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05 Scary Movie 5 - Comedy 2013 English
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00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:14,796
I don't want to make one of these tapes
if you do it with every girl.
3
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,385
Every girl? No, no.
4
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:20,051
I'm strictly a one-woman guy.
5
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:24,393
I don't wanna end up over the Internet.
I pride myself on keeping a low profile.
6
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,603
My private life is private.
7
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,645
Wait. I thought
you never did this before.
8
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,779
What are all these?
9
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,740
Just some movies I rented.
10
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Me and Brandi, missionary?
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00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,570
A tale of two girls who become nuns.
12
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,240
What are all those?
13
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,330
Oh, it's just your standard
home-security setup.
14
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:48,963
Basic, run-of-the-mill, nothing
too elaborate. Everybody has them.
15
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,965
Why do you need security cameras
pointing at your bed?
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00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:56,003
In case a burglar tries to steal
my sex tapes. Let's get into bed.
17
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,718
Let's make this quick.
I have a court hearing.
18
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,725
- Judge Henderson?
- No, I wish. Thompson.
19
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,848
That's gonna suck for you.
20
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,101
It was a driving mishap thingy.
21
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,516
Do me a favour.
Promise me you won't drive.
22
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,186
That's sweet.
You're worried about me driving.
23
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:13,855
I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian.
24
00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:19,072
Sorry. It's my sobriety monitor.
25
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,747
I'm sorry. Sorry.
26
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,701
- Ankle tracking bracelet.
- OK.
27
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:33,458
What are you doing?
28
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,629
Just warming up.
29
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:42,016
OK. Are you sure we're alone here?
30
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,643
Feels like there's somebody else
in this house.
31
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:48,723
- Do you hear that?
- It's nothing.
32
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,480
- OK, what is that?
- Just unravelling the old hose.
33
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,938
Save it for tomorrow, Raul!
34
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,547
That was amazing.
35
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,724
Get out of here, Emilio.
36
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,137
Charlie, I'm scared.
37
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,182
Lindsay, sweetie,
there's nothing to be afraid of.
38
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,776
- I got the stuff.
- I gotta call you back.
39
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,744
I think I'd better go.
40
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,500
Really? How about tomorrow?
You busy?
41
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,423
I'm going to blow you across the room!
42
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,547
Sounds awesome.
43
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:18,373
And thus, our story begins.
44
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,963
The large reward offered
for the rescue of Charlie's kids
45
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:27,052
drew the attention of police, private
detectives and Red Cross volunteers.
46
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:30,347
Everyone was on high alert
for these children.
47
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,636
Except these two guys.
48
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,224
No, man, Obamacare gives senior
citizens access to cheaper drugs,
49
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:40,527
free preventative care and it closes
the Medicare Part D loophole.
50
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,064
How's that help
if I get shampoo in my peehole?
51
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,154
- What?
- Never got shampoo in your peehole?
52
00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:49,946
- OK, maybe like once or twice.
- When you was playing with yourself.
53
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,208
No. I wasn't playing with myself, I was
just showering. Crazy got up in there.
54
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,994
Bullshit. That's Newton's
first law of gravity:
55
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,503
Soap don't run uphill.
56
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,004
Well, either way,
57
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,917
- that shit stings like hell.
- Stings like a mother.
58
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,131
Feels like a hornet up in there.
59
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,218
Don't understand why
the shampoo company can't fix that.
60
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:11,474
Got no more tears. Why not
no hornets in your peehole?
61
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:15,263
Don't think they expect you to use
the no more tears on your thing.
62
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,148
- Why call it Johnson & Johnson?
- Got a question.
63
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,731
What are two stoners doing wandering
around these spooky woods?
64
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:25,114
Look, it'll be worth it.
I told you, this is Humboldt County.
65
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:28,492
This is where all the growers
grow their bomb-ass shit.
66
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,155
- They be cool with us helping ourselves?
- We ain't taking plants.
67
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,165
We're gonna snip a few buds, you know?
It'll grow back.
68
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,702
Just like a lobster paw.
That's how nature do.
69
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,620
I don't know. Doesn't feel right.
70
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,914
They won't care. We're gonna be cool.
71
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,629
We're gonna roll one blunt
and get out of here.
72
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,669
- Just one?
- Just one.
73
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,884
- They won't care?!
- Just keep running!
74
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,548
Holy shit, is that a drone?!
75
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,138
They're going all Zero Dark Thirty
on our ass!
76
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,148
Yo, I think they're gone.
77
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,197
It's a cabin in the woods.
We need to hide in there.
78
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,075
I'm not going in.
It reminds me of a horror movie.
79
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:13,408
- What horror movie?
- The one with the cabin in the woods.
80
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,916
- Friday the 13th?
- No. The one with the cabin in the woods.
81
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:20,794
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
- No. The one with the cabin in the woods.
82
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,706
- The Ring?
- The one with the cabin in the woods.
83
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:27,047
- Blair Witch Project?
- No, one with the cabin in the woods.
84
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,427
- The Munsters?
- That wasn't in the woods.
85
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,966
- That wasn't even a damn movie.
- We ain't got time for this.
86
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:36,010
We need to get to
that cabin in the woods.
87
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,949
- What is that sound?
- Sounds like the house settling in.
88
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,204
- It looks new.
- I'll take a look.
89
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,990
Go ahead.
90
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,453
What is that?!
91
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,092
- What we shooting?
- There!
92
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,177
- Where? There?
- The dark!
93
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,760
No, this dark! Over there!
94
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,066
- What was that?
- Alaskan king crab just ran up on me!
95
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:28,399
- Crab? Coz, we banging?
- Put the guns down, man.
96
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,610
- Put yours down first.
- On three.
97
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,362
One, two, three.
98
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,153
- Damn.
- You wanna try it again?
99
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,449
Sure. One, two, three.
100
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,042
One, two, three.
101
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,502
Man, we could do this shit all day.
102
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,341
- Truce?
- Truce.
103
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:58,100
Hey, yo, D'Andre, look, homie.
It's two little girls.
104
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,260
Two little racist girls, man.
105
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,388
Wearing blackface.
106
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,979
- You cool with that?
- Hey, little girl. What's your name?
107
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,490
- What'd she say?
- Wonder what your leg tastes like.
108
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,071
Little spider girl bit me!
109
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,828
- You'll get powers!
- There's no black superheroes.
110
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,329
I'm on it.
111
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:26,211
Yo, D'Andre, I think
they're the missing kids from the news.
112
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,042
- How can you be so sure?
- Look.
113
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:32,631
- I don't know.
- If it is, I'll take that reward money
114
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,637
and I'm gonna buy a yacht,
fill it with cash, bitches,
115
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,174
- and a shark.
- Why buy a shark?
116
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,183
Trust me, we're gonna need a shark.
117
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,725
No, this can't be right.
118
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,656
Hi, Mom.
119
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,784
I gotta call you back.
120
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,499
No baby, no baby, no baby.
121
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,835
- You're pregnant.
- No'.!
122
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:14,673
With anticipation over the outcome
of this iPregnancy test,
123
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:18,009
which has determined that you are...
124
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,806
You gotta be kidding me.
125
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,683
Oh, no!
126
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:27,439
Not pregnant! You dodged a bullet,
you lucky slut.
127
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,441
Thank you, God. Sweet!
128
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,604
Great news!
They found my brother's kids!
129
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,318
Oh, crap.
130
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:39,777
We're very fortunate the older one, Kathy,
has retained most of her vocabulary.
131
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,537
The baby hasn't actually said a word.
132
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,119
- Why not?
- Because he's a baby.
133
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,957
They've been alone here
over three long months.
134
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,622
I need to warn both of you
135
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,384
- that this is not going to be easy.
- I'm ready for it.
136
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,803
- Hello!
- No, no. Wrong window.
137
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,386
Here's where the children are.
138
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,144
- What is she doing?
- To survive their extreme isolation,
139
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,775
the girls created
an imaginary guardian,
140
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:16,155
a parent figure to feed them, sing to them.
They call her Mama.
141
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,949
But these may help you break through.
142
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,071
And the Ritalin may help as well.
143
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:24,659
- The dosage for someone their age is...
- Wish me luck.
144
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,744
Hey, Lily.
145
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,377
Oh, how cute.
146
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:44,007
- OK.
- Kathy.
147
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:47,261
It's OK, Kathy. Remember these?
148
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,351
You used to wear them
to help you see better.
149
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,112
No, no, no!
150
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:02,322
Maybe we should get her some contacts.
The soft kind.
151
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,538
Daddy?
152
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,708
No, sweetheart.
153
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:12,666
Not Daddy.
I'm your uncle Dan, remember?
154
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,295
And this is Jody.
155
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,415
Jo... dy.
156
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,426
Jody. No pause between Jo and dy.
