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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,754 --> 00:00:08,354 05 Scary Movie 5 - Comedy 2013 English 2 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:14,796 I don't want to make one of these tapes if you do it with every girl. 3 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,385 Every girl? No, no. 4 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,051 I'm strictly a one-woman guy. 5 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:24,393 I don't wanna end up over the Internet. I pride myself on keeping a low profile. 6 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,603 My private life is private. 7 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,645 Wait. I thought you never did this before. 8 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,779 What are all these? 9 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,740 Just some movies I rented. 10 00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:37,401 Me and Brandi, missionary? 11 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,570 A tale of two girls who become nuns. 12 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,240 What are all those? 13 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,330 Oh, it's just your standard home-security setup. 14 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:48,963 Basic, run-of-the-mill, nothing too elaborate. Everybody has them. 15 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,965 Why do you need security cameras pointing at your bed? 16 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:56,003 In case a burglar tries to steal my sex tapes. Let's get into bed. 17 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,718 Let's make this quick. I have a court hearing. 18 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,725 - Judge Henderson? - No, I wish. Thompson. 19 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,848 That's gonna suck for you. 20 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,101 It was a driving mishap thingy. 21 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,516 Do me a favour. Promise me you won't drive. 22 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,186 That's sweet. You're worried about me driving. 23 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:13,855 I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian. 24 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:19,072 Sorry. It's my sobriety monitor. 25 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,747 I'm sorry. Sorry. 26 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,701 - Ankle tracking bracelet. - OK. 27 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:33,458 What are you doing? 28 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,629 Just warming up. 29 00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:42,016 OK. Are you sure we're alone here? 30 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,643 Feels like there's somebody else in this house. 31 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:48,723 - Do you hear that? - It's nothing. 32 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,480 - OK, what is that? - Just unravelling the old hose. 33 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,938 Save it for tomorrow, Raul! 34 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,547 That was amazing. 35 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,724 Get out of here, Emilio. 36 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,137 Charlie, I'm scared. 37 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,182 Lindsay, sweetie, there's nothing to be afraid of. 38 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,776 - I got the stuff. - I gotta call you back. 39 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,744 I think I'd better go. 40 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,500 Really? How about tomorrow? You busy? 41 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,423 I'm going to blow you across the room! 42 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,547 Sounds awesome. 43 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:18,373 And thus, our story begins. 44 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,963 The large reward offered for the rescue of Charlie's kids 45 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:27,052 drew the attention of police, private detectives and Red Cross volunteers. 46 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:30,347 Everyone was on high alert for these children. 47 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,636 Except these two guys. 48 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,224 No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens access to cheaper drugs, 49 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:40,527 free preventative care and it closes the Medicare Part D loophole. 50 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,064 How's that help if I get shampoo in my peehole? 51 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,154 - What? - Never got shampoo in your peehole? 52 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:49,946 - OK, maybe like once or twice. - When you was playing with yourself. 53 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,208 No. I wasn't playing with myself, I was just showering. Crazy got up in there. 54 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,994 Bullshit. That's Newton's first law of gravity: 55 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,503 Soap don't run uphill. 56 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,004 Well, either way, 57 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,917 - that shit stings like hell. - Stings like a mother. 58 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,131 Feels like a hornet up in there. 59 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,218 Don't understand why the shampoo company can't fix that. 60 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:11,474 Got no more tears. Why not no hornets in your peehole? 61 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:15,263 Don't think they expect you to use the no more tears on your thing. 62 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,148 - Why call it Johnson & Johnson? - Got a question. 63 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,731 What are two stoners doing wandering around these spooky woods? 64 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:25,114 Look, it'll be worth it. I told you, this is Humboldt County. 65 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:28,492 This is where all the growers grow their bomb-ass shit. 66 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,155 - They be cool with us helping ourselves? - We ain't taking plants. 67 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,165 We're gonna snip a few buds, you know? It'll grow back. 68 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,702 Just like a lobster paw. That's how nature do. 69 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,620 I don't know. Doesn't feel right. 70 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,914 They won't care. We're gonna be cool. 71 00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,629 We're gonna roll one blunt and get out of here. 72 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,669 - Just one? - Just one. 73 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,884 - They won't care?! - Just keep running! 74 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,548 Holy shit, is that a drone?! 75 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,138 They're going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass! 76 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,148 Yo, I think they're gone. 77 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,197 It's a cabin in the woods. We need to hide in there. 78 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,075 I'm not going in. It reminds me of a horror movie. 79 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:13,408 - What horror movie? - The one with the cabin in the woods. 80 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,916 - Friday the 13th? - No. The one with the cabin in the woods. 81 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:20,794 - Texas Chainsaw Massacre? - No. The one with the cabin in the woods. 82 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,706 - The Ring? - The one with the cabin in the woods. 83 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:27,047 - Blair Witch Project? - No, one with the cabin in the woods. 84 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,427 - The Munsters? - That wasn't in the woods. 85 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,966 - That wasn't even a damn movie. - We ain't got time for this. 86 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:36,010 We need to get to that cabin in the woods. 87 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,949 - What is that sound? - Sounds like the house settling in. 88 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,204 - It looks new. - I'll take a look. 89 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,990 Go ahead. 90 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,453 What is that?! 91 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,092 - What we shooting? - There! 92 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,177 - Where? There? - The dark! 93 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,760 No, this dark! Over there! 94 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,066 - What was that? - Alaskan king crab just ran up on me! 95 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:28,399 - Crab? Coz, we banging? - Put the guns down, man. 96 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,610 - Put yours down first. - On three. 97 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,362 One, two, three. 98 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,153 - Damn. - You wanna try it again? 99 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,449 Sure. One, two, three. 100 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,042 One, two, three. 101 00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,502 Man, we could do this shit all day. 102 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,341 - Truce? - Truce. 103 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:58,100 Hey, yo, D'Andre, look, homie. It's two little girls. 104 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,260 Two little racist girls, man. 105 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,388 Wearing blackface. 106 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,979 - You cool with that? - Hey, little girl. What's your name? 107 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,490 - What'd she say? - Wonder what your leg tastes like. 108 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,071 Little spider girl bit me! 109 00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,828 - You'll get powers! - There's no black superheroes. 