All language subtitles for So I Married an Axe Murderer [1993]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,953 Excuse me, miss. There seems to be a mistake. 2 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,789 I ordered the large cappuccino. 3 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,958 Hello! 4 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:31,212 - Look at the size of this. - It's a bowl. 5 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,798 It's like Campbell's cup-o-ccino. 6 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,842 My sides. Please. 7 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,973 So Tony... 8 00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,809 ...what's with your clothes? 9 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,103 What? 10 00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:51,232 You look like you're in Starsky and Hutch. 11 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:54,068 - I look hip. - No, no, no. 12 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:57,071 More like an undercover cop trying to be. 13 00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:01,617 - I am a cop trying to look hip. - Can you do me a favor? 14 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:05,996 When you go to my parents' don't dress like a 1970s pimp. 15 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:09,041 My parents are a little eccentric. 16 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:14,421 This poem is called, "An Apology To The Aliens Who Abducted Me..." 17 00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:17,132 "...and Whom I inflicted Destruction Upon..." 18 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:20,302 "...While Having a Panic Attack Aboard the Ship." 19 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:22,388 Autobiographical. 20 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:28,227 - What are you gonna do tonight? - Well... 21 00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:31,563 ...I'm gonna do a poem about Sherri. 22 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,068 The "Woman, Woe Man, Whoa Man" poem. 23 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,403 Yeah. 24 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:43,325 Tell me again. Why did you break up with Sherri? 25 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,412 Tony, I told you already, she's a thief. 26 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:50,374 - You don't honestly believe that? - Tony, she's a klepto. 27 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:54,295 To this day I still don't know where my cat is. 28 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:58,340 Charlie, every time you meet a nice girl... 29 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:02,011 - ...you get paranoid and break up. - That's not true. 30 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:04,805 - I broke up for good reasons. - Really? 31 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,641 - Yes. - What about Jill? 32 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,060 She was in the Mafia. 33 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,648 - She was in the Mafia? - Yes, the Cosa Nostra. 34 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:19,111 - I never knew how she made a living. - She was unemployed. 35 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,281 - She didn't work. - That's a perfect cover. 36 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:25,951 All right. What about Pam? 37 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,998 She smelled like soup. 38 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:37,129 - What does that mean? - Like beef-vegetable soup. 39 00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:39,548 - Paranoid. - You weren't there. 40 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:41,425 - It's all in your head. - No, no. 41 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,093 - It is. - No, no. 42 00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,683 - I'm up. Wish me luck. - Good luck. 43 00:05:55,439 --> 00:06:00,861 Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our own Mr. Charlie MacKenzie. 44 00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:16,960 Woman 45 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,796 Woe man 46 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,673 Whoa man 47 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,636 She was a thief You gotta believe 48 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,972 She stole my heart and my cat 49 00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:31,266 Betty 50 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:32,976 Judy 51 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:36,522 Josie and those hot Pussycats 52 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,234 They make me horny Saturday morny 53 00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:43,862 Girls of cartoons Won't leave me in ruins 54 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,116 I want to be Betty's Barney 55 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:51,870 Hey, Jane, get me off This crazy thing 56 00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,623 Called love 57 00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:57,394 - Hi. - Hi. 58 00:07:57,603 --> 00:07:59,062 Can I help you? 59 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:05,027 - Yes, do you have haggis? - Yes, we do. One? 60 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,820 Yes, please. 61 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,281 My parents are Scottish. 62 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:16,872 That Will be $19.75. 63 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,334 Here you go. 64 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,670 Thank you. 65 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,175 - Will there be anything else? - No, thanks. 66 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:32,262 Thanks. 67 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,137 May, get in here! 68 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:38,328 All right, May, turn off the Bay City Rollers! 69 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,248 The soccer game's about to begin! 70 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,007 - Hello. - Hi! 71 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,760 We're in here, son! 72 00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,221 - Charlie. - How's it going, William? 73 00:09:56,430 --> 00:10:00,183 Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in. 74 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,311 Hi. Hey! 75 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,525 May. Shut it! 76 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,404 - How you doing, Dad? - Fine. 77 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:16,366 - Come on, Charlie. - Away you go with your mother. 78 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:19,828 Why don't you try one of her bras on, wee girl? 79 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:22,247 Flaunt away, you fairy! 80 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,582 Hey, Morn. 81 00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,501 I brought you guys a haggis- 82 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:30,505 That's sweet of you, son. Thank you. 83 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:34,426 I haven't seen one of these for years. 84 00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,971 Actually, I hate them. But your father will... 85 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:44,394 Look. He's giving Tony all that Lyndon H. LaRouche rubbish again. 86 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:48,899 It's a known fact, Sonny Jim, that a secret society... 87 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:53,111 ...of the five wealthiest people, known as the Pentavirate... 88 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:57,407 ...run everything in the world, including the newspapers... 89 00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:01,996 ...and meet tri-annually at a secret mansion in Colorado known as... 90 00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:05,791 - ..."The Meadows." - Who's in the Pentavirate? 91 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,628 The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds... 92 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,923 ...and Colonel Sanders, before he went tits-up. 93 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:17,302 I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes... 94 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:22,766 ...and that smug look on his face. "You're gonna buy my chicken." 95 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,144 Dad, how can you hate the Colonel? 96 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:29,189 He puts addictive chemicals in chicken... 97 00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:32,317 ...making you crave it fortnightly, smart-ass! 98 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,903 Interesting. Cuckoo. 99 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,074 Charlie, would you like a juice? 100 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,913 Look at what I've bought myself, a Juice Tiger. 101 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:48,667 - A Juice Tiger? - Yes, I juice everything now. 102 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,335 I'm on a new diet. 103 00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:54,131 I'm on a Weekly World News Garth Brooks Juice Diet. 104 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,841 Scores! 