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1
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:07,271
Oh! The Smiths are back from
their trip in 20 minutes.
2
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:10,642
Plenty of time for finishing touches.
3
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,365
I can't wait 'til they see this!
4
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,433
- You're back!
- From hell!
5
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,901
Our trip to Gettysburg sucked!
6
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:39,771
I mean, I love war,
but mix it up a little.
7
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:42,240
Gimme a beach or a pumpkin patch,
something!
8
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:45,777
And the place was a dump,
littered with cannons!
9
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,645
The wind was relentless!
10
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:48,913
Not a single coconut.
11
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,782
You couldn't get a
piña colada anywhere!
12
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,316
Took us forever to get there.
13
00:00:52,318 --> 00:00:54,719
Why couldn't they fight their
war closer to the highway?
14
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,321
I thought Gettysburg would be relaxing,
15
00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:58,856
but they just bombard you
16
00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:01,259
with all these facts about
things that happened.
17
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,994
You know, I was half expecting you
18
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,796
to screw up the house in four score
19
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,998
and seven ways, but it looks great.
20
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,602
And roses?! My favorite old lady smell!
21
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,604
I'm so happy you like it.
22
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,005
Wait.
23
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,941
Is this a different [BLEEP] frame?
24
00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:18,943
Ah, yes. Jurgen was over.
25
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,812
He bumped into the old one,
and it broke.
26
00:01:21,557 --> 00:01:22,614
He what?!
27
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,681
Not the frame!
28
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,817
So, you just replaced it?
29
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,219
And didn't say anything?
30
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,754
But it was just the cheap cardboard one
31
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,289
they give you with the photo.
32
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:32,624
So I bought you a new one,
33
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,560
a nicer one, from World Market.
34
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:38,563
Nice is your style. Not our style.
35
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:42,300
But the photograph is fine,
and that's what's important, right?
36
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,701
The photo is nothing!
37
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,303
It was the frame that
held all our memories!
38
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,239
Remember the blood stains
on it from when dad
39
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,308
challenged the hula dancer
to five-finger fillet?
40
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,644
Awww.
41
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:55,847
We trusted you with our bloody,
mass-produced cardboard frame,
42
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,650
and you replace it
with something artisan?
43
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,051
Do you know what they would do
44
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,186
to someone like you in the civil war?
45
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:05,123
I don't recall because I was
enjoying Jagermeister in the car
46
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,659
during the corporal
punishment reenactment.
47
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:11,263
But I'm guessing it was unpleasant.
48
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,601
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
49
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:20,338
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
50
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,541
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
51
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:28,113
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
52
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,217
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
53
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,954
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
54
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,055
Aah!
55
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,293
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
56
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:45,697
Wow. We truly live in windy times.
57
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:51,703
Are you all really still
upset about the family photo?
58
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,037
Family photo?
59
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:56,040
- The frame!
- Oh, God, the frame!
60
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,176
- Yes, I feel sick.
- We all do.
61
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,178
I wish we could go on a good trip now
62
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,913
to forget about the frame.
63
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,582
I can't, I've used all my P.T.O. days.
64
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,450
You don't get unlimited P.T.O.?
65
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,986
Where do you work, a gulag?
66
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,322
That's low key messed up, Mr. S.
67
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:13,325
I'm gonna figure out how to
get us a do-over vacation.
68
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,859
Here's what I'm thinking.
69
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,794
Spirit Airlines, 4:00 a.m. flight,
70
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,131
Christmas Eve, destination...
71
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:20,798
North Korea.
72
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,869
Over the last three months,
73
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,738
windstorms around the globe
74
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,873
have been growing in
frequency and magnitude.
75
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:35,013
So I brought in an expert...
Gust Breezer, wind theorist.
76
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:38,016
Oh, so this is how he's
getting us a vacation.
77
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,218
Sorry, Stan, did you say something?
78
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,020
Oh, no, it's nothing.
79
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,088
You've been looking to
science for answers,
80
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,157
but science can't explain wind.
81
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,893
We need to look, instead, to history,
82
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,294
the opposite of science.
83
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:53,097
The Mayans, the Babylonians,
all ancient cultures,
84
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:55,433
had myths to explain
the source of the wind.
85
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:58,837
All of them easily debunked by
the granddaddy of them all...
86
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,438
the Sumerian idea,
87
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,441
"there's a giant in the ocean
that controls the wind."