110 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,329 I'm on it. 111 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:26,211 Yo, D'Andre, I think they're the missing kids from the news. 112 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,042 - How can you be so sure? - Look. 113 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:32,631 - I don't know. - If it is, I'll take that reward money 114 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,637 and I'm gonna buy a yacht, fill it with cash, bitches, 115 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,174 - and a shark. - Why buy a shark? 116 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,183 Trust me, we're gonna need a shark. 117 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,725 No, this can't be right. 118 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,656 Hi, Mom. 119 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,784 I gotta call you back. 120 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,499 No baby, no baby, no baby. 121 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,835 - You're pregnant. - No'.! 122 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:14,673 With anticipation over the outcome of this iPregnancy test, 123 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:18,009 which has determined that you are... 124 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,806 You gotta be kidding me. 125 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,683 Oh, no! 126 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:27,439 Not pregnant! You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut. 127 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,441 Thank you, God. Sweet! 128 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,604 Great news! They found my brother's kids! 129 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,318 Oh, crap. 130 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:39,777 We're very fortunate the older one, Kathy, has retained most of her vocabulary. 131 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,537 The baby hasn't actually said a word. 132 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,119 - Why not? - Because he's a baby. 133 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,957 They've been alone here over three long months. 134 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,622 I need to warn both of you 135 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,384 - that this is not going to be easy. - I'm ready for it. 136 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,803 - Hello! - No, no. Wrong window. 137 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,386 Here's where the children are. 138 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,144 - What is she doing? - To survive their extreme isolation, 139 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,775 the girls created an imaginary guardian, 140 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:16,155 a parent figure to feed them, sing to them. They call her Mama. 141 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,949 But these may help you break through. 142 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,071 And the Ritalin may help as well. 143 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:24,659 - The dosage for someone their age is... - Wish me luck. 144 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,744 Hey, Lily. 145 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,377 Oh, how cute. 146 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:44,007 - OK. - Kathy. 147 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:47,261 It's OK, Kathy. Remember these? 148 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,351 You used to wear them to help you see better. 149 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,112 No, no, no! 150 00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:02,322 Maybe we should get her some contacts. The soft kind. 151 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,538 Daddy? 152 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,708 No, sweetheart. 153 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:12,666 Not Daddy. I'm your uncle Dan, remember? 154 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,295 And this is Jody. 155 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,415 Jo... dy. 156 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,426 Jody. No pause between Jo and dy. 157 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,511 Jo... dy. 158 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,013 We're at an impasse. I see constant conflict. 159 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,141 It's fine, they'll warm up to you. 160 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,513 Hey, hey, hey, little lady! That's not how... 161 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,180 You little mother... 162 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,477 Well, everything checks out. 163 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,647 They seem good. Validate our parking and we'll take them. 164 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,442 - Wish it were that easy. - You don't validate? 165 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,827 I'm saying the kids are not yours to take. 166 00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:47,908 Can't win them all. Let's skedaddle. 167 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,700 That's not fair. They're my brother Charlie's kids. We deserve them. 168 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,165 Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock band, 169 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,546 staying out all night long, high on drugs, 170 00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,960 different man every night. Don't think the courts will look upon that favourably. 171 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,629 - But... - Messing with you. The kids are yours. 172 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,763 They are? You hear that? They're ours! 173 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,552 One condition. This house is owned by the Institute for Case Studies. 174 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,845 Every room is fully wired with cameras. 175 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,560 If you move into the house, you get the kids. 176 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,647 Can't we sell the house, put the kids in an orphanage? 177 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,733 Do you really think you're out out to be a mom? 178 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,397 - Of course she is. - Dan! 179 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,283 Now, no more rock band. And no more silly wig. 180 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,285 It's not silly! It's a part of me! 181 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,537 - No more tattoos. - What are you doing? 182 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,665 What I had to. We're a perfect suburban couple. 183 00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:37,462 And so, Dan and Jody headed to their new house with their new children. 184 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:41,091 But like a slutty sorority girl returning from spring break, 185 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,050 they were also bringing home a hidden evil. 186 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,887 All right, kids, here's our new house. 187 00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:52,644 - And here's Uncle Dan. - Hi! 188 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,725 Don't forget about Mommy! 189 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,560 Dan! I'm not their mommy. 190 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,645 They can call me Aunt Jody. 191 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,187 Or Jods, J-Mom, Mrs Sanders. 192 00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,401 Or if they wanna call me... Garage! 193 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,994 Here comes Jody and Aidan, entering the house for the first time. 194 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:12,372 This is where we'll protect you and make sure nothing bad... 195 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:16,042 - Oh, my God, Aidan! - Maybe we should put him in the carrier. 196 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:20,380 - There. See? That's better. - Come on, Aidan. What, what, what? 197 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,958 - Relax. It's OK. - Oh, my gosh. Dan! 198 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,718 - What? - Dan, I lost the baby! 199 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,258 Oh, my gosh! Aidan! Aidan, where are you? 200 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:31,266 - Aidan! - Where did you go? Oh, there he is! OK. 201 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,353 Here's your sister Kathy. 202 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,139 Oh, Aidan, it's OK. 203 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,435 Talk in a baby voice. It doesn't even matter what you say. 204 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,101 OK. 205 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,363 I'm your step-mommy. 206 00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,324 I'm not your fricking mommy. 207 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,031 There you go. You're a natural. 208 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,287 What's that smell? 209 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:58,835 Oh, my God! What do I do?! Oh, here! This! Hold on! 210 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,788 Uncle Dan! 211 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,878 Kathy! Sorry, honey! 212 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,136 All right, there you go, sweetie. 213 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:11,799 Is it chilly in here? I felt it as soon as I entered the room. 214 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,388 Feels fine. Hey, what are these? 215 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,929 This is interesting. What is this? 216 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,643 I don't know. Mama drew that one. 217 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,479 Look. We drew this picture for Aidan. 218 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,691 It's Aidan on a rocket to the moon. 219 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,565 Sitting on a rocket. 