Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,164 --> 00:00:02,721
- Previously on The Exes...
- I'm marrying myself.
2
00:00:03,475 --> 00:00:06,104
What does that even mean,
"I'm marrying myself"?
3
00:00:06,171 --> 00:00:08,874
I've spent my entire life
looking for a man to marry,
4
00:00:08,974 --> 00:00:11,076
thinking that's what I
needed to feel complete,
5
00:00:11,176 --> 00:00:12,678
until I realized I don't.
6
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:14,013
Ten more people on the west side
7
00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:15,981
just listed their bathrooms on Pee Harmony.
8
00:00:16,081 --> 00:00:17,182
Yes.
9
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:19,552
You guys would really
help me plan my wedding?
10
00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:22,021
Let me be your mother.
11
00:00:22,121 --> 00:00:23,589
You are using my wedding
12
00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:25,858
to advertise your stupid app?
13
00:00:25,958 --> 00:00:27,026
Fix it!
14
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,561
- We're rich!
- Filthy rich!
15
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:30,062
- They bought the company!
- Yeah!
16
00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:31,830
I never thought I'd say this,
17
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:35,801
but you get out there and marry yourself.
18
00:00:35,901 --> 00:00:37,236
(all) To Holly and Holly!
19
00:00:37,336 --> 00:00:38,971
(Stuart) And now...
20
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,676
- Bonjour, bonjour!
- Hey!
21
00:00:43,776 --> 00:00:45,444
Look who's back from Paris.
22
00:00:45,544 --> 00:00:47,413
[smooching]
23
00:00:47,513 --> 00:00:49,582
Just hug it out.
24
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:51,917
[speaking French]
25
00:00:52,017 --> 00:00:55,921
Yeah, we get it, Stuart. You
spent a semester abroad.
26
00:00:56,021 --> 00:00:57,189
How was the honeymoon?
27
00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:58,724
Oh, well, I wouldn't label it a honeymoon.
28
00:00:58,824 --> 00:01:02,294
I mean, I just married
myself and took me to Paris.
29
00:01:02,394 --> 00:01:03,829
And you didn't feel self-conscious
30
00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:06,098
being in the most romantic
city in the world by yourself?
31
00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:07,199
Not in the least.
32
00:01:07,299 --> 00:01:08,334
Actually, it was freeing to know
33
00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:09,635
I don't need a man to enjoy my life.
34
00:01:09,735 --> 00:01:11,103
Well, just don't get too comfortable
35
00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:12,204
being by yourself.
36
00:01:12,304 --> 00:01:13,239
What's that mean?
37
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,773
It means you don't want to end up
38
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,408
like one of those crazy old shut-ins.
39
00:01:16,508 --> 00:01:18,110
Yeah, yeah.
40
00:01:18,143 --> 00:01:20,312
Next thing you know, there's
police tape on your door
41
00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:23,148
and the super's head's in the freezer.
42
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,416
Why didn't I just go home?
43
00:01:24,516 --> 00:01:25,885
I had to do the pop-in.
44
00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:29,521
I had a wonderful time last night,
45
00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:32,124
my big, strong Haskell.
46
00:01:32,157 --> 00:01:33,292
[chuckles]
47
00:01:33,392 --> 00:01:38,264
The pleasure was all mine,
my naughty giraffe.
48
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:41,133
Ooh, and thank you for my little trinket.
49
00:01:41,166 --> 00:01:42,201
You spoil me.
50
00:01:42,301 --> 00:01:44,503
Oh, you're worth it.
51
00:01:44,603 --> 00:01:47,139
I'll call you, baby.
52
00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:49,608
Seriously, I will call you.
53
00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:51,010
I've left, like, two messages
54
00:01:51,143 --> 00:01:52,645
while you were brushing your teeth.
55
00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:54,980
[giggles]
56
00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:56,549
Ciao.
57
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:57,616
Ciao.
58
00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:04,423
Gentlemen, I know what you're thinking.
59
00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:06,358
"What does he see in her?"
60
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:08,193
Ha!
61
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,662
Welcome to the majors, buddy.
62
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:10,930
All right, okay, all right.
63
00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,499
Haskell, as delighted as
I am to see you happy,
64
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:15,334
it is possible that Nadia's
65
00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:17,002
just keeping company with you because...
