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1
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,659
Oh, no! Mom and Dad
are gonna kill us!
2
00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,270
I know what to do.
3
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:13,709
"Get out
of our neighborhood.
4
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:16,059
We hate your guts."
5
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,714
It's either the Lustigs,
the Andersons, the Coopers
6
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:20,324
or the Verones.It's the Hacketts.
7
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,892
Like this is gonna bring
their cat back to life.
8
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:25,938
Let's see how they like a taste
of their own medicine.
9
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:27,549
LOIS:
I'll get the car.
10
00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:30,769
♪ Life is unfair.
11
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:41,650
Every other Thursday night,
we all go to Luigi's Pizza.
12
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:43,086
They're the only two nights
a month
13
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,957
I don't cry myself to sleep.
14
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:46,089
All right,
all right.
15
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,134
Stop it!
16
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:49,962
I said Iget winner.
17
00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,529
Isn't it amazing?
18
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:55,359
Every 14 days, we magically
turn into a happy family.
19
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:56,839
And here's why.
20
00:00:57,753 --> 00:00:59,798
♪
21
00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,380
Luigi's pizza is so good,
22
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:18,382
it not only
brings out the goodwill
23
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,558
that's buried deep inside
of people;
24
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:24,171
it momentarily creates goodwill
that isn't even there.
25
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,478
:
How was your day?
26
00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:30,351
:
I got a "B" on my math test.
27
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,005
Another exquisite
28
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:35,356
culinary experience,
Alfredo.
29
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:39,142
Ooh!
30
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,579
Doctor's orders.
31
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:44,016
Oh, Alfredo, can
you break this
32
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:46,149
for me for
the tip, please?
33
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,412
Excuse me. What's
this "SV" at the bottom?
34
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,240
That's the service charge.
35
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,242
Service charge?
What service charge?
36
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,331
We add 15% for the service.
37
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,290
We had a lot of people
stiffing the waiters.
38
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,726
We've been doing it for years.
39
00:01:57,769 --> 00:02:01,251
Forcing people to tip
without telling them?
40
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:02,731
We've been double-tipping
41
00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:04,211
without realizing it
all this time.
42
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:07,257
There's a notice right here.
43
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:09,172
That piddly little sign?
That's what you use
44
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,304
to justify it?
45
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:11,174
Oh, no. Is this gonna
46
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,220
be "shoe store" bad
or "circus" bad?
47
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:15,961
I think it's gonna be
"ten-items-or-less aisle" bad.
48
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,442
Is our car on fire? I think
I hear sirens. We better go.
49
00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:20,749
You put up a little sign
that nobody can read,
50
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,968
and that gives you
the right to steal?!
51
00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:25,232
Where is the manager?!
52
00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:28,191
I want to see the manager!
53
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,758
Don't you give
me that look.
54
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,456
I probably won't see you
for a while, Manolo.
55
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,416
Lo siento mucho.
56
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:37,679
And then she stood in the
parking lot for half an hour
57
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,028
waving cars away.
58
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,072
My mom is horrible.
59
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:45,339
My mom...
phoned me drunk...
60
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,645
on my birthday...
61
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,647
wanting money.
62
00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:50,692
I'm sorry, Stevie.
63
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,084
I shouldn't complain.
64
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:54,043
Your mom walking out
on you was unforgivable,
65
00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:55,392
but you know what?
66
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,829
Your real friends
will never abandon you.
67
00:02:57,873 --> 00:02:59,440
Hey, Angela!
68
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:02,443
Angela Pozefsky.
69
00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:03,922
She's really cute.
70
00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:06,142
I think I might actually
have a chance with her.
71
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,492
For some reason,
no one ever asks her out.
72
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,364
Maybe she's so promiscuous
73
00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:12,322
she intimidates
all the other guys.
74
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,150
Yeah, I'm going with that.
75
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,021
Hello, Malcolm.
Hi, Angela.
76
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:18,023
I'm glad I caught up to you.
I was thinking...
77
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,721
You want to ask me out,
don't you?
78
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,810
Well, I was planning to mutter
and stumble around
79
00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:24,465
for a few minutes first,
but yes.
80
00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:25,727
You want to go
to the Spring Dance?
81
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,163
Let me save you
the trouble.
82
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,599
You don't want
to go out with me
83
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,862
because, before you
do go out with me,
84
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:33,604
my family would have to
approve, which they won't do
85
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:36,390
without giving you
a gigantic third degree.
