All language subtitles for The Mindy Project s04e06 Road Trip.eng

Honey, what are you doing?

I just said good-bye
to the little guy.

You think he's gonna be
all right without me?

Yes.

Did you memorize
the "Our Father"

so you could say it
to him every night?

Danny, I know it perfectly.

Our Father who art in heaven,

Halloween thy name.

Maybe I shouldn't go.

Danny, it's gonna be fine.
You know why?

Why?

Because I made this Danny mobile

to put over his crib.
Pretty cute, huh?

I have one for myself, but it's
just pictures of your wiener.

Okay, babe,
I'll be back as soon as I can.

I just got to get my dad settled
in with an in-home nurse.

It's okay. I can be
a single mom for a while.

That's the lie I tell anyway
to get out of jury duty.

Leave it to my dad to
screw up my life again.

I'm gonna miss
Leo's first haircut.

I wanted to be there to show him
where Vito hides the "Playboys."

Babe, you have to let go of
this resentment of your father.

All right?
It's not good for you.

Did you learn nothing
from my Dr. Phil calendar?

I learned that you still don't
know when my birthday is.

I know when your birthday is.

It's around the VMAs.

Close enough. Get over here.

I'm really gonna miss you.

No, not me. I'm excited
to get you out of my hair.

I got a lot of stuff to do.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

I can think of stuff to do.

Got room for a third tongue?

Remind me again why
Morgan has to come?

Okay, you were the one
who didn't want to fly.

It is not safe to drive across
the country by yourself.

Everyone's got guns, and they're
all fat from fried food.

Maybe I should go.

Hey, we are gonna
have the best time.

And some of my new medications,

I need someone to really
shove it up there.

Come on.

- All right.
- See?

Now, come on, don't worry.
Go, get out of here.

- Give me one more.
- Okay.

- I love you.
- I love you.

Okay.

Hey, I heard
the strip club opens soon.

- What?
- Ah.

All right, just keep going.
There's no strip club.

All right, we're in New Jersey.

I'm gonna stay off
the main roads.

If the state troopers
see my New York plate,

I might get
the old Hoboken hello.

Bunch of scumbags.

Well, I am your navigator

because I have an internal
compass, literally.

When I was six,
I swallowed a compass.

I missed all of first grade.

Those look a lot
like my glasses.

What, these glasses?

Yeah, the ones you
have on right now.

No, I think we might have
gotten them at the same time.

It doesn't matter.

We both have 'em.
They're both great.

New York, New Jersey,
Connecticut.

Whew. I can't read while
I'm driving. I get a little sick.

[burps]

- You okay?
- Oh, God. You know what?

I'm just gonna... I'm just
gonna rest my eyes for a minute

till the feeling passes.

No, no, no, that's good.
You should...

- I'm gonna let it pass.
- Yeah, just close your eyes.

["Take Me Home,
Country Roads" playing]

Oh, my God, are we here?

Is this California?

Oh, it's The
Beverly Hills Hotel.

Looks smaller.

No, we're still in New Jersey,

but this is where
you got to get out.

What are you talking about?

Look, I'm gonna drop
you at this motel.

You're gonna stay
here for a week,

and don't tell Mindy
you didn't come with me.

I mean,
if it's all the same to you,

I'm just gonna go to California
with you on a road trip.

Okay, listen, buddy,
I got to take a slight detour

for personal reasons,
and I got to do it by myself.

So I'll see you later.

You son of a bitch.

- You're having an affair.
- [sighs]

You think she can just lose
the baby weight like that?

We're in the middle
of pie season, Jack.

Morgan,
I'm not having an affair!

Now, here's $500 and get out!

- No.
- Take it.

What are you up to?

- I said take it.
- What are you up to?

Okay, I'll show you
what I'm up to, okay.

- What are you doing?
- Okay, that's it.

Dr. C, where are you going?

- You look real mad.
- What are you doing?

- Yeah, get out.
- No, get away.

- Get out.
- Hey, you, get away.

- Ow!
- Get away.

- Aah!
- Huh?

Stop spanking me!

Stop! [horn honks]

[hip-hop music]

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

["Take Me Home,
Country Roads" playing]

Okay, I think we've both
had time to cool off,

and I think I have
just the thing

to turn this party
right side up.