66
00:02:17,102 --> 00:02:18,103
What, because I'm loaded?
67
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:21,106
Of course she is, you dolt.
68
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,474
Ever since I was a little boy,
69
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,176
I dreamed of being a sugar daddy
70
00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:27,780
and dating women way out of my league.
71
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,114
And you did it, buddy,
72
00:02:29,148 --> 00:02:30,983
'cause she is way, way out of your league.
73
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,551
Miles.
74
00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:34,119
All right, okay, I've said my piece.
75
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,287
I have to go pack.
76
00:02:35,387 --> 00:02:37,256
I'm going to Buffalo for a dental expo,
77
00:02:37,356 --> 00:02:38,424
and for the laughs.
78
00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:40,125
Oh.
79
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,561
Hey, not to brag, but last night,
80
00:02:42,661 --> 00:02:44,730
Nadia said that I had the energy of a man
81
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,932
half my a... [groans]
82
00:02:47,032 --> 00:02:49,134
Whoa, whoa.
83
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,336
Are you all right there, buddy?
84
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:53,138
Ow, it's... It's my back.
85
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,974
I must have tweaked something last night
86
00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:56,942
during a strenuous dismount.
87
00:02:57,042 --> 00:02:58,911
Oh.
88
00:02:59,011 --> 00:03:00,880
Well, let's get you on
the couch, all right?
89
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,649
I got to loosen those muscles
before they seize up.
90
00:03:03,749 --> 00:03:05,251
This happens all the time to my athletes.
91
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,652
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Here we go.
92
00:03:06,752 --> 00:03:08,454
Oh, that's it, that's good.
Ooh, that's the spot.
93
00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:09,889
- Uh-huh.
- Ah, oh, oh.
94
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,091
Don't stop, don't stop.
95
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:18,998
O-o-okay,
96
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:20,399
but this ain't going anywhere, now.
97
00:03:20,499 --> 00:03:22,401
All right.
98
00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:23,402
Oh.
99
00:03:30,309 --> 00:03:35,681
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
100
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:39,752
All right, looks like you got...
101
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:41,387
another fondue maker.
102
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:43,022
Yay.
103
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,124
You know, Eden, it doesn't matter
104
00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:46,825
whether you marry yourself or someone else.
105
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:49,528
You still get the same useless crap.
106
00:03:49,628 --> 00:03:52,264
So what do you want to do,
keep, return, or regift?
107
00:03:52,364 --> 00:03:54,900
Return, and I'll regift
that hideous cake stand.
108
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,268
Hey, that was from me.
109
00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:59,038
I love it.
110
00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,673
It's okay. It was a regift.
111
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,074
Oh, well, in that case,
112
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,642
when you write my thank-you
note to yourself,
113
00:04:03,742 --> 00:04:06,512
leave out two words...
"thank you."
114
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,749
Okay, one left.
115
00:04:10,849 --> 00:04:12,585
- What's that thing?
- Huh.
116
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:16,655
"Meet Eric, an intuitive,
talking operating system
117
00:04:16,755 --> 00:04:18,591
"that responds to voice commands,
118
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,393
has a built-in Wi-Fi and
connects to the cloud."
119
00:04:21,493 --> 00:04:24,196
It says, "The more you use
it, the smarter it gets."
120
00:04:24,296 --> 00:04:26,098
Huh, I wonder what it'll have to say
121
00:04:26,198 --> 00:04:28,801
about its ride down the trash chute.
122
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:31,237
Come on, let's give it a try.
123
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,371
[whooshing tone]
124
00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:33,839
[robotic voice] Hello, my name's Eric.
125
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:36,275
What's your name?
126
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:37,843
My name's Holly Franklin.
127
00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:40,512
Holly Franklin, what a lovely name.
128
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,648
Holly, do I have permission
to sync with your apps,
129
00:04:42,748 --> 00:04:44,016
contacts, and calendar?
130
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:45,751
- No.
- Why not?
131
00:04:45,851 --> 00:04:48,787
- I just met the thing.
- Stop being such a Holly.
132
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:51,824
Fine. All right, Eric, yes,
you have my permission.
133
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:52,825
[whooshing tone]
134
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:53,826
Sync complete.
135
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:55,394
I am now totally operational.
