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All language subtitles for 6x23:23 - Vegas Baby : I Hate Goodbyes,1 ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:03,136 "Hot in Cleveland" is recorded 2 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,229 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:06,883 Please take your seats. We've closed the doors 4 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,876 and begun preparations for our flight to Paris. 5 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,308 Thank God. 6 00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:12,141 I made it. 7 00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:16,011 Ohh. 8 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,314 Actually, that was mine. 9 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,378 But you look like you needed it more than I did. 10 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,254 I'm so, so sorry. 11 00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,691 I promise I won't touch any of your cashews. 12 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,190 Except this one, 'cause I haven't eaten all day. 13 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,892 Help yourself. I'm Tom. 14 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,126 Oh, Melanie. 15 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,169 Boy, have I had a crazy day. 16 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,464 What happened? 17 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,165 It's a long story. 18 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,264 Well, it's a long flight... Nine hours. 19 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:41,706 Not that you'd talk for that long. 20 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,971 You don't know me very well. 21 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:45,840 Go for it. 22 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:48,439 Okay, well, first I have to set things up. 23 00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:50,780 Six years ago, my friends and I 24 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,184 were on a plane just like this flying to Paris. 25 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,347 But that plane crash-landed. 26 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,448 Oh, but, you know, get that out of your mind. 27 00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:59,702 It would ruin the flight if the whole time you're thinking, 28 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:03,163 "Oh, what if this girl's a jinx and this plane crashes?" 29 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,858 I wasn't thinking that... 30 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,491 until now. 31 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,496 Anyway, we landed safely in Cleveland, 32 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,040 and then we ended up living there. 33 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,475 And tomorrow, my dear, sweet friend Joy 34 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:18,273 is gonna have her dream wedding in Paris. 35 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,509 We knew everything was gonna change, so... 36 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,416 yesterday we decided to just put that out of our minds 37 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:27,386 and just have the most fun bachelorette party. 38 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,816 No, no, no! 39 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,259 The rule of the evening is no tears. 40 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,694 Whenever we feel sad, 41 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,664 let's just remember my fabulous wedding in Paris 42 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:41,600 that people are flying to from all over the world... 43 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,694 and Canada. 44 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,239 To Paris! 45 00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,275 Ah. I'm gonna pull another card 46 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,641 from the bachelorette party question deck. 47 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:51,872 Okay, everyone. 48 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,574 "What was the best sex you ever had?" 49 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,014 It's Bob. 50 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,415 Honestly, he's made me forget 51 00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:59,385 every other man I've ever slept with. 52 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:02,617 That must have emptied out the old brainpan. 53 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,127 What about you, Elka? 54 00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:13,065 - Sinatra, right? - Nope, nope. 55 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:18,071 The best orgasm I ever had was when Joy said she was leaving. 56 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,574 Melanie. 57 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,304 Oh, no. I-I don't want to... say. 58 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,812 Oh, come on. Tell us. 59 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,575 Honestly? Bob. 60 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,125 I mean, I know we only slept together once, 61 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,209 but he was amazing. I'm sorry. 62 00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,048 Oh, no, no, no. 63 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,520 You don't have to be. 64 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,989 I know neither one of you has feelings for the other. 65 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,083 Just like you know that if either one of you did, 66 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,561 I would have to cripple you in some disfiguring way. 67 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:45,599 Ah, this game is fun! 68 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,602 For me, the best was the one who got away... 69 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,160 Johnny Revere. 70 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,281 You know, I read in the tabloids that he's sleeping with 71 00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:54,297 a different 20-year-old groupie every night. 72 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,104 I bet he is miserable. 73 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,305 Oh, I'll take that bet. 74 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,976 Oh, I'm gonna miss this. 75 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,747 Who can believe we moved here six years ago 76 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,811 just because men in a bar thought we were hot? 77 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,084 Oh, the whole city thought we were hot. 78 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,752 And we had a lot more dates here than we would have had in L.A. 79 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,852 Although they haven't all been great. 80 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,396 Remember Pooh Bear? 81 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:19,524 He walked around in only a T-shirt and nothing else. 82 00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,864 Oh, and what about the guy with the foot fetish 83 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,426 who made little outfits for my toes? 84 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:24,869 Ugh. 85 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,531 I've been with an 18-year-old, 86 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:30,133 a man who dressed up like My Little Pony, 87 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,645 and I almost married a homeless lunatic 88 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,011 just to get a green card. 89 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,549 Excuse me. 90 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,141 Man boobs, webbed hands, human tail, 91 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,154 forehead nose, conjoined twins... I win. 92 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,888 You do. 93 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,051 All right, it's time for me to pull out 94 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,652 the name of the person who will give the toast at my wedding, 95 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,858 the one who will say lovely, wonderful things about me 96 00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,458 on the happiest day of my life. 97 00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,834 Melanie! 