86
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,305
So why don't you
just give up now,
87
00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:40,089
and let me get on
with dying alone.
88
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:42,091
You're worried
about your family?
89
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,962
That's not going
to bother me.
Oh, yeah?
90
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:48,271
My family is unbelievably
intrusive, overbearing,
91
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,099
controlling
and humiliating.
92
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:53,145
You are talking
to the right guy.
93
00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:54,277
Francis,
94
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:55,713
I want you to meet Jordan,
95
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:57,411
your new assistant.
96
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:59,456
My what?Thank you so much
for this opportunity, sir.
97
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,242
Sure.
Will you excuse us?
98
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,201
I don't need
an assistant.
99
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,420
But the boy needs a job,
100
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,683
and I've filled every
other position here
101
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,728
two times over.
Oh, please?
102
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:14,906
Francis, I'm sure you can find
something for him to do.
103
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:16,298
Okay, I'll try.
104
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,866
Thank you, Francis.
105
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:20,346
I know I have a problem
hiring too many people,
106
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:21,738
but I'm getting help.
107
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:24,176
I am seeing three
psychiatrists about it.
108
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:26,918
I'm starting to forget
109
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:28,746
what Luigi's pizza
even tasted like.
110
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:31,096
I told you not
to brush your teeth.
111
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,447
Hello.
112
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:36,188
Yes, it is.
113
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:39,366
Really? Really?!
114
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,716
Yes! Boys! Boys!
115
00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:43,370
It's the owner
of Luigi's calling
116
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,023
to apologize to your mother.
117
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,547
Get your jackets.
118
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,026
Lois!
119
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:50,551
The pizza gods have
answered our prayers.
120
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,727
Hello.
121
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:55,164
Hi. This is Lawrence Camprisi,
the owner of Luigi's.
122
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,513
I heard about what happened,
123
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:59,211
and I wanted to call personally
to apologize.
124
00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:02,214
Oh? What exactly
are you apologizing for?
125
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,523
About the way that
you were treated last Thursday.
126
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,046
There's no excuse for it,
127
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:09,483
and I couldn't feel
more terrible about it.
128
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,528
Well, that's
very nice to hear.
129
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:14,401
I amcurious
why it took two weeks
130
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,359
to get an apology.
131
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:19,057
I'm sorry,
132
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,581
but, you see,
I just got in from Europe,
133
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:22,017
and I haven't even unpacked yet.
134
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,801
The point is that
you and your family
135
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,281
are valuable customers,
136
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,631
and we really want
to get you back in here.
137
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:30,547
Well, I must say,
this apology has surpassed
138
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,854
my expectations.
139
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:36,292
So what kind of refund
are you giving us?
140
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,641
What?
141
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:38,990
I figure we overpaid
142
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:41,166
at least $300
over the years.
143
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:42,472
Do you want to send us a check
144
00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:43,821
or some kind
of gift certificate?
145
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,301
Lady, we can't
give you a refund.
146
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,998
We don't have
those kind of margins.
147
00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,826
If you can afford to pay
for a trip to Europe,
148
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:50,393
you can afford 1/20th of that
149
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,743
to make things right
with a customer you cheated.
150
00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,571
There is no pizza god.
151
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:57,487
Well, then I doubt you care,
but we are never, ever
152
00:05:57,531 --> 00:06:00,882
eating a Luigi's
pizza again.
153
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,451
At least we have closure.
154
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:06,844
Okay, you asked for it.
155
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,890
Don't say
I didn't warn you.
156
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:10,500
Look, I'm fine. I...
157
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,419
This is my mom, my dad,
158
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:19,422
my nana, Aunt Layla,
Aunt Svidmella, Uncle Zach,
159
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:20,554
Nick, Max and Alexandra.
160
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:21,990
The rest are in the den.
161
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,687
This is Malcolm.
162
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:26,821
Welcome. Sit. Sit.
163
00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:42,576
So... you want
to marry my daughter?
164
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:43,446
What?
165
00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:49,670
I couldn't resist.
166
00:06:50,845 --> 00:06:52,455
I'm sorry to put you
through all this,
167
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:55,284
but our family
is very protective
168
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:56,590
of our little Angela.
169
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,678
We need to know
170
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,549
what kind of boy you are.
171
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:07,949
Well, uh... I'm just normal.
172
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,820
I go to Angela's school.
173
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,518
I get good grades.