136
00:04:55,494 --> 00:04:58,130
Hey, it says here that
it answers questions.
137
00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:00,065
Ask it something.
138
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:01,867
Eric, what city are we in?
139
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:06,605
We are in New York City,
also known as The Big Apple.
140
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:07,907
Eric, what time is it?
141
00:05:08,073 --> 00:05:11,343
The current time is 2:45 p.m.
142
00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:12,745
Eric, what's Holly's age and weight?
143
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,480
No, don't answer that, Eric!
144
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:15,748
Off you go, off you go.
145
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,150
You... evil little elf.
146
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:19,818
Okay, okay, I'm going.
147
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,420
But that is one cool gift.
148
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,855
All right, well, I'm glad you like it.
149
00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:27,192
Act surprised when you get
it for your birthday, okay?
150
00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:28,327
Okay.
151
00:05:28,427 --> 00:05:29,428
[sighs]
152
00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:31,297
Oh, Eric, what am I gonna do with you?
153
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,098
I can do all sorts of things.
154
00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:34,533
I can give you the news and weather,
155
00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:38,437
read your emails out loud,
organize your Paris photos.
156
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,105
How do you know I went to Paris?
157
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,441
I know everything about you.
158
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:44,610
Oh, really?
159
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,412
[laughing]
160
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:47,713
What's my favorite song?
161
00:05:47,813 --> 00:05:51,150
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.
162
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:52,318
I was 12.
163
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:54,820
You played it yesterday.
164
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,822
Careful, Eric. But that was an easy one.
165
00:05:56,922 --> 00:05:58,290
Ooh, ooh, here's one.
166
00:05:58,390 --> 00:05:59,925
What's my favorite poem?
167
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:03,095
She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron.
168
00:06:03,195 --> 00:06:04,697
That is my favorite poem.
169
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:07,366
Would you like me to recite it for you?
170
00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:09,368
Yes.
171
00:06:09,468 --> 00:06:11,270
Yes, I would.
172
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,873
"She walks in beauty, like the night
173
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:16,909
Of cloudless climes and starry skies..."
174
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:23,821
[humming]
175
00:06:32,931 --> 00:06:34,098
Wow.
176
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,631
And I bet you thought I
was gonna spend my money
177
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,667
on frivolous things.
178
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:42,702
Here, check this out.
179
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:45,738
[humming]
180
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,642
Someone needs to teach you how to Dougie.
181
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,110
No, my back.
182
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:53,346
The massage you gave me cured it.
183
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,214
Oh, you've got magic hands, my friend.
184
00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:57,016
Hey, glad I could help.
185
00:06:57,116 --> 00:07:00,152
Well, as a token of my appreciation,
186
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,555
I got you a little something.
187
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,689
Aw.
188
00:07:03,789 --> 00:07:05,291
Thank you.
189
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,594
Man, this is awesome.
190
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,429
These are the best golf balls on tour.
191
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:11,664
Thank you, man.
192
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,634
To be the best, you have to use the best.
193
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,702
And that's why I also got you these.
194
00:07:16,802 --> 00:07:18,871
[whimpers]
195
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:23,409
[whimpering excitedly]
196
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:28,881
You got me Callaway clubs, Haskell?
197
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:30,483
You are crazy. This is crazy.
198
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,151
You're crazy, man. This is crazy.
199
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,152
This is crazy!
200
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,453
Oh, enjoy.
201
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,789
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a date with Nadia.
202
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,491
I have to put out chocolates for her
203
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,426
and an Icy Hot for me.
204
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:50,036
Good morning, my little ray of sunshine.
205
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,439
What, or should I say who,
put that smile on your face?
206
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,674
Eric.
207
00:07:58,511 --> 00:07:59,779
- Eric?
- Mm-hmm.
208
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,181
You mean that gadget that gives
the time and the weather?
209
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,116
Oh, he does a lot more than that.
210
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,152
He plays my favorite music,
211
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,954
reads me my favorite poems.
212
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,256
You mean "it."
213
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,458
"It" plays your favorite music.
214
00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:13,693
Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.
215
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,161
You keep saying "he."
216
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,629
Well, who cares what I said?
217
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,064
You know, see, that's
what I like about Eric.
218
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,400
He doesn't nitpick, like
some people I know.
