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1
00:00:01,007 --> 00:00:02,960
(bell clangs)
2
00:00:03,823 --> 00:00:07,571
We have been invited
to a highly exclusive event.
3
00:00:07,656 --> 00:00:10,243
We will be spending
this Sunday evening
4
00:00:10,328 --> 00:00:14,460
at our neighbor Sean's
Superb Owl party.
5
00:00:14,703 --> 00:00:17,203
Vampires have huge respect
for owls.
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00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:18,807
One: they're nocturnal,
7
00:00:18,892 --> 00:00:20,758
two: they're predators,
and three:
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00:00:20,843 --> 00:00:24,304
they don't give a hoot
where they dump their scat.
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00:00:24,389 --> 00:00:25,593
NADJA:
The party we're going to
10
00:00:25,678 --> 00:00:27,478
is celebrating the Superb Owl,
11
00:00:27,563 --> 00:00:29,675
who is the greatest owl
of all time.
12
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,260
Do you think we're going to get
to touch its little beak?
13
00:00:32,506 --> 00:00:34,156
Depends what mood he's in.
14
00:00:34,273 --> 00:00:37,820
Yeah, I know
it's a Super Bowl party, but
15
00:00:37,922 --> 00:00:40,156
I tried to correct them
and they wouldn't listen.
16
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,140
That's the owl's egg.
17
00:00:42,345 --> 00:00:45,046
Also, I didn't try
all that hard.
18
00:00:45,903 --> 00:00:47,970
"You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing...
19
00:00:48,055 --> 00:00:50,571
♪♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪♪
20
00:00:50,655 --> 00:00:53,329
♪♪ They have no use
for your song ♪♪
21
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:56,382
♪♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪♪
22
00:00:56,468 --> 00:00:59,968
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪♪
23
00:01:00,122 --> 00:01:03,105
♪♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪♪
24
00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:05,938
♪♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪♪
25
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:08,171
♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪♪
26
00:01:08,255 --> 00:01:12,005
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪♪
27
00:01:12,089 --> 00:01:15,555
[♪♪ ♪♪]
28
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*WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS*
Season 02 Episode 03
29
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Episode Title: "Brain Scramblies"
Aired on: April 22, 2020
30
00:01:21,218 --> 00:01:24,600
Remember, no killing
at this Superb Owl party...
31
00:01:24,722 --> 00:01:26,407
- Super Bowl.
- ...out of respect
32
00:01:26,492 --> 00:01:28,705
for our good friend
and host, Sean.
33
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,005
NANDOR:
Once this evening is over,
34
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:31,977
Guillermo will have
a nice assortment
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00:01:32,062 --> 00:01:33,649
- of virgins for us.
- (laughs)
36
00:01:33,734 --> 00:01:34,871
(doorbell rings)
37
00:01:34,955 --> 00:01:36,538
Oh... and behave.
38
00:01:36,622 --> 00:01:37,906
- (groans)
- Blend in.
39
00:01:37,991 --> 00:01:39,258
This is an all-human party.
40
00:01:39,343 --> 00:01:40,443
Hey!
41
00:01:40,528 --> 00:01:42,117
You guys made it! Nadja...
42
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:45,554
Nandor... My man Laz...
43
00:01:45,755 --> 00:01:47,067
Dilbert-looking guy.
44
00:01:47,152 --> 00:01:49,547
(chuckles)
So, what are you waiting for?
45
00:01:49,632 --> 00:01:51,771
Get your rears in gear
and get in here.
46
00:01:51,855 --> 00:01:52,871
- (laughs)
- That counts.
47
00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:54,538
SEAN:
All right, come on!
48
00:01:54,622 --> 00:01:56,438
Yo, Charmaine!
49
00:01:56,522 --> 00:01:57,523
Look who it is.
50
00:01:57,608 --> 00:02:00,237
- Our European neighbors from next door.
- Oh.
51
00:02:00,322 --> 00:02:02,338
Could you run to the ShopRite
and grab a few more bags
52
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,005
of those Tostitos Hint of Limes
53
00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:04,971
before you start drinking?
54
00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:06,438
SEAN:
First off, I already started.
55
00:02:06,522 --> 00:02:07,638
- (Charmaine groans)
- What?
56
00:02:07,722 --> 00:02:09,338
- What?
- Now you're catching an attitude?
57
00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:11,438
- Right in front of our guests?
- (mouth full): Well, this is my house.
58
00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:12,838
I can catch whatever I want.
59
00:02:12,922 --> 00:02:14,171
Why don't you go catch it
somewhere else?
60
00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:15,905
Oh, shut up. (groans)
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00:02:15,989 --> 00:02:17,961
SEAN: It's always
something with this one.
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00:02:18,046 --> 00:02:19,149
Anyway, come on in.
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00:02:19,234 --> 00:02:21,649
Listen, we're sort of
a no-shoes household,
64
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,921
- so, uh...
- I'm not taking my shoes off for anyone.
65
00:02:24,006 --> 00:02:26,159
That's fine, Laz.
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00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:28,901
GUILLERMO:
Virgins, virgins, virgins...
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00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,234
(scoffs) Stupid. I don't know
why I always do that.
68
00:02:32,468 --> 00:02:34,750
You know, I've been thinking
about my lineage lately,
69
00:02:34,867 --> 00:02:36,717
and just because
I have Van Helsing blood in me
70
00:02:36,801 --> 00:02:40,017
doesn't mean that I'm destined
to be this vampire killer.
71
00:02:40,101 --> 00:02:41,167
(grunts)
72
00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:43,683
Get back!
73
00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:45,450
I'm sure that
somewhere along the line
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00:02:45,534 --> 00:02:46,983
there was an amazing baker
75
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,250
in my family, right?
76
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,650
But does that make me
an amazing baker?
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00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:53,101
Actually, I am a really,
really good baker.
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00:02:55,533 --> 00:02:56,533
Oh, no.
79
00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:58,150
COLIN:
The thing with motion smoothing
80
00:02:58,234 --> 00:02:59,450
that you have to remember
81
00:02:59,534 --> 00:03:02,583
is, you want it on
for sporting events
82
00:03:02,674 --> 00:03:04,532
but off for TV and movies.