174
00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:15,565
Uh, I have a job three days a
week at a drugstore with my mom.
175
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:22,442
Um... never had a cavity.
176
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:28,578
Did have all my shots.
177
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,843
Religiously, I guess
I would classify myself
178
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,715
as a hopeful agnostic.
179
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,543
I think the basic
philosophical question is...
180
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,762
Can we stop this?
Look, he's a genius.
181
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:42,157
He's the smartest kid in our
whole school by, like, a lot.
182
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,420
Really?
183
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,117
Genius?
184
00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:48,380
Say something smart.
185
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,865
Well, um, I'm doing a paper
on cosmological inflation.
186
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,780
It's a theory that says
187
00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:58,521
the reason the universe
is so homogeneous
188
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,523
is that right after
the Big Bang,
189
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:01,785
there was a short period
190
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,484
of even more rapid growth
than usual.
191
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:09,358
I hope you mentioned the
importance of scalar fields
192
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:11,795
to the whole concept
of symmetry breaking.
193
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,405
Not to brag,
194
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,320
but I did some pretty
important work on this.
195
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,758
Oh, please. Until they actually
find a Higgs particle,
196
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,455
it's all just
empty speculation.
197
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,023
Yes, dear. Women.
198
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,808
I'm okay with him.
You okay with him?
199
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:25,766
Nana?
200
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:26,984
Eh.
201
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,595
She loves you!
202
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:32,381
Come on! We're going to see
how much a boy your age can eat.
203
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:33,904
And there'll be singing!
204
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,471
And I have to warn you,
205
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,256
we're big Botticelli
players in this family.
206
00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:39,953
How's your
medieval history?
207
00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:41,433
Okay, I guess.
208
00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:45,002
Malcolm's on my team!
209
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,744
One sugar, just
the way you like.
210
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,529
Thank you, Jordan.
211
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,488
Francis?
What, honey?
212
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,446
I just got off the phone
with my mother.
213
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,057
She sounded really upset
that you didn't
214
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,624
send a "thank you" note
for Christmas.
215
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,626
I mailed it
yesterday, sir.
216
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,018
You sent
a tasteful card
217
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,238
with a pressed
wildflower inside.
218
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:05,588
I think you owe
someone an apology.
219
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,938
He's good.
220
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:10,680
Allow me, sir.
221
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:16,077
LOIS:
Hal, boys, dinner!
222
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:21,473
What's this?
223
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:24,476
It's Family Fiesta Night!
224
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,396
I went to Mariachi's.
225
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,008
I got four kinds of enchiladas,
steak and chicken tacos,
226
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,618
and a tray of empanadas.
227
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,141
Malcolm!
228
00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:41,232
No, no, are you kidding?
I had a great time.
229
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:43,757
Wednesday? Yeah, absolutely.
230
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,454
All right, bye.
231
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:47,499
Who was that?Angela's dad.
232
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:48,892
What's going on?
233
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,811
Isn't this fun?!
234
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,258
You're right.
235
00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:08,782
We don't need music.
236
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,479
We have chips.
237
00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,437
And the important thing
is that we're
238
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:15,397
all together enjoying
some family time.
239
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,529
So let's talk.
240
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:18,922
Who's got a good story?
241
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,663
Well, today, my
mom lost her mind.
242
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,143
:
Reese.
243
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,840
Look, I went
to a lot of trouble here,
244
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:26,321
and I know you boys like
this stuff, so...
245
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,149
what's the problem?
246
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,368
Mom, any way you dress it up,
it's not Luigi's.
247
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:32,762
Luigi's pizza wasn't the point.
248
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,024
The food is not what matters.
249
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:35,809
What matters is
that we're
250
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:38,246
sitting here together
enjoying each other's company.
251
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:40,944
If you believe that, then why'd
you buy all the Mexican food?
252
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:44,339
Fine! Mexican food
goes in the trash!
253
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,649
Olé.
254
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,309
No, I am not Copernicus.
255
00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,702
MARIA:
Did you isolate
256
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,139
something which
eventually killed you?
257
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,054
No, I am not Madame Curie.
258
00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:07,492
This is so cool.
259
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:08,885
When we play at my house,
260
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,713
we can only use
cartoon characters.
261
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:13,411
Cartoon characters
we saw that day.
262
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:18,982
Okay, do you believe
in life after love?
263
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:20,723
No, I am not Cher.
264
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,639
We'll never beat him!
265
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,380
You baked brownies?