157
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,511
Jo... dy.
158
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,013
We're at an impasse.
I see constant conflict.
159
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,141
It's fine, they'll warm up to you.
160
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,513
Hey, hey, hey, little lady!
That's not how...
161
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,180
You little mother...
162
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,477
Well, everything checks out.
163
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,647
They seem good. Validate
our parking and we'll take them.
164
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,442
- Wish it were that easy.
- You don't validate?
165
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,827
I'm saying the kids are not yours to take.
166
00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:47,908
Can't win them all. Let's skedaddle.
167
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,700
That's not fair. They're my brother
Charlie's kids. We deserve them.
168
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,165
Do you? Your wife
plays in a punk rock band,
169
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,546
staying out all night long,
high on drugs,
170
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,960
different man every night. Don't think
the courts will look upon that favourably.
171
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,629
- But...
- Messing with you. The kids are yours.
172
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,763
They are? You hear that?
They're ours!
173
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,552
One condition. This house is owned
by the Institute for Case Studies.
174
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,845
Every room is fully wired with cameras.
175
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:14,560
If you move into the house,
you get the kids.
176
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,647
Can't we sell the house,
put the kids in an orphanage?
177
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,733
Do you really think
you're out out to be a mom?
178
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,397
- Of course she is.
- Dan!
179
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,283
Now, no more rock band.
And no more silly wig.
180
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,285
It's not silly! It's a part of me!
181
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,537
- No more tattoos.
- What are you doing?
182
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,665
What I had to.
We're a perfect suburban couple.
183
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:37,462
And so, Dan and Jody headed to
their new house with their new children.
184
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:41,091
But like a slutty sorority girl
returning from spring break,
185
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,050
they were also bringing home
a hidden evil.
186
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,887
All right, kids, here's our new house.
187
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:52,644
- And here's Uncle Dan.
- Hi!
188
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,725
Don't forget about Mommy!
189
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,560
Dan! I'm not their mommy.
190
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,645
They can call me Aunt Jody.
191
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,187
Or Jods, J-Mom, Mrs Sanders.
192
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,401
Or if they wanna call me... Garage!
193
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,994
Here comes Jody and Aidan,
entering the house for the first time.
194
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:12,372
This is where we'll protect you
and make sure nothing bad...
195
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:16,042
- Oh, my God, Aidan!
- Maybe we should put him in the carrier.
196
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:20,380
- There. See? That's better.
- Come on, Aidan. What, what, what?
197
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,958
- Relax. It's OK.
- Oh, my gosh. Dan!
198
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,718
- What?
- Dan, I lost the baby!
199
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,258
Oh, my gosh! Aidan!
Aidan, where are you?
200
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:31,266
- Aidan!
- Where did you go? Oh, there he is! OK.
201
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,353
Here's your sister Kathy.
202
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,139
Oh, Aidan, it's OK.
203
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,435
Talk in a baby voice.
It doesn't even matter what you say.
204
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,101
OK.
205
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,363
I'm your step-mommy.
206
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,324
I'm not your fricking mommy.
207
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,031
There you go. You're a natural.
208
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,287
What's that smell?
209
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:58,835
Oh, my God! What do I do?! Oh, here!
This! Hold on!
210
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,788
Uncle Dan!
211
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,878
Kathy! Sorry, honey!
212
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,136
All right, there you go, sweetie.
213
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:11,799
Is it chilly in here?
I felt it as soon as I entered the room.
214
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,388
Feels fine. Hey, what are these?
215
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,929
This is interesting. What is this?
216
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,643
I don't know. Mama drew that one.
217
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,479
Look. We drew this picture for Aidan.
218
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,691
It's Aidan on a rocket to the moon.
219
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,565
Sitting on a rocket.
220
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,359
Where's Lily?
221
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,197
No, sweetie, the other end.
222
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,121
Let's go introduce Aidan
to the rest of the family.
223
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,925
- And there's our furry family member.
- Yes, Maria.
224
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:51,214
- No, Dan, Artie.
- Yes, of course. Our dog Artie.
225
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:55,350
The new baby! I make blessing.
226
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:03,525
OK, OK, that's good, Maria.
227
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,440
Oh, my gosh.
228
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,405
With three new kids to care for,
229
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,987
Dan really needed to start performing
at work.
230
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,746
Unfortunately, he was having
issues with a colleague.
231
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,955
OK, Caesar.
This is the one. I can feel it.
232
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,041
Eighty-one seconds?
233
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,832
Oh, Caesar. That's your worst time yet.
234
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,923
You're doing even worse
on your creativity test.
235
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,385
Look at all the imaginative things
I made out of blocks.
236
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,175
Like this awesome plane.
237
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,895
Dan. Do you have any results yet?
238
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,686
Well, I've been injecting the primates
twice a day
239
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:51,402
with the I-13 intelligence drug.
I'm hoping in a week or so...
240
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,989
I hope Caesar is not just a big waste
of time and money.
241
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:58,747
I'm the one responsible to the board.
Show me one thing positive.
242
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:02,079
Look. They still throw their shit.
243
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,836
But now they can keep score.
244
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,959
Kick-start this.
When can we go to human trials?
245
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:15,472
We're close, there's an intermediate step.
If the I-13 works on these reality wives...
246
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,766
- You better check that shit.
- Who gonna check me, boo?
247
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:31,689
- Pinning the future of our lab on beasts.
- They're not beasts.
248
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,107
They have feelings, they have families.
249
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:37,118
Males pee standing up,
females pee sitting down.
250
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,446
These apes are just like you.
251
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,656
And me! You and me!
252
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,292
Blacks and whites.
More like whites, of course.
253
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,999
Whites are a lighter shade of ape,
you are bla...
254
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,132
dder infection, we're all at risk.
What were we talking about? Vaginas!
255
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,838
- Shut up.
- Yes, of course.
256
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,762
Caesar has got to show
some human intelligence or...
257
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,674
Caesar's smarter than half
of those board members.
258
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,216
- Dan...
- I know.
259
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,977
If he's so smart, why is he in a cage?
260
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:04,812
You're in the cage.
261
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,037
What?
262
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,833
- Oh, you're looking for this?
- It's my ballerina doll.
263
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,161
- You made this?
- Mama did.
264
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:32,253
Using twigs, moss, spider webs,
sparrow bones, lizard eyes.
265
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,588
All held together with rat droppings.
266
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,469
Oh, jeez!
267
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:28,270
What are you doing?
268
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,435
I just can't deal with these kids. They're
creepy. We should take them back.
269
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,570
Maybe you guys just need to find
some common ground.
270
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:38,823
What about that ballerina doll
Kathy's always playing with?
271
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,109
I don't wanna talk about the ballet.
272
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,738
I saw what the ballet did to my mom.
273
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,031
She became obsessed.
274
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:50,164
She even danced the Swan
while she was pregnant with me.
275
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,374
Boo! Boo!
276
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,379
Hell, you better sit back
before I punch you in your throat.
277
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,264
We're trying to enjoy the show.
Shh me again.
278
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,266
I double-dog dare you.
279
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,510
You better ask somebody who I am.
280
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,026
Got it!
281
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,072
Mom was never the same.
282
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,372
That's unlikely to ever
happen again. Ever.
283
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,286
Just give it a shot.
284
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,922
Look what I found.
It's a local production,
285
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:41,253
but could be something for you and
Kathy to talk about. Could be fun.
286
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,717
- You really think so?
- Yes.
287
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:47,225
Well, I suppose I could check it out.
288
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,729
OK. But the minute it becomes
too difficult, I'm giving up.
289
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:52,643
That's the spirit.
290
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:10,156
Even though Jody only returned
to the ballet to connect with the girls,
291
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:13,042
as she got closer she couldn't help
but get excited
292
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,797
at the prospect of becoming
the Swan Queen.
293
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,340
This season, we open with Swan Lake.
294
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:25,256
As you all know, this piece has the most
challenging and demanding role in ballet,
295
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,764
the Swan Queen.
296
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:31,098
Sizing up her competition, Jody knew
the battle would be a tough one.
297
00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,104
The white and the black.
298
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,686
Fortunately, we have with us
prima ballerina
299
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:39,319
and the lead in my last 146 productions,
300
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:40,819
Heather Darcy!
301
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,616
The seasoned professional.
302
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:49,279
The still brilliant, crusty, old,
weathered, leather-faced
303
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:52,700
elder statesman of ballet,
to whom these young girls,
304
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:55,619
less experienced, more beautiful
and delicious,
305
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:59,710
but still very raw ballerina hopefuls
look up.
306
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:03,502
Show these far more desirable children
how it's done.
307
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,837
Music!
308
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:16,394
Try that thing where you are skipping,
hop, spread your legs a little.
309
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,316
Look at that form. That technique.
310
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,527
I'll never be that good.
