All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory (Starring Ms. Kaley Cuoco as Penny) S10E06 1080p H.264 (moviesbyrizzo TV Series uploads)

English - SDH

Yeah, it's a dinky little convention
where they sell collectibles

and get sad D-list celebrities to appear.
Why?

I got asked to sign autographs there.

That's awesome!

Is this for Serial Ape-ist?

Well, could be for the monkey movie,
it could be my hemorrhoid commercial.

The list does not go on.

- When is it?
- It doesn't matter, I'm not doing it.

- What? Why not?
- You just said yourself, it's sad.

Yeah, but it's not pathetic.
That's where I draw the line.

(SIGHS)

- Come on. We'll have fun.
- I don't know.

You'll have nerds fawning all over you.

If you don't love that,
this marriage is in trouble.

Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet
some fans and make a little extra money.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

An appearance
by George Lucas's dermatologist.

- I want that autograph.
- Oh, yeah.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

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You know, with us living together, maybe
we could think about having people over.

We have people over all the time.

We have the maintenance people,
the pizza delivery man,

that UPS driver who feels the need to ask
how parts of me are hanging.

You know what I meant.

(SIGHS) All right. Fine.

Let's say that we were
to entertain people.

What type of gathering
did you have in mind?

A meal? Lunch? Brunch? Dinner?
Afternoon tea? A formal tea?

Is it a party?
And if so, what kind of party is it?

Cocktail party? A Tupperware party?

Is it a surprise party?

Oh, I hope it's not a West Coast party.

'Cause according to the man on the radio,
a west coast party don't stop.

I'm sorry I mentioned it.

Oh, don't be. You get your hopes up,
I knock them down,

that's called teamwork.

(GASPS)

That's a kick, that's an actual kick.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

What are you doing?

I felt a kick.

There's a baby in there.

Oh, yeah. That's where I put it.

(CHUCKLES) No, I mean,
I know you're pregnant.

I just never connected
the idea of pregnancy

and you actually having a baby.

Which MIT did you go to?

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, God, we are not ready to have
an infant in this house.

We don't have a crib.
We don't have diapers.

We're not baby-proofed.

Anyone can just walk in off the street
and lift our toilet lids.

Howie, we have time to do all that stuff.

Do we? Look at you.

Willy Wonka would roll you
to the juicing room.

The next person kicking you will be me,
good night.

(SIGHS)

Are we even in a good school... Ow!

I warned you and I did it.

What's all this?

Oh, everything we need for
your autograph session.

Headshots, markers.

Okay, Leonard,
it's sweet you're excited about this,

but it'll be a miracle
if one person asks for my autograph.

Are you kidding? I once paid $20
for Theo Sassler's signature.

Who's that?

I don't even know. I just liked his name.
Theo Sassier.

Oh, and look at this,
I even got a change maker.

(BLOWS)

How much change you want, little lady?

Oh, there's so much I want to change.

Yeah, well, if it's a dollar,
you're in luck.

What's going on here?

You expressed an interest
in having people over

and I feel I dismissed it too quickly.

So, I took matters into my own hands
and I arranged a brunch.

That's so nice, who's coming?

Oh, uh, Stuart,
uh, Bert from the geology lab

and Mrs. Petrescu from downstairs.

You mean the Romanian lady
on the second floor?

Yes. Oh, fun story.

She grew up with 10 siblings

or possibly penguins,
her English is atrocious.

That's an odd mix of people.

Well, for our first time hosting

I thought it would be wise
to conduct a trial run.

You know, like how I practiced
for that Halloween haunted house

by going into the bathroom
at the bus station.

But you never went into that
haunted house.

You never saw what jumped out at me
at the bus station.

Well, thank you, Sheldon,
this is a fun surprise.

Aw, well, the real surprise
is how surprised

you are that I'm great at surprises.

Well, that's not a surprise at all.

I mean, if I knew you were good
at surprises,

I would've expected the surprise
and therefore not have been surprised.

But as it is I didn't know and therefore
my surprise should be unsurprising.

Don't get me all randy,
guests are on the way.

- Hi.
- Hey, where you been?

We went and did a little shopping
for the baby.

Wait till you see the crib we found.

You bought a crib without me?

- You're gonna love it.
- Yeah.

It's the highest rated one on the market.
I wouldn't even call it a crib.