83
00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:06,550
Even take a football movie,
84
00:03:06,634 --> 00:03:09,546
like 1974's The Longest Yard,
85
00:03:09,631 --> 00:03:11,783
starring mustachioed actor
Burt Reynolds.
86
00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:13,321
Dude, you're...
You're blocking kickoff.
87
00:03:13,405 --> 00:03:15,649
Well, better to not watch
the game at all
88
00:03:15,734 --> 00:03:17,622
than to watch
in the wrong format, right?
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00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:18,883
NADJA:
Colin, enough!
90
00:03:18,967 --> 00:03:20,317
They want the owl.
91
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,071
So, do you have any knowledge
92
00:03:22,156 --> 00:03:23,727
of the owl's temperament
tonight?
93
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:25,550
Uh, I hope it's not too fussy.
94
00:03:25,634 --> 00:03:28,461
Who, Charmaine?
No, she's always like that.
95
00:03:28,546 --> 00:03:30,250
- (laughter)
- CHARMAINE: What'd you say, Frankie?
96
00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:31,717
- FRANK: Oh, nothing.
- (groans)
97
00:03:31,801 --> 00:03:33,907
You still owe me $100
for that pizza night.
98
00:03:33,992 --> 00:03:35,408
- Oh, get out of here!
- No, you don't get to talk
99
00:03:35,492 --> 00:03:36,950
- until you give me that pizza...
- I paid you back two weeks ago.
100
00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:38,580
- SEAN: Get off it, Charmaine!
- He never paid me back.
101
00:03:38,664 --> 00:03:39,783
- Get off it!
- 100 bucks for pizza?
102
00:03:39,867 --> 00:03:42,050
Ugh, Nadia, you must be
miserable in here.
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00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,150
All this testosterone.
Come on.
104
00:03:43,234 --> 00:03:45,337
The other wives are having
a little powwow in the kitchen.
105
00:03:45,421 --> 00:03:46,899
- Sean has more wives?
- SEAN: I wish.
106
00:03:46,983 --> 00:03:47,953
Excuse me?
107
00:03:48,038 --> 00:03:49,876
- Nothing, nothing.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
108
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,399
MIKEY (chuckling):
Busted.
109
00:03:51,484 --> 00:03:53,228
So, how come we never see
you guys around here
110
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- during the regular season?
- SEAN: Believe me, I tried
111
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:56,450
to get 'em to hang, but
112
00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:58,117
they never seem to be around
during the day.
113
00:03:58,201 --> 00:03:59,350
You know, come to think of it,
114
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I really only see them at night.
115
00:04:01,296 --> 00:04:03,117
It's like they're, uh, vampires
or something.
116
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,701
(laughter)
117
00:04:12,701 --> 00:04:14,850
- (men shouting indistinctly)
- Get in.
118
00:04:14,934 --> 00:04:16,250
Fuck.
119
00:04:16,628 --> 00:04:17,944
You heard what he said.
120
00:04:18,029 --> 00:04:19,545
He knows we're vampires.
121
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,363
(knock on door)
122
00:04:23,101 --> 00:04:25,850
Um, ocupado.
123
00:04:25,988 --> 00:04:29,316
Yes. Uh, we are just taking
a nice shit together.
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00:04:29,401 --> 00:04:31,051
WOMAN:
I-I'll come back.
125
00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:33,675
I think we need to...
(growls softly)
126
00:04:33,777 --> 00:04:35,760
- What, "whack" him?
- Yes.
127
00:04:35,844 --> 00:04:37,360
No, if we "whack" him,
128
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,093
we'll have to "whack" everybody.
129
00:04:39,177 --> 00:04:41,326
The place will be
a fucking bloodbath.
130
00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:43,360
But he knows our dark secret.
131
00:04:43,444 --> 00:04:44,726
All right.
132
00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:48,526
Let's get him to a private place
where we'll both hypnotize him.
133
00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:50,093
He'll forget everything.
134
00:04:50,177 --> 00:04:53,793
- Good old double hypnosis.
- Yes.
135
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,660
GUILLERMO: It's tough
finding new groups of virgins.
136
00:04:56,744 --> 00:05:00,441
Tried joggers. Hard to catch
and very sweaty and slippery.
137
00:05:00,526 --> 00:05:02,168
Tried incels.
Definitely virgins.
138
00:05:02,253 --> 00:05:03,926
But very bitter, apparently.
139
00:05:04,010 --> 00:05:07,060
"Mosquito Collectors
of the Tristate Area."
140
00:05:07,144 --> 00:05:10,226
Beep, beep, beep. Nerd alert.
(chuckles)
141
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,993
I'm kidding.
142
00:05:12,077 --> 00:05:14,360
They are nerds, though.
They're probably virgins.
143
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:18,560
Sourcing food for my master
does have its benefits.
144
00:05:18,644 --> 00:05:21,026
It gives me a chance to search
for my own food.
145
00:05:21,110 --> 00:05:23,698
And save some for later.
146
00:05:24,044 --> 00:05:25,293
So, um,
147
00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:28,284
how long have you guys been, uh,
collecting mosquitoes for?
148
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,175
Seems like it would take up
a lot of your time
149
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,495
and it wouldn't leave much time
for anything else.
150
00:05:32,613 --> 00:05:33,893
Dating.
151
00:05:33,977 --> 00:05:37,410
What makes you so interested
in mosquito collecting, son?
152
00:05:38,244 --> 00:05:40,844
- Well?
- Uh, I love insects.
153
00:05:41,744 --> 00:05:43,793
Mosquitoes
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00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:46,193
are an evil, deadly species.
155
00:05:46,277 --> 00:05:49,726
Doesn't the fact that they drink
human blood sicken you?
156
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:52,324
- Yeah.
- CLAUDE: Yeah? Sure about that?
157
00:05:52,409 --> 00:05:54,099
You guys are the ones
with the mosquito club.
158
00:05:54,183 --> 00:05:55,126
- (chuckles) Just...
- What about
159
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:57,293
other creatures
that drink human blood?
160
00:05:57,377 --> 00:06:00,910
Creatures with sharp teeth
and stupid accents?
161
00:06:03,944 --> 00:06:04,960
You...
162
00:06:05,044 --> 00:06:08,260
Y- You mean, um, vampires?
