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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,880 Suntan lotion is good for me 2 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,757 You protect me 3 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,592 Tee-hee-hee 4 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:57,349 Oh, the sun tries to burn me, but you won't let it, will ya? 5 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:03,000 Ultraviolet rays - bad. Lotion - good. 6 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,200 [BLOWS RASPBERRIES] 7 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:05,200 [BLOWS RASPBERRIES] 8 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,700 [BLOWS RASPBERRIES] 9 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,736 Smiley. 10 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:22,124 There's something important I was supposed to do today. 11 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,626 Have five daiquiris? 12 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,671 No, you remembered to do that. 13 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:32,467 Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember. 14 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,805 - What's today? - October? 15 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,517 It's nudie-magazine day! 16 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,478 Yeah! 17 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,532 Watch out, butler! 18 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,701 Ooh, you're a quick one. 19 00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:11,423 Nudie-magazine day! Nudie-magazine day! 20 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,259 Nudie-magazine day! Nudie... 21 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,470 Agh! Ooh! 22 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,953 Ooh. 23 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,579 Eee... 24 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,709 Ah! 25 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,963 Oh! 26 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,760 [SQUAWKING] 27 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,641 Holy jeez! 28 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:07,855 Lookee what we got here. That silly penguin is back again. 29 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:11,608 No, Mr. Madison, there no penguin. You got too much sun today. 30 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,570 - There no penguin! - [SQUAWKS] 31 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:19,408 It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around here. 32 00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:24,246 I gotta send him back to the South Pole. 33 00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,041 No! 34 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:41,388 Penguin! Don't you dare run away! 35 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,392 Come here, Mr. Penguin! 36 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,937 I'm one of the good guys, penguin. 37 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,065 Don't run! Oh. Oh... 38 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,412 Don't run! 39 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:08,373 Don't run from me! 40 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,584 Penguin! 41 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,089 Penguin. 42 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,807 You're a bad penguin. 43 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,935 Whee-hee! 44 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,937 Call the zoo! 45 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:38,403 All the people at the zoo are very nice, penguin. 46 00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:42,032 They'll treat you real respectable, like. 47 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,620 There's nothing to worry about, big fella. 48 00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,415 Here I come! 49 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:02,469 Right this way, gentlemen. Mr. Madison is expecting you. 50 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,683 Leg. 51 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:15,482 Billy! You shouldn't pull that crap in front of your father's business associates. 52 00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:19,361 Now you get yourself upstairs and get ready. Dinner's in 15 minutes. 53 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,822 - Yeah, yeah. - Don't "yeah, yeah" me, boy. 54 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,117 This is a very important dinner. You best be there. 55 00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:28,370 I will. Thank you, Juanita. 56 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,583 You gotta dress yourself up and look nice, too. 57 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:36,378 Oh, that boy's a fine piece of work all right. 58 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,507 He's a fine piece of ass though, too. 59 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,184 Where the hell is he? I'm starvin'. 60 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:54,605 I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car. You should've had some. 61 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,608 If you'd told me there were Triscuit crackers,... 62 00:05:57,733 --> 00:06:00,319 - ..I could've enjoyed them with you. - I'm sorry. 63 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,114 Sorry doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach, does it, Carl? 64 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,951 Gentlemen? I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. 65 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:13,081 Have you all met? Eric Gordon, my executive vice president. 66 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:17,920 And our operations manager Carl Alphonse. Sit down, gentlemen, sit down. 67 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,047 Beautiful table. 68 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,216 Good seeing you, sir. 69 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,096 Where's Billy? 70 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,309 Juanita said he'd be down in a few minutes. 71 00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:35,270 I'm sure you'll all be very impressed. 72 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:40,108 Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. 73 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,569 Conditioner is better. 74 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:46,073 I leave the hair silky and smooth. 75 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,659 Oh, really, fool? Really! 76 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,873 Stop looking at me, swan. 77 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,428 [SLURPS] 78 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,651 - Hey, Carl, what's up? - Nothing much, Billy. 79 00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:25,153 - I see you got a little sun today. - You think so? 80 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:30,158 - I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours. - Did you fall asleep or did you pass out? 81 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,413 Shut up! 82 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:39,042 That's enough, Billy. Because you took your sweet-ass time coming down here,... 83 00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:41,378 these gentlemen will miss their flights. 84 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:45,382 Well, this guy can stay in my room, I'll tell you that much. 85 00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,558 Billy? Eat your soup. 86 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,977 It's good soup. 87 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:01,523 Gentlemen, I can't thank you enough for coming this evening. 88 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:04,109 [YELLS GIBBERISH] 89 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:07,613 Please, Billy, please, no gibberish tonight, please. I beg you. 90 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,781 Sorry, Daddy. 91 00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:14,745 This is a big night for me tonight, gents. I have an important announcement. 92 00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:17,164 [FAST GIBBERISH] 93 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,417 That's it, Billy! Get the hell outta here! 94 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,963 [SLOW GIBBERISH] 95 00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:37,184 - Nice talkin' to you, Billy. - [SINGSONG GIBBERISH] 96 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,145 [YELLS] 97 00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,657 Right. One, two, three! 98 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,204 Hey, Billy, how come you ain't poundin' any tonight? 99 00:08:57,329 --> 00:09:01,625 I don't know. My dad was yellin' at me. I'm just not in the mood. 100 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:08,757 Hey, Billy, who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson? 101 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:12,719 Jack Nicholson now, or 1974? 102 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,888 '74. 