98 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,170 It says "Melanie"! 99 00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,911 I mean, it was an honor, but public speaking... 100 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,576 Oh, it makes me crazy nervous. 101 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,177 The last time I did it, I got these sweat stains 102 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,452 that went from my armpits all the way down to my waist. 103 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:21,461 Oh, not to mention the under-boob sweat crescents? 104 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,594 Why am I telling you this? 105 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:26,963 Don't worry about it. 106 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,611 I'll put it in the same place as your suggestion 107 00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:30,160 of dying in a hideous plane crash. 108 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,772 Good, good. 109 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,832 Anyway, so, the night went on, we played some more games, 110 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,673 and then Victoria... 111 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:41,272 Boy. She dropped a really big bombshell on us. 112 00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,408 All right, Victoria. Your turn. 113 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:46,385 "What is one thing you've never told anyone?" 114 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,454 Okay. 115 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,549 I have a major announcement to make. 116 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,253 Uh... 117 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:56,956 After Joy's wedding, I'm moving back to L.A. 118 00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:00,123 What do you mean, you're moving? 119 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,068 Well, my agent, my manager, my whole team all said 120 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,867 that if I'm serious about reinvigorating my career, 121 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,635 I need to be in L.A. 122 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,972 - But why? - Well, think about it. 123 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,979 If I'm in L.A. and a Scarlett Johansson 124 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,242 or a Natalie Portman drop out of a project, 125 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,307 then who do you think they're gonna call? 126 00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:21,651 You? 127 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,088 Exactly. 128 00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,183 Wow. 129 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,421 Our house really is splitting up. 130 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,623 We're not even gonna be in the same city. 131 00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:31,974 This wonderful time 132 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,900 of us living together is coming to an end. 133 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,335 Do you think Bob is having this much fun 134 00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,839 at his bachelor party? 135 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,476 He's with a couple of friends. 136 00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,740 I'm not exactly sure what he's doing. 137 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,779 Almost done. You doing okay? 138 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,912 Yeah. Although it might help if you told me again 139 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,923 that I'm a brave little soldier. 140 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,653 You are a brave little soldier. 141 00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,752 I like to think so. 142 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,922 So, you're getting married tomorrow. 143 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,489 Yeah, yeah. To the woman of my dreams. 144 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,660 I'm a lucky man. 145 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,499 You are. She's beautiful. 146 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,765 Oh, I know. 147 00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,899 And, if you don't mind me saying, pretty stacked. 148 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,410 Oh, I kn... What?! 149 00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,814 You're giving me a tattoo of the woman on my right, right? 150 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,425 I thought you said the woman on my right. 151 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,644 Oh, God. 152 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,346 Wait. I need to see this tattoo right now. 153 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,121 Aah! 154 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,223 Oh, I'm not worried. 155 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,785 Bob won't do anything stupid. 156 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,826 You know, he really is an amazing man. 157 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,663 You are very lucky, Joy. 158 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,067 Take a shower, Melanie. 159 00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:48,901 Well, this has been fun, but we should really get some sleep. 160 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,570 We're leaving for Paris early tomorrow morning. 161 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,712 - Oh, my God! - What? 162 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,445 I can't get married. 163 00:06:58,518 --> 00:06:59,884 I'm having a baby! 164 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,552 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 165 00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:09,858 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 166 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,990 - ♪ Hey! ♪ - Wait. She's pregnant? 167 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,465 You think the fetus texted her 168 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,399 that it's coming out the next day? 169 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,027 That would be the polite thing to do. 170 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,371 They wanted to adopt, 171 00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:22,069 and Joy found out there was a baby available in Las Vegas. 172 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,134 So naturally, she was pretty frantic 173 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,372 as we were getting ready to go to the airport. 174 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,348 Come on, everyone! Move, move! Let's go! 175 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,113 Here. Just relax. It's gonna be okay. 176 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,848 Seriously, Victoria? It's 8:00 in the morning. 177 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:37,015 We have to get to Las Vegas, pick up my baby, 178 00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:38,901 then turn around, fly to Paris for my wedding... 179 00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:39,688 All in one day. 180 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,404 What, are you saying you don't want the drink? 