105 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,469 - Margin, one-nil! - Magic goal! 106 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,139 Let's have a look at the replay. 107 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:04,808 William, move your head. 108 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,146 Look at the size of that boy's head. 109 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,898 It's like an orange on a toothpick. 110 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:15,569 - You'll give him a complex. - That's a huge noggin. 111 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:19,948 It's a virtual planetoid. Has its own weather system! 112 00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:23,076 Head! Move! 113 00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:28,290 - Your Sherri's late. - Mom... 114 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,584 ...Sherri and I broke up. 115 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,295 Not Sherri? 116 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,423 I liked Sherri. 117 00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:40,010 I didn't like the other girls you brought home. 118 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,973 - Don't make it any harder for me. - Why should I make it easier, son? 119 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:49,019 You were good together, you and Sherri. 120 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:53,565 - I thought you'd marry. - You know I'm terrified of marriage. 121 00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:56,860 I know that, son. I know that. 122 00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:02,115 Maybe it's better not to marry. Did you read the paper? 123 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,035 - No. - No? Where did I put it? 124 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,205 Stuart! Bring in the paper! 125 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,123 All right, hon! 126 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:13,001 Head! Paper! Now! 127 00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,046 Move that melon of yours if you can. 128 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,591 Hauling that gargantuan cranium about. 129 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,427 No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. 130 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,013 Spherical, but pointy in parts. 131 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,849 That was offside, wasn't it? 132 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:32,187 He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow. 133 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,900 Mom, why do you refer to Weekly World News... 134 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:41,154 ...as "the paper"? The paper contains facts. 135 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,407 This paper contains facts. 136 00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:50,038 And this paper has the eighth-highest circulation in the whole wide world. 137 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:54,167 Plenty of facts. "Pregnant Man Gives Birth." 138 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,294 That's a fact. 139 00:13:57,379 --> 00:14:00,090 Here it is, look. Read this. 140 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:04,427 "Mrs. X. The honeymoon murderer." 141 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:10,934 She marries men under fake identities and then she murders them. 142 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,478 She's murdered three men already. 143 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,982 Victim number one was a lounge singer. 144 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,777 Victim number two, a Russian martial arts expert. 145 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,320 No! 146 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:27,701 And she's also killed a plumber named Ralph Elliot. 147 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:33,623 And her whereabouts are unknown. 148 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,907 Give us a kiss, Tony, and cheer me up. Good night. 149 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,575 Good night. 150 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:18,376 Wow, you've turned into a sexy wee bastard. You know that? 151 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,170 Thanks, Mrs. MacKenzie. 152 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,505 - Hasn't he? - I think so. 153 00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,592 - Good night, Mom. - Good night, Charlie. 154 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:30,764 - Good night, Dad. - Fine, go. You've stayed your hour. 155 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,233 Yes. 156 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,361 - Morning, Charles. - Morning, sir. 157 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,283 Are you working on the forms for the vendor...? 158 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:33,785 Yes, captain. 159 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,746 Tony? Tony? 160 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:44,587 I don't want to intrude, but you seem a little down. 161 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:49,259 Well, captain, it's about my job. 162 00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:53,763 I'm having doubts about being a cop. 163 00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:57,267 It's not like how it is on TV. 164 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,937 I fill out forms and paperwork all day. 165 00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:06,401 Point well taken, but even though it's not exciting... 166 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,069 ...it's very important. 167 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:11,781 Yeah, but of all my times as a cop, I've never... 168 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:15,201 I never chased a guy across a crowded square. 169 00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:20,290 I've never hung onto that part of the helicopter. You know that part? 170 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,250 - You know? - I know it. 171 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:26,504 I've never hung onto that or even commandeered a vehicle. 172 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:30,925 - That sounds like a lot of fun. - That's the other thing. 173 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,594 You're too nice. 174 00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:36,973 - I'm too nice? - Yes, you're too nice. 175 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:40,268 Why not be like a Starsky and Hutch captain? 176 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:44,147 Where you haul me in your office and bawl me out... 177 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:48,777 ...because you're tired of defending me from the commissioner. 178 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:52,655 The truth is, I report to a committee. 179 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:56,785 Some are appointed, elected, or co-opted biannually. 180 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,037 - It's a quorum, so to speak. - A quorum? 181 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:03,958 - Yeah. - I thought I was gonna be Serpico... 182 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,879 ...but instead I'm like Fish from Barney Miller. 183 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,381 Hey, somebody needs a hug. 184 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,842 Captain. 185 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,476 Okay, coming up. 186 00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:36,074 - Hi. - Haggis, right? 187 00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:39,202 Yeah, I'm the guy who ordered the haggis. 188 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,205 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 189 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:45,542 - Do you like haggis? - No, it's repellent. 190 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,003 I think Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. 191 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,381 - I'm next. - You're next. 192 00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:52,924 Yes, can I help you? 193 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:58,221 I'll tell you how you can help me. All I want is one New York steak... 194 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:02,100 ...a quarter-inch thick. That's all. No more, no less. 195 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:06,396 - Get it and let me out. - I'm really busy. Be right back. 196 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,569 - It's busy, hey? - It's insane today. 197 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:17,365 My dad's a butcher, and I used to work at his shop. 198 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:20,577 - I can help you. - I'd love some help. 199 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,246 - Great, what's your name? - Charlie. 200 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,123 - Harriet. - Hi, Harriet. 