266
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:26,294
With walnuts.
267
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:27,338
Your favorite.
268
00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:31,212
You made this for me?
269
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,389
This is awesome.
270
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,392
This is so much fun.
271
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,002
I love dating Angela.
272
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:40,656
Where is Angela?
273
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,746
She went over to a girlfriend's
house an hour ago.
274
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:44,747
Oh.
275
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,967
Okay.
276
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,622
: Are the
smaller ones better, sir?
277
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,102
Very much, thank you.
278
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,975
I don't have to open
my mouth as far.
279
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:56,367
What were
you saying, Mom?
280
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:57,891
LOIS:
They have been tacking on
281
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:00,023
this 15% service charge
for the last three years.
282
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,808
I mean, I'm doing
the right thing
283
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,940
by boycotting them,
don't you think?
284
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:06,029
I don't know, it sounds like
you're making everyone else
285
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:07,770
suffer for something
only you care about.
286
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,990
I don't know why I bother
to talking to you, Francis.
287
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,470
Would it kill you to say
something supportive to me
288
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,776
when I'm obviously right?
289
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,473
You're blaming me?
You know what..
290
00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:17,911
If you were so certain
you were right,
291
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,043
you wouldn't be coming
to me for reassurance.
292
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,653
If you were so certain
you were right,
293
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:24,395
you wouldn't be coming
to me for reassurance.
294
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,835
I think we got her, sir.
295
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,575
Let's not dwell
on our victories, Jordan.
296
00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:33,753
My ears are feeling
hairy again.
297
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:39,062
I thought I would never
smell that smell again.
298
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,934
Your mother's not
coming home for two hours.
299
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,283
That should give us
plenty of time
300
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:43,850
to eat it
and destroy all the evidence.
301
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,286
But I want to be clear
on this.
302
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:47,854
What we are doing here
is not okay.
303
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:50,987
It is morally reprehensible
on every level.
304
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:52,989
We should be ashamed.
305
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,165
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we hate ourselves.
306
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:56,732
Now, remember, boys,
whatever happens,
307
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,429
we are all in this together.
308
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,474
Where's Malcolm?
309
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:00,605
He's at his other family.
310
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,259
More for us.
311
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:07,656
I can't believe
how much we ate.
312
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:10,702
I can't believe
how good it tasted.
313
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:13,096
That was the taste of evil, son.
314
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,882
Gooey, delicious evil.
315
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,622
I know I've got
316
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,668
to cover my breath,
but the thought of even eating
317
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:21,975
this breath mint just
makes me want to throw up.
318
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:23,063
We forced ours down.
319
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,065
LOIS:
Hey, everybody!
320
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:28,285
I got dinner!
321
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:30,287
It's from
the Pizza Connection.
322
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,506
I had to drive
323
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,029
all the way across town
to get it,
324
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:35,423
but I figured I owe you boys
something nice.
325
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,991
I know how hard it's been going
without Luigi's,
326
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:40,732
and it means a lot to me
that you're backing me up.
327
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:46,913
LOIS:
There's cheese
328
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:49,132
inside the meatballs.
329
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:54,224
I never saw people
get so passionate about
330
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,661
the Copenhagen interpretation
of quantum theory.
331
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:58,228
I thought Nana was going
to punch somebody.
332
00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,882
We had so much
fun last night.
333
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:02,015
I watched...
334
00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:04,060
Dad torch...
335
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,715
his wedding album.
336
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:08,543
Hey, Malcolm.
337
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:09,457
Hey, Sarah.
338
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,111
I just wanted to ask
339
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,155
if you want to go
to the Spring Dance with me.
340
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,243
I know it's kind of late.
341
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:14,897
Oh wow, I'd love to.
342
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:17,117
Great, so I'll see you Friday?See you on Friday.
343
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,770
Isn't it great
344
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:20,947
when the girl
asks the...
345
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,296
Angela.
346
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,167
I totally forgot.
347
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:27,257
Oh, man, I've got two dates
to the Spring Dance.
348
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,825
It's sort of like
that old episode of...
349
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,392
well, every show.
350
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,002
If you think about it,
351
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:34,090
it's actually a pretty
interesting challenge.
352
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:35,700
I mean, Urkel did
pretty well
353
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,485
with the identical
cousin trick
354
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:39,269
until he got greedy
and made himself a duke.
355
00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:41,576
And Potsie doesn't count
because one of his turned out
356
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,143
to be a dude.
