All language subtitles for The Sunshine Boys 1975

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:24,997 - Willy, what are you doing downtown? - I'm working. What are you doing? 2 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,623 He's working. 3 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,346 I hate them. 4 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:45,434 I hate Frumpies potato chips so much, I can't stop eating them. 5 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,687 And I keep eating Frumpies until I love them... 6 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,356 which I hope is never. 7 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,650 - Thank you. - Thank you. 8 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,778 Thank you very much, Mr. Bell. Mr. Gilbert is next. 9 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:57,821 Right. 10 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,282 Mr. Gilbert! 11 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,035 I mean, I think the accent could work for us. 12 00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,995 Bearing in mind the... business, you know. 13 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,206 - Hello. - Hi. How are you? 14 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,373 Fine, thank you. 15 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,709 Mr. Gilbert, this is our director, Mr. Walsk... 16 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,670 Mr. Blair, Mr. Ott, Miss Baker, and Miss Hall. 17 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,714 - You saw the copy? - I looked through it. 18 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,382 Whenever you're ready. 19 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,968 Boy! I hate them! 20 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:24,890 I hate Frumpies potato chips so much, I can't stop eating them. 21 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:28,894 And I'll keep on eating Frumpies till I love them... 22 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,230 which, I hope, will be never. 23 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:36,485 Would you mind eating the potato chip, please? 24 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,612 I can't. I got gallstones. 25 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,323 Right. 26 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,494 - Okay, thank you for your... - Willy Clark? 27 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,250 Give me five more minutes. He's on his way. 28 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,002 - He left 20 minutes ago. - He's 40 minutes late already. 29 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,338 If he's not here by 11:00, forget it. 30 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,967 Crazy freaking old man! 31 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:18,777 Sir. 32 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,993 - What is it? - I'm here. Willy Clark. 33 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,620 - So? - Willy Clark. I'm here. 34 00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:33,083 - Here to pick up a car? - What? 35 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:38,005 - You here to pick up a car? - What do I need a car for? 36 00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,799 - Then what do you want? - I'm here. The potato chips. 37 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:43,385 I'm here for the potato chip commercial. Willy Clark. 38 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,887 This is a garage. 39 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,222 - What is this? - Let me see that. 40 00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:50,851 - This looks like a garage to me. - Is this the address you're looking for? 41 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,353 - Yeah. - The Danzig Advertising Agency? 42 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,647 - That's it. - 354 East 43rd Street. 43 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,983 This is West 43rd. You want East. 44 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:01,320 - This is not the agency? - You didn't hear what I just said? 45 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,488 This is West Side. You want the East Side. 46 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:07,743 Is my nephew here? Ben Clark? He'll fix it. I don't handle the business. 47 00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:11,455 What are you, deaf or something? Look, you got to go across town. 48 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,082 I don't make commercials. I fix transmissions. 49 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,292 Why don't you take a look? 50 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,294 Maybe in the back they make the commercials. 51 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:22,216 - Pops, take a walk. I'm very busy. - It wouldn't kill you to look, would it? 52 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:26,094 East! East 43rd Street, for Christ's sake. East! 53 00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,513 Don't get fresh with me! 54 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,599 I got a few years on you before you get fresh with me. 55 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,935 Sends me to a garage. 56 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,025 Right! Turn it to the right! 57 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,404 The right! Turn it to the right! Pull it! 58 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,541 The other way! East! 59 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,297 Don't tell me! I've lived in New York all my life! 60 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:06,802 Okay, very nice. Thank you. 61 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,388 - Is that it? - That's it. 62 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,598 There's one no-show, Willy Clark. You wanna wait? 63 00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:14,601 No way. The man can't remember lines. 64 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,020 Drove me crazy last year with the corn flakes. 65 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,731 My first choice would be the guy with the Kraut accent. 66 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:23,819 He's here. He just got here. He got held up in traffic. I told you. 67 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,531 Uncle Willy, in here. Where were you? You're over an hour late! 68 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:31,201 I was on time. You sent me over to a garage all the way on the West Side. 69 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,704 - Who told you to go to there? - It's on the paper. 70 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,581 No, it isn't. It says East 43rd. 71 00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,833 I didn't trust you. You always make mistakes. 72 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,460 I've got three minutes left. Do you wanna try this once? 73 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:43,130 - Who's this? - This is Mr. Walsk. He's the director. 74 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,841 - Mr. Walsk, Willy Clark. - How do you do? I'm Willy Clark. 75 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,634 We met. You auditioned for me last year. 76 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:50,512 I don't remember that. When was that? Last year? 77 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,598 Yes, that was last year. 78 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:56,768 Mr. Clark, I am very short on time here. I literally have about three minutes... 79 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,104 so if you'd like to do it once, that's about it. 80 00:07:59,188 --> 00:08:01,982 I'm ready. I know the whole thing. Anytime you say. 81 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:05,485 - Just give me 10 minutes. - I don't have 10 minutes, Mr. Clark. 82 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:06,820 He's ready, Mr. Walsk. 83 00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:10,657 If you'll just stand right over there, where everyone can see you. 84 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:12,201 - There. - Where? 85 00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,369 - There is fine. - Over here? 86 00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:15,454 Yes. 87 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,916 How about over here? The light is better here. 88 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,293 Don't worry about the light. We're not shooting yet. 89 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,045 I can see you fine there. 90 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,505 You're the director. 91 00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:28,258 I just thought that maybe you'd like it better over there. 92 00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:31,136 Give him the bag. 93 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,139 What's this? 94 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:37,309 It's the product, Mr. Clark. The potato chips. 95 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,732 You got a fresher bag? This one is soggy. 96 00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:47,778 Mr. Clark, I have three minutes left. Do you want to do this or not? 97 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,780 He's only got three minutes. 98 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,033 I heard the man. I'm not deaf. I'm a professional. 99 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,036 I'm ready whenever he's ready, but the bag was soggy. 100 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,163 Okay, Mr. Clark, I'm ready. 101 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:01,500 Now, if you'll take a bite of the potato chip and read the copy. 102 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,168 - The what? - The copy. 103 00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:06,088 They didn't give you the copy? You didn't give it to him? 104 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,216 - The lines, Uncle Willy. - The lines. Certainly. 105 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,261 Why didn't he say so? I didn't know what the hell copy was. 106 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,595 You ready? 107 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:17,182 I'm ready. I swear to God I'm ready. 108 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,936 Just bite the potato chip and begin, please. 109 00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:42,583 - What do I say? - Forget it. Thank you very much, Mr. Clark. 110 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,377 Get me the guy with the beard, or the Kraut. Doesn't matter. 111 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,421 Mr. Clark, a real pleasure seeing you again. 112 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,840 - Thank you very much. - Please, Mr. Walsk. 113 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,926 As a favor to me, let him read through the commercial one time. 114 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:57,222 By the time he finishes reading, potatoes will be an endangered species. 115 00:09:57,681 --> 00:10:00,726 - I'm ready again. I remembered. - I don't care! 116 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,981 Just as a courtesy. He was one of the biggest stars in vaudeville. 117 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,524 He deserves one reading. 118 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,985 If the man can't work, why doesn't he retire? 119 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:14,489 Mr. Walsk, don't do this to me. Please. I'll pay you to let him read. 120 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,783 Once. Let him read through it, and that's it. 121 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:20,913 - And I'll be damned if I'll listen. - Here, Uncle Willy. Read it from this. 122 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,999 - I don't need it. I remember the lines. - Read it! 123 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,127 - Get out, Ben, I got my own copy. - Where is it? 124 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,466 Where did I put it? 125 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,093 Here. Just read it through once and don't stop, okay? 126 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,638 You don't have to tell me. I'm a professional. 127 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,723 I'm in this business 57 years. 128 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:44,102 - Sends me to a garage. - Okay, Mr. Clark. 129 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,485 I hate them. 130 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,905 - I hate Chumpies potato chips... - Frumpies. 131 00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,326 I hate them. 132 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,830 - I hate Frunchies potato chips so much... - Frumpies! 133 00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:07,793 - Frunkies potato chips... - Frumpies! 134 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,128 Can't you just say "Frumpies"? 135 00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,798 If it was funny, I would say it. 136 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,097 So what do you think? 137 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:21,723 About what? 138 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,935 The money. How much money you think they want to pay me? 139 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,311 Who? 140 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:29,481 The potato chips. I'm not doing it unless the money is right. 141 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,108 You think they're going to hire you? 142 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,152 You come an hour late, can't remember the address or the lines. 143 00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,821 I remembered the lines. 144 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,115 The name of the potato chips I couldn't remember. 145 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,950 - What was it again? - Frumpies. 146 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,327 - Say it again. - Frumpies! 147 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,331 Still can't remember it 'cause it's not funny. 148 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:49,751 I'm in this business 57 years. You learn a few things. 149 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,379 You know what makes an audience laugh. 150 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,048 You know which words are funny and which words are not. 151 00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:58,385 You told me 100 times. I have to get to the office. 152 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,679 - Which words are funny? - Words with a "K" in it. 153 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,014 I have to get to the office. 154 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,850 Words with a "K" in it. You didn't know that, did you? 155 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,852 I'll tell you which words always get a laugh. 156 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,729 - "Alka-Seltzer"? - "Alka-Seltzer" is funny. 157 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,355 - "Chicken"? - "Chicken" is funny. 158 00:12:10,439 --> 00:12:12,649 - "Pickle." - "Pickle" is funny. 159 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,571 All with a "K." 160 00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:20,073 "L's" are not funny. "M's" are not funny. 161 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:22,743 - Just "K's." I know. - "Cupcake" is funny. 162 00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:25,287 "Tomatoes" is not funny. "Lettuce" is not funny. 163 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,539 You've explained that to me since I was five. 164 00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,334 - I've got to get back to the office. - "Cucumber" is funny. 165 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,212 It's getting cold out. I'm gonna give you money. Take a cab. 166 00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,380 - "Cab" is funny. - Are you listening to me? 167 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,050 "Cockroach" is funny. Not getting them, saying them. 168 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,928 - Will you listen to me? - A little respect. 169 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:43,430 How about some respect for me? I'm also a human being. 170 00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:45,974 We'll see. You're young. You got time yet. 171 00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:16,755 - Please cut that out. - Can I have my mail, please? 172 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,927 Please cut it out! How many times I have to tell you? 173 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,596 Don't hit the bell. What's the matter con you? 174 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,599 Give me my mail, I won't hit the bell. 175 00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:33,772 - No mail. - What do you mean, no mail? 176 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:37,901 I say no mail. What's the matter? Don't you understand English? 