163
00:06:08,344 --> 00:06:10,460
You said that, not me.
164
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:12,260
You did.
165
00:06:12,344 --> 00:06:14,160
But yeah.
166
00:06:14,932 --> 00:06:18,332
Do evil, bloodsucking vampires
sicken you?
167
00:06:19,477 --> 00:06:21,860
Yeah. Yeah.
168
00:06:21,944 --> 00:06:23,960
- They make me sick.
- You sure about that?
169
00:06:24,044 --> 00:06:26,193
Yeah, I want to throw up
right now.
170
00:06:26,277 --> 00:06:29,560
Well, brother,
you've come to the right place.
171
00:06:29,644 --> 00:06:30,593
He's worthy.
172
00:06:30,677 --> 00:06:32,293
- Yes.
- Yes.
173
00:06:32,377 --> 00:06:34,493
- Come on, guys. He's worthy.
- TONYA: Oh.
174
00:06:34,577 --> 00:06:35,660
Like we practiced.
175
00:06:35,744 --> 00:06:36,960
(whooping)
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00:06:37,044 --> 00:06:38,677
- Activate.
- Yes!
177
00:06:42,144 --> 00:06:44,060
CLAUDE:
Huh?
178
00:06:44,144 --> 00:06:46,110
Holy...
179
00:06:52,944 --> 00:06:55,626
- You guys are vampire hunters.
- (Derek chuckles)
180
00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:56,793
Hell, yeah, we are.
181
00:06:56,877 --> 00:06:58,770
Yeah, that mosquito thing?
It's all a cover.
182
00:06:58,855 --> 00:06:59,997
Actually,
you're the first person
183
00:07:00,081 --> 00:07:01,801
we've gotten to do
that cool reveal for.
184
00:07:01,886 --> 00:07:03,119
Wow.
185
00:07:07,213 --> 00:07:09,863
Moving around like a I-lunatic.
Put a collar
186
00:07:09,948 --> 00:07:11,206
on the guy, you know?
187
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:12,749
(laughs)
188
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:14,964
(laughs)
Great joke, assholes.
189
00:07:15,064 --> 00:07:17,225
(laughs) - We were just
saying what a beautiful house
190
00:07:17,314 --> 00:07:18,316
- you have.
- Oh, thanks.
191
00:07:18,401 --> 00:07:20,637
Yes. Uh, we were also wondering
192
00:07:20,722 --> 00:07:23,886
if it has an attic
or basement or...
193
00:07:23,971 --> 00:07:26,171
- Yeah.
- ...dark, soundproof room
194
00:07:26,256 --> 00:07:27,441
you could show us?
195
00:07:27,526 --> 00:07:29,272
Oh, you guys want a tour.
196
00:07:29,356 --> 00:07:31,305
(chuckles):
Yeah, sure. So, these steps
197
00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:33,805
were built by my Uncle Fulvio
in 2011.
198
00:07:33,889 --> 00:07:35,324
- (laughs)
- And then Sean says to me,
199
00:07:35,408 --> 00:07:37,590
"Why don't we wait to celebrate
our anniversary until after
200
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,292
"I get back
from the Islanders game?
201
00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:40,886
- If they win."
- What?
202
00:07:40,971 --> 00:07:42,621
- (all groan)
- LIZA: My Ronnie did
203
00:07:42,706 --> 00:07:44,555
the exact same thing to me,
only he did it
204
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,355
on the same day
as my sister's funeral.
205
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,064
- CHARMAINE: No. - Are you kidding?
- Yeah. He said that...
206
00:07:48,148 --> 00:07:49,998
NADJA: I had completely
forgotten that when a human
207
00:07:50,082 --> 00:07:54,027
takes a mate, the mate keeps
growing and changing and aging.
208
00:07:54,264 --> 00:07:55,636
- LIZA: He said that.
- Wow.
209
00:07:55,721 --> 00:07:57,230
Can I ask you all, m-my ladies,
210
00:07:57,315 --> 00:07:59,706
you are all
such strong, beautiful,
211
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:02,693
vicious,
vibrant women. (chuckles) - Yes. (chuckles)
212
00:08:02,932 --> 00:08:06,214
How did you all end up married
to such boiled potatoes?
213
00:08:06,321 --> 00:08:07,136
(all laugh)
214
00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:09,558
You know what, though?
Seanie used to be so thoughtful.
215
00:08:09,643 --> 00:08:10,847
He was so sweet.
216
00:08:10,954 --> 00:08:12,083
When my dog had to get put down,
217
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:13,283
he brought me flowers
for a month straight.
218
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:14,638
WENDY:
Oh, yeah, I remember that.
219
00:08:14,722 --> 00:08:15,683
CHARMAINE:
Yeah, what happened to us?
220
00:08:15,767 --> 00:08:17,050
NADJA:
These poor women.
221
00:08:17,134 --> 00:08:18,950
They take a lovely,
handsome chap
222
00:08:19,034 --> 00:08:21,717
from the street,
make him their husband,
223
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,950
and then,
in the blinks of an eye,
224
00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:27,117
he becomes
a big, lazy sack of shit.
225
00:08:27,201 --> 00:08:28,150
So sad.
226
00:08:28,234 --> 00:08:29,683
All right.
Who needs some more wine?
227
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:30,983
I think
that this bottle's turned,
228
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:32,617
- but it'll still get the job done.
- Yes, please.
229
00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:33,850
- (Charmaine laughs)
- You love wine.
230
00:08:33,934 --> 00:08:35,283
- WENDY: Oh, yeah.
- CHARMAINE: Hey, Joanie.
231
00:08:35,367 --> 00:08:37,917
What, are you lost? Do you want
to go back up to bed?
232
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:39,817
Oh, what kind of movie
are you making?
233
00:08:39,901 --> 00:08:40,850
- There's a camera.
- CHARMAINE: Oh.
234
00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:41,883
You should get back up to bed.
235
00:08:41,967 --> 00:08:43,617
- Oh, we love wine.
- (glass shatters)
236
00:08:43,701 --> 00:08:44,717
WENDY:
Holy shit.
237
00:08:44,801 --> 00:08:46,517
- What?
- JOAN: It's you.