357
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,971
Stevie, are you even
listening to me?
358
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:46,581
Two girls...
359
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:49,105
...two families.
360
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:50,715
I don't have...
361
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,195
two lungs!
362
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:53,805
What does that
have to do with...
363
00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:55,198
People with... your luck...
364
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:58,201
aren't allowed... to be creeps.
365
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,292
Just choose!
366
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,904
Yeah, all right.
367
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,086
Okay, it's 7:35.
368
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:15,088
It's a five-minute
bike ride to Luigi's.
369
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,437
It'll take you one minute
to order the pizza,
370
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,178
which means they should
hand it to you
371
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,396
at 7:56.
372
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,007
I'll send your mother
to the mall at 7:50
373
00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:23,226
and we'll destroy the evidence
before she gets back.
374
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:24,793
You know, we're going
to pay for this.
375
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,099
We're going to pay big.
376
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:27,535
Yeah.
377
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,537
But we're not
going to pay today.
378
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:31,104
Whatever else
it's done to me,
379
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:33,193
this whole conspiracy has made
me feel so close to my boys.
380
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,759
Except for
Malcolm and Jamie.
381
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:36,065
They're not like us.
382
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,240
Now go!
383
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,770
Hey, honey.
What are you doing?
384
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:46,902
Are those car keys?
385
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,208
I'm going down to Luigi's.
386
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,470
What?
387
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,124
Why would you do that?
388
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,473
I'm giving up.
389
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,083
I've inflicted this thing
on all of you long enough.
390
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:54,997
I'm going to go down there,
391
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,564
I'm going to walk up
to the counter,
392
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,696
and I'm going to do right
by my family.
393
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,786
Over my dead body.
394
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:02,613
What?
395
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:04,006
You can't give up now.
396
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,877
I thought we were
a team on this.
397
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,575
Hal, you've all been
wonderfully supportive,
398
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,229
but maybe enough is enough.
399
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,447
The woman that I love
400
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:12,014
has never thought
that enough was enough.
401
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,060
The woman that I love
is not going to go
402
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,149
anywhere near that place
in the next hour.
403
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:18,281
We believe in you, Lois.
404
00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,283
You have got to fight this.
405
00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,633
Thank you.
406
00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:23,852
You're right.
407
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:26,202
I will.
408
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,293
Malcolm!
409
00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:31,729
Come in. Come in.
410
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,079
Look who's here!
411
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:35,168
Angela, your boyfriend is here!
412
00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:38,432
I put the leaf
back in the table.
413
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,651
We can reenact
the battle of Lepanto
414
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,131
with olives and celery!
415
00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:43,176
I can't stay.
416
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:45,134
IVAN:
On Saturday,
417
00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,440
you and Angela must join us.
418
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,224
The Taiwan acrobats
are in town.
419
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,270
I don't think I can make it.
420
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:52,968
Well, you and Angela can
join us for movie night.
421
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,318
And I won't take
"no" for an answer.
422
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:56,667
I can't.
423
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:59,453
Why not? What's wrong?
424
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:01,107
He's breaking up with me.
425
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,500
Which I'm totally okay with.
426
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,285
We haven't even talked
in two weeks.
427
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:07,156
What were you saying?
Oh, no, it's nothing.
428
00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:11,856
You're breaking up?
429
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:13,118
Just like that?
430
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,858
Yeah.
431
00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:16,252
This is really hard.
432
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,689
My life is kind of complicated
433
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,343
right now, and I just
434
00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:21,344
need my space.
435
00:17:21,387 --> 00:17:23,912
But I really want us
to stay friends.
436
00:17:23,954 --> 00:17:25,740
"Friends."
437
00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:28,134
It's not you. It's me.
438
00:17:28,176 --> 00:17:29,483
The past few weeks
439
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:30,701
have been
great, but...
440
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,051
Please. Don't.
441
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,706
No, really.
442
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,492
You know how amazing
you guys are?
443
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,971
Look, Angela's
going to date
444
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,321
a lot of guys...
445
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:42,539
that are much better
than me and...
446
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:45,238
Now you're
being patronizing.
447
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,196
Just go.
448
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,293
I'll see you around?
449
00:17:57,337 --> 00:18:01,776
We both know
that's not how it works.
450
00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:11,046
This butter is just sitting here
like a cube on my toast.
451
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,482
It's not...
452
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:14,789
doing that thing
that Jordan does.