181 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,693 I'm saying I need a bigger drink. 182 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,411 What do you mean, you're not flying with me 183 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:49,435 to Paris? 184 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,528 Why not? 185 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,902 We... have to... 186 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,101 go somewhere with Joy first. 187 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:58,373 - Where are you going? - I'd rather not say. 188 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,676 It's Vegas, isn't it? 189 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:01,747 I'm going, too. 190 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,944 But, Mamie Sue, you have a gambling problem. 191 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,214 It's only a problem if you lose. 192 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,119 I'll see you at the airport. 193 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,292 Joy. 194 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,489 - You ready to go get our baby? - Yes, I am. 195 00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:17,792 Ah-ha-ha! 196 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,059 Oh. What's the matter? 197 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,533 Ah, nothing! 198 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:27,836 Did you do something last night you need to get off your chest? 199 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,208 Yes. 200 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,268 But now's not the time. We need to leave. 201 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,789 You're right. We can't miss that plane. 202 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,179 Let's go, everyone. 203 00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:43,981 Dad! 204 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,320 Bob Bob. 205 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,519 What are you doing here? 206 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,084 Well, I thought you should know 207 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,858 before you get married that, uh... 208 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:54,697 your mother and I have gotten divorced. 209 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,532 Divorced? 210 00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,697 Why would you wait till now to tell me? 211 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:02,937 Well, I was afraid that you'd lose your Canadian reserve 212 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,945 and act like a wild animal. 213 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,979 And I can see I was right. 214 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,986 Wait a minute. I thought Bob's dad was deaf. 215 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,421 Oh, he and Bob's mom had that implant surgery 216 00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,957 to restore their hearing. 217 00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:20,687 Dad, why would you get divorced after 50 years together? 218 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,197 Well, uh, once we could hear, your mother and I 219 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:28,360 couldn't stand the sound of each other's voices. 220 00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:32,565 And, uh, your mother says that, uh... 221 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:35,165 that I... that I... that I have a... an... an 222 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,973 an annoying st... st... Uh, stammer. 223 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:44,015 Can you believe that? 224 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,519 Well, it's good to see you, Dad, but can we wrap this up? 225 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,679 We're in kind of a hurry. 226 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,950 Well, I'm ready to start dating again, 227 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:53,221 and I thought you could... give me some tips. 228 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,852 Oh. 229 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,692 That's actually quite flattering. 230 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,597 Well, uh, you know, you're kind of a... 231 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,100 a doughy man. 232 00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:07,334 And you have Joy, who... who is... 233 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:10,104 clearly out of your league. 234 00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:15,039 Somewhat less flattering. 235 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:19,018 What I'm looking for is loose women 236 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,850 and... and no consequences. 237 00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,822 I'm sorry, Mr. Moore, 238 00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,121 but we have to leave right now for Las Vegas. 239 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,592 That could work. 240 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,658 Folks, we apologize for the long delay, 241 00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,203 but we're still waiting for a gate to open up. 242 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,535 Our baby is out there, and we can't get to her. 243 00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:40,937 I can't take this anymore! 244 00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,067 Oh, they have to give us a gate soon. 245 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,610 It's so hot. 246 00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,168 Why don't you unbutton your shirt? 247 00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:49,010 'Cause it's bad luck for the bride to see the groom's chest 248 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:50,879 before the wedding. 249 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,977 - What? - It's a Canadian thing. 250 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,285 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! 251 00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:58,790 What are you doing? 252 00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:01,760 That's the sound of a slot machine hitting it big. 253 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,159 I'm visualizing winning. 254 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,165 - Ding, ding, ding, ding... - Could you visualize quieter? 255 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,064 Nope. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, 256 00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,278 ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. 257 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,601 Oh, this is a disaster. 258 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,163 My phone is out of juice and... 259 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,072 and now I have to resort to reading. 260 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,406 Oh, my God! Look at this. 261 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:24,348 Johnny Revere is doing a show of all his hits in Vegas. 262 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,010 You gonna go try and see him? 263 00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:27,451 Oh, I can't. No. 264 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,046 Some big network executive's in Vegas right now. 265 00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:32,421 My agent says I have to meet him. 266 00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:36,861 And, plus, I'm doing my own thing, and Johnny's doing his. 267 00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:39,228 Uh, Johnny's your... your boyfriend? 