177 00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:40,612 When you speak it, I'll understand it. 178 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,826 "What's the matter con you?" Chumpies. 179 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,787 Glunkies. I hate them. 180 00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:50,706 Klunkies... 181 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,835 Tells me over there, the Spanish kid, he tells me I have no mail. 182 00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,128 He probably stole it. 183 00:13:56,211 --> 00:14:00,257 They stole my shoes last week. Three pairs of good shoes. 184 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,427 Who would want your shoes? I get important mail. 185 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,982 We're stuck! 186 00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:20,986 Spanish kid! 187 00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:25,032 You live in a crappy hotel, you get a crappy elevator! 188 00:14:48,514 --> 00:14:50,432 Aren't you going to answer it? 189 00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:53,519 It's him. 2:00 in the morning. 190 00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,396 - How do you know it's him? - I know. 191 00:14:57,231 --> 00:15:00,400 - Listen to it. - Ben, answer the phone! 192 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,404 - Hello? - Who's this? Ben? 193 00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,865 - What's wrong, Uncle Willy? - That you, Ben? 194 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,660 - You called me, didn't you? - Don't yell. 195 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,496 - Do you know what time it is? - What? 196 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,082 - Do you know what... - You'll wake the children. 197 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,000 Do you know what time it is? 198 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,545 What time it is. 199 00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:21,839 10:15. 200 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,675 10:15? Try 2:05 201 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,427 Why should I try 2:05 when it's 10:15? 202 00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:30,764 It's not 10:15! It's 2:05 in the morning. 203 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,434 You didn't wind your clock again today, did you? 204 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:38,689 No. So because you didn't wind your clock, I have to get up at 2:00 in the morning. 205 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,984 I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Are you sleeping now? 206 00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,446 How could I be sleeping when I'm up talking to you? 207 00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:49,700 So, as long as you're up, did you hear from the potato chips? 208 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,035 Yes. They said they're not interested. 209 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:53,620 Positively? 210 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:57,166 I'm sorry, Uncle Willy. I'll keep looking, I promise. 211 00:15:57,249 --> 00:16:00,210 But not tonight. Let's all get some sleep. 212 00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:03,046 I'll be up to see you Wednesday. Helen sends her love. 213 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,966 - Good night, Uncle Willy. - When are you coming up? Wednesday? 214 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,677 Yeah. Probably Wednesday. 215 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,847 Good night, Willy. 216 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,935 All right, I won't bother you anymore. See you Wednesday. 217 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:21,064 Don't forget my Variety and the cigars. You listening? 218 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,067 And tell the potato chips I turned them down. 219 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,236 I'm not interested anymore. 220 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,866 To hell with all of them. 221 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,122 We've got a deal, if you think you can deliver them. 222 00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:38,749 They're both dying to work together. 223 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,168 Nothing's come along until this that's excited them. 224 00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:44,421 I'll have the contract signed and on your desk by Monday. 225 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,007 But when I think of what Jim has done to Jessie 226 00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,259 And he's not really sorry, I can tell 227 00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:53,180 When a man is caught on alcohol, he's a whole other person 228 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,641 He doesn't want to admit 229 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,351 Hello? Who's this? 230 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,231 Never mind. It's the tea. 231 00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:05,984 He was drinking when I first knew him, but it was never like this 232 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,862 And even now, I suppose there are one or two days 233 00:17:08,946 --> 00:17:11,740 when he doesn't take a drink but I don't know 234 00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:15,494 We'll be back with General Hospital 235 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:18,330 right after this brief message from Lipton tea 236 00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:20,624 Don't worry, I'm not going anyplace. 237 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,609 And now for part three of today's General Hospital 238 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,320 What happened to part two? I miss part two? 239 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,493 - Uncle Willy, it's me. - Who's that? 240 00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:59,079 - Ben! - Ben, is that you? 241 00:17:59,163 --> 00:18:02,499 - Yes, Willy, it's me. Ben. Open the door. - Wait a minute. 242 00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:11,550 - Wait a minute. - What's the matter? 243 00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:13,886 Wait a minute! 244 00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:24,354 - What's wrong? - I'm locked in. The lock is broken. 245 00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:26,899 I'm locked in. Go down and tell the Spanish kid. 246 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,443 Tell him in Spanish. They'll get somebody. 247 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,820 It's not broken. You just have to slide it out. 248 00:18:31,904 --> 00:18:33,488 - Don't force it. - What? 249 00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:36,283 Uncle Willy, do you hear me? 250 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:39,786 Don't try to... Uncle Willy! Do you hear me? 251 00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:42,706 Don't try to force, just slide it out. 252 00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:45,959 Don't force it. 253 00:18:50,464 --> 00:18:53,258 It's open. Never mind. I fixed it myself. 254 00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:57,137 - You probably have to oil it. - I think I have to oil it. 255 00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,139 I didn't think of that. 256 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,685 Jesus. It's cold in here. Don't they ever send up any steam? 257 00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:06,230 In July, they send up steam. 258 00:19:07,648 --> 00:19:09,900 What the hell is wrong with this? 259 00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:13,779 Come on, you piece of crap! Work, already! 260 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,031 Uncle Willy, I have to talk to you. 261 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,911 Lousy Japs. They lost the war, so they send us their junk. 262 00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:23,705 I have to talk to you. It's very important. 263 00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:26,124 I just came from the most exciting meeting... 264 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,751 - What are you doing? - What? 265 00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:30,087 The doctor said you can't smoke cigars anymore. 266 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,090 Who's smoking? Do you see smoke coming from the cigar? 267 00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:36,552 - But you got it in your mouth. - I'm rehearsing. I'll do the show later. 268 00:19:36,969 --> 00:19:40,639 - ABC called me this... - How do you like that? Sol Burton died. 269 00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:43,267 - Who? - Sol Burton, songwriter. 270 00:19:43,642 --> 00:19:47,062 89 years old, and he went just like that, from nothing. 271 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:48,438 Anyway, ABC called me... 272 00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:51,149 You know what kind of songs he wrote? Shit. 273 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,486 Lady, lady, be my baby 274 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:58,532 "Lady" rhymes with "baby." No wonder he's dead. 275 00:19:58,657 --> 00:20:00,492 Will you put down Variety and listen to me? 276 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:03,036 I left three clients in my office so I could come here. 277 00:20:03,078 --> 00:20:06,290 That makes four of us out of work. How's the children? 278 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,500 Since when are you interested in my children? 279 00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:11,837 You haven't seen them in a year. You don't even remember their names. 280 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:14,506 - Milly and Sidney. - Amanda and Michael. 281 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,676 What's the matter? You didn't like Milly and Sidney? 282 00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:19,595 You forgot, so you made something up. 283 00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:23,140 You forget everything, like buying fresh food. Listen. ABC called... 284 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:26,226 Do they know who I am, what a great star I was? 285 00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:29,354 - Who? - Amanda and Sifkin. 286 00:20:30,189 --> 00:20:31,648 Amanda and Michael. 287 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:34,902 They're 3 years old. They don't remember vaudeville. 288 00:20:36,737 --> 00:20:39,740 Why is it I only get aggravated when I come over here to see you? 289 00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,742 If you want, I'll meet you someplace else. 290 00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:44,745 Is that supposed to be funny? I don't think that's funny. 291 00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:47,289 If you had a sense of humor, you'd think it was funny. 292 00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:51,793 - I have a terrific sense of humor! - Like your father. He laughed once in 1932. 293 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,380 Why couldn't you get me this commercial? 294 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:59,218 You forgot you auditioned? You kept calling it toilet paper. 295 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,345 Will you listen to me? Please listen to me. 296 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,514 I heard. You got a call from NBC. 297 00:21:03,597 --> 00:21:05,557 - ABC! - Same thing. 298 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,061 ABC is doing a big television special next month. 299 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:12,814 It's an hour-and-a-half variety show with the biggest names in show business. 300 00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:15,651 The theme of the show is the history of comedy... 301 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:19,363 dating from Greek theater, through vaudeville, up to today's stars. 302 00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:21,448 What's the theme of the show? 303 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,162 The theme of the show is the history of comedy... 304 00:21:27,246 --> 00:21:30,916 dating from Greek theater, through vaudeville, up to today's stars. 305 00:21:31,792 --> 00:21:35,212 - Why couldn't you get me on that show? - I got you on that show. 306 00:21:36,088 --> 00:21:37,965 - Alone? - $10,000. 307 00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:41,134 - Alone? - Gonna be the biggest show of the year. 308 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:42,970 - Alone. - No. 309 00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:46,265 - With Lewis? - Yes. 310 00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:49,977 - Then you ain't got me on the show. - Will you let me finish? 311 00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:52,145 - You're finished. It's no. - Can't we discuss it? 312 00:21:52,229 --> 00:21:54,439 - We've discussed it. I'm busy. - Doing what? 313 00:21:54,523 --> 00:21:57,734 - Not discussing it. - You could have the courtesy... 314 00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:02,739 You could have the courtesy of hearing me out. 315 00:22:02,823 --> 00:22:05,617 ABC said to me the history of comedy wouldn't be complete... 316 00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:08,704 without one of the greatest teams to ever come out of vaudeville: 317 00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:10,873 Lewis and Clark, the Sunshine Boys. 318 00:22:10,956 --> 00:22:13,208 The vice president said this to me in his office. 319 00:22:13,292 --> 00:22:14,501 The vice president said this? 320 00:22:14,585 --> 00:22:18,130 He's the greatest Lewis and Clark fan in the country, since he was a kid. 321 00:22:18,172 --> 00:22:20,257 He knows by heart all of your old routines. 322 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,926 Then let him go on with that bastard. 323 00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:26,763 One shot. One night, you do one of the old sketches. 324 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:28,640 They pay $10,000 for the team. 325 00:22:28,724 --> 00:22:31,185 That's top money for these shows, I promise you. 326 00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:33,604 I don't need any money. I live alone. 327 00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:37,024 I got two nice suits. I don't have a pussycat to bother me. 328 00:22:37,191 --> 00:22:40,027 - I'm very happy. - You're not happy. You're miserable. 329 00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:42,654 - Get me a job, I won't be so miserable. - I've tried. 330 00:22:42,738 --> 00:22:45,574 Nobody's worked harder for a client than I have. 331 00:22:45,657 --> 00:22:49,036 Look, you're a nice boy. You come to visit me every Wednesday. 332 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,954 You bring me lousy soups which I don't eat. 333 00:22:51,038 --> 00:22:53,332 You're a wonderful nephew, but you're a lousy agent. 334 00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:55,876 I'm a good agent, damn it! Don't say that to me. 335 00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:57,669 I'm a goddamn good agent! 336 00:22:59,171 --> 00:23:02,007 I'm getting chest pains. You give me chest pains. 337 00:23:02,049 --> 00:23:04,176 - It's my fault you get excited? - Yes! 338 00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:08,222 - I only get chest pains on Wednesdays. - So come on Tuesdays. 339 00:23:10,057 --> 00:23:12,184 You know what? I'm going. 340 00:23:13,185 --> 00:23:15,103 I don't even want to discuss this anymore. 341 00:23:15,187 --> 00:23:18,315 You're impossible to talk to. Forget the variety show. 342 00:23:18,524 --> 00:23:19,900 I forgot it. 343 00:23:20,776 --> 00:23:22,611 I'll tell you the truth, Uncle Willy. 344 00:23:22,694 --> 00:23:24,655 Maybe you'd be better off with another agent. 345 00:23:24,738 --> 00:23:26,365 I accept your offer. 346 00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:29,409 Don't call me anymore, will you, please? Not for business. 347 00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:31,495 Handle your own affairs, okay? 348 00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:35,123 - From now on, you're just my uncle. - Take care of yourself. 349 00:23:35,916 --> 00:23:38,043 Say hello to Milly and Phyllis. 350 00:23:49,930 --> 00:23:51,223 It's still no! 351 00:23:58,355 --> 00:24:01,567 What's wrong? Who are you calling? 352 00:24:02,568 --> 00:24:04,736 Ben, it's 1:00 in the morning. 353 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:10,159 - Why won't you do this for me? - Who's that? Ben? 354 00:24:10,242 --> 00:24:14,454 I'm not asking you to be partners again, but it's just for one night, one last show. 355 00:24:14,538 --> 00:24:18,500 Once you get an exposure like this, Alka-Seltzer will beg me to sign you up. 356 00:24:18,584 --> 00:24:21,253 Jesus! How will it look if I go to the office tomorrow... 357 00:24:21,336 --> 00:24:23,714 and say I couldn't make a deal with my own uncle? 358 00:24:23,797 --> 00:24:25,799 My personal opinion? Lousy. 