201 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:28,209 - Could you get four porterhouses? - Okay. 202 00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,515 Just kidding. 203 00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,142 Hi. 204 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,662 So do you live in New York? 205 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,205 Really? 206 00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:52,669 Just tell me if that's too tense. You guide me. You guide me. 207 00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:01,010 Mom, can you get the school nurse? 208 00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:03,429 Get the school nurse! Help me! 209 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,516 It was an accident in shop. 210 00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:11,187 Get me a tourniquet? Anything. 211 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:25,201 Thanks for helping me out at the butcher shop. 212 00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,371 - You were really nice. - Oh, I was nice? 213 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:32,834 "Nice." Evidently you think of me as a woman friend. 214 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:36,212 - And what is wrong with being nice? - Nothing. 215 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:37,880 - Charlie? - Yes? 216 00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:41,592 - Name a bad thing you've done. - I've done bad things. 217 00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:46,014 Tell me one bad thing you've done, and it better be evil. 218 00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:51,060 - How evil? - Really evil. 219 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:55,106 So evil that you would say it was "e-vil." 220 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:59,068 Like it's the fruits of the Devil. "E-vil." 221 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:04,532 For example, how many people have you brutally murdered? 222 00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:09,245 "Brutal" is a very subjective word. 223 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:14,917 What's brutal to one person might be reasonable to somebody else. 224 00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:35,646 Excuse me. 225 00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:52,789 Do you know Russian? 226 00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,125 Yeah. 227 00:22:56,542 --> 00:23:00,421 Oh, this hurts. No, this is hard. 228 00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:03,925 Not only are you extremely good-looking... 229 00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:07,970 ...but you're also very smart and that's no fair. 230 00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:11,140 - That's hard. - Bright women intimidate you? 231 00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:13,810 No, no. Not at all. 232 00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:17,939 But it's a shame I'm going to have to destroy you. 233 00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:27,323 - Charlie, come here! - Nadia... 234 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,075 ...I am coming. 235 00:23:34,372 --> 00:23:37,583 Expand, contract, expand. 236 00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:41,337 What do you look for in a woman you date? 237 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,676 I know everyone always says sense of humor... 238 00:23:46,968 --> 00:23:49,720 ...but I have to go with breast size. 239 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,390 Oh, my God. 240 00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:56,018 Come! Let us dance like children of the night. 241 00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:09,115 - Here we are. - Wow, what a great place. 242 00:24:09,824 --> 00:24:12,034 - Some tea? - Sure. 243 00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:14,537 Well, show yourself around. 244 00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:24,630 You know what this place needs? A large poster of Atlantic City. 245 00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:28,551 Oh, look, you got one! 246 00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:31,679 I used to live there. I have herbal teas: 247 00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:34,265 Cubby Wubby Womb Room tea... 248 00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:38,019 - ...and Morning Thunder. - I'll go with Cubby Wubby. 249 00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:40,396 All right, thanks. 250 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,739 What's this? 251 00:24:57,163 --> 00:25:01,167 I had a friend who was a martial arts expert and... 252 00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:04,962 - Oh, you had a friend? - It's a martial arts thing. 253 00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:07,965 I thought it would look good on the wall. 254 00:25:08,257 --> 00:25:10,259 It does. 255 00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:13,554 You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. 256 00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:15,389 It's called "fuck you!" 257 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,687 It's mostly head-butting and kicking people on the ground. 258 00:25:34,075 --> 00:25:37,119 - It's late. - Not for me. 259 00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:41,082 - Who for, then? - Who for, then, what? 260 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:44,627 If not for you, I wonder who it is late for. 261 00:25:44,794 --> 00:25:48,589 Not me, no. I like the nightlife. 262 00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:50,216 I like to boogie. 263 00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:53,928 I'll make the tea, then. 264 00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:08,985 You know... 265 00:26:12,822 --> 00:26:14,615 ...maybe it is late. 266 00:26:14,949 --> 00:26:18,828 I'll be honest with you. I had a great time tonight... 267 00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,790 ...and I'd really love to kiss you. 268 00:26:22,999 --> 00:26:28,379 But if I kiss you, we'll end up on the couch, and if we end up there... 269 00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:32,550 ...chances are we'll kiss in the bedroom... 270 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,970 ...and that's the part I always rush into. 271 00:26:36,178 --> 00:26:40,474 It's not a good idea to rush into spending the night together. 272 00:26:40,850 --> 00:26:45,313 - I want to spend the night together. - I have no problem with that. 273 00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,774 You're it. 274 00:26:50,860 --> 00:26:51,861 Come here! 275 00:26:52,028 --> 00:26:53,863 Oh, no! Oh, God! 276 00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:04,498 Yes. 277 00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:10,087 Yes. 278 00:27:12,590 --> 00:27:15,343 Ralph! 279 00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:19,847 I Will. I Will. 280 00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:23,017 Wait, not now! Not now! 281 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:25,728 Ralph! Ralph! 282 00:27:27,688 --> 00:27:30,232 Harriet. Harriet. 283 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:32,610 You were having a dream. 284 00:27:35,029 --> 00:27:37,865 And you kept saying the name "Ralph." 285 00:27:42,912 --> 00:27:46,582 - Ralph? - Yeah, you kept saying "Ralph." 286 00:27:52,755 --> 00:27:54,924 She's my friend. 287 00:27:56,467 --> 00:28:00,388 She's your friend. Ralph. 288 00:28:01,222 --> 00:28:05,601 She's your friend. Ralph. 289 00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:07,603 Ralph. She. 290 00:28:42,972 --> 00:28:45,975 I'm sorry! I thought you were somebody else! 291 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,828 Hi. 292 00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:07,955 Hi. 293 00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:13,419 I'm Harriet's friend, Charlie. You must be Ralph? 294 00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:15,963 I'm Harriet's sister, Rose. 295 00:29:16,547 --> 00:29:20,217 - She gave me a note to give to you. - Great. 296 00:29:20,468 --> 00:29:23,971 "Dear Charlie, I didn't want to wake you." 297 00:29:24,305 --> 00:29:28,350 "Make yourself at home and thanks for the..." 298 00:29:29,477 --> 00:29:30,936 "...hot dog. Harriet." 299 00:29:33,022 --> 00:29:35,483 That's a very nice note. 300 00:29:36,192 --> 00:29:41,322 - Let me make you some breakfast. - I'd love to, but I'm running late. 301 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:44,074 How do silver-dollar pancakes... 302 00:29:44,325 --> 00:29:48,537 ...fresh orange juice, bacon and Kona coffee sound? 303 00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:50,206 It sounds great. 304 00:29:55,544 --> 00:29:58,964 Sorry. I didn't have those other things. 305 00:29:59,340 --> 00:30:02,843 That's fine. That other stuff will kill you. 306 00:30:03,052 --> 00:30:08,224 Whereas Froot Loops are light and reasonably high in fiber. 307 00:30:09,058 --> 00:30:12,561 - I care for Apple Jacks a great deal. - Got them. 308 00:30:12,978 --> 00:30:14,063 Good. 309 00:30:15,231 --> 00:30:19,068 So, is this your place? 310 00:30:19,276 --> 00:30:23,113 No, this is our place. Harriet's and mine. 311 00:30:23,405 --> 00:30:27,243 She sort of comes and goes but always ends up here. 312 00:30:28,619 --> 00:30:30,246 She didn't speak of me? 313 00:30:31,372 --> 00:30:34,250 No, she didn't speak of you. 314 00:30:34,542 --> 00:30:39,296 She mentioned a martial arts guy, and there was discussion about Ralph? 