Frommer's "101 Best Celebrity
Pet Graves in America."

Look at this right here, Eddie
from "Frasier," remember him?

His grave is in Catoosa,
Oklahoma.

Did you know David
Hyde Pierce called him

"the greatest actor"
I've ever worked with?

Okay, we're not
doing any of that.

We're only stopping
for food and sleep.

Well, listen, Jack,
you can choose to be angry

that I'm along on
your little secret mission

or you can tell me
what's going on.

Come on, what are
the chances I'd tell Dr. L?

60, 70% tops.

Mid 80s.

I don't know,
I'd probably tell her.

[4 Non Blondes'
"What's up?" playing]

Music cannot quell my curiosity!

["Take Me Home,
Country Roads" playing]

- Please tell me your secret.
- Morgan, I'm warning you.

If you keep asking me,
you're not gonna like it.

No, no, no, I can help you.

Please? Come on.

Hello!

Are you giving me
the silent treatment?

Okay, so the silent
treatment doesn't work.

Grandmother gave me
the silent treatment.

She didn't talk to
me for eight months.

- I never stopped talking.
- [inhales deeply]

Turns out she had
a pretty severe stroke.

["Take Me Home,
Country Roads" playing]

Well, I've decided, because
of the way you're treating me,

I'm not going to share
my delicious soft pretzel with you

that I'm about to
buy in that store.

So can I please borrow $2
for a soft pretzel, please?

Dr. C, please?

I hate the silent treatment.

The truth is, this is agony.

Real classy.

Get a pretzel for yourself
and don't share it.

No! What?

Why would you do that?

Come on, man!

Goddamn one percenter.

["Take Me Home,
Country Roads" playing]

Well, it's a new day,

and I don't even want
to hear your secret.

Someone told me it's
not even a good secret,

so I'm just gonna sit
here and read my book.

And I know earlier I said
sometimes I get nauseous

when I read in the car,

but I don't think that's
gonna be a prob...

[retches] Oh! Oh, oh.

Oh! Oh.

["Take Me Home,
Country Roads" playing]

Dr. C,
I threw up also back here,

but I did it quiet.

I can't take any more
of the silent treatment.

It's gonna do permanent
psychological harm.

[sighs]

You sadistic son of a bitch.

I hope while we're on this trip,

Dr. L meets another
doctor with a giant penis

and Leo calls him Daddy.

Oh, you didn't like that?
Do you want to say something?

'Cause I'm picturing
your fiancee getting plowed

by some Protestant radiologist
with a huge wiener.

And then when he's
done with her,

he's gonna take Leo
to a Red Sox game.

Ow! Ow, ow, stop. Eyes on
the road. Stop, stop. Ow, ow.

Dear God,
please take care of Mindy,

baby Leo, Ma, little Danny,

Richie,
and whoever Richie's dating.

And that's it, no one else.

[clears throat]

Dear Sweet Jesus Christ,

if Dr. C keeps this up,
I ask that you kill me.

'Cause I can't take it anymore.

Also, I hope you help him in
his secret little mission.

I know it's really weighing
on him, whatever it is.

I want to help him
but he won't tell me, so...

And please don't let grandmother

fall out of
the Stair Genie again.

I can't. She should only
use it to go up and down.

She shouldn't sit in
it recreationally.

["Take Me Home,
Country Roads" playing]

[sighs]

Hey, Morgan.

Oh, God! Oh, my God.

Okay, stop.

Look, I'm ready
to start talking.

Thank you so much.
My prayers have been answered.

Look, I'm sorry about before,
and I just want to say

the reason I didn't want
you to come on the trip

is because I've been really
emotional about my dad,

and I didn't want
you to see me cry.

I get it.

Okay. Look, I thought...

I thought maybe to
make it up to you,

we could take a slight detour.

Are we in Catoosa, Oklahoma?

We sure are, pal.

Eddie. Eddie.

There it is,
Eddie from "Frasier's" grave.

My book says this
is the holy grail

of celebrity pet monuments.

Yeah, yeah, you told me,
several times.

"Eating tossed salad
and scrambled eggs in heaven."

What the hell does
that even mean?