238
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,117
I- It's you. I-I used
239
00:08:48,201 --> 00:08:49,750
to see you sitting
up in the tree.
240
00:08:49,834 --> 00:08:52,208
No, Ma, this is
our next-door neighbor.
241
00:08:52,293 --> 00:08:55,303
I'm sorry about her.
This is Sean's mom.
242
00:08:55,388 --> 00:08:57,283
The neurologist
has her on Aricept now,
243
00:08:57,367 --> 00:08:59,250
but when the sun goes down,
she gets a little mixed up.
244
00:08:59,334 --> 00:09:01,183
You transformed yourself
into a cat.
245
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:03,283
- (laughs)
- You taught me the dance
246
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:05,750
- of the ancient soothsayer.
- NADJA: Ooh!
247
00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:06,883
Calm yourself, dear.
248
00:09:06,967 --> 00:09:08,550
You're just feeling
a little bit demented,
249
00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:09,650
that's all.
250
00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:11,417
I'm so sorry about your brain.
251
00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:13,783
Oh, yeah, everything
she's saying is completely true.
252
00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:15,117
I am Nadja.
253
00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:17,783
Sean's mother Joanie grew up
right here in this house.
254
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:19,350
We used to have
so much fun together.
255
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,950
I used to pin her
to the ceiling for hours.
256
00:09:23,034 --> 00:09:24,783
She cried and cried.
257
00:09:24,867 --> 00:09:26,850
- I know you.
- Guys, uh, can you help get Ma back up to bed?
258
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,183
I know her. I know who she is.
259
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:30,483
NADJA: She used to be
such a cute, little
260
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:31,617
fresh-faced girl.
261
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:34,083
But now she just looks
like an elephant's knee.
262
00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:35,950
- Okay, don't make me pick you up, Joan.
- NADJA: Sorry
263
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,718
- about how demented you are. Oh.
- (Charmaine sighs)
264
00:09:37,802 --> 00:09:40,865
SEAN: And here it is. The
crown jewel of the home.
265
00:09:40,950 --> 00:09:42,817
The world's largest collection
266
00:09:42,901 --> 00:09:44,817
of Ocean's Twelve memorabilia.
267
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:47,303
Brad Pitt's tinted sunglasses
from when
268
00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:49,436
he first meets Baron Toulour.
Ooh!
269
00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:51,950
Scott Caan bobblehead,
mint condish. Yeah, it's like,
270
00:09:52,035 --> 00:09:54,282
they did some decent
world-building in Eleven,
271
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:56,382
but it all pays off
in Ocean's Twelve.
272
00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:59,050
You need to fucking stop talking
about the sea.
273
00:09:59,134 --> 00:10:01,383
- What?
- We know that you know our secret.
274
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,483
What secret?
275
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:03,983
That we are vampires.
276
00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:05,683
You said it downstairs in front
277
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:08,316
- of all of your round friends.
- I was just joking.
278
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:10,850
You're not vampires.
Get the fuck out of here.
279
00:10:10,934 --> 00:10:13,016
Yes, we are.
280
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,516
(gasps)
Whoa! How are you doing this?
281
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,669
Where are the wires?
How are you doing that?!
282
00:10:18,755 --> 00:10:20,850
I'm thinking
maybe he didn't know.
283
00:10:20,934 --> 00:10:22,183
- So, we shouldn't hypnotize him?
- (gasps)
284
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:24,616
- No, now we definitely should.
- Oh, fuck.
285
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,316
Vampires are real.
286
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,150
- Vampires are real!
- Let the double hypnosis
287
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:30,716
- commence.
- (gagging)
288
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,083
We command
289
00:10:32,167 --> 00:10:33,816
- that you forget...
- You forget
290
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:38,505
- everything.
- ...that we are vampires, please.
291
00:10:38,590 --> 00:10:40,506
(grunts, gasps)
292
00:10:41,693 --> 00:10:43,155
I think it's worked.
293
00:10:43,247 --> 00:10:44,497
What happened?
294
00:10:44,594 --> 00:10:46,410
Quite all right, Sean?
295
00:10:46,495 --> 00:10:48,036
Uh, yeah, totally.
296
00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:49,983
But wh-who's Sean?
297
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:52,883
Shit. He's forgotten everything.
298
00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:56,050
CLAUDE: So, what are some of
the terms we use for vampires?
299
00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:58,069
Mosquitoes.
300
00:10:58,154 --> 00:11:00,483
Suckers. Biters.
301
00:11:00,582 --> 00:11:01,874
GUILLERMO (whispering):
I know that it seems like
302
00:11:01,958 --> 00:11:04,287
a big coincidence that I go out
looking for virgins
303
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,716
and find a secret den
of vampire hunters,
304
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,655
but this is no coincidence.
305
00:11:08,740 --> 00:11:10,132
Okay? It's like
the universe has been trying
306
00:11:10,216 --> 00:11:12,108
to tell me for a long time,
"Hey, Guillermo."
307
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,683
And I've been like, "I don't
know, I don't think so."
308
00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:15,016
But now like, "Hey, Guillermo.
309
00:11:15,607 --> 00:11:17,998
Yeah, dude. Yeah."
310
00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:19,428
CLAUDE:
Familiars
311
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,283
are pathetic,
312
00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:25,316
lonely, desperate, low-IQ,
313
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,983
sad losers.
314
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:30,616
They live to do the bidding
of their cruel,
315
00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:32,716
uncaring masters.
316
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,283
Okay, gonna open up the floor to
317
00:11:34,367 --> 00:11:37,050
any thoughts and/or suggestions.
318
00:11:37,134 --> 00:11:38,616
Oh, um, Claude, okay.
319
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,350
One idea that I had is, uh,
320
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,674
that I think that we should
all have sex with each other.
321
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:46,716
'Cause that way if any of us
is a virgin, then, you know,
322
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,350
we wouldn't be any longer.
323
00:11:48,434 --> 00:11:50,457
And then it would prevent us
from being targeted
324
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,416
- by vampires.
- Derek...
325
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:54,484
you need to stop
suggesting that.
326
00:11:54,569 --> 00:11:57,435
Okay, yeah, yeah,
to-totally, yeah.
327
00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:01,816
Knock, knock, Joanie.