103 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,517 - Meg Ryan. - Go. 104 00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:21,520 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 105 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,942 Oh, my God! I am the winner! 106 00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:30,696 - Billy is not an idiot. - I'm not saying he's an idiot. 107 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:35,450 I just think he might not be mature enough to run a Fortune 500 company. 108 00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:39,371 My late wife Emily and I started this company... 109 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,624 with a 15-unit motel in Patchogue, Long Island. 110 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,252 We built it into 650 hotels. 111 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:50,257 Our dream was to one day turn it over to our only son Billy. 112 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,886 - How many people work for Madison? - 61,000 and change. 113 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:59,808 How long will they have jobs once Billy has the hotel operator speaking gibberish? 114 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,400 Oh, Billy, Billy boy. 115 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:12,279 When are you gonna find whatever it is you're lookin' for? 116 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,865 Here's a nice piece of shit. 117 00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:24,875 My, oh, my. Wait till old man Clemens realises it's a bag of shit. 118 00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:28,086 He's gonna shit when he realises it's shit. 119 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,797 Who got the lighter? 120 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,966 Come on. 121 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,477 Light it. 122 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,858 [RINGS DOORBELL] 123 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,905 Oh, my God! Old man Clemens hates shit! 124 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,657 Shh. Here he comes! 125 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,992 Who the hell is it? What do you want? 126 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,954 Judas Priest, Barbara! One of those flaming bags again! 127 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,790 [BARBARA] Don't put it out with your boots, Ted. 128 00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,251 Don't tell me my business, devil woman. 129 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:11,129 Call the fire department. This one's outta control! 130 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,302 [SNIFFS] 131 00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:21,807 It's poop again! 132 00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:24,393 He called the shit "poop"! 133 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:28,230 This is the best night of my life! 134 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:33,235 I'll get you damn kids for this! You're all gonna die! 135 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,866 Billy, could you step in here for a moment? 136 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,285 I have big news. 137 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:45,372 Eric is pregnant! Congratulations, Dippy! 138 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:49,126 Feel those kicks! He's gonna be a soccer player. He is. 139 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,879 He is. 140 00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:58,010 All right, what's up? 141 00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,679 I've had to face some hard truths tonight, Billy. 142 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,390 Do we have to do this with Captain Dipshit here? 143 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:07,477 You were brought up with every advantage. I bought you everything. 144 00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:10,480 Toys, cars, vacations, clothes... 145 00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:13,066 Actually, I stole this shirt from Frank. 146 00:12:13,192 --> 00:12:17,279 Yeah, well, whatever. It's all my fault. I made a mistake. 147 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:21,200 Jeez, what...? Are you some damned moron? 148 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,785 Can't you just stop for two seconds? 149 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:27,247 I'm trying to tell you that I'm retiring, and Eric, not you,... 150 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:30,042 - ..is gonna take over Madison Hotels. - Eric?! 151 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:34,463 You're gonna give the company to Eric? He is a bad, bad man! 152 00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:39,510 What do you care, Billy? What do you care who I appoint to run the company, huh? 153 00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:44,097 I mean, I'm doin' you a favor. You don't ever have to look for a job. 154 00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:49,311 You can sit around all day, goofing off, sipping drinks, chasing invisible penguins. 155 00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:53,106 Is that it, Dad? Did the penguin tell you to do this? 156 00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:55,359 - Penguin? - What an idiot. 157 00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:58,362 You know, I could help Billy until he gets the hang of it. 158 00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:03,158 I think crazy Carl is right. I mean, I can do this if I set my mind to it. 159 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,744 High school was a pain in the ass, but I graduated. 160 00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,914 Because I paid your teachers to give you decent grades. 161 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:12,084 I've regretted it every day since. I thought at the time... 162 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:15,754 if you could get good grades, you might get into a good college... 163 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,924 - ..and straighten yourself out. - I don't believe that. 164 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:22,386 Well, what do you believe? That you were an honors student? 165 00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:27,891 How could I hand over to someone who couldn't get through school on his own? 166 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,520 I don't know. Don't think about it. Just hand it over. 167 00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,607 Forget it. 168 00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:41,196 Well, listen, don't you think you better go to bed? Big day tomorrow. 169 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:46,076 A day filled with daiquiris and Nintendos and jack-off magazines... 170 00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:50,747 Dad! 171 00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:52,916 Yeah, what? 172 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,878 Give me one more chance. I'll prove I can take over. 173 00:13:56,003 --> 00:14:00,591 I'll do anything it takes. I'll go back to high school and take the exams again. 174 00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:05,846 - I'll get my diploma all by myself. - Billy, Billy, it wasn't just high school. 175 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:08,682 Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? 176 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:11,727 - No, you didn't. - Rock. 177 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,229 R-o-k. 178 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,107 Yeah? So what's your point? 179 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,652 - R-o-c-k! - The C is silent. 180 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,114 OK, all right. 181 00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:28,827 All right, you got it. First grade through 12th grade all over again. 182 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:34,333 I'll do each grade in two weeks, take the tests, regraduate,... 183 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:40,255 prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then I get to take over Madison Hotels. 184 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,424 That's some idea. 185 00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:47,012 - You just think of that? - Yeah, I did. It's pretty good, huh? 186 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:51,391 Brian, don't you think the future of Madison Hotels... 187 00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:56,230 and its 61,000 employees is too important to gamble on a game like this? 188 00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:58,398 No. 189 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,569 You're on. Carl, you make the arrangements. 190 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:08,992 You pass every grade before June 15 and you take over instead of Eric. 191 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:14,957 Have a nice weekend, son. You start school on Monday. 192 00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:16,667 Oh! 193 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,836 Give 'em hell, Bill. 194 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:25,425 Nice try, asswipe. But you're just delaying the inevitable. 