I'd call it a
"Fortress of Solitude for babies."

Sounds expensive.

Okay, well,
I may have gone a bit overboard,

but you can't put a price on safety.

Though if you did, it's more zeroes
than you're expecting.

But it's the safest crib you can buy.

- If you don't like it we can return it.
- Fine.

In our new minivan, hey what's for lunch?

You bought a minivan?

It's for the baby. And I didn't buy it.

The dealer loaned to me for
a 24-hour test-drive.

Though we did ding up the back pretty
good with the crib,

so you might've bought a minivan.

I don't wanna drive that,
it's such a mom car.

The guy at the dealership said
they're not just for moms anymore.

Then again, he did think you were
my husband.

They thought it at the ultrasound,
why not at the car dealership?

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Never been on this side
of the table before.

Feel powerful.

Really?

Feel like I'm selling candy
so our team can get new uniforms.

Okay, so it's $4.75
for a signed black and white

and $9.95 for color.

All right. Why not five and 10 bucks?

I brought my moneymaker, let me shake it.

Hey, that guy's looking over here.

Oh, think he's your first autograph?

I don't know. Be cool.
He's coming. He's coming.

Hi.

- Hi. I love your movie.
- Oh, thanks.

It has got to be one of the worst things
I've ever seen in my life.

Your love confuses me.

- Would you like an autograph?
- Sure.

- Okay, who do I make it out to?
- Daniel.

- Okay.
- I have to ask,

were you trying to be that bad
or are you just a terrible actress?

That did not clear things up.

That'll b€ $4.75.

- Keep the change.
- But, I... Oh.

- Nothing about that was good.
- Mmm-mmm.

There's nothing to be afraid of, Sheldon.

(GRUNTS)

The average cork speed
is 25 miles per hour.

If that is too fast around a school,
it is certainly too fast around a kitchen.

Been 15 minutes, just sayin'.

Oh, gosh. I can do this.
Just give me a moment...

- (CORK POPS)
- Mommy! (GASPS)

Mimosas coming up.

I once left orange juice in my fridge
so long it tasted like a mimosa.

How old was it?

It's hard to say.

I don't remember much after I drank it.

- Would you like one, Mrs. Petrescu?
- Yes.

Drink is fun and good friends...

Applebee's.

She's learning English from TV.

TV, good. Now back to you.

- Hey, guys.
- Hi, Stuart.

- These are for you.
- Oh, they're pretty. Thank you.

Stuart, this is Bert
from the Caltech geology lab

and this is Mrs. Petrescu from downstairs.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.

- Hey.
- So, what did I miss?

Yeah, we watched Sheldon try to open
a bottle for 15 minutes.

Fifteen minutes can save you fifteen
percent or more on car insurance.

Anybody else coming to this thing?

- What's your name? Okay.
- Jeff.

My favorite part is your shower scene.

Been hearing that a lot today.

I even have a screen grab on my phone.

Yep, there they are.

- Okay, let's keep it moving.
- Here you go.

Should have punched that guy.

Oh. Go ahead. He's right over there.

Why do you do that?
Can't you let me have my moment?

- Hello.
- Hi, I like your movies.

- Thank you.
- I saw both of them.

I assume we're still talking about the
movies, but after today, who knows.

- You think I could get a picture of us?
- Oh, sure.

And, could you be giving me a kiss?

No. She cannot...
What is wrong with you people?

- Leonard.
- No, no, no. It's not okay.

- Who are you?
- I'm her husband.

(LAUGHS) No you're not.

- I am.
- Yeah. He really is.

No.

It's got a rear-view camera,
there's a DVD player.

And check this out...

It's like we're living in the future!

Hey, show her the trunk.
Show her the trunk.

Imagine this.

You've got the baby in one hand,

groceries in the other,
and you're thinking,

"How am I gonna open this trunk?"

I'm probably thinking, "Where's my husband
and why isn't he helping me?"

You don't need my help

when you can open the trunk
with a simple kick of the foot.

No. It's a gentle kick,
you're doing it wrong.

Here, give me those.

You know, maybe it was more of a circle...

It's weird that guy thought
you were a couple.

'Yes!
'Yes!

See? Easy.

Look at all this cargo space.

You know, we'll get the crib out
and you can take it for a test drive.

I'm telling you this,
hang on, is gonna be...