328
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,916
Miss Nadja, is it really you?
329
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,883
Yes, of course it is me.
330
00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:07,716
I was lying down there.
331
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,083
Oh, I've missed you so much,
my little Joanie!
332
00:12:11,167 --> 00:12:14,350
So, did you have a good life?
333
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,983
Uh, yes.
334
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:18,216
I- I think so. Oh!
335
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,816
I took a trip to Nova Scotia
at one point.
336
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:23,183
(Nadja whoops, laughs)
337
00:12:23,267 --> 00:12:26,183
And did you marry
that boy you liked?
338
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:27,883
- Franklin?
- Yeah.
339
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:29,916
Oh, yes, I...
340
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,350
Oh, wow, look.
341
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:35,268
You were very beautiful
for a very brief moment.
342
00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:36,488
Wait.
343
00:12:36,573 --> 00:12:38,050
Where did you get this necklace?
344
00:12:38,376 --> 00:12:39,758
This is my necklace.
345
00:12:40,183 --> 00:12:42,809
- Pardon?
- The jade one in this photo.
346
00:12:42,894 --> 00:12:46,116
You motherfucker!
347
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,176
It was my prized jade necklace.
348
00:12:48,261 --> 00:12:50,668
It was given to me
by my mother when I was young,
349
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,926
just before she was
eaten by a bear.
350
00:12:53,011 --> 00:12:54,513
I should have known
you would have stolen it!
351
00:12:54,597 --> 00:12:56,762
You were always
a sneaky little human shit!
352
00:12:56,847 --> 00:13:00,083
You know, if you listen to it,
you can still hear her screams.
353
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:02,207
- (distorted screaming)
- It was the type of jade
354
00:13:02,292 --> 00:13:03,816
that absorbs human screams.
355
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,707
And she was really screaming.
356
00:13:05,792 --> 00:13:09,067
So it took it very strongly.
Thieving bitch!
357
00:13:09,152 --> 00:13:10,824
Give it back to me!
358
00:13:10,909 --> 00:13:12,278
You little brat, where is it?!
359
00:13:12,363 --> 00:13:13,693
I don't know what you're
talking about!
360
00:13:13,777 --> 00:13:14,997
You are a lying piece
of old cabbage!
361
00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:17,793
But I don't know what
you're talking... help!
362
00:13:17,878 --> 00:13:20,731
Help! I'm having
an episode! Help!
363
00:13:20,816 --> 00:13:22,816
- She attacked me!
- Oh, no, she didn't.
364
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,910
- Oh, she-she did.
- Nadia, go.
365
00:13:24,995 --> 00:13:26,637
Go enjoy yourself,
we'll take care of her.
366
00:13:26,737 --> 00:13:28,581
- Ma, she didn't attack you.
- She-she did.
367
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:30,616
Mama? Mama?
368
00:13:30,816 --> 00:13:32,516
Scream for me.
369
00:13:35,134 --> 00:13:36,957
My mother gave it to me.
370
00:13:37,042 --> 00:13:39,996
She said, um, "I can't
wait to see you wear this
371
00:13:40,081 --> 00:13:43,247
for the rest of your life
every minute of every day."
372
00:13:43,332 --> 00:13:44,722
And then, honestly,
the next day,
373
00:13:44,807 --> 00:13:46,903
walked out the house
and bam... bear.
374
00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:49,448
Mama, scream for me
if you're here.
375
00:13:49,532 --> 00:13:52,281
That is worse than a bible...
That burns my eyes.
376
00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:54,048
(hisses)
377
00:13:54,595 --> 00:13:55,964
Mama?
378
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,337
Mama!
379
00:14:02,432 --> 00:14:06,097
COLIN: Sure, the guys on the
field are having a good time today,
380
00:14:06,182 --> 00:14:09,247
but they're not gonna be having
such a good time in 20 years.
381
00:14:09,332 --> 00:14:10,667
That's when they'll have
382
00:14:10,752 --> 00:14:13,196
applesauce sloshing
around in their skulls.
383
00:14:13,281 --> 00:14:16,680
Has anyone heard the ancient
screams of a very large woman?
384
00:14:16,765 --> 00:14:17,848
ANNOUNCER:
What a throw by...
385
00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:20,715
- (screams)
- The halftime show...
386
00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:22,881
A lot of people consider that
to be the highlight.
387
00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:24,281
I like the commercials.
388
00:14:24,365 --> 00:14:26,881
I like to see what they come
up with for the Clydesdales
389
00:14:26,965 --> 00:14:29,948
- each year.
- All right, bros, who's ready
390
00:14:30,032 --> 00:14:33,548
for piping-hot nachos
fresh from the microwave?
391
00:14:33,632 --> 00:14:36,481
FRANK:
Uh, Sean, those are batteries.
392
00:14:36,565 --> 00:14:38,981
LASZLO: It is possible
to over-hypnotize,
393
00:14:39,065 --> 00:14:40,881
and I fear
394
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,748
that's what we've done
with Sean.
395
00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:45,181
You see, there's various
levels of over-hypnosis.
396
00:14:45,265 --> 00:14:47,981
If it's not too serious, it's
what's called "Weak Brain."
397
00:14:48,065 --> 00:14:51,181
If it's slightly worrying, it's
called "Thoughtless Sallies."
398
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,215
And if it's a fucking nightmare
and you can forget about him,
399
00:14:54,299 --> 00:14:55,381
it's "Brain Scramblies."
400
00:14:55,465 --> 00:14:56,615
Yes! Yes!
401
00:14:56,699 --> 00:14:58,965
(all cheering, clamoring)
402
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,148
Go, go, yeah,
no, oh, come on!
403
00:15:02,232 --> 00:15:05,899
How is that a yellow card?!
Are you kidding me?!
404
00:15:08,979 --> 00:15:13,112
Typically, when a vampire turns
a human's brain into pudding
405
00:15:13,197 --> 00:15:14,846
from over-hypnosis,
406
00:15:14,978 --> 00:15:16,562
the proper etiquette is
407
00:15:16,646 --> 00:15:19,313
to put them
out of their misery...
408
00:15:19,438 --> 00:15:21,113
by murdering them.
409
00:15:21,913 --> 00:15:23,129
We're not gonna kill him.