359 00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:37,603 Uncle Willy! 360 00:24:39,021 --> 00:24:40,522 Wait a minute! 361 00:24:45,736 --> 00:24:49,448 Willy. Willy Clark! 362 00:24:50,616 --> 00:24:52,618 Don't make me crazy today. 363 00:24:54,203 --> 00:24:57,164 Will you please stop and wait for me? 364 00:24:57,206 --> 00:24:59,041 For who? Who are you? 365 00:25:02,127 --> 00:25:04,213 Willy, will you cut it... 366 00:25:07,174 --> 00:25:08,425 Where are you going? 367 00:25:08,509 --> 00:25:11,637 You know, a new musical went into rehearsal today... 368 00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:14,515 and I didn't get an audition. Why didn't I get an audition? 369 00:25:14,598 --> 00:25:16,892 Because the show is all black, and you're not black. 370 00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,810 I did black in 1928. 371 00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:21,480 And when I did black, you understood the words. 372 00:25:21,522 --> 00:25:23,023 Not like today. 373 00:25:23,190 --> 00:25:26,276 I spoke to Al Lewis' daughter on the phone. He's very interested. 374 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:28,987 What does he know? He's senile. 375 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:34,117 - You really hate Al Lewis that much? - I don't discuss that person anymore. 376 00:25:34,201 --> 00:25:37,037 We have to discuss him. ABC is waiting for an answer. 377 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,623 - Ben, this is it. - This is what? 378 00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:42,501 CBS. This is where we did the Ed Sullivan Show. 379 00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:45,045 Six times they had us back, not including reruns. 380 00:25:45,087 --> 00:25:48,131 I remember. I saw you. I was here when you did the doctor sketch. 381 00:25:48,215 --> 00:25:49,550 - It was terrific. - It wasn't. 382 00:25:49,633 --> 00:25:53,011 - Yes, it was. - It wasn't terrific. It was a classic. 383 00:25:53,053 --> 00:25:55,347 On the nights we were lousy it was terrific. 384 00:25:55,389 --> 00:25:58,058 Then why won't you work with him again for one night? 385 00:25:58,141 --> 00:26:01,979 - Because of artistic differences. - What artistic differences? 386 00:26:02,062 --> 00:26:05,357 I hate the son of a bitch, that's what artistic differences. 387 00:26:06,567 --> 00:26:08,944 - Come on. I'll buy you lunch. - I had lunch. 388 00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:11,488 Maybe you ate, but you didn't have lunch. 389 00:26:11,864 --> 00:26:13,657 In here, you have lunch. 390 00:26:15,701 --> 00:26:17,619 Hello, Tiny. How are you? 391 00:26:17,703 --> 00:26:19,788 When was the last time you saw Al Lewis? 392 00:26:19,872 --> 00:26:22,332 Eleven years ago. I'm not discussing it. 393 00:26:26,587 --> 00:26:28,589 Sam, say hello to my nephew. 394 00:26:28,672 --> 00:26:31,133 If he was your agent, you wouldn't be working. 395 00:26:31,216 --> 00:26:33,302 - Hello, nephew. - Hello, Sam. 396 00:26:33,385 --> 00:26:36,346 Bring us two Sophie Tuckers and two cream sodas. 397 00:26:36,972 --> 00:26:40,434 - I'm not eating anything. - Bring it. I'll take his home in a bag. 398 00:26:40,475 --> 00:26:43,520 You mean to tell me you haven't spoken to Al Lewis in 11 years? 399 00:26:43,604 --> 00:26:47,357 I haven't seen him in 11 years. I haven't spoken to him in 12 years. 400 00:26:47,441 --> 00:26:50,402 You know they still got a sandwich here named after me? 401 00:26:50,444 --> 00:26:52,487 Look at this. The number five combination: 402 00:26:52,571 --> 00:26:56,408 Tongue, hot pastrami, salami, coleslaw, Russian dressing. 403 00:26:56,492 --> 00:26:58,577 A Willy Clark special. That's a star. 404 00:26:58,660 --> 00:27:01,914 You didn't speak to him for a whole year? What about on stage? 405 00:27:01,955 --> 00:27:04,583 If he played a gypsy, I would speak to the gypsy. 406 00:27:04,625 --> 00:27:07,211 If he played a lunatic, I would speak to the lunatic. 407 00:27:07,294 --> 00:27:09,546 But that bastard, I didn't speak to. 408 00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:12,257 You're not supposed to eat pickles. It's high sodium. 409 00:27:12,341 --> 00:27:14,343 I'll spit out the sodium. 410 00:27:17,638 --> 00:27:18,847 Thank you. 411 00:27:18,931 --> 00:27:22,684 Just tell me what's wrong with Al Lewis. He seemed nice enough when I met him. 412 00:27:22,768 --> 00:27:25,437 - Did you ever meet him? - I just said I did. 413 00:27:26,188 --> 00:27:29,691 I was 13 years old. It was backstage at some benefit. 414 00:27:29,775 --> 00:27:31,902 I forget the theater. He was very sweet to me. 415 00:27:31,985 --> 00:27:34,279 Maybe he thought you were a midget. He loved them... 416 00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:39,326 - but people, he hated. Especially partners. - Just the shoes, not the socks, please. 417 00:27:39,618 --> 00:27:42,079 Why? What did he do that bothered you so much? 418 00:27:42,162 --> 00:27:44,289 What did he do? He used to give me the finger. 419 00:27:44,373 --> 00:27:46,500 - The what? - The finger! 420 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:48,752 He would poke me in the chest with the finger. 421 00:27:48,836 --> 00:27:51,672 I'm telling you, Doctor. You know what I mean, Doctor? 422 00:27:51,755 --> 00:27:53,674 You hear what I'm saying, Doctor? 423 00:27:53,757 --> 00:27:57,219 That hurts, doesn't it? 43 years. How would you like that? 424 00:27:57,302 --> 00:27:59,721 I had a black-and-blue hole in my chest. 425 00:27:59,805 --> 00:28:03,308 Till her dying day, my wife thought it was a tattoo over there. 426 00:28:03,392 --> 00:28:05,894 If you work with him, I'll buy you a padded undershirt. 427 00:28:05,978 --> 00:28:09,147 You think I didn't try? Once I put a steel plate under my shirt. 428 00:28:09,189 --> 00:28:12,359 He gave me the finger, he had it in a splint for a month. 429 00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,989 Willy, what if I set up a meeting between you two, maybe lunch at Sardi's. 430 00:28:17,072 --> 00:28:19,324 To talk things out? I'll be there all the time. 431 00:28:19,408 --> 00:28:22,411 Want to hear other things? He used to spit in my face. 432 00:28:22,494 --> 00:28:25,873 - On stage, the man would spit in my face. - Not on purpose. 433 00:28:25,956 --> 00:28:27,166 He tells me not on purpose. 434 00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:29,209 If I could have saved the spit, I'd show you. 435 00:28:29,251 --> 00:28:31,253 He would stand there and spit in your face? 436 00:28:31,336 --> 00:28:33,797 You think he's stupid? He'd work it into the act. 437 00:28:33,881 --> 00:28:36,091 He would stand with his nose under my nose... 438 00:28:36,175 --> 00:28:39,511 and he would purposely say words only that began with a "T." 439 00:28:39,553 --> 00:28:42,472 Tootsie roll. Tinkertoy. 440 00:28:42,931 --> 00:28:46,268 - Typing on the typewriter. - Would you please sign in your guest, sir? 441 00:28:46,351 --> 00:28:49,855 He's not my guest. He's my nephew. Some nights I thought I would drown. 442 00:28:49,938 --> 00:28:51,607 I don't know where he got it all from. 443 00:28:51,690 --> 00:28:54,443 I think he would drink all day and save it up for the night. 444 00:28:54,526 --> 00:28:56,653 Don't put this near the steam. It's corned beef. 445 00:28:56,737 --> 00:28:58,322 What if I put it into the contract... 446 00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:00,741 if he pokes you or spits at you, he doesn't get paid? 447 00:29:00,824 --> 00:29:04,661 He doesn't care. He would spit at me for free. 448 00:29:05,078 --> 00:29:06,914 Then will you answer me one question? 449 00:29:06,997 --> 00:29:10,918 If it was all that bad, why did you stick together for 43 years? 450 00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:12,628 - Why? - Yes, why? 451 00:29:12,711 --> 00:29:16,173 Because he was terrific. There'll never be another one like him. 452 00:29:16,256 --> 00:29:18,884 Nobody could time a joke the way he could time a joke. 453 00:29:18,926 --> 00:29:20,886 Nobody could say a line the way he said it. 454 00:29:20,928 --> 00:29:23,055 We each knew what the other was thinking. 455 00:29:23,096 --> 00:29:26,391 One person, that's what we were. No, no... 456 00:29:27,142 --> 00:29:30,062 Al Lewis was the best. The best, you understand? 457 00:29:30,103 --> 00:29:33,232 - I understand. - As an actor, no one could touch him. 458 00:29:33,273 --> 00:29:36,235 As a human being, no one wanted to touch him. 459 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,570 Uncle Willy, people do change. 460 00:29:39,613 --> 00:29:42,241 You know his wife died three years ago? 461 00:29:42,324 --> 00:29:45,160 He lives with his daughter now, somewhere in New Jersey. 462 00:29:45,244 --> 00:29:46,912 He doesn't do anything anymore. 463 00:29:46,954 --> 00:29:49,790 He's got very bad arthritis, he's got poor blood circulation. 464 00:29:49,873 --> 00:29:52,251 I'll send him a pump. He'll outlive you, believe me. 465 00:29:52,334 --> 00:29:55,546 I spoke to his daughter. He wants very much to do this show. 466 00:29:55,629 --> 00:29:57,172 With arthritis? Forget it. 467 00:29:57,256 --> 00:29:59,716 Instead of a finger, he'll poke me with a cane. 468 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,845 What if I went out to New Jersey and spoke to him... 469 00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:06,056 explained how you felt, see if we could work things out? 470 00:30:06,139 --> 00:30:10,394 Uncle Willy, do I have your permission to go and speak to him? 471 00:30:10,477 --> 00:30:13,355 - Go speak to him. - Thank you. 472 00:30:13,438 --> 00:30:17,109 But take a towel with you. I'm sorry. 473 00:30:40,465 --> 00:30:43,218 - Mr. Clark? - Sorry I'm late. I got off the wrong exit. 474 00:30:43,302 --> 00:30:45,596 Come in. Dad just got up from his nap. 475 00:30:46,555 --> 00:30:47,723 He's out in the sunroom. 476 00:30:47,806 --> 00:30:49,808 He likes to be up when the children get home. 477 00:30:49,892 --> 00:30:52,853 Mrs. Green, can I ask you a question? How is his health? 478 00:30:52,936 --> 00:30:55,689 I mean, is he up to doing this show if it all works out? 479 00:30:55,772 --> 00:30:58,775 I think it would be the best thing in the world for him. 480 00:30:58,859 --> 00:31:01,278 And he takes very good care of himself. 481 00:31:01,445 --> 00:31:05,491 - He's just a little slow, that's all. - What do you mean, slow? 482 00:31:06,116 --> 00:31:07,784 He doesn't like to be rushed. 483 00:31:07,868 --> 00:31:10,787 He lets the phone ring eight or nine times before answering it. 484 00:31:10,871 --> 00:31:12,831 He'll take an hour before he opens a letter. 485 00:31:12,873 --> 00:31:15,167 He was always like that. Just the opposite of Willy. 486 00:31:15,250 --> 00:31:17,961 I always wondered how they put up with each other. 487 00:31:18,045 --> 00:31:20,756 Dad, Mr. Clark is here. 488 00:31:22,549 --> 00:31:25,719 Dad, it's Mr. Clark. He's here. 489 00:31:26,178 --> 00:31:29,556 - What? - It's Ben Clark, Willy's nephew. 490 00:31:30,641 --> 00:31:32,100 Willy's nephew? 491 00:31:36,230 --> 00:31:39,441 How do you do, Mr. Lewis? I'm Ben Clark, Willy's nephew. 492 00:31:40,526 --> 00:31:43,487 Willy's nephew, Ben. Sure. Hello, how are you? 493 00:31:43,570 --> 00:31:45,489 - Fine, sir. - Good, good. 494 00:31:45,572 --> 00:31:48,283 You're Willy's nephew. Ben, how are you? 495 00:31:49,368 --> 00:31:51,119 Fine, sir. Very good. 496 00:31:51,787 --> 00:31:53,914 It was nice of you to see me. 497 00:31:53,997 --> 00:31:55,833 Really? When was that? 498 00:31:58,293 --> 00:31:59,461 Today. 499 00:32:00,546 --> 00:32:03,882 - It was nice of you to see me today. - Certainly. Today is fine. 500 00:32:03,966 --> 00:32:06,552 As a matter of fact, I was expecting you today. 501 00:32:06,635 --> 00:32:08,178 Please sit down, Mr. Clark. 502 00:32:08,262 --> 00:32:11,056 - Why doesn't he sit down? - Thank you very much. 503 00:32:11,431 --> 00:32:15,269 - Can I get you anything before I go? - No, thanks. I had lunch before I drove out. 504 00:32:15,352 --> 00:32:18,564 Then I'll leave you two alone. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. 505 00:32:18,647 --> 00:32:19,731 Thank you. 506 00:32:20,357 --> 00:32:24,570 - Can my daughter get you anything? - No, I had lunch before I drove out. 507 00:32:25,529 --> 00:32:26,905 What did you have? 508 00:32:28,615 --> 00:32:30,826 - What did I have? - For lunch. 509 00:32:33,537 --> 00:32:35,914 Chicken salad sandwich and a cup of coffee. 510 00:32:35,956 --> 00:32:38,458 I had a fruit compote and cottage cheese. 511 00:32:39,251 --> 00:32:40,419 Can you stay awhile? 512 00:32:40,502 --> 00:32:44,256 My grandchildren will be home from school soon. Wendy and Mark. 513 00:32:44,298 --> 00:32:45,632 Yes, if I can. 514 00:32:45,716 --> 00:32:47,885 You know, we met before, a long time ago. 515 00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:50,721 My father took me backstage. I forget the theater. 516 00:32:50,804 --> 00:32:53,640 It must've been 15 or 20 years ago. Do you remember that? 517 00:32:53,724 --> 00:32:55,517 Certainly. It was backstage. 518 00:32:55,601 --> 00:32:58,854 Maybe 15, 20 years ago. I forget the theater. 519 00:32:59,479 --> 00:33:01,773 - That's right. - Sure, I remember. 520 00:33:02,149 --> 00:33:04,401 Haven't had chicken salad in years. 521 00:33:08,906 --> 00:33:12,242 So, Mr. Lewis, you must be very excited. I know I am. 522 00:33:12,326 --> 00:33:13,619 About what? 523 00:33:13,994 --> 00:33:17,164 About working again. Doing the old act with Uncle Willy. 524 00:33:17,247 --> 00:33:21,502 I did it over 11,000 times. 11,001 doesn't get me excited. 525 00:33:22,085 --> 00:33:24,588 I can tell you ABC is very excited. 526 00:33:24,671 --> 00:33:27,799 We'll see. How much did you say they were going to pay? 527 00:33:27,841 --> 00:33:31,970 - $10,000 for the team. - That's $5,000 apiece, isn't it? 528 00:33:32,930 --> 00:33:34,598 That's what it comes to, yes. 529 00:33:34,681 --> 00:33:37,643 I don't have an agent anymore. He died. 530 00:33:39,144 --> 00:33:42,814 - I don't pay commission, you know. - Certainly. I understand. 531 00:33:43,065 --> 00:33:46,026 Don't mind buying you a little gift, but no commission. 532 00:33:46,068 --> 00:33:48,111 It's okay, really. Then you agree? 533 00:33:48,195 --> 00:33:50,864 You're willing to do the show with Uncle Willy? 534 00:33:50,948 --> 00:33:55,118 - He hates my guts, you know. - No, he never said that to me. 535 00:33:55,202 --> 00:33:57,496 - What? - He never said that to me. 536 00:33:57,663 --> 00:33:59,706 How old are you? 537 00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:01,792 Why? 538 00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:04,378 I'd like to say something. How old are you? 539 00:34:04,419 --> 00:34:05,629 I'm 33. 540 00:34:06,046 --> 00:34:08,632 He called me a son of a bitch bastard. 541 00:34:09,466 --> 00:34:13,053 - The kids aren't home yet, are they? - I don't think so. 542 00:34:13,387 --> 00:34:16,098 Son of a bitch bastard, because I retired. 543 00:34:16,181 --> 00:34:18,725 I just didn't feel like doing the act anymore. 544 00:34:18,809 --> 00:34:21,270 - Forty-seven years is enough, isn't it? - Certainly. 545 00:34:21,353 --> 00:34:23,313 - What? - Certainly. 546 00:34:23,939 --> 00:34:26,567 Eleven thousand times, the same jokes. 547 00:34:27,568 --> 00:34:30,028 - Was I wrong for doing what I did? - Absolutely not. 548 00:34:30,112 --> 00:34:31,697 - What? - Absolutely not. 549 00:34:31,738 --> 00:34:33,740 So why does he say such things about me? 550 00:34:33,782 --> 00:34:35,242 I don't hate him. 551 00:34:35,325 --> 00:34:38,579 - I'm glad to hear that. - I can't stand him, but I don't hate him. 552 00:34:38,662 --> 00:34:39,788 He doesn't hate you either. 553 00:34:39,872 --> 00:34:42,541 I guess he was just upset about breaking up the team... 554 00:34:42,583 --> 00:34:45,627 after all those wonderful years. That's understandable, isn't it? 555 00:34:45,711 --> 00:34:46,879 No. 556 00:34:47,754 --> 00:34:50,048 Anyway, I'm sure once you two see each other again... 557 00:34:50,132 --> 00:34:54,094 What did you say? $5,000 apiece? I don't pay commission, you know. 558 00:34:54,178 --> 00:34:55,846 - Yes. - My agent died. 559 00:34:55,929 --> 00:34:59,266 - You told me. - And they weren't such wonderful years. 560 00:34:59,349 --> 00:35:00,726 Someday I'll tell you. 561 00:35:00,767 --> 00:35:04,438 - I'd love to hear about how you and Uncle... - Sure, I remember. 562 00:35:04,521 --> 00:35:09,109 It was backstage, maybe 15, 20 years ago. I forget the theater. 563 00:35:17,784 --> 00:35:19,077 Why didn't you leave a message? 564 00:35:19,119 --> 00:35:21,163 I looked everywhere. You purposely went out... 565 00:35:21,246 --> 00:35:22,414 so we wouldn't have to talk. 566 00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:24,082 I'll be at the club, playing cards. 567 00:35:24,166 --> 00:35:26,293 No kidding. Can I speak to you for a minute? 568 00:35:26,376 --> 00:35:28,754 Where's your manners? Don't you say hello? 569 00:35:28,837 --> 00:35:31,590 This is Arthur Marx, a great young singer... 570 00:35:31,632 --> 00:35:34,134 and this is Benny Friedman, a terrific new comic. 571 00:35:34,218 --> 00:35:35,928 How do you do? 572 00:35:35,969 --> 00:35:38,388 - Now can we talk? - Did you pick up a three of hearts? 573 00:35:38,472 --> 00:35:40,098 He'll do it. He's agreed to it all... 574 00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:41,683 the money, dates, the doctor sketch. 575 00:35:41,767 --> 00:35:44,603 He agreed to come from New Jersey to rehearse in your hotel... 576 00:35:44,645 --> 00:35:47,147 and he was as sweet as he can be. 577 00:35:47,231 --> 00:35:49,983 Now, he's waiting for me to tell him what time to come in... 578 00:35:50,067 --> 00:35:53,946 and then I have to call ABC and tell them we have a deal, okay? 579 00:35:54,530 --> 00:35:57,950 - Uncle Willy, are you listening to me? - I knock with five. 580 00:35:57,991 --> 00:35:59,368 ABC is waiting! 581 00:35:59,451 --> 00:36:01,745 What's their rush? Are they going out of business? 