268 00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:40,231 No, no. 269 00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:43,269 The last time we saw each other, we decided it couldn't be. 270 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,237 Oh. 271 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,569 So you're... 272 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,166 you're not... You're not seeing anybody? 273 00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:54,610 Are you coming on to me? 274 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,013 Oh, no. 275 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,279 No. 276 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,878 Should, uh... Should... should I? 277 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,118 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Where you going? 278 00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:10,891 To get our baby. We're busting out of here. 279 00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:11,974 We're popping the exit door. 280 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,694 No, but that's for emergencies only! 281 00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:14,876 What do you think this is? 282 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,027 Oh! 283 00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,740 I'm sorry about opening the door. 284 00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:27,712 It's just, you know, I was feeling a little hot. 285 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,715 So, uh... no harm, right? 286 00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,914 You are a brave and wonderful person 287 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:38,184 for taking the rap for Joy. 288 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,056 And I am 100% there for you. 289 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:42,060 Well, got to go. 290 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:44,393 Wait! What? Why? 291 00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:47,058 Well, I have my meeting with the network guy. 292 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,726 But you said you'd be there for me. 293 00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,736 No, exactly. I'll be there for you. 294 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:52,237 Just not here for you. 295 00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:58,111 You know what? You guys can go, too. 296 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,079 I'll use this time to work on my toast for Joy... 297 00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:04,675 because a lot of people have written great things in jail. 298 00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,218 Like Dr. King. 299 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,119 He wrote "Letter from a Birmingham City Jail." 300 00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:11,350 And... And... Oh! Martha Stewart. 301 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,861 She wrote her recipe for zesty lemon bars. 302 00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:18,523 Enough chitchat. I need to hit the slots. 303 00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:23,927 And I want to hit the strip and, you know, meet some dolls. 304 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:27,462 Um... but, uh, first, I want to get... 305 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,601 in my, uh, party mode. 306 00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:36,107 I'll go with you. 307 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,242 If people see you with a hot woman, 308 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:41,116 they'll think you're rich. 309 00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,554 I-I am rich. 310 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:45,523 And now you're handsome. 311 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,924 Elka, you've been in jail before. 312 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:51,996 Any advice? 313 00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:57,063 Find the scariest bull bitch in the cell 314 00:13:57,136 --> 00:14:00,231 and call her sweetheart. 315 00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:06,041 Look at that! 316 00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:09,514 A Tony King Slot 4,000. 317 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:13,178 If you jimmy it like so... 318 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,484 and then give it a good whack... 319 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,764 And that's how you beat the house with nobody the wiser. 320 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:36,133 There's a guard behind me, isn't there? 321 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,417 Hi, sweetheart. 322 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,931 Ah, this traffic is terrible. 323 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,001 I know. 324 00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:05,527 But in a few hours, we'll be on a plane to Paris 325 00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,835 with our sweet little baby girl. 326 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:12,106 We'll be singing her lullabies and cooing her softly to sleep. 327 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,609 Learn to drive, ass... 328 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,615 We're in a hurry! 329 00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:20,709 I'm so happy. 330 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,497 So... how are you liking Vegas? 331 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,125 Oh, it... It's wild. 332 00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,568 Up until today, I thought... 333 00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:41,004 I thought Winnipeg was... was Sin City. 334 00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:43,808 Wild? 335 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,608 The only place we've been is the wax museum. 336 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,444 You know, that statue of Don Rickles... 337 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:52,417 it... it was almost lifelike. 338 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:54,953 That was Don Rickles. 339 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,116 If you're here to pick up women, 340 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:02,991 how come you've spent the whole day with me? 341 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,429 Well, so far I haven't... 342 00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:08,023 met any women who meet my standards. 343 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,433 You have standards? 344 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,501 In the deaf community, 345 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:16,531 I was known as a smooth-signing ladies' man. 346 00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:19,836 Then prove it. 347 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,437 Pick somebody up. 348 00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:23,675 O-Okay. Who? 349 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,545 How about our dealer? 350 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:27,780 She's cute. 351 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,321 H-Hi. 352 00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:34,319 Could... Could I ask you something? 353 00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:40,858 You got arrested for sexual harassment? 354 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:43,502 Well, I-I was nervous speaking, 355 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:48,803 so I-I asked her if she minded, you know, if I... if I signed. 356 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,843 No. 357 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:56,872 You said, "Do you mind if I let my fingers do the talking?" 358 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,183 And she... She did. 359 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,852 How come you're here? 360 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,090 I was defending him. 361 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,132 And... words... 