410
00:15:23,376 --> 00:15:25,396
It goes against
our non-killing agreement.
411
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,814
Yes, but it is now
necessary to do
412
00:15:27,899 --> 00:15:30,370
the humane thing
and rip Sean's head off.
413
00:15:30,455 --> 00:15:32,638
- (knocking)
- Uh, not now.
414
00:15:32,722 --> 00:15:34,752
We are taking
a human shit together.
415
00:15:34,837 --> 00:15:36,986
- Uh...
- Have either of you two seen
416
00:15:37,071 --> 00:15:39,228
a jade necklace containing
the bloodcurdling screams
417
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:40,587
of my dead mother in here?
418
00:15:40,672 --> 00:15:42,978
Eh... oh, maybe check behind
419
00:15:43,063 --> 00:15:45,138
the Andy Garcia cross-stitch.
420
00:15:45,222 --> 00:15:47,171
SEAN:
No soap? Radio?
421
00:15:47,255 --> 00:15:48,899
Ha, bowling ball.
422
00:15:48,984 --> 00:15:51,966
Nandor wants to kill Sean 'cause
he's got the Brain Scramblies.
423
00:15:52,197 --> 00:15:53,447
Well, then Nandor is correct.
424
00:15:53,546 --> 00:15:55,595
Have you gone soft,
my sweet syrup pie?
425
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,396
No, my sweet syrup pie,
I've gone hard.
426
00:15:57,549 --> 00:15:59,589
- (sighs) - 'Cause he's my best friend,
he's my pal.
427
00:15:59,674 --> 00:16:01,757
He's my homeboy,
my rotten soldier.
428
00:16:01,842 --> 00:16:04,358
He's my sweet cheese,
my good-time boy.
429
00:16:04,443 --> 00:16:06,725
Laszlo, this is clearly
what must be done.
430
00:16:07,211 --> 00:16:08,970
(grunting)
431
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:10,638
Oh, Yahtzee!
432
00:16:10,722 --> 00:16:12,282
For Sean's own sake.
433
00:16:12,522 --> 00:16:14,038
I'll go get
my head-ripping gloves.
434
00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:16,005
No, no, no, hang on, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
435
00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:17,438
We're not animals.
436
00:16:17,522 --> 00:16:19,638
Let's give him one
last night to remember.
437
00:16:19,722 --> 00:16:21,938
One magical night
on Earth before we...
438
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,138
"whack" him.
439
00:16:23,222 --> 00:16:25,989
Well, okay, yes, that is fair.
440
00:16:26,893 --> 00:16:28,470
I can feel it, guys.
441
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,605
I mean, I really think
we are, like,
442
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,538
this close to finding
our first vampire.
443
00:16:32,622 --> 00:16:35,138
- Yes.
- Wait, so you guys
444
00:16:35,222 --> 00:16:37,138
have never actually...
445
00:16:37,222 --> 00:16:39,105
met or seen a real vampire.
446
00:16:39,189 --> 00:16:40,938
Well, come on,
it's not like they're just
447
00:16:41,022 --> 00:16:42,771
walking around
in broad daylight, you know?
448
00:16:42,855 --> 00:16:44,205
- Yeah.
- Throwing a football in the park.
449
00:16:44,289 --> 00:16:45,538
- Seriously.
- Running errands.
450
00:16:45,622 --> 00:16:47,338
- Yeah.
- Going to the bank.
451
00:16:47,422 --> 00:16:48,838
- Eating a pretzel.
- Yeah.
452
00:16:48,922 --> 00:16:50,905
- Walking a dog...
- SHANICE: I have.
453
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:53,871
My roommate
454
00:16:53,955 --> 00:16:55,171
was turned
455
00:16:55,255 --> 00:16:56,571
by a vampire.
456
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:58,538
And became a vampire.
457
00:16:58,622 --> 00:17:01,205
She died right
in front of my eyes.
458
00:17:01,289 --> 00:17:03,005
But then she came back to life.
459
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:04,338
What the fuck?!
460
00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:07,138
But she was different, sick...
461
00:17:07,222 --> 00:17:09,571
unnatural.
462
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:10,938
And eventually she just...
463
00:17:11,022 --> 00:17:12,538
vanished.
464
00:17:12,622 --> 00:17:15,405
Her future was so bright.
465
00:17:15,489 --> 00:17:17,638
She was such a brilliant LARPer.
466
00:17:17,831 --> 00:17:19,234
GUILLERMO:
I think Shanice and I
467
00:17:19,334 --> 00:17:21,967
might have a mutual friend.
468
00:17:24,113 --> 00:17:26,146
Small world.
469
00:17:27,155 --> 00:17:28,605
This is the life.
470
00:17:28,689 --> 00:17:31,305
Hanging out with
my three favorite gerbils.
471
00:17:31,389 --> 00:17:34,305
I only have one question...
Are we inside or outside?
472
00:17:34,389 --> 00:17:35,838
- You need to focus, Sean.
- Huh?
473
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,538
And enjoy the most magical
night of your life.
474
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:39,771
Hold tight.
475
00:17:39,855 --> 00:17:42,271
What? Whoa...
How are you doing this?!
476
00:17:42,355 --> 00:17:43,638
How are you doing this?!
477
00:17:43,722 --> 00:17:45,105
What's going on now?!
478
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,438
Oh, God, no! Mother Mary!
479
00:17:46,522 --> 00:17:48,271
- Wait for us.
- Here we come.
480
00:17:48,355 --> 00:17:50,305
Hey!
481
00:17:50,389 --> 00:17:52,438
(Sean screaming)
482
00:17:52,522 --> 00:17:54,838
Oh, no, no! Fuck me!
483
00:17:54,922 --> 00:17:57,038
LASZLO:
Now that you've experienced
484
00:17:57,122 --> 00:17:58,671
the pleasure of flying,
485
00:17:58,755 --> 00:18:02,138
enjoy the marvel
of transfiguration.
486
00:18:02,222 --> 00:18:03,205
What?
487
00:18:03,289 --> 00:18:04,638
Bat!
488
00:18:04,722 --> 00:18:06,605
Whoa! Where'd that asshole go?!
489
00:18:06,689 --> 00:18:08,371
Oh, God! Get off!