195 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,974 ["I'LL TUMBLE 4 YA" BY CULTURE CLUB] 196 00:15:33,559 --> 00:15:37,646 Downtown we'll drown, we're in our never splendor 197 00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,940 Flowers, showers 198 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,317 Who's got the new boy gender? 199 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,946 I'll be your baby, I'll be your score 200 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,575 I'll run the gun for you and so much more 201 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,326 I'll tumble for ya 202 00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:53,453 I'll tumble for ya 203 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:58,083 I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble for you 204 00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,626 I'll tumble for ya 205 00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,920 I'll tumble for ya 206 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,507 I'll tumble for ya, I'll tumble 207 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:13,682 I get a crazy feeling that chases in my head 208 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,519 It's nothing that you do to me, it's nothing that you said... 209 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,813 Where's my Snack Pack? 210 00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,649 You've got a banana. You don't need no Snack Pack. 211 00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:26,278 You know I like Snack Pack. Why can't you give me a Snack Pack?! 212 00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:28,822 I thought I was your Snack Pack. 213 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:31,200 - What are you talkin' about? - Nothin'. 214 00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,994 Bill, you're gonna miss the bus. 215 00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:37,080 Yeah, you better get your beautiful buns up that driveway. 216 00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,625 - What a weirdo! - [JUANITA LAUGHS] 217 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:45,172 Oh, back to school 218 00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:46,882 Back to school 219 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:50,969 To prove to Dad that I'm not a fool 220 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:54,348 I got my lunch packed up 221 00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:56,308 My boots tied tight 222 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,770 I hope I don't get in a fight 223 00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:02,773 Oh, back to school 224 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:06,652 Back to school, back to school... 225 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,658 Well, here goes nothin'. 226 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,095 Thank you, Daddy. 227 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:50,153 - Hi. How you doin'? - Fine. 228 00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:52,364 Are you going to class today, too? 229 00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:55,200 I'll be going to class to teach. How about you? 230 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,828 I'll be going to learn. 231 00:17:57,953 --> 00:18:00,914 Ah. You must be Billy Madison. 232 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,291 Yes, I am. 233 00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:06,837 Don't you think it's pathetic that because of your father you get to do school again? 234 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,882 - Yes, I do. - Well, as long as you know. 235 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,050 Well, all right! 236 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,976 [BELL RINGS] 237 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,984 [CHILDREN SHRIEKING] 238 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,407 Hey, mister, guess what I had for breakfast. 239 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,576 - What? - Beans. 240 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,751 Scotty likes beans, don't you, Scotty? 241 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:50,506 - Hey. How you doin'? - Let's involve the class. 242 00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:53,091 Quiet down, my special people. 243 00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:57,971 I want you all to meet... 244 00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:00,766 our new friend Billy. 245 00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:05,062 - Can everyone say hello to Billy? - Hello, Billy. 246 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,813 Hi. 247 00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:11,235 Billy is going to be sharing our fun and learning for the next two weeks. 248 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:15,572 Billy is special, just like each and every one of you. 249 00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,243 And what do we do to our special people? 250 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,460 All right. All right. 251 00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:35,133 Billy, why don't you take a seat right up front here? 252 00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:38,971 And we can start story time. 253 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:42,266 You got a misshaped head. 254 00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,434 Thank you. 255 00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:53,193 The Puppy Who Lost His Way by Chrissy Taylor. 256 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,239 "One fine morning..." 257 00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:03,245 "a puppy popped his puppy paws out of his puppy house." 258 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,123 "This was no ordinary puppy." 259 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:11,420 "This puppy was the happiest puppy in the whole world." 260 00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:17,926 "In fact, his name was Happy. Happy looked through the bushes..." 261 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:22,222 "'I'll never let you get lost again', cried the little boy,... 262 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:26,268 who was so happy that he gave Happy a kiss... 263 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,271 on his wet little puppy nose." 264 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:32,566 "The end." 265 00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:37,237 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like... 266 00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:40,949 is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. 267 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:45,913 He didn't put posters up. He just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. 268 00:20:46,038 --> 00:20:50,501 That little boy's gotta think: you got a pet, you got a responsibility. 269 00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:54,338 If your dog gets lost, you don't look for an hour then call it quits. 270 00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:58,258 You get your ass out there and you find that fuckin' dog! 271 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:05,807 I think it's time to play dodge ball. 272 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:24,326 You're out! O'Doyle rules! 273 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,253 [SITAR MUSIC] 274 00:21:47,516 --> 00:21:49,935 Billy. What are you doing back? 275 00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:52,104 I'm out. 276 00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:57,943 Well, that just means you stay off to the side until a new game starts. 277 00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:02,155 That's OK. I'm kinda tired anyway. I'll just sit here and color or something. 278 00:22:02,281 --> 00:22:06,660 Billy, dodge-ball time is a special time. 279 00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:12,040 Not just for you boys and girls, but for Miss Lippy, too. So stay outside. 280 00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,554 [CHILDREN] Whoa! 281 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,765 Now you're all in big, big trouble. 282 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:32,144 ["BEAT ON THE BRAT" BY THE RAMONES] 283 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,945 You're out! 284 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,822 Oh, yeah! 285 00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:49,745 [BELL RINGS] 286 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,538 Lunchtime! 287 00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:01,465 I bet that Snack Pack's pretty good. 288 00:23:03,926 --> 00:23:07,179 Wanna trade me the rest of it for this banana? 289 00:23:08,597 --> 00:23:11,517 You know how badly I can beat you, right? 