362 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,224 were exchanged. 363 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,103 They can't arrest you for that. 364 00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,537 Let me finish. 365 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:24,277 Words were exchanged... 366 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,209 for punches. 367 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,079 That... That bald lesbian at the crap table... 368 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:35,815 she... she was really impressed. 369 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,525 That was also Don Rickles. 370 00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:50,429 Victoria, the network is excited to be in business with you. 371 00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:51,526 Oh, I'm so glad. 372 00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,469 And my agent tells me you're a big fan. 373 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:56,338 Huge fan. An Oscar, an Emmy. 374 00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,775 And I love that Lifetime original movie 375 00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,574 about the hairdresser turned preacher. 376 00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:03,946 Mm. "Lather, Rinse, Repent." 377 00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,386 So, what kind of project are we talking about? 378 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,922 It's very exciting. 379 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,083 We're partnering with a Japanese company... 380 00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:15,059 Ozawa Industrial Brothers. 381 00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:16,720 They want you to star in a show 382 00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:20,391 featuring a product they make called Mrs. Ladypants. 383 00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,162 I've never heard of it. 384 00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:26,069 - It's an adult diaper. - It's an absorbent pant. 385 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,209 Oh, excuse me. 386 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,608 I have to get tickets for my mom to see Johnny Revere. 387 00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:33,805 Whoever that is. 388 00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,871 I'll be back in a few. 389 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,749 Oh, Johnny. 390 00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:43,414 Babe, come out and see the fountain. 391 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:46,288 Look, there's dolphins in it. 392 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:49,821 - Amazing, right? - Mm. 393 00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,523 I'm gonna go down and take a selfie. 394 00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,160 It's a freakin' fountain! 395 00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:02,673 Johnny? 396 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,978 Victoria? 397 00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:09,877 Wow. Look at that. 398 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,383 Johnny Revere is playing in concert. 399 00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:13,628 You know, if we could go see that, 400 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:16,212 that would make this day perfect. 401 00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:19,421 Not that going to pick up our baby 402 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:22,461 and getting married isn't perfect enough. 403 00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:24,895 Ugh! This is taking too long. 404 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,058 Here's 50 bucks. 405 00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:28,657 There are no red lights. 406 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:31,735 Except for that one! 407 00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:44,312 Oh, my God. 408 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,080 Bob? Are you okay? 409 00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:48,453 Let me loosen your shirt and tie. 410 00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:51,082 Oh, no. No! 411 00:19:51,158 --> 00:19:54,060 You are going to be okay. You're going to be okay. 412 00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:59,899 You are not gonna be okay. 413 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,298 How upset was Joy? 414 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,432 Was Bob okay? Did they get the baby? 415 00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:09,352 And what about Victoria and Johnny? What happened to them? 416 00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,221 And how'd you and Elka and the others get out of jail? 417 00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:12,822 And I bet you're worried about how my toast 418 00:20:12,846 --> 00:20:14,246 was coming along too, right? 419 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:17,148 So worried I didn't want to bring it up. 420 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:20,210 You're sweet. 421 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:23,746 Anyway, the good news is that, yes, Bob was okay. 422 00:20:23,824 --> 00:20:25,315 What were you thinking? 423 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,418 Melanie's face is tattooed on your chest. 424 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,087 I told you it was a mistake. 425 00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:30,095 You know, we're all entitled 426 00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:31,859 to a youthful indiscretion or two. 427 00:20:31,932 --> 00:20:33,730 You only got it last night. 428 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,167 I was younger then! 429 00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:39,635 So, every time we make love, I'm gonna be looking at Melanie. 430 00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,175 There are other positions, Joy. 431 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:46,805 You know, in Canada, we have one called Reverse Lady Mountie. 432 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,058 - It involves you taking... - There will be no positions 433 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,812 till that thing's gone. 434 00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:52,546 Fine. I'll get it lasered off. 435 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:54,918 Or I could add a couple of other dudes 436 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:57,184 and pass it off as Three Dog Night. 437 00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:00,593 How's the car? Can we go? 438 00:21:00,661 --> 00:21:01,938 It's just a little banged up. 439 00:21:01,962 --> 00:21:03,123 Looks like it'll run fine. 440 00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:06,698 Oh, crap! 441 00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:09,362 Relax. Just tell him it's a minor fender bender. 442 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,338 You don't get it. I'm undocumented. 443 00:21:12,406 --> 00:21:14,637 Good luck with the baby. 444 00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:17,405 Damn it! We're never gonna get there! 445 00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,571 No baby, no plane, no wedding. 446 00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:20,841 Everything's going wrong, 447 00:21:20,914 --> 00:21:23,213 just like it always does when I'm about to be happy. 448 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,644 Bob... where are you going? 449 00:21:27,721 --> 00:21:30,156 Don't worry, Joy. 450 00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:32,954 I'll explain everything to the police. 451 00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:34,517 You can't drive. This isn't your cab. 452 00:21:34,595 --> 00:21:36,530 I am a desperate tattooed immigrant 453 00:21:36,597 --> 00:21:37,860 who just pissed off a woman. 454 00:21:37,931 --> 00:21:39,900 I think I can pass as a cabby. 