311
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:26,736
I'm Jody, by the way.
312
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,652
Kendra.
313
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,531
- Are you gonna try out?
- Me?
314
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,417
I don't know.
I mean, I like to dance, but
315
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:40,672
- I don't like to be the centre of attention.
- OK, who's next?
316
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,252
Food!
317
00:21:57,775 --> 00:22:01,359
It is as if I am seeing ballet
for the first time.
318
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,686
That's not ballet.
319
00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,650
The passion, the sensuality.
320
00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:15,122
I can show passion.
321
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:16,915
Oh, yeah!
322
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:20,794
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
323
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,878
Jody certainly had her work
cut out for her.
324
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:27,051
That Kendra chick was smoking.
325
00:22:27,221 --> 00:22:28,803
Do you accept euros?
326
00:22:58,669 --> 00:23:00,751
Kathy? Lily?
327
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:03,128
Aidan?
328
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:16,934
Jody?
329
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,594
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry!
330
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,514
- I'm so sorry!
- I'm fine.
331
00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:22,102
It was on the floor.
332
00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:24,309
Probably a screw loose.
333
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:26,477
I'll fix it.
334
00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:30,406
- I feel like there's something in the house.
- What?
335
00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:34,820
Like I feel hot, clammy,
foul-smelling breath on my neck.
336
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:40,413
You need call psychic. Kill bad spirits.
337
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:42,918
No, Maria, enough of this stuff.
338
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:47,173
OK, then I do blessing. I protect house.
339
00:23:48,886 --> 00:23:51,378
Honey, you really need to relax.
340
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:54,137
You're just stressed out
about the children.
341
00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:57,141
No, it's this house. I feel it.
342
00:23:57,311 --> 00:24:00,849
And Maria's a little off. I mean, honestly,
do you really trust her?
343
00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:03,890
Honey, don't worry.
She couldn't hurt a fly.
344
00:24:04,068 --> 00:24:09,188
You have a big day ahead of you
tomorrow, let's just get you some sleep.
345
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,322
Love you.
346
00:24:15,496 --> 00:24:18,238
I don't believe this.
Our whole house ransacked.
347
00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:22,079
Leave the house unattended with
the doors unlocked, look what happens.
348
00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:24,710
They didn't take anything.
It's just vandalism.
349
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,247
Every room except the kids' rooms
was trashed.
350
00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:31,088
- So you suspect the kids?
- It was Mama. Mama did it.
351
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:34,379
She hates this house. She hates you.
352
00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:38,929
OK, Maria, this is camera.
353
00:24:39,103 --> 00:24:40,593
Necessito filming.
354
00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:42,682
Thank you for helping me clean up.
355
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:45,598
Oh, hey, been looking all over
for this thing.
356
00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:47,437
I still got it.
357
00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:50,103
I'm sorry! God! Help, honey!
358
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,862
Maria! Honey. help!
359
00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:53,943
Jeez! Maria, put the camera...
360
00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:56,234
Oh, look at this.
361
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:59,196
Mom coaching me when I was a little girl.
362
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:02,615
Always applying the guilt trip.
363
00:25:02,793 --> 00:25:04,579
That got me the lead.
364
00:25:06,630 --> 00:25:09,543
Look, Maria. Maria, look what I found.
365
00:25:09,717 --> 00:25:11,674
What is this?
366
00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:15,298
That's a new type of electric toothbrush.
367
00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:17,804
Look, a whole box of toothbrushes!
368
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:21,309
Graffiti! Did you see this?
369
00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:22,889
Who does that?
370
00:25:23,063 --> 00:25:25,145
What are we... Maria?
371
00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,306
Maria!
372
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:31,645
Miss Jody, Miss Jody, you call this man,
373
00:25:31,822 --> 00:25:35,031
Mr Blaine. He helped my sister.
374
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,612
- This is a psychic.
- Si, he help you.
375
00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:39,902
What we need
are more security cameras.
376
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:08,495
This is fun, Mama!
377
00:27:19,096 --> 00:27:21,087
You're still awake?
378
00:27:21,265 --> 00:27:24,678
It's just us until Uncle Dan
comes back from the hospital.
379
00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:28,220
I don't like it, you don't like it.
I don't like it. Go to sleep.
380
00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,855
I have to be up early for ballet tomorrow.
381
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:37,148
You really like ballet?
382
00:27:37,322 --> 00:27:40,030
- Yeah, but I don't want you to go.
- Why?
383
00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:42,696
Mama says you're gonna
have an accident.
384
00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:44,618
Oh, OK.
385
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:47,075
Is this the same Mama
who trashed the house?
386
00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:49,035
Basically, yes.
387
00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:57,373
Don't go in there.
388
00:27:57,551 --> 00:28:00,168
- I wasn't going to.
- Just don't.
389
00:28:00,470 --> 00:28:02,882
It's my house. I can if I want.
390
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,093
- I wouldn't.
- Would.
391
00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:07,008
- Wouldn't.
- Would too.
392
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:09,894
- Would not.
- You know what? I'm the adult.
393
00:28:10,063 --> 00:28:12,395
- You're not the boss of me.
- Don't.
394
00:28:35,255 --> 00:28:38,873
I told you not to let anyone in!
395
00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:48,428
And so Jody was...
Oh, my God, I just smelled that.
396
00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:51,844
It just got to me. Yeah.
397
00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:55,515
And so Jody was... Oh, no,
I'm sorry. You have to excuse me.
398
00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:59,185
I gotta get some fresh air.
The next section should explain itself.
399
00:29:13,543 --> 00:29:17,252
All right. Attention!
I do not wish to repeat myself.
400
00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:20,164
I repeat, I do not wish to repeat myself.
401
00:29:20,342 --> 00:29:22,458
I require the sweater I wear as a scarf.
402
00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:31,971
Mother, please. I'm working.
403
00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:35,558
All right.
Because Heather Darcy is so old,
404
00:29:35,732 --> 00:29:38,099
this season we will have
a new Swan Queen.
405
00:29:38,402 --> 00:29:40,518
And that person is
406
00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:43,070
Jody Sanders.
407
00:29:46,243 --> 00:29:49,907
Now, Jody, show us your routine.
408
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:53,456
No! I'm the Swan Queen!
409
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,286
Watch me!
410
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,537
As I was saying, my choice for new...
411
00:29:59,715 --> 00:30:01,831
Her?! Anyone but her!
412
00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:05,343
You might just as well
have picked the janitor!
413
00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:07,094
Me?
414
00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,767
- Ira, please. Not now.
- What?
415
00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:20,683
OK, yes, it was a difficult decision,
416
00:30:20,861 --> 00:30:23,603
but I have always been attracted to Jody.
417
00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:27,239
How could I not? She has the body
of a 5th grade boy. In the event
418
00:30:27,409 --> 00:30:31,698
she is unable to dance,
I am naming as her understudy
419
00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:33,579
Kendra Brooks.
420
00:30:37,044 --> 00:30:39,376
All right, that's lunch.
421
00:30:53,977 --> 00:30:56,765
This is a nice house.
I'm gonna go find the girls.
422
00:30:58,357 --> 00:31:01,816
How did you know I was gonna
have an accident today at the ballet?
423
00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:04,852
- Mama told me.
- OK, well, how did Mama know
424
00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:07,271
I was gonna have an accident?
425
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,697
Oh, there you are.
I found this bandage.
426
00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:14,782
- On my head.
- Dan, please.
427
00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:18,199
I think there's something going on.
Something about this Mama.
428
00:31:18,377 --> 00:31:21,870
- I'll call the psychic.
- Do you really think we need a psychic...
429
00:31:22,047 --> 00:31:24,129
- Uncle Dan, come here!
- Coming.
430
00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:30,670
Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks.
Look what I can do.
431
00:31:31,515 --> 00:31:34,553
- Oh, wow, that's really good, honey.
- Dada!
432
00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:36,633
Good Lord!
433
00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:38,560
Uncle Dan, look at me!
434
00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:41,597
Evil spirits! Mr Dan, look!
435
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:44,517
Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits?
436
00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:49,317
You're facing something
our human minds cannot imagine!
437
00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:53,275
Let's get you in a robe.
438
00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:56,654
Do you wanna hear
about the ballet today?
439
00:31:56,832 --> 00:31:58,368
Mama's helping us get ready.
440
00:31:58,542 --> 00:32:00,533
Oh, OK. I'll brush too.
441
00:32:04,548 --> 00:32:06,289
Where did my toothbrush go?
442
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:15,256
Hey! We don't lick our balls
in this house.
443
00:32:15,434 --> 00:32:17,675
Sorry. Won't happen again.
444
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:22,559
Try as she might, Jody couldn't
connect with those kids.
445
00:32:24,234 --> 00:32:26,976
Or get the taste of that toothbrush
out of her mouth.