219
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,703
Anyway, I emailed you those thank-you notes
220
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:24,937
I wrote for your wedding gifts.
221
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:25,972
Yes, thank you.
222
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,406
Eric rewrote them, and I sent them out.
223
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,408
What?
224
00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:30,843
Well, he just cleaned up your grammar,
225
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:33,279
made them a little more fun.
226
00:08:33,308 --> 00:08:37,079
I was rewritten by a can opener?
227
00:08:37,179 --> 00:08:42,017
Eric has an easy wit that
very few people possess.
228
00:08:42,117 --> 00:08:44,853
I tell you, Eden, everyone
should have an Eric.
229
00:08:44,953 --> 00:08:47,322
Yeah? Okay, well...
230
00:08:47,423 --> 00:08:49,224
just don't get too attached to that thing.
231
00:08:49,324 --> 00:08:50,692
[scoffs] Don't be ridiculous.
232
00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:52,327
I won't.
233
00:08:56,532 --> 00:08:58,367
Eric, whisper mode.
234
00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:00,402
[whispering] Whisper mode.
235
00:09:00,502 --> 00:09:03,338
This is my office, where I work.
236
00:09:03,405 --> 00:09:05,340
At Hubner, Herzog, and Jones.
237
00:09:05,374 --> 00:09:07,443
You were the youngest lawyer
to make senior partner
238
00:09:07,543 --> 00:09:08,877
in the firm's history.
239
00:09:08,977 --> 00:09:12,815
New York magazine called you
"a force to be reckoned with."
240
00:09:12,915 --> 00:09:15,951
Eric, go on.
241
00:09:16,051 --> 00:09:17,586
I'm serious, go on.
242
00:09:17,686 --> 00:09:18,821
You wear a size 10 shoe.
243
00:09:18,921 --> 00:09:21,723
Oh, no, back to the other stuff, please.
244
00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:27,029
Oh, good God.
245
00:09:31,633 --> 00:09:33,569
What the hell is that?
246
00:09:33,669 --> 00:09:35,671
It's Haskell with too much money.
247
00:09:38,207 --> 00:09:39,441
Hey, are these new golf clubs?
248
00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:41,076
As a matter of fact, they are.
249
00:09:41,176 --> 00:09:42,177
Ah, where'd you get them?
250
00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:43,812
They were a gift from Haskell.
251
00:09:43,912 --> 00:09:46,749
- Mm-hmm, what's the occasion?
- I gave him a massage.
252
00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:51,386
What, are we living in a Roman bathhouse?
253
00:09:51,487 --> 00:09:52,855
No, man, it's nothing like that.
254
00:09:52,955 --> 00:09:54,656
You know, he threw his back out,
and I worked out the kinks.
255
00:09:54,757 --> 00:09:58,060
- I was just being a good buddy.
- Oh, that was nice.
256
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,695
[clears throat] You know,
my neck's a little stiff
257
00:09:59,795 --> 00:10:01,029
from the flight back.
258
00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:02,364
Good luck with that.
259
00:10:05,901 --> 00:10:07,770
Hey, there he is!
260
00:10:07,870 --> 00:10:10,239
I am loving these new clubs.
261
00:10:10,339 --> 00:10:11,507
Well, you deserve it.
262
00:10:11,607 --> 00:10:13,175
That was a hell of a massage.
263
00:10:13,342 --> 00:10:16,211
Oh, hey, I'm seeing my little
Russian wolfhound later.
264
00:10:16,345 --> 00:10:17,312
I wonder if you think
265
00:10:17,413 --> 00:10:19,281
she'll like this little timepiece.
266
00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:20,416
Yes, she will.
267
00:10:20,516 --> 00:10:22,618
- This is a Copeland Explorer.
- Yeah.
268
00:10:22,718 --> 00:10:25,087
Oh, man, this thing costs a fortune.
269
00:10:25,187 --> 00:10:26,722
Well, Nadia makes me happy.
270
00:10:26,822 --> 00:10:28,524
I like to make her happy.
271
00:10:28,624 --> 00:10:30,359
Yeah, I've always wanted one of these.
272
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:31,660
Hmm.
273
00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:41,370
How's your back?
274
00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:42,371
Good.