455 00:21:44,204 --> 00:21:46,230 Hey, you know what? Since you guys are here, 456 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:47,831 maybe you can give me some feedback 457 00:21:47,908 --> 00:21:49,240 on my wedding toast for Joy. 458 00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:51,778 You know, 'cause everyone tells me to write from the heart, 459 00:21:51,845 --> 00:21:53,609 so that's what I did. 460 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,616 "Joy, don't leave me. 461 00:21:56,683 --> 00:21:59,152 I know this might be the happiest day of your life, 462 00:21:59,219 --> 00:22:01,188 but it's the saddest day of mine. 463 00:22:01,254 --> 00:22:03,689 But you obviously don't care about that, 464 00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:07,455 or me, so let's just raise a glass to Joy and Bob." 465 00:22:09,429 --> 00:22:12,957 Melanie, you're making jail sad. 466 00:22:15,769 --> 00:22:16,828 Please! 467 00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:19,668 You have got to let me out so I can get on that plane 468 00:22:19,740 --> 00:22:22,141 and give this toast tomorrow at my friend's wedding. 469 00:22:22,209 --> 00:22:23,802 I think I'm doing her a favor. 470 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,606 I'm going crazy. 471 00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:31,709 Just behind these bars is a wonderful world of sin, 472 00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:34,448 and I can't even get a glimpse of it. 473 00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:38,325 I feel the same way. 474 00:22:38,392 --> 00:22:40,418 Are you a gambler, too, Bob? 475 00:22:40,494 --> 00:22:41,518 Uh, no, no. 476 00:22:41,595 --> 00:22:44,326 Uh... ladies' man. 477 00:22:48,802 --> 00:22:51,169 Well, why are you in the women's jail? 478 00:22:51,238 --> 00:22:54,766 They... said I wasn't a threat. 479 00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,607 Mayor Elka Ostrovsky? Bob Moore? 480 00:23:01,682 --> 00:23:02,682 You're free to go. 481 00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:04,360 Casino dropped the charges against the two of you. 482 00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:06,250 Wait, wait, wait. So they can just go? 483 00:23:06,319 --> 00:23:07,617 How did that happen? 484 00:23:07,688 --> 00:23:09,623 I have no idea. 485 00:23:09,690 --> 00:23:12,319 You agreed to testify against her. 486 00:23:13,493 --> 00:23:16,861 Oh. Maybe that's why. 487 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,401 Come on, Bob! Drive faster! 488 00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:24,665 You know, contrary to popular belief, 489 00:23:24,738 --> 00:23:27,640 going faster will not lower your fare. 490 00:23:27,708 --> 00:23:29,267 You've got the meter running? 491 00:23:29,342 --> 00:23:31,811 That's what a real cabby would do. 492 00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:33,312 Go through that red light. 493 00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:36,179 Have you learned nothing, Joy? 494 00:23:37,184 --> 00:23:40,086 I'm sorry. This is an emergency. 495 00:23:40,153 --> 00:23:42,122 Take me to the hospital. I'm in labor. 496 00:23:42,189 --> 00:23:44,420 Oh, I'm sorry. We'd love to, but we can't. 497 00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:45,501 We're going to adopt a baby. 498 00:23:45,525 --> 00:23:47,687 I'm going to have a baby. 499 00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:49,320 Uh-oh. Ah! 500 00:23:49,396 --> 00:23:51,074 I don't think I'm gonna make it to the hospital! 501 00:23:51,098 --> 00:23:51,895 - You will. - I won't! 502 00:23:51,965 --> 00:23:53,092 - You will! - I won't! 503 00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:54,166 You will! 504 00:23:54,234 --> 00:23:56,465 She didn't. 505 00:23:56,536 --> 00:23:58,562 Bob delivered the baby in the cab. 506 00:23:58,638 --> 00:24:00,971 So, did Bob and Joy make it to the adoption agency? 507 00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:01,974 Slow down! 508 00:24:02,042 --> 00:24:04,671 I need to catch you up on Victoria and Johnny. 509 00:24:04,745 --> 00:24:07,010 Wow! Victoria, you look amazing. 510 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,049 - Yeah, you too. - So... 511 00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:10,414 what are you doing here in Vegas? 512 00:24:10,484 --> 00:24:13,044 Oh, the usual career song and dance. 513 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,850 I talked myself into being excited about it, 514 00:24:14,921 --> 00:24:16,913 but now... I don't know. 515 00:24:16,990 --> 00:24:18,856 Yeah. I know what you mean. 516 00:24:18,925 --> 00:24:21,588 Oh, please! Your life seems great. 517 00:24:21,661 --> 00:24:25,154 You got a Vegas show and that pretty young thing. 518 00:24:25,232 --> 00:24:28,828 I do hope she's getting college credit for this relationship. 519 00:24:30,504 --> 00:24:33,269 Well, it's, uh, not really a relationship. 520 00:24:33,340 --> 00:24:35,935 I mean, more like just marking time. 521 00:24:36,009 --> 00:24:38,706 Oh, but I bet she thinks it's special. 522 00:24:38,779 --> 00:24:41,374 After all, I was that girl once. 523 00:24:41,448 --> 00:24:43,110 With you. 524 00:24:43,183 --> 00:24:45,049 I mean, that's how we met, remember? 525 00:24:45,118 --> 00:24:47,053 - Mm-hmm. - It's really funny, 526 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,783 but when I see you, I feel like that same girl 527 00:24:49,856 --> 00:24:51,950 who climbed onto Johnny Revere's balcony 528 00:24:52,025 --> 00:24:54,620 and... spent the night with him. 529 00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:57,027 And when I look at you, 530 00:24:57,097 --> 00:24:59,430 I'm still the same guy that's glad you did. 531 00:25:02,335 --> 00:25:03,769 What the hell are you doing? 532 00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:05,203 Climbing onto your balcony. 533 00:25:05,272 --> 00:25:07,366 Are you crazy? We're 10 floors up! 534 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,534 There's a connecting door. 535 00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:11,840 That's for old people. 536 00:25:11,912 --> 00:25:14,143 Come on. Reach over and help me. 537 00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,582 - Now what do we do? - Oh, I can't hang on! 538 00:25:20,654 --> 00:25:23,852 - Aah! - Whoa! 539 00:25:38,138 --> 00:25:41,302 Those dolphins really scattered when we hit the water. 540 00:25:42,509 --> 00:25:45,308 Well, at least we got through it without being recognized. 541 00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:46,778 Mrs. Ladypants! 542 00:25:48,648 --> 00:25:51,618 Uh... I'm the commercial spokesperson 543 00:25:51,685 --> 00:25:54,416 for a certain product in Japan. 544 00:25:54,487 --> 00:25:56,581 Happy Penis Pow Pow! 545 00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:01,592 So am I. 546 00:26:03,363 --> 00:26:04,763 I'm worried... 547 00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:08,165 no woman will ever want me, you know, now that... 548 00:26:08,235 --> 00:26:10,329 I've been in prison. 549 00:26:10,403 --> 00:26:12,338 Oh, don't worry. 550 00:26:12,405 --> 00:26:15,375 Women love bad boys. 551 00:26:15,442 --> 00:26:17,775 Look, Elka, I know you think of me 552 00:26:17,844 --> 00:26:23,181 as a suave, sophisticated chick magnet. 553 00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:25,548 Sure. 554 00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:29,215 But it's... It's a pose. 555 00:26:29,289 --> 00:26:32,316 I-I have no game. 556 00:26:32,392 --> 00:26:34,861 I'll bet you do. 557 00:26:35,896 --> 00:26:38,661 Give me your best line. 558 00:26:39,232 --> 00:26:41,599 Damn, girl. 559 00:26:41,668 --> 00:26:45,799 If you were a vegetable, you'd be a legplant. 560 00:26:51,478 --> 00:26:53,106 We made it. We're here. 561 00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:54,977 We're ready to adopt our baby. 562 00:26:55,048 --> 00:26:56,516 Joy Scroggs and Bob Moore. 563 00:26:56,583 --> 00:26:58,984 We're gonna be amazing parents. 564 00:26:59,052 --> 00:27:00,850 - Are you okay? - Yeah. I'm sorry we're late. 565 00:27:00,921 --> 00:27:03,186 We stopped to help a pregnant woman in labor. 566 00:27:03,256 --> 00:27:07,591 We delivered the baby and didn't steal it like we wanted to. 567 00:27:07,661 --> 00:27:10,688 Can't hurt to put that in our file. Extra credit. 