582 00:36:01,829 --> 00:36:03,664 I'm calling and telling Al Lewis we have... 583 00:36:03,747 --> 00:36:05,707 Wait a minute, I don't trust him! 584 00:36:05,791 --> 00:36:07,334 He'll rehearse with me all week... 585 00:36:07,417 --> 00:36:09,419 and then he'll walk out just before the show. 586 00:36:09,503 --> 00:36:11,463 That's what he did the last time, the bastard. 587 00:36:11,547 --> 00:36:13,632 - He won't walk out. - On the Ed Sullivan Show... 588 00:36:13,715 --> 00:36:16,677 he walked out on me. Retires right in the middle of my career. 589 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,470 A man can retire whenever he wants to. 590 00:36:18,554 --> 00:36:21,723 Yes, but I wasn't ready yet! Anyway, he's sick now. 591 00:36:21,807 --> 00:36:23,976 You told me he's got everything wrong with him. 592 00:36:24,017 --> 00:36:27,020 He's well enough to remember his grandchildren's names. 593 00:36:27,104 --> 00:36:30,315 - It's ringing. - Sixty-forty. All right, sixty-forty. 594 00:36:30,357 --> 00:36:32,067 I get $6,000, he gets $4,000. 595 00:36:32,150 --> 00:36:34,319 What the hell can he buy in New Jersey, anyway? 596 00:36:34,403 --> 00:36:37,906 - It's gonna be all right. I promise you. - Tell him I'm against it. 597 00:36:37,990 --> 00:36:40,659 I want him to know I'll do the show with an "against it." 598 00:36:40,742 --> 00:36:42,703 He's got to be home. I told him I would call. 599 00:36:42,786 --> 00:36:45,080 You know what he's doing? He's practicing spitting. 600 00:36:45,164 --> 00:36:49,334 Hello, Mr. Lewis. It's Ben again. Ben. Willy Clark's nephew. 601 00:36:49,418 --> 00:36:51,670 He forgot already. He's got arthritis of the head. 602 00:36:51,712 --> 00:36:55,716 - It's okay, Mr. Lewis. Willy said yes. - Yes, with an "against it." 603 00:36:55,841 --> 00:36:57,718 No, he's very anxious to do it. 604 00:36:57,801 --> 00:37:00,804 Who's anxious? Tell him I'm against it! 605 00:37:00,888 --> 00:37:03,974 Damn you, nephew! Lousy nephew! 606 00:37:04,057 --> 00:37:07,728 Monday at his hotel. How's 11:00? What is it, a two-hour drive? 607 00:37:07,811 --> 00:37:10,230 Make it 9:00. 608 00:37:10,397 --> 00:37:14,943 No, that's the television set. Will you shut up? 609 00:37:15,903 --> 00:37:18,363 All right, listen to me. 610 00:37:18,405 --> 00:37:22,201 If he spits or he pokes, I'm taking him to court. 611 00:37:22,242 --> 00:37:26,580 You hear me? I'm taking him to court. Listen to me... 612 00:37:27,122 --> 00:37:30,542 One spit or poke, and I'm gonna take him to court! 613 00:37:31,460 --> 00:37:34,254 Ten to twenty years for a spit in the face! 614 00:37:34,338 --> 00:37:37,758 Tell him! No toys, telephones... 615 00:37:38,342 --> 00:37:41,345 typing on the typewriter! 616 00:37:41,428 --> 00:37:44,932 ...you go down Broadway to 74th Street, the Ansonia Hotel. 617 00:37:48,227 --> 00:37:51,563 Ben Clark. Willy Clark's nephew. 618 00:37:52,981 --> 00:37:56,735 - My God, they're both the same! - I'm going back to the game. 619 00:38:00,364 --> 00:38:04,576 - Are you nervous? - Me? Nervous? Why should I be nervous? 620 00:38:05,410 --> 00:38:09,790 - What time you want me to pick you up? - Call me, every hour on the hour. 621 00:38:33,814 --> 00:38:37,568 Hello, is this the Spanish kid? 622 00:38:37,985 --> 00:38:41,905 Willy Clark. Listen, don't tell my nephew that I'm home. 623 00:38:42,406 --> 00:38:44,324 No, not... 624 00:38:45,826 --> 00:38:49,705 No enchilada. Tell him I went out. I'm out. 625 00:38:49,788 --> 00:38:52,624 I'm not here, you understand? I'm not here. 626 00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:56,211 - Wait. Who's that? - Uncle Willy, it's Ben. 627 00:38:57,296 --> 00:38:59,506 He's here. Never mind, idiot. 628 00:39:00,716 --> 00:39:03,010 - Uncle Willy. - Ben, is that you? 629 00:39:03,343 --> 00:39:04,803 Yes, open up. 630 00:39:06,180 --> 00:39:07,681 Wait a minute. 631 00:39:11,685 --> 00:39:14,563 - You're alone, or he's with you? - I'm alone. 632 00:39:16,523 --> 00:39:19,610 - You sure? - Yes, I'm sure. 633 00:39:21,111 --> 00:39:22,613 Wait a minute. 634 00:39:25,866 --> 00:39:28,702 - Slide it, don't push it. - Wait a minute, I'll push it. 635 00:39:28,785 --> 00:39:31,163 Don't push it. Slide it. 636 00:39:31,497 --> 00:39:32,456 Slide it. 637 00:39:36,376 --> 00:39:40,464 - I think you're supposed to slide it. - I rushed like crazy. 638 00:39:40,881 --> 00:39:42,341 I didn't want him here before me. 639 00:39:42,382 --> 00:39:44,510 - Did he call or anything? - Who? 640 00:39:46,178 --> 00:39:48,847 You're parked too close. It's filthy here. 641 00:39:49,014 --> 00:39:53,477 - Do you want me to go in with you? - No, just wait till I get to the lobby. 642 00:39:54,144 --> 00:39:55,896 Probably get mugged. 643 00:40:15,749 --> 00:40:16,792 He's late. 644 00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:19,294 He's purposely coming late to aggravate me. 645 00:40:19,378 --> 00:40:21,839 He's not late. It's two minutes after 11:00. 646 00:40:21,922 --> 00:40:24,424 So what is he, early? I'm telling you, he's late. 647 00:40:24,508 --> 00:40:27,052 I was up at 8:00 in the morning and dressed. 648 00:40:27,135 --> 00:40:29,972 You call that dressed? You're half-dressed! 649 00:40:30,639 --> 00:40:33,183 So for him I should get all dressed? 650 00:40:33,934 --> 00:40:37,813 - Why didn't you shave? - Get me the Schick commercial, I'll shave. 651 00:40:37,896 --> 00:40:42,484 I think I got hepatitis. Here, look how green I look. 652 00:40:43,777 --> 00:40:45,737 Wonder if I should call him. Maybe he's sick. 653 00:40:45,779 --> 00:40:48,031 You believe he's sick. But me, you don't believe. 654 00:40:48,115 --> 00:40:49,575 Maybe you should become his nephew. 655 00:40:49,658 --> 00:40:52,161 Will you stop it, Uncle Willy, and behave yourself? 656 00:40:52,244 --> 00:40:53,787 What do you mean behave yourself? 657 00:40:53,871 --> 00:40:56,665 Who do you think you're talking to? Susan and Jackie? 658 00:40:56,748 --> 00:40:59,042 Amanda and Jackie. Michael. 659 00:40:59,126 --> 00:41:01,378 I wish I were. I can reason with... 660 00:41:02,921 --> 00:41:05,132 I'm having chest pains on Monday. 661 00:41:05,215 --> 00:41:09,011 - That's him. You want me to get it? - Get what? I didn't hear anything. 662 00:41:09,761 --> 00:41:13,223 I think it would be a nice gesture, Uncle Willy, if you opened the door. 663 00:41:13,307 --> 00:41:15,434 Please. You promised me you'd give it a chance. 664 00:41:15,475 --> 00:41:19,563 I'll give it every chance in the world, but it's not going to work. 665 00:41:30,282 --> 00:41:32,117 - Where are you going? - To make some tea. 666 00:41:32,201 --> 00:41:34,495 - I feel like some hot tea. - Now? 667 00:41:42,753 --> 00:41:47,090 - Hello, Mr. Lewis. How are you? - Hello, how are you? I'm Al Lewis. 668 00:41:48,342 --> 00:41:50,802 Yes, of course. Come on in. 669 00:41:57,684 --> 00:41:59,978 Uncle Willy is making some tea. 670 00:42:03,106 --> 00:42:04,691 Please sit down. 671 00:42:12,950 --> 00:42:14,701 Thank you very much. 672 00:42:19,039 --> 00:42:22,501 Did you have any trouble getting in from Jersey? 673 00:42:23,377 --> 00:42:26,588 My daughter drove me in. She has a car. 674 00:42:27,422 --> 00:42:28,549 That's nice. 675 00:42:28,632 --> 00:42:31,844 1973 Chrysler. The lmperial. 676 00:42:32,511 --> 00:42:34,972 - Yes, it's a wonderful car. - Good car. 677 00:42:38,058 --> 00:42:40,185 Do you get into New York often? 678 00:42:40,269 --> 00:42:44,731 - Today is the first time in two years. - Really? How did you find it? 679 00:42:44,773 --> 00:42:46,441 My daughter drove. 680 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,486 Right. 681 00:42:53,740 --> 00:42:55,993 Uncle Willy, how are we doing? 682 00:42:58,579 --> 00:43:00,372 It's not boiling yet. 683 00:43:01,456 --> 00:43:04,960 - Would you care for any tea, Mr. Lewis? - Tea would be nice, thank you. 684 00:43:05,043 --> 00:43:07,254 Mr. Lewis would like tea, too. 685 00:43:07,421 --> 00:43:10,007 - I only got one ball. - Well, dunk twice. 686 00:43:14,094 --> 00:43:18,223 - May I take your coat, Mr. Lewis? - We'll see. Maybe later. 687 00:43:28,942 --> 00:43:31,904 Do you have any questions you want to ask about the show... 688 00:43:31,945 --> 00:43:36,867 about the studio, or rehearsals, or the airdate? Things like that? 689 00:43:37,409 --> 00:43:38,577 Like what? 690 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:44,917 Like the studio, or the rehearsals, or the airdate. Things like that. 691 00:43:45,375 --> 00:43:48,879 - Have you got the props? - What props are those? 692 00:43:48,962 --> 00:43:52,382 The props for the doctor sketch. You gotta have props. 693 00:43:52,466 --> 00:43:55,886 Props, certainly. What do you need? I'll tell them. 694 00:43:56,887 --> 00:43:58,597 You need a desk... 695 00:43:59,181 --> 00:44:01,600 a telephone, a pointer... 696 00:44:01,683 --> 00:44:04,269 a blackboard, some white chalk... 697 00:44:04,311 --> 00:44:07,648 some red chalk, a skeleton, not too tall... 698 00:44:08,065 --> 00:44:11,318 a stethoscope, a thermometer, an aah-stick... 699 00:44:11,401 --> 00:44:15,531 - Wait a minute. What's an "ostick"? - To put in your mouth to say "aah." 700 00:44:16,156 --> 00:44:18,283 - Right. An aah-stick. - An aah-stick. 701 00:44:19,076 --> 00:44:22,746 A bottle of pills, big ones, like for a horse. 702 00:44:22,830 --> 00:44:24,706 - About this big? - No, that's for a pony. 703 00:44:24,790 --> 00:44:26,792 For a horse it's like this. 704 00:44:26,875 --> 00:44:31,547 - Some bandages, cotton, an eye chart... - Wait a minute. You're going too fast. 705 00:44:32,339 --> 00:44:33,924 A desk. 706 00:44:34,716 --> 00:44:36,301 A telephone. 707 00:44:37,010 --> 00:44:39,930 - A pointer. - I got all that. 708 00:44:40,722 --> 00:44:43,517 I mean after the cotton and the eye chart. 709 00:44:43,767 --> 00:44:47,813 A man's suit, size 38. Like the one I'm wearing. 710 00:44:48,355 --> 00:44:51,233 - Usually they let me keep it. - Also in blue? 711 00:44:51,900 --> 00:44:54,653 Who needs two blue suits? Get me a brown. 712 00:44:55,487 --> 00:44:57,322 A brown suit. 713 00:44:57,406 --> 00:45:00,117 - Is that all? - That's all. And a blonde. 714 00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,413 - You mean a woman? - You know a blond nurse that's a man? 715 00:45:04,496 --> 00:45:08,125 Big. As big as you can find, with a big chest. 716 00:45:08,709 --> 00:45:11,962 A 40, a 45. And a nice bottom. 717 00:45:12,546 --> 00:45:17,259 You mean a sexy girl with a full, round rear end? 718 00:45:17,885 --> 00:45:21,221 Like this. This is too small, and this is too big. 719 00:45:21,305 --> 00:45:24,474 - Like this is perfect. - I know what you mean. 720 00:45:24,558 --> 00:45:26,727 If you bring me some pictures, I'll pick one out. 721 00:45:26,810 --> 00:45:31,315 There are a million girls like that around. 11:15. I've got to go. 722 00:45:32,524 --> 00:45:34,401 Uncle Willy, I'm going. 723 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:41,033 Mr. Lewis, I can't express to you enough how happy I am... 724 00:45:41,074 --> 00:45:44,077 and speaking for the millions of young people in this country... 725 00:45:44,119 --> 00:45:47,372 who never had the opportunity of seeing Lewis and Clark work... 726 00:45:47,414 --> 00:45:50,542 I just want to say thank you to both of you. 727 00:45:51,084 --> 00:45:53,378 To the both of you, Uncle Willy. 728 00:45:54,004 --> 00:45:57,007 - I just hope they won't be disappointed. - They won't. 729 00:45:57,090 --> 00:45:59,218 I know they won't. I'm just saying it. 730 00:46:03,931 --> 00:46:06,558 - Goodbye. I'm going. - I'll show you to the elevator. 731 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:08,685 I know where it is. 732 00:46:12,022 --> 00:46:13,899 I'll call you tonight. 733 00:46:15,150 --> 00:46:18,737 I just want to say that this is a very happy moment for me... 734 00:46:18,821 --> 00:46:22,366 to see you both together again, reunited. 735 00:46:22,908 --> 00:46:26,745 The two kings of comedy. I'm sure you're both very excited. 736 00:46:28,872 --> 00:46:33,210 It looks like we're off to a great start. I'll call you later. Goodbye. 737 00:46:44,221 --> 00:46:45,848 Have to slide it. 738 00:47:01,947 --> 00:47:03,824 What do you want? Tea? 739 00:47:05,284 --> 00:47:06,660 Yes, thanks. 740 00:47:51,371 --> 00:47:53,123 - Sugar? - Lf you got. 741 00:47:53,415 --> 00:47:54,833 I got sugar. 742 00:48:20,067 --> 00:48:23,070 - Would you like a cracker? - What kind of cracker? 743 00:48:23,153 --> 00:48:26,323 Chocolate, coconut, graham, whatever you want. 744 00:48:27,032 --> 00:48:30,160 - Maybe just a plain cracker. - I don't have any plain crackers. 745 00:48:30,202 --> 00:48:34,206 - I got chocolate, coconut, and graham. - All right, a graham cracker. 746 00:48:34,289 --> 00:48:38,460 - They're in the kitchen in the closet. - Maybe later. 747 00:48:45,634 --> 00:48:48,679 - I was sorry to hear about Lillian. - Thank you. 748 00:48:49,137 --> 00:48:52,057 She was a nice woman. I always liked Lillian. 749 00:48:52,099 --> 00:48:53,433 Thank you. 750 00:48:56,895 --> 00:49:00,899 - And how about you? - Thank God, knock wood. 751 00:49:01,483 --> 00:49:02,693 Perfect. 752 00:49:03,777 --> 00:49:07,281 I heard different. I heard your blood didn't circulate. 753 00:49:07,531 --> 00:49:10,075 Not true. My blood circulates. 754 00:49:10,159 --> 00:49:13,078 I'm not saying everywhere, but it circulates. 755 00:49:13,620 --> 00:49:15,414 I've been lucky. I'm in the pink. 756 00:49:15,455 --> 00:49:19,585 I was looking. For a minute, I thought you were having a hot flush. 757 00:49:31,263 --> 00:49:34,725 - Want some nuts? - No, thanks. 758 00:49:34,975 --> 00:49:37,477 Not allowed to eat nuts. Too salty. 759 00:49:40,397 --> 00:49:43,192 - You know, Sol Burton died. - Go on! 760 00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:49,907 Who's Sol Burton? 761 00:49:51,241 --> 00:49:53,160 You don't remember Sol Burton? 762 00:49:54,286 --> 00:49:57,206 Oh, yes, the manager of the Belasco Theater. 763 00:49:57,331 --> 00:50:00,375 - That was Sol Bernstein. - Not Sol Bernstein. 764 00:50:00,459 --> 00:50:02,961 Sol Burton was the manager of the Belasco Theater. 765 00:50:03,045 --> 00:50:06,048 Sol Bernstein was the manager of the Belasco Theater... 766 00:50:06,131 --> 00:50:09,801 and it wasn't the Belasco Theater, it was the Morosco Theater. 767 00:50:09,885 --> 00:50:12,596 Sid Weinstein was the manager of the Morosco. 768 00:50:12,679 --> 00:50:15,265 Sol Burton was the manager of the Belasco. 769 00:50:15,349 --> 00:50:17,643 Sol Bernstein, I don't know who the hell was. 770 00:50:17,684 --> 00:50:20,646 How can you remember anything if your blood don't circulate? 771 00:50:20,687 --> 00:50:24,483 It circulates in my head. Doesn't circulate in my feet. 772 00:50:27,027 --> 00:50:28,821 Anything coming down? 773 00:50:28,904 --> 00:50:31,615 Wait a minute. Wasn't Sid Weinstein that lousy songwriter... 774 00:50:31,698 --> 00:50:33,992 who wrote Lady, lady, be my baby? 775 00:50:34,076 --> 00:50:37,538 No, for Christ's sake, that's Sol Burton! 776 00:50:37,996 --> 00:50:40,958 That Sol Burton. He died? 777 00:50:41,375 --> 00:50:42,709 Last week. 778 00:50:42,835 --> 00:50:45,087 - Where? - In Variety. 779 00:50:51,260 --> 00:50:54,346 So, this is where you live now? 780 00:50:54,763 --> 00:50:59,601 - Didn't I always live here? - Not in here. You lived in the big suite. 781 00:51:01,353 --> 00:51:05,732 This is the big suite, but they cut it up into five small suites. 782 00:51:05,816 --> 00:51:08,777 I have a beautiful room with my daughter in New Jersey. 783 00:51:08,861 --> 00:51:12,698 - You live in your daughter's room? - In her house. 784 00:51:12,781 --> 00:51:16,702 I have my own room, my own toilet. They don't bother me, I don't bother them. 785 00:51:16,743 --> 00:51:19,288 - What is it, in the country? - Yes, it's in the country. 786 00:51:19,371 --> 00:51:22,457 Where did you think New Jersey was? In the city? 787 00:51:27,087 --> 00:51:30,883 So, what do you think? Want to do the doctor sketch? 788 00:51:31,633 --> 00:51:34,178 Listen, it's very good money. 789 00:51:34,553 --> 00:51:37,723 It's only a few days work, and I can be back in New Jersey. 790 00:51:37,806 --> 00:51:40,934 If you feel you want to do it, then I'm agreeable. 791 00:51:41,018 --> 00:51:44,021 - And they told you how I feel about it? - What? 792 00:51:44,730 --> 00:51:47,733 I'm against it. But if you want, I'll do it. 793 00:51:47,900 --> 00:51:51,612 What do you mean, you're against it? If you're against it, don't do it. 794 00:51:51,695 --> 00:51:55,073 What do you care if I'm against it as long as we're doing it? 795 00:51:55,157 --> 00:51:57,326 I just want you to know why I'm doing it. 796 00:51:57,409 --> 00:51:59,036 Don't do me any favors. 797 00:51:59,077 --> 00:52:02,206 Who's doing you a favor? I'm doing my nephew a favor. 798 00:52:02,456 --> 00:52:06,293 It'll be a big break for the kid to get a couple of big stars like us. 799 00:52:06,376 --> 00:52:09,671 That's different. In that case, I'm against it, too, but I'll do it. 800 00:52:09,755 --> 00:52:12,216 As long as we understand each other. 801 00:52:12,257 --> 00:52:15,677 I want to be sure you know that I'm not doing it for the money. 802 00:52:15,761 --> 00:52:18,222 The money goes to my grandchildren. 803 00:52:18,514 --> 00:52:20,724 - The whole thing? - The whole thing. 804 00:52:20,766 --> 00:52:22,893 But not now. Only if I die. 805 00:52:23,685 --> 00:52:26,396 If I don't die, it'll be for my old age. 806 00:52:27,105 --> 00:52:29,650 - The same with me. - You haven't got grandchildren. 807 00:52:29,733 --> 00:52:33,779 My nephew's children. Sidney and Mervyn. 808 00:52:35,155 --> 00:52:38,116 Do you want to rehearse the sketch or not? What? 809 00:52:38,158 --> 00:52:41,787 - You're not against rehearsing? - I'm against doing the show. 810 00:52:41,870 --> 00:52:44,540 - Rehearsing is important. - All right, let's rehearse. 811 00:52:44,623 --> 00:52:48,126 Why don't we move the furniture around and make the set? 812 00:53:46,185 --> 00:53:49,813 Wait a minute. What the hell are we doing here? 813 00:53:49,855 --> 00:53:52,608 I'm fixing up the set. I don't know what you're doing. 814 00:53:52,691 --> 00:53:54,526 - You're fixing up the set? - That's right. 