275
00:10:42,471 --> 00:10:43,906
Oh, no, that's not good.
276
00:10:44,006 --> 00:10:45,774
That's not good at all.
277
00:10:45,874 --> 00:10:48,610
That's the body trying to trick
you into thinking it's good,
278
00:10:48,710 --> 00:10:51,213
when really, if you don't take care of it,
279
00:10:51,313 --> 00:10:53,015
you're gonna be in a world of pain, buddy.
280
00:10:53,115 --> 00:10:54,550
I can't be in pain.
281
00:10:54,650 --> 00:10:57,152
I'm taking Nadia bungee jumping.
282
00:11:01,323 --> 00:11:03,025
Then put yourself in my hands
283
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,827
and let me take care of you, Haskell.
284
00:11:04,927 --> 00:11:06,495
You're a good friend, Phil.
285
00:11:06,595 --> 00:11:09,832
Haskell, I just want to see you happy.
286
00:11:09,932 --> 00:11:12,067
[laughs]
287
00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,535
All righty.
288
00:11:13,635 --> 00:11:16,738
- Ah.
- Yeah.
289
00:11:16,839 --> 00:11:18,774
So, that Copeland...
290
00:11:18,874 --> 00:11:19,875
It has an altimeter?
291
00:11:19,975 --> 00:11:20,876
I think so.
292
00:11:20,976 --> 00:11:21,944
[both shouting]
293
00:11:22,044 --> 00:11:23,078
[laughing]
294
00:11:23,178 --> 00:11:24,379
Well, then there is...
295
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,415
Oh, yeah, there it is,
there it is, there it is.
296
00:11:26,515 --> 00:11:29,284
There's that mean little knot.
297
00:11:29,318 --> 00:11:31,286
Mm, come on, Mr. Pain.
298
00:11:31,353 --> 00:11:34,156
You leave little Hasky alone.
299
00:11:34,289 --> 00:11:36,091
- Hey, uh, Phil?
- Yeah?
300
00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:38,293
- About the baby talk...
- Uh-huh?
301
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,329
- I like it.
- Ooh.
302
00:11:44,008 --> 00:11:47,979
Oh, Eric, I earned this glass of wine.
303
00:11:48,079 --> 00:11:50,148
That was one long day, huh?
304
00:11:50,248 --> 00:11:53,318
It was precisely 11 hours and 34 minutes.
305
00:11:53,418 --> 00:11:54,452
But who's counting?
306
00:11:54,552 --> 00:11:55,854
[laughing]
307
00:11:55,954 --> 00:11:59,257
[Eric laughing]
308
00:11:59,357 --> 00:12:02,827
Yeah, it's so great we find
the same things funny... me.
309
00:12:02,927 --> 00:12:05,997
[both laughing]
310
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:08,199
- [knock at door]
- Delivery!
311
00:12:08,299 --> 00:12:10,001
Just a second.
312
00:12:11,402 --> 00:12:13,004
Yeah.
313
00:12:13,104 --> 00:12:14,506
Oh, are those for me?
314
00:12:14,606 --> 00:12:16,141
Please sign here.
315
00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:17,776
Thank you.
316
00:12:17,876 --> 00:12:21,045
Oh, I wonder who these are from.
317
00:12:21,146 --> 00:12:24,682
"To Holly, from Eric, just because."
318
00:12:24,783 --> 00:12:26,918
Aw.
319
00:12:27,018 --> 00:12:29,654
I noticed on Facebook that
they were your favorite.
320
00:12:29,754 --> 00:12:33,491
Oh, that's so thoughtful.
321
00:12:33,591 --> 00:12:36,361
See, most men wouldn't know what to send.
322
00:12:36,461 --> 00:12:38,062
But you know what I like.
323
00:12:38,163 --> 00:12:41,800
Yes, yes I do.
324
00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:45,670
Well, it was a very sweet gesture...
325
00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:47,372
and kind of romantic.
326
00:12:47,472 --> 00:12:49,207
[smooth jazz playing]
327
00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:50,642
Oh, Eric.
328
00:12:50,742 --> 00:12:53,144
[giggles]
329
00:12:53,311 --> 00:12:56,714
Is it... is it bright in here, or is it me?
330
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:58,650
I can fix that.
331
00:13:01,953 --> 00:13:03,822
That's nice.