88
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:07,045
Pff! This whack-job calls
himself a wind theorist?
89
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:10,382
This is not how we
treat a guest speaker!
90
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,717
Dick, I'd fire you for disrespecting
91
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,318
this totally legitimate theory.
92
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,588
But I'm pretty sure
I report to you. Do I?
93
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,457
Come on, sir! A giant in the ocean?
94
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:24,328
What has your civilization
done to solve the wind mystery?
95
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,797
Hmm? Tell me.
96
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:28,132
Can't? Then get out.
97
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:31,069
Smith had the right idea. You're fired!
98
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,007
It was an honor working for you.
99
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,877
If I did. Best damn boss I ever had.
100
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,312
If you were.
101
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,083
I'm sorry, Dr. Breezer.
102
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,485
He's not a reflection of this agency.
103
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:52,023
The CIA respects both
science and fantasy.
104
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,759
Please, you spoke of a giant?
105
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,094
What's its name?
106
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,430
The Sumerians considered
the giant's name
107
00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,964
too sacred to speak.
108
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:00,966
But [BLEEP] it, I'll just say it.
109
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,700
It's "Tall Jeremy."
110
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,035
We must sail across the ocean
111
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,504
and convince him to stop blowing.
112
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:07,639
I'd like to volunteer.
113
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,773
Good man, Smith.
114
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,508
Take the CIA yacht.
115
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:13,445
I'm sorry, it'll be a long, slow journey
116
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:17,649
because we stocked it with
so much food and booze.
117
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,383
Can I bring my family along?
118
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:20,452
Why?
119
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:24,388
Um, 'cause Tall Jeremy
loves marital sex?
120
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:25,457
Dr. Breezer?
121
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,058
It's not his favorite type of sex.
122
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,127
But I say let's hit him with all we got.
123
00:05:30,752 --> 00:05:32,537
_
124
00:05:33,679 --> 00:05:35,567
Why are all these people outside?
125
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,902
We're going on another
trip and hiring someone
126
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:38,970
to help out while we're gone.
127
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,772
You're hiring a house sitter?
128
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,907
But that's my job.
129
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,376
Not just a house sitter.
130
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,645
They got to keep an eye on your
frame-breaking ass, as well.
131
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,849
There's only one thing that
could go wrong with the house,
132
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,917
and that's you.
133
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,721
Whoa.
134
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,595
Is it a witch?
135
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,597
No, witches have brooms.
136
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,731
I think it's...
137
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,400
a Dick.
138
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:12,270
Shut up! It's Dick, my old boss.
139
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:15,473
Ever since I got fired,
I've been spiraling.
140
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,674
In a fun way?
141
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:18,276
Afraid not.
142
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:22,280
I lost my apartment, my savings,
and I'm living in my car.
143
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,015
How? It's been one day.
144
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,950
All that was kind of going on before.
145
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,551
But now I don't have a job either.
146
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,422
I saw the sign out front.
Are you guys hiring?
147
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:33,291
Yes. We need someone to watch the house.
148
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:37,028
But more importantly,
what do you know about pet sitting?
149
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,965
♪ A pet sitter should be kind ♪
150
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,167
♪ Handsome with no warts ♪
151
00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:44,636
♪ Always on time ♪
152
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:45,837
♪ Good with animals ♪
153
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,038
♪ No warts ♪
154
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,973
He is really emphasizing "no warts."
155
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,242
It's making me think he has warts.
156
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,244
I love where you were
going with the song,
157
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:54,512
but we should probably explain.
158
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:57,449
This isn't your typical pet sitting job.
159
00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:00,318
♪ We're looking for
a candidate to keep ♪
160
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,986
♪ Their eyes on Klaus ♪
161
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,855
♪ This guy is pathetic ♪
162
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,058
♪ Can't trust him with our house ♪
163
00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:08,260
♪ We need someone who's vigilant ♪
164
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,394
♪ Make sure he stays in line ♪
165
00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:12,464
♪ I've always been
the one in charge ♪
166
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,398
♪ The house has been just fine ♪
167
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,468
♪ Don't let him order Instacart ♪
168
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,736
♪ He'll leave you with the fee ♪
169
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,139
♪ He'll sneak right
into Steve's room ♪
170
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,007
- ♪ And read his diary ♪
- It's a blog!
171
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:27,612
♪ No, we can't trust the
fish with our things ♪
172
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,746
Can't trust me?!