We'll never know, but...

It's the theme song.

From "Frasier,"
the show he was on.

Never saw it.

You know what I liked? "Hunter."

You ever see "Hunter"?

Hey, you know, why don't you...

why don't you get
in there with Eddie?

I'll take a picture
of both of you guys.

Would you like that?

Mm-hmm.

Get in there.

Let's... let's get a bunch.

Yeah, yeah, go nice and wide.
That's good.

Okay, smile. Oh, that's great.
We got it right there.

- We got it.
- Wait, Dr. C.

Dr. C!

I'll be back in a couple hours.

You lied to me! You're going
on your secret mission.

- Sorry!
- Of all the times

I have been abandoned at
a celebrity pet grave,

this is the most hurtful!

[suspicious music]

- [bicycle bell dings]
- Dr. C, wait.

Are you kidding me?

Morgan, what the hell
are you doing here?

What is going on?

Who's in that house?

Are you gay?
Are you attracted to me?

Why not?

Okay, look, I lied.

I do have a secret,
and now I have to make it right.

What?

Dad, is that you?

Hey.

- Hey.
- Uh, hey.

Hey.

Wow. Eric, it's nice to see you.

- Or meet you, I guess.
- Yeah, you too.

[coughs] Introduce me.

This is Morgan, my coworker.

Coworker? I wish you
didn't introduce me at all.

Didn't want to.
Didn't want you to come.

Anyway, this is Eric,
who is looking like

he's a product of
my wilder days.

Uh-huh. [laughs]

Eric, give us one sec, okay?

You son of a bitch.

You had a secret
family the whole time

and you never once
told them about me?

Is your name even Dr. C?

No, I didn't have
a secret family.

Eric only e-mailed
me a month ago.

I didn't want to tell anybody
until I knew it was real.

In case I was being catfished.

I heard that.

I told you about when
I went to Montreal, right?

Yeah, and you were...
both: Severely beaten

by a man that you thought
was a female prostitute.

Okay, we'll talk about it later.

- Really embarrassing.
- Anyway, I figured

we'd stop here on the way
and sort things out.

Eric, how'd you find me anyway?

Well, I asked my mom
for years who my dad was

and then finally
she told me that she met

a handsome,
young med student named Dan

at a Billy Joel concert in 1999.

Evelyn, she was the only
other person in the crowd

that knew all the words to
"We Didn't Start the Fire."

I just can't believe
you're here, Dad!

- Whoa, whoa.
- Easy.

Eric, honey, your friends
are too early for the party.

I got to get the pizza at
the gas station. Oh, my God!

Dan, is that you?

Evelyn, hi.

You haven't changed.

What did you do, Eric?

Eric, you want to talk?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.

Okay. Let's go out back.

All right.

- Oh, hey, you got a swing.
- Yeah.

You want me to give you a push?

No, no, maybe later.

So you got a birthday coming up.

Yeah, next week,

but I convinced mom to let
me have the party today

because I knew you were coming.

I just wanted my friends
to see that I had a dad,

especially Tyler.
He's got two dads.

Yeah, I know where
you're coming from.

I mean, my dad,
he wasn't around much.

But I need you to know
the only reason I wasn't here

is because I didn't
know about you.

Thanks. That means a lot.

But hell,
we could start right now.

Anything I could do?
Anything you need?

Yeah, I just need for
you to move to Oklahoma

and marry my mom.

Well, I'm so glad you guys
could make it out here.

It's been a great
place to raise Eric.

You know, everyone owns a gun
here, so there's no crime.

It's just accidents
and suicides.

Wow. Speaking of accidents,

Eric seems like a real winner.

Yeah, I just can't
believe he's 16.

He's growing like a weed.

Yeah, he is really tall.

Oh, he's the tallest
one in his grade.

At the fair, he got a blue
ribbon for reaching things.

It's kind of a boring town.

That's really curious.

Eric doesn't seem to
take after you or Dr. C,

tall, blue eyes.

Oh. Oh, no,
I just have bad posture now,

but I was just as tall
as him when I was growing up.

Hmm.

And that's our angel, Leo.

Hmm, seems like
the perfect little family.

Yeah. I'm really lucky.

Oh, God, she has her
pants off in that one.