446
00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,737
Was it just 8-year-old teen angst
447
00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:34,275
or were there otherworldly forces
at work here?
448
00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:49,316
Baby. Baby, I heard something.
449
00:33:49,486 --> 00:33:51,602
- What?
- There's someone in the kitchen.
450
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:54,317
See? There's nobody down here.
451
00:33:54,491 --> 00:33:58,860
- Look, there it is again! Right there!
- Jody, calm down.
452
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:01,904
See, there's nothing to worry about.
It's just...
453
00:34:05,752 --> 00:34:08,494
- Dan, I'm calling the psychic!
- Make the call!
454
00:34:10,257 --> 00:34:12,498
Blaine Fulda, professional psychic.
455
00:34:12,676 --> 00:34:14,667
- Hi, I'm Jody.
- Indeed you are.
456
00:34:14,844 --> 00:34:16,460
And this is my husband Dan.
457
00:34:16,638 --> 00:34:20,097
Your payment as requested,
$500 in unmarked bills.
458
00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:21,678
Of course, you know Maria.
459
00:34:21,851 --> 00:34:24,434
- Hola, Mr Blaine.
- Hi, Maria. How's your sister?
460
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:26,390
Dead. Demon killed her.
461
00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:30,934
That explains the unreturned phone calls.
I'm sensing evil.
462
00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:33,936
I'm gonna get some of
your personal belongings here
463
00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:36,606
just so I can check for demon
and ghost residue.
464
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:40,617
Won't be able to lift all those monitors.
I'll send my cousin with a van.
465
00:34:40,787 --> 00:34:43,620
- He can get them in.
- Dan was attacked last night.
466
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:45,280
We think it might be Mama.
467
00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:47,790
Kitchen attack?
Could've said that earlier.
468
00:34:47,961 --> 00:34:50,828
If a room turns on you,
it's either a ghost or a demon.
469
00:34:51,006 --> 00:34:53,122
Can a demon take over someone?
470
00:34:53,300 --> 00:34:55,416
Like, live within them?
471
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:56,925
That's some scary shit!
472
00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:59,257
A demon is the worst thing
you can have?
473
00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:02,139
No, an STD is the worst thing
that you can have.
474
00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:04,175
Who wants to hurt you?
475
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:07,811
A jealous colleague at work?
A Facebook friend you ignored?
476
00:35:07,981 --> 00:35:11,064
Maybe you adopted a small African child
named Ikatababwe?
477
00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:15,728
Promising to feed this nigger for 25 cents
a day? But he needs something to drink!
478
00:35:15,905 --> 00:35:18,272
- Anyway, let's forget.
- Okay.
479
00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:20,448
This is the evil communicator.
480
00:35:20,619 --> 00:35:23,953
When I put this on, I'll be able
to cross over to the other side
481
00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:26,284
and confront the entity.
That will trigger
482
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:31,043
the final $350 payment of child support
to Tisha Fulda.
483
00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:34,622
If you guys would just join hands,
close eyes and concentrate.
484
00:35:34,924 --> 00:35:39,919
Empty your mind of thoughts. Everything
that went on, get out of your mind.
485
00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:43,922
This is all about the spirit world here.
486
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:48,264
And three, two and one.
487
00:35:54,527 --> 00:35:56,894
What's happening?
Things are starting to move!
488
00:35:59,866 --> 00:36:01,732
Wait! I don't think he can breathe!
489
00:36:01,910 --> 00:36:06,495
He's a pro! Sophisticated equipment
like that? Of course he can breathe.
490
00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:08,997
I couldn't breathe. Almost killed myself.
491
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:13,206
All right, I communicated.
It was definitely a demon.
492
00:36:14,881 --> 00:36:16,622
Wait a minute. I was wrong.
493
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,757
It's a ghost. So strong.
494
00:36:21,638 --> 00:36:23,470
- Dan! Dan, wake up!
- It's got me!
495
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,631
You have to get out of here!
It's evil!
496
00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:27,846
It's pure evil! It's Mama!
497
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:52,750
Now do you believe something's going
on? He got dragged away, yelling Mama.
498
00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:54,910
He got dragged away?
I don't remember.
499
00:36:55,088 --> 00:36:58,251
- Dan, you were unconscious.
- I don't remember that either.
500
00:36:58,425 --> 00:37:01,759
I don't wanna argue. The important
thing is, we love each other.
501
00:37:01,928 --> 00:37:06,422
The important thing is this Mama could
be real and might be trying to kill us.
502
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,557
Jod, that guy was a fraud and that's it.
OK?
503
00:37:19,362 --> 00:37:21,444
- What's that?
- My penis.
504
00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:24,402
- No.
- Yes.
505
00:37:24,951 --> 00:37:26,362
There, right now, there!
506
00:37:27,203 --> 00:37:30,741
- What the hell is that?
- My penis?
507
00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:33,873
What's making that sound?
508
00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:41,145
Dan, what is that?
509
00:38:42,862 --> 00:38:44,978
My penis.
510
00:39:19,649 --> 00:39:21,811
Is that smoke?
511
00:39:25,655 --> 00:39:27,896
Maria! What are you doing?
512
00:39:28,074 --> 00:39:31,487
- You're gonna burn down the house!
- Kill bad spirits!
513
00:39:31,661 --> 00:39:33,151
What is going on?
514
00:39:33,329 --> 00:39:35,536
Maria almost burned the house down.
515
00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:37,664
- What?
- That's it, she's got...
516
00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:42,374
Enough! This is getting out of hand.
You're scaring everybody.
517
00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:44,754
You can't fire her.
Been with us for years.
518
00:39:44,924 --> 00:39:46,790
I don't know what to do.
519
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:50,336
OK, now what the hell?
This is completely insane.
520
00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:53,346
- It's what she believes in, honey!
- Give me that!
521
00:39:53,516 --> 00:39:55,006
You're gonna let me go?
522
00:39:55,184 --> 00:39:58,427
- The family is not safe!
- I'm sorry, it's not working out.
523
00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:00,346
I'll give you a recommendation.
524
00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:04,232
Nothing involving kids
or within a mile of anyone's house.
525
00:40:05,862 --> 00:40:09,526
I can't do this any more.
I gotta go to work.
526
00:40:09,699 --> 00:40:12,361
I don't even understand
what you're saying!
527
00:40:47,862 --> 00:40:50,194
Ladies and gentlemen,
for the past two years,
528
00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:55,155
our own Dan Sanders has been testing
the I-13 compound on 30 apes.
529
00:40:55,328 --> 00:40:56,659
Unfortunately, 29 of them
530
00:40:56,829 --> 00:41:00,322
turned into insane, aggressive,
deviant sexual predators.
531
00:41:00,500 --> 00:41:02,491
But one, Caesar,
532
00:41:02,669 --> 00:41:05,787
has experienced a huge leap
in intelligence.
533
00:41:06,089 --> 00:41:09,627
Here he plays three opponents.
Of course, they're apes,
534
00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:13,089
but Caesar's superior capabilities
535
00:41:13,262 --> 00:41:14,593
are the work of one man.
536
00:41:14,764 --> 00:41:18,257
The brains behind the I-13 project,
Dan San...
537
00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:20,550
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine, Martin.
538
00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:24,767
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce you to Caesar...
539
00:41:31,823 --> 00:41:33,188
Oh, no!
540
00:41:52,135 --> 00:41:54,376
Traffic is backed up
on Broad Street Bridge
541
00:41:54,554 --> 00:41:57,672
where police are battling apes
in a running gunfight.
542
00:41:57,849 --> 00:42:01,217
Our reports indicate that a scientist
at a research laboratory
543
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:04,136
gave these apes an experimental
intelligence drug.
544
00:42:04,313 --> 00:42:07,726
I'm being told that all available
officers are now on the scene.
545
00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:13,191
But at this time, we are advising
all our viewers to find alternate routes.
546
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:17,949
I'm being told we have the actual 911 call
that first alerted police to the situation.
547
00:42:18,119 --> 00:42:19,609
911, what's your emergency?
548
00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:23,826
Oh, my God! Apes are inside the house!
549
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,992
- Calm down. What happened?
- We were making love and...
550
00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:28,956
Oh, my God! They're attacking him!
551
00:42:29,130 --> 00:42:32,623
- Who are they attacking, ma'am?
- Carl! Oh, my God!
552
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:35,167
- Help him!
- Where is your husband right now?
553
00:42:35,344 --> 00:42:38,837
Carl's not my husband. My husband's
the anchor for Channel 12 News.
554
00:42:39,015 --> 00:42:40,346
He can't know about it.
555
00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:41,927
- But we need to...
- Hurry!
556
00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:44,468
Send help while my husband's
still on the air!
557
00:42:44,645 --> 00:42:48,513
- That's not important. Your life is.