220 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,359 Where's Lily? 221 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,197 No, sweetie, the other end. 222 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,121 Let's go introduce Aidan to the rest of the family. 223 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,925 - And there's our furry family member. - Yes, Maria. 224 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:51,214 - No, Dan, Artie. - Yes, of course. Our dog Artie. 225 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:55,350 The new baby! I make blessing. 226 00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:03,525 OK, OK, that's good, Maria. 227 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,440 Oh, my gosh. 228 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,405 With three new kids to care for, 229 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,987 Dan really needed to start performing at work. 230 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,746 Unfortunately, he was having issues with a colleague. 231 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,955 OK, Caesar. This is the one. I can feel it. 232 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,041 Eighty-one seconds? 233 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,832 Oh, Caesar. That's your worst time yet. 234 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,923 You're doing even worse on your creativity test. 235 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,385 Look at all the imaginative things I made out of blocks. 236 00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,175 Like this awesome plane. 237 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,895 Dan. Do you have any results yet? 238 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,686 Well, I've been injecting the primates twice a day 239 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:51,402 with the I-13 intelligence drug. I'm hoping in a week or so... 240 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,989 I hope Caesar is not just a big waste of time and money. 241 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:58,747 I'm the one responsible to the board. Show me one thing positive. 242 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,079 Look. They still throw their shit. 243 00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,836 But now they can keep score. 244 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,959 Kick-start this. When can we go to human trials? 245 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:15,472 We're close, there's an intermediate step. If the I-13 works on these reality wives... 246 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,766 - You better check that shit. - Who gonna check me, boo? 247 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:31,689 - Pinning the future of our lab on beasts. - They're not beasts. 248 00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,107 They have feelings, they have families. 249 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:37,118 Males pee standing up, females pee sitting down. 250 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,446 These apes are just like you. 251 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,656 And me! You and me! 252 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,292 Blacks and whites. More like whites, of course. 253 00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,999 Whites are a lighter shade of ape, you are bla... 254 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,132 dder infection, we're all at risk. What were we talking about? Vaginas! 255 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,838 - Shut up. - Yes, of course. 256 00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,762 Caesar has got to show some human intelligence or... 257 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,674 Caesar's smarter than half of those board members. 258 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,216 - Dan... - I know. 259 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,977 If he's so smart, why is he in a cage? 260 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:04,812 You're in the cage. 261 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,037 What? 262 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,833 - Oh, you're looking for this? - It's my ballerina doll. 263 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,161 - You made this? - Mama did. 264 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:32,253 Using twigs, moss, spider webs, sparrow bones, lizard eyes. 265 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,588 All held together with rat droppings. 266 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,469 Oh, jeez! 267 00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:28,270 What are you doing? 268 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,435 I just can't deal with these kids. They're creepy. We should take them back. 269 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,570 Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground. 270 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:38,823 What about that ballerina doll Kathy's always playing with? 271 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,109 I don't wanna talk about the ballet. 272 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,738 I saw what the ballet did to my mom. 273 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,031 She became obsessed. 274 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:50,164 She even danced the Swan while she was pregnant with me. 275 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,374 Boo! Boo! 276 00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,379 Hell, you better sit back before I punch you in your throat. 277 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,264 We're trying to enjoy the show. Shh me again. 278 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,266 I double-dog dare you. 279 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,510 You better ask somebody who I am. 280 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,026 Got it! 281 00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,072 Mom was never the same. 282 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,372 That's unlikely to ever happen again. Ever. 283 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,286 Just give it a shot. 284 00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,922 Look what I found. It's a local production, 285 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:41,253 but could be something for you and Kathy to talk about. Could be fun. 286 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,717 - You really think so? - Yes. 287 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:47,225 Well, I suppose I could check it out. 288 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,729 OK. But the minute it becomes too difficult, I'm giving up. 289 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:52,643 That's the spirit. 290 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:10,156 Even though Jody only returned to the ballet to connect with the girls, 291 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:13,042 as she got closer she couldn't help but get excited 292 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,797 at the prospect of becoming the Swan Queen. 293 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,340 This season, we open with Swan Lake. 294 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:25,256 As you all know, this piece has the most challenging and demanding role in ballet, 295 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,764 the Swan Queen. 296 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:31,098 Sizing up her competition, Jody knew the battle would be a tough one. 297 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,104 The white and the black. 298 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,686 Fortunately, we have with us prima ballerina 299 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:39,319 and the lead in my last 146 productions, 300 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:40,819 Heather Darcy! 301 00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,616 The seasoned professional. 302 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:49,279 The still brilliant, crusty, old, weathered, leather-faced 303 00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:52,700 elder statesman of ballet, to whom these young girls, 304 00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:55,619 less experienced, more beautiful and delicious, 305 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:59,710 but still very raw ballerina hopefuls look up. 306 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:03,502 Show these far more desirable children how it's done. 307 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,837 Music! 308 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:16,394 Try that thing where you are skipping, hop, spread your legs a little. 309 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,316 Look at that form. That technique. 310 00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,527 I'll never be that good. 311 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:26,736 I'm Jody, by the way. 312 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,652 Kendra. 313 00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,531 - Are you gonna try out? - Me? 314 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,417 I don't know. I mean, I like to dance, but 315 00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:40,672 - I don't like to be the centre of attention. - OK, who's next? 316 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,252 Food! 317 00:21:57,775 --> 00:22:01,359 It is as if I am seeing ballet for the first time. 318 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,686 That's not ballet. 319 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,650 The passion, the sensuality. 320 00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:15,122 I can show passion. 321 00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:16,915 Oh, yeah! 322 00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:20,794 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 323 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,878 Jody certainly had her work cut out for her. 324 00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:27,051 That Kendra chick was smoking. 325 00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:28,803 Do you accept euros? 326 00:22:58,669 --> 00:23:00,751 Kathy? Lily? 327 00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:03,128 Aidan? 