315 00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:43,425 Oh, really? She spoke about them? 316 00:30:44,051 --> 00:30:49,431 She talked about the martial arts guy and kind of shouted "Ralph." 317 00:30:58,566 --> 00:31:02,903 - Well, you know Harriet. - Actually, I don't. 318 00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:06,782 - But you did have sex with her. - Hello! 319 00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:09,451 I'm gonna go now. 320 00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,916 I won't tell Harriet that anything happened. 321 00:31:16,083 --> 00:31:18,919 Well, Rose. Rose. 322 00:31:21,297 --> 00:31:23,674 Nothing did happen. 323 00:31:24,133 --> 00:31:27,970 Don't worry, Charlie. Just be careful. 324 00:31:34,143 --> 00:31:36,186 "Just be careful." 325 00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:43,444 I had the greatest night of my life last night. 326 00:32:09,470 --> 00:32:13,974 - Sounds like you really like her. - I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit. 327 00:32:14,183 --> 00:32:17,853 She is wonderful. But we shouldn't talk about it. 328 00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:21,023 I'll start analyzing it, and that's no good. 329 00:32:21,231 --> 00:32:25,027 That is good. You should just let it happen. Relax. 330 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:29,365 I am a park ranger, and I will lead you on the tour. 331 00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:33,869 All the rangers at Alcatraz were once guards, myself included. 332 00:32:34,119 --> 00:32:37,748 My name is John Johnson, but everyone calls me Vickie. 333 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,416 Please follow me. 334 00:32:40,376 --> 00:32:43,712 - I love Vickie. He's great. - He's the best. 335 00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:47,549 This is the main cellblock area. 336 00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:50,844 Home to such famous criminals as Al Capone... 337 00:32:51,053 --> 00:32:54,056 ...Mickey Cohen, Joseph "Dutch" Cretzer... 338 00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:58,894 ...and Robert Stroud, the famous Birdman of Alcatraz. 339 00:32:59,061 --> 00:33:04,358 This time will be different. If something happens, I'll let it go. 340 00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:07,569 It's not my business. For example, Ralph. 341 00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:10,072 She says "Ralph" in her sleep. So what? 342 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,407 Ralph? 343 00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:14,034 This cell's for solitary confinement... 344 00:33:14,243 --> 00:33:17,287 ...that's come to be known as Times Square. 345 00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:19,957 Make sure everyone gets a look. 346 00:33:22,292 --> 00:33:23,544 So who's Ralph? 347 00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:27,464 I don't know. More importantly, I don't want to know. 348 00:33:27,715 --> 00:33:29,591 That's good. 349 00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:33,595 Did you and Harriet, you know, last night? 350 00:33:33,804 --> 00:33:35,222 Okay, dirtbag. 351 00:33:35,431 --> 00:33:39,810 All you have to know is that Harriet's a sweet and loving person. 352 00:33:40,102 --> 00:33:42,938 Well, that's good. That's nice. 353 00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,816 - And yes, we did. - All right! 354 00:33:46,483 --> 00:33:49,611 Close it up, close it up, close it up. 355 00:33:51,947 --> 00:33:56,910 This is something the other tour guides won't tell you. 356 00:33:57,244 --> 00:34:00,080 In this cellblock, Machine Gun Kelly... 357 00:34:00,289 --> 00:34:05,002 ...had what we call in the prison system, a bitch. 358 00:34:05,294 --> 00:34:10,632 One night, in a jealous rage, Kelly took a makeshift knife, or shiv... 359 00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:14,928 ...and cut out the bitch's eyes. 360 00:34:15,637 --> 00:34:18,807 - Another thing about Harriet I love... - No, no. 361 00:34:26,982 --> 00:34:30,486 And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly... 362 00:34:30,778 --> 00:34:36,116 ...the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing... 363 00:34:36,325 --> 00:34:40,287 ...into the bitch's ocular cavities. 364 00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,502 This way to the cafeteria. 365 00:34:47,836 --> 00:34:50,172 Tony, I'm really happy- 366 00:34:50,380 --> 00:34:53,467 Please, don't let me screw this one up. 367 00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:55,886 - I'll try. - Alrighty. Thanks. 368 00:34:56,178 --> 00:35:00,808 - That ocular cavity thing was... - When he mentioned pissing into... 369 00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:04,746 Okay, I got another one. What's worse? 370 00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:09,209 The cable goes out and you're left with synchronized swimming... 371 00:36:09,418 --> 00:36:11,211 ...or... 372 00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:12,588 OKEY- 373 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:15,591 You're stuck on the Bay Bridge in traffic... 374 00:36:15,883 --> 00:36:21,054 ...and you've just had two strong cups of coffee and three bran muffins. 375 00:36:23,599 --> 00:36:27,436 - No, wait. I have a good one. - Hello! Hello! 376 00:36:27,728 --> 00:36:30,981 What's worse? You go to your favorite restaurant... 377 00:36:31,273 --> 00:36:33,775 ...order your favorite meal, take a bite... 378 00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:37,988 ...and under the steak is a scabby Band-Aid. 379 00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:39,281 Or... 380 00:36:43,994 --> 00:36:46,246 Or being electrocuted. 381 00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:52,085 And? 382 00:36:52,294 --> 00:36:57,466 That's it. I was electrocuted once. It was horrible. 383 00:36:57,633 --> 00:37:00,636 - Oh, well, that's... - That's a crying shame. 384 00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:06,475 Can we get our check, please? Thanks a lot. 385 00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,936 Electrocuted. 386 00:37:09,144 --> 00:37:10,187 That was funny. 387 00:37:10,479 --> 00:37:12,314 - I'll get that. - No, I got it. 388 00:37:12,481 --> 00:37:16,443 - I'll get it. Charlie. - No, it's mine. No, no, no. 389 00:37:16,652 --> 00:37:20,656 - I got it. I insist. - No, no, no. 390 00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,324 - "No" infinity. - Come on. 391 00:37:22,616 --> 00:37:27,955 - Negatory, good buddy. - You're embarrassing me. 392 00:37:28,163 --> 00:37:30,415 - I'll pick up the check. - Okay. 393 00:37:34,628 --> 00:37:36,338 You want to catch a cab? 394 00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:39,675 - I'd like to walk. - Come on, it's raining. 395 00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:42,719 - I'd like to walk. - Me too. 396 00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:45,472 - All right. See you later. - Bye. 397 00:37:45,681 --> 00:37:47,724 Nice meeting you. 398 00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:56,733 - Well, it's officially raining. - It's just a drizzle. 399 00:37:57,025 --> 00:38:02,364 You know, I love that you wanted to walk in the rain. 400 00:38:02,823 --> 00:38:05,867 I'm glad you're meeting my parents tomorrow. 401 00:38:06,159 --> 00:38:07,828 You know what, Charlie? 402 00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:11,665 It's strange, but I feel really safe with you. 403 00:38:11,873 --> 00:38:15,502 Like in old movies when people never left each other. 404 00:38:15,711 --> 00:38:18,588 I mean, they stayed together forever. 405 00:38:35,022 --> 00:38:36,398 It's a great house. 406 00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:39,276 They moved in the day they were married. 407 00:38:39,568 --> 00:38:43,113 I'm throwing them a 30th wedding anniversary party. 408 00:38:51,121 --> 00:38:53,040 Morn, Dad, we're here. 409 00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:55,083 Stuart! 410 00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:03,383 Charlie! 411 00:39:03,592 --> 00:39:08,597 Is this the wee Harriet? She's absolutely beautiful. 412 00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:11,767 And you're very, very welcome. 413 00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:14,102 I hope you hold on to this one. 414 00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:17,814 You have the face of a wee angel, do you know that? 415 00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:22,402 I give! I give! I'm Charlie's father. 416 00:39:23,070 --> 00:39:26,823 Sorry. I'm sorry. You surprised me. I'm sorry. 417 00:39:27,115 --> 00:39:31,411 I like this one, Charlie. She's quite a filly. 418 00:39:31,620 --> 00:39:34,289 Charlie tells me you're a butcher. 419 00:39:34,581 --> 00:39:36,541 Yes, I am a butcher. 420 00:39:36,792 --> 00:39:38,919 Do you link your own sausage? 421 00:39:39,795 --> 00:39:40,796 I do. 422 00:39:41,088 --> 00:39:44,758 - Why don't you put your trousers on? - Hold your horses. 423 00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:48,303 Head! Pants! Now! 424 00:39:50,347 --> 00:39:52,265 Why don't you come with me? 425 00:39:52,474 --> 00:39:56,144 I have wonderful photos of when he was a wee baby. 426 00:39:56,436 --> 00:39:59,856 Like one of him shitting his pants at Niagara Falls. 427 00:40:00,148 --> 00:40:02,484 Come on, don't show her the pictures. 428 00:40:02,651 --> 00:40:07,864 Lighten up, Charlie. You've got a pickle up your ass again. 429 00:40:12,828 --> 00:40:14,996 I'm going to the washroom, okay? 430 00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:18,500 Evidently, I have a pickle up my ass. 431 00:40:18,708 --> 00:40:23,130 - You'll be okay if I leave you? - Fine. Don't worry about me. 432 00:40:25,173 --> 00:40:27,300 Make sure there's enough paper. 