- You're right. Why should he care?
558
00:42:48,691 --> 00:42:52,150
I'm pretty sure he's been sleeping
with his co-anchor, that bitch!
559
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,651
Oh, I'm gonna rip her...
560
00:42:58,201 --> 00:43:00,067
Congratulations, girl.
561
00:43:00,286 --> 00:43:03,654
Knew it was gonna be you.
You're just so perfect, so mechanical.
562
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,619
Watching you dance
is like watching a robot.
563
00:43:06,793 --> 00:43:08,579
Thanks.
564
00:43:10,046 --> 00:43:12,287
I'm so hungry.
565
00:43:15,134 --> 00:43:17,671
- Is that all?
- Pierre has a weight limit.
566
00:43:17,845 --> 00:43:20,678
I'm too heavy. Look at Mara.
567
00:43:21,140 --> 00:43:23,177
She looks great.
568
00:43:24,644 --> 00:43:26,601
Look, are you sure you're OK?
569
00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,557
Weird things have been happening.
570
00:43:28,731 --> 00:43:32,395
Kathy said there would be an accident.
Then it happened to Heather.
571
00:43:32,568 --> 00:43:34,559
That's some serious shit.
572
00:43:34,737 --> 00:43:37,274
You should talk to those kids.
573
00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:39,064
Whoa, pizza!
574
00:43:42,495 --> 00:43:45,704
I eat and eat and eat
575
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:48,331
and I don't gain a pound.
576
00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:14,349
Heather!
577
00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:17,231
You think you can replace me?
578
00:44:17,530 --> 00:44:22,570
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the Swan consumes you!
579
00:44:32,587 --> 00:44:34,328
Damn it!
580
00:44:37,216 --> 00:44:39,457
Son of a bitch!
581
00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:45,259
Oh, I didn't know you were
such a good builder.
582
00:44:49,145 --> 00:44:52,103
Kathy, I want you to
tell me about Mama.
583
00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:55,106
Mama doesn't like it
when you talk about her.
584
00:44:55,276 --> 00:44:56,607
Who is Mama?
585
00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:59,109
She was a woman
who read from an evil book.
586
00:44:59,405 --> 00:45:02,648
Sometimes she comes to us in a dream.
587
00:45:02,825 --> 00:45:04,566
In a dream?
588
00:45:04,744 --> 00:45:06,655
In your dreams, of course.
589
00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:09,780
I wish I could see
what's inside your dreams.
590
00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:12,578
To extract what's in your dreams.
591
00:45:12,835 --> 00:45:14,917
To perform an inception.
592
00:45:15,087 --> 00:45:18,045
Will you drop that? That's my birth tuba.
593
00:45:20,509 --> 00:45:24,548
Hello. I'm Dom Kolb.
You called about a dream extraction?
594
00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:28,465
Yes. I need to find out
about an evil book.
595
00:45:28,809 --> 00:45:33,269
This machine will allow us access
to the dream world. Let's begin.
596
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:38,641
When do we start dreaming?
597
00:45:38,819 --> 00:45:42,357
You never really remember
the beginning of a dream, do you?
598
00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:45,148
- I guess.
- OK then,
599
00:45:45,326 --> 00:45:48,910
this is your first lesson
in shared dreaming. Stay calm.
600
00:45:49,205 --> 00:45:51,697
Sorry. I dropped my phone in there.
601
00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:54,536
You need to clear your subconscious.
602
00:45:54,710 --> 00:45:57,247
And watch what you think about.
Nothing crazy.
603
00:45:57,546 --> 00:46:01,540
Right. Like having
your crotch burst into flames.
604
00:46:12,770 --> 00:46:14,727
What does that have to do with Ma...?
605
00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:16,683
Hey!
606
00:46:18,317 --> 00:46:20,479
Let's start over.
607
00:46:26,575 --> 00:46:28,657
I'm Jody Sanders.
608
00:46:28,828 --> 00:46:30,865
Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you.
609
00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:32,995
Please, come in.
610
00:46:33,207 --> 00:46:34,789
They call me Christian Grey.
611
00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:40,582
How do you like my blue room?
612
00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:42,497
It's red.
613
00:46:42,675 --> 00:46:45,633
Oh. I'm colour-blind.
My decorator assured me that...
614
00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:47,419
Never mind.
615
00:46:49,265 --> 00:46:50,972
Champagne?
616
00:46:58,232 --> 00:46:59,939
Hey, Christian, man, golly, man!
617
00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:04,068
I'd like to thank you for working
on my prostrate like it was a speed bag.
618
00:47:04,238 --> 00:47:07,526
I must admit, I was surprised
at your performance as well.
619
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,692
Not bad for a washed-up, overweight,
facially tattooed...
620
00:47:12,621 --> 00:47:13,952
Do it again.
621
00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:25,631
I have no idea what that one was.
622
00:47:26,052 --> 00:47:27,918
Me neither.
623
00:47:29,889 --> 00:47:32,005
Mama, are you here?
624
00:47:32,224 --> 00:47:35,808
- Dom, is that you?
- Oh, shit.
625
00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:39,138
You said you'd had a dream
that we'd grow old together.
626
00:47:39,315 --> 00:47:41,181
Right. And we will.
627
00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:43,816
- What are you doing here?
- Hi.
628
00:47:43,986 --> 00:47:46,523
How could you bring her?
What about our children?
629
00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:49,735
- They're not real.
- Yes, they are. Watch.
630
00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:52,825
James, Phillippa!
631
00:48:00,836 --> 00:48:02,952
You're not gonna jump, are you?
632
00:48:03,506 --> 00:48:05,417
I hadn't thought about that.
633
00:48:05,674 --> 00:48:07,460
Thank you.
634
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:12,296
We're not getting anywhere.
What's this have to do with Kathy?
635
00:48:12,473 --> 00:48:15,135
Kathy? I thought you were Kathy.
636
00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:36,740
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
637
00:48:56,058 --> 00:48:57,514
What's happening to me?!
638
00:48:59,061 --> 00:49:01,052
That must have been her.
639
00:49:01,230 --> 00:49:02,891
Mama.
640
00:49:03,065 --> 00:49:05,181
She wants to take us home to the cliff.
641
00:49:06,652 --> 00:49:07,983
What does that mean?
642
00:49:08,154 --> 00:49:12,443
I don't know. But I trust you'll
give me a favourable Yelp review?
643
00:49:18,539 --> 00:49:20,246
Jody's mission was clear.
644
00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:24,626
The evil book that created Mama
was located in the cellar of a cabin
645
00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:27,503
in the woods.
If she could find that cabin,
646
00:49:27,673 --> 00:49:30,335
maybe she could find some answers.
647
00:49:30,509 --> 00:49:33,592
If we can find that cabin,
maybe we can find some answers.
648
00:49:33,762 --> 00:49:36,424
Calm down. I'm gonna come over.
649
00:49:37,349 --> 00:49:39,590
- Kendra!
- What?
650
00:49:40,186 --> 00:49:42,177
OK, wait, what's going on now?
651
00:49:42,354 --> 00:49:44,686
I think she's out there!
652
00:49:45,441 --> 00:49:48,399
OK, OK, just stay calm!
653
00:49:48,611 --> 00:49:50,648
- Front door open.
- She's in the house!
654
00:49:50,821 --> 00:49:54,280
- Front door open.
- OK, stay...
655
00:49:54,450 --> 00:49:55,861
Shut the hell up!
656
00:49:56,035 --> 00:49:57,742
No need for that, bitch.
657
00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:59,698
Bitch?!
658
00:49:59,872 --> 00:50:03,490
- No, you did not just call me a bitch!
- Front door open.
659
00:50:05,211 --> 00:50:06,747
- Honey?
- ' Dan?!
660
00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:08,286
I am so sorry.
661
00:50:08,464 --> 00:50:10,705
I didn't know who you were and...
662
00:50:10,883 --> 00:50:13,466
Oh, it's OK, honey. It was an accident.
663
00:50:13,636 --> 00:50:15,047
Right, Caesar?
664
00:50:15,221 --> 00:50:17,428
And of course he can stay here.
665
00:50:20,476 --> 00:50:24,140
Look at that. Caesar wants to
help out around the house.
666
00:50:33,113 --> 00:50:35,730
I'm sorry. I see an ape,
I come out swinging.
667
00:50:35,908 --> 00:50:38,696
That's understandable.
668
00:50:38,869 --> 00:50:40,325
Here you go.
669
00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:43,496
I am so glad you're OK.
But tonight was a wake-up call.
670
00:50:43,666 --> 00:50:47,500
- I think we gotta find that cabin.
- OK. I got an idea.
671
00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:51,038
Wait, we fired Maria.
Who's gonna watch the kids?
672
00:50:51,215 --> 00:50:53,206
I already took care of it.