290 00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:18,357 Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis is the best video game ever. 291 00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:22,903 I disagree. It's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever. 292 00:23:23,028 --> 00:23:26,740 - Donkey Kong sucks. - You know somethin'? You suck. 293 00:23:28,825 --> 00:23:31,745 Number one, number one 294 00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,456 Now my song has just begun 295 00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:37,918 With a rum tum taddelum, Old John Braddelum 296 00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:41,004 Hey, what country folk we be 297 00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:47,469 Number two, number two 298 00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:50,222 Roosters crow, cock-a-doodle-doodle-doo 299 00:23:50,347 --> 00:23:53,809 With a rum tum taddelum, Old John Braddelum 300 00:23:53,934 --> 00:23:57,229 Hey, what countryfolk we be 301 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,277 Number three, number three 302 00:24:03,402 --> 00:24:05,821 I like you and you like me 303 00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:22,337 Hey! That's very nice of you to pick up your little brother here at school. 304 00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:25,090 He's not my brother. He's my son. 305 00:24:26,258 --> 00:24:30,387 - You gotta be kiddin' me. - Mom, that's Billy. He's in my class. 306 00:24:30,512 --> 00:24:32,931 I heard he's retarded or something. 307 00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:35,475 [LAUGHS] 308 00:24:36,185 --> 00:24:40,022 Creative mind. Maybe someday he'll make Mommy and Daddy a lot of money. 309 00:24:40,147 --> 00:24:44,234 Daddy's in prison, and he won't be home for a long time. 310 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,403 My dear Lord. 311 00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:50,657 Yeah! Yeah, well, I gotta get goin' right now. I gotta get on the bus. 312 00:24:50,782 --> 00:24:53,994 I ride the bus for the city and watch the bus drivers. 313 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,080 This programme to make sure they turn the wheels right... 314 00:24:57,206 --> 00:24:59,458 Billy, you forgot your stuff. 315 00:25:06,048 --> 00:25:07,174 Come on, honey. 316 00:25:07,299 --> 00:25:09,760 Thank you very much, Miss Lippy! 317 00:25:13,889 --> 00:25:15,766 - [PHONE RINGS] - Yes. 318 00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:20,229 - [SECRETARY] Brian Madison for you. - Tell him I'm out to lunch. 319 00:25:20,354 --> 00:25:22,481 Billy Madison. 320 00:25:22,606 --> 00:25:28,445 A buffoon. And yet a threat to my eventual takeover of this company. 321 00:25:28,570 --> 00:25:31,949 A menace. And what do we do with a menace? 322 00:25:32,074 --> 00:25:36,495 We eliminate it. We eliminate Billy Madison. 323 00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:39,122 - Tricia Labonte? - Here. 324 00:25:40,832 --> 00:25:43,085 - Scotty Logan? - Here. 325 00:25:44,628 --> 00:25:47,172 - Billy Madison? - [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 326 00:25:48,215 --> 00:25:50,259 [LAUGHING] 327 00:25:59,893 --> 00:26:01,144 Hm... 328 00:26:25,711 --> 00:26:28,714 Hey. Look at all this milk. 329 00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:33,093 - You want some of this milk? - That milk belongs to that classroom. 330 00:26:33,218 --> 00:26:36,930 Oh. They don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk. 331 00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:39,933 No milk will ever be our milk. 332 00:26:40,809 --> 00:26:42,853 Ooh. That wasn't very nice. 333 00:26:42,978 --> 00:26:46,398 How 'bout you, sideburns? You want some of this milk? 334 00:26:46,523 --> 00:26:48,150 Rather have a beer. 335 00:27:21,225 --> 00:27:24,603 I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before... 336 00:27:24,728 --> 00:27:27,814 and, to be honest with ya, I wanted to see a blue duck. 337 00:27:28,106 --> 00:27:31,193 Well, it's an excellent blue duck. 338 00:27:31,318 --> 00:27:35,280 Congratulations. You just passed the first grade. 339 00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:38,158 Oh, Miss Lippy, that's so great. 340 00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:40,410 What do you think of that, Mr. Blue Duck? 341 00:27:40,536 --> 00:27:42,996 That's quack-tastic! 342 00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:48,836 Wow! Look at all that candy! 343 00:27:49,795 --> 00:27:51,505 Rolex! 344 00:27:54,716 --> 00:27:58,637 - Thanks for the watch, Billy. - You're welcome, buddy. 345 00:27:58,762 --> 00:28:04,601 This is great. When I graduated first grade all my father did was tell me to get a job. 346 00:28:04,726 --> 00:28:05,727 [BRAYING] 347 00:28:05,853 --> 00:28:09,731 Hey, you wanna feed that donkey some beer, get it all messed up? 348 00:28:09,857 --> 00:28:13,652 - Maybe later. - I'll go put some beer in a bucket. 349 00:28:13,777 --> 00:28:17,281 - OK. - Hey there, Mr. Graduate. How's it goin'? 350 00:28:17,406 --> 00:28:19,449 [ERIC] Go! 351 00:28:22,786 --> 00:28:25,455 Come on, kid! Get up! Get up! 352 00:28:25,581 --> 00:28:28,166 You're humiliating yourself! Get up! 353 00:28:30,752 --> 00:28:32,796 Whoa, whoa, whoa... 354 00:28:35,883 --> 00:28:37,593 Aaah! 355 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:57,446 So he's passed first grade and he's moved on to second. Whoop-de-do. 356 00:28:57,571 --> 00:28:59,907 Any more information, Rollo? 357 00:29:04,244 --> 00:29:06,455 Billy likes to drink soda. 358 00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:12,878 Miss Lippy's car is green. 359 00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:18,926 And now we have just two students left. 360 00:29:20,928 --> 00:29:22,763 Bath. 361 00:29:23,138 --> 00:29:25,265 Bath. 362 00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:29,853 B-a-t-h. 363 00:29:29,978 --> 00:29:32,189 - Bath. - Correct! 364 00:29:32,314 --> 00:29:36,568 Bath - that's a little easy. Why don't you just give her the trophy? 365 00:29:37,736 --> 00:29:39,363 Cheese. 366 00:29:41,365 --> 00:29:42,407 Cheese. 367 00:29:42,658 --> 00:29:49,665 C-h-e-e-s-e. 368 00:29:49,790 --> 00:29:52,084 - Cheese. - Correct. 369 00:29:53,710 --> 00:29:56,839 - Couch. - Couch. 370 00:29:59,007 --> 00:30:00,384 C... 371 00:30:00,509 --> 00:30:03,762 C-o... 372 00:30:04,888 --> 00:30:07,182 - W? - No! 373 00:30:07,516 --> 00:30:10,394 No, I'm sorry, that's not right. 374 00:30:10,519 --> 00:30:12,187 [LAUGHS] 375 00:30:12,312 --> 00:30:16,275 Well, Billy, if you spell this correctly, you pass second grade. 376 00:30:18,652 --> 00:30:19,987 Couch. 377 00:30:20,112 --> 00:30:22,155 C... 378 00:30:22,906 --> 00:30:24,533 Cou... 379 00:30:24,950 --> 00:30:26,535 Cou... 380 00:30:27,619 --> 00:30:29,663 C-o... 381 00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:34,877 R... Are you going to the mall later? That's what I'm asking. 382 00:30:35,002 --> 00:30:38,589 No, I am not going to the mall. Keep spelling, mister. 383 00:30:39,590 --> 00:30:41,633 C-o-u... 384 00:30:43,427 --> 00:30:45,554 c-h? 385 00:30:46,763 --> 00:30:48,682 Correct! 386 00:30:48,807 --> 00:30:51,894 I am the smartest man alive! 387 00:30:53,312 --> 00:30:55,856 [SQUEALING] 388 00:30:58,066 --> 00:31:01,486 Is he gonna have a stupid party every time he passes a grade? 389 00:31:02,237 --> 00:31:04,573 [CARL] Everybody's having a good time but you. 390 00:31:04,698 --> 00:31:07,159 Spoilt snot. Get outta here. 391 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:13,165 Let me ask you something, Carl. You started here, what, 25 years ago? 392 00:31:13,290 --> 00:31:15,876 Night bellboy at the Philadelphia Madison? 393 00:31:16,001 --> 00:31:21,590 After all your hard work, how would you feel working for some punk kid like Billy? 394 00:31:22,257 --> 00:31:24,092 Could be worse. 395 00:31:27,471 --> 00:31:28,764 That's nice. 396 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,436 Man, I'm so nervous. First and second grade were easy,... 397 00:31:34,561 --> 00:31:38,607 but social studies, division? This is gonna be tough. 398 00:31:40,567 --> 00:31:43,403 Man, I'm so nervous. First and second grade were easy,... 399 00:31:43,529 --> 00:31:46,406 but social studies, division? This is gonna be tough. 400 00:31:46,532 --> 00:31:48,742 Relax, dude. 401 00:31:49,868 --> 00:31:51,328 Jackpot. 402 00:31:51,453 --> 00:31:55,832 - Good morning, class. - Good morning, Miss Vaughn. 403 00:31:55,958 --> 00:32:01,129 We're gonna start today by reading a short story entitled "My Sister Fanny". 404 00:32:01,255 --> 00:32:03,215 Quiet. 405 00:32:03,340 --> 00:32:07,594 OK, so let's all open up our Reading is Fun books to page 69. 406 00:32:07,719 --> 00:32:09,763 69! 407 00:32:12,474 --> 00:32:15,310 Class, say hello to Billy Madison. 408 00:32:15,435 --> 00:32:18,772 Hello, Billy Madison. 409 00:32:18,897 --> 00:32:21,817 Billy is a nuisance. He will be gone in two weeks. 410 00:32:21,942 --> 00:32:25,028 I apologize for this inconvenience. 411 00:32:25,821 --> 00:32:29,074 - Jeez! What's up her butt? - What was that, Billy? 412 00:32:29,199 --> 00:32:32,286 I said "Reading is good." 413 00:32:32,411 --> 00:32:34,872 Can we start the story now? 414 00:32:37,249 --> 00:32:39,293 Dan, you may begin. 415 00:32:40,169 --> 00:32:41,837 "O... o... once... 416 00:32:41,962 --> 00:32:44,840 th... th... there w... was... 417 00:32:44,965 --> 00:32:47,509 a g... g... girl... 418 00:32:47,634 --> 00:32:49,720 who w..." 419 00:32:49,845 --> 00:32:52,055 - He can't even read. - Cut it out, dude. 420 00:32:52,181 --> 00:32:54,641 You're gonna get us in trouble. 421 00:32:55,434 --> 00:32:58,061 "..p... p... p... p..." 422 00:32:58,187 --> 00:33:00,272 T... t... t... today, junior! 423 00:33:10,449 --> 00:33:13,493 Ow! You're tearing my ear off! 424 00:33:13,619 --> 00:33:18,457 Making fun of a kid for trying to read. Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul? 425 00:33:18,582 --> 00:33:22,127 I'm sorry. I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear. 426 00:33:22,252 --> 00:33:27,216 Keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks or I'm gonna fail you. End of story. 427 00:33:27,341 --> 00:33:32,095 I see your lips movin', but I can't make out your words. I'm deaf. 428 00:33:33,722 --> 00:33:37,100 Oh, Veronica Vaughn. So hot. 429 00:33:37,226 --> 00:33:39,436 Want to touch the heinie. 