328 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:16,934 Jody? 329 00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,594 Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry! 330 00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,514 - I'm so sorry! - I'm fine. 331 00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:22,102 It was on the floor. 332 00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:24,309 Probably a screw loose. 333 00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:26,477 I'll fix it. 334 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:30,406 - I feel like there's something in the house. - What? 335 00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:34,820 Like I feel hot, clammy, foul-smelling breath on my neck. 336 00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:40,413 You need call psychic. Kill bad spirits. 337 00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:42,918 No, Maria, enough of this stuff. 338 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:47,173 OK, then I do blessing. I protect house. 339 00:23:48,886 --> 00:23:51,378 Honey, you really need to relax. 340 00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:54,137 You're just stressed out about the children. 341 00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:57,141 No, it's this house. I feel it. 342 00:23:57,311 --> 00:24:00,849 And Maria's a little off. I mean, honestly, do you really trust her? 343 00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:03,890 Honey, don't worry. She couldn't hurt a fly. 344 00:24:04,068 --> 00:24:09,188 You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow, let's just get you some sleep. 345 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,322 Love you. 346 00:24:15,496 --> 00:24:18,238 I don't believe this. Our whole house ransacked. 347 00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:22,079 Leave the house unattended with the doors unlocked, look what happens. 348 00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:24,710 They didn't take anything. It's just vandalism. 349 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,247 Every room except the kids' rooms was trashed. 350 00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:31,088 - So you suspect the kids? - It was Mama. Mama did it. 351 00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:34,379 She hates this house. She hates you. 352 00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:38,929 OK, Maria, this is camera. 353 00:24:39,103 --> 00:24:40,593 Necessito filming. 354 00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:42,682 Thank you for helping me clean up. 355 00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:45,598 Oh, hey, been looking all over for this thing. 356 00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:47,437 I still got it. 357 00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:50,103 I'm sorry! God! Help, honey! 358 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,862 Maria! Honey. help! 359 00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:53,943 Jeez! Maria, put the camera... 360 00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:56,234 Oh, look at this. 361 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:59,196 Mom coaching me when I was a little girl. 362 00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:02,615 Always applying the guilt trip. 363 00:25:02,793 --> 00:25:04,579 That got me the lead. 364 00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:09,543 Look, Maria. Maria, look what I found. 365 00:25:09,717 --> 00:25:11,674 What is this? 366 00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:15,298 That's a new type of electric toothbrush. 367 00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:17,804 Look, a whole box of toothbrushes! 368 00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:21,309 Graffiti! Did you see this? 369 00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:22,889 Who does that? 370 00:25:23,063 --> 00:25:25,145 What are we... Maria? 371 00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,306 Maria! 372 00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:31,645 Miss Jody, Miss Jody, you call this man, 373 00:25:31,822 --> 00:25:35,031 Mr Blaine. He helped my sister. 374 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,612 - This is a psychic. - Si, he help you. 375 00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:39,902 What we need are more security cameras. 376 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:08,495 This is fun, Mama! 377 00:27:19,096 --> 00:27:21,087 You're still awake? 378 00:27:21,265 --> 00:27:24,678 It's just us until Uncle Dan comes back from the hospital. 379 00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:28,220 I don't like it, you don't like it. I don't like it. Go to sleep. 380 00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,855 I have to be up early for ballet tomorrow. 381 00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:37,148 You really like ballet? 382 00:27:37,322 --> 00:27:40,030 - Yeah, but I don't want you to go. - Why? 383 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:42,696 Mama says you're gonna have an accident. 384 00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:44,618 Oh, OK. 385 00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:47,075 Is this the same Mama who trashed the house? 386 00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:49,035 Basically, yes. 387 00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:57,373 Don't go in there. 388 00:27:57,551 --> 00:28:00,168 - I wasn't going to. - Just don't. 389 00:28:00,470 --> 00:28:02,882 It's my house. I can if I want. 390 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,093 - I wouldn't. - Would. 391 00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:07,008 - Wouldn't. - Would too. 392 00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:09,894 - Would not. - You know what? I'm the adult. 393 00:28:10,063 --> 00:28:12,395 - You're not the boss of me. - Don't. 394 00:28:35,255 --> 00:28:38,873 I told you not to let anyone in! 395 00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:48,428 And so Jody was... Oh, my God, I just smelled that. 396 00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:51,844 It just got to me. Yeah. 397 00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:55,515 And so Jody was... Oh, no, I'm sorry. You have to excuse me. 398 00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:59,185 I gotta get some fresh air. The next section should explain itself. 399 00:29:13,543 --> 00:29:17,252 All right. Attention! I do not wish to repeat myself. 400 00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:20,164 I repeat, I do not wish to repeat myself. 401 00:29:20,342 --> 00:29:22,458 I require the sweater I wear as a scarf. 402 00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:31,971 Mother, please. I'm working. 403 00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:35,558 All right. Because Heather Darcy is so old, 404 00:29:35,732 --> 00:29:38,099 this season we will have a new Swan Queen. 405 00:29:38,402 --> 00:29:40,518 And that person is 406 00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:43,070 Jody Sanders. 407 00:29:46,243 --> 00:29:49,907 Now, Jody, show us your routine. 408 00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:53,456 No! I'm the Swan Queen! 409 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,286 Watch me! 410 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,537 As I was saying, my choice for new... 411 00:29:59,715 --> 00:30:01,831 Her?! Anyone but her! 412 00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:05,343 You might just as well have picked the janitor! 413 00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:07,094 Me? 414 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,767 - Ira, please. Not now. - What? 415 00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:20,683 OK, yes, it was a difficult decision, 416 00:30:20,861 --> 00:30:23,603 but I have always been attracted to Jody. 417 00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:27,239 How could I not? She has the body of a 5th grade boy. In the event 418 00:30:27,409 --> 00:30:31,698 she is unable to dance, I am naming as her understudy 419 00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:33,579 Kendra Brooks. 420 00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:39,376 All right, that's lunch. 421 00:30:53,977 --> 00:30:56,765 This is a nice house. I'm gonna go find the girls. 422 00:30:58,357 --> 00:31:01,816 How did you know I was gonna have an accident today at the ballet? 423 00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:04,852 - Mama told me. - OK, well, how did Mama know 424 00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:07,271 I was gonna have an accident? 425 00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,697 Oh, there you are. I found this bandage. 426 00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:14,782 - On my head. - Dan, please. 427 00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:18,199 I think there's something going on. Something about this Mama. 428 00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:21,870 - I'll call the psychic. - Do you really think we need a psychic... 429 00:31:22,047 --> 00:31:24,129 - Uncle Dan, come here! - Coming. 430 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:30,670 Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks. Look what I can do. 431 00:31:31,515 --> 00:31:34,553 - Oh, wow, that's really good, honey. - Dada! 432 00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:36,633 Good Lord! 433 00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:38,560 Uncle Dan, look at me! 434 00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:41,597 Evil spirits! Mr Dan, look! 435 00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:44,517 Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits? 436 00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:49,317 You're facing something our human minds cannot imagine! 437 00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:53,275 Let's get you in a robe. 438 00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:56,654 Do you wanna hear about the ballet today? 439 00:31:56,832 --> 00:31:58,368 Mama's helping us get ready. 440 00:31:58,542 --> 00:32:00,533 Oh, OK. I'll brush too. 441 00:32:04,548 --> 00:32:06,289 Where did my toothbrush go? 442 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:15,256 Hey! We don't lick our balls in this house. 443 00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:17,675 Sorry. Won't happen again. 444 00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:22,559 Try as she might, Jody couldn't connect with those kids. 445 00:32:24,234 --> 00:32:26,976 Or get the taste of that toothbrush out of her mouth. 446 00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,737 Was it just 8-year-old teen angst 447 00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:34,275 or were there otherworldly forces at work here? 448 00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:49,316 Baby. Baby, I heard something. 