(YELPING)

Oh, is it your back?

Yeah.

(GROANING)

Anyway, let's just get in and see if the

GPS can take us to the nearest
emergency room.

So, until Amy's apartment is fixed,
she and I are living here together.

I lived with my old girlfriend.

She was a geologist, too.

Things didn't work out?

I came home from work one day
and she had taken everything.

I'm warning you.

Hide your good rocks.

My sister's husband
took all her things too.

Story at 11:00.

Really, no one else is coming?

This is it. You are the practice round.

Practice round? For what?

No. He just means that you were
the first people we thought of.

No, exactly.

We've never thrown a brunch before
and I wanted to work out all the kinks.

So, I'm like a lab rat
before your real friends come over?

Mmm.

You see, your words sound reasonable
but your face looks angry.

Help me out, here.
This is not where I shine.

Stuart, you know you're one of
our favorite people.

Okay. Now, see you look sincere
but your words are completely false.

I'm glad we did the test run.
These brunches are wild.

But how did you get her
to go out with you?

Well, she moved in across the hall.

And he started to slowly wear me down.

Like a river carves a canyon.

Yeah. Except the river
kept showing me his Pokémon cards.

Ready to go?

Hang on. This guy's telling me how he got
the Serial Ape-ist girl to marry him.

This guy?

But he's wearing a change maker.

I think it's hot.

That's right.

I'm her change-daddy.

(GROANING)

What was I thinking?

Wolowitz's are not a lifting people.

We tip the lifting people.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Do we really have to sit for hours
in the emergency room?

They're just gonna give you ice
and Advil like last time.

You're gonna feel terrible
when I'm in a wheelchair.

Which, by the way, would fit easily in the
back of this award-winning minivan.

Fine. We'll go to the ER.
Just stop selling me on the van.

You're right. It sells itself.

You have to admit,
it is a pretty smooth ride.

I was hoping it'd be quieter.

If child birth is half this bad
you are so screwed!

- Are we there yet?
- Soon.

Why is it taking so long?

Howard, Howard, look at the DVD screen.

I've put on Batman The Animated Series.
Your favorite.

- I'm in too much pain to watch...
- (BATMAN THEME SONG PLAYING)

Oh, this is a good one.

I've been babysitting him way longer
than you have.

Fine. I'll buy the stupid van.

This is the best blintz I've ever had.

Oh, thank you.

It almost makes up for the incredibly
awkward turn things took earlier.

You know what, I think I'm just gonna go.

No, Stuart. Don't.

You know, I consider you
and Sheldon like my family

and I'm not even sure
you think of me as a friend.

You have any idea how that feels?

We're so sorry.

You know, I'm always the last one
anybody thinks of.

Well, that's not true.

Sometimes it's Koothrappali.

Although we're not supposed to say
that 'cause he's a minority.

- Bye.
- No, Stuart. Wait.

I do know what it feels like
to be left out.

I know how it feels, too.

All right. This is about me and him,
you're not a part of it.

Stuart,

perhaps we do take you for granted
and that is not acceptable.

Please know that you truly are
a valuable member of our social group.

- Thank you.
- You know, in fact.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To Stuart.

A fine man, a good friend

and a wonderful guest.

- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.

Cheers.
Filmed before a live studio audience.

And that is how a short,
asthmatic scientist

landed a stone cold fox.

ALL: Whoa!

I didn't know you could propose
to the same person

so many times.

The third time, I did it in sky writing
but she never looked up.

- You know, once I proposed to him.
- Yeah. I said no.

- Why?
- Wanted to make her work for it.

Yeah, that's gonna cost you later.

Hang on.
Is she just with you because you're rich?

She makes more money than I do!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Who are you?

Do you know
what else I love about you, hmm?

Your handwriting is impeccable.

- Thank you for noticing!
- No, I mean it, I mean it.

It's like you have the soul
of a label maker.

You know what I love about you?

You never leave the house
without a paperclip.

'Cause you never know when two pieces
of paper might temporarily need fastening

in the top-left corner.

I also love how you never use swear words.

You know, it turns out

you can hurt people just as well
without 'em.

Maybe I can get a little help putting
some of this stuff away.

Oh... (STAMMERS) Calm down.

I already put away five of these.

You see?
No muss, no fuss, not a single cuss.

English - SDH

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