173
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,414
This house would be a hovel without me.
174
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,484
♪ Without me, who would swiffer? ♪
175
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:35,087
♪ Who'd spray the yard for tics? ♪
176
00:07:35,089 --> 00:07:37,221
♪ I'm the one who keeps the house ♪
177
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:38,823
♪ Don't need no help from Dick ♪
178
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,159
♪ I think that my experience ♪
179
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,961
♪ Makes me the perfect fit ♪
180
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,429
♪ I'll never take my eyes off him ♪
181
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,332
♪ I'll watch him while I shit ♪
182
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:53,838
♪ 'Cause we can't trust
the fish with our things ♪
183
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,374
♪ No, we can't trust the fish ♪
184
00:07:56,376 --> 00:08:01,113
♪ With our things ♪
185
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:04,983
Well, our song is over,
186
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,919
and all the other candidates
were blown away by the wind.
187
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:08,987
You're hired, Dick.
188
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,258
Here are the instructions on Klaus.
189
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:16,460
- Don't deviate.
- Don't put Dick in charge.
190
00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,663
Please, give me a chance
to regain your trust.
191
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,733
- Pleassssssse!
- Klaus, we just sang a whole song.
192
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,336
When have you ever known
this family to change course
193
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,071
after singing a song?
194
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:35,480
Ooh. Missed a spot.
195
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:38,617
So, Klaus, tell me about yourself.
196
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,485
What's your favorite season?
197
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:43,622
Oh, I can't talk.
I'm just your run-of-the-mill,
198
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,690
dumbass goldfish who doesn't even have
199
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,626
a human brain and needs a pet sitter.
200
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,560
- Listen, this wasn't my...
- Bah-bah-bahhhh.
201
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:52,164
I can't hear you. Bah-bahhhh.
202
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,967
You're so stupid.
What are you even doing?
203
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,969
Having my mail forwarded
to this address.
204
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:01,172
It's just easier since I'm
going to be here a few weeks
205
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,641
Weeks?!
206
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,509
Let's take a look at the rules.
207
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,312
Says here you're not allowed
to touch the burners.
208
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,048
What?! Let me see that.
I touch them to my liking.
209
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,782
Feed it twice a day.
210
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:13,184
It?!
211
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,585
Limit meals to breakfast
212
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:16,921
and two shakes of fish flakes at night.
213
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:17,923
Two shakes?!
214
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:21,259
I eat a whole rotisserie
chicken every day!
215
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,461
Wow. They don't treat you well.
216
00:09:22,463 --> 00:09:24,262
No wonder you're pissed at them.
217
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,064
You know what? Forget the rules.
218
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,267
Want to get some food?
How do you feel about Wow Cow?
219
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,869
I...
220
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,270
Really like Wow Cow.
221
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,206
I've seen how the family belittles you.
222
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,807
They treat you like an outsider.
223
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:40,211
You know, my ex-wife used to
make me feel like an outsider,
224
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,546
even when I was insider.
225
00:09:42,965 --> 00:09:44,415
That's sad.
226
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,017
And then she left me.
227
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,618
Your wife left you?
228
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:50,755
My wife left me, too,
for an entire bobsled team.
229
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:54,125
Since then,
I've been desperate for connection.
230
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,761
- I'd do...
- Anything to fit in.
231
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,430
You're pathetic
the same way I'm pathetic.
232
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:03,301
Klaus, you and I are two
fish in the same school.
233
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,303
You make me feel understood, Dick.
234
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:08,239
A sensitive soul in a cruel world.
235
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,510
Hey! Can I get
that [BLEEP] spoon I asked for?
236
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,712
Ah, I shouldn't be hard on her.
237
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,381
We're definitely leaving without paying.
238
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:22,653
Who knew all we needed
was a fully staffed yacht
239
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:26,391
with a 60-foot water
slide and a jazz quartet
240
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,459
to feel like ourselves again.
241
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,461
Got to give it to Roger
for hooking it up.
242
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,330
- Hey, where is Roger?
- Hey, fam.
243
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,464
I have great news.
244
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,066
I just scored in a trade,
245
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,335
robbed these Somalian pirates blind.
246
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,537
Wait, what?
247
00:10:38,539 --> 00:10:40,405
For our yacht, I got this incredible
248
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:43,141
oar boat,
a gift certificate for Sam Goody,
249
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,343
and a whole herd of cattle
that we have to pick up
250
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,945
in the Galapagos later.