449 00:33:49,486 --> 00:33:51,602 - What? - There's someone in the kitchen. 450 00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:54,317 See? There's nobody down here. 451 00:33:54,491 --> 00:33:58,860 - Look, there it is again! Right there! - Jody, calm down. 452 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:01,904 See, there's nothing to worry about. It's just... 453 00:34:05,752 --> 00:34:08,494 - Dan, I'm calling the psychic! - Make the call! 454 00:34:10,257 --> 00:34:12,498 Blaine Fulda, professional psychic. 455 00:34:12,676 --> 00:34:14,667 - Hi, I'm Jody. - Indeed you are. 456 00:34:14,844 --> 00:34:16,460 And this is my husband Dan. 457 00:34:16,638 --> 00:34:20,097 Your payment as requested, $500 in unmarked bills. 458 00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:21,678 Of course, you know Maria. 459 00:34:21,851 --> 00:34:24,434 - Hola, Mr Blaine. - Hi, Maria. How's your sister? 460 00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:26,390 Dead. Demon killed her. 461 00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:30,934 That explains the unreturned phone calls. I'm sensing evil. 462 00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:33,936 I'm gonna get some of your personal belongings here 463 00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:36,606 just so I can check for demon and ghost residue. 464 00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:40,617 Won't be able to lift all those monitors. I'll send my cousin with a van. 465 00:34:40,787 --> 00:34:43,620 - He can get them in. - Dan was attacked last night. 466 00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:45,280 We think it might be Mama. 467 00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:47,790 Kitchen attack? Could've said that earlier. 468 00:34:47,961 --> 00:34:50,828 If a room turns on you, it's either a ghost or a demon. 469 00:34:51,006 --> 00:34:53,122 Can a demon take over someone? 470 00:34:53,300 --> 00:34:55,416 Like, live within them? 471 00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:56,925 That's some scary shit! 472 00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:59,257 A demon is the worst thing you can have? 473 00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:02,139 No, an STD is the worst thing that you can have. 474 00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:04,175 Who wants to hurt you? 475 00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:07,811 A jealous colleague at work? A Facebook friend you ignored? 476 00:35:07,981 --> 00:35:11,064 Maybe you adopted a small African child named Ikatababwe? 477 00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:15,728 Promising to feed this nigger for 25 cents a day? But he needs something to drink! 478 00:35:15,905 --> 00:35:18,272 - Anyway, let's forget. - Okay. 479 00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:20,448 This is the evil communicator. 480 00:35:20,619 --> 00:35:23,953 When I put this on, I'll be able to cross over to the other side 481 00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:26,284 and confront the entity. That will trigger 482 00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:31,043 the final $350 payment of child support to Tisha Fulda. 483 00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:34,622 If you guys would just join hands, close eyes and concentrate. 484 00:35:34,924 --> 00:35:39,919 Empty your mind of thoughts. Everything that went on, get out of your mind. 485 00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:43,922 This is all about the spirit world here. 486 00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:48,264 And three, two and one. 487 00:35:54,527 --> 00:35:56,894 What's happening? Things are starting to move! 488 00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:01,732 Wait! I don't think he can breathe! 489 00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:06,495 He's a pro! Sophisticated equipment like that? Of course he can breathe. 490 00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:08,997 I couldn't breathe. Almost killed myself. 491 00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:13,206 All right, I communicated. It was definitely a demon. 492 00:36:14,881 --> 00:36:16,622 Wait a minute. I was wrong. 493 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,757 It's a ghost. So strong. 494 00:36:21,638 --> 00:36:23,470 - Dan! Dan, wake up! - It's got me! 495 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,631 You have to get out of here! It's evil! 496 00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:27,846 It's pure evil! It's Mama! 497 00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:52,750 Now do you believe something's going on? He got dragged away, yelling Mama. 498 00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:54,910 He got dragged away? I don't remember. 499 00:36:55,088 --> 00:36:58,251 - Dan, you were unconscious. - I don't remember that either. 500 00:36:58,425 --> 00:37:01,759 I don't wanna argue. The important thing is, we love each other. 501 00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:06,422 The important thing is this Mama could be real and might be trying to kill us. 502 00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,557 Jod, that guy was a fraud and that's it. OK? 503 00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:21,444 - What's that? - My penis. 504 00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:24,402 - No. - Yes. 505 00:37:24,951 --> 00:37:26,362 There, right now, there! 506 00:37:27,203 --> 00:37:30,741 - What the hell is that? - My penis? 507 00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:33,873 What's making that sound? 508 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:41,145 Dan, what is that? 509 00:38:42,862 --> 00:38:44,978 My penis. 510 00:39:19,649 --> 00:39:21,811 Is that smoke? 511 00:39:25,655 --> 00:39:27,896 Maria! What are you doing? 512 00:39:28,074 --> 00:39:31,487 - You're gonna burn down the house! - Kill bad spirits! 513 00:39:31,661 --> 00:39:33,151 What is going on? 514 00:39:33,329 --> 00:39:35,536 Maria almost burned the house down. 515 00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:37,664 - What? - That's it, she's got... 516 00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:42,374 Enough! This is getting out of hand. You're scaring everybody. 517 00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:44,754 You can't fire her. Been with us for years. 518 00:39:44,924 --> 00:39:46,790 I don't know what to do. 519 00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:50,336 OK, now what the hell? This is completely insane. 520 00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:53,346 - It's what she believes in, honey! - Give me that! 521 00:39:53,516 --> 00:39:55,006 You're gonna let me go? 522 00:39:55,184 --> 00:39:58,427 - The family is not safe! - I'm sorry, it's not working out. 523 00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:00,346 I'll give you a recommendation. 524 00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:04,232 Nothing involving kids or within a mile of anyone's house. 525 00:40:05,862 --> 00:40:09,526 I can't do this any more. I gotta go to work. 526 00:40:09,699 --> 00:40:12,361 I don't even understand what you're saying! 527 00:40:47,862 --> 00:40:50,194 Ladies and gentlemen, for the past two years, 528 00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:55,155 our own Dan Sanders has been testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes. 529 00:40:55,328 --> 00:40:56,659 Unfortunately, 29 of them 530 00:40:56,829 --> 00:41:00,322 turned into insane, aggressive, deviant sexual predators. 531 00:41:00,500 --> 00:41:02,491 But one, Caesar, 532 00:41:02,669 --> 00:41:05,787 has experienced a huge leap in intelligence. 533 00:41:06,089 --> 00:41:09,627 Here he plays three opponents. Of course, they're apes, 534 00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:13,089 but Caesar's superior capabilities 535 00:41:13,262 --> 00:41:14,593 are the work of one man. 536 00:41:14,764 --> 00:41:18,257 The brains behind the I-13 project, Dan San... 537 00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:20,550 - Are you OK? - I'm fine, Martin. 538 00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:24,767 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Caesar... 539 00:41:31,823 --> 00:41:33,188 Oh, no! 540 00:41:52,135 --> 00:41:54,376 Traffic is backed up on Broad Street Bridge 541 00:41:54,554 --> 00:41:57,672 where police are battling apes in a running gunfight. 542 00:41:57,849 --> 00:42:01,217 Our reports indicate that a scientist at a research laboratory 543 00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:04,136 gave these apes an experimental intelligence drug. 544 00:42:04,313 --> 00:42:07,726 I'm being told that all available officers are now on the scene. 545 00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:13,191 But at this time, we are advising all our viewers to find alternate routes. 546 00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:17,949 I'm being told we have the actual 911 call that first alerted police to the situation. 547 00:42:18,119 --> 00:42:19,609 911, what's your emergency? 548 00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:23,826 Oh, my God! Apes are inside the house! 549 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,992 - Calm down. What happened? - We were making love and... 550 00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:28,956 Oh, my God! They're attacking him! 551 00:42:29,130 --> 00:42:32,623 - Who are they attacking, ma'am? - Carl! Oh, my God! 552 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,167 - Help him! - Where is your husband right now? 553 00:42:35,344 --> 00:42:38,837 Carl's not my husband. My husband's the anchor for Channel 12 News. 554 00:42:39,015 --> 00:42:40,346 He can't know about it. 555 00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:41,927 - But we need to... - Hurry! 556 00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:44,468 Send help while my husband's still on the air! 557 00:42:44,645 --> 00:42:48,513 - That's not important. Your life is. - You're right. Why should he care? 558 00:42:48,691 --> 00:42:52,150 I'm pretty sure he's been sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch! 559 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,651 Oh, I'm gonna rip her... 560 00:42:58,201 --> 00:43:00,067 Congratulations, girl. 561 00:43:00,286 --> 00:43:03,654 Knew it was gonna be you. You're just so perfect, so mechanical. 562 00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,619 Watching you dance is like watching a robot. 563 00:43:06,793 --> 00:43:08,579 Thanks. 564 00:43:10,046 --> 00:43:12,287 I'm so hungry. 565 00:43:15,134 --> 00:43:17,671 - Is that all? - Pierre has a weight limit. 566 00:43:17,845 --> 00:43:20,678 I'm too heavy. Look at Mara. 567 00:43:21,140 --> 00:43:23,177 She looks great. 