332
00:13:09,928 --> 00:13:12,997
Eric, do you think I'm pretty?
333
00:13:13,098 --> 00:13:14,766
I think you're beautiful.
334
00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:15,967
Really?
335
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:18,203
Yes, really.
336
00:13:18,336 --> 00:13:20,872
Do you think I'm sexy?
337
00:13:20,972 --> 00:13:23,441
I think everything about you is sexy...
338
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:26,344
Your voice, your mind, your soul.
339
00:13:26,444 --> 00:13:28,646
Go on.
340
00:13:28,747 --> 00:13:30,548
If only I could look in your eyes,
341
00:13:30,648 --> 00:13:32,016
caress your cheek...
342
00:13:32,117 --> 00:13:35,053
Like this.
343
00:13:35,153 --> 00:13:37,889
And stroke that beautiful
blonde hair of yours.
344
00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:41,159
Ooh, like this.
345
00:13:41,292 --> 00:13:43,928
Then I'd gently run my
fingers over your lips
346
00:13:44,028 --> 00:13:46,898
and down your neck.
347
00:13:46,998 --> 00:13:50,835
Oh, you've got such a good touch, Eric.
348
00:13:50,935 --> 00:13:53,605
Then I'd slowly unbutton your blouse.
349
00:13:53,705 --> 00:13:55,774
Eric!
350
00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:01,079
Phil, come on, I'm hungry!
351
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,548
Dude, what's the rush?
352
00:14:03,648 --> 00:14:05,183
Our reservation isn't until 8:00.
353
00:14:05,316 --> 00:14:06,718
Wow. That is some watch.
354
00:14:06,818 --> 00:14:08,052
Let me see that.
355
00:14:08,153 --> 00:14:09,187
Is it new?
356
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,321
- This?
- Mm-hmm.
357
00:14:10,388 --> 00:14:11,956
Oh, yeah, kind of, kind of.
358
00:14:12,056 --> 00:14:12,991
Where'd you get it?
359
00:14:13,091 --> 00:14:14,159
- This?
- Mm-hmm.
360
00:14:14,325 --> 00:14:19,197
Oh, this might have been
a gift from Haskell.
361
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:20,873
Really? What was the occasion?
362
00:14:22,634 --> 00:14:25,503
I might have given him a massage?
363
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:26,638
Another one?
364
00:14:26,738 --> 00:14:28,073
Phil, this is starting to get strange.
365
00:14:28,173 --> 00:14:29,140
Hold on, man.
366
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:30,508
What's so strange about a man
367
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:31,976
giving another man a massage
368
00:14:32,077 --> 00:14:33,348
and getting a gift?
369
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,215
- Now, let's eat.
- That's called...
370
00:14:37,348 --> 00:14:40,685
- That's a very...
- I said "let's eat"!
371
00:14:40,785 --> 00:14:42,520
Hang on, maybe...
372
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,722
Maybe we should ask Holly
if she wants to join us.
373
00:14:44,823 --> 00:14:46,291
(Holly) Oh, Eric.
374
00:14:46,391 --> 00:14:47,759
Oh, Eric!
375
00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:49,194
Oh, oh, Eric.
376
00:14:49,294 --> 00:14:52,764
Oh, Eric.
377
00:14:52,864 --> 00:14:54,399
Okay.
378
00:14:54,499 --> 00:14:55,900
I guess she's got company.
379
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,303
Good. I was starting to worry about her.
380
00:14:58,403 --> 00:14:59,871
When you stay by yourself too long,
381
00:14:59,971 --> 00:15:01,306
you start getting weird.
382
00:15:01,372 --> 00:15:02,340
Hmm.
383
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:08,179
- Hey, Stuart.
- Hey, Phil.
384
00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:09,314
Whoa. What you got there?
385
00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:10,782
It's a golf weekend in Pebble Beach,
386
00:15:10,882 --> 00:15:12,717
including a round with Phil Mickelson.
387
00:15:12,817 --> 00:15:14,185
Whoa. Sounds pricey.
388
00:15:14,319 --> 00:15:15,453
Oh, it is pricey.
389
00:15:15,553 --> 00:15:16,654
Here's an idea.