(shudders)
490
00:18:08,493 --> 00:18:10,971
Look at that,
he's having a lovely time.
491
00:18:11,055 --> 00:18:12,771
(Sean shouting)
492
00:18:12,855 --> 00:18:14,405
- He loves this.
- No, get out of my hair!
493
00:18:14,489 --> 00:18:15,671
Get out of my hair! Get...!
494
00:18:15,755 --> 00:18:17,538
- Sean, look at me.
- No!
495
00:18:17,622 --> 00:18:19,138
Stop that! What are you doing?
496
00:18:19,222 --> 00:18:20,505
It ain't natural!
497
00:18:20,589 --> 00:18:22,438
Are you enjoying
watching me, Sean?
498
00:18:22,522 --> 00:18:24,478
No! Stop it! Get down here!
499
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:25,971
(screams)
500
00:18:26,055 --> 00:18:27,838
- Ooh, get a good look at this!
- Wow!
501
00:18:27,922 --> 00:18:30,505
- Holy shit!
- Sorry, Laszlo.
502
00:18:30,589 --> 00:18:32,038
But, you know,
it's his last night.
503
00:18:32,122 --> 00:18:33,271
LASZLO:
I don't care.
504
00:18:33,355 --> 00:18:35,505
And now for the grand finale.
505
00:18:35,589 --> 00:18:38,338
NANDOR: We vampires
have dominion of animals.
506
00:18:38,422 --> 00:18:40,771
So we decided
to throw you a little
507
00:18:40,855 --> 00:18:41,938
puppy party.
508
00:18:42,022 --> 00:18:43,105
(laughs)
509
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,238
(snaps fingers)
510
00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:45,471
What have you done?!
511
00:18:45,555 --> 00:18:47,205
- Oh, God!
- (dogs barking)
512
00:18:47,289 --> 00:18:49,689
(Sean screaming)
513
00:18:50,822 --> 00:18:52,138
(Nadja laughs)
514
00:18:52,222 --> 00:18:54,338
- Sean.
- (laughs)
515
00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:57,838
We did something
really good tonight.
516
00:18:57,922 --> 00:18:59,923
I'm proud of us.
517
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,496
- Yes.
- My boys.
518
00:19:01,581 --> 00:19:03,681
(Sean screams)
519
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:10,004
I haven't really had
many real friends.
520
00:19:10,089 --> 00:19:14,138
So, when I met Jenna,
my whole life changed, really.
521
00:19:14,222 --> 00:19:16,642
But she was taken from me.
522
00:19:16,727 --> 00:19:18,479
GUILLERMO: I guess I
never really think about
523
00:19:18,563 --> 00:19:21,245
the victims or their families.
524
00:19:21,344 --> 00:19:24,494
Uh, I guess I switched
that part of my brain off
525
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,356
with, um, feelings and emotions.
526
00:19:27,471 --> 00:19:29,620
Killing vampires,
killing humans,
527
00:19:29,704 --> 00:19:33,153
collecting victims...
It's all so nasty and ugly.
528
00:19:33,237 --> 00:19:35,971
And, you know, I devoted
my life to it, so...
529
00:19:38,072 --> 00:19:39,788
SHANICE:
So that's why I'm here!
530
00:19:39,873 --> 00:19:43,453
Because vampires cause
nothing but pain!
531
00:19:43,538 --> 00:19:44,987
- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.
532
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,930
Come on, say "aye"
if you're with me.
533
00:19:47,015 --> 00:19:49,564
- Aye!
- I have to go.
534
00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:51,298
I'm so sorry.
535
00:19:51,383 --> 00:19:53,206
- I think I left my toilet running.
- You sure?
536
00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:53,827
Yeah.
537
00:19:53,912 --> 00:19:55,774
We're just about to
start crossbow practice.
538
00:19:55,859 --> 00:19:56,746
What's that?
539
00:19:56,831 --> 00:19:59,168
Derek got us some
mannequins to use as targets.
540
00:19:59,253 --> 00:20:00,340
Yeah.
541
00:20:00,424 --> 00:20:02,629
- Get a load of this, huh?
- That's a weapon.
542
00:20:02,714 --> 00:20:04,806
- Yeah.
- And those are vampires?
543
00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:06,640
Yeah, I got the costumes
at a Halloween store.
544
00:20:06,724 --> 00:20:09,855
Okay, I don't think
I'd be really...
545
00:20:11,524 --> 00:20:14,358
(all whooping, clamoring)
546
00:20:14,443 --> 00:20:15,559
Damn, pimp!
547
00:20:15,644 --> 00:20:16,760
- I have to go.
- Whoa!
548
00:20:16,844 --> 00:20:18,293
I'm sorry, is-is it just me,
549
00:20:18,377 --> 00:20:19,527
or is this guy an epic pimp?
550
00:20:19,611 --> 00:20:20,527
We'll see you
on Wednesday, right?
551
00:20:20,611 --> 00:20:22,114
No, yeah, a- and if you don't,
552
00:20:22,199 --> 00:20:23,527
it was really nice meeting you.
553
00:20:23,611 --> 00:20:25,727
And, Shanice, I'm very
sorry about your friend.
554
00:20:25,811 --> 00:20:27,793
And you guys should be
really careful
555
00:20:27,877 --> 00:20:29,760
when dealing with vampires...
They're no joke.
556
00:20:29,844 --> 00:20:32,493
CLAUDE: Hey,
hope to see you again soon, son.
557
00:20:32,577 --> 00:20:33,860
And not just 'cause you,
558
00:20:33,944 --> 00:20:36,012
you have wicked skills
with the C-bow.
559
00:20:36,097 --> 00:20:38,564
You're a mighty cool dude,
Guillermo.
560
00:20:39,277 --> 00:20:41,154
Thank you.
561
00:20:44,554 --> 00:20:45,505
CLAUDE:
Just slide it.
562
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:47,380
- Yeah, push it to the left...
- Yeah, you got
563
00:20:47,465 --> 00:20:49,895
- to throw your weight into it.
- There you go, you got it.
564
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:51,833
All right, we'll close it...
Don't worry about it.
565
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,037
GUILLERMO:
All right.