568 00:43:24,644 --> 00:43:26,601 Look, are you sure you're OK? 569 00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,557 Weird things have been happening. 570 00:43:28,731 --> 00:43:32,395 Kathy said there would be an accident. Then it happened to Heather. 571 00:43:32,568 --> 00:43:34,559 That's some serious shit. 572 00:43:34,737 --> 00:43:37,274 You should talk to those kids. 573 00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:39,064 Whoa, pizza! 574 00:43:42,495 --> 00:43:45,704 I eat and eat and eat 575 00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:48,331 and I don't gain a pound. 576 00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:14,349 Heather! 577 00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:17,231 You think you can replace me? 578 00:44:17,530 --> 00:44:22,570 Well, we'll see how you like it once the Swan consumes you! 579 00:44:32,587 --> 00:44:34,328 Damn it! 580 00:44:37,216 --> 00:44:39,457 Son of a bitch! 581 00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:45,259 Oh, I didn't know you were such a good builder. 582 00:44:49,145 --> 00:44:52,103 Kathy, I want you to tell me about Mama. 583 00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:55,106 Mama doesn't like it when you talk about her. 584 00:44:55,276 --> 00:44:56,607 Who is Mama? 585 00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:59,109 She was a woman who read from an evil book. 586 00:44:59,405 --> 00:45:02,648 Sometimes she comes to us in a dream. 587 00:45:02,825 --> 00:45:04,566 In a dream? 588 00:45:04,744 --> 00:45:06,655 In your dreams, of course. 589 00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:09,780 I wish I could see what's inside your dreams. 590 00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:12,578 To extract what's in your dreams. 591 00:45:12,835 --> 00:45:14,917 To perform an inception. 592 00:45:15,087 --> 00:45:18,045 Will you drop that? That's my birth tuba. 593 00:45:20,509 --> 00:45:24,548 Hello. I'm Dom Kolb. You called about a dream extraction? 594 00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:28,465 Yes. I need to find out about an evil book. 595 00:45:28,809 --> 00:45:33,269 This machine will allow us access to the dream world. Let's begin. 596 00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:38,641 When do we start dreaming? 597 00:45:38,819 --> 00:45:42,357 You never really remember the beginning of a dream, do you? 598 00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:45,148 - I guess. - OK then, 599 00:45:45,326 --> 00:45:48,910 this is your first lesson in shared dreaming. Stay calm. 600 00:45:49,205 --> 00:45:51,697 Sorry. I dropped my phone in there. 601 00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:54,536 You need to clear your subconscious. 602 00:45:54,710 --> 00:45:57,247 And watch what you think about. Nothing crazy. 603 00:45:57,546 --> 00:46:01,540 Right. Like having your crotch burst into flames. 604 00:46:12,770 --> 00:46:14,727 What does that have to do with Ma...? 605 00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:16,683 Hey! 606 00:46:18,317 --> 00:46:20,479 Let's start over. 607 00:46:26,575 --> 00:46:28,657 I'm Jody Sanders. 608 00:46:28,828 --> 00:46:30,865 Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you. 609 00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:32,995 Please, come in. 610 00:46:33,207 --> 00:46:34,789 They call me Christian Grey. 611 00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:40,582 How do you like my blue room? 612 00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:42,497 It's red. 613 00:46:42,675 --> 00:46:45,633 Oh. I'm colour-blind. My decorator assured me that... 614 00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:47,419 Never mind. 615 00:46:49,265 --> 00:46:50,972 Champagne? 616 00:46:58,232 --> 00:46:59,939 Hey, Christian, man, golly, man! 617 00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:04,068 I'd like to thank you for working on my prostrate like it was a speed bag. 618 00:47:04,238 --> 00:47:07,526 I must admit, I was surprised at your performance as well. 619 00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,692 Not bad for a washed-up, overweight, facially tattooed... 620 00:47:12,621 --> 00:47:13,952 Do it again. 621 00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:25,631 I have no idea what that one was. 622 00:47:26,052 --> 00:47:27,918 Me neither. 623 00:47:29,889 --> 00:47:32,005 Mama, are you here? 624 00:47:32,224 --> 00:47:35,808 - Dom, is that you? - Oh, shit. 625 00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:39,138 You said you'd had a dream that we'd grow old together. 626 00:47:39,315 --> 00:47:41,181 Right. And we will. 627 00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:43,816 - What are you doing here? - Hi. 628 00:47:43,986 --> 00:47:46,523 How could you bring her? What about our children? 629 00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:49,735 - They're not real. - Yes, they are. Watch. 630 00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:52,825 James, Phillippa! 631 00:48:00,836 --> 00:48:02,952 You're not gonna jump, are you? 632 00:48:03,506 --> 00:48:05,417 I hadn't thought about that. 633 00:48:05,674 --> 00:48:07,460 Thank you. 634 00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:12,296 We're not getting anywhere. What's this have to do with Kathy? 635 00:48:12,473 --> 00:48:15,135 Kathy? I thought you were Kathy. 636 00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:36,740 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 637 00:48:56,058 --> 00:48:57,514 What's happening to me?! 638 00:48:59,061 --> 00:49:01,052 That must have been her. 639 00:49:01,230 --> 00:49:02,891 Mama. 640 00:49:03,065 --> 00:49:05,181 She wants to take us home to the cliff. 641 00:49:06,652 --> 00:49:07,983 What does that mean? 642 00:49:08,154 --> 00:49:12,443 I don't know. But I trust you'll give me a favourable Yelp review? 643 00:49:18,539 --> 00:49:20,246 Jody's mission was clear. 644 00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:24,626 The evil book that created Mama was located in the cellar of a cabin 645 00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:27,503 in the woods. If she could find that cabin, 646 00:49:27,673 --> 00:49:30,335 maybe she could find some answers. 647 00:49:30,509 --> 00:49:33,592 If we can find that cabin, maybe we can find some answers. 648 00:49:33,762 --> 00:49:36,424 Calm down. I'm gonna come over. 649 00:49:37,349 --> 00:49:39,590 - Kendra! - What? 650 00:49:40,186 --> 00:49:42,177 OK, wait, what's going on now? 651 00:49:42,354 --> 00:49:44,686 I think she's out there! 652 00:49:45,441 --> 00:49:48,399 OK, OK, just stay calm! 653 00:49:48,611 --> 00:49:50,648 - Front door open. - She's in the house! 654 00:49:50,821 --> 00:49:54,280 - Front door open. - OK, stay... 655 00:49:54,450 --> 00:49:55,861 Shut the hell up! 656 00:49:56,035 --> 00:49:57,742 No need for that, bitch. 657 00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:59,698 Bitch?! 658 00:49:59,872 --> 00:50:03,490 - No, you did not just call me a bitch! - Front door open. 659 00:50:05,211 --> 00:50:06,747 - Honey? - ' Dan?! 660 00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:08,286 I am so sorry. 661 00:50:08,464 --> 00:50:10,705 I didn't know who you were and... 662 00:50:10,883 --> 00:50:13,466 Oh, it's OK, honey. It was an accident. 663 00:50:13,636 --> 00:50:15,047 Right, Caesar? 664 00:50:15,221 --> 00:50:17,428 And of course he can stay here. 665 00:50:20,476 --> 00:50:24,140 Look at that. Caesar wants to help out around the house. 666 00:50:33,113 --> 00:50:35,730 I'm sorry. I see an ape, I come out swinging. 667 00:50:35,908 --> 00:50:38,696 That's understandable. 668 00:50:38,869 --> 00:50:40,325 Here you go. 669 00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:43,496 I am so glad you're OK. But tonight was a wake-up call. 670 00:50:43,666 --> 00:50:47,500 - I think we gotta find that cabin. - OK. I got an idea. 671 00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:51,038 Wait, we fired Maria. Who's gonna watch the kids? 672 00:50:51,215 --> 00:50:53,206 I already took care of it. 673 00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:56,250 Naughty Nanny's here. 674 00:50:56,428 --> 00:50:59,386 Nice to meet you, Naughty. This is my wife, Jody. 675 00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:00,968 That costs extra. 676 00:51:01,141 --> 00:51:03,758 Oh, Jesus! Monkey too? 677 00:51:03,936 --> 00:51:07,895 You people are freaks! But for an extra $100... 678 00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,396 What agency did you call? 679 00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:12,233 Oh, they have nurses and cheerleaders and nannies. 680 00:51:12,403 --> 00:51:14,565 Dan, you called an escort service. 681 00:51:14,738 --> 00:51:17,480 I used the same agency to book a Santa for Christmas. 682 00:51:17,658 --> 00:51:19,194 Someone called for Santa? 683 00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:26,823 Dan, you're watching the kids. 684 00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:35,794 Jody was nervous about what she might find at the cabin, 685 00:51:36,677 --> 00:51:40,215 but she was comforted by the fact that Caesar and the girls 686 00:51:40,389 --> 00:51:42,096 were in good hands. 687 00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:11,368 Who do you work for? 688 00:52:12,796 --> 00:52:17,882 - This isn't the cabin I was talking about. - I know. I thought you needed to relax. 689 00:52:18,093 --> 00:52:20,255 Take one of these. 690 00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:22,386 I don't know. 691 00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:25,423 Oh, come on, they'll only last a couple of hours, tops. 692 00:52:25,851 --> 00:52:28,843 Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun. 693 00:52:33,108 --> 00:52:34,439 Let me take a picture! 694 00:52:34,610 --> 00:52:36,942 - Oh, that's so hot! - Yeah! 695 00:52:39,156 --> 00:52:41,523 - Yeah! Ride it! Yeah! - Yeah! 696 00:52:55,881 --> 00:52:58,714 A dollar will make me holler, Honey Boo Boo child. 697 00:53:37,256 --> 00:53:40,294 Oh, wait. I'm not gonna get pregnant, am I? 698 00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:42,674 - No. - OK. 699 00:54:12,708 --> 00:54:15,826 Oh, my God! Rehearsal! I'm late! 700 00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:20,372 Oh, no, no, no! Oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God! 701 00:54:36,148 --> 00:54:37,479 Stop! Stop! 702 00:54:37,649 --> 00:54:40,141 Thank God you're here. I was kissing him because 703 00:54:40,319 --> 00:54:42,651 I didn't want him to think about you being late. 704 00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:44,983 I'm the dancer, so I'll do the kissing. 705 00:54:45,157 --> 00:54:46,739 That was amazing! 706 00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:53,739 - I want you to have my children. - Papa, please, we want to stay with you. 707 00:54:53,916 --> 00:54:55,998 Back in the car, Gaston! 