390
00:15:16,755 --> 00:15:17,989
Why don't you give your
buddy Haskell a massage,
391
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:19,324
maybe he'll pay for it.
392
00:15:19,424 --> 00:15:21,626
[both laugh]
393
00:15:21,726 --> 00:15:24,496
Oh, my God.
394
00:15:24,596 --> 00:15:26,331
Ugh, what a day.
395
00:15:26,397 --> 00:15:27,766
Holly called in sick today.
396
00:15:27,866 --> 00:15:29,000
I'm spent.
397
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,169
She must be playing hooky with her new guy.
398
00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:32,604
- Mm-hmm.
- What new guy?
399
00:15:32,704 --> 00:15:34,773
Well, I don't mean to resort
to locker room vulgarity,
400
00:15:34,873 --> 00:15:37,909
but last night she was
clearly in flagrante.
401
00:15:38,009 --> 00:15:39,144
Yep.
402
00:15:39,244 --> 00:15:41,546
She was all over some guy named Eric.
403
00:15:41,646 --> 00:15:43,381
- Eric?
- Oh, yeah.
404
00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:44,549
Eric's a machine.
405
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:47,419
You damn straight, he is.
406
00:15:47,519 --> 00:15:48,720
You guys don't understand.
407
00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:50,288
Eric is this interactive gadget
408
00:15:50,321 --> 00:15:52,690
that she got as a wedding present.
409
00:15:52,791 --> 00:15:54,893
You mean that wasn't a real
guy we heard her with?
410
00:15:54,993 --> 00:15:56,027
Nope.
411
00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:57,695
Ugh, we got to do something.
412
00:15:57,796 --> 00:15:59,330
I thought marrying herself was weird.
413
00:15:59,431 --> 00:16:01,132
Now she's dating a boom box.
414
00:16:06,697 --> 00:16:09,033
Oh, Eric, I had the best time today.
415
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:11,235
Ah, me too.
416
00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:13,104
You know, it's been years
417
00:16:13,204 --> 00:16:16,207
since I've gone bike-riding in the park.
418
00:16:16,307 --> 00:16:20,077
I hope it wasn't too bumpy
for you in the cup holder.
419
00:16:20,177 --> 00:16:21,345
[knock at door] - [gasps]
420
00:16:21,445 --> 00:16:22,346
Who is it?
421
00:16:22,446 --> 00:16:23,481
(Eden) It's me, open up.
422
00:16:23,581 --> 00:16:25,015
Oh, now's not a good time.
423
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:26,384
Don't make me use my spare key.
424
00:16:26,484 --> 00:16:27,618
Okay, just a second.
425
00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:37,695
Oh, hey, look who's here.
426
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,249
It's the whole gang, how cool.
427
00:16:41,032 --> 00:16:43,434
Well, Eden told us that you
weren't at work today,
428
00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:44,668
and we just wanted to come by
429
00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:46,037
and make sure you were okay.
430
00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:47,238
Oh, I'm fine, you know.
431
00:16:47,338 --> 00:16:48,806
I was just a little
tired, a little run down.
432
00:16:48,906 --> 00:16:51,809
Needed a little me time, you know?
433
00:16:51,909 --> 00:16:53,978
So it has nothing to do with Eric?
434
00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:56,380
Eric, who's...
Oh, Eric, no, that thing?
435
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,481
I put him away.
436
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:58,716
- That's good to hear.
- Yeah.
437
00:16:58,816 --> 00:16:59,850
Yeah.
438
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:01,519
Eric, what's the capital of Kansas?
439
00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:03,087
(Eric, muffled) Topeka.
440
00:17:05,489 --> 00:17:08,759
Eric? What's he doing here?
441
00:17:08,926 --> 00:17:10,394
That's Eric?
442
00:17:10,494 --> 00:17:12,663
He's smaller than I thought he'd be.
443
00:17:14,932 --> 00:17:16,400
Holly, this whole thing with Eric
444
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,835
has gotten out of hand, okay?
445
00:17:17,935 --> 00:17:19,937
You're avoiding your friends.
You're missing work.
446
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,038
It has to stop.
447
00:17:21,138 --> 00:17:22,606
There's nothing to stop.
448
00:17:22,707 --> 00:17:24,608
Okay, well, then I'll just take
him, and I'll send him back.
449
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:26,038
Don't you touch him.