453
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,138
Spreading?
454
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:17,400
Yeah!
455
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,185
Francis, this
has to stop.
456
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:21,187
I liked the flowers
you had Jordan send me,
457
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,406
and the poem he wrote
was very sweet,
458
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:24,712
but you're
turning into
459
00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:25,974
a helpless infant.
460
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:27,280
If Jordan hadn't
wandered in on you
461
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,716
in the men's room yesterday,
462
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:30,283
you'd still be
stuck in there.
463
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:33,199
I would've figured it out.
464
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,288
No, I wouldn't have.
465
00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:37,507
You're right.
I'll let him go.
466
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,335
It's for the best.
467
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:43,252
Jordan, there's something
I have to talk to you about.
468
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:45,254
The thing is...
469
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,342
You need to let me go.
470
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,257
Well, yeah, and...
471
00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:50,738
You feel terrible about this,
but you can't keep me,
472
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,653
even though I've done
an outstanding job.
473
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,437
Yeah, I'm...
474
00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:56,309
Sorry. Of course you are.
But you've written me
475
00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:57,310
a wonderful letter
of recommendation.
476
00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:59,094
And let me thank
you in advance
477
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,443
for the muffin basket
you'll be sending.
478
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:01,662
It's not too expensive,
479
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:02,576
but I will appreciate
the thought.
480
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:04,012
Good-bye, sir.
481
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,321
Good-bye.
482
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:10,453
It's best to squeeze
now, sir.
483
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:14,849
Come on. Come on. Sit down.
484
00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:16,329
Too bad Malcolm's
at the dance.
485
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:17,547
He's going
to miss this.
What is it?
486
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,245
I was ready to give up
on my war
487
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,638
with Luigi's, and then
your father inspired me
488
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,118
to take action.
489
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,641
So yesterday, I called
Clyde on Your Side.
490
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,556
Who?You know, that consumer guy
491
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,862
on Channel 5.
492
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,821
They're doing
a whole exposé on Luigi's.
493
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,302
They told me it was going
to be on at 10:23.
494
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:34,347
Oh, here it is.
495
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:35,435
This may look like a friendly,
496
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,697
neighborhood pizza parlor,
497
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,612
but thanks
to an alert tipster,
498
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,701
we discovered
that this hangout
499
00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:42,877
could be hanging you out
to dry.
500
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,140
Alert tipster, that's me.
501
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,446
It turns out this eatery
502
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:49,492
adds a secret 15% service charge
to every tab.
503
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:51,320
I want to be clear
this does not reflect
504
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:53,235
on the Italian people,
505
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,369
most of whom are hard-working
decent Americans.
506
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:57,848
But for the cadre of tricksters
507
00:19:57,892 --> 00:20:01,112
here at Luigi's,
we've got a tip for you:
508
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:03,811
clean up-a you act.
509
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,030
Who are the victims
in this scam?
510
00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,294
Senior citizens
on a fixed income.
511
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:10,383
Local teens after a dance.
512
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:13,081
And of course,
the biggest price is paid...
513
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:14,517
Oh, my God!
514
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:16,867
That traitor!
515
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:18,913
How could he betray
the trust of this family?
516
00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:20,480
Especially you, Lois.
517
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,133
Doesn't he know what
you've been fighting for?
518
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,613
REESE: Yeah!
That betrayer!
519
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:24,962
Look at him shove
that pizza in his mouth
520
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,399
right there in
the restaurant
521
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,531
when we have to sneak
ours in the garage!
522
00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:29,663
What?!
523
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:31,273
This isn't
just the sad story of...
524
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:33,319
All right,
525
00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,930
I was saving this
until I needed it.
526
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,846
Dad does a five-minute imitation
of you on the toilet.
527
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:39,890
I'll show you
the videotape
528
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,718
if you're willing to deal.
529
00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:48,072
Turns out, breaking up with
Angela was a terrible mistake.
530
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,552
It's sad.
531
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,380
Sometimes you don't realize
what you had
532
00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:53,339
until you throw it away.
533
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:55,776
Malcolm.
534
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:56,994
Hey.
535
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,692
What are you
doing here?
536
00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:01,782
I was just in the neighborhood
and I was thinking maybe...
537
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,350
You guys look great.
538
00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:06,874
This is really awkward.
539
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,575
STEVIE: Yes...
I'm the Earl...
540
00:21:12,619 --> 00:21:14,490
of Sandwich.
37341
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