430 00:33:39,561 --> 00:33:41,438 [HOWLS] 431 00:33:41,563 --> 00:33:45,359 So that girlie I've been chasin'? Turns out she's my third-grade teacher. 432 00:33:45,484 --> 00:33:48,028 First thing she does is kick me out of her class. 433 00:33:48,153 --> 00:33:51,073 Maybe she feels she has to make an example of you. 434 00:33:51,198 --> 00:33:54,284 - Or she's got somethin' up her ass. - That's what I said. 435 00:33:54,409 --> 00:33:56,912 - Poor Billy. - I'm so depressed. 436 00:33:57,788 --> 00:34:00,374 - Want me to take my shirt off for you? - No, thank you. 437 00:34:00,499 --> 00:34:04,169 OK, baby. But remember, the offer is on the table. 438 00:34:05,963 --> 00:34:09,842 Oh, yes. Oh, my. 439 00:34:09,967 --> 00:34:12,052 Oh, God, yes. 440 00:34:12,177 --> 00:34:14,429 - Lordy. - Billy Madison. 441 00:34:14,555 --> 00:34:15,681 Uh-huh? 442 00:34:15,806 --> 00:34:20,060 Would you like to try writing some words in cursive on the blackboard today? 443 00:34:20,185 --> 00:34:22,229 OK. Sure. 444 00:34:29,152 --> 00:34:31,196 OK, how about the word "dugout"? 445 00:34:41,748 --> 00:34:44,084 OK, good. How about "bunt"? 446 00:34:53,135 --> 00:34:56,513 Bunt. B-u-n-t. 447 00:34:56,638 --> 00:35:01,101 In perfect cursive. Any more brain-busters? 448 00:35:02,477 --> 00:35:04,521 Rizzuto. 449 00:35:11,278 --> 00:35:13,322 Z... Z... 450 00:35:22,331 --> 00:35:23,957 Rirruto? 451 00:35:25,042 --> 00:35:27,336 Those are Zs. 452 00:35:27,461 --> 00:35:29,379 They look like Rs to me. 453 00:35:29,505 --> 00:35:34,843 That's not fair! Rizzuto is not a word. He's a baseball player. You're cheating. 454 00:35:34,968 --> 00:35:37,346 Would you like to try the word "buzz"? 455 00:35:37,471 --> 00:35:39,473 [CHILDREN LAUGH] 456 00:35:39,598 --> 00:35:42,434 I hate cursive and I hate all of you! 457 00:35:42,559 --> 00:35:45,062 I'm never comin' back to school! Never! 458 00:35:45,187 --> 00:35:47,481 [CHILDREN LAUGH] 459 00:35:51,610 --> 00:35:53,654 [JUANITA] Billy! 460 00:36:02,246 --> 00:36:04,414 I swear, I'm sick. I can't go to school. 461 00:36:04,540 --> 00:36:09,044 If you're gonna stay home today, you could help me shave my armpits. 462 00:36:09,169 --> 00:36:12,089 Oh, my God! I'll go to school. 463 00:36:15,843 --> 00:36:17,886 O'Doyle rules! 464 00:36:24,893 --> 00:36:29,648 - What's goin' on? - Miss Vaughn's sick. 465 00:36:31,233 --> 00:36:33,026 [TEACHER CLAPS] 466 00:36:33,151 --> 00:36:35,821 Please take your seats. 467 00:36:37,197 --> 00:36:40,659 - Who's that guy? - Principal Anderson. 468 00:36:43,912 --> 00:36:48,917 As you can tell, Miss Vaughn is not feeling well today, so I'll be taking her place. 469 00:36:49,042 --> 00:36:52,212 But don't get your hopes up, because I plan on teaching,... 470 00:36:52,337 --> 00:36:54,923 so I hope you plan on learning. 471 00:36:55,591 --> 00:37:00,512 Now, who can tell me where we are in our social-studies reader? 472 00:37:00,637 --> 00:37:02,639 Yes? 473 00:37:02,764 --> 00:37:04,349 Michael? 474 00:37:05,058 --> 00:37:07,519 Excuse me. What's that in your hand? 475 00:37:09,813 --> 00:37:12,149 Bring that note up to me. 476 00:37:12,274 --> 00:37:14,610 [CLASS] Ooh. 477 00:37:18,447 --> 00:37:22,159 Now let's see what couldn't wait till after class. 478 00:37:27,706 --> 00:37:31,960 "We're so lucky to have Principal Anderson substituting." 479 00:37:33,212 --> 00:37:38,383 "Now we have the privilege of staring at that tub of lard all day long"? 480 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:44,640 "If I were him, I would walk my fat ass right into oncoming traffic." 481 00:37:48,143 --> 00:37:51,688 Oh, man, Billy, I just thought of the funniest thing. 482 00:37:52,439 --> 00:37:54,483 Billy? 483 00:37:55,859 --> 00:37:59,821 - Where's Billy? - He's in school, man. 484 00:37:59,947 --> 00:38:01,198 Oh, yeah. 485 00:38:22,678 --> 00:38:25,514 ["I'M NOT THE ONE" BY THE CARS] 486 00:38:25,639 --> 00:38:27,724 I'm not the one 487 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,478 That you'll be shootin' for 488 00:38:31,603 --> 00:38:33,647 I'm not the one 489 00:38:34,690 --> 00:38:37,192 Who's coming back for more 490 00:38:37,317 --> 00:38:40,737 You know why 491 00:38:40,863 --> 00:38:43,198 We've been through this too many times 492 00:38:43,323 --> 00:38:46,201 You know why 493 00:38:46,326 --> 00:38:49,788 It's never clear it's pantomime 494 00:38:52,374 --> 00:38:56,920 I don't wanna sound like a weirdo, but I kinda missed Miss Vaughn today. 495 00:38:57,045 --> 00:38:59,965 - Why? Do you like her or something? - No! 496 00:39:00,090 --> 00:39:03,135 - Why? Did she say she likes me? - Not to me. 497 00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:05,929 Well, let's find out. 498 00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:20,485 Uh, hello? 499 00:39:20,611 --> 00:39:22,738 Um, is this Miss Vaughn? 500 00:39:22,863 --> 00:39:24,781 Oh, hi. It's Ernie from class. 501 00:39:24,907 --> 00:39:27,826 [WHISPERS] Ask her if she has a boyfriend. 502 00:39:27,951 --> 00:39:31,455 Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you have a boyfriend? 503 00:39:33,540 --> 00:39:35,334 [WHISPERS] No. 504 00:39:35,959 --> 00:39:37,628 - Ask her... - Shh! 505 00:39:37,753 --> 00:39:41,965 Ask her if she likes anybody from class, like, more than a friend. 506 00:39:42,925 --> 00:39:47,471 Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you like anybody in class more than a friend? 507 00:39:52,226 --> 00:39:54,269 [WHISPERS] No. 508 00:39:55,270 --> 00:39:58,482 Ask her if she would ever go out with somebody from class. 509 00:39:58,607 --> 00:40:00,567 - No! - Just do it! 510 00:40:02,361 --> 00:40:06,698 Um, Miss Vaughn, would you ever go out with anybody from class? 511 00:40:07,616 --> 00:40:09,451 Uh-huh. 512 00:40:10,202 --> 00:40:12,371 Uh-huh. 513 00:40:12,496 --> 00:40:15,832 You see, Ernie, grown-ups like to go out with other grown-ups. 514 00:40:15,958 --> 00:40:19,253 - What about Billy? - You're more of a grown-up than Billy. 515 00:40:19,378 --> 00:40:21,922 - I'll give you a grown-up. - What was that, Ernie? 516 00:40:22,047 --> 00:40:26,301 [HIGH-PITCHED] Nothing. See you tomorrow in class, Miss Vaughn. 517 00:40:26,426 --> 00:40:28,470 You blew it! 518 00:40:34,101 --> 00:40:38,772 Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver. 519 00:40:39,231 --> 00:40:42,234 [CHILDREN] Do it. Come on. 520 00:40:44,570 --> 00:40:46,113 Hey! 521 00:40:46,238 --> 00:40:48,699 Hey, who threw that? 522 00:40:50,742 --> 00:40:53,203 I'll turn this damn bus around. 523 00:40:53,328 --> 00:40:58,125 That'll end your precious little field trip pretty damn quick, huh? 524 00:40:59,376 --> 00:41:01,420 Bullshit. 525 00:41:08,260 --> 00:41:12,389 Hey, I'm tryin' to score points with the teacher today. Don't screw it up! 526 00:41:12,514 --> 00:41:15,642 I dare you to touch her boobs. 527 00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:18,854 Touch her boobs? That's assault, brother. 528 00:41:23,108 --> 00:41:25,235 Ya double-dare me? 529 00:41:31,950 --> 00:41:34,703 Miss Vaughn, how long till we get there? 530 00:41:34,828 --> 00:41:38,582 - I have to go to the bathroom. - Probably about two minutes. 531 00:41:39,333 --> 00:41:42,878 Sorry about that. Damn guy drives like an animal. 532 00:41:43,879 --> 00:41:47,257 That's all right, Billy. Why don't you go back and sit down now? 533 00:41:47,382 --> 00:41:49,593 - OK. - I double-dare you. 534 00:41:49,718 --> 00:41:52,304 Da... I... Accident... 535 00:41:52,429 --> 00:41:54,556 Mistake... Tit... 536 00:41:54,681 --> 00:41:57,142 - Go sit down now. - Yes. 537 00:41:57,267 --> 00:41:59,311 [CHILDREN GIGGLE] 538 00:42:04,274 --> 00:42:07,986 Yeah, here we go again. Another treat from the road. 539 00:42:08,111 --> 00:42:11,907 Grand, ripe banana. Trick of the day. Great... 540 00:42:16,203 --> 00:42:19,748 [WOMAN] What is a horseshoe? What does a horseshoe do? 541 00:42:19,873 --> 00:42:22,084 Are there any horse socks? 542 00:42:22,209 --> 00:42:24,253 Is anybody listening to me? 543 00:42:24,378 --> 00:42:27,256 Anyways, I am sorry about what happened back there,... 544 00:42:27,381 --> 00:42:30,676 but you have to admit, I've been tryin' to be good lately. 545 00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:34,137 Well, you're not the first person that's tried to grab my chest. 546 00:42:34,263 --> 00:42:37,975 I'm trying not to hold you to a higher standard than the rest of the students. 547 00:42:38,100 --> 00:42:40,853 Although maybe I should. You are, what, 50? 548 00:42:40,978 --> 00:42:45,983 No, but the other kids look up to me. I don't want them to think I'm a coward. 549 00:42:46,108 --> 00:42:50,946 Don't worry about it. Next week you're gonna have another teacher to annoy. 550 00:42:51,071 --> 00:42:55,742 I don't want to annoy another teacher, Miss Vaughn. I want to annoy you. 551 00:42:55,868 --> 00:42:59,830 - Miss Vaughn! - Somebody stole all our lunches. 552 00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:02,916 Who would steal 30-bagged lunches? 553 00:43:10,716 --> 00:43:13,260 I'll tell you who took those lunches. 554 00:43:13,385 --> 00:43:15,637 That damn sasquatch. 555 00:43:16,805 --> 00:43:20,934 Well, I guess that's it. OK, everybody! Back on the bus! 556 00:43:21,059 --> 00:43:24,980 - Hey, what's with Ernie? - I don't know. I'll be right back. 557 00:43:27,482 --> 00:43:29,526 Hey, Ernie, what's up? 558 00:43:30,611 --> 00:43:32,654 Nothing. 559 00:43:33,572 --> 00:43:37,284 You fallen in love with the wall or somethin'? 560 00:43:37,409 --> 00:43:40,495 - I had an accident. - An accident. What does that mean? 561 00:43:40,621 --> 00:43:41,914 Ooh! 562 00:43:42,706 --> 00:43:44,541 Oh, I know. OK. Uh... 563 00:43:48,128 --> 00:43:51,798 Don't worry, buddy. You hang tight. I'll be right back. 564 00:43:59,473 --> 00:44:02,476 Hey, look, everybody! Billy peed his pants! 