251
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,346
You traded the yacht?
252
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,348
Are you insane?!
253
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,749
We have to be reasonable.
254
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,551
The yacht is too big, it's too heavy.
255
00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:54,219
We got to travel light and skippy
256
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,686
if we want to find the giant.
257
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:58,423
Whoa, wait.
We're actually looking for a giant?
258
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:01,025
- That's a myth.
- A myth you made up.
259
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,427
Exactly. So if it's not
260
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:04,095
a real myth, it must be true.
261
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,431
Sorry, gang.
He's actually right about that.
262
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,566
I don't care.
263
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:09,700
I'm entitled to a good vacation,
264
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:12,437
and I'm not leaving
this yacht for anything.
265
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,707
This is gonna be great.
266
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,376
You're gonna lose so much weight rowing,
267
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,779
and then you're gonna gain
it all back eating cattle.
268
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,447
We're not gonna breed them or milk them.
269
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,249
We're just gonna eat 'em all.
270
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:29,387
I've had the best time
with you today, Dick.
271
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,790
We've hit up all my favorite spots...
272
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:35,326
Wow Cow,
the mechanical horse outside CVS,
273
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,462
and now the Hallmark store?
274
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,997
Glad you're having fun.
275
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,933
I got to mail this
"props on your new gig, slick"
276
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,201
card to myself.
277
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,203
- Be right back.
- No problem.
278
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,806
- Psst. Klaus.
- Lewis?
279
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,207
How do you know that guy you're with?
280
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,809
You mean, Dick? He's staying with me.
281
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,877
Dick is staying in your house?
282
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,146
You have to get him out
before it's too late.
283
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,281
Dick's a squatter!
284
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,082
No way. Dick's my bro.
285
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,351
Listen, a few months back,
I hired Dick to watch
286
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,220
my pet boa constrictor, T'Challa,
287
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,688
while I was on vacation.
288
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,624
Has Dick gotten any mail to your house?
289
00:12:05,626 --> 00:12:09,227
Not yet, but he did forward his mail.
290
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,629
Why do you ask?
291
00:12:10,631 --> 00:12:13,431
Because once he establishes
residency with the post office
292
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,166
and stays for at least a month,
293
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,836
you can't get him out!
294
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,104
He tried to do that to me, but luckily,
295
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,441
I had to cut my trip to
Hedonism II short due to
296
00:12:22,443 --> 00:12:25,844
a condition clinically known as
"gonorrhea mania."
297
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:29,047
You mean,
Dick's going to steal our house?
298
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,715
You still have time to stop him.
299
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:33,452
Oh, damn. I've got a job
interview at Orange Julius.
300
00:12:33,454 --> 00:12:36,321
I'm putting you down as a reference.
301
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,856
- Ready to go?
- No.
302
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:40,124
I just had a very disturbing run-in
303
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:42,060
with principal Lewis.
304
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,795
He told me everything.
305
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,264
- Lewis? Who is Lewis?
- Shut up!
306
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:50,134
I know you're a squatter and
you're trying to take our house.
307
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,336
Maybe I am.
308
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,472
But come on,
it's obvious from the family's rules
309
00:12:53,474 --> 00:12:55,273
that they don't even care about you.
310
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,808
They call you "it".
311
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,210
And you're gonna help them?
312
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,145
No, I'm gonna help you.
313
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:03,615
I want in.
314
00:13:04,874 --> 00:13:06,818
- _
- Faster. Faster.
315
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,753
We need to hustle if we're
going to find the giant.
316
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:12,691
Dad! This is getting almost
as bad as Gettysburg.
317
00:13:13,198 --> 00:13:15,093
Screw this. I'm making a call.
318
00:13:17,742 --> 00:13:19,430
We can't hover any longer.
319
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,699
We got to turn back.
320
00:13:20,701 --> 00:13:22,967
Roger, last chance. Get on the chopper.
321
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:26,037
Can't. I got to find that giant!
322
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,972
The giant's not real, you fool!
323
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,174
That's what they said about Atlantis.
324
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,377
And they were right!
325
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,913
Sorry? What was that last thing?
326
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:43,522
Ah, nothing like being
at sea for a month
327
00:13:43,524 --> 00:13:45,590
to make my scurvy flare up.
328
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,526
Odd. My key doesn't work.