708 00:54:56,168 --> 00:55:00,127 She can't make you forget me! I overslept because you took off this morning. 709 00:55:00,297 --> 00:55:01,833 - This morning? - You slept over. 710 00:55:02,007 --> 00:55:05,170 Wait, did you have some kind of lezzo dream fantasy about me? 711 00:55:05,344 --> 00:55:08,086 Don't act like you weren't there. 712 00:55:08,263 --> 00:55:10,220 - We made love last night. - What? 713 00:55:10,390 --> 00:55:12,677 Telling me that wasn't? 714 00:55:12,851 --> 00:55:14,888 I have never been that **** in my life. 715 00:55:17,481 --> 00:55:19,142 Jody! 716 00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:22,191 What?! 717 00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,275 Well, that explains the poison ivy. 718 00:55:27,533 --> 00:55:29,240 Jody? 719 00:55:30,786 --> 00:55:32,117 - There you are. - Kendra? 720 00:55:32,287 --> 00:55:35,200 - Oh, the door was open, so I let myself in. - It's OK. 721 00:55:35,374 --> 00:55:36,705 Look, I'm so sorry. 722 00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:39,204 I believed something happened between us. 723 00:55:39,378 --> 00:55:42,791 - I must have dreamt the whole thing. - Oh, no. We had sex. 724 00:55:42,965 --> 00:55:44,455 But at rehearsal, you said... 725 00:55:44,633 --> 00:55:48,001 Can't have the cast know my business. Already doing half of them. 726 00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:51,421 - Me and Pierre, we have this thing... - Then what's this? 727 00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:55,558 Beats me. Must've happened after I left. 728 00:55:55,727 --> 00:55:57,934 Girl, you are freaky. 729 00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:03,850 Oh, yeah! 730 00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,230 Oh, Shit! 731 00:56:09,408 --> 00:56:11,945 See? I knew she was real. 732 00:56:13,495 --> 00:56:15,327 Let's find out where this cabin is. 733 00:56:33,265 --> 00:56:35,347 What in the hell? 734 00:56:35,642 --> 00:56:37,428 Bad girl! 735 00:56:39,187 --> 00:56:40,552 Oh, what is this? 736 00:56:42,316 --> 00:56:45,354 Oh, my God! It's the same cabin from the dream! Of course! 737 00:56:45,569 --> 00:56:47,526 What will we do if we find that book? 738 00:56:47,696 --> 00:56:50,609 If that's the book that turned Mama into what she is, 739 00:56:50,782 --> 00:56:53,240 maybe it can somehow reverse the curse. 740 00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:54,741 OK, we're almost there. 741 00:56:55,787 --> 00:56:58,950 - Hey, I'm not going in there. - We have to go inside. 742 00:56:59,124 --> 00:57:02,162 The book is the key to the nightmare I'm living. 743 00:57:02,377 --> 00:57:04,038 Oh, my gosh. Who are you? 744 00:57:04,212 --> 00:57:06,294 I'm Jody and this is Kendra. 745 00:57:06,506 --> 00:57:10,545 - We're looking for something important. - We all are. Come on in. 746 00:57:15,974 --> 00:57:19,183 Go tell it on the mountain. 747 00:57:19,353 --> 00:57:24,143 Over the hills and everywhere Go tell it. 748 00:57:24,316 --> 00:57:26,148 Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra. 749 00:57:26,318 --> 00:57:28,104 - Hello. - Hello, Jody. Hi, Kendra. 750 00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:31,771 Pardon me for not standing, but I'm mending the wing of this bird. 751 00:57:31,949 --> 00:57:36,864 OK. Hi. We're in a hurry. We're actually looking for a book that could save lives. 752 00:57:37,079 --> 00:57:38,410 I've got it right here. 753 00:57:38,580 --> 00:57:40,912 - Oh, thank God. - Thank him indeed. 754 00:57:41,083 --> 00:57:43,666 The Bible. Here, let me read to you. 755 00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:46,668 Oh, no. No, see, we're actually looking for 756 00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:48,753 the book of evil. 757 00:57:48,924 --> 00:57:51,165 - I know evil all too well. - You do? 758 00:57:51,343 --> 00:57:54,051 This weekend's devoted to Mia. It's a detox weekend. 759 00:57:55,097 --> 00:57:57,338 She's hooked on energy shots. 760 00:57:57,599 --> 00:57:59,431 Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle. 761 00:57:59,601 --> 00:58:02,764 We're looking for another book somewhere in this cabin. 762 00:58:02,938 --> 00:58:04,269 We haven't seen anything. 763 00:58:04,439 --> 00:58:07,773 - We gave it a shot. Let's get out of here. - OK, wait. 764 00:58:07,943 --> 00:58:09,775 Is there a cellar? 765 00:58:09,945 --> 00:58:11,276 Great. 766 00:58:15,784 --> 00:58:17,741 There it is. 767 00:58:34,845 --> 00:58:37,007 OK, I don't care what it says. 768 00:58:37,222 --> 00:58:39,384 The curse begins with four words. 769 00:58:39,641 --> 00:58:42,804 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 770 00:58:54,740 --> 00:58:57,232 You're all going to die tonight. 771 00:58:59,327 --> 00:59:00,988 You're all going to die tonight. 772 00:59:15,177 --> 00:59:17,168 The curse ends with one word. 773 00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:19,052 Adunda. 774 00:59:21,183 --> 00:59:22,890 What the heck? 775 00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,801 Why? 776 00:59:25,395 --> 00:59:26,851 I don't have an arm. 777 00:59:27,022 --> 00:59:30,515 Hey! For some reason I cut my tongue in half! 778 00:59:30,692 --> 00:59:32,979 OK, well, let's at least finish the song. 779 00:59:33,153 --> 00:59:37,488 - Everyone hold hands. Except for Eric. - Damn. 780 00:59:37,657 --> 00:59:41,867 Go tell it on the mountain. 781 00:59:42,037 --> 00:59:46,076 Over the hills and everywhere. 782 00:59:46,333 --> 00:59:48,620 Maybe we didn't do it right. 783 00:59:48,794 --> 00:59:52,003 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 784 01:00:04,351 --> 01:00:06,183 Adunda. 785 01:00:06,561 --> 01:00:09,553 Why does this keep happening? Where's my arm? 786 01:00:09,731 --> 01:00:11,722 - Is this yours? - That's a left. 787 01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:13,686 That's mine. Hand it to me, please? 788 01:00:13,860 --> 01:00:16,192 - I need a right. - Eric chainsawed it off. 789 01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:18,900 - Look, I'm sorry. - My leg? 790 01:00:19,074 --> 01:00:21,156 No, that's black. That's not mine. 791 01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:24,660 - Oh, shit. - I don't know what I'm gonna do. 792 01:00:24,830 --> 01:00:26,696 Oh, cry me a river. 793 01:00:26,873 --> 01:00:29,035 I need help. I have to go to the bathroom. 794 01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:32,038 My penis is in the corner. 795 01:00:32,212 --> 01:00:34,044 This is fucked up. 796 01:00:34,256 --> 01:00:36,088 Let me try. 797 01:00:37,175 --> 01:00:42,341 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 798 01:00:44,975 --> 01:00:46,306 But nothing again. 799 01:00:49,271 --> 01:00:50,602 You know what? Let's go. 800 01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:52,729 There's a door. Let's go out this way. 801 01:00:52,899 --> 01:00:55,436 OK, cool. We can avoid the weirdos upstairs. 802 01:00:55,694 --> 01:00:59,028 We're gonna get you! 803 01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:03,065 Not another peep! 804 01:01:04,035 --> 01:01:07,027 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 805 01:01:07,205 --> 01:01:09,913 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 806 01:01:10,250 --> 01:01:12,708 Kendra and I recited the Latin words over and over 807 01:01:12,878 --> 01:01:14,869 at the cabin and on the way home. 808 01:01:15,046 --> 01:01:17,959 We must have said it 100 times, but nothing happened. 809 01:01:18,133 --> 01:01:21,717 What if it isn't the right book? Maybe the curse has been lifted. 810 01:01:23,805 --> 01:01:27,218 Luckily for Dan and Jody, there was someone in the house who, 811 01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:29,474 thanks to the I-13 formula, 812 01:01:29,644 --> 01:01:33,478 had increased intelligence and superior cognitive ability. 813 01:01:33,648 --> 01:01:35,605 His analytical problem-solving skills 814 01:01:35,775 --> 01:01:38,984 allowed him to ascertain crucial information. 815 01:01:39,154 --> 01:01:41,566 A marvel of modern-day science, 816 01:01:41,740 --> 01:01:45,608 his IQ had surpassed even the most... Hell. 817 01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:18,645 Why did I think you could be intelligent? 818 01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:21,276 You're nothing but a dumb animal. 819 01:02:22,530 --> 01:02:25,613 Idiot! 820 01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:28,950 - I can talk! - Hey, Caesar. 821 01:02:32,123 --> 01:02:33,705 Steve? 822 01:02:33,875 --> 01:02:35,786 Dan's got a mad demon in his house. 823 01:02:35,961 --> 01:02:37,497 Matt Damon's in his house? 824 01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:41,130 - No, a mad demon. - I love Matt Damon! 825 01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:43,336 Jason Bourne! 826 01:02:47,806 --> 01:02:52,266 I should've known not to bring a wild animal into the house. I'm so sorry. 827 01:02:52,435 --> 01:02:54,893 I believed in Caesar, thought he was different. 828 01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:59,731 - There's something more to this. - No, he just went crazy. 829 01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:03,565 Forget it. But I still think Mama could be in this house. Don't you... 830 01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:07,447 We just had a whole night go on without a single sign of anything. 831 01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:08,948 I guess. 832 01:03:09,995 --> 01:03:14,205 - I was so scared last night for the kids. - You're coming around. 833 01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:17,913 Am I getting attached to them? 834 01:03:59,627 --> 01:04:01,493 It's the cliff from the dream. 835 01:04:02,297 --> 01:04:04,334 Get in the car now. Don't make me yell. 836 01:04:05,216 --> 01:04:07,878 Unto thee, Satan, I sacrifice these children. 837 01:04:08,053 --> 01:04:10,465 Return home to the cliff of... Holy shit! 838 01:04:12,057 --> 01:04:14,924 Home's the cliff! Oh, my God, girls! 839 01:04:15,477 --> 01:04:20,472 Kathy! It's OK, I saw the cliff! I know what home means! 840 01:04:34,329 --> 01:04:35,660 Let's go get Aidan! 841 01:04:35,830 --> 01:04:40,165 - That's cool. - Lily! Come on! 842 01:04:42,128 --> 01:04:44,210 Aidan! Are you OK? 843 01:04:52,972 --> 01:04:54,588 Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan! 844 01:04:54,766 --> 01:04:57,554 Mama! Mama! Mama! She's here! 845 01:04:57,769 --> 01:05:00,636 Girls, girls, girls. One at a time. Lily, you first. 846 01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:05,231 Got it. Now Kathy. 847 01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:07,814 Mama! Mama! She's here! She's gonna kill us! 848 01:05:08,029 --> 01:05:11,613 How many times do I have to tell everyone, there's no such thing... 