So what's my brother like?

He's got a much better
name than stupid Eric.

What? Eric's a great name.

It's not stupid.
I know a lot of great Erics.

Okay, name one.

Eric Stoltz, okay.

He was almost in
"Back to the Future."

Michael J. Fox replaced him,
like, two weeks into filming.

Yeah, you're right.

Look, if I had been there,
I would have named you

something cool, like Lionel.

- Lionel?
- Yeah.

God, that's such a great name.

Why are you even here,
to brag about your awesome life

and then just go
back to New York?

No, no, no.
I wanted to meet you.

I was passing through
to go to California.

You know, my...
my dad had a heart attack.

Grandpa had a heart attack?

You didn't even know him.

Look, I don't want to go.

I mean, he wasn't a great dad.

Neither were you, you dick.

These are beautiful
family photos.

Interesting, he's got brown
eyes and she's got brown eyes.

But this old man,

brown eyes.

You know,
I think Eric got his blue eyes

from somebody on Danny's
side of the family.

Ah, yeah, probably.

There's just one little problem
with your theory there, lady.

It's garbage.

- What?
- Yeah.

Why?

Because that man's fiancee
had me dig through his genealogy

to find out if
there was any chance

that she could have
blue-eyed children.

And I still have
the scratch marks

from when I told her
it was impossible.

- You're busted.
- Okay, I admit it.

Danny is not Eric's dad.

Eric's real dad is a big jerk

and he wanted nothing
to do with us.

Okay, got it. Go outside
and tell him the truth right now!

That's gonna crush Eric.

It's his 16th birthday,

and I don't have enough
money to get him a car

or even get him
a name-brand cake.

Spider hero?

Okay, don't care.

You need to get out there
and make it right, Mama.

Can we please just wait
till after the party?

He's just so happy
to have Danny here.

Please.

[sighs] Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, they do seem
to be getting along.

Oh, God!

Oh, my God!

Hey, get off him, kid.
Pick on someone your own size.

Come on! Oh, oh, oh!

No, no, no.
Let him go. Let him go.

Okay, let him hit me if
he wants to hit me, okay?

- No.
- Yes.

Castellano men
express their feelings

through fighting or dancing.

It's either the fists
or the foot.

Except he's not a Castellano.

[gasps] What?

Stop it. You knew already.

- You?
- I just found out.

Eric...

Danny is not your dad.

What? He's not?

Well, then why'd
you tell me he was?

Because Danny is smart
and he's educated,

and I just wanted you to think

that you came from
something good.

Well, great.

Thanks for ruining
my birthday, Mom.

Oh, if my friends ask for me,

just tell 'em I'm up in my room
looking up how to do drugs.

[grunts]

I'm sorry I lied.

I had no idea
that he would reach out to you.

Okay, I'm outta here.

No, no.

Why did you have to
be so perceptive?

It's just my way.

[scoffs]

Eric, come back, honey.
I'm sorry.

Unbelievable.

I don't know what's worse
about Castellano men,

how gullible we are or that we hate
the feeling of condoms.

Just wait, listen to me. I am
just as mad as you are, okay?

But ask yourself this,
what is the best revenge?

Helping the people
who lied to us.

Why the hell would I do that?

Okay, all I know, man,
is this kid, Eric,

he planned his whole birthday
around meeting his dad.

He's gonna be so embarrassed.

All right,
I got my own problems, okay?

Everyone's got problems, okay!

I got a bad back,
back hair, bacne,

other stuff with my back.
My front is a mess.

The point is, I'm staying.

Great! I've been trying to
get rid of you the whole trip.

You know what? I only came
along with you so we could bond.

You know,
before Leo was in the picture,

you and I would make plans.

And yes,
you would always cancel them,

but now,
you don't even make 'em.

This was supposed to be
our "Thelma & Louise."

They died at
the end of that movie.

Exactly.

Dr. C.

See, I know you're
starting the car,

but you're not gonna drive away.

[cell phone rings]

- Hey, sweetheart.
- Hey, babe.

How's the road trip?

Being in the Midwest make
you realize how skinny I am?

It's... it's going good.
We're in Oklahoma.

Oklahoma? Did you see Eddie
from "Frasier's" grave?