433 00:40:27,509 --> 00:40:31,096 And Charlie, light a match! 434 00:40:31,304 --> 00:40:34,349 Are you away to crap, again? 435 00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,525 What a cute baby Charlie was! 436 00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:47,028 You okay in there? You didn't fall in there, did you? 437 00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:35,410 I can't believe the resemblance between you and Charlie. 438 00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:36,745 Thank you. 439 00:41:36,912 --> 00:41:41,791 That's enough about us. Tell me something about yourself. 440 00:41:42,083 --> 00:41:44,920 Have you always lived in San Francisco? 441 00:41:46,087 --> 00:41:49,883 No, actually I moved around quite a bit. 442 00:42:04,231 --> 00:42:07,776 I had a really great time with your family tonight. 443 00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:13,823 Oh, great. 444 00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:20,288 You know that martial arts expert friend you had? 445 00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:28,964 Was that here in San Francisco? 446 00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:33,468 No, actually it was Miami. 447 00:42:34,469 --> 00:42:36,972 Your family's really great, Charlie. 448 00:42:37,264 --> 00:42:42,227 - When your mother took out... - Was that before Atlantic City? 449 00:42:42,477 --> 00:42:46,815 It's a period in my life that I really don't like talking about. 450 00:42:48,858 --> 00:42:50,527 Charlie. 451 00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:54,781 I hated Atlantic City, Charlie. 452 00:42:54,990 --> 00:42:58,660 It's a town full of gamblers and lounge singers. 453 00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:13,675 Ralph? 454 00:43:13,883 --> 00:43:16,386 No. No. 455 00:43:17,053 --> 00:43:19,514 Oh, Ralph. 456 00:43:25,979 --> 00:43:28,273 Have you heard of this? Mrs. X. 457 00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:30,150 She murders her husbands... 458 00:43:30,317 --> 00:43:33,153 ...then changes her identity and marries again. 459 00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:36,031 I never heard of it. So what? 460 00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:41,036 I think I'm dating Mrs. X. 461 00:43:42,704 --> 00:43:44,497 Charlie. 462 00:43:46,708 --> 00:43:50,295 Two words. Therapy. 463 00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:55,592 She told me she dated a martial arts expert. 464 00:43:55,884 --> 00:44:00,055 It says that one of the victims was a martial arts expert. 465 00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:04,559 Last night, she put a move on my dad and tried to break his neck. 466 00:44:04,809 --> 00:44:08,396 About 1000 people have tried to break his neck. 467 00:44:08,688 --> 00:44:13,068 If they also say "Ralph" in their sleep, it's a good start. 468 00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:15,070 Look here, "Ralph Elliot." 469 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:20,033 "Plumber from Dallas. Missing since his honeymoon." 470 00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:23,411 - Charlie, you're just getting scared. - Yes. 471 00:44:23,620 --> 00:44:25,622 - Harriet could be the one. - Yes. 472 00:44:25,914 --> 00:44:29,626 You suspect her, because you're scared you'll marry her. 473 00:44:29,918 --> 00:44:31,544 And to you that's death. 474 00:44:32,379 --> 00:44:34,589 Come on, just read it, okay? 475 00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:40,345 - Read it. For me, just read it? - Okay. 476 00:44:45,225 --> 00:44:47,769 - "Larry Leonard, the croner..." - Crooner. 477 00:44:47,936 --> 00:44:49,771 "...made a name for himself... 478 00:44:49,979 --> 00:44:53,858 ...being able to sing, in six languages, 'Only You."' 479 00:44:54,109 --> 00:44:57,070 Does Harriet know the words to "Only You"? 480 00:44:57,779 --> 00:45:00,156 We haven't reached that critical... 481 00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:03,284 ..."do you know the words to 'Only You"' phase. 482 00:45:03,576 --> 00:45:06,871 - So I'm afraid I'm not much help. - Charlie! 483 00:45:07,122 --> 00:45:09,249 You gotta move past this! 484 00:45:09,457 --> 00:45:13,753 I'm worried. You're living according to the Weekly World News. 485 00:45:13,962 --> 00:45:19,426 It's the 8th highest circulating paper in the world, I'll have you know. 486 00:45:19,801 --> 00:45:21,803 Look, Tony, Mrs. X. 487 00:45:22,011 --> 00:45:24,597 Please, look it up, okay? 488 00:45:24,806 --> 00:45:27,684 For me? Indulge me? 489 00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:30,937 There's no record of deaths. 490 00:45:31,146 --> 00:45:35,942 All three were reported missing, but so were their wives. 491 00:45:36,151 --> 00:45:40,697 No picture of any brides. For all we know, they just moved away. 492 00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:44,284 That's true. You're gonna have to realize that. 493 00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:49,330 I would lie to you, but Kathy always tells the truth. 494 00:45:49,622 --> 00:45:51,166 Understood. 495 00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:52,834 You feel better now? 496 00:45:53,001 --> 00:45:56,463 - I guess so. - Good, good. Come on. 497 00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:05,221 I'm Maureen O'Boyle. Welcome to A Current Affair. 498 00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:08,683 Tonight: Amy, did she or didn't she? 499 00:46:08,933 --> 00:46:12,145 Then, the reptile that took Hollywood by storm. 500 00:46:14,814 --> 00:46:19,027 But first, the Justice Department reports an alarming rise... 501 00:46:19,235 --> 00:46:22,530 ...in the number of poisoning murders. 502 00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:27,202 And that 87 percent of the murders occur within the family... 503 00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:31,831 ...a scourge which seems to be reaching into every home. 504 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:35,585 Steve Dunleavy examines poisoning murders. Steve. 505 00:46:35,877 --> 00:46:39,172 The most common poisonings occur between couples. 506 00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:43,009 For reasons as varied as insurance fraud, jealousy... 507 00:46:43,218 --> 00:46:46,221 ...and pure psychopathic behavior. 508 00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,389 - Hi. - Hi. Hi. 509 00:46:51,267 --> 00:46:53,561 I have a surprise for you. 510 00:46:53,728 --> 00:46:54,896 What is it? 511 00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:57,190 It's a health shake. 512 00:46:58,399 --> 00:47:00,735 I made it especially for you. 513 00:47:00,902 --> 00:47:02,278 Try it. 514 00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:07,575 Thank you, no. Thanks. 515 00:47:08,576 --> 00:47:11,746 You'll like it, Charlie. Just take a sip. 516 00:47:12,038 --> 00:47:16,251 I have kitten breath. I'm just gonna go brush my teeth. 517 00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:18,628 Why don't you just taste it? 518 00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,214 It's got strawberries. Taste it. 519 00:47:21,422 --> 00:47:23,258 I spent 20 minutes making it. 520 00:47:23,424 --> 00:47:27,720 - One little sip. It wouldn't hurt... - I'm just gonna go. 521 00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,106 Fine. Forget it. Forget it. 522 00:48:21,107 --> 00:48:22,984 I'm sorry. 523 00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:25,278 That's okay. 524 00:48:25,820 --> 00:48:29,490 I'm just sensitive. 525 00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:34,329 I mean, you didn't drink my shake. So what? Right? 526 00:48:34,495 --> 00:48:39,000 Look, you spent a half an hour on it. I understand. 527 00:48:39,167 --> 00:48:40,877 - Let's scratch. - It's depressing. 528 00:48:41,127 --> 00:48:42,503 - Scratch. - Scratch? 529 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:43,671 Scratch. 530 00:48:43,838 --> 00:48:46,841 Come on. Let's do a little scratching. 531 00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:49,677 There you go. Scratching. 532 00:48:49,886 --> 00:48:51,971 - Golden Gate Bridge. - Golden. 533 00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:55,099 - Presidio. Union Square. - Got it. 534 00:48:55,350 --> 00:48:56,851 - Little Japan. - Got it. 535 00:48:57,143 --> 00:48:58,853 Union Square. 536 00:48:59,145 --> 00:49:02,857 - Oakland. Oakland. - Oakland. 537 00:49:03,107 --> 00:49:05,902 Can you reach around and get Colt Tower? 538 00:49:06,152 --> 00:49:08,196 - San Andreas Fault. - Charlie. 539 00:49:08,363 --> 00:49:11,032 You know what I like best about you? 540 00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:15,036 I can tell you anything, and you don't judge me. 541 00:49:15,203 --> 00:49:20,541 Charlie, have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff... 542 00:49:20,750 --> 00:49:24,003 ...or subway platform with someone... 543 00:49:24,212 --> 00:49:27,840 ...and you thought just for a split second: 544 00:49:28,925 --> 00:49:30,927 What if I pushed him? 545 00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:35,390 I follow the Judeo-Christian ethic of "Thou shalt not kill." 546 00:49:35,682 --> 00:49:39,394 - But that's just me. - I'm just making a point... 547 00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:43,231 ...of how many times we trust people with our lives. 548 00:49:43,439 --> 00:49:44,857 I mean, look at us. 549 00:49:45,066 --> 00:49:48,069 Look how vulnerable we are, sleeping. 550 00:49:48,277 --> 00:49:51,864 I could do anything to you in your sleep. 