849 01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:58,660 Maria? What are you doing here? 850 01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:01,788 I was angry you fired me, so I baked you this. 851 01:06:04,878 --> 01:06:06,368 A shit pie? 852 01:06:07,422 --> 01:06:08,753 Thanks, but... 853 01:06:08,923 --> 01:06:10,505 Hot dog? 854 01:06:11,092 --> 01:06:12,753 No, that's still shit. 855 01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:14,417 With mustard. 856 01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:16,253 Maybe just a banana then? 857 01:06:16,848 --> 01:06:19,010 Very much potassium. 858 01:06:19,184 --> 01:06:21,596 So bueno, Mr Dan. 859 01:06:21,853 --> 01:06:24,094 I'm sorry, I should've listened to you... 860 01:06:24,272 --> 01:06:28,186 Mr Dan, we have our problems, but I always love you. 861 01:06:28,359 --> 01:06:30,691 So much. 862 01:06:35,283 --> 01:06:36,773 When I see you, 863 01:06:36,951 --> 01:06:39,488 I see my father. 864 01:06:40,705 --> 01:06:42,366 Dan! Dan, we have to... 865 01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:45,123 Wait. What's going on here? 866 01:06:45,543 --> 01:06:47,033 I can explain. 867 01:06:47,212 --> 01:06:50,330 No time. Mama has the girls. I know where she took them! 868 01:06:50,507 --> 01:06:52,214 Gotta go. 869 01:06:52,383 --> 01:06:55,967 - You remind me of my father. - Dan! 870 01:06:58,848 --> 01:07:02,432 Knowing the girls were in danger, Dan and Jody sped off, 871 01:07:02,602 --> 01:07:05,014 racing to get to the cliff they... Oh, my God! 872 01:07:05,188 --> 01:07:08,021 What happened to the car? Where... Oh, there it is. 873 01:07:08,191 --> 01:07:12,276 They were no longer able to sit idly by and let a ghost jump off a cliff, 874 01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:14,436 sacrificing their children with her. 875 01:07:14,614 --> 01:07:17,231 Oh, my God! There they are! Kathy, Lily, stop! 876 01:07:20,078 --> 01:07:21,944 - What do we do now? - I'll just 877 01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:24,488 read from this and change her back to human. 878 01:07:32,465 --> 01:07:33,830 Girls, run! Run! 879 01:07:34,676 --> 01:07:36,883 No! No, not that way! Away from the cliff! 880 01:07:39,514 --> 01:07:41,801 I'm not gonna let Mama take you away again. 881 01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:51,147 Lily, stop! Come on, come on! Here, girl! Come on, Lily! 882 01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:56,233 Come on! Look! Oh, look! Yeah! 883 01:08:01,494 --> 01:08:05,408 Come on! Look! Oh, yeah! Lily! 884 01:08:07,709 --> 01:08:09,541 Yeah! 885 01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:13,086 Oh, come on! Enough! 886 01:08:13,256 --> 01:08:16,089 This is crazy. Lily's not a dog. 887 01:08:17,802 --> 01:08:20,260 She's a beautiful girl I've grown to love. 888 01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:23,764 I love all these children, Mama, even if they don't all love me. 889 01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:25,716 Lily loves you too, Jody. 890 01:08:28,396 --> 01:08:30,558 They belong in this world with me and Dan. 891 01:08:30,732 --> 01:08:33,440 They deserve parents who aren't decomposing. 892 01:08:33,610 --> 01:08:35,271 Good girl. 893 01:08:36,571 --> 01:08:38,733 All right, enough! 894 01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:41,697 Where's the page? Damn it, I can't find it. 895 01:08:41,868 --> 01:08:43,279 Oh, forget it! 896 01:08:43,494 --> 01:08:45,451 There, that worked. Maybe not! 897 01:09:04,349 --> 01:09:06,966 Man, we need to stop smoking this shit. 898 01:09:10,897 --> 01:09:13,309 Told you that shark was gonna come in handy. 899 01:09:13,524 --> 01:09:16,141 Thank you! Lily! 900 01:09:16,319 --> 01:09:18,856 Honey, thank God you're all right! 901 01:09:31,793 --> 01:09:33,124 Your cue is coming up. 902 01:09:33,294 --> 01:09:34,784 Oh, Kendra. 903 01:09:36,631 --> 01:09:39,168 Look, it's OK. Let's forget about what happened. 904 01:09:39,342 --> 01:09:40,958 You are the Black Swan. 905 01:09:41,135 --> 01:09:43,502 No. It's you. 906 01:09:43,763 --> 01:09:47,597 Throwing Mama off a cliff has really made me reevaluate my priorities. 907 01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:49,140 My family comes first. 908 01:09:49,310 --> 01:09:50,846 You dance the Black Swan. 909 01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:54,938 - Because sometimes in life... - OK! 910 01:09:56,275 --> 01:09:58,812 Introducing our new Swan Queen, 911 01:09:58,986 --> 01:10:01,478 Miss Kendra Brooks! 912 01:10:22,719 --> 01:10:25,928 - This is not ballet. - No, it the hell ain't. 913 01:10:27,974 --> 01:10:29,464 This some bullshit. 914 01:10:38,317 --> 01:10:40,854 Yeah! Yeah! 915 01:10:41,028 --> 01:10:43,019 Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! 916 01:10:43,197 --> 01:10:46,315 Right? Right? You know that shit, right?! Yeah! 917 01:10:46,492 --> 01:10:48,904 And so our story ends. 918 01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:51,410 If anything is to be learned from this, 919 01:10:51,581 --> 01:10:54,369 it's that mankind is a pathetic race 920 01:10:54,542 --> 01:10:57,830 and apes need to take over this planet. 921 01:10:58,004 --> 01:11:00,666 Enjoy Earth while you still got it. 922 01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:48,840 Well, we'll see how you like it once the swan consumes you! 923 01:12:09,408 --> 01:12:11,194 I cannot hold it that long! 924 01:12:11,369 --> 01:12:12,780 It's like, it's so long! 925 01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:46,022 We're kissing. 926 01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:52,531 ' Cut! ' Cut! 927 01:12:53,995 --> 01:12:55,451 Cut! 928 01:12:59,458 --> 01:13:01,244 We're kissing. 929 01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:23,813 - Cut! - Cut! All right. 930 01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:37,573 What happened? 931 01:13:37,747 --> 01:13:40,865 - The guy was in the shot. - Cut! 932 01:13:41,042 --> 01:13:42,749 But was he dressed like a demon? 933 01:13:45,922 --> 01:13:48,380 - Do the second my penis as a question. - OK. 934 01:13:48,549 --> 01:13:51,257 - My other penis as a question also? OK. - Yeah. 935 01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:54,920 - You're jumping to what the hell is that? - I don't know why. 936 01:13:55,097 --> 01:13:57,259 There's just so many penises. 937 01:13:57,433 --> 01:13:59,674 Welcome to Hollywood. 938 01:14:03,064 --> 01:14:04,520 I'm ready for it. 939 01:14:04,690 --> 01:14:06,931 - Hey! - I'm OK with this. 940 01:14:07,109 --> 01:14:10,443 That's the temporary nurses shower. 941 01:14:10,863 --> 01:14:12,319 And we're painting it. 942 01:14:12,490 --> 01:14:15,448 That's the temporary nurses shower. 943 01:14:15,618 --> 01:14:17,734 I'm OK with this. 944 01:14:20,706 --> 01:14:23,038 Sorry, you guys, I... 945 01:14:26,879 --> 01:14:29,086 - I'm OK with this. - That's the 946 01:14:29,256 --> 01:14:33,875 nurses temporary locker room and we're repainting it. 947 01:14:34,845 --> 01:14:36,176 Cut! 948 01:14:44,647 --> 01:14:46,354 Hello here! 949 01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:50,899 B mark! 950 01:14:51,070 --> 01:14:53,528 - And background. - Action! 951 01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:06,033 Jody! Thank God I caught you! 952 01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:09,620 I forgot to tell you, now that you are the Swan Queen... 953 01:15:12,842 --> 01:15:15,083 - Slate. - Suck my ****. 954 01:15:17,847 --> 01:15:19,588 I'll save you, Snoop Dogg. 955 01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:23,053 My name ain't Snoop Dogg in this mother******* movie, man! 956 01:15:28,315 --> 01:15:29,771 Well, I mean, I... 957 01:15:40,244 --> 01:15:41,575 Stop it. 958 01:15:41,746 --> 01:15:43,612 We're good. We're good. 959 01:15:46,834 --> 01:15:49,872 Now prepare for a night of unparalleled passion. 960 01:15:50,046 --> 01:15:51,377 Oh, wait, Mr Grey... 961 01:15:51,547 --> 01:15:54,756 - The safe word is deeper. - What? 962 01:16:01,098 --> 01:16:02,759 Damn! 963 01:16:07,855 --> 01:16:11,223 - What's this have to do with the ballet? - Ballet? 964 01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,186 Yes. Aren't you donating millions? 965 01:16:13,360 --> 01:16:14,771 Millions? I'm broke. 966 01:16:14,945 --> 01:16:17,312 Every cent I have has been put into this room. 967 01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:24,156 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 968 01:16:24,622 --> 01:16:27,239 Oh, cry me a river. 969 01:16:27,416 --> 01:16:31,785 I'm gonna need a little help. I don't have a penis. 970 01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:51,349 It does not come off! 971 01:16:51,524 --> 01:16:53,686 It does not come off. I'm sorry. 972 01:16:56,862 --> 01:17:00,776 Getting tired of talking about this mother**** in the woods with this man. 973 01:17:00,950 --> 01:17:04,568 The ****? We keep going in circles, talking about a ****. Man, ****. 974 01:17:04,745 --> 01:17:07,578 Let's talk about a ****, man. Getting some ****. 975 01:17:07,748 --> 01:17:10,115 We talking about ****, two dudes in the woods. 976 01:17:10,292 --> 01:17:14,377 If we had a **** here, she could wash our **** off right now. 977 01:17:14,547 --> 01:17:17,005 Understand me? That's the way I would say it. 978 01:17:20,177 --> 01:17:23,340 Check out this psychic's book for a clue. It freaks me out. 979 01:17:23,514 --> 01:17:25,972 Come on, there's nothing to be s... 980 01:17:26,559 --> 01:17:28,800 These books are all... 981 01:17:29,812 --> 01:17:31,894 There's nothing to be scared... 982 01:17:36,318 --> 01:17:38,650 be scared... be scared... 983 01:17:41,949 --> 01:17:45,692 There's nothing to be scared... Oh, wrong animal. 984 01:17:46,620 --> 01:17:49,487 Be scared... A dinosaur! 985 01:17:54,003 --> 01:17:56,791 What does this have to do with... 986 01:17:59,842 --> 01:18:01,958 I know, sorry. 987 01:18:03,262 --> 01:18:04,752 Action! 988 01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:07,297 What does this have to do with... 989 01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:14,555 You just keep cupping your boobs. 990 01:18:14,732 --> 01:18:16,393 OK, sorry. 991 01:18:34,210 --> 01:18:36,998 OK, how do we know who's a witch? 992 01:18:38,881 --> 01:18:40,872 Do they have a broom? 993 01:18:41,050 --> 01:18:43,508 Do they have a pointy nose? 994 01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:53,344 I'm gonna... I'm going to pee my pants! 995 01:19:00,819 --> 01:19:02,480 So, what, I didn't get the part? 996 01:19:02,905 --> 01:19:05,067 Where's everybody going? 997 01:25:13,859 --> 01:25:16,191 I just had the most bizarre dream. 998 01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:18,819 Demons, apes, a ballet. 999 01:25:18,989 --> 01:25:21,276 You have a very active subconscious. 1000 01:25:21,450 --> 01:25:23,532 Anyway, the idea took hold. 1001 01:25:23,702 --> 01:25:26,615 Lindsay Lohan's coming over to spend the night with you. 1002 01:25:26,788 --> 01:25:28,495 Awesome! 1003 01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:36,954 You were driving. 76722

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