329
00:13:47,528 --> 00:13:49,127
Dick! Dick, can you give me a hand?
330
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,461
My key isn't working.
331
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,863
I can't let you in, Stan.
332
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:56,134
Oh, no, did Klaus screw up
the door from the inside?
333
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,336
This isn't your house anymore.
334
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,870
It's ours.
335
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:02,473
Since you abandoned it
and took to the open sea
336
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,210
for a month,
Dick and I established residency
337
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,945
and took ownership.
338
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,881
Maritime laws. Look it up.
339
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,616
I will not.
340
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:12,951
Why are you doing this, Dick?
341
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,619
It's gonna be awkward at work.
342
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,287
You got me fired!
343
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,689
Oh, yeah.
344
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,025
Forget that. This is my house.
345
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:25,564
And I'm getting in with a little
help from my friends, B and E.
346
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,567
Aw, man,
I think I made it harder for us.
347
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,636
Thank God, the pigs!
348
00:14:32,276 --> 00:14:34,439
They're here for you.
349
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,640
But it's my house!
350
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,375
Not according to maritime law, it isn't.
351
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,643
What if I shoot them?
352
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,378
I mean, it would still be their house.
353
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,313
He's not gonna shoot you!
354
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,648
But you can shoot him,
355
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,317
since he's trespassing on your property!
356
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:47,586
Fair enough.
357
00:14:54,528 --> 00:14:56,128
Those bastards.
358
00:14:56,130 --> 00:14:57,529
Not the cops. It was super cool of them
359
00:14:57,531 --> 00:14:59,597
to take my $10,000 bribe.
360
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,799
That was your bail, Dad.
361
00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:02,134
This isn't over for you.
362
00:15:02,136 --> 00:15:04,468
Well, then,
screw them and Dick and Klaus.
363
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,671
But how can we get the house back?
Take 'em to court?
364
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,540
And read all that sea law?
365
00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:09,741
No thanks.
366
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,943
Maybe we just have to face it.
367
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:14,746
Klaus screwed us over
for good this time.
368
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:16,348
We can't let Klaus win.
369
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,350
Hey, Steve, you got any thoughts?
370
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:19,684
Yeah.
371
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:23,021
Was the Candy Land Airbnb the
only one available, or...?
372
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,690
No, there was also a house
with all beige carpeting.
373
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,959
Would you have liked me
following you around all day?
374
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,961
"Don't spill. Don't spill."
375
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,768
New rule, Klaus. There are no rules.
376
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,903
Yeah, eff that thing.
377
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:41,506
I love being a homeowner.
378
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:45,177
I don't think we should
take down the family photo.
379
00:15:45,179 --> 00:15:47,111
Why not? You don't still care
380
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,646
about these jerks, do you?
381
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,114
No way.
382
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,983
I'm just afraid your naked body
383
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,386
doesn't match the color
scheme of the room.
384
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:55,920
You're afraid of that?
385
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,722
I'm not afraid of anything.
386
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,125
Well, except g-g-g-ghosts.
387
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,061
Look, I'm just gonna say it.
388
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:06,298
The hula skirts are
cultural appropriation.
389
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,539
_
390
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,608
Stick to the rules,
but don't forget to have
391
00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:19,143
some fun with Klaus from time to time.
392
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:22,214
He loves Wow Cow and superhero movies.
393
00:16:22,216 --> 00:16:25,817
He goes nuts for the
mechanical horse at CVS.
394
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,152
Oh, that horse is so badass.
395
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,888
Try to watch stuff with him downstairs
396
00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:31,289
so he doesn't get lonely at night.
397
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,092
The downstairs TV sucks,
so don't watch cool stuff
398
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,027
like "Avatar" and "Westworld" on it,
399
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,896
but it's fine for "Impractical Jokers",
400
00:16:37,898 --> 00:16:39,831
which is all Klaus watches anyway.
401
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,700
Wow. They really know me.
402
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:46,504
Hey, Dick didn't tell me
the nice stuff they said.
403
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,506
That snaky bitch.
404
00:16:49,243 --> 00:16:54,813
Wait. Was that tiger
originally Tommy Lee Jones?
405
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,988
Tall Jeremy! My man!
406
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,459
Thanks for rescuing me.
You don't look so good.
407
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,327
I'm sick.
408
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,670
Ohhh.
That's what's causing all the wind.
409
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,506
I don't know.
410
00:17:27,281 --> 00:17:28,947
Ow!