568 00:27:10,764 --> 00:27:11,874 You know, actually, I did notice 569 00:27:11,898 --> 00:27:14,231 there is one document missing from your file. 570 00:27:14,301 --> 00:27:15,769 There's no marriage certificate. 571 00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:18,361 Oh, don't worry about that. We're getting married tomorrow. 572 00:27:18,438 --> 00:27:20,998 Oh. I do need to have that certificate 573 00:27:21,074 --> 00:27:22,599 before we can bring you your baby. 574 00:27:22,676 --> 00:27:26,113 What kind of adoption agency demands a marriage certificate? 575 00:27:26,179 --> 00:27:29,172 A very old-fashioned Catholic one. 576 00:27:29,249 --> 00:27:31,241 I can't believe this! 577 00:27:31,318 --> 00:27:32,786 We had to break out of an airplane 578 00:27:32,852 --> 00:27:34,821 and steal a cab and deliver a baby, 579 00:27:34,888 --> 00:27:36,132 and now none of that even matters 580 00:27:36,156 --> 00:27:37,488 because we're not married! 581 00:27:37,557 --> 00:27:38,786 It's fine. We'll get married. 582 00:27:38,858 --> 00:27:40,224 Oh, come on, Bob! 583 00:27:40,293 --> 00:27:43,923 Where are we gonna get married on a moment's notice in Vegas? 584 00:27:44,731 --> 00:27:46,825 - Oh, yeah! - We'll be back. 585 00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:49,062 Don't give away our baby. 586 00:27:49,769 --> 00:27:52,136 - Wow. This is nice. - Mm. 587 00:27:52,205 --> 00:27:53,349 You know, when I was a little girl, 588 00:27:53,373 --> 00:27:56,241 I used to stare up at the stars and dream. 589 00:27:56,309 --> 00:27:58,073 What'd you dream about? 590 00:27:58,144 --> 00:28:01,706 Being a famous actress and... 591 00:28:01,781 --> 00:28:04,046 being happy. 592 00:28:04,617 --> 00:28:05,983 And I just keep thinking, 593 00:28:06,052 --> 00:28:07,496 "How am I ever gonna get the second one 594 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,251 if I keep on chasing the first?" 595 00:28:10,323 --> 00:28:13,725 Even now, I'm trying to charm my way into a role 596 00:28:13,793 --> 00:28:16,524 on some show in L.A. 597 00:28:16,596 --> 00:28:19,395 It's just always the same old, same old. 598 00:28:19,466 --> 00:28:21,094 It is, isn't it? 599 00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:24,433 I mean, every night I go onstage with the same red blazer, 600 00:28:24,504 --> 00:28:27,736 the same Ray-Bans I've worn for 30 years. 601 00:28:27,807 --> 00:28:30,641 And the hotel wants three more years. 602 00:28:31,277 --> 00:28:33,610 Why are we still on this hamster wheel? 603 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,172 What are we looking for? 604 00:28:38,651 --> 00:28:42,486 Maybe what we're looking for is right in front of us. 605 00:28:43,790 --> 00:28:45,918 Do you remember when we almost ran away together, 606 00:28:45,992 --> 00:28:47,790 but we didn't because we both decided 607 00:28:47,861 --> 00:28:49,659 to put our careers first? 608 00:28:49,729 --> 00:28:52,164 I think about it all the time. 609 00:28:52,232 --> 00:28:54,997 Well, I don't want to make that mistake again. 610 00:28:55,068 --> 00:28:56,832 So how about... 611 00:28:56,903 --> 00:29:00,032 we just get off that damn hamster wheel? 612 00:29:00,106 --> 00:29:02,507 And... get onto each other? 613 00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:05,409 Oh, Johnny. 614 00:29:05,478 --> 00:29:08,676 You always did save your romantic lines for your songs. 615 00:29:11,484 --> 00:29:13,419 Okay, girls, your pimp just posted bail. 616 00:29:13,486 --> 00:29:15,114 You're free to leave. 617 00:29:20,293 --> 00:29:21,293 Excuse me. 618 00:29:21,327 --> 00:29:24,126 We are also ladies of the evening. 619 00:29:25,231 --> 00:29:26,426 I don't think so. 620 00:29:26,499 --> 00:29:27,877 You know what, Mamie Sue? It's okay. 621 00:29:27,901 --> 00:29:30,894 This will just give me more time to work on my toast. 622 00:29:30,970 --> 00:29:32,962 No, not the toast again. 623 00:29:33,039 --> 00:29:35,167 Get out, you two whores! 624 00:29:42,282 --> 00:29:44,683 Oh, I could lie here with you forever. 625 00:29:44,751 --> 00:29:46,515 Mm. 626 00:29:46,586 --> 00:29:48,817 Me too. 627 00:29:53,126 --> 00:29:54,526 Mm. 628 00:29:54,594 --> 00:29:55,960 But we can't! 629 00:29:56,029 --> 00:29:58,191 We have to get to a wedding! 630 00:29:58,731 --> 00:30:04,034 Okay, old friend, I believe we have some unfinished business. 631 00:30:04,104 --> 00:30:06,005 Not now, Mamie Sue! 632 00:30:06,072 --> 00:30:07,192 We have to get to a wedding! 633 00:30:14,013 --> 00:30:15,709 We have to get married right away! 634 00:30:15,782 --> 00:30:19,549 Sounds like you two have a hunka, hunka burnin' love. 635 00:30:19,619 --> 00:30:22,088 Oh, bloody hell. 636 00:30:22,155 --> 00:30:26,024 Listen, Elvis, we need to get married so we can get a baby. 637 00:30:26,092 --> 00:30:28,652 Old-fashioned values. I like it. 638 00:30:28,728 --> 00:30:31,095 But we got a promise ring convention in town. 639 00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:33,326 They're in love. Ahem. 640 00:30:33,399 --> 00:30:35,027 We're all booked up. 641 00:30:35,101 --> 00:30:36,592 I'm going in. 642 00:30:36,669 --> 00:30:38,968 Those two young virgins will have to wait. 643 00:30:44,878 --> 00:30:46,437 Dad? 644 00:30:46,513 --> 00:30:48,573 Elka? You're getting married? 645 00:30:48,648 --> 00:30:51,982 Well, there's my something old. 646 00:30:59,057 --> 00:31:01,185 I can't believe you're getting married. 647 00:31:01,259 --> 00:31:04,286 Wow! Johnny Revere! 648 00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:06,355 Huge fan. 649 00:31:06,431 --> 00:31:11,028 You know, I lost my virginity to "I Love Makin' Love." 650 00:31:11,103 --> 00:31:14,437 That song came out 10 years ago. 651 00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:17,909 So... 652 00:31:17,976 --> 00:31:20,309 good year for both of us. 653 00:31:21,913 --> 00:31:23,973 - Focus, Bob! - Yes. 654 00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:25,176 How did this happen? 655 00:31:25,250 --> 00:31:27,412 Well, it's quite a story. 656 00:31:27,486 --> 00:31:30,422 Um... we were, um... 657 00:31:30,489 --> 00:31:34,392 We... We were at the... At the baccarat table, 658 00:31:34,459 --> 00:31:35,950 at the... 659 00:31:36,027 --> 00:31:39,293 the casino, you know, where... where the theme is... 660 00:31:39,364 --> 00:31:42,664 Oh, someone's got to speed this up! 661 00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:47,968 Elka volunteered to help him find the perfect woman. 662 00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:49,837 Turns out it was me. 663 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:53,940 Yeah, I realized what I was looking for was... 664 00:31:54,012 --> 00:31:56,504 was right in front of me. 665 00:31:57,616 --> 00:31:59,710 Oh, we know the feeling. 666 00:31:59,785 --> 00:32:02,345 Great. Everyone's in love except for Melanie. 667 00:32:03,989 --> 00:32:05,924 Was that really necessary? 668 00:32:05,991 --> 00:32:07,926 Look, we need to get married first, 669 00:32:07,993 --> 00:32:09,325 because we need a baby. 670 00:32:09,394 --> 00:32:12,193 And we need to get married fast 'cause we're... 671 00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,926 in our 80s. 672 00:32:15,267 --> 00:32:16,428 Mm. 673 00:32:16,501 --> 00:32:18,527 80s? 674 00:32:18,603 --> 00:32:20,663 He doesn't know. 675 00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:24,268 So, who's getting married first? 676 00:32:24,342 --> 00:32:26,106 You could make it a double wedding. 677 00:32:26,178 --> 00:32:28,443 That'll give us more time for gambling. 678 00:32:30,315 --> 00:32:32,443 Okay, fine! 679 00:32:34,019 --> 00:32:35,851 This is so exciting! 680 00:32:35,921 --> 00:32:39,016 I wonder what fake celebrity they'll get to marry you. 681 00:32:43,195 --> 00:32:46,393 Who here loves makin' love? 682 00:32:48,033 --> 00:32:49,467 Oh! It's you! 683 00:32:49,534 --> 00:32:51,196 Which one of you is Bob Moore? 684 00:32:51,269 --> 00:32:53,204 - I am. - I am. 685 00:32:53,271 --> 00:32:57,072 I-I'm Bob, and he's... he's Bob Bob. 686 00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:01,474 You know, I don't want to be Bob Bob anymore. 687 00:33:01,546 --> 00:33:03,640 Sounds like somebody you can boss around. 688 00:33:03,715 --> 00:33:06,378 - Would you quit wasting time? - Yes, dear. 689 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,256 Hey, why don't you and I get married, too? 690 00:33:11,323 --> 00:33:13,815 Oh! Oh, Johnny! 691 00:33:13,892 --> 00:33:15,485 Yes! 692 00:33:18,697 --> 00:33:20,962 But not now. We're stars. 