673
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:56,250
Naughty Nanny's here.
674
00:50:56,428 --> 00:50:59,386
Nice to meet you, Naughty.
This is my wife, Jody.
675
00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:00,968
That costs extra.
676
00:51:01,141 --> 00:51:03,758
Oh, Jesus! Monkey too?
677
00:51:03,936 --> 00:51:07,895
You people are freaks!
But for an extra $100...
678
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,396
What agency did you call?
679
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:12,233
Oh, they have nurses and cheerleaders
and nannies.
680
00:51:12,403 --> 00:51:14,565
Dan, you called an escort service.
681
00:51:14,738 --> 00:51:17,480
I used the same agency
to book a Santa for Christmas.
682
00:51:17,658 --> 00:51:19,194
Someone called for Santa?
683
00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:26,823
Dan, you're watching the kids.
684
00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:35,794
Jody was nervous about
what she might find at the cabin,
685
00:51:36,677 --> 00:51:40,215
but she was comforted by the fact
that Caesar and the girls
686
00:51:40,389 --> 00:51:42,096
were in good hands.
687
00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:11,368
Who do you work for?
688
00:52:12,796 --> 00:52:17,882
- This isn't the cabin I was talking about.
- I know. I thought you needed to relax.
689
00:52:18,093 --> 00:52:20,255
Take one of these.
690
00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:22,386
I don't know.
691
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:25,423
Oh, come on, they'll only
last a couple of hours, tops.
692
00:52:25,851 --> 00:52:28,843
Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun.
693
00:52:33,108 --> 00:52:34,439
Let me take a picture!
694
00:52:34,610 --> 00:52:36,942
- Oh, that's so hot!
- Yeah!
695
00:52:39,156 --> 00:52:41,523
- Yeah! Ride it! Yeah!
- Yeah!
696
00:52:55,881 --> 00:52:58,714
A dollar will make me holler,
Honey Boo Boo child.
697
00:53:37,256 --> 00:53:40,294
Oh, wait.
I'm not gonna get pregnant, am I?
698
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:42,674
- No.
- OK.
699
00:54:12,708 --> 00:54:15,826
Oh, my God! Rehearsal! I'm late!
700
00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:20,372
Oh, no, no, no! Oh, my God,
oh, my God! Oh, my God!
701
00:54:36,148 --> 00:54:37,479
Stop! Stop!
702
00:54:37,649 --> 00:54:40,141
Thank God you're here.
I was kissing him because
703
00:54:40,319 --> 00:54:42,651
I didn't want him to think about
you being late.
704
00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:44,983
I'm the dancer, so I'll do the kissing.
705
00:54:45,157 --> 00:54:46,739
That was amazing!
706
00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:53,739
- I want you to have my children.
- Papa, please, we want to stay with you.
707
00:54:53,916 --> 00:54:55,998
Back in the car, Gaston!
708
00:54:56,168 --> 00:55:00,127
She can't make you forget me! I overslept
because you took off this morning.
709
00:55:00,297 --> 00:55:01,833
- This morning?
- You slept over.
710
00:55:02,007 --> 00:55:05,170
Wait, did you have some kind of
lezzo dream fantasy about me?
711
00:55:05,344 --> 00:55:08,086
Don't act like you weren't there.
712
00:55:08,263 --> 00:55:10,220
- We made love last night.
- What?
713
00:55:10,390 --> 00:55:12,677
Telling me that wasn't?
714
00:55:12,851 --> 00:55:14,888
I have never been that **** in my life.
715
00:55:17,481 --> 00:55:19,142
Jody!
716
00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:22,191
What?!
717
00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:27,275
Well, that explains the poison ivy.
718
00:55:27,533 --> 00:55:29,240
Jody?
719
00:55:30,786 --> 00:55:32,117
- There you are.
- Kendra?
720
00:55:32,287 --> 00:55:35,200
- Oh, the door was open, so I let myself in.
- It's OK.
721
00:55:35,374 --> 00:55:36,705
Look, I'm so sorry.
722
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:39,204
I believed something
happened between us.
723
00:55:39,378 --> 00:55:42,791
- I must have dreamt the whole thing.
- Oh, no. We had sex.
724
00:55:42,965 --> 00:55:44,455
But at rehearsal, you said...
725
00:55:44,633 --> 00:55:48,001
Can't have the cast know my business.
Already doing half of them.
726
00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:51,421
- Me and Pierre, we have this thing...
- Then what's this?
727
00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:55,558
Beats me. Must've happened after I left.
728
00:55:55,727 --> 00:55:57,934
Girl, you are freaky.
729
00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:03,850
Oh, yeah!
730
00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,230
Oh, Shit!
731
00:56:09,408 --> 00:56:11,945
See? I knew she was real.
732
00:56:13,495 --> 00:56:15,327
Let's find out where this cabin is.
733
00:56:33,265 --> 00:56:35,347
What in the hell?
734
00:56:35,642 --> 00:56:37,428
Bad girl!
735
00:56:39,187 --> 00:56:40,552
Oh, what is this?
736
00:56:42,316 --> 00:56:45,354
Oh, my God! It's the same cabin
from the dream! Of course!
737
00:56:45,569 --> 00:56:47,526
What will we do if we find that book?
738
00:56:47,696 --> 00:56:50,609
If that's the book
that turned Mama into what she is,
739
00:56:50,782 --> 00:56:53,240
maybe it can somehow
reverse the curse.
740
00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:54,741
OK, we're almost there.
741
00:56:55,787 --> 00:56:58,950
- Hey, I'm not going in there.
- We have to go inside.
742
00:56:59,124 --> 00:57:02,162
The book is the key to the nightmare
I'm living.
743
00:57:02,377 --> 00:57:04,038
Oh, my gosh. Who are you?
744
00:57:04,212 --> 00:57:06,294
I'm Jody and this is Kendra.
745
00:57:06,506 --> 00:57:10,545
- We're looking for something important.
- We all are. Come on in.
746
00:57:15,974 --> 00:57:19,183
Go tell it on the mountain.
747
00:57:19,353 --> 00:57:24,143
Over the hills and everywhere
Go tell it.
748
00:57:24,316 --> 00:57:26,148
Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra.
749
00:57:26,318 --> 00:57:28,104
- Hello.
- Hello, Jody. Hi, Kendra.
750
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:31,771
Pardon me for not standing,
but I'm mending the wing of this bird.
751
00:57:31,949 --> 00:57:36,864
OK. Hi. We're in a hurry. We're actually
looking for a book that could save lives.
752
00:57:37,079 --> 00:57:38,410
I've got it right here.
753
00:57:38,580 --> 00:57:40,912
- Oh, thank God.
- Thank him indeed.
754
00:57:41,083 --> 00:57:43,666
The Bible.
Here, let me read to you.
755
00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:46,668
Oh, no. No, see,
we're actually looking for
756
00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:48,753
the book of evil.
757
00:57:48,924 --> 00:57:51,165
- I know evil all too well.
- You do?
758
00:57:51,343 --> 00:57:54,051
This weekend's devoted to Mia.
It's a detox weekend.
759
00:57:55,097 --> 00:57:57,338
She's hooked on energy shots.
760
00:57:57,599 --> 00:57:59,431
Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle.
761
00:57:59,601 --> 00:58:02,764
We're looking for another book
somewhere in this cabin.
762
00:58:02,938 --> 00:58:04,269
We haven't seen anything.
763
00:58:04,439 --> 00:58:07,773
- We gave it a shot. Let's get out of here.
- OK, wait.
764
00:58:07,943 --> 00:58:09,775
Is there a cellar?
765
00:58:09,945 --> 00:58:11,276
Great.
766
00:58:15,784 --> 00:58:17,741
There it is.
767
00:58:34,845 --> 00:58:37,007
OK, I don't care what it says.
768
00:58:37,222 --> 00:58:39,384
The curse begins with four words.
769
00:58:39,641 --> 00:58:42,804
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
770
00:58:54,740 --> 00:58:57,232
You're all going to die tonight.
771
00:58:59,327 --> 00:59:00,988
You're all going to die tonight.
772
00:59:15,177 --> 00:59:17,168
The curse ends with one word.
773
00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:19,052
Adunda.
774
00:59:21,183 --> 00:59:22,890
What the heck?
775
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,801
Why?
776
00:59:25,395 --> 00:59:26,851
I don't have an arm.
777
00:59:27,022 --> 00:59:30,515
Hey! For some reason
I cut my tongue in half!
778
00:59:30,692 --> 00:59:32,979
OK, well, let's at least finish the song.
779
00:59:33,153 --> 00:59:37,488
- Everyone hold hands. Except for Eric.
- Damn.
780
00:59:37,657 --> 00:59:41,867
Go tell it on the mountain.
781
00:59:42,037 --> 00:59:46,076
Over the hills and everywhere.