815 00:53:54,568 --> 00:53:57,654 You're fixing up the set for the doctor sketch? 816 00:53:57,863 --> 00:53:59,490 The doctor sketch? 817 00:54:12,252 --> 00:54:16,632 Wait a minute, god damn it! We're doing the same damn thing! 818 00:54:16,715 --> 00:54:21,178 Are we fixing up for the doctor sketch, or are you redecorating my apartment? 819 00:54:21,220 --> 00:54:24,389 I know what I'm doing. I did this sketch for 43 years. 820 00:54:24,473 --> 00:54:27,726 And what was I doing all that time? Taking a smoke? 821 00:54:27,976 --> 00:54:30,395 Can we please fix up for the doctor sketch? 822 00:54:30,479 --> 00:54:33,440 My clothes are beginning to stink from this apartment. 823 00:54:33,524 --> 00:54:37,027 All right. If you think you know how to fix it up, you fix it up. 824 00:54:37,069 --> 00:54:38,987 It will be my pleasure. 825 00:54:46,370 --> 00:54:48,705 There. That's the doctor sketch. 826 00:54:49,122 --> 00:54:53,126 For how much? That's the gypsy-chiropractor sketch. 827 00:54:53,585 --> 00:54:56,213 - You positive? - I'm more than positive. I'm sure. 828 00:54:56,296 --> 00:54:59,383 All right, wise guy, show me the doctor sketch. 829 00:55:08,851 --> 00:55:11,687 There. That's the doctor sketch. 830 00:55:15,023 --> 00:55:19,278 You know what you are, Willy? You're a 73-year-old putz. 831 00:55:19,987 --> 00:55:23,866 Right. Only the putz didn't drive in all the way from New Jersey. 832 00:55:23,949 --> 00:55:28,328 I didn't drive. My daughter did. Now can we please rehearse the sketch? 833 00:55:28,745 --> 00:55:31,456 All right. Go outside. I'm here in the doctor's office. 834 00:55:31,540 --> 00:55:34,751 - Want to do the part with the nurse first? - Do you see a nurse here? 835 00:55:34,793 --> 00:55:37,379 How can I rehearse with a nurse that's not here? 836 00:55:37,462 --> 00:55:39,423 Don't ask me. I'm a putz. 837 00:55:42,759 --> 00:55:44,219 Let's forget the nurse. 838 00:55:44,303 --> 00:55:48,265 Start with the part where I'm in the office and you come in. 839 00:55:48,891 --> 00:55:53,395 All right, I'll start from where I come in. Knock, knock. I'm looking for the doctor. 840 00:55:53,479 --> 00:55:55,105 First, go outside. 841 00:55:56,482 --> 00:56:00,652 I could be home playing solitaire now. All right, I'm outside. Knock... 842 00:56:00,736 --> 00:56:04,698 Wait a minute. You're not outside the door. 843 00:56:04,781 --> 00:56:07,701 - Go out the door! - We're just rehearsing. 844 00:56:07,993 --> 00:56:10,662 Can't you make believe that I'm outside the door? 845 00:56:10,746 --> 00:56:13,165 Sure, if you were a better actor. 846 00:56:14,708 --> 00:56:17,544 I'm sorry my daughter ever bought that car. 847 00:56:18,086 --> 00:56:20,589 We're not going to stop for every little thing, are we? 848 00:56:20,672 --> 00:56:25,219 I don't know how many years I got left. I don't want to spend them rehearsing. 849 00:56:25,302 --> 00:56:27,930 We're not going to stop for the little things. 850 00:56:28,013 --> 00:56:30,349 We're going to stop for the stupid things. 851 00:56:30,432 --> 00:56:33,560 Not going out the door is a stupid thing. 852 00:56:34,353 --> 00:56:37,397 Coming here in the first place was the stupid thing. 853 00:56:37,481 --> 00:56:39,191 All right, I'm going out. 854 00:56:39,274 --> 00:56:42,986 If I'm outside and my daughter calls, tell her to pick me up in 20 minutes. 855 00:56:43,070 --> 00:56:44,822 She can pick you up now, for all I care. 856 00:56:49,743 --> 00:56:53,705 - All right, give me a knock, knock, knock. - Knock, knock, knock. 857 00:56:54,164 --> 00:56:57,501 Don't say it, for God's sake! Do it! 858 00:56:58,210 --> 00:57:01,839 - Are you ready? - I'm ready. Give me a knock, knock, knock. 859 00:57:04,925 --> 00:57:06,176 Come in. 860 00:57:10,889 --> 00:57:14,351 - Come in, already. - It doesn't open. It's stuck. 861 00:57:14,726 --> 00:57:17,271 All right, wait a minute. 862 00:57:23,861 --> 00:57:26,280 - Wait a minute. - What's the matter? 863 00:57:26,572 --> 00:57:27,781 Wait a minute. 864 00:57:28,907 --> 00:57:30,951 - Is it locked? - It's not locked. 865 00:57:31,952 --> 00:57:33,412 Wait a minute. 866 00:57:36,206 --> 00:57:39,877 It's locked. Go downstairs and get somebody. 867 00:57:40,544 --> 00:57:43,422 Get the Spanish kid downstairs. Tell him it's locked. 868 00:57:43,714 --> 00:57:45,549 - What did you say? - Go down... 869 00:57:45,591 --> 00:57:48,552 and get somebody, for Christ's sake! 870 00:57:48,594 --> 00:57:50,679 Don't you understand English? 871 00:57:50,929 --> 00:57:53,056 Don't you yell at me. I didn't lock the door. 872 00:57:53,098 --> 00:57:55,976 Certainly you locked it! Why are you wasting time? 873 00:57:56,059 --> 00:57:58,061 Go down and get somebody! 874 00:57:59,438 --> 00:58:02,024 It's open. What's the matter with you? 875 00:58:02,733 --> 00:58:05,777 It's open from my side. You locked yours. 876 00:58:05,861 --> 00:58:08,363 All right, come in, already. Come in. 877 00:58:10,908 --> 00:58:12,534 Did my daughter call? 878 00:58:12,618 --> 00:58:15,245 I think you went a little crazy in the country. 879 00:58:15,329 --> 00:58:17,998 Do you want to insult me, or rehearse the sketch? 880 00:58:18,081 --> 00:58:20,959 I would like to do both, but we ain't got the time. 881 00:58:21,001 --> 00:58:22,961 All right. Forget about the door. 882 00:58:23,045 --> 00:58:26,089 Just stand there and say, "Knock, knock, knock." 883 00:58:26,131 --> 00:58:30,469 - I hope I can get out again. - I hope so, too. Knock, knock, knock. 884 00:58:33,472 --> 00:58:34,806 Enter! 885 00:58:36,642 --> 00:58:39,853 What do you mean "enter"? What happened to "come in"? 886 00:58:39,937 --> 00:58:44,066 It's the same thing, enter or come in. What's the difference as long as you're in? 887 00:58:44,149 --> 00:58:47,319 The difference is we've done this sketch 11,000 times... 888 00:58:47,402 --> 00:58:51,073 and you always said "come in." Suddenly today it's "enter." 889 00:58:51,156 --> 00:58:54,952 Why today, after all these years, do you suddenly change it to "enter"? 890 00:58:54,993 --> 00:58:57,412 I'm trying to freshen up the act. 891 00:58:57,830 --> 00:59:00,374 Who asked you to freshen up the act? 892 00:59:00,457 --> 00:59:02,543 They asked for the doctor sketch, didn't they? 893 00:59:02,626 --> 00:59:05,629 The doctor sketch starts with "come in" and not "enter." 894 00:59:05,712 --> 00:59:09,174 You want to freshen up something? Put some flowers in here. 895 00:59:09,216 --> 00:59:11,510 What's bad about "enter" instead of "come in"? 896 00:59:11,593 --> 00:59:12,970 Because it's different. 897 00:59:13,011 --> 00:59:16,390 You know why we've been doing it the same way for 43 years? 898 00:59:16,473 --> 00:59:20,102 - Because it's good. - You know why we don't do it anymore? 899 00:59:20,185 --> 00:59:23,564 Because we've been doing it for 43 years. 900 00:59:24,022 --> 00:59:27,901 If we're not doing it anymore, why are we changing it? 901 00:59:28,443 --> 00:59:29,736 You know what's wrong with you? 902 00:59:29,820 --> 00:59:33,782 You've been sitting on a New Jersey porch for too long. You're out of touch. 903 00:59:33,866 --> 00:59:35,325 From my window here... 904 00:59:35,367 --> 00:59:38,078 I see everything that's going on in the world. 905 00:59:38,162 --> 00:59:40,497 Here. I see old people... 906 00:59:40,539 --> 00:59:43,709 I see young people, nice people, bad people. 907 00:59:43,792 --> 00:59:48,338 I see holdups, I see drug addicts, ambulances, car crashes... 908 00:59:48,380 --> 00:59:51,300 jumpers from buildings. I see everything. 909 00:59:52,009 --> 00:59:56,513 You see a lawnmower and the milkman. 910 00:59:57,389 --> 01:00:00,100 That's why you want to say "enter" instead of "come in"? 911 01:00:00,184 --> 01:00:03,228 Are you listening to me? 912 01:00:03,854 --> 01:00:06,023 Why, there's someone else in the room? 913 01:00:06,064 --> 01:00:09,359 You don't know the first thing that's going on today. 914 01:00:09,401 --> 01:00:12,613 Did you ever hear the expression "that's where it's at"? 915 01:00:12,696 --> 01:00:16,241 This is where it's at, and that's where I am! 916 01:00:17,242 --> 01:00:19,369 I see. Did you ever hear the expression: 917 01:00:19,453 --> 01:00:21,413 "You don't know what you're talking about"? 918 01:00:21,497 --> 01:00:23,499 It comes in front of the other expression: 919 01:00:23,582 --> 01:00:25,709 "You never knew what you were talking about." 920 01:00:25,792 --> 01:00:28,545 I wasn't the one who retired. You're the one who retired... 921 01:00:28,587 --> 01:00:31,048 because you were tired, because you're old-fashioned. 922 01:00:31,089 --> 01:00:34,718 I'm still new-fashioned. I'm still in demand. I'm still hot! 923 01:00:36,929 --> 01:00:39,932 If this room was on fire, you wouldn't be hot. 924 01:00:41,683 --> 01:00:44,311 Look, I don't want to argue with you. 925 01:00:44,394 --> 01:00:47,731 After you say "knock, knock, knock," I'm gonna say "enter." 926 01:00:47,773 --> 01:00:50,901 If you don't like it, you don't have to come in. 927 01:00:51,109 --> 01:00:54,238 If you say "enter" after I say "knock, knock, knock"... 928 01:00:54,279 --> 01:00:57,032 I'm coming in, all right, but not alone. 929 01:00:57,115 --> 01:01:00,953 - I am bringing a lawyer with me. - From where? From New Jersey? 930 01:01:01,036 --> 01:01:03,705 You're lucky if a cow comes in with you. 931 01:01:03,789 --> 01:01:06,750 Against you in court, I could win with a cow. 932 01:01:07,835 --> 01:01:10,921 The finger. You're starting with the finger again. 933 01:01:11,004 --> 01:01:13,257 With a knife? Are you crazy? 934 01:01:13,340 --> 01:01:16,593 Next time you give me the finger, say goodbye to the finger! 935 01:01:16,635 --> 01:01:18,262 I got a terrific idea. 936 01:01:18,345 --> 01:01:21,515 Instead of working together again, let's never work together again. 937 01:01:21,598 --> 01:01:24,768 - You're crazy. - Crazy? I'm crazy? 938 01:01:24,852 --> 01:01:27,312 Keep saying it until you believe it. 939 01:01:32,234 --> 01:01:35,529 I may be crazy, but you know what you are? 940 01:01:35,571 --> 01:01:39,908 - You're senile! You know what senile is? - I'm not giving you any straight lines. 941 01:01:40,659 --> 01:01:43,495 Back! Get away! Get away from that phone! 942 01:01:43,620 --> 01:01:47,708 - Lunatic. - Hello? How are you? What? 943 01:01:47,749 --> 01:01:49,877 - Is that my daughter? - Will you shut up? 944 01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:54,214 - Is that my daughter? - Keep quiet! Can't you see I'm talking? 945 01:01:54,256 --> 01:01:56,842 Don't you see me on the phone with a person? 946 01:01:56,925 --> 01:02:01,555 For God's sake, will you behave like a human being for five seconds? 947 01:02:01,763 --> 01:02:05,100 For five seconds, behave like a human being! 948 01:02:05,601 --> 01:02:08,812 Hello? Just a minute. It's your daughter. 949 01:02:12,900 --> 01:02:15,360 Hello, sweetheart. 950 01:02:16,111 --> 01:02:17,070 No. 951 01:02:18,906 --> 01:02:22,659 I can't talk to you now. I said I can't talk to you. 952 01:02:22,951 --> 01:02:25,496 Because he's a crazy bedbug, that's why. 953 01:02:25,579 --> 01:02:28,165 - I'm a bedbug? - See what I mean? 954 01:02:28,290 --> 01:02:32,461 Your father is sick! Come and get your sick father! 955 01:02:32,544 --> 01:02:35,339 Will you shut up? Will you behave yourself? 956 01:02:35,422 --> 01:02:37,799 For God's sake, behave yourself. 957 01:02:39,176 --> 01:02:43,931 Doris, I want you to pick me up now. I don't want to discuss it. 958 01:02:44,014 --> 01:02:48,644 Pick me up now. He pulled a knife on me. A kitchen knife. 959 01:02:49,603 --> 01:02:52,022 It was still dirty from breakfast. 960 01:02:52,481 --> 01:02:55,776 All right. She wants to talk to you. She's across the street. 961 01:02:55,859 --> 01:02:59,112 - Who is it? - Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt. 962 01:02:59,279 --> 01:03:02,366 What do you mean, who is it? Didn't you just say it's my daughter? 963 01:03:02,449 --> 01:03:05,202 I know it's your daughter, but I forgot her name. 964 01:03:05,285 --> 01:03:07,830 - Doris. - What does she want? 965 01:03:08,163 --> 01:03:10,707 My Doris? She'll tell you. 966 01:03:11,875 --> 01:03:15,462 Hello? How are you, dear? It's Willy Clark. 967 01:03:16,171 --> 01:03:19,842 Yeah. Unpleasantness? No, there was no unpleasantness. 968 01:03:19,925 --> 01:03:22,803 There was stupidity, but there was no unpleasantness. 969 01:03:22,845 --> 01:03:25,848 Tell her I'm getting into my coat. Tell her I got one sleeve on. 970 01:03:25,931 --> 01:03:29,143 I hoped it would work out, too. I bent over backwards and forwards. 971 01:03:29,184 --> 01:03:32,062 - He didn't even bend sideways. - I got the other sleeve on. 972 01:03:32,146 --> 01:03:34,106 Tell her I'm up to my hat and out the door. 973 01:03:34,189 --> 01:03:36,900 It's only a question of one word, darling, "enter." 974 01:03:36,984 --> 01:03:41,071 - That's all it comes down to. - The hat's on. I'm bundled up. Tell her. 975 01:03:41,155 --> 01:03:44,825 All right. Yes, I will. I'll tell him. I promise I'll tell him myself. 976 01:03:44,908 --> 01:03:46,535 Goodbye, Dorothy. 977 01:03:50,455 --> 01:03:54,543 - I told her we'll give it one last chance. - Not if you say "enter." 978 01:03:55,335 --> 01:03:57,838 "Come in," I stay. "Enter," I go. 979 01:03:59,548 --> 01:04:02,843 - Ask me knock, knock, knock. - Don't fool around with me. 980 01:04:02,926 --> 01:04:06,471 I got enough pains in my neck. Are you gonna say "come in"? 981 01:04:06,555 --> 01:04:10,434 - Ask me knock, knock, knock. - I know you, you bastard. 982 01:04:11,059 --> 01:04:13,479 Ask me knock, knock, knock. 983 01:04:15,439 --> 01:04:19,443 - Enter! - Bedbug. Crazy bedbug. 984 01:04:19,651 --> 01:04:21,195 Enter! 985 01:04:21,487 --> 01:04:23,906 Drop dead in the hallway, you crazy bastard. 986 01:04:23,947 --> 01:04:26,241 - Enter! - Lunatic. 987 01:04:26,700 --> 01:04:30,496 - Start the car. - Are you all right? 988 01:04:30,579 --> 01:04:31,622 Start the car. 989 01:04:31,705 --> 01:04:34,583 - Dad, what happened? What's the matter? - Just start the car. 990 01:04:34,625 --> 01:04:37,252 Okay, but what happened? You're all excited. 991 01:04:37,336 --> 01:04:41,256 - Didn't I tell you to start the car? - I know, but what happened? 992 01:04:41,590 --> 01:04:44,051 - That's what happened. - Enter! 993 01:04:52,476 --> 01:04:55,145 A pointer. A stethoscope. 994 01:04:55,437 --> 01:04:59,733 A skeleton, not too tall. Just get what I tell you, will you? 995 01:05:00,108 --> 01:05:02,861 - No turkey. I got you chicken salad. - I had it yesterday. 996 01:05:02,945 --> 01:05:06,406 You're having it again today. Lester Burns of ABC is on two. 997 01:05:06,490 --> 01:05:07,950 I'll call you back. 998 01:05:08,033 --> 01:05:10,619 Lester, how are you? 999 01:05:10,828 --> 01:05:14,540 Yes, this morning. I just left them. Sensational. 1000 01:05:14,623 --> 01:05:17,543 I watched them rehearse about 20 minutes. I was hysterical. 1001 01:05:17,626 --> 01:05:20,754 The tears were rolling down my eyes. But I'll tell you... 1002 01:05:20,796 --> 01:05:23,799 what was even more important, it was so touching. 1003 01:05:23,882 --> 01:05:26,927 I mean, these men still love each other after all these years. 1004 01:05:26,969 --> 01:05:28,679 I wish you could have seen... 1005 01:05:28,762 --> 01:05:31,098 Your uncle on three Sounds like trouble 1006 01:05:31,140 --> 01:05:35,561 Les, could you hold it one second? What is it, Willy? 1007 01:05:37,146 --> 01:05:39,857 Never mind. Just tell me what happened. 1008 01:05:40,858 --> 01:05:41,859 Yeah? 1009 01:05:42,901 --> 01:05:44,153 And then? 1010 01:05:46,697 --> 01:05:50,659 And what? Oh, shit! Hold it, Uncle Willy. 1011 01:05:51,952 --> 01:05:54,830 Les, could I call you right back? 1012 01:05:55,831 --> 01:05:59,501 Uncle Willy, didn't you promise... Don't you hang up on me! 1013 01:06:18,729 --> 01:06:21,565 I told you on the phone it was pointless to drive out here. 1014 01:06:21,648 --> 01:06:24,401 - My father won't discuss it. - Can I come in for a minute? 1015 01:06:24,485 --> 01:06:26,445 Dad is sleeping. I don't want to wake him. 1016 01:06:26,528 --> 01:06:28,655 What if they didn't have to rehearse anymore? 1017 01:06:28,739 --> 01:06:31,492 Your dad just has to come in to the studio for a technical. 1018 01:06:31,533 --> 01:06:35,162 - They don't have to speak to each other. - I have to do what he asks me. 1019 01:06:35,245 --> 01:06:39,166 He is my father. Maybe if you call back tonight. I'm sorry. 1020 01:06:39,208 --> 01:06:42,836 I can't wait. ABC needs a signed contract on their desk by 5:00. 1021 01:06:42,878 --> 01:06:46,089 - Let me in. - Mr. Clark, vaudeville is dead. 1022 01:06:46,423 --> 01:06:48,467 Thank God my father isn't. 1023 01:07:03,816 --> 01:07:07,569 Hello, Mr. Lewis. Can I please speak to you for a minute? 1024 01:07:07,736 --> 01:07:11,031 - What? - Can I speak to you for a minute? 1025 01:07:11,990 --> 01:07:13,075 What? 1026 01:07:19,540 --> 01:07:21,625 What the hell is he saying? 1027 01:07:46,441 --> 01:07:50,028 - Thank you, Mr. Lewis. Can you hear me? - No. 1028 01:07:50,112 --> 01:07:52,573 Could you open the window? I'm down on my knees here. 1029 01:07:52,614 --> 01:07:55,242 - It's freezing in here. - Out here, too. 1030 01:07:55,367 --> 01:07:57,870 Could I come in? I'll only stay a minute, I swear. 1031 01:07:57,953 --> 01:08:00,247 Not if it's about the show. Don't lie to me. 1032 01:08:00,330 --> 01:08:02,040 - It's about the show. - Freeze. 1033 01:08:02,124 --> 01:08:03,250 Wait. 1034 01:08:04,293 --> 01:08:07,880 He won't say "enter." He'll say "come in." He promised me. 1035 01:08:07,963 --> 01:08:09,131 - You believe him? - Yes. 1036 01:08:09,214 --> 01:08:12,801 - Then you're a bigger putz than I am. - Wait! No! 1037 01:08:14,803 --> 01:08:17,723 No more rehearsals. Just one technical the day before the show. 1038 01:08:17,806 --> 01:08:21,685 You don't even have to talk to him. I'll be there every minute. 1039 01:08:22,519 --> 01:08:24,396 I'm gonna finish my nap now. 1040 01:08:25,522 --> 01:08:30,235 Mr. Lewis, do you realize what a thrill it would be... 1041 01:08:30,319 --> 01:08:33,739 for Mark and Wendy to see their grandfather on television... 1042 01:08:33,822 --> 01:08:37,451 on the same show with Bob Hope and Phyllis Diller? 