565 00:44:02,601 --> 00:44:07,439 Of course, I peed my pants. Everybody my age pees their pants. It's the coolest. 566 00:44:07,564 --> 00:44:09,358 - Really? - Yes! 567 00:44:09,483 --> 00:44:13,320 You ain't cool unless you pee your pants. 568 00:44:13,445 --> 00:44:16,865 - Wow. - Hey, man, Ernie peed his pants too. 569 00:44:18,408 --> 00:44:19,993 All right! 570 00:44:23,539 --> 00:44:28,460 If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis. 571 00:44:28,585 --> 00:44:29,837 Oh! 572 00:44:30,003 --> 00:44:34,716 That was the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! Let's go! 573 00:44:34,842 --> 00:44:37,135 Get on the bus here. 574 00:44:37,261 --> 00:44:39,388 Move it. Get up there, Kyle. 575 00:44:39,513 --> 00:44:41,640 One, two, five, seven. 576 00:44:41,765 --> 00:44:45,352 Move it or lose it. Get on the b... 577 00:44:45,477 --> 00:44:47,938 Hi, Miss Vaughn. Nice to see ya. 578 00:44:55,737 --> 00:45:01,118 That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass. 579 00:45:02,244 --> 00:45:06,582 I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean. 580 00:45:06,707 --> 00:45:08,667 No, you don't. 581 00:45:08,792 --> 00:45:13,505 Well, not me personally, but a guy I know. Him and her got it on. 582 00:45:13,630 --> 00:45:15,674 Whoo-ee! 583 00:45:16,300 --> 00:45:18,552 No, they didn't. 584 00:45:18,677 --> 00:45:21,138 No, no, no, they didn't. 585 00:45:21,263 --> 00:45:25,184 But you can imagine what it'd be like if they did, right? Huh? 586 00:45:32,065 --> 00:45:35,569 Everybody on? Good, great, grand, wonderful! 587 00:45:36,737 --> 00:45:39,656 No yelling on the bus! 588 00:45:39,781 --> 00:45:43,619 [GINO] Billy passed the third grade 589 00:45:43,744 --> 00:45:47,748 Oh, what a glorious day 590 00:45:47,873 --> 00:45:51,543 Oh, passin' third grade 591 00:45:51,710 --> 00:45:55,631 The Billy Madison way 592 00:45:55,797 --> 00:45:57,549 Yeah! 593 00:45:57,674 --> 00:45:59,885 Rock on! Yes! 594 00:46:10,771 --> 00:46:12,689 [BOY] Stop it. 595 00:46:13,315 --> 00:46:18,362 Who are you? I don't even know you. Go away, mister. Stop it. 596 00:46:18,487 --> 00:46:20,531 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 597 00:46:24,618 --> 00:46:27,913 - Look! She came! - And she came too. 598 00:46:45,305 --> 00:46:47,766 The mucus queen is yours. 599 00:46:49,393 --> 00:46:50,394 Thanks. 600 00:46:50,519 --> 00:46:52,563 Hi! 601 00:46:53,772 --> 00:46:57,067 Oh, gosh. Oh, thank you. 602 00:47:01,446 --> 00:47:02,990 Oh, my God! 603 00:47:04,074 --> 00:47:06,535 Snack Pack! You're the coolest! 604 00:47:06,702 --> 00:47:10,539 - Those should last you the weekend. - Thank you very much. 605 00:47:10,706 --> 00:47:13,667 - Billy is on the right track. - He's on track all right. 606 00:47:13,792 --> 00:47:16,461 He's headed right down the toilet. 607 00:47:18,172 --> 00:47:20,215 Easy. 608 00:47:21,592 --> 00:47:23,802 You still don't think he's gonna make it? 609 00:47:23,969 --> 00:47:28,265 Trust me, Carl, baby. I know he's not gonna make it. 610 00:47:28,390 --> 00:47:30,851 Would you excuse me for a second? 611 00:47:33,353 --> 00:47:36,356 Who will help me destroy Billy Madison? 612 00:47:36,481 --> 00:47:38,525 Who? 613 00:47:56,335 --> 00:48:00,255 You know, that was really sweet, the way you helped Ernie out yesterday. 614 00:48:00,380 --> 00:48:03,509 He would have done the same for me. 615 00:48:03,634 --> 00:48:06,595 So what's it like being back in school? 616 00:48:06,720 --> 00:48:09,264 I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. 617 00:48:09,431 --> 00:48:12,518 Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out. 618 00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,980 Is it just you and your dad in here? 619 00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:21,902 Well, actually, no. There's Juanita, and some maids and butlers and stuff. 620 00:48:22,027 --> 00:48:25,155 And people who work for my dad are always stoppin' by. 621 00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:29,701 And my friends are always sleepin' over, even when I didn't ask 'em to. 622 00:48:29,826 --> 00:48:32,913 - Sounds like a hotel. - It kinda is. It can be distracting. 623 00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,541 That's why I moved out here. 624 00:48:47,386 --> 00:48:49,346 Wow. 625 00:48:49,471 --> 00:48:52,474 This is where I've been spending most of my time lately. 626 00:48:52,641 --> 00:48:55,102 Not exactly roughing it, are you? 627 00:49:00,482 --> 00:49:03,986 Those are, uh... They come with the tent, so... 628 00:49:09,533 --> 00:49:13,704 Oh, wow. A Tale of Two Cities. I don't think we're up to that one yet. 629 00:49:13,829 --> 00:49:17,332 I can understand nine words in that book now. 630 00:49:20,544 --> 00:49:24,464 So, it's, um... the last day of third grade. 631 00:49:25,507 --> 00:49:29,428 And you have the teacher, alone, in your tent. 632 00:49:30,345 --> 00:49:32,806 What do you wanna do? 633 00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:38,020 Well, I can think of three things I'd like to do. 634 00:49:38,145 --> 00:49:42,441 One would involve some ice cubes and a nine-iron. 635 00:49:43,859 --> 00:49:47,029 - Two would include a buffalo. - Really? 636 00:49:47,196 --> 00:49:52,534 Live or stuffed. Preferably stuffed, for safety's sake. 637 00:49:52,659 --> 00:49:55,662 Three: we'd bring back some of those ice cubes,... 638 00:49:55,829 --> 00:49:58,916 but switch it over to a pitching wedge. 639 00:49:59,708 --> 00:50:02,169 How you guys doin'? 640 00:50:03,629 --> 00:50:07,299 Hey! Carl! Good to see you! 641 00:50:10,135 --> 00:50:12,679 This is Veronica, my teacher. That's Carl. 642 00:50:12,846 --> 00:50:16,600 Very pleased to meet you. Bill, I think Eric is up to something. 643 00:50:16,767 --> 00:50:19,520 - Who's Eric? - He works for my dad too. 644 00:50:19,645 --> 00:50:22,564 He gets the company if I screw up. He's a douchebag. 645 00:50:22,731 --> 00:50:27,194 He made some menacing comments to me, and then he did that little weasel laugh. 646 00:50:27,361 --> 00:50:31,490 - Yeah. How does that laugh go again? - You know. [LAUGHS] 647 00:50:32,241 --> 00:50:35,077 - Very good. It sounded just like him. - Thanks. 648 00:50:35,202 --> 00:50:38,205 Well, I'm sure he's got something up his sleeve. 649 00:50:38,330 --> 00:50:39,957 - Thanks, buddy. - No problem. 650 00:50:40,707 --> 00:50:42,584 ["ABC" BY THE JACKSON 5] 651 00:50:44,837 --> 00:50:46,964 You went to school to learn, girl 652 00:50:47,089 --> 00:50:50,008 Things you never, never knew before... 653 00:50:51,093 --> 00:50:55,055 [TEACHER] The most densely populated part of the US is along the eastern seaboard. 654 00:50:55,222 --> 00:50:59,351 We're gonna talk about why that is over the next few minutes. 655 00:50:59,518 --> 00:51:03,730 We all know what a census is, don't we? That's like taking a census... 656 00:51:07,484 --> 00:51:10,195 You know, yeah. Pick it up and gimme... 657 00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,281 You want some of this? 658 00:51:12,447 --> 00:51:14,908 Oh, my dear Lord! 659 00:51:15,033 --> 00:51:18,620 You never leave me open, son, cos I'm gonna hit it every time. 660 00:51:18,745 --> 00:51:21,498 You want some more of that? I didn't think so! 661 00:51:22,541 --> 00:51:26,670 Reading, writing, arithmetic are the branches of the learning tree 662 00:51:26,837 --> 00:51:30,090 But without the roots of love every day, girl 663 00:51:30,215 --> 00:51:32,593 Your education ain't complete 664 00:51:32,718 --> 00:51:35,095 Teacher's gonna show you 665 00:51:35,262 --> 00:51:37,222 How to get an A 666 00:51:37,347 --> 00:51:40,350 How to spell 'me', 'you' and add the two 667 00:51:40,517 --> 00:51:42,811 Listen to me, baby, that's all you gotta do 668 00:51:42,978 --> 00:51:44,438 ABC 669 00:51:44,605 --> 00:51:46,982 It's easy as 1-2-3 670 00:51:47,232 --> 00:51:50,652 As simple as do-re-mi, ABC... 671 00:52:19,848 --> 00:52:22,601 [BELCHES THE ALPHABET] 672 00:52:26,813 --> 00:52:29,191 All right, stop before I throw up. 673 00:52:29,358 --> 00:52:32,694 Hey, Billy, you wanna go play soccer with us after school? 674 00:52:32,819 --> 00:52:36,073 No, I got a test on Friday. I'll play with you guys next week. 675 00:52:36,198 --> 00:52:39,284 - Next week you'll be in ninth grade. - Yeah, high school. 676 00:52:39,409 --> 00:52:40,536 Oh, yeah. 677 00:52:40,702 --> 00:52:45,415 You aren't gonna wanna hang round with a bunch of dumb elementary-school kids. 678 00:52:45,666 --> 00:52:49,169 That's not true. I'll come and visit you guys all the time. 679 00:52:49,419 --> 00:52:51,463 Yeah, to see your girlfriend. 680 00:52:51,630 --> 00:52:53,507 [BOYS] Whooo! 681 00:52:54,967 --> 00:52:56,760 [CACKLING] 682 00:52:56,927 --> 00:53:00,597 Have some more Sloppy Joes. 683 00:53:01,974 --> 00:53:05,227 I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. 684 00:53:08,021 --> 00:53:11,692 I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy. 685 00:53:12,818 --> 00:53:15,237 Lady, you're scarin' us. 686 00:53:41,555 --> 00:53:46,268 - Do you know where the bathroom is? - Second door on the left. 687 00:53:49,897 --> 00:53:53,609 Hey, tubby, how about a little bathroom reading? 688 00:53:53,775 --> 00:53:57,404 I have the August 1983 issue of Wrestling World here. 689 00:53:58,655 --> 00:54:02,868 There's a terrific article about a wrestler named the Revolting Blob. 690 00:54:04,620 --> 00:54:08,749 Gee, you know somethin'? He kinda looks like someone I know. 691 00:54:09,958 --> 00:54:12,878 - Where'd you get that? - I have a subscription. 692 00:54:13,045 --> 00:54:18,634 Bad guy. He threw one opponent out of the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens. 693 00:54:20,260 --> 00:54:23,180 Boy, this wacko looks familiar. 694 00:54:23,305 --> 00:54:26,975 What do I care about some stupid phoney wrestling guy? 695 00:54:27,142 --> 00:54:29,102 My God. 696 00:54:29,228 --> 00:54:34,024 In June 1983 he sat on some guy's head and killed him. 697 00:54:34,191 --> 00:54:36,318 It was just a stunt! 