782
00:59:46,333 --> 00:59:48,620
Maybe we didn't do it right.
783
00:59:48,794 --> 00:59:52,003
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
784
01:00:04,351 --> 01:00:06,183
Adunda.
785
01:00:06,561 --> 01:00:09,553
Why does this keep happening?
Where's my arm?
786
01:00:09,731 --> 01:00:11,722
- Is this yours?
- That's a left.
787
01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:13,686
That's mine.
Hand it to me, please?
788
01:00:13,860 --> 01:00:16,192
- I need a right.
- Eric chainsawed it off.
789
01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:18,900
- Look, I'm sorry.
- My leg?
790
01:00:19,074 --> 01:00:21,156
No, that's black. That's not mine.
791
01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:24,660
- Oh, shit.
- I don't know what I'm gonna do.
792
01:00:24,830 --> 01:00:26,696
Oh, cry me a river.
793
01:00:26,873 --> 01:00:29,035
I need help.
I have to go to the bathroom.
794
01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:32,038
My penis is in the corner.
795
01:00:32,212 --> 01:00:34,044
This is fucked up.
796
01:00:34,256 --> 01:00:36,088
Let me try.
797
01:00:37,175 --> 01:00:42,341
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
798
01:00:44,975 --> 01:00:46,306
But nothing again.
799
01:00:49,271 --> 01:00:50,602
You know what? Let's go.
800
01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:52,729
There's a door.
Let's go out this way.
801
01:00:52,899 --> 01:00:55,436
OK, cool. We can avoid
the weirdos upstairs.
802
01:00:55,694 --> 01:00:59,028
We're gonna get you!
803
01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:03,065
Not another peep!
804
01:01:04,035 --> 01:01:07,027
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
805
01:01:07,205 --> 01:01:09,913
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
806
01:01:10,250 --> 01:01:12,708
Kendra and I recited the Latin words
over and over
807
01:01:12,878 --> 01:01:14,869
at the cabin and on the way home.
808
01:01:15,046 --> 01:01:17,959
We must have said it 100 times,
but nothing happened.
809
01:01:18,133 --> 01:01:21,717
What if it isn't the right book?
Maybe the curse has been lifted.
810
01:01:23,805 --> 01:01:27,218
Luckily for Dan and Jody,
there was someone in the house who,
811
01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:29,474
thanks to the I-13 formula,
812
01:01:29,644 --> 01:01:33,478
had increased intelligence
and superior cognitive ability.
813
01:01:33,648 --> 01:01:35,605
His analytical problem-solving skills
814
01:01:35,775 --> 01:01:38,984
allowed him to ascertain
crucial information.
815
01:01:39,154 --> 01:01:41,566
A marvel of modern-day science,
816
01:01:41,740 --> 01:01:45,608
his IQ had surpassed even the most...
Hell.
817
01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:18,645
Why did I think
you could be intelligent?
818
01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:21,276
You're nothing but a dumb animal.
819
01:02:22,530 --> 01:02:25,613
Idiot!
820
01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:28,950
- I can talk!
- Hey, Caesar.
821
01:02:32,123 --> 01:02:33,705
Steve?
822
01:02:33,875 --> 01:02:35,786
Dan's got a mad demon in his house.
823
01:02:35,961 --> 01:02:37,497
Matt Damon's in his house?
824
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:41,130
- No, a mad demon.
- I love Matt Damon!
825
01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:43,336
Jason Bourne!
826
01:02:47,806 --> 01:02:52,266
I should've known not to bring a wild
animal into the house. I'm so sorry.
827
01:02:52,435 --> 01:02:54,893
I believed in Caesar,
thought he was different.
828
01:02:55,146 --> 01:02:59,731
- There's something more to this.
- No, he just went crazy.
829
01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:03,565
Forget it. But I still think Mama
could be in this house. Don't you...
830
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:07,447
We just had a whole night go on
without a single sign of anything.
831
01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:08,948
I guess.
832
01:03:09,995 --> 01:03:14,205
- I was so scared last night for the kids.
- You're coming around.
833
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:17,913
Am I getting attached to them?
834
01:03:59,627 --> 01:04:01,493
It's the cliff from the dream.
835
01:04:02,297 --> 01:04:04,334
Get in the car now. Don't make me yell.
836
01:04:05,216 --> 01:04:07,878
Unto thee, Satan,
I sacrifice these children.
837
01:04:08,053 --> 01:04:10,465
Return home to the cliff of...
Holy shit!
838
01:04:12,057 --> 01:04:14,924
Home's the cliff!
Oh, my God, girls!
839
01:04:15,477 --> 01:04:20,472
Kathy! It's OK, I saw the cliff!
I know what home means!
840
01:04:34,329 --> 01:04:35,660
Let's go get Aidan!
841
01:04:35,830 --> 01:04:40,165
- That's cool.
- Lily! Come on!
842
01:04:42,128 --> 01:04:44,210
Aidan! Are you OK?
843
01:04:52,972 --> 01:04:54,588
Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan!
844
01:04:54,766 --> 01:04:57,554
Mama! Mama! Mama!
She's here!
845
01:04:57,769 --> 01:05:00,636
Girls, girls, girls. One at a time.
Lily, you first.
846
01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:05,231
Got it. Now Kathy.
847
01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:07,814
Mama! Mama! She's here!
She's gonna kill us!
848
01:05:08,029 --> 01:05:11,613
How many times do I have to tell
everyone, there's no such thing...
849
01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:58,660
Maria? What are you doing here?
850
01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:01,788
I was angry you fired me,
so I baked you this.
851
01:06:04,878 --> 01:06:06,368
A shit pie?
852
01:06:07,422 --> 01:06:08,753
Thanks, but...
853
01:06:08,923 --> 01:06:10,505
Hot dog?
854
01:06:11,092 --> 01:06:12,753
No, that's still shit.
855
01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:14,417
With mustard.
856
01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:16,253
Maybe just a banana then?
857
01:06:16,848 --> 01:06:19,010
Very much potassium.
858
01:06:19,184 --> 01:06:21,596
So bueno, Mr Dan.
859
01:06:21,853 --> 01:06:24,094
I'm sorry, I should've listened to you...
860
01:06:24,272 --> 01:06:28,186
Mr Dan, we have our problems,
but I always love you.
861
01:06:28,359 --> 01:06:30,691
So much.
862
01:06:35,283 --> 01:06:36,773
When I see you,
863
01:06:36,951 --> 01:06:39,488
I see my father.
864
01:06:40,705 --> 01:06:42,366
Dan! Dan, we have to...
865
01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:45,123
Wait. What's going on here?
866
01:06:45,543 --> 01:06:47,033
I can explain.
867
01:06:47,212 --> 01:06:50,330
No time. Mama has the girls.
I know where she took them!
868
01:06:50,507 --> 01:06:52,214
Gotta go.
869
01:06:52,383 --> 01:06:55,967
- You remind me of my father.
- Dan!
870
01:06:58,848 --> 01:07:02,432
Knowing the girls were in danger,
Dan and Jody sped off,
871
01:07:02,602 --> 01:07:05,014
racing to get to the cliff they...
Oh, my God!
872
01:07:05,188 --> 01:07:08,021
What happened to the car? Where...
Oh, there it is.
873
01:07:08,191 --> 01:07:12,276
They were no longer able to sit idly by
and let a ghost jump off a cliff,
874
01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:14,436
sacrificing their children with her.
875
01:07:14,614 --> 01:07:17,231
Oh, my God! There they are!
Kathy, Lily, stop!
876
01:07:20,078 --> 01:07:21,944
- What do we do now?
- I'll just
877
01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:24,488
read from this and
change her back to human.
878
01:07:32,465 --> 01:07:33,830
Girls, run! Run!
879
01:07:34,676 --> 01:07:36,883
No! No, not that way!
Away from the cliff!
880
01:07:39,514 --> 01:07:41,801
I'm not gonna let Mama
take you away again.
881
01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:51,147
Lily, stop! Come on, come on!
Here, girl! Come on, Lily!
882
01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:56,233
Come on! Look! Oh, look! Yeah!
883
01:08:01,494 --> 01:08:05,408
Come on! Look! Oh, yeah! Lily!
884
01:08:07,709 --> 01:08:09,541
Yeah!
885
01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:13,086
Oh, come on! Enough!
886
01:08:13,256 --> 01:08:16,089
This is crazy. Lily's not a dog.
887
01:08:17,802 --> 01:08:20,260
She's a beautiful girl
I've grown to love.
888
01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:23,764
I love all these children, Mama,
even if they don't all love me.
889
01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:25,716
Lily loves you too, Jody.
890
01:08:28,396 --> 01:08:30,558
They belong in this world
with me and Dan.
891
01:08:30,732 --> 01:08:33,440
They deserve parents
who aren't decomposing.