551 00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:53,449 Like what? 552 00:49:53,700 --> 00:49:55,451 Anything- 553 00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:59,372 You're on your side, asleep, I could... 554 00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:02,875 ...stick a needle in your... 555 00:50:07,422 --> 00:50:09,090 Charlie! Jesus! 556 00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:12,927 I'm showing you we have a good relationship! 557 00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:16,055 I'm sorry, but I have an ear thing. 558 00:50:16,264 --> 00:50:20,393 In an episode of Night Gallery, this guy gets an earwig. 559 00:50:20,601 --> 00:50:23,771 They said the good news is, we got the earwig... 560 00:50:23,980 --> 00:50:27,066 ...but the bad news is, it was a female. 561 00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:28,818 - I'm sorry. - Good night. 562 00:50:29,068 --> 00:50:30,987 - I have an ear thing. - Good night. 563 00:50:31,279 --> 00:50:33,614 I'm sorry. 564 00:50:33,906 --> 00:50:38,494 - I'm a human blanket. - Get off. Just, good night. 565 00:50:42,290 --> 00:50:43,958 Well, good night. 566 00:51:07,315 --> 00:51:08,816 Can I help you? 567 00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:11,319 I'd like to place an announcement. 568 00:51:11,611 --> 00:51:14,322 It's my parents' 30th anniversary. 569 00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:16,657 That's $4.50 per word... 570 00:51:16,866 --> 00:51:20,328 ...and you've got a choice of standard or bold. 571 00:51:20,620 --> 00:51:22,997 You having a busy week, Frank? 572 00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:27,502 No, just these two. It's been dead around here. 573 00:51:29,045 --> 00:51:32,840 I got this tourist, heart attack on a cable car. 574 00:51:33,132 --> 00:51:36,052 Guy left his heart in San Francisco. 575 00:51:37,637 --> 00:51:39,180 Hey! 576 00:51:39,347 --> 00:51:43,142 That's a real person you're talking about. 577 00:51:43,351 --> 00:51:45,520 All right, I'm sorry. 578 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:50,316 There's another one. San Francisco plumber: Elliot, Ralph. 579 00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:54,028 Disappeared four months ago. 580 00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:56,989 The body was found in a sewer. 581 00:51:57,198 --> 00:52:01,202 Guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. 582 00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:07,375 Did they mention his wife? 583 00:52:07,542 --> 00:52:12,380 I know that we're talking about real people here, so I'm sorry. 584 00:52:12,547 --> 00:52:15,049 Seriously, did they mention the wife? 585 00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:19,887 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to joke about other people's lives. 586 00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:22,557 I'm serious. Did they mention...? 587 00:52:22,849 --> 00:52:26,102 You win, okay? I'm a bad person. 588 00:52:26,394 --> 00:52:29,397 - Take it easy. - No, he's saying I'm a shit. 589 00:52:29,605 --> 00:52:31,107 Did they mention the wife? 590 00:52:31,357 --> 00:52:33,025 Did they mention the wife?! 591 00:52:33,234 --> 00:52:37,572 No! They didn't mention the wife! You happy? 592 00:52:37,864 --> 00:52:41,576 Yes, I'm insensitive! I'm a very insensitive man! 593 00:52:41,826 --> 00:52:47,206 Stop! Look at the insensitive man! That's why they pay you! 594 00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:51,752 He was my ride home. 595 00:52:53,963 --> 00:52:55,756 Understood. 596 00:52:58,926 --> 00:53:02,263 Why did you have to see me so urgently? 597 00:53:02,471 --> 00:53:04,432 You couldn't come to my apartment? 598 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,767 It's just safer here. 599 00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:09,478 What? Charlie. 600 00:53:12,356 --> 00:53:14,108 I'm sorry. 601 00:53:14,567 --> 00:53:17,236 I think you're a terrific woman. 602 00:53:18,571 --> 00:53:21,949 I just don't think we should see each other anymore. 603 00:53:24,952 --> 00:53:27,955 Why? And tell me the truth. 604 00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:33,419 I'm afraid that you're gonna k... Leave me. 605 00:53:34,128 --> 00:53:36,422 I'm gonna cleave you? 606 00:53:36,923 --> 00:53:39,800 - What does that mean? - No, leave me. 607 00:53:39,967 --> 00:53:41,802 That you'll reject me. 608 00:53:42,011 --> 00:53:46,140 So I just thought I'd do a preemptive strike. 609 00:53:46,307 --> 00:53:49,143 So you're rejecting me? 610 00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:52,480 I didn't mean to hurt you. 611 00:53:53,272 --> 00:53:55,608 I never wanted to hurt you. 612 00:53:58,110 --> 00:54:00,196 Don't worry, you haven't. 613 00:54:00,488 --> 00:54:02,657 At least you left early on. 614 00:54:06,452 --> 00:54:09,997 So that's it, then? 615 00:54:14,335 --> 00:54:17,046 Because I gotta get back to work. 616 00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:03,551 Woman Woe man 617 00:55:03,759 --> 00:55:06,554 Whoa man 618 00:55:06,762 --> 00:55:10,349 We had love not just sex Is she Mrs. X? 619 00:55:10,558 --> 00:55:14,395 I had to run for my life 620 00:55:23,404 --> 00:55:27,575 Jane, get me off of this crazy thing 621 00:55:27,742 --> 00:55:29,618 Called love 622 00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:07,114 Hello. 623 00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:11,577 Not that it matters, but I thought you'd like to know... 624 00:56:11,786 --> 00:56:14,246 ...somebody admitted murdering Ralph. 625 00:56:14,455 --> 00:56:16,582 What about the others? 626 00:56:16,791 --> 00:56:18,959 She just confessed to the one. 627 00:56:19,251 --> 00:56:23,089 Anyway, crime to stop. Gotta go. Catch you later. 628 00:56:44,068 --> 00:56:46,278 - It's me, Charlie. - Go away. 629 00:56:46,487 --> 00:56:51,200 I gotta talk to you. I made a big mistake. I'm an idiot. 630 00:56:51,492 --> 00:56:53,494 I'll go into therapy, okay? 631 00:56:53,702 --> 00:56:58,874 I'll go twice a week. I don't know if insurance will cover it, but... 632 00:57:01,836 --> 00:57:03,129 What is it? 633 00:57:03,796 --> 00:57:05,589 Hi, Charlie. 634 00:57:16,183 --> 00:57:17,852 I don't want to lose you. 635 00:57:18,644 --> 00:57:20,396 You didn't. You rejected me. 636 00:57:20,646 --> 00:57:24,358 Okay, I'm un-rejecting you. 637 00:57:26,819 --> 00:57:30,531 You'll do it again, Charlie. You'll do it again. 638 00:57:30,865 --> 00:57:33,909 No, I'm not gonna do it again. 639 00:57:36,203 --> 00:57:38,747 Look, I got scared, okay? 640 00:57:39,039 --> 00:57:43,919 Things were going really good and then I just got soared. 641 00:57:49,592 --> 00:57:51,552 I love you. 642 00:57:53,012 --> 00:57:55,389 I love you too. 643 00:58:00,728 --> 00:58:04,190 But you blew it, Charlie. You blew it. 644 00:58:27,087 --> 00:58:29,924 Harriet, Harriet 645 00:58:30,174 --> 00:58:34,053 Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis 646 00:58:34,261 --> 00:58:37,681 Beautiful, bemuséd 647 00:58:37,890 --> 00:58:40,935 Bellicose butcher 648 00:58:41,185 --> 00:58:44,230 Un trusting 649 00:58:44,605 --> 00:58:47,316 Unknowing 650 00:58:47,816 --> 00:58:50,945 Unlovéd 651 00:58:57,952 --> 00:59:00,996 He wants you back He screams into the night air 652 00:59:01,288 --> 00:59:05,459 Like a fireman going to a window That has no fire 653 00:59:09,797 --> 00:59:13,133 Except the passion of his heart 654 00:59:13,717 --> 00:59:15,928 I am lonely 655 00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:19,473 It's really hard 656 00:59:20,516 --> 00:59:22,935 This poem sucks 657 01:00:04,184 --> 01:00:06,353 I'm sorry I didn't trust you. 658 01:00:08,022 --> 01:00:11,358 Harriet, somebody's downstairs to see you. 659 01:00:12,776 --> 01:00:17,656 She'll be down in a moment. And could you bring the car around? 660 01:00:17,865 --> 01:00:19,867 Thank you so much. Bye-bye. 661 01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:23,704 Charlie, come here. I want you to meet a friend. 662 01:00:23,912 --> 01:00:25,706 This is Ralph. 663 01:00:26,707 --> 01:00:30,377 Ralph? Ralph? This is Ralph? 664 01:00:30,711 --> 01:00:33,047 - This is Ralph? - Come on. 665 01:00:37,509 --> 01:00:38,886 This is Charlie. 666 01:00:39,386 --> 01:00:42,681 - Great to meet you. - No, it's great to meet you. 667 01:00:42,890 --> 01:00:45,601 Yes, I love you so much. 668 01:00:45,851 --> 01:00:47,186 Oh, God! 669 01:00:48,062 --> 01:00:49,938 Charlie. 670 01:00:50,898 --> 01:00:52,399 I'm naked, aren't I? 671 01:00:52,608 --> 01:00:56,904 Yes. Yes, you are naked. 672 01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:09,833 Okay. I was just naked then. Very nude. 673 01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:16,131 Nice to meet you and call me? 674 01:01:16,382 --> 01:01:18,092 I Will. 675 01:01:47,913 --> 01:01:48,997 Shut it! 676 01:01:53,252 --> 01:01:56,463 I'd like to propose a toast. 677 01:01:57,506 --> 01:01:59,800 To my wife, May. 678 01:02:01,468 --> 01:02:05,889 Thirty years ago today, May and I were married. 679 01:02:06,140 --> 01:02:09,810 Some of you were there. Some weren't born. 680 01:02:09,977 --> 01:02:12,271 And some of you are now dead! 681 01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:17,818 But we both said, "I do," and we haven't agreed on a thing since. 682 01:02:19,153 --> 01:02:21,113 That's true. 683 01:02:21,321 --> 01:02:23,657 But I'm glad I married you... 684 01:02:23,907 --> 01:02:27,202 ...because it could have been worse. 685 01:02:30,289 --> 01:02:32,332 And besides... 686 01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:35,002 ...I still love you. 687 01:02:43,510 --> 01:02:44,553 Thank you. 688 01:02:51,185 --> 01:02:54,480 Tony, would you like to dance? 689 01:02:57,858 --> 01:02:59,693 Let's dance. 