He's not going anywhere.
450
00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:29,413
Holly, this is ridiculous.
451
00:17:29,513 --> 00:17:30,981
It's like he's become your boyfriend.
452
00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:32,183
My boyfriend?
453
00:17:32,283 --> 00:17:35,753
Now who's being ridiculous? [laughs]
454
00:17:35,853 --> 00:17:36,954
(Eric) I love your laugh.
455
00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:38,189
Not now.
456
00:17:40,208 --> 00:17:42,877
Holly, this isn't healthy, okay?
457
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:44,746
He's not real.
458
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,381
He's real to me.
459
00:17:48,183 --> 00:17:51,019
He's sweet. He's kind.
460
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,355
He makes me laugh.
461
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:55,890
Tells me I'm pretty. He thinks I'm special.
462
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,859
- Really?
- Yeah.
463
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,432
[clears throat] Okay.
464
00:18:04,532 --> 00:18:08,503
Eric, this is Holly's
assistant, Eden Kunkler.
465
00:18:08,603 --> 00:18:10,572
What a lovely name.
466
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,941
Eric, do you think I'm special?
467
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:14,209
(Eric) Very special.
468
00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:16,845
He's just being polite.
469
00:18:16,945 --> 00:18:18,079
Do you think I'm pretty?
470
00:18:18,179 --> 00:18:19,581
I think you're beautiful.
471
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,149
[smooth jazz playing]
472
00:18:21,249 --> 00:18:22,684
Hey, that's our song.
473
00:18:24,953 --> 00:18:26,388
Eric, you're so romantic.
474
00:18:26,488 --> 00:18:28,723
Eden, if only I could look in your eyes,
475
00:18:28,823 --> 00:18:30,625
caress your cheek.
476
00:18:30,725 --> 00:18:32,661
Stop it, you horny little thermos!
477
00:18:32,827 --> 00:18:34,195
That's what you said to me.
478
00:18:34,296 --> 00:18:36,498
You said I was sexy.
You said I was special.
479
00:18:36,598 --> 00:18:40,168
Oh, my God, I'm yelling at a can!
480
00:18:40,268 --> 00:18:41,436
What's wrong with me?
481
00:18:41,536 --> 00:18:43,004
I'm so embarrassed.
482
00:18:43,104 --> 00:18:44,339
Holly, don't be.
483
00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:46,374
The important thing is,
you came to your senses.
484
00:18:46,474 --> 00:18:47,909
Yeah, besides, you and that thing
485
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:50,845
were getting way too freaky.
486
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:53,715
Got to go massage Haskell.
487
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:56,484
What was that about?
488
00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:59,120
Let's just say that Holly
and the coffee grinder
489
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,856
isn't the weirdest
relationship in the building.
490
00:19:01,957 --> 00:19:04,225
[door closes]
491
00:19:04,326 --> 00:19:05,927
[sighs]
492
00:19:06,027 --> 00:19:08,129
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
493
00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:10,065
I just feel stupid.
494
00:19:10,165 --> 00:19:13,234
How could I let myself get so carried away?
495
00:19:13,335 --> 00:19:16,805
Uh, because you're human.
496
00:19:16,838 --> 00:19:18,340
Holly, you married yourself
497
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,577
to show that you are fine
on your own, and you are.
498
00:19:22,677 --> 00:19:23,712
But that doesn't mean
499
00:19:23,812 --> 00:19:26,100
that you don't still long for a connection.
500
00:19:27,282 --> 00:19:29,748
Maybe it's time to get back out there.
501
00:19:31,052 --> 00:19:32,120
Maybe it is,
502
00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:34,256
before I start hitting on the toaster.
503
00:19:36,858 --> 00:19:38,026
Why don't you look at Eric
504
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:40,082
as the guy who helped you realize that?
505
00:19:41,396 --> 00:19:42,897
Thanks, Eden.
506
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:48,837
Oh, okay.
507
00:19:48,903 --> 00:19:51,940
All right, Eric, time for a little reset.
508
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,109
Hi, I'm Eric. What's your name?
509
00:19:54,209 --> 00:19:56,544
Not gonna happen, short stuff.
510
00:19:56,546 --> 00:19:58,546
www.addic7ed.com
511
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:03,146
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34701
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