698 00:54:36,485 --> 00:54:39,863 He was supposed to pinch my leg if he was running short of air. 699 00:54:40,030 --> 00:54:44,660 With this guy sitting on everyone's head, I wonder how he got his teaching degree? 700 00:54:44,826 --> 00:54:46,537 No! 701 00:54:46,662 --> 00:54:50,707 No, you can't do that to me. Those kids are my whole life! 702 00:54:50,874 --> 00:54:55,712 So you wouldn't want anything to happen that would make 'em think less of you? 703 00:54:55,879 --> 00:54:57,506 Max? 704 00:54:58,465 --> 00:55:00,300 Max? 705 00:55:00,467 --> 00:55:02,636 You ready to cooperate with me? 706 00:55:02,803 --> 00:55:04,680 Yes. 707 00:55:04,847 --> 00:55:07,516 Then Madison Hotels is as good as mine! 708 00:55:19,903 --> 00:55:21,905 [ROCK MUSIC FROM CAR] 709 00:55:43,927 --> 00:55:46,346 [LAUGHTER] 710 00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:50,309 - [STUDENT] Nice shirt. - Yeah. Yep. 711 00:55:50,475 --> 00:55:52,477 [BELL RINGS] 712 00:55:58,066 --> 00:56:03,697 Now the cell's happy. But other molecules are saying "We'd like some energy too." 713 00:56:03,864 --> 00:56:09,828 And it uses its own pigment molecule, chlorophyll, to carry out the action. 714 00:56:09,995 --> 00:56:13,290 This does not make the ribosomes happy. 715 00:56:14,583 --> 00:56:17,461 And poor chlorophyll is caught in the middle of this. 716 00:56:17,628 --> 00:56:21,215 Chlorophyll? More like "bore-ophyll"! 717 00:56:22,674 --> 00:56:24,676 Right? 718 00:56:27,304 --> 00:56:31,725 - Jeez, a little bit stuffy in here, huh? - Don't talk to me. 719 00:56:31,892 --> 00:56:34,561 - And why is that? - Because you're a loser. 720 00:56:34,728 --> 00:56:38,857 [TEACHER] ..from these ribosomes. And chlorophyll helps the chloroplast... 721 00:56:38,982 --> 00:56:41,276 No, I will not make out with you! 722 00:56:42,319 --> 00:56:45,989 Did you hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class! 723 00:56:46,156 --> 00:56:49,243 You got "chlorophyll man" up there talkin' about God knows what. 724 00:56:49,409 --> 00:56:54,456 All she's talking about is makin' out with me. I'm here to learn, not to make out. 725 00:56:54,623 --> 00:56:56,834 Go on with the chlorophyll. 726 00:57:01,338 --> 00:57:03,340 O'Doyle rules. 727 00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:06,927 Thanks a lot, O'Doyle. Nice meetin' you. 728 00:57:07,970 --> 00:57:09,972 [GIGGLING] 729 00:57:11,473 --> 00:57:14,351 - Wait till they start with the wedgies. - Yeah. 730 00:57:14,518 --> 00:57:18,730 You oughta start cutting your underwear before you get to school. So it rips easier. 731 00:57:18,856 --> 00:57:20,899 I see. Who are you guys? 732 00:57:21,066 --> 00:57:23,986 The guys everybody used to pick on before you started here. 733 00:57:24,152 --> 00:57:28,991 No, they ain't pickin' on me. They're givin' me a hard time cos I'm the new guy. 734 00:57:29,157 --> 00:57:31,076 A little first-day hazing. 735 00:57:31,243 --> 00:57:35,873 - Are you in loser denial or something? - I had a bad case of loser denial myself. 736 00:57:36,039 --> 00:57:39,001 Till the lacrosse team stuck a parking cone up my ass. 737 00:57:39,501 --> 00:57:43,547 Loser? I ain't no loser. I was the king of this high school. 738 00:57:43,672 --> 00:57:46,967 A hundred friends, a million parties... 739 00:57:47,134 --> 00:57:49,428 You guys are losers, not me. 740 00:57:51,597 --> 00:57:54,474 And that is what a prime number is. 741 00:57:54,641 --> 00:57:56,810 [CHILDREN] Billy! 742 00:57:56,977 --> 00:58:00,272 I figured I got fourth period off, I'd shoot down and say hi. 743 00:58:00,397 --> 00:58:03,275 - How's high school, Billy? - Yeah, how's high school? 744 00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:07,404 High school is great. I mean, I'm learning a lot. 745 00:58:07,529 --> 00:58:12,075 And all the kids are treating me very nice. It's great. 746 00:58:12,242 --> 00:58:15,245 Gee, I can't wait till I go to high school. 747 00:58:16,705 --> 00:58:18,957 Don't you say that. 748 00:58:19,082 --> 00:58:21,835 Don't you ever say that. 749 00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:24,087 Stay here. 750 00:58:24,213 --> 00:58:27,174 Stay as long as you can. 751 00:58:27,299 --> 00:58:30,677 For the love of God, cherish it. 752 00:58:30,802 --> 00:58:33,305 [VERONICA] Jennifer, why don't you read out loud? 753 00:58:33,430 --> 00:58:36,183 You gotta cherish it. 754 00:58:36,308 --> 00:58:38,393 You do. 755 00:58:38,519 --> 00:58:40,145 Hm. 756 00:58:44,274 --> 00:58:46,193 I don't understand it. 757 00:58:46,318 --> 00:58:50,572 I mean, ten years ago high school was the greatest. I had so much fun. 758 00:58:50,697 --> 00:58:53,700 I guess a little too much fun, since you've gotta do it again. 759 00:58:53,825 --> 00:58:59,540 I know. It's just that classes are so hard, and all the kids treat me like I'm a goof. 760 00:59:00,332 --> 00:59:02,626 Well, you are a goof. 761 00:59:02,751 --> 00:59:06,213 Suck it up. Eight more weeks and you're all set. 762 00:59:06,338 --> 00:59:09,007 Yeah, you're right. You're so smart. 763 00:59:12,052 --> 00:59:14,096 - I gotta go, OK? - OK. 764 00:59:15,013 --> 00:59:16,640 Billy, wait. 765 00:59:17,391 --> 00:59:20,477 It doesn't feel so great to be called a loser, does it? 766 00:59:20,811 --> 00:59:21,687 No. 767 00:59:21,812 --> 00:59:24,356 Maybe the first time you went to high school,... 768 00:59:24,481 --> 00:59:29,111 you weren't as nice to the kids that you thought were losers. 769 00:59:29,236 --> 00:59:32,531 I know what you're sayin'. You're so smart. 770 00:59:42,541 --> 00:59:44,585 [PHONE RINGS] 771 00:59:47,462 --> 00:59:48,463 Hello? 772 00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:51,842 - Hi. Is this Danny McGrath? - Yeah. 773 00:59:51,967 --> 00:59:55,470 The Danny McGrath that graduated from Knibb High School in 1984? 774 00:59:56,180 --> 01:00:00,475 - Uh, yeah. Who's this? - This is Billy Madison. 775 01:00:00,601 --> 01:00:04,813 You probably don't remember me, but I went to high school with you. 776 01:00:04,938 --> 01:00:07,441 I kinda gave you a hard time back then,... 777 01:00:07,566 --> 01:00:11,278 and I did some things that I thought were funny at the time,... 778 01:00:11,403 --> 01:00:14,781 but now I realize they were just mean and stupid. 779 01:00:14,907 --> 01:00:18,535 And I just wanted to apologize, and I hope you forgive me. 780 01:00:19,328 --> 01:00:21,496 Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it. 781 01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,791 Wow! That's great! 782 01:00:24,917 --> 01:00:28,003 Well, I am sorry, and maybe we can get together some time... 783 01:00:28,128 --> 01:00:30,172 and have coffee or somethin'. 784 01:00:30,756 --> 01:00:34,092 - Sure, I'd like that. - OK. Well, I'll see you around. 785 01:00:34,218 --> 01:00:36,261 OK. Bye. 786 01:00:36,386 --> 01:00:40,307 ["TELEPHONE LINE" BY ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA] 787 01:01:12,714 --> 01:01:14,716 Speak for yourself, moron. 788 01:01:16,301 --> 01:01:18,804 Oh, my God! That is funny! 789 01:01:18,929 --> 01:01:23,976 Next.: the shocking story of power and corruption involving a hotel tycoon. 790 01:01:24,101 --> 01:01:29,106 How his 27-year-old millionaire son cheated his way through school. 791 01:01:29,231 --> 01:01:32,943 - What the hell...? - Now, now. Maybe it's somebody else. 792 01:01:34,987 --> 01:01:37,030 My name is Max Anderson,... 793 01:01:37,155 --> 01:01:42,744 and I am the principal at the Polly Fector Elementary School. 794 01:01:42,870 --> 01:01:46,832 Recently a young man named Billy Madison was enrolled there. 795 01:01:46,957 --> 01:01:50,544 During that time Mr. Madison was disruptive. 796 01:01:50,669 --> 01:01:55,591 The only reason he passed was that he offered me a bribe of $5,000,... 797 01:01:55,716 --> 01:01:58,260 which I regrettably accepted. 798 01:01:59,303 --> 01:02:00,762 I'm sorry, Billy. 799 01:02:00,888 --> 01:02:05,517 [REPORTER] That was Principal Anderson of Polly Fector Elementary School. 800 01:02:05,642 --> 01:02:07,936 Dad! He's lyin'! 801 01:02:09,104 --> 01:02:12,733 You made a fool out of me. This was a mistake from the beginning. 802 01:02:12,858 --> 01:02:16,153 Brian, I got some interim forecasts for you to... 803 01:02:17,487 --> 01:02:20,574 - Why is everybody so glum? - You seriously don't believe me? 804 01:02:20,699 --> 01:02:24,536 That's right. I seriously don't believe you. 805 01:02:24,661 --> 01:02:27,539 The deal's off. Eric's got the company. 806 01:02:29,708 --> 01:02:32,377 Wow. Good news for me. 807 01:02:38,634 --> 01:02:41,720 I can't believe this is happening right now. 808 01:02:44,306 --> 01:02:46,892 Are you gonna come to class on Monday? 809 01:02:47,017 --> 01:02:49,811 Wouldn't make much sense now, would it? 810 01:02:51,104 --> 01:02:53,774 Stupid idea in the first place. 811 01:02:54,775 --> 01:02:57,236 ["RENEGADE" BY STYX] 812 01:02:57,528 --> 01:02:59,696 They finally found me 813 01:02:59,821 --> 01:03:01,782 The renegade who had it made 814 01:03:01,907 --> 01:03:04,660 Retrieved for a bounty 815 01:03:04,785 --> 01:03:06,954 Never more to go astray 816 01:03:07,079 --> 01:03:11,041 This'll be the end today of the wanted man 817 01:03:13,585 --> 01:03:15,671 Better get up outta this bed! 818 01:03:15,796 --> 01:03:21,051 I've been years on the lam And had a high price on my head 819 01:03:23,178 --> 01:03:26,390 Lawman said "Get him dead or alive"... 820 01:03:26,515 --> 01:03:28,559 [BILLY HOWLING] 821 01:03:34,273 --> 01:03:36,316 Yoo-hoo! 822 01:03:37,484 --> 01:03:39,027 Hello! 823 01:03:39,152 --> 01:03:41,196 Billy's here! 824 01:03:42,698 --> 01:03:44,700 Hey, baby! 825 01:03:45,242 --> 01:03:47,411 You lookin' hot tonight! 826 01:03:47,536 --> 01:03:51,498 - Billy, what has happened to you? - We're gonna go on a date. 827 01:03:51,623 --> 01:03:54,918 You, me, Jack and Frank... 