690 01:03:06,992 --> 01:03:09,703 It must be a great feeling to have... 691 01:03:11,330 --> 01:03:12,539 You Okay? 692 01:03:12,748 --> 01:03:15,793 No, I'm not. Harriet. 693 01:03:18,086 --> 01:03:19,713 Marry me. 694 01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:22,716 No. 695 01:03:25,093 --> 01:03:26,386 Please? 696 01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:29,848 Why not just live together? 697 01:03:30,057 --> 01:03:33,894 We could live together first. Let's just live together. 698 01:03:34,102 --> 01:03:37,481 Because I love you. We should get married... 699 01:03:37,731 --> 01:03:41,568 ...and spend the next 30 years of our life together. 700 01:03:41,777 --> 01:03:47,241 I want you to have my children. And I want you to have your children. 701 01:03:47,407 --> 01:03:51,286 That sounds like an awful lot of children, but... 702 01:03:53,413 --> 01:03:54,790 I love you. 703 01:03:56,250 --> 01:03:58,085 I need you. 704 01:03:59,253 --> 01:04:02,047 Let's just get married. Okay? 705 01:04:02,506 --> 01:04:04,091 Harriet... 706 01:04:05,008 --> 01:04:06,260 ...be my wife. 707 01:04:06,510 --> 01:04:09,930 All right, everyone, shut your cake hole! 708 01:04:10,556 --> 01:04:15,102 I'd like to make a toast to my son, Charlie. 709 01:04:15,644 --> 01:04:18,397 Thanks for throwing this great party. 710 01:04:18,897 --> 01:04:22,943 I hope you have the same great 30 years that we've had. 711 01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:25,404 To Charlie! 712 01:04:31,118 --> 01:04:32,661 Yes. 713 01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:33,954 You Will? 714 01:04:34,162 --> 01:04:36,456 Let's get married, Charlie. 715 01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:48,135 Now, Mr. MacKenzie, if you will take this woman to be your wife... 716 01:04:48,427 --> 01:04:53,098 ...through thick and thin, for better or for worse... 717 01:04:53,307 --> 01:04:54,975 ...please say "I do." 718 01:04:55,767 --> 01:04:56,852 I do. 719 01:04:57,144 --> 01:05:01,982 Now, Harriet, if you will take this man through good times and bad... 720 01:05:02,190 --> 01:05:07,321 ...forever and ever as your husband, please say "I do." 721 01:05:21,627 --> 01:05:22,961 I do. 722 01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:28,216 Now, Charlie, kiss the beautiful bride. 723 01:05:53,033 --> 01:05:56,119 Let's get pissed! 724 01:06:34,866 --> 01:06:36,743 Hang a solo! 725 01:06:57,264 --> 01:07:01,977 We have a piper who's down. It's all right, he's just pissed. 726 01:07:02,227 --> 01:07:06,606 We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 727 01:07:11,069 --> 01:07:13,238 This is such a great party. 728 01:07:13,572 --> 01:07:15,449 - It is. - The marriage was beautiful. 729 01:07:15,741 --> 01:07:16,950 - It was. - It was great. 730 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,578 Yeah. She's great, isn't she? 731 01:07:19,786 --> 01:07:22,122 She's the best. She's incredible. 732 01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:26,209 You've been such a chicken, and finally, you met the one. 733 01:07:26,460 --> 01:07:28,754 How could you think she was a killer? 734 01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:51,234 Come here, Charlie. Come stand by me, Charlie. 735 01:09:04,891 --> 01:09:08,603 Wait till you see this place. It's called Poets' Corner. 736 01:09:08,895 --> 01:09:11,439 A lot of the Beat poets used to go there. 737 01:09:19,614 --> 01:09:21,074 You're really quiet. 738 01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:24,744 Oh, I'm just thinking. 739 01:09:24,953 --> 01:09:26,913 Oh, okay. Well... 740 01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:31,251 Why don't I do the talking for you, all right? 741 01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:33,420 Hi, my name is Harriet. 742 01:09:33,712 --> 01:09:37,757 Hi, Harriet. How's it going? Good, good, I suppose. 743 01:09:37,966 --> 01:09:41,595 I think you're great, Charlie. Everything you do is art. 744 01:09:41,845 --> 01:09:46,433 You're a sex machine. Get on the scene with the sex machine. 745 01:09:46,641 --> 01:09:51,438 Thank you very much. You're the best husband I ever had... 746 01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:53,940 Why did you just say that? 747 01:09:54,566 --> 01:09:55,984 It was a joke. 748 01:09:56,276 --> 01:09:58,445 Why did you say it? 749 01:09:58,737 --> 01:10:00,488 I thought it might be funny. 750 01:10:00,739 --> 01:10:04,451 Nothing, I just think you're a great person. That's all. 751 01:10:05,577 --> 01:10:06,912 What? 752 01:10:07,454 --> 01:10:11,499 - You're the best. - No, no, no! Watch out! 753 01:10:20,467 --> 01:10:23,553 I hear you've been working the Ralph Elliot case. 754 01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:26,389 - Yes, captain. - Don't "yes" me. 755 01:10:26,765 --> 01:10:28,642 This is strictly homicide. 756 01:10:29,059 --> 01:10:30,310 I got a friend... 757 01:10:30,477 --> 01:10:33,730 We all got these friends. I'm warning you. 758 01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:38,235 Back off, Italian boy. Keep away from this. It's too big. 759 01:10:39,236 --> 01:10:40,570 Wait a minute. 760 01:10:40,987 --> 01:10:45,116 Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. What's the news? 761 01:10:45,325 --> 01:10:48,161 You want to hear news? Here's the news. 762 01:10:48,495 --> 01:10:51,665 The lady that confessed to Elliot's murder has... 763 01:10:51,915 --> 01:10:53,458 ...confessed to other crimes. 764 01:10:53,667 --> 01:10:54,918 I knew she would. 765 01:10:55,168 --> 01:10:57,629 To the murders of Abraham Lincoln... 766 01:10:57,879 --> 01:11:02,008 ...Warren G. Harding and Julius Caesar. She's a nutcase. 767 01:11:02,300 --> 01:11:04,594 Oh, my God! I gotta go. 768 01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:11,685 Screw this up, and you'll be writing parking tickets forever. 769 01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:16,356 Captain, I won't let you down. 770 01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:24,114 Good for you. That was better. 771 01:11:24,364 --> 01:11:26,199 - Yeah? - It was fantastic. 772 01:11:26,449 --> 01:11:28,952 - The beginning felt good. - It was great. 773 01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:30,620 Too much in the end. 774 01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,205 No, it was terrific. 775 01:11:32,497 --> 01:11:35,500 - I need to save a life. - I'll work on it. 776 01:11:35,709 --> 01:11:37,544 Work on it, it was terrific. 777 01:11:37,794 --> 01:11:39,629 It was a big improvement. 778 01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:41,172 Thanks. 779 01:12:01,234 --> 01:12:03,486 That is Ralph Elliot's wife. 780 01:12:03,695 --> 01:12:07,157 Of course her hair was much shorter then. 781 01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:11,453 She's gained weight since then... 782 01:12:11,661 --> 01:12:14,414 ...but it's definitely her. 783 01:12:14,581 --> 01:12:18,460 Yeah, that's her. He was really in love with her... 784 01:12:18,710 --> 01:12:22,672 ...but I tell you, she was fun, and smart. Doll-face too. 785 01:12:38,438 --> 01:12:40,440 Thank you very much. Thank you. 786 01:12:44,277 --> 01:12:45,945 This is really cool. 787 01:12:47,530 --> 01:12:48,782 Hi. 788 01:12:49,449 --> 01:12:52,118 Mr. and Mrs. MacKenzie, enjoy your honeymoon. 789 01:12:52,369 --> 01:12:55,121 When you leave, it'll be far too soon. 790 01:12:55,413 --> 01:12:56,706 That's great. 791 01:12:57,582 --> 01:13:01,378 Four nights. Your dinner reservations are at 9:00. 792 01:13:01,628 --> 01:13:02,629 Sounds great. 793 01:13:02,796 --> 01:13:06,299 Put candles by the bed. With a storm, we lose power. 794 01:13:06,591 --> 01:13:09,302 That's cool. Did you hear that? A storm. 795 01:13:09,552 --> 01:13:12,389 A storm. We'll be snugly inside and... 796 01:13:13,598 --> 01:13:14,724 You Okay? 797 01:13:16,893 --> 01:13:21,981 I have a headache. Excuse me, do you have a drugstore? 798 01:13:22,148 --> 01:13:26,152 - I need aspirin. - Up the stairs, Mrs. MacKenzie. 799 01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:30,073 Don't move. 800 01:13:34,452 --> 01:13:36,746 - You think she has a headache? - What? 801 01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:40,583 Nothing. Here's your key. The Robbie Burns room. 802 01:13:40,834 --> 01:13:42,919 Oh, thanks. Thank you. 803 01:13:49,759 --> 01:13:52,929 - The circuits are down. - Keep on trying. 804 01:13:53,179 --> 01:13:56,433 Tell the chief I chartered a plane. 805 01:13:58,685 --> 01:14:00,854 - Hey, Paisan! - What? 806 01:14:01,104 --> 01:14:04,941 Screw up, I'll kick your spaghetti butt back to Milan. 807 01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:06,693 Not now. Not now. 808 01:14:06,943 --> 01:14:10,822 - Too many ethnic slurs? - It's not Paisan, it's Paisan. 809 01:14:12,866 --> 01:14:14,534 Hey, Paisan. 810 01:14:46,983 --> 01:14:50,403 Hey, listen. How long is it gonna take us to get there? 811 01:14:50,695 --> 01:14:53,823 It shouldn't take very long. 812 01:14:55,325 --> 01:14:58,077 Actually, I have no concept of time. 813 01:14:59,913 --> 01:15:01,623 Jeez, is this dangerous? 814 01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:06,336 No. Well, there's chance in everything. 815 01:15:07,921 --> 01:15:10,423 You've done this before, right? 816 01:15:10,715 --> 01:15:14,761 Oh, yeah, yeah. I do this all the time. 817 01:15:14,928 --> 01:15:17,764 I've never done it at night. 818 01:15:33,071 --> 01:15:35,532 Mr. and Mrs. MacKenzie, glad to see you. 819 01:15:36,741 --> 01:15:37,784 Follow me. 820 01:15:49,671 --> 01:15:51,881 How do you know where you're going? 821 01:15:52,090 --> 01:15:53,967 Instruments. Instruments. 822 01:15:54,259 --> 01:15:56,719 Oh, yeah? Yeah? What's that? 823 01:15:57,470 --> 01:16:02,392 That's the artificial horizon, which is better than the actual horizon. 