I hear it's amazing.

- How... how's Leo doing?
- [crying]

Is that him crying? Put him on.

Oh, I was hoping
you would say that.

- All right, you're on speaker.
- Hey, Leo.

I hear you're giving
your ma a hard time.

Look, I get it.

If I was cooped up with her
all day, I'd be crying, too.

Huh? What are you saying to him?

Listen, buddy, I love you, okay.

- [crying]
- Come on, stop crying.

It's okay.
I can't wait to see you again.

I'm gonna be home soon.

See, it's gonna be okay.

Now, do me a favor,
be good for your ma.

Oh, my God. Danny, it worked.

You're, like, a hypnotist.

I just told him I loved him.

See that, Leo?

Aren't you lucky to
have such a great dad?

Oh, honey, there's
a commercial on that I love,

and I don't want to press pause.
Okay, I love you. Bye.

[OutKast's "Hey, Yah" playing]

Cheer up, sweetie.

I got the pop from
the fancy dollar store.

Can't you try to
enjoy your birthday?

Enjoy what, no dad?

Of course Tyler
brought his dads.

Oh, honey,
we're just as good as them.

Eric, son, it's me, your father.

I'm back from the golf club,
and I'm ready to meet your friends.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh! Oh!

Aah! Don't look at me.

Keep partying.
Oh, this is so embarrassing.

Dude, is that really your dad?

Leave me alone. I'm his dad.

No, I'm his dad.

Now, I know this might
seem a little weird,

but I'm really glad to be here

to celebrate Eric's birthday.

I can't take the credit,
but Eric is a great kid.

He's smart, resourceful,
got a hell of a left hook.

You all should be
lucky to know him.

Happy birthday.

- All right.
- Thanks.

Dr. C, I think I broke my neck.

You didn't break your neck,
I can see your toes moving.

They are?

[rock music]

This was fun.

You know, it's been a while
since I sat with some teens

and talked about Christ.

Oh, that part was weird.

Look, Eric, I meant
everything I said in there.

You're a great kid.

And when you think
about your dad,

I want you to remember this,

resentment is when
you take the poison

and you hope
the other guy gets sick.

That's good. Thanks.

- Thank you.
- He's smart.

That was amazing.

Yeah. I got it from
the Dr. Phil calendar.

- No way.
- Thanks again, Danny.

And I hope you patch
things up with your dad.

Thanks. Hey, I never gave
you a birthday present.

What do you got.

What is that, like,
a leftover gift card?

Why don't you take these?

What? Whoa, wait.
Hey, really? A car?

- No.
- Yeah, and if you get

a hot date, there's plenty
of room in the backseat.

Now, you're lucky
you're not a Castellano

'cause, as your mom will tell
you, we don't like to wear...

Okay, Dan, we... we get it.

Happy birthday, kid.

Happy birthday,
but that's not the gift.

That's not... Hey, how are
we supposed to get to California?

We'll take a bus.
It's not that far.

It's 34 hours away, dude.

I wanted to do something
nice for the kid.

You don't even know him, man!

Okay, I wait hand and foot
on you, and you gave me

a free T-shirt from
your bank for my birthday.

No, no, no, wait, wait.
I'm incredulous.

I'm incredulous.

Look, the bus driver gave
me this to give to you.

He wants to make you
an honorary captain.

Look, I know you're
bummed about the car.

We could have been in
a climate-controlled car.

We could have listened
to Howard Stern.

Yeah, but helping out Eric
and staying for the party,

that was the right thing to do.

So thank you.

I'm really glad you went
on this trip with me.

You know, you tried to ditch me,
like, three or four times.

Yeah, I know.

- Hurt my feelings.
- I'm sorry.

Can you promise me right now
you'll never do it again?

- I might do it again.
- I know.

You know,
I was thinking about my dad.

I mean, my dad's around,
you know?

I got to work out
my stuff with him.

I just... I can't go there,
just get him a nurse, and split.

I mean, who knows,
this might be my last chance.

That's nice.

I almost forgot
to show you this.

I did get a picture of you
and Eddie at the grave.

That's the best photo of
me anyone's ever taken.

I look stunning.

You do.

I look like a young
Andre the Giant.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0