828 01:03:55,043 --> 01:03:59,631 are gonna go around puttin' shit on people's doorsteps... 829 01:03:59,756 --> 01:04:02,467 and we're gonna set it on fire. 830 01:04:03,177 --> 01:04:08,182 Billy, why are you acting like this? I know that you didn't pay off Max. 831 01:04:08,307 --> 01:04:11,018 Well, that makes two of us, then, baby,... 832 01:04:11,143 --> 01:04:16,773 but it takes more than two to tango. Or somethin' like that. 833 01:04:17,357 --> 01:04:19,860 - So let's go. - No, let's stay. 834 01:04:19,985 --> 01:04:23,071 And the three of you can light dog shit on my living-room floor. 835 01:04:23,197 --> 01:04:27,576 - Come on, Billy, you know that... - Talky, talky, talky. 836 01:04:27,701 --> 01:04:29,828 No more talky. 837 01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:32,414 You got a lighter in here? 838 01:04:35,417 --> 01:04:37,503 Oh. 839 01:04:37,628 --> 01:04:40,422 I see what's goin' on in here. 840 01:04:43,759 --> 01:04:47,346 So sorry to interrupt! 841 01:04:52,476 --> 01:04:54,520 Proceed. 842 01:04:55,812 --> 01:04:58,273 Billy, you're losing your mind. 843 01:05:01,902 --> 01:05:04,112 All right, boys' night out! 844 01:05:04,279 --> 01:05:05,781 Let's go! 845 01:05:11,787 --> 01:05:13,830 [SNORING] 846 01:05:30,556 --> 01:05:33,100 Ow! 847 01:05:33,642 --> 01:05:36,103 I need to talk to you. 848 01:05:46,572 --> 01:05:48,615 Jeez! 849 01:05:49,491 --> 01:05:51,952 What's goin' on, man? 850 01:05:54,288 --> 01:05:59,793 I think Billy and his girlfriend are playin' water polo or somethin'. 851 01:06:01,503 --> 01:06:04,298 Hey, maybe they're playin' Marco Polo. 852 01:06:05,090 --> 01:06:07,009 Marco. 853 01:06:08,343 --> 01:06:10,762 - Jeez, that was a great game. - Yeah. 854 01:06:16,143 --> 01:06:19,563 I got an idea for you. Instead of being an idiot every day,... 855 01:06:19,688 --> 01:06:23,025 why don't you go back to school, graduate and get the company? 856 01:06:23,150 --> 01:06:25,360 Cos I don't want it any more. 857 01:06:26,111 --> 01:06:30,407 - What do you mean, you don't want it? - I got somethin' comin' outta my nose? 858 01:06:30,532 --> 01:06:33,577 I can't believe I liked someone who could roll over and die. 859 01:06:33,702 --> 01:06:38,582 I ain't rollin' over and dyin'. I was set up. And, worst of all, nobody believes me. 860 01:06:38,707 --> 01:06:42,252 I believe you, Billy. And I believe in you. 861 01:06:42,377 --> 01:06:46,089 You know, some people have no willpower, no brains, no vision. 862 01:06:46,215 --> 01:06:48,884 They just drift through life like lumps of crap. 863 01:06:49,009 --> 01:06:51,386 What is she talkin' about? 864 01:06:51,512 --> 01:06:55,474 And you have all those things. You're just afraid to use 'em. 865 01:06:55,599 --> 01:07:00,521 Don't be. You say you're not a loser, Billy Madison. So win. 866 01:07:16,578 --> 01:07:19,414 Yes, I will go back to school 867 01:07:19,540 --> 01:07:22,668 And achieve victory 868 01:07:22,793 --> 01:07:25,796 No man will take what my father has built 869 01:07:25,921 --> 01:07:30,425 Unless that man is me 870 01:07:30,551 --> 01:07:33,762 My Billy, sweet Billy boy 871 01:07:33,887 --> 01:07:36,348 I knew you would go back 872 01:07:37,015 --> 01:07:40,143 No one can stop you if you try 873 01:07:40,269 --> 01:07:42,479 Don't I have a nice rack? 874 01:07:46,400 --> 01:07:49,278 Veronica, I thank you 875 01:07:49,403 --> 01:07:52,781 For beating the shit out of me 876 01:07:52,906 --> 01:07:55,784 I see things so clearly now 877 01:07:55,909 --> 01:07:58,120 I choose my destiny 878 01:07:58,245 --> 01:08:00,956 Oh, Billy, I knew you had it in ya. 879 01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:04,918 We're here to help you, Billy 880 01:08:05,043 --> 01:08:08,088 Get back in school to stay 881 01:08:08,213 --> 01:08:11,633 You gotta work real hard and stick it out 882 01:08:11,758 --> 01:08:14,803 Till graduation day 883 01:08:14,928 --> 01:08:17,472 Hey, kids, it's me 884 01:08:17,598 --> 01:08:21,059 I bet you thought that I was dead 885 01:08:21,185 --> 01:08:23,937 But when I fell over I just broke my leg 886 01:08:24,062 --> 01:08:26,732 And got a hemorrhage in my head 887 01:08:28,984 --> 01:08:31,778 There are obstacles in the way 888 01:08:31,904 --> 01:08:35,199 - But together we shall overcome - Overcome 889 01:08:35,324 --> 01:08:40,037 Cos you can't break our spirit and you can't kill our dream 890 01:08:40,162 --> 01:08:44,875 Do you have any more gum, more gum, more gum, more gum? 891 01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:47,252 Do you have any more gum? 892 01:08:55,928 --> 01:08:58,388 Oh. Hello, kids. 893 01:08:58,514 --> 01:09:00,724 Mr. Anderson, is that you? 894 01:09:00,974 --> 01:09:01,850 Oh. 895 01:09:01,975 --> 01:09:04,478 Yes, actually, it is. 896 01:09:04,603 --> 01:09:07,397 This is just... Well, this is... 897 01:09:08,607 --> 01:09:13,195 Normally I don't allow children to be in my home without parental supervision. 898 01:09:13,320 --> 01:09:16,823 So why don't you just run on... Oh, boy. 899 01:09:16,949 --> 01:09:21,995 It sure is great to have all you kids come surprise me like this at my home, but I... 900 01:09:22,120 --> 01:09:25,791 Mr. Anderson, Billy said the stuff that you said didn't happen. 901 01:09:25,916 --> 01:09:28,335 Is he lying or are you lying? 902 01:09:28,460 --> 01:09:33,882 Oh, well, listen, kids. It's not always as simple as all that. 903 01:09:36,301 --> 01:09:40,514 The statement I made about Billy Madison was and is completely untrue. 904 01:09:40,639 --> 01:09:41,473 No. 905 01:09:41,598 --> 01:09:44,059 I know now that I shall never escape my fate... 906 01:09:44,184 --> 01:09:48,689 - ..as the Revolting Blob. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 907 01:09:49,690 --> 01:09:53,110 [ANDERSON] It's something I must learn to live with. 908 01:09:53,235 --> 01:09:54,820 Joyce? 909 01:09:55,612 --> 01:09:58,323 What a mess. 910 01:09:58,448 --> 01:10:02,828 First, this psycho goes on TV, lies, then retracts it. 911 01:10:02,953 --> 01:10:06,164 And now Eric's secretary is in a coma. 912 01:10:06,290 --> 01:10:11,378 Carl, has anybody been able to find out anything about this Max guy? 913 01:10:11,503 --> 01:10:15,549 No, sir. He's vanished. Nobody has any idea where he is. 914 01:10:15,674 --> 01:10:18,719 - I believed in Billy all along, sir. - Cut the horseshit! 915 01:10:18,844 --> 01:10:21,471 - I know you blackmailed Max. - Take it easy, Billy. 916 01:10:21,597 --> 01:10:26,977 Things were going along great until this wrestling freak messed things up. 917 01:10:28,270 --> 01:10:30,606 Billy should get another shot at high school. 918 01:10:30,731 --> 01:10:36,111 Hey, rules are rules. Billy was supposed to finish each grade within the two weeks... 919 01:10:36,236 --> 01:10:39,031 or I get the company. He didn't finish ninth grade. 920 01:10:39,156 --> 01:10:42,159 Eric, certainly there are extenuating circumstances. 921 01:10:42,284 --> 01:10:46,455 Extenuating, exschmenuating. We had a deal. A signed, written deal. 922 01:10:46,580 --> 01:10:48,999 Each grade, two weeks, or I get the company. 923 01:10:49,124 --> 01:10:51,919 Well, technically you're right, but... 924 01:10:52,044 --> 01:10:55,380 Oh, shut up, Brian. I've had to listen to your jawing for too long. 925 01:10:55,506 --> 01:10:57,674 "Well, technically..." 926 01:10:57,799 --> 01:11:02,554 Just shut up! Are you ready to hand the company over to me now? 927 01:11:02,679 --> 01:11:06,058 - No. - Then I'll see your ass in court. 928 01:11:06,934 --> 01:11:08,685 Good. 929 01:11:08,810 --> 01:11:11,355 Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads. 930 01:11:11,980 --> 01:11:15,108 Hey, Eric, how would you like to settle this now, no lawyers? 931 01:11:15,234 --> 01:11:17,486 You and me, mano y mano. 932 01:11:17,611 --> 01:11:20,489 - What does that mean? - What does that mean? 933 01:11:20,614 --> 01:11:23,534 - Carl, what does that mean? - Uh... I don't know. 934 01:11:28,372 --> 01:11:30,415 It means an academic decathlon. 935 01:11:30,541 --> 01:11:34,461 One day, ten events, testing all the knowledge one would gain in high school. 936 01:11:34,586 --> 01:11:37,047 Me versus you. 937 01:11:37,172 --> 01:11:41,260 - You're joking, right? - Let's take it a little easy here, Billy. 938 01:11:41,385 --> 01:11:45,347 No, I'm serious. Let's do it. Let's do it on Friday. 939 01:11:45,472 --> 01:11:48,725 - Let's do it. - Is that all right with you, Daddy? 940 01:11:48,851 --> 01:11:51,103 Well, if you think you can beat him. 941 01:11:51,228 --> 01:11:55,023 Oh, I can. And I will. 942 01:11:55,732 --> 01:11:58,819 - It's a deal. - [WHISPERS] I know it was you. 943 01:12:01,280 --> 01:12:03,740 You broke my heart. 944 01:12:06,493 --> 01:12:08,829 Here are the trigonometry handouts. 945 01:12:08,954 --> 01:12:11,540 Last year's physics notes. Best I could do. 946 01:12:11,665 --> 01:12:15,002 Thanks a lot, fellas. You're saving my life. 947 01:12:19,423 --> 01:12:20,966 O'Doyle rules. 948 01:12:21,091 --> 01:12:24,970 O'Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family's goin' down. 949 01:12:25,429 --> 01:12:27,347 But for now I gotta study. 950 01:12:29,224 --> 01:12:32,936 [VERONICA] Norman invasion of England. 951 01:12:33,061 --> 01:12:35,272 1066. 952 01:12:36,857 --> 01:12:38,901 That is correct. 953 01:12:41,612 --> 01:12:43,780 The Magna Carta. 954 01:12:46,283 --> 01:12:49,620 1215? 955 01:12:51,496 --> 01:12:53,540 Yes. 956 01:12:55,667 --> 01:12:58,670 Spanish Armada. 957 01:13:01,298 --> 01:13:06,053 1466? 958 01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,431 '67? 1469? 959 01:13:09,973 --> 01:13:11,767 1514? 960 01:13:11,892 --> 01:13:15,145 1981? 1986? 961 01:13:15,646 --> 01:13:20,651 Please do not do that. Come on, I swear... Just hang in there one second. 962 01:13:20,776 --> 01:13:23,570 Please, God, give me the answer! 963 01:13:26,365 --> 01:13:28,700 В�75394

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