824 01:16:04,561 --> 01:16:09,399 You know, I'm gonna wash my hands. All right? I love you. 825 01:16:34,299 --> 01:16:35,508 Good evening. 826 01:16:57,238 --> 01:16:58,865 What are you doing? Wake up! 827 01:16:59,157 --> 01:17:03,036 Oh, man, I was having an amazing dream. 828 01:17:03,328 --> 01:17:06,164 I don't care about your dream! Land the plane! 829 01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:13,630 I was just born, and I was eight and a half months premature. 830 01:17:13,880 --> 01:17:16,549 - The doctors were freaking out. - Shut up. 831 01:17:16,841 --> 01:17:19,052 Did I already tell you this dream? 832 01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:25,391 Can I have your attention? I have a few announcements. 833 01:17:25,642 --> 01:17:28,478 Celebrating their 25th anniversary tonight... 834 01:17:28,770 --> 01:17:31,272 ...Mr. and Mrs. Seymour Levenstein. 835 01:17:31,522 --> 01:17:33,733 How about a hand for them? 836 01:17:34,567 --> 01:17:36,027 Thank you, thank you. 837 01:17:36,319 --> 01:17:39,197 Twenty-five years ago, they were here. 838 01:17:39,405 --> 01:17:43,660 Speaking of new couples, Charlie and Harriet MacKenzie. 839 01:17:43,910 --> 01:17:47,497 - They look great. - There's a phone call for you. 840 01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,207 It is quite urgent. 841 01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:53,878 Oh, thank you. Sorry. Hello. 842 01:17:54,087 --> 01:17:57,882 - Charlie, you okay? - Couldn't be better. 843 01:17:58,091 --> 01:18:01,427 Charlie, listen to me. Harriet is Mrs. X. 844 01:18:01,886 --> 01:18:04,722 She killed Ralph and those two other guys. I got a picture. 845 01:18:05,014 --> 01:18:08,101 It checked out. It's her, Charlie. She's the murderer. 846 01:18:08,267 --> 01:18:10,645 I called the police. It'll take a while. 847 01:18:11,187 --> 01:18:13,022 Just stay where you are. 848 01:18:14,857 --> 01:18:16,150 Charlie? 849 01:18:16,359 --> 01:18:19,320 Hold on one second. What should I do? 850 01:18:19,570 --> 01:18:21,698 When the time comes, you'll know. 851 01:18:21,948 --> 01:18:24,117 Thanks, thank you. 852 01:18:26,953 --> 01:18:28,746 Hello, hello, hello?! 853 01:18:29,997 --> 01:18:33,209 Charlie? Charlie?! 854 01:18:33,459 --> 01:18:35,086 - Hello! - What happened? 855 01:18:35,336 --> 01:18:37,964 The phone died! I was talking, and it died. 856 01:18:38,256 --> 01:18:42,093 It's common. It will be out until tomorrow. Have a nice meal. 857 01:18:42,677 --> 01:18:43,970 What happened? 858 01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,848 Nothing. The phone lines went dead. 859 01:18:47,098 --> 01:18:49,350 We wish a long and beautiful life. 860 01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:53,438 We want to play your song, The Platters, "Only You." 861 01:18:55,606 --> 01:18:59,819 You can't go. You have to wait for the wedding dance. 862 01:19:00,069 --> 01:19:02,530 We got a lot of traditions here. 863 01:19:09,829 --> 01:19:14,542 Stop! Excuse me. I'm with the San Francisco Police Department. 864 01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:17,879 I would like to commandeer this vehicle. 865 01:19:20,006 --> 01:19:21,048 No. 866 01:19:21,299 --> 01:19:22,675 What do you mean, "no"? 867 01:19:22,884 --> 01:19:27,597 I know you don't have the right to commandeer my vehicle. 868 01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:30,641 Please, can I commandeer this vehicle? 869 01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:33,478 No. 870 01:19:34,604 --> 01:19:37,565 You're not gonna bend on this thing, are you? 871 01:19:39,317 --> 01:19:40,359 No. 872 01:19:44,655 --> 01:19:46,282 - Please. - Go ahead. 873 01:19:46,532 --> 01:19:48,785 No, I don't want to. Charlie. 874 01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:53,039 Charlie? 875 01:20:00,755 --> 01:20:02,381 Charlie! 876 01:20:02,965 --> 01:20:04,884 Help me! I've married a... 877 01:20:06,511 --> 01:20:10,723 ...wonderful person who I love and adore. Who I want... 878 01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,184 They've had enough of this crowd. 879 01:20:13,434 --> 01:20:15,520 They have better things to do. 880 01:20:15,728 --> 01:20:18,481 Let's put them in the honeymoon chair. 881 01:20:23,444 --> 01:20:26,697 - We did it on our honeymoon. - It's just fun. 882 01:20:28,991 --> 01:20:31,536 No, I haven't had my dessert yet. 883 01:20:34,121 --> 01:20:36,749 To the room! To the room! 884 01:20:50,847 --> 01:20:52,473 Have a good night. 885 01:20:54,308 --> 01:20:55,935 Stay for a nightcap? 886 01:20:56,394 --> 01:20:58,271 No. You two want to be alone. 887 01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:01,315 No, really. Stay for a nightcap. 888 01:21:01,566 --> 01:21:03,234 I really shouldn't. 889 01:21:05,319 --> 01:21:07,530 Stay for a nightcap! 890 01:21:16,706 --> 01:21:21,460 Charlie, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 891 01:21:22,378 --> 01:21:23,588 Harriet, I, I... 892 01:21:24,338 --> 01:21:28,885 Charlie, I've been married before. 893 01:21:29,218 --> 01:21:33,431 - Harriet, I already know that. - You know about my husbands? 894 01:21:33,681 --> 01:21:35,308 Yes. 895 01:21:36,142 --> 01:21:38,561 - Stay away from me! - What are you doing? 896 01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:40,730 Come on. Stay away from me. 897 01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:43,900 You don't understand. Give me the ax! 898 01:21:45,192 --> 01:21:46,944 - Don't go! - Get off me! 899 01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:49,530 - Charlie! Don't go! - Get off! 900 01:21:49,697 --> 01:21:52,033 Wait. Charlie. 901 01:21:52,408 --> 01:21:54,160 Charlie! 902 01:22:01,876 --> 01:22:04,587 Would you mind not doing that? 903 01:22:04,837 --> 01:22:06,297 This bothers you? 904 01:22:06,547 --> 01:22:10,635 No, it's one of my favorite things. 905 01:22:14,805 --> 01:22:18,392 Don't go! Charlie! Charlie! 906 01:22:19,685 --> 01:22:21,729 Charlie. 907 01:22:23,147 --> 01:22:27,151 Hello? Hello? Hello?! 908 01:22:31,405 --> 01:22:35,076 "Dear Harriet. I just can't handle the commitment." 909 01:22:36,285 --> 01:22:40,039 "It's too hard. I'm leaving you." 910 01:22:40,247 --> 01:22:43,501 "Love, Charlie"? I didn't write this. 911 01:22:44,669 --> 01:22:46,420 What the fuck?! 912 01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:48,089 Rose! 913 01:22:48,297 --> 01:22:50,716 What's happening?! Charlie, open the door! 914 01:22:50,967 --> 01:22:53,052 - Rose tried to kill me. - What? 915 01:22:53,302 --> 01:22:56,138 Shut up! I wrote this note! 916 01:22:56,389 --> 01:22:58,516 You're not to be here when... 917 01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:01,894 ...this note has been placed on the desk! 918 01:23:02,144 --> 01:23:06,232 Do you understand me? You took her away from me, Charlie. 919 01:23:06,440 --> 01:23:07,692 Like all the rest. 920 01:23:07,984 --> 01:23:09,568 I have had it! 921 01:23:10,820 --> 01:23:15,449 You are going to die. 922 01:23:18,828 --> 01:23:20,413 Would you mind waiting? 923 01:23:20,663 --> 01:23:23,541 I may need you to help if I make an arrest. 924 01:23:23,958 --> 01:23:25,418 I'll need a ride... 925 01:23:25,626 --> 01:23:27,795 Shucks. Thank you. 926 01:23:29,755 --> 01:23:33,884 What are you doing?! Charlie, be careful. 927 01:23:42,101 --> 01:23:43,728 Run, Charlie! 928 01:23:44,353 --> 01:23:48,274 Stop it! Stop this, Rose! Help! 929 01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:50,901 Somebody! Help! 930 01:23:53,863 --> 01:23:55,239 Charlie! 931 01:23:59,452 --> 01:24:03,080 Is that you? Help! Hurry. 932 01:24:15,843 --> 01:24:18,929 Hurry! I'm in here! Who is it?! 933 01:24:19,513 --> 01:24:23,976 Help! Who's there? Who's there? Charlie?! Charlie, help! 934 01:24:24,143 --> 01:24:28,439 I'm in the closet. Come here. Tony! Open the closet. 935 01:24:30,900 --> 01:24:32,902 Charlie! 936 01:24:34,320 --> 01:24:37,073 Charlie! 937 01:24:40,159 --> 01:24:41,535 Where are you going? 938 01:24:41,786 --> 01:24:45,331 We gotta go on the roof. Charlie and Rose are on the roof. 939 01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:46,749 Charlie's on the roof! 940 01:24:46,999 --> 01:24:48,959 - What're you doing? - Shut up! 941 01:25:31,669 --> 01:25:34,088 Let's just take this down a notch. 942 01:25:36,173 --> 01:25:40,136 What you're saying is that Rose killed your husbands... 943 01:25:40,386 --> 01:25:43,347 ...forged notes to make you think they left? 944 01:25:43,597 --> 01:25:48,561 Yes. Listen, that's them up on the roof. Listen! 945 01:25:49,812 --> 01:25:51,981 You don't get it, do you? 946 01:25:54,358 --> 01:25:58,404 We can talk here, or we can talk about it downtown. 947 01:26:24,847 --> 01:26:26,473 Charlie! 948 01:26:53,626 --> 01:26:56,837 - Charlie! - Harriet! 949 01:26:58,297 --> 01:27:00,758 - Charlie, I'm coming up! - Hang on! 950 01:27:02,718 --> 01:27:04,303 Charlie. 951 01:27:16,315 --> 01:27:18,192 Charlie, be careful! 952 01:27:51,475 --> 01:27:52,518 Rose! 953 01:28:07,992 --> 01:28:11,120 San Francisco police! I got you! 954 01:28:11,745 --> 01:28:13,914 I got her, Charlie. I got her! 955 01:28:15,958 --> 01:28:19,003 - Don't let me fall! - Okay, Rose. Come on, we're going in. 956 01:28:19,169 --> 01:28:20,671 Oh, sorry. 957 01:28:40,607 --> 01:28:43,027 Rose, jailbird 958 01:28:44,862 --> 01:28:48,741 Happy in her cage No longer full of rage 959 01:28:48,991 --> 01:28:50,451 She roosts 960 01:28:56,457 --> 01:29:00,127 Harriet, sweet Harriet 961 01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:02,129 You acted cuckoo 962 01:29:02,379 --> 01:29:06,175 'Cause you thought I would leave you Sweet bird 963 01:29:12,598 --> 01:29:15,601 Harriet, sweet Harriet 964 01:29:17,227 --> 01:29:22,024 So knowing, so trusting 965 01:29:22,858 --> 01:29:25,277 So lovéd 966 01:29:30,449 --> 01:29:34,495 Harriet, sweet Harriet 72133

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