693 00:33:21,032 --> 00:33:21,965 I mean, we can't have a wedding 694 00:33:22,033 --> 00:33:25,834 where the biggest celebrity guest is a 93-year-old mayor. 695 00:33:25,904 --> 00:33:28,806 9... 93? 696 00:33:28,874 --> 00:33:31,105 Damn it, Victoria! 697 00:33:37,716 --> 00:33:40,276 I now pronounce you man and wife... 698 00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:41,877 and man and wife. 699 00:33:41,953 --> 00:33:43,649 - Yay! - Congratulations! 700 00:33:43,722 --> 00:33:46,123 - Congratulations! - Congratulations! 701 00:33:49,261 --> 00:33:50,854 Bob, we've got to go. 702 00:33:50,929 --> 00:33:53,763 Yes, you do. Go pick up my granddaughter. 703 00:33:53,832 --> 00:33:56,495 - Granddaughter? - Oh, my God! 704 00:33:56,568 --> 00:33:59,003 Elka's your mother-in-law. 705 00:34:01,907 --> 00:34:04,536 Call me Mom! 706 00:34:10,884 --> 00:34:12,978 I can't believe we're married. 707 00:34:13,053 --> 00:34:15,318 You can't believe it? What about me? 708 00:34:15,388 --> 00:34:17,584 First time I saw you, I imagined this moment, 709 00:34:17,657 --> 00:34:19,785 and I thought, "No way." 710 00:34:19,860 --> 00:34:21,385 Now that it's actually happening, 711 00:34:21,461 --> 00:34:23,794 you know what I'm thinking? 712 00:34:23,864 --> 00:34:26,993 - "No way." - Oh, Bob. 713 00:34:29,202 --> 00:34:31,501 Mr. and Mrs. Moore? 714 00:34:32,806 --> 00:34:35,640 Mrs. Moore. That's me! 715 00:34:35,709 --> 00:34:39,237 I'm not Scroggs anymore. I'm Scroggs-free! 716 00:34:39,312 --> 00:34:41,178 Would you like to meet your daughter? 717 00:34:42,415 --> 00:34:45,180 Oh, God! Oh, God. 718 00:34:46,987 --> 00:34:49,115 Oh. Oh. 719 00:34:50,290 --> 00:34:52,384 Oh, my gosh. 720 00:34:52,459 --> 00:34:54,189 Congratulations, you two. 721 00:34:54,261 --> 00:34:56,253 Oh, thank you. 722 00:34:58,765 --> 00:35:01,166 Would you look at her? 723 00:35:02,135 --> 00:35:05,663 All the babies in the world, and we got the best one. 724 00:35:05,739 --> 00:35:07,469 I think so, too. 725 00:35:07,541 --> 00:35:09,635 - Our little girl! - I know. 726 00:35:10,977 --> 00:35:13,913 I am gonna take care of you and love you 727 00:35:13,980 --> 00:35:16,176 and protect you forever. 728 00:35:16,249 --> 00:35:18,912 And I'm gonna teach you to wait for the right man 729 00:35:18,985 --> 00:35:21,978 even if it takes a really long time. 730 00:35:22,522 --> 00:35:23,581 Happy? 731 00:35:23,657 --> 00:35:26,320 So happy. 732 00:35:26,393 --> 00:35:29,420 All the stupid mistakes I've made in my life... 733 00:35:29,496 --> 00:35:31,522 all the regrets... 734 00:35:31,598 --> 00:35:33,624 I wouldn't change any of them, 735 00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:35,328 'cause they got me to this moment. 736 00:35:35,402 --> 00:35:37,667 You're right. 737 00:35:37,737 --> 00:35:39,672 Little things like... 738 00:35:39,739 --> 00:35:41,731 getting a tattoo of another woman on your chest 739 00:35:41,808 --> 00:35:44,300 just seem so unimportant right now. 740 00:35:44,377 --> 00:35:47,279 Nice try. 741 00:35:47,347 --> 00:35:49,441 Well, maybe on our honeymoon I'll get a tan 742 00:35:49,516 --> 00:35:51,951 and we can tell people it's Bob Marley. 743 00:35:52,919 --> 00:35:55,286 Oh, my God! Our honeymoon! Paris! 744 00:35:55,355 --> 00:35:57,187 - Ah! - We've got a plane to catch. 745 00:35:57,257 --> 00:35:58,816 Here. 746 00:36:05,599 --> 00:36:06,794 Do you have a name yet? 747 00:36:06,867 --> 00:36:08,460 Yes. Elizabeth. 748 00:36:08,535 --> 00:36:10,595 But I think we're gonna call her Betty. 749 00:36:11,938 --> 00:36:14,305 Never met a Betty I didn't like. 750 00:36:14,374 --> 00:36:17,071 And they're always so pretty. 751 00:36:18,979 --> 00:36:21,608 Seems so unreal to me... 752 00:36:21,681 --> 00:36:24,742 flying to Paris again with all of you. 753 00:36:24,818 --> 00:36:28,448 Only this time with a baby and a wonderful man. 754 00:36:28,521 --> 00:36:31,491 The last time we were on this plane, we were all so unhappy. 755 00:36:31,558 --> 00:36:34,357 - We felt invisible and unwanted. - Hm. 756 00:36:34,427 --> 00:36:36,794 We thought our best years were behind us. 757 00:36:36,863 --> 00:36:38,832 And then we crash-landed in Cleveland. 758 00:36:38,899 --> 00:36:40,800 Of all places! 759 00:36:40,867 --> 00:36:42,563 And met Elka... 760 00:36:42,636 --> 00:36:46,073 and had all kinds of adventures and romances 761 00:36:46,139 --> 00:36:49,166 and career changes, and... 762 00:36:49,242 --> 00:36:51,643 we became the people we are today. 763 00:36:53,079 --> 00:36:56,072 And now our lives are gonna change again. 764 00:36:57,417 --> 00:37:00,854 I just want you all to know that... 765 00:37:00,921 --> 00:37:04,881 I have never learned more or laughed harder... 766 00:37:06,326 --> 00:37:10,422 or had as much damn fun as I've had in the last six years! 767 00:37:11,731 --> 00:37:13,597 I mean, we doubled each other's joys, 768 00:37:13,667 --> 00:37:15,533 and we halved each other's sorrows. 769 00:37:16,836 --> 00:37:19,396 So, yeah, things are gonna change, but... 770 00:37:19,472 --> 00:37:22,772 I know one thing that will never change... 771 00:37:24,778 --> 00:37:25,871 you're my friends. 772 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,949 You're my family. 773 00:37:31,184 --> 00:37:33,676 You really are the loves of my life. 774 00:37:35,288 --> 00:37:37,450 I love you. 775 00:37:37,524 --> 00:37:40,187 Oh, Melanie. 776 00:37:40,260 --> 00:37:42,752 - To us. - To us! 777 00:37:44,698 --> 00:37:49,136 Oh, and now I got to get busy working on my stupid toast. 778 00:37:49,202 --> 00:37:52,138 I think that was your stupid toast. 779 00:37:52,205 --> 00:37:53,434 You're right, you're right! 780 00:37:53,506 --> 00:37:54,684 Okay, just forget you ever heard it, 781 00:37:54,708 --> 00:37:56,028 'cause I'm gonna go write it down. 782 00:37:57,544 --> 00:37:59,172 This is Captain Reid speaking. 783 00:37:59,245 --> 00:38:00,389 All passengers and flight attendants 784 00:38:00,413 --> 00:38:03,281 please take your seats and fasten your seat belts. 785 00:38:03,350 --> 00:38:04,841 Hey, I think I got my toast. 786 00:38:04,918 --> 00:38:06,614 I had no doubt. 787 00:38:06,686 --> 00:38:08,917 So, how does your story end? 788 00:38:10,023 --> 00:38:12,686 Um... I don't know. 789 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,257 I have a feeling something big is about to happen. 790 00:38:19,232 --> 00:38:20,598 Okay, don't worry. 791 00:38:20,667 --> 00:38:21,896 The plane's not gonna crash. 792 00:38:21,968 --> 00:38:23,561 I mean, lightning does not strike twice. 793 00:38:26,306 --> 00:38:28,104 Oh! 794 00:38:28,174 --> 00:38:29,972 I'm scared. 795 00:38:30,043 --> 00:38:31,944 It's gonna be okay. Take my hand. 796 00:38:40,787 --> 00:38:44,485 ♪ Ooh, you make me live ♪ 797 00:38:44,557 --> 00:38:48,426 ♪ Whatever this world can give to me ♪ 798 00:38:48,495 --> 00:38:52,728 ♪ It's you, you're all I see ♪ 799 00:38:52,799 --> 00:38:56,634 ♪ Ooh, you make me live, now, honey ♪ 800 00:38:56,703 --> 00:39:00,640 ♪ Ooh, you make me live ♪ 801 00:39:01,408 --> 00:39:04,378 ♪ Oh, you're the best friend ♪ 802 00:39:04,444 --> 00:39:06,845 ♪ That I ever had ♪ 803 00:39:06,913 --> 00:39:10,315 ♪ I've been with you such a long time ♪ 804 00:39:10,383 --> 00:39:12,284 ♪ You're my sunshine ♪ 805 00:39:12,352 --> 00:39:14,412 ♪ And I want you to know ♪ 806 00:39:14,487 --> 00:39:16,854 ♪ That my feelings are true ♪ 807 00:39:16,923 --> 00:39:19,791 ♪ I really love you ♪ 808 00:39:19,859 --> 00:39:21,487 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪ 809 00:39:21,561 --> 00:39:25,362 ♪ You're my best friend ♪ 810 00:39:34,240 --> 00:39:36,505 God, that was fun. 811 00:39:36,576 --> 00:39:38,670 It truly was. 812 00:39:38,745 --> 00:39:41,214 I loved it. 813 00:39:41,281 --> 00:39:42,510 Same time next week? 814 00:39:42,582 --> 00:39:44,380 - You bet. - Why not? 815 00:39:44,451 --> 00:39:46,545 - Let's do it. - Wednesdays are our nights. 816 00:39:46,619 --> 00:39:49,521 Yeah. I like Wednesdays. 817 00:40:03,336 --> 00:40:05,669 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 818 00:40:05,738 --> 00:40:08,230 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 819 00:40:08,308 --> 00:40:12,871 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 820 00:40:12,946 --> 00:40:15,279 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 821 00:40:15,348 --> 00:40:17,647 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 822 00:40:17,717 --> 00:40:22,246 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 823 00:40:25,592 --> 00:40:27,185 ♪ Hey! ♪ 58592