1043 01:08:37,534 --> 01:08:41,288 Wow. They'd be the proudest kids in the whole neighborhood. 1044 01:08:41,413 --> 01:08:44,791 Not for me. Not for Willy or for yourself. 1045 01:08:45,125 --> 01:08:47,628 Do it for Mark and Wendy, Mr. Lewis. 1046 01:08:52,799 --> 01:08:55,719 - And I don't have to talk to that lunatic? - Not even hello. 1047 01:08:55,802 --> 01:08:58,555 Dad... What are you doing? 1048 01:08:58,931 --> 01:09:01,350 I thought you weren't even going to discuss it again. 1049 01:09:01,391 --> 01:09:03,477 It's only open a half inch. 1050 01:09:06,897 --> 01:09:08,649 Just a half inch, Mrs. Green. 1051 01:09:31,338 --> 01:09:33,048 Thank you. Thank you very much. 1052 01:09:33,131 --> 01:09:36,385 I'm so delighted you had the nerve to fall into this joint. 1053 01:09:36,510 --> 01:09:37,845 Hold it a second, folks 1054 01:09:38,136 --> 01:09:40,139 Phyllis, you're off your mark again. 1055 01:09:40,222 --> 01:09:43,016 I can't pick you up for close-up if you get off your mark. 1056 01:09:43,058 --> 01:09:46,645 Come on, nobody's tuning in to see how you're marking it. 1057 01:09:46,728 --> 01:09:51,191 They're tuning in to see how I'm doing it, and this is the way I'm doing it, baby. 1058 01:09:51,233 --> 01:09:52,818 - Comics. - We're running behind... 1059 01:09:52,901 --> 01:09:54,653 if you want to get to Lewis and Clark. 1060 01:09:54,736 --> 01:09:58,657 After what I went through with them yesterday? Let's run behind. 1061 01:09:59,408 --> 01:10:02,369 Phyllis, whenever you're ready. From the top of your monologue. 1062 01:10:02,703 --> 01:10:05,789 Okay. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 1063 01:10:05,914 --> 01:10:08,959 So delighted you had the nerve to fall into this joint. 1064 01:10:09,042 --> 01:10:11,044 You think I'm overdressed? This is my slip. 1065 01:10:11,253 --> 01:10:13,630 I hope they have separate dressing rooms. 1066 01:10:13,714 --> 01:10:15,924 I don't have room for half the people I have now. 1067 01:10:16,008 --> 01:10:19,219 I've got 67 performers in this show. They're one act, aren't they? 1068 01:10:19,303 --> 01:10:21,472 - They get one room. - I know it's one act... 1069 01:10:21,555 --> 01:10:23,724 but it's two people who don't talk to each other. 1070 01:10:23,765 --> 01:10:26,018 - Who doesn't talk to each other? - Lewis and Clark. 1071 01:10:26,101 --> 01:10:29,521 - They don't talk to each other? - Onstage they talk. Offstage they don't. 1072 01:10:29,605 --> 01:10:32,983 - Let them get dressed on stage. - Oh, boy. 1073 01:10:34,776 --> 01:10:36,320 My God! 1074 01:10:36,445 --> 01:10:38,071 Isn't that enough of a rehearsal? 1075 01:10:38,113 --> 01:10:41,617 I don't make any more moves. I don't want to blow the jokes, you know? 1076 01:10:44,161 --> 01:10:48,290 - Thanks. - Hello there. Hiya, boys. How's it going? 1077 01:10:49,625 --> 01:10:51,376 Hello. How are you? 1078 01:10:51,460 --> 01:10:53,420 Hello, girls. Hello there. 1079 01:10:54,004 --> 01:10:56,048 - Hi. Hello there. - Hi. 1080 01:10:56,548 --> 01:10:59,009 - Willy! - You got a nice smile. 1081 01:10:59,092 --> 01:11:01,845 You've got 10 minutes to put on your makeup and get dressed. 1082 01:11:01,929 --> 01:11:06,642 - I never missed an entrance in 57 years. - Please hurry, Uncle Willy. 1083 01:11:06,850 --> 01:11:08,977 - They're running behind. - Is he in there? 1084 01:11:09,061 --> 01:11:12,314 - I couldn't get separate rooms. - When he's through, I'll get dressed. 1085 01:11:12,397 --> 01:11:16,068 Now, Willy. You've got 10 minutes to be on stage. 1086 01:11:17,986 --> 01:11:20,280 I hope you can put on your makeup and get dressed... 1087 01:11:20,364 --> 01:11:22,074 in what is now nine minutes. 1088 01:11:22,157 --> 01:11:25,160 - All right. - Dressing room six. Second on the right. 1089 01:11:26,161 --> 01:11:28,455 - You're not coming? - I've got to go check the props. 1090 01:11:28,539 --> 01:11:31,667 No one knows what an aah-stick is. Go on. 1091 01:11:31,750 --> 01:11:33,126 What number? 1092 01:11:34,253 --> 01:11:36,296 - Six. - Number six. 1093 01:13:47,970 --> 01:13:50,889 Eddie, where are you? 1094 01:13:53,392 --> 01:13:57,604 - Yeah, right here. - Any chance of doing this today? 1095 01:13:57,688 --> 01:14:00,190 We're ready. We're just waiting for Lewis and Clark. 1096 01:14:00,274 --> 01:14:03,652 - Why don't you call them? - They're locked in their dressing room. 1097 01:14:03,735 --> 01:14:05,445 - What? - They can't get the door open. 1098 01:14:05,529 --> 01:14:08,782 It's locked from the inside, but they're working on it. 1099 01:14:08,824 --> 01:14:10,784 All right, let's clear the stage. 1100 01:14:10,826 --> 01:14:13,662 Get the props. I want the pliers where they belong. 1101 01:14:14,037 --> 01:14:17,624 Don't force it, Willy. Just turn the lock to the right. 1102 01:14:17,666 --> 01:14:21,128 - Wait a minute. - To the right, idiot. 1103 01:14:21,295 --> 01:14:23,964 The man doesn't know his left from his right. 1104 01:14:24,339 --> 01:14:26,800 Get back away from the door, Willy. 1105 01:14:27,426 --> 01:14:29,470 - We're using dynamite. - What? 1106 01:14:29,553 --> 01:14:33,098 - Get away from the door. - Are you kidding with the dynamite? 1107 01:14:35,893 --> 01:14:38,937 $800,000 for a show, and they can't get a door open. 1108 01:14:39,021 --> 01:14:42,149 They're out, Mr Schaeffer We're ready to go any time you are 1109 01:14:42,191 --> 01:14:44,568 - We're awfully sorry - Who the hell is that? 1110 01:14:44,651 --> 01:14:48,697 I'm the nephew The agent The agent-nephew 1111 01:14:48,822 --> 01:14:50,616 Ready to go, Mr Schaeffer 1112 01:14:50,699 --> 01:14:53,535 Look, I've got 12 more numbers to get through today. 1113 01:14:53,619 --> 01:14:56,538 Tell them to run straight through, no stopping. 1114 01:14:56,622 --> 01:14:58,999 We'll clean up all the mistakes after run-through. 1115 01:14:59,041 --> 01:15:03,378 - Got you Thank you, Mr Schaeffer - Thank you. Eddie, is Steve ready? 1116 01:15:03,795 --> 01:15:05,380 Roll the film. 1117 01:15:07,090 --> 01:15:10,219 Please, almighty TV God, let me get through this today. 1118 01:15:10,302 --> 01:15:13,514 ...four, three, two, one. - Cue, Steve. 1119 01:15:14,431 --> 01:15:16,975 The golden age of comedy reached its zenith 1120 01:15:17,059 --> 01:15:20,103 during a fabulous and glorious era known as vaudeville 1121 01:15:20,270 --> 01:15:24,733 Fanny Brice, WC Fields, Eddie Cantor, Ed Wynn, Will Rogers 1122 01:15:24,775 --> 01:15:27,319 and a host of other greats fill its hall of fame 1123 01:15:27,402 --> 01:15:29,822 There are two other names that belong on this list 1124 01:15:29,905 --> 01:15:32,282 but they can never be listed separately 1125 01:15:32,533 --> 01:15:36,495 They're more than a team. They're two comic shining lights that beam as one. 1126 01:15:36,578 --> 01:15:40,207 For Lewis without Clark, would be like laughter without joy. 1127 01:15:40,249 --> 01:15:42,042 We're privileged to present tonight... 1128 01:15:42,084 --> 01:15:44,711 in their first public performance in over 11 years... 1129 01:15:44,795 --> 01:15:47,005 for half a century known as the Sunshine Boys 1130 01:15:47,089 --> 01:15:48,757 Mr Al Lewis and Mr Willy Clark 1131 01:15:48,841 --> 01:15:52,136 in their beloved scene, "The Doctor Will See You Now" 1132 01:15:56,598 --> 01:15:59,726 Open wide and say Wider 1133 01:16:01,770 --> 01:16:03,147 Your throat is all right... 1134 01:16:03,230 --> 01:16:05,649 but you're gonna have trouble with your stomach. 1135 01:16:05,732 --> 01:16:07,943 - How come? - You just swallowed the stick. 1136 01:16:08,026 --> 01:16:10,612 - That's terrible. What could I get? - Termites. 1137 01:16:10,696 --> 01:16:13,323 Oh, my God! Take out the stick. 1138 01:16:13,407 --> 01:16:16,827 Come back tomorrow. On Thursdays I do woodwork. 1139 01:16:19,329 --> 01:16:23,834 - Nurse. - Did you want me, Doctor? 1140 01:16:23,917 --> 01:16:26,920 Yeah, but we got business first. What's your name again? 1141 01:16:26,962 --> 01:16:30,048 Miss Mclntosh. You know, like the apples. 1142 01:16:30,132 --> 01:16:32,593 I forgot the name, but the apples I remember. 1143 01:16:32,634 --> 01:16:35,095 Look in my appointment book and see who's next. 1144 01:16:35,137 --> 01:16:38,765 - It's a Mr. Kornheiser. - Maybe you're wrong. Look in the book. 1145 01:16:38,807 --> 01:16:43,228 - It's better that way. - Nope. I was right. 1146 01:16:43,437 --> 01:16:44,897 So was I. 1147 01:16:45,564 --> 01:16:48,442 Please, Doctor, you're standing too close. 1148 01:16:48,484 --> 01:16:51,195 With you, it's not possible. How much do I pay you? 1149 01:16:51,278 --> 01:16:55,115 - $85 a week. - Lf I pay you $90, will you give me a kiss? 1150 01:16:55,157 --> 01:16:57,659 - Yes, Doctor. - Good. Make it $150... 1151 01:16:57,743 --> 01:17:00,454 - and we'll settle tonight. - Thank you, Doctor. 1152 01:17:02,414 --> 01:17:05,876 Excuse me. I think I have a chest cold. 1153 01:17:05,959 --> 01:17:09,630 - Looks more like an epidemic to me. - Yes, Doctor. 1154 01:17:10,047 --> 01:17:12,424 Is there anything else you can think of? 1155 01:17:12,508 --> 01:17:15,344 I can think of it, but I'm not so sure I can do it. 1156 01:17:15,427 --> 01:17:19,973 If I can help you, Doctor, that's what the nurse is for. 1157 01:17:22,976 --> 01:17:26,271 Boy, am I glad I didn't go to law school. 1158 01:17:28,857 --> 01:17:33,487 I hear knock, knock, knock. That must be the next patient. Come in. 1159 01:17:34,530 --> 01:17:36,740 And enter! 1160 01:17:41,203 --> 01:17:42,204 Jesus. 1161 01:17:42,579 --> 01:17:44,456 - I'm looking for the doctor. - Are you sick? 1162 01:17:44,540 --> 01:17:45,833 - Are you the doctor? - Yes. 1163 01:17:45,916 --> 01:17:47,835 - Then I'm gonna be sick. - Sit down. 1164 01:17:47,876 --> 01:17:50,963 - For my records, what's your name? - Kornheiser. 1165 01:17:51,046 --> 01:17:53,048 - And your first name? - Sylvia. 1166 01:17:53,131 --> 01:17:54,967 Sylvia Kornheiser? 1167 01:17:55,050 --> 01:17:58,637 - Isn't that a funny name for a man? - That's what my wife Herman says. 1168 01:17:58,720 --> 01:18:01,849 I see. The first thing I'm gonna have to do is examine you. 1169 01:18:01,932 --> 01:18:03,559 - Take off your clothes. - Nothing doing. 1170 01:18:03,642 --> 01:18:06,395 - You won't take them off? - Not with a name like Sylvia. 1171 01:18:06,478 --> 01:18:07,938 Then how will I examine you? 1172 01:18:08,230 --> 01:18:10,607 That's what I came for I came to examine you 1173 01:18:10,691 --> 01:18:14,111 - You got everything backwards - It's possible I dressed in a hurry 1174 01:18:14,236 --> 01:18:17,739 I'm here to examine you! I'm the doctor! 1175 01:18:17,823 --> 01:18:20,492 And I'm here to examine you. I'm the tax collector. 1176 01:18:20,576 --> 01:18:23,537 - I'll be a monkey's uncle. - We'll discuss your dependents later. 1177 01:18:23,579 --> 01:18:25,497 I'm a busy man. If you want to see me... 1178 01:18:25,581 --> 01:18:27,207 make an appointment with my nurse. 1179 01:18:27,249 --> 01:18:29,251 I did. I'm seeing her Friday night for dinner. 1180 01:18:29,334 --> 01:18:31,378 Don't fool around with my nurse! 1181 01:18:32,921 --> 01:18:36,466 She's a nice girl. She's a Virginian. 1182 01:18:37,426 --> 01:18:39,887 - A what? - A Virginian. 1183 01:18:39,970 --> 01:18:43,432 - That's where she's from. - She ain't going back, I'll tell you that. 1184 01:18:43,515 --> 01:18:44,808 I got some questions to ask. 1185 01:18:44,892 --> 01:18:48,020 - To see me, you got to be a patient. - But I'm not sick. 1186 01:18:48,103 --> 01:18:49,897 Don't worry. We'll find something. 1187 01:18:49,980 --> 01:18:52,441 All right, you examine me, and I'll examine you. 1188 01:18:52,483 --> 01:18:54,943 First question: How much money did you make last year? 1189 01:18:54,985 --> 01:18:56,778 Last year, I made... 1190 01:18:58,906 --> 01:19:01,408 - I didn't hear that. - Hard of hearing. 1191 01:19:01,492 --> 01:19:02,618 I knew we'd find something. 1192 01:19:02,701 --> 01:19:06,121 My turn. Now, is your father living or deceased? 1193 01:19:06,163 --> 01:19:07,414 - Both. - What do you mean? 1194 01:19:07,498 --> 01:19:10,292 - First he was living, now he's deceased. - What did he die of? 1195 01:19:10,375 --> 01:19:12,711 My mother. What are you doing? 1196 01:19:12,794 --> 01:19:16,590 - I'm examining your lower intestine. - Then why do you look in the ear? 1197 01:19:16,632 --> 01:19:20,177 If I got a choice of two places to look, I'll take this one. 1198 01:19:20,761 --> 01:19:23,138 - Roll up your sleeve - What are you gonna do? 1199 01:19:23,222 --> 01:19:25,891 - I need a sample of your blood. - I don't have that many. 1200 01:19:25,974 --> 01:19:28,227 Give me what you can. The rest, you can owe me. 1201 01:19:28,310 --> 01:19:30,979 Sit down, Sylvia, and cross your legs. 1202 01:19:33,065 --> 01:19:35,567 Tell me, does it hurt when you get hit with a hammer? 1203 01:19:35,651 --> 01:19:38,612 - Certainly. - Good. Try not to get hit with a hammer. 1204 01:19:38,695 --> 01:19:40,864 - You see this bottle? - Yes. 1205 01:19:40,948 --> 01:19:42,825 You know what you're supposed to do? 1206 01:19:42,908 --> 01:19:45,035 - I think so - You think so or you know so? 1207 01:19:45,118 --> 01:19:48,705 If you're not sure, let me know The girl doesn't come in to clean today 1208 01:19:48,789 --> 01:19:52,125 - What do you want me to do? - I want you to go in this bottle. 1209 01:19:52,167 --> 01:19:55,546 - I got to go over your books. - The hell you will. 1210 01:19:55,629 --> 01:19:58,799 If I don't go over them, the government will come and go over them. 1211 01:19:58,841 --> 01:20:02,636 - Don't they have a place in Washington? - They got to go where the books are 1212 01:20:02,719 --> 01:20:05,347 - The whole government? - No, just the Treasury Department 1213 01:20:05,430 --> 01:20:07,641 Dr Kluckenmier 1214 01:20:08,142 --> 01:20:11,812 I told you not to bust in here. 1215 01:20:11,854 --> 01:20:14,982 I'm sorry. Mrs. Kugelman is on the phone. 1216 01:20:15,065 --> 01:20:18,235 She wants you to rush right over and deliver her baby. 1217 01:20:18,318 --> 01:20:21,530 I'm busy now. I'll mail it to her in the morning. 1218 01:20:21,780 --> 01:20:23,198 Yes, Doctor. 1219 01:20:27,536 --> 01:20:29,663 Where did you find a couple of nurses like that? 1220 01:20:29,746 --> 01:20:32,666 She was standing on 43rd and 44th Street. 1221 01:20:32,749 --> 01:20:35,502 Sit down. I want to examine your tongue. 1222 01:20:36,837 --> 01:20:40,841 - You got a white coat on there. - Did you expect a gray sports jacket? 1223 01:20:41,216 --> 01:20:42,342 Say... 1224 01:20:42,384 --> 01:20:43,844 Just as I thought. 1225 01:20:44,011 --> 01:20:47,181 You got a rotten appendix. I'm gonna have to take out your tonsils. 1226 01:20:47,264 --> 01:20:50,350 - Why my tonsils? - From here, I can't reach your appendix. 1227 01:20:50,392 --> 01:20:53,562 Never mind my tonsils. What about your taxes? 1228 01:20:54,563 --> 01:20:56,398 - My what? - Your taxes. 1229 01:20:56,857 --> 01:20:59,693 It's time to pay your taxes to the Treasury. 1230 01:21:00,736 --> 01:21:03,238 I'm warning you, cut that out. 1231 01:21:04,156 --> 01:21:05,282 What are you talking about? 1232 01:21:05,365 --> 01:21:09,203 You know what I'm talking about. Time to pay the taxes to the Treasury. 1233 01:21:09,244 --> 01:21:11,288 You're speaking with the spitting again. 1234 01:21:11,371 --> 01:21:15,042 I read the right line, didn't I? I can't help it if it comes out juicy. 1235 01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:18,253 Stop squeezing the juice, it won't come out that way 1236 01:21:18,754 --> 01:21:21,715 Where? Where does it say that? I haven't got that. 1237 01:21:22,216 --> 01:21:24,802 Mr. Clark, I don't have those last lines in my script. 1238 01:21:24,885 --> 01:21:27,513 It's not in the script It's in his mouth 1239 01:21:27,596 --> 01:21:30,140 He stopped I didn't stop He's the one who stopped 1240 01:21:30,224 --> 01:21:33,602 I stopped because he spit He's purposely spitting on the "T's" 1241 01:21:33,685 --> 01:21:36,230 I didn't spit on purpose. I spit on accident. 1242 01:21:36,313 --> 01:21:39,233 It's not possible to say "T's" without spitting a little. 1243 01:21:39,274 --> 01:21:41,902 Then don't say "T's"! Say "L's" or "W's"! 1244 01:21:41,944 --> 01:21:44,655 But there's no "L's" or "W's" in taxes. 1245 01:21:44,947 --> 01:21:46,573 He did it again. Did you see that? 1246 01:21:46,657 --> 01:21:49,201 He sneaked an extra one in. Did you see it? 1247 01:21:51,119 --> 01:21:54,373 Uncle Willy, Mr. Lewis, why don't we finish the rehearsal... 1248 01:21:54,456 --> 01:21:55,582 and discuss this later? 1249 01:21:55,624 --> 01:21:59,002 Do you mind? I'll direct this show. 1250 01:21:59,169 --> 01:22:01,964 Why don't we finish the rehearsal and discuss this later? 1251 01:22:02,047 --> 01:22:03,090 It's all right with me 1252 01:22:03,131 --> 01:22:07,219 I'm not gonna stand here and get a shower in my face. 1253 01:22:07,302 --> 01:22:10,848 Either he says a softer "T" or I do the show with an umbrella. 1254 01:22:11,682 --> 01:22:13,976 I'm not getting enough money for this. 1255 01:22:14,476 --> 01:22:16,687 Gentlemen, with all due respect, we have to go on 1256 01:22:16,770 --> 01:22:18,480 I have 12 more scenes to rehearse 1257 01:22:18,564 --> 01:22:20,691 I cannot spend any time on personal squabbles 1258 01:22:20,774 --> 01:22:22,234 Can we please go on? 1259 01:22:22,651 --> 01:22:24,361 Say something to him. 1260 01:22:25,904 --> 01:22:27,698 Can we please go on? 1261 01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:33,245 All right, I'll go on, but I'm moving to a safer spot. 1262 01:22:33,328 --> 01:22:36,915 - Just a second. You have to... - Why don't we skip a couple of lines? 1263 01:22:36,999 --> 01:22:39,459 Let's pick it up on: 1264 01:22:39,543 --> 01:22:42,004 "I hope you don't have what Mr. Melnick had." 1265 01:22:42,087 --> 01:22:44,256 "I hope you don't have what Mr. Melnick has." 1266 01:22:44,339 --> 01:22:46,091 Melnick. All right. 1267 01:22:46,341 --> 01:22:49,928 - Here. You want to pick it up on Melnick? - Melnick, right. 1268 01:22:52,264 --> 01:22:55,100 All right, Mr Clark, whenever you're ready 1269 01:22:56,727 --> 01:22:59,396 I hope you don't have what Mr. Melnick had. 1270 01:22:59,480 --> 01:23:00,814 What did Mr. Melnick have? 1271 01:23:00,898 --> 01:23:02,983 Ask him yourself. He's standing right here. 1272 01:23:03,066 --> 01:23:04,193 That's Mr. Melnick? 