411
00:17:28,949 --> 00:17:32,216
Oh, soup's too hot to eat!
412
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,419
I hate being sick.
413
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:38,090
Hang in there, buckaroo.
You'll feel better soon.
414
00:17:38,092 --> 00:17:40,358
In the meantime,
could you maybe eat cold soup?
415
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,561
The blowing is really doing a
number on our coastal cities.
416
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,297
Cold soup? Nah.
417
00:17:45,299 --> 00:17:48,099
I'll just go back to eating people.
418
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,433
That works. You can tell
419
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:51,235
I'm not a people, right?
420
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,437
Of course. Can't everybody?
421
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,840
Great. So eat people, cover your mouth
422
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,309
with that squid when you sneeze,
423
00:17:57,311 --> 00:18:00,312
and can you throw me about
a thousand miles that way?
424
00:18:00,314 --> 00:18:02,481
No problemo.
425
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,018
Gracias, amigo!
426
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,658
You were right.
I have to get rid of Dick.
427
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,260
But it's too late.
He already has squatter's rights.
428
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,998
There must be some way to
get him out of the house.
429
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,800
Maybe you could scare him out.
430
00:18:21,802 --> 00:18:23,802
How? He's not afraid of anything.
431
00:18:23,804 --> 00:18:26,871
We went to that trampoline park,
and he barely even looked at
432
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,473
the waiver before signing it.
433
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:32,477
Oh, and he uses
the bathroom at the beach.
434
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:33,745
He's fearless!
435
00:18:34,598 --> 00:18:37,082
Oh, no, he's not.
436
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:45,623
He-hello?
437
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,291
Dick...
438
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,695
I've come for you.
439
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,164
A ghost!
440
00:18:52,166 --> 00:18:55,099
Are you the spirit of the old
woman whose condo I stole?
441
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:58,236
No, I'm a generic ghost.
442
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,107
Whoa, that was fast.
443
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,642
We didn't even get to
do the bleeding walls
444
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,211
or the fake satanic ritual.
445
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,247
Tuttle, you can come out now.
446
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,982
It's already over?
447
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,316
Yeah. Sorry, man.
448
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,653
Is that what you think
a ghost looks like?
449
00:19:17,605 --> 00:19:19,123
Hey, this is Chris Pratt.
450
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,592
Nah, I'm just playin'.
451
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,394
It's Stan. Leave a message after the...
452
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,730
Oh, that was good, Stan.
453
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,265
I needed that laugh.
454
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,334
It's been rough lately,
stealing the house from you and all.
455
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:33,004
Anyhoo, I've got a big surprise for you.
456
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,806
Meet me at the house.
457
00:19:34,808 --> 00:19:36,608
You're gonna be thrilled.
458
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,942
Kay, bye.
459
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:42,146
Whew. Dick's gone,
and now I'm gonna get my family back.
460
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,548
Well done, me.
461
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,825
Whew.
That could have gotten out of hand.
462
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:58,963
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No!
463
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,665
Shit.
464
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,705
What the [BLEEP] did you do?!
465
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,107
I got rid of Dick!
466
00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:11,910
And I saved the family photo.
467
00:20:11,912 --> 00:20:13,511
You burned down the house!
468
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:18,049
Yes, but what I learned is,
it's not about the house.
469
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:20,852
It's the people who make a home.
470
00:20:20,854 --> 00:20:22,120
- The carpenters?
- No.
471
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:23,788
- The architect.
- No.
472
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,924
- Contractors?
- No.
473
00:20:25,926 --> 00:20:27,325
What are you talking about?!
474
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,927
Let me explain another way.
475
00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,462
It's like this photo.
476
00:20:30,464 --> 00:20:32,797
The house is the frame,
which isn't important.
477
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:36,400
You get me? But you guys
are the people in the photo.
478
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,069
No shit!
479
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,072
The giant was real!
480
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,406
And he's got a hell of an arm.
481
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,342
Damn, you gave Klaus a babysitter
482
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,344
and he still burned down the house?
483
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,613
Come on, Jeff, let's do it in the ashes.
484
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:51,215
Babe, you are such a little freak.
485
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,618
Whoa that's got to be
tough to hear, Stan.
486
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:58,123
Why's that?
Should I be upset my daughter pulls ass?
487
00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,726
Have a great night!
488
00:21:02,633 --> 00:21:04,371
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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