892
01:08:33,610 --> 01:08:35,271
Good girl.
893
01:08:36,571 --> 01:08:38,733
All right, enough!
894
01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:41,697
Where's the page?
Damn it, I can't find it.
895
01:08:41,868 --> 01:08:43,279
Oh, forget it!
896
01:08:43,494 --> 01:08:45,451
There, that worked. Maybe not!
897
01:09:04,349 --> 01:09:06,966
Man, we need to stop smoking this shit.
898
01:09:10,897 --> 01:09:13,309
Told you that shark
was gonna come in handy.
899
01:09:13,524 --> 01:09:16,141
Thank you! Lily!
900
01:09:16,319 --> 01:09:18,856
Honey, thank God you're all right!
901
01:09:31,793 --> 01:09:33,124
Your cue is coming up.
902
01:09:33,294 --> 01:09:34,784
Oh, Kendra.
903
01:09:36,631 --> 01:09:39,168
Look, it's OK.
Let's forget about what happened.
904
01:09:39,342 --> 01:09:40,958
You are the Black Swan.
905
01:09:41,135 --> 01:09:43,502
No. It's you.
906
01:09:43,763 --> 01:09:47,597
Throwing Mama off a cliff has really
made me reevaluate my priorities.
907
01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:49,140
My family comes first.
908
01:09:49,310 --> 01:09:50,846
You dance the Black Swan.
909
01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:54,938
- Because sometimes in life...
- OK!
910
01:09:56,275 --> 01:09:58,812
Introducing our new Swan Queen,
911
01:09:58,986 --> 01:10:01,478
Miss Kendra Brooks!
912
01:10:22,719 --> 01:10:25,928
- This is not ballet.
- No, it the hell ain't.
913
01:10:27,974 --> 01:10:29,464
This some bullshit.
914
01:10:38,317 --> 01:10:40,854
Yeah! Yeah!
915
01:10:41,028 --> 01:10:43,019
Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
916
01:10:43,197 --> 01:10:46,315
Right? Right? You know that shit, right?!
Yeah!
917
01:10:46,492 --> 01:10:48,904
And so our story ends.
918
01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:51,410
If anything is to be learned from this,
919
01:10:51,581 --> 01:10:54,369
it's that mankind is a pathetic race
920
01:10:54,542 --> 01:10:57,830
and apes need to take over this planet.
921
01:10:58,004 --> 01:11:00,666
Enjoy Earth while you still got it.
922
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:48,840
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
923
01:12:09,408 --> 01:12:11,194
I cannot hold it that long!
924
01:12:11,369 --> 01:12:12,780
It's like, it's so long!
925
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:46,022
We're kissing.
926
01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:52,531
' Cut!
' Cut!
927
01:12:53,995 --> 01:12:55,451
Cut!
928
01:12:59,458 --> 01:13:01,244
We're kissing.
929
01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:23,813
- Cut!
- Cut! All right.
930
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:37,573
What happened?
931
01:13:37,747 --> 01:13:40,865
- The guy was in the shot.
- Cut!
932
01:13:41,042 --> 01:13:42,749
But was he dressed like a demon?
933
01:13:45,922 --> 01:13:48,380
- Do the second my penis as a question.
- OK.
934
01:13:48,549 --> 01:13:51,257
- My other penis as a question also? OK.
- Yeah.
935
01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:54,920
- You're jumping to what the hell is that?
- I don't know why.
936
01:13:55,097 --> 01:13:57,259
There's just so many penises.
937
01:13:57,433 --> 01:13:59,674
Welcome to Hollywood.
938
01:14:03,064 --> 01:14:04,520
I'm ready for it.
939
01:14:04,690 --> 01:14:06,931
- Hey!
- I'm OK with this.
940
01:14:07,109 --> 01:14:10,443
That's the temporary nurses shower.
941
01:14:10,863 --> 01:14:12,319
And we're painting it.
942
01:14:12,490 --> 01:14:15,448
That's the temporary nurses shower.
943
01:14:15,618 --> 01:14:17,734
I'm OK with this.
944
01:14:20,706 --> 01:14:23,038
Sorry, you guys, I...
945
01:14:26,879 --> 01:14:29,086
- I'm OK with this.
- That's the
946
01:14:29,256 --> 01:14:33,875
nurses temporary locker room
and we're repainting it.
947
01:14:34,845 --> 01:14:36,176
Cut!
948
01:14:44,647 --> 01:14:46,354
Hello here!
949
01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:50,899
B mark!
950
01:14:51,070 --> 01:14:53,528
- And background.
- Action!
951
01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:06,033
Jody! Thank God I caught you!
952
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:09,620
I forgot to tell you,
now that you are the Swan Queen...
953
01:15:12,842 --> 01:15:15,083
- Slate.
- Suck my ****.
954
01:15:17,847 --> 01:15:19,588
I'll save you, Snoop Dogg.
955
01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:23,053
My name ain't Snoop Dogg
in this mother******* movie, man!
956
01:15:28,315 --> 01:15:29,771
Well, I mean, I...
957
01:15:40,244 --> 01:15:41,575
Stop it.
958
01:15:41,746 --> 01:15:43,612
We're good. We're good.
959
01:15:46,834 --> 01:15:49,872
Now prepare for a night
of unparalleled passion.
960
01:15:50,046 --> 01:15:51,377
Oh, wait, Mr Grey...
961
01:15:51,547 --> 01:15:54,756
- The safe word is deeper.
- What?
962
01:16:01,098 --> 01:16:02,759
Damn!
963
01:16:07,855 --> 01:16:11,223
- What's this have to do with the ballet?
- Ballet?
964
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,186
Yes. Aren't you donating millions?
965
01:16:13,360 --> 01:16:14,771
Millions? I'm broke.
966
01:16:14,945 --> 01:16:17,312
Every cent I have
has been put into this room.
967
01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:24,156
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
968
01:16:24,622 --> 01:16:27,239
Oh, cry me a river.
969
01:16:27,416 --> 01:16:31,785
I'm gonna need a little help.
I don't have a penis.
970
01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:51,349
It does not come off!
971
01:16:51,524 --> 01:16:53,686
It does not come off. I'm sorry.
972
01:16:56,862 --> 01:17:00,776
Getting tired of talking about this
mother**** in the woods with this man.
973
01:17:00,950 --> 01:17:04,568
The ****? We keep going in circles,
talking about a ****. Man, ****.
974
01:17:04,745 --> 01:17:07,578
Let's talk about a ****, man.
Getting some ****.
975
01:17:07,748 --> 01:17:10,115
We talking about ****,
two dudes in the woods.
976
01:17:10,292 --> 01:17:14,377
If we had a **** here,
she could wash our **** off right now.
977
01:17:14,547 --> 01:17:17,005
Understand me?
That's the way I would say it.
978
01:17:20,177 --> 01:17:23,340
Check out this psychic's book
for a clue. It freaks me out.
979
01:17:23,514 --> 01:17:25,972
Come on, there's nothing to be s...
980
01:17:26,559 --> 01:17:28,800
These books are all...
981
01:17:29,812 --> 01:17:31,894
There's nothing to be scared...
982
01:17:36,318 --> 01:17:38,650
be scared...
be scared...
983
01:17:41,949 --> 01:17:45,692
There's nothing to be scared...
Oh, wrong animal.
984
01:17:46,620 --> 01:17:49,487
Be scared... A dinosaur!
985
01:17:54,003 --> 01:17:56,791
What does this have to do with...
986
01:17:59,842 --> 01:18:01,958
I know, sorry.
987
01:18:03,262 --> 01:18:04,752
Action!
988
01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:07,297
What does this have to do with...
989
01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:14,555
You just keep cupping your boobs.
990
01:18:14,732 --> 01:18:16,393
OK, sorry.
991
01:18:34,210 --> 01:18:36,998
OK, how do we know who's a witch?
992
01:18:38,881 --> 01:18:40,872
Do they have a broom?
993
01:18:41,050 --> 01:18:43,508
Do they have a pointy nose?
994
01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:53,344
I'm gonna...
I'm going to pee my pants!
995
01:19:00,819 --> 01:19:02,480
So, what, I didn't get the part?
996
01:19:02,905 --> 01:19:05,067
Where's everybody going?
997
01:25:13,859 --> 01:25:16,191
I just had the most bizarre dream.
998
01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:18,819
Demons, apes, a ballet.
999
01:25:18,989 --> 01:25:21,276
You have a very active subconscious.
1000
01:25:21,450 --> 01:25:23,532
Anyway, the idea took hold.
1001
01:25:23,702 --> 01:25:26,615
Lindsay Lohan's coming over
to spend the night with you.
1002
01:25:26,788 --> 01:25:28,495
Awesome!
1003
01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:36,954
You were driving.
76722
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