1273 01:23:04,276 --> 01:23:07,446 It could be Mrs. Melnick. Without high heels, I can't tell. 1274 01:23:07,529 --> 01:23:09,698 If he's dead, why do you leave him standing here? 1275 01:23:09,781 --> 01:23:12,284 He's still got one more appointment with me. 1276 01:23:12,367 --> 01:23:14,661 You know what you are? You're a quack. 1277 01:23:15,662 --> 01:23:18,081 Do you know what a quack is? 1278 01:23:18,582 --> 01:23:21,168 A quack is a bastard who pokes me with his finger. 1279 01:23:21,210 --> 01:23:22,461 He's doing it on purpose! 1280 01:23:22,544 --> 01:23:26,048 First the spitting, then the poking. I know his routine already! 1281 01:23:26,715 --> 01:23:29,009 Where? Where does it say that? 1282 01:23:29,092 --> 01:23:30,636 Who's got that in their script? 1283 01:23:30,719 --> 01:23:32,888 I didn't poke him. A little tap. 1284 01:23:32,971 --> 01:23:35,015 A little tiny tap that wouldn't hurt a baby. 1285 01:23:35,098 --> 01:23:36,558 Maybe a baby elephant. 1286 01:23:36,600 --> 01:23:39,394 I'm not even dry in the face, he's starting with the finger! 1287 01:23:39,478 --> 01:23:40,521 I better get down there. 1288 01:23:40,604 --> 01:23:43,190 Excuse me I'm sorry we're holding up the rehearsal 1289 01:23:43,273 --> 01:23:45,192 but we have a serious problem on our hands 1290 01:23:45,234 --> 01:23:47,194 The man I'm working with is a lunatic 1291 01:23:47,236 --> 01:23:49,488 I'm a lunatic? 1292 01:23:51,156 --> 01:23:53,283 I'm gonna tell you something now... 1293 01:23:53,367 --> 01:23:56,620 I never told you before in my entire life: 1294 01:23:56,703 --> 01:23:59,039 I hate your guts! 1295 01:23:59,122 --> 01:24:01,667 - We're holding up... - You told it to me on Monday. 1296 01:24:01,750 --> 01:24:04,086 Remember it if I don't see you next Monday. 1297 01:24:04,169 --> 01:24:07,214 - We're holding up the rehearsal. - What's the point of going on? 1298 01:24:07,297 --> 01:24:10,342 Everything I do is wrong. He's persecuting me. 1299 01:24:10,425 --> 01:24:12,761 For 11 years, he's been waiting to get back at me... 1300 01:24:12,845 --> 01:24:15,848 - only I'm not gonna give him the chance. - I knew it. 1301 01:24:15,931 --> 01:24:19,560 He's purposely doing it. He set me up for 11 years... 1302 01:24:19,601 --> 01:24:21,603 just to walk out on me! 1303 01:24:21,645 --> 01:24:25,023 - I didn't want to do it in the first place. - Liar! 1304 01:24:26,150 --> 01:24:29,027 - His daughter begged me on the phone! - We need the stage! 1305 01:24:29,111 --> 01:24:31,613 We need the stage. Please just take him outside. 1306 01:24:31,697 --> 01:24:33,490 Will you go outside and do this? 1307 01:24:33,574 --> 01:24:35,617 You can do it in Canada, for all I care. 1308 01:24:35,701 --> 01:24:37,911 The man is a lunatic. Get him a glass of water. 1309 01:24:37,995 --> 01:24:40,247 Who wants to work with that has-been? 1310 01:24:40,372 --> 01:24:41,915 I don't need you! 1311 01:24:41,957 --> 01:24:45,335 I didn't need you then, and I don't need you today! 1312 01:24:45,419 --> 01:24:49,423 You were nothing when I found you, and you're nothing today! 1313 01:24:49,506 --> 01:24:52,676 Maybe his career is over, but not mine. 1314 01:24:52,759 --> 01:24:55,679 Maybe he's finished, but not me! 1315 01:24:55,762 --> 01:24:57,764 Do you hear? Not me! 1316 01:25:01,059 --> 01:25:02,227 Uncle Willy. 1317 01:25:09,485 --> 01:25:12,446 All right, Willy, take it easy. Don't move. 1318 01:25:12,779 --> 01:25:14,323 Get a doctor, quick. 1319 01:25:14,406 --> 01:25:16,950 I don't want a doctor. 1320 01:25:18,452 --> 01:25:21,121 I don't need a doctor. I don't trust them. 1321 01:25:23,790 --> 01:25:27,294 Don't talk. You'll be all right. Somebody get a blanket, please. 1322 01:25:29,838 --> 01:25:32,382 Come on, give the guy some room, would you, please? 1323 01:25:32,466 --> 01:25:34,468 Don't tell Al. 1324 01:25:36,512 --> 01:25:39,932 Don't tell Al that I fell down, Ben. 1325 01:25:40,516 --> 01:25:42,643 I don't want to give him... 1326 01:25:42,976 --> 01:25:44,645 the satisfaction. 1327 01:25:44,686 --> 01:25:48,357 There's nothing to tell. You'll be all right. You're gonna be fine. 1328 01:25:50,651 --> 01:25:52,236 - Frumpies. - What? 1329 01:25:53,529 --> 01:25:57,991 That's the name of the potato chips. 1330 01:25:58,742 --> 01:26:00,035 Frumpies. 1331 01:26:00,577 --> 01:26:02,329 I remember it, Ben. 1332 01:26:02,704 --> 01:26:06,500 You see, I told you I'd remember it. 1333 01:26:18,762 --> 01:26:20,347 I knew Monday. 1334 01:26:20,556 --> 01:26:23,433 I saw it coming. I should have stopped it on Monday. 1335 01:26:24,101 --> 01:26:25,477 How is he? 1336 01:26:28,272 --> 01:26:31,400 They're not sure yet, but they don't think it's too bad. 1337 01:26:31,650 --> 01:26:33,777 I know him. He's strong. 1338 01:26:34,153 --> 01:26:37,447 Anyone who can get in front of an audience for 57 years... 1339 01:26:37,614 --> 01:26:39,074 has to be strong. 1340 01:26:39,283 --> 01:26:41,827 It's nice of you to come. I appreciate it. 1341 01:26:41,910 --> 01:26:43,829 Don't tell him I was here. 1342 01:26:44,037 --> 01:26:46,373 I don't want to upset him any more. 1343 01:26:46,748 --> 01:26:48,041 I understand. 1344 01:26:49,585 --> 01:26:51,920 - Mr. Clark? - Excuse me. 1345 01:26:52,004 --> 01:26:54,381 Mr. Lewis, I'm Ben's wife, Helen. 1346 01:26:54,423 --> 01:26:57,551 - What? - This is Ben's wife, Helen. 1347 01:26:57,593 --> 01:26:59,595 - How do you do? I'm Doris. - Hello. 1348 01:26:59,636 --> 01:27:02,347 - This is my daughter, Doris. - Yes, I know. 1349 01:27:05,058 --> 01:27:06,310 He's okay. 1350 01:27:06,852 --> 01:27:09,229 - They don't think he's in any danger. - But he's okay? 1351 01:27:09,313 --> 01:27:12,524 They figure a couple of weeks in the hospital. They'll have to see. 1352 01:27:12,608 --> 01:27:13,942 - But he's okay? - Yes. 1353 01:27:14,026 --> 01:27:17,905 They'll keep him in intensive care until tomorrow just as a precaution. 1354 01:27:18,405 --> 01:27:21,200 He can't have visitors so there's no point in hanging around. 1355 01:27:21,283 --> 01:27:22,576 But they said he's all right? 1356 01:27:22,618 --> 01:27:25,537 Ben's just told you. He's all right. 1357 01:27:26,580 --> 01:27:29,208 I know it's been a long day for you, too, Mr. Lewis. 1358 01:27:29,291 --> 01:27:32,753 Why don't you go home and get some rest, and I'll call you tomorrow. 1359 01:27:32,836 --> 01:27:35,005 Listen, if you don't mind... 1360 01:27:35,547 --> 01:27:37,841 I'd like to sit here for a while. 1361 01:27:38,634 --> 01:27:40,677 It would make me feel better. 1362 01:27:40,803 --> 01:27:42,429 Sure. I understand. 1363 01:27:43,514 --> 01:27:45,599 I'll call you tomorrow. Sweetie? 1364 01:27:53,607 --> 01:27:55,442 You want some coffee? 1365 01:27:56,610 --> 01:27:59,863 The man yells at me on the stage and gets a million laughs. 1366 01:28:00,572 --> 01:28:03,992 He yells at me off the stage, he gets a heart attack. 1367 01:28:21,969 --> 01:28:24,805 - Clark? - I'll take them. Thank you. 1368 01:28:26,056 --> 01:28:28,100 I'm a nurse. I don't tip. 1369 01:28:41,989 --> 01:28:44,908 I hear that! Don't you think I hear that? 1370 01:28:44,992 --> 01:28:46,326 I'm sorry. 1371 01:28:47,161 --> 01:28:50,455 Call the Spanish kid. Tell him. They'll get somebody. 1372 01:28:51,999 --> 01:28:53,250 Who knocked? 1373 01:28:53,333 --> 01:28:55,127 More flowers. No card. 1374 01:28:55,919 --> 01:28:57,796 They stink up the room. 1375 01:28:58,964 --> 01:29:00,549 What happened to my candy? 1376 01:29:00,632 --> 01:29:03,927 - Did you eat up all my candy? - You can't eat it anyway. 1377 01:29:04,011 --> 01:29:06,180 Because I'm not quick enough. 1378 01:29:06,221 --> 01:29:09,016 You got the fastest fingers on the West Side. 1379 01:29:09,391 --> 01:29:11,894 When you're through, I wish you'd eat the flowers, too. 1380 01:29:11,977 --> 01:29:13,979 If I was you, I'd go back to sleep. 1381 01:29:14,062 --> 01:29:17,232 And if I was you, I'd be in that new musical. 1382 01:29:18,108 --> 01:29:21,862 When you're through gardening, maybe you'll find time to take my pulse. 1383 01:29:21,945 --> 01:29:23,572 I did. It's a little better today. 1384 01:29:23,655 --> 01:29:26,241 - When did you take my pulse? - When you were sleeping. 1385 01:29:26,325 --> 01:29:29,328 Everybody's pulse is better when you're sleeping. 1386 01:29:29,411 --> 01:29:31,872 You take a person's pulse when they're up. 1387 01:29:31,955 --> 01:29:34,833 $40 a day, and she takes a sleeping pulse. 1388 01:29:34,917 --> 01:29:38,378 - Did you have a nice nap? - It was a nap. Nothing special. 1389 01:29:38,921 --> 01:29:41,298 How about a little pinochle? Two cents a point. 1390 01:29:41,381 --> 01:29:42,716 I don't gamble. 1391 01:29:43,217 --> 01:29:47,679 - Lf you win, I'll let you eat the cards. - Funny. Really funny, Mr. Clark. 1392 01:29:47,763 --> 01:29:50,390 Soon as I get home, I'm gonna bust out laughing. 1393 01:29:50,474 --> 01:29:53,685 If they send me any more candy, you'll bust out a lot sooner. 1394 01:29:53,769 --> 01:29:56,230 You've been trying to get my goat for a week now. 1395 01:29:56,271 --> 01:29:59,066 If you had a goat, you'd have eaten it by now. 1396 01:29:59,525 --> 01:30:02,361 You do, and I'll treat you for a concussion. 1397 01:30:02,444 --> 01:30:04,863 I was just kidding. Can't you take a joke? 1398 01:30:04,947 --> 01:30:06,573 I can take anything from you... 1399 01:30:06,657 --> 01:30:09,284 because I have a wonderful sense of humor. 1400 01:30:10,035 --> 01:30:13,205 If you nurse as good as your sense of humor... 1401 01:30:13,413 --> 01:30:15,582 I won't make it to Thursday. 1402 01:30:19,837 --> 01:30:22,840 - By summer, we'll have two tennis courts. - Tennis courts? 1403 01:30:22,923 --> 01:30:26,260 You'd be surprised how active some of our people still are. 1404 01:30:26,343 --> 01:30:29,638 You've seen the dining room. That takes in just about everything. 1405 01:30:29,721 --> 01:30:32,850 As I said, if your uncle would like to have a look around... 1406 01:30:32,933 --> 01:30:34,518 I'd be pleased to arrange it. 1407 01:30:34,601 --> 01:30:36,937 I'm sure he must have lots of old friends out here. 1408 01:30:37,020 --> 01:30:39,773 I'm sure. We'll let you know, Mr. Ferranti. 1409 01:30:40,816 --> 01:30:42,818 When do you think that might be? 1410 01:30:42,901 --> 01:30:46,989 Soon as we let my uncle know about it. We haven't discussed it with him yet. 1411 01:30:47,281 --> 01:30:49,074 - Thank you. - Goodbye. 1412 01:30:54,746 --> 01:30:56,373 I was surprised. 1413 01:30:56,540 --> 01:30:59,793 I thought it would be depressing. It wasn't at all, was it? 1414 01:31:00,169 --> 01:31:02,546 And the grounds are lovely, aren't they? 1415 01:31:04,756 --> 01:31:07,134 I really think he might like it, Ben. 1416 01:31:07,759 --> 01:31:09,219 I really do. 1417 01:31:09,344 --> 01:31:13,015 I mean, if he gives it a chance, I think he may like it, don't you? 1418 01:31:15,100 --> 01:31:17,227 What are you gonna tell him? 1419 01:31:44,254 --> 01:31:45,881 What did you do that for? 1420 01:31:45,964 --> 01:31:48,175 - You owe me $40. - For what? 1421 01:31:48,467 --> 01:31:50,427 That's what you get for watching me sleep. 1422 01:31:50,511 --> 01:31:52,221 Why shouldn't I get the same money? 1423 01:31:52,304 --> 01:31:54,556 Woke up a little grouchy today, didn't we? 1424 01:31:54,640 --> 01:31:56,892 We did? When did you get sick? 1425 01:31:57,476 --> 01:31:58,685 What's this? 1426 01:31:58,769 --> 01:32:00,437 Don't fluff up the pillows! 1427 01:32:00,521 --> 01:32:02,940 It takes the whole night to get them the way I like... 1428 01:32:03,023 --> 01:32:04,608 and then you fluff them the hell up! 1429 01:32:04,691 --> 01:32:06,527 You just keep it up, Mr. Clark... 1430 01:32:06,568 --> 01:32:08,654 and we're gonna have another heart attack. 1431 01:32:08,737 --> 01:32:09,696 Again my partner? 1432 01:32:09,780 --> 01:32:12,449 And stop throwing your papers on the floor. 1433 01:32:12,533 --> 01:32:15,369 I get paid for nursing, not bending. 1434 01:32:19,748 --> 01:32:23,043 Tell me something. How old is a woman like you? 1435 01:32:23,126 --> 01:32:25,963 - That's none of your business. - I'm not asking for business. 1436 01:32:26,046 --> 01:32:27,381 Fifty-four. 1437 01:32:28,423 --> 01:32:29,842 You married? 1438 01:32:30,843 --> 01:32:33,387 My husband passed away four years ago. 1439 01:32:34,346 --> 01:32:36,098 You were the nurse? 1440 01:32:38,433 --> 01:32:41,019 No, I was not the nurse. 1441 01:32:41,603 --> 01:32:44,398 Don't make up the bed. I'm still sleeping in it. 1442 01:32:44,439 --> 01:32:46,817 Don't make up a bed with a person still in it. 1443 01:32:48,152 --> 01:32:50,154 Hey, Uncle Willy. 1444 01:32:50,237 --> 01:32:51,989 - Hi, Odessa. How are you? - Hello. 1445 01:32:52,072 --> 01:32:54,408 - You look terrific. - You got my Variety? 1446 01:32:54,491 --> 01:32:58,078 Yeah, and about 150 get-well cards from people all over the country. 1447 01:32:58,162 --> 01:33:00,622 Telegrams from Milton Berle, Lucille Ball, Bob Hope... 1448 01:33:00,706 --> 01:33:01,915 every comic in show business. 1449 01:33:01,957 --> 01:33:05,085 What about a commercial? Did you speak to the Alka-Seltzer people? 1450 01:33:05,169 --> 01:33:07,212 - Talk about that later. - I'm going to lunch. 1451 01:33:07,296 --> 01:33:09,923 If he needs his pill, it's on the bureau. 1452 01:33:09,965 --> 01:33:14,303 And don't get up and go to the bathroom. Use the you-know-what. 1453 01:33:14,470 --> 01:33:16,889 And if not, I'll go you-know-where. 1454 01:33:18,056 --> 01:33:19,975 - Have a good lunch. - Thank you. 1455 01:33:20,392 --> 01:33:24,688 - She's really a terrific nurse. - Boy. Bernie Eisenstein died. 1456 01:33:24,771 --> 01:33:26,440 - Who? - Bernie Eisenstein. 1457 01:33:26,482 --> 01:33:28,775 Remember the dance team, Ramona and Rodriguez? 1458 01:33:28,859 --> 01:33:30,861 Bernie Eisenstein was Rodriguez. 1459 01:33:32,029 --> 01:33:34,239 Uncle Willy, could you put down the Variety? 1460 01:33:34,323 --> 01:33:35,908 Did you bring me a cigar? 1461 01:33:35,991 --> 01:33:38,660 A cigar? Don't you realize you just had a heart attack? 1462 01:33:38,744 --> 01:33:40,829 It doesn't have to be a big one. 1463 01:33:40,913 --> 01:33:44,291 You heard the doctor. You know you can't have any more cigars. 1464 01:33:44,374 --> 01:33:46,960 No more corned beef sandwiches, no more temper tantrums. 1465 01:33:47,002 --> 01:33:48,921 Your heart's just not gonna take it. 1466 01:33:49,004 --> 01:33:53,467 This is the good news you rushed up with? You could have skipped a Wednesday. 1467 01:33:54,343 --> 01:33:56,637 I talked to the doctor again this morning... 1468 01:33:56,678 --> 01:34:00,140 and I'm gonna have to be very frank and honest with you, Willy. 1469 01:34:00,849 --> 01:34:02,392 You've got to retire. 1470 01:34:02,684 --> 01:34:03,977 Give it up. 1471 01:34:04,019 --> 01:34:05,646 Show business is out. 1472 01:34:06,271 --> 01:34:08,065 - Until when? - Until ever. 1473 01:34:08,315 --> 01:34:11,860 You were lucky this time, but you can't go running around looking for jobs. 1474 01:34:11,944 --> 01:34:13,654 - You can't take it. - I'll think it over. 1475 01:34:13,737 --> 01:34:15,072 There's nothing to think over. 1476 01:34:15,155 --> 01:34:17,407 You can't work anymore. Can't you understand that? 1477 01:34:17,491 --> 01:34:20,285 You decide for Ben Clark. I'll decide for Willy Clark. 1478 01:34:20,369 --> 01:34:22,496 No, I'll decide for Willy Clark. 1479 01:34:22,579 --> 01:34:26,208 I'm your only living relative, and I'm responsible for your welfare. 1480 01:34:26,291 --> 01:34:29,503 You can't live here anymore, Willy, not alone. 1481 01:34:30,212 --> 01:34:32,297 I can't afford to keep this nurse permanently. 1482 01:34:32,381 --> 01:34:34,258 Right now, she's making more than I am. 1483 01:34:34,341 --> 01:34:37,302 Anyway, she already gave me a notice. She's leaving next week. 1484 01:34:37,386 --> 01:34:39,930 She's going to Buffalo to work for some rich family. 1485 01:34:40,013 --> 01:34:42,850 Maybe she'll take me. I always did well in Buffalo. 1486 01:34:44,393 --> 01:34:46,728 We have to face the facts, Willy. 1487 01:34:48,397 --> 01:34:51,441 We have to do something, and we have to do it quickly. 1488 01:34:51,650 --> 01:34:55,195 I can't think about it today. I'm tired. I'm gonna take a nap. 1489 01:34:56,280 --> 01:34:59,408 - Want to hear my suggestion? - Don't you see me napping? 1490 01:35:00,075 --> 01:35:02,703 I'd like you to move in with me and Helen and the kids. 1491 01:35:02,744 --> 01:35:06,165 We have a spare room, and I think you'd be very comfortable. 1492 01:35:08,083 --> 01:35:09,751 Did you hear what I said? 1493 01:35:09,835 --> 01:35:11,336 - Forget it. - Why? 1494 01:35:11,420 --> 01:35:13,714 I don't like your kids. They're too noisy. 1495 01:35:13,797 --> 01:35:16,758 The little one hit me in the head with a baseball bat. 1496 01:35:16,842 --> 01:35:19,344 I've seen you talk to them for hours about vaudeville... 1497 01:35:19,428 --> 01:35:20,804 and have the time of your life. 1498 01:35:20,888 --> 01:35:23,182 If I stopped talking, they'd hit me with the bat. 1499 01:35:23,265 --> 01:35:25,601 No offense, but I'm not moving in with your children. 1500 01:35:25,684 --> 01:35:27,686 Get rid of them, then we'll talk. 1501 01:35:27,769 --> 01:35:30,314 It's because Al Lewis lives with his family, isn't it? 1502 01:35:30,397 --> 01:35:33,442 You're trying to prove some stupid point about being independent. 1503 01:35:33,525 --> 01:35:35,444 Make your second suggestion. 1504 01:35:37,821 --> 01:35:39,198 All right. 1505 01:35:40,115 --> 01:35:43,243 Now, don't jump when I say this, it's not as bad as it sounds. 1506 01:35:43,285 --> 01:35:44,536 Say it. 1507 01:35:45,621 --> 01:35:47,539 There's the actors' home in New Jersey. 1508 01:35:47,623 --> 01:35:49,416 - It's as bad as it sounds. - You're wrong. 1509 01:35:49,500 --> 01:35:50,626 Helen and I saw the place. 1510 01:35:50,709 --> 01:35:53,879 They showed us all around. I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. 1511 01:35:53,962 --> 01:35:56,548 You went out there? You didn't even have the decency... 