
Mr. Anderson, is that you?
894
01:09:00,974 --> 01:09:01,850
Oh.
895
01:09:01,975 --> 01:09:04,478
Yes, actually, it is.
896
01:09:04,603 --> 01:09:07,397
This is just... Well, this is...
897
01:09:08,607 --> 01:09:13,195
Normally I don't allow children to be
in my home without parental supervision.
898
01:09:13,320 --> 01:09:16,823
So why don't you just run on... Oh, boy.
899
01:09:16,949 --> 01:09:21,995
It sure is great to have all you kids come
surprise me like this at my home, but I...
900
01:09:22,120 --> 01:09:25,791
Mr. Anderson, Billy said the stuff
that you said didn't happen.
901
01:09:25,916 --> 01:09:28,335
Is he lying or are you lying?
902
01:09:28,460 --> 01:09:33,882
Oh, well, listen, kids.
It's not always as simple as all that.
903
01:09:36,301 --> 01:09:40,514
The statement I made about Billy Madison
was and is completely untrue.
904
01:09:40,639 --> 01:09:41,473
No.
905
01:09:41,598 --> 01:09:44,059
I know now that I shall
never escape my fate...
906
01:09:44,184 --> 01:09:48,689
- ..as the Revolting Blob.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
907
01:09:49,690 --> 01:09:53,110
[ANDERSON] It's something
I must learn to live with.
908
01:09:53,235 --> 01:09:54,820
Joyce?
909
01:09:55,612 --> 01:09:58,323
What a mess.
910
01:09:58,448 --> 01:10:02,828
First, this psycho goes on TV,
lies, then retracts it.
911
01:10:02,953 --> 01:10:06,164
And now Eric's secretary is in a coma.
912
01:10:06,290 --> 01:10:11,378
Carl, has anybody been able to find out
anything about this Max guy?
913
01:10:11,503 --> 01:10:15,549
No, sir. He's vanished.
Nobody has any idea where he is.
914
01:10:15,674 --> 01:10:18,719
- I believed in Billy all along, sir.
- Cut the horseshit!
915
01:10:18,844 --> 01:10:21,471
- I know you blackmailed Max.
- Take it easy, Billy.
916
01:10:21,597 --> 01:10:26,977
Things were going along great until
this wrestling freak messed things up.
917
01:10:28,270 --> 01:10:30,606
Billy should get
another shot at high school.
918
01:10:30,731 --> 01:10:36,111
Hey, rules are rules. Billy was supposed to
finish each grade within the two weeks...
919
01:10:36,236 --> 01:10:39,031
or I get the company.
He didn't finish ninth grade.
920
01:10:39,156 --> 01:10:42,159
Eric, certainly there are
extenuating circumstances.
921
01:10:42,284 --> 01:10:46,455
Extenuating, exschmenuating.
We had a deal. A signed, written deal.
922
01:10:46,580 --> 01:10:48,999
Each grade, two weeks,
or I get the company.
923
01:10:49,124 --> 01:10:51,919
Well, technically you're right, but...
924
01:10:52,044 --> 01:10:55,380
Oh, shut up, Brian. I've had
to listen to your jawing for too long.
925
01:10:55,506 --> 01:10:57,674
"Well, technically..."
926
01:10:57,799 --> 01:11:02,554
Just shut up! Are you ready
to hand the company over to me now?
927
01:11:02,679 --> 01:11:06,058
- No.
- Then I'll see your ass in court.
928
01:11:06,934 --> 01:11:08,685
Good.
929
01:11:08,810 --> 01:11:11,355
Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads.
930
01:11:11,980 --> 01:11:15,108
Hey, Eric, how would you like
to settle this now, no lawyers?
931
01:11:15,234 --> 01:11:17,486
You and me, mano y mano.
932
01:11:17,611 --> 01:11:20,489
- What does that mean?
- What does that mean?
933
01:11:20,614 --> 01:11:23,534
- Carl, what does that mean?
- Uh... I don't know.
934
01:11:28,372 --> 01:11:30,415
It means an academic decathlon.
935
01:11:30,541 --> 01:11:34,461
One day, ten events, testing all the
knowledge one would gain in high school.
936
01:11:34,586 --> 01:11:37,047
Me versus you.
937
01:11:37,172 --> 01:11:41,260
- You're joking, right?
- Let's take it a little easy here, Billy.
938
01:11:41,385 --> 01:11:45,347
No, I'm serious. Let's do it.
Let's do it on Friday.
939
01:11:45,472 --> 01:11:48,725
- Let's do it.
- Is that all right with you, Daddy?
940
01:11:48,851 --> 01:11:51,103
Well, if you think you can beat him.
941
01:11:51,228 --> 01:11:55,023
Oh, I can. And I will.
942
01:11:55,732 --> 01:11:58,819
- It's a deal.
- [WHISPERS] I know it was you.
943
01:12:01,280 --> 01:12:03,740
You broke my heart.
944
01:12:06,493 --> 01:12:08,829
Here are the trigonometry handouts.
945
01:12:08,954 --> 01:12:11,540
Last year's physics notes.
Best I could do.
946
01:12:11,665 --> 01:12:15,002
Thanks a lot, fellas. You're saving my life.
947
01:12:19,423 --> 01:12:20,966
O'Doyle rules.
948
01:12:21,091 --> 01:12:24,970
O'Doyle, I got a feeling
your whole family's goin' down.
949
01:12:25,429 --> 01:12:27,347
But for now I gotta study.
950
01:12:29,224 --> 01:12:32,936
[VERONICA] Norman invasion of England.
951
01:12:33,061 --> 01:12:35,272
1066.
952
01:12:36,857 --> 01:12:38,901
That is correct.
953
01:12:41,612 --> 01:12:43,780
The Magna Carta.
954
01:12:46,283 --> 01:12:49,620
1215?
955
01:12:51,496 --> 01:12:53,540
Yes.
956
01:12:55,667 --> 01:12:58,670
Spanish Armada.
957
01:13:01,298 --> 01:13:06,053
1466?
958
01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,431
'67? 1469?
959
01:13:09,973 --> 01:13:11,767
1514?
960
01:13:11,892 --> 01:13:15,145
1981? 1986?
961
01:13:15,646 --> 01:13:20,651
Please do not do that. Come on, I swear...
Just hang in there one second.
962
01:13:20,776 --> 01:13:23,570
Please, God, give me the answer!
963
01:13:26,365 --> 01:13:28,700
В�75394
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.