566
00:20:53,122 --> 00:20:54,693
Well, that was a lot of fun,
old chap.
567
00:20:54,777 --> 00:20:57,793
I bet you could die a happy man.
568
00:20:57,877 --> 00:20:59,293
(groans)
569
00:20:59,377 --> 00:21:00,905
He's worse than before.
570
00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,170
We've ruined him again.
571
00:21:02,255 --> 00:21:03,993
All the more reason to put him
out of his misery.
572
00:21:04,077 --> 00:21:05,027
Go ahead, Nandor.
573
00:21:05,111 --> 00:21:06,308
Yes.
574
00:21:06,393 --> 00:21:08,493
Here I go.
575
00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:11,293
Head rub time.
576
00:21:11,552 --> 00:21:12,893
LASZLO:
Forgive us, old chap.
577
00:21:13,130 --> 00:21:14,435
Oh, my God.
578
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,490
Who is that piece of ass?
579
00:21:16,638 --> 00:21:18,146
Mamaloosha!
580
00:21:18,231 --> 00:21:19,592
That is Charmaine.
581
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:21,027
You know her?
582
00:21:21,111 --> 00:21:22,160
She's your wife.
583
00:21:22,244 --> 00:21:24,027
(laughing):
Yeah.
584
00:21:24,111 --> 00:21:25,990
- I wish.
- Seanie!
585
00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:28,093
I've been calling for you
for, like, 20 minutes.
586
00:21:28,177 --> 00:21:30,522
The garbage disposal's
all messed up again.
587
00:21:30,607 --> 00:21:33,393
You are the most
beautiful creature
588
00:21:33,477 --> 00:21:34,893
I have ever seen.
589
00:21:34,977 --> 00:21:35,993
CHARMAINE:
Stop messing around.
590
00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:37,227
SEAN:
I want to spend the rest
591
00:21:37,311 --> 00:21:39,060
of my life making you happy.
592
00:21:39,144 --> 00:21:40,287
This is for you.
593
00:21:40,372 --> 00:21:42,793
It's a token of my undying love.
594
00:21:43,091 --> 00:21:45,100
You emptied out a junk drawer?
595
00:21:45,185 --> 00:21:47,036
- What the hell is wrong with you?
- (chuckles)
596
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,526
Wha... what is this?
597
00:21:49,611 --> 00:21:50,760
- What?
- This is beautiful.
598
00:21:50,844 --> 00:21:52,310
Seanie, did you get this for me?
599
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:54,558
- That is my necklace.
- Oh, my God, Seanie.
600
00:21:54,643 --> 00:21:56,792
- This is a bloody...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
601
00:21:56,877 --> 00:21:59,154
Leave them to it, my darling.
602
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,493
I suppose it is quite sweet.
603
00:22:03,577 --> 00:22:05,756
I'll just get it when they die.
604
00:22:05,841 --> 00:22:07,365
(Charmaine giggling)
605
00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:08,701
NANDOR:
So, we didn't need
606
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,428
to kill Sean after all.
607
00:22:10,513 --> 00:22:14,021
Yes, his mind has been wiped
to a blank slate and now
608
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,693
he can start a new one just
focused on the amazingness
609
00:22:16,777 --> 00:22:19,014
of his wife
and his marriage, and
610
00:22:19,099 --> 00:22:21,360
he doesn't remember
we're vampires at all.
611
00:22:21,444 --> 00:22:23,060
Come on, Colin Robinson.
612
00:22:23,435 --> 00:22:24,936
- We're off.
- Hold on a minute.
613
00:22:25,021 --> 00:22:26,999
I- I may have overdone it.
614
00:22:27,084 --> 00:22:29,568
This one just pissed himself.
615
00:22:29,653 --> 00:22:31,502
Who cares? Come on, let's go.
616
00:22:31,587 --> 00:22:32,937
NANDOR:
So, all in all, I would say
617
00:22:33,021 --> 00:22:35,108
our first Superb Owl celebration
618
00:22:35,193 --> 00:22:37,286
was a marked success.
619
00:22:37,487 --> 00:22:40,003
Even though the owl
didn't show up.
620
00:22:40,184 --> 00:22:41,600
♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
621
00:22:41,684 --> 00:22:43,266
♪♪ Well, yeah ♪♪
622
00:22:43,350 --> 00:22:46,966
- ♪♪ Here come the night owl ♪♪
- ♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
623
00:22:47,050 --> 00:22:49,100
♪♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪♪
624
00:22:49,184 --> 00:22:51,933
Can you tell me,
how is it you haven't aged
625
00:22:52,017 --> 00:22:53,700
after all these years?
626
00:22:53,784 --> 00:22:57,633
I have the gift of eternal life.
627
00:22:57,794 --> 00:22:59,419
Oh, wow.
628
00:22:59,510 --> 00:23:01,279
- Yeah, well.
- Oh, can you
629
00:23:01,364 --> 00:23:02,847
share this gift with me?
630
00:23:02,932 --> 00:23:04,803
I would love to be young again.
631
00:23:04,888 --> 00:23:06,880
Yeah, that's not really
how it works.
632
00:23:06,965 --> 00:23:09,847
If I turned you,
you would stay forever...
633
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,560
like this.
634
00:23:12,256 --> 00:23:13,705
Oh.
635
00:23:13,790 --> 00:23:16,513
- Well, I'll pass, then.
- Yeah.
636
00:23:17,005 --> 00:23:20,342
♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
637
00:23:20,427 --> 00:23:21,966
(hooting)
638
00:23:22,050 --> 00:23:25,566
- ♪♪ Now you try to tell me ♪♪
- ♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
639
00:23:25,650 --> 00:23:28,522
♪♪ What a fool you've been ♪♪
640
00:23:28,607 --> 00:23:31,566
♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
641
00:23:31,650 --> 00:23:36,966
- ♪♪ Yes, but it's all-all over ♪♪
- ♪♪ Ooh, night owl ♪♪
642
00:23:37,263 --> 00:23:40,405
♪♪ Be on your merry way ♪♪
643
00:23:40,646 --> 00:23:41,916
♪♪ Ooh. ♪♪
644
00:23:42,001 --> 00:23:43,911
(hooting)
645
00:23:46,577 --> 00:23:49,944
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
47081
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