1512 01:35:56,632 --> 01:35:59,843 to wait until I turned down living with you and your rotten kids? 1513 01:35:59,927 --> 01:36:03,096 I just went out to investigate. There are no commitments. 1514 01:36:03,180 --> 01:36:06,725 The old actors' home. The first booking you got me in 10 years. 1515 01:36:06,934 --> 01:36:09,812 It's on a lake. It's got 25 wooded acres. 1516 01:36:09,895 --> 01:36:12,606 They put on shows for themselves every weekend. 1517 01:36:12,648 --> 01:36:15,275 It's all old actors. What could be better for you? 1518 01:36:15,359 --> 01:36:17,194 It's in New Jersey. I hate New Jersey. 1519 01:36:17,277 --> 01:36:20,489 I'm sorry they ever finished the George Washington Bridge. 1520 01:36:21,114 --> 01:36:22,491 I promise you... 1521 01:36:22,574 --> 01:36:25,661 if you ever spend one day there you're not happy... 1522 01:36:26,036 --> 01:36:28,121 you can come back and move in with me. 1523 01:36:28,163 --> 01:36:31,834 That's my choice: The baseball bat or New Jersey. 1524 01:36:35,504 --> 01:36:36,839 All right? 1525 01:36:39,341 --> 01:36:41,051 I feel a lot better about everything. 1526 01:36:42,761 --> 01:36:44,304 What about you? 1527 01:36:46,306 --> 01:36:48,267 What do you mean, what about me? 1528 01:36:49,685 --> 01:36:53,272 Does this mean that you won't come up to see me anymore? 1529 01:36:55,524 --> 01:36:57,818 Certainly, I'll come to see you. 1530 01:36:58,944 --> 01:37:00,654 As often as I can. 1531 01:37:03,824 --> 01:37:07,161 Uncle Willy, did you think I wouldn't come to visit you anymore? 1532 01:37:07,202 --> 01:37:11,206 You know, people don't go out to New Jersey unless they have to. 1533 01:37:13,917 --> 01:37:16,170 I'll be there every Wednesday. 1534 01:37:16,837 --> 01:37:18,297 With Variety. 1535 01:37:19,798 --> 01:37:22,092 I'll even bring Helen and the kids. 1536 01:37:22,176 --> 01:37:23,218 Don't bring the kids. 1537 01:37:23,302 --> 01:37:26,180 What do you think I'm moving out there for? 1538 01:37:32,394 --> 01:37:33,854 You know... 1539 01:37:36,064 --> 01:37:39,026 this is the first moment since I know you... 1540 01:37:40,611 --> 01:37:43,780 that you've treated me like a nephew, not as an agent. 1541 01:37:46,074 --> 01:37:47,576 It's like a whole new relationship. 1542 01:37:47,659 --> 01:37:50,537 I hope it works out a lot better than the last one. 1543 01:37:57,795 --> 01:38:00,714 Now, there's just one other thing I'd like you to do for me. 1544 01:38:00,756 --> 01:38:01,757 What? 1545 01:38:01,840 --> 01:38:05,177 - But don't get excited. - What is it, for God's sake? 1546 01:38:05,385 --> 01:38:08,055 Al Lewis wants to come up and see you. 1547 01:38:09,598 --> 01:38:12,893 Ben, if you wanted to kill me, you could have brought the cigars. 1548 01:38:12,976 --> 01:38:15,020 He's been heartsick ever since this happened. 1549 01:38:15,103 --> 01:38:17,564 What do you think I've been? What is this, the mumps? 1550 01:38:17,606 --> 01:38:19,608 He hasn't slept since you've been in hospital. 1551 01:38:19,650 --> 01:38:21,902 He's been sending all this candy and flowers. 1552 01:38:21,944 --> 01:38:24,696 He doesn't sign it, because if he did you'd throw them out. 1553 01:38:24,780 --> 01:38:27,032 They're his flowers? Throw them out. 1554 01:38:28,283 --> 01:38:30,369 He just wants to come up and say hello. 1555 01:38:30,452 --> 01:38:32,204 - Hello? - That's all. 1556 01:38:32,412 --> 01:38:35,249 And if he pokes me in the chest with his finger... 1557 01:38:36,041 --> 01:38:38,418 I'll drop dead. That's murder, you know. 1558 01:38:40,796 --> 01:38:43,257 I'm asking you as a personal favor... 1559 01:38:43,924 --> 01:38:46,385 even if you never spoke to him again... 1560 01:38:46,593 --> 01:38:48,762 just let him come up and say hello. 1561 01:38:49,471 --> 01:38:51,390 Please. For me, Uncle Willy. 1562 01:38:51,473 --> 01:38:55,269 All right, if he wants to come up, I won't stop him. 1563 01:38:55,811 --> 01:38:58,897 But I can't promise a hello. I may be sleeping. 1564 01:38:59,273 --> 01:39:02,192 - I could kiss you. - Please, I'm sick enough. 1565 01:39:03,861 --> 01:39:06,905 - Where are you going? - Got to make a call. 1566 01:39:06,989 --> 01:39:08,991 - Who are you calling? - AI Lewis. 1567 01:39:09,491 --> 01:39:11,535 Al Lewis? On my phone? 1568 01:39:12,244 --> 01:39:15,831 It's got to cost me 60 cents for him to come up to say hello? 1569 01:39:15,956 --> 01:39:19,042 It's not going to cost you 60 cents. He's down in the lobby now. 1570 01:39:19,126 --> 01:39:22,754 Now? So why do you bother asking me? 1571 01:39:23,005 --> 01:39:25,716 Yes. Right. Sure. 1572 01:39:26,550 --> 01:39:27,759 Mr. Lewis? 1573 01:39:29,344 --> 01:39:32,639 - Yes. What is it? - The man from Mr. Clark's room said... 1574 01:39:32,723 --> 01:39:35,601 if you want to go to see Mr. Clark in his room... 1575 01:39:35,684 --> 01:39:37,811 that you can go upstairs right now. 1576 01:39:40,355 --> 01:39:41,607 What did he say? 1577 01:39:42,608 --> 01:39:44,026 Where is he? 1578 01:39:44,401 --> 01:39:46,612 Maybe he got off at the wrong floor. 1579 01:39:51,450 --> 01:39:54,661 What are you doing? You're not supposed to get out of bed. 1580 01:39:55,829 --> 01:39:56,955 Willy, please. 1581 01:39:57,039 --> 01:39:59,500 I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction... 1582 01:39:59,541 --> 01:40:02,461 of seeing me lay in bed like a sick person. 1583 01:40:02,795 --> 01:40:05,214 I'm gonna sit in my chair... 1584 01:40:05,464 --> 01:40:07,424 and look healthier than him. 1585 01:40:12,721 --> 01:40:16,141 I'm begging you. You're not supposed to get out of bed for anything. 1586 01:40:16,225 --> 01:40:20,229 Lewis coming to apologize to Clark... 1587 01:40:20,312 --> 01:40:21,814 is not anything. 1588 01:40:21,939 --> 01:40:24,858 To me, this is worth another heart attack. 1589 01:40:25,067 --> 01:40:27,444 Go to the closet and get my coat. 1590 01:40:27,528 --> 01:40:29,738 - Get my coat, Ben. - All right. 1591 01:40:33,617 --> 01:40:35,869 I'll do it. Okay. I'll do it. 1592 01:40:36,036 --> 01:40:38,914 - All right. Move the chair. - I'll get the chair. 1593 01:40:38,997 --> 01:40:40,874 Move the chair all the way back. 1594 01:40:40,916 --> 01:40:44,086 I want that son of a bitch to have a long walk. 1595 01:40:44,169 --> 01:40:46,046 Walk slowly, will you? 1596 01:40:47,089 --> 01:40:49,550 He's not coming to apologize. He's coming to say hello. 1597 01:40:49,591 --> 01:40:53,053 If he doesn't apologize, for spite, I'll drop dead in the chair. 1598 01:40:53,095 --> 01:40:55,139 Push the chair back all the way... 1599 01:40:55,222 --> 01:40:58,559 and get some pillows and put the pillows on the chair. 1600 01:40:58,642 --> 01:41:01,937 I want to look down on that bastard. 1601 01:41:02,020 --> 01:41:03,772 This is the last time. 1602 01:41:04,273 --> 01:41:06,775 I'm never butting into your lives again. 1603 01:41:07,484 --> 01:41:11,113 But promise me you'll be decent to Al Lewis. 1604 01:41:11,196 --> 01:41:14,783 I'll be wonderful to him. In my will, I'll leave him you. 1605 01:41:14,867 --> 01:41:17,369 I can't wait for him to apologize, Ben. 1606 01:41:17,452 --> 01:41:22,416 For 11 years I've waited for this minute and... 1607 01:41:24,293 --> 01:41:25,752 I'll get it. 1608 01:41:26,170 --> 01:41:27,463 Stay where you are. 1609 01:41:27,546 --> 01:41:29,006 This is my line. 1610 01:41:30,090 --> 01:41:31,800 Enter! 1611 01:41:43,770 --> 01:41:45,272 He's sleeping. 1612 01:41:45,355 --> 01:41:47,191 I could come back later. 1613 01:41:48,066 --> 01:41:50,152 No. He's just dozing. 1614 01:41:50,652 --> 01:41:51,862 Come on in. 1615 01:41:54,114 --> 01:41:55,949 - Can I take your hat? - No. 1616 01:41:56,033 --> 01:41:59,369 I'd like to hold on to something, if you don't mind. 1617 01:42:02,664 --> 01:42:05,250 Uncle Willy, there's someone here to see you. 1618 01:42:07,961 --> 01:42:10,339 Look who's here to see you, Willy. 1619 01:42:10,506 --> 01:42:12,508 I don't have my glasses. 1620 01:42:13,509 --> 01:42:14,885 Who is it? 1621 01:42:14,968 --> 01:42:16,887 It's me, Willy, Al. 1622 01:42:19,223 --> 01:42:20,641 Al who? 1623 01:42:21,600 --> 01:42:22,893 Al Lewis! 1624 01:42:23,310 --> 01:42:24,770 Al Lewis. 1625 01:42:25,854 --> 01:42:27,272 Is that you? 1626 01:42:28,649 --> 01:42:32,861 You're so far away, Al. 1627 01:42:36,365 --> 01:42:39,993 Walk all the way over here. 1628 01:42:41,286 --> 01:42:43,288 All the way, Al. 1629 01:42:43,872 --> 01:42:47,167 Come. Walk over here. 1630 01:42:55,467 --> 01:42:57,219 That Al Lewis. 1631 01:42:58,512 --> 01:43:01,181 I don't want to disturb you, Willy. I just... 1632 01:43:01,932 --> 01:43:04,393 Look at all the beautiful flowers. 1633 01:43:07,855 --> 01:43:09,690 I'm throwing them out. 1634 01:43:11,233 --> 01:43:13,318 They smell up the room. 1635 01:43:14,069 --> 01:43:18,907 People send them to me with boxes of cheap candy. 1636 01:43:20,951 --> 01:43:22,494 They mean well. 1637 01:43:22,744 --> 01:43:25,664 I don't want to take up your time. I just came to say hello... 1638 01:43:25,747 --> 01:43:27,749 so hello and goodbye, Willy. 1639 01:43:27,833 --> 01:43:29,835 Wait a minute. What's your hurry? 1640 01:43:29,918 --> 01:43:33,213 You got a few more minutes before my next nap. 1641 01:43:33,422 --> 01:43:37,092 Sit down and talk for a while. 1642 01:43:38,093 --> 01:43:39,136 Sure it's okay? 1643 01:43:39,761 --> 01:43:41,430 Please stay, Mr. Lewis. 1644 01:43:41,513 --> 01:43:44,183 I've got to go find the nurse, anyway. 1645 01:43:45,767 --> 01:43:48,020 I'll be back in a few minutes. 1646 01:43:50,022 --> 01:43:52,149 Good to see you, Mr. Lewis. 1647 01:43:52,733 --> 01:43:55,235 It's good to see the both of you like this. 1648 01:44:02,951 --> 01:44:04,244 Goodbye. 1649 01:44:06,705 --> 01:44:07,998 Nice boy. 1650 01:44:10,626 --> 01:44:13,921 You got everything you need here? Books, magazines? 1651 01:44:14,838 --> 01:44:19,551 I got plenty to do. I got all my fan mail to answer. 1652 01:44:20,302 --> 01:44:21,929 You get fan mail? 1653 01:44:22,179 --> 01:44:25,015 - Don't you? - I don't even get jury duty. 1654 01:44:26,266 --> 01:44:28,936 Listen, is it all right for you to talk like this? 1655 01:44:28,977 --> 01:44:31,897 I'm not talking. You're the one who's talking. 1656 01:44:32,523 --> 01:44:36,568 Why, is there something special you wanted to talk about? 1657 01:44:37,152 --> 01:44:38,445 Like what? 1658 01:44:38,570 --> 01:44:41,281 What do I know? How do I know what's on your mind? 1659 01:44:41,365 --> 01:44:44,117 Do I know why you can't sleep at night? 1660 01:44:44,535 --> 01:44:47,913 Who said I don't sleep at night? I sleep beautifully. 1661 01:44:49,498 --> 01:44:52,459 Funny. To me, you look tired... 1662 01:44:53,127 --> 01:44:54,670 a little troubled... 1663 01:44:55,420 --> 01:44:59,758 like a person with something on their conscience. What do I know? 1664 01:45:00,676 --> 01:45:02,928 I got nothing on my conscience. 1665 01:45:04,012 --> 01:45:05,722 Are you sure you looked good? 1666 01:45:05,806 --> 01:45:09,309 I got nothing on my conscience. I'm just sorry you got sick. 1667 01:45:09,852 --> 01:45:13,438 Thank you. I accept your apology. 1668 01:45:14,022 --> 01:45:16,275 What apology? Who apologized? 1669 01:45:18,026 --> 01:45:20,654 You don't apologize for making me sick? 1670 01:45:20,696 --> 01:45:23,448 I never made you sick. You made you sick. 1671 01:45:24,158 --> 01:45:26,660 You yelled and screamed and carried on like a lunatic... 1672 01:45:26,743 --> 01:45:29,872 until you got yourself sick, and for that, I'm sorry. 1673 01:45:31,039 --> 01:45:34,126 Then why do you come here with your hat in your hand? 1674 01:45:34,918 --> 01:45:36,462 It's a $35 hat. 1675 01:45:37,212 --> 01:45:40,007 What did you want me to do? Fold it in my pocket? 1676 01:45:40,048 --> 01:45:43,135 Then why did you send me the candy and flowers? 1677 01:45:43,552 --> 01:45:46,305 Because you had something on your conscience... 1678 01:45:46,388 --> 01:45:48,432 and that's why you couldn't sleep at night. 1679 01:45:48,515 --> 01:45:51,602 That's why you came with your hat in your hand, to apologize... 1680 01:45:51,685 --> 01:45:54,104 only this time, I'm not going to accept your apology. 1681 01:45:54,188 --> 01:45:55,689 How do you like that? 1682 01:45:56,732 --> 01:45:59,234 For this I paid a dollar toll on the bridge. 1683 01:45:59,276 --> 01:46:00,944 I'll pay for it... 1684 01:46:01,195 --> 01:46:03,030 because I'm happy now. 1685 01:46:03,655 --> 01:46:05,365 I got what I want. 1686 01:46:06,241 --> 01:46:07,743 What did you get? 1687 01:46:07,826 --> 01:46:11,163 You got no apology from me which you didn't accept. 1688 01:46:14,291 --> 01:46:17,711 I don't want to discuss it anymore. I just had a heart attack. 1689 01:46:18,337 --> 01:46:20,130 You know something, Willy? 1690 01:46:20,631 --> 01:46:23,050 I don't think we get along too good. 1691 01:46:23,425 --> 01:46:25,886 Everybody has their ups and downs. 1692 01:46:26,428 --> 01:46:29,389 In 43 years, we had maybe one ups. 1693 01:46:30,599 --> 01:46:33,602 To tell you the truth, I can't take the downs anymore. 1694 01:46:34,061 --> 01:46:38,524 To be honest with you, for the first time, I feel a little tired myself. 1695 01:46:40,692 --> 01:46:42,694 So what are you gonna do now? 1696 01:46:42,778 --> 01:46:45,197 My nephew made me two very good offers... 1697 01:46:45,280 --> 01:46:47,908 one in the city, and one out of town. 1698 01:46:48,659 --> 01:46:52,412 I wouldn't have to work too hard. Just do a show on Saturday nights. 1699 01:46:53,455 --> 01:46:54,665 Is that so? 1700 01:46:54,748 --> 01:46:56,667 Which one are you gonna take? 1701 01:46:56,750 --> 01:47:00,254 I decided the one out of town. I always liked the road. You know that. 1702 01:47:00,337 --> 01:47:02,089 Isn't that wonderful? 1703 01:47:02,673 --> 01:47:04,925 - And how about you? - Wonderful news. 1704 01:47:05,217 --> 01:47:07,511 My daughter is having another baby. 1705 01:47:07,970 --> 01:47:11,348 They're gonna need my room, and I don't want to be a burden to them. 1706 01:47:11,431 --> 01:47:16,103 We talked it over and I decided to move into the actors' home in New Brunswick. 1707 01:47:20,607 --> 01:47:21,817 Oh, my God. 1708 01:47:22,901 --> 01:47:24,820 I got the finger again. 1709 01:47:25,571 --> 01:47:27,322 Willy, are you all right? 1710 01:47:27,406 --> 01:47:31,118 - What is it, chest pains? - Not yet, but I'm expecting. 1711 01:47:31,827 --> 01:47:33,745 Can I get you anything? 1712 01:47:34,037 --> 01:47:36,957 - Should I call the doctor? - He's all the way uptown. 1713 01:47:37,040 --> 01:47:38,792 So why did you get sick downtown? 1714 01:47:40,461 --> 01:47:43,297 - Was that joke from our act? - Who knows? 1715 01:47:43,839 --> 01:47:47,134 I can't tell the difference between our act and us anymore. 1716 01:47:49,136 --> 01:47:53,056 You're a funny man, Al, a pain in the ass, but a funny man. 1717 01:47:54,558 --> 01:47:56,852 You know what your trouble was, Willy? 1718 01:47:57,352 --> 01:47:59,813 You always took the jokes too seriously. 1719 01:48:00,272 --> 01:48:01,899 They were just jokes. 1720 01:48:02,274 --> 01:48:06,778 We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once. 1721 01:48:06,862 --> 01:48:09,990 If I was there to enjoy it, I would buy a ticket. 1722 01:48:10,073 --> 01:48:12,409 Maybe now you'll start enjoying it. 1723 01:48:12,493 --> 01:48:13,619 If you're not too busy... 1724 01:48:13,702 --> 01:48:16,330 maybe you'll come over and visit me at the actors' home. 1725 01:48:16,413 --> 01:48:19,958 - You can count on it. - Maybe you'd like to rest now, take a nap. 1726 01:48:20,292 --> 01:48:22,085 - Yeah, I think so. - Come on. 1727 01:48:23,128 --> 01:48:25,130 There you are. Okay? 1728 01:48:26,173 --> 01:48:28,342 There you are. Put you right there. 1729 01:48:29,885 --> 01:48:31,678 Just get comfortable. 1730 01:48:33,180 --> 01:48:36,642 You know, I feel a lot better now that I've talked to you. 1731 01:48:36,725 --> 01:48:39,144 Yeah. Keep talking, I'll fall asleep. 1732 01:48:39,978 --> 01:48:42,397 What's new in Variety? 1733 01:48:43,357 --> 01:48:46,235 - Bernie Eisenstein died. - Go on. 1734 01:48:46,318 --> 01:48:49,154 Bernie Eisenstein? The House Doctor at the Palace? 1735 01:48:50,864 --> 01:48:52,658 The was Sam Hesseltein. 1736 01:48:53,325 --> 01:48:56,328 Bernie Eisenstein was Ramona and Rodriguez. 1737 01:48:56,411 --> 01:48:59,331 No, Jackie Aronson was Ramona and Rodriguez. 1738 01:48:59,832 --> 01:49:02,793 Bernie Eisenstein was the House Doctor at the Palace. 1739 01:49:03,919 --> 01:49:06,004 Sam Hesseltein was Sophie Tucker's agent. 1740 01:49:06,088 --> 01:49:08,298 Don't argue with me. I'm sick. 1741 01:49:08,632 --> 01:49:11,385 - I know, but why should I get sick, too? - Leave me alone. 1742 01:49:11,468 --> 01:49:15,722 Bernie Eisenstein was the house doctor the first time we played with Sophie... 1743 01:49:15,806 --> 01:49:18,851 - and that's when we met Sam Hesseltein. - God help me. 1744 01:49:19,476 --> 01:49:22,271 And Jackie Aronson wasn't Rodriguez yet. 1745 01:49:22,604 --> 01:49:24,189 He was Dimarco and Lopez. 1746 01:49:24,273 --> 01:49:28,152 Lopez died, Dimarco went into real estate, so Jackie became Rodriguez. 1747 01:49:28,235 --> 01:49:29,987 Who the hell cares? 1748 01:49:30,112 --> 01:49:32,739 - And I'll never forget this. - Forget it! 1749 01:49:33,407 --> 01:49:35,200 Remember Big Bill Macafree? 1750 01:49:35,784 --> 01:49:38,829 The Irishman who owned the Adams Theater in Pittsburgh... 1751 01:49:38,912 --> 01:49:42,583 and the Baltimore in Syracuse? Always wore a two-pound diamond ring. 1752 01:49:42,958 --> 01:49:44,585 He said some very funny things. 1753 01:49:44,668 --> 01:49:46,420 Would you like to hear them? 1754 01:49:46,462 --> 01:49:47,713 Yeah. 1755 01:49:47,796 --> 01:49:50,340 Here's what he said. You remember Dunlap and Rosita? 1756 01:49:50,424 --> 01:49:51,592 He used to go around with Rosita... 1757 01:49:52,509 --> 01:49:55,471 and Rosita wore a little black velvet ribbon on her neck. 1758 01:49:55,554 --> 01:49:59,766 She tied it tight, because she was skinny and she wanted her cheeks to puff up. 1759 01:50:00,642 --> 01:50:03,437 But she tied it so tight, it affected